#Anyways after I finish off this essay im gonna write a few paragraphs for a ms oneshot im making for one of the ms week priompst

[caffeiiine]

despite what my textbook says, I think I do my best writing at night. Generally when im super sleep deprived, sure my editing is not the best then but I can always save that for morning Soda.

[poledancingghostson]

Let’s Pretty Woman This Shit

My @falsettossecretsnowmen person is @trans-mendel who requested anything with Mendel. They also suggested a college au or Whizzer giving Mendel a makeover, so I combined the two into this! This is actually my first time trying to write Mendel, so go easy on me lol

Anyway, here you are!

***

He’s flipping through magazines while his computer sits open on his bed, his essay for intro to some shit he needs for GEs open on Google Docs with only a few paragraphs written. He lounges as well as he can in the tiny dorm room, leaning awkwardly against the corner where the walls meet, one leg dangling off the side of the small bed.

He’s in the middle of some article about new trends for the new year, when the door opens violently, a panicked Mendel standing in the doorway. He lets the heavy door slam shut behind him. “Whizzer! Emergency! I need help!”

Whizzer only looks up from the magazine for a second. “Yeah, I can’t right now. Busy. Essay due tomorrow.”

“Working hard I can tell,” Mendel mutters.

Whizzer rolls his eyes. “Study break.”

Mendel picks up Whizzer’s computer and looks at the document. “Psych 101? I took this freshman year,” he scoffs.

“Good for you.”

“No, I mean, I can help you!” He suggests. “If you help me.”

Whizzer sighs and puts the magazine down. “Fine. What’s the emergency?”

Mendel’s face goes red and he turns away. “Well, you know, um, the girl– the one– we’re friends with her– she dated your– you know–”

“Trina?” Whizzer asks.

“That’s the one!” Mendel exclaims. “Right! So I– she– she asked me– and I don’t– well, she finally agreed to– well I agreed, I guess, I–”

“Oh, shit! You’re finally gonna go out with her?” After being roommates with Mendel for a year and a half, Whizzer has finally gotten pretty good at interpreting his nervous ramblings.

“Yeah! And I’m happy! I’m really really happy– I mean I wish I had asked her– I’m really happy, but– I mean, look at– I haven’t been on a date in a while and I don’t know– my clothes are all, like, not–”

“Yes.”

“Yes, what?” Mendel asks.

“Yes, I will give you a goddamn makeover. Do you know how long I’ve been wanting to overhaul your fucking closet? I mean, I get you’re doing the whole hippie stoner thing, but you don’t even actually smoke weed so there’s not even a point to dressing like you live, you know, on Venice Beach.”

Mendel looks vaguely offended, but he ignores it. “I owe you,” he says. He opens his closet door and turns to Whizzer, who just shakes his head.

“No way. We’re going shopping. Get your coat, Bachfeld.” He hops off his bed and pulls a black pea-coat and a dark red scarf from his overflowing, yet well-organised, wardrobe. “Let’s Pretty Woman this shit.”

Mendel nods enthusiastically. “I haven’t seen that movie!”

-

“No,” Whizzer sighs, hardly even glancing up from his cellphone.

“You didn’t even look!” Mendel complains.

Whizzer looks up at him and raises his eyebrows. “You look like a fuckboy.”

“You’re saying no to everything!”

“Because nothing works,” Whizzer shrugs.

Mendel groans. “You picked all these things out for me!”

“It’s not my fault you can’t pull any of them off!” Whizzer’s phone buzzes. You still coming over tonight? It’s from Marvin.

“You’re an asshole, you know that?”

“I’m aware,” Whizzer smiles. “Now go try on the next outfit.”

shit cant. mendel’s helping me finish an essay.

you dont have to lie

Whizzer rolls his eyes. no I really have a psych paper due tomorrow asshole

Mendel opens the door to the dressing room, raising his arms in a “is this one okay?” gesture. Whizzer looks up and a smile grows on his face. “It’s amazing! Like it's…” The grin slowly sinks. “Too amazing. Not believable. Next!”

Mendel groans. “What does that even mean?” He protests. But he turns around and shuts the door without another argument.

“You’re doing great sweetie!” Whizzer calls, once he’s shut the door.

“You’re the worst!” Mendel responds.

Whizzer looks down at his phone again. Another message from Marvin: yeah right

you dont believe me?

you have never once blown me off for school work

first time for everything, marv. Whizzer waits a while but there’s no response.

He sighs. im gonna need a study break and some coffee at some point. say 10pm?

Whizzer smiles when his phone buzzes again. same stupidly expensive drink as always?

awe you know me so well

Mendel emerges once again, looking utterly defeated at this point. “Please tell me this one works. I can’t do this anymore.”

Whizzer nods slowly and looks him up and down. Plain, light blue sweater. Formal but soft and comfortable and not too fitted. Dark blue slim Levi’s. Not too tight. “Simple. Comfortable. I like it.”

Mendel sighs with relief. “Finally!”

Whizzer frowns. “Well, actually…”

“No!”

“I’m joking!” Whizzer laughs. “You look good. I promise.”

-

It’s dark when they finally leave the mall, shopping bags in hand. The already frigid Syracuse winter hits them even harder at night. Mendel jumps around a bit to keep warm, while Whizzer just stands there, trying to will his body to warm up through pure stubbornness. “This driver better hurry the fuck up,” Whizzer mumbles through gritted teeth.

“I told you to call the Lyft before we got outside!”

“Yeah, yeah, shut up.”

“You’re just mad cause I’m right.”

Whizzer raises an eyebrow. “I’ll give you this one. Only because it happens so rarely.”

“Hey!”

Just then, a black Ford Fusion pulls up in front of them. “Wee…sar?” The driver asks in a thick accent when Whizzer approaches the car.

“Yeah, close enough.”

-

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.” The string of uncharacteristic expletives greets Whizzer when he returns to his room the next night. They had pulled an all-nighter the night before, getting Whizzer’s paper done –Mendel, Whizzer, and eventually Marvin too. They were all past exhausted this morning. But at least it was done. Whizzer had nearly cried with relief.

“What’s wrong, Mendel?” Whizzer asks, shedding his coat and scarf and draping them over his bed.

Mendel is wearing the clothes Whizzer had picked out for him and is jumping up and down nervously. “I can’t do it! I can’t just, like, go on a date with her! What was I thinking? Who do I think I am? I practically never even see her outside of group settings! This is going to be a disaster and she’s going to hate me and-”

“Woah, slow down,” Whizzer laughs. “It’s going to be fine.” He sits on his bed and starts to scroll absently through Instagram.

“You can’t be sure of that!” Mendel whines.

“No, you’re right, it might be a disaster.”

“Wow, thanks.”

Whizzer puts the phone down and looks up at him. “It could also be great, though! You just need some fucking confidence. Stand up straight and smile.”

“Easier said than done.”

“Take the leap, kid. Buck up and grow some fucking balls.”

“Thanks,” Mendel grumbles. “I think.”

“Just have fun tonight!” Whizzer says with a smile. “And try to form coherent sentences!”

“Very funny.” Mendel slips on his boots and picks up his coat.

���Confidence, baby,” Whizzer reminds him. He stands up and picks up one of his scarves, looking at Mendel thoughtfully before tying it loosely around his neck.  “There. Final addition. Now go on. Pretty woman this shit.”

“Yeah, I still haven’t seen that movie.”

***

WOW OKAY I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THAT! Sorry for a lack of symbolism or deep meaning in that but it was fun to write and I hope it’s fun to read! I actually hadn’t, like, written a one-shot before this. I don’t think it’s really my strong-suit honestly, but I tried and I hope I didn’t butcher Mendel’s character too much!!

Happy Holidays!! Happy December!!

Also:

Here it is on AO3 !