#As you can see it is already fucking with my brain (honorary‚ also /joke)

[euclydya]

SLEEPOVER SATURDAY!! COMPLAIN AND/OR RANT ABT SOMETHING!!!

I let this sit for a few hours because when you sent it we were About to go to sleep but then we dozed off and our body decided that Like 20 Minutes Of Sleep Is Enough To Keep Us Awake All Night! And so we read for like 2 more hours or so and ANYWAY.

The point is I& have been Thinking on what to rant about. Should I use this opportunity to rant about how ODD plurality is for me personally, how strange it is now in this life not only to be apart of something Bigger and More Than One but all simultaneously in One Body but also myself, personally, in-sys, being Multiple too, and how jarring that is now?

Perhaps I can rant about things that have happened in, oh I don't know, the past like 200 or so years ago and how Fucking BIZARRE this life is compared to my Past?

Maybe, rant about, the fuckign. Everything of it all. And just. I can't even finish this sentence!!!!

But no. Sit the fuck down.

I am going to rant to you about Peggle.

Let me FUCKING tell you something. I live and breathe Peggle nowadays. It is Thee Biggest Hyperfixation-Obsession-Special-Interest I've Ever Had In Any Of My Time Existing Ever . Nothing has ever brought me so much joy before (AHEM except for My Wonderful Significant Others Who Have Followed Me To This Life But BESIDES THEM,). I don't fuckgin Knwo what it is about this stupid series but it has Been Living In My Brain Rent Free The SECOND I Laid Eyes On It. And holy fucking shit. Holy fucking shit. I have. I have Opinions. On things in this series, ok.

First off. Ok. Renfield. This stupid dorky-ass pumpkin MotherFUCKER. I am beating Renfield Haters Up With A Sword!!!!!!! Fuck oFF off this page if you hate Renfield all my homies LOVE Renfield OK!!!!!!! LISTNE !!! He is a GREAT character!!!! I do not understand why people (or, the people we've watched play Peggle and I will admit is not that many!) hate his power!!! LITERALLY it is so good his levels just aren't BUILT for it properly!!!!!

I understand that his Thing, at least in Peggle Nights, is that he's an Artist™ or a Fan Of Thee Fine Arts™ and all, but while it's cool it just... Doesn't work!! All his levels (again, in Peggle Nights, which btw Is Thee Best Peggle Game Ever Prove Me Wrong!) are centered around famous paintings. The Scream, The Persistence of Memory, The Great Wave off Kanagawa, a couple others I care not to try to remember and Google right now—it's COOL but they don't WORK as LEVELS IN PEGGLE!! Fuckin, at least not for him!! Maybe for someone like Jimmy Lightning? Who's power is shooting two balls at once? Maybe for Claude, who's powers are flippers (which is funny because he's a lobster and the flippers are in the shape of his claws HaHa)? Maybe scrap the idea all together or use different paintings to make his levels out of??? I don't know!!! All I know is that his levels suck ASS in Peggle Nights and it's primarily because the way the pegs are laid out are SO far and few in between—once the ball drops, and goes back to the top of the screen As Is Renfield's Power, it just. Drops immediately back down the hole it first created!

And this would be avoidable I personally think if the fuckin PEGS WERE CLUSTERED MORE and also if the LEVELS WERE BUILT TO WORK WITH HIS POWER AND NOT GO WITH AN AESTHETIC and oh my god the levels he has in others games from what I've seen work with his power way better but God shit fuCK AND DAMN WHY DID THEY DO THIS, TO ONE OF THE COOLEST CHARACTERS IN ONE OF THE BEST PEGGLE GAMES, HOMOPHOBIA I SAY! SPECIFICALLY TOWARDS ME.

But anyways!

Second of all, Tula best character, also Warren suffers from the same thing Renfield does on top of HIS power just generally not being very Good And Useful, also fuck the Peggle app, that is not true Peggle, where are my beloveds, what did they do to my beloved Video Gaem, Who are these new characters, where is Claude?, Tula??, Hell they don't even have Renfield OR Warren what is this shit?????!!

IN CONCLUSION:

Buy Peggle Now, It Is Worth Your Time And Money, This Is A Threat (/joke)

[sapphirespencer]

Love isn’t Always Ready (Spencer Reid x Gender Neutral Reader)

author’s note: hi! i’m back after my short break :) This one’s long, I’ve been working on it for about a week, so I apologize. i also just started the permanent tag list, leave a note if you’d like to be part of it and if only for specific characters or just the fics in general. 

word count: 2668 

request: yes! (requested by @karmaisabig-bitch​)

“I’m going to use the restroom, I’ll be right back.” Spencer’s hand slips from its hold on your waist as he walks through the aromatic shop.

“I’ll be here, my love.” You mutter, your eyes never leaving the encapsulating pages of the book you had been reading for the week. Lovingly, your boyfriend had taken you out on a late night coffee run, a weekly tradition that you two shared but had sadly missed for the past couple weeks due to the demanding work life you both had. His eyes had been perked up ever since Aaron had told the team that for the next three days, everyone would be on paperwork duty in order to avoid falling behind on records while pursuing new cases. “No plane days”, as Spencer referred to them as, had meant you were both able to get off work at 8pm and he was free to wander over to bookstores with you for the rest of the evening. The night always ended in a late night coffee stop before heading home. And for all of that, No plane days had become his favorite of days.

“Love and Gelato? What’s that about?” Ears perking at the title of your book being said aloud, your head snapped up towards the man behind the counter who was currently working on your order. He was working alone tonight, no coworkers in sight.

“A girl who finds herself moving to Florence after her mother passes, but then begins digging deeper into her mom’s buried past in Italy and why she had insisted that her daughter move there after her death.” Without glancing down at the book, you sneak your old receipt in between the pages you had been reading to mark your place.

“I’m assuming she finds love along her journey?” After scribbling on your cup, he fills it with the bitter liquid before moving on to fill Spencer’s coffee order that had way too much sugar. While nodding you add,

“And Gelato.” 

“Right. Well I’m sure I can try to find us some gelato shops that are open this late, if you’d like.” He laughed, leaving you wondering if he hadn’t noticed the intimacy between you and your boyfriend.

“Sorry, but I’ve already found the love of my journey.” As if on cue, Spencer exited the restroom, kissing your cheek as he approached you. Oblivious to the tension that surrounded the primarily empty cafe, he grabbed both coffee cups from the barista and walked you out of the shop. Unclear of which cup was his, Spencer held them up in front of his eyes for a closer inspection. Scanning past the word “decaf”, which was obviously your order, he noticed a ten digit number tucked under the cup sleeve, with the message “in case you go on a new journey.” Quieting down as if to withdraw himself from the situation, he handed you the cup. Confused about his newfound silence in the middle of his ramble on how dirty public bathrooms really are, you glanced at your coffee cup, which seemed to be the problem. Eyes rolling as you immediately noticed the infuriating message.

“Gosh, that guy couldn’t get a hint. He just couldn’t understand that I’m already with the best guy anyone could ever have.” Your face dulled as Spencer merely hummed at your sentence. He was shutting you out, once again. He always did this when things got tough, or when he was jealous. You didn’t mind having to reassure him of your loyalty to him, he was worth it. But it was painful when he would isolate himself from you, you just wish he could see how you viewed him, then there would be no doubt in his mind that he was beyond incredible. The night you two had waited for, just time to enjoy one another, had gone too far out of reach and heading to bed seemed to be the only thing on Spencer’s mind. You, however, hadn’t gone to sleep at all. Laying in the same bed with one another while clinging onto opposite sides felt as if an ocean had found its way between the two of you. Not being able to bear the weight of his silence, your own mental health already on the rocks, you turned to reading in the study for the remainder of the dreary night.

At some moment you had to have fallen asleep, a book spread out on your chest and no blanket on top of your thin pajamas. Waking up with intense congestion was just the cherry on top of the state of your life. The pressure dwelling inside your body made your head pulse and Spencer’s continuous silence had, for once, made your headache worse. You watched as he crossed from the bedroom to the kitchen, hardly glancing at you as you shivered while reaching for a tissue. Not only was your mind exhausted beyond repair, but so was your body. Cautiously, you slumped over to the medicine cabinet in the kitchen where Spencer was making his coffee, terrified to speak and unable to find the words that would wake him from his trance.

“Spencer, please…” Your voice came out hoarse, and sadly, you had hoped it might possibly drawn him out but you weren’t expecting the harshness of his coffee cup as he slammed it down on the counter. 

“Shut up, just shut up. Gosh, you’re such an attention whore.”

“What? Spence...what are y-”

“Do you not know how to shut up? Just be quiet!” Finally turning to you, the Spencer that stood in front of you was unrecognizable. Terrified to utter another word, you attempted to walk towards him but gripped the edge of the counter as your vision danced, blurring you from reality.

“Now you don’t know how to walk? That’s funny, apparently you don’t know how to do anything...oh except knowing how to be a fucking slut.” It was now your time to be furious. The way he was behaving was reckless and unfamiliar, he had shunned you into silence and you were having trouble finding your voice again.

“That’s enough. Spencer, I understand that you’re upset about last night, but you need to know that I made it clear to the barista that I was with you. Gosh Spencer, I love you. I love you and I know you love me, so please, let’s talk about this before you take it too far.”

“I don’t, you’re wrong.” 

“You don’t what?”

“I don’t love you. I never did and I never fucking will.” You laughed bitterly. He had to be joking with you. It had to be some sort of dark humor, it had to be.

“It was a mistake that I ever thought I loved you” thought. thought?

“...You thought you loved me?” It wasn’t a joke. It’s not a joke. 

“Yeah, and i’m glad it was just that. A fragment of my imagination.” He spat out. All those words, all those names, he meant them. He meant it when he said you were a whore, that’s how he saw you. 

“Hotch is expecting me.”

“I’m here!” You called out as you entered the Hotchner residence, eyes searching for a living person.

“And you’re early.” Aaron walked out of his bedroom and crossed over to his kitchen. Letting yourself in, you set your keys and bag down as you shut the door behind you.

“I just wanted to see my favorite boss and honorary father ever.” You cheered in the perkiest voice you could manage.

“Your overnight bag and overall appearance say otherwise. You look like shit.” He called from the kitchen

“Gee, thanks dad. I stayed up reading...and Spencer-” Setting yourself down on the couch, your brain ran through excuses for the overnight bag.

“Save it, Y/N. I can tell when you’re lying.” Walking into the room with two coffee mugs in hand, Aaron sat in the armchair across from you. Handing you a coffee cup, he sipped on his drink, waiting for you to speak up.

“Hotch, I’m fine.” You muttered out, eyes focused on the liquid in the mug.

“What’s wrong, y/n?” 

“Spencer...We, um...We got in a fight. A bad one, and...things were said. Things that we might not bounce back from.” Not daring to look at the fatherly figure, your eyes trained on the dark liquid.

“What? What was said?”

“Hotch, it was nothing. Spencer just got jealous of this barista when we were in the coffee shop, even though I told the guy I was with someone and Spencer just shut off. No talking, only a muttered goodnight before he fell asleep. I couldn’t just lie in that bed with all things considered so I went to the study and at some point, fell asleep. I woke up feeling crappy and sick, hence my appearance, but I thought maybe he’d finally talk to me. He’s always there for me when I’m sick, but he just...he...Spencer…” Trailing off, your thumb rubbed over the mug handle, eyes still narrowed in on it.

“What did he do, y/n?” Leaning forward in his chair, Aaron stared at you.

“He blew up…” Tears spilling from your eyes, you finally met his eyes. The sight nearly broke his heart. “You know Spence, he bottles stuff up and then he just...blows up. He called me a couple of things. Things I would never think Spencer would ever say. Attention whore...slut.” Shaking your head, a sad smile spreads across your face.

“Y/n…” Aaron starts

“Oh no, that’s not the best part though. The fucking climax of it all was when he told me that he regrets ever thinking he was in love with me. He said he ‘thought’ he was in love with me...fucking thought.” Laughing bitterly, the words spat out of your mouth.

“I’m cancelling tonight. We’ll stay in with Jack and watch some movies, okay? And yes, I'm sure.” Jumping up to reach for his phone, the man hardly waits for an answer as you nod between silent sobs.

“Are you sure? It’s still not too late to go back, I’m sure Jack would love to spend the day with you.” Before opening the door to his office, Aaron looks back at you, hesitant about your appearance at work today.

“I’m sure. Trust me, I’m not mad at him anymore. Now let’s go, everyone’s waiting to be briefed.” Smoothing your shirt down, you wait for Hotch to open the door and let you out. Spencer’s eyes had darted up at you the minute you walked into the room, almost as if he was waiting for you. Taking your seat between Penelope and Emily, you watched as his facial expressions changed to the ones he had reserved strictly for work, he didn’t care. Unbeknownst to you, Aaron was watching him too.

The case had been an open and shut one, not lasting more than 12 hours, but the aftermath of the fight between you and Spencer had still been ongoing. If it hadn’t already thrown you and Spencer insane, it sure had done so to Aaron. Throughout the case, anger had begun to consume him as he noticed Spencer’s avoidance and ignorance. When the team had returned to headquarters, a furious Aaron pulled Spencer into his office.

“Reid, what are you doing?” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Hotch.”

“Spencer, you know what you said and if you’re telling me that you have no ounce of guilt in your body for that, I would have to say that I never thought you could be so ignorant.” Loosening his tie, Aaron sat down in his chair, the tall shame-filled man standing in front of him.

“I know...I know what I said and I hate myself for it. I just… I don’t know what to say.” 

“I’m sure you’ll find the words, just go find y/n before it’s too late.” 

As you grabbed your stuff and got ready to go out with the team for dinner, you noticed Spencer approach you and stand next to your desk, waiting for you to lift your head.

“Hey, do you need something?” Looking up at him, you caught the flash of a familiar glow in his eyes that you had grown to love. He finally looked like himself and you wanted nothing more to wrap yourself in his embrace but as you had come to realize, it wouldn’t be fair to the both of you.

“Um...yeah, can...can we go talk somewhere? In...in private maybe?” Hands fidgeting, the nervous man looked around before gesturing for you to walk with him. Silently, the both of you made your way to an empty office that wasn’t being used. Being people who both found comfort out of sitting on the floor, the two of you sat cross-legged on the carpet, waiting for the other to speak.

“Y/N…what I said yesterday, I’m sorry. I’m sorry about all of it, every word. You’re not any of those things I said. I…gosh! I can’t believe I even dared to say anything like that, and to you of all people. I love you, so much. I never doubted my love for you…ever. If I did have any doubts, it was in myself. Doubts that I’d ever be good enough for you. And I know that it doesn’t excuse anything I said but I love you and I am so terribly sorry that I let my insecurities get in the way of showing it.”

“Spence...it’s okay, it’s alright. I...I forgive you.”

“But...why? I mean, how...how can you forgive me for what I said?”

“I can’t blame you for it. I can’t hold this love...this, this detached love against you. It’s not your fault that you can’t give me your love right now.”

“But I’m... I’m in love with you, I was just…”

“…Not ready. Your love…” Slightly, you shake your head at the poor choice of the noun, desperately searching for the right one to correct it, “…our love, wasn’t ready and I can’t blame you for that.”

“I was just feeling insecure and inferior. What I said doesn’t m-“ You placed your hands on top of his, the feeling stopping his train of thought as you had hope it would. Gently, you retracted your touch, not wanting to make this anymore painful for the both of you.

“You wouldn’t have spoken the words you said unless you meant it, Spence.” 

“Please…” It was a whimper, one that could’ve been mistakenly taken as if it was uttered by a child who was pleading for sweets, but all it sounded like to your ears was pure heartbreak.

“Maybe our love will be ready someday, and I hope it will. It’s just not prepared yet.”

“I don’t want to lose you. I…I can’t lose you.” You watched as tears pool into your love’s eyes. It was tragically beautiful how they glittered over his coffee colored irises while his pupils contracted, before tears slowly escaped from the eye socket that was encasing them.

“Hey… I’m not leaving, Spencer. I’m here, not in the way I used to be, but I will always be here for you.” Reaching up to cup his cheek, you tucked the single curl that had fallen in front of those tired eyes back behind his ear while your thumb brushed back a stray tear that stained that perfectly imperfect face of his. Melting into your hand, Spencer drags his own hand up to gently grasp your wrist, provoking a barely audible gasp from you as your body begged for more. Not wanting to tear apart from him, you pushed your forehead to meet his own. A little more pain was worth being in his arms again. Burning tears free falling from both of the tightly shut pairs of eyes in the cramped and poorly lit office you were both sitting on the floor of.

permanent taglist: @averyhotchner​

[beanfic]

Unplanned

Pairing: Tyler Joseph x reader

Word count: 1966

Warnings: Talk of sex, angst, and language

Author’s note: Part 1 of a little mini series! Not sure how long this will be, either 3 or 4 parts! :) 

“Holy shit,” you mumbled under your breath as you peeled your eyes open from the sleep that crusted them closed. You looked around at the unfamiliar room you were in, and the unfamiliar bed you were laying in. The body that laid next to you tossed and turned, and you groaned slightly as the memories of last night came back to you. 

The light from the window made your head pound from the hangover that was slowly creeping its way up. You wanted to get out of bed and close the blinds but there was no way you wanted to wake him. 

‘Him’ had a name. It was Tyler Joseph. It also happened to be your ex’s best friends brother. Her name was Maddy, and you and she had been inseparable since elementary school but that all changed when college came along. It just wasn’t the same, and you guys grew apart, and now you barely even exchange looks when you have invited to any of the parties that her brothers threw. 

“Ty,” you softly nudged the tattooed shoulder of the boy that laid asleep. It took you a second to realize that you were also not wearing clothes, and you pulled the sheets up to your chin as Tyler sleepily opened his eyes and smiled at you. 

“Good morning, Buttercup,” he yawned and he wrapped his arms around your waist, closing his eyes once again. Your heartfelt warm with the name that he called you. You remember when you first kissed Tyler, it was at senior year prom inside the photo booth. You two never made it official, and you definitely did not want to act on the emotions after you and Maddy had you're falling apart. 

“Can you explain to me what happened last night,” you chuckled. Tyler leaned over the side of the bed and when he sat back up he held an oversized Twenty One Pilots shirt. 

“Here, wear this.” He handed you the shirt and you threw it over your bare body. “Jay threw a party last night, and I saw you and you invited me to play beer pong with you, Jay, and Jordan.”

“Who won?”, you asked as you pulled your knees up to your chest and held them closely as you waited for him to tell the rest of the story.

“You and Jay did, but Jordan and I got close. Josh and I didn’t even want to go to the party since it would be filled with 20-year-olds but he convinced me and then I ended up actually having a really good time with you.”

“I’m glad you showed up because I kept on trying to avoid Maddy all night. It sucks being friends with your family but being hated by your sister,” you sighed and Tyler rubbed your back.

“It’s okay, anyways, back to the story! We both kissed, and then took more shots, and then kissed some more and now we are here.”

You groaned and covered your eyes with your hands, “Did we?”

“I think so,” Tyler rubbed the back of his neck with his hand as he stared into your eyes. 

“I’m so sorry,” you spoke softly but Tyler lifted your chin up with his hand and he pulled you in close for a kiss. His lips were soft, and they tasted like leftover alcohol.

“Don’t be sorry, we both wanted it,” he whispered as he pulled away and you smiled shyly.

“That’s very true,” you admitted. You had been wanting to make love to Tyler for the past two years, but it was rare when you got to see him because he was busy touring with Josh. 

“I wish I could just make you my girlfriend.”

“I know, Ty, but as I said before it would be too hard with you touring and me going to college. Plus your sister hates me.”

“The tour part is a good excuse, but you got to stop caring about my sister. You guys haven’t been friends for two years but my family still invites you over all the time. You’re one of Jay’s close friends too.”

“I know, it just is really hard to lose a friend, okay? You wouldn’t understand because you’re a guy,” you groaned.

“Whatever you say,” Tyler kissed your lips again and threw his legs over the bedside and started to stretch. You watched in awe as the bluish morning light danced over his back and shoulder muscles. You noticed their faint scratch marks and you started to blush.

“Do you know exactly what we did last night?” you asked shyly and Tyler turned around to look at you?

“What do you mean?”

“Like I know we made love, but your back has scratches on it, I guess I just don’t really remember exactly what happened,” you bit your lip nervously as you waited for his answer.

“I guess you liked it rough,” he chuckled and you threw a pillow over your face to hide the embarrassment. “I’m going to take a shower, and then did you want a drive back to campus?”

You nodded, “that would be nice. Is this your childhood bedroom?”

“Yep, the one and only,” Tyler smiled as he looked around at the blue walls. You had never been in his room even though you had spent almost every weekend over at his house when you were little. 

You pulled on the pair of jeans you wore the night before but kept on Tyler’s oversized t-shirt. Hopefully, he wouldn’t mind that you were going to keep it, you just didn’t want to put on the tube top that you had worn to the party. The time from when Tyler went in to take a shower, and when he walked back into the room wearing just a shower seemed like 5 minutes. 

“Why are you staring at me,” Tyler smirked.

“You’re just so handsome.”

“Thank you, and you are beautiful to Buttercup.” He dropped his towel as he pulled on a pair of boxers, followed by a pair of jeans. His Nintendo hoodie was the last article of clothing and you finally were able to look away. He was mesmerizing, he always has been. 

Tyler headed downstairs and you followed close behind him. You really did not want to run into his siblings, but at least you did not have to worry about his parents since they were out of town. Your luck was run short as Maddy and Jay were sitting in the family room watching an episode of the Office.

“Y/N, I didn’t know you spent the night!” Jay said and you nodded shyly before looking away. 

“We’re headed out, see you guys later,” Tyler waved. You looked back just in time to catch a dirty glare from Maddy. You could tell that both she and Jay knew what ended up happening, and you really did not want to deal with that. 

“When are you leaving for tour again?” you asked Tyler once you were in his car as an attempt to make small talk. 

“I leave for two weeks for some festivals in South America on Wednesday!”

“Wednesday? That’s in two days and you just got back from your Europe tour,” you pouted.

“That’s the life of a successful musician!”

“And an egotistical one!” you joked and Tyler laughed. You were disappointed though, you wanted to spend more time with him one and one, and maybe even go on a few dates. You enjoyed being around him, and he was so loving and caring towards you. 

“I’ll text you, okay?” Tyler promised as he dropped you off at your sorority house. You nodded and shot him a thumbs up. Tyler waved as he drove away and you sniffled away your sadness. You did not want to cry over someone you aren’t even dating. 

“Are you okay?” a girl asked from outside the bathroom stall that you were puking in. You wiped your mouth with toilet paper and flushed the toilet.

“I think I have the flu,” you murmured as you opened the stall door. Your friend, Taylor, stood outside with her arms crossed. 

“This is like the tenth time you have thrown up this week! You should go see a doctor,” she suggested but you shook your head.

“I don’t like doctors, and I’m pretty sure it’s just the flu!”

“Whatever you say, have you talked to Tyler since he left?” she asked and you nodded.

“We text whenever he has free time, which hasn’t been that much. I miss him and he has only been gone for a week.”

“It’s understandable, you’re in love,” Taylor teased you and you rolled your eyes. 

“I think love might be a little dramatic.”

“Whatever you say,” she sang as she headed back to her room. You headed back to yours where your two roommates were in there eating breakfast. One was your “Big Sister”, her name was Emma and she acted as not only as honorary Big Sister in the sorority but also as a real sister because you always go to her for advice and everything. 

“Hey Em, can I talk to you?” you asked nervously. She nodded and grabbed her car keys. Since the house was filled with about 40 girls, the only private place to talk was in Emma’s car. You both headed down and hopped in the front seats.

“What’s up?” she asked. Her eyes danced across your face as she looked for a hint as to what was going on.

“I’m l-late,” you stuttered and you broke down in tears. 

“Hey, hey, hey, it’s okay,” she rubbed your back. “Y/N, look at me.”

You looked up at her through foggy eyes, “I’ve been throwing up, and I’m late. Emma, I’m fucking pregnant.”

“You don’t know that something else could be going hormonally which is making you late and feeling sick.”

“I bet he didn’t use protection that night, I didn’t even think to ask and I don’t even really remember it,” you ranted and Emma just hugged you tight and allowed you break down.

“Let’s go to the store and I can pick up different tests to see, it’s going to be okay,” she said as she tried to calm you down. You nodded and wiped your nose in your sleeve. 

You scanned the aisle of various pregnancy tests, but you could not get your brain to focus on any of them. You were terrified. 

“Should we do this one?” you asked, grabbing what seemed like a reliable brand. Emma came over and inspected it.

“This looks good, but we should get a couple!” She grabbed two other boxes. 

You checked out, got a weird look from the register lady, and headed back to the sorority house. Your heart was already racing.

“Wish me luck,” you tried to joke. 

“I’ll be in my room, come find me after!” 

You nodded and went into the stall. You opened the three boxes and read each of the instructions. Luckily, they were al similar, and it was a good thing you had drank a lot of water. You peed and then all you had to do now was wait. 

Time was going by slower than it ever has. You tried to distract yourself by scrolling through your phone. You wanted to text Tyler, but you also did not want to freak him out during his tour. You decided that if worse comes to worst, You will tell him via phone call. 

You jumped a little when the timer went off on your phone. You took a deep breath and looked down at the results. Your eyes had a hard time reading them all, but eventually, your eyes were able to make out the faint lines.

The faint two lines.

“Fucking dammit,” you whispered.

[poguesofthebau]

hi !! I love your acc sm and I wanted to request a ship/best friend for obx :) I am a bisexual girl with wavy light brown hair. I’m 5’3 and my hobbies include reading, listening to music, watching tv, dancing, and swimming. I can be very sarcastic & competitive at times. I love making people laugh & I’d like to think I’m pretty smart :) i can’t really think of anything else to say but occasionally I get slight panic attacks if I get worked up about something :) thank you sm 👁👄👁

i ship you with sarah!! (side note: here’s my first ever sarah blurb!!!!! in my brain, sarah is as much of a simp for women as i am. wow i fuckn love that bitch i just wish she wasn’t a cheater but let’s just pretend she’s not for the sake of the blurb cuteness.) (honorary mention: you would deffo be kie’s childhood best friend, like the john b to her jj. so when all that shit went down between kie and sarah, you’d hated her just as much as kie did. once your hatred died down a little as time passed, though, you found yourself rooting for sarah, and wanting the best for her. you developing feelings for sarah would inevitably be what brought the two of them back together, too. happily ever after aw)

i feel like sarah is the most savage bitch, but i also feel like you are the most savage bitch. (terms of endearment from ev!) but seriously, i can see that kind of being the start of the little thing you and sarah would have. a fellow kook, you would have mostly the same classes as sarah sophomore year. you wouldn’t have minded, had kie not been in the same classes, too. you had some legitimate dislike bottled up toward sarah for what she’d done to kiara, and nothing pissed you off more than knowing kie had to see the girl who’d hurt her every day at school. however, there would be one class that kie wasn’t in with you and sarah: gym. that would be your one hour every day to see sarah without also seeing the damage she’d done on kie. it’d also be your one hour to let yourself admit that you didn’t think sarah was a completely horrible human being. for that hour, she was actually kind of perfect. i mean, kind of the stereotypical kook, but you swore you could see deeper into sarah cameron than her daddy’s money. and, to be fair, kie had seen the same thing at one point in time. but you didn’t want to let yourself get played, so you fought the urge to join her conversations, or to admire her smile, or to help her fix her backstroke during the swim unit. instead, you acted essentially passive toward her. you rarely caught her gaze, and you made sure that she never caught sight of jj’s texts on your phone screen in the locker room, especially after he sent you a message saying ‘why don’t you just ask sarah cameron on a date, you chicken kook??’ admittedly, confiding in jj wasn’t the smartest thing you’d ever done, but he’d somehow become your sarah cameron confidant, and there was no turning back once he found out you didn’t hate her so much anymore.

one day, you and sarah just so happened to head to the bathroom for a break from volleyball at the exact same time. while you were spinning in your combination to crack open your locker and grab the water you had stashed in it, sarah came up beside you with an expectant look on her face. you glanced at her, then swung open your locker to hide her face from your view. she’d scoff before moving to the other side of you, leaning against the lockers and staring you down. you’d innocently pull out your water, turning to her as you put it to your mouth and took a sip, raising your eyebrows and keeping your eyes on hers. capping the bottle, you finally spoke. “are you gonna say something, or...?” sarah rolled her eyes at that. “i just wanted to know if you really hate me just because kiara does.” you’d tilt your head, eyebrows raising again. “sarah cameron, concerned about the opinion of an honorary pogue? never thought i’d see the day, honestly.” another eye roll from sarah. then, though, she was just... looking at you. doubt was starting to creep up on you. did jj somehow snitch you out to your secret crush? or was there something on your face? different levels, but both would’ve been intensely embarrassing. “hmph. so you don’t completely despise me.” you shrugged, slamming your locker shut and turning back to face her. “guess you’ll never really know, will you?” and with that you were spinning on your heel, heading back to the gym to continue your volleyball game.

two days later, you walked into the gym to find ping pong tables lined up, and laughed to yourself when you realized kooks really considered ping pong sufficient exercise for teenagers. y’all idk if this is accurate i didn’t have to take gym in high school don’t come for me let’s just pretend high schools do that. a smirk on your face, you’d position yourself at an empty table and wait for a random kook to pair up with you. funny enough, it wasn’t a random kook that joined you, but sarah. you’d raise an eyebrow at her, and she’d smirk back as you both picked up your paddles. “you sure you wanna face the wrath of a pogue playing ping pong, sarah cameron?” you’d ask, making sarah chuckle. both of you had a competitive side, and they were about to be unleashed. your gym teacher would call out for everyone to begin their games, and you and sarah went at it. whenever one of you missed the ball, the other would cheer and grin in success. unexpectedly, there was an overall tone of lightheartedness to every round. you found yourself laughing at sarah’s dives to make contact, and she couldn’t wipe the grin off her face at the fact that you weren’t completely shutting her down that day.

without realizing it, you ping ponged the entire hour away, and somehow wound up strolling to your next period together. “whatever, you’re just mad i absolutely creamed you in ping pong,” sarah would taunt you as you walked the halls. “oh, you wish, kook. don’t think i didn’t see you breaking a sweat out there. you’re just mad a pogue put up such a good fight against you.” sarah would laugh, her hand bumping against yours as you turned the corner. neither of you acknowledged the contact, continuing to chat as if physical touch was normal for you two. at that point, you were in the hallway where your class was located, but you barely even realized how close you’d already gotten. just like your gym period, the walk to your following class had flown by thanks to sarah’s company. when you reached the door of the biology classroom, the first face you saw was kie’s. she was sitting at an otherwise vacant table, an empty spot next to her for when you arrived, scrolling through something on her phone. the smile that sarah’s most recent joke had put on your face faded immediately, and guilt rushed over you. glancing at the kook who followed behind you, it was immediately apparent that sarah was feeling the same thing. you parted ways, her sitting next to her lab partner as you moved to where kie was sat. she glanced up at you with a close-lipped smile when you dropped down beside her, then went back to her phone. “so,” she’d begin a few minutes later, slipping her phone in her back pocket and turning to face you. “you’re friends with sarah cameron now?” surprise spread across your face, and you began to stutter a little. fuck, fuck, fuck, you thought in a panic. she’s gonna kill me. “seriously, dude...” the expression on kie’s face was unreadable, even to you. it looked like, maybe... acceptance? no. surrender. “just be careful. i know you know, but she’s really capable of anything.” your eyes would meet kie’s then, and the meaning behind her words hit you. she doesn’t mind? why doesn’t she mind? her eyes flickered back to where sarah was sitting, and you followed her gaze to find sarah already looking back at the two of you. she smiled lightly, waving to you both. kie would raise her eyebrows in response, and once you saw your best friend even give sarah the time of day, you would be grinning. maybe jj had been right after all. maybe, just maybe, kie could really get over this. and maybe you could really ask sarah on that date. lots of repairs were left to be done, but, for the first time in months, you had some actual hope for life in the kook academy.