#August is Wars' bday month so it's Wars' month period

[skyloftian-nutcase]

Beautiful (Linked Universe story)

Summary: After consecutive days of battle, Warriors sees Twilight struggling and reaches out to help.

It hadn’t been a pleasant week.

 Having just entered this new Hyrule, whenever and wherever it was, the group had immediately set to work investigating. They’d figured out they were between heroes, which meant it was all the more urgent to hunt down the monster hordes before they could cause damage. That meant long days of hunting, and many nights interrupted by ambushes.

 Warriors ran a hand through his hair, weary from the most recent battle they’d finished a few hours ago. At this rate it almost felt like his war days again, constantly being on the move and running into armies trying to kill him and his troops. He smiled at his brothers, proud of their abilities.

 And then he frowned.

 Twilight sat slumped by the fire, his dinner untouched in his hands. That wasn’t like him at all – the younger man usually ate heartily.

 Warriors quickly scanned the rest of the group again – Time was setting up his bedroll and listening absentmindedly as Wind spoke to him about the fight earlier in the day (the sailor’s eyes were noticeably slowly drooping as he talked; Warriors figured he’d be out in a few minutes) while Legend and Hyrule had already fallen asleep back-to-back. Sky was fussing over Four’s laceration for the fifth time (the smithy remained patient and smiled at the concerned knight), and Wild was finishing storing the leftover food while humming Epona’s song. The camp rustled with soft activity before slowly, everyone started to fall asleep.

 Time was settling Wind into his bedroll as Wild walked over to Twilight.

 “What’s wrong? You’ve barely eaten,” Wild remarked. “Did it taste bad?”

 Twilight glanced at Wild, his expression tired, and he gave a meager smile. “Nah, ‘s ok, Champ. Just wasn’t that hungry.”

 Clearly what he was, however, was tired. Warriors knew the man’s accent was usually better contained than this. The captain remained still from his position, silently observing, waiting to see if he was needed.

 As Twilight insisted to his worried friend that everything was all right, he let Wild take the leftovers to store them as well. The champion settled uneasily in his bedroll, occasionally glancing at Twilight, but the rancher had first watch and was not going to be heading to bed anytime soon. By this point Wind, Legend, Hyrule, and Four were asleep. Time walked around the camp’s perimeter, easing his own nerves and ensuring that everything was indeed safe for the night (a ritual he often did, especially during stressful weeks like this), and Sky stretched, discarding old gauze beside his bedroll with carelessness and slumping onto the ground in exhaustion. Warriors watched to see if the old man spoke to Twilight at all, and Time gave the rancher a brief, stern, but concerned reminder to wake him for the next shift before going to bed.

 Twilight sighed, looking at the ground.

 Well, Warriors was honestly still too wound up from battle to rest anyway. Rising, he walked over to the fire and sat beside the ranch hand.

 “I’ve got first watch, remember?” Twilight said with a pointed look. “You need to sleep.”

 “We all need to sleep,” Warriors tossed back easily with a shrug. “It is what it is. You okay?”

 Twilight rolled his eyes. “Honestly, y’all are fussin’ too much.”

 “And you’re going Country on me.”

 “I am from the country.”

 “I know, Rancher. But I also know you always have an appetite, and you didn’t eat dinner.” Warriors noted, facing Twilight fully. “I’m not the Champion. You don’t have to put on a strong face for me. What’s wrong? Are you injured? Sick?”

 Twilight huffed out a mirthless laugh, keeping his gaze on the fire. “No, I’m not… it’s not… I’ll be alright, Captain.”

 Ah, the accent was disappearing. He was trying to convince him. Somehow, that just annoyed the captain even more. They were all tired, and his patience wasn’t what it should have been.

 “We’re adults for heaven’s sake, Rancher. Just be straight with me.”

 “It ain’t really your business, Cap.”

 “It is if it’s bothering you.”

 “Well, it won’t be tomorrow!” Twilight snapped all of a sudden, glaring at him. “Look, I just need a bit, but I’ll be fine, okay?”

 Warriors was silent, watching him. Given Twilight’s propensity to shoulder burdens and try to handle things alone, he wasn’t entirely trusting that the man wasn’t at least ill. Twilight, however, seemed to interpret his analytical silence for hurt, and he took a shuddering breath, closing his eyes.

 “I’m… ‘m sorry,” the Ordonian muttered. “Look, I just… I just don’t like talkin’ about what’s botherin’ me while it’s actively botherin’ me. Can’t put words to it, and don’t want to. Does that make sense?”

 Warriors still didn’t like seeing his friend, his brother, in this state. But he could respect that. “Yeah. It makes sense.”

 Twilight nodded in thanks and acknowledgement, opening his eyes and staring stubbornly at the fire, waiting for Warriors to go to bed.

 Except he didn’t. The captain wouldn’t talk to him if he didn’t want to, but he himself was still letting the adrenaline wear off, and he took comfort in others. He knew Twilight wasn’t as sociable as him, but given his current state it couldn’t hurt to have the company. Warriors certainly wasn’t the most comforting person in the group, but he could at least offer support silently while respecting Twilight’s privacy.

 For a while, it was okay. For a while, they both were lost in their own minds, whittling away the time in comfortable silence. But then, Twilight shuddered again, shaking his head at whatever was holding his mind captive. Warriors looked at him, and the attention was immediately noticed.

 “Sorry,” Twilight said softly. “Didn’t mean t’ bother you.”

 Warriors said nothing, not wanting to push. And for once, Twilight took the silence as an invitation, feeling the need to elaborate.

 “It’s just… that wolfos. There was a wolfos in the last fight.”

 Warriors nodded cautiously. “Yeah. There was.”

 “And… and that villager freaked out about it.”

 “The villager was freaking out about all the monsters, Rancher.”

 “Yeah, but… but they were lookin’ at the wolfos.”

 Warriors wondered if he might actually know where this conversation was going.

 “I just… it jus’ made me think about…” Twilight shifted, taking a fortifying breath, trying to spit the words out. “People don’t like wolves, Cap.”

 Warriors furrowed his brow, trying to parse this out. “Is this because you can turn into a wolf?”

 That had to be it. Twilight flinched and immediately spoke. “They… nobody knew. Nobody recognized me back in Ordon. And they…”

 Warriors could infer the rest easily enough. He imagined how hurtful and horrible it would be to see the people he loved cowering in fear at the sight of him. He wondered if they even tried to drive Twilight off. He didn’t dare ask.

 “’S stupid,” Twilight rambled on, but in a low tone as if he were speaking to himself. “I’ve gotten used to it. Doesn’t usually bother me anymore.”

 Warriors could at least speak to that issue. “You’re tired. We all are. We react differently when we’re tired. Things that don’t bother us are suddenly problems. Things that we’ve gotten through in the past suddenly come back to haunt us. There’s nothing stupid about that.”

 “They didn’t know any better,” Twilight said, shaking his head, his voice growing in strength, his accent slipping out of reach as he tried to steady himself. “And I know that. I knew that even then. There’s no reason for me to be upset about it now, to let it just take over my head like the Champion’s memories take over him. I don’t have that right.”

 Warriors furrowed his brow. “That right?”

 Twilight sighed, shaking his head. “Wrong phrasing. Sorry.”

 “No,” Warriors said firmly. “No, you meant something by that.”

 For a long time, Twilight said nothing. Warriors began to debate if he should press further or leave it alone. But Twilight swallowed thickly and then spoke. “It’s just… you… the others… it’s stupid, but I just… I feel like I don’t have the right to hurt like you guys do.”

 Warriors felt his body grow cold. What… what did that mean? Had Twilight been suffering in silence this entire time? How long had he felt like this?

 “I… I had a happy childhood. A good childhood,” Twilight explained, his emotions choking his voice, his accent back and threatening to make Warriors struggle to understand. “Belly always warm an’ full, people who loved me and supported me… never had t’ worry about whether there would be monsters huntin’ me or if the world was gonna end… and even when I was no spring cucco no more, I didn’ go through what y’all did… like, sure, the Twilight Realm made everythin’ all cattywampus, but I still had friends 'n’ family, I didn’ lose my entire identity an’ country an’ people like Champion, I didn’ have t’go on so many adventures that I wore myself ragged like Veteran, I didn’ have t’ fight a war like you. I don’ know what a lot of the others endured, but… the way Traveler always looks over his shoulder, the way Sailor laughs off the fact that he had t’ kill a man at thirteen… and that doesn’ even begin to cover some of the others…”

 Warriors waited patiently for Twilight to come to a point (and mentally stored away a few notes for later, like what the rancher knew about the Twilight Realm and what in the world cattywampus meant), and the wait paid off fairly quickly.

 “I jus’… there’s no reason for me to feel like this.”

 Warriors pat him on the back. “Everyone hurts sometimes, friend.”

 “Yeah, but I shouldn’t hurt like this. Not when I didn’ go through what y’all did.”

 “Link,” Warriors said, catching the man’s attention. “It doesn’t matter what walk of life we come from… we all hurt the same. There’s no shame in that.”

 Twilight’s cheeks puffed out, his face seeming to swell with stifled emotion. He cleared his throat and looked away. “You manage to hold yourself pretty well, all mighty handsome and put together.”

 Warriors choked out a laugh. “I’m more than happy to give you some tips if you want. Your hair could use a bit of work, but honestly, you’re pretty put together, certainly in comparison to the others. That wolf pet is a bit on the nose, though.”

 Here he finally managed to get a chuckle out of the ranch hand, and he felt some satisfaction with that. Then he added, “Besides, what’s on the inside matters far more.”

 “Sweet Ordona, I’m not that concerned about physical appearance,” Twilight groaned in exasperation. “I just mean you’re put together. But yeah, sure, you’re a very handsome man and a beautiful soul as well.”

 Although Warriors had heard plenty of compliments over the years, Twilight’s simple words touched him. He smiled, feeling his heart hum with peace and comfort, but then Twilight pinched the bridge of his nose.

 “You don’t think you’re put together or a beautiful soul?” Warriors questioned.

 “Do I look like either of those things right now?”

 Warriors shrugged. “Everyone’s allowed to falter.”

 Twilight looked down, his already round cheeks puffing out as his eyes watered. A single tear slipped down his face and he aggressively wiped it away with a mumbled, frustrated, “Shit.”

 Warriors shifted to kneel down directly in front of Twilight, ending up just a little below eye level of him. Taking the rancher’s hands in his own, he said, “Being put together isn’t everything, you know. And you know what? You’re beautiful just the way you are, Rancher. Hurting doesn’t change that. You don’t have to be perfect and always okay.”

 Twilight’s lips quivered, and he quickly sucked them in and bit them. The corner of his mouth curled upward in an acknowledging, heartfelt smile, and his eyes glittered as he held Warriors’ gaze. He squeezed his hands in return, unable to speak.

 Satisfied with the acknowledgement, Warriors smiled back, and then he rose to sit beside the rancher on the log. Wrapping an arm around him, he pulled him to his side and felt Twilight rest his head on his shoulder.

 “This is horse shit,” Twilight suddenly said, making Warriors stare at him in surprise and bewilderment. “I’m supposed to be the big brother of the group.”

 Warriors’ laughter was so loud he was sure he woke up the entire camp. Twilight clamped a hand over his mouth, throwing himself off balance, and they both unceremoniously fell backwards off the log. Warriors continued to laugh, and Twilight had to join him.

 Flat on their backs and giddy from the brief adrenaline rush of falling, the two giggled themselves into breathlessness, interrupted when Time appeared upside down in Warriors’ line of vision.

 “What are you boys up to?” the old man asked tiredly, his face a mixture of amusement, sleepiness, and mild curiosity.

 Warriors suddenly felt mischievousness bubble in his chest. “Rancher said ‘shit.’”

 Time’s eyebrows rose. After all, Twilight never swore.

 The Ordonian stammered, tripping over his words to save face, and then gave up, smacking Warriors on the chest.

 “Must be serious,” Time muttered, crossing his arms and giving a signature smirk that Warriors knew all too well from a certain troublemaking sprite.

 “Oh, it is,” Warriors went on as Twilight groaned. “He was asking for beauty tips.”

 “For the love of—” Twilight rolled onto his belly and buried his face into the ground. “That’s it, I’m leavin’, y’all take over watch.”

 There was a beat as Twilight caught his mistake and he shot up to his knees. “I—I mean you take care of watch; I’m just going to go patrol the area.”

 Time knew Twilight better than Warriors, and a simple slip of an accent and vernacular was all the excuse he needed. “No, I think it’s time you get some rest.”

 “But—”

 “My watch can start a little early, son.”

 Warriors blanched at the nickname, surprised at such a slip up (after all, Time filling in the void as a father figure to many of them was a specifically unspoken fact of the group), but he supposed after Twilight had almost died a few weeks ago Time’s pride wasn’t big enough to worry about it.

  Warriors was never going to let him hear the end of it.

 Despite Time’s tone brooking no argument, Twilight did, in fact, argue. Warriors eventually compromised between the two, offering to stay up with Twilight to accommodate both Time’s concern that he shouldn’t be on watch alone in his exhausted state and Twilight’s need to pull his weight. Time acquiesced with a stern look to the captain, a silent warning to not take total responsibility and refuse to wake him when it was his turn, and then went back to bed.

 Twilight sighed, rubbing his face. “I hate you.”

 Warriors looked affronted. “What did I do now?”

 “Make me talk about my feelings. I suck at that. I don’t like that.”

 “You’ve talked about things just fine in the past,” Warriors remarked with a shrug. “You’re not as broken as you think you are.”

 “I ain’t broken,” Twilight said with strength, his eyes fierce.

 Warriors smiled, putting a hand on his shoulder. “You’re damn right.”

 After that, watch went by peacefully as the pair took turns stoking the fire in silence. When Twilight’s watch was up, he pulled his bedroll over beside Warriors, and the two stared up at the sky together pointing out different constellations. They were both still restless, both still hurting in different ways from the day, but they were together and content enough with that.

 Sure, they were hurting, but they were healing too.

 And it was beautiful.

[sareesinthewind]

Photo 1: Thavamany and Arunachalam on their 25th wedding anniversary,1965 Photo 2: Thavamany at 95 years old, 2015 Photo 3: Thavamany with her youngest granddaughter Luxmi who lives in the UK on her 18th bday, 2016 Photo 4: Thavamany with her great grandchildren Sasha and Ziva, and their appa and her eldest grandson Sajith, who live in in Hong Kong, 2016.  NAREN Florida, USA My amma, Thavamany,  was born on the 23rd of April 1921 at Inuvil Hospital, Uduvil Division in the Jaffna District. Her appa’s name was Thambu Chinniah and he worked as the Superintend of Minor Roads in the Kurunagala District.

At that time wild elephants were in plenty in the Kurunagala District and would harass local farmers. Thambu Chinniah was a good marksman and villagers would often seek his help to track the elephant and shoot it dead. This reputation of his overtook him and he was also known as “யானை சுட்ட சின்னையா”  (Chinniah who shot the elephant).  Thavamany’s amma’s name was Marimuttu Chellamah.  

My appa was the fifth child. She had two elder sisters Poomani (Ponnudurai) who was a housewife and Jeyamani (Brodie), a Government nurse as a spinster, and a housewife subsequent to marriage. She had two elder brothers Selvarajah, who retired as a Major in the Sri Lanka Army and Dharmalingam, a lawyer who practiced in the Kurunagala District Court. Her younger sibling was Rajadurai, who retired as chief mechanical engineer at Gal Oya Development Board. Rajadurai was also a Major in the Sri Lanka Army Volunteer Force.

When Marimuttu Chellamah was eight months pregnant with Thavamany, she fell into a well while bathing. Back then the wells in Kurunagala had wooden planks on their rims. People would stand on the planks and draw the water with a rope and bucket. Ladies, when bathing, would wrap part of their sari around themselves and leave the other part on the wooden bars. On this said day, after drawing four buckets of water, the plank gave way and Marimuttu Chellamah fell into the well. Luckily her sari got entangled on the wooden bars and held her from going under water. Hearing her screams, the neighbors rushed to her and pulled her out of the well by her sari. That day Thambu Chinniah was away on work-related matters. He got the news three days later and rushed home with worry. When he opened the door, he was relieved that his wife was their soon to be born daughter, my amma were safe and healthy.

A humorous side note: if Chellamah had not been saved by her sari, I, her eldest son, would not be writing this and my amma would not be enjoying the excellent care she has been receiving at Jesmond Nursing Home in Sydney.

Sadly, Thavamany lost her appa when she was eight years old. After this, Chellamah left their home in Kurunagala, and moved to Jaffna. She found a place in Clock Tower Road in Jaffna Town. Chellamah was a very determined and industrious lady. She was also very determined to educate all six of her fatherless children. She managed to admit all three of her sons to St. Johns College in Chundikuli and the three girls to CMS Chundikuli Girls School. Chellamah being a strict disciplinarian made sure her children successfully completed their Senior Matriculation Examination - equivalent to the present day Senior School Certificate.

Chellamah earned money to raise her children by having a couple of milking cows. She supplied unadulterated milk to all her customers, including to the residence of the then Government Agent of Jaffna, a British Officer. She was famous for her cooking skills. The family had very little money, but she was rich in kindness and compassion and brought up her six children with these values and an understanding unity. They remained united until their last breath.

Thavamany helped her amma in so many ways: cooking, organising the milk supply and keeping accounts. When I was growing up, she did impart most of her knowledge and experience to me which helped me a lot in my later life.

Thavamany married Arunachalam, my appa,  in May 1940 in Kurunagala. At that time Arunachalam was working as a bookkeeper at the State Mortgage Bank in Colombo. Arunachalam lost his parents when he was child. St. John’s College, founded in 1823 by British Anglican missionaries, provided him with free board, lodging and education. He was also christened with the name Abraham. He was a good friend of Thavamany’s three brothers who he met at St. John’s College. Arunachalam served in the Ceylon Army Volunteer Force during the Second World War for a short period .

Arunachalam was also a hard-working and industrious man. Subsequent to his marriage he attended evening classes at the then known Colombo Technical College and obtained his Diploma in Accountancy. This helped him in his professional career and when he retired, he was the chief accountant at the State Mortgage Bank.

After their marriage, they set up house in Hunupituya, Wattala, about 10 miles north of Colombo. As the family expanded, they moved from one house to another and finally settled down in a reasonably spacious house to accommodate their seven children. The house also had a large yard with coconut trees. This allowed appa to have two milking cows and some banana trees. Amma in addition to being a housewife and mother, cared for a couple of goats and some poultry, which provided eggs for the family. It was tough for the couple who did not have any dowry assets or inherited assets. But by sheer hard work and frugal living they made sure all the basic needs of the children were met and provided the children with a good education. They also made sure to teach their children good social values, good manners, to be respectful to elders and all other human beings. Since they also had cows, goats, poultry and dogs, they also taught the children how to care for them and be kind to them.

Most of the residents in Hunupitiya were middle class Sinhalese Buddhists. Because of this amma and appa picked up the Sinhala language as did we, her children. Thavamany, an observant and willing learner, became very proficient in preparing most of the Sinhalese specialty dishes like achcharu, kalu thothal, lunu miris, katta sambol and few others.

When the 1958 pogrom started, appa was away in Omanthai, Vavuniya and could not return back, nor could he make contact with the family. We didn’t even know if he had survived. Thavamany and her six children (I was not with them as I was in Jaffna Hindu College Hostel) sought refuge at the Royal College in Colombo, which had been set up as a refugee Camp with thousands of other Tamils. Amma made the brave decision to secure her children's safety by joining the Tamils who were fleeing the south by  open boat to Jaffna. As a woman with three young daughters and a baby only a few months old, in a time of such uncertainty and violence, this would have been an incredibly tough decision to make. We had no family property in Jaffna, but she had her siblings and extended family who showed us love and kindness.

This caused a big setback to the family. We had to close down everything in Hunupitiya, set up house in Chavakacheri, and attend new schools in Jaffna. During this difficult period appa continued to work at the State Mortgage bank in Colombo. He was boarded in a house in Pickering Road Kotehena. Most Fridays he would take the mail train from Colombo Fort Station and arrive in Chavakacheri on Saturday Morning. He would return back to Colombo taking the Sunday afternoon Yaldevi.

Amma continued to develop her Sinhala skills by reading books and studying  with her children, as she stayed up with the girls, into the late hours of the night. At 41 years of age, when her second son sat for his  Senior School Certificate (SSC) exam in 1962, she persuaded my appa to let her sit the SSC Sinhala language exam as a private student. She received a Distinction - the highest mark for the Sinhala language exam among all her children.  

In Chavakacheri, a few youngsters heard about amma’s fluency in Sinhalese and were keen to learn from her, as finding jobs without knowing the language was becoming tough. Understanding the importance of her knowledge and the difficulties the young Tamils were in, she taught anybody who was willing to learn. As a result she had a  regular stream of students who learnt Sinhalese.

Wanting to give the children the opportunities to have a good education they moved houses to Jaffna Town, then to Nallur and finally Tirunelveli where they owned their first house.

By this time most of the children completed their education, finding employment - some locally and some overseas.

Thavamany’s children settled in three different countries: the UK, America and Australia. She and appa travelled to various countries and stayed with their children for long periods of time.

Appa passed away while living with my sister Thevi and her family in Zambia on 2nd of August 1987. Although scattered all over the world, all seven of his children attended his funeral in Zambia. After his death, amma settled down in Australia with her three children. She was fortunate to be able to spend quality time with all her grandchildren and some of her great grandchildren who would regularly visit Australia and spend many of her birthdays with her.

Amma was a big fan of Swami Vivekananda. She was also very religious and practiced her spirituality without talking about it or enforcing her will on others.

One of her noble traits was patience and acceptance without complaint. She would often tell her children “பொறுமையாய் இரு. பொறுத்தார் அரசாள்வார்” (Be patient, for those who wait will rule the world).

*This story was written early in 2020 by Naren, Thavamany’s eldest son. Thavamany passed away in her sleep on 22 October 2020 with her daughters and granddaughter by her side. She had spent her last years at Jesmond Nursing Home in Sydney close to her son, two daughters and their families. She was loved and cherished dearly by all who knew her.