#BIOMED PANS PANDAS CHILDHOODMENTALILLNESS SPD COMORBIDITY THUSITBEGINS DIAGNOSIS

[biomedqueenie-blog]

Thus It Ends - Thus It Begins

It’s probably been close to a year ago now that I should have started noticing symptoms.  Or rather, seeing those symptoms for what they were. I should have noticed that the language Bess used to describe her feelings sounded an awful lot like depression.  I should have taken that frustration that I always heard in her voice, and realized that it was an awful lot like what one would expect from childhood obsession and inability to move on.  I should have noticed that her silly, overly-young sometimes hyper, definitely over-the-top-goofiness was atypical for her age. But it took me some time to see these things. And even longer to put the pieces together. And even longer to believe what I started to see.   Had it not been that her brother, Jordan, was manifesting SPD symptoms, which commonly occur with PANDAS as well, I never would have been tipped off.  It was only after extensive, extensive reading (and, frankly, overcoming much denial) that I came around to considering PANDAS. Over time, I became more and more certain.  I watched as she improved drastically on monolaurin (!!!!) and watched her handwriting deteriorate when I removed it.  Bingo.  That was it.  That was pretty un-explainable any other way. By THE GRACE OF GOD, I found a doctor who would test for PANDAS and take my insurance.  We’re not all the way to a formal diagnosis yet, but they’re ordering the blood work and she’s already tested positive for strep with the little swab test.  So that’s something. All my wondering -- all my trying to convince myself that, no, I was just seeing things that weren’t there -- I was actually a victim of my own research -- all that is being done away with.  Thus ends the self doubt. But the road to health -- thus it begins.  You have to have a diagnosis.  Even when it pricks at your heart, even when it feels like internal collapse.  Even then, you just can’t get better till you know exactly what’s wrong. So, here’s to a PANDAS diagnosis.  I guess.