#As the failure to launch loser uncle

[downfallofi]

I guess the reason I don't like talking about my day at work that much currently is that, invariably, when I'm at the dinner table and I get asked how my day was, my sister lectures me or provokes me saying "So have you talked to admissions about going back to school" and I'm just like trying to ease away from that, because I could use less people staring at me from across the dinner table utterly disappointed in me

[shizekarnstein]

Hi!! Do you want to talk about the other characters who went down the same path Eren's seemingly been going down to? The ones who reminds you of him that you were talking about in your tags? I'd be interested in reading about it!!

Hi sorry it took me so long to answer. I tend to avoid talking about them out of habit and bc I love them so much I could rant and wax poetics for hours, but since you asked...

DO YOU MEAN MY PRECIOUS TRASH LORD ANAKIN SKYWALKER ALIAS DARTH VADER, HUMAN FAILURE EXTRAORDINARY??

Bc I always have a lot of feelings regarding him.

OR MAYBE THE LOSER KNOWN AS LELOUCH VI BRITANNIA WHOM I ALSO LOVE?????

Im on mobile so spoilers for star wars and code geas below.

Anakin in particular is more of an anti hero archetype, but Lelouch fits the mold as well. The difference is that only one of them went closer to the villain border than the other. Also they both died. Anakin tho was the only one who needed redemption, bc his choices oh god his life choices are so horrible. Lelouch at least always remained more or less true to himself since the begging.

Anakin Skywalker started as an innocent bean who lived a harsh life as a slave alongside his mother. Then he was freed and offered with the chance to join the famous Jedi Order. In order to do that he had to leave his mother behind. Years later he reunited with the love of his life, his mom died and he had to fight in a civil war. Since he was like 9 he had a horrible sith lord in disguise whispering sweet poison into his ears, encouraging him to stick to his darker traits. Anakin was prideful, arrogant, quick to anger and a utter failure as a Jedi Knight, because he was never able to master the ability to let go of his attachments in a healthy way. For him it was all or nothing: those precious persons and his love for them weighting more than all institutions and the lives of the Order, the whole galaxy and even himself. When haunted by visions of his secret wife dying he decides to do EVERYTHING to avoid that particular future, pledging himself to the darkside on the promise of learning how to do sith magic that could save her. He renounced his vows as a Jedi, and lead himself the attack to the Jedi Temple with the objetive of wiping out every single one of them. He slaughtered them, even lil children and later the leaders of the other faction of the civil war. And he did it bc he couldn't allow his wife to die. When he thought she had betrayed him by bringing along his old mentor and friend in what he saw an attempt to kill him... he choked her. He force choked his pregnant wife. If that wasn't enough he then engaged in a duel to the death with his old mentor, where he lost all his limbs and was set on fire. Then he became a cyborg and took it as his mission to ensure the might of the new galactic empire was felt. The things he did during that time are unspeakable: genocide, torture, murder, endorsing slavery, you name it. Even when he discovered his son was alive his first instict was to convert him to the darkside and rule the galaxy together. Also he cut off his own sons arm. And tortured his daughter without knowing it was her.

BUT at the end he redeemed himself by choosing to save the life of his son and throwing his horrible mentor and slave master, the emperor, down a tube. He died peacefully in the arms of his son, finally able to do the right thing after more than twenty years of living as a monster. I cry.

Lelouch tho... he's just a 19 yo that commited suicide. As a child his mother was killed, his lil sister crippled and when he demanded answers from his father the emperor, was sent alongside his sister as political hostages to Japan. There the two of them lived as beggars in a shed. They befriend the son of the political figure who was hosting them... and then Japan was invaded. Bc of resources. The three children had to wander through a war raged countryside filled with destruction and corpses. Before parting ways with their friend Susaku (who also is just such a tragic figure) he vowed to one day destroy Britannia.

Years later they reunited and Lelouch mets a witch who gave him a supernatural power called geass, which allowed him to mind control people. He decides to use it to form a rebellion with the japanese people and extract his revenge. But things go horrible wrong: he accidentally killed civillians, including the father of a dear friend of his. An ex aquietance of C.C the witch hunts him down and left him with no other choice but to erase the memory of one of his friends. Also causes his old friend Suzaku to have a breakdown bc as a child he kinda killed his own father??? Suzaku btw joined up with the britannian army and pilots a special robot that always mess with Lelouchs terrorist plans. Then he accidentally gives a command to his half sister, resulting in her giving an order to genocide thousand of civillians bc he loses control over his powers. And decides to capitalise on that and use it to fuel the rebels. Also he kills her. The rebellion fails bc his long lost uncle kidnaps his sister and tells Suzaku that Lelouch was Zero the rebel. Then he gets mindfucked by the emperor, forgetting who he was and even his sister. Then C.C and the rebels find him and restore his memories but has to keep it a secret bc he doesn't know what the emperor could do to his missing sister. That and he has the secret service watching over his every move.

Long story short his second rebellion fails, his false brother dies, his sister apparently dies again, his troops betray him, and if that wasn't enough he discovers his mom wasn't dead but in cohorts with his father to enact a crazy plan to erase individuality and unite humanity as single entity. Also that his parents never loved him and his sister. He kills them and teams up with Suzaku and C.C to enact a fancy plan that involves him presenting himself as a devil and taking over the world, all in hopes of unifying humanity by becoming a symbol of hatred and all the bad things that ever happened. He launches atomic bombs, spills seas of blood and literally chains up his sister who hey was alive and opposing him bc you know he acted as a crazy villain. He also mindcontroled her. In the end he arranges his own suicide by having his best friend dressed as Zero kill him in front of the cameras, and dies in his sisters arms, universally hated by everybody. It's sad as fuck. At least the sequel movie fixed that so cheers?????

Thanks for asking!!!!

[the-resurrection-3d]

Having a very sustained anxiety attack so I’m just gonna post some of what I was writing before I had to take the L. This would take place during part two of ETF but all you need to know is that Tord is a zombie.

Warnings for: mentions of necrophilia, rape (none shown), implied alcoholism and drug abuse 

Pairing: mentioned Edd/Tom/Tord 

One of Tord's best defenses against cravings is to read all his fan-mail from necrophiliacs.

 A lot of them are pretty standard for a celebrity, at least so Tord assumes -- you've changed my life, helped me through hard times, bladdy blah blah. Perhaps that's what that woman Stella Day was going on about with "inspiration porn."

The DSM-V has ten different classifications of necrophiliac, from simply roleplaying 1s to warmth-repellent 10s only able to perform with a bonafide corpse. Tord isn't really sure why that would catch on, of all things, especially when the UK doesn't use the DSM-V anyway -- makes it all sound like a video game, a leveling-system based on how much a social failure you are.

He likes to pretend the numbers they identify themselves as are the inverses of how attractive they are beyond the page. He likes to pretend his hands aren't shaking. He likes to pretend he has sweat glands left to make the pages wet.

In his lap, Ringo purrs.

----

 Ringo is the best cat a man could ever ask for. Sure, Tord had never had a cat before he'd moved in with Edd and Tom, but any cat that doesn't scratch at him when he picks her and screams into her soft, furry body is alright by him.

 She simply murps, looks at him as if to ask, rather kindly, what the fresh hell he thinks he's doing. He holds her in his arms like a newborn infant, forcing trembling lips up in a smile as he presses a kiss to her forehead, lets her lick at his finger. Cats love dead things, after all.

---

 "You have my eyes," Tord says softly in a language he knows she doesn't understand, raising up one of her paws for a gentle hi-five.

Something crashes -- a loud curse -- and Ringo dashes off into the dark abyss of the living room, her back claws cutting a clean wide line down the top of Tord's foot.

A questioning noise from Tord, moving to the cupboard for the duct tape.

 “Jammed my fuckin' toe," Tom grouses from down the hall, his door swinging open. "Fucking hate Christmas." 

Saint Nick just loves messing with you personally, Tord thinks, remaining silent as Tom appears before him, Edd's dinosaur pajamas clutched tight around him like a blanket.

Ah, the eternal duality of Thomas: loves to sleep alone, loves more to steal his boyfriends' clothes.

"My luck always gets worse around the holidays – ever notice that?" A full-body shiver as Tom shoulders past Tord to the fridge -- to his vodka. "Even the alcohol's somehow always worse! Like you have entirely new drinks just for getting smashed on Christmas and yet it all sucks. And it's fucking freezing, how are you not cold?"

Tord clears his throat. Tom pulls his head out of the fridge, looks at the clock on the microwave. 1:30am.

Tom shrugs. "I'll move my 10 am bottle to 10:15.” Tom pulls out his latest – still half-full from Edd gently chiding it out of his hands when Tom had gotten so sloshed he couldn’t even cut his own slice of pizza, and Tord had only watched and chewed his nails and thought of Tom’s mother. Tom looks as though he’s waiting for Tord to say something, but Tord doesn’t.

When Tom passes him again, Tom taps his shoulder, says he’s bleeding, says to turn the heat up, and then once he’s out into the hall again and banging a loose limb on the closet door: “Extra blankets in here.”

---

Tord feels like a harp whose strings are being plucked by some bird of prey mistaking them for stubborn worms.

---

Tord opens the fridge, closes. Opens, closes. Chews gum. Paces. Goes to his lab and chews some of his brain tissue samples – Romeros don’t hit the spot, not at all, but they’re grey and slimy and if he pretends hard enough then –

He plays his guitar and sings those songs that have always calmed him, making up what he can’t remember. Classical guitar done with jagged, dirty nails.

Sweet communist, the communist daughter, standing on the seaweed water…

He wishes Matt were here. Matt never perform without a fix.

---

Soundproof walls, steel everywhere to take his punches and kicks. Inside the harp’s strings are corroding in acid and he can hear it. No blood roaring in his ears, not even the scuttle of insects or the spreading of fungi’s’ thin, groping fingers. The foul, diseased magic that keeps a corpse upright sounds like a dull, mechanical droning.

Or like elevator music, slowed waaaay the fuck down.

The scene from the movie, the torso flailing about on the lab table, her brown skin stretched taut over what was left of her face like plastic wrap after all the air has been sucked out. Her naked spine wiggling back and forth, back and forth. “The pain of being dead.”

--

At 2:25 am Tord stumbles out into the white-streaked night and feels his knees sink into the still-piling snow. It’s not melting. He scoops some up into his hands and imagines the snowman in the front yard is himself as he launches a hard-packed ball at the back of its head. It doesn’t fall off. Damn.

Tom is too drunk and Edd too heavy a sleeper to notice if he goes back inside and gets the flamethrower, right?

----

It’s not entirely festive – the problem with Romeros is that along with sound, they’re attracted to bright, flashing lights, so all the strings of varicolored bulbs that normally would dress each building have been or are currently being pulled down by some slack-jawed mouth-breather, groans muffled by the crunch of glass under their broken, yellow teeth.

“Bror!” He calls to each of them. “God jul, søte bror! God jul!”

They wave back. Big, empty smiles.

---

One of the things zombie-hunters like to do is start fires in trashcans and either blow the can up or pick off their targets one-by-one from the rooftops. The collectors,— game-rangers, organ thieves, and necrophiliacs—they try and get you alone.

That was always one of the things his father would warn him about during one of his attempts to dissuade Tord from following in his uncle’s footsteps: your drug dealer could rob you, rape you, string you up like a Christmas ham, or God knows what.

What Tord heard was: trust no one.

So Tord looks for the familiar flag in the window of the mortuary: red, white, gray, and black.

He can remember Edd designing it, what feels like so long ago: red for blood; white for maggots (aka a little extra fun); gray for the color of zombified flesh; black for being a black-pilled incel loser. Tord feels his skin inch.

He’s only wearing the sweater and jeans he’d fallen asleep in. How terribly unsexy; he leans against the dusty brick wall to roll the cuff of his pants up, exposing his prosthetic to the cold, howling air. Fixes his hair best as he can in the dark glass.

What had Matt called him? The face that launched a thousand freaks?

A wink, a finger gun to his reflection. The flamethrower left in the trashcan just out of view from the door.

[theworldaswedontknowit]

Konishi Yukinaga: Samurai, Daimyo, Christian, Rebel

Konishi Augustin Yukinaga might well be one of the most colourful figures of the age of Samurai.

As displayed by this 2356 word essay that made me want to launch myself into the sea. Still, he’s an interesting guy I’m just a drama queen 

While the word rebel to describe him might not be the best – I consider the Western army far from a rebellion as others might – the others are appropriate. Konishi was involved in the fighting from his later teens or early twenties, serving the Ukita, and he led 4,000 men at Sekigahara. He held an impressive fiefdom of 240,000 Koku and he was a Christian, baptised as Augustin in 1583.

Rest is underneath, it’s too long to just sit on the blog

There’s nothing to really say in terms of fiction. He isn’t in Shogun or Samurai Warriors or Sengoku Basara. He doesn’t seem to be in anything. Which is interesting, considering that – even though we actually know little about him – we do know that he served Hideyoshi for a long, long time. He could appear when Hideyoshi is fighting the Mouri if they wanted to condense his battle prior to Nobunaga’s assassination. Konishi was on the side of the Ukita who could defect mid-battle (as they did just not in one battle but the over the course of a few) and then he could appear in Shikoku and Kyushu and, of course, Sekigahara.

I’m not sure how they’d handle his character mind, a big part of Konishi was that he was Christian but the same applies of Gracia and aside from her name they don’t touch on it. He could be done well and provide a basis for Kiyomasa to escape the middle ground he is between Mitsunari and Masanori. If they really want to push the idea of Mitsunari being the underdog and the ultimate loser of the war then Konishi could fill the role of devil on his shoulder, he was one of Mitsunari’s closest friends after all. There’s lots that could be done with Konishi.

Konishi Yukinaga was born in 1558 to the Christian merchant, Konishi Ryusa and his wife. I’ll apologize now for my lack of ability to decode their Christian names from Katakana, I simply can’t make sense of them, his mother was Magdalena but I’m struggling with Ryusa’s name. His father being a merchant had put the family in a powerful position, being baptised (his parents had been when Yukinaga was 2 years old, in 1560) put him in connection with many Portuguese merchants. Additionally, being a merchant made him instrumental to the Samurai class – they needed resources and they needed someone to buy them from.

The merchant classes themselves are rather interesting. It was a flexible class that went between Samurai and commoner. Yukinaga himself is an example of this flexibility, although he was born a merchant and expected to take up his Father’s mantle he instead became a Warrior. In other cases, people who had been displaced by forces such as Oda or Toyotomi married into Merchant families and took up their mantles instead, such as was the case of an uncle of Azai Nagamasa after the defeat at Odani Castle.

According to Clements, Konishi had little interest in Christianity in his early years and it wasn’t until he was 25 that he was baptised. The vast majority of the men he led were Christian as well, along with his family; his wife, known as Justa had originally been named Kiku(?)-hime. Konishi had two other brothers – Josei and Hayato – and a sister, Tama who also became a Christian and was known Catrina. It should be noted that Yukinaga was actually a half-brother by Ryusa’s mistress or first wife, we’re not sure.

Yukinaga’s first role in the wars wasn’t a military one but rather as a negotiator. The Ukita, led at that time by Ukita Naoie, had made a shaky alliance with the Mouri but they wanted to be on the good side of the Oda as well. It was 1579 and Hashiba Hideyoshi was marching close to them. While Naoie’s son was sent as a hostage to the Mouri and Adachi Tarousaemon was sent as a messenger to Oda it was Yukinaga who would be summoned by Ukita and sent to deal with Hideyoshi. This was based on the fact that Yukinaga, 21 at the time, already knew Hideyoshi.

“…At the time, Yakurou was twenty one years old, very strong and brilliantly resourceful, rather tall with a fair complexion. He could not be viewed as an ordinary fellow. Lord Izumi no Kami Naoie tested his quick witted [personality], he [Yakurou] was to be considered a useful person and treated accordingly. This person became an envoy, and was sent in a rush to deal with Hideyoshi…” This comes from the Ehon Taikouki, which goes on to state that the negations were a success. It's fictional but it's probably pretty close to what happened, it doesn't seem very out of place.

Yukinaga offered himself and another of Naoie’s sons, Ukita Hideie (known as Hachirou at the time, he was six years old) as hostages to really cement the newly forming bond between the Ukita and Oda. It was here that the turning point of Yukinaga’s career occurred as it was under Hideyoshi that he would build up his two-decade military career.

One of his first large military exploits was against Takamatsu castle in 1582, which was commanded by Shimizu Muneharu. After Hideyoshi flooded the surrounding are he was able to attack with ships and these ships in question were commanded by Konishi Yukinaga and Asano Nagamasa. The ships they commanded were armed with Cannons and they battered the castle with attacks, no gaps between them. Eventually, Shimizu would give in and commit suicide but before they could move on to attack the Mouri, Hideyoshi was called away by the assassination of Nobunaga.

Other than learning the ways of a military life, Yukinaga spent much of his time as a merchant and informer for Hideyoshi, alongside his father, with operations stretching across the coast. In 1581 he saw some military service, fighting the Mouri for naval supremacy at the Seto Inland Sea, typically pitted against the Murakami pirates who were under the patronage of the Mouri and had been for decades. Still, his role as a messenger would continue into the Shikoku campaign in 1585.

He spent much of his time, alongside his father, fighting the Saiga and Negoro – two buddhist sects that were quite the competition for Hideyoshi. He was said to lose a thousand men and he was only victorious due to the volumes of weapons he brought in that would overwhelm the Buddhist Warrior Monks. It was these victories against these monks that brought fame to the Konishi family, largely to Yukinaga.

It should be noted, however, that the Konishi’s prospects had not always been bright. While Nobunaga was still alive Yukinaga and Ryusa had been convicted of crimes laid out in a testimony by Araki Murashige. They did manage to prove their innocence and it’s something to consider that Araki was an enemy to all Christians, this was largely due to the loses he’d suffered at their hands.

After the peace agreement with Tokugawa and the conquest of Shikoku Hideyoshi took to Osaka castle and Konishi spent time there with his wife and his family. His father was working as Hideyoshi’s treasurer and his mother, Magdalena, and sister, Catrina, were working as secretaries to Hideyoshi’s wife, Nene. By this time Konishi was 27 and was becoming considerably more instrumental to Hideyoshi’s military over her mercantile duties but they still remained largely part of his life.

After receiving Higo tragedy struck for Yukinaga, he lost his third son and was said to wander aimlessly for six months before he managed to pull himself together again. The ships that his son had died on were bound for Manila in the Philippines and had been built poorly. In Katou Kiyomasa’s diary, more a record keeping tool than an actual diary mind, the seven vessels (made up of one large ship and 6 smaller ones) had been built of high quality timber but could not sail. While this is clearly a failure on Konishi’s part, with disastrous consequences for him, it does show his relevance to International affairs outside of the Jesuits and also his power to build ships so huge.

Come the Imjin wars, Konishi really wasn’t doing himself any favours. He rushed ahead of Kato Kiyomasa and Kuroda Nagamasa in quick advance that would only get him as far as Seoul, Kato going on ahead of him well into modern North Korea while Kuroda remained stuck with Konishi in Seoul. It would also be Konishi who led the retreat back to Japan, part of it being chased by Li Rusong and his army before their own provisions became stretched.

However, Konishi’s negotiating skills once again come in here and this time he didn’t do them very well. The So family, one of whom he was an in-law to, had already tried to soften Hideyoshi’s demands to the Koreans and the first attempted had embarrassed them horribly. Konishi had a go at the same thing but with the Chinese this time. He named Hideyoshi the king of Japan and, without Hideyoshi’s knowledge, essentially turned him into a vassal of Ming China. When Hideyoshi did find out he would order Konishi’s execution which would be rather narrowly avoided thanks to the intervention of other lords…I think Mitsunari was among them?

When the time of the 26 Martyrs rolled around we can see a change in Konishi and almost a discarding of the Konishi that was at Hondo Castle. While Konishi had always done what he could to ensure the safety of figures such as Frois (a Portuguese Priest) and Organtino (an Italian Jesuit who had built a church near Biwa and opened a religious school) but here it really extended to everyone. He made the domain he owned in the Seto Inland exclusively Christian. To do this he stopped those who weren’t Christian entering the domain and, as protest, many baptisms took place there.

It’s not to say that Konishi was particularly liked by the people in his domain orginally however, he was a foreigner to them and another Italian Jesuit, Valignano said: “Konishi is a foreigner there, being from the Miyako area; and that, like the rest of Hideyoshi’s ministers, he is hated by the local people and will be in grave danger when Hideyoshi dies.”

In terms of his movements in the Kyushu campaign details in English seem a little sparse. It can be presumed that he largely led naval forces but information comes to light when he had already received the domain. Amakusa, in modern day Kumamoto prefecture and close to the modern day city, rose up in rebellion headed by one of the lower lords who would be a retainer of Konishi, Don Joan. This is more famous in the west for Kiyomasa’s actions – this is where the pregnant women killing and cutting happened but Konishi was there too and he took part in that siege. It puts his Christianity into some serious perspective and shows it was more the type of Christianity many of them adopted – a commercial one.

Therefore, it can also be seen that Konishi sought to improve his popularity by allowing these persecuted Christians on his lands. Either way, it’s certainly a turning point in Konishi’s faith in that it became stronger.

Konishi also brought back many from Korea as slaves, however no harm came to them and he gave them Christian instruction (or rather the fathers did) before they would be adopted into Japanese noble families as either ladies in waiting or maids. Konishi even did this himself, Julia Ota was in his service and she had been taken from Korea and been baptized in 1596.

In terms of Sekigahara Konishi appeared rather confident, according to Daniello Bartoli he was writing to the Fathers as if Hideyori was already in charge. I suppose he had right to be confident – the Western army technically had bigger numbers but when this was over turned by Hideaki’s betrayal and the lack of advance by the Chosokabe and Mouri the tide of the battle quickly changed. Konishi would flee and be captured not long afterwards.

It’s Konishi’s death that I hate. I don’t hate it for happening, I hate the way it is approached in Western writings. Not only does it undermine the characters of Mitsunari and Ekei but it’s also so romanticised it’s painful to read. Clements compares him to Christ at Golgotha while Bartoli presents the two as withering messes while Konishi is dignified. I have no doubt that Konishi was dignified about his death, I’m sure he was but the accounts just don’t match up with even how Edo stories presented them. Someone who comes across as standoffish, headstrong and prideful as Mitsunari seems to – regardless of what you read – doesn’t seem like the kind of man who would go to his death a wailing mess. I suppose I’ll never know.

What I do know about Konishi’s death is that he asked to see a Christian priest but was denied this by none other than Kuroda Damian Nagamasa – he had since renounced his Christian faith however. He was said to write a letter to his wife, Justa and on the morning of  the 6th November 1600, along with Ishida Mitsunari and Ankokuji Ekei, Konishi was paraded through the streets of Kyoto. Tradition dictated that a blunt sword be used and Konishi Augustin Yukinaga suffered three blows before he was decapitated before a crowd of more than 10,000 people.

So. Wow. That’s Konishi Yukinaga. Before I started this, I didn’t really know very much about the man and I can certainly say I know a lot more than I did. I don’t hesitate in calling him one of the most colourful figures of the Sengoku Jidai. He seemed to embody the entire period – the mishaps and triumphs of his way with words and the brutality he would take part in, in Korea and Japan. He was also one of the final men to rise from a lower class, even if the class he came from was flexible and he was the two versions of Christianity – Commercial and Devote.

Konishi Augustin Yukinaga truly was a Samurai, a Daimyo, a Christian and a Rebel in his own way.

I have missed out tons of detail about him and if you have any more questions absolutely feel free to ask them as I may well be able to answer them, same goes for errors, it’s probably full of them :)

[sublimedeal]

Doberman Dan and Terry Dean – 60 Minute Copy Cure

Doberman Dan and Terry Dean – 60 Minute Copy Cure

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I’ve been a serial entrepreneur for over 30 years. And a direct response marketer and A-list copywriter for more than two decades. I’ve started businesses and written copy in a whole slew of different markets. Just a few of the countless publications my work has appeared in are…. Entrepreneur… Car & Driver… Investors Business Daily… Penthouse… Popular Mechanics… MuscleMag International… Popular Science… Flex… Success… Muscle & Fitness… Men’s Edge… IronMan… Black Belt Magazine… Muscular Development… Reps! Exercise For Men Only… Natural Bodybuilding & Fitness… Martial Arts Professional Magazine… Small Business Opportunities… Home Business Magazine… The National Enquirer… Weekly World News… And THOUSANDS of high circulation newspapers. As a serial direct response “bootstrap” entrepreneur, I’ve started a plethora of businesses on my kitchen table. With nothing more than a yellow pad, a blue pen and the squishy gray matter between my ears. Many of these “kitchen table businesses” have supported me with a lifestyle that would be envied by the most successful CEOs in the country. Several were created under great financial duress… with nothing but spit, grit and duct tape. I was broke, my back was against the wall and the wolf was at the door. So I was FORCED to run my idea up the flagpole to see how many people would salute it with their wallets. Sure I’ve had my share of failures. That’s par for the course in the life of a serial entrepreneur. But several of these “ready-fire-aim” businesses have gone on to make millions. I’ve sold a couple of my info businesses for big paydays. I’ve also sold three nutritional supplement businesses I started from my kitchen table. That allowed me to enjoy several multi-year stints of “mini retirement.” I’ve also been hired by some of the most successful entrepreneurs and marketers in the country. Most recently, a $1 BILLION a year “800 lb. gorilla” direct marketing company — one the biggest and most successful in the world — hired me to launch their new nutritional supplement business. But believe me… I didn’t have any advantages getting started as an entrepreneur. I’m an average guy who barely made it through Barberton High School in Ohio. I picked the wrong parents so there was no million-dollar trust fund or rich uncle to help fund my entrepreneurial pursuits. In fact, to describe my upbringing as “lower middle class” is being overly generous. Like I said… the ONLY things I had available to start all these businesses were a yellow notepad, blue pen and my somewhat eccentric brain. My first 10 years as an entrepreneur… I Had To “Bootstrap” Every Business I Started… And it was NOT easy. Every single business was started on a shoestring budget. And for the first few years things were extremely lean. Most of the time I was so broke I went out on a limb and financed all my start-up costs on multiple credit cards. I worked around the clock. (Because I had a MORE than full time job as a police officer in Dayton, Ohio.) I sold most of my personal belongings, cancelled my cable TV and drove a 15-year-old “bucket of bolts” car… just so I could invest every possible penny in getting the business going. I even skipped meals so I could invest my grocery money into testing marketing ideas. And like so many other entrepreneurs, I hit my share of roadblocks. (Actually “roadblocks” doesn’t even come close to describing the disasters, disappointments and difficulties I endured.) During the first nine long years of my serial entrepreneurial journey — before I discovered direct response marketing — every single one of my businesses crashed and burned. Leaving me defeated, depressed and in neck-deep in debt. I felt like the biggest loser in the world. That was until I discovered some little known secrets of the “ole skool” mail order/direct marketing masters. I studied that classic marketing material like a 15-year-old boy studies online porn. Then I adapted and applied these secrets to one of my struggling and “on life support” businesses at the time and… It Grew My Sales 1,407% In Only Five Months! It was an amazing time. “Life changing” would be the understatement of the decade. An astonishing “before and after.” BEFORE: I was broke, drowning in debt… and for a while actually homeless and living in my car with my Doberman… skipping meals so I’d have the money to run test ads. AFTER: A mere five months later… I Was Putting 6-Figures A MONTH Into My Pocket! Since then I’ve been on a mission. A mission to share these successful tactics, strategies and secrets for building an online business FAST. You see, growing your business as quickly as possible and making a lot of money are great. But the way most entrepreneurs go about it makes you a slave to your business. Sure, you may make an above average income… but you have no life. Your business is an all-consuming mistress. And you’re not the only one who pays the price. It takes a HUGE toll on your family, too. Instead… what I have to share with you is a unique way of building your business that gives you incredible time and lifestyle freedom.

Because when money doesn’t control you… and you have time freedom… life becomes pretty darn spectacular. First of all, you just plain FEEL better… because you no longer have that always-present weight on your shoulders. The weight you feel from others controlling your life. And the ever-present FEAR you feel… deep in your solar plexus. From lack of money… From your boss always yanking your chain… And being forced to jump when he says “jump.” Because you need the money. When you do what I’m about to show you, you can be… FREE From Your Financial Slavery! Finally… you can do with your life what you could have been doing… and should do now… LIVE it! If you’re already in business but your business isn’t producing the income you desire… …and is growing slower than you want… What I’m about to share with you is the solution for all that. The BEST solution. The FASTEST solution. Because what you’re about to discover is the final piece of the puzzle you’ve been missing. The master key to growing your business (and your income) as fast — and as BIG — as you desire. It’s the most important skillset you can possibly have in business. I’m talking about the ability to get your customers… Spending Money Like Drunken Politicians In A Las Vegas Strip Club! And how do you do that? A couple ways actually. First, by developing the skill of creating perfect “can’t miss” offers that trigger a buying frenzy. Second and equally important… by developing the ability to… Consistently Craft Colossal Converting Copy! Without those two abilities your business will always remain a constant struggle. However… when you DO have those two abilities… you can build your business (and your personal income) as BIG and FAST as you desire. Listen, you’re one smart cookie to want those abilities. Because with those skills… and ONLY those two skills… you can be free from money worries the rest of your life. And, should you choose, you can… Make More Money Than Any Sane Person Ever Needs! I’m not just talkin’ “millionaire next door” rich either. (Although that IS nice.) If you’re willing to work for it… I’m talkin’ Rolls Royce-driving… diamond-encrusted Rolex-wearing… private jet-flying… 155 meter yacht, “cruising-with-a-bevy-of-busty-supermodels” rich. If that’s what you’re into, it can be yours. (I’ve even helped a few entrepreneurs who have done it.) Or maybe you’re like me… less flamboyant and more lifestyle driven. Even though you COULD have all the toys, you prefer a more under-the-radar financial freedom… The freedom to do whatever you want, whenever you want… with whomever you want. I know that what I just shared might seem a little over the top. But look, after more than 22 years of in-the-trenches experience honing my chops to become a veritable virtuoso of these valuable and virtuous skills… I can tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt… Once you discover what I’m about to share with you… Any Life You Imagine Can Be Yours! And that’s exactly what I’m going to show you… with help from online marketer extraordinaire, Terry Dean.

Terry’s one of the very, very few online marketers I trust to give me the straight scoop on what’s working RIGHT NOW in online marketing.

And he should know. He’s a PIONEER in online marketing. Terry has been selling REAL products in REAL consumer markets online (not scammy biz-op crap) since 1996… the Wild West days of the Internet. Also Terry has worked as a coach and consultant to business owners in hundreds of different markets and niches. He and his clients have sold everything from tennis products…to scrapbooking…to weight loss…to chiropractic services…to automobiles…and just about everything in between. He was broke and in debt…stumbling from one dead-end job to another…when he discovered the Internet way back in 1996. He went from delivering pizzas for Little Caesar’s for 8 measly bucks an hour to creating a multi-million-dollar online business. After a couple of years of doing things on his own and under the radar, his brilliance was discovered by the marketing community. Terry was invited to be a keynote speaker at some of the earliest Internet marketing conferences…where he shocked attendees by demonstrating how much money flowed through his shopping cart and into his bank accounts… during the actual conference! He founded one of the first membership sites for online marketers…which read like a Who’s Who of today’s top marketing gurus. He has even been called one of the “grandfathers of internet marketing.” He sold that first business in 2004, eliminated the travel, and took his first 18-month mini-retirement at 30 years old. Terry is not one for the limelight. That’s why he has been privately consulting with a limited number of clients behind the scenes in hundreds of different markets. His waiting list for coaching clients currently has 415 names on it… and any open slots usually sell out in less than an hour. Over the past 11 years he has helped more people create successful online businesses one-on-one than anyone I know. In addition to Terry’s decades of experience inside the inner workings of both his own business and hundreds of others… he has another interesting skill. He’s not just a great DOER of this online marketing thang… he’s a great TEACHER of this stuff. One of the best I know. In fact, that’s one of the biggest reasons we teamed up on this new project. Terry is a master of explaining the “what” of what I do in my copywriting. The stuff I do by pure gut intuition. He’s also able to teach the “why” of why I do what I do. You see, in my more than two decades and 20,000+ hours of writing sales copy and doing the serial entrepreneurial thang… entirely driven by my own sales copy… I’ve internalized an enormous amount of uber valuable lessons. However… many of those lessons are imprinted so deep into my nutty noggin and neural network… it’s as if I’m guided by them without conscious knowledge. In other words, I DO what I do. And I’m damn good at it. But I rarely TEACH what I do. So what Terry has done is pure brilliance. He has studied my “do what I do” copywriting thang… and is able to explain all the reasons for what I subconsciously do to create super successful high converting copy. Copy that sometimes breaks all the rules… yet accomplishes what many experts say is impossible to do with sales copy alone. Heck, many times even I don’t understand why I do what I do. But Terry is able to articulate and teach my super effective (but admittedly eccentric) methods. And more importantly, Terry makes it… Understandable And DOABLE… Even For A Complete Copywriting Rookie! It’s all based on a breakthrough brain & nervous system “hack” discovered by a master jazz musician and educator. And it leads to EXPONENTIALLY accelerated progress in your copywriting skills… and darn near IMMEDIATE higher sales and conversions. Almost every day I have people asking me about how to get good at copywriting. Or how to crank out a moneymaking promotion FAST when the “wolf is at the door”… you need money NOW… but don’t have much (or ANY) experience writing moneymaking copy. The only solutions I’ve been able to offer in the past involved spending months or YEARS writing out successful copy by hand. And paying your dues for years on end. Writing copy, “running it up the flagpole” and watching it bomb 9 times out of 10. It’s a BRUTAL process. (I know. It’s how I learned.) And it’s a process that discourages and blows out lots of potentially great future multi-million dollar copywriters. Until now. After decades of study… often searching in the strangest of places… Terry and I have come up with something better. Actually… Exponentially Better! And… I’ve never seen ANYBODY reveal it. (Probably because very, very few are able to understand the science and psychology behind it.) Terry and I are using some new stuff we’ve discovered about brain and nervous system biology (and a few other tricks up our sleeves) that will let you “upload” our copywriting abilities into your brain… really fast. How fast? You should see a HUGE improvement in only 30 days. However… it gets even better… You can start making money with it even FASTER. If you have a website, email list, snail mail list or followers on social media that have been limping along… and you haven’t been able to monetize those assets… You can start making money — in some cases a significant amount of money — the very DAY you get your hands on this! That’s why Terry and I have teamed up. We want to show you how to create sales copy that resonates so deeply with your prospect’s “buying emotions”… and paints such meticulously detailed and impassioned word pictures in their minds… It Makes Your Offers IRRESISTIBLE! If you’re starting to get excited about this opportunity, that’s great. I hope you ARE excited. But before you get TOO excited I have to tell you this: The reason you’re not enjoying an income and lifestyle like I’ve described in this letter is simple. Actually, there are two reasons: First, if you want to build your business as fast as possible… and make as much money as possible… you have to send out a LOT of offers. And send them frequently. But that’s a problem. Because most business owners wayyy underestimate how many new offers they need… and how frequently they need to promote those offers to their customers. That’s why most are always stuck in a frustrating “pull your hair out” plateau. You see… sending out a lot of offers… and sending them frequently… requires sales copy. A LOT of sales copy. And the “skull sweat” and time required to do that is a substantial investment. More than most business owners have time for. So unless you have the financial means to hire a top-notch copywriter, your growth and income will always be limited. Because YOU are the kink in the hose. Why? It’s simple. In addition to the 1,001 plates you’re spinning while struggling to run your business… you simply don’t have the time to produce all the sales copy needed to fuel the engine of your business. There’s a second reason you’re not enjoying the income and lifestyle I’ve described in this letter. It’s also the #1 reason why your sales copy has been limping along and under-performing… or not performing at all. But I want you to know something. It’s not your fault. Because… Almost Everything You’ve Been Taught About Copywriting Is WRONG! The Internet is crawling with wet-behind-the-ears rookies who have hung out their shingle promoting themselves as a “copywriting expert.” Truth be told, the only experience most of those posers have is taking an online course that ALLEGEDLY certified them as a copywriter. Look, maybe they’re good writers. That doesn’t matter. Because if they don’t have actual in-the-trenches experience… If they’ve never had their back to the wall, FORCED to make sales or risk going broke, getting evicted and eating out of dumpsters… …then you simply can’t trust these guys. And you most DEFINITELY can’t trust the most important aspect of your business — your marketing — to these “fake experts.” Listen, being a “good writer” (whatever that means) doesn’t mean jack crap. Hardly any of those posers have the guts to put their money where their mouth is. I’m talking about investing their OWN money to prove that their copy works. But… they’re MORE than happy to use YOUR money to test their unproven rookie copywriting abilities. And many will gladly take your money in exchange for their “expert” advice… even though they’ve never successfully done what it is they’re claiming as their expertise. If you’ve been getting your copywriting advice from those guys, THAT is why I say it’s not your fault. Because… You’ve Been Deceived! And Terry and I are gonna set the record straight. Once and for all. You’re going to get the REAL scoop on how to create order-generating copy. And how to crank it out as fast as possible. From two “bootstrap entrepreneurs” who have been doing this week in and week out… month after month… for more than two decades. Often with nothing more than our brain, a notepad, a pen… and a couple hundred bucks credit left on the Visa card to invest in advertising. And in my case, I’ve used this system to crank out sales copy at the last minute. In the final hour. When I was so desperate for money, I was packing my suitcases getting ready for the impending eviction order. (Sadly, that’s NOT a joke or exaggeration.) You see, I’ve had some EXTREME financial ups and downs in my first 20 years as an entrepreneur. Yet time after time… this system has always brought in the cash I needed. Predictably, dependably and unfailingly. Like clockwork. In some cases… in as few as 24 hours. In fact, this system works so FAST… Terry even used it to create $96,250 out of thin air… in just a couple hours… IN FRONT OF A LIVE AUDIENCE! The copy he used to do that was assembled by the very process you’re about to discover in our newest release… “The 60-Minute Copy Cure!” You’re going to get our combined 44 years experience creating winning sales copy. But this isn’t a boring “study ‘til you’re blue in the face/hand write classic copy controls for months on end” course. I’ll leave that to the legion of other people hawking copywriting courses. In fact, this isn’t really a “learn copywriting” course at all. (Although it WILL help you do that if that’s your ultimate goal.) What it is REALLY… is… A Shortcut To Creating Cash Generating Sales Copy… FAST! In some cases IMMEDIATELY. Because we’re not going to complicate things. (Although many in our weird wee world do that so they can drive up their prices.) But not us. Because really, making money online is pretty simple. So we’ve cut out all the fluff and made it as simple as possible. In fact, I’ve personally made a SYSTEM out of simple. (Remember, I barely made it out of Barberton High School… so it HAS to be simple for me.) You see, I don’t just teach regular copywriting. I teach what I like to call JSTDT™ copywriting. Which is so powerful… and so effective… It Almost FORCES People To Buy What You’re Selling! JSTDT™ is my proprietary marketing and copywriting system. It’s the exact same system I’ve used the past 22 years to live a lifestyle better than most Fortune 500 CEOs… while only working a fraction of the time. It’s also the very same system I’ve used to get paid as much as $2.3 million from writing one single ad. (To be 100% transparent, this was NOT a copywriting client gig. It was a print ad for one of my own businesses. And in every magazine and newspaper where it ran… in EVERY insertion… it brought in a 3-to-1 and as much as a 6-to-1 return on investment… for three straight years… with not so much as one single comma changed during that entire time.) JSTDT™ stands for “Just Sell The Damn Thing™”… and here’s what it’s all about: Do you have the time and patience to spends months or years of your life creating content to “build a relationship” with people who have never bought anything from you? People who come to you with their hands out, asking you to give them free stuff? If you do, I hope you have a sizeable stashola of cashola. Because that approach requires a LOT of money. And a lot of time waiting until you FINALLY make a little money. (If you EVER make any money.) In fact, one of my clients, Agora — one of the best direct marketers in the world, earning more than $1 BILLION a year in sales — told me that even they don’t have enough cash to make that model work anymore. Sure, it worked for them in the past. But it required millions of dollars and 12 months without making any money from each new customer to keep that model going. That’s why they abandoned it back in 2007. And if it isn’t working for THEM, what makes you think it will work for YOU? Here’s the bottom line: You Need More Customers And More Business, Right? Then there’s no need to screw around with all those complicated, convoluted and confusing multistep funnels… 4,001 question surveys… 7,007-step “if/then” auto responder sequences… Content marketing… writing blog posts for months or years on end without even one single sale to show for all your blood sweat and tears… Search engine optimization… YouTube videos… social media… And all the other things you’ve tried that have never worked for you. If you want to make money and get new customers RIGHT NOW… you simply need to… Just Sell The Damn Thing™! And that’s exactly what Terry and I are going to show you. It’s the simplest way to start making more money FAST. Now here’s the most exciting part: And why I say that this is a shortcut to moneymaking copy. A shortcut that can get you making money the very same day you get the product… literally. When you join us in The 60-Minute Copy Cure… You Get The Rights To “Steal” Our Most Successful Copy! Not word-for-word. That just doesn’t work. However, you’re going to have the ability to “synthesize” new sales generating copy by using our system of modeling our proven copy. Terry and I have done all of the heavy lifting for you. All YOU have to do is follow our simple instructions and “fill in the blanks” to adapt the copy to your product, your offer and your business. In fact, we even give you “fill in the blanks” templates that show you every single word, detail and phrase you need to insert about your product and business. It’s As Close To “Done-For-You” As We Can Possibly Make It! This is the exact same system I used in my supplement business that allowed me to take a two-year “mini retirement.” While the business chugged along bringing in cash like an automatic money machine. Picture it… You wake up each morning feeling optimistic and excited. Because you know that your short working day consists of about 60 minutes adapting and “synthesizing” new copy based on the proven templates we provide. Then all you have to do is queue up an email. That’s it for the whole day! You can go do whatever it is you want for the rest of the day. Because you know that your new sales copy will be working for you… generating sales and profits while you live your life doing whatever you want to do. And more importantly, NOT doing any of the things you DON’T want to do. The things you’ve had to do in the past because you needed the paycheck. When you have a system like this working for you, yes you have money. But you have something much more important than just material wealth. You have…

Doberman Dan and Terry Dean – 60 Minute Copy Cure published first on http://ift.tt/2qxBbOD

[downfallofi]

Heavy, heavy feels tonight so you know, preemptively - long post, dont read, it isnt fair to dump my depressing thoughts and feelings of emptiness on another human being and honestly I don't think anybody truly does want to listen to the vents of a sad idiot.

I keep being left behind.

I mean that in a macro sense, I always feel left behind, and in the literal sense that this, tonight, is the third fucking time my family (sister and BIL, specifically) have done an oopsie, it slipped our minds, we totally spaced out and forgot to invite you, the other adult that lives in this house, if you wanted to go out to a dinner party with another family.

So I spent all afternoon in angst about it, thinking that Jesus christ, the other family really don't want me around, do they? Like there's something deeply wrong with me.

And I can and, perhaps, never will shake that feeling. That I exist in this world as a burden at the worst and at most I'm. A fucking stray dog. Im a fucking raggedy old mutt that's been rehomed and kicked to the curb, everywhere I've ever gone and there IS no forever home for me. Anywhere. At any time. I've spent decades searching, and every single time I've started to settle in anywhere, it breaks down, into fighting, arguing, drama, triggering stuff that makes me wish I had some release, and then things like this. Bit by bit they start excluding me from outings. Bit by bit it starts "slipping people's minds" that maybe Bryan needs an active invite in because he feels unwanted, and he doesnt want people to look at him like the loser, failure to launch uncle standing awkwardly off to the side, he wants people to actively say hey, come over here, join us.

And it just. Doesnt happen.

And I started to feel proud of myself that tonight I pushed past those negative feelings and took myself to dinner instead of getting sad. And tried to have a good night by myself, and enjoyed my outing, and even if my sister somehow... thought maybe I didnt want to be invited to this dinner party with this other strangers house maybe that was okay because I chose me and I had fun.

But you know how it goes. Im home now, the fun has ended, it's quiet and all I have are my thoughts, and it just feels empty. My sister's apology for her oversight when I got home actually made me feel worse instead of better, I should have been more clear, you should have asked David is not a fucking apology, nor is it a Bryan, we really wanted you to come tonight. It just reinforces what I felt at first, Im not welcome because it makes people feel awkward and uncomfortable to have me around. Like that stray dog in the pound, that nobody ever brings home.

I should have euthanized myself a long, long time ago.

[downfallofi]

My niece has taken to repeating "I love you, I hope you love yourself too" and it makes me feel like about three inches tall.

My sister made a small, innocent line about neckbeards on my facial hair so I shaved my beard off, because I can't look at me without seeing a stereotype of a fat neckbeard comic nerd like fuck it I may as well wear a fedora... I mean I have a hard time looking at me ever, because I hate what I see.

But it's more than that. I just feel "the screwup of the family" vibes all the time even though nobody's saying that, just like the loser uncle. Bailey's fuck-up failure to launch brother, the one all her friends talk about.

Don't know why I'm here.