#BB My 2021 Tumblr

[eggfruitart]

Some VERY old concept art of my main protags for a comic I'm working on! I don't remember the exact date I started drawing them but I started posting them in late November of 2021. It was a very different thing back then. I like it : > I'm gonna figure out why so I can tweak my current style and story to give me that same feeling!!

[iceslushii]

i should draw the bbs again i miss them

[katyspersonal]

*has another bad memory activated after a chat* I remember at the beginning of me joining the BB fandom, in summer 2021, I had the worst luck ever of attracting a person over discussing Izzy with now deactivated user, who instantly jumped at me with so much warmth, interest, questions, engagement and trust that by that time not even my friends were so affectionate

We exchanged Discords and chatted for a week or two, and I was feeling so, so, SO safe. It's been after a what, three years period of emotional abuse from every corner, loneliness, depression and meds? It felt like a final healing ray of warm sunshine after the longest and coldest night. She (at least it was her pronouns back then, dunno if it changed by now or not) wished me good night and good morning and was so genuinely invested in talking to me, I thought I've found a new friend.

......then, one morning, I messaged her a headcanon I thought she'd like, but saw that she blocked me on Discord. And Tumblr. I did not know why, so I asked a shared mutual to ask her what happened on my behalf. But while waiting for that mutual, the pain grew so severe that I no longer wanted to know. I simply made a throwaway account on Tumblr to tell her in her face how much it hurt and that she should not lure people with fake sense of trust and warmth if she is ready to just backstab them like this. And what did she do? Well, she posted a rant about me in her blog, namedropping me so people could "stay safe", pretending like I've done sone irreparable harassment to her when I just told her to not act like a friend and then bail without explanation, and worse: she revealed that all along, she was reading some twisted emotional manipulation in my messages when I was just being socially awkward, and instead of addressing her problems with me in MY face, she was showing my messages to her friends to discuss with them how """manipulative""" I was and took their advice to block me and run. 🤦‍♂️

Needless to mention that as soon as Eugene started a crusade number 2 against me, she instantly joined her on this one like "heeeey guys I am a victim of this horrible abusive monster too, she MANIPULATED me and HARASSED me when I tried to get away!!!!" 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️

Ever since she blocked me after acting very affectionate and friendly in every way possible, I've had nightmares about her for half a year and I still, to this day, feel scared every time I hit a good conversation with someone in the fandom. I always get paranoid that they, too, might read nonexistent malice in my messages and discuss the level of my "harm" behind my back. After what she did I struggled to trust anyone in the fandom. But of course she acted like she was the victim who got harmed here. All because she could not address her suspicions of me in my face and because I told her "don't fucking cultivate strong trust only to break it"!

Fuck you, Spade, you deserve my hatred even after all this time, and I'll hate you until I stopped second-guessing everyone I chat with. Which is still a problem I have. I hate people who throw words of affection and warmth around like they mean nothing and then act all weirded out when people they got to trust them, big shock, started to TRUST them! "We weren't even friends we only talked for like two weeks!!!! 🥺" then why you did literally everything to act like a friend to me? And I sure hate people who can't even say "Hey, this thing you say makes me feel unsafe like you want to get certain reaction from me, can you Not" instead of talking bad faith trash about me behind my back. I hope a moment of fame feeling like a victim of terrible abuse was worth it, huh? God, you should become friends with Anna, you two are horribly similar.

[katyahina]

Bloodborne beach episode!.... the NORMAL beach episode, and not how it went... the last time -_- *glares at monster hunters from Byrgenwerth*

In case if Tumblr ruins the quality, I shared full res on Devi: ( x ).

I've started this WIP back in summer 2021, but I've abandoned it since then, and only this summer decided to actually finish it.. Some errors since that time carried on as a result, and arguably I draw a bit better humans now... But the only true way to learn to draw large 'crowd' pieces like this is to simply draw more of them, hahah; Sizing of characters within perspective is yet to be improved, of course, not to mention that some characters are not drawn quite accurately to my heights headcanons for them but I will be real, it was fun to draw! And I just... really wanted to draw something happy and colorful for a long while, since BB's grim atmosphere striped me out of this fix. At least now there is ER for my bright colors needs lol

(Important: there are no OCs on this piece! The girl under Willem's chair is Rom, guy chased by the seaqulls is Bloody Crow, there is Byrgenwerth gatekeeper being buried in sand by Dores the Byrgenwerth graveguard (canon characters only mentiond in the item most of the players never found), Choirling is Yurie, girl next to Maria is of course Adeline, and the guy with the kite is Caryll!)

[lurkingteapot]

2023 post round-up/summary

Lovely @twig-tea tagged me here, so I'll try my hand.

I'd abandoned tumblr for about 4? 5? years 2016ish through 2020, had a short stint with it again in 2020, took peeks and vehemently disagreed with much of what I saw in 2021-2022, and grudgingly settled back in in 2023. I wasn't going to interact. I wasn't.

Jan-April: *crickets* I was being strong!

Then, I saw people moaning about how they'd learn Thai if only it was on Duolingo, and you know how spite can be funnelled into positivity? I did that! Result:

May

Popular: Free Thai Language Learning Resources, most popular by a landslide. This pleases me greatly, as I put a lot of work into it and always hope more people start picking up this language.

Favourite: maybe my thoughts on Ming, piggybacking off @kenmakaashi's post?

June

Popular: my musings on translation and how it relates to fannish reception of media, which was my most popular post of the year and 'broke containment', if only in a very small way. Some of the additions in the tags and reblogs are fantastic, do go have a look if you like!

Favourite: toss-up between my attempt at showing a parallel between a silly moment in Our Skyy 2 x BBS and a scrapped shot from BBS proper and this rant about Romanisations of Thai and why G**gle translate is the devil (that bit is in the conversation downthread), which let me meet @plantsarepeopletoo.

July

Popular: Summary of James Welker's 2006 essay "Beautiful, Borrowed, and Bent: “Boys’ Love” as Girls’ Love in Shōjo Manga"

Favourite: the offerings are slim here … let's go with the one in which I once more was salty about the way folks talk about BL

August

Popular: Only Friends' Ray isn't just The Drunkard, but also The One Who's basically Given Up On Himself, as per his title card (this one was so popular it got stolen and reposted – without credit or permission – to twitter 🙃)

Favourite: Thinking about Drama, the Romance genre, and tropes, and how those relate to our perception of BL (good additions from various folks in the notes; conversation with @visualtaehyun in reblogs and @twig-tea in the replies).

September

Popular: IFYLITA Ep 6 poem context notes

Favourite: toss-up between complaining about badly machine translated content in Love in Translation and musing on the name of Khun Yai's favourite bar

October

Popular: my long-winded answer to @zimmbzon's ask "Hi, how would a non-binary person (me) get around the binary gender rules and vocab in Thai?"

Favourite: uhhh … maybe my musings on honorific translations in kimi ni wa todokanai? (yes, technically a reblog from sideblog, shh)

November

Popular: most popular was this throwaway therapy vent containing food for thought and while I guess this meme is mostly fannish I'm linking it anyway because it's my blog and I'll cry if I want to (or something)

Favourite: when I called out the resemblance between the Last Twilight trailer and Intouchables (2011). Literally no one cared, but then @my-rose-tinted-glasses independently came in strong with receipts as soon as the actual first episode aired and made me feel validated af.

December

Popular: Why I'm pretty sure Last Twilight's "fried rice/false rice" joke was funnier in Thai

Favourite: the saga of the songs in Ep 4 of Last Twilight

I didn't do any round-up posts, but I'll include the other category @twig-tea added:

Five other posts that I want to highlight because I can:

BL Favourites Tag Game (July 2023)

Link to fujoshi.info with information on WHY you should check out that site if you're interested in having an informed opinion on BL and the genre's history.

contemporary issues in Thailand as mentioned in Only Friends ep 1

Thoughts on code-switching in Step by Step

Reply to @mynameisnotthepoint's comment-via-ask on my anti viki rant

I'm not going to tag anyone because I'm completely lost – I was mostly off tumblr for nearly three weeks; if you made a post like this you'd like me to see, please link me/tag me! <3

[airenyah]

Thai QL Favorites Tag Game

months ago i was tagged by @telomeke and it was during a time when i was super busy working as an assistant director for a theater production and then when i wanted to sit down and answer this tag game i ended up getting super distracted by the point "most underrated actor". more on that later tho...

anyway, here goes mine. you already know at least half of these answers are gonna be bad buddy related 🤭🤭🤭

Favorite Thai QL:

Bad Buddy, hands down. I have been thinking about this series every single day for two years straight gay now. No other QL has been living in my head rent-free for this long. So the answer has to be Bad Buddy. Ok bye.

Special shout-out also to Theory of Love. If you were following me back in 2021 and regularly read my tags then you'll know this series helped me deal with and get over my very own, personal Khai from my real life, so this series holds a very special place in my heart. It gave me a whole lot of catharsis and helped me reflect on my own situation. To this day it's still my most rewatched QL with me having watched it at least 27x since late 2020. (though BBS is catching up very soon, I'm currently watching it for the 23rd time (at least that I've counted on mydramalist) kkdfkfdfkj)

Favorite Pairing:

Do I have to say it? Do I really have to say it?? You've seen the state of my blog. You've seen my icon. It's PatPran. PatPran is my favorite pairing. Pat and Pran from แค่เพื่อนครับเพื่อน BAD BUDDY SERIES (2021) dir. Aof Noppharnach Chaiyahwimhon. You know this.

Most underrated actor:

Ok. Ok. So. This is one of the major reasons why I took so long to complete this tag game. And I have decided to give more than one answer but to split my answer into different "categories" as I was struggling to pick just one person. And this is what I came up with:

Most underrated actor by GMMTV:

Sing Harit. I think he's really underutilized by GMMTV. The man can do comedic roles (see for example: UMG; The Warp Effect), the man can do drama (see for example: Not Me; Home School). He's got the range. More lead roles for Sing, please!!!! Give him his own drama (and let him kiss Gun Atthaphan in it), please!!!!! It's such a joy to watch him act and I'm sad that he's often put in just a supporting role :(((

Most underrated actor by (tumblr?) fandom:

Joong Archen. We as a fandom don't talk about Joong enough. Please, he's so good and so fun to watch!! He has this really calm, grounded presence that I find very interesting. And I also really like the way he shows his thoughts and emotions with his eyes, his face, his entire body even as seen here. I can't gif it all, but here, here, here and here are some more examples that I happened to find on my blog. And the way he whips his head around in this scene never fails to make me laugh. Oh, and for those obsessed with the term "microexpressions" I've also got something for you: do you see that tiny hint of a smile in the second gif of this post? If you check the corner of his mouth you can see it twitch up just for a split second.

And on a side note I wanna point out something that I noticed while looking for these gifs: I find the difference in the way he shows his thoughts between the one scene in the hallway and the scene with the motorcycle helmets super interesting. In the hallway scene his thoughts flow more continuously, all his movements are connected. Kind of like when you play legato on a musical instrument or a video clip that is running without a cut. But in the scene where they're wearing the helmets everything he does is a lot more jumpy, he jumps from one thought/one movement to the next kind of like playing staccato or a vlog with jump cuts. It's quite exciting when actors play with the tools that they've got at hand and this is exactly one of them (in general Joong has some fun dynamics in his acting imo!!).

Anyway, here are some more examples that give me joy:

(^^^for more context: the girl his character thinks he doesn't have a chance with is sitting at the table with him so he's saying that right in front of/to her)

(^^^trust me you do NOT want the context of this kgkdfg. but just look at the complete disbelief that forms on his face as his eyebrows are slowly rising up)

(^^^pls that eyebrow raise the split second before he sneakily steps closer for a back hug. btw here have a gifset of this scene bc they're just too cute)

Also, can we just talk about the absolute rage in his eyes here?? Look:

Honestly the gif alone doesn't really do it that much justice imo, bc it's even more fascinating in the context of this extremely private, reserved character just suddenly lashing out like that.

And here, please, just look at the utter disappointment on his face when a knock on the door interrupts his character's chance to kiss the bf:

Pls he looks SO distraught, it's so funny:

In German we have this idiom that goes "wie ein begossener Pudel" which literally translates to "like a watered poodle" and that is exactly what Kluen looks like in that moment, I love it.

Actually, speaking of Kluen: one of the things that fascinates me the most about Joong's portrayal of Kluen is the way Kluen is an extremely reserved, quiet character. A man of very few words who doesn't really show the world how he feels about things. And yet you can clearly tell where Kluen is at emotionally and what is going on in his head in a scene. Joong knows exactly what his character is thinking and feeling and I'm having the time of my life watching him.

And staying on the topic of "the way he shows his thoughts and emotions on his face", one of my favourite things that he does when it comes to that is this: he'll turn his head to the side and for just a moment a facial expression passes over his face that provides commentary to the situation or to something another character said:

And oftentimes the expression on his face is amusement, which I find rather endearing:

And the thing is: that commentary isn't for any other characters!! No, it's for Joong's character himself!! It's a reaction to the situation, but in a way where it looks like he's talking to himself and I love that. And it also lets us, the viewers, know exactly what is going on in his character's head. My camera acting teacher always said that in front of the camera we had to speak quietly and think loudly and Joong, my man, is thinking very loudly in front of the camera. I love to see it.

And something else that Joong is really skilled at is something that I really struggle to put into words. It's that thing that actors do when they really focus their whole attention on their scene partners, really sending their whole attention towards them, channeling it. In German I sometimes like to use the word "anspielen" in this context but I just fail to come up with an English word that describes exactly what I'm trying to say and that also sounds right and like "correct" English (the literal translation is "to act at/towards" or "to play at/towards" and it sound weird to me, idk). Sometimes I'll talk about "sending" too. Anyway, Joong is really good at focusing completely on his acting partners, really zooming in on them with his attention. And it doesn't even matter whether he's positioned right in front of his co-stars or if they're some way away, it makes absolutely no difference to Joong.

He can do it with Dunk boys:

(^^^note how it almost even looks like he's falling forward a little because the pull towards his scene partner is this strong)

And he can do it with ladies too:

And here, this sequence just has to be appreciated as a whole for full effect as a single gif just wouldn't do it justice. Just look at him go:

It's not simply just staring at them what he's doing here, there's more to it. Joong stares, but it's so filled. Filled with thoughts and/or emotions. His stares are "gefüllt" (filled) as my mother would say and "gefühlt" (felt) as my fave acting teacher would say. There's this really strong invisible pull towards his co-star, like, you can see just how much his character is drawn to the other person. To the point where it sometimes looks like he's falling towards them a little because that pull is so strong (see for example that one scene with Dunk or also the scene with Fah). And the way Joong does it.. it's just so intense???? It just hits you like whoaa. Amazing.

Oh, and he can do it live on stage too:

He can do it while he's singing:

And he can do it while he's dancing:

Bonus bc I couldn't resist: Here, can you spot the moment where he turns his intense focus on for just a second??

I'm talking about this part here specifically:

Beautiful!!!! And here have more gifs of this intense focus/attention thing that he does.

Also, you've seen Joong cry prettily, now get ready for:

I bet you didn't know my man Joong could cry like this (I sure didn't!!!!). Tbh, I considered posting a video clip of this entire scene too, but I actually want more people to watch Mafia The Series and so I didn't wanna spoil it too much, hence just the still. But I swear to you, the entire scene is just jaw-dropping, especially when you've only seen Joong cry prettily with the tears silently streaming down his face.

I mean he does do the pretty crying really well too lbr. No complaints.

Joong can do drama, but!! I'm telling you Joong can also do comedy:

^^^yes that's a water bottle, yes he's holding it like a weapon, no don't question it

No, I will not post gifs or clips or give any context whatsoever. You're just gonna have to take my word for it that Joong can do comedy and find out for yourself. Yes, I am still trying to convince you, my dear reader, to go watch Mafia The Series if you haven't already.

And that's just the tip of the ice berg of all the things that I enjoy about Joong's performances. For example, I haven't even mentioned dynamics or directions yet.

Anyway, Joong Archen. We should talk about Joong Archen more. I know we don't talk about Joong enough bc if he wasn't so underrated then more people would have watched Mafia The Series and we could have had so many great memes at our disposal, like, that show is SO full of meme material. But alas...

Honorary Mention:

Dunk Natachai. I have my reasons why I like him as a performer and why I think he doesn't deserve all the hate he's been getting, but since he's only done two series (both of which opposite of Joong) plus a few lines in BBS I have decided that I want to keep my eye on him and his future works for a bit longer. I want to see him act alongside actors that aren't Joong first, prove it to me that he can do it with other co-stars as well before I go off about why I like watching him. For now, I'm just gonna leave this here:

And also this:

Story time:

So yeah, as I said my answer to this took me quite a while to figure out. Bc when I first read through all the points I was like "underrated actor?? oof idek". But then I gave it some thought and Sing Harit popped into my mind. But then I saw some other people answering this question with Sing too and I was like "hmm, I guess he isn't even all that underrated in the fandom". So I decided I wanted to say someone else for this, someone who I hadn't seen named yet. And then I thought of Joong. But I had only watched SIMM and a handful of Hidden Agenda episodes that had aired up until that point and so I decided before I could go and publically list him as my most underrated actor I had to go watch his entire filmography to get a better overview of his acting and to confirm my opinion of him. And so I finally sat down to watch The Warp Effect bc Joong was in it and as you all know, Sing also has a role in it. And that was a reminder of how much I adore him too and I was like "hnggggg but I do also wanna say Sing as my answer. Can I just say both?". And well, another thing that happened was that since I was watching through Joong's entire filmography in chronological order from oldest to newest I used this as an excuse to rewatch SIMM. Plus, you know, Hidden Agenda was also in the middle of airing. And so I fell into a JoongDunk rabbit hole. And then I got distracted by Dunk's performance (esp once I went on YouTube and watched a whole bunch of singing performances) and I started to get a real appreciation for Dunk's performance too, especially when I kept seeing comments bashing his acting. So then I was like "ok so what if I changed my answer again and said Dunk for 'most underrated actor'' instead??" I couldn't decide on an answer for quite a while and as you can see in the end I've named all three of them anyway lmao.

Favorite Character:

Pat Napat Jindapat. No, I'm not gonna elaborate.

Favorite Side Character:

Pa. I love her. She's so fun. Also Pat and Pa have one of my fave sibling dynamics ever.

Favorite scene in a QL: 

Can I just say the entirety of Bad Buddy here? No? Oh. Okay. Well, alright then. In that case, I'm gonna go somewhere completely different and say:

The yank-kiss-yeet scene from Hidden Agenda. Definitely one of the funniest kiss scenes I've ever seen. Absolutely iconic. Not to mention how precious and endearing Joke's reaction was afterwards in the hallway 🥺🥺🥺

Favorite line in a QL:

Oh you just know Pat's "........no" still has me insane even two years later.

But to bring some more variety into my answers (I told you I was gonna make most of this about BBS, didn't I!!!!) I'm gonna go with a line from Theory of Love. It's when Third is finally moving out of Khai's place and he's packing his stuff, ignoring Khai's knocks on the door which makes Khai say "Fine, if you don’t answer me today, don’t call me your friend again." And then Third finally gets up to open the door and says:

I absolutely LOVE this line and this moment specifically. I love the double meaning in this. I love how Third is speaking his truth, is pretty much confessing his feelings to Khai ("I haven't wanted to call you a friend for a while [because I have been wanting to call you my boyfriend instead].") but to Khai it's a painful slap in the face bc he hears something completely different ("I haven't wanted to call you a friend for a while [because I want nothing to do with you anymore and in telling me you're dropping our friendship you're actually doing me a favour]."). It's extremely satisfying to me. Watching Khai suffer was extremely cathartic for me bc I could live out all my frustration and my anger about my irl-Khai in a safe space without making my irl-soap opera worse by running back to my own irl-Khai and starting a fight with him. And this scene and specifically this line right here? Was one of my top most satisfying suffering Khai moments.

Also, I want to add that I saw many people say they couldn't warm up to Khai even at the end of the series but... as gleeful as I was when I was watching Khai suffer, the more I rewatched the series the more appreciation I got for his development in the second half of the series. I saw a lot of growth and self-reflection that I never saw from my irl-Khai. In fact, I don't think that to this day my irl-Khai has even understood how his behaviour really hurt me and what specific shitty things he was doing that hurt me. And that is, despite me trying to explain it to him on multiple occasions. And I'm not saying that I would have liked my irl-Khai to have a cliche-romance-story moment where he realized that he was in love with me after all, bc god no. What would have been really nice tho is if he had at least realized and understood that he was being an asshole and how so. But alas, he never did. And that is why fictional Khai is the superior one. And despite me having the time of my life watching ficitonal Khai suffer... let it be known that I WILL be the No. 1 Khai apologist and defender.

Most Anticipated QL (& why):

I have been procrastinating this tag game for so long, at this point I could even answer with GMMTV 2024 QLs lmao.

Anyway, quite a bunch of the GMMTV 2023 QLs that I've been waiting for have already aired (or have started airing), but from the ones that aren't out yet my most anticipated one is definitely 23.5. I have been waiting for a MilkLove GL since BBS aired, it's been two years, where the fuck is it!!!!

Healthiest relationship in a QL:

Easy. PatPran. I want what they have.

No, for real though, they are so in tune with one another, they know each other inside out to the point where they often don't even have to say things out loud. They just know. They know exactly how to get under each other's skin, but also how to help each other and cheer each other up. And in general, they are so good at communicating. And even when they're fighting and arguing, they WILL always choose each other over everything and they WILL compromise and try to find a solution that works for both of them, because they want to stay in each others lives and they also want the other person to be happy. They care about each other and each other's well-being so much. We love to see it.

Most toxic relationship in a QL:

Idk, in general I haven't really watched any QLs that had super toxic relationships? I saw a whole bunch of people saying TharnType for this as well as VegasPete. But I refuse to watch TharnType (since I didn't hear a lot of good about it) and I also dropped out of KinnPorsche right before the VegasPete arc so I don't really know much about it apart from bits and pieces that I've picked up from my dash.

As for toxic relationships from something I've actually seen.... well, I guess the Only Friends gang is probably better off apart as well??

Guilty pleasure series:

It's 2023, cringe is dead. We are unapologetically enjoying things now.

But if I had to choose..... Idk, maybe Why R U????? Or maybe Star in My Mind, bc I know it's not super popular. But I don't really feel guilty about watching those two series and I will post about them on main.

As for Why R U, it's a hot mess but I mean, Saint and Zee?? Hello?? Saint and Zee – that's it, that's my argument.

And as for SIMM, well, I know the plot is super basic and boring but I just have a lot of fun watching JoongDunk. Watching them entertains me and makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, so I literally do not give a shit about what other people think and I also absolutely do not feel guilty about watching (and rewatching) and actually enjoying SIMM. There, I said it.

Tagging:

No one bc at this point it's been so long that I don't remember who has done this already and who hasn't. But if you see this and you haven't done this and you really wanna do it then let me be your reason to participate!!!! (and tag me!!) (@newyearknwwme have you done this yet? 👀)

Appendix:

Ok, fine, I couldn't help myself, I just HAD to gif Joong doing something comedic too:

He's doing something silly but just look how he's taking it completely seriously!!!!! Just look how serious he is about being silly!!!!! It's so good!!!! (actually the way he just carries on with a completely serious expression as if nothing ever happen in the 2nd gif he actually kinda reminds me just a little bit of buster keaton who would pull the funniest shit and not crack a single smile. have i mentioned i love to see it)

[claudiajcregg]

Tell Other People About Your WIPs

make a list of all your WIPs with a brief description of each and then people can ask you questions about them and then tag other people.

Tagged by both @onekisstotakewithme and @miabicicletta 💜💜💜 Thank you, guys <3 I don't know who to tag that hasn't been tagged already. Interested? Tag, you're it! :) (Please do know that there are no set sections. Pick whatever you want. I went the deranged route.)

I have an outdated WIP list, and many others unaccounted for. This is just a selection of stuff I could see myself posting or editing/retooling to write something new. I love talking about my WIPs, about as much as I hate being perceived because they are not remotely interesting. (I also love knowing which ones people are interested in! I have an incentive to work on them!) (Instead of snippets, part of my feedback loop is sending actual rough drafts to get a sense of whether it's worth working on more.)

Multichapters, different levels of completion.

S5 Pregnancy AU. My main WIP. Can you believe I’ve had this idea for a year… almost to the day? I’ve been stuck since November bc I don’t know how I want this one to end, beyond a birth. (As I’ve mentioned in the past, I feel like this has legs to become a fluffy universe. I have ideas! Timelines!) Gist of it: CJ gets pregnant circa Zooey's kidnapping. How does it change S5? It's less angsty than you think.

Campaign bars, aka campaign conversations sometimes happened at bars in the 1998 campaign. Fun stuff. I need to pick it right back.

What Once Was Ours or the IM AU (2021), aka IM ends with a breakup. Not a WIP. Not a UFO. A secret third thing. (“Finished” but not edited, and I’m doubtful people would be interested. Probably bc of some bittersweet ~memories~ attached to it. I mean, I shared a third of it to discord and people couldn’t care less, at least after a while. Now, better IM AUs are being posted these days; I'm not in a rush.) 33 chapters. 150k words. I do reread it every once in a while, and I cannot put it down. But its 'age' takes me aback. If things had been different, I'd have posted this in H2 2021/Q1 2022 (or even the planned Q2-3 2021). But alas.

The “Almost Ready, question mark” Category

Another SVD prompt meme claim: what if CJ has the crush first. The thing is, I tend to write her as having a relatively obvious crush on him at first until something makes her wise up. So this is just some ridiculous, post-first-meeting thoughts. Most of it was written in one sitting! It kinda fits with something in the campaign bars fic, too.

Post birth, hospital story: A couple of hours after their bb girl is born. Pure fluff. Recently reworked it to make it less wordy. Still failed, but it’s better focused now.

Many ficlets – the few I did post on Tumblr that haven’t been posted to the story I’m collecting them in, plus a couple more. I'm thinking the ice skating one, Jan 22, a few post-eps I wrote last year, etc.

Ambitious Projects I don't think are happening right away (or ever), but probably have a detailed outline somewhere

(I put this up instead of last, because the next category has faves, but it's also a long one.)

Danny is back a bit earlier on s7. Toby leaks (or tries to leak? I always wavered) the shuttle to him, as he and CJ are getting closer.

Simon lives. How does his relationship with CJ evolve post-honeymoon phase? What is it like when Danny returns?

You’ve got mail AU. This outline had two ways the climax could go. I had fun.

Epistolary collab (?) fic. Probably an X + 1 fic. The only one with nothing written; don’t rule out writing it individually at some point.

And because this is so long already (but not as long as it could be)… A few more under the cut – more "I just want to make sure I like them" and "this meme reminded me I meant to pick those back up." And they are still not all. (How do you summarize seven years of writing?? I've only posted 20-something of them, lol.)

“Almost Ready (but I feel like I want to make changes to them) (might just redo them altogether)”

Haunted by the Notion, 2007 edition. My beta Ruth suggested this when she edited the other story, and I wrote it around then. It’s another Christmas dinner at Filomena, and, eight years later, things are different. I feel like it hits expected beats, and is just missing some oomph. Maybe. (As much as I do like it, half tempted to make it 2009. Or later.)

Heaven’s here…: A interrupted proposal. I’ve written many proposals over the years, and I love toying with different ideas and setups. Danny takes the lead here, but I’ve been intrigued by the idea of having CJ do the final twist.

5 to 6 am 'me' time. Another story inspired by last year’s rewatch that I wrote right at the start of it (so Jan 2023?). It has five short parts with five different years of what CJ describes in the pilot as her “me time.” This is one when I think one per year would be fun, but I don’t want to repeat myself.

One bed, “sexy” edition. An AU to a sort of AU (one of the drabbles from this summer) and… it's what it says on the tin. The world does not need to read my attempts at smut. If I didn’t put it in the previous category, it’s because I am not sure that I want to post it. (All the previous attempts are locked somewhere; unfortunately, someone loves this one and noticed when I tried to do that, lol.)

First baby kick: I remember writing this while in grad school (so, late 2017? First half of 2018) but I lost it, along other fic, when my laptop had to be reset because I used Bear to write back then, but didn’t have sync across devices. I rewrote it, and I feel like it's not the same, but still. It's sweet! Includes: Danny talking to the baby, domestic fluff, and… baby kicks!

“This meme reminded me they exist and I love them, so don't be surprised if they are posted before anything in a previous category”

(Lbr, if I added something about them in this post at all, it’s because they sparked some memory.)

Mosaic broken hearts: CJ, circa S4, jealousy. Prompted by a former fandom friend, back in my productive era (first half of 2021; before that friend just ghosted me.)

I can’t believe I captured your heart (pancake breakfast, three words and eight letters). For a while there, I edited it so much but then I fell off. iirc, it was part of some morning-related prompts I saw around that I tried to fulfill in 2018? 2019? And they had like internal progression. But this one was the best of the 3-4, and I kept tweaking it.

Green light of forgiveness (IM-ish) — there are many other IM/IM-Tomorrow snippets I’ve written over the years. I’m not sure if this one makes much sense, but I liked it enough.

Distance — I recall liking this one! Might have to bump it up. CJ is in Africa, Danny is at the Farm and sulking because they left off on some sort of argument. There is some Danny-Abbey friendship goodness here. I even have a second file that is “Distance - shorter version (it’s not)”

Danny writes fiction, shows it to CJ during her pregnancy and she’s into it. Technically written. I would probably try to take another stab at it. Third time might be the charm?

San Andreo phone call/fallout from ID. I just had the idea of CJ reaching out once things calm down. This is one of those fics I’ve written a version of every year or so, but I think there was one I liked quite a bit.

Terrible taste in men — a run-in with an OC ex of CJ. It was so dumb.

Fka Impatience - actually beta’d three years ago (by that fandom friend I've mentioned twice before… actually, three times) and “done”. I just think I’d change so much about it these days. It started being something else but ended up being a CJ-Toby friendship story in which they have lunch and catch up. But I would want to rewrite most of it now, and not just because it’s from like… 2019 (but finished in 2021).

I forgot this one initially! he's passing by, rare as the comet in my sky - 2? 3? times CJ thinks she sees Danny somewhere, and one time she does. (Which tried to work in the 'I remember shunning you' line.) I even wrote some sort of sequel later! Probably useless.

I said I would post a lightning round with fics that are either also done but not ready for me to mention them, or just… not done at all. The length of this post and how much I've spent on it is embarrassing. To give a general overview: in line with the nonsense I've been mentioning, includes phone calls at the end of S7, also a few friendship-focused fics around that time, too; present-day stuff; anniversaries; Hollis fundraisers; weddings; many ficlets, introspective thoughts, a “yes day” fic that's super sweet but needs better dares, the third memoir idea (the original one!!!!) that I had three years ago… And those are mostly the ones I had preselected, lol.

If you're interested, I can screenshoot this part in the notes app if you message me!

Anyway, this is embarrassing, and the worst part is that it's not all. fml.

[fereldanwench]

WIP Whenever

I was tagged by the lovely @elmknight and @theviridianbunny to share some stuff in-work--Thank you, bbs! ♡♡♡

I've been deep in CP77 photomode lately. I finally updated my game the other week, and I've been having a lot of fun especially with the Nibbles to NPCs 2.0 mod to even more easily pose Goro.

I also have a fuckton of photos to edit. Just a few waiting patiently in my Lightroom gallery:

I've also been wrapping up some Tumblr clean-up and refreshing. I've got a new pinned post I just need to make some graphics for, and I recently redid my layout to be a little simpler.

(I was actually using this theme back when I first started playing CP77 in 2021, but I think I had styled it more for Mass Effect Andromeda at the time.)

Aaannddd that's pretty much it, tbh.

September is always kind of a crazy month for me, and this year is particularly intense: my husband and I will be celebrating our 16th anniversary on the 12th and we're starting the process of moving from the place we've lived for 10 years, my side of the family has 3 birthdays throughout the month, in 2 weeks my brother and SIL are finally doing a wedding ceremony they've been putting off since the start of the pandemic, there are a few local events and conventions I've got lined up, and work always picks up around this time of year.

Although I did take the week of Phantom Liberty's release off. It coincided with traveling for my brother's wedding, and I haven't had a week to myself since Christmas last year--It felt like a good time to take a breather. ♡♡♡

Tagging anyone else who wants to share what they're working on!

[elainsweetcobalt]

I think the main reason why Elriel was seen as the most toxic side of the fandom is because everytime other ships post something about Elain and Az and the million reasons why they shouldn't be together, Elriels comes out and refute it. I've always seen it on every platform. Elriels will always throw canons and it was seen as form of attack or aggressiveness.

The sad thing is only Elriels actions are seen and condemned but not the people who created baits, or post lies on the internet. The person who lies about sources and having direct contact with BB was never called out. The mole on the fb group was never called out. The blog created to bully Elriels, the elriel artists and commissioner getting bullied out of the fandom, the disrespect toward Elriel arts, the constant bullying and side remarks, and alienation to Elriels was never seen. People overlook at that because they refuse to hear what's truly happening. There are so many noises on different sides but they are the only ones allowed to share their feelings but once an Elriel did it? Once they share what they truly feel because they're also human? They get condemned. There's always a public call out. #shamelriel was the recent disappointing thing I've seen recently, followed by constant naming towards an entire group. And at the end of the day, people are convinced it is Elriels who are still "creating" dramas and toxicity.

I think Elriels should never be condemned for preferring Elain and Azriel together and for replying or reblogging someone post to clear up lies and twisting facts. Most Elriels existed since 2016, there's dramas but never this kind of attack that has been happening since 2021. I truly admire those who are here for long, those who chose to speak up and those who wished to stay silent. I know whatever Elriel does, (either keeping things private or sharing their feelings and thoughts on the internet) will be deemed negatively.

It'll be not for long though, hopefully, because acotar 5 is coming. And I wish all these petty nonsense would eventually stop.

So hold on a little longer Elriels! Most Feysand stans loves Elriels too. We may never engage on the shipwar but we can see. I know some Feysands and Elriels aren't besties but it doesn't mean we hate one because we love both. (Especially that most Elriels are Feysand stan first)

There's nothing wrong if you speak up, nothing wrong if you all wanted to clear everything. Definitely nothing wrong for loving Elain and Az (individual and together) I understand the desperate want to not be labeled as toxic because you're only here to enjoy a ship. All these noises? It'll eventually die down, you'll laugh at it someday, but the important thing is the space and friendship you created (like what your fellow Elriel said here days ago).

I promise, you guys are not the drama 💛

Ps: so many Elriel arts and fanfics lately, I'll go and support it too! And also so many new Elriels! New fanfic writers and artists, new blogs every week showing their love to Elriels. I've seen how Elriels grows on here, tiktok, twitter, and Instagram. It is very exciting 💛

Pss: tumblr may seem as not the safe space anymore unlike pre acosf, but be sure that it still is. It is because most Elriels I see truly love the ship and are very welcoming, true and warm! People will still come and find this space safe because of you guys.

Hi Anon Thanks for that message and sorry for taking so long to reply, the last few days have been a bit overwhelming and I stayed away from my inbox as some questions are not as nice as yours.

I think I agree with much of what you said although I would like to add a few things I don't think this is about ship there are some people who say "what nonsense arguing over ships" but some things go further when people are having behaviors questionable, the most decent thing would be to look at what is happening and if it is a behavior that needs to be addressed it should be done mainly if that behavior is affecting different people, we elriels are also human and many times it is painful to see what happens in this fandom, too I think people talk a lot about "my right" and forget the fact that others, if you make a violent post, don't expect people to respond with love and kindness, we all have the right to react and get angry or sad, but as little as possible. as adults is to keep ourselves as decent people and look for solutions. Thanks again for your question I really appreciate it and I hope that at some point this fandom will be what it was before and what it always should be a place to be a fan and have a good time with your friends and people who enjoy the same things as you ❤️

[incandescentflower]

2023 Fic Roundup

I've been doing this for the last few years and it's been a satisfying exercise so time to take a look at my AO3 and see what I did this year for writing.

A full list of all my fic can be found here on tumblr or on my AO3. (sometimes I forget to update my tumblr list but I end up catching up eventually). I also tag posts about my fic with the incredibly creative tag "my fic."

After a few absolutely maniacal years of writing, this year slowed down. I missed it, but life and more responsibilities at work got in the way. Still, there were some satisfying accomplishments.

Words posted: 178,315

Fics posted: 14 - less than half of what I wrote last year :'(

Fics completed: 13 (still one wip nagging at me, sigh)

Fandoms written in: Cherry Magic Th, Bad Buddy, Be My Favorite, The Eclipse, My Tooth Your Love, Never Let Me Go, Our Dating Sim, Semantic Error, Word of Honor

Fandom most written in both word count and fics:

Bad Buddy with 3 fics (1 wip) and 59, 071 wc

Fic with most hits, kudos and comments: Somebody to You for Semantic Error - an arranged marriage AU

Other notable fics I wrote this year:

I finished Echoes in the Dark, a fic I started about a month after Word of Honor aired and then I was distracted by some other fandom events. It's an AU where Zhou Zishu is also kidnapped by the Ghost Valley master when he and Wen Kexing were children. There's great art for it from the wip big bang and I'm really proud of it.

I also wrote sending wishes into the sky, a fic focused on Wen Kexing's relationship with Gu Xiang and processing her death for a discord exchange that I ended up fully outlining in a few hours and finishing at warp speed because I knew exactly what I was trying to do with it.

And a few one shots for Our Dating Sim that I even feel warm and fuzzy when I read them.

Plus finally finishing the Semantic Error fic I linked above that I started in 2022.

My writing this year was dominated by thai bl shows, which is interesting since I had not written for any thai bl until Bad Buddy. But I did a few exchanges (one in bbs fandom and one in GMM fandom) so that definitely made it more likely for me to write them.

Last year I said my writing goals will be to continue to work on finding a balance between catching inspiration when it comes and keeping going when a story requires more detailed work and sustained attention. This remains a continued goal. I finally finished two long standing wips this year and I have one more to go.

Also, related, getting better at outlining longer plots. haha.

For 2024, I will finish The Triple N Project if it is the last thing I do. I would also like to write some more for Cherry Magic Thailand and go back to a reincarnation AU I started for The Devil Judge long ago.

(all stats are for fic finished in 2023 only, my 2022 and 2021 posts are here)

[tisiphonewolfe]

Author Ask Tag Game

My thanks to @doublegoblin for tagging me here!

This is going to mostly be in the context of The Tectomancy Saga -

(1) What is the main lesson of your story (e.g. kindness, diversity, anti-war), and why did you choose it?

I don't know if I can say there's a singular main lesson or message that the story is meant to provide. Different characters will learn different things. I want Releine to realise that she has inherent value and isn't only defined by what she can do for other people; I want Almyra to learn that even smaller goals are victories; I want Jessa to learn that you don't have to be who other people expect you to be; I want Tenacity to learn that your goals, however noble, can't come before the people you care about. And I just want Ellimane to get her shit together quite frankly. I don't know that I chose them so much as that that's where those character arcs seem to want to go. I guess they're things I've had to learn to some extent in life.

(2) What did you use as inspiration for your worldbuilding (like real-life cultures, animals, famous media, websites, etc.)?

I honestly find that very hard to pin down! I guess I owe a lot to certain authors in terms of the kind of things I find fun to think about and write ideas from. I guess they would be: Terry Pratchett, Paul Stewart & Chris Riddell, Garth Nix, and Tamsyn Muir. Worlds full of weird creatures, worlds that are weird shapes, worlds that have an edge you can fall off, worlds that are full of cryptic magic. I think I have at least that group of people to thank for getting my brain going. And of course, I have to pay mention to fairy tales and their long history of putting Princesses in towers and guarding them with dragons - that was the whole thing that made me think "and what if the Princess loves the dragon?" in the first place.

(3) What is your MC trying to achieve, and what are you, the writer, trying to achieve with them? Do you want to inspire others, teach forgiveness, help readers grow as a person?

Mostly I think I just want others to love them as much as I do. That's a lot of the fun of reading to me, at least - get attached to someone funky and fucked-up and see where they go. Adore them for their wits and weird quirks, and the things they turn to in themselves when the situation is dire. I want readers to worry for them, post their favourite quotes on tumblr, think about them when they're cooking and cleaning! That's what I do when I love a character.

(4) How many chapters is your story going to have?

Well, MWC&C ended with 47 chapters, and BBS&B is currently on chapter 40 and will probably run longer than its predecessor. There are two more books I can think of in the main sequence, so I'd guess roughly 200+. There are a couple of prequel novels I could write, and I had an idea for a sequel trilogy, but I guess whether I invest in that depends on if I can get anyone reading the original books!

(5) Is it fanfiction or original content? Where do you plan to post it?

It's original content all the way. I'm hoping to get a chance to publish it (agents, please call me), but if all else fails, I guess I'll try and self-publish somehow. Marketing is not one of my great skills though, so it'll be a challenge.

(6) When and why did you start writing?

November 2021. I've talked about this before, but I lost my love of reading for a number of years, mostly because I was depressed and also trying to read the wrong kind of books for me just because I thought that they were the kinds of things that people should read. In 2021 I finally had to know who the spooky bone lesbians on my dash were and read Gideon the Ninth. Then that year I inhaled a dozen more sapphic books and remembered that as well as liking reading, I loved to write once upon a time (har har) and thought I'd give that another go.

(7) Do you have any words of engagement for fellow writers of Writeblr? What other writers of Tumblr do you follow?

What are words of engagement?! Are we courting, or is it pistols at dawn?! I guess I would say - assuming we're talking about interacting with other writers - don't be afraid to just come and chat with me about stuff. If I say something that reminds you of one of your characters, or something about your world, then please tell me, because I'll probably like that too. We can show stuff off to one another and play with our characters like dolls. If you mean words of encouragement, I'd say this: Even a little bit of writing is still writing. Don't beat yourself up if you don't have the energy to bash out thousands of words in a sitting. Do a few hundred; a paragraph; a sentence. You'll get there eventually. And don't bum yourself out waiting for inspiration - sometimes the best inspiration is just typing a horrifically bad sentence. Doing that makes me want to write the next one better.

I follow too many writers to list, but I'm going to tag some for this game (very, very gently), so - @sam-glade @indy-gray @aalinaaaaaa @comicgoblinart

[katyspersonal]

Re: This post

First off, congrats on three years, girlie!! This is so cool, man. I love seeing Soulsborne games change people’s worlds and give them passion and inspiration for years afterwards <333

(Now hurry up and get to over ten years like me you scrub 😎😎)

Asfghajsdg but in all seriousness, I love that we both started getting active around the BB tumblr fandom around the same time, because even though I was a Soulsborne junkie, I had never found a stable group of lore-friends to enjoy it with, and throughout 2020-2021, I was just drifting aimlessly after watching my old fandom community collapse.

I had been only using tumblr for random shit on another account before this one, but one day I looked up something about the Doll and Gehrman, kinda wondering if the whole “Even the Doll” creep-theory had any other interpretations. I just didn’t like the idea that Miyazaki had written his main “sad old man” of Bloodborne to be a weirdo because it didn’t sound…right? Something felt really off lol. His “sad old men” types usually are dark because of their grave mistakes that led to the deaths of people they cared about/innocent people.

It’s always more tragic than it is gross, and Miyazaki is big on that type of story-telling. He likes his refinement. Sure enough, that gave me the hunch that the Doll wasn’t…ya know.

And voila! I stumble across your brilliant post! I think it was one of the things that made me finally create a Soulsborne blog because I wanted to reblog it. I’m not sure if that’s the exact timeline, but it was definitely part of what drew me over here.

And now here we are, going strong, trying to move on after going through fandom drama hell, and it’s been three years!

Honesty? You are kicking ass <3

Girl you say this, but at the almost same time, Fantomette also started scouting the fandom and figured she wanted to stick with me over that post :pensive: That post makes me extremely nostalgic! It was just... so chill, so nice, so leveled. 0% fatigue. Where did that nice version of me go and who is this angry unlikeable bitch typing this ask response now? xD

But yeah, overall, Soulsborne games are just written in such a way that it genuinely helps to know all of them on at least basic story level to understand each of them individually! The more I learned about reoccuring themes in other games in the series, the better my lore understanding became. You know I would not do shit on Research Hall and Deep Sea without DS3, or better grasp ER characters without entire DS trilogy! If you don't want to play, just learn their themes and story, I promise it helps a lot!

Anyways thank you for the nice words; I had not even noticed how fast the time went by! It feels like I have not done "enough" considering three years span, but maybe I am underestimating myself and focusing too much comparing amount of my drawings compared with faster and more talented artists. After all, fandomry is first about discussions and passion, and I've had nothing BUT that on the way x) So yeah, let's just give up and die watch fandom crash and burn. Because, you know what? THE very "system" that made it crash and burn to begin with will also, eventually, crash and burn, and something good will sprout from the ruins. And we won't miss it! Except, that good era will also crash and burn eventually. And then the thing that destroyed it will. And then what people build from THOSE ruins will. And then another thing... and another thing... and another thing.....

STILL I want you to be there for me through every turn of the downward spiral, you chicken <3 *stabs u affectionately*

[dimpledpran]

8 Shows to Get to Know Me

I was tagged by the lovely @talays-portkey and @i-got-the-feels​ !

1. Ghost Whisperer (2005-2010) I think this was the first show that i actually tried to watch as it was airing. I still remember waiting for 10pm every Friday, whether everyone else was awake or not. I think I watched all the way from Season 1-4, until it stopped airing on our local channel. 

2. Glee (2009-2015)  Honestly this was my introduction to the English music scene. I did not grow up listening to English songs, so my initial playlist was basically Disney Channel artists and Glee covers. As a music lover, I just enjoyed listening to their takes of the songs. I think I stopped watching somewhere during Season 3, and only did the Cory tribute episode after that.

3. Teen Wolf (2011-2017)  This was the first show that I started reading fanfics for. Well I started reading before I watched it, but Sterek stole my heart. I was very into the series, to the point that I watched Season 3B in one night because I had to find out what happened. Dumb me thought it was a good idea to start a new season at 8pm at night. I stayed up through the night, and texted my friend at 6am to yell about the whole thing. And they replied that it is too early to be awake to scream about it. “What do you mean wake up and watch it. I haven’t slept yet” So yeah. Stiles is my baby, and I will protect him with my life.

4. The Untamed (2019)  My friend recommended this to a few of us during covid lockdown, and I am very glad she did. It really opened me up to a whole new world. This show had such a grip on me. To the point that I started a new side blog for it, and learnt how to make edits for it. I got to know so many incredible people through the network cos of this show. It was such a brilliant show! The plot is so intricate! It has angst and heartache and amazing costumes and stunning sets and a cast who honestly killed it. Definitely a show that I would recommend to everyone. 

5. Bad Buddy (2021-2022)  Obviously I can’t go without talking about BB here. Have you seen my blog URL? Till BB, I never watched a show as it was airing. I usually wait for it to end and then binge, or start watching it just in time for the finale. But I kept seeing gifs on tumblr and it made me want to check it out. And boy am I glad I did it. It was such a fun experience to watch it live and scream on a weekly basis. For some reason the hold that this show has on me seems to be lifelong? I have no complaints though. I am still enjoying all the BB brainrot. Pran is my baby. I have never related to a character as much as I relate to him. He is so precious to me. And this show just blends angst with humour and a touch of reality so well. I am making it my personal mission to read through every Patpran fic on AO3. This show made me want to try writing. I cannot explain how much this show means to me. A definite must-watch as well!

6. Arivaan (2019-2020)  So my sister told me that this is my kind of show and made me watch it. I started it while she was halfway through, and finished it way before her. It was right up my alley. The whole premise is about trying to identify a serial killer who has been murdering women, and leaves an origami paper crane behind. There is a police officer who manages to find these clues and tries to identify him, but the killer disappears and due to personal issues he end up leaving the force. Years later the killer is back and he somehow gets roped into it again, but his partner is now leading the case, and is finding out things that he doesn’t really want to. And I really enjoyed the way it was taken, and the I am really hoping that there will be a Season 2 for this. 

7. Paava Kadhaigal (2020)  Honestly no show has made me as mad as this has, and that is totally the point. (Although I am totally gonna be ignoring the second episode. That does not exist to me) It is an anthrological series, with 4 3 episodes touching on different hard topics/issues prevalent in society. The way it was taken , the music, THE CAST, EVERYTHING WAS BRILLIANT!! I had to pause it and just scream on twitter to release all the frustration that this brought up. Which means it really did its job well. I have not watched this series  since the first time, but trust me when I say I remember every detail because it has such a lasting impact. Especially the first and the last. I was bawling.  NOTE: This can be very highly triggering, so please do check out the synopsis before you watch it. Or feel free to hit me up with any questions, or just scream about it if you do check it out. 

8. 3 Will Be Free (2019)  Insane plot with amazing characters with so much depth. Loved that each character was so complex. There is no character that is purely good or bad, like it was so real, and you feel for them all equally. This really set a standard that no other show has reached so far. I need another series like this. And of course anyone who put Tay Tawan in funky suits gets a plus from me. Also more female characters need to have guns!!

Honorary Mentions: Mindhunter: This would have been number 8, if it wasnt cancelled!! The casting directors for this deserve all the bonuses for how creepily identical the actors look to the actual serial killers! It was so interesting to try and get into the head of the serial killers and understand why they did what they did. LOVED IT!!! Until We Meet Again: This used to be my favourite BL series until Bad Buddy took over. I loved Fluke’s effortless acting. He is brilliant. And I love the whole concept of reincarnation and finding you soulmate. And this did it so well with the angst and touch of humour and romance. And of course TeamWin stole my heart. 

Theory Of Love: Honestly, wasn’t that much of a fan the first time I watched it. But the redemption arc is so goood, that I felt so much for Khai the second time I watched it. That train station scene just lives in my head. So for rewatch factor, this deserves a honorary mention.

The Good Place, Word Of Honor, We Best Love, Stranger Things, RE:Mind

Tagging: @highwarlockkareena , @eohachu , @markpakin , @fangrui , @fuujiikaze , @gege @seawherethesunsets @gaiamochi (no pressure)

[rereadanon]

tag game tuesday thursday: fandom edition! ✨

thanks for the tags, friends @celestialmickey, @gallawitchxx, & @michellemisfit! I need something to absolutely keep me from my responsibilities and that is not sarcasm!

your name: Anna

your age: I was born in the 1980's baby

your first fandom(s): Shameless

your current fandom(s): Shameless

how did you first get into fandom? I saw a Buzzfeed about best tv proposals which immediately led me to YouTube which led me to begin a full binge of Shameless on Netflix right before the pandemic. Then the Pandy started and oh my goodness I needed some new coping mechanisms and I had finished my binge but I needed MORE IAN AND MICKEY so I googled fanfic and read and read. Then I stalked some tumblrs and I finally broke down and made one on 8/17/2021 and here I am!

how long have you been engaging with fandom spaces? like I just said 😇

how often do you read fanfics? As much as possible, but at least every night in bed

top 3 characters from your current fandom(s): Mickey Milkovich, Ian Gallagher, and Sandy Milkovich

have you ever written a fic for a fandom? if so, shout it out! Yes, yes, my lil ficlet Friday bbs AO3 I definitely promise more in the future!

have you ever drawn fanart for a fandom? if so, drop a link! No, but I want to!

share a personal headcanon that you feel very strongly about: Look, Mickey and Sandy, and probably Tami are really serious about their RuPaul's Drag Race watch dates. Ian is not allowed! Also, Mickey loves Megan Thee Stallion I will die on these hills baby!

you’re trying to convince a friend to get into your current fandom(s) with you. what episode, clip, or scene are you showing them? LOOK AT THESE SLUTS THEY ARE SO HOT FOR EACH OTHER and that's it, if they aren't convinced, then they are a lost cause and not worth my precious breath!

and finally, what does fandom mean to you? oh buddyyyyy, well like I mentioned above, I came into this during the pandemic. I was working the biggest med-surg floor at a city hospital and I was exposed very early on (luckily I stayed negative). Anyways, my anxiety was absolutely bonkers, as was my anger (no hazard pay but records profits for the healthcare industry?!). So fic became so so special and meaningful to me, which led me to all these new friends that I feel like I have no reason but to be myself around and they are all so supportive and encouraging and we can talk about smut and its totally normal and they feed my brain regularly with words and art and gifs and headcanons and FRIENDSHIP and omggggg I love you all so so so so much!!!!!!!!!!

I will refrain from tagging since it's late late late but if you read this, I am giving you a virtual and consensual hug and know that you are amazing and strong and wonderful and your feelings and headcanons are valid!

[yichens]

8 Shows to Get to Know Me

thank you for tagging me josi @wanderlust-in-my-soul​​ ♥ am always happy to talk about shows that are important to me~

(tried to write these down in order from oldest to newest! meaning: when they came into my life and changed me)

I. Merlin (2008-2012)

one of the first shows i ever watched from a streaming site (aka illegally online haha), tho i did start watching it while it was airing on our tv. i adore the atmosphere, the world, the characters, and the whole journey throughout all five seasons. it feels whole. the fandom here is also amazing, even if i mostly watch it from afar ♥

II. Theory of Love (2019)

am not really sure when exactly i watched this for the first time, but i have vague memories of the last ep or the special ep only having just aired. it was one of my first introductions to bls - to good and more thoughtful bls - and i loved it with my whole chest. after rewatching it a year ago, i can still say it’s one of those shows that has rearranged something permanently in me. 

III. Sense8 (2015-2018)

the show that feels like it was made for me. it’s just so full of things i love: fantasy, mysteries, action, character bonds, found family, love, acceptance, understanding, and even psychological themes. i love each of the characters very dearly and enjoyed all of their relationships with each other. i also loved what this show did with intimacy, both the emotional and physical kind, by showing how it can be a source of great comfort. 

IV. The Untamed (2019)

my first ever cdrama that opened up a whole new world for me. it became one of my first ever big hyperfixations, one of my great loves. it let me dive into the world of other cdramas and so even more great shows. and it brought me to many new things and ppl here on tumblr after leading me into editing and so to the mdzs network ♥

V. The Lost Tomb 2 / Explore With The Note (2019)

i cannot really pack dmbj into only one show bc each of the adaptations has given me something to chew on, but tlt2 is always my baby. it is the show that made me love pingxie, the show that made me insane about their story, and the show i would die for. it gave me serious brainrot for such a long time, and even if it’s not the best one of the adaptations, it’s still very, very dear to me.

VI. You’re My Glory (2021) 

i never thought a romance show would get to me but this one did in so many ways. it taught me some precious lessons and i think it changed how i see accomplishments, dreams, and working hard to reach personal goals. it gave me hope and strength, and it just made me believe in love that is comfortable and adjusts to your needs. 

VII. Bad Buddy (2021)

the show that changed me about a year ago. the show that somehow opened up a lock inside of me, that allowed me to feel new things, that comforted me and understood me. idk if any bl can ever feel as much home as bb does. little did i know that when i started watching this silly bl during the christmas it was still airing, it would consume me, heart and soul, and then lead me here, wrapped up in this bl world. 

VIII. Vice Versa (2022)

if there’s one show to define me right now, to define me for the past year, it’s vice versa. it’s everything to me in every sense. it’s a show i go to when i want to cry, or smile, or feel warm, or happy, or sad, or delighted, or comforted, or loved. it’s a show that feels like a hug, a show that heals me in all the ways i need to be healed. it means so much to me. and it doesn’t hurt that it’s still one of the most beautiful bls i’ve ever seen ♥ (i could write essays of vv, tho at the same time it feels like the jane austen quote, “if i loved you less, i might be able to talk about it more”)

some honorary mentions: 

The Long Ballad (2021), Not Me (2021), My Country: The New Age (2019), The Blood of Youth (2022), and 3 Will Be Free (2019)

tagging: @leonpob​ @stormyoceans​ @dimpledpran​ @hils79​ @psychic-waffles​ @ardentlytess​ @oswlld​ @sanoreo​ ♥

[toxicnorn]

i didn't really do this for the sake of nostalgia but i was looking through some past blogs and internet IDs of mine

i'm a very different person from who i was when i originally joined tumblr. i approach writing in a very different way. my opinions on a lot of things have changed a lot. i really cannot give two shits about most discourse nowadays that i used to have opinions on.

when it comes to creative work, i had a lot more energy and confidence, but this was a double-edged sword because for a long period of time, i was single-handedly focused on rp as a distraction from some real heavy shit irl and my fandom stuff wasn't necessarily healthy for me. this is something i've struggled with on and off over the years because i tend to latch really hard to fiction and characters when things are bad. i wrote some really good sentences though and some good characters. i keep trying to recreate the same feelings by recycling characters, but they're different each time because nostalgia's a false thing and you can't just make the same thing twice but different and expect it to be the same.

my latest attempts at fic and rp are trying to come from a different source, which i think is healthier in the long run.

i was like super depressed from 2014-2018 and then the election pummeled me into a different funk for two years, which was better in some ways but worse in others. around 2019, i was finally able to move out of my parents' house for some time. it wasn't very far but it did help me clear my head a bit.

then 2020 happened. i moved back in with my parents for a few months and it was kind of awful, but then i moved back and things were actually better on my end for a bit, but i was still very weird and squirrelish.

2021 happened somewhere along those lines and i don't remember most of 2021 because it was a hell year of going to doctor's appointments until the very end of it. i moved across the country in 2022 to be with my gf (hey bb love you very much if you are reading this) and for the first time maybe ever, i feel like i'm in a pretty good place. i know that there is a still a lot of work ahead of me to figure out How to Be A Person 101 and get over my hangups but i'm really happy.

anyway, when your creative output has been based entirely on distracting yourself from blue moods up until now, it's a bit wild trying to readjust your brain to go "hey, actually, it's okay to like things just to like them, you can fuel yourself with other emotions, having characters that live in your head is not cringe or something." i'm having fun though, even if i can't manage the output that i'd like to.

this isn't me gloomyposting btw. i think if anything, it's the opposite because things are pretty okay. i might have issues that creatively frustrate me and i might have flaws i'm trying to work on and of course learning How To Social is always an ongoing effort and we aren't even getting into the ongoing saga of Getting My Bran To Work On Medication (on one hand, it's been great because i have the least amount of anxiety than i have ever had in my life; on the other hand, my brain feels like it's two feet out of reach more days than i'd like it to and i'm really frustrated by the fact that i cannot make the connections between thoughts and actions, like my brain just stutters before comprehending that ii should do very basic actions), but all in all, things are great and i'm excited for the future.

there are a lot of people i've lost track of that vanished off tumblr after 2018. i realized a small handful of people were assholes. some of the people i used to know seem to have fallen off the fact of the internet entirely and i doubt i'll ever learn what happened to them. at least one of my very early internet friends died, klim. i don't really know what happened to most of the people i knew in those days when i was on gaia online but i hope that they're doing well. i was a very different person when i was on that site but i was also 16, so of course i was.

anyway, i talk different now. i communicate differently. my internet voice has changed. i used to use random caps for everything. i don't capitalize shit anymore and you can't make me.

i don't really want to get back into the mindsets of me of years prior, but i do want to be able to tap into that well of creative potential because it seemed like i had so much energy for writing, for talking about writing, for sharing and brainstorming and thinking. i know that i am a person capable of writing a novella in the same of a few weeks so i want to regain that.

but i want to have more fun with it this time. i want it to belong to me and not belong to various plagues and maladies. i think deep down, there is a part of me that misses being nine and thinking i had invented fanfiction and talking about my zelda fic with all my friends without a hint of self-consciousness, but, like, with less 1999 going on because the 90s normalized a lot of shit that's not great.

anyway i don't really know where i'm going with this, so i am going to rotate characters in my mind before i go to bed