#As far as I'm aware there was no country really chill with it back in those days...

[thefriendoforatioisdead]

''I'm going to abandon my title and we'll go live somewhere else''

That's a nice idea Anin, I hope you plan on eloping with a freaking TIME MACHINE !

[icarusbetide]

Since you are a purveyor of odd Hamilton takes... Came across this in American Military Biography (1830) by Amos Blanchard:

I had assumed the "orphan Alex" narrative was there from the start (and maybe this is just a very badly researched book), but that made me wonder when that actually became the default version of the story.

(Also how can you be an orphan with a living parent anyway...?)

I love my curated collection of odd Hamilton takes...some of them are printed out on a dart board so I can skewer them to hell along with the corresponding historian's picture but the ones I agree with are 100% accurate and concrete facts.

And thank you so much for sharing, this is really interesting! My first thought was maybe Blanchard was aware of Ann Mitchell, Hamilton's cousin. She lived in America for several years, may have been his major benefactor, and he singled her out in his final letters, entreating Betsey to treat her well.

From a quick search it seems unlikely she accompanied him (Allan McLane Hamilton thought they never met in America), but perhaps the knowledge of a maternal figure helping Ham was public at the time, and the author rolled with "mother"? I stumbled on a paper from 1952, "Alexander Hamilton: The Fact and Fiction of His Early Years" by Larson that addresses the popular myth that Hamilton received help from two friendly aunts; apparently there was an aunt Ann Lytton who died before all of this, separate from the actual helper: Ann Lytton Venton Mitchell, Hamilton's cousin. Not sure how far back that mixup goes, but maybe this author heard about this mother who was actually an aunt who was actually a cousin through the grapevine. Christ.

This did get me thinking about how I've never dug into Rachel's death because it seems like such a concrete incident. There is the 1768 probate court transaction available on founders online for anyone looking for easy access but now I'm having a second hand existential crisis. Maybe Hamilton was actually chilling with his very alive mother who is so confused rn.

I also assumed the orphan narrative thing was present from the start. From what I know, the "lacks good parentage, native land, and money" aspect was always subtly present (which is in itself honestly misleading, he was very privileged. but it makes sense since he's beefing with the elite who can use that relative disparity against him). but maybe the "all alone in the world with nobody to help him" aspect was not.

I'm considering the various examples of people being shady, like Jefferson writing that Ham is a man who "from the moment at which history can stoop to notice him, is a tissue of machinations against the liberty of the country which has not only recieved and given him bread, but heaped it’s honors on his head". This was a letter to Washington of all people, so maybe this indicates that there was some general understanding of Hamilton's background as lacking that allowed him to say all this even in consideration of his frustrations. Newspapers alluded to it. In 1800: "And you might find yourselves equally mistaken, in supposing, that the mode of your descent from a dubious father, in an English island would be no bar in this country to the pretensions to the Presidency."

So clearly there's some aspect of the lowborn narrative peeking through, but I think it would make sense for people to believe & say that he came from questionable, middling backgrounds, but still not see him as an orphan. His childhood wasn't happy or stable by any means, but he still had some support from family and benefactors going for him in America. And he never let go of his deadbeat dad for all the good that did him so he probably didn't refer to himself as an orphan. He didn't even like people thinking of him as lower-class, ("I have better pretensions than most of those who in this Country plume themselves on Ancestry") so I'm sure he didn't embrace the Charles Dickens characterization.

I dunno, maybe it's later historians who dug into Ham's insecurities, feelings of isolation expressed in certain letters, and his elusive background to complete the orphan narrative.

If anything, I suppose this further shows just how far back ambiguities about Hamilton's origins go. Blanchard also claims that Hamilton was born on St. Croix, and apparently there's some modern speculation that he wasn't even born on Nevis. 1830 isn't too far off from Hamilton's death; what book/person did Blanchard consult, if he even did, for this info? I also know that Adams referred to Hamilton as the "Scottish Creolian of Nevis", so Adams must've heard from a different source that Ham wasn't originally from St. Croix. So confusing.

But anyways, thank you so much for sharing this with me - I'm so bad at finding old resources, and I would've never learned that some doofus wrote about Hamilton with - gasp - a nondead parental figure.

Hope you're having a great day! :)

[josefavomjaaga]

Hey there! Sorry to just drop this on you like that, but I though you might know something about this.

As far as I can tell Soult was basically banished from France for some time after 1815 and lived in Prussian exile thanks to his wife Louise who was from the Rhineland. I'd be very surprised if the Prussian government was really all that chill about letting one of Napoleon's top marshals, who had still been fighting for him as late as the hundred days campaign and who also didn't really make himself all that popular during the forth coalition, just live in their country. So my question would be do you know something about the Soults lives at that time? What did they think about their situation? Did they face some kind of restrictions or repressions?

Oh, thank you for the question! That's a good one! 💖 I think I've talked about Soult in exile at some points but as far as I'm aware I've never tried to give a summary of this period of his life. As to sources, I'll mostly refer to Nicole Gotteri once again, because what else.

Soult was already condemned to be exiled in an ordonnance royale from 24 July 1815, immediately after Louis XVIII had returned to Paris. While Ney's name topped the list of those condemned to death, Soult's was at the top of those to be driven out of France. However, execution of this decree was postponed, and after Soult had (barely) managed to get back to his mother in distant Saint-Amans, he was allowed to stay there (under strict surveillance, of course) some months longer. He spent the time working on a memorandum for his defense and to worry about the future: while public rumours abounded about how many millions he supposedly owned, the family had real problems to pay the 16,500 francs due as extra taxes for the contributions to the allies.

However, the loi d'amnistie from 12 January 1816 confirmed Soult's exile. He left Saint-Amans on 28 January and reached Maubeuge at the border of France on 6 February. Louise and the children, accompanied by Soult's younger brother Jean-François, followed mid-February. The family reunited at Barmen, where Louise's mother Wilhelmine now lived with the family of one of Louise's sisters, on 19 February 1816.

That was the beginning of an exile of three years. After a brief stay at Barmen, the family rented (on 21 April 1816) a house in Düsseldorf in Alleestraße (today: Heinrich-Heine-Allee) No. 7, close to the Ratingen gate and, more importantly, to the local gymnasium for Napoléon Hector. According to contemporary newspaper articles, it was an appartment of seven rooms (which is comfortable for a family of soon-to-be five, but rather modest for a duke), and the family did not even have a carriage of their own. They lived a rather secluded life, according to all sources. It was here where Louise, at the age of 46, gave birth to a daughter on 27 January 1817, whose death a couple of months later devastated the family. By that time, the two older children had already returned to France, in order to complete their education.

In February 1818, Louise also left for Paris, in order to look after the children, and Soult stayed behind, alone. As the house in Düsseldorf was far too big for him, he moved back in with his mother-in-law Wilhelmine. Louise and the children joined him in July 1818 for a prolonged summer vacation that they spent at a rented little chateau and that saved Soult from his growing depression. But it took another long winter that he had to spend alone, until May 1819, before Louis XVIII allowed Soult to return to France. Among other people, Soult's former aide Saint-Chamans (despite being at odds with Soult, as usual) had interfered on Soult's behalf and pleaded his case.

So, that's the timeline. Now to your actual question, how was Soult treated. For context: Louise Soult's family lived in what had been the Grand-Duchy of Berg-Kleve (and had belonged to one Joachim Murat), a region now governed by the King of Prussia. And it may have been quite fortunate for Soult that most people in these regions did not like their new Prussian overlords much 😁.

As mentioned above, Soult had already been under surveillence by French secret police while he waited for the final decision in his case. Once he had crossed the border, Prussian police took over. The director of police for the region, some guy named Schnabel, dispatched a police inspector to observe Soult and report about his comings and goings literally from day one. According to these reports, Soult arrived in Barmen accompanied by his 14-year-old son in a heavily laden carriage pulled by four horses. He entered the house of his relatives - and was then not be seen again for several days. Some young people rioted loudly in front of Wilhelmine Berg's house, without police interfering. And of course, there were the usual rumours about Soult having brought a wealth of 27 millions with him.

Those malicious rumours seem to have been all that the inspector hanging out on the street in front of Wilhelmine's house was able to report. Inside, Soult had asked the mayor of Barmen to come to visit, informed him officially that he would stay for a bit with his German family, and asked for a teacher in Greek and Latin for Napoléon Hector.

Just because we've been kicked out France does not mean that you can skip homework, young man.

He also had the Prussian notary in Barmen, a Monsieur Leopold Alhaus, draft a document that would allow Soult's brother to manage his French possessions in his absence.

A week after Soult's arrival, by the end of February, Prussian police decided to tighten the reins, just so that this Frenchman would not get too comfortable. Police director Schnabel informed Soult that he needed permission by the Prussian government if he wanted to take up residence in the Rhine region, and gave him four weeks to obtain it. Soult answered on 2 March that he had not decided yet about where he wanted to go and that so far, he was only visiting. On 11 March, Schnabel triumphantly announced that the King of Prussia had just decreed that, while he allowed the French exiles to stay in his domains, he would only tolerate them staying in Pommerania and Magdeburg.

So, pack up, ex-duke!

However, before following her husband, Louise Soult had already talked about the possibility of staying in her home region with Prussian ambassador Golz in Paris. Golz in turn had written to prince Hardenberg in Berlin about it. So did Soult now himself from Barmen, as soon as this overzealous police director started to harrass him. Among other things, he wondered if it might be possible for him to stay in Düsseldorf, because his son could go to school there. (Obviously still a major point for Soult.)

And guess what? On 24 March (almost miraculously fast for Prussian bureaucracy), Hardenberg sent the official permission for Soult and his family to stay in the duchy of Berg as long as he wished. For Soult, the King of Prussia had explicitly made an exception to the rule that applied to the other exiles.

Which put an immediate stop to director Schnabel and his ilk. I mean, you don't want to get on the worng side of the government. Who would have thought that this Frenchman had friends in Berlin?

I do not know why high-ranking Prussians showed themselves so lenient towards Soult in this case. To some degree, this was likely a concession to Louise. But it also may have had something to do with the fact that Soult had governed a Prussian province for so long and had been tasked with the details of several difficult negotiations. While contemporary reports from that period often badmouth him, and while Prussian historiography from the 1860s and 1870s can be really vicious towards Soult, Prussian books from the 1890s and later seem to treat him with much more benevolence, explaining that Soult in all these negotiations had tried to be as generous as Napoleon allowed him to be, and always fair. I suppose his contemporaries, especially the Prussian government at the time, were quite aware of this (even if they never would have admitted it out loud). This may have been their way to thank him.

Of course both Prussian and French police kept a watchful eye of Soult all the while (even when he was allowed back his entry into France was immediately reported to Paris). But armed with the permission of the King, he could at least avoid all real harassment.

As to the locals in Düsseldorf, they seem to have liked Soult well enough. While Soult did not go out much he must have had some contacts in town and occasionally invited people to dinner who, as a French police report stated, did not talk about anything but trade and agriculture. Soult himself, as to him, apparently loved to tend to the garden. But I have seen a mention of him being member of a club in Düsseldorf, and I have come across the report of a book seller who visited him. So he had not completely disappeared from view.

I hope this answers your question somewhat. There are some more details about Soult's life in Düsseldorf (local newspapers occasionally mention his name, Napoléon Hector successfully graduated from Düsseldorf's gymnasium and even had the honour to hold the graduation adress in Latin etc.) But this has already gotten quite long.

Thank you once more for the Ask!

[dgoldenblossom]

I’m happy to bring my book Reigna on tumblr. Here is the full prologue of the book and you can take a look at the rest of the chapters published on Wattpad https://www.wattpad.com/1484753998-reigna-prologue

Prologue

Reigna

I grew up in Los Angeles, and at the time my family was financially unstable. With a baby on the way, they did everything they could to get on their feet before I came but I came at such an unexpected time that they were completely unprepared. My mom found out she was pregnant almost 7 months into her pregnancy because she has a retroverted uterus.

Two years later, my father had plans of starting a small business that changed our lives for the better. But making this business successful wasn't easy with all the loans they were indebted with. Student loans being the main one. My father and his best friend, who was also his partner in business, were trying their best to run this business right, but there was always something that came up.

At some point they could no longer pay their mortgage, so my mother decided to go back to China where she was from. She claimed that America was a crazy country, and she was tired of the ups and downs with her and my father. She moved back to China with me when I was 8 years old, where I finally got to meet my grandmother.

My father stayed.

They were still married even though they were far from each other, their love never died and I always looked up to their love. With us away. Everything started getting better. My father could finally concentrate on running the company better and taking care of us from a distance.

Life was way easier in china. I had gotten the chance to know about my culture and where my mother and grandparents were from, but I felt like I didn't belong— America kept calling my soul. I felt like that's where my heart belonged, and where I wanted to live my life.

So I told my mother that I wanted to go back to Los Angeles, and that I wanted to finish my education there. My mom was against it at first, mind you I was only 16 at the time, but I promised her that I would work hard from the start. And to prove it, I worked in china and till I had enough money to pay for the plane ticket to go back to my homeland. My parents realized that I was really serious, a plane ticket from China to America is very expensive. I worked my behind off and that was my mind set from that time on.

I mostly wanted to see my best friend; it had been 4 years since I saw her, and I felt empty without her. She came to visit with her father once in a while, but that wasn't enough, I wanted to see her more often than that. And she always FaceTimed me or called me talking all about the Los Angeles life, it sounded more like the life I wanted to live.

I looked so different from everybody in China and felt so frustrated. I'm Chinese, black, and West Indian born in America. I just thought it wasn't right. I had to go back.

I remember when I set my feet at LAX airport, it felt like … home. The air, the atmosphere, I was finally home.

~~~

Dave

My father is Italian and my mother is black. Unfortunately my father grew his business of drugs, but he always taught me to get my education and kept me away from that life. He decided before I was born to change his life around. He was aware of how it affected him growing up and he didn’t want the same to happen to me. So I was sheltered and encouraged to go to school. But the worst still managed to happen.

I can still remember that day vividly. I was 19 leaving basketball practice. I would usually chill with my dad once or twice a week at work. I liked popping up on him and we’d spend our time with him telling me stories of his past in Italy. He was hilarious so we spent a lot of that time laughing. Even the days that were a little more serious where I was like his intern and he’d teach me how to run our family business, we still cracked jokes. The atmosphere was always light when we were together.

I remember parking my car in the underground parking lot and taking the elevator to the top floor where his office was located. As I was going up I heard a loud noise muffled by the closed elevator. It seemed to be a gunshot. Panic filled my senses and I was imobile as the elevator was about to open on the floor where my father was. Then it hit me. My father might be in trouble. Just as the elevator opened and I stepped out of it, I saw five men walking into the second elevator on this floor. I stood still frightened. As soon as the elevator door was closed and on its way down, I rushed to my father’s office.

I made it to his doorway and I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I breathed heavily as I watched the horrifying scene of my now dead father. My life, my world was crushed and nothing was the same.

What did you think of this sneak peek?

I’ve completely rewritten this book 🩷 It was first published 8 years ago and I wanted to give it new life.

I hope you enjoyed this foreview of Reigna. Please share your thoughts in the comments 😩💗

Xoxo,Dgoldenblossom 🌸🩷

[the-blueberry-sage]

I am also not a child of r/196, but I'm happy to participate!

1. Name: prefer not to say my real one ;) y'all can call me Blue if you want, or anything else idk

2. Pronouns & gender: Any pronouns, you decide! I've been gender confused for months but I believe I'm agender at this point in time

3. Sexuality: Aromantic and Asexual

4. Country: Norway

5. Top 5 fandoms: bit outta my depths here. I mostly drift around the internet without stepping too deep into like more than maybe 1 fandom at a time. I can tell you stuff I like tho, since im more likely to like fan content of it. Zelda stuff is my current main thing. Spyro, Brawlhalla, i used to really like Harry Potter but idk how to feel about it since it's really hard to separate what I used to like from the Fuckery of Queen Terf... ... Puss in Boots is really good! I keep getting Persona content in my feed and, while I've never played any of the games, a lot of that fanart is really nice! So keep that coming lol

6. What is your most forbidden snack: cat toe bean.

7. Would you pet a bug: If it's big enough that I wouldn't need to worry about crushing it, chill enough that I wouldn't need to worry about it crushing me, and not overly slimy, yeah sure

8. Share a weird fact/story about yourself with the class: My skin can't handle saltwater. I get all sore and itchy. I don't know why, I'm not allergic to salt or anything. I think it's just the crystals messing something up. So yeah, sensitive skin means I can't swim in the sea... at least not without regretting it...

9. What does the color blue taste like: blueberries...

10. What's the most beautiful thing you've ever seen: Probably this

Not the most spectacular thing exactly, but something about this shattered piece of coast really mesmerized me. Idk, I like nature and the photo, good as it is, doesn't do it justice :/

11. Stupidest thing you've ever done: When I was a child, my dumbass child brain for some reason decided we were gonna make "the most lethal concoction." So I mixed water with basically anything and everything potentially poisonous I could find, which included stuff from every bottle I could find in both the bathroom and washing room. That would be mostly perfumes from my mom, but also a whole lot of cleaning products. So I might have made mustard gas... At least I was somehow aware enough to mix it all outside...

12. Stupidest thing you've heard/seen someone else do/say: Old friend I hadn't seen in like 5 years casually admits he doesn't believe in covid... this was in 2021... Haven't heard from him since

13. Hyperfixation song: Hysteria by Spiritbox

14. Is there any meaning behind your profile picture and/or username: My pfp is my cat. His name is Leo, he is 13 years old. I love him!

My username is a bit of a story. Basically there's this tiny island barely off the coast not too far away from where I live. It's connected to the mainland at low tide and it's cone-shaped. It's steep hill everywhere but the very top. The entire thing is a forest and absolutely covered in blueberries. So yeah, I went in and returned about an hour later with a bucket full of berries, scraped up to hell and back and fucking covered in moss, grass, twigs and other foresty artifacts. The Blueberry Sage returns with great gifts... We made jam. It was good. I'm not going back lol

15. Dream career as a child: Carpenter. I don't know why.

16. Dream career as an adult: Artist. I do know why

17. Thoughts on cilantro: I don't taste soap. I can eat it. I am worthy!

18. Have you been banned form a location? No. I am good boy

19. What is your cursed food combination? So in Norway it seems around half of people I've mentioned this to think it's normal while the other half think I'm mad. I'm curious what the rest of the world will think. We have a thing called "makrell i tomat" basically boxed mackerel in tomato sause. Take that on a slice of bred with way to much mayonnaise on it. Delicious. Kinda healthy. But I do feel like a gremlin eating this

20. Trans rights: Yes. Now.

I'll tag a few people too I guess, but I'm locked into this post now and I don't wanna type this all up again, so I can't check who has already been tagged elsewhere or who is relevant to tag lol. Sorry about that @junpei-iori-ace-defective @theearthmagicguy @charyou-tree @supersexyghotmew95

“I just came from r/196” ask game

Saw another post. I think I should invite y'all to one of our longstanding traditions. Answer the questions then tag 10 (or more) people. I'll go first.

Name? Frankie

Pronouns and gender? he/they/it, transmasc

Sexuality? Lesbian

Country? USA

Top 5 fandoms? Bungou Stray Dogs, Cosmere, All for the Game, Fundiesnark (not a series but I'm too deep in it to not consider it a fandom), .....the tornado fandom? (they're my special interest)

What is your Most forbidden snack? The preserved bones at the Atlanta Bodies Exhibition. They looked so crunchy...

Would you pet a bug? If it's big enough, it is pettable.

Share a weird fact/story about yourself with the class. I like to drive around rural areas and photograph old, sometimes abandoned locations in the dead of night. I have been literally chased out of towns by foot and by car on two separate occasions. The second time this happened, "See You Again" by Miley Cyrus came up on shuffle and that's the soundtrack my friend and I tore out of town to. Also every "guy" I've dated except for my most recent ex (who has big egg energy) is a lesbian now.

What does the color blue taste like? Creme brulee

What is the most beautiful thing you've ever seen? The appalachian mountains of Tennessee in the middle of summer. There's kudzu everywhere. On the backroads, there were several old, dilapidated Baptist churches barely hanging to the side of the mountain. I wonder how many of them were still in use.

What is the stupidest thing you've ever done? Short version: my friend's house almost got broken into by this dude who'd been stalking us for months while we were home alone. Instead of calling the cops, we decided to confront him with a bow and arrow (me), a hatchet, and a baseball bat (him). The plan was that if it went badly, we would simply throw his corpse into one of the many lakes in the neighborhood and let the alligators eat his remains (this was Florida). Why? Because we were afraid of having our home-alone privileges revoked. Luckily for us all, the guy fucked off and we never saw him again.

Stupidest thing you've seen/heard someone else do/say? My ex thought that Jackalopes were real. Also, a nurse I was doing rotations with apparently thought that "Witness Protection" was for Jehovah's Witnesses.

Hyperfixation song? Young Enough + Bleach by Charly Bliss

Is there any meaning behind your profile picture and/or username? Profile pic; I'm transmasc and I'm currently obsessed with TriStamp. Username; It was my fake internet name when I was like 13. I won't change it because I want my mutuals to recognize me, and because I do have a viral post associated with this name.

Dream career as a child? Doctor (funnily enough I'm now in nursing school)

Dream career as an adult? Professional Jester. Not a comedian. I just want to be some weird little guy who dresses silly and you can hire me to roast your boss at work parties.

Thoughts on cilantro? Delicious

Have you ever been banned from a location and if so, why? I honestly can't remember? Probably... but in recent memory I've mainly banned people from places.

What is your cursed food combination? Pineapple on a hotdog with grilled onions. It Slaps.

Trans rights? TRANS RIGHTS

Tagging: @rocket-mankoi @mostlymarco @atleast8courics @jazzlike39 @gemsweater72 @limbobilbo @ameliaaltare @redcrane112 @theoneofwhomisblue @twinkenjoyer @theultimatecarp and anyone else who wants to jump on

[persephoneyss]

Doomeds.

Pairing: Min Yoongi x f! Reader. Ft. Bts.

Genre: Yandere, dark themes, anguish, suspense.

Summary: ❝We are doomeds, wandering in eternal suffering.❞

Warnings: Yandere behavior, obsession, stalking / stalking on cameras, humiliation, unspecified forced marriage, n*n-c*n explicit sexual relations (on the reader), abuse of power, implicit murder, drug use, kidnapping, hitting, manipulation, dating previous trauma, alcoholism and depression (in Yoongi), accusations of infidelity, dub-con (in Yoongi's case), the reader is in school but is of legal age, death threats, really strange facts. Possibly this would qualify as dark fantasy since everything is so unrealistic.

Number of words: 10,000+

︙Author's note: *sighs* This is the longest fic I've ever written, and I honestly don't know how it turned out because I didn't read it twice like I always do before publishing it. But my beautiful baby helped me correct, I hope you enjoy it and please read the warnings well, I do not want lawsuits. Thanks for being here!

(Sorry for any mistakes, my first language is not English and I am not fluent either.)

Puedes leer este fic y más aquí en español.

If they ever had to ask the reality of events it would be ... Unbelievable. Thinking of how just a simple action changes everything in an already established and perfect environment.

A life.

Your minutes, hours and days were the same under your criteria and eyesight, you study in the mornings, you work in the afternoons and you attend to your homework at night. It was a good routine that used to be repetitive at times, it was fun to follow, even more so in your part-time job.

You could meet many people working in one of the best cafes in the city, your classmate insisted too many times that you work with her saying that could recommend you and you should not even pass a test, they would only accept you for her.

It was a good opportunity and you accepted it with a smile, although she was long gone from work, you were still grateful for the good salary and health insurance that they gave you every month.

"An American coffee with a spoon of sugar and a green tea cake with cream on top." Your mouth and hand move in sync, the client nods silently. You smile, pointing out other details before asking what name you would give the order.

With a sigh, he name came out like a gust of light wind. "Min... Min Yoongi."

You write his name on the screen, the little receipt paper comes out of the machine. You hand it to him by brushing his hand with yours, strangely cold and pale. A chill runs through you but you ignore it, continuing with your work.

"Good Morning _____!" One of the employees greets you kindly, you correspond still concentrated on serving the mysterious stranger's coffee. "Do you have a request for me?"

"Oh, uh... Yeah, this is for table four."

Yun smiles taking the tray with Yoongi's coffee and cake, arriving at his table. The man's expression can be dazzled even under his black mask that covers half of his face, his eyes look for you before colliding with you. YYou refuse to play along, continuing with your work, you had a lot to do and wasting time flirting wouldn't really help you make money.

However, it became pointless trying to ignore him when he kept coming back day after day. Week after week. Tormenting your head, Yoongi was not the first nor the last handsome man you would see coming often, your work establishment was literally in a strategic area and not cheap, you knew that many men and women with money frequented them to drink a coffee or eat some delicacy, even sometimes they only came in to sit for a few hours attending to their affairs over the phone.

It was fine, it was comfortable. You weren't expecting too much, sitting behind a counter, always having to fake a smile despite being tired.

Perhaps it was the constant visits that led you to start a conversation with him. You had about an hour of rest, you prefer to spend those few moments sitting in front of the window of the premises eating any cake that was a few days before expiring to avoid paying for consumption, you felt comfortable in that place that seemed so far from all the other clients.

Until his voice interrupted once, he seemed as calm as ever. His gaze lost from you elsewhere avoiding making contact with you, nervous apparently. His rough and austere tone was changed to a bolder and lower one, asking if he could sit next to you for a few minutes.

"Sure, sit down... he's not busy." It was your answer without having any problem in sharing your place so secret, so comfortable. It was still just as safe even with him present.

And in much the same way, everything became a silent routine. You heeded his order, you took your rest next to him and then you both left at one point. The talks became more common, he being the first to ask about such insignificant things as the rise in the market in the country and how prices should start to rise in coffee as well.

You laughed, you really did it by getting his attention and sharing your reaction.

They both started laughing at how strange it all started, and it was always the perfect anecdote to tell their friends about how they met.

Everything was perfect, like a painting by a great artist, what you would see would be beautiful and cheerful colors, adorning both of you possibly holding hands with a smile and a loving expression from the man who was now your partner. Her pale skin and angelic face represented on beautiful thin paper, presented to the world as a painting that reflected a symbol of love between two souls met in a casual cafe and who wanted each other so much. Too much.

Yoongi was the clear representation of an ethereal person, casual and elegant, polite and kind, protective but not possessive. Simply to the target.

Your routine didn't change much after starting your relationship, you kept walking to your school in the mornings, you attended the cafeteria in the afternoons and you rested at night. Perhaps the only significant thing that you would get out of your boring schedule was your boyfriend's proposal about moving with him to the house of his best friend, almost a brother as he described it, and avoiding paying for your little apartment. You had made one and a thousand excuses, making Yoongi shut them all up.

"Jin is my brother, he would never take advantage of us. I already mentioned the proposal, about you... I have been living there for a few weeks, I assure you that you will be like family."

Family?

Your face relaxed for a few seconds, you had abandoned that feeling and sensation long ago since you moved from your home in your native country. Your mother used to call you every night but little by little that habit was lost, she also had her own problems and being aware of you as if you were a child was ridiculous.

"It's fine." It was your final decision, nervously you moved your hands in the air explaining what you would not accept.

Do not invade your privacy.

You had spent days thinking about how to introduce yourself to them, because apparently there would be more than just Jin, Yoongi and you in that house. Your things were scattered in boxes, you stood in the middle of the almost empty room still nervous about meeting new people and friends of your boyfriend.

That they were now family. Literally family.

The moving truck was parked in front of a large house, it had two stories and an incredibly large garden. More like a forest than an ordinary garden, you got out of the car trying to clean your clothes as much as possible and look presentable. Although it was difficult when your whole body was covered in dust after lifting the boxes.

"I'm not ready, Yoon." You say, containing your anxiety that vibrates to the surface of the skin within you.

Her hand gently brushed your cheek, giving you a bit of reassurance. "You look beautiful, they will accept you anyway." Her lips came up to yours, giving you a quick and soft kiss. "I just remember that I love you, and I know all my brothers will too because you are perfect."

You thanked the little compliment in a whisper, the door of the house opened just after the two of them left, you automatically showed a friendly smile approaching the first person to leave. He was a tall and rather handsome man, he seemed very well dressed to be indoors on a Sunday, more like he was going out to an important business meeting. He looked flawless and elegant.

"The suit was not necessary, Nam!" Shouted your boyfriend behind you mocking, the man laughed showing all the charm of him to your eyes.

"I'm Namjoon, Yoongi's friend. Nice to meet you... _____, right?"

"Yes, it's me. Sorry to see me so disastrous, it was a tiring day with the move."

Namjoon seemed like a very nice and incredibly understanding guy, his presence made you want to meet your boyfriend's other friends. You opened the door entering the house after Yoongi asked you to find your room to start carrying the other things, Namjoon stayed behind to help him, leaving you alone on your unknown route. You walk all over the place and you are surprised that you only walked through the living room, your eyes straying to a noise in the kitchen.

Curious.

You ignore it, continuing your way up, you read every name on the doors. Jin, Namjoon, Yoongi, Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook. All written brilliantly on each different door, you walk a few steps to one that says your name and you thank it with a sigh.

You weren't surprised by how big it was, everything inside that place seemed to be exorbitant and out of the ordinary.

"Oh, it must be you." You are surprised to hear a voice behind you, you turn around in fear before remaining calm. You recognized her face from a photo Yoongi had on her phone.

"Jimin?" You ask with fear of being wrong.

"It's me, it's nice to finally meet you. Jin-hyung said you're moving in a few days, I didn't think it would be so soon." His voice seemed to be calm but there was a hidden question. Why? Why were you there?

You take a few uncomfortable steps back. "It really was, but ... I thought it would be better to do it today that I don't have classes, plus Yoongi doesn't work this day and it seemed like the right thing to do. I'm sorry if bother you."

"No you don't. it's okay, Welcome." With that one simple word he left.

You thought you would have a longer talk with him but you weren't expecting too much, they didn't even know each other and you plan to chat with him like they were old acquaintances. Well, naive.

It seemed strange to you that no one else showed up in the whole house, even when you were uploading the last boxes of the move no one seemed to be a little curious to meet you. Aside from the already friendly Namjoon and the reserved Jimin.

"Yoon" You get his attention, he smiles at you taking the sheets out of your suitcase and making your makeshift bed ready for the night. "Do your friends work today?"

"I guess so, they really don't spend a lot of time together or at home." Explain without noticing your downcast face. You nod, putting the issue aside and concentrating your eyes on arranging your clothes. "Hey... Okay, you can meet them all at dinner today."

Your chest clenches in anguish, "Dinner?!"

"Yes, darling. It's the only time they meet all day, when Jin-hyung cooks for us especially on days like these where we have pleasant surprises."

You purse your lips annoyed, Yoongi smiles kissing your forehead so carefully and lovingly that it melts your senses. The mere presence of him made you want to continue with him forever, you relax for a few seconds hugging his body in silence. They both stay like this, with nothing to say but telling each other everything at the same time.

The thought of ever letting go scares you.

You wait several hours, still sitting in the same place where Yoongi left you. You should be presentable for dinner, you take a quick shower before running to change into a nice comfortable dress, you try not to overdo it but also not show disinterest. From the stairs you hear everyone's mixed voices, chatting animatedly.

"Honey, come here." Yoongi watches you, being the only one to notice that you were peeking in the shadows still unsure of interrupting.

You say hello by walking a few steps until you reach your boyfriend's side, you present yourself the best you can. Everyone falls silent, Namjoon smiles at you just like he did before. Jin interrupts the moment where no one seemed to have anything to say about you, or if he wants to want to introduce himself.

"Today we have a special guest, the dear girlfriend of our brother. I introduce myself, I am Jin the official cook of this family." His body bends down with an exaggeratedly long bow, proud of his words. Jimin rolls his eyes, while his other siblings just choose to tease. "On Yoongi's orders we made her favorite dish, so I don't want any complaints of any kind about the food. I'm looking at you Jungkook."

You are surprised how well everything is going, you feel praised when your favorite food is in front of you. She looked just as elegant, as if you were eating in a five-star restaurant and at a luxurious table with silk tablecloths.

Jungkook still stayed away from the talks, preferring to eat quietly and fiddle with his phone. Hoseok was more animated, asking about you and exaggerating anecdotes that happened with his childhood friends. He moved you that he will still remember all that after years. Namjoon vaguely drew your attention with book recommendations when you commented on your love of reading, Jin quietly continued eating in complete tranquility, Jimin thanked the food and just left.

Taehyung... He seemed interesting to you, he was looking at you all the time with narrowed eyes and when Jimin got up and walked away, he followed closely with a small and almost hidden smile.

You had a strange feeling inside what they called home.

"I-I... I need to use the bathroom." You say goodbye by wiping your lips with a napkin before quickly walking behind them both. Something attracted you to want to know more, as if they were leaving clues knowing that curiosity killed the cat and that you wanted to be the one.

Your steps were quiet, even more so when you tried not to be noticed . You went upstairs listening to their voices whispering and then... An obscene moan was clearly heard, Jimin seemed to laugh in the air.

Your hands shook thinking of opening the door and seeing what was happening. And without knowing it, you had fallen into the same network of attraction as them.

You curse yourself biting your tongue and cheek until they bleed, sure that you were going to make a big and heavy mistake. Minutes later you are going down the stairs back to the table but no one is waiting for you anymore, the table was just as spotless and clean. You are pleasantly surprised to learn that they don't treat you like a guest and that they don't wait too long for you. Maybe they had things to do, however you feel a chill when silence comes.

Where were?

You look around the yard, but no one is outside. Neither in the kitchen and less in the room where you had already walked twice. You catch the sound of drums in your ears rumbling loudly, you close your eyes in a daze for a few seconds until in an instant it goes away, and then everything comes back to itself. You hear their voices upstairs, chatting animatedly for the second time.

"Where were you sweetie? Are you okay?"

You nod still confused. How did they... When was that... You were really fine? You refuse to fall into paranoia and lie down next to Yoongi, as they continue their conversation with each other. Your head keeps spinning with the fresh memories you have, but they seem to disappear second by second and it scares you, you open your eyes without wanting to fall asleep yet but it is as difficult as breathing.

You fall into the dark abyss of sleep, feeling the same chill.

Your gaze is lost in the gray sky, you are cold and your body is swaying. Your eyes move restlessly observing that you are under the snow and a person holds you in his arms through the forest, walking at a slow and safe pace.

It's fine. Are you okay.

Wake up. Yoongi greets you from the door of your now room, you try to regulate your breathing thinking that he would notice your overwhelmed state and he would worry, but no. He is as calm as ever, relaxed even.

"Good morning beautiful, it's time for breakfast. Jin-hyung made your favorite." And with that last sentence she is shifting away, closing the door behind he.

You go down the stairs ready to go, your backpack resting on your shoulder. The table is just as full as at dinner, Jimin seemed very tired trying not to fall asleep, you watch him for a few seconds before looking at Taehyung who ignores you taking his cup of ... Coffee. You approach making him recoil alarmed and disgusted, you check the cup realizing that it is the same recipe that you use in the cafeteria.

Like them?

You look up noticing that, you were uncomfortable, Taehyung takes a few steps away from your body almost leaning against his, still sitting in his chair. You apologize to him making me sigh irritated, still ashamed you apologize again without eating or serving anything, just leaving through the front door.

Your journey is reflective. You forget, dream and recognize, that was the pattern you were following, everything seemed so strange and deep down gloomy, you feel the already casual chill running through your entire body almost like a warning.

Your seat in class was empty waiting, ready for you. Ari greets you, being your table companion and friend.

"Hey, intense night?" She jokes, you look shaking his head. She laughs pointing your neck. "You have... something there."

She frowns even more confused, her face leaves her smile aside and she starts looking at her things until she takes out a small mirror and she hands it to you. You look with horror at a large red bruise painting on your skin, it seemed painful but you had not even noticed or felt it. You touch it still scared and nothing, it doesn't hurt or it seems real.

You take a deep breath before lying with silly chatter, "I had an accident, but I'm fine. I had forgotten I was there, it was nothing serious."

Ari seems worried but in the end she forgets it by returning to the same kind and joking attitude of her, but her gaze drops from second by second to your neck making you cover yourself uncomfortable. Who? It can't be Yoongi, he was always very calm in that regard. You think terrified, your hand goes up to touch it and this time you manage to feel a sharp pain.

You have to cover it with the collar of your shirt so that no customer will notice it and avoid staining the reputation of the cafeteria, you smile nervously taking orders as fast as you can and avoiding looks. Yun greets you like every day, arriving at his work time. You spend hours begging for the clock to advance faster, the night sky appears and the doors close, you clear the last counter before you can finally show your neck again and breathe.

"That's a big problem." Yun whispers looking at the horrible mark, you nod with a sigh giving the same stupid excuse you told Ari. "You should use a little makeup to cover it up, I think it will help you a lot."

You think about it for a few seconds before deciding what you would do. You bow to him with a bow after he offered to close in your place and finish the remaining work for you.

You come home with a smile, you greet Namjoon who is reclining on the couch in the living room watching something on TV. You wait a few seconds but you do not receive a small or accidental look, you approach a few steps to repeat it again but you only get him to get up and go upstairs closing the door of his room apparently with a door slam. What the hell? You think covering your face with your hands looking for some comfort.

Everything was happening inside you, it was like a whirlpool sweeping away your sanity. Were you going crazy? Or you were just thinking a lot about nothing.

You try to draw a picture of your situation, but the only thing that repeats is the constant painting of Yoongi and you together.

"Yoongi!" You say to yourself with a smile, you drop your backpack running towards his room, wanting to see him after such a day.

Your hopes fade like air, everything within the space him screams 'he', but he is not there. You check the safe time that he should be home at that moment. You hear Jin's voice screaming from below about dinner ready, you sigh losing your appetite at those moments.

You lie on your bed checking your cell phone in case there was a message from Yoongi warning about he delay but nothing. You feel empty for some strange reason, but there was nothing different about it now.

If I had been more attentive and conscientious, you would have noticed that two more people other than Yoongi and you were missing from the table. Jin smiles sitting in his same place leaving your plate not caring without you being there with them, his smile never fades even when all his brothers are sitting silently eating and looking at your empty place so intensely that it was terrifying, he squeezes the cutlery in his hand without wanting to break the tradition in his family.

Dinners are sacred and no one should be missing. There will be no discussions or complaints, that's what the rest of the time is for.

That was what her mother said, sitting at the table in her old home containing her anger at seeing her husband so calm after having been unfaithful once more. Not on the table, not on the table.

Not on the table, honey.

Jimin opened the last bottle with a little satisfaction, poured another glass before handing it to his friend who was only glaring at the ground.

"She's not like that... I know her." Repeating the same stupid prayer for hours, Taehyung rolled his eyes trying to calm his annoyance, looking at his other friend insisting that he help him.

"Yoongi-hyung you saw it yourself, she had that... That mark. you didn't do it, maybe Tae is right and she-..."

"Not!" I scream interrupting what to him were lies. "_____ she's my girlfriend, she's not like that. I know her ... she loves me! She loves me! Do you understand?" Says exalted, holding the shirt of his friend who closed his mouth immediately, Jimin noticed that same reflection of anger in him and knew it was better to leave it for now.

Taehyung pushed the drunk Yoongi away from his side, making him release him and repeat the same phrase as in his state, he tried to believe himself.

The door to your room was opened and the smell of alcohol invaded you, making you look disgusted. You closed your eyes without wanting to see him, his body fell to the side of your bed approaching your body so slowly that the anxiety inside you doubled.

"I'm sorry..." He whispered.

His hands rested around you, giving you that warmth so familiar and comfortable in your gray days. A sob was heard while you lost yourself in your own thought, you watch it melt into your arms crying and without wanting to tell you why.

"It hurts." It's the only thing it says. But... Why?

You wake up. Just like a week ago, days had passed and it seemed like your skin kept accumulating horrible marks all over the place. You even went to consult a doctor but he only insisted that something... Or someone did them with such fury that it was incredible that a piece of skin will not be torn off by the force of his suction.

You touched the last mark that came, it was dangerously close to your crotch, you try to hide the others with makeup but they were still visible at a short distance.

You went down the stairs to see them all again, you greet with regret taking the first thing you find. Your mug had your name written on it, it was a rather curious gift from Jin after your melancholic night with Yoongi days ago, he apologized explaining that he felt bad after hearing all the sobs and apologies. For a moment you thought it was something exaggerated but he kept insisting that he felt bad about himself, not with Yoongi who was almost his brother or with you, with him.

You accepted it without wanting to show your dislike for his selfishness and narcissism, thanking him so softly that he hardly heard you.

The special drink that morning was coffee... Americano. You felt insecure to drink it, and you just put it aside.

Same recipe.

Yoongi looked at you for a few seconds before smiling fondly, and you just looked away, leaving him with a confused face as you walk out the door so quickly that he can hardly feel you.

He sighed before being drawn to Jimin's grin-adorned face, he shrugged, hinting at his silent opinion. She is not faithful to you Yoongi, why do you keep waiting for something good? Only looks at her body, her attitude and who she surrounds herself with, it is a classic of womens. You will know that she is a fox hidden under her sheepsuit, just observing her more and you never leave her.

The marks on your body, your cold attitude made him more and more suspicious and fall for Taehyung's profound words. She bit his lip, refusing to spy on your life away from him... Out of his sight.

But he really wasn't doing anything wrong, just observing. In his now dirty head, everything was valid if he could know the truth.

You did the same thing you always told him on his nights where they stayed up talking about his heavy days. You went to school, to work, and then home. Nothing changed your version.

I try to focus on your friends, there was only one girl you spent more time with in your classes and after them. He researched everything about his life, but he had nothing to worry about after learning that he had a boyfriend. He passed your work, standing outside for hours waiting to see you do something dirty or guilty, but you never seemed to move.

You just served the orders and then kindly said goodbye to the customers. He felt guilty for doing something so low to you, until he saw you.

To you.

Your smile grew when one of the workers who was your partner approached your place in the box to whisper something in your ear, you left your place following him towards the warehouse.

Anger consumed him quickly, refusing to continue standing there observing the obvious, possibly he was being irrational and he knew it but the constant insinuations of Jimin. The conversations with Taehyung, his words, his suspicions, the pleased looks from they when he fell back at his feet asking them to tell him what to do with you.

With his damn relationship.

Where were you and him. Not them. You and he.

He opened the door to your room and started going through your things like a degenerate, something must have made him sure that you were cheating on him. Something, a letter, a note, a gift from him, or a simple cheap jewel.

This was your Yoongi? You were clearly looking at another subject.

"Yoon..." You started, his eyes coldly piercing you. He looked different, he was looking at you but you didn't feel safe being so close. "What are you doing?"

"What do you think I do?" He asked how else he will not point to the obvious, for a moment you thought that even if it was, out of respect or dignity, he would try to deny it or find another explanation for his actions so offensive to you. "Where is?"

"Where is what?" You claim, starting to get angry, his eyes leave you again as he continues searching through your drawers, dropping everything to the floor with thudding noises. You get closer trying to push it away but you only get rejection. "Stop it, Yoongi."

"Not until you say so."

You freeze without knowing what he meant by the latter, you take his arm to stop him but you only receive a push that makes you back away this time scared by the force of his attack. "Enough!" You claim this time by making him look at you with his cold eyes. "I don't know what you're talking about and why you're doing this, but enough."

"Then say it..." You shout again that you don't know what he wants you to say, you even curse furiously making him come closer to support your shoulders with his hands bringing you closer to his face. "Say it damn it! Say you're cheating on me with that bastard son of a bitch!"

You feel the pain of his grip, you sob, begging him to release you but are ignored as he continues to ask you to say so. You refuse to lie, especially with something so degrading.

Jin hears the screams as he continues serving the dinner desserts, Jungkook strangely puts aside his phone for a few minutes to thank him with a small toast and a smile that was rarely seen on him.

"The dessert tonight is sweeter than usual."

Jimin raises his glass with a bright smile, Namjoon adjusts his tie tied perfectly around his neck as he sips from his glass, Hoseok laughs eating the delicious cake with enthusiasm.

Curious, a green tea cake with cream on top.

"It's a shame Yoongi-hyung misses out on dessert." Taehyung speaks pretending a pout on his lips, playing with his spoon with the cream on her plate. "It is especially exquisite today."

"Stop playing already, when will you do it? I'm looking forward to getting started." Jin snaps angrily, pushing the cake out of her sight as he drinks from her wine glass.

Jungkook laughs, turning his phone back on to continue playing as usual. "So impatient, hyung." He says he with a click of annoyance.

Jin rolls his eyes, following her gaze to Jimin who is innocently cowering in her chair. Ignoring how completely obsessed Jungkook is with his games, it really was not his business,for something his youngest friend had his parents, who were too busy with their work, they ran the largest electronics factory in the country, leaving his son in the background just giving him everything he asked for without objection. Always showing a smile when little Jungkook came before them demanding a new console or the best phone.

"It only remains to wait..." Whispering, he released a patient Hoseok. His smile as charming as ever. "For her to decide what to do and then... Plot! She fell into the wrong well."

"I hate when you describe and talk like that, but I can't expect much from a Jung... like you."

However, Hoseok never stops smiling even when anger is consuming his mind causing him to clench his fists under the table and bite his tongue inside his mouth, hidden by his gleaming and visible teeth. Namjoon smiles at her, knowing that she managed to provoke him but that she won't do anything to shut him up.

"Pathetic."

Motherfucker.

Jin breaks the tense silence, shushing everyone with a snap. That silence. Nobody hears anything from you or Yoongi, for a moment they feel the anguish that something bad has happened or that his friend has lost a bit ... The hand. But just seconds later you're rushing down, wearing the same clothes and your face covered in tears. You don't even look at them when you run to the door, leaving a trail of emptiness behind you.

"Hm, intense." This is Jungkook speaking, his eyes still lost on the phone screen of him playing a silly online championship. "She will be fine after hours."

"Jungkook is right, now we must move with Yoongi."

Namjoon gets up walking to your room, surprised that everything seems almost the same as it was before their fight.

He smiles when he manages to see his friend laying on the floor sobbing, and like that children's book called Pinocchio, he feels good being that cricket-shaped voice of reason. Only this time that sweet and serene voice, released one and a thousand blasphemies that would contaminate even the most devout by his beliefs.

He managed to convince Yoongi's easy to manipulate mind, blurting out words almost like a song. Playing with the naive self of hes that still lived and breathes inside him.

You had come home after days of spending with Ari and her boyfriend away from him. You really didn't want to set foot in that house again in years, a small irrational part of you believed that it was all his fault, your real problems started when you set foot in that damn place.

You open the door observing the room in the same way, empty. You try not to make yourself feel ready to go to sleep, without having been able to do it in days, but now you doubted that it would be different here.

You remain static in view of everyone, you had forgotten that at that time they were having dinner together. They only met once a day and it had to be right there.

"Good evening, sorry to interrupt." You ignoring Yoongi's gaze that, he's trying not to get too excited about your return, even though she causes he to euphoric whirl. "Carry on, I'll just go to my room."

"Please no, sit with us."

"I'm not well."

"I insist, sit with us. They were difficult days but I know they can fix it." Jin puts a plate in front of one of the empty chairs, you refuse to sit down but you do it out of compromise.

Everyone seems to be exclusively quiet, dinner was gray, like a black and white painting. Remember the first dinner, where everyone seemed to have so much to say and now that was left behind, Jungkook continues to play with his phone sometimes moving his plate by accident, without touching a single silverware with the intention of eating. Jin eats in peace, so slowly that he is strange. Namjoon reads a book in his hand, eating so cleanly that it's amazing.

Hoseok looks at you playfully from time to time, with a smile that almost makes you smile the same. Jimin and Taehyung seem to communicate silently, they both look at each other with slight grimaces and smiles.

"We can talk?" Yoongi whispers, you feel her breath next to you and instinctively you walk away scared. Still hurt by her actions and attitude, you give your vow of silence by standing up and without saying goodbye, you walk up the stairs.

"How rude." Jungkook interrupts, keeping an eye on his screen lighting up his beautiful face. "He didn't even taste the food."

Yoongi looks at Jin, her oldest friend and the one she trusted the most, seeking some advice. But just gets the same treatment as always, a look insisting that go with you and try to fix her mistake.

However, it was late. You had packed a makeshift suitcase by going down as quietly as you could, exiting through the back door like a thief or a fugitive.

You spent days thinking about your cowardly way of running away, but in the same way you felt better and even more so when you did not receive any message from him. Maybe it wasn't that important to him, it hurt but it also relieved you.

You knew it would be awkward to see him in the face again, but you should go back and get your things over with as soon as possible. You naively thought of forming a friendship, a very distant one, but in the end it would be the healthiest thing for both of you.

"______?" Asked the person who opened the door after you barely managed to ring the bell due to nerves, he was clearly confused.

"W-good morning ... Jin." You greet by taking a few steps back to get a better look at it, you had forgotten how tall it was. "Sorry to bother I just wanted to -..."

"Talk to Yoongi? I'm sorry but he's already better without you, he even met someone new." You were surprised by his austere, sour tone and trying to intimidate you. "And you better go, you are not welcome here."

"No ... No, I-I came for my things but I'm glad to know that it's better now, and that ..." The words stayed in your mouth, almost as if it hurt to admit it. "I was able to find someone, I hope we can be friends. Also with you, I'm sorry I left without explaining or saying goodbye properly."

You waited what seemed like ages for her response, and you expected more than a simple nod of the head, letting you pass without a hitch. You searched your room quickly, trying not to have any contact with any of them for now. You opened the door that had your name on it but you were scared by what you found inside, the whole room had been painted blood red, a very dark color that managed to give you such familiar chills.

"What is this? Where are my things?!" You turned around ready to go and claim but the door closed behind you with a stormy noise. You ran to try to open it but it did not move an inch, you searched the whole room for something useful to help you but it was completely empty, and alone.

You sobbed in fear, not understanding what was happening and why it seemed that the walls were getting narrower every second. You fell to the ground, trying to stay calm and without losing your goal, hours and even days passed for you, you waited to hear at least one noise but everything was so quiet that you had to avoid going crazy, you played with your hands trying to distract yourself and think positive things, you had read many books about stressful situations to know that thinking a lot about those things caused even more stress, you lie on the floor sure that a nap will calm everything down, if it was a nightmare you wanted to wake up and if not , you wanted to dream that it was.

A lock, you hear that particular noise and you wake up. You open your eyes as fast as you can lifting your body, the door was slightly open as if someone was exiting. You scream for help but it closes, you fall back into sadness and despair screaming even more for your freedom.

You didn't deserve this.

You look with regret at the delicious food they left for you, for a moment you think about going on a hunger strike but your stomach demands you not to be so stupid. The same would not change anything. Regardless of manners, you eat as fast as you can, dropping quite a bit of food on the ground in your rush.

It had an exquisite taste, and you could recognize it everywhere. It was one of your favorite dishes, you felt disgusted to compare it to your mother's food, but as magnificent as it was, it reminded you so much of her.

You wait for something to happen, but minutes go by in which you just look at nothing, letting your head fly. Thinking of a thousand things, playing with the spoon and singing in a low voice.

You feel hot from one moment to the next, your vision becomes cloudy and the door opens again. You just stay in the same place, you don't care about anything, not even how they hold you by helping you walk into another room.

"You were right, she is very calm now."

You look at him, their faces so familiar and you try to place them, but your head is flying away at that moment. You close your eyes laughing, and drifting into unconsciousness.

You wake up. You open your eyes and you are tied, you struggle with the ropes that hold your arms while the bed below you makes your body bounce. You touch the sheets realizing that they are extremely soft, you are in an unfamiliar room surrounded by scarlet red, with elegant and shimmering decorations. You try to stand up but your legs, like your hands, are tied.

And you're still quiet because of the rag in your mouth.

You fight the bindings furiously, screaming into the cloth as much as you can get sick of being locked up again.

You think of Yoongi, although at that moment it was irrelevant you wonder where she is and if she knew that she was being kidnapped in such a way, would she help you at least? Resignation covers you completely, fighting the bonds again with such force that you feel like they burn your skin every time you move.

You sob, just as he did one fall day.

Yoongi watches you from the monitor in another room, Jin is talking to Namjoon to the side while Jungkook is still sitting in a corner entertaining on her phone. Jimin, Taehyung, and Hoseok seem reluctant to look at each other despite facing each other.

Remember the day, the one in the past, when he met them. Jimin and Taehyung were already friends playing in one of the children's castles, with their hands pretending to be weapons as they ran around. Hoseok was sitting next to his mother, talking and apparently they had a lot to say. Namjoon did not detach from the side of his father who urged him to go up to the games, while Jin was busy collecting Flowers in a basket that his grandmother was holding.

They were all strangers and even more so he, felt out of place surrounded by so many games and away from home. His parents had freed up a whole day to spend together in a decent park, it was several hours of travel from Daegu to Seoul only for his son to play in a beautiful park surrounded by luxurious buildings.

He dropped down next to her mother, hugging her without wanting to let her go.

"Min Yoongi, we didn't take this trip just for you to sit there all day, son."

"I'm scared..." he whispered, biting her lip and hiding her face in the neck of his beloved mother.

"I see... but the games look so much fun. Run and try them, love."

He nodded still uneasy, walking over to one of the swings where he sat rocking so slowly that he seemed still. He felt hands pushing his body from behind, scared he looked at the boy behind him, he had a smile on his face and waved him with a hand.

"Sorry, I thought you needed to be pushed." He spoke and did not seem at all nervous.

"I'm fine, but thank you..." There was a momentary silence before he interrupted again. "I am Yoongi."

"Hoseok, although my mommy calls me Hobi."

He smiled, offering himself this time to push the swing, they spent minutes like this just helping each other take a walk pleasantly. He didn't even think about it when Hoseok offered to talk to Jimin and Taehyung about how they'll all play together in teams.

Now in the present, he smiled again remembering how he met Jin that same day, he had collided with him when he was running so as not to be caught by Jimin. His older friend was flushed with anger, screaming for her flowers and his dirty clothes. His grandmother teased him a bit making him deny even more, he followed Yoongi for several minutes until the chase because of her desire to hit him became a game.

They both fell to the ground tired, laughing before Hoseok introduced himself to Jin. Namjoon arrived shortly after, curious about the commotion and why he had gotten bored of sitting for so long, as he explained later. Besides that his father didn't have the best conversation starters.

He cried so much that very day when he had to go home again, promising to return soon.

"We have everything ready, are you ready?" Jin stood next to him, his eyes looked at him but he couldn't recognize his childhood friend. The same one that he offered to organize his birthday parties when his parents could not afford them, the same one that he never took advantage of his money to lower it. The one who hugged him as many times as he could when he came out of his therapies after his parents died.

Who was this man?

"Y-yes." He murmured still stunned. He got up, following in his footsteps with his head lowered.

They opened the door showing him, you were distracted biting the cloth in your mouth and trying to move your hands to free them.

Your body felt the same repetitive chill making you look at them feeling their presences so... uncomfortable.

"Enough." Jin ordered as you continued your insistent useless movement, trying to free yourself. "I'm not playing around, stop."

Me neither, idiot. You clench your teeth as much as you can at not being able to say it out loud, you stubbornly keep moving even faster than before. Your hair falls on your face from your busy tossing and you stare at him, challenging his patience and judgment.

You try not to tremble when he approaches you with intentions that deep down manage to scare you. But you continue, the bed moves as fast as you do until his hand falls against your cheek causing a gasp to come out of your gagged mouth.

"Hyung!" Yoongi claims holding her hand to prevent her from trying to hit you again, you feel the particular burning on your right cheek and the tears growing back in your eyes. "Please, no blows. That was not what we agreed on."

Jimin cleared his throat, a satisfied smile on his face, "We never specified anything, actually... Yoongi-hyung."

"Jimin is right, you never specified any kind of restriction for her and us." Namjoon clarified making you look at them confused, it was as if they were talking in terms of employment or contract.

But you had never signed anything.

"B-but they can't do that, they'll never accomplish anything if they force her." He tried to persuade him but Jungkook sighed, dropping his phone to the ground and then stepping on it like it was worthless. "She will just hate them."

"She will do it anyway, if we let her off her or try to convince her to stick with sweet words she won't think twice and she will run away ready to report us for kidnapping."

"In addition to the damages that she suffered here." Namjoon continued to condemn Jungkook, uplifting her surname and her family's status.

"You are in this with us or against us, there is still a free place in the basement for you with chains just as heavy."

Again, the same chill ran through you causing you to cringe in your place. These men were insane, they were capable of betraying each other, and worse, they could possibly also consider shooting themselves in the back when they weren't looking at each other. All for you, as if you were some kind of prize for winning and owning.

After moments that seemed eternal, Taehyung was releasing your mouth as you began to complain about what they were doing, how they dared and demanding freedom.

Really a classic, so much so that it was witty and hilarious that you said it literally.

They forced you to kneel on the ground with your hands on your legs still perfectly tied. More questions filled your mouth not knowing what they were planning, all you could do was look at them so scared it was adorable.

"Uh... Well... I guess one should go first." Jin says, taking a few steps away from your crouched figure.

Jimin stepped forward, standing in front of you causing you to look up from your spot below him.

"What are you doing?" You ask weakly, you try to drag yourself away when his hand struggles with his pants to remove it but Jin holds you in place. Getting on his knees to speak into your ear softly.

"You better take a breath instead of trying to run away, honey. I thought you were smarter... hm?" He laughs mocking your scared face, you refuse to open your eyes and mouth making him stop laughing in annoyance.

Jimin sighs taking your face in his hands so roughly that they will surely leave a purple mark on your skin. He was still dressed, I was hoping I could humiliate you more and then fuck your mouth until you suffocate while his hyung explains everything to you. How it all started, his obsession, his plan, they had planned everything so perfect that it was terrifying, everything monopolized on one board.

Soon as soon as possible you will just be a cute housewife and you will forget your life before that day. Not for nothing did they have a closet full of cheerful and homely outfits ready for you, they wanted to destroy you and then put you back together just to serve them.

You would be his wife, of everyone.

"Come on, little bitch..." Jimin started, reaching over to kiss you on the lips even though you refused to do so. You really no longer had a vote or a word of objection in his plans. "Open your eyes darling, you don't want a stray bullet to land in your mother's skull, do you?" He threatened making you obey even more scared than before.

"P-please don't hurt my mother!" You sob, clasping your tied hands in supplication.

"Oh, we won't.... yet." He whispered kissing your lips one last time before imposing himself on your kneeling body. Her cock came out of her pants, stroked a few times before guiding it to your lips. Your stomach contracted, and you pulled your face away as far as you could before Hoseok held you by the hair tightly pulling you close again. "Take it, baby. Everything will be fine if you just obey."

"I hate them, they disgust me" You whisper before Jin forced you to open your mouth making you take it, you fight for a few seconds but her hips are already moving making you choke and gasp. His moans are so loud they make you squirm but his hands hold your head close to him.

"I told you you'll take a breath, but you're a dumb whore." His breath is hitting your neck directly, your skin crawling trying to distract you from anything other than Jimin's cock in your throat causing you to gag and vomit. "I bet you're wondering why, what did you do, and nothing really. Or if Yoongi!"

You do not look at your boyfriend before, you only focus on Jin who smiles, caressing your body with his hands, almost exceeding your limits. However, what did it matter if he did it, there was nothing you could do for yourself.

"You were only here, I think we all loved you from the first moment we saw you. We spent many nights wondering what was special about you, many of us had dated women before but you... You were so different, you had something that attracted us and it made us go crazy. " His hands squeezed your breasts causing you to gasp on Jimin's cock who moaned with pleasure, continuing his steady and hard rhythm. "Taehyung got involved in the matter. "

Jimin smirked when your eyes went up to him, your eyes showing how angry and helpless you felt. And it was exquisite.

"I bet you didn't know about your beloved boyfriend's background,locked up in a rehab center for alcoholics for two years. Three years taking therapy for his depression after the tragic death of his parents, quite strong actually." His words had such a strong past but from his mouth they came out as if it were not so important. Something common for him. "I'm surprised he loved you so much and didn't tell you."

You cried unable to turn your face to look at him, deep down you wanted to put Yoongi aside and not hate him for this. But it seemed almost impossible when he was there, doing nothing, so calm that it was unreal that he had ever looked at you directly and declared his love to you over and over again. For months.

"He really was fine for a while until we decided to make him fall again, one drink after another... First trust him, then question their relationship and finally make them argue." A laugh left his lips, it was almost uncomfortable that he was the only one doing it. Everyone else was so quiet just watching. "But I can't give myself all the credit, let me introduce ourselves well, my dear."

Jimin walked away from you letting you breathe again, you had almost forgotten that he had been doing that act against you. Your tied hands help you hold off the ground by not being able to breathe properly, you feel so weak that you are about to pass out but you refuse to look weak in front of them.

"Kim Seokjin, son of the best chefs in the country and heir owner of thousands of five-star restaurants, inside and outside the country." His body crouched down, making an extremely long bow. Namjoon stood next to him, with the same smile from the day he met you. "Kim Namjoon, the only and adored son of the best lawyers and mayoral candidates, future presidents if occasion permits." There was a strange tone behind his voice, with a knowing wink. "I thought you can guess what Hoseok's parents do, but I'll tell you just in case. Great psychiatrists recognized for their countless achievements outside and within the country, having a tradition from generation to generation, capable of manipulating even the cleverest mind like yours."

Hosoek smiled at you, but this time his smile showed malice and pride. All that time you were surrounded by people who wielded a certain power and influence, oblivious to the fact that they could ever use it against you.

"Park Jimin, Kim Taehyung... Maybe you heard about their surnames on the news two years ago? Families specialized in medicine, their knowledge dazzles science and biology. Before allies and now both surnames are enemies competing for the market, but who would say that their children would meet secretly and use their same knowledge to retain a precise treasure." His hand stroked your hair causing you to recoil angrily, with a grimace of disgust and resignation. "Well... Finally Jungkook, son of the best technology creators in the country. Capable of creating anything, millionaires obviously, like everyone. Faithful lovers and devoted to he son, giving him everything he wants. " He stopped for a moment and then brought his hand to your ear taking out one of your earrings, you looked at him confused before he opened it showing a tiny device that lit up. "Even creating a more than wonderful device, a tracker of the smallest size."

You opened your mouth completely petrified, looking at each and every one of them. Most of them had a firm and conceited posture, but your eyes only looked at him.

"Were you in on this?" You ask by moving your body slightly, Yoongi only remains silent, avoiding looking at you at all costs, even if it is out of mercy you demand a simple word. "Speak! Tell me! Tell me!" You scream completely out of control, letting out all your frustration and anger with him, just him. It's all his fault. "Tell me now! To finally be able to completely hate them all... Please tell me, I just want to stop inventing and fooling my head trying to justify why you are standing there doing nothing for me" You sob almost exhausted, " Without helping me, when before you said you love me."

His eyes meet yours a few seconds before Jungkook chimed in, completely certain that you were trying to play your manipulation cards to get rid of them. Funny, they had done the same to catch you, their hyung could sometimes be so... credulous. That it was ironic that she was older than him.

"Good enough talk for today." He demanded, causing you to hide your head again in fear. You were so scared, even with the pain in your cheek and jaw from being forced by Jimin, you would never give up on them.

Your mouth felt dry, you couldn't remember the last time you drank water alone. As if they could read your thoughts, Taehyung appeared with a tray with a glass of water and a purple pill.

"Take that away from me." You scream when he tries to put the pill in your mouth, backing up as far as your bound legs will allow.

He sighs bored, as if he doesn't have the patience to deal with it, "If you want water you'll have to do this."

"What is it?" You ask almost breathless from the lack of water in your body, he smiles before bringing the pill to his face to look at it rolling it on his finger.

"Hm... Vitamins." Respond after hesitating. "Everything you need in one compact little pill. It was an invention by Jimin and me, we were hoping you would be the first to try it."

A few seconds ago you remember hearing about the reputations of both families, they were specialists who probably passed that knowledge on to their children. If they knew what they were doing with them, they would be shocked. Your reasoning tells you no, to throw it away and try to run away but your head and body can't take it anymore, they demand water and a rest.

"I-it's okay." You accept, removing the pill and the glass of water from the tray angrily. You put the pill in first, then the water so hard your mouth hurts from the force.

You return the glass silently, eyeing him suspiciously before sitting back down and walking a few inches away. You wait for everyone to do something, but they stay so still as dolls that it scares you, everything about them and their attitudes was creepy.

I wish you had noticed earlier.

And now you feel it, it was not pain, nor anxiety. I was just calm, the noises seem to decrease and your vision does not blur but you feel so relaxed that you do not seem to be affected by any drugs. You could feel it all, but you didn't care.

It was relaxing but you weren't far this time, you remember the previous scenes. When you ate the food they gave you, it was similar but as if it had been modified so that you can remain docile and obedient, but at the same time you know what they are doing.

Your body falls on the bed, you don't even try to get up. Your brain isn't thinking about that, it just gets distracted by the decorations around it, but it clearly perceives one of them nearby. Namjoon is behind your body lying face down, half is on the bed and your legs are still kneeling on the floor. You feel his kisses so desperate on your neck, his hands touching your breasts and stomach trying to lower himself further, anxious not to wait to fuck you as he always wanted and should have been.

You do not fight when his legs open yours with force and speed, you just stand still, thinking with your head glued to the soft sheets of the bed, deep down you can slightly feel your desire to push him and push him away furiously, you want to do it but not you do. You feel so confused that you sob into the sheets in released frustration.

"I thought I heard from you, that her wouldn't refuse anything with his stupid pill." Jin whispers, disgusted seeing you struggle with yourself in search of reason.

"I don't see her deny it." Jimin retorts, crossing his arms with a small victorious smile.

Yoongi stands aside, not wanting to accept this but likewise, like you, does nothing to avoid it while Namjoon sinks deep inside you causing you to writhe overwhelmed and let out a groan of pain, your mouth opens to complain and probably ask him to stop, but he instantly closes again only releasing more gasps and squeals.

They spend minutes with all eyes on you, taking the cock of her friend who abuses your sore pussy from overstimulation, this time you are crying and begging for mercy to stop. Even in your unconsciousness you continue to feel all the pain and also the pleasure that is now almost non-existent.

"S-stop!" You cry between gasps of exhaustion, your hands had been released by Jungkook seconds ago so that you can hold on properly. However, you only use them to try to ward off Namjoon who is holding you against the bed by slamming his body against yours with obscene noises. The bed squirms like you, colliding with the wall in sync.

"A little more baby... Just a little more... And I'll fill you with my cum, so fucking tight. You like that, hm?" Her breath very close to your cheek makes you react, you squeeze your eyes almost suffering from your next inevitable orgasm. You scream making everyone watch you fascinated by how your face contracts with pleasure and pain, you try to walk away when the moment of ecstasy recedes, but he continues to fuck you bareback hard, selfishly chasing the release of him against you.

You spent hours repeating the same routine, sometimes sometimes even more hours than you can remember or count.. Your body was completely covered with bruises and marks not only made by them manually, you had discovered in the worst way that Hoseok had a great fetish to make small cuts to any animal or person that had skin and that glistening blood came out of those wounds, red as hell and as sweet as ambrosia.

A delicacy, truly a true delicacy blessed by God.

Jin could not stop laughing at your overwhelmed face, sometimes he would sit next to you while your body was fucked uncontrollably, watching your face move on the sheets with the constant and hard movements of his friends.

"Do you enjoy it, you dirty bitch?" You knew he was making fun of it, not only because it denigrated your dignity, but also because you couldn't answer correctly and the only thing that moved was your head up and down from the thrusts. As if you were affirming his disgusting words. "You like it right?" And again. "I bet you will enjoy it every day from now on, do you want to marry us, little bitch? Be ours forever, that we fuck you every damn day like that, that we also fill you up that you would get pregnant, you would have our children , and you would gladly. Do you accept _______?"

You did not want to know where he managed to get your last name, nor your full name and less because he thought that after the effect of whatever they had given you, you would really accept being his damned wife.

But he just stands there, watching Jungkook abuse his new power against you and taunt him.

I just wanted to wait for everyone to leave, so I could hug you, heal you, and ask for forgiveness.

He couldn't save you if he was chained to the basement like they threatened to do. He was afraid of his own friends, who looked at him madly when hours before he thought of withdrawing from the plan, Hoseok as charismatic as he always claimed to be able to cut his neck so easily if I took you away from them.

Now, they were doomeds.

The painting lost its color once more.

[nanahachikyuu]

just tell me if it's love and i'm going // hvitserk x reader

Summary: exchanging your warm country for the freezing Kattegat winter was worth it if it meant lazy mornings with Hvitserk for the rest of your life.

Pairing: hvitserk x reader

Type: drabble

Warnings: fluff, sexual content, but nothing happens

Word count: 654

A/N: so, this is my first finished work in a very long time and I'm very insecure about it, but Hvitserk was a more than good enough inspiration. Kind of inspired by this song here (yes, I’m aware it’s in Portuguese).

Board by me, pictures from Pinterest, Unplash and Pexels.

Gentle reminder that English is not my first language, and this was not proofread.

The cold wind coming through the window cracks made chills run down your spine, waking you up from your deep slumber. The body beside you stirred, an arm coming around your waist and pulling you closer into his chest, his musky scent immediately enveloping you, accompanied by a sense of peace only that man could ever bring upon you.

“Morning, beautiful”, Hvitserk murmured by your ear, his voice hoarse from the lack of use.

“Good morning, handsome” you answered, turning back in his arms, and hiding your face on his chest. “I’m cold”.

“You’re always cold. I don’t know how you’ve managed to survive in the cold this far”. Hvitserk replied, pulling the furs on your shared bed to cover you properly and holding you tighter.

“Well, and whose fault is that? I was perfectly fine in my country before you came along”. Nuzzling your cold nose against his tattooed shoulder, you felt his body quiver with laughter.

“Please, don’t act like you didn’t enjoy it” the blonde man teased, that lazy tone making the hair on your neck bristle.

How even his sleepy voice had the ability to turn you on was unknown to you. In all truth, there wasn’t much to Hvitserk Ragnarsson that didn’t arouse you, such was the hold he had on you. Your silly, innocent, little heart never stood a chance. The moment he blinked those eyes at you, you were a goner. And how disgustingly fortunate you were for that.

After all this time, you could still remember the first time you saw him. Braided dirt blonde hair, that mischievous smirk as if he was up to no good, and indeed he wasn’t, even in the face of adversity, like nothing could ever bring him down. Standing next to his brothers, covered in mud and blood, he managed to take your breath away.

So many years later and you still thanked God, and the gods, for the day the Ragnarssons sought asylum in your small village.

“You know, I know a way or two to warm you up really fast”. Hvitserk pushed you on your back, his strong and slim body coming over yours.

“You say this every morning, Hvitserk”, you reminded him, not truly disliking where he was taking things.

“And every morning I’m right”.

Not many things could overpower the feeling of this man over you. Long hair lightly touching you, strong body keeping you in place, his unique scent filling your nostrils, the warmth he seemed to perpetually radiate had the power to melt you from the inside out. Being with Hvitserk like this was your own personal heaven, or your Valhalla.

You felt his lips on your neck, alternating between small pecks and bites, hands coming to your hair and pulling on your strands to keep your head the way he pleased, giving him more access to your neck and collarbone. Once he was satisfied you wouldn’t move anymore, his hand started running down your body until he reached your hips, his long fingers grasping firmly and bringing you even closer to his body, his own hips grinding into your center, all while his lips kept their assault on your neck, just barely reaching the top of your breasts. The contrast between his touches made you feel dizzy, unsure on what to concentrate.

“Honey, we need to get up”, you tried, pushing on his shoulders without much effort, but he ignored you, like you knew he would. Instead, he started making his way down your body, hands and lips touching everywhere he could reach.

“Hvitserk, I’m serious, your brothers are expecting us” you tried again, this time a little more forceful.

His only answer was a chuckle against your skin, lightly biting into the skin of your hips, calloused hands running down your thighs, and pushing your knees apart before placing his shoulders between them.

It was too cold outside for your liking anyways.

[voxmortuus]

Dark Imagination

PAIRING: Hannibal x Fem!Reader

UNIVERSE: Hannibal

WORDS: 430

SUMMARY/PROMPT: Request given by @iamcavainna | May I request a Hannibal x reader where Hannibal shows up on her doorstep in the middle of the night after a particularly bad nightmare and when he has really bad nightmares, he can only fall back asleep when she’s with him

Trigger Warning(s): Bad dreams | Mention of Killing | PLEASE TELL ME IF I FORGOT ANYTHING!!! I want to make sure readers are fully aware of what they are getting themselves into when they read this…

NOTE: Sorry if this isn't what you expected, I'm hoping this finds you well love!

IMAGE CREDIT: Google I DO NOT CLAIM OWNERSHIP OF THESE IMAGES. If these are yours or you know who the creator(s) is please INBOX me and let me know. Thank you.

My Master Masterlist | Hannibal Masterlist | Taglist

REQUESTS: 500 FOLLOWER EVENT REQUESTS ARE CLOSED!

Hannibal thrashed about, his body diagonal on the bed. The blankets hanging off the bed. The sweat of his brow rolling into his dark salt and pepper hair. Shooting up, he let out a gasp and wiped his brow, and looked around. Reaching over to his table for a glass of water. Looking down at himself, he turned and dangled his legs over the edge of his bed.

Running his hand through his damp hair, he lets out a soft breath and looks at the clock. It read 11:14 P.M. Rubbing his face, he slipped a white t-shirt on and made his way outside. You didn't live far, but maybe the fresh air would be good. Perhaps it would help. You were the first one that came to mind. It was the first night he was on his own since you moved to town.

As he walked down the road, he looked around- everything seemed so loud. It was almost as if he couldn't gather his thoughts. He ran over his nightmare over and over in his head. The cornfield, the scarecrows, the distance, the heavy thick fog. All of it started to worry him, Hannibal's mind raced. Seeing you in what felt like a country mile away, and the closer he got, the further you went. It terrified him.

It seemed like it was forever for him to get to you. His mind trying to process his dream. Were you slipping away? But that wouldn't make sense because then you appear behind him in his nightmare, and he turns around, and with a curved blade serrated scythe, he kills you. The more he thinks about this, the faster he walks.

Finally, he approaches his door, and his jaw clenches. He knocks on the door, and his hands are balled into fists. Turning over in bed, you look around, hearing another knock. You were just falling asleep.

"I'm coming, I'm coming." You call out.

Wrapped in a blanket, you walk to the door and open it to find a chilled and sweat-soaked Hannibal, looking like death. You take his arm and drag him inside.

"Jesus, what's wrong? You look like death."

"Bad dream, can I sleep with you?"

He looked like a kicked puppy. You take his hand and pull him into a hug, wrapping your blanket around him holding him close. You take him to your bedroom and climb into bed- and lay with him. Holding him close, you run your fingers through his hair and wait until he falls asleep before you start drifting into a soft slumber.

[wasabito]

thank you to @sparkexplosive and @vs-redemption for beta reading it for me! merry christmas & happy holidays everyone ♥️

➽ synopsis: being a member of the royal guard is a grueling and thankless job, so you decide to remind katsuki a little of what it’s like to be young again—what better way to do that than with some healthy competition.

➽ word count: 1.7k

➽ tags: fluff, budding romance, royalty au, childhood friends

➽ author’s note: i had a ton of fun participating in my first ever secret santa!! this is my gift-fic to the lovely @katsushimaa​ hope you enjoy, yssa!

"So, this is where the hell you've been hiding?"

His voice tore through the midday stillness like a blade, equal parts raspy and gruff. He sounded irritated and mildly fatigued. Not that Katsuki Bakugou would ever admit to being anything less than a hundred and ten percent. He climbed off his steed, heavy boots crunching under the weight of his feet, and secured his horse against the stump you were leaning on.

You flipped the page of your book, not sparing the man even a cursory glance. You would prefer to keep your attention occupied by fictitious worlds, warriors, and battles fought in the name of love and justice.

It was much easier to allow yourself to become the bearer of fictional hardships, because at least they could be solved through a well-constructed plot with each turn of a page, as opposed to the realities of your actual life, a slow spiraling disaster in comparison.

Bakugou stood in front of you, vein ticking on his throat with every clench of his jaw. His arms were crossed tight over his chest, red gaze pinned on your hunched form. He wasn't at all the kind of person anyone could easily ignore. His very presence demanded attention and drew eyes like a magnet.

Case in point, no matter how much you tried to ignore him, you simply couldn’t.

"Please tell me you aren't going to stand there the entire time. Take a hint will you." You went to turn another page, but Bakugou reached over and snatched the book from your hands with deft fingers and speed you couldn't hope to match.

"Give. It. Back."

"Nah, I don't think I will just yet." He sneered, thumbing through the pages. "I was told to bring your dumbass back to the estate, so that's exactly what the hell I'm 'bout to do."

You blew a puff of air from your lips, eyes blazing with a kind of defiance that only burned harder the more you glared at him. "Then I guess you'll just have to drag me back kicking and screaming."

Bakugou only smirked, teeth spread in a feral grin that sent a chill down your spine.

That had always been his intention.

Almost an hour later, you stood before your parents, clothes dusty, creased, and smudged from having been manhandled like a sack of flour before promptly dumped in front of your waiting audience.

A frown marred your delicate features as they began their lecture.

Your mind drifted elsewhere the more they reminded you of your lineage and that you were royalty and how it was imperative you behave as such. You’d heard it all before, known this for as long as you could remember. As the King and Queen of your home country, your parents never failed to emphasize the importance of keeping your every move in check because of the reputation you had to uphold.

Katsuki stood somewhere behind you, and although he stayed mostly silent, you could almost hear him grinding away at his molars. The King and Queen were taking turns subtly digging into him as well, implying that his incompetence was a stain upon the royal guard perfect record of achievements. If he couldn't keep you in line, what was the point of holding rank?

They annoyed him way more than they did you, but he dare not voice it, not if he wanted to keep his head attached to his shoulders. Far be it from him to send himself to the guillotine

You both were in for a long night.

“Honestly, this kind of behavior is unbecoming of someone of your status. What will our countrymen think if they see you roaming about unattended like a vagabond?” Your father stroked his beard as if waiting for a response. But everyone in the room knew he really just liked to hear himself talk.

He was no better than a machiavellian swindler in expensive robes. A puppet if you would.

The real leader of the land was your mother. After all, she had only married into the family, having been the daughter of a mere advisor with no royal blood. She spoke little, but her glare was more than enough to convey just what she was thinking.

By the end of the lecture, you felt like all of your energy had been sapped from you, but thankfully your parents left you to retreat into your bedroom for the remainder of the day. Bakugou escorted you, following close behind.

“You’re gonna do it again, aren’t ya?”

You paused, foot nearly catching against the carpeted floors of your bedroom. Fiddling with a piece of your hair, you shrugged. “...maybe.”

“You’re a huge idiot.” Bakugou shook his head with a low laugh.

A tiny smidgen of a grin danced on your lips as you considered him. He was your childhood friend. No one knew you better than he did. And he was also the guard most assigned to watch over you and keep you safe from harm.

Despite that, you’d come to notice how much he’d changed. He wasn’t the same Katsuki you grew up knowing and you missed him dearly. Occasions like this, where a part of his guard was let down, were becoming few and far between. There had to be something you could do.

“Let’s make a wager. If you can manage to find me, I’ll do one thing at your command.”

“Challenge accepted.” He reached into the folds of his uniform, pulled out your little novel, and slapped it right into your open palm. "No matter where you run off to, I'll find ya. Trust me on that, princess."

His eyes were like candles in the night, ignited by a spark of passion. Not a single lie could be detected.

"I won't make it easy on you, Katsuki, just so you know."

"Heh, you better not." He sniffed, tucking his hands into his uniform pockets. And with a final half-wave, he was gone.

In and around the capital city, winter had completely lost it's bite. The weather was tepid, swinging a mild breeze that coasted through the countryside. It was the sort of winter where one felt as if woolen clothing were worn more for comfort than necessity. In what should have been the chilliest part of the year, Bakugou found himself traversing one of the many beaches that hedged the southern peninsula.

After a full week following the challenge issued in your bedroom, Bakugou realized you were entirely too good at evading him or any of the other guards at the kingdom’s disposal, for that matter.

Day in and day out, he spent his shifts searching tirelessly for you, just to stumble upon you in the most random of places and only when you had wanted him to find you. The running score was six to five in your favor, but he was determined not to lose to you again.

And there you were, standing at the very edge of the shore, as if a mere thought had manifested you right before his very eyes. Your loose billowing dress of soft satin waved to him like a white flag of surrender in the air. He'd finally found you.

"Not gonna run off this time?"

"Nope! You won this round." Your cheeks creased in a smile.

Given the boots he'd worn, it was no surprise that his feet kept sinking into the sand. You said nothing as he toed off his shoes and socks, bare feet settling into the depths of warm, grainy sand.

He couldn’t help but feel more relaxed. Over the past few months, he’d found himself losing sight of his goals, caught in the dredges of the mundane and routine.

The cool waters lapped at both his and your feet, fizzing and bubbling, leaving behind traces of salt. You went further into the water’s touch, your back to him as the tides licked at the your calves. Even he had to admit, the view was a beautiful one, possibly even more so with you against the backdrop.

“I’m glad you found me,” you called over the cry of seagulls. “For a second, I was worried you’d lose this round.”

Bakugou rolled his eyes. “Tch, as if I’d ever lose to you, princess.”

“Naturally.” You laughed.

“What the hell are we doing out here anyway?”

He knelt to roll up his pants, a mere moment away from following after you like always.

“I... really just wanted to show you the view. Do you remember when we used to come down here as kids? Remember how we used to dare each other to see who could go the farthest into the ocean?”

Of course he remembered. Those were some of his most cherished memories of his time spent with you before duty to the kingdom took precedent.

You reached a hand out to him, an open invitation. “I just thought you needed a little reminder of what that was like.”

For some reason, Katsuki was determined not to meet your gaze, scowling at some point on the horizon, until you came over and nudged him with your elbow. “It wouldn’t kill you to admit that I’m right.”

With a sigh, he reached over and tugged you into a hug. You snuggled close to his chest, gripping the back on his uniform. It may have been your imagination but you could’ve sworn you felt the soft press of lips against your temple.

“Thanks... you know... for everything.”

Beaming, you leaned back to get the full view of his heated cheeks.

“Of course, of course.”

There was something earnest in his eyes that told you no matter how far you went, or however far you traveled, he’d always be a step behind you. It sent your heart hammering in your ribcage. You were suddenly all too aware of the way he held you secure against him like he would never let go.

“What are you thinking, princess?”

You blinked owlishly, taken over by your feelings and mumbling a hushed. “Oh, nothing.” The two of you were just a royal and a guard, bound to one another by duty.

If there could be anything more than that...well, only time would tell.

[marshmallowprotection]

Sorry to bring this topic back now, but I'm honestly glad to see you talking about the passport tequila(?) thing. I haven't read your passport post yet because I wanna avoid spoilers for the passport just in case I manage to get it one day (but it'll take a while till that happens, seeing Cheritz still isn't shipping to Finland and I still haven't got the bodypillow I ordered from them in May), but I've seen two pictures of some of its contents already. The second one a photoset of him and MC (which btw was seriously adorable and made me wanna get the passport immediately, man he's so cute) and the first one I saw was the doodle of Saeran being passed out.

My friend messaged me about it, also pretty devastated and disappointed that the artist had drawn something like that in the passport, completely forgetting his past and trauma with alcohol. Honestly, because it was the first ever thing I heard about the passport's contents and the first doodle I saw, I was really disappointed and felt hesitant about ever getting it. I went on a whole rant about it back then and then later started feeling like I overreacted a bit...

But not gonna lie, it kinda upset me too because it just seemed so OOC for him to do? You pretty much already put how I feel about it into words really well. I just don't think he'd drink alcohol, seeing that's pretty much where his trauma came from, and also when I think about the friends and mutuals I have who've had alcoholic parents and swore to never drink themselves thanks to that, and how Saeyoung doesn't wanna drink because of his mum and they share that trauma…

Then after talking about it with a few friends I began to think that hey, maybe he wanted to try it out once and already after ONE sip went "too bitter DX" and didn't want more. He likes sweet stuff anyway, even if he didn't have all the trauma, I doubt his sweet tooth would like the taste of alcohol. The first impression my friend and I got was that he was DRUNK, but nah, now he just looks like he's suffering because it was too bitter lol

But then I saw someone here mention that it might not even be an alcoholic drink (or that he passed out from the heat) and hey, I'm just gonna go ahead and headcanon that now, it was just way too bitter for him

In the end I do think that the artist who worked on that passport wasn't entirely aware of his past, which is a shame. Or just didn't think about it. I think someone told them to "make some cute and funny doodles of him" and they thought "hey drunk Saeran lol that could be funny and cute" without thinking about it more, and that's how the doodle became a thing

You’re still waiting for that? Jesus, I hope that the mail service is able to open up soon for your country and that it’s okay for them to ship things around. It’s been a while now, I would’ve thought that they might have been able to work around to get it to you! Well, precautions are precautions, and those are important when the world is like this but huh. Odd that it’s not working around yet. 

It really unsettled me when I saw it. I thought, “Okay, maybe it’s not actually just straight-up tequila or booze, I can rationalize this away as something else cause it’s really not okay to me.” I know someone said in the post that it’s on the Wiki that Saeran’s not a big fan of soda because it gives him headaches, and I know that feeling, so if one wants to think it’s soda, they can. It’s easy to say, well, it’d be possible that it’s the dry heat of the country and he’s flopped over from that after finally getting something chilled. 

It’s easier for me to rationalize it in that manner instead of saying that it’s alcohol even though it’s clearly intended to be seen as that. I’ve unfortunately got similar trauma and I see myself in the Choi boys. Do you know how rare it can be to find characters that are adults that don’t drink or aren’t invested in drinking culture as a whole? I’m fine with people enjoying their vices and doing things in moderation but—

I just cannot relate to it. I’m nearly 24 and I cannot stand even the smell of that stuff. It’s fine if you enjoy your wine or liquor or whatever, it just feels in such poor taste to draw out someone drinking that has made it very clear that they aren’t comfortable with drinking, and they shouldn’t have to explain out their trauma to have their feelings justified. The whole, “Just one sip, it won’t really hurt you,” is so toxic.

Can’t tell you how many times someone has told me that when I’ve made it very clear that I’m uncomfortable with that and I would rather chug dish soap than be subjected to booze. 

I’m proud of Saeran for how far he’s come in his AE. I sincerely am, emotionally he’s doing so much better and he’s working on himself, but I really don’t see him or his brother ever trying alcohol. There could be a point where maybe they just say, “What the hell did she even see in this? What do people even see in this stuff?” and they try one singular sip, and go: “Yeah, no, this isn’t the thing for me, no thanks.” 

I’m cool with that if that is what they choose to do. It’s their body, their trauma, and their choice. 

Saeyoung and Saeran have very clear trauma from Alcoholism. It’s made very clear from the both of them that they don’t drink. Seven notes that he’s about as straight-laced as they come when it means alcohol or smoking. Unknown can’t really be counted as a smoker, he literally used that as an excuse during the SE to contact Mint Eye. So, I’ve never read him as a smoker, either. It was a good excuse. Neither of them gets involved with addictive vices that are legal for you to use. 

I struggle with fanon content sometimes because I’ll find stories or imagines where the writer has shown Saeyoung or Saeran drinking, and I just have to nope out of that setting. It’s not cute or cheeky. I personally don’t answer any requests that involve the boys drinking because I’ve made my stance very clear on the subject and how I feel about depicting characters that do not want to drink and have made it known that they do not want to drink as drinking. The rest of the RFA? Sure, some of them drink occasionally, fairly in moderation, which is alright. 

The Passport itself is really cute, no spoilers, but that’s the only thing within its contents that made me uncomfortable. The rest of it was definitely worth what I paid for and it made me smile if that’s any comfort to you. It’s just that one little doodle that just... yeah, I think I would go with your theory on this one, and that being that the artist might not have known specifically about the brothers or what they’ve dealt with in their lives, and just went with a cute idea they had and it’s not really anything huge. 

It’s fine to drink and all, but it’s equally important to respect when someone says that they don’t want to do it. That is a personal choice, and I just wish more folks would consider Saeran and Saeyoung’s feelings on the matter since it’s been stated in the canon plenty, specifically by Saeyoung during his Routes events in the game, and you can infer from Saeran fairly easily given what he was subjected to in his life. 

TLDR; It’s fine to drink when you want to do it, and there’s nothing wrong with it in moderation; but, it’s important to respect that not everyone wants to drink or get involved with that sort of stuff. 

[fedonciadale]

Hi :3! I follow you for your Dramione fics :3 but my question is about Germans :3! I'm Mexican and I have been learning German since 2014 :3. What do people in Germany think about Mexico and Mexicans :3? Are there many Germans that know Spanish? or just a few? Or what do you think in general about Latin-Americans :3???

Hi there!

Thanks for asking that! And nice to know you like my Dramione fics!

And you are quite brave for learning German. I was given to understand that it can be tough. lol.

I'll try to answer what the average German thinks as in what are the clichés. I am very much aware that these are clichés!

In German schools English is usually the first language, French is taught quite often and I guess Spanish would come next. But there are not that many people who really speak it, I think?

I learned a bit of Spanish but I don't think I would be up to small talk. I read it much better than I talk (that is because I learned Latin and can read Spanish and Italian because of that). I would not go hungry in a Spanish speaking country though.

What do Germans thing about Mexico and Mexicans? That is difficult to answer. In general Germans have a soft spot for Italy and Spain (I know this is not Mexico but I promise you I'll get there). Germans absolutely love to travel there for their vacations. They love Spanish and Italian food and are very excited about the "Latin" way of being in general far more relaxed about the little problems of everyday life.

The downside of this "oh we adore the happy go lucky way of the Spaniard and the Italians" is that Germans tend to not take them that seriously. Because vacation is vacation and work is work. So there is this preconception that they just don't know how to work properly. So Germans who can be all dreamy eyed about "Latin" savoir-vivre can also be a bit condescending about what they perceive as "Latin" work ethics.

The funny thing is that in a very broad sense these ideas are transferred to Latin America. So Latin America is thought of very vaguely to be part of this "Latin" way of living. I know, I know this is insane. Just because they all speak a Romance language (and not even all, the Romance languages are just the official languages!), that doesn't mean that they all need to be like the Spaniards and the Italians (and in regard to them it's mostly not entirely true as well). And it completely reduces the very complex history of the Latin Americas.

So, the general idea about Latin America would be: Wonderful food, they know how to be chill and how to shoulder the problems of life, savoir vivre, but maybe a bit lazy and disorganized. Someone you would trust to make a wonderful dinner but not someone you would trust to build your bridge.

There is one thing though that Germans admire about Latin America: How they play football! Germans have a healthy respect for Latin American footballers.

So, now for Mexico in particular. All of the above are true for Mexico as for the other Latin American countries.

You might be aware that a lot of US media is consumed in Germany and therefore some of the ideas about Mexico are derived via the detour of US ideas. So, we probably think that all Mexicans wear sombreros.... And we are aware that most Mexicans are catholic.

Mexico city has a reputation as a city of crime and it is occasionally used as a reference/comparison to a really dangerous place. So, drugs and guns are unfortunately part of the general idea about Mexico.

So, that gives you a gist about what Germans think and these preconceptions are somewhere in the back of my head. I usually try not to be influenced by them though because these ideas about other nations are often completely wrong. It helps that the sister of a friend of mine stayed in Mexico for three years and has very fond memories. If you live long enough in a country you see things much clearer and it should be obvious that people usually are not like the cliché.

Thanks for the ask!

Edit: How could I forget Tequila! Germans love Tequila!

[loftec]

Hi i don't know if anyone haven't ask you about it or i'm the only one who wants to read it but CAN YOU PLEASE SHARE YOUR NOTES (ch.44) i don't know if you were serious about that but i really would love to read them cause i'm obsessed with everything what is ntw related 🖤 hope ur well

Hi friend! It’s possibly just you (or one other person, in case of separate anons) but that is enough! I was absolutely serious. 

Note on the notes! This is not all of it, because my notes for this chapter were often repetitive and very messy, and some older notes were from four years ago when I didn’t bother writing things out properly, so they barely make sense even to me. But! I’ve done my best to sort everything in some kind of linear order, and removed most of the repetition. And, well, you asked for it... sorry! 🖤

Ian shows up in the morning, Mickey digs out the magazine Iggy stole from Amelia’s dentist’s office the other day and confronts Ian about the big-ass article in Rolling Stone about IAN’S BAND, says he’s listened to some of their songs, takes out a paper where he’s written down some lyrics that sound strangely familiar.

You’re famous!

I’m in a band, people know about us right now, tomorrow they might not. I’m not famous.

You’re kinda famous.

Ian talks about Mickey recognizing him because of Frank. Hints that there might be several songs inspired by Mickey. It’s awkward as fuck, didn’t want you to know.

Were you ever gonna tell me?

Oh yeah, I had a plan. 3 dates, dinner and a movie, day out with Yev, dinner at my place turned vigorous love-making. Second prong; cohabitation, engagement, marriage, then on our wedding night I tell you about crushing on Justin Timberlake when I was 12,

then I tell you I’m semi-famous, if it still applies.

Mickey thinks his face might be on fire.

What the?

I’m fucking with you, Mick. Figured you already knew.

This again?

You angry?

No, I’m not fucking angry. Just-

Freaked out.

Kinda, yeah.

You shouldn’t be. Please.

It’s weird that I didn’t know, I feel like a schmuck. (And I’m pretty sure by your count we’ve already been on those first two dates.)

I’m sorry. I thought you knew and by some fucking miracle didn’t treat me different. I’d been gearing up to maybe have to have this conversation on our date, ‘cause it’s shit sometimes, you know? I don’t do interviews and I never talk about myself when I gotta do them, but there’s still a limelight and a lot of bullshit that complicates

I’ve been crushing on you since we met basically, and I thought I’d just… let it run its course, keep my mouth shut about it and deal until it went away and we could remain friends without me fucking it up.

Didn’t work, by the way.

Good.

Mickey is talking about it with Etch, who suggests that Ian’s been writing at the diner for a reason.

Etch looks up some lyrics and Mickey caps locks them to Ian

You might have inspired a few lately…

Fuck off. How many?

Since we met? Pretty much all of them.

Maybe one or two made it on to the album, but I wrote those before we really got to know each other so they’re just like… about moments, and how I would feel around you.

Didn’t think of it as creepy but it kinda sounds that way now.

No it’s fine

I won’t do it again.

Said it’s fine. Kinda like it.

Yeah?

You gonna tell me which ones are about me, or is that a secret too?

What are you doing tonight?

Thought you said you were going on tour?

We are, it starts tonight. It’s a small fan club gig here in Chicago.

You have a fan club?

Kinda. I’ll put you on the guest list if you want to come.

(Mickey calls Svetlana to make sure Yevgeny can stay with her over the weekend.)

It’s fine if you don’t want to, we’ll do something else when I get back.

Calm your tits Gallagher, course I wanna go. Needed to make sure I’ve got Yev covered.

Oh okay, good. You’re on the list. Doors at 7, gig starts at 8, no support.

You’ve got no chill.

(Ian doesn’t answer for a while)

I like it.

Good, that was torture. Never doing that again.

(Etch teases him about having his nose in his phone, and makes him aware of new guests arriving)

Gotta get back to work

Yeah, me too. See you tonight?

No chill at all.

Ian invites him to the concert and gives Mickey his phone number. Mickey makes sure Yevgeny stays with his mom on saturday, and after work he goes home and gets ready. Showers and cleans himself thoroughly, puts on cologne and a band t-shirt he hasn’t worn in ages, it’s gotten kinda tight on him since he got it. (He puts on a dress shirt first, tucks it into his pants and glares at his reflection).

He’s on the guest list when he gets there, the girl in the box office can’t find him at first but then Anne shows up and points him out, he’s on the VIP list and gets a pass that he’s told he needs to carry so it’s visible. He makes a point of shoving it in the admission guy’s face, but then shoves the ostentatious thing down the pocket of his jeans. Anne shows him in and tells him about the gig, about how the fan club got started. Anne says he can go backstage but he says he’ll pass, thank you. He gets a beer and finds a good spot, there’s a balcony halfway through the venue where he’s got a perfect view of the stage without having to stand in the front.

They text a little, Mickey says he’s there and Ian says he’ll make a sign when they play a song inspired by him.

run-through of the concert, Ian touches the side of his nose when the song is about Mickey. He’s sexy as fuck, and has some ridiculous stripper moves.

He takes off his hoodie at some point, and sweating through his tank he and Anne put on gloves and start hitting the barrels with crowbars.

Anne is the maestro, maybe Ian crowd surfs at some point? Warren Ellis that violin, man. He has little routines with Anne, and some with Jon too. One song, Anne gets one of his guitars and he does noisy stuff with his violin and plays on the oil barrels with Stran, completely in sync.  

They got some good stage banter going, and at some point Ian does a Tom Waits impression, and Anne groans and says he’ll sing the whole thing if they’re not careful. There’s a reason why he’s

For the encore, Ian touches the side of his nose and they start playing a song, Anne saying that this is a first. It looks like Ian is about to sing, but then it looks like he changes his mind and they start playing a song that Mickey sure as fuck hope isn’t about him. The insufferable man on a date right next to Mickey tells the woman he’s with that they were about to play the mysterious title track from their last album that never ended up on the record

“it’s derivative, but cute”

how can it be a title track if it’s not on the album

the guy talks about how he’s got a friend working as an engineer in the studio and he’s sent him an early demo version. It’s not their best song by far, but it’s cool that pretty much no one else has heard it.

Mickey asks the girl if she’s ok with this joker, and she says she’s fine. He offers to get her a cab or something, if she wants to get out of there.

She says she’s not interested

Lady, if I wanted to get with either of you, it wouldn’t be you. Just sayin, I ain’t picky, but that guy would’ve gotten the boot ten minutes into the date if he were here with me, no offense.

WHAT IF.

The concert is over, and crowd starts to let up. Then a fight breaks out at the front and Mickey makes his way towards it. It’s over before he gets there, and sees a guy in his 40s with a bleeding nose, and Lip shaking out his fist, a security guard between them.

Mickey talks to the guard and defuses the situation, putting the bleeding man in the position of a sad overzealous fan. It somehow warms Lip to him, absurdly, and he finds himself apologized to, Lip shaking his hand and wincing when Mickey grips his bruised knuckles a little too hard. Lip vaguely explains that that was an old ex of Ian’s, a real piece of work, and then offers Mickey to come backstage with them to see Ian. Mickey declines.

It’s Lip, Carl and Debbie (Liam is too young, and Fiona too pregnant).

“I was drunk, and wrong, and when I’m wrong I say I’m wrong. (IT’S FROM DIRTY DANCING YOU LITERALLY FORGET EVERY TIME AND HAVE TO GOOGLE IT WHENEVER READING THIS NOTE should I really be quoting Baby’s dad in this fic? Probably. If anyone can, it’s Lip.) And Ian tells me you’ve been there for him a lot lately

I wouldn’t say that

But he did, he doesn’t tell me a lot these days, but he told me that.

Mickey gets another beer at the bar as people mill towards the merch and exit, he sits on a stool with an eye on the backstage passage. He watches the band come out to talk to some of the lingering fans and sign shit. Ian comes out and is immediately surrounded by fans, he locks eyes with Mickey across the room and Mickey raises his beer in a silent cheers. Ian comes up to him after a few minutes, he looks damp and exhilarated and unexpectedly nervous,

How was it?

Not bad, Gallagher.

he asks Mickey over. He has to pack up his shit and do the rounds, but he’ll be done in half an hour, tops. Mickey says he’ll meet him outside.

Ian leaves and Mickey finishes his beer, watching Ian talk to some fans, signing shit and taking pictures. He goes for a piss and then goes out for a smoke.

Ian comes out after twenty minutes, carrying two guitar cases and a large wheelie-bag. Mickey takes one of the guitars off his hands and they walk together.

(maybe Ian has a banjo and he gives it to Mickey to carry and Mickey is all really? I wanna kick your ass so bad right now, country boy, but then carries it anyway.) (banjos are cool)

Walk from the club. Mickey mentions talking to Lip. They talk about Ian’s Tom Waits impression. You’re not musically illiterate at all! Talk about Mickey’s Radiohead tee that he stole from a hookup when he was sixteen, he’s grown into it now. Talk about Ian’s onstage dancing, used to be a stripper, well, not saying you can’t still do private performances (?? you know what I mean! this is not what they’re saying but you’ll remember it) (Note from 2020: I DID NOT REMEMBER IT.)

Talk about wanting to learn playing the trumpet. Don’t have trumpet playing lips.

”Sure you and your lips can do whatever you set your heart to, I believe in you.”

Looks at Mickey and smiles.

”What?”

”You’ve been flirting with me since we first met, haven’t you?”

”Maybe.”

”Huh”

“What?”

“Oh nothing.” “Just re-evaluating everything you’ve ever said to me.”

”Re-evaluate this;” gives Ian the finger.

”That an invitation?”

”Fuck you is what it is,”

“sounds like an invitation.”

Ian tells him a little about his different instruments, Mickey picks up the beat up guitar Gus first gave to Ian and strums it, Ian asks him to play him something but Mickey snorts and says he’s counting on getting laid tonight and him playing would be detrimental to that plan. Ian doesn’t think so, but accepts it when Mickey gives him the guitar.

”I’ve walked some thousand miles,” he starts softly, eyes on his left hand, moving over the strings, ”I have slept many hundred nights, and people’ve said hello and bye through the years since you were mine. But don’t think I’ll stop my mourning, don’t I know it’s overdue. Just because I’ve gotten older, none the wiser I cry for you.”

”Honey, cutie, sweetie-pie,” ”My darling boy, sweet old times, as long as I keep you in mind I will remember what love is like. So, don’t think I’ll stop my mourning, don’t I know it’s overdue.”

”Just because I’ve gotten older, none the wiser.”

”I cry for you.”

I’M THINKING OF WRITING MY OWN SONG BECAUSE I WAS THIS MOMENT TO BE MORE BEFORE SUNSET THAN ANYTHING, ALL SMILES AND DRAMA FREE. SO MAYBE A TEXT THAT IS A LITTLE MORE STRAIGHTFORWARD.

Ian plays the song and when he’s done, Mickey kisses him and they have really enthusiastic sex on the couch. Mickey is about to leave after when Ian invites him to stay,

How about some long-ass foreplay on the couch and then they move into the bedroom.

They start on the couch, they take it to the bedroom, they collapse on the bed after and Mickey is feeling too good to argue when Ian mumbles at him to “stay”.

(Sings the song, says it doesn’t mean anything. It’s just a song, it’s one quick thought put under a spotlight. Feeling like he should have known Mickey his whole life already. It’s too much, isn’t it? In the kitchen.

”do you normally take guys home and serenade them?”

”nah, don’t think it’d be very effective with most.”

”But you figured I’d swoon?”

”Figured you’d want the truth.”

”which is?”)

??? Need to find a good mix of excitement and new and easy, balanced with ho shit wtf are we doing this isn’t going to end well i think i fucking love him shut the fuck up. needs to be sexy and a little rough, as well as painfully sincere against better knowledge. kissing will do that. they’re doing stuff the way they usually do stuff, but for some reason it feels completely different.

Important that Mickey kisses him.

They stand up and stand chest to chest, Ian says they don’t have to do anything, Mickey says shut up and get naked

he helps ian take his shirt off and kisses him the second his face comes back into view

They fucks on the couch.

OR ALT FADE CUT END and don’t go explicit. Just saying, it’s an option. A valid option.

They can go at it in one of the sequels? Like the roadtrip can be more explicit? If I want? But also not?

I mean, there is such a thing as a nice middle ground right.

I just don’t think I’m interested in going all out porn after 40+ chapters of whatever.

THEY KISS AND THEN THERE’S A MOTHERFUCKING FADE TO BLACK MY FRIEND, BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT I HAVE DECIDED. Soz

WHAT IF!!

Iggy comes in, is all: guess what I found at the dentist this morning?

M: again? Did Amelia break another tooth?

I: It’ll grow back, take a look at this

E: Did you steal that from the dentist’s office?

M: Rolling Stone, wtf?

E: your dentist’s got rolling stone?

Mickey reads the headlines out loud as a customer comes in and asks Etch about something they’ve lost the other day, and Etch starts rifling through boxes behind the counter as Mickey moves over to sit down in Ian’s booth, rifling through the magazine.

M: what am I looking for?

I: I marked the page

E: what’s this note?

Mickey starts reading the article, realizing that the blurred picture is of Ian, and the interview is with Ian, and holy shit. Ian is legit famous.

Etch starts reading the list of coffees, eventually turning the page over and pointing out that there’s a phone number.

Iggy comes to the diner in the morning, Etch is rifling through stuff behind the counter and Mickey is doing the rounds with the few guests still there after the morning rush.

Iggy shows him the magazine he found at the dentist’s and Etch is in the background like wtf is this, reading from Ian’s note with the coffee orders, Mickey only half listens, trying to take in the fact that Ian is fucking famous.

Etch says there’s a phone number too and Mickey brushes him off.

Then he’s like, hold the fuck up! And gets the note from the trash and tries the number, and Ian fucking answers. And they have the you’re famous conversation on the phone and voila, Mickey has his number and vice versa.

So Mickey calls Ian in the morning, then there’s text talk during the day.

From Ian

So, you’ve had my number for x days and you only now decided to use it?

That’s cold.

From Mickey

You wrote it on a piece of paper you then balled up and threw on the floor, asshole, it’s a miracle it didn’t end up in the trash. didn’t know I had it until this morning.

You suck at this. (This is a nice revelation that he likes, but Maybe that doesn’t come across in text.

Not a complaint btw, just gleeful observation.

From Ian

Are we still on?

From Mickey

Of course.

Dumbass.

Ian

I probably deserved that.

At some point Mickey starts capslocking and sending lyrics to Ian, who has to explain through text why he’s written songs about Mickey, saying that he’ll point them out tonight.

HERE’S A QUESTION

SHOULD I SKIP THE WHOLE “WRITING SONGS ABOUT MICKEY” BUSINESS??

Isn’t it enough that Ian is famous and kept this fact from Mickey? Isn’t the writing songs business a little creepy? and if he did write songs about Mickey, would he really publish them without Mickey’s consent? No. Maybe I’m deliriously tired and about to fall ill right now, but I actually think I should skip that part. It’s a little sad because it’s been part of this idea for three years, but if I’m uncertain about it now imagine how I’m going to feel about it later?

When I started writing this story, it was supposed to be a quick and silly thing, and now it’s something else. It’s not important or anything, but also it is. To me. And making a decision on the rating was a big deal for me, and I think this is another one of those things. I’ve been holding on to this idea for so long but when I really think about it, is it even romantic? It’s romantic in that kind of teenage dream way, maybe? It’s more romantic to me if they fall in love for reasons other than Ian writing songs. But he’s written NTW, and he still thinks about performing it live, but we skip the whole thing about songs being about Mickey.

So they talk on the phone in the morning, and then there’s a text coming in after a little while asking if Mickey wants to come to the show.

HEYHO IT’S A REVOLUTION AND I FEEL FREE

Mickey and Ian text after the show (after Mickey declines going backstage) Ian asks him to meet him round back in twenty minutes. When Mickey goes out there, he sees Ian talking to a couple of fans by the bus and Mickey hangs back to smoke while he waits. The fans leave and Ian looks around, checks his watch, he has a bunch of guitars with him.

I AM LEANING HEAVILY TOWARDS MICKEY KISSING IAN HERE. He’s like “Stop, hold this” giving Ian back the guitar, so he can grab on to him and kiss him, smiling against Ian lips as the guitar tips over and clatters against the asphalt.

They’re outside Ian’s house, Ian says he has to get up at an unholy hour tomorrow. Invites him in anyway.

They’re in the elevator, then they’re in Ian’s apartment. Ian plays him the song, Before sunset ending.

almost none of that rhymed, just letting you know. kinda embarrassing.

(almost none of that rhymed, just letting you know. kinda embarrassing.

yeah, it’s not a very good song. is why we cut it from the record

oh yeah? thought it was ‘cause of the like, intensely personal subject

that too)

They smile at each other like fools and Mickey feels like he is exactly where he’s supposed to be, and there’s no rush. Fade to black.

Etch finds the paper, says there’s a phone number on it. Mickey dials the number and goes out back as it rings out. When Ian answers, he reads a question from the interview and they talk.

He goes back into the diner and basically blows the whole thing off, it doesn’t make any difference to him and he has to go back to work. Yevgeny does his homework and Iggy leaves, and Ian invites Mickey to the gig via text. Etch invites Yevgeny to stay over at theirs for a movie night.

Does Mickey tell Yev about the gig?

Start with Mickey out back, smoking. The phone rings and he waits for Etch to take it, but it keeps ringing. He bangs the door and yells PHONE and then it stops ringing. He kills the cigarette and goes back inside. Etch is behind the counter talking on the phone and going through the lost and found, looking for whatever the caller has lost. Mickey clears a table. It’s afternoon. Etch hangs up but keeps going through stuff in the box, talking to Mickey, when Iggy comes in.

It’s maybe more like afternoon (?) when Iggy comes in and shows Mickey the magazine. He calls Ian and they have a quick conversation (he probably goes outside to have it, to escape his audience) and they establish that Ian is sorta famous. Then they text back and forth a little, until Ian invites him to the show.

Mickey calls Svet to arrange it so Yev can stay with her, and then accepts. He goes home after work to eat, have a shower and change out of his clothes. He wears the only band tee he owns, mostly because it’s funny and because it’s kinda tight and he doesn’t think he looks too bad in it (and a dress shirt is way too much for a concert not-date, not that he tried on a couple first. Then he does a little bit of cyberstalking only to find very little personal information and a lot of crazy fans. Maybe he watches a couple of music videos, but they’re all really weird cartoons so they give him nothing. They’re cool though, and guess the music’s alright, even though he doesn’t have a connection yet to it so it’s hard to tell if he likes it.

Yevgeny calls, because Mickey switched the days and he wants to know why. Mickey asks if he knows about the Broken Bells, and Yev’s like duh who doesn’t? And freaks out when Mickey tells him about Ian. He doesn’t tell him about the whole date situation though, just that he’s going to the concert. Maybe Yev asks for some merch.

Mickey takes an Uber to the venue, even though it’s not too far from the diner (but on the other side, so at least a 30 minute walk) and it seems like they’ve already started letting people in. He hangs back until the admissions office is clear and then tells the lady that he’s on some kinda guest list. She can’t find him, and he’s about to give up and go home when he sees a familiar figure in the background. He calls her Stay-puft first, but then also remembers that her name is Anne and calls her that too. She remembers him, and finds him on a different (VIP) list, the venue staff woman is embarrassed, but Anne is borderline flirting she’s so nice about the mistake. Mickey gets a pass that he’s supposed to keep around his neck, but he shows it to the guards and then tucks it down his back pocket. Anne shows him inside the venue and asks if he wants to come backstage and say hello, but he kindly declines.

He has a quick peruse of the merch table (he checks the CDs, and then sees a smaller table next to the merch with a guy handing out pins, Mickey talks to him and finds out that it’s “fan club” pins to commemorate the gig and Mickey asks if his VIP pass gets him one, it does, and then the guy asks if Mickey wants to sign up for the newsletter) and then gets a beer, before finding a good spot on the mezzanine floor. He’s got a balcony railing for support and beer holder, and he’s got an excellent view of the stage. The floor is filling up with people packing themselves against the front. He texts Ian saying he’s here and they text a little back and forth. He gets someone to watch his spot and goes to the restroom. There, he finds a kid getting cornered by a middle-aged man. The kid looks vaguely familiar and not older than sixteen. Mickey steps in and casually accuses the guy of creeping on a kid and the guy immediately backs off, the kid says thanks and that he’s eighteen (because it’s an 18+ gig) and Mickey says sure.

Getting back to his spot, There is a douchebag on a date behind him that he wants to move away from, but he doesn’t want to surrender his good spot. He decides to tune him out, he’ll hopefully shut up once the set starts. It’s just a couple of minutes after eight when the lights dim and a song comes on louder than before, and the band start coming out on the stage. Ian is wearing jeans and a hoodie, like he normally does, but he’s clean shaven and his normally smiling face is set in blank determination. Anne is the front person, and she commands the audience with the slightest gesture. It’s obvious that the venue is filled with old fans, they all know exactly what to do exactly when she asks them to do it. Ian’s got like four guitars and a whole lot of other shit around him, and he’s super focused on doing his stuff, but now and then he does little routines with Anne and Jon, and gets a big cheer for his occasional solos.

A few songs in, Ian gets up to stand on one of the oil barrels, and Anne starts banging on it with a crowbar. That’s when Mickey starts to really get into it. It’s cool, and it’s a lot harder than Ian made it out to be, but kind of theatrical at the same time. Ian is brilliant, even though he dances like an uncoordinated stripper.

There is banter between the songs, mainly between Anne and Stran (girl sure bangs those drums!) Anne starts banging one of the oil barrels again and Ian and Jon do a little step dance next to each other across the scene.

At some point Ian takes off his hoodie. He’s wearing a white tank and he’s already sweating through it. He gives his guitar to Anne and puts on gloves. Him and Stran do a little bant-y thing and then they start a new song by both banging the barrels in unison while Anne and Jon start playing (maybe Jon plays something else, like an electric piano or a marimba?). At the crescendo of the song, Ian takes out a baseball bat and goes to town on the barrel, sweat shining on his muscly arms and his wet hair flopping down his forehead.

They go off the stage, but come back when the crowd chants a song, stomping their feet and clapping their hands. Anne says they’ve got one more song for them, and they start playing. She moves away from the microphone and it looks for a second like Ian is going to step up and sing. Douchebag behind Mickey tells his date about an unreleased b-side to the last album. But then Ian steps back and says something to Stran, who nods and moves into a slightly different beat. Without blinking Anne, steps back up to the mic and sings the last song.

Some of the crowd lingers by the stage after the lights have gone back on, but most move towards the bar or the merch table. Mickey hangs back to watch the crew take down the stage, and the two oil barrels being handed over to someone in the audience, along with set lists and left-over picks. Walking down from the mezzanine floor to go look for the restrooms, a fight breaks out on the floor. Mickey immediately recognizes one of them as Lip and the other one as the creep from the bathroom, and intervenes by clearly positioning himself on Lip’s side and reminding the creep that he could get him in trouble, the creep backs off and agrees when Mickey tells the security guards it was an accident (in a way that isn’t obviously helpful, but in the end still makes sure that Lip isn’t hurt or arrested for punching a guy) (because he did, he punched a guy, who is thrown out by the guards after Mickey’s intervention). Lip, Carl, Debbie, and Liam is there, but it’s only Lip who knows who Mickey is. He hangs back to talk to Mickey while his siblings go backstage (and PROBABLY DOESN’T tell him a little bit about the guy being Ian’s ex, making it clear that Lip really doesn’t like him). He also apologizes to Mickey for last time. He asks if Mickey wants to go backstage, but Mickey declines. He’s decided earlier with Ian through text that he’ll wait for him and thinks it’s better to do it somewhere that isn’t backstage where he might get asked questions and have to talk to people who aren’t Ian.

He gets another beer and stands in the bar next to the merch, watching as Ian and the rest of the band come out to sign some stuff and shake hands. Ian still looks slightly damp from sweat, even though he’s obviously changed clothes and run a towel through his hair. Mickey wonders if his skin tastes like salt. He drinks his beer.

Ian comes up to him after a little while, asking well? (or texts him, which probably makes more sense? But I also want Mickey to see Ian post-show)

Not bad Gallagher, not bad at all.

Ian looks pleased and asks if Mickey wants to come over, even though Ian has an early morning. Mickey says yes and Ian asks him to wait until they’re done packing up.

Mickey finishes his beer, goes to the restroom (where he sees douchebag by the urinal) and then he goes outside to wait for Ian. (He talks to douchebag’s date and offers to get her a taxi before the guy comes out.) He smokes a cigarette, and before he knows it, Ian is by his side, carrying a fuck ton of guitars. They decide to walk, for some reason, talking on the way.

HEY

Ian says he’s got a car coming and they walk a little bit to where they’re getting picked up. They talk about trumpet lips and stuff and Mickey kisses him. They get interrupted by the car arriving, and Ian picks up his guitars and says “you coming?”

Fuck yes

They sit in silence in the car, but it’s a good one. Ian says

Lip told me what you did back there.

He didn’t tell you shit.

He did, told me you stepped in and stopped him from getting arrested

He was getting his ass kicked, someone had to help the guy

And Liam told me you got him out of a tough situation in the restroom

That was Liam? Some pedo’s creeping on a kid by the urinal, I’m not gonna stand by doing nothing.

You know that’s not what happened

Yeah, well, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

He isn’t a pedo, and Lip would’ve beat the shit outta him if you hadn’t stepped in.

You defending this guy?

No, trying to say thanks.

You’re shit at it.

Thank you, Mickey

Better.

So… friend of yours.

No. (Ian isn’t forthcoming with the info)

Alright, whatever.

And he’s definitely not someone I wanna talk about, tonight.

(Ian is smiling at him, all the promise in the world in his eyes)

Fucking fair enough.

They arrive.

OR Ian joins Mickey outside and they stand around and talk

They talk about Ian’s Tom Waits impression. You’re not musically illiterate at all! Talk about Mickey’s Radiohead tee that he stole from a hookup when he was sixteen, he’s grown into it now. Talk about Ian’s onstage dancing, used to be a stripper, well, not saying you can’t still do private performances (?? you know what I mean! this is not what they’re saying but you’ll remember it)

Talk about wanting to learn playing the trumpet. Don’t have trumpet playing lips.

”Sure you and your lips can do whatever you set your heart to, I believe in you.”

Looks at Mickey and smiles.

”What?”

”You’ve been flirting with me since we first met, haven’t you?”

”Maybe.”

”Huh”

“What?”

“Oh nothing.” “Just re-evaluating everything you’ve ever said to me.”

”Re-evaluate this;” gives Ian the finger.

”That an invitation?”

”Fuck you is what it is,”

“sounds like an invitation.”

That’s when a taxi pulls up and Ian walks toward it

Could use some help with these.

They ride in silence

They carry Ian’s instruments from the car, and Ian says something cute

Mickey’s like “Stop, hold this” giving Ian back the guitar, so he can grab on to him and kiss him, smiling against Ian lips as the guitar tips over and clatters on the asphalt.

They’re outside Ian’s house, Ian says he has to get up at an unholy hour tomorrow. Invites him in anyway.

There he asks Ian to play him something that other people don’t get to hear (mostly to be a cheeky monkey, but also because he wants it) and Ian plays him None the wiser.

I’ve walked a thousand miles to end up in your corner booth

Grinning idiot when you bitch, falling fool for your dirty mouth

Sitting on my busy hands when you swagger by and I say -

Hey waiter, pour some coffee in my cup and bring me my toast, before you fuck me up

I’ve been in some thousand fights and it’s clear that so have you, too

Faded threats and cigarettes, sharp glass polished by the sea

Wish you’d put your hands on me and make your feelings clear

Hey waiter

meet me ‘round the back door, tell me I’ve got it wrong and fuck me up some more

‘Cause I’ve fallen a thousand times but never felt this way before, like I should have met you long ago

Walked with you by my side and had your back through thick and thin

Sickness and health, come what may, and I say-

Hey waiter

pop the damn champagne

None the wiser

you fuck me up again

Hey waiter

tell me you’ll be mine

I’ll give you my life

and fuck you up in kind

I wish I was just a plain white shirt

then you could wear me off to work

and I’d be one of the things you keep close to your heart

soft white cotton wrapped around your heart

(Contrasts have faded now

but color still haunt my mind

And words ripped off from their lines

Make bitter tears flood my eyes

Don’t think I’ll stop my mourning

Don’t I know it’s overdue

Just because I’ve gotten older

None the wiser, I cry for you)

Honey, cutie, sweetie-pie

My darling boy, sweet old times

As long as I keep you in mind

I will remember what love is like

So, don’t think I’ll stop my mourning

Don’t I know it’s overdue

Just because I’ve gotten older

None the wiser, I cry for you

’Cause I always say ’I love you’

when I mean ’turn out the light’

And I say ’let’s run away’

when I just mean ’stay the night’

But the words you want to hear

you will never hear from me

I’ll never say ’happy anniversary’

Never stay to say ’happy anniversary’

Bom-chaka bom-chak 23 verses

And he climbed up a mountain

And he looked around

Some kind of forest

With all these dinosaurs

And he stripped his woman

He stripped her bare

But there was a pterodactyl

There!

[ghostmartyr]

I haven't read many of your metas or replies so I'm sorry if this has been discussed ad nauseam, but a lot (and I mean A LOT) of readers are saying that this genuinely was the only choice Eren could have made here. I personally think that's a crock of shit, there are a million things you try before jumping to global genocide, but I feel like that is genuinely what EREN believes and that's the narrative perspective we've been given so it's hard to conceive of alternatives (cont.)

           (cont.) from our limited vantage point (which is also a criticism on my part of how Eren has handled this, I mean think of all the shit Hange could have preempted if she knew what Eren knew through Paths/memories - screaming "if there's another way then tell me what it is!" to someone you've actively kept in the dark is a dick move any day of the week). In your opinion, what do you think could or should have been Paradis' alternatives that maybe we're just not seeing as readers?             

If your only option is genocide, you have no options.

That is the only place where I feel like Eren’s actions become understandable. Powerlessness when you should be the most powerful person on the face of the planet is one hell of a trip, and descending into a place where the world is so awful that it should just burn--

Yeah, I get that.

Only that isn’t how Eren’s coming across. I buy that whatever he’s doing, he believes it’s his final option, but his commitment to genocide rings false.

...Getting to the actual question, though, uh.

Start at Not This, then arrange the list from there.

I am not good at this kind of thing, so glaring obliviousness likely to follow.

I think if I were writing this story, sending out scouts to search for allies is a fine start. I also think that Willy announcing to the world that Karl Fritz sought peace is exactly where Eren should have called his murder spree off. Willy is the closest to beloved an Eldian can get in the outside world. He is a good mouthpiece for their suffering.

Paradis could have easily worked with that. Marley declares war, and instead of responding with violence, you have the person he’s pinning all the blame on show up, and tell him to fuck off, they don’t want death either.

As much as the outside world has learned to hate the island, they don’t like Marley either.

Paradis has the means to get their people in and out of Liberio; they could have silently abducted Zeke, giving them the means to activate the walls, and made their intent for peace public.

This would be the Come At Me Bro plan.

Willy says he wants more sympathy for Eldians? Cool. Paradis backs that. But hey that guy you’re saying stole the King’s power? Not how that went down. Also, Marley went on a secret mission trying to steal our island’s resources, and we find that upsetting.

Then--and this is important--no one kills anyone.

The world has just played witness to Marley declaring war on yet another people who want them to fuck off, and had the revelation that Marley already began this war years ago, without the island seeking their rightful retaliation.

Have Eren transform in front of everyone, and attack no one. Have him escort one key official from the island, deliver a signed statement with the Queen’s seal asking for peace to a reporter, and get out. Have Armin blocking off the bay.

Make a massive show of force after Willy declares war, and make it even clearer that Marley is beneath them. Use Titans to drive the point home further; Marley has done nothing but viciously attack surrounding nations with their Titans. Paradis brings theirs, and it’s the first time in decades anyone’s seen one without bloodshed following.

And if anyone tries to start something, wake up the walls, but keep them still.

Let the first message in a hundred years be that yes, the island is just as powerful and as threatening as you’ve all been told--and until you give us a reason to attack, we won’t.

Want some iceburst rock?

This gives the countries of the world some concerns. A new player is in town. All their worst nightmares might come true.

But Paradis has resources, and they have power.

Whatever results, there’s no guarantee of the rest of the world uniting to demolish the island. They’ve been happy to let it sit for over a hundred years. It’s been a political tool, not an entity anyone save for Marley cares about.

There would be discussion. With one Colossus having already made an appearance, nearby countries have to worry about more. There could be no united front against the island. Everyone would be aware that everyone else could decide to take a chance on the newcomers. They’d have to consider the possibility themselves.

They’d have to consider that there could be advantages.

The longer the debate goes on, the longer Paradis proves its lack of interest in starting wars. Marley is the only country champing at the bit to go after them, and Marley has burned most of its bridges with its warmongering. Allying with Paradis could mean turning the vile Titan force against Marley for once. Especially with Paradis so emphatically displeased at their past acts of terrorism; there’s no need to fear the two Titan superpowers teaming up.

Even if they’re not sure they have access to the rumbling, the bluff holds up. No one wants to antagonize the island. In canon, the island comes antagonizing the rest of the world, so the rest of the world realizes it’s time to get rid of it. In this make believe world, these countries are being presented with the choice of going after an island full of thousands of titans that could easily destroy the entire world--when so far, everything’s been chill.

Additionally, Paradis could make a blanket offer to take in all Eldian refugees. Most countries don’t want them. Paradis has a lot of land they’re not using, and the offer of a home where these people won’t face prejudice. There are already movements to protect subjects of Ymir. Paradis can do that.

That carries the risk of people accusing them of amassing strength, but really, what more do they need? They have the rumbling. A few extra bodies are meaningless.

Flying ships for spectating the walls are a thing. Invite reporters up in them and give them a tour.

Become known.

It would still take a long time, and the complications are endless, but that’s international policy for you.

The key would be to make a clear message; “We don’t want to fight, and if we did fight, we would win. Every time.”

AKA, “Don’t fuck with us.”

That’s worked for a hundred years without reinforcement.

Heck, if Willy and Zeke hadn’t pushed for another stab at the island, maybe it would have worked for another hundred.

Eren takes the world hating them as the stopping point. It needed to be a starting point, however they played it.

Again, I’m bad at this stuff, but Eren leaves after one international meeting.

Yeah, a hundred years of scapegoating is a lot to contend with, but it’s also been a hundred years of no one from the island complaining. Get in there and work with it.

Then if that still doesn’t work, you die trying to find something that does.

Something not genocide for once, given that every single problem in this world has been caused by genocide.

Thanks for the ask--and no, I don’t think this has come up much yet. You got in before the inevitable rush.

[starlabsforever-blog]

Ooo, I would love to see Killervibe and 21. “If you walk away, everything will fall apart.” Thank you!

21. “If you walk away, everything will fall apart.”

(This is also for the nonnie who requested the same one) 

Sorry this is a long one. The under 1000 drabbles couldn’t last long. It was inevitable, guys, I’m long-winded.

Set a little bit after the finale.

Caitlin glanced at her watch and drew in an anxious breath. Thirty minutes till boarding.

You are going to go through with this, she told herself sternly. You have to. You want to.

You have to want to.Even this late at night, the airport was full and busy- intercom messages and crying babies and the low murmur of chatter blended together in a stream of noise that made her head hurt. She hadn’t slept in… she wasn’t sure how long, and she certainly wasn’t going to be sleeping for the next five hours. She’d gotten better at controlling her powers without restraints, and she could sleep for short periods with minimal involuntary effects, but she was afraid that if someone startled her awake, she’d freeze them to death. Sleeping was not an option.

She hugged herself, feeling small in comparison to the vast uncertainty that loomed ahead. She had no idea where she was going. Her plane ticket said Phoenix, Arizona, but that was temporary. She’d picked Arizona because it was home to the five hottest cities in the country, but she was worried it had too many people. Instead of going somewhere hot enough that she wouldn’t be cold, she could go somewhere so cold that no-one would notice. Like Alaska. There were less people in Alaska. Arizona was just a pit stop; somewhere far enough away from home that she could collect herself and think of a long-term plan.

She hadn’t thought ahead of Arizona, because even though she knew that she needed to leave, the idea that she was leaving behind her life forever hurt more than she wanted it to. Leaving Julian and the Wests and the Steins and- Cisco, her heart hurt thinking about Cisco. He was the only reason that she hadn’t left a long time ago, before she’d ever had a chance to lose control. He was comfort and safety and the only thing that made her feel like herself. She’d let him convince her to stay, and look where that got them. H.R. was dead, Barry was gone, and the team was shattered. She needed to leave Central City before she hurt anybody else.

Caitlin was vaguely aware of someone sitting down next to her. She flinched away, like she usually did whenever anyone came near her. She let her hair fall in front of her face and contemplated moving seats.

“Wow, I don’t smell that bad,” the person next to her said, and her heart skipped and she snapped her head up. Cisco was sitting in the seat next to her, wearing jeans and a vintage Star Trek t-shirt under his black bomber jacket.

“Hey there,” he said, and half-smiled in a way that didn’t reach his eyes. “Fancy meeting you here.”

His eyes were probing and full of concern, and she suddenly wished she could throw herself into his arms and let him hug her and stroke her hair. She crossed her arms and turned to face him, establishing distance between them. “How did you find me?”

“You know. I got a vibe.” She raised her eyebrows. “Well. A vague one. So I hacked into your computer and restored your deleted search history by hacking into your browser’s cookies, which I’m not proud of, but, I had a feeling that you were up to something, and lo and behold…” He threw his hands out. “Here you are. Up to something.”

A weighted silence settled over them. She stared at Cisco and he stared back, eyebrows slightly raised as if he were waiting for her to say something. When she didn’t, he sighed, flinging down the gauntlet. “What is this, Caitlin? What are you doing?”

“What does it look like?” Her voice shook. “I’m leaving. In thirty minutes.”

The corners of his mouth turned down. “Why?”

His eyes were big and brown and sympathetic, and she already felt her defenses crumbling. Leaving Cisco behind was hard enough when he was just a thought, a memory. Now that he was here, it felt impossible. “I don’t know. I figured the fact that I turned evil, aligned with our nemesis and got our friends hurt was reason enough.”

He looked at her with something between exasperation and incredulity. “Did you kill H.R.?”

“No, but-”

“Did you make Barry trap himself in the speed force?”

Caitlin huffed a little. “No, but he might not have had to if I hadn’t helped Savitar!”

“It would have happened anyway,” Cisco said. “Savitar was going to wreak his havoc with or without you. You can’t blame yourself for things that you didn’t do.”

She swallowed hard. “How about the things I did do?”

“That was her,” he dismissed. “Not you. You weren’t conscious.”

“Really?” Her voice trembled. “If I wasn’t conscious, then why do I remember trying to kill you?”

“You were under duress.” He reached out to put his hand on her shoulder and she flinched away. He stopped, clearly stung, and lowered his hand to his lap. “Come on, Caitlin, you didn’t want to kill me.” She stared back at him and he gulped. “Did you?”

Caitlin shook her head wildly. “Maybe. All I know was that I was in there the whole time. Killer Frost’s sins are mine.”

Cisco shook his head. “I don’t accept that.”

“Well, maybe you should,” she snapped. “Don’t tell me I wasn’t conscious, don’t tell me that wasn’t me, because I know more than you do. I know what I did, and I know how I felt, which is why I know that the best place for me is to be far away from all of you.”

His brow furrowed, eyes sad and serious. “Running away won’t make anything better.”

“No, but it might keep things from getting worse.”

“You can’t leave, now of all times.” He leaned forward. “I need your help holding up the fort. That’s what we’ve always done. If you walk away, everything will fall apart.”

“That’s not true.”

“You don’t know that, because you’re not the one whose best friend is skipping town!” Cisco’s bottom lip quivered and she had to look away. “Y’know, this is kind of a slap in the face after we fought for you.” He paused and shifted. “I fought for you. Does that mean anything to you?”

Caitlin looked away coldly. “You need to leave.”

“Nuh-uh. I’m going to use every second of the next-” he glanced at his watch. “-21 minutes to keep you from making this mistake. I’m not giving up on you any sooner than I have to.” Did he have to make this so difficult? Now she had a teary lump in her throat and her face was burning and it was too much.

She rose to her feet. “Fine. If you won’t leave, then I will. My plane’s boarding any minute now.”

“Twenty minutes,” he called after her. She walked away briskly, and waited to hear his footsteps echoing hers, but she didn’t. She glanced over his shoulder and realized he was gone, lost to the crowd. Her heart plummeted and she sunk into another chair. She attempted to compose herself, but now every time she thought about Phoenix, Arizona she saw Cisco’s face, sincere and determined and loving, and she felt sick.

Twenty. Nineteen, then eighteen, then seventeen minutes until she was leaving Central City behind. You have to do this, she told herself, but all she could think about was Cisco and she was even more torn than before.

Someone tapped her on the shoulder and she jumped, and then her hands felt cold and she was about to lose it, she was going to lose control again-

“Yo!” She snapped her head up and saw Cisco, holding a hand out in front of him. “Yo, it’s just me. Chill.” She glared at him witheringly. “Sorry, that was- that was bad.” He held out his other hand, which was holding a blue paper bag. “I brought you Cinnabon.”

She stared at the bag blankly. “Oh,” she said, and he slid into the seat next to her. He turned the bag over onto its side and fished out a white box. He held it out and she took it reluctantly. “If you think you can bribe me into staying with cinnamon rolls-”

“I know I can’t,” he said. “This is your last supper, not a bribe. If you’re gonna run off to-” He glanced at the electronic screen on the wall. “-Phoenix, and never come back, I want your last memory of me to be a quintessential Cisco and Caitlin memory. What’s more us than dessert after midnight?”

That made her want to cry all over again. “I’m not hungry.”

“Bull,” he said, and pried the box open for her.

She stared at the sugary, sticky mess as Cisco opened his own box. He dug into it, clearly starving. It smelled so good, but she felt faint and nauseous. She blew out a breath. “How can you still look at me?”

He swallowed and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “What does that mean?”

She bit her lip. “How can you still look at me the same way after everything I’ve done?” He started to say something and she cut him off. “I know you’re going to say that it wasn’t me, but you don’t know that I'm still me. I don’t even know if I’m still me.”

“I know you are,” he said slowly, “because this? The- the running away and the crushing guilt and the worry that you’re hurting people? That is Caitlin Snow, doctor, healer, and this is how you react to things. You turtle. You try to hide away from everything that’s hurting you. You did it when Ronnie died, and you’re doing it now, and I would be the worst friend in the world if I let you get away with it.”

Caitlin clasped her hands together. “I think the title of worst friend in the world goes to someone who kills their friend.”

“Which you didn’t,” he pointed out, a little forcefully. She stared at her cinnamon roll. “Look, I can’t pretend that I know how you feel. What I do know is that you chose to come back. You took control.” He turned to face her, and they were so close that she could feel him breathing. “It doesn’t matter that you were in control when you were chaotic evil-ing through the city, because that’s not who you are.”She stared at him, willing herself not to cry. “I don’t know who I am. I’m not sure I’m Caitlin anymore.”“That’s okay,” Cisco said softly. She studied his eyes and found nothing but sincerity. “But whoever you are, you’re a good person. If you can’t believe that right now, I will believe it for you.”

Her eyes stung and she ducked her head, letting her hair cover her eyes like a blonde waterfall. “I don’t know,” she said in a tiny voice. “I feel like I can’t go back.” He started to say something and she sat up straighter. “Please let me finish. I know you all forgive me, but I don’t, and that needs to come first. I need to find some kind of peace with myself.”

His eyes looked sad, but he nodded. “I get that. I do. Just one thing- why are you so sure that you’ll find peace in Arizona?” She ducked her head. “Hey, would you look at me?” She turned her face to him but didn’t quite meet his eyes. “I hear you, and I get it, I do. You need space. I just don’t want you to do something you might regret.” His brow crinkled intently. “Just- think about it first, because I think you’ll find it’s a lot harder to come back than it is to leave.”

She stared at him. He held her gaze. Overhead, the intercom announced that Flight 695 to Phoenix was boarding in ten minutes.

Cisco was watching her, and let out a breath that he’d been holding. “Listen. Whoever you are now, I still love you.” She glanced at him quickly. His face was composed, but his throat was contracting, like he was trying not to cry. “That’s never going to change. No matter who you are, you will always have a home with me.” He stood up and watched her, like he was waiting for her to say something, to say anything. She tried to find the words, but she came up empty.

Cisco touched her shoulder, and she didn’t flinch this time. “Take care of yourself, Cait.” His voice was suddenly thick and husky. “I hope Arizona is good to you.” He stood up and started to walk away.

Caitlin stared at the uneaten cinnamon roll in her hands, and something snapped into place. “Wait!” He stopped in his tracks and looked at her, eyes questioning. She rose to her feet and swallowed, hard.

“I canceled my lease on my apartment,” she said randomly.

He stared at her. “What?”

She swallowed. “What I mean is… I don’t have anywhere to stay.”

“In Phoenix?” he asked, and looked away, like he was trying not to think about it.

Caitlin shook her head and took a deep breath. “No. Here.”

Cisco’s face flooded with comprehension, and then relief, and then something so strong and pure that it made her chest ache, because she still wasn’t sure she deserved it. She looked into his eyes, and she didn’t want to run away anymore. She still wanted to cry, but now all she wanted was to throw herself into his arms. She took a deep breath. “I can’t promise that I won’t leave eventually. But you’re right, I should… I should sleep on it.”

His mouth was open slightly like he didn’t quite believe what he was hearing. “Okay.” He made a movement like he was about to wrap his arm around her shoulder, and then stopped himself. A dam in her chest broke and she flung herself into his arms. He froze for a split second, and then his arms closed around her, cradling her against his chest. He was so warm and she was so cold and she was scared to be touching him, but it also made her feel safe. She buried her face in his hair- he smelled like sweat and salt and grease and she never wanted to let go.

He pulled away, but still held her by her shoulders. “We should get you home,” he said quietly, and she saw that his eyes were wet. “You need to sleep.”

“So do you,” she said, and put her arm across his shoulders, just to be touching him. He closed his eyes for a second, melting against her touch, and then opened his eyes again.

“This isn’t about me,” he said. “But I need you to know-” He cut himself off and shook his head.

She tilted her head at him. “What?”

Cisco looked down at her. “I need you,” he said. “That doesn’t mean you have to stay. You can go wherever you need to for as long as you need to, but you should know that.” He swallowed, hard. “In case you were looking for a reason to stay.”

Caitlin nodded and took his hand silently. Even though she felt more uncertain than ever, she knew she was safe. She wasn’t sure who she was, but she did have a home. She had him.

She could let that be enough for now.

[yd-and-broke-in-japan]

June 10th

日曜日 (Nichiyobi - Sunday)

Nothing eventful happened this day either because we traveled most of the day and it sucked because we went from one side of the country to the other. So imagine you travel from like New York to Arizona in like 1 day by train (even though that's a far greater distance Americs is significantly larger than Japan but you get what I mean) It was kind of exhasuting yk?

We left Kyoto at 7 in the morning and arrived at Sendai station at like 2 in the afternoon. It also didn't help that the Hotel that we were staying at was like a 2 hour bus ride away, and we didn't arrive to the hotel until like 4-5ish. But shortly after we put our stuff in our rooms, we went on a tour of the 3/11 (March 2011) Disaster. And for those who don't know, 3/11 is kinda like Japan's 9/11 instead of a terrorist attack, it was a massive earthquake. Japan has a lot of reported Earthquake due to it basically being an island but this earthquake was worse and it casued MASS destruction. And it's bad because that's not the only thing that you have to fear, because a half an hour after the earthquake, came the tsunami. Tsunami are created thorough the shock waves the earthquake causes. This was a very tragic date and we visited a country side where the destruction from 3/11 was really evident.

The specific city we went to is Minami Sanriku, and they are still trying to rebuild thier city 7 years after the 3/11 Disaster. It was kinda sad to see how little a community this was, all thr survivors had to relocate and it was kinda barren. We ended going inside a Bridal Hall type building, and just look at the pictures

So yeah, this was a pretty sad day, to feel another's disaster was very hard to swallow. On that note, once we got back to Hotel Kanyo, we our final dinner together as a group. Most of the food was great but some of it was simply not my thing

*cough* Sashimi *cough*

After dinner though, we had the rest of the night to ourselves and me and my friends went to the arcade. We were playing this shooting game for like an hour and we were REALLY close to beating it but we couldn't get change in time. Like the final boss had very little health and you'll never feel that frustation because we're kinda both gamers.

After the arcade, we hit the onsen. An onsen is basically a Japanese hot bath, but there is so cultural differences. For example, nudity is required to be in an onsen. It's weird and taboo for an American to accept that rule, but once I just rolled with (aka I had that "fuck it, let's just do it" moment). And yeah, best experience ever, the outer onsen was BEYOND beautiful. The chill breeze along with the hotness of the water was fantastic. And did I mention it was on a CLIFFSIDE? So looking out at the waves at night, with this stunning scenery and environment, UGH it was breathtaking. And I'm glad I kinda stepped out of my comfort zone in order to experience this. And yeah after I unwinded, and played Uno with my friends, I hit the sack. (Since photos were prohibited in the onsen, do to obvious reasons, I'll include a screenshot of what it looks like on their website. I'll also include the view from my room)

This season on "Do's and Don't's"

Do be aware that 3/11 is a really sensitive matter for most because a lot of people were affected by it. Plus it was a natural disaster, there is no other explanation other then scientific proof. And it shows how everyone should be aware of all the possibilities and how best to survive them. I learned so much about Earthquakes than I have ever through school. Its so scary to think a Earthquake can happen so much inland. I digress, sorry for all that, just think Environmental science should be required as basic knowledge, not something you have to study for...like taxes.

Don't be too afraid of getting all naked in the onsen, trust me I'm like really insecure, and once I realized the value of letting this opportunity slip by and just said "fuck it". I went for it, and I'm glad I did, don't let this nudity hurtle stop you. No one cares because everyone else is naked and could care less, so why is that concerning you? ("JUST DO IT" - Shia LeBeouf)

Do realize that I'm didn't mean to get this into my Do's and Don't's. So yeah....

Cheers 🎆

[psi-psina]

Hi. :) You don't know be but I've been following you for a little while now and since I saw your posts talking about Graves Disease I wanted to ask you about it. I'm a 19 yr old girl, and I was diagnosed with it a few months ago and started on PTU. I wanted to ask, what was your experience with doctors and medication like? You had to have your thyroid removed? I feel worried about how this is supposed to be managed long-term because my doctors can be quite dismissive. If you don't mind. :)

OH MY GOD

DEAR ANON PLEASE HEED THE FOLLOWING LEARN FROM MY MISTAKES

So this is my experience and for the LOVE OF GOD don’t let this happen to you.

I was diagnosed with graves disease at the age of 14, showing symptoms of fatigue, tremors in my hands, exophthalmos and a slight goitre. I was tested for sleep apnea before i was diagnosed. Once diagnosed, my mother took me to a naturopath rather than an endocrinologist (i was a child, i had no control over the situation PLEASE DON’T DO ANYTHING THIS STUPID) 😩. It didn’t go well. I was given a tincture of iodine and various herbs (including licorice :/), which i had to take for about 3 months. it did nothing for me and my symptoms steadily got worse until my mother had to take me back to the doctor. My blood work showed a significant worsening of my condition; my T3 & T4 were both far higher than they had been before.

I was put on Neo-Mercazole which I remained on periodically over the next 9 years. You cannot remain on thyroid suppressants indefinitely due to their nature and bastard side effects (expelling giant blood clots through your nose? horrific), which got gradually worse the longer I had to take them. I don’t know how your doctors are managing your PTU but be vigilant. You NEED to aim at getting in remission. I was monitored closely while taking NM over that first course, and then as my hormone levels returned to normal I was weened off it. I was okay for 2 years, and then relapsed when I was 17. I was put back on NM and monitored until my levels returned to “normal”, then I relapsed again when I was 20.

after this I remained on NM pretty much for the following 3 years, but it’s effectiveness started to wane and many of the diffuse symptoms (especially anxiety, palpitations, insomnia, tremors, goitre, exophthalmos etc) simply weren’t going away even when my blood work showed I was within a supposedly normal hormonal range, and I just slowly went downhill over those 3 years.

this is huge problem with regulating thyroid disorders like this, your hormones are measured only in your blood work but T3 and T4 are heavily protein-bound hormones, meaning it’s presence in your blood IS NOT always consistent with it’s presence in your other tissues, where it is able to accumulate (not indefinitely without detection, but enough to give you symptoms). Suppressants just didn’t work for me long-term. They couldn’t help my thyroid regulate my metabolism over an extended period of time, the thyroxine in my body just kept accumulating. Basically, the moment I relapsed when I was 17, I was fucked. I was not aware of this at the time, obviously. At the time I had absolutely no idea what was going on.

the events at the end of my Final Relapse that led up to my surgery were serendipitous and bizarre. I was travelling to Japan in the October (2013) for a few weeks (which i flat out should not have been doing lmao) and got an appointment with my doc because i needed to fill another script for NM before I left, because i was about to run out. So i went and got the script and then when I went to fill it at the pharmacy, I couldn’t get the NM. There was an international shortage of Neo-Mercazole and I was flying out of the country the literal next day and I couldn’t get any ANYWHERE. PTU was still available but I couldn’t get that with a script for NM either. So I had no medication for most of those three weeks.

When I got home I booked another appointment as soon as I could get one and went back to work. Got another blood test to see what was going on and finally got some PTU. A couple of days later I came down with a cold. My immune system was shot and I was struggling to do things like get out of bed and walk up stairs at this point so I called in sick to work on the monday because felt so ill, and made another doc appt for that afternoon because i needed a medical certificate.

I went in to the doctor expecting to walk out with a med certificate, and asked her about my bloodwork. She opened the bloodwork and looked at it, looked at me, then took my temperature and pulse and immediately called my endocrinologist. My T3 and T4 levels were so high they were not measurable, i was feverish and hazy and my resting heart rate was 160-170 bpm. She told me I needed to go straight to emergency because I was at risk of thyroid storm (at which point I just burst into tears lol) and she called ahead to the hospital to have me admitted immediately, and that was that. I was taken to the hospital and was monitored there for 4 days and given several medications to try to flush some of the excess thyroxine from my body to make it safe enough for them to cut my thyroid out, which happened four weeks later.

So aside from the more diffuse symptoms of anxiety, depression, insomnia, full body tremors, exhaustion, goitre and exophthalmos, I was admitted in emergency with acute symptoms like fever, tachycardia, chest pain, hypertension, muscle weakness, bloody diarrhea, peripheral edema and fuck knows what else. :/ None of these things really abated over the weeks leading up to the surgery, and I honestly can’t describe what it was like to wake up from it almost asymptomatic after dealing with these things for months and years. It was like waking up in a completely different body.

If you’re wondering how I could have let things get that bad, how i didn’t realise just how serious it was, you need to understand. You need to understand how gradually all of this happens, it built up over a period of years, and when you live with a chronic illness for that long you literally just get used to feeling like shit, so if something else shitty starts happening you’re already so tired it hardly even registers. It doesn’t strike you as particularly abnormal because it all becomes normal. That’s the most dangerous thing about it. Not to mention, the sicker you get with Graves, the less capable you are of assessing your own situation; the anxiety and exhaustion and insomnia and horrible hazy brain fog you’re in every single day make it completely impossible to think clearly.

SO THE MORAL OF THIS IS, for the love of God, be careful, and take it seriously. It is extremely serious. I did not take it seriously enough for years because I was young, active and otherwise healthy which gave me a threshold for tolerating it that was far too high. Don’t dismiss your symptoms, don’t let your doctors dismiss your symptoms, ESPECIALLY the mental symptoms. Be aware of all possible and potential symptoms so you can actually recognise them for what they are, along with all the potential side effects of PTU. 

Get blood work done EVERY THREE MONTHS. THREE MONTHS, not six, not twelve, every three months. Other thyroid disorders, you might be able to be a bit more chill about, graves you fucking cannot. You cannot.

Read and get as much information about this as you can. Heed how your diet is going to effect this, because like any endocrine disorder, it will.

Elaine Moore is useful. (Read the forums) This is useful. Reading patient forums about people’s experience with it and how they manage it is invaluable, it’s far better than reading blogs that are usually dogmatic and trying to sell you stuff. patient.info is also a good resource for information.

Make sure you have a good GP and ESPECIALLY a good endocrinologist who works WITH you. Most endo’s DO NOT specialise in thyroid disorders, most of them specialise in diabetes and only have a middling knowledge of thyroid issues. It’s absolutely crucial to find an endo who specialises in thyroid disorders. Find one, if you can. Otherwise just crowd source the information yourself, print it and take it to your doctors yourself. Because honestly, the cost of not doing that is just....not worth it.

This isn’t supposed to scare you or anything, it’s a god damn burden but there are plenty of people with Graves who achieve remission or find ways to manage it over long periods of time, it’s a highly individual disease. So I really hope you are able to do that. :) TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.