#BLUE WAFFLE COOCHIE | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

txemrn · 2 years ago

Note

THIS WHOLE REBLOG! 🤣😂🤣😂🤣

Now I want to come up with a coochie-meow-meow tag line for her good girl. Let me think: "My coochie meow meow is swollen with hives. CAMP TRAMP!" No... we'll think of something... lol

I was going to use it, but the more I started writing about how bay her poison ivy was, the more that pic looked normal. LOL I almost messaged you to ask if you could alter it. There's just no in-between on the internet. It's either razor burn or blue waffle.

There's a part of me that evilly wants Ethan to alert Tobias so they can just rag on her the entire time (ie "Whoa, that is not how I left it, buddy) , but then when it actually comes time for someone to look at her, it's like a female intern.

Thanks for reading and reblogging, love! 🖤

Hii 😍

What if your MC / LI sent the wrong picture to the wrong number? It can be a fun or spicy pic

Bahahaha! Oh PR, the silliness you bring out of me... Thank you for sending me this Ask! 🖤 Here's a short (but I couldn't find an appropriate pic for this, but I'm sure y'all can use your imagination... )🤣

Word Count: ~970

Warning: language; brief crude humor

AN: Some characters belong to Pixelberry; Erin belongs to @kat-tia801; the rest are my random OCs/friend group for the Ramseys; this is pure silliness (that no one should probably read lol) that I'm not even sure if it would actually happen (LOL); BUT it was fun, and it was totally inspired by Grey's Anatomy (IYKYK)

~🖤~

"Oh no!" Tatum whimpers to herself. "No, no, no!"

She stares at her handheld mirror in horror as the intimate area between her thighs appears to be swelling with raised red bumps right before her eyes. She groans in frustration, grabbing a back scratcher, and thrashing it vigorously across her itchy skin.

Her phone pings. She growls in agony, tossing the wooden device across the floor and swiping across her phone.

Ethan: Checking out now. You almost ready?

Tatum's toes begin to curl as her manic desire to tear off her flesh begins to grow. Why did this have to be happening now?

Tonight was the annual "Thankmas" dinner with the Ramsey's closest and dearest friends. Because of PTO blackouts and staffing shortages, it is near impossible for everyone to get together on the actual holidays. So, they pick a weekend between Thanksgiving and Christmas–hence the name– to celebrate together, complete with tons of food, booze, games and gifts.

After they went on a long hike with their dogs during lunch, Ethan went to the liquor store while Tatum started getting ready for the evening. But while sitting at her vanity, she found herself feeling slightly itchy on her inner thighs. Before long, she was rubbing her private areas on the textured fabric of her stool. After drawing blood with her fingernails, she started using more blunt objects.

She knows better than to scratch, but this sudden rash was unbelievably miserable. Where the heck did this come from?

Tatum: Do you mind stopping at Rite Aid?

Ethan: ???

Tatum's phone pings again, this time receiving a message from their Thankmas group chat.

THANKMAS 2022

Julian: does everyone have the address?

Bryce: we're good! On our way

Victor: yes, parking in the back? We're heading that way

Shit. Everyone was already heading to the Santiago's home, and here she was, more interested in investing in a stainless steel cheese grater. Christ, she needs alcohol. And a new va-jay-jay.

Her phone pings.

Ethan: what do you need?

Tatum: I have a rash.

Ethan: Lovely.

Tatum: I'm serious, and I'm pretty sure I've clawed off my epidermis.

Ethan: Do you think it's from our hike?

Tatum: Shit. Our hike... remember when I needed to pee?

Tatum: Shit! This might be poison ivy!

Tatum: 😭

Ethan: where is it?

Tatum switches to her phone's camera function, and takes a quick shot of her inner thigh and partial visual of her labia. But, before she can send the pic of her puffy bottom, Tatum's cell alerts her of an incoming message from the Thanksmas group.

THANKMAS 2022

Julian: Ramseys: haven't heart from you. You good? Heading this way?

Tatum scoffs, rolling her eyes. Give me a second, Jules!

She clicks on Ethan's contact, pulling up the last message they were a part of. She pastes the picture of her swollen areas and clicks send.

She starts googling various over-the-counter remedies for itching relief, all of which they do not keep readily in their medicine cabinet.

Picking out a more comfortable outfit for the evening, Tatum's phone suddenly begins to ping incessasntly of text messages.

What?

The pings finally stop, only to be interrupted by her ringtone, alerting her of a phone call. She looks at the screen, Ethan's name illuminating.

"Hey," she answers pathetically, but she is quickly cut off.

"Tatum, what the fuck!?" Ethan restrains a roar.

"What–?"

"The picture, Tate!"

"Isn't it awful?" She begins to scratch again. "Do you think it's poison ivy?"

"I don't know," he barks sarcastically, "let's ask one of our friends what they think is on your vagina!"

"Huh?" Tatum swipes through her phone and realizes her mistake: she sent her infected crotch shot to their closest friends. First, she had a message from her best friend Erin Winters-Lahela.

Erin: IS THAT YOUR KITTY-CAT?!

Erin: HELL! WTF DID ETHAN DO TO YOU!??!

Then she clicked on the group message

THANKMAS 2022

Bryce: is that a raw turkey?

Bryce: are we having turkey?

Julian: LMAO! Looks more like a pussycat...

Bryce: oh snap 😱

Erin: Bryce, you better stop looking!

Erin: tabbing

Erin: down

Julian: a hairless one...

Erin: to

Chelsea: JULIAN MOISES! STOP LOOKING!

Chelsea: Tatum WTF?!

Erin: get

Victor: is that poison ivy?

Erin: pic

Erin: off

Erin: the

Abigail: Victor and I agree. We enlarged the pic. It looks like poison ivy. Our daughter had that this summer. U need some cortisone. I have a homemade jar of cortisone, essential oils and oatmeal u can have.

Abigail: I wouldn't wear any underwear if I were u.

Julian: that kitty needs some attention, Ethan

Julian: and she's going to be without panties?!

Ethan: JFC

Erin: screen

Julian: I volunteer to help if she can't reach. With the ointments.

Chelsea: JULES! SHUT UP!

A sudden queasiness hits Tatum's stomach. "Oh no–"

"Oh yes!" Ethan sighs, his irritation apparent.

"Oh my God, we can't go now. Oh my God, don't make me go--"

"Tate," he exhales heavily into silence. "Let's get you taken care of first. Let me grab some ointment." He sighs in irritation again. "I'm calling the ER--"

"The ER?"

"You need steroids--"

"Ethan!" She panics, tears forming in her eyes. "I just flashed my cooch to our best friends! I don't want anyone else from the hospital to see it--" She is interrupted by a deep chuckle coming over the receiver. "Ethan Jonah Ramsey... are you... laughing at me?" Ethan's snickers turn into a heavy laughter as Tatum begins to see red. "This isn't funny, Rams!"

"Okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he clears his throat. "But I do have good news for you."

"Hrmm?"

"I just looked up who was covering ER tonight, and luckily it's someone who's already seen your crotch."

"Huh?" Tatum curiously mutters. "Who?"

Ethan tries to stifle his titters. "Um... that would be Dr. Tobias Carrick."

~🖤~

Tags (please let me know if you'd like to be added/removed)

PERMA

@21-wishes @alj4890 @ao719 @charlotteg234 @issabees @kat-tia801 @kingliam2019 @mainstreetreader @mom2000aggie @neotericthemis @nikirennie87 @peonierose @socalwriterbee @tessa-liam

ALL OPH

@alyshak92 @annfg8 @bisexualdisasteracd @cariantha @coffeeheartaddict2 @lsvdw-blog @mvalentine @ofmischiefandmedicine @rookiemartin @starrystarrytrouble @youlookappropriate

#reblog #hey queue #coochie-meow-meow #ethan x tatum #tathan #tatum v. poison ivy

35 notes · View notes

nailtravels · 6 years ago

Text

Whether you’re a greenhorn or a bonefide festival warrior, every trip is completely different. The subtle waves and troughs within the extended patterns of the festivarian season can be serious and ultimately transformational. When real life rears its ugly head into the glamorous world of camping/music festivals, what’s to be done? When the puddled mannequin of Bacchus falls right off the roof of the van what’s a hobo to do? One can choose to slug down inordinate water jugs of moonshine and cry tears of forlorn anguish into the forest. Take moonlit golf cart rides through distant fields, reminiscing with beloved comrades. Sing at the top of the voice hole with Nikki Tally or chemical bluegrass around the late-night campfire. When you put it all together it’s called Kamp Happiness and this train to glory has arrived at the Suwannee Spring Reunion 2019: Hobo Kamp.

Consider yourself very lucky the rest of the Shawsvegas Mafia got called away on business. They play very well with others.

Kamp Happiness Hobo Kamp, Suwannee Spring Reunion 20129: photo by Katie Egger

Everybody just relax. While there are always variations, all festivals share some common characteristics. Fingernails get broken and dirty. Someone finds a tick in their nether regions. The courtesy shuttle gets lost and sling shots are brought in to hang the lights in the canopy. While it doesn’t always rain, there are always puddles. Wet or dry, the music lives here and it’s always up early and ready to shovel lava rocks. Whether it’s Billy Strings or on the Amphitheater Stage or Special Ed gettin’ washed in the blood around the campfire, Suwannee Spring Reunion has always been and continues to be one of the most special opportunities for families and tribes to get together for distinctly unique brand of camping and music adventure in the woods of Live Oak, Florida.

In every sense, this festival is a family reunion. Extended cousins came from all over the country to join together in compounds of tents and rvs to celebrate their love for each other while getting down to some of the finest home-grown music around. Down from Valdosta comes the crazy uncle with the same name as his dog. The lunatic brother and his wife arrive from Mexico Beach and God knows what kind of extended reprobates would be joining from Jacksonville Beach. But blood is blood and you don’t get to pick your family. Except this time you do and the Kamp Happiness Hobo Kamp Installation continues to grow with new cousins and insane red-headed step-children everyday.

Chemical Bluegrass, Suwannee Spring Reunion 2019: photo by Katie Egger

“Quit pullin’ on the jug. I’m going to need you in the field tomorrow.”

The morning golf cart parade has arrived under the clothesline, covered with tour shirts drying in the rain. Welcome to Hobo Kamp where severe fancy glamping has been perfectly balanced with an almost thuggish, liberal sensibility. These are the chosen ones. Living freely in the dirt of the forest, passing time slowly. The meals are cooked in the Dutch oven over the campfire where friends gather to sing or tell lies. The blinking lights, hammocks and pleasure palaces are bookended by inflatable clowns, rivers of shine and groundscored furniture. When it rains, she gets wet. Dirty feet and flapping tapestries are the order of the day. It may seem loose and untethered but there is an distinct, underlying order to the entire operation. Like an anthill. No real rules to be sure.

Where, you may ask, is the Adventure Wagon? Oh weary traveler, she is lost. From Houston to Mountain View, from the Quinault rain forest to Tonkawa Oklahoma, she is gone to her final reward. Left on the side of the road at Paine’s Prairie, with rods blown and smoke billowing. The final death rattle could barely be heard over the Jerry Garcia Band playing “Let it rock.” Lucy and Baitbucket rescued from the wilds of Old Florida by Miah and Kattie Waffle. Living well at Hobo Kamp but without a means of transportation, things were sure to get sporting. Would homesteading be an option or as with most homeless gypsies, would they have to eventually retreat further into the swamp? Lucienda Rosalita was in a mood. The cool nights left the open aired mediation tent chilly and, in her opinion, rather “exposed”.

Billy Strings, Suwannee Spring Reunion 2019: photo by Sarah Fortier

As a young man he may have believed that there was some hidden, underlying set of rules when it came to the festival arena. He was inexperienced at such things and had someone told him something was expected or assumed, he might have believed it. Now he was older and knew better that such things really did not exist. When that hippy Gypsy, next door to the Poncho Tree mandated the kamp not play cajons or Jimmy Buffett, it was Scotty Smiles who would “augment and refine” those rules all day on Vassar Sunday. Can there a leashless world with mutual respect? There are no unwritten rules. There are only real rules. Like don’t carry contraband in Nelson County.

For the camper who needs peace and quiet at any time during the festival experience, the Hobo Kamp may not be the place for you. The Spirit of Suwannee Music Park has over 800 acres of property for which to kamp. If your can’t sleep to the sound of lopey bluegrass or the cackling shrill of Sunshine and her hens then perhaps you might consider a spot further back in the woods or grassy knoll. There are so many beautiful camping spots at the park. Why put yourself in the center or the silliness if you’re going to have an opinion about what anybody else does? Forgo all expectations. Lower the bar and not care so much. Have you really seen what these rednecks are capable of in the wee hours of the hidden forest? It can absolutely boggle the mind.

Late night bluegrass, Suwannee Spring Reunion 2019: photo by Katie Egger

Hobo Kamp Hours of Operation: 24 hours-7 days a week with kamp representatives available at all times. Whether it’s Eddie’s earlybirds or the late-night dab lab, the shop is always open. Every once in a blue moon, there might be an hour or two of quiet, but don’t come expecting it. For the camper who needs to be in the broth but also wants to sleep quietly, there’s always earplugs. Pack carefully. Bring soup. Make good choices.

The Spirit of Suwannee Music Park is a special place for a great number of people. The weather, the music and the fellowship make this one of the premier music/camping venues in the country. Visit their website and like their social media channels on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. It’s like Horning’s Hideout except one can bring in crates of Knob Creek. This is the wiggle room. People come here to remember and their relationship to the place is separate from both the people and the music.

Pickin’ chair, Suwannee Spring Reunion 2019: photo by Sarah Fortier

In this episode of gibberish and whimsy, we explore the unwritten rules of a festival or the real possibility that there may not be any. When is it too early to crack the whip? How late can the campfire music linger before tents begin hurling insults? Most of the time this forest is empty and quiet. When pushing up against hundreds or thousands of other festivarians in the forest, things can sometimes get a little weird.

Hobo Kamp Rules?

Body Slam Breakfast: Apparently, there is no golf cart Stevie Wonder after ten o’clock. We are definitely going to have another look at that. It can be understood that folks at a “folksy” kind of festival might want to just listen to bluegrass music, but in this modern era of diverse line-ups and audiences, we can expect to be introduced to some new and exciting influences. Katie Magic’s Breakfast Jam kicked off the next morning with “Shoop” by Salt and Pepa>Body Slam by The Floozies. More Breakfast Jams to come on the playlist and, as always, your input is appreciated. What would be a good song for the breakfast jump up?

Golf Cart Parade: Whether it’s with the Kendalls, Ted, Kent, Patrick or Sarah and Sarah, the golf cart lane will please remain clear at all times. Golf carts are the wizard’s broom that makes cross-camp travel possible. Where is the painted bridge or the lost hay field? These can be exciting excursions with the right guide? Even if you’ve had a felony, you’re still allowed to drive a golf cart. You just can’t own a fire arm.

Suwannee Spring Reunion Silliness: photos by Sarah Fortier

Audience Participation: The Kamp Happiness House Band working day begins as soon as Special Ed gets done with the coffee and ends as soon as the guitars get rained on. Thanks to Mitch the mando picker and his family band for turning the Sunday night bluegrass jam into a roaring session straight out of the revival tent. Other notables around the fire were band members from Donna the Buffalo and Billy Strings. It’s just nice when everybody plays together.

The Spring Reunion Sunday night jams at Slopperyland, Quicksilver, Kamp Happiness and a slew of other smaller pickin’ circles remained feisty throughout the night and the string sounds lifted high in to the forest. This party offers one of the best opportunities to play and listen to home-grown campfire music. It’s no joke.

Are you easily influenced?

The River Exit Strategy: With no transportation, one should always consider traveling the old way, leisurely down the ancient Suwannee River. Or down the Coochie? Yes, son the Withlacoochee. A ten-day jaunt to where the river meets the sea. Be sure to pour rum in each ear to kill the river critters. Also, remember Suwannee Springs. Right across the road, this natural freshwater spring offers campers a place to wash their souls in its mystical, healing waters.

Diversification Clause: As a kamp family continues to grow, it’s membership becomes increasingly diverse. This is one of the characteristics of a strong family and there are sure to be growing pains. Whether it’s mistakenly bringing a ladder when someone clearly asked for a lighter (pronounced ladder) or the proper spelling of “jon’t to?” variances in speech and behavior should be expected. If Linda-Joy or Dr. Thermometer say, “reefa” or “pot-sticka”, context clues should be used to help better understand the vernacular.

Courtesy Vehicle: At all hours the Kamp Happiness courtesy vehicle is available for use. Please return the bike when you’re done. It sounds so simple but somehow the idea is flawed. To where are all the bikes disappearing? Maybe the English girl took them? Jolly good idea. It would have to wait until the next morning, when she answered the door and in her lovely English accent asked, “Would you like a coffee and a dab?” This girl is obviously innocent. And her man who likes taking “heroic” (5g) doses of fresh mushrooms before diving into the river. The whole crowd had been known to dabble but nothing like those animals, the Buttscratchers.

We’ll get to them later.

Thanks to DreamSpider Music and Events for inviting us to be part of the fun and congratulations on that beautiful baby.

Thanks to everyone who contributed photos for the article. Especially Sarah Fortier and Katie Egger whose photography talents are a real pleasure to exploit. Keep up with Sarah as she joins our team covering Floydfest and visit Katie’s site at smileforcamera.com. Like her social media sites at Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

It’s fun to watch young people growing into kamp moms. To be so delicate and beautiful, Sarah will season chicken with dirt and ash and drink crotch whiskey before heading out to groundscore broken furniture all day. Katie managed not only to hold it together for the entire weekend, but pretty much joined her mother, Sunshine’s side as one of the butt-kickinest women in the tri-camp area.

#gallery-0-4 { margin: auto; } #gallery-0-4 .gallery-item { float: left; margin-top: 10px; text-align: center; width: 33%; } #gallery-0-4 img { border: 2px solid #cfcfcf; } #gallery-0-4 .gallery-caption { margin-left: 0; } /* see gallery_shortcode() in wp-includes/media.php */

Kamp Happiness and nailtravels would like to invite all of our extended family to join us this festival season in celebrating the life and passing of our brother Clay Walthall. The original Shawsvegas Mafia was an upstanding father, husband, son and Kamp Happiness founding member, He was a nailtravels corespondent, covering events such as Wanee, Hulaween, Floydfest and Brainquility and when he was geared up for a late-night Bassnectar show, there was going to be a shift in the underlying tectonic plates.

In honoring his memory we hope to exemplify the qualities that made him so special; friendliness, respect, forgiveness, courtesy, big fun and a humble ability to love that was virtually unmatched. One thing is for sure, he would never let anyone around him get hurt.

Look for our team at Tipper and Friends Moonlight Gathering, which he would likely have been attending. He always said, “I’ll be in Kamp Happiness so long as I can camp with the wooks.” After that, we’ll be found at Backwoods Music Festival in the near future. #clayfest19

Suwannee Spring Reunion 2019: Hobo Kamp Whether you're a greenhorn or a bonefide festival warrior, every trip is completely different. The subtle waves and troughs within the extended patterns of the festivarian season can be serious and ultimately transformational.

0 notes