#BROTHER GAVE ME A WHOLE STORYTIME ‘I have to stifle a smile every time I see the look on my retainers faces when I tell them about my plans

[35253319]

HES SO PRETTY OHMYGODDD

[onthevirgeofdestruction]

Storytime!

Sanders Sides Canon Divergence AU - fluff/angst - hurt/comfort - some intrigue - actually has a plot (side eyes my other fics) - largely Virgil centric - it’s about growth i guess idk

Words: 4,329 Warnings: Big-ass spiders, food. Characters: Virgil, Patton, Roman, Logan, Janus, (Remus Mentioned) Universe: Storytime! Genre: Suspense but only about how much longer they’ll all be oblivious

Chapter 28: In Which Logan Totally Meant to be Shady This Time

chapter 1 for new readers - ffn mirror

   Deceit sighed and looked down at Virgil wrapped around him in the morning. He got distracted by that stupid story and didn’t figure out what was happening before Virgil passed out for the final time that evening. Remus was very obedient this morning with Virgil still sleeping again, but he was deeply annoyed at the both of them. They could have blown everything. He held his face in his hands and groaned. This absolute and complete buffoon better wake up soon.

   Deceit gently ruffled his hair, trying to pull him out of sleep gently. It had been plenty of time for Virgil to sleep in. He was probably tired from making his needlessly big new pet, still. But his anxiety churned more lazily in him today, shifting against Deceit’s palm on Virgil’s back. It was at least an excellent sign for Virgil. And potentially Deceit if he accidentally woke him too quickly.

   “Virgil,” Deceit hummed quietly. Virgil shifted gently in Deceit’s arm and his eyes fluttered open slowly. Virgil yawned and squeezed Deceit tight before letting go and stretching. “Virgil, what in the world were you thinking running off with Remus in the middle of the meeting?” Deceit groaned.

   “That I wasn’t in the mood to be stabbed because Ream is too impatient to wait. Pat doesn’t want to see that, and he would have had to go through Roman, it would have been a bloodbath,” Virgil yawned again and leaned back onto the bed with his legs still on the floor. “And I was going to go see him later anyway, to write that story with him.”

   “That’s not what I mean, Virgil, Roman and Patton are still afraid of Remus and you ran off with him like you were besst budss!” Deceit growled.

   “I don’t know about best buds, D… You know he scares the hell out of me half the time just to hear me scream, and we do kinda hurt each other just being nearby for too long,” Virgil groaned. “I mean we’re friends and all, but bes-”

   “I know you just woke up but for god’ss ssake!” Deceit hissed and slapped his hand up to his human half of his face and dragged it down in frustration. Virgil flinched at first, but instead of cowering as usual, he just moved to hug Deceit again.

   “How are they supposed to stay afraid of a guy who the literal embodiment of fear just ran off with? Remus even helped Pat last night by not letting them wake me,” Virgil said nonchalantly and stifled a yawn. Deceit froze. Oh, god, was this idiot on to something? Oh, god, he was right. Virgil chuckled and nuzzled his neck. “You can always shut me up if you think I went too far. It’s been ages and every time I bring it up they shoot me down. I’m gonna show instead of tell,” Virgil said determinedly while wrapping himself around Deceit.

   “And when were you going to fill me in on your change of tacticss?” Deceit hissed in frustration.

   “I wasn’t thinking about it, honestly. I think I just rationalized it or something,” Virgil said with another small yawn and scratched the back of Deceit’s neck affectionately. “Sorry about changing your plans and all,” He mumbled. Deceit sighed deeply.

   “We can try it this inane way and repress their memories if it gets out of hand, I ssuppose,” Deceit conceded sourly.

   “Cool,” Virgil smiled and kissed Deceit’s scaled cheek. “Can we do tea later? Or maybe make fun of some more TV shows?” Virgil asked hopefully. This idiot. Deceit sighed again and flipped his hand to shoo Virgil.

   “Go to breakfast before you miss it again, Virgil,” Deceit rolled his eyes. Virgil flipped off Deceit’s hat and kissed the top of his head before smirking and sinking out. Deceit grumbled as he grabbed his hat off the bed and put it back on. That buffoon would be the death of him, damnit. Why did he keep letting Virgil get away with things?

— * * * — 

   Virgil saluted them as he popped into his breakfast chair.

   “’Sup, nerds. Sorry, I slept in late again,” He said and leaned against Roman. Roman was stiff at First, but reached up to ruffle Virgil’s hair. Virgil sat up and grumbled, fixing his bangs and gently elbowed Roman while he was at it.

   “I wasn’t aware you were… chummy with my brother, Virge,” Roman said slowly, sounding kind of off.

   “He’s not that bad, he’s actually pretty fun. Don’t you fight him all the time, Ro? He’s always talking about it,” Virgil asked, sneaking his hand up to also muss up Roman’s hair in revenge.

   “I’m fighting for honor and valor, not for fun!” Roman shot a glare at Virgil.

   “Ream doesn’t see it that way, he looks forward to it. I mean, shoves isn’t loves and all, but it’s his probably his weird love language other than sharing his interests,” Virgil explained and quickly messed with Roman’s hair in return. Roman huffed and summoned a comb.

   “But his interests are weird and horrible, kiddo!” Patton objected. “Don’t they scare you?”

   “My interests are weird and scary, to you too, Pat,” Virgil rolled his eyes. “Of course he scares me, it’s my job to be scared of the stuff he talks about. It doesn’t mean we don’t get along,” Virgil shrugged slightly. “Sometimes, anyway.” He added.

   “Remus really looks forward to fighting with me?” Roman asked, seeming to have just processed what he said a moment ago.

   “Uh, yeah? So do I,” Virgil said and playfully jabbed at Roman’s side, who yelped and jabbed him back. “You’re fun to fight,” Virgil grinned evilly.

   “Boys, no fighting at the table!” Patton whined. That barely counted as even scuffling, but whatever. Virgil shrugged and backed away from Roman.

   “I don’t suppose any of you beautiful angels are interested in feeding me even though you’re all done eating?” Virgil asked sweetly, tapping the table.

   “I will make you a balanced breakfast, if that is what you want, Virgil,” Logan offered, putting down his paper.

   “I would love a properly balanced breakfast,” Virgil said and laughed gently, leaning back against Roman’s shoulder. Logan summoned a plate with fruit, a piece of Canadian bacon, and a small omelet full of vegetables. He pushed the plate towards Virgil, who accepted it excitedly. “Thanks, Lo-berry, I don’t suppose a slice of toast with some crofter’s on it is out of the question?” Logan looked surprised for a moment.

   “Grains are an important part of the diet,” Logan quickly said, summoning a piece of jam toast and placing it on the corner of Virgil’s plate.

   “Thanks,” Virgil excitedly reached for the toast to take a bite. “Oh my god, this is why you ate that whole jar,” Virgil moaned in appreciation and finished off the toast in seconds.

   “It is wonderful,” Roman said with a chuckle, trailing off a bit.

   “So you’re… okay?” Patton asked hesitantly.

   “Why wouldn’t I be?” Virgil asked before taking a bite of the omelet.

   “Well, you left with the duke and all,” Patton’s voice was full of concern.

   “We were mostly writing a story,” Virgil said proudly. “I mean, we fought a little. We always do,” He admitted a little sheepishly.

   “That’s it? Just a story and some scuffling? No… other stuff?” Patton asked worriedly.

   “No? There were no ‘unsavory things’ I wouldn’t mention at the breakfast table,” Virgil answered. At least, not that they were doing. On paper, definitely lots of unsavory things he would not mention at the breakfast table. Boy, did Remus fuck those kids up after Virgil trapped them one by one.

   “Well, as long as you’re safe, kiddo,” Patton said, still sounding a little concerned. Virgil scooted his plate and chair around the table a little closer to Patton and gave him a hug.

   “I’m safe, pops, you don’t have to worry. That’s my job,” Virgil said with a chuckle.

   “You do not seem overwrought today, Virgil,” Logan said evenly.

   “I’m plenty troubled about the stupid schedule and all the work. You’re just not the best face reader,” Virgil said cheerily and returned to enjoying his breakfast. He didn’t know why this pork was called Canadian bacon, but it was lean and sweet and he loved it. Oh god, does that mean he would like Hawaiian pizza? Oh no, that was something he needed to avoid trying at all costs.

   “You look like something just concerned you. See, I am perfectly capable of reading faces,” Logan objected sourly.

   “Pizza discourse is scary, Logan,” Virgil shot at him defensively.

   “Where in the wide world of sports did that come from, champ?” Patton asked and placed a hand on his shoulder.

   “The internet. Pat, will you show me how to knit a cap while Princey is being a writer extraordinaire with Thomas today? You know, so I don’t freak as much when Joan wants to make changes?” Virgil asked, pulling Patton into a small side hug while he continued breakfast.

   “That’s very proactive of you, Virgil,” Logan said plainly, but his eyebrow was raised in curiosity.

   “Wild, right?” Virgil chuckled. Maybe he could knit Deceit a beanie to thank him. And then Virgil could have Voltaire hide that stupid bowler hat.

   “Sure, kiddo!” Patton beamed. Roman punched Virgil on the shoulder and smiled.

   “Looking to be less of a pain in the ass today?” Roman asked playfully. Patton huffed and Roman flipped his hand to dismiss Patton’s objections. Virgil shrugged. It just sounded like something Patton would want. Deceit made it feel much easier to be who they wanted. Virgil frowned for a moment, kind of realizing what that meant. But went back to finishing his breakfast quickly. He’d get to lie on Patton and knit the rest of the morning. That was probably worth it.

—

   Virgil was laying in Patton’s lap, still trying to knit the hat, when he got a notification. The cap was a little more involved than the scarf was and it was taking a while. Deceit texted and offered to let Virgil join him for tea. Hopefully that meant he wasn’t that mad at him, which Virgil relished finding out. Unless it was a trap, but Virgil just couldn’t imagine that today. If he was honest with himself, it was weird that he couldn’t. When Deceit didn’t accept or reject him outright, Virgil was pretty scared that Virgil’s impulsive rationalizing pissed Deceit off. And then Virgil couldn’t be himself with D anymore, and he’d be stuck pretending with the others or intermittently fighting Remus. He was glad D wanted to hang out.

   “I’ve got to go, Pat,” Virgil said as he pulled off of Patton’s lap and brushed Patton’s hair off his temple for a light peck. “Can we finish this lesson later?”

   “Of course, Virge. I think I might need to go talk with Logan more directly about refusing to let Thomas take a break myself. He deserves one! You’ll get all upset again if Thomas goes too long, and it’s been a nice quiet morning,” Patton said with heavy determination. Patton smiled and kissed Virgil’s temple. Virgil smiled and nodded. That was really nice of Patton. And a maybe a little selfish. Thomas might fall behind if he took a break. But Logan probably had that handled, right?

   Virgil popped into his bedroom and was greeted by Voltaire in his face as soon as he appeared. Volt bit him, but his own anxieties weren’t exactly a problem for him.

   “Volt, I’m not an intruder!” Virgil groaned and plucked Volt carefully off his face. Beeps chastised Voltaire from her silks on the bannister. Volt apologized and Virgil placed him gently on the bannister near Beeps, then removed the bite make from his face. Virgil went to go put down his knitting carefully on the table so it wouldn’t get disturbed and messed up. “Nobody mess with this,” He commanded them. “Anybody need anything before I go?” He checked in with his spiders. He summoned some food for them and left to go hang out with D.

—

   Virgil was cuddled on the couch with D, watching TV they were snarking at in Deceit’s room while they enjoyed their tea. Deceit was also cuddling him back instead of just letting Virgil cuddle him, which was amazing. It took Deceit a while to settle into it, but normally it was a relatively one-sided thing. Deceit’s cool scales felt sublime on his cheek, even with his top between them. Deceit lolled his head on Virgil’s shoulder and stroked his hair slowly. Virgil felt very safe wrapped up in his arms, like nothing could get to him.

   “What is wrong with this world that the adults are just letting literal children run free with no supervision?” Deceit growled and lifted his head slightly to sip his tea.

   “I know, right? How little do they care about their children? It’s like ‘bye billy have fun getting hit by a car or kidnapped while I ignore you for 12 hours’ what kind of parenting is that?” Virgil agreed with a dark laugh. He didn’t want to shift to get his tea, but Deceit must have sensed that, since he reached out and grabbed it for Virgil. “Thank you,” Virgil purred and enjoyed a sip.

   “Murphy’s law,” Deceit laughed sinisterly as the kids ran into trouble and took Virgil’s mug to place it back on the side table.

   “Isn’t that a constant of the universe,” Virgil drawled sardonically. They continued to incessantly sass the TV together and Virgil was so happy to just relax with Deceit.

   After an hour and a half of tea and TV, Deceit kicked Virgil out of his room, much to his disdain. So what if he got more sarcastic and lied flippantly for a while? Nobody would be able to tell. He was always lying to the others, anyway. Virgil flopped grumpily on his couch, sitting on it with his head to the floor, watching his spiders skitter across the bars under his coffee table. He just went through his regular worries in his head as he watched them nest and jump quietly. At least until he heard a very shocked scream. Virgil fell off the couch in surprise and looked up to see Voltaire latched to Logan’s face and poised to strike.

   “Volt, holy shit, get off of Logan! I’m here, I can protect the room myself!” Virgil quickly rambled and got over to Logan to help. Virgil gently plucked Voltaire off Logan’s face and placed him on Virgil’s shoulder. Logan cleared his throat, pretending to be poised.

   “So you can make spiders larger than Beatrice,” He observed very carefully, completely ignoring the fact that he just screamed like he was about to be murdered.

   “Logan, there is nobody else here, we all know that scream was you,” Virgil said with a chuckle.

   “I have absolutely no idea what you are referring to,” Logan said casually and coughed again.

   “Sorry, Voltaire is very enthusiastic. He got me earlier, too,” Virgil apologized and softly stroked Volt, who angrily objected to not being allowed to attack the intruder. “He’s not an intruder, Volt, come on, he’s not exactly sneaking around,” Virgil chided him.

   “You can talk to them?” Logan asked curiously. “They do not have the capacity to speak.”

   “Roman can talk to his dogs,” Virgil said dismissively. “Can’t you talk to whatever animal it is you can conjure?”

   “I can conjure birds, and certain species of birds are capable of mimicking human speech,” Logan explained. “Spiders do not have such capabilities.”

   “Well, I can call all of Volt’s siblings here and we can perhaps see if they can come,” Virgil offered derisively and Logan stiffened.

   “No. I do not require further proof. It is likely similar to the mental magic nonsense Roman utilizes,” Logan said firmly, raising his hand to stop Virgil from acting further.

   “What do you need, Lo?” Virgil laughed.

   “I have your informational packet to collect in the living room if you would… relocate that giant huntsman spider and join me,” Logan said, taking a minute step back.

   “Sure. Volt, can you just let me know when someone enters while I’m not here instead of attacking? Unless it’s Remus sneaking in. Absolutely bite him in the face if he’s acting fishy,” Virgil ordered Voltaire and held his arm on the bannister for Volt to climb up.

   “This morning you had given us the impression you were somewhat cordial with Remus,” Logan stated curiously as he very carefully watched Volt climb up Virgil’s arm to the bannister, then up the wall. Virgil put a hand on Logan’s shoulder to grab his attention before his eyes landed on the giant nest on the ceiling. Virgil didn’t want Logan to scream in his face, even if it was funny.

   “We’re friends, but he knows he’s not allowed in here and he’s been warned. Remus and I don’t deal too well with each other’s aspects. A spider to the face is better than letting him stay in here,” Virgil groaned. It’s not like Remus wasn’t used to a little venom. A lot of venom, really. Virgil wouldn’t be surprised if he had some in him from D’s experiments right now.

   “Noted,” Logan said and sank from the room. Virgil joined him out to the living room.

   Virgil’s packet was sitting on his regular spot on the couch, near Patton who was already skimming his. Roman rose into the room right as Virgil walked over to pick up his packet. When he read the subject line, he barked a dark laugh.

   “Holy crap, Lo, this… this is… you took that thing I taught you last time to heart, huh?” Virgil chuckled. Roman picked up his packet and looked oddly at Virgil, along with Patton. Logan just had his arms crossed, staring intently at Virgil. He thought it was kind of weird he didn’t just deliver it if Logan went through the effort of getting Virgil. Virgil wasn’t capable of dealing with this right now. So he wasn’t going to.

   “What are you talking about?” Roman asked and walked over. Virgil laughed and sent it away haphazardly to the coffee table in his room, flipping his hand dismissively.

   “Logan’s just spilling the tea all over the place. I’ll deal with it later,” Virgil said causally and held up his hand miming playing a game controller. “You want to go?” He asked hopefully.

   “Yes, I have some honor to regain,” Roman said triumphantly and laughed. Virgil stepped over and rubbed Patton’s shoulder affectionately before sinking to Roman’s room. Virgil heard Logan sigh heavily with very uncharacteristic drama as he left.

   Virgil laid on the floor and took the second controller and Roman sat cross-legged next to him as soon as they appeared.

   “We should probably put a time limit on your warm-up if you actually want to get to a rematch today, Princey,” Virgil smirked.

   “So I got a little into the game last time,” Roman rolled his eyes. “I still won in real life,” Roman added proudly and shoved him slightly in response.

   “Just set your phone or whatever so I can kick your ass,” Virgil said and leaned into Roman to shove him slightly. Roman shoved him back and loaded up the co-operative mode.

   Virgil and Roman played through the levels with a significant increase in teamwork this time. Roman took less power-ups that Virgil needed, and Virgil didn’t kill steal as much when he saw Roman bouncing a little, signifying he was into the fight. Virgil was actually a little disappointed when the alarm went off for them to switch to player versus player. That was, until he kicked Roman’s ass embarrassingly fast.

   “I wasn’t fully warmed up yet, Virge!” Roman groaned and Virgil whooped victoriously.

   “Fine, it’s a mulligan,” Virgil rolled his eyes.

   Princey had quite a few ‘mulligans’ before he got into the fights, but Virgil still won 3 to 1 even after Roman showed marked improvement. After an extremely brutal amount of losses, Roman claimed it was an ‘off day’ with a giant huff. They had switched to watching cartoons instead with a promise of future ass kicking. Virgil thought it was hilarious how much Roman hated to lose, but kept himself from laughing so he wouldn’t hurt Roman’s feelings. Plus, they had also switched to cuddling in a pillow fort on the floor in front of the couch, which perhaps was the best possible outcome of Virgil’s digital beat down of Roman.

   Roman leaned up against the couch with Virgil in his lap under the blanket canopy. Roman summoned them hot cocoa and s’mores, possibly to soothe his ego, but Virgil go to enjoy the chocolaty goodness either way. He felt good, sitting in the fort with Roman’s room mollifying him. Virgil snaked around Roman’s neck when Virgil wasn’t leaning away to enjoy a bite of gooey s’more goodness.

   “Oh my god, no, just ask him! Miscommunication is such a stupid trope,” Virgil grumbled as he watched the characters parade idiocy across the screen.

   “You shut your face, Virgil, it’s a classic form of misdirection that directly reflects the human condition,” Roman snarked at him.

   “Oh, like you weren’t just making fun of it for overuse of smash cuts,” Virgil rolled his eyes and curled affectionately around Roman.

   “Yes, and my complaint was valid,” Roman said haughtily, so Virgil nipped Roman’s neck and laughed when Roman flinched. “You bitch,” Roman groaned and gave Virgil a noogie. Virgil didn’t bother fixing his bangs since he’d probably just mess them up again nestling with Roman.

   “Whatever. This show is just so round-about,” Virgil said dismissively. “Wake me when a plot point happens,” Virgil yawned. Roman tried to punch Virgil in the face, but Virgil blocked him and kissed his knuckles. Which got a bright blush and another punch that Virgil blocked less successfully. Virgil laughed so hard at Roman’s reaction that Roman shoved Virgil off of his lap.

   “If you’re going to be like that, you can go back to your own room,” Roman huffed and crossed his arms.

   “I’m sorry, Ro,” Virgil apologized. Roman peeked at him, but looked away in frustration nonetheless. “Geez, aren’t you a drama queen,” He grumbled under his breath.

   “What was that?” Roman hissed and slowly faced Virgil again.

   “Geez, you’re the greatest and I’m a worm,” Virgil offered, trying to dam the sarcasm from breaking out too much, but it was obviously present.

   “Fine, I’ll continue to tolerate you,” Roman huffed and pulled Virgil’s arm to bring him back on to his lap. Virgil sighed and wrapped back around Roman. “So, you’re not acting upset about Logan calling you out again,” Roman said trying so hard to sound nonchalant that he sort of looped back around again.

   “Subtle, Roman,” Virgil said derisively.

   “I’m allowed to be concerned about you, prickhead,” Roman scoffed right back at him. When did that happen?

   “It’s fine, it’s partially his fault, anyway. I don’t care if he thinks I’m not handling it right,” Virgil said dismissively and went for another s’more.

   “Are you going to give me a sip of this tea?” Roman asked sourly.

   “It’s not fully my tea to share, and I’m not a gossip,” Virgil replied and yawned.

   “Ugh, you know I hate being kept out of the loop,” Roman groaned. Virgil put down his partial s’more and wrapped his arms in a circle around Roman. Roman paused for a moment while Virgil held his arm-loop in position encircling Roman’s head. “Oh my god, you tremendous dork! I expected this from Patton, but never from you!” Roman rolled his eyes.

   “Hey, I don’t pick what Thomas likes, I just deal with it,” Virgil said with a shrug and grabbed his s’more to finish. Roman let out a pretty hearty chuckle for a guy who just acted like Virgil committed some kind of sin against humor. “Don’t worry about it, Princey, I’m fine. I’m doing all of that ‘reaching out’ garbage,” Virgil added when Roman settled down and eyed Virgil suspiciously again. Virgil yawned and pressed into Roman sleepily.

   “I guess that’s good to hear, Virge, though I don’t recall you reaching out to me,” Roman said, sounding a little jealous.

   “What do you think I’m doing here?” Virgil asked, stifling another yawn.

   “Stealing my s’mores,” Roman replied cattily.

   “I was lonely and Logan packet did spook me a little so I asked you to hang out,” Virgil explained, nuzzling into Roman’s neck.

   “That’s not really reaching out, though, is it?” Roman said dismissively.

   “Sometimes it’s all I need,” Virgil yawned and closed his eyes.

   “That’s seriously it?” Roman asked in confusion.

   “Not every single terror is worth a meltdown. It’s lots of little terrors that seem to pile up easier when you’re stuck. I’m not unafraid of Logan’s reaction but I’m not dealing with it alone right now,” Virgil said quietly and ran his fingers though the back of Roman’s hair for a moment. Roman didn’t seem to have a response to that, so he listened to the cartoon, seeming more distant by the moment.

   Virgil wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but he woke back up again to a dark bedroom. Roman’s face was lit by his phone screen while they sat on the floor against the bed. Virgil pulled off Roman’s chest and looked around. Roman had already changed into a soft shirt and loose pajama bottoms under Virgil. Virgil must have accidentally cut it pretty close to sleeping in Roman’s room all night. Roman ran his hand through Virgil’s hair, smoothing out his bangs, and put down his phone.

   “Hey, little house of horrors. It’s time for bed,” Roman said softly. Virgil rubbed his eyes briefly and yawned so hard it hurt his face.

   “’Kay, I’ll go see my other cuddle buddy,” Virgil yawned again and rolled slowly off of Roman to sink out of his bedroom.

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