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mysteryshits · 2 years ago

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Fyodor and religion analysis I guess?? (Chapter 105.5 spoilers at the end)

ALSO HE DOESN'T HAVE A GOD COMPLEX!!!

(more about it at the end).

first thing first, it is extremely clear fyodor is religious. And going by the most popular religion in Russia he probably believes in 'Orthodox Christianity'. Based on that it's the main practiced religion in Russia. KNOWING that, he's clearly a very devoted follower of God. In many manga panels he brings up God and religion. I'll mainly show the ones I could find immediately.

(His first entrance)

" the right hand of God "

It is an honor to be at gods right hand. In the Bible Jesus is stated to be sat at the right hand of God. This because it is a high status in the Bible. We can assume it's because Jesus is his son, as well as extremely holy. (Has never committed a sin). Demons are fallen angels, they have rebelled against God. I'm going to assume, that fyodor meant that both God and the demons have expected this. (Expected things to go as planned)

(His second time bring up religious beliefs)

" the promise land "

The promise land is said to be a land flowing with milk and honey. A land that Moses was supposed to take the first generation of God's people to. Except they never made it as they stopped following God, and making false idols. They died. Moses on the other hand made it to the border of the promise land. He died just before he could make it.

I'm going to take this as fyodor trying to make the promise land. He's trying to bring the people to the promise land. Expect he sees ability users as sinners. He's trying to make the world clean of these ability users. (Bro you, yourself are an ability user). So ability users must be like the first generation of God's people. (In his eyes). He sees them as people disgracing God. Creating false idols. Or being said false idols.

(Another time he brought up God)

" my prayers have reached God"

Clearly he takes time to pray, to trust in God. Also well as believing, that God has answered his prayers in a sense when things go his way. Prying is very important in religions. (No matter the religion). But with Christianity (Orthodox Christianity). It is supposed to be you having a conversation with God. You are talking with him personally. You are being vulnerable with him, asking him for things. When most pray it is to ask God for something. (A good day, helping a loved one get better, etc, etc).

(From the recent chapter)

" embraced in the arms of God"

To be embraced by God, is to know God. You shall fear him. God is the one dictating our lives basically. He is watching us, to know God. Is to know his power. To know his power is to fear him. I'm taking this as fyodor telling dazai he'll be in fear, to be at the hands of God. Fyodor is "showing" dazai God's power. What he's capable of. As to fyodor God is on his side. God's arms is his holiness, as well as his power as I said before. Fyodor is saying dazai will not only know God, but fear him.

(From the recent chapter)

" although the trial of flood is fitting for me as a servant of God "

God flooded the earth in attempts to rid the world of all the sinners. Except for Noah and his family. Noah was to build an ark and take two of every animal. (Male and female). Fyodor is hitting at the flood in this statement.

(More about him not having a God complex)

Back to what I was saying about him not having a God complex. Someone with a God complex wouldn't call themselves "a servant of God" or even pray to God. (Any God bc they believe themselves to be a god). With that religion is a very important part of his character! It is the main or ONLY reason for him doing what he's doing. He wants a world without sin. (He sees ability users as sinful, this goes back to 'the promise land' part).

All if not most of the characters have something they believe in/rely on when doing something. So when they do so, it feels justified in a way no matter the crime. Fyodor's reasons having to do with religion isn't him having a God complex! NOW I know most people have a hard time with religion. But you can't look at a religious character and just go "oh yeah they have a God complex". Or just dismiss everything about it. Because you are taking away something that is clearly VERY important to their character. Anyone that was all!!

EXTRA MENTION ABOUT DOS!!!

like in the image above he states on his his body is feeble. Clearly he is not very physical strong. And possibly could have some underlying disability. "Makes me vulnerable to even the slightest wind". He's clearly not very active either. Anyway he is anemic canon lol. But seriously that's probably why he mainly has other people doing all the action. As he is too weak in a way to do it himself.

Anyway that was all! Apologies if this isn't very accurate I haven't read the Bible in a while. I was literally asking my dad questions about it to try and show the comparisons. (Although I was the smartest kid at Sunday service hehe). Nonetheless I hope you enjoyed this analysis I guess it would be?

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #fyodor dostoyevsky bsd #dazai osamu #bsd fyodor #fyodor dostoevsky #bsd analysis #bungou stray dogs fyodor #bungo stray dogs analysis

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revchainsaw · 4 years ago

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Sonic: The Hedgehog (2020)

Greeting my flock of film freaks and welcome again to the Cult of Cult. Todays offering is a bit more of the mainstream blockbuster variety, but as films based on Video Games are still actually quite niche and vastly underestimated I think we should open our hearts to Sonic: The Hedgehog and hope that we find it a pleasing tithe to the cult. I am your beloved minster, The Reverend Chainsaw, and welcome to today’s service.

The Message

I must confess to the congregation that I was drinking mighty heavily of the lord’s Tennessee sour mash when I was taking in this movie. That said, I think that this is a great movie to have a drink with and I mean that in the best possible way.

Sonic: The Hedgehog is of course based on the Sega video game franchise and stars Ben Schwartz as the titular blue rat. Schwartz brings his brand of high energy enthusiastic comedy to the voice role. While Schwartz is particularly on brand for Schwartz, is he on brand for Sonic? I’m not entirely sure, but I’m also not entirely sure I was ever in love with the old ways. I am not an avid fan or consumer of Sonic media and perhaps that means I am in a poor position to say. I am most familiar with the Sega games and Sonic cartoons from the 90s, and from what I have grasped the more recent entries with their more anime centric and high lore plots still owe quite a bit to the attitude era of the 90s. Sonic was a hero but he was also a bit of a cross between Mickey Mouse, the Flash, and Bart Simpson. As an angsty 90s boy I wanted to eat chili dogs and go very fast that was very appealing to me, but I’m not so sure it would be appealing to a vast audience of older millennials, or even todays kids. And though I think it would be a fair criticism to say that Ben Schwartz is playing sonic as basically the superhero version of his Dewey Duck from the VERY VERY good DuckTales reboot, I don’t think that it’s necessarily a bad thing.

Dewey Duck the Hedgehog is a small mammal (also not a rodent, I wanted to say rodent and apparently hedgehogs are not rodents, just googled it) from an alien planet where his adoptive mother, an owl named Long Claw, fears that he will be hunted for his special powers, which I think is just super speed but it might be other things. In line with these concerns after an attack by pursuers Longclaw gives Sonic the Moses treatment and floats the special blue boy down the metaphorical river. Unlike Moses, however, Sonic is not found by ultra rich ultra powerful extra special people but is instead alone. Sonic lives alone in exile outside a small American town as a sort of local cryptid.

Thus begins a charming adventure. Through a poor decision to use his powers while working out some personal issues, Sonic inadvertantly draws the attention of the U.S Government and their nasty big brain baddy Dr. Robotnik. Sonic recruits a small town police officer with big city dreams to assist him in finding his magic rings so that he might flee from earth to an uninhabited mushroom kingdom.

Now about these two human characters. Officer Everyman is played by cyclops from the X-men franchise. The actors name escapes me and so does the characters, and while, yes, I just looked up if hedgehogs were rodents, I will not be looking up this information. I like the review better this way. It makes me laugh. And while I don’t remember his name, I do remember that he used to live In Mt. Juliet, TN. Anyway, what you should know about Officer Goodguy is that he drives a Toyota Tacoma!

That Toyota Tacoma is also continuously abused by the mad machinations of our films biggest draw: Jim Carey as Dr. Robotnik. If we were to pitch a Sonic movie, I don’t think anyone would jump to Jim Carey as the must have for the role, but after seeing this film, boy was it the best choice. The way he chews the scenery and plays off the rest of the cast and situations is just so much fun to watch. It’s fantastic to see Jim Carey back in a larger than life role. The Decision to play Jim Carey as the kind of condescending nerd who has taken their lack of social skills and leaned in as opposed to working on themselves was a brilliant choice. We’ve all known that kind of guy who tries to play the misanthrope just because they are too egotistical to recognize their flaws. Here Dr. Robotnik has given up on human connection in favor of subordination. His intellect is his only value, and thus he demands everyone around him acknowledge intellect as the only quality that matters as he has. It was a great choice.

From the point the chase begins the film becomes a road trip flick, and despite the fact that Sonic could supposedly cover the distance required in the blink of an eye we watch the ins and outs of our heroes relationship as they learn what home, and being a hero mean to them. By the climax it is pretty by the numbers, Sonic has come to feel at home on Earth and now that he has friends who care for him they can begin to make a world from which neither will have to flee; and of course, they beat the bad guy. FOR NOW. we are treated to an even crazier Dr. Robotnik stranded in the Fungus Dimension bent on revenge.

The Benediction

Now for all things Holy and Profane in this film, please rise for the Benediction.

Best Scandal: Sonic the Cosmic Horror

The original look of this film was mired in dread when the early footage and trailers dropped revealing a hideously uncanny hedgehog monster in the form of sonic. The memes are amazing, the toys are unsettling, there’s still plenty of Quasimodo Sonic stuff out there floating on the web and I suggest that you search it out, the laughter is good for your heart. Also if anyone wants to send me any creepy sonic merch I’ll take it.

Thanks to the work of online fans and internet harassments, the studio felt it was going to lose money on the project and reeled back the release allowing for the design department to give us a more cartoony but less frightening alien monster. I mean he’s a cartoon, it’s okay for him to look like a cartoon.

Best Scene: Noodle Dance

It’s hard to choose, and it feels a bit biased, but there are a few scenes with Dr. Robotnik that are just what make the movie more than a forgettable IP adaptation. Not that Ben Schwartz wasn’t doing great as the character but I feel Sonic as a whole would be lost in the milieu of CG spectacles and Super Hero Origin stories that we are bombarded with every year if not for Jim Carey’s performances; and even with them Sonic: The Hedgehog is not completely out of those woods. That said, I think Dr. Robotnik’s Alone Time Dance Party has to be the stand out sequence in my memory. I can’t really speak to what makes it so enjoyable, but damn if it isn’t just the best scene in the movie.

Best Character: Silicon Valley Dr. Robotnik

Do I even need to say it? It’s Dr. Robotnik. I’m not a fan of this villain from any other media. I always found Dr. Robotniks look unappealing, I’m not a huge fan of his powers, or using robot henchman. it always struck me as pretty boring how Sonic didn’t have a cool rogues gallery (i’m talking about 90s sonic) the way Mario did. However, they did something with the design, characterization, and performance that just made him such a fun villain. Also, my friend Jacksons mom said I looked like him and it didn’t hurt my feelings so.

Best Actor: Jim Carey

Jim Carey. It really seems like he’s all I’m talking about in this movie. Once again, I think Ben Schwartz did great and Sonic IS basically Dewey Duck in this movie. Dewey Duck is my favorite part of the rebooted DuckTales series, BUT he is just outmaneuvered by Jim Carey in this role. I think it’s a compliment enough to say that Ben Schwartz was even able to keep up with his energy, let alone play his quicker perkier foil.

Worst Scene: Toyota Tacoma Commercial

Sonic: the Hedgehog’s worst scene would probably have to be the forced friend fight between Sonic and Officer Wachowski during the car chase. It’s an overproduced weightless car chase scene with a contrived buddy cop controversy meant to force apart our heroes so that they can ultimately grow a little and come back together later in the movie. Not that I mind a movie like this to be so by the numbers, but it just felt like two of the blandest things on this movies plate being forced into one scene. I do like the idea of giving me the crap part of the dish in one flavorless generic bite, but that still doesn’t save it from being the worst scene in the movie.

That Toyota Tacoma took a beating though.

Worst Feature: Nothing Ventured/ Nothing Earned

I’m sure many fans would feel that the worst feature of the film is that it isn’t loyal to any previous lore laden version of the character, (probably the one they like the most). In the portrayals of both Sonic and Dr. Robotnik there were decisions made that drastically differed from the ways they have been portrayed before. Sonic is naïve and idealistic, a bit childish, Dr. Robotnik is driven by a lot of insecurity. Where are the Chaos Crystals and my original character Grindy the Wolf Cub?

But I think that these are over all positive choices in a film that otherwise chose to play it incredibly safe. In their cautious approach to appeal to the widest possible audience the film makers gave us a pleasant and appealing cartoon romp but we are left with little to hold on to. The worst feature of Sonic: The Hedgehog is it’s safety.

Summary:

Sonic: The Hedgehog is often touted as “the first good video game movie”. A label that I disagree with wholeheartedly. It is certainly a good video game movie, but it’s not the first, and it is not by leaps and bounds better than other video game movies as a whole. It’s a sub genre that gets a ton of disrespect, and in a world where the biggest criticism levied against the Super Mario Bros is that it’s not a faithful adaptation, I don’t understand how Sonic the Buddy Cop/ Road Trip comedy is escaping that attitude.

All that said, I had a good time with this movie. But it felt like playing on the playground as a toddler. You have fun and then you leave and you don’t really remember what you played or who with. I’ll think about Jim Carey and Dewey Duck, but I had a hard time hating or loving anything this movie did in any strong way. I usually feel that a movie that is “bad” or “corny” or “shlocky” is always better than a movie that is generic, or pointless, or boring. Sonics pleasantness and cheerful energy just barely save it from being another Transformers franchise. I get that origin stories are hard, so I’m eagerly awaiting the next installment, and hopefully it’s going to do something that sets it apart. Probably not.

Overall Grade: C

James Marsden! I just remembered!

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portalford · 6 years ago

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Nothing to Stop Us Now

AO3

“If I see one more purple mosquito thing, I’m gonna fling myself out of this tree,” says Stan, scratching furiously at a souvenir from one of the aforementioned pests. He’s pretty sure he killed that one, and that helps a little.

Just a little. It still itches like the blazes.

“That would be regrettable,” says Ford, not looking up from his sketchbook.

“You sound real regrettable,” Stan mutters. He gives up on the bug bite in favor of better entertainment: baiting Ford. “This is your fault.”

Ford, unlike the bugs, doesn’t bite. “If I remember correctly,” he says, in a tone heavily implying that he’s never forgotten a thing in his life (which is absolutely untrue) and still without looking up from his damn drawing, “I was perfectly happy to stay in my study and had no comments about ‘stretching my legs’.”

“Don’t quote me at me,” Stan snaps. “You needed to get outta that dusty closet anyway.”

Ford finally takes his eyes off his page, but it’s only to lean out for a better look over the branch he’s sitting on, far enough that Stan is tempted to yank him back before the idiot falls. “It’s fortunate that it isn’t able to climb trees, at least,” he says, going right back to his drawing.

‘Fortunate’ is not a word Stan would apply to any part of this situation. It’s hot, he’s thirsty, he scraped his arm climbing this tree, the branch he’s on is too skinny for his butt, and there’s two rows of sharp, slobbery teeth about ten feet below his ankles.

Ford, predictably, has ignored these and every other grievance Stan has tried to air over the past five minutes, so Stan just snorts.

Ford ignores that, too. He just says, “Watch out for the seedpods—my research indicated that these pods release a smell similar to hydrogen sulfide if they’re crushed. Probably to deter predators,” he adds, mostly to himself.

“Hydrogen what?”

“Rotten eggs, Stanley,” Ford says solemnly, before getting sucked back into his drawing.

And yeah, Stan’s feeling pretty petulant right now, but he’s not gonna make this experience worse. He scoots over a little, just to be safe. Now he’s sitting on a really knobby, more wobbly, part of the branch. Fantastic.

Stan’s pretty much over his fear of heights these days, but he’s definitely got a normal, healthy, self-preservational fear of falling. Especially when it’s a long drop and a short stop to being a devil dog’s lunch.

Said devil dog is still staring at him with all three of its ugly yellow eyes, tongue lolling hungrily over ugly yellow teeth.

Ford, who wouldn’t know things like ‘normal’ or ‘healthy’ or ‘self-preservational’ if they bit him with all the teeth in the world, teeters out over thin air again. He’s higher up and to the left, on a branch that looks even thinner and more uncomfortable than Stan’s, but he hasn’t said anything about it. Stan doubts he’s even noticed. “I wonder if there are more of them. Surely they would have heard the racket and come looking?”

“Ford, I will literally give you a dollar to shut up,” Stan says.

That, of all things, gets Ford’s attention. “Really?”

“…Would you go for fifty cents?”

“No, I was just shocked that you were offering to part with money for any reason.”

“Yeah? Well I was shocked that you were offering to shut up for any reason.”

Ford flashes a smile, sharp and challenging. Stan’s about to meet him with another insult when the devil dog, apparently unable to handle not being the center of attention for ten seconds, rears up on the tree trunk and makes a noise like a stuck pig.

Stan makes good and sure he’s got a solid grip on the branch before screaming back.

The thing squeals louder and lunges, jaws snapping shut just below Stan’s boots. Stan promptly pulls his feet up on the branch. These are new boots, and if they get chewed to pieces before he’s even broken them in—

His perch shivers and bounces as Ford scrambles to his feet above him. “Stanford for the love of God and money sit down.”

Ford does not sit down, choosing instead to hang halfway off the branch, talking all the while about “cross-species” and “evolutionary advantages” and other stuff Stan doesn’t bother to follow.

Instead, he finds himself a long twig and swats Ford’s leg with it, hard.

Ford cuts off, glaring. “What was that for?”

Stan pokes him again. “I know you’re super excited about this dog thing, but I am tired and sweaty and almost lost a chunk of my leg climbing this tree that I’d really like to keep and please sit down.”

Ford sits, and he even has the grace to look somewhat contrite. He promptly ruins this by saying, “iI’s not a dog, Stanley, it’s—”

“Sixer, I literally could not care less.” There’s a moment of silence while Stan nurses his physical bug-related injuries and Ford nurses his mental Stan-related injuries. Stan sighs. “Sorry. Rough day.” It’s more explanation than excuse, but it’s the best he’s got right now.

The devil dog yips. Stan almost wishes he was a bit lower, just so he could try to kick it in the face.

“It’s fine, Stanley.” Ford leans over to put a hand on his shoulder. Stan doesn’t waste his breath telling him to stay put, because the last six warnings have made no impact whatsoever, and it’s kinda nice anyway. “This creature is fascinating, but there are plenty of of other anomalies that can be studied without resorting to hiding in a tree. Besides,” he adds, sitting back and waggling his sketchbook, “I finished my drawing.”

Stan rolls his eyes, but he can feel a smile coming on in spite of himself. Ford has always been the most uniquely frustrating person Stan’s ever known—and Stan has known a lot of frustrating people, himself included—but there’s a kind of oblivious honesty to his frustrating-ness that Stan hasn’t found anywhere else, did without for thirty years, and would really like to never be without again, regardless of how much Ford pisses him off at times.

“Well, as long as you got your drawing.” Stan looks at the devil dog. The devil dog looks back. It feels really unfair that it’s got three eyes to stare with, but that’s life for you. “What do you wanna do about this?”

“I would suggest running for it, but that didn’t prove especially effective the first time we tried.” Ford considers the monster below. It hisses at him. “Also, it’s ready for us now.”

“It’s gonna take us time to get down this tree, too,” Stan says. He really doesn’t want to lose these boots. Or that chunk of his leg. Or anything else, really.

“Hm.” Ford stands up. “If I can jump on it, I think it would stay stunned long enough for us to get a head start back to the Stan O’ War."

“Okay, hold up,” Stan interrupts, loud enough to make the dog squeal. He ignores it. “I’m heavier’n you—if anyone’s gonna jump, shouldn’t it be me?”

“An additional nine feet should give me enough velocity to match your weight on impact,” Ford says, like this is a reasonable thing to be talking about. The way he’s eyeing the branch over his head is worrying Stan; he decides to nip this whole thing in the bud before Ford gets really into it.

“Yeah, no. Way too many ‘should-be’s’ in that plan, bro. I want to get out of this with all my bits attached.” Redirect, redirect, redirect— “How about we throw sticks at it?” Fantastic plan, Stan. That’s gonna win awards for sure.

Somehow, it does. Ford brightens like Stan said something genuinely smart and impressive. “Stanley, that’s brilliant!”

“Throwin’ sticks?”

“What? No, not sticks.” Ford reaches up for one of the fist-sized green pods from the foliage around them. “These.”

The last fifteen awful minutes are suddenly worth it, and better. Stan knows he’s grinning like a moron and he doesn’t care. “We’re gonna stink bomb this dog?”

“We are.” Ford’s got that crazy glint in his eye that Stan recognizes from their wilder childhood escapades, and he doesn’t even correct Stan about the dog thing. He hefts the pod in his hand. “How’s your throwing arm?”

Stan puffs out his chest, brandishing a stinkpod of his own. “You’re lookin’ at the reigning dart champion of Joe Shmoe’s Bar and Grill.”

“That was forty-odd years ago, and you cheated.”

“Still won!”

Ford rolls his eyes.

The best way to shut the critics up is with a practical demonstration, so—

Stan lets it fly.

It hits the dog square in its ugly face and bursts.

“Moses that’s bad.” Between the dog’s shrieking, the awful smell, and the shakiness of his seat, Stan’s not sure if he’s riled up or terrified.

Probably both.

“Impressive throw, though,” Ford says, lining up a headshot of his own.

Thirty seconds and about half that many stinkpods later, the devil dog is but a distant memory. Or would be, if not for the lingering stench and fading squealing of its flight.

“That’s right!” Stan shouts, high enough on adrenaline and the choking smell that he doesn’t feel any kind of worry when he leans out over nothing. “Tell your friends!”

“Here’s to hoping he has no friends,” Ford replies, flinging his last stinkpod into the woods. His mostly-level voice does nothing to hide the fact that he’s practically vibrating where he stands.

“Hell yeah,” Stan says, fervent.

It takes him a minute to get down, what with his legs being almost numb from sitting on that useless skinny branch for so long. Ford has an easier time, probably on account of his near-constant jittering and jumping around.

“So I’m all for coming back here with my knuckledusters,” Stan says, after a moment where they both just sort of stand there staring at each other across burst and battered stinkpod shells, “but can we do it tomorrow?”

“That might be for the best,” Ford says, lifting his arm over his face and wrinkling his nose. “I’m going to try that new odor remover I’ve been working on,” and Stan didn’t know about that but he’s not even a little surprised, “because I like this coat.”

“You might wanna use that stink cleaner on yourself too, Sixer,” Stan says as they’re walking back down the beach. “You smell like a skunk’s nightmares.”

“You could use a bath yourself, Stanley,” Ford replies, and trips him into a tide pool.

Stan yanks him in after, and he’s laughing all the way down.

#gravity falls #gravity falls fanfiction #stanford pines #stanley pines #my writing #IT'S BEEN FIFTY YEARS #i've missed these characters so much but i wasn't feelin anything i tried to write #not sure i'm feelin this either but i'm on vacation so if i don't write now i never will

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dalyunministry · 4 years ago

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Bro. Calvin Nii Bannerman

💗

RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD

DATE : 30th October, 2020.

Father God in the name of Jesus! I thank You for my life and the person(s) reading this life. Please forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness and purge our sins with the everlasting blood of JESUS. Let us be Holy You have predestined pathways for us to walk down. Holy Spirit lead us our savior JESUS Christ. Amen

The title of my message is RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD, real relationship has to be based on reality, let me explain it. There are couples who get married, and they get married in haste, they don't think things through, the physical attractions too great and they think they can work their problems so they get married.

Later , they file for divorce and here is what they say, "the person that I thought I marrying was not the person I am married ". What was the problem? They had a relationship but it wasn't based on reality. The most important thing as humans is our relationship with God, because how you see God is going to determine about you. If your view of God is wrong , your view of life is wrong. If your view of God is wrong, your view of success is wrong. If your view of God is wrong, your view of important is wrong.

1. THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN LIFE IS TO HAVE A REAL RELATIONSHIP WITH THE REAL GOD.

If God is real, the most important thing is to have a real relationship with Him. We are going to find out an incident that took place 2500 years ago about a prophet named Isaiah. This message is going to teach you how to have a relationship with God like how you can have a relationship with your mother, father, son, daughter siblings etc. First of all we have to find out who is the real God we are trying to connect to, to begin with. To do that we are going to look at how Isaiah said how to relate with right God in a real God.

1. I will see God for who He really is.

Isaiah begins to tell us the exact year this incident took place in his life. Isaiah 6:1 In the year that king Uzziah died...

• Why did he write that done, why did he put it down in the text?

Let me tell you why that year was so important, because this was the year something happened in Isaiah's life that was so huge and so important and so life changing he can point out the exact date , the exact day and time. He can tell you what happened. You have to understand the background of the story. Back in bible days , there was a king who reigned in Judah, and his name was Uzziah, he was one of the most successful kings because he strengthen the economy, everybody was doing well and he provided them the 3 basic things any nation will loved, they had peace, prosperity and security , they didn't worry about anybody coming to conquer the land. Now they were kind of in a this crisis mode because an enemy named Syria is on a rising and Syria has a large army , much larger than Judah, much more powerful than Judah has. Now they know the king is dead , they have been watching the whole situation unfold. So this giant cloud of fear has blocked this sunshine of joy , now this people are really in a panic . They don't know who to turn to, they don't know what to do, because their leader has died. And then this happens, Isaiah 6:1 ...I saw also the Lord sitting upon a throne,...

Whenever I read this part of the Bible I skipped it until I understood it's significance, from the beginning of the Bible to the book of Isaiah, no one has ever seen that before. Moses, Daniel, Jeremiah , David, Ezekiah nobody had ever seen this picture of God ever and here's Isaiah for the first time being allowed to see such a picture.

He sees the creator of the universe, the king of Kings and the Lord of Lords and He's sitting on a throne and not just an earthly throne but an eternal throne. He goes on to tell us the kind of throne He saw

Isaiah 6:1 In the year that king Uzziah died I saw also the Lord sitting upon a throne, high and lifted up, and his train filled the temple. Now put all in a context, what did Isaiah said, the year that king Uzziah died I see another king , this is what he's trying to let us understand, there are 2 kings in verse 1 for a reason, you have a mortal king and an immortal king. You have a king who's dead and a king who can't die , you have a human king and a divine king.

You have a king that someone can take his place and another no one can take His place . Isaiah focus wasn't the king who had been buried but a king who can't be buried. What Isaiah saw then is what God wants us to see right now, remember these were trouble days Isaiah and the nation of Judah , good king had died and they were without a leader , they were like a sheep without a shepherd .

A Syria is on the horizon and they don't know what is going to happen, when things are going bad , God says to Isaiah, 'Tell my people when things are going bad look up,when things look hopeless, fear not. When Isaiah saw the real God , he saw clearly what we need to see today. Isaiah says I see a God on a throne, He got his hands on the throttle, He is in complete control . In the midst of all this, there's a sovereign God who is in control and we don't have to worry about anything else.

The thing we need to remember is there's a God who's High and lifted up, He is sitting on a Throne , He's in control, He knows what He's doing , He has never made a mistake. He got everything exactly where He wants them to be.

Now the story continues....Isaiah 6:2-3 Above it stood the seraphims: each one had six wings; with twain he covered his face, and with twain he covered his feet, and with twain he did fly. And one cried unto another, and said, Holy, holy, holy, is the LORD of hosts: the whole earth is full of his glory. This is the most important picture of God in the old testament or probably the whole of the Bible. Now we know what makes God GOD. These angelic creatures, the seraphims, they're are calling out continuously HOLY HOLY HOLY is the Lord of host. The see a God who is Holy, the chief attribute of God is not love, it's not mercy , it's not grace, the chief attribute of God is HOLINESS. The Hebrew word for Holiness is a word literally meaning to separate, it comes from a semantic word meaning to cut, it is a picture of cutting an object to separating one piece from the other piece.

In other words Holy is to separate and to set apart and it's so different from everything else that it got to be treated like that. What the seraphims are telling us is this, the God that we are serving is a God eternity removed from us. He's holy and we are not. He's a different creature that we have to treat Him differently than any other creature. You can't compare with any other creature, there's no one like Him, there's nothing else like Him, He's holy, therefore we have to see Him differently and relate to Him differently than anyone else or anything else. By the way, do you know why the word Holy is repeated 3× ? Is not because God is deaf, in Hebrew poetry, repetition was the way you emphasize on something ,in this our generation if we want to emphasize something we underline it or we bold it or write it in CAPS, they didn't do that back in that day. Back in that day, In Hebrew language, if you want to emphasize something and raise it to the highest level, you will repeat it, and it is not coincidental that in the entire bible anything repeated about God than the attributes about His Holiness.

God is HOLY HOLY HOLY, that is the only attribute of God of all the attributes of Him.

Is God merciful? YES.

Is God loving? YES.

Is God gracious? YES.

Of all the attributes of God , what really makes God is ,HE is HOLY HOLY HOLY and remember how I see God determines how I relate to Him , that's why we are told in verse 3 ...the whole earth is full of his glory. His glory doesn't just feel the temple, but His glory feels the entire earth , I will tell you why Isaiah put that out there, there's nothing more disgusting than we put God in our little box or we try to say this is the God I want Him to be. When it comes to God you have to think outside the box , you can have a box. God doesn't fit the Catholic box, the Baptist box or the Presbyterian box , He doesn't fit in any body's box. His glory feels the entire earth the bible says. If I'm going to relate to God the right way, I have to see God the way He really His. How will you really know you have seen God the way He really is?

This is simple, when I see God the way He really is,

2. I WILL SEE ME THE WAY I REALLY AM.

As soon as Isaiah sees the real God see how his reaction was in 4

Isaiah 6:4-5 And the posts of the door moved at the voice of him that cried, and the house was filled with smoke.

Then said I, Woe is me! for I am undone; because I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips: for mine eyes have seen the King, the LORD of hosts.

When Isaiah sees God through the wind of His HOLINESS, the wind becomes a mirror and all of a sudden He seems himself in his sinfulness , because when you see how Holy God is ,you see how unholy you're. When you see how righteous God is ,you see how unrighteous you're. You will not see yourself of what you truly are until you see God of who He truly is. When Isaiah saw who he truly was ,he didn't like the picture, see what he said in verse 5 I am undone; because I am a man of unclean lips...

The word undone or ruin is, to come unravel, a lot of the Jewish knew him as a prophet and a righteous man but when he came in contact with God he came apart "I am a man of unclean lips" that's what Isaiah says. I am dirty, all my so called integrity , decency is compared to your HOLINESS. Because when God is high and lifted up we will be brought low and taken down. When we get honest with our relationship with God, He gets merciful with us. Look verse 6, Then flew one of the seraphims unto me, having a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with the tongs from off the altar:

This verse tells us how God loves the sinner and He hates the sin, perfect illustration, because what Isaiah hated about himself , you know what Isaiah, I hate it too. But you know what I love you more than I hate your sin, so you know what I'm going to take care of your sin problem. You said you are dirty, yes you're, but I'm going to clean you up,you know you deserve Justice but I'm going to give you mercy . One thing that has to happen for us to have a real relationship with God is we have to get real with God.

3. I WILL SEE OTHERS THE WAY THEY REALLY ARE.

Isaiah 6:8 Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, Whom shall I send, and who will go for us? Then said I, Here am I; send me.

Look what happens to Isaiah, He got real close with God and he eavesdropping a conference call with the TRINITY. When you read the verse again, God wasn't talking to Himself,He didn't say who will go for me? 'He said who will go for us'. He was talking about God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit and Isaiah is listening to the conversation.

Isaiah says Isaiah 6:8... Here am I; send me. This is so refreshing, the deeper you go with God in your relationship the more you will surrender who you're to who He is.

• How do I know I have surrendered to God?

Here is how you'll know, You have to surrender to God and you will do anything God tells you to do even if it means you'll fail or even if it means you'll die. God comes to Isaiah and says Isaiah, you need to tell other people about the encounter. They need to have the real relationship with Me like you did, they need to be cleansed like you did. Write it down

Isaiah 6:9-11 And he said, Go, and tell this people, Hear ye indeed, but understand not; and see ye indeed, but perceive not.

Make the heart of this people fat, and make their ears heavy, and shut their eyes; lest they see with their eyes, and hear with their ears, and understand with their heart, and convert, and be healed. Then said I, Lord, how long? And he answered, Until the cities be wasted without inhabitant, and the houses without man, and the land be utterly desolate,

• Do you understand what God said to Isaiah?

I want you to tell them what I want you to tell them but they are not going to listen, I want you to preach to the people, exactly what I have told you but they're not going to respond.

• Isaiah, are you willing to do that? Isaiah says here am I Lord send me.

• Why will Isaiah agree to that? Here's why, because Isaiah finally understood how this works , all God wants from me and my relationship with Him is to be FAITHFUL. He doesn't call me to be successful, faithfulness is my part, success is God's part . Don't ever judge a pastor or a minister by how big his ministry or church is growing. There are a lot of Isaiahs out there and they are preaching and they are faithful as faithful can be and God has placed them there to do His work like those with big and huge ministries. There's no where God rewards success, God rewards faithfulness, so all what God wants us from is faithfulness , so when God asks who will go for me, say God 'here am I send me'. Wrapping it up, what does all this mean. God is Holy, what is the big point, because God is Holy, we got to be Holy ,we want to be like Him, that's exactly what Peter said in 1st Peter 1:15-16 But as he which hath called you is holy, so be ye holy in all manner of conversation;

Because it is written, Be ye holy; for I am holy.

Now let me tell you what this means and I will close, you want to get close with God, you will take your life and tell God , here am I send me ,you'll take your money and say here is it Lord, use it for your glory and your honor. God is so Holy, He is so Holy, He sent His son Jesus to die for the one thing that will keep us from being Holy and keep us from being related to Him. And He raised Jesus from the dead to prove that through Him we can have a real relationship with Him that will last for all eternity and then we can see God more clearly than ever.

Thank you

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pretentiousrecordstoreguy · 8 years ago

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Andrew Wood - The Jesus Christ of Grunge

I worked at a record store for most of my college days. The pay was terrible, the customers had bad taste (for the most part), and the owner was always doing some untoward stuff that later resulted in his partner kicking him out of the business… but it may have been the best job I’ve ever had. Why was it the best job ever? Because my income was supplemented by an unending supply of promo CDs, first crack at all CDs being traded in by customers, and my name always happened to make it onto the guest list of two of the three big music venues in town. Plus my co-workers were a diverse group of equally music-obsessed nerds, punk rockers, hip-hop enthusiasts and an Anglophile manager who became one of my best friends. It was pretty epic, and I wouldn’t change it for the world. 

Working in a record store also gave me special insight into crazy rabbit hole of music theory conspiracies. My buddy Ryan Shaw had this theory about Andrew Wood, the lead singer of Mother Love Bone and the first major heroin casualty of the grunge era. His theory was that Andrew Wood was the prophet that rock and roll was promised, that he would be overlooked and ridiculed in his own time, and then sentenced to death for the sins of rock and roll, only to be resurrected and live eternally through his disciples and their testimony.  

In other words, Andrew Wood was the Jesus Christ of Grunge who had to die for the sins of Hair Metal so that Rock and Roll could live on.  

SIDE NOTE: My buddy Ryan was an ordained minister who later became a trial lawyer, so that gives credence to the underpinning philosophy of the theory.

Much like B.C. and A.D., prior to Andrew Wood there was no “Alternative” but after his death we started living in the Alternative age. Grunge, Indie and Nu-Metal, Emo, and Alt-Country were all new gospels that were written in the aftermath of Andrew Wood’s passing... So if Andrew Wood was the Jesus Christ of Grunge, who were his apostles?

Stone Gossard as SIMON/PETER - The rock upon which the Temple of the Dog was built, literally. Stone Gossard is the through line for the Seattle sound and was ever present in its inception. From his time at Green River to Mother Love Bone to Temple of the Dog to Pearl Jam and then Brad, Gossard was the foundation stone. Without Stone Gossard, would there even be grunge? Stone is the rhythm (along with his brother Jeff Ament) from which the music is manifested. Gossard may never have been front and center in all of the bands he formed, but he spoke softly and carried a big axe.

Chris Cornell as JOHN - John was the disciple whom Jesus loved the most.  Chris was Andrew’s roommate and best friend. When Andrew overdosed, Chris was on a European tour with Soundgarden striking his own Jesus Christ pose. Chris was so grief stricken with the loss that he immediately wrote two songs “Say Hello 2 Heaven” and “Reach Down” about Wood. Chris showed them to Stone and Jeff, and Temple of the Dog was formed to honor their late friend. Chris would later hit mainstream success with Soundgarden and with Audioslave (which was just okay but waaaayyy to mellow for a band composed of members of Rage Against the Machine and Soundgarden). 

Jeff Ament as ANDREW (Simon/Peter’s brother) - Ament was right there with Stone in Green River, Mother Love Bone, Temple of the Dog and then Pearl Jam. He’s the bass that pulses the heartbeat of the music. Plus, his graphic design sense provided the classic look and feel of all the liner notes and album packaging for those bands (which along with flannel, long hair, and Doc Martens worn with shorts, were essential cornerstones of the era). Through Ames Bros. Design, Pearl Jam’s visual aesthetic was really set in stone and their tour posters became must-have’s for screen print enthusiasts everywhere. Music never looked so good. Eddie Vedder as JAMES, SON of ALPHAEUS - Some people say that James was literally Jesus’ little brother, while other’s interpret it metaphorically because upon dying Jesus said to James that Mary was now his mother, and James was now her son. Either way, Eddie Veddie was the younger brother of Andrew Wood who then took his mother’s hand and ushered in a new era of grunge. Eddie would tell you that he’s no fucking messiah, which is meant as a testament to the love he had for his brother. 

SIDE NOTE: I almost had Eddie as Paul/Saul, not one of the original 12 apostles, but one of the most steadfast and true disciples of Jesus whose writings to the Romans and to the Corinthians would help shape Christian philosophy for many centuries to come. As the lead singer and songwriter of Pearl Jam, you could make a case that Eddie is Paul, but I don’t think he’s gentile enough for that. He’s Eddie Vedder, and that’s an entirely different essay.

Kurt Cobain as SIMON THE CANAANITE or SIMON THE ZEALOT -  Simon the Zealot was known for strictly keeping the law of Moses (the Ten Commandments) and had great disregard for where he saw people headed. In Jesus, Simon found someone who was practicing what he preached. Simon would go on to evangelize the gospel in much of the west including throughout Egypt and into Africa. Kurt Cobain hated the mainstream and was a zealot when it came to grunge. He spread the word far and high and carried the tradition well.   Layne Staley as THADDEUS - Cool name. Cool band. When a jar of flies is kept for too long, the man in a box digs some dirt. Staley of Alice in Chains and Mad Season fame burned out too soon, but man was he cool.

Dave Grohl as MATTHEW/LEVI - Matthew/Levi was the tax collector who gave up his job and life to follow Jesus. He was the author of one of the gospels (Gospel of Matthew). Grohl was a drummer who later gave up that life to lead his own band, the Foo Fighters, who went on to become one of the biggest alternative bands (and David Letterman’s favorite band).   Kim Thyll as JAMES (brother of John) - James was John’s brother who followed him along and became an apostle. He had a moment of doubt when Jesus came back to life and doubted that it was really Jesus. Kim followed Chris Cornell into Soundgarden and preached the gospel upon a black hole sun. He later had many doubts when Chris left the band and stored to become a pop singer and then started Audioslave, which was terrible. Eventually, Soundgarden reformed and the word could go on being spread, one music hall, arena or outdoor festival at a time.

Jerry Cantrell as BARTHOLOMEW - Cool name. Cool band. Do the Bart, man! Mark Arm as PHILIP - Philip was an apostle, but he didn’t really matter. He was there at the start and probably did some stuff but you can’t really remember it. That’s kind of like Mark Arm and Mudhoney. He started Green River and recruited Stone Gossard to the band because he only wanted to sing instead of sing and play guitar. Then He formed Mudhoney. They had a moment for a slight minute but most people couldn’t tell them apart from Tad. How’s that for a Judgement Night? 

Courtney Love as MARY MAGDALENE - Go listen to Hole’s second record, Live Through This, and you’ll be asking Courtney if you could wash HER feet. From start to finish, that album is all killer and no filler, regardless of wether Kurt Cobain wrote it (allegedly) or not.  

Thurston Moore as JUDAS - Sonic Youth were grunge before grunge was a thing. They ushered in the alt-rock movement and were preaching the gospel way before it was cool. In another world, Thurston Moore would have been John the Baptist, but he blew up the band by betraying Kim Gordon, which caused the inevitable break up of one of the best bands ever. So, yeah. Thurston Moore is Judas.

Paul Westerberg as JOHN THE BAPTIST - He came first and helped lay the groundwork for the alternative movement. This could have easily gone to Michael Stipe of R.E.M., but The Replacements were much better and spawned a legion of followers. The Mats work in the 80s at Twin Tone and in Minneapolis would help to set up the dynamic that would take place in Seattle with Sub Pop. Westerberg couldn’t hardly wait…

With Pearl Jam having recently been inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, now more than ever, we should give thanks and praise to the great Andrew Wood, the Captain Hi-Top, Love Commander (it is right to give him thanks and praise). For he so loved rock and roll and that he was forced to suffer, die and was buried for its sins so that rock could be reborn again. May he rest in peace today, knowing that his words still resonate with the masses.

So come bite the apple, my fellow star dog champions.

Hide your mom. Control your sister. Yeah.

Can I get a Hallelujah?

A reading from the Book of Stone

EDITOR’S NOTE: This post has been updated to correct two errors found within the text.

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ddpej · 8 years ago

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Ever and Always a Smartass

(A few selected quotes from my twelfth-grade “classical allusions” literature assignments.) (I never was terribly fond of literature classes..)

The task for each reference: (1) summarize the story, (2) list and explain the conflicts within the story, and (3) declare and explain a take-away theme statement for the story. Each assignment had to fit on a single index card (including the back). Despite this restriction, I was commonly asked to perhaps use a few more words... and maybe reconsider my tone, and perhaps try to find a more standard take-away? (Spoilers: Nah. x3)

They are presented in no particular order, as the cards had no dates and got shuffled at some point. The quotes as given below are in most cases not the entirety of my response, but are the most relevantly amusing bits.

Regarding Joseph and Bros. (Biblical): (3) “Brothers are jerks. Or, if you prefer, guys are jerks.”

Regarding Perseus and Medusa (Greek): (1) “Traditional beginning for an ancient myth: kid’s gonna kill Daddy later, so Daddy sails him down the river to let him die ... [Perseus] goes home, pulls out Medusa’s head, and turns a bunch of jerks into statues. Yay for him, the gods are happy, and so on and so forth.” (3) “You’re only as good as your worst gadget.”

Regarding Jesus and Lazarus (Biblical): (3) "If someone really wants to go open a four-day-old tomb, don't argue." [Teacher's note: "Other, larger theme?"]

Regarding Midas of the Golden Touch (Greek): (1) "When he turned his own daughter into a gold statue as well, he figured out he hadn't made the best decision." (3) "Money isn't everything. ...we'd know that money is everything because everything would be money. Since it's not, we know money isn't."

Regarding the Birth of Christ (Biblical): (3) "Just nod and smile. ... Other actions may result in loss of speech, sudden outbursts of angelic chorus, and other such minor problems."

Regarding Samson and the Philistines (Biblical): (3) "Strength of a lion, brain of a tsetse fly."

Regarding Paris and the Golden Apple (Greek): (1) "It was fortold that Paris would cause the downfall of Troy; wonder of wonders, he did." (2) "god vs. god -- Hera, Athena, and Aphrodite were all duking it out for the stupid little apple that was obviously intended to cause problems." (3) "Stay out of the gods' affairs."

Regarding Daphne and the Laurel Wreath (Greek): (2) "Apollo wouldn't have had nearly as many problems to deal with if he was able to just keep his mouth shut"

Regarding Jason and the Golden Fleece (Greek): (1) "Jason's skin was saved by princess Medea multiple times as he attempted the task set to him." (3) "Behind every successful man is a woman's helping hand."

Regarding Pygmalion and Galatea (Greek): (3) [sharp detour into speculation about where you might acquire a personality for infusing into a statue]

Regarding Echo and Narcissus (Greek): (2) "Narcissus was in love with his own image, and if that's not a problem then I don't want to know what is."

Regarding Odysseus and the Trojan Horse (Greek): (1) "They leave for Troy. Big long battle that no one can win -- ten years. Whee."

Regarding Cupid and Psyche (Greek): (1) "Venus sent Cupid after [Psyche], but Cupid managed to stick himself instead. ... Venus kept making things difficult, as she was still mad at Psyche." (2) "god vs. man ... Venus basically tried to ruin Psyche's life."

Regarding Arachne and Athena (Greek): (2) "Oh, and Athena turned Arachne into a spider after her first curse caused Arachne to commit suicide. Nothing major." (3) "There's a difference between being proud and being stupid."

Regarding Orpheus and Eurydice (Greek): (1) "The song was sad and pretty and stuff." (3) "If Mr. Moron had just waited a few more minutes .. They all appear to be idiots."

Regarding the Book of Ruth (Biblical): (1) "Sandals were exchanged." (3) "In those days, that was considered a Successful Life."

Regarding David and Jonathon (Biblical): (2) "Saul just liked fighting with everyone."

Regarding the Agony of Christ (Biblical): (2) "high priest vs. guy with sword." (3) "Nothing is guaranteed."

Regarding the Death of John the Baptist (Biblical): (3) "Couples in healthy relationships talk things over together. They don't fight over the death/life of a mutual acquaintance; instead they calmly and rationally discuss the good and bad of such a matter. They don't sneak around behind each other's back to kill the man they disagree about; during their calm discussion (see previous) they arrive at a cooperative conclusion and work together to accomplish that goal."

Regarding Cain and Abel (Biblical): (3) "He won't be dead for awhile, but he won't be having much fun before he dies, either."

Regarding Noah and the Flood (Biblical): (2) [sharp detour into the callousness of the deaths of all the animals left behind]

Regarding the Tower of Babel (Biblical): (3) "As [different teacher] says, know your role and stay in your hole. ... We have enough problems communicating without the language barrier, thanks..."

Regarding Jacob and Esau (Biblical): (2) "Jacob and Esau had some issues with each other right from the start. Actually, from before the start, if you count birth as the beginning of your life."

Regarding Abraham and Isaac (Biblical): (1) "Abraham, Sarah, and Isaac went on living life." (2) "The decision didn't seem to bother him much" (3) "How comforting, no? God will change his mind and tell you not to do what he told you to do in the first place, assuming you are stupid enough to listen to him when he tells you to go kill your kid..." [Teacher references "tone.." for something like the seventh time]

Regarding Daedalus and Icarus (Greek): (3) "Follow the instructions. ... If nothing else, read/listen to them carefully and then consciously choose to ignore them."

Regarding Pilate and Jesus (Biblical): (1) "The crucifixion and all the stuff that that entails occur."

Regarding the Rescue of the Child Moses (Biblical): (1) "God did not forget the Israelites." (2) "The Hebrew and Egyptian peoples had a few minor disagreements" (3) "It's good to be female."

Regarding the Burning Bush (Biblical): (2) "The Hebrew and Egyptian peoples had a few minor disagreements" (and the teacher didn't even notice I reused it!). (3) "Since he's got the whole 'almighty' thing going, your best bet is to just deal with it. If he tells you to go face down the king of a country you ran away from, and you will likely be killed as soon as you set foot over the border, and you really don't think it's a good idea... you'd better just do it anyway."

Regarding the Passage through the Red Sea (Biblical): (3) "If the people you want to go after have a god at their backs, you probably should just leave them alone. Especially when said god has already plagued your country, killed all your first-born sons (animals included), and given his chosen leader some powers that border on miraculous."

#things dd has written #old assignments #some things never change

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fmlfpl · 7 years ago

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Lineup Lamentations - GW21

Our Transfers, Captains, and Starting 11s for the week.

WALSH

TRANSFERS:

OUT: Prosciutto face Bob Elliot

IN: Adrian del santo domingo del campo de angel di maria de Spanish guy

Am going with a very passive DGW planning move here and getting in Adrian to slot alongside Pope and floating my other free transfer. Lengthy discussion on the pod about my team funneled me here. While it would be nice to begin ripping out United players with Soton rolling up I'm going to give them a stay of execution. It will allow me to bench Pope for the double when he plays Liverpool so it seems impossible to not net me at least a couple of points providing Adrian starts both games in the double. Feels very nervy, that, but at this point it feels a reasonable risk to take. With two frees again for the double I'll reassess the things and see if I want to take a hit or not. Stay tuned.

GK:

Pope obv. Fucking Pope been doing some shit ass shit the last two GWs but finally has a plum fixture. Hope he redeems and gets in there. GK points would be most welcome this GW.

DEF:

Five at the back again for me this GW. Triple Chelsea go with Moses, Azpil, and Christensen. Christensen trained so seems likely he's not sick anymore good BODTKER lad. Conte talking of rest so we'll see if I get all three of these dudes in against the shambles that is Stoke.

Jones goes with Soton coming up. Clean feels pretty good there.

Finally, Lew Dunk master of own goals gets a run at Newc. Good on paper fixture but not really too overly hyped on a clean here. Back against the wall with no better options so he gets a go. I will forever dream of a Dunk goal when I start him in the days hours minutes seconds leading up to kick off. Get in Lewis.

MID:

Salah and Sterling most stable things ever. Nothing to see there.

RLC unfortunately has to start for me again. Not sure he'll feature since he was complete and utter wank against Arsenal but we'll see. Meh.

Fourthly is Pogba. REALLY could use Paul to show up for me this gameweek. His and my future depend on it. Not hopeful since it's hard for CBs to return in open play. Life.

FWD:

Just Lukaku this week as I roll out the ever common 541. Donkey fuck. Blah. My GW arrow will likely come down to my two United attackers. If they come in I'll be good if not I'll be hoping to just maintain rank or some such. Fucking United fuckbois.

CAP:

Salah. No question.

Also for those keeping score at home I've got Dale Stephens and Niasse piece of shit on my bench with Kane this GW. So even though I have some shit ass picks this GW at least I look decently primed to get 11 out with no hits. Small victories.

ALON

TRANSFERS:

OUT: Lovren and Chaz Austin

IN (For my first -4 of the season): Otamendi and Quaner

Who wins in a fight between a guy named Austin Lovren vs. a guy named Lovren Austin? I think Lovren Austin beats the fuck out of Austin Lovren but that’s just me. Anyway.........

Loooooooong “OUR TEAMS” section on the pod lead us to some good transfers, I think. I have many doubts and many zeroes in my shit ass squad - removing two of them to get a on paper starting 11 feels pretty good - and finally getting Otamendi in is very important I think. There’s just no one else until Stones is back - maybe soon - to cover his points and bones and goal potential. It’s frustrating to bring in a bandwagon pick, especially frustrating to be late to the bandwagon, but ya gotta do what ya gotta do.

Wagner is raving about insane in the Quane-r and his fitness so let’s just fuck I hope he starts again. All I can hope for. And he’s cheap as fuck which I like for my team structure so here we are... Very tempting to go further and make it a -8 but it felt one step too dumb and desperate in this moment.

GK:

DDG again. 5 total points in the last three GWs combined is not really what I’m looking for when I’m paying 5.6 for a GK but he’ll rebound. Like we talked about on pod we both kinda back Mou to figure it out and United’s defense to bounce back. Maybe too many injuries to go back to cleaning EVERY actual week, but as long as they go back to being a top 5 defense that would suit me. Let’s do it.

DEF:

So yeah here I am with United shitting the bed rocking a double with DDG and Jones. I could really use a bounce-back this GW with the very tasty home Soton fixture on the cards...

Duffy goes for me at Newc. Me and Walsh praying for the Brighton clean. Maybe Duffy and Dunk can assist each other with little flick-ons and both score or something. Hehe.

Christensen should be fine, hope he just goes straight back in because he’s great and Chelsea defense is consistently great. Do it bro.

And lastly Otamendi is in. I’ve said all that I can say about him pretty much... Sure Stoner will be better value once he’s fully fit and playing 90 every week but Ota is still more points potential with his passing, goal threat, bones, everything. He’s a really good pick. C’est tout.

MID:

The midfield starts with RLC home against City which feels really really bad. Even if he plays there’s not much there and if he doesn’t play then I have a 0 on my bench. Whatever fuck me.

Salah / Sterling makeup two thirds of the holy trinity (Kane the other) and everyone should have them both and don’t think twice about it.

And then Richar. Another pretty good performance from him and five pointer - although this is probably his final GW in my squad as Richar to Arny next GW seems fucking amazing to do.

FWD:

Morata with the chance to really fucking come in and carry me this week with the best on paper fixture in the league. Home Stoke is not that dissimilar to training ground exercises for a team of Chelsea’s quality so just have to hope that they’re in the mood and finish their chances. The chances will be there to be finished.

And Quaner. Ok. Duno what else to say about him. If he does anything I’m laughing to the bank. Here’s a picture of him:

CAP:

And Cap. I think easiest Salah cap of life. You could decide to go differential or whatever but just take note -- if you DON’T cap Salah and he outscores your cap you’re in a veeeerrrryyyy bad place. High percent chance of a red... Don’t overthink it. Let your differential(s) flourish outside of captaincy. And go on Mo.

#FML FPL #FMLFPL #FPL #Fantasy Premier League #Lineup Lamentations

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ekimat7 · 7 years ago

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A letter to God

Dear God,

I know you are very busy: your inbox must be quite full of prayers. Luckily you do the “all knowing”, telepathic thing, so not all people have to write you…because five billion sheets of copy paper; that would form a stack 306 miles high, is a bit tough to get through in any day. Considering there are around two trillion galaxies, each containing several billion stars, presumably almost all containing habitable planets filled with life, I imagine you are a bit overwhelmed answering our requests for personal favours. Overwhelmingly important prayers, like granting favourable weather, tax relief or cures for impotence, might seem a bit mundane for some of our former Gods, but we know you love us so much; these will not seem unreasonable to you. I hope you still have a few minutes left in the day for creation.

On the subject of creation; there is something I really need to understand about that book you wrote. Referring to the first three lines in Genesis…just how did you create the heavens and the earth first, as you say, without light? I am not saying you are purposely trying to mislead us, or that you lied but, I must say, in the last few hundred years we have learned a great deal about cosmology. We now know that light in the form of hydrogen burning, in the first stars, created all the heavier elements necessary to create the earth. I mean you are God, so maybe you have a few tricks up your tunic, but how did you even create a tunic without primordial suns exploding out the ingredients? It is such a small detail and I will forgive a typo, but if you are trying to teach us, you really need to be more precise: light came first and then you created the earth. It is a mystery I am hoping you deem us worthy to, one day, answer. Oh, and by the way, I don’t mean to be picky but wind also, being created by the suns convection currents, came after light; not before, as you stated.

While we are on the subject, I really need to point out, what some might consider, minor misconstructions in your narrative…

[1:11] Then God said, "Let the earth put forth vegetation: plants yielding seed, and fruit trees of every kind on earth that bear fruit with the seed in it." And it was so…

…You might think three billion years of single celled organisms are not worth mentioning; but you forgot that one day we would be able to read those details in places like the Burgess Shale and see that motile organisms preceded flowering plants: animals came before fruit bearing vegetation. I could go on… and will, because metaphors are fine when writing: I will accept that…but…we are no longer the puerile uninformed; so…

[1:24] And God said, "Let the earth bring forth living creatures of every kind: cattle and creeping things and wild animals of the earth of every kind." And it was so…

…when you say, “creeping things”; are you referring to the omitted dinosaurs? If you are, you already created birds which evolved from dinosaurs; who lived on earth for 150 million years, give or take a few; it is just a little confusing that you did not know we would, eventually, figure out the order life arose.

The devil is in the details, and maybe we can blame it all on Moses; but how long did you think it would take us to discover that the moon is lit up with reflected sun light? And not…

[1:16] God made the two great lights - the greater light to rule the day and the lesser light to rule the night - and the stars…

…I do hope you revise Genesis one day to reflect our growing scientific wisdom, granted to us by that spiffy invention of yours called a brain. I realize I am asking a lot from you: 13.7 billion years is a long time for even a God to remember all the sordid details of Humanities creation, and put it in book form. Since this is only your second attempt at communicating with us using the written word, I should probably make allowances. It is surely me being too finicky because, I know quite a few people who think your verses are just glorious the way they are.

However, they may have taken a few of your verses a bit too literally...

[1:28] God blessed them, and God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it; and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the air and over every living thing that moves upon the earth."

…That one, particularly, has bestowed a level of unparalleled abuse and cruelty, upon your lesser creations, by us; so you may want to alter it somewhat… I’m just saying. I realize you already wiped out 99.9% of all life forms, in huge conflagrations of misery, before you got around to creating us. It is nice to know that you think Homo sapiens are so special, but I do not think the Neanderthals are feeling the love. So, you may have created humans in your image but you certainly show your loving kindness in unusual inhuman ways.

You must have a great sense of humour because, that one about the appendix is a doozy. I know; design is a fickle thing. If you don’t get it right the first time; you are God after all: just try again.

By the way…what is it with all the baby killing you do, on a second to second basis? As I wrote that sentence I understand that ten babies met their gruesome fate at your hands through “acts of God”; like natural disasters and disease: popping their heads open by way of crushing them between rocks; smothering them, ever so slowly, under masses of mud; ripping them from their mother’s arms to horribly drown them and their mothers; burning them alive; not to mention a multitude of evil diseases bestowed upon them each second. You really need to have that aspect of your personality analysed. Down here we have words to describe such behavior and “loving kindness” is not among them. I realize you seek only to take them to your bosom, to live happily ever after… but is that any way to start a paternal relationship?

Far be it for me to criticize your paternal relations with your minions, but when you impregnate your virginal daughter, against her will, we also have “God given” words to describe that behavior as well. We humans have developed a moral imperative that finds creeping upon your daughter in the middle of the night and inseminating her (I am assuming here that Jesus had an X and a Y chromosome) is just a little weird and unacceptable to say the least. I am sorry if I sound a little harsh on this point but, you really need to practice what you preach if you seek our unconditional respect and devotion…

And you think Eve is a little shifty and simple? She, at least, could find Adam in your Eden...

[3:9] But the LORD God called to the man, and said to him, "Where are you?"…

…I was led to believe you were an “all seeing God”. If you can not find Adam in your own garden then how will you ever find Satan?

What is it with that Eve debacle anyway? …

[3:3] but God said, 'You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the middle of the garden, nor shall you touch it, or you shall die. '" [3:4] But the serpent said to the woman, "You will not die”…

…That my revered, perplexing God is what is known as a “little white lie”, and since lying is sin… and the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree… can you really blame her? You must know children sometimes follow their parents example. Also, I simply do not understand why the serpent is punished for telling the truth.

3:14] The LORD God said to the serpent, "Because you have done this, cursed are you among all animals and among all wild creatures; upon your belly you shall go, and dust you shall eat all the days of your life...

By the way, snakes do actually quite well for themselves on their belly, and do not eat dust…but what did worms do to deserve such a fate? And, did all future Humanity really deserve their cruel fate?

I am sure you can see the inequity here, (as well as the possible accusations of entrapment); where all man-kinds descendants must pay an eternity for an ancestor munching an apple, especially after obviously lying to modestly, naked Eve; woman getting childbearing pain, and being ruled over by her husband, (we call that sexism now); husband getting cursed ground and toil; thorns and thistles; eating field plants??? That’s a little harsh don’t you think? It might be time to let go of a little bit of that pent-up anger your holding on to…after all, in your new book, you did tell James to write...

James [1:5] If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you…

Correct me if I am wrong, but it sounds to me that you found fault.

…Thanks for the garments of skins though. Naked and the 45th parallel do not go well together at certain times of the year.

That is all I wanted to query about in the old testament. I will not even ask you about your penchant for genocide and child sex slaves, or your predilection for sacrificing goats. We are going to let that go…because I feel that you have merited some consolations based upon a novel attitude you adopted in your fancy new tome. And just so you know, we have all (mostly) decided that it is ok for our daughters to go “party” and have a drink or two, without stoning them to death when they come home.

Please do not think that I believe your book to be all doom and gloom…I quite like your new book. It certainly makes it evident that you learn from your mistakes. I like the way you rebranded yourself: developing a new, differentiated identity in the minds of Humans was a brilliant strategy…after a certain point it is best to “out” the genocidal Yahweh and “in” the peace-loving Jesus. I guess times change, even for a God. Too bad about all the disagreement amongst your bros though.

It might not even be Mathew’s, Luke’s, John’s or Mark’s fault, that they can not seem to keep the details of the narrative straight: 100 years and 5000 transcriptions are bound to change a word or two. So please do tell; who carried the cross; what hour was the crucifixion; what did that Centurion say; what was the last word spoken on the cross; and what was the colour of the robe; how long does it take to levitate to heaven; and where did the ascension take place; who was it who first visited the tomb; and was the freakin stone there or not? Sorry; I get a little excited. I am just so confused as to why each story is so different.

Until I hear back from you I will assume that the stories started out the same. I will hold the professional copyist responsible for making such a hash of it…Although…it is believed you were guiding their hand…so…If you could just make the “perfect” word a little more perfect, I would greatly appreciate it. I do not feel I am asking much for you to get your people compatible on this issue…I feel that as you are capable enough to easily alter the Laws of physics, with all that rising from the dead and levitation stuff: you really aught to be able to write a reliable, unfailing account of what was certainly an important time in history.

Well, I think I have taken enough of your time. If you receive this well, and don’t decide to crush my head in the interim, I should be able to get more into your “new testament” in some future letter. Being that you are omnipotent and above base human deficiencies, I know you will respect my inquiries and protestations without insult.

I would like to offer you my services, perhaps organizing and editing the innumerable fine points in this, or any future editions you feel inspired enough to put your name to.

So… as your unpretentious, bootlicking, meek sycophant; please feel free to throw me a revisional verse, or drop me a burning bush anytime…

Your Humble slave,

Ha, just kidding!!! I mean servant,

Mike

P.S. Love you too…

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ourletterstogod · 7 years ago