#As I crept through the completely pitch black halls I happened to look up; discovering a large hole in the ceiling

[rosybetta]

Currently barricaded myself in my lab because I stayed too late at night and now the entire marine sciences building (mazelike and uncanny even during the day) has become Freddy Fazbear's Pizza Place

[easnuppa]

The Cave

A little one shot I was requested to write, I hope you all like it. 

A hugh thanks to @of-storms-and-sadness for beta reading, you are awsome girl! 

You stumbled as you got up to your feet. It was dark, pitch black in fact. You couldn’t see your hand in front of you, even with how hard you tried to. You reached out and tried to feel your way around. Sharp rocks met your sensitive fingertips. You felt dizzy and you knew that you probably had a concussion. You sat down on the sandy ground and pushed your hair out of your face and tried to think back and figure out what happened.

You remembered Carol’s frantic chase through the woods. She had seen Alpha and was dead set that now was the day that the evil woman was going to die. The only reason you had joined this mission was to show your support and maybe make it clear to the man your heart was beating wildly for, that you were worth his time. Carol was important to Daryl, and Daryl was the only reason you were still breathing. You had felt this way from the first moment you laid eyes on him. Not only had you been knocked off your feet by his strikingly good looks, but you had soon discovered that his heart was as pure and good as it could be. The only problem was that he didn’t seem to notice you. At least not in the way you would like him too. You knew he cared about you, but that was how Daryl was, he cared about his family, and you were a part of that family. You had been with the group from before the prison fell. You had lost track of how many years it had been.

You had tried different things to show Daryl how much you really cared for him. Every time you went out on a run you had been on the lookout for weapons or bolts for him to use. As soon as you all arrived at Alexandria and Daryl had started working on his bike in Aaron’s garage you were constantly searching for bike parts that he might use. Daryl never saw your attempts to get closer to him the way they were meant. He looked at you the same way he looked at Carol, Rick, Maggie, or any of your other family members.

 You inhaled shakily; the air was filled with dust but not as much as you would recon it would be from the explosion. The explosion inside the cave that you all had crept through, the explosion Carol had caused. Everything had happened so fast, you were all trying to get out, walkers and whisperers had been on your tail. You had all been fighting for your lives. Then, almost like it was god sent, you had spotted the small hole in the rocky roof above your head. You could feel the draft of fresh air against your skin and you had guided the group to where the entrance to freedom was.

At some point the cave had started to give in from where you all had made the exit hole bigger, your companions had tried to help everyone out while trying to hold the roof of the cave steady, but Carol had disappeared and you knew Daryl would never leave the cave without his best friend. Daryl had wanted to run after her, but you had stopped him, and told him that you would go, you would find her and bring her to safety. Daryl knew you were a strong and capable fighter and that you could handle your own, you had proved that time and time again throughout the years.

 You had searched through the cave the way you had come. Your hand gripping the torch Daryl gave you before you walked back into the maze of rocks. You must have taken the wrong way at some point because suddenly you could not hear anything, it was like all sound and air was sucked out. It was then the explosion happened. You felt the ground shake underneath you; the rumble was echoing through the halls. You knew you were in trouble, you had turned and blindly sprinted back to the entrance, but you were knocked off your feet and as you fell you felt a sharp pain at your temple and then everything had gone black.

Now you were sitting there in the dark with a splitting headache, confused and disoriented. How the hell were you going to get out?

Your hands searched over your body, at least nothing was broken. Your body felt sore as all hell, and you figured you had a gash that was seeping blood from the sticky substance that met your fingertips, but you were alive. A fact that would not be true for long if you did not get out. You got down to all four and started crawling. You cursed as your hands and knees bumped against sharp rocks and pebbles. If you got out, you were going to have a serious talk with Carol. Enough was enough. You could only imagine the pain she felt after losing her adoptive son to Alpha, but for months she had acted reckless, and put the rest of your group members in danger. She had put Daryl in danger and that was not something you could accept any longer.

 Daryl rolled around and jumped to his feet. He started climbing the pile of rocks that now was covering the group’s escape route.

 «Help me get these rocks out of the way, we need to go back and find ‘er, » his voice broke as he desperately started to throw the heavy rocks to the side. He felt Aaron’s hand on his shoulder, and he peered over his shoulder at his friend with wide frantic eyes.

«There’s no way she would have survived that explosion, the roof of the cave gave in from it, » Aaron gently said with sorrow filled eyes, but Daryl would not accept that for a  fact. You had been a part of his life, his family, for so many years. He could not imagine you not being around. He couldn’t imagine not seeing your beautiful smile, feel your gentle touch or hear your soft voice as you spoke. He needed you, he cared about you. For years he had known that he probably cared about you more than he should, more than you would welcome. You had stolen his heart, but he had been a coward and not found the guts to tell you. He regretted his decision to stay quiet now, who cares if you didn’t return his feelings, it didn’t matter, what mattered was that at least you would know that you meant the world to him.

 «Daryl, we all know how much you care about her, but you need to let it go. This place will soon crawl with walkers. The sound will attract them from miles away. We need to go back home, » Aaron continued, and Daryl knew he was right. Digging through this pile of rocks was useless, he needed to find another entrance. He climbed down and grabbed his bow. He felt someone grip his arm and he violently turned towards Carol who was standing in front of him. Her eyes were pooling over and her lip quivering.

 «Daryl please, I didn’t mean for her to get harmed. »

Daryl shook his arm free from Carol’s grip and took a step back, scowling at the woman he had considered to be his best friend almost since it all started. The woman who he had thought had his back through everything. He now realized that Carol was too far gone at this point. Her thirst for vengeance had drawn a gap between the two of them. A gap that probably would never be possible to fill.

 «Don’t touch me, » he snarled out, «ya knew how much she means to me. She went back for ya! (y/n) would never let anythin’ happen to ya! That’s how she is! ‘er blood is on yer hands. This ridiculous need ya got to bring down Alpha gotta stop! It is putting everyone in our family in danger! »

Daryl turned to Aaron. «Bring everyone back to Alexandria! »

Aaron nodded, but his eyes were filled with unspoken questions. Daryl knew exactly what his friend was silently asking.

«I’m gonna look for another entrance. Even if she were killed in the explosion, I need to find ‘er and bring ‘er home. I ain’t gonna leave ‘er to turn under a pile of rocks. She would do the same for me, for all of ya’ll. » The lump in his throat that threatened to choke him made his voice break once more and he felt his eyes well up. He turned away from everyone and wiped the back of his hand over his eyes. Just thinking that you were no longer breathing was too painful.

He forced his legs to move. One foot in front of the other. It was almost an impossible task, but he needed to find you and bring you home. He needed to bury your body within Alexandria’s safe walls. You needed to be put to rest at the place where he had watched you blossom and thrive. Where your laughter had filled the streets, where you had seemed so carefree and happy…

  You felt the hunger claw at your stomach, the thirst was unbearable. How long had you been trapped in this darkness? It felt like an eternity and you still had not found your way out. You knew that your time was slowly running out. The dust you continued to inhale was making your throat and mouth feel like sandpaper. You had at some point started talking to yourself, trying to encourage yourself not to give up, that you were going to make it. In a short time you would find yourself lying in your bed back home, safe, clean, and well fed. The dust and the lack of water had made your voice hoarse until it stopped working completely. You were so tired. Your body was aching and heavy. Your eyelids felt like bricks that threatened to trap you into darkness forever. At one point you had given in and your body had collapsed onto the floor where you had surrendered to the peaceful sleep that you thought would last forever.

  Two and a half days had gone by since the cave had collapsed but Daryl had not stopped searching for you, he could not give up. He had been back at Alexandria to stock up with water, food and flashlights and continued the search. As he moved through the humid caves it felt like your voice was calling on him. It was almost like his heart led him through the narrow halls.

The light from his flashlight lit up the dusty ground, his strides had been hurried until he stopped dead in his tracks. There in front of him, lit up by the yellow light from his flashlight his eyes landed on your blue top. It had been your favorite, he knew because, even how worn and torn it was, you still seemed to wear it all the time. He hurried over to your limp body, whispering your name over and over like it would bring you back if he repeated it enough times. He turned you over to your back. Your body was limp, and your skin was covered with dirt and sot, still you were as beautiful as ever. His hands shakily cupped your face. Your skin felt cold to the touch. His fingers traced your skin down to your throat, frantically searching for a pulse. Could he feel a weak throbbing or was it just wishful thinking? He grabbed his backpack and tore it open, fishing out a water bottle. He uncapped it and lifted your head and parted your lips

«c’mon girl, don’t ya give up on me now. I’ve got ya! » he rasped out as he slowly started tilting the bottle. He could feel his hand getting soaked from the water spilling over your lips, trailing down your cheek and onto his hand. He needed to get you out. You had been so brave; you had almost made it out. Daryl had stumbled over an entrance only a couple of hours ago and his gut feeling had told him that this was it. He shouldered his backpack again and lifted you up. He needed to get you out, out into the sunlight where he could see if you were still breathing or if it was just his imagination. He jogged through the narrow halls. It felt like he was holding his breath until he reached the entrance and he took a step out into the fresh air. He sunk to his knees with you still in his arms. He pushed your hair out of your face and stared at you.

«C’mon (y/n), I can’t lose ya. I need to tell ya somethin’ I should’ve told ya a long time ago, » he forced his voice to work. It broke into sobs several times, but he needed to let you know. You could not leave this world without knowing.

«I love ya (y/n), I have for years, and I’ve been an idiot for not tellin’ ya. You’re beautiful sparklin’ eyes and yer pretty smile have been my only reason to get up in the mornin’. How can I go on without seein’ ya every day? Ya need to stay with me! » He felt the tears making his cheeks wet. He leaned over your limp body and he pressed his forehead against your chest. Inhaling your familiar scent. «Don’t leave me (y/n), I can’t go on without ya, » he continued to sob.

  It was so weird. You heard a faint calling in the distance and you felt your face heat up from a bright light. Something or someone was tugging on you. How could you feel all these things if you were dead? How could you form a thought if you were a walker?

Your senses sharpened as you started to regain consciousness and then you heard it again. The same raspy thick southern drawl that you loved so much. Your eyes fluttered open and you stared right into the light blue sky. How could that be? When you had closed your eyes, you had been surrounded by darkness. It had swallowed you and you had given up on the thought of ever seeing daylight again. You tried to will your limbs to move. Suddenly a face you loved so much blocked out the clear blue sky and you stared into a pair of blue pools that always made your heart skip a beat.

«(y/n)? » you heard that raspy voice say. You tried to form a word, a sound, anything, but your mouth opened and closed like a fish on land. Your lips chapped and dry. Something cold was pressed against your sore lips and soon your mouth was filled with cold water. You swallowed and gulped, and you felt the water tickle your skin as it trickled down your neck, where you coughed what you could not swallow.

«Daryl?» you asked and his blue eyes locked with yours.

«I’m ‘ere girl, don’t speak, I’ll get ya home. »

You felt how he was about to move away so you grabbed him. Even if your grip was weak it stilled his movements. «I thought I was never going to see you again, » you whispered. Daryl tried to shush you again, but you needed to get something off your chest. Something you should have shared with him a long time ago.

«I love you, Daryl, » you continued to whisper. If you were going to die, then at least he would know how you felt, how you had always felt about him. You felt his movements still for a moment. Your eyes were searching his for any type of reaction. His blue orbs softened, and you felt him lean over you and press his lips against yours. The kiss was gentle and so soft that for a second you thought you had just imagined it happening. The next words that were mumbled against your lips though, they took your breath away. Those were words you had never thought you would ever hear from those same lips that had been pressed against yours just seconds ago. Those words were the reason you had been fighting through the dark tunnels. The hope that had led you to this very moment.

«I love ya too (y/n), always have. »

Now you knew that everything was going to be alright. You could fight to survive; you could make it through. You had his heart and it would give you the strength to take on anything.

[unnecessaryadversaries]

LOVE & DEATH [Alucard | Adrian Tepes x Death]

Summary: After Dracula’s passing, Death (also known as Mistress) returns to his castle to mourn. When discovered by Alucard the two of them find solace amongst one another. As their friendship deepens into something more, Mistress Death and Alucard learn to overcome ghosts of their past and challenges of the future.

(A/N: This idea has been brewing in my mind for months after I finished season 2 of Castlevania. The character Death hasn’t been adapted from the games yet, so I took it upon myself to do it in my own way. Btw, this is only the first chapter so if you like what you read, the rest is posted on Ao3 under the same title.)

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I killed him… I killed him. My father, my flesh and blood.

I saw him. I heard him groan in agony as his body disintegrated before me. His blood still stained my gloves, and the smell of decay never left me. The ash from his burnt body still seemed to cling to my hair, and sometimes I'd catch myself flexing the hand that held the stake which pierced him as if it were still in my grasp.

I miss my father. He’s dead. I miss him.

So why then do these accursed memories plague me so? Why then do I see him there, clutching my mother’s portrait in his hand? This is no memory; this is no ghost…is this really my father? He’s dead. Has he returned? He’s dead. I killed him, he’s dead. 

What is this?

“Who are you?” Alucard demanded.

Earlier in the night, Alucard had left the castle to wander the grounds in search of an animal to hunt. When he returned, an unsettling chill set into his bones as soon as he stepped foot in the foyer. It made him shiver and gave him goosebumps; it was as if this chill constantly crept down his back, making his hair stand on end. There always seemed to be some sort of quiet, ambient noise that echoed throughout the castle, however now it was unnaturally quiet as if time had stopped. Even his footsteps seemed too loud as he searched the halls for an intruder. The echo from his boots unnerved him, so he decided to levitate instead. As he approached the open door to his father’s study he gasped.

A tall, dark figure loomed by the lit fireplace; it wore a dark, hooded cloak and its back was facing Alucard. Its head was dipped to stare at the portrait of Lisa Tepes, which is held in its hand. It was as still as a statue. The outline of this figure was too sharp, it's body too solid to only be a memory or a spirit. Alucard fell silently to his feet and his mouth fell open with the intent to speak. 

Is this my father? Tears brimmed his eyes and threatened to spill. Has he returned? 

He hardened his expression and placed his hand on the handle of his longsword, ready to unsheathe it if necessary.

“Answer me, who are you?”

The figure lifted a hand to softly trace the outline of Lisa’s face with a long, pointed fingernail. It raised its head at the sound of Alucard drawing his sword and turned slightly to face him. He narrowed his eyes and posed to strike.

“Speak,” he ordered for the final time.

The figure sighed as if out of breath and lowered the portrait, then slowly turned to face him. His eyes widened slightly as he realized that this figure is… a woman? From what Alucard could tell she stood a few inches above him and she wore what appeared to be a floor-length, hooded black robe with long medieval sleeves. Underneath was a long, form-fitting, velvet dark blue dress that almost appeared black. The neckline of her dress was high and straight, hitting right below her collarbone. A three chained, silver belt hung loosely on her wide hips and tiny human skulls hung like charms from the lowest chain. An intricate, round silver amulet hung proudly from her neck; a red, cracked gemstone sat in the center. Her hood shrouded her eyes and nose in shadow and her full lips were downturned at the corners. Alucard gripped his sword tighter.

  Who is this woman?

She made no further movements and only seemed to stare him down. Her stillness caused his stomach to turn. An odd and uncomfortable fluttering sensation permeated his gut; a sensation he hadn't felt since he had encountered his father with the intent to kill him. His hands started to sweat as the memory of that fateful night flashed through his mind once more, and his body began to involuntarily shake. The woman tilted her head slightly to the side as a corner of her mouth lifted into a small pitying smirk, "hmph.”

 She brushed him off and walked towards the desk where the portrait hung above. Carefully, as if fearing to damage it, she lifted the painting, placed it back on the wall, and continued to stare at Lisa. He bared his teeth as irritation stirred within him. He felt humiliated, ignored, and he cursed himself for succumbing to the overwhelming unease this woman evoked. From her eerie silence to the unnaturally smooth way she walked —as if she were gliding across the floor— it set him on edge. She was unearthly and seemed far too detached from even the most otherworldly creatures he’s dealt with before. It alarmed him how nonchalantly she ignored him, like how a man would ignore a line of ants beneath his boot: too indifferent to pay them any attention but confident in the fact that he’d crush them in an instant. The thought made Alucard shudder.

He watched as this woman lifted her hand to caress the cheek of Lisa’s portrait longingly. His eyes widened and his mouth fell agape. What the hell?

The way she touched his mother’s portrait seemed far too intimate for his liking. His confusion quickened to rage as he imagined this horrid woman touching his mother like that when she was alive, and he grimaced at the thought. Despite his discomfort, his anger was enough to steel his resolve. He gripped his sword tight, raised it, and quickly lunged towards her. In the blink of an eye, he had pierced her heart from behind deftly. He paid no heed to whether she was too slow to react or simply did not care to put up a fight. She grunted and slowly turned her head. Alucard stared in horror as he watched her head begin to rotate at a perfect 180-degree angle to face him. Before she had a chance to completely turn her head towards him, he plunged his sword deeper, to the hilt, inside of her body. This caused her head to swivel back quickly, her head bowed as she hunched over and braced her hands on the edge of the desk.

He spoke gravely, “You come into my home unannounced and have the gall to touch my mother’s portrait like that.”

He leaned towards her by a few inches causing the added weight to push her slightly forward against the desk. She exhaled shakily. “Your presence confounds me, woman, and your disregard angers me, so I ask again, what is your business here!”

Silence filled the room once more apart from the crackling of the fire. Alucard’s chest rose and fell with the heaviness of his breathing, his eyes were narrowed, and his patience was beginning to fade. He felt his sword waver slightly as the woman’s body began to tremble and he almost couldn’t believe he began to hear light sobs and hiccuping. 

Is she crying?

“To mourn,” she replied. Her voice was soft and barely above a whisper.

His brows knitted in confusion, “what?”

She quickly turned around causing Alucard to lose his grip on the sword and stumble back.

“I said—!” Her voice boomed.

Suddenly a mysterious force snuffed the fire out and the room was bathed in a thick, dark shadow that seemed to wrap itself around every corner. All at once the high-pitched whistle of a strong, howling wind resounded throughout the room, it’s screeching deafening. Alucard could not tell from which direction this wind blew, nor what caused it, but it’s iciness bit at his skin, chilling him to the bone; and its force blew his long hair around wildly. Without warning he was overcome with an overwhelming feeling of dread and distress; it was as if a heaviness had settled upon his shoulders. He staggered back and fell helplessly onto his rear. He could feel his heartbeat wildly in his chest; the thrums of this beating pounded on his chest and rattled his rib cage.

Bumbumbumbumbum!

He struggled to breathe and found it hard to swallow because of how dry his mouth had become. Panicking, he clutched his chest and choked. An ambient droning sound— akin to the buzzing of a multitude of flies— grew louder and louder in his ears, and static seemed to cloud his sight; invading from his peripheral vision and closing in towards the front, his line of sight becoming narrow. The figure of this woman loomed above him imposingly and he looked upon her in fear. He felt his nose begin to stuff as warm tears ran uncontrollably down his cheeks. 

What’s happening! Am I going to die?

However, these sensations and the darkness were gone as quickly as they came, too quickly in fact for Alucard to process. It was as if nothing had happened. The fireplace was lit once again, bathing the room in an orangish glow, and the snapping of firewood filled the otherwise silent room once more. His chest expanded widely as he gulped down lung fulls of air. He dropped his head in his hands and carded them through his hair to tug on the roots. 

Was that real? Did I almost die?

Alucard quickly realized that this woman was more dangerous than he’d originally believed, and he felt anxious at the thought of her harming the villagers who lived far beyond his castle. He released his hair and lifted his head to steal a glance at her through his parted fingers. He was afraid to stand, not wanting to seem like a threat. When he noticed that her head was bowed, he lowered his hands and cautiously raised his head to view her fully. She was trembling slightly, and she clutched her amulet in a tight fist.

“I—I said…” she began with a sad voice.

Hastily, Alucard scooted back as the woman walked forward to unsheathe herself from his levitating sword; it dropped to the ground with a clank! The woman followed suit, falling to her knees with enough force to shake the ground.

“…to mourn.”

Her sobs began again as she curled in on herself; Alucard’s eyebrows raised in disbelief.

To mourn? He looked at Lisa's portrait. She was mourning my mother?

It was then that he felt a slight tug on his heart. He hadn’t thought anyone else, besides his father and himself, had dealt with the pain of losing his mother. After killing his father, bearing the weight of loss became something he had carried himself, and it was such a heavy burden. At that moment Alucard had wished things were different, and that his mother’s love was enough to completely eradicate his father’s hate towards humanity. Maybe then he wouldn’t have needed to kill his father. Maybe then he wouldn’t have been so drastically alone. He yearned for the presence of his father, and much more than that, his mother. These were desperate and grieving thoughts, ones he had thought he was able to subdue, but they clawed their way from the recesses of his mind and attacked him once again. His throat tightened and he chastised himself for losing control of these wild thoughts, ones that used to keep him up for days at a time. To calm his mind, he closed his eyes and inhaled deeply through his nose, then exhaled through his mouth; he repeated this technique a few more times before opening his eyes.

He steeled himself and spoke with a gentler tone, “I do not know who you are and yet I empathize with you. If you truly came here to mourn my mother, then please…tell me who you are.”

The woman's sobbing stopped gradually, and she exhaled deeply once she was finished. Next, she sat back on her legs with one hand splayed behind herself for support and the other still clutched her amulet, albeit with a much softer grip. Most of her face was masked from Alucard, so he couldn’t see the forlorn look she had in her eyes when she raised her head to look at him.

He looks just like her, she thought. 

Fresh tears brimmed her eyes, but she was too exhausted to stop them from flowing.

She released her amulet to grip her hood, “very well.”

Frozen, Alucard didn’t blink as he finally saw this woman’s face. Her skin was a dark shade of brown and the richness of it was emphasized by the warm glow of the fireplace. This was contrasted by her wide eyes which were framed by thick, black eyelashes. The entirety of her irises and pupils were a blue so pale they almost blended in with the sclera, oddly there seemed to be some sort of inner glow that shone through, furthering her ethereality. Much to his surprise, they held a deep sadness that Alucard also saw in his own and momentarily reminded him of his father’s eyes moments before his death. Long, white, loosely waved hair cascaded down her back and echoed the same glow in her eyes. Though she looked to be in her early thirties, her face did not betray age-old wisdom.

Alucard gulped, she was beautiful.

Despite her grief, she lifted her head proudly and said with confidence, “I am Death, but you may call me Mistress.”

[magnoliasinbloom]

Lullaby

AO3 :: Previously

Epilogue - One year later

I pushed the door open, hearing the ancient wood creak pleasantly in the frigid December air. Jamie and I entered the Fraser home, a cooing and fussy Faith in my arms.

“Hallo the house!” Jamie called out. Footsteps clicked out into the hall, and Mum came running to pry Faith from me.

“Hi, Mum, glad to see you, too.” I leaned in and kissed her cheek.

“I’m so glad ye finally made it!” Ellen trailed after Mum, stopping to pinch Faith’s chubby cheeks and make her squeal in delight. Then she engulfed me in a bone-crushing hug, before turning to embrace Jamie in a similar fashion. He was practically lost in the effusiveness of her greeting before I cleared my throat.

“Do ye think we could come in before Faith catches pneumonia?” Jamie gave his mum a final squeeze before he shut the door, leaving soft white specks on our coats.

“Come in, come in!” Ellen pushed us indoors, taking our coats and talking incessantly. I could smell delectable baking from Ellen’s kitchen, mingled with the sharp scent of pine and something unmistakably Christmas in the air.

“Here, Mum, set her down a bit,” I coaxed her, and held Faith’s pudgy hands in mine for a minute before I let go. She toddled into the living room, to the delighted gasps of both our families. Dad sat on the couch with Brian, his arms gesturing towards his granddaughter. Jenny and Ian were there, with their own brood of children. Ellen hurried after us, wiping her hands on an apron.

Maggie, Jenny’s youngest, took Faith’s hand and led her to the tree. After double checking the lights and baubles were safe for her to explore, I let her be, at Jenny’s urging.

“She’s that careful, wee Maggie is. Like a mother hen,” she said fondly. At one year four months, Faith was lisping out a few words, adorable in a red velvet dress Mum had sent over as a Christmas gift. A pair of black patent leather shoes completed the outfit.

I held Jamie’s hand and took the scene in. All the people I loved were together; I hadn’t seen them in a few weeks; Jamie and I had been so busy wrapping up the semester at uni and with various holiday parties—not to mention caring for Faith.

Mum sauntered over, as Jamie was taken hostage by Ellen. “I always knew…” she smiled satisfied to herself.

I blushed. “Mum, please, it’s been a year!” I smiled back, however.

“I’m just so glad to see you happy, love. You didn’t think you deserved it.”

“Sometimes, I still wonder. But I’ve given up trying to understand it. It just is, and nothing could be better,” I added softly, watching Jamie greet everyone in the room while Faith followed him around.

Jenny was thrilled to see me, and pulled me into a corner for a lengthy conversation. “Tell me everything! How have ye been?” She held my hands in hers, clenched with emotion.

“It’s been pretty great,” I admitted, and couldn’t help but grin at her too.

It had been more than great. Despite the obvious period of adjustment, it had all gone as smoothly as we could have hoped. I kept up with my job part-time at Waterstones, Mum helped take care of Faith when I had class, and Jamie pitched in however and whenever he could. I had enough for Faith’s needs; Jamie had money of his own saved up, not to mention a trust fund from the Lallybroch estate, and I’d had a hard time convincing him that he was not allowed to pay for everything just because he could.

We had endless discussions about that. Hashing out the details about how living together would work, I remember holding Faith while she was colicky and myself taut with frayed nerves.

“Jamie, you are under no obligation—” I began.

“Of course I am, Sassenach! There is obligation in love, dinna ye ken? Not because it’s what I think I should do, but because it’s what I want to do.” Jamie came over and took a wailing Faith in his arms. “Now, go on up and get ye to bed. Ye’re tired and frazzled and it will all seem better in the morn.”

We reached a compromise in the end; we would go halves on things like groceries, but I would get everything else Faith needed, from nappies to clothes and graham crackers. The three of us moved into Jenny and Ian’s old flat in March. Not long after that, I discovered that Jamie took the money I have him for all shared expenses and deposited it into a bank account he had created for Faith. I had wanted to be furious at him but failed.

“You can come down and visit us, anytime,” I offered.

“I’ll say the same to ye. If ye wanted to leave Faith with me and Mam, give ye two some privacy,” Jenny said slyly. I saw the question she really wanted to ask and blushed before she’d uttered a word.

I glanced at Jamie, who was talking to my father, and tried not to get sidetracked into remembering his kisses, his touch… sharing Jamie’s bed was not something that had happened immediately. I had worried about it endlessly, and knew everyone assumed things when we announced we were moving in together. But it hadn’t been like that at all.

~ ~ ~

That first night, I stood in the midst of cardboard boxes, looking at Faith in her new crib. Brian and Ellen had sent it, insisting the old one stay behind for when we visited Mum and Dad. We had a bit more room in the flat than at my parents’, but there were still only two rooms. I couldn’t figure out where I’d be sleeping. I’d felt Jamie come into the tiny living room, and pause by the sofa.

I’d be lying if I’d said I hadn’t thought about it since our first trembling kiss. I had felt my face flush a deep red, while waves of hot and cold alternatively wash over me. I turned to look at Jamie, and smiled nervously. I sat on the sofa, picking at imaginary lint on my sweater. I had not been able to look up at him until he took my hands in his.

“Sassenach…” He hesitated, unsure. “I ken this is a big change. That this, um—us, is still relatively new. I just want to tell you that I’m no expecting anything. Physically. Whatever you want, whatever ye’re comfortable with, is fine wi’ me.”

I felt his eyes burn into mine and knew he meant it. I wasn’t ready for that particular aspect of our relationship either. Not yet.

So that night, and for about two months afterward, I bedded on the sofa. Jamie had argued adamantly for me to take the bedroom while he would kip on the couch, but I had refused. Besides, I told him, I needed to be close to Faith to feed her in the night. He hadn’t said anything more after that.

Until one rainy May night, when I couldn’t sleep. It was around three in the morning, and Faith had been sleeping soundly since nine. We had both stayed up, while Jamie read over his notes and I watched Netflix. He’d gone to bed before I did, giving me a soft goodnight peck on the lips before he went to his room. Feeling oddly lonely, I’d switched off the television. I checked up on Faith, who didn’t even stir. Already in my pajamas, I hit the kitchen lights and settled into the sheets draped over the sofa. I tossed and turned, but couldn’t close my eyes.

Finally I sat up, running my hands restless through my curls. I glanced at Jamie’s door, barely visible across the short hallway that separated the tiny kitchen from the bedroom. I rose from the sofa, my legs shaking slightly as I took the baby monitor with me. I padded silently to the door, and stood facing it for what felt like an eternity. I brought my hand up to knock, then faltered. What am I doing? I nearly turned around and ran back to the sofa before I caught myself. I tried to analyze and be rational about that I was feeling—then shook my head as I remembered the first time he’d said, “I love you.” My heart leapt at the thought, and gave me courage. I raised my hand and knocked softly.

“Sasenach?” Jamie’s voice was muffled through the door. He was kind of a light sleeper. I pushed the door open, the only sound now the pounding rain outside the window. Typical Glasgow weather. Jamie switched on the bedside lamp. “Are ye alright? Is it Faith?” He swung his legs over the edge of the bed before I could speak. He wore a green t-shirt and black boxers. It made me self-conscious.

“No, Jamie, she’s fine. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.” I ran my fingers lightly over the knob, uncertain. He was still looking at me in the bright lamplight. I felt like an idiot; there was no remotely cool way to do this. I tried to smile. “It’s just that… I can’t sleep.”

Jamie blinked, then nodded. “Oh. Alright. Do ye want to take something to help ye?” I shook my head.

“Do you think maybe, I could… just lie down for a while? Until I fall asleep?” I asked him shyly. I crossed my arms, cradling my elbows in the palms of my hands.

He still looked a little dazed. Wordlessly, he nodded, and made some room beside him on the queen-sized bed. Closing the door behind me, I went silently to the bed and laid the baby monitor on the nightstand. I crept towards the edge of the bed, and sat lightly on it. I looked over my shoulder at him.

“May I turn off the lamp?” Jamie reached across the bed, and I nodded. A tiny amount of light seeped in through the window, casting shadows from the rivulets of rain that trickled down the glass. I curled on my side, huddling close to the edge of the bed as I gripped the sheets and tucked them around me. I could hear him settle into the bed, shifting slightly. I shut my eyes, willing my heart to stop pounding so furiously.

All of a sudden, I felt Jamie’s hands around my waist, as he pulled me closer to the centre of the bed. “Ye’re about to fall off, Sassenach.” I felt my back tense. My heart still stuttered erratically, as an odd tremor half-fear, half-delight rippled through me; a mixture that made me both want to run from the room and stay there forever.

His hands moved away from my body quickly, as though it burned. I hesitated, before I turned to face him, biting my lip. His eyes searched mine, and he held perfectly still. I understood; Jamie wanted me to make the first move, to make sure it was what I wanted. I freed one of my hands from beneath the sheets, and slowly reached out to trace his sweet wide mouth with my fingers.

“Jamie.” He closed his eyes, and sighed, his breath warm. It sent shivers up my spine. He pulled me even closer, his lips pressed to mine before I could say anything else. I became undone. The taste of his mouth left me dizzy and breathless with exhilaration. Passion blazed inside me, blurring all boundaries and lines. I sought his lips as much as he wanted mine. I lost all sense of time and place as he kissed me. I closed my eyes when his mouth wandered to the hollow at the base of my throat, trailing upwards to graze my ear.

Jamie’s hands roved restlessly down my side; he grazed my breast and pulled his hand away. I grasped it and placed it firmly back. He laughed nervously. “Sassenach… Claire… ye ken that I havena ever… been wi’ anyone before…”

“Do you want to… do you want me?” I gasped as he kneaded my breasts gently, more confidently, and I arched into him.

“Of course I want ye, Sassenach,” he breathed. “If ye’ll have me.”

“Yes. Yes, I’ll have you.” My own hands fluttered like moths down his back; I pressed my body into his, feeling just how much he wanted me. I felt a swooping sensation low in my belly, like a rollercoaster. My skin flared in response as heat raced through me, and I wanted more, more, more.  

Jamie tangled his fingers in my hair, touching his forehead to mine. “I love ye.” His voice was soft in the dark.

“I love you too.” My breath came fast and shallow. The sheer intensity of the moment made my heart beat almost painfully. He smiled and kissed me again, deeply. It was too much. I tossed my head from side to side as he traced his mouth over my collarbone, down my chest, and lifted the shirt of my pajamas to kiss my belly.

I had seen the silvery lines of stretch marks linger on my skin after Faith’s birth. I tried to cover myself up again, but Jamie wasn’t having it. “No, Claire, I want ye. All of ye. Dinna be afraid—there’s the two of us now.”

He trailed down, down, putting his mouth on the most secret part of me. My body bowed off the bed as I cried out in pleasure. Jamie left me panting; he climbed back up my body with kisses and my fists gripped the sheets. He lined up to my entrance, holding his weight on his arms. They trembled with the effort and anticipation. I cradled his face in my hands, whiskey and blue meeting, swallowing his gasp as I opened for him and he pressed inside.

As his scent pervaded the air and flooded my senses, I was barely aware that the voice whispering yes yes yes was my own.

~ ~ ~

I omitted all intensely private details of course, but Jenny saw through the whole thing in my blushes and stammering. I couldn’t hide how much I wanted Jamie.

“Everyone here is verra happy for ye both, Claire,” she gushed, hugging me tightly.

“I’ve heard,” I said dryly, still self-conscious about it all. We both left our discreet corner when Ellen called us to dinner. She and Ellen had produced a high chair for Faith, setting her between Jamie and me.

As we settled around the huge dining room table, I glimpsed a lot of smiling faces and laughing conversations. Dishes and silverware clinked musically together, as Jamie helped me feed Faith. She waved her spoon around enthusiastically, managing to drop it only a handful of times. She was the center of attention. We shared all the cute and crazy things Faith did, and how we were managing now that she insisted on walking.

After dinner, once the dishes were cleared, we made our way back to the living room. Presents were piled beneath the trimmed Christmas tree branches, and Dad was quick to pick out Faith’s wrapped gifts. Of course, she had more fun playing with the shiny paper and bows than the toys themselves. While she tangled herself up in ribbons and tape, the rest of us exchanged presents.

Brian and Ellen got me a beautiful gold locket, with space inside to put a small picture. Mum and Dad gave me a new mobile. “To fill it up with pictures of Faith that we expect forwarded to us immediately,” they said. Jenny gave me stunning new earrings for special occasions. The gifts under the tree dwindled, and soon everyone was expressing thanks and hugging each other.

While everyone was distracted, I quietly pulled out a wrapped package from Faith’s diaper bag. I held it out to Jamie, who sat next to me.

“Merry Christmas.” I leaned in and kissed him on the cheek.

“Thank ye, Sassenach.” He grinned and shook the box. “May I guess?”

“Open it and see.” I smiled back as he tore the paper. It was a wooden cube where I had pasted photographs: of Faith, of him holding Faith, and of the three of us. It had been hard to choose just six, but I thought I’d done a good job of it; one agonizing afternoon of arts and crafts later, here was the result.

“It’s nothing much, I made it myself,” I began.

“Claire.” He stopped me with a peck on the lips. “I love it and I love ye.”

“I also got you a bottle of your favorite whiskey,” I said slyly. “But it’s at home.”

“Aye, I found it,” Jamie added with a laugh. “Ye pick the most obvious hiding spots, Sassenach.” He bounded off the sofa and reached under the tree for one last gift. “And this one’s for ye.”

The small, square box was wrapped in gold paper. Jamie held it out and I took it, trying to guess what it was by its weight. He sat beside me, gesturing for me to get on with it and unwrap it. I picked the paper off slowly, stopping to watch Faith almost topple into the tree and get rescued by Brian. Finally, I was left holding a white box with a lid.

I glanced at Jamie, who only shrugged. I lifted the lid and inside the box was a dark blue velvet jewelry case. The shape was small and squat. My heart almost stopped. I could only stare at the box before Jamie sighed and reached over to pluck it out of the white box and put it in the palm of my hand. It was only then that I noticed the silence around us.

I looked up to see everyone staring at Jamie and me, their eyes riveted on the jewelry box. Ian managed to stammer, “Is that what I think it is?” before Jenny elbowed him in the ribs.

My own eyes widened as I looked at Jamie, blushing. It was so quiet you could almost hear the lights humming on the tree. Even Faith stood still next to Brian, expectant. Jamie’s blue eyes were filled with laughter, eager, pleading, knowing. I glanced down at the box, scared, but slowly opened it.

Nestled in the dark blue velvet lay a sparkling diamond ring. It shimmered delicately in the glow of the lights, reflecting off each perfect facet. I didn’t know what to do. The whole room seemed to have caught its breath, waiting. Jamie reached over and gently took the ring in his fingers.

I couldn’t move; he grasped my left hand where it lay inert on the sofa and held the ring, poised at my fingertip.

Faith giggled, and that broke the spell. I blinked slowly, realizing both our families were watching, waiting for an answer.

“Claire?” Jamie’s eyes smoldered with intention, entrancing. “I’ve loved you since I met ye. This past year has been more than I could ever have dreamt of. I want ye, ye and Faith, forever. Will ye marry me?”

I looked into his eyes, those deep azure eyes that knew me through and through, and still, inexplicably, loved and wanted me. And I knew once more, with utter certainty, that we were meant to be.

“Yes, I’ll marry you, James Fraser,” I said softly.

He smiled as he slid the ring onto my finger. I glanced briefly at the way it fit, perfectly. Like us. I locked my arms around his neck and kissed him. Our whole family burst into congratulations. It didn’t matter that they were all watching; I wanted to get lost in Jamie for a moment, and never let go.

Someone pulled on the skirt of my dress, then clung to my leg. Faith had tottered over to us, crowing happily. Jamie lifted her, and Faith immediately tangled her chubby fingers in his red mane, pulling delightedly. He winced briefly, then nuzzled her tiny nose with his until she laughed. He placed a hand on her own dark ringlets.

“Ye are blood of my blood and bone of my bone. I claim thee as my daughter before all men, from this day forever.”

Jamie nestled Faith more comfortably in the crook of his arm and sealed his promise with a soft kiss on her forehead. A thrill welled up from deep inside me; I had so much I could barely hold it. It was expressed in the small tear that escaped down my cheek, which I quickly wiped away. It was joy, pure joy. Our family surrounded us; Ellen and Mum were hugging everyone in sight, Brian and Dad clapped each other on the back, and Jenny and Ian tried to contain their children’s elation. 

I couldn’t keep my eyes off Jamie holding Faith. They were radiant, the twinkling lights behind them suffusing them with warmth.

Both beautiful both strong, and both, thank God, mine.

FIN

~~~

A/N: I was 5 months pregnant when my daughter’s biological father decided he did not want the responsibility. “Lullaby” is based on true events—my life. With some obvious key differences, of course. For example, I was 22 when i got pregnant, but in the very traditional society/culture where I live, being unmarried and pregnant is a big no-no, regardless of your age. I didn’t find my real-life Jamie until my daughter was 5, and we were married 2 years ago (she’s 12 now).  

I read a lot of comments about Claire’s relationship with Frank and how many chances she gave him to ‘do right by her’, and all I can say is—I wrote from experience. It’s easier for me to have perspective now, but back then, i couldn’t help hoping that her biological dad would want to get to know his own child. So I kept waiting for him to call, to text, to step up in some way—if not for me, for the baby. Hope is a hard thing to kill.

Now, I know with absolute certainty that we are better off without him and that he was extremely troubled and immature. I made the mistake of placing my love and trust in someone who did not deserve it—but in return, I have my daughter, my greatest challenge and blessing. I’ve always told her, “There’s biological fathers, and fathers of the heart… sometimes they’re the same person, sometimes they’re different people.” We’re lucky to have found the latter.

It was extremely cathartic to put this story into words, and I appreciate everyone who read and commented and supported “Lullaby”. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.