#Arthur Pendragon has an existential crisis

[imthursdaysyme]

[merlinfic]

Hi! There is a fic I worry might've been deleted. It was a story where Arthur has crushes on both the Dolma and Dragoon and he has no idea why. It's only at the end he realizes it's because he's just attracted to merlin, no matter his form. I'm pretty sure it was rated M cause I'm fairly sure they have sex at the end

Hiya! Is it Arthur Pendragon's Poor Taste in Men by violetsarefuckingpurple?

Summary: Developing a fast crush on the person you love while they are in disguise is a very romantic trope, unless the person you are in love with disguises himself exclusively as old people and gives you an existential crisis about your apparent GILF kink. Featuring: Arthur slowly having a mental breakdown, Sexy Magic, and Merlin having a generally good time.

[hadjalterdoneanythingwrong]

TYPE: LIVE SURVEILLANCE FEED [CONTINGENCY RECORD]

PARTIES: Five [5]. One Heroic Spirit, Class Saber, designate Artoria Pendragon [ap]; One Heroic Spirit, Class Saber, designate Mordred Pendragon [mp]; One Heroic Spirit, Class Shielder, designate Mash Kyrielight [mk]; One Heroic Spirit, Class Saber, designate [REDACTED] [S]; One Master, designate Ritsuka Fujimaru [c]

ASSOCIATIONS: [REDACTED]; Pendragon, Artoria; Muramasa, Senji; du Soleil, Gawain; du Lac, Lancelot; du Cygne, Percival; Kyrielight, Galahad; Kyrielight, Mash; de Listenois, Lamorak; Fujimaru, Ritsuka; Avtalos, Ayamari

//AUDIO PRESERVED//

//TRANSCRIPT FOLLOWS.../

[ap:01] Mordred, good. You're here.

[mp:01] Hey, dad. They happen to tell you what this is all about?

[ap:02] I believe Mash mentioned something about a Heroic Spirit that was recently summoned. Perhaps another Knight of the Round?

[mp:02] Wouldn't they have called every knight we have if it was? Has to be a reason it's just us.

[ap:03] ...Do you think it might be an intervention?

[mp:03] Oh, totally. There is definitely some kinda ~Pendragon family counseling~ waiting for us right behind this—

[silence]

[mp:04] ...You don't think—

[ap:04] No. No. There's...

[mp:05] There's no way they'd call us if they summoned... her, right?

[ap:05] No, no, even if they did, it would be just to show us the Rare Prisms.

[silence]

[mp:06] ...Implying she'd be worth more than one.

[ap:06] Imagine.

[mk:01] Um... I think we're ready.

[mp:07] ...Ready?

[ap:07] Ready for what?

[mk:02] It's... better just to show you.

[audible footsteps]

[ap:08] Ritsuka? What— ...What is—

[c:01] I know this may be hard for you two to understand... and I just want to assure you two that everything's going to be alright.

[mp:08] I... don't get it. The hell are you talking about?

[c:02] I understand that this may be throwing everything you know out the window. That this might even be causing some level of an existential crisis. Especially for you, Artoria.

[ap:09] I'm... not sure we follow, Ritsuka. Is there something we're missing?

[silence]

[c:03] ...Do you not see him?

[mp:09] Who are we supposed to be seeing?

[c:04] How can you not see him, he's— DUDE.

[audible cluttering noises]

[audible things getting tossed]

[audible confusion]

[c:05] DUDE HE WAS JUST HERE.

[ap:10] I'm sorry... who was?

[sonic boom]

[mk:03] Senpai... that sounded like it came from the cafeteria.

[c:06] Oh my fucking god of course it did.

[audible hurried footsteps]

[audible hurried footsteps]

[audible hurried footsteps]

[c:07] I can't believe him, I can't fucking�� I shouldn't be this mad, he's a cool guy, I should've had things prepared earlier, god, why did they put me in charge of this, again??

[mk:04] To be fair, Senpai, you are kind of the most well-versed in his history out of everyone here...

[c:08] Look, here he is.

[mk:05] Is that... Cat with a mountain of—

[audible scream]

[mp:10] Dad!!

[audible... whooshy noises?]

[S:01] Sorry for scaring you earlier, lady. Though I don't know if I can say the same about the other "Blue Blur" in the room right now.

[whoosh]

[S:02] So you're that "King Arthur" I've been told about, huh? Sure hope you don't plan on jumping on a horse and trying to cut me into pieces like the last one.

[audible stuttering]

[audible failure at speech]

[audible squeak]

[mp:11] Don't mind her. It's early for all of us. Pretty sure I know who you are, but literal identity theft is surprisingly not uncommon here. So just to be sure, you are...?

[S:03] I getcha. Had a plumber friend who had his body stolen by a paper ghost, once. Said it was the most horrifying thing he'd ever gone through. ...Well, sure hope I am who you think I am, 'cause the name's Sonic. Sonic the Hedgehog!

[audible handshake]

[mp:12] Mordred Pendragon. Son of King Arthur. ...Big fan.

/...END TRANSCRIPT//