#Anyways yh bye love you all♥♥.

[seduceme-lovestruck-thearcana]

Thinking Aloud

@megatraven and @catlovingwitch and @aallotarenunelma

So...this is another lyric fic, and it was going to be from Roses POV, but the more I thought about it...I decided to go for Oizys instead. Here is the song and why I love it and come cry with me please. It's such a good song and a sad song at the same time and UGH-

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It was another day for Oizys.

The Goddess of Despair.

She was sitting on the top of a building that was near the dock at some Greek island. She was sitting on the edge of the side facing the market and was watching the people and how they lived their lives. It was always interesting to her, somehow. She thought it was weird, but she can't help her nature.

None of them could.

And that fact brought back the thoughts she tried to avoid.

"Sooner than memories begin to fray..."

She had many memories she tried to forget, and sometimes she managed to. Sometimes the bad ones went away and stopped bothering her, but sometimes they didn't. And when they didn't, it brought stress to her mind and an ache to her heart.

"Everything from our pasts just swept away...."

She wanted to wipe everything away, start over, stop what happened, stop what kept happening, but she couldn't.

She just had to deal with it. But someone she knew had the pleasure of forgetting. Forgetting her pain, all until it had to start over.

"Rose, where are you? Why does it have to be you?" She whispered out. Her voice held pain and sorrow. She still wondered why it was there. Why does she still feel like this? "How long has it been since then? Would you even know?" She laughed softly. "I bet you wouldn't."

Her eyes roamed and landed on a couple at a stall. It looked like they were trying desperately to sell their food and items. A part of her felt happy and another part of her felt that ache rise in her heart again.

"You would helped them, wouldn't you, Rose?" She knew she was asking no one and talking to herself, but she found that as a comfort now. She had been alone for awhile, so what's the big deal in talking to yourself?

"Remembering when all who have gone are now lost..."

She closed her eyes and she remembered Rose. She was always vivid in her memories, somehow. She remembered when she was scared for Rose. She was starting the war, getting ready to fight the king, and she felt scared for her. When she watched her run into the castle, her heart began to pound. It was nice to remember that she had a heart beat and that she was indeed alive. Sometimes she didn't feel alive.

She let out a sigh and opened her eyes to see that same couple managing to strike a deal with a customer. She saw the happiness on their face and the relief radiating off of them.

"But you can't come and save them. You're gone and you're lost," she said sadly. "Or you seem to be lost since you can never find peace."

She understood why and didn't bother telling Apollo. She knew he'd figure it out eventually, and Rose has forever apparently.

She then thought more and corrected herself. "You find peace...but it never lasts, does it?"

"Many paths...many seasons I have seen..."

She looked around the dock once more and saw two kids chasing one another, weaving through the stalls and stacks of boxes. The girl was ahead of the boy and was teasing him. Oizys laughed and a small smile appeared on her face.

"I've seen so many things, Rose. And so have you."

She turned her eyes to the trees in the distance. She could see better than a human and she could see the beautiful leaves. Some of them were orange and some were brown, but they were all beautiful.

"But I wonder who's seen more seasons. I know you've seen more paths than I," she said with a fond laugh at the end. She knew Rose helped people, it was the one constant fact in each of her lives that Oizys saw. She always wanted to help them reach their own path or destiny.

"You've definitely saved more people than I have. I seem to do anything but save people, huh?"

She looked over to another part of the dock and saw a small group of men and women hunched over in a dark corner and talking. It was like a group huddle, and she knew what they were doing. They were going to steal something or do worse things later on.

"I seem to just cause trouble wherever I go," she said with her voice cracking at the end.

"Time has washed them away just like the sea..."

She knows she shouldn't stay here because of that. She brought trouble wherever she went. Despair is what she is known for, so what else would she bring?

Hope?

No, that was someone else's job.

But while she can't bring hope, she can remember it. She can remember people she'd seen, people she saw Rose save, the beautiful seasons that passed, and the little beauties of life she could remember.

"Time may keep going, but you never let that stop you, so why should it stop me?"

She looked at everything again and saw more beauties. Saw friends fishing together, two co-workers getting along, that couple striking a few more deals, more children spending time with each other, and she just saw hope.

"I guess one thing can never be washed away, huh?"

"So many fates and dreams...will become tragedies..."

But once again those thoughts came back. The thoughts of how this could be destroyed within a second. The kids world could be ruined, that couple could be killed, that gang over there could win, those fishers could lose their fish and never catch another one, and more people could just end up hurt.

And the sad thing is that it was true and entirely possible.

"People dream like you, Rose. And they almost suffer like you do."

No one would suffer like Rose, she knew that, but people always came close. She saw people suffer and a part of her liked it. It was the thing she is. Despair, loneliness, and the darkness in people's hearts...but sometimes she didn’t want to. Sometimes she’d manage to help someone, brighten someone’s day, and it brought her happiness.

“But I always have to remember my job. My job is messing up the world just so people like you can fix it,” she said with another cracked laugh. “But you wouldn’t let me believe that, would you?”

“To see you safe, to watch you grow. Visions of love, my only hope.”

She knew Rose would never let her believe that. She knew she’d want her to see the bright side, see the good she could do. But she didn’t know if she could believe in herself.

“But you are the light, Rose. And if I have to see it from afar, then that’s okay.”

She’s watched Rose ever since she found her. She didn’t find her in her ‘first’ lifetime, but the war is the one she remembers. She remembers the stress on her shoulders, the sadness in her eyes when she said she had to fight, and the love she grew to have for Apollo. She couldn’t be up close for long, she could barely talk to her without affecting her, so she promised to watch from afar and only intervene when necessary.

She only catches little parts of Roses life. It sucked to her. She wanted to be there for every moment, she wanted to be there for her just like Apollo was, but these little snippets had to do.

“Such loneliness is worth the price...I’ll protect you with my life...”

And it was good enough. She would be alone, but she never felt truly alone. She had people around her, even if they didn’t know her and never would. She would be like this. She would sit and watch. See how people change, how they live, and how the world works. It was lonely to do it on her own, but that was okay to her. As long as Rose and her loved ones were safe, then it was okay.

“I failed to protect you before, so I’ll do it now. No matter the cost,” she said with a dark voice. Those memories were coming back again. Tears were welling up in her eyes but she shook her head and blinked them away. She would not cry. That’s not right of a goddess.

“Constantly guiding despite the cost. Hoping against fear when all is lost...”

But even so, those tears always kept rising to the surface, and even blinking and pinching herself didn’t make them go away.

She understood many things in life. Understood why things happen, but this was one she couldn’t wrap her mind around completely.

“Why do you do it? You almost always know the cost of helping people or even trying to save them, but you still do,” she said with a wavy tone. Her memories of Rose suffering for her own actions was invading her mind. “And I bet I don’t even know all of the pain you went through, the things you lost...”.

Yet, she kept hope. She kept focusing on the bright side, focusing on how to help people, and focusing on how she could be better.

“But that is who you are. You hope and you fight and you help. Isn’t that what you were meant to be? Or is that just who you are?” She asked as she looked up to the sky.

It was early in the morning and the sky was a beautiful mix of colors. For someone who was supposed to be darkness and hatred, she loved the mornings. They were bright and it filled her with happiness. It reminded her that not all of the world was doomed.

“Pity not my destiny...no...My sacrifice is worth this”

She shook her head and made those tears vanish once again. She shouldn’t cry, she didn’t have the right. She hasn’t suffered like many others did. But she couldn’t pity them. She couldn’t sit there and feel bad for them just because she should, she wouldn’t watch them suffer and feel joy because of it.

And she wouldn’t pity Rose either.

“You sacrifice yourself so many times, but you wouldn’t want pity would you? Would you even accept sympathy? I’ve never asked you...”. She put her head back down and picked at her nails.

“This burden I must bare alone. For many lives...and more to come”

She looked back out to the people again, seeing them smile and enjoy life. Some of them were angry that the day was starting and complaining about work. Kids were sad that they had to leave or some upset that they had to work too. Happiness but also sadness was in one place at the same time, and she liked it.

“Is this what it would be like if we were together again? If you could exist while I do,” she said with jealousy in her voice. She felt anger towards those people, but she couldn’t help it. “But you have a burden that I don’t. You live over and over again, forgetting your past, forgetting your love...and suffer at others hands.”

And she watched as Rose dealt with it alone. She handled the scars all on her own, she raised the kids during a war with others but still relied on herself to do everything for them, kept herself in check for her soldiers and her mother, and kept piling herself up with work and pain. Sure she learned to rely on others in each lifetime, but only for it to be thrown down the drain and for her to suffer again. She’d only seen it once, but how many times would she be forced to watch it? She could sense the curse on her, and it broke her heart when she learned about it.

And instead of feeling just sympathy for her, instead of...feeling whatever she was supposed to feel. Anger was one of those emotions, even if it shouldn’t be.

She began to breathe faster and it turned ragged and she felt her anger build, but why? Why all of a sudden? She wanted to punch someone, destroy something, but she stopped herself. Instead of hurting someone else, she slammed her fists against the concrete of the roof. Slight pain went through her, but she didn’t care about that. The pain in her heart was bigger than that. And this time those tears ran down her face.

She moved and let her elbows rest against her thighs, and held her face in her hands. The tears were hot and she hiccupped as she let them out. She was ugly crying and she hated it...but also relief.

“Why do you do this? You’re so selfish. Do you even think of how your death effects people? Do you even see it? Do you even truly think about others?” She said with her voice wavering with sadness and anger. She truly wondered if Rose ever thought like that. If she ever thought about her importance to others, or was she really that blind?

“You’re so...fucking selfish...” she said through sobs. She didn’t mean the words that she said, but she couldn’t stop them. Every time she thought of Rose and let her mind wander, the negative side of her would rise and hurt her. She was supposed to spread it to others, not to herself. “But you always managed to surprise me. You manage to change the way things are supposed to work...”.

And then she felt warm on the inside. The morning was cold and now she was suddenly warm. It wasn't the suns doing, and she knew what it was.

She let out a small laugh and looked up at the sky. “You’re here aren’t you? Have you finally come back?” She closed her eyes and let a few more tears fall and drip down her neck. “You sending me some type of sign? Or is it the others Gods giving me false hope? Or is it me just giving myself false hope?”

“I’ll protect you with my life...”

She felt like she knew the answer, so her heart felt lighter. She wiped those tears and brushed imaginary dirt off of her yellow toga dress. She stood up, slowly trying to not fall, and smiled as she looked into the distance.

“Where are you now, dear sister? Will you finally let me help you? Or will I fail once again?”

She closed her eyes and let out a deep breath and turned around. She opened her eyes and walked carefully to the opposite edge, the one right above an alley. She climbed down the ladder against the building and done her best to not hurt herself.

She walked to the market and followed the breeze. She followed that warmth that surrounded her at odd times, the one that somehow would lead her to her sister, to her other half. It was like a game of hot and cold, and she found it annoying yet funny at the same time. And it lead her to the dock where ships would arrive at. She looked into the distance and saw a ship heading for them and she smiled.

“Hmm...a pirate, eh? Surprising honestly,” she spoke.

“Did you say something, miss?” A worker said beside her.

She jumped and looked over and laughed. “Sorry, sir. I was just speaking my mind again.”

The man nodded and went back to his work without a sound.

She turned around and began walking back to the hotel she stayed at. “I guess it’s time for me to fuck shit up again, huh?” She felt her heart drop at the thought of her powers taking over herself and feeling it spread already, but it felt a bit lighter now that she knew someone was ready to help.

Her sister was alive again and ready to kick ass.

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Hehe I hope you all enjoyed this! I honestly love Oizys so much and her complications and her background with Rose. I love them both SO much and can’t wait to talk about them both more. Hope y’all enjoyed and feedback is always appreciated😌💙💙💙.

And I read through it all, but sorry if there is some wrong details. I mean for this to take place before her current timeline, so if you see anything involving a ship and a crew mentioned before the ending, then please forget that lol.