#Ashlee Says Stuff

[tolyasword]

sorry i haven’t been around much!

i’m in grad school right now, in my last semester, where i’m taking three classes, i have one internship (soon two for a few weeks) and i work full time so needless to say i don’t have a lot of extra time. i come on here mostly to post a gifset if i have a second to make one and to reblog a few things. my queue is low so i’m trying to go through mutuals’ edit tags and find new stuff.

i want to keep supporting artists and creatives here, and i really hope y’all don’t forget about me or think i’m not supporting you all. i promise i am, i just have a life outside of the internet heh

[fob4ever]

i was at a bookstore yesterday that had a copy of the kerrang: living loud book that featured the FOB watergun fight article i've never seen transcribed anywhere so i made a transcript of it for archival purposes. enjoy! from kerrang, may 2005.

For a man staring down the barrel of a loaded gun while wearing just underpants, Fall Out Boy bassist Peter Wentz looks remarkably chipper. Especially when you consider the person about to unload in his face is guitarist and vocalist Patrick Stump, grinning madly despite the fact that fellow six-stringer Joe Trohman has a pistol to his temple. He in turn is firmly in the firing line of drummer Andy Hurley, cackling loudly with his finger hovering over the trigger.

Passers-by stop and stare, waiting for the inevitable, messy climax of this "Reservoir Dogs" scenario. The tension mounts, onlookers brace themselves, the band get ready to open fire. Suddenly it happens.

"Argh!" screams Wentz as several litres of icy water soak him. "That's fucking cold!"

No, Fall Out Boy aren't about to blow each other away, They're having a water fight for K!'s benefit in a car park at the Chicago stop on travelling punk circus Warped Tour, where they're knocking out their "softcore" wares ("We're basically a hardcore band that couldn't cut it as a hardcore band," laughs Wentz) on the main stage alongside big hitters like The Offspring, Avenged Sevenfold and My Chemical Romance. The Windy City is more than just another stop for them; Chicago is Fall Out Boy's hometown, the place where they formed out of the ashes of their old hardcore bands, and where they still live with their parents- who are here for today's show - during the few weeks of the year they're not on tour.

It all started for Fall Out Boy here in 2001 when the members wanted a break from playing in their various bands. Long time friends Wentz and Hurley got together with hardcore associate Joe Trohman to do something a bit less heavy. Following a conversation about avant-metallers Neurosis in a bookstore, Trohman introduced Stump to the rest of the band. When their other bands folded, they took on Fall Out Boy full time.

"We wanted to do things before we were ready," chuckles Peter Wentz fondly of the early days of DIY tours for the benefit of the one or two people who would show up. "We'd plan two-week tours, just to see the world. Nobody would book us, so we had to do it all on our own."

"A lot of bands have scenes to go into and surround themselves with those people," says Stump. "We had no scene, so we would just play anywhere, with whoever."

FOB have come a long way from their humble roots. Right now they're America's fastest rising band. Radio smash 'Sugar, We're Goin' Down' has placed them squarely in the mainstream, having spent three weeks as the Number One song on MTV's 'TRL', a prime-time show usually devoted to pop acts like Maroon 5 and Ashlee Simpson. So dizzying their Stateside assent has been, they had to cancel their recent European tour in order to play the MTV Music Video Awards, where they are also nominated for 'Sugar...'. Thankfully, FOB haven't let the screaming adoration turn them into big-headed twats.

"A piece of shit with legs on it could walk onto 'TRL' and people would still go crazy," laughs Wentz. "That stuff just goes straight by me. With the fast turnover in the music industry, how can anyone have an ego"

Andy Hurley chips in. "You can be today's main stage and tomorrow's trash."

That's to find out tomorrow, though. Today among the madness of trying to plan anything on the Warped Tour - stage times are decided daily by lottery - Fall Out Boy have to try and find time for hanging out with family and friends.

"Three weeks on Warped is like three months on a normal tour," says Peter Wentz.

"Home becomes like Atlantis on tour, you wonder if it actually exists after a while," adds Patrick Stump.

Now FOB are big stars, a lot of old 'friends' have been coming out of the woodwork. Joe Trohman and Peter Wentz have polarised views on those who didn't give a toss back in the day suddenly becoming your pal once you've made it.

"The way I look at it is if someone's a dick to you and you don't know them, so what?" says Trohman. "Just care about who did support you, keep those important people close, not the people who five years ago called you a loser."

"I work the opposite way!" Wentz counters, before adding darkly, "The people I think about most are enemies. My brain works on revenge!"

Though a tight knit group of close friends, Peter Wentz is clearly Fall Out Boy's spokesman. He does most of the talking during the interview and writes the lyrics, and seems like the most driven one of the lot. As well as doing Fall Out Boy, Wentz has also written a book with tattoo artist Joe Tesaure, 'The Boy With The Thorn In His Side'. It's a dark, twisted tale that could have come straight from the brain of Tim Burton.

"I've always been into Roahl Dahl and people like that, and I was friends with a tattoo artist at the time and we came up with this idea to do a book together," he explains. "It wasn't something I felt fitted in with what Fall Out Boy is, I hate when bands do something that's not 'them'. The book is what it is, and Fall Out Boy is what we are."

Despite all thise talk of nightmares and revenge, FOB are upbeat individuals, enjoying their newfound success, while refusing to allow success to go to their heads. They'll tell you they don't like the shallowness of groupies or industry parties, and that the trappings of rock stardom hold no appeal.

"I don't feel like I deserve it," says Wentz in closing. "It's not like, 'this amount of time and this amount of shows = this kind of bus'. I appreciate what we've got. We've toured in a tiny van and it was cool, but now we're having new adventures living like this. I don't feel we deserve it more than any other bands do."

He surveys the sumptuosly appointed tour bus for a moment before chuckling heartily.

"Actually, that's a lie, we totally deserve it more than anyone else! Ha ha!"

[aicosu]

Guys, I hate to do this.

Any of you who know me in any circle know that I'm a very professional, very private lady who hates any sort of disc horse breeds that might give me a headache. But this one is important, and my goal here is the integrity and reputation of artists.

For my credentials: I have been a part of five zines in the past. Two I moderated, and one I ran, created, laid out, printed, and shipped in its entirety.

So anyway:

HELLCHEER ZINE BULLSHIT

I joined Hellcheer and the Kindred Freaks Zine very late. Well, after sign ups, check-ins, etc. I saw it was happening in april-ish and shot a DM to the twitter to join. I did both a full art page and a cosplay page.

At the time, the server was quiet but kind. We got updates on the number of orders and books being made.

@Lawless is the runner of the Zine. They created and organized it. They are in charge of the main emails, the selling website, the orders, the shipping, and the funds. (To be clear, this level of sole responsibility is not ABNORMAL in a zine. And is not always an issue.)

@Valerie is the 'social media' mod. They are in charge of managing announcements and answering questions on Twitter and Tumblr. Please keep in mind: No one wants anything but a fast and easy recovery for both Lawless and their mother. Medical emergencies, heck—LIFE happens. It's always okay to put a hiatus on anything, even product with money, in order to take care of yourself and family. Every single contributor only wants them to be clear in what they need and how we can help.

So lets break down what's happening.

Back in May, Lawless went radio silent on the status of books and merch coming in. Another contributor and I, @Toguchin, start dming Lawless to make sure everything is on track. They come back after a week and apologize for being MIA, explaining that their mom got sick. We thank them for all their hard work and wish them and their mom well.

On July 15th, after contributors and customers inquire on delays to meeting the announced shipping deadline, Lawless makes a twitter post saying shipping has started and contributor copies will be happening. They proceeded to go MIA from the server discord and have been since.

The following week, contributors and customers discover that shipping HAS NOT started. Labels have been created and printed, but nothing appears to be in transit at all.

Toguchin and I started getting reached out to by customers worrying their packages are lost. We report this to the zine server to NO RESPONSE. Except @Ashlee, the discord mod who also has heard nothing.

July 20th to 22nd with customers complaining and theorizing a scam in mind; Toguchin and I propose that PDFs be given out to assure and apologize for delays.

We as a server discover a few things: 1. We cannot access the list of buyers at all in order to email apology zines because Lawless did not share the account information with anyone. 2. We cannot access the main email for the same reason. 3. Valerie, the social media mod, deleted discord and distanced themselves from the Hellcheer fandom and has not been checking the Twitter or tumblr, or discord notifications since May.

Ashlee and Ichikun contact Valerie to sign on.

I made a new email and said fuck it, we need to do something to assuage fears, let them send receipts to honor their zines. Valerie didn't know what to post or say or how to answer everyone, so I gave them a copy paste.

Still no words from Lawless but hoping for the best knowing the have a medical emergency, Ashlee and I begin answering the new email for PDFs, but cant help people change addresses or give them any update!!!

Throughout the weeks mods and contributors ping Lawless constantly asking if they need any help! Any help at all, answering emails, changing order addresses, heck a few of us ask if we can pick up the books and packages and ship stuff for them so they can hands off the project and take care of their mom. No response.

We send message after message saying if Lawless can share picture proof, that would be great cause scam theories and chargebacks are starting. BUT ALSO, we let Lawless know we and customers will ABSOLUTELY UNDERSTAND delays if they just communicate it. That if they post in server and on Twitter that shipping needs to wait a month or two, no one will mind. No responses.

July 31, Lawless makes a Twitter update with comments disabled that they are shipping ALL packages that monday with a picture of packages. They also call Valerie privately and tell the issue that USPS refuses to pick up shipments from Lawless has, and they can't leave their mothers side from the post office. They also claim they can only deliver ten packages at a time at the post when they go. *USPS has no such rules. Me and other mutuals who run shops have never had such a problem.

A week later, we realize that customers and our packages are still not in transit. Labels printed only. Most of us assume all packages are just label printed and sitting at Lawless' house.

We beg for updates from Valerie or Lawless. Valerie doubles down on Lawless old reasonings and also officially goes MIA until present day.

Throughout August, USA packages get delivered. A few more updates are made straight to Twitter and Tumblr with comments off. Radio silence in server.

As packages arrive, we all become aware from people's posts and pictures that random Stranger Things Art Stickers are included. No credit to any artist is given? No contributor is responsible for this art. These are suspected to be BOUGHT from Amazon. STOLEN arts amazon sellers resell in packs. NO contributor is okay with this!!! Valerie responds with no response at all.

As of now:

No response to missing digital copies. Ashlee and I cannot give out any without receipts because we have no access to buyers list. Nor can we answer missing packages inquiries cause we have no info. International packages unaccounted for. SCRUNCHIES FREE OR OTHERWISE UNACCOUNTED FOR. Zero word on contributor copies. Zero word on donation status. Zero word on generated profit or book and shipping cost. No way to verify funds at all. No word from Lawless to contributors since July 15. From Valerie since the 31st.

Some notes:

Turning off twitter comments was NEVER what any one of us wanted. A ZINE LAYOUT was never shared. So until people had them in hand or in PDF none of us realized that the credits DO NOT POINT TO ANY SOCIAL MEDIA. All of our usernames are handle-less? This was extremely disappointing. This one matters to me: Our FanEdit artist was not aware their work was not getting a full page. Again no pre-layout was shared. So their work is tiny and in the margins of the front and back. That's not okay. All of us wanted to help in any way we could. NONE of us doubt Lawless intentions or emergencies. But lying, misleading, non-communicating and turning off comments are all things we did not consent to. All of us only wanted a cordial, honest response. None of us actually cared about delays as much as we did communications. There has been many noticeable times Lawless has been online, posting privately or otherwise, even active on Discord and has not reached out.

Why make a post:

Customers should know contributors fought for them. That we did everything we could and our reputation as artists in the fandom shouldn't be tarnished cause two creators decided to disappear. Contributors should get their copies. Many of us BOUGHT bundles. I've been in five zines and every single one gave out free contributor copies WITH merch!!

I'm also attaching all server screenshots for integrity. I'm in half a mind to release the zine PDF publicly, for free, for everyone at this point. I personally think it's only fair since many are still missing just that. But I do not want to insult anyone who paid for just the PDF regardless of the potential contribution to charity. But it's really up to customers, not me.

[calicogabriel]

INTRO ★

PERSONAL INFO

𝜗𝜚⋆₊˚ my name is ashlee , you can call me lee or anything you want rlly

𝜗𝜚⋆₊˚ im 15 , my birthday is in march (im an aries 4w5 if you care about that sort of thing)

𝜗𝜚⋆₊˚ i really don't care what you refer to me as , she , he , idrm .

𝜗𝜚⋆₊˚ im american ( CDT - central daylight time )

𝜗𝜚⋆₊˚ dni: not really alot, neo-nazis, racists, homophobes, you get the gist. Dylann Roof fans... gulp..

𝜗𝜚⋆₊˚ i am tcc, i do NOT condone. i dont really have alot of favorites, eric&dylan mostly, im researching a lot of stuff rn so bear with me i probably don't know stuff guys i learn as i go :3

𝜗𝜚⋆₊˚ im bisexual, male leaning (i have a gf she's amazing) and poly

𝜗𝜚⋆₊˚ socials: (add me whenever you want. i really dont care )

𝜗𝜚⋆₊˚ I can be kind of dry in text sometimes i usually just match the general energy of the other person, and i can say some wild stuff sometimes so uhh heads up i guess. i talk alot

𝜗𝜚⋆₊˚ i have a signature sign off sort of, if you see an ask with horrible grammar and a 💚 it's probably me..

I ♡ ....

𝜗𝜚⋆₊˚ music: nirvana, KMFDM, NIN, Depeche Mode, Crystal Castles, RATM, She Wants Revenge, Blink 182, Will Wood, Pink Floyd, Ke$ha, The Killers, The Smashing Pumpkins, Tyler The Creator, Queen, Childish Gambino, MCR, Panic!, ABBA, Deftones, Type O, RAMMSTEIN, Foo Fighters, The Black Keys, Arctic Monkeys, SOAD, Korn, Limp Bizkit, Kittie, Of Monsters And Men, yap yap (i listen to alot of music)

𝜗𝜚⋆₊˚ movies/shows: Law & Order: SVU, Zero Day, Zero Hour, Cold Case Files, Forensic Files, (are you seeing a theme here?) The Great British Baking Show, Shameless, IT, S.W.A.T., Halloween, Terrifier, RENT, Benny & Joon, Mamma Mia!, Beetlejuice, The Addams Family. . .

𝜗𝜚⋆₊˚ hobbies: skating, writing, playing with my friends (roblox usually), entertaining my animals, shopping for clothes, scrapbooking, makeup, baking, dying my hair (is that a hobby?), learning card/board games, Sudoku, puzzles,

𝜗𝜚⋆₊˚ sports: Marching band, (I play the Mellophone), tennis, cross country, volleyball, billiards

𝜗𝜚⋆₊˚ general: MY GIRLFRIEND, my friends, my pets, my family, cal gabriel <3

UHHH yeah thats it, i feel like i've been on tumblr a while and haven't really had a formal intro so yeah :3

p.s. I used @naturalbornluvr for reference during this , uh shes really funny go folllow her blog :3

BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ♡♡♡

[music-orthemisery]

Reading through old interviews and Pete said “It’s kind of the way twins have their own thing.” About the way him and ashlee communicated which is- interesting to say about your wife and also say the same about your best friend/musical partner. 🤔

SOOOO interesting, anon!!!! I feel very seen right now, tbh. I’m kind of obsessed with the patterns in p2’s words and body language and how that compares to other people in their lives. It’s quite…illuminating, tbh🤓

There’s also a stark difference between how he explained this when he’s talking about Ashlee vs. when he’s talking about Patrick.

For instance, in the interview you’re referring to, he describes the “twin speak” between him and Ashlee as “bizarre” and doesn’t paint it in an overly positive light:

There are so many examples of how couples in an intimate, connected relationship can communicate without words, and he chooses “having an argument” to illustrate how this looks in his marriage.

Whereas, when referring to this connection with Patrick, it’s playful, joyous, and serendipitous. It’s one in a million. It’s a blessing. It’s fate. They understand each other better than anyone else. Its effortless. They’re soulmates.

Pete’s reaction to Joel Madden using this word to describe them is so telling. He doesn’t try to divert it or backtrack - he immediately agrees. And when asked if they’re best friends, he smiles SO big and answers, “Definitely.” Honestly, just watch this interview from like, 13:00-17:00. Good stuff there!

None of this is new, though. They've been aware of this from the start. For instance, Patrick said this in 2007:

(From Kerrang, Issue no. 1145)

I also love how, as time has passed, they have been even more vocal in acknowledging this bond and what they mean to each other. The examples of this are truly endless.

To touch a bit more on your point though, anon...listen, it can easily be argued that this is totally bestie behavior, and I don't necessarily...disagree. What I will say, though, is...there really is a long-standing pattern of p2's discussions and treatments of certain people in their lives differing drastically from their discussion and treatment of each other. I think I'll leave it at that for now :)

Thanks, anon! This was fun <3

[kirk]

hiiii i’d love to hear your thoughts on the hiatus revisionist history if you feel comfortable sharing :^)

ouhhh yeah ofc ill try not make this too long cause its not like groundbreaking nor like complicated yk i honestly just think both when they say they were still friends AND never spoke are both true statements like... 3-ish years IS a long time, especially for two guys who spent. nearly 10 years together almost Constantly yknow? so...

a lot can change and shift in those 3 years. if we look at like... the lead up to the hiatus you can definitely see patrick be a lot more distant with pete (except for a few examples that are like... oh ok you weirdos made up for a week huh) and its obviously from all the tension and just, natural drifting cause of that tension and then the start of the hiatus i really think they did not speak much at all, both because of the grieving of the "loss" of the band and the anger that grieving would fuel, etc. like even if they always thought it was always an hiatus, theyre dramatic, if they dont do it anymore for any length of time its like the end of the fucking world <3 so start of hiatus i feel like, they did not speak and that was when patrick would like... not return calls to pete, or talk to him much, he probably was fully in like... trying to gather together stuff to make his solo projects and we all know patricks just MIA when hes in creating mode, and he was 100% using that to deal with the "loss" of fob, we then get to pete's divorce and i feel like around this time they wouldve reconnected a bit again but maybe after a bit of back and forth (eg the "what do u want" text bit), a good example of them reconnecting in some form would be pete suddenly bringing out his stump club shirt in 2011 like a month after his divorce

i feel like because of his divorce and ofc patrick being around for all of his relationship with ashlee, they would have reconnected in a time that pete wouldve needed comfort and familiarity and it had been over a year since the hiatus started so the initial grief and anger wouldve 100% died down and i feel like this is when pete would have said like. you dont even know my son, etc, like patrck was also at petes place for a good chunk of time in april 2011 which is only shortly after pete brings out that shirt, however, some shit happened after this that we literally have no clue What and they kinda fall out again, maybe not fully like what happened at the start of the hiatus but definitely a falling out again (eg patrick saying in zane lowe "i thought we were [fine] but then you--") and fast forward then to all THAT stuff with SP being redone and redone way more angrily and then we get to death of a pariah and it kinda really makes them reconnect but like... less to do with familiarity (repeating the cycle of how they got into a tension-filled mess that resulted in the hiatus in the first place) and more to do with, lets rebuild, lets do this different, lets go back to our roots and do it to create again, lets go back and relearn what made us best friends in the first place and we can really... really see that, i wont show it but the leaked picture of pete and patrick at patricks wedding in 2012 really shows the like, rebuilt relationship i think, the youthful joy again that just wasnt there on the lead up to the hiatus nor in patricks depression-filled frenzy with SP and then. well. it kinda just never broke after that, amen. so basically. yeah they both WERE still friends/considered the other their friend but also they probably didnt like each other much/didnt want to see the other for at least TWO chunks of time during the hiatus until the Actual Healthy Reconnection circa early 2012-ish where they dont just reconnect in a way they were used to but instead in a way that was to rebuild from the ground up. this part is a little speculation cause im not pete nor patrick but i feel like because patrick normally isnt that explosive and open about his mental health, pariah just kinda forced the both of them to REALLY talk, because, patrick had put it all out there, there was no taking it back, pete now knew how patrick felt and well. as patricks biggest hypeman he couldnt let that go and it just forced patrick to just fucking talk about how he felt for once, which allowed pete to recontextualise shit and also heal from shit which in turn let him help patrick heal a bit, esp with those early songwriting hang outs p2 had, which then in turn made patrick more open to asking how joe felt which allowed joe to feel happy to come back to fob which in turn rebuilt fall out boy. etc. yeah. anyway hi. i love to ramble

[ghelgheli]

Stuff I Read In March 2024

bold indicates favourites

Books

Simulation and Simulacra, Jean Baudrillard

Whipping Girl, Julia Serano

A Short History of Trans Misogyny, Jules Gill-Peterson

Histories of the Transgender Child, Jules Gill-Peterson

Marx in the Anthropocene: Towards the Idea of Degrowth Communism, Kohei Saito

The Stillborn: Notebooks of a Woman from the Student Movement Generation in Egypt, Arwa Salih

Yuri/GL

Night Owls & Summer Skies, TIKKLIK & Rebecca Sullivan

Make a Mark, Murasakino

You Are My Angela, Murasakino

Kaerimichi, Murasakino

Love Seems to Make People Weak, Murasakino

It's All Up to Her, Murasakino

30 MINUTES, Murasakino

If It Rains Next Week, Murasakino

Before the Spilled Milk Dries, Murasakino

By My Side, Murasakino

Netsuzou Trap - NTR, Naoko Kadama

Pink Candy Kiss / Tsumetakute Yawaraka, Uozumi Ami

Short Fiction

The Meaning of the Key, Sonia Sulaiman [link]

A Madman's Diary, Lu Xun [link]

Goodbye Eri, Tatsuki Fujimoto [link]

Pol

Orientalism and Reactionary Ideologies in Video Games, Against Japanism [link]

Europe's Imperial Juggernaut, The Dig w/ Abdel Razzaq Takriti [link]

The Birth of Arab Nationalism, The Dig w/ Abdel Razzaq Takriti [link]

The Post-Colonial Arab State System, The Dig w/ Abdel Razzaq Takriti [link]

Or Just Say Nothing: A response to CrimethInc's Initial Statement on Aaron Bushnell, abolitionmedia [link]

Why Do Palestinians Burn Jewish Holy Sites? The Fraught History of Joseph's Tomb, Alex Shams [link]

Trans &c.

Freedom of Sex: The moral case for letting trans kids change their bodies, Andrea Long Chu [link]

On Heteropessimism, Ana Seresin [link]

Position of Guilt: Black Hot Allostatic Load, Anonsee Storyweaver [link]

The Anatomy of Transmisogynoir, Ashlee Marie Preston [link]

Other

My Anxiety: Is what's wrong with me what's wrong with eveyrone else? Lauren Oyler [link]

[the-inkwell-variable]

Hi :)

🍉~ What are your ocs biggest pet peeves?

Hi there! I hope you're having an awesome day :D

From this ask game!

KIA - - - One of my biggest pet peeves is people who act all tough and high-and-mighty when you can tell by looking at them that they're nothing. Like...I'm from Crime Alley, homeskillet. I know kids that could kick your ass. Calm the attitude a little.

ASHLEE - - - Oh, anyone who acts like they're entitled to something or a service. Really hate when people come up to my desk and demand to be seen immediately, especially if they're two hours early for their appointment. If you ask nicely if there's been a cancellation or something, I'm more likely to help you than if you walk up and demand it. You're so lucky that I'm not brave enough to slap you.

KIRA - - - Oh, I know this one! Please don't rush me when I'm working. Or doing stuff. Magic, especially, takes time. If I rush, bad things happen. Like demons! Do you want demons? Because this is how you get demons! I would know!

TIATHA - - - Stop acting like you do not need my assistance. Your arm is attached by a thread. Your heart is exposed. You used one of the angel fingers to return to life twice. Stop acting so self-important and let me help you.

XAENTE - - - STOP RUNNING FROM ME, YOU DAMN MAGE! I WILL catch you. It's my JOB and my PASSION. STOP RUNNING AND ACCEPT YOUR FATE. Also when people chew loudly next to me. Stop chewing your food. I'd prefer you choke on it, actually.

NEIA - - - If I'm talking, shut up. Be quiet. I have important things to say too, and when you talk over me, it makes me feel like you don't value me or what I have to say. Conrad taught me that. Let me speak. Argue if you wish, I do not mind a discussion or a disagreement, but at least let me get my words out first.

AMARA - - - Personal space is a thing that's very important to me. I know I'm really clingy sometimes, but that's to people I trust. If I don't know you, please social distance from me. If I can feel your breath on my face, you're entirely too close and I might hex you out of self-defense.

ASTARIA - - - Double-handed phrasing. For example, saying 'no offense' after saying something incredibly offensive. You clearly meant offense. If you're going to say something, own it entirely. Don't speak otherwise.

[pwblogarchive]

January 2006

January 2, 2006

It was strange being outside of chicago on new years. If anyone remembers our apartment shows.

But the confetti was pretty and I think a girl from miss seventeen tried to kiss me on the mouth but kind of missed. Oh yeah and apparantly andrew john hurley is a dreamboat. Check the scoreboard. Tommorrow letterman and then I’m gonna buy some more heinous gear. Do you love it when I wear clashing colors as much as I do?

And why didn’t anyone tell me how amazing the movie the squid and the whale is? I told you about panic…

Over and way the fuck out.

xoxo

January 4, 2006

my top ten (er top seven) of 2005 - no records included.

bonnie dillard - she is always around to tell me how wack i am - she uses the the word "totes" and "just sayin" way too much - and actually types them! she named her dog roxie wentz and she has given me exactly two compliments in my entire life - one of which was on an outfit that she picked out for me. but she pretty much is the glue for clandestine and sometimes pete wentz. editor of filthy magazine.

nick scimeca - this kid makes the craziest faces i have ever seen in my entire life. the first time i met him we got in a snowball fight. pretty much we are in this gang together forever. he does infect, foe, and some clandestine stuff. pretty much whenever i am bummed i can call him up on the phone and hell tell me some hilarious story.

demar hamilton - i have pulled this kids underwear off every time he is around me and totally wasted. its awesome. he also has a dog living in his basement that looks like a 100 yearold teddy ruxpin. oh yeah, his band is rad.

leslie simon - me and her talk about our crushes all the time. we have a mutual love for the music of ashlee simpson and kelly clarkson. when i tell her insane stories i dont even have to say "off the record" she pretty much knows. she thinks of bright eyes and fob in the same way which blows my little mind. she is editting rainy day kids. oh yeah and writing a book about boys in tight jeans that wear eyeliner as far as i can tell but its pretty hush hush.

jonathon cecil miller/dirty - pretty much this kid is made of snakes, snails and puppy dog tails. i have nothing else to say but he is the new pauly shore - even if he always punches me for saying that. pretty much he looks like a cheeseburger with toothpicks for legs but i wouldnt trade him for the world. pretty much he is the best kid ever.

jim sevcik (or however you spell it) - this is the guy who goes and digs the little youth medium shirts out of tiny boxes in the 100 plus degrees on warped tour or freezing temp on NFT - and then takes the money out of your paws. he is definitely most underrated.

andrew simon/buck - when on the westcoast these guys function as my mother. they take us out to dinner, help me find a house or apartment, look up movie times, get screenings, help me find tours, starbucks, have the cutest baby on the planet, oh yeah and they even book shows every once in awhile.

oh well i ran out of steam. ill finish later. pretty much people that i hang out with every single day are not included on this - you know who you are.

- petey

1/04/06 Q&A

question

Pete, I really need some advice. I was a virgin until I slept with this guy. I didnt tell him I was a virgin until 2hrs. after we finished nad I told him online. Then I started freaking out because I was scared I had screwed everything up between us, which I think only made everything worse. this all happen yesterday. Did I screw everything up?

answer

the best part about when things like this happen is that eventually they become the past- if you really like this guy you could probably explain yourself to him- how you just got scared and were nervous to tell him certain things. if he is worth it, i am sure he will take the time to listen and tell you how he feels too. and if he doesn’t give you the time to do that, than he isn’t worth it anyway. you can be through with the past but that past isnt always through with you.

question

Pette what type of bass do you have?

answer

fender just made me my own- its pretty rad- red and black- super light maple neck- customized electronics and pick-ups- check out a picture of it over at: www.clandestine.buzznet.com - they say they are gonna make a real cheap version of it for people to learn on

question

the background on the site finally changed. who does that?

answer

it changes with mother nature.

question

Do you have any scars. Not like emotional scars (you can include them if you wish) but good-story-scars. Like stuff involving armadillos or something interesting like that.

answer

ive got this amazing one down the palm of my hand from when me and robby windgator (sp) climbed a fence in his back yard and my hand got stuck on a nail. it slid down the entire length of my hand- i was like 8. i have two on my right hand from when i fought a car the week before the VMAs. trust me i definitely beat the car up.

January 6, 2006 

notes on black clouds and underdogs - see also: cast all your fears away:

1. tickets will not be 50 dollars. haters are spreading this on the internet. if you buy your ticket ahead of time (not through some wack broker or on ebay or from a scalper)- average ticket price will be between 23-28 dollars - not going over 35 anywhere. we picked the venues based on how cheap we could get them.

2. the bands- we didn't want to have a tour where you had to see five bands that sounded exactly like fob. we went for variety. all of the bands are really nice guys as well. there will be special guests through out the tour and some suprises to make each show more exciting.

3. this is going to be fob's biggest show ever. we will be playing our longest set and will be including some special secrets.

4. did you expect us to just dump the dates in your laps? we are nerdy and weird and different. so we created a game. we thought it would be fun. the points will be weighted so a small town will have the same chance as a huge city to win a small suprise show. we want to play in front of kids that are excited and we know this is a chance to do this. there will still be other secret shows randomly happening.

5. close your eyes and just click. youve got it. dont worry just come out. andy will be running a kissing booth - it will be a blast.

more later.

January 6, 2006 

8:11 pm

i am just a hot mess. i woke up to the feeling of myself throwing up today. pretty much put a damper on the entire day. i ate about 50 stomach pills and then threw them all up- it was a pretty color in the toilet. my toungue is black on the top right now. i am pretty sure thats a bad thing. i watched way too much gastinaeu (however you spell it) girls today. i think it made me sicker. it took me awhile to realize that they were mother and daughter and not sisters- but the mom is kinda hot in pissy kind of way. my mom is out of town so there was noone here to take care of me- my brother was around but hes pretty much always bongzilla'd. so i waited for back-up caretakers to arrive- one of them was busy cutting hair and the other has like a "real" job besides being dad. the best part about vomitting alone in the morning is the way the bathroom tiles feel kinda cool in a pleasant way so i took a nap there for a bit. i want to see hostel tonight but the problem is all the vomitting- see its not that i mind so much its just what if i run into someone in my sicky gear and puke on them? wow. i am glad i did this update. arent you? im gonna leave the comments open cause i never do- just write down the first thing that comes into your mind when you see that reply button- heres mine: i am just a hot mess. 

January 6, 2006

I have to say it makes me feel safe and some kind of comfort to look at the clock in the corner of the screen and know that you are awake too.

posted by: peterpumpkineater

1/12/06 Q&A

question

whats your view/opinion on racism?

answer

i love it. i mean what opinion would i have other than it is terrible. i hope thats what you expected.

question

So Pete, I have been wanting to learn how to play bass for a long time. Any idea when that HOT Clandestine bass will be available for the public? Thanks.

answer

its going to be available as a fender squire some time in the (near i hope) future. squire is fenders cheapest bass line - very affordable and a good bass to learn how to play on.

question

college dropout or late registration?

answer

“highschool graduate” its the mixtape he put out awhile ago- its pretty sweet.

question

okay crazy dream last night.. you [pete] and me making out after a show in a bed? yeah just thought id share.

answer

im pretty gross after a show. itd be better to just highfive i think.

question

pete. please stop licking the shoes of the island CEOs. i am getting really tired of turning on a tv and seeing a commercial for you guys playing at the fucking arena or a WHOS NEXT IN MUSIC? PANIC AT THE DISCO and THE ACADEMY IS mtv shit which was was totally all your -for lack of better word- fault. sometimes i think it cant get any worse but im always wrong. when is this going to end pete?!?!?!?

answer

i am kind of confused by this one- we are on island defjam records but the advertisements for our tour were made by our booking agent not island. academy is on atlantic/fueled by ramen and P!atd are on decaydance neither of those are island related. but i think i understand the gist of what you are trying to say. i understand that its hard to feel like you are losing a band you loved to “the mainstream” or to a bigger media. i want you to know how much fob turns down because we dont believe in it or agree with it- at the same time would you rather see the academy is on trl or limp bizkit?- id rather see sincere music up there. anyway, i know we’ll all still be here after this ends. hope you are there with us.

question

Peter do you ever get mad at us?

answer

sure. just the same way you sometimes get mad at me/us- but thats okay. neither of us ever seem to stay mad very long…

question

choose one: paramore. cartel. the academy is. or acceptance.

answer

the academy is. i dont really know the others too well.

question

Petey, what have you been up to this past week? xo

answer

training for the new video and working on/editting release the bats two (http://www.findthescene.com/Videos/RTB2_Trailer.mov)… oh yeah and sleeping some.

question

So what do you think of Brokeback Mountain?

answer

good love story. kind of depressing- it makes me think about how much i do not want to go camping.

question

ryan seacrest called you “heartbreaker wentz.” how does that make you feel? it made me giggle…

answer

i never broke that mofos heart.

question

I was wondering if any of you guys are superstitious

answer

i kiss clocks, make wishes on take offs and first kisses, hold my breath on graveyards - yes.

question

Im really upset because i have friends who like me have been FOB fans for the longest time and have met you guys numerous times but are really angry about the ticket prices and are complaining your just sell outs. Im mad because i dont think this and now they are boycotting your CT show.You guys were bound to get famous so why do people have to get like this? Whats you opinion on all this?

answer

our primary concern with this tour is: having a huge general admission floor space and keeping ticket prices as low as absolutely possible. we are doing our best- if you compare this tour with other tours with bands of the same size you will see the difference in ticket price.

question

so much for teh huge general floor space. i cant get decent tickets.

answer

if you get tickets early you should have no problem getting floor tickets. ask your broker when they will be releasing floor tickets as they are often released in bunches. i promise you every venue we are playing has a huge floor space- and if not me and my friends always used to just sneak down onto the floor. the security never tries to hard to stop you.

question

Have you ever had sex with a groupie?

answer

nope.

question

So after they finish the tour that they are on now Mest is breaking up. I sort of cant believe it but I was wondering - do you guys plan on sticking with us for a while longer? It is actually pretty hard to deal with bands just stopping for good…so I am hoping that you guys can be there with us for at least a while longer. Much love.

answer

honestly? some days i think fall out boy will be around for 20 more years and some days i think it might end tommorrow.

January 13, 2006 

first jt. now mr. frey. i fear that we are next.

it may just be the hour of the night or the song stuck in my head or some strange mix of it all.

i can't shake it. 

the chemists called it crossed signals.

the poets called it magical.

nowyousayimabird.

- petey

January 14, 2006 

i love how i never care about anything you say except how i always do.

that doesn't even make any sense.

late at night everything about you is an orchestra. and i am the conducter.

January 14, 2006 

4:14 pm 

"noones ever been this good for this long"

this is everything i am thinking right now with out transition. i apologize for my brains lack of linear thought processing: i hate the way it gets dark so early here this time of year. i guess "seasonal depression" kind of falls under "ADD" and "post tramatic whatever disorder" for me. i feel like its science from the madhatter down the rabbit hole. not too real. but lately i just wake up blue - my only thought is- how soon will the day be over so i can get back into bed. i open my eyes just a tiny bit and blur the numbers on the clock with my eyelashes. every word you say rolls off of my back - the praises and the barbs. i don't hear either, ever. sometimes the tips of my fingers itch from the back of my head- just to get the chance to tear someone to pieces and just barely let them off the hook. i swear to god, i was asleep alone. quick text me an alibi and oh god please don't dust the keyboard for prints. sometimes i stare out of the frosted window and make up stories as people walk by. the bottled blonde, park ave. princess walking whichever dog matches her coat. you know how i could turn your world upsidedown. its not love if a day goes by when you don't think about dropping it. its not the world keeping you on the outside, its you not wanting to be on the inside. everyone wants to be the first. buts its okay to be the second if you understand it better, if you make it look prettier. worn down doesn't even touch this. and theres nothing worse than when someone acts like they have you figured out, when you haven't even figured yourself out. nice boys don't write good stories or sing good songs. and his songs are boring. and his stories are just personal ads set to background music. i found the skeleton key for wedlock but i am holding off on telling her. on telling anyone for that matter. consistent inconsistency. thats all you ever have to remember and you'll do okay with me. dancers are always strippers. and paying their way through college is the BE VE. oh and hey pete do you remember the way the world used to trick you with fifty degrees in january and orange leaves in june? button your jacket tight, don't believe everything you read... don't even believe everything you wrote. i'm tired of always leaving. i'm tired of the way things always/never change. swim upstream until your gills bleed just because thats what genetic encoding commands. there aren't any trophies that are really worth it in the end. they can put you in a box when you are very young, so you'll be a pretty corpse but there are too many pages filled with too many words to lie beside you forever. intelligent design is the last great joke i heard. but honestly, no one will ever stay where i tell them, least of all the years. they keep moving. worlds greatest liar and how do you know i'm not lying when i tell you this right now? and thats coming from the king of one-liners. copy and pasted - long live the away message. kiss the monitor. fast asleep baby.

1/16/06 Q&A

question

Thanks for deleting me off your myspace friends. Youre different than who I thought you were Peter.. : (

answer

i do not have nor ever had a myspace account… the only sites outside of this one that i use are friendsorenemies.com and livejournal. fall out boy has a myspace account but i dont even know how to work it.

question

PETER! maybe that got your attention this time :)! My question, Did your parents or siblings ever say your “stupid” or “gay” for wearing girl pants, or tight shirts..because i go threw alot of crap for wearing tight clothing and i go to a city school so either its gangsters, or me left out..please help me with gettin threw this..Also cant wait to see you guys in Hersey!

answer

kanye west wears pink polos. rob halford wears black tshirts. not that any of it matters. but how you dress should only be an amplification of who you are inside, it should not be all you are… i get teased about alot of things but you know, at the end of the day its okay to be me. im pretty sure its okay to be you too, as long as you arent like hitler or a serial killer or something insane.

January 18, 2006 

these pictures make me think of me and you before i got so crazy.

the hippo lost its momma in the tsunami. now the he hangs out with this super old turtle and follows it around. from what i've read they have developed their own form of communication.

this is insane.

these parts of life are amazing.

i will try and not forget them next time.

- petey

January 18, 2006 

the band is in chicago preparing their new homes to be moved into. mine is still in my parents cause i am a loser like that: see also why i am hanging in nyc by myself. but ive got some schemes that i am working on.

how i have been (barely) living: the hippo and the turtle, hanging out with minkus from boy meets world in north carolina, going to the mtv studios in nyc to see baby bros all growed up on trl, eating every single thing in this hotel minibar, writing, you. writing you.

- petey

January 19th, 2006 

1:55 am 

wahahahahaha. i laughed for like a million hours at the shittalking over at: www.friendsorenemies.com its way fun to see your friends make fun of you. it keeps you levelheaded. it has gone live.

January 19, 2006 

yesyesyes-ya'll. newyorkcity. hung with patd and tai backstage at TRL and tried to make them unnervous. but i was butterflies inside. but they couldnt ever let me down. the rest of the day was spent listening to the new gymclassheroes songs and working on the new video. the gch songs are insane: i can't describe them "we gotta take our clothes off to have a good time". insane. new octfall: youve probably never met these kids but they are the nicest. always calling and asking how im doing. then the hush sound: all i can say is "sweet tangerine"- 6 months from now, you will agree with me. anyway, this isn't just some preachy post. i just love watching my friends suceed and i will believe in them until the day i die. its so great to watch everyone grow up. hopefully, somewhere someone says that about me.

we contributed a song to the breast cancer one tree hill episode/compilation. we just thought it was a great cause and couldn't pass it up. we actually thought it was a really personal cause to alot of people involved so i wanted to give a really personal song to me, so we used "dark alley".

its late and alot of the things i have been working on and thnking have stalled out. but i am trying oh so hard. got some smaller shows coming up in las vegas and l.a. for the diehards so keep your eyes out.

i am in new york city but it feels so fucking foreign. the band is in chicago but there is too much to be done out here. i know there needs to be breaks but i cant get away. maybe ill see you on fuse or trl tommorrow. maybe not cause it'll be weird with out the guys- i dunno. this hotel room doesn't make any sense. my lights are on and i am in bed knowing i will never fall asleep. i am realizing people in all the buildings outside i can see lit up can probably see in here on me. but thats okay cause i am wearing some sweet pj's.

wwwilliambecketdotlove

turn me inside out.

swoon. make me easy on the eyes. it aint hard in this light. read it. write it. throw it away and come back to the phone. light up text king.

oh yeah a little bird named mouth told me: friendsorenemies.com is up - my profile is actually me over there ... yay! let's hate eachother and/or get sexy.

January 20, 2006 

dear ireland- thank you for your pretty accents and your amazing show.

dear home- i miss you

dear you- what the fuck happened to this

a real update later.

the whole world loves it when you dont get down.

January 21, 2006 

12:17 pm 

i hate you and i hope you die. yes. i realize that you will make fun of me/take stabs at me/post ridiculous pictures of me. i realize that because of this band i have given up some of my privacy and personal life. i accept that. i can laugh at myself. i realize i will get called a douchbag. i get what i get. i have begun reading things about my friends and family. that i will not accept. i read things written by people who kiss my ass to my face. i remember who you are. fuck you. bring it on me. please leave my friends and family alone. it is extremely hurtful to me. if anyone is a friend of mine out there please tell your friends. i on the otherhand am open game. i have a good laugh at all of the stuff written about me. i am silly, i realize that. thank you. 

peter

January 24, 2006

I am an arms dealer.

I sell words you could only use as weapons.

This isn't a scene it is an arms race.

I am a con artist.

A door to door salesman.

A snake oil seller. Cures for whatever ails you.

Somehow I don't hear the violins playing.

Not really the leading man type.

I am a cadaver deep frozen. Waiting for reanimation to beinvented.

Wrote "fuckoff" on my hand to remind me to call you tommorrow morning.

What do you do when everything they say about you is true?

Do you expect me to just roll over and die?

My skin has made promises.

Whether the rest of me has or not.

Writing off tommorrows every time my fingers touch these buttons.

Putting all the comforts and closeness in reverse just for you.

I think its time to re-asses some of the policies of the wentz administration.

Our approval rating is at an all time low.

In case you haven't been informed you have to take a ticket to be disappointed by me.

There's a fucking line.

Well have some goddamned order.

Its a posh and exclusive club.

I have a lifetime membership.

Make it glamorous.

Make the rumors true.

Read the sign next to the bridge "giveupallhope..." and just tie down the gas pedal.

Lie in the back.

Haven't you heard, sorrow is in.

You are the beaches of normandy the night before.

And a girl with such a sweet drink should never sit in the corner and cry about anyone or anything.

The kids on the net had it right sometimes we should fuck off and die and break up and stop ruining art.

But the kids had it right sometimes when they sit waiting in line with hands frozen out waiting to get into a room first.

The only thing I can admit is this is no masterplan. I'm trying to figure it out.

"Without the sour the sweet wouldn't taste so sweet (tangerine)".

Its 3am in leeds. This is what just crossed my mind.

Love, the fancy kid.

January 26, 2006

live via manchester holiday inn express:

first and foremost. these shows have been amazing. i think it is quite possibly because we don’t get over here often or maybe because we are playing smaller clubs… but i am thinking we need to make a stop over here more often.

i wanted to congratulate p!atd the disco on making it to number 10 on the TRL countdown. and i just wanted to put this out there: there is no way it was paid to happen. of all the bands on “new bands week” panic was the only that didn’t put up big pushes to have the video voted on. if anything this band wants to do things their own way. hence picking the song they did for the single- that was the bands choice and in my opinion they have songs on the record that could easily be bigger. it was also the bands choice to create a darker video…. as a label i can tell you that we definitely don’t have the money to spend on a “big budget” video right now- not to mention having any left over for anything else- you’d laugh if you saw the budgets we filmed the new panic and gch videos on. but i couldn’t say enough about how nice these kids are- they don’t even get how big their band is and thats a good thing… i personally would rather see great bands on the forefront of music… and yes there are lots of other bands that deserve to make it there as well- so maybe on our messageboard tell me about some great (unsigned) bands that we should check out.

other than that we’ve just been writing new songs and working on the new video. pretty soon its going to become time focus all attention on a new fall out boy record again.

got some big news for you coming up very soon…

peter lewis kingston wentz

ps 'hater dudes marry hater bitches and have hater kids’

1/26/06 Q&A

question

hey, what kind of books are you and the rest of Fall Out Boy into? p.s. tell patrick he is spectacular

answer

andy is into comics and books on anthropology/human civilization i dunno what books joe reads patrick is into reading about music i am into a bunch of different authors lately hemingway still. before he went and hung out in africa. i haven’t been reading as much as id like lately. ps the book panic has in their book club this month is a great book. its the first thing i gave ryan after reading his lyrics, it kind of reminded me of him- so if you like panics lyrics head on over and check out their book club

question

do you watch that show roseanne on nick at night. i love that show!

answer

me and my friends used to hang out with becky in evanston, il in highschool. she was not to fond of me or my friend jody.

question

ok i know this is nobodys business but yours but there is alot of stuff going around on the boards saying that the big news is your engaged just to get things straight is that it? because those people are starting to annoy me….

answer

me being engaged is most definitely not the big news.

question

in the song calm before the on take this to your grave, there is a line that says :Well theres a song on the radio that says lets get this party started, lets get this party started. did you write that line because of the song by pink called lets get this party started. just curious.

answer

yes.

question

Hey Pete. My grandma is dying (and she doesnt care) and I for real dont feel anything towards her. My mom is seriously upset, my dad is just about the same and my sisters dont know. I am suppose to tell them but how do I do that when my grandma wasnt a grandma for me but for them she was a great lady? I just want this done and over because I am kind of tired of waiting for her to die since she has been making suicide references for the past two years.

answer

that is one of the hardest places to ever be in. i remember seeing thoughts of my grandfather in my head when he died i was on tour. and i couldnt really feel sad unless i thought of it as my dad and it really freaked me out. it made me feel like i wanted to see my dad right that second. id be completely lost with out him. i think that people handle grief in different ways and the best thing we can do is try to be there for them. im sorry to hear about that though.

1/30/06 

question

my roommates and i almost got into a brawl at 4am with some drunk kids who wanted to fight us because we did not appreciate the hint of lime in their tostitos. is it just me, or is your life this ridiculous as well?

answer

it is . we were thrown out of another fob afterparty after nearly fighting the staff who was berating dirty.

question

Peter, I just got the “Panic! At The Disco” cd and I love it! could you recomened any others?

answer

the hushsound “so sudden” - myspace.com/thehushsound october fall “season of…” myspace.com/octoberfall dangerradio “party foul” myspace.com/dangerfall the academy is “almost here” myspace.com/theacademyis armor for sleep “all” myspace.com/armorforsleep shiny toy guns “all”

question

do any of you have brothers and siters? (like any single younger brothers…:) if so, who and how old?

answer

um come on this question is kind of insane. but my one dog marley is super hot for a dog. hes a good kisser though.

question

I read somewhere that Patrick was a vegitarian. Is that true?

answer

he was he eats fish and likes to talk long walks in the park with hot babes.

question

Why does patrick wear a hat all the time and why does the drummer never talk?????

answer

just to drive your pretty little head mad with these questions.

question

Okay, heres a question: Has someone you superly-duperly adored gone away? And by adored we are talking like, lets-run-away-to-isreal -and-get-hitched-without-telling-anyone adored.

answer

yes. the sinking feeling in your rotten gut is your reminder. cool sheets on your bed are your antidote.

[josephtrohman]

hello it’s the joe fic anon!! i don’t think i mind what sort of pov or what pairing, like i love combinatorics because i Adore the “pining idiots” sorta trope, so i would happily read more of those guys being obsesssd with joe (because you know. me too brother). but also because i haven’t read much joe perspective i would happily try that too. i know this literally doesn’t narrow it down AT ALL lmao so no hurry, whatever u provide will feed me good ❤️

heehee ok i got u anon!!!! as a joegirl god the more descriptors of how in love with joe the protag is the better bc YEAG ARGGG (just one part of why combinatorics will forever be my favest like ME TOO PATRICK!!!!!!) but anyways here is my tailored fic recs based on u wanting joe-centric fics :D there is some overlap ofc with my other recs posts and i just realized that most of these recs are just joe pov MORE PINING OVER JOE IN FICS PLS FANFIC AUTHORS THANK U!!!! but there is some of that here too still (combinatorics always the king for that tho). sorry this took a couple days shoutout to finals szn but JOE-CENTRIC FICS COMING RIGHT UP

joetrick:

technology by rosiedoesfic. i’m due in for a reread very soon but it’s a wonderful story about joe and patrick both being single at 30 and joining a dating app and being each other’s road test for dating. written for the same prompt as combinatorics so they’re like sister fics in my mind!!! :)

friction in your jeans by dogboytrohman. hello. one of the tags says gratuitous descriptions of how beautiful joe is and it’s true. patrick has a crisis when joe first gets his lip pierced and they kiss and mess around

thnks fr th knckrs by rosiedoesfic. joe slowly pulling patrick into the world of being interested in panties and my godddddd it’s so good!!!

token by gigantic. joe’s pov, but he’s on a mission to have gay sex, and he has to face a few unsuccessful times before he can finally fulfill his dream ;3 soooo good

brace yourself and find a safe place by distortedmya. joe comes out as an adult, and when he’s struggling a bit patrick spends time with him. very sweet read!!!

good fortune by heyginger. a short very fluffy new year’s centered fic. no spoilers since it’s short ;)

message in a bottle by bunnytrohman. joe realizes he’s in love with patrick during 2ourdust, i keep recommending this one because i love it sm and i was lucky enough to be able to get to beta for richie on this one!!

wentzman:

the things we do by gigantic. joe stays with pete for a few days and helps him get rid of some of ashlee’s stuff and pete likes to wear her clothes, and basically joe and pete start fucking. a lot. it’s joe pov so no pete pining over joe or anything but oh my god pls read it, it is so impeccably written!!! probably my fav wentzman fic ever

when you wake up the world will come around. kid fic about pete and joe being dads that fall in love. another one of my fav wentzman fics UGH so good so cute. another joe pov btw (i believe!!! it’s been a minute since i reread this one)

eyeliner = consent by arsenic. ryan ross has a scheme to get joe and pete to sleep with each other by making patrick put eyeliner on joe so as to seduce pete. it’s a wild-ass concept but im obsessed also PETE POV if i remember correctly

ok i think im going to stop there for now, BUT the nice thing about joetrick fics (and wentzman but ppl have never just asked for wentzman recs lol) is that they’re pretty inherently joe-centric so if you get the itch for more beyond these ones, i have two other posts of fic recs on my blog already!!! here and here. some of the fics i’ve recommended here can be found there too, but there are others that are excellent choices in those posts as well!!! i’m also always here to chat about fics beloved anon, and i can try to dig through my archive even more if u happen to need more recs :3 now go forth and enjoy joe centric fics :D 💖

[songsforthepierce]

Album Showcase: DATALEAK i - gripp, Ashlee Haze, & curveBREAKERS

Uh, Well hi there. It's been awhile hasn't it? I got pretty busy with at first artfight, work, then loosing my job, school, and then getting a new job. But I finished this year's artfight, school has been more manageable, and I have been adapting to my new job. Starting with my first request. Now, I am semi-open for requests and the reason I say semi is because I have a HUGE backlog but also it depends if I am interested in what is being requested.

I like the cover for the EP, it is eye catching with what looks like a decaying nigh time city but torn into the picture is the sun setting above the water while someone is dancing. It gives off the feeling of there is hope in the world despite everything.

This request was from @sxrgripp and it is eeir first EP. I never really expected someone making music to come to me this early on to request me to review their stuff but hey it's cool regardless. DATALEAK i was released on June 6th, 2023 making this the most recent album I have reviewed so far. The record label for the album is called glassEyeballs, LLC which is owned by gripp, one of the musicians behind the album and the one who produced the album. According to the post ee had been alluding to the making of this EP for six months which I take it as it took six months to make said EP. Gripp is the owner of glassEyeballs, LLC which is not just an indie music label but also a media investment and holding company. It is connected to Construct College of Creative Pedagogy and Philosophy Media Group . According to the about page on Construct,

"The Construct College of Creative Pedagogy is a digital learning community dedicated to offering free educational opportunities to students marginalized from traditional academia. Through online classes and workshops, the college encourages participants to develop skills and scholarship whose utility are born from sustainable material value rather than association with colonial and imperial systems. Construct is anti-bigotry in all its forms. We endeavor to create spaces that resist classism, misogyny, transphobia, white supremacy, and the social structures that support discrimination."

Which I think is super cool and I do notice one of the classes being offered is an introductory course on javascript. In an age right now where we kind of need to know how to work with javascript to CSS when making our own websites since a lot of the big social media sites are falling apart I do like this is being offered openly. Philosophy Media Group which according to their about,

"PMG is a network of southern creators and creators of color committed to creating innovative art and meaningful media."

What started as a way for Ashlee Haze to make art without worrying about access to a stage since Covid19 grew into this group to help promote voices that would not be heard otherwise. You know as I mention gripp and Ashlee Haze lets talk more about the musicians behind this EP.

Starting with curveBREAKERS which at first seemed like their only music experience was on this EP but that was far from correct. They have a soundcloud and they are electro-classical music collab duo made up of gripp as the writer and producer and Dylan Griffith as composer and educator. Within their soundcloud it states,

"The collective has produced several commercially-released recordings, created musical cues for independent theater and short film projects, and taught college-level music production classes. Their work focuses on the juxtaposition of different styles and artistic elements: classical with hip-hop, analog with digital, and oppression with joy."

So far they have one track out and I have been listening to it as I wrote the section about the duo and I like what I am hearing so far. Also, their site having little color blocks to click on which each make their own sound is really cute.

Ashlee Haze is a poet and spoken word artist who was the main person behind PMG but was also a feature on Blood Orange track, By Ourselves, on the album Fleetown Sound. She released the book Smoke, a collection of poems about grief and the strength it takes to sit with it. There is her spoken word album of the same name as well which I wonder if it is meant to be the audio book form of the book. I do want to check out both at some point to see.

You may have noticed I have been mentioning gripp a lot throughout the review so lets talk more about eem. Marshall "gripp" Gillson is a writer, programmer, and educator based mainly online. I have talked about the fact ee is part of curveBREAKERS, works with PMG, is one of the educators at Construct, and is the founder of the label glassEyeballs, LLC. I decided to look more into eeir other musical ventures and I found this site called deezer which I never heard of before. According to eeir page on the site ee has been involved with many different projects which I will check out in the future. From what I have seen gripp goes by ee/eem/eeir pronouns and I ask everyone to be respectful of that. I won't tolerate someone being a dick about that.

Now before I get to the album proper I should state that my familiarity with hip hop is well limited. You may have noticed most of my music reviews so far have been on rock, punk, metal, and such in the broadest sense. That is mainly because I grew up with those genres. My exposure to hip hop was through big hits like Whoop there it is, U can't Touch This, and Baby Got Back. Sure I grew up with the ringtone era I would hear play on the bus' radio to middle school but I only started to go out of my way to listen to rap by the time I was in high school when I would start watching reviewers such as Toddintheshadows and The Rap Critic. Even now I am still learning and expanding my horizons on the genre. So I do hope I can do this EP justice reviewing it with the perspective I have.

Track 1: Greens & Water - Ashlee Haze

First track starts out strong with a nice and catchy beat. It would not be out of place in a club, bar, or a hookah lounge. It can keep the party going and I do appreciate that in songs like this. Ashlee's singing voice is nice and can carry the song. When I started writing this way back in June the only place to read the full lyrics is Spotify which I don't use. Lyric Genius has not made a page on this song as well as I am writing this in November of 2023. Because of such I have to play it by ear about a lot of the lyrics. That and usually me posting lyrics would be easy, however I knew once I would get around to songs that feature the n word I would have to do the lyrics differently. I'm white and I want to be careful when talking about this topic. Some have told me that if I am quoting then I can post the N-word just as they say it since it would be just quoting it. However I am not really sure that is the right course of action for me to do. So I'll go about this to the best of my abilities and PLEASE feel free to like critique me on this stuff because hey I want to improve.

Anyway, from what I can gather from the song on my own and with some help from a friend of mine since I do thinking having a second set of years does help with lyric deciphering. I know this first track is about the narrator in a club setting trying to have a fun time smoking weed though lame guys can’t really keep up or are a bother. The narrator brags about herself which hey good for her. Bad girls have every right to hold themselves up and have a good time partying. They shouldn't have to deal with shitty guys being pissy at them. Though there is a transition within the song that changes with the lyrics,

Eat your greens and drink your water and and keep your third eye open

Which comes off more like a nice reminder of keeping yourself well fed and hydrated as you are smoking weed. At least this way you don't have a bad time while getting high. Especially afterwards talking about floating up and such.

Track 2: Cop the Summer - gripp

What stood out to me about this track was the instrumentals, it has a chill atmosphere yet something about it scratches the right itch in my brain. I began tapping my fingers along with the song as I was listening to it. I think the reason it scratches my brain a bit in the right spot is that something about it reminds me of reggae which I could be incorrect about the music comparison since sadly my knowledge on reggae is rather limited. But I don't know, something about it reminds me of that genre.

From the lyrics it seems like the narrator is enjoying the summer drinking while buying whatever he wants. Like he has something to prove with showing off his wealth. One of my friends also seemed to have also gleamed that as well from it. But the ending line

She's bad for you block her number

It then makes me wonder if he is buying stuff for this girl? That in a weird way they are using each other. For him he gets something physically and emotionally from the girl. While she in turn is just using him for money. Which this would have an effect on the high wealth the narrator has. Or maybe not.

Track 3: Upset (feat. Rhayne Thomas) - curveBREAKERS

This track features blues vocalist Rhayne Thomas which is very fitting for this song. This track stood out to me the most because it is not just slow song but is more grounded being about economic struggle. The first line being,

Oil man gotta bail out, Banker got a bail out, slaver got a bail, and I got debt

What follows afterwards is places such as airlines and Chrysler also getting bail outs while the narrator continues to be in debt. Clearly tired and hurt from the reality of capitalism prioritizing these businesses over the common people.

They're closing down the schools but opening the bars, they'll put you in a cage for getting free

Promise salvation to keep you working praying for a day you'll never see

The line about the schools got to me since growing up I went to an elementary school in a pretty poor area of the city. It's budget was limited and the parents along with the kids there struggled greatly financially. Many of the children relied on free lunches since their parents could barely make enough to feed themselves. That and I know the schools that tend to close down are those in low income areas and those in towns that barely get any funding from the government. Leading to people living there making the choice of either leaving for better opportunities or staying and pushing through it. Bars do bring in the most money from working in food service and while bars do have their place it there are critiques of it from the more negative aspects of bar culture with people using alcohol as a coping mechanism from the pains of reality. Which a lot of those pains are caused by economic strife brought upon capitalism. A lot of unjust arrests happen for just existing be it if you are homeless trying to sleep somewhere or if police think you look "suspicious" outside a store. Within prison you are made to work as basically slave labor with the condition of you'll eventually be let out. Which not all get to see since a lot of prisons have terrible living conditions. All of this has the repeated line, "And I'm upset", throughout the song. Which is an understandable emotion that I feel when I see stuff like that happen.

This EP was a pretty good and fun listen. To be honest, I like all three tracks equally. While the third one stands out the most stylistically since it takes a more blues approach (which is appropriate for the them of the song) and the fact there is a bit of what sounds to be an electric guitar in one part which surprised me. The first track is a fun club song it jam out to while getting high. The second track would be my pick for my absolute favorite if I had to only choose one song. The instrumentals of it really clung to me and I won't forget it.

You can listen to the whole album through streaming such as Youtube Music, Spotify, and Apple Music. You can also purchase the album through Amazon and itunes. I do want it to eventually be put on bandcamp as well since I would think that would help get more the word out about this project but here is hoping! I highly recommend checking this EP out along with all the other projects the artists behind this have done.

[myrammmortal]

Chapter 18, we had you know what with you know who at you know where. We all came.

AN: I SED STUP FLAMMING! if u do den ur a fuken prep! fangz 2 raven 4 da help n stuf. u rok! n ur nut a prep. fangz for muh sewter! ps da oder eson dumbeldor swor is koz he trin 2 be gofik so der!

XXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I woke up the next day in my bed. I walked out of it and put on some clothes. (Editors note: this was another long paragraph on outfits and honestly, I'm getting tired of it. Paul is not going to wear makeup unless it's hilarious and this time it just wasn't. Overly detailed descriptions will still be here but not this one)

(Da night before Richard and I rent back to the skull (geddit skull koz im goffik n I like deth. NOOOO Who would've guessed!?). Till chased Vlodemort away. We flew there on our brooms. Mine was black and the broom-stuff was blood-red. There was lace all over it. Richard had a black Mercedes Benz boom. We went back to our rooms and we had you-know-what to a Linkin Park song.)

Well anyway I went down to the Grate Hall. There all da walls were painted black and da tables were black too. But you fould see that there was pink pant underneath the black pant. And there were pastors of poser bands everywhere, like Ashlee Simpson and the Backstreet Boys. It smelled like cheese

“WTF!” I shouted going to sit next to Frau Schneider and Willow. Frau Schneider was wearing a black leather mini with a t-shirt, black fishnets and black pointy boots. Willow was wearing a long gothic blak dress with blood red writing that was all lacy and came up to your thighs and black boots and fishnets. Vampire, Oliver and Richard came. We started to talk about who was sexier, Mikey or Gerard Way or Billie Joe Armstrong. The boys joined in cause they were bi.

“Those guys are so fucking hot.” Oliver was saying as suddenly a gothic old man with a black beard and everything came. He was the same one who had chassed away Vlodemort yesterday. He had normal tan skin but he was wearing white foundation and he had died his hare black.

“……………….TILL?1!” we all gasped.

“WTF?” I shouted angrily. “I thought he was just wearing that to scare Volsemort!”

“Hello everyone.” he said happily. “As u can see I gave the room a makeover. Whjat do u fink about it?”

Everyone from the poser table in Gryiffindoor started to cheer. Well we goths just looked at each other all disfusted and shook our heads. We couldn’t believe what a poser he was!1.

“BTW you can call me Till.” HE CALLED AS WE LEFT to our classes.

“What a fucking poser!” Richard shouted angrily as we we to Transfomation. We were holding hands. Vampire looked really jealous. I could see him crying blood in a gothic way (geddit, way lik Gerard) but I didn’t say anything. “I bet he’s havin a mid-life crisis!” Willow shouted.

I was so fucking angry. 

[vickyshinoa12]

I think I did this already? I can’t find it anywhere but! Here it is again, if you didn’t see my dragon before I’ll mention him again below as he’s a cool ah dragon, if I could draw dragons I would draw him but AI will be him until I get someone to draw him. (It quite expensive to commission one rn cause I’m saving for my own place) also only two as of now cause Criston Cole is knee bent to talk shit about Rheanerya whenever he gets the chance and I would be annoyed by his whiny ass, not to mention he would totally bed Alicent anyway… also Harwin Strong is another I would put, but my heart says he is a good man to Rheanerya and I personally like him with her. Sorry. I also would have put Larys as well, buuut he murdered his bro and he also likes feet- I already have a cat all on my feet I don’t need a person on them as well…. Besides that my info is below if you all need it.

Name: Victoria Hula (middle name is Ashlee, for my Poppy’s middle)

Age: 25

MBTI and enneagram: INFP 9w1

Zodiac: Libra, I balance and stuff and I’m the stereotypical “I can’t make decisions help me!”

Likes: Hanging out, writing, a bit of reading, snacking, animals, and the idea of space and different universes

Dislikes: injustice, arrogant people, and people who treat innocents like crap (aka if someone did something bad, don’t bring an innocent into it)

Favorite color: turquoise

House: Between Stark or Targaryen, would choose Black side, besides the houses would most likely be born from outside the kingdom in the wilderness.

If I was a Targaryen, the dragon I would have: A watery blue dragon, his name will be Valstrax after the name of an Elder Dragon. He will be fast amongst the sky by weak to fatal blows such as bites. He is around the size of Seasmoke. He has a mate named Talia the Queen of Sea. She nests outside Westeros.

[freetowns0unds]

Freetown Sound does not only allow pleasure to coexist with pain. For Blood Orange’s Freetown Sound, the past also coexists with the present. Freetown is not only a place in West Africa where Blood Orange’s father was born, but Freetown exists within Blood Orange’s life as an artist in NYC. 

In Western culture, it is hard to reckon with time in a way that does not engage with the idea of moving forward or some type of chronological linearity. When critics saw the name of Blood Orange’s 2016 album, they believed it would be historical, ancestral. Entertainment Weekly described the album, “This record is steeped in history: the title refers to Freetown, Sierra Leone, where your father was born. But the album feels really current, too. Songs like “Hands Up” reference the killings of unarmed black teenagers.” For the Western music critic, Africaness signifies a type of past while Blackness operates in the present. There is a lot to be said about the critic’s idea of Freetown as a pre-modern site for the album while the theme of being black in the States brings it to the present. Similar to how Marcus J. Moore believes Blood Orange deconstructs West African sound, Entertainment Weekly seems to suggest that the artist modernizes, refashions, and revamps the album’s Sierra Leonean “roots.” The publication attempts to position (West) Africa within a Eurocentric construction of history that parallels James Snead’s explication of Hegel: “The African is also always already there, or perhaps always there before, whereas the European is headed there or, better, not yet there” (Snead 650). Entertainment Weekly positions blackness in Blood Orange’s album as a type of Europeaness that gets the album to its modernity; the publication argues that the blackness of the album is what gets us to the present.

However, the blackness of Freetown Sound does not provide a linear transformation of its West African references. The historicity of the album does not solely come from the title. When it comes to blackness and historicity, Snead continues to write about understanding the notion of time in black cuture through “those occasions when history ‘jumps the rails and has to be restarted at the point where it goes wild’” (655). The album situates itself in a complicated, unmappable history. There is no origin, although some people would argue that the origin is “obviously” Freetown. That fails to be true when we look at the construction of the album. Freetown Sound begins with a sampling of Ashlee Haze’s 2015 spoken word “For Black Girls (The Missy Elliot Poem).” Then, as the album plays through each song, Blood Orange interupts them with cuts from Boogie Down Production’s ‘Why is that?" (1989), the documentary Black is… Black Ain’t (1994), Venus Extrvaganza in the documentary Paris is Burning (1990), and Ta-Nehisi Coates “Is Violence a Function of Our Culture” (2015) alongside so many more.

Freetown Sound is neither a current or historical album. Time is scattered within the album and exists outside a linear, chronological conception. Blood Orange jumps back and forth, neither here nor there. Through samplings and interpolations, clippings and recordings, Blood Orange disorients our sense of place and time. He describes the record  as “ADD” in response to Entertainment Weekly, saying:

“I was really intentionally trying to make things move quickly to keep [people’s] attention…I used to do that stuff when I was younger, like on VHS. You’d cut out the commercials and press record again. It was such a mixture of different things. But the more you did that over a month period, just trying to make a perfect tape of some kind, [the more] you realized it created such a real sense of you and where you’re at. That’s what I was trying to do musically with the album”

What Blood Orange does not realize is that unintentionally, in his attempt to capture the attention of others and piece together where he is at, he placed himself in a type of sociality, a play between different histories and experiences. In Freetown Sound, Blood Orange evokes what James Snead refers to as the “cut.” Within what appears to be his album’s progression and development, the artist interrupts himself, only to get back on where he left off later. What Blood Orange refers to as “ADD” in order to express his inability to focus on one linear train of development, Snead calls “a kind of cultural coverage, this magic of the ‘cut’ attempts to confront accident and rupture not by covering them over, but by making room for them inside the system” (652). Freetown Sound figures more like a sonic collage than a map or chart of Blood Orange’s identity. The songs don’t seamlessly transition to each other on the album. The artist once compared the record to flipping through the same few radio stations in a singular car ride, and there is no better way to put it. 

Blood Orange tends to repeat melodic schemes within his record. These schemes aren’t strategically placed, but happen randomly, where one song sounds reminiscent of another, but you are quite sure where it is picking up from.  There is no trace to help us understand how we got here, but we are somehow back where we left off. Each song evokes a fragmentation, not necessarily complete, but left waiting for Blood Orange.

Music criticism loves to evaluate albums on their ability to progress and develop. No artist wants to hear from Rolling Stone or Pitchfork about how each song on their album sounds the same. When making their albums, musicians strive for cohesion born out of constant invention. Repetition is tolerated, only if it is re-invention, something new must be born within each occurrence. I was at least conditioned to believe that. Every time I noticed a repetition, I was determined to find the differentiation. I would say, “Yes, this reoccurred, but it also transformed,” because I was apprehensive about the idea of suspension. Where am I, where is the music, if not progressing? To answer this question, I look to the song “E.V.P” off Freetown Sound which goes like this:

Two step in the cut Spotlights in the cut Chances are you never saw What made you who you are

These are the first lines in the song, but you hear it broken down and repeated throughout. They are not extended, or even developed, but pieces of the sound echo in the back. Similar to the repeated melodies and the samplings, the repetition of these lines does not hide in the background, but we cannot predict when they will arise. The “cuts” come as a surprise.  An alternative to progression is seeing the potential in the surprise, the jolts, the interruptions. Not as a means to move us toward the future, but find that the present, what we deem as “current,” is interlaced with hints and pieces of the past. 

[hyukalyptus]

ashlee. when i tell you this is one of my favorite things i’ve ever read, i need u to understand that i mean that with all my soul LOL

i’ve always loved period stuff and i know that’s not everyone’s cup of tea but it’s one of my faves and it’s kinda hard to come across new stuff that’s THIS good. it’s just so…AAAHHH i love it so much

and i loved the build up as much as the smut. AND i’m always down bad for a sucker that says “tell me to stop” FUCK i love it so. much.

ugh ur so creative and here i am giving u a lil kiss on the forehead *mwah*

𖤐⋆°·.3:13 a.m. (m) — choi beomgyu

genre: smսt (mdni! ageless blogs dni!!), vampire boyfriend!beomgyu, fem!human!reader, mc gets her period, oral (f receiving), bloodplay (ig), i would say i'm sorry but i'm not <3

wc: 3.2k

beomgyu awakes to the smell of blood flooding his nostrils.

bleary eyes snap open as he shakes himself from his suspended state of consciousness, only for him to squint at the glaring crimson numbers of the alarm clock sitting upon the nightstand. it's terribly early. early enough that the stars still glitter against the sable background of the sky outside, early enough that this particular bedroom of his manor remains bathed in darkness. the dimness of the room, however, proves to be no issue for beomgyu's enhanced sight; he watches as your chest rises and falls in steady succession, your sleeping form blissfully unaware of his current predicament. 

oh god, it's you. the blood is yours. the sweet, saliva-inducing perfume of the crimson ichor overwhelms your typically clean, subtle scent; and yet according to his keen senses, the aroma is richer this time, somehow. more potent — he has not smelt anything as addicting in decades. it makes it all the easier for him to want to give into the primal urge to absolutely devour you, to feed and feed and fucking feed from your pretty little neck until he’s sated and you’re halfway brainless. with a jerky shake of his head, he pushes those instincts swirling in his chest into a dark corner of his mind. he’d never feed from you without your permission. he’s not like that; no, he’s not like his former coven that would hunt defenseless humans like you for sport, taking turns drinking from the victim’s body until their veins ran dry. no, he is far from being like them. he loves you, and he’d never do anything that could hurt you.

another wave of sweet iron wafts into his nose, and he exhales sharply, sitting up against the headboard. shit, he really should leave. he should run far away until he can no longer smell you, but he remains frozen in place. sitting there, he takes in how you begin to curl in on yourself, your brows furrowing as if you're in pain. the sight snaps him out of his bloodlust-induced daze, blinking hard when you groan and turn away from him on the bed, your arms wrapped around your midsection — cramps. you’re cramping.

blood, cramping…oh, beomgyu realizes, your period must have started.

the two of you are typically more careful than this, tracking your cycle and ensuring that he is far, far away when it inevitably does hit you. perhaps you’ve both become too complacent in your safety measures after being together so long. it’s easy to forget that he could pose a threat to you when he’s never given you a reason to fear him. he is considered a monster by many, yes, but not by you — and that’s all that really matters to him. besides, beomgyu likes to think he could control himself no matter what, especially when it comes to you and your safety; but when he looks down to his hands, he finds that the fabric of the comforter has been torn open due to his unrelenting grip. his eyes squeeze shut. he needs to leave. he needs to leave right now. you’re too tempting, too testing for his natural instincts. run. run far away before he loses control.

rolling over, your head lands on his lap, arms curling around his left leg as you nuzzle your nose into the smooth skin of his thigh. it’s stronger now, that overwhelming scent. he feels like there’s a frog stuck in his throat, ice in his veins — he needs to get out of here. right fucking now. gently, he tries to peel your body from his, but your arms have become vines, curled tightly around his leg, the side of his knee pressed into the valley between your breasts. they curl tighter as he tries to slip his hands beneath them, but he refuses to use the full extent of his strength on you. 

“baby,” he murmurs, nudging your shoulder only to receive no response. he grits his teeth together, he gulps, he tries again. “baby, wake up. you need to let go.”

you let out a sleepy mumble of his name, hooded eyes just beginning to focus as you look up at him. slowly, you take in the stiffness in his posture, his fleeting gaze illuminated by the moonlight. frowning, you set your chin on his thigh, eyes fluttering to a close once again. “what’s going on?”

“i need to leave, darling,” he grits out — he wants to bite you. he can’t bite you. he can’t. he fucking won’t. 

any fatigue remaining in your body drains from your system the moment he utters those words, worry flooding your veins in its wake. you sit up, arms curling around yourself as you lean closer to him, barely registering the pain in your abdomen. his eyes squeeze shut, dark brows furrowing as he shifts away. “why? did something happen? are you in danger—”

how are you so selfless? why, of all things, is the first thing that comes to your mind is his safety? you’re the one that may be in danger here, and he is the reason why you might be. 

you’re on his lap now, hands sliding over the planes of his face and down to cup his jaw. “gyu, c’mon. why do you need to leave?”

his eyes glint red before returning back to normal, razor-sharp fangs elongating before retracting again. his hands remain by his side while he shakes his head, gripping the sheets so cruelly that the threads are on the verge of tearing. now that your legs are parted, he can barely think straight. he needs to taste you, he has to—

“your period just started.”

his voice has lowered to a snarl, resounding from deep within his chest and straight into the pit that has opened up in your stomach. restraint pulls his words taut, hungry, feral — he needs something. he needs blood. you know he’s been depriving himself lately, though you’re unsure why, but now…now feels like the universe is playing a cruel joke on you with this divine timing. at the sound of another feral groan passing from his lips, you freeze. the fingers brushing over his jaw tense up, pressing into his skin ever so slightly, your voice whisper-quiet. breathy, shock coating each word, “oh. oh shit, um. i’m so sorry, i didn’t. i thought i had another week until—”

your attempt at climbing off of his lap proves to worsen the situation. in the blink of an eye, he’s grabbed ahold of your hips, halting your movements. crimson tinges the edges of his irises, fangs poking out from his upper lip as he pants. “don’t move. please don’t move. i don’t want—fuck, i don’t want to hurt you, baby, please.” 

you sit there for a moment, taking in his pained grimace. he’s fighting himself, he’s fighting every single primal instinct within him telling him to pounce, yet his terribly gentle fingers pressing into your hips indicates that he is still in full control. it’s okay, you think. you’d be okay if he fed.

fingers sliding down to his shoulders, you squeeze. “gyu, you need blood. i know you’re hungry, and it’s okay. i don’t mind.” 

in response, he shakes his head. “no, i can’t. i might hurt you, i can’t.”

your lips purse. what could you do? you’re stuck here, in the precarious position, with no clear way out. figure something out, come on. deep breath. in, out. in, out.

suddenly, an idea unearths itself within the walls of your mind, blooms like the moonflowers that so easily captures your attention when you go on walks with your lover. he doesn’t have to feed in the typical way. he could…oh, he could…

“you don’t have to feed from me, baby,” you coo, watching as his eyes flutter open and meet yours. vermillion now, not one speck of brown in sight. with a gentle, encouraging smile, a hand comes up to swipe through his hair. he shivers at the contact, but you can tell he’s still there. he’s still your gyu, hungry or not. in silence, you take the hand that still holds your left hip and guide it down to the apex of your thighs, allowing his fingers to brush over your panty-clad core. “just…taste me from here.”

he inhales sharply at the contact, at your words, wrenching his arm away. his other hand leaves you completely, palms dragging over his face as he attempts to compose himself. every fiber of his being is screaming at him to take the offer, just take the offer and eat you out — you want it, he really wants it… 

“i can’t,” he chokes out from behind his hands. with a sigh, you shift your face closer to his, grabbing his wrists to remove his hands. he lets you, he always lets you. his eyes remain closed this time, but you work with it; you know he can hear your heartbeat and the rustling of your shirt, smell your sweetness, feel the warmth radiating off of your face as you press a peck to his cheek.

“i trust you,” you whisper against the corner of his lips. he whispers out a weak refusal, and you shift against him, just a tiny motion of your hips that causes him to hiss. lower lip wobbling, his hands find your hips once more, eyes silently pleading with you to quit moving before he loses it. as you cup his cheeks, you tilt your head. “i know, baby. i know you don’t want to hurt me — and you won’t, i know you won’t. but don’t you want a taste? it smells good, doesn’t it? there’s nothing stopping you from taking what you need.”

his resolve crumbles before your very eyes as you continue to encourage him. he doesn’t even need to bite you, it’ll be okay, you’ll be safe. it’ll feel good for you too, rid you of your cramps in the process — doesn’t he want to help you feel better? you’ll both feel better if he does this. 

that’s enough for his composure to splinter, cracks forming and spreading like the roots of a tree until it shatters. there’s little holding him back as he flips you onto your back, him towering over you with wide eyes and a parted mouth. pausing, he stares down at you, voice barely louder than a whisper. “tell me to stop.” 

“i don’t want you to,” you murmur back. “take what you need.”

that’s all he needs to hear.

his fangs glint under the moonlight as he swoops in to capture your lips, aggressive, tongue slinking its way past your lips to curl with your own. the kiss itself doesn’t last long, not when one of his fangs slices into your lip, pulling a squeal from you. easily, he tongue locates the wound, laves over it as blood bubbles up to the surface of the flesh. he moans against your mouth at the taste. the sting subsides as the wound closes, and he pulls away. 

“need more,” beomgyu rasps. he’s wide-eyed, on the verge of absolute ruin, but you love seeing him like this. you crave to see him lose control. you are not the glass doll he’s made you out to be. you can take it, you can take him, and he needs to realize that sooner or later — preferably now. 

so you open your legs that have wrapped themselves around his hips, watch as his eyes roll back into his head, and say, “then have more.”

your panties are torn away from your center with ease, and while he can’t technically die, beomgyu thinks that this might just be the nail in his metaphorical coffin. with the barrier of clothes now eliminated, your scent is no longer obstructed, and you smell absolutely fucking divine. his head spins, nose filled with base notes of iron and sugar and a richness that he’s never experienced before. oh. oh fuck, he’s done for. 

sliding down your body until he’s settled between your legs, he holds you open and takes in how blood drips from your fluttering hole. you’re aroused, that much he can tell, and it excites that untamed side of him that he constantly tries to tuck away. it’s out in full force right now, and he doesn’t have it in him to hide it anymore, not when you smell like this, not when your blood is right there for the taking, especially not when you’re inviting him to taste with that sweet little voice of yours, breathy and needy and wanton, pleading for him to touch you. 

and fuck, he can’t take it anymore.

he doesn’t buy time with teasing your thighs like he usually does whenever he eats you out — no, he goes in straight for the kill, tongue licking a strip up your pussy, his groans reverberating against your clit as your saccharine blood hits his taste buds. he doesn’t pull away to comment, but you know just by the way his tongue slips into your hole that he likes what he finds. sometimes, you forget that your lover is no longer human — until these moments in which you are brutally reminded, his tongue extending far into your walls as he gives in to his most desires. you cry out as the muscle curls up against the spongy spot inside you, thighs closing around his head, but not for long; fingers curl under your thighs, spreading you open for him as he removes his tongue from your entrance, beginning to lick your folds, your inner thighs, cleaning up the blood that has found its way there. his tongue does not slowly savor your skin. rather, he laps at you like a starved man, pulling you closer and closer to his face. if he were human, you’d be worried if he could breathe. 

this must be heaven, he thinks, as he returns back to your folds, tongue swirling around your entrance, his nose bumping against your weeping pearl while his tongue explores your walls as deep as his fingers could go. the sensation is far different from fingers, however — hotter, wetter, you can feel his desperation with every lick and drag, the roughness stimulating every single nerve ending it touches. his hands hold your hips up, holding you as close as possible as he shoves his tongue deeper, the tip of his nose now grinding against your clit. 

“g-gyu! fuck, oh my god, gyuuu!” you repeat over and over again, feeling your high approach. the knot in your stomach pulls tighter, and you reach down to rub your clit with sloppy circles. beomgyu growls at this. he knows you’re close, he knows so well, and he wants to get you there. he needs you to experience the nirvana he has reached right now — he needs you right here with him. 

his tongue leaves your hole again, but the aching emptiness is quickly remedied with three fingers filling you to the brim. back arching, you plead for mercy, for him to let you cum, for anything. please, god, you’ll take anything. he finds your bud, suckling it between his lips, moans muffled against your core and the knot pulls tighter and tighter and the fire rushing through your veins grows white hot—

the knot snaps.

“fu-uckkk!” you scream, voice cracking as your vision spots white, pleasure rushing through every crevice of your body, thighs quaking and back arching and hands finding hair and yanking. your body feels like it’s floating, the waves of pure bliss unending as he continues his ministrations, removing his fingers so he can revel in the taste of your sweet, sweet blood that gushes from your hole. unable to come down, you remain in the throes of pleasure even as he flips the both of you over, your thighs now cushioning his head as you sit atop his face.

you gasp at the position, his eyes now glowing a bright scarlet in the darkness as he looks up at you. you’ve never seen such a shade on him, and arousal sparks in your stomach once again. “gyu, what—”

“more, need more,” he grunts out, now tracing your folds with his tongue. your gyu is still there, just…hungrier, frantic for more. 

if he could taste this for the rest of his life, he would never tire.

“gyu, i don’t— ohhh, shit!” your voice pitches up as he begins to lap at your core, little in his mind other than taking and taking until he’s sated and full. your clit aches with overstimulation, your walls quivering with each pass of his eager tongue as he holds you against him. soon enough, your torso collapses into the mattress, sheets curled between your fingers while you whimper, sweat beading across your heated skin. you can’t. you can’t cum again, and you tell him this again and again, yet he doesn’t heed your cries, building you up and making you cum on his tongue again and again until you can’t even think. your words are incoherent, garbled and tearful against the sheets, begging for him to let up.

“baby, baby i can’t,” you sob as you reach what you think is your fifth orgasm. “gyu!”

finally — fucking finally — he lets up, helps you ride out your high before slipping out from between your thighs. helping you onto your back, he holds your face between his palms, a small trace of blood from his fingers staining your cheek. your blood covers the majority of his lower face, smeared across his chin and lips and even a little on the tip of his nose. if you had enough energy to, you would laugh at the sight. 

“gonna go clean up real quick, okay? i’ll be right back,” he murmurs, squeezing your cheeks when you nod. he’s back within mere seconds, irises now back their normal umber and fangs retracted, no longer more animal than human, no traces of your blood on his face anymore.

“you okay?” he asks softly, smiling when you offer a lethargic nod. he climbs over you, sliding his lips over yours, wet, languid kisses exchanged as he slides his hands up and down your sides. “y’did so well for me, darling. thank you for trusting me.”

“told you it would be worth it,” you shoot back, tiredly giggling when his eyes narrow. 

“yeah, yeah, whatever,” he replies, eyes softening around the edges as he drinks you in, every curve and edge — perfect. you are perfect to him. hands slides up to your face, his thumb brushing over your cheek. “you wanna take a bath, love?”

leaning up, you give him a small peck. “that sounds wonderful.”

as beomgyu gathers you in his arm, commenting how he should just burn these sheets since they’re basically ruined, you find yourself thinking that there’s no one else that you would rather spend the rest of your life with — the rest of eternity with, if he’ll allow it. for now, however, you’ll let him tend to you in the bath, pressing butterfly kisses to your neck from behind as you bask in each other’s presence, the sky outside fading from a deep black into a deep azure. 

for now, this is enough.

masterlist

© to agustdiv1ne. do not copy, repost, steal, and/or translate.

[faith--in-the-future]

I’ve been a louie since 2016 but I learned about Louis’ clubbing days in 2015 and Briana and Ashlee lmao but honestly it was painful so it’s better to just ignore some stuff 😭😭😭

djfjh in Italian we say "eyes don't see and heart doesn't hurt"