#Anyway transfemme c!q moment

[proudfreakmetarusonikku]

The rain soaked Tommy, and it felt as if it had gone past his skin and the cold wetness eked it’s way into his very bones and nervous system as he shivered.

The sky was dark and empty, no stars and a sliver of moon. It wasn’t a pretty sight, as dull and static as Tommy felt. Merely a black, endless void.

He chuckled quietly to himself, the sound lacking in humour. Fitting that sky would be the last thing he’d ever see. Well, that and the neon lights in gaudy colours, burning at his eyes, and the faint playing of muffled music from the casino, but he’d wanted his last sight to be of the stars.

Fitting that he couldn’t even be allowed that luxury.

With shaking hands, he nudged himself closer to the edge of the observation deck, legs hanging off the edge with just the pull of gravity ready to send him tumbling. Instinctively, he closed his eyes and let go.

And with a sudden tug, he was dragged back onto the tower by his hood.

He screamed, images forming in his mind of white masks and axes. He knew he wasn’t allowed to die, he wasn’t, he was going to be in so much trouble, it was stupid of him to even try and take that agency, so stupid, he'd broken out already and Tommy needed to accept that he was just a fucking plaything, and-

“Tommy?” Oh. Quackity. Her voice, unsteady and exhausted sounding, brought him back to reality as she let out a string of Spanish profanities under her breath.

Tommy mumbled some incomprehensible mess of syllables under his breath, only to be distracted when he was pulled into a tight hug. He could feel half-soaked lace, and realised Big Q was probably still in her pyjamas. His face flushed red in shame. That was all he could do, fucking ruin everything.

“Why are you up here all alone, especially in the rain?” Quackity's voice was weirdly soft, and Tommy got the vague sickness in his chest being treated like a child gave him. “I'd- I'd thought-“

“I was going to kill myself.” The words came out emotionlessly, numbly. “The fuck did you think I’d be doing?”

“I don’t know! I thought he'd got you!”

“Well, maybe I wish he would!” Tommy shouted, before covering his mouth in shock. “I- I mean-“

Instintively, Quackity shrunk away from him, curling up. The confident facade of maturity vanished, replaced with a familiar, primal fear, for just a second. “I… is it that bad? Staying here? I just wanted to keep you safe, after that- after he-“

“I just. I don’t like being treated like I’m made of glass. I guess.” Tommy looked at the concrete. “I mean, Dream would treat me like a fuckin' little kid, but he at least didn’t treat me like I was some fucking precious china that'd break if you looked at it wrong. ‘Course, that was because he preferred to beat the shit out of me, but… honestly? I just- I really just wanna be treated like a person. And- Big Q, you’re almost like a sister, right? I mean, you've got that thing goin' on with Wil-“

“What thing? The only “things” Wilbur has ever done are invent new methods of abandoning people without a second thought.” Quackity seethed.

“I mean, y’know, but like- it’s like, I mean, you basically are like an older sister, right? And you’ve always been, ‘cept for when you weren’t a girl yet.” Tommy furrowed his brow. “Though, I mean you were a girl, we just didn’t know it I guess? Anyway, I mean. I just. When I left that bunker, when Tubbo- well, he’s busy now, but- fuck, I just thought, you knew what he was like. And you wouldn’t- you’d understand, and you’d treat me like a human being if I hid here.”

Quackity looked at her hands for a long, long time. “I'm… I'm using the people I love again, aren’t I? I'd thought…”

“You’re not using me, you’re just being a prick. You haven’t made me do anything.”

“I don’t mean, like, fucking making you work the casino or whatever, God no. I’ve got employees to underpay.” The crooked grin she gave after that made Tommy unsure whether she was joking or not. “But… fuck. I’ve been using you to make myself feel like a better person. Like I’d- I'd-“

“It’s fine, big woman.”

“It's not! Like, Tommy, man, you tried to kill yourself! You shouldn’t be the one consoling me, that’s fucked up. That’s- I- I-“

“It’s fine. It’s not like I’m gonna ever get to die properly anyway.” The words came out much more bitter than he meant it to.

They sat there in silence, neither managing to soothe the other after all.