#BLESSED STOP STALKING ME ON TUMBLR

[krazydraws]

A roleswap au where everyone (expect chujin) is swapped, mostly wanted to design them however. @yourlocalsin has helped write it out a bit more so here it is!

Not quite sure what to call it still

[eyeofhurakana]

Holy crap... Nearly all the fluff fics hit 100 notes. Wow…

Thanks so much, everyone! Honestly, I’m pretty stunned. I just got back from vacation and this was a very pleasant thing to come back home to. Plus all the comments and reblogs were fantastic to read. XD Ya’ll are a great bunch and I’m happy to be here. 

Soooo it’s that time again~! Response time!  

From Last Week's Responses

@avast-me-alien XD You are so funny. Oh my gosh. And thank you for your words! I’m super happy to hear that my writing helps sate that Sampo Koski Itch. I am delighted to make even more as this game carries on. 

About Tag Lists

@avast-me-alien Absolutely! I will ensure that you are well-fed, fellow Sampo admirer.

@https-jjessica Ahhhhhh... I want to tag you but Tumblr won't let me. What in the world...? And thank you so much for the compliment! *swells with happiness* Now if I can just figure out how to tag you... Do you have another tag that I can use to notify you? (I get the feeling that Tumblr will magically work after this posts, but just in case... if it doesn't tag you, then let me know. I'll do my best to fix it on my end.)

From Chapter 2 of “Bouncing Brings Us All Together”

@mleegi Thank you!! Plus, bless your kind soul for your patience. I am still rehashing the final chapter. I’m so darn picky. I’m sure it’ll come to me soon enough. It’s gotta have the Koski flare before I give it the green light to post. =D

@rebeccawinters I’m so happy to hear that! Ahhhh! I hope the final chapter meets expectations. Thanks so much! 

From Chapter 1 of “Unlike Fiction”

@baby-lisuga I will! I'll make a post for everyone being tagged when I get the chance!

@rebeccawinters Daaaang. The keyboard spazz response is always a great compliment. XD I’m glad you are enjoying him. 

@haliyamori YEAH. I KNOW. I’m the one writing this and even I’M MAD. Tsk tsk, Gepard. TSK TSK.  

From Chapter 2 of “Unlike Fiction”

@lunasun Oh my god. I know, right? I gotta make a mini blurb where the reader just squeezes his exposed hip, catching him by surprise. Oh, and about getting kidnapped… Honestly, any time spent with Sampo is time well spent. Worth it.

As for why the reader isn’t with him anymore… Well, that’ll get explained soon enough. But I’ll be nice and drop a hint. “What does Gepard have that Sampo does not?” If you can answer that, that’s pretty much the reason. 

@hansel-the-pierrot Yessss. I always love hearing these comments. He’s so perfect. This is why I can’t stop writing him. XD UGH. He’s just so much fun. The fact that he’s so easygoing is great.  

@eugeeneshwed No problem! I gladly contribute to the Koski cause and feed my fellow Sampo admirers. Heavens know that ya’ll need it. 

@https-jjessica For real. I was just doing single pulls on the regular warp and was stunned when he came home again. Now he’s eternally in my party. That DoT is no joke. 

@rebeccawinters *spazzes* Ahhhhh! Three comments!!! This is like getting a 5 star in one pull with no pity! Oh my gosh! Thank you!! I’m so glad you like him as well as the fic! It’s such an honor to make people obsessed. XD It truly is. As for having a tag list, I'm working on it and I'll definitely have you added on. I'll make a separate post for it too so everyone can see where they stand on the list. And oh my god, you are such an amazing fan. Being blog-stalked for updates is like... the ultimate compliment. <3 I can't stop feeling so giddy now. Thank you very much for this.

@helloyuki Awww. Of course. I’m glad you liked it. =D

@worriedvision Awwwwww!! Thank you for the endorsement! Whoo! Definitely got a smile out of me.

XD AHHH! I thought the same thing! But that’s what makes him wonderful, eh? Always keepin’ us on our toes. 

Me too. Ugh. This man won’t leave my head. Though I bemoan this with an endearing tone, of course.

Anywho, thanks so much to everyone that commented, reblogged, or even just remembered to poke that little heart button. Seriously, you're all wonderful and I hope that we can all run around HSR's universe with E6 Sampo Koskis.

[sams-venting]

Man, this place is so genuinely fucked up. It used to be so nice when the sun and moon show first started out, before it ever got popular. I want to go back.

I've been in a lot of fandoms. Big, small, it doesn't matter. There's always drama no matter what because there will always be obsessive exclusionist and extremist in every corner of the internet. That's just how shit works.

Day in and day out I've seen a fucking lot over the years.

I've watched adults groom minors countless of times no matter where I go, I've had a mutual fake his suicide to the point where I cannot return to an entire fandom without thinking about it, I've watched minors catfish adults so they could make callout posts for clout points on two Major occasions in two completely unrelated fanbases, I've received death threats in middle school for defending someone that'd been doxxed and harrassed for 'being a roleplay freak' to the point I have to avoid an entire RV park to avoid getting jumped irl to this day, I've watched one of my closest friends on tumblr get dogpiled and sent porn, specifically, because he said it was weird to unironically draw heeman abs on an 8 year old, and told an anon all the blogs he had blocked (not knowing it was a bait ask). This was back in 2021 when we were both kids btw and absolutely nothing has changed in terms of cyberflashing minors, __^ literally right before that I warned him of a blog that drawing porn of sonic characters so he could block for his own comfort. because again we were both kids, who do not like watching adults publicly posting porn of characters that are depicted as kids, in a fanbase full of other kids. it was weird in highschool and it still creeps me out now. --- not even getting into the popular blog who did this shit then proceeded to cover everything up, tried to gaslight everyone, then went on an alt to block evade in order to harass and fake-claim. bc how dare a diagnosed teen say they have the mythical disorder of OSDD clearly we should stalk and humiliate them for saying they don't like me /sarc

Sounds, awfully familiar, doesn't it? History really is a circle

And yet, none of that even compares to the hell that is this fandom.

Never before, have I had a ptsd response to seeing someone's Name alone. Never before, just looking at someone's blog have I gotten flashbacks to being exposed to literal CSEM photos of a girl that looked too fucking much like me.

But I can't stop. I'm not allowed to look away. Because there's Always something happening and that's what it takes to stay safe. You can't protect from something you don't know about.

And it's been like this for Months. I am sick and tired of the hives and the vomiting every time something happens. I couldn't even enjoy my own birthday without spending every second panicking that someone I cared about was going to commit suicide from the amount of bullshit people throw at each other.

I'm, still scared of that more than anything. You cannot hurt me in a way that matters, until it's someone I know of taking their own life. In fact, that Is the only way to hurt me. It doesn't matter how well I know them or what they've done either.

And I don't care how that sounds either. If someone is That deserving of death then kill them yourself instead of hiding behind a screen and chanting like a cult of cowards. I have Zero toleration for it. Either be willing to get your hands dirty or shut the fuck up.

That, I think is a part of what really gets under my skin in this fandom. The pathological liars. the manipulation. the gaslighting, the coverups. I used to pride myself in the idea of getting to slaughter the worst of the worst.

As both a blessing and a curse, this fandom has poisoned any romancing of vigilante justice I used to have. I've quickly found out the reality is that, this place is both too light and too dark. That reality is messy. And there will never be anyone here that matches the evil close to an out right "The Daily Capper".

And yet, I almost miss every traumatic rabbit hole I've ever been in. If I had a chance to choose this, or to watch NSFL footage, I'd choose the latter in a heartbeat. Because not even the anguish of triggering my psychosis, of purposely self harming through finding shock sites to literally cause brain damage, compares to the amount of pain it is to be here.

'then leave'

That would be the easy way out. I'm not allowed easy way outs because that would mean I could finally give in to the ideations. give em an inch and the enemy takes a whole mile, you know how it is.

And a royal fuck you if you think I'm going to back down.

There is nothing heroic about suffering. About choosing to lay in the grave that is your hill to die on. But too much of my time and energy has been spent. I cannot afford for it all to be in vain. Fuck winning or losing, I don't care about proving that I'm the strongest anymore, that I can withstand anything. It's never been about pride, not this time.

I can't live with myself for wasting an entire year like this, when there's not even 6 left for me.

I can't be in pain for nothing

...I think that's the most fucked up thing about it all. about how badly this whole thing has caused me to relapse.

Do you know what it's like to miss having your intestines ripped out of your body? to feel your insides become your outsides for a moment?

Do you know what it's like, to be envious of my only problem being that I don't fucking die on an operating table. That the only thing on my mind was the ticking tower of death, and wondering if I'd only get to see 2 out of the 10 year prognosis.

A part of me wishes that I didn't make it. I could've been happier. I could've died not being betrayed by someone close. I could've died, not dating anyone and then breaking their heart when the original host alter they were qpp with died and split into 3 different kids right before Christmas last month. I wouldn't have to exist.

And I can't even leave. I am trapped by my own design. and as much hatred that boils and seethes inside me, I know that in reality I have no one to blame but myself.

So here we are. It has been, two weeks? I think?? since i have left my roleplay partner on read. I told them part of it was holidays and family, and the other part was me getting stuck on world building. Which, is true. I quite literally ran into a writing road block with moon, and tried to speedrun learning how to build animatronics. I'm a nerd at heart, and they know that STEM topics are usually hardcore special interests of mine.

I didn't however, tell them the other major reason why I haven't finished writing my response. We're friends, but we're not close enough that I feel it is socially acceptable for me to just trauma dump like that. that's not cool, and I don't want to lose them. They're the only real reason why I want to stay with tsams, outside of the 'for the love of God do not let this all be in vain' looming overhead

In reality unbenounced to them, I've been having mental breakdowns and panic attacks almost every single time I log into tumblr. Because aha, if you wanna make block lists you unfortunately have to acknowledge that there are people you don't like. And, although realistically more than half of the fanbase is going on there, I won't let myself blindly slam buttons. That's too much, even for me. Paranoia? Fine. Paranoid delusions? nuh uh, we're not entertaining that around here. which means if I have to block anyone I have to write down the exact reason and save proof if the accused reason is big enough to warrant it.

So of course that means constantly exposing myself to revolting bullshit.

At first, I thought that it was all in the moment emotions. I can handle emotionally imbalances, that's part of being a bpd bitch. I'm a quiet type, therefore I didn't think much of it. The internet is full of shock content anyways, the news especially.

Till, a persecutor alter kept deciding to take things into his own hands, and started stirring shit against everyone else's wishes. And of fucking course, I don't find out about it until a day later when the fucker starts bragging about it.

For about a week there had been a lot of in-fighting since then because of it. No one else was okay with what he was trying to do, which was essentially trying to antagonize and get under the skin of a few specific people that he deemed as "the source of the problem". Which is not fucking okay and I'm extremely ashamed and disappointed that I let it happen. I don't care that there's nothing I could've done to prevent the amnesia from blocking me, at the end of the day I am the host, the ambassador, and I'm supposed to be in control and responsible for the entire system.

It didn't hit me until today when I started writing the vent that I had unintentionally been negative triggering the persecutor to front the entire time. Because on any normal day, ____ is a back-up host for when I'm not conscious. He was Supposed to only be an ex-persecutor and a symptom holder. New year new me went the worst way possible.

Without further adieu: I am royally fucked no matter what. I try to block everyone; I run the risk of triggering ptsd. I don't try to give into the paranoia; I run the risk of impulsively lashing out in public. Damned if I do, damned if I don't.

...I was at a point where, originally I wanted to be spiteful, to come out arms blazing and be the cringiest mf in the entire fandom. And along the way, I wanted to make friends... but I don't think that's possible anymore.

I do not trust a single one of you outside of my rp partner. And at this point, I've decided that when I do make shit and post it, I'm staying out of the tags permanently. I only make things for me and the only other person in the room that Gets It anyway, so I'm not going to bother with the stress of my stuff circulating outside of my mutual circles.

I fucking hate that it feels like I have to go into hiding in order to do normal fandom things though. But I don't want to risk it. What is "It" idk. All I know is that I'm tired of living in fear all the damn time, or letting my heart continue to be consumed by the botflies of wraith. This isn't me, and I despise that I had let myself become the very thing I hate because of this place

Tbh I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's unhealthy to live with that mindset, but I can't get it to stop gnawing at the back of my head. Yet, if it doesn't, or even if it does. I have a feeling that I won't have the energy to care anymore. After a while, when you're running months on end with panic, everything is just numb. I feel absolutely nothing after writing all of that now.

Maybe it's just the consequence of being emotionally drained, or staying up once again till 1 am. But the spoons are spent. And anymore that I have, I need to save for the people I'm close to this time. I don't have room in my heart to care about anyone else.

...I'm thinking maybe it's time we say goodbye to this blog and any others like it. Regardless of whether or not I finish my quest for safety, I don't need to know. I don't need to be 'up to date' on the latest bullshit of the month. It's not healthy and I clearly can't handle temptation.

Until someone doxxes the identities of the gore anons, I'm done and it's getting ignored. No more hypervigilance

.

[tayloralisoneras]

I'm the kind of fan that follows her Tumblr/Facebook/Insta, but rarely will DM her/interact with her socials unless I'm sharing my experience or happiness. I'm the kind of fan that will NEVER stop commenting on Swiftie pics and posts and sharing my love for their amazing outfits or laughing at something so funny they posted. I'm the kind of fan that has had the time Of Her LIFE sitting on live streams with people all over just singing along to our favourite artist ( no matter the view or the videos sound quality or how loud they're singing in the background ) I'm the kind of fan commenting on the Livestream to KEEP SINGING LOUDLY ITS WHAT IM DOING TOO!

I'm the kind of fan that likes to check out Taylor's outfits and think about how I could sorta make a similar outfit to that from something in my closet. I'm the kind of fan that buys SOOOO much charcoal grey and cream colored clothes so they can match The Cardigan. I'm the kind of fan that will preserve my merch as carefully as possible while also not robbing myself of the joys of wearing it. I'm the kind of fan that cries tears of literal joy each time I listen to the Eras Tour Intro.

I also happen to be the kind of fan who was blessed with fantastic experiences involving her waving at me while I was wearing a cat ear hoodie, me getting to HUG HER at Speak Now tour, me meeting Andrea at Speak Now, Red Tour, AND 1989 TOUR.

I'm the kind of fan that is aware I may never get to meet her in person, but is grateful for the unforgettable experiences I have had happen to me; if I can ever afford an opportunity to purchase a meetngreet whatever, or I'm lucky enough to have been noticed by her, then I may be given the opportunity to meet her and it would be that way or no way at all.

I am not the kind of fan that would ever run up to her car, stalk her, or follow her to her apartment.

I'm not the kind of fan that would treat anyone that way. A celebrity, a singer, a normal human being. I'm not the kind of fan that would forget how to human. Or scream bloody murder in someone's face in the street or at their car window.

[kelpkaviar]

1.I’m not bragging about having 1k followers, Im telling you you clearly brought over issues from Twitter to your tumblr in order to avoid me seeing it because I have more followers. 1.3k followers isn’t a lot mind you that’s not anything to talk about. And even if I didn’t have many followers, shade from a tree that bares no fruit is not a tree that bothers me, hence why I never even knew your weird ass was doing this.

2.Im sorry that you think a black person has to “bare responsibility” for saying wigga, that’s not how that works sai is a woman in her 40s and has the mind not to say wigga because the meaning has changed with time, if it hadn’t sai wouldn’t have gotten backlash from the black people who called her out and everyone would’ve been attacking me. You aren’t in a position to tell a black person why wigga isn’t bad. It means white nigga point blank period. I’m not going to apologize to a white person for saying a slur I can say nor will I apologize to a woman who disrespected the pronouns of my friend. Black people who were born in the 90s along with other white people called her out so there’s no reason for you to act like this.

3. Your entire account is about the hate boner you have for Lily (I hate her myself but I’d never dedicate a whole fucking page to it) and meat riding a white woman who could be the same age or older than peoples mothers. If you really think spending your days on tumblr like this is productive then you clearly don’t have any friends or life. Stop screenshotting my posts, stop stalking people in their 20s then running to tumblr and stop answering anonymous asks from people and then using my tweet as an example. Framing black people as being aggressive and antagonistic to a white woman is a nasty and dangerous rhetoric you’re spreading and I hope that the “hate” sai received from black people when she said wigga is DOUBLED for you. Thank you have a BLESSED and sanctified day and stop hate watching my page

Would you consider some 'self-righteous' for calling out the use of other offensive words? Like homophobic transphobic or racist slurs?

Or do you realise those aren't ok terms to use?

It's despicable when someone is using language to intentionally hurt or denigrate innocent people. When neo-Nazis yell the n-word as POC or the k-word as Jewish kids attending "their schools", when a politician or celebrity strip the dignity of a trans person by referring to them as a t-word or a gay person as an f-word, when a bigoted teachers refers to a special needs students as an r-word, all of these cases are ones that spread hate and degrade humans and thus humanity as a whole. We should expect better of people. So no, it's not self-righteous to call out any of these people or others who use language in this way.

However, I think it's an entirely different situation if someone calls a white person a "wigga" and the white person replies, repeating that word, and both the instigator and those around them call out the white person for using "wigga" even though they were the one who had this supposed slur lodged against them. It's also an overstepping of social bounds to interject when someone is having a conversation and calls someone else with normal cognitive faculties "retarded" for doing or saying something idiotic. That's what this all boils down to, people getting upset about someone (i.e., Sai) on Twitter for exactly what I just described, not for actually spreading hate speech. The people jumping in to call her out were being self-righteous and perhaps virtue signaling or at the very least getting some level of satisfaction in bullying someone believing that they have the moral high ground.

(Using a different font color to distinguish my text from the tweets) Please, read this thread and tell me who here is in the wrong. Is Sai spreading hate? I think anyone who looks at this objectively will agree that that answer is no.

And what about this later attack on her from '@MxBunntastic, '@vampsnoozzze, and others, do you see self-righteous behavior from them or hatful behavior from Sai? Again, I think anyone who objectively views these threads can safely say that Sai was not spreading hate and these were simply the actions of self-righteous bullies trying to intimidate her into capitulating.