#Az is a character I deeply relate to. In the good ways and the bad

[animezinglife]

I’m intrigued by the conversations about Azriel not feeling like he belongs. I definitely agree there’s a deep sense of isolation; loneliness despite his found family and envy. Frustration towards the fact he’s found himself closed off and isolated again being the only unmated (as far as we know) male among his brothers.

So I want to raise this question: where do you see Azriel ending up? I don’t necessarily mean a location, but in life?

I do think a large part of his story will be finding his mate and finding love. I’d be a little sick to my stomach if SJM went the route of, “Well, not everyone gets what they want.”

That’s true, just as it’s true Az isn’t quite ready for a mate yet. But that doesn’t mean he won’t be someday (and I absolutely want that for him).

I want to know where you all see his story going.

[ask-emoripals]

Welcome friends

Info

Emori Pals is set in Shrimperini’s Emori au, where everyone except Aubrey is edgy in some way and Mari lives. Ask questions or give scenarios relating to the characters and see how they react.

Mari 🎹

19 years old. A huge nerd who loves literature, music, and the occult. Is dating Hero and is a prodigy like him. Is very absent-minded and stays indoors most of the time.

Sunny 🔪

16 years old. Mari’s little brother. Quiet and stoic, but cares deeply for his friends and family. Doesn’t care for rules and is often a troll to his loved ones. Owns a large knife collection and likes making jewelry. Kel is his boyfriend

Aubrey ⭐️

17 years old. Headstrong, very loving and caring towards her friends. Isn’t afraid to scold them if they do dumb or bad things. Loves animals and goes to church several times a week. Is very accepting towards others. She, Kim and Basil are now dating.

Basil 🪴

17 years old. The Zaza lord himself! Friendly and very chill, though has a dark sense of humor. Loves photography, gardening plants, and cultivating mushrooms. (The normal kind, surprisingly enough) He, Kim and Aubrey are now dating.

Hero 📖

19 years old. Very arrogant and a bit of jerk, though cares for his friends deep down. Is extremely nerdy and a prodigy like his girlfriend Mari, who he is deeply in love with. Barely gets along with Kel.

Kel 🏀

17 years old. Huge inferiority complex and is very angry and bitter, especially at his parents and Hero. Spends most of his time outside exercising and playing basketball. Has very low self esteem and acts like a tsundere to everyone, especially Sunny, who he is dating.

Mincy 🖌️

16 years old. Very shy but in the mean way. Very closed off to most people except for Kel and Cris. Is an amazing artist and sewer, designs her own clothes and dresses. Heavily distrusts the government, and can be very lazy. She is dating Cris.

Kim 🦖

17 years old. A little shy, but intermixed with a kind heart and huge love for dinosaurs, avians and reptiles. Is a huge nerd and also a straight A student. Doesn’t like church that much, but still visits for Aubrey’s sake. Is dating Aubrey and Basil.

Cris 🦈

17 years old. Stand-offish and mysterious, she is very popular in school, and has a lot of fans. Is a great swimmer and loves the ocean… especially the deep sea. Is good friends with Kel and Sunny, though bickers with the former. She is dating Mincy.

Rules

Basic DNI criteria (No proshippers or bigotry.)

No NSFW

Tell me if I forget a CW or TW

Anon gifts allowed

Can’t be in the same room as the characters.

Rp ‘ing as a Omori character, whether canonical or from another au, is allowed, unless it is the characters in this blog.

When a character is in gay baby jail, that means they are unavailable for asking, nor will they be able to appear on the blog. The good news is that they are treated with ethical care and rehabilitated unlike with the actual prison system.

Main Blog is kid-az

kid-az: LINK

[notalostcausejustyet]

I could go on all day about the psychosocial implications of how Crowley is edified and Aziraphale victim blamed into oblivion. So here we go.

I think part of it is sadly obvious. Crowley more closely aligns with what is considered traditionally “attractive”. He’s thin, tall, fashion forward with that bad-boy vibe. The swagger, the snark, the cheek. C’mon. Every goth girl’s high school dream boy. Sad, wet, demon. Suave , ridiculous, manic pixie dream boy. So his foibles and mistakes are excused. Is he as bad as a demon should be? No, he isn’t. Is his morally compass fairly sound? Yes, it is. But Neil’s been clear. Crowley isn’t as blameless in his fall as he likes to report. He’s an unreliable narrator. He isn’t bad, but he definitely isn’t harmless or all good. Weird. How very human of him.

Aziraphale is every one of us who spent the majority of our primary school years trying to avoid getting our library books stolen, our pencils broken and trying to minimize the chances of getting wailed on. He is not suave, he is not cool. He’s old fashioned , socially awkward, halfway to inappropriate with his enthusiasm for things. He’s fidgety and self conscious, old fashioned and anachronistic. He’s effeminate and meticulous. He dramatic and almost embarrassingly camp at times. He’s completely oblivious a lot of the time. He isn’t fashion forward or fit. He stands outside the societal diagram of “normal” enough so that it influences how people treat his character arc. They act as if Aziraphale is at fault for the abuse he’s suffered at heaven’s hands. He didn’t create the system. He’s stuck in it. A part of it, yes, but an increasingly reluctant one. Is Az as “good” as an angel should be? According to their standards, no. Plus he can be bitchy, classist and judge mental. But he makes huge strides in rectifying many of those attitudes as time goes on. His moral compass is sound. He starts that way and only becomes more so. He isn’t perfect. He has misjudged, made mistakes that hurt people. He makes excuses for Heaven far too often. But he genuinely tries his best to help people and do the right thing. He is never intentionally cruel. Weird. how very human of him.

All that to say, we know that deeply embedded social stigmas and expectations/bias are often reflects in how we relate to others. The startling divergence in how people relate to/project onto A/C really exemplifies that.

What in the name of-

___________

I don't even know where to start to complain about this one. So I guess I'll let y'all have a go at it 😂

Ready... set.. GO

[feysandfeels]

I gathered you read the chapter... how are we feeling, any thoughts you might want to share?

There I was, writing on my journal after a decent day at work when this fucking bomb exploded quite literally on my lap. But fear not I am here and we shall discuss until we can make fucking sense of it.  Should I even warn you of the length of this post, or are we all on the same “Luisa can’t synthesise for shit” boat now?

I. Azriel

I will start by saying that this does not make me hate Azriel or stop caring for him and wanting what’s best for him. I still do very much love him. This however does not mean I applaud or get behind how he expressed himself during this specially chapter. For me it was quite disturbing to see how he saw Elain merely as a sexual partner and thought that that translated into love. If he had made the distinction between being physically attracted to her and being in love with her, then I don’t think we would all be feeling like we are. Because it is fair to be sexually attracted to someone but not necessarily in love with them.

From what we saw I think we can gather that Azriel knows Mor is not into him and in his grief from all those years being in love he wants something immediate and there. On top of that he sees his brothers settled and feels like he is owed from the cauldron, so of course he starts seeing Elain as the perfect “solution” to his pain. Now, of course Elain (and no one for that matter) should be seen a solution to anything really. Much less he should jump on that boat and already think of her as his. Az, my sweet, possessiveness is not love. 

When I first read the chapter something stood out for me, he said he’s envious of his brothers and the emotional stability they both have, the fact that they were both chosen by the ones they love. We know Az loved Mor with all his heart and although she loves him too, it was not corresponded on the same energy since she is well bisexual homoromantic. He, so far, does not feel chosen in that same sense, which only feeds his insecurity of being unworthy.

In his envy he oversimplified things, he saw what both Rhys and Cassian now have and did the simple most stupid math ever: he went Rhys+Feyre = love, Cass+Nesta = love... hummm then If I’m single and Elain is single then it must mean Az+ Elain = love. (Sugar I love you but that is dumb as fuck). This has the same energy of when you are in high school and you let your friends convince you that you are actually into someone when you are really not, but then you buy into it and start believing in it yourself. In this case he was the one who created that push and convinced himself that it was the right thing.

I think so far we can gather a few things of the place Az is at right now: he is feeling extremely lonely, extremely envious and extremely sad. I do not think this excuses his behavior at fucking all, but at least we know where he is coming from. He is clearly mistaking sexual attraction and possessiveness as love. But I do think it all stems from this turbulent place he is at emotionally, not because he is a bad person. 

I do not thing he is a bad person for thinking of Elain as he does, because I truly think this is a set up for the growth he will experience. Is it a good look? honey no. But is it a realistic one? I dare say it is. As I said when I read this I got full on high school bull shit vibes, I thought “ohh I’ve seen this film before and I have lived it”. He is being immature and there is no denying. Which was only confirmed with him regifting that necklace... sugar... that was a dick move, very fucking dickish move -specially since it was alluded that they might have feelings for each other–. My man needs to do some emotional growth because yikes. 

II. The Narrative

Now, I have said before that for me, Sarah’s strength lies not so much on her world building or the originality of her works (which is not to say that her worlds suck or her narratives are not interesting and offer something new), but it lies more on her characters. To me she has always excelled at creating characters that do exemplify the range of humanity in its good, its bad, and all that’s in between. Even you can look at stuff that your fave did and go “yeah not cool at fucking all”. At least I know I can and I adore almost every character in this series. I love characters not because they are perfect but because I can either relate to them or because they allow me to understand and experience points of view that are alien to my own experience. Sarah has never made characters black and white. Your faves will make mistakes. Feyre has, Rhysand has, Cassian has, Nesta has, Elain has, Lucien has, Mor has and Az has. 

What make her books interesting from this perspective is that she says “characters development does not equal character growth”. Take Chaol for example –if you haven’t read ToG do yourself a favor and read it– his character arc is one of the most interesting and best fulfilled ones in that series because we saw him at his lowest, when we couldn’t empathize exactly and he was being an ass, and then we saw him question his problematic behavior and move past it. Character development means just that: that the character move from point a to point b. It doesn’t mean he will be better by the end, but it means movement. Character growth does mean he will hopefully get  to a place where they are “good”.

I think she knows exactly what she is doing with Az and with this teaser. Need I remind you of the chaos the bonus chapter in ACOFAS left this fandom in for a solid two years. This got our emotions high and got us one way or another expecting to see where this will all lead. I don’t think any of us were expecting this chapter when it was announced that Az would get a pov. 

III. Conclusion

To conclude I just want to reiterate that I don’t support how he’s is behaving. I think I am accepting how he is behaving. Acceptance however does not meant that I am behind it, it means that I accept it and I am willing to stick around to see him grow out of this and realize why this is all so wrong (because well you know I can’t actively engage with him since he is... you know... fictional). I have had moments like this with some of my closest friends irl with whom we’ve had talks about previous behavior and have had the “be fucking better” talk, which is something that Rhys essentially said (GOD BLESS YOU BOO), and is also a sentiment most of us shared, even Feyre, when Rhys forced Mor to face both of her abusers and then didn’t consult her when selling Velaris off to her dad. And to me that is part of what friendship means, it means being there through the growth.  

Everyone has their own limits of what they can understand of a character/person. If this is your own then it’s fine, no harm no foul. If this is what makes you jump ship from Elriel (that’s their ship name right?) then hey all good, I’m sorry for your loss.  

I am not an Azriel hater, nor I think I will ever be. At least not from the information I have right now. I do still love him and as I have said before I want to see him happy and with a healthy amount of self confidence (and no Azriel saying you could easily kill Lucien is not the healthy self confidence I am talking about). So if anything I am interested in the arc his character will face, we just caught him at a moral low –which to me still has a solid chance of growth–.

I hope this offer some light or whatever. And remember take it easy, it’s okay to feel things deeply but don’t quit in the middle of the war, we still have his book coming up and I am 100% that will enlighten us more. 

ANYWAYS, LONG LIVE ELUCIEN BITCHES.

[cowtale-utau]

Here we have Leif’s SFW AZ.

Alignment :: What would be their D&D alignment? How might it come into play? Neutral Good, with a mild lean into Lawful. He tries to be a Good Person ™, and follow the laws accordingly, but if he has to break a few to do the right thing, he will.

Beverage :: What do they most like to drink, and why? Water! Staying hydrated is important! Well, maybe not so much for a skeleton but its the thought that counts.

Co-Habitate :: Do they live with anyone? What’s “need to know” before moving in? In camp, and at the manor, there's always a bunch of skeles running about. He's pretty easy to live with, but high eneregy.

Decor :: What kind of home do they keep? Are there any defining details? He likes to keep things tidy, but he doesn't want to throw peoples things away. Some messes he leaves, and doggedly nags the mess maker until they clean it up. Other times, everything left out gets set into the various skeletons designated “mess” box, for them to sort through.

Escape :: What do they do to destress? How successful is it? Exercise and puzzles! He also hangs out with friends when he can. It usually works pretty well for him. He tries not to let things get to him.

Fluff :: What hits their soft spot? Does anything them into emotional goo? What doesn't hit Lief's soft spot? But more seriously, people who do their best, at anything. Anyone who puts a genuine effort into something will make him all warm and fuzzy.

Grudge :: How bad does an insult go over? Do they hold a grudge long? Lief believes people can always do and be better. Grudges just aren't in his nature.

Hobby :: What’s something they do for fun that might be surprising? It's not surprising but he does still love puzzles of any kinda. Word puzzles, Klotski wood puzzles, jigsaw puzzles, even riddles. Its something he's passionate about. He does also greatly enjoy helping Cook with dinner prep.

Insomnia :: What’s their sleeping schedule like? Snorer? Sound sleeper? Lief doesn't need much sleep, usually gets by fine on about two hours. Four if he really wears himself out. He sleeps soundly and deeply.

Jaded :: Do they buy into the “happily ever after” ideal? What’s their standard? Oh absolutely. He has plans to get his happily ever after, after everything is settled and monsters are properly part of the world and he can finally relax a little.

Kin :: What’s their role among their relations? Do they consider others family? His family extends a bit beyond just the skele-clan but they're always top of the list. He's a natural peace keeper. He diffuses any conflicts that arise and does his best to keep everyone as happy as possible.

Law :: What do they think about abiding rules? Are they selective about it? He tries to follow the laws as much as possible. But if absolutely necessary, he'll break them.

Magic :: In a magic series or not, are they accepting, or is each instance a shock? Mages would be exciting, a bit scary, but still, very cool. He'd like to make friends of them.

Network :: Are they connected to the people? How much do they reach out to others? Lief networks very well. He has a lot of energy, is friendly, encouraging, and honest to a fault. He's also playful, sassy, and not afraid to casually call people on their shit. He has a rare sort of kindness people can't help but be drawn too.

Offspring :: What kind of parent would they be? Would they prefer one, or multiple? Lief would be that hyper supportive PTA type of parent. He's at every appointment, every meeting, every game/recital/etc. He dominates fundraisers, chaperons events, he's a constant encouraging presence. Four would probably be a good max number for him.

Pistol :: Is this character skilled with a weapon? What’s their opinion of violence? Lief has a ton of power, and a terrifying amount of control. He's a force to be reckoned with. He also however, dislikes violence greatly. True fights are something he tries to avoid. He does love a good friendly spar though.

Question :: How often do they feel doubt? What topics are they defensive about? Lief is very quiet about his doubt. It's rare, but now and again it'll creep in and he'll question if he's good enough for anything he has in life.

Reminder :: How are they at remembering daily needs? What falls through the cracks? Aside from rest he keeps good track of things. He eats, exercises, bathes. All the things one should do.

Sing :: Do they like music? Do they listen often/sing/hum/play songs in their head? He's a decent enough singer, and sometimes sings when working around camp. He doesn't do it all the time, but he will on particularly good days, or if someone else is already singing.

Touch :: How do they handle contact? Is their personal bubble big? Lief is very touchy, very physically affectionate. He'll back off if you tell him to, but his default is to be close to people.

Upcoming :: How much do they think of the future? Do they make long-term plans? Nothing too solid, but he has things he'd like to achieve. He prefers overall to live for the day. Everyday is a joy, and he wants to be present in the moment.

Vice :: What bad habits do they have? Is there something they would be ashamed of? He overworks himself way too often. He does experience some shame over it, mostly because of how worried his brother gets.

Wardrobe :: What’s their fashion style? Do they have any staple pieces? He enjoys being well dressed, but he tends to add eccentric details. Something loud and noticeable.

X-Ray :: How’s their health? Any problem areas? Do they take care of themselves? He is on top of it. He takes his health very importantly. He does however push past his limits a bit too often.

Yack :: What’s their favorite thing to talk about? What do they go on about? Puzzles, his family, his friends, his horse, he loves to chatter about the things he cares most about.

Zodiac :: What’s their astro sign? Does it fit?

Lief is a Cancer, and he is certainly intuitive, loyal, and charming. While I wouldn't call him vengeful or introverted he is certainly caring and honest. I'd say he fits pretty well.

[moiraineswife]

Hi! First off I love ur blog and Im not meaning to start anything at all, Im simply just curious because I just read your thoughts on how ur upset over SJM's actions on writing a world in which Mor can't come out comfortably rather than over Mor's actions herself. I was just wondering if you think SJM's intentions could lie in creating a character that her non-heteronormative readers could relate to, and how a lot of times in real life people are scared to come out for similar reasons? Thoughts?

Right, this is not going to be a popular opinion, but it’s all I’ve got. My issue is that Mor’s story is so framed by heterosexuality that at this point it feels like it’s written for straight people more than queer people. 

Think about it. Mor’s story is bookended and influenced entirely by straight men. The first choice that she’s able to make about her body and her sexuality, this grand life-changing statement that she makes in order to escape marriage to another man because she can’t stand the idea of becoming a broodmare for him (largely, according to acowar, due to her identity as a queer woman) is to have sex with a straight man. 

Her relationship with Andromache comes to an end partially because of the war but mostly because of...Another straight man/the need for the queen to have children. Which she does. 

She doesn’t come out/isn’t open with her lovers in part because of homophobia (which is...a straight thing. The entire concept of coming out/remaining closeted is for straight people. It’s not for queer people. Being closeted isn’t doing me any good, I don’t do it for the fun of it, I do it because I have to...Because of straight people’s reactions. This is a reality of this kind of story.) 

And in part because of Azriel’s love/lust for her. Azriel. A straight man. Whom she can’t be with because of her sexuality. Because he has assumed that she is straight and therefore interested in him. And here’s where I have a huge issue with the heteronormativity argument. 

Mor’s story, the way it’s written, is not something for queer people to relate to in-terms of heteronormativity. It’s something for straight people to relate to. 

Consider: Straight man falls in love with a lesbian, assumes she’s straight, and therefore he has a chance with her. Lesbian informs straight man she’s a lesbian and therefore she can’t be with him. Straight man is sad because heteronormativity has fucked him over and all the hot girls are lesbians, how dare queer people exist and trick him into thinking they were fuckable!? 

This is like...Mor’s narrative with Az (and the readers) in a nutshell. Azriel falls for Mor and the reader ships Moriel (as intended by SJM in ACOMAF (I will fight on this point. She set this up as a ship. She set this up to be shipped. I don’t give a fuck if Mor never outright said she loved Az or however else you want to argue it. She. Set. This. Up. To. Be. Shipped.) 

Then Azriel and the reader get fucked over/upset by heteronormativity. Both assumed that Mor was straight/would be interested in Azriel. Both are wrong and upset when Mor comes out as queer because their expectations were ‘ruined’ by Mor’s sexuality. 

This looks a heck of a lot like the disgruntled straight dude complaining that the girl he was hitting on was gay but hot and dared to make him like her because he assumed she was straight. This story is a lesson in heteronormativity for straight people. Because it’s ‘haha, look at that you shipped the queer woman with the straight dude but she’s not interested what a great plot twist right!!!’ 

Wrong. 

Mor’s narrative is framed by heterosexuality. She sleeps with Cassian to avoid a marriage to a man. Her relationship with Andromache is ultimately doomed because she gets married to a man and has his children. She remains closeted from the Circle because she’s petrified’ of coming out to Azriel. She continues to sleep with men that she appears to not want to (regardless of what she SAYS I am looking here at what the narrative SHOWS us and that is, three times, that Mor looked ill and tortured after sleeping with Helion. She did not enjoy that. She did not do that for herself. She did that to keep Azriel at bay) 

So, yes, there’s heteronormativity involved in Mor’s narrative but it’s from the POV of a straight person when it comes to it? If this was a story about drawing the problems queer people face with regards to heternormativity then we might actually have some commentary on Mor apparently getting nothing out of sleeping with men but doing it for Az, and her saying that she ‘find pleasure in it’ wouldn’t feel like SJM was throwing that in there just to try and make her (disgusting) narrative of a queer woman sleeping with people she doesn’t want to to reinforce her boundaries between the straight man who hasn’t gotten over her after 500 years because oh no quick! Mor gets something out of this too!!! But that’s what it feels like. And it doesn’t line up with what the narrative has actually SHOWN us (ie - that Mor isn’t getting anything out of sleeping with men at all) 

And when Mor comes out...What she gets as commentary for her being closeted all these years is “It’s good enough” (which is...the more I think about that line the more I utterly fucking despise it, just putting that out there) While Cassian and Azriel get, oh the poor things, she’s stringing them along, she’s hurting them, that’s what the narrative gives us. 

And fandom does this too? The overwhelming response to Mor is not ‘the poor girl has been alone and isolated for 500 years, has gone through things like the death of Andromache alone, working out her sexuality in the first place alone, hiding herself alone, not being able to have a lasting relationship with anyone because she can’t be open about it alone’...No what we have is ‘poor Azriel :(’ ‘Poor Cassian :(’ ‘How will the others react to her coming out? :( they’ll feel all bad that she didn’t trust them :(’  

It’s just....Mor’s queerness does not feel like it was written for queer people. Mor’s story feels like it was written by a straight person with a straight person’s pov and “”””struggles”””” with queer people at the forefront. It feels like a sloppy tick in the diversity box that got shoehorned in there to generate Angst and Conflict. 

The biggest problem I have with this is that, FOR ME, Mor’s story...Does not feel like it’s about Mor. It does not feel like it’s about queer people; it feels like it’s about straight people.

 It’s about Feyre, and Mor coming out to her as like...An apology or something? And then it’s about her being so Good and Accepting and promising not to spread Mor’s secrete around like this makes her the greatest person ever when all of the above is basic common decency. 

It’s about Azriel and how upset he’ll be that he can’t be with the girl that he loves, nevermind that he’s trapped her in a deeply unhealthy place for five centuries. 

It’s about the Inner Circle and how this will change their dynamic and how it’s ruined everything because this is not a safe space or a place of love and support any more. It can’t be.

It’s about Cassian and how Mor apparently needs him to buffer her and Azriel and therefore he can’t be with Nesta. (The biggest load of bullshit I’ve ever had the misfortune of laying my eyes on, btw) 

It’s even about Eris and how this gets shoehorned into his retconned redemption because it’s implied that he knows and wouldn’t have raped a queer woman because he’s That Good A Guy. 

It’s not about Mor. It’s not about her struggle finding herself. It’s not about her struggle overcoming the homophohbia she lived with and learning to love with. It’s not about the women she can’t be with and how this hurts her. It’s not about the men she forces herself to sleep with and how fucked up that is. It’s not about her feeling unsafe and unable to be herself around her family and how fucked up that is. It’s not about heteronormativity confusing her and making it difficult to understand what she wants and who she loves.

 It’s not about her. It’s not about her identity. It’s about how everyone else reacts to it, how everyone else affects it, how she affects everyone else because of it. This is not a queer story. This is the story of a queer person and the angst, conflict and drama their identity can cause for the straight people. 

Mor’s story could have been about this. Mor’s story could have been about how queer people are raised in abusive, homophobic environments and escape them, find safe spaces, find love and acceptance, but it’s not. It’s about a woman who apparently owned her body, her life, her choices, but has in fact never escaped the abuse she suffered because it’s still ruling her. 

This is something that real people experience, yes. Mor is not a real person. Not in this regard. Mor is a fictional character and with that comes a certain responsibility of representation. You cannot just brush aside queer pain with ‘well people experience it in real life I’m just making it realistic!’ Because this is not real life. This is not even the real world. This is a fantasy in which the only ‘reality’ that can apparently exist for queer people is pain, isolation, fear and being alienated from those they’re closest to because of their sexuality.

Mor was presented to us as a confident abuse survivor who is empowering and inspiring for the characters (and readers) of the books who are still recovering from what they’ve been through. She is presented as having complete control of herself and her choices. She has a family built up of supportive, empowering individuals who support her, give her power over her abusers and allow her to be herself. 

This entire narrative is undone in ACOWAR because she has not escaped her abusers. She is still being ruled by them. She does not have power over them. She does not own her body, her life and her sexuality, because the narrative has been forcing her to live a lie her entire existence. Straight men own her sexuality and her body and her life. Because she sleeps with people she doesn’t want to to appease them. This began with her sleeping with Cassian to escape Eris and her father’s will and continues right up to present day when she’s sleeping with Helion to push Az away. 

Mor has no power in ACOWAR. She is not allowed to be herself around her family. She is not allowed to make her own choices because she is ruled by her being closeted. She does not have power over her abusers - Rhys takes that away from her. She does not have a safe space as an abuse survivor or a queer person either in Velaris, which is taken from her, or even in her Circle, because she cannot be herself around them. 

And what does ACOWAR have to say about this? What does the book that tore Mor to pieces and shredded the inspirational symbol it created of her have to say about the way she’s treated by the author because of her sexuality? 

“It’s good enough.” 

That’s the message this book sends to its young queer readers. It’s good enough. She can’t be herself but it’s good enough. She isn’t accepted but it’s good enough. She’s trapped in a relationship with a man who loves her that she can’t escape because she won’t hurt him and that’s good enough. She sleeps with men and doesn’t get any pleasure out of it to keep her safe from another man’s attentions and that’s good enough. She cannot have fulfilling relationships with women because she cannot be open but it’s good enough. She is closeted and petrified and still suffering from the abuse she endured years ago, without any power, without any agency over herself, but it’s good enough. 

It is not good enough. It is not nearly good enough. This kind of reality does not have a place in fiction. When your reality comes from a place of hate and oppression it is not something that I want to see again in fiction. I do not want to see queer women forced apart by straight men/their obligations to bear children. I do not want to see queer women closeted and terrified and not able to be out because of the effect her abusive family has over her. I do not want to see a queer woman sleep with men when she gets nothing out of it but feels she has to do it to stop anyone looking too closely. I do not want to see queer women experience tragedy in fiction.

 I already see this every day IRL. I know what this is. I know what it feels like. I do not need to be educated in this. I do not need to have a straight person try and tell me my own story.

 I do not want to read about this in a work of fiction that is, by its nature, an escape from the real. I don’t want it to be an escape from the real in every single way except this one because this, gay pain, gay angst, gay tragedy, is something that must be preserved because how else can we tell gay stories? 

Fiction has a chance to change what is wrong with this world. Fiction, especially fantasy, like these books, has a chance to explore different options. Fiction cannot simply reflect what it sees IRL because that tells me nothing, it does nothing, it changes nothing.

 Fiction has a chance to tell the stories that we want told in this world but sometimes find it impossible to do so because of the way it is.Fiction should be progressive. Fiction offers a chance to be better than we currently are, to change things, to move things forwards.  

TL;DR: Mor’s story is not about Mor. Mor’s story as a queer woman is about the straight people around her. Her entire narrative is framed, driven and ultimately controlled by straight people and straight responses to her identity, not her identity in and of itself. 

This was not written for queer people. This was, at best, a sloppy tick in the diversity box because ‘look she’s queer what more do you want?’ and at worst a damaging and misguided insight into how SJM sees queer people and their stories. 

And no, it is not “good enough”. Mor deserved better and the queer fans that this story should represent deserved better. End of story.