#Anyway dont talk to me about the perspective of this piece i just kinda had fun with it...

[michameinmicha]

He's trying to quit smoking now

OC Nick from the other day

[mamadarama]

Omg previous ask back here I am so glad to hear your thoughts and your perspective was really nice!! :D

I do understand that it's meant to be frustrating as part of his character I just didn't know if it was lazy writing or character loyalty HELP cuz I can't tell sometimes

I do also wish his development turns positive because out of everyone in the cast I'd argue he deserves a bad ending the LEAST. Compared to what others have done, Madara is kinda,, tame. Not at all I mean if you compare vigilante justice and resorting to violence to protect your loved ones compared to say,,, martyring 5 students to the point of severe mental damage and indirectly causing mass suicide in your school, Madara's sins (at least, his known ones) are a drop in the bucket even if we estimate indirect casualties.

He's a guy that does bad and damages himself but never once did I at least perceive his actions to be malicious. If anything, I liked him for the fact that he does what he does to be better for others, and that singular thing will always resonate in my heart. I'd pull my hair out and bash my head against the wall if I had to summarize his character because he just ISN'T SIMPLE. I once tried to explain his lore to my sister and I ended up sending her a voice mail that was EIGHT MINUTES LONG and I talk fast.

Ahem anyways yes I do hope they don't bash his character story like whatever the fuck they did with other characters (coughs) (looks at the horror that is matrix) (coughs)

Also I forgot to sign off cuz I was in the middle of my shift but that was me ( @umiedibles ) wow madayumenon talking about Madara fork in the kitchen anyways have a good one I love your whiteboard posts :33 virtual milk and cookie for you 🥛🍪

tbh writing that made me realize id be disappointed if he ends up with anything more than a bittersweet resolution . a true positive everything turns out alright ending wouldnt be as impactful or very "madara". to me at least. after everything hes gone through the best way for his story to end imo would be to have him try and pull off a massive cataclysmic self destructive stunt, have his friends save him from himself (ideally kanata), and after its all over and his armor has been smashed to dust , finally learn to accept that things will never be the same again and thats okay. he still hates himself, he never reconciles with his family , but he stops actively trying to alienate people and starts exercising benefit of the doubt when it comes to other peoples opinions of him ("i dont know what you see in me but thank you regardless" instead of his current "liking me is a mistake on your part and im sorry for you") and that is the biggest piece of character development he could possibly have: accepting life as it is, no matter how unfair it happens to be

as for power scaling the sins of characters..... its unfair to say any of them are worse than any other. ive talked about this before but eichi, although bitter, was well intentioned. it tears him up inside to this day even. tsumugi was naïve. keito got lost in his own fantasies after obtaining a position of power. madara was provoked . and no one in the war got out unscathed. the only real dickbags in enstars are gatekeeper godfather priest etc

also matrix wasnt that bad . rinne is just rinne.

[whitetrashjj]

crying my eyes out at your MLA format essays cuz not every queer storyline in media has to be rooted in angst of coming out. i get some of the points you’re trying to make. i also don’t think the show is queerbaiting but jjpope had just as much “evidence” as jiara had. like please explain why jj was so keen on kiara liking john b just cuz she kissed him on the cheek and then went and kissed pope’s cheek?…. like in jj’s mind a cheek kiss means liking someone and he did that to pope. also there ARE shots of jj’s lingering gaze towards pope lets us not lie here lmao. i get that you’re sick of people calling u homophobic i dont think u are for not shipping jjpope i also dont think the show is queerbaiting at all but you go on about “storytelling povs” and “lack of critical thinking” when YOUR critical thinking is literally biased as hell 😭 u can ship jiara all u want but jj and kiara, ESPECIALLY KIARA, are both very much queer coded and if u gonna say they’re not bc of some cheesy sTorYtELLiNg bullshit that u probably learned from a youtube video then you’re just biased to your ship.

You know why I have to write those 'essays'? Cause I get asks like this that brush over a bunch of different topics and I want to make sure I not only address every part of it but also make sure I'm making my pov very clear so I don't have people misinterpreting what I say - even though they still do - or accuse me about random bitching without and reasons or justification. Anyway get ready to do some crying cause you are getting another essay.

I know not every queer storyline has to be rooted in the angst of coming out. I wish there were more that weren't. It's the reason I loved booksmart so much. It's one of the reasons I love Dare Me, because that show had sapphic leads and while their relationship was at the core of the show. It wasn't the fact that they were queer that was focused on. Oh god I could rant about Dare Me forever.

Now my point with JJ and Pope is that we don't get the impression that the boys are currently out as queer. JJ from the start was set up as a bit of a womaniser, a bit girl mad - it would have been very easy to make that gender neutral if he was bi, as I headcanon. With Pope it's the same, I personally view him as gay, but if he was bi/pan it would have been easy to show him like that as we see him attempting to flirt on two occasions. Now this isn't to say that in future seasons they can switch it up as if it was always canon, like they did with Clarke in the 100. My point however, isn't to say that JJ and Pope releasing their sexualities and feelings has to be filled with angst, the example I gave can very easily be played a bit cutely - even if they do address the internalised homophobia that I'm just sure would effect a character like JJ - but just that based on my experiences as a queer person and what I know to be experiences of others that it would realistically play out differently to how it would with a m/f couple. Even then when to comes to friends to lovers in general the removal of physical intimacy when that tension starts to build out of awkwardness is common, it doesn’t play out the same way that ships like JB and Sarah do in which they increase in physical intimacy. 

I didn't bring jiara into this. I didn't go out comparing jjpope and their interactions to jiara, I was simply speaking to how jjpope's relationship was portrayed. In terms of 'evidence' I am more than aware the jiara wasn't written to be a developing romance, anything there was created by what the fans saw and choices made by the editors. But it is also a canon fact that at the very least JJ is attracted to Kie, that all the pogues 'kinda have a thing for her' and that he has 'tried' something with her. Even if the intention of those things wasn't to build to a relationship - they did happen and that's not up for interpretation. I'm not gonna bring up the 'did you tell JJ?' thing cause it still confuses the hell out of me.

The thing with the cheek kisses is that it's not the action in itself that made it a romantic thing. A handshake can build romantic tension when framed that way but that doesn't make every hand shake in that piece of media suddenly romantic, make sense? If you compare the two scenes we have the build up of Kie walking up to John B, a close up of a lingering cheek kiss, the pull back with lingering looks and then the reactions of others who have observed it and picked up on something. It frames it as a significant moment with slow beats. That's how you build romantic tension. With the JJPope one it just flows past it, JJ pulls back from the hug, a quick peck on the check and a 'love you too man' with a smirk and pat on the check. We don't even have a second of Pope's reaction to it. Do you see what I mean?

You can love that moment as a shipper. I mean it's a great moment that really highlights their dynamic. To you it's a dynamic that you see and think oh this would play out so well romanticly, it's a dynamic I see and think oh I love their friendship. Each of those are valid reactions. But it isn't a moment that has been intentionally framed to build romantic tension and suggest a budding relationship.

Darl, I swear to god if I was coming to you with my shipping bias' this would be a very different conversation. I know I will always have them and I will lean into them when I'm on vc with shes, theys and gays and we are getting lost in headcanons but I do my best take a step back when I talk about these things here because I've been in fandoms when you have two extremes and no one relents and it's awful, I don't want to create that space. And once again, I did not bring jiara into this. My original post was not a comparison to jiara.

I am very curious about your perspective on queer coding here. Because yes, JJ has chaotic bi energy and I will die on this hill. But I do not see how he has been queer coded. Other than people seeing a man being physically affectionate with another men and insist that can't be platonic. As with Kie I can see it more, not for a second do I believe that what went on with Kie and Sarah was straight. And I desperately want to see Maddie play Kie as pan to rep her own very underrepresented sexuality! And in terms of how she's written, stuff like being an astrology bitch and environmentalist scream queer to us, I do think it is important to note that the writers of the show being who they are would necessarily have the same impression of what a queer womans traits would be. In regards to that scene in ep 1 where they have the hot touron girl and then JJ, JB and Kie all perking up and doing the nod thing? I don't think anyone has a straight explanation for that.

The 'sTorYtELLiNg bullshit that u probably learned from a youtube video' comment made me laugh cause it reminds me of this guy I had a fight with on the weekend over Remus and Sirius being queer and he decided to undermine my argument by saying 'just because you read it on reddit doesn't make it true' which... yike. Any way, maybe you do but I don't have the tolerance to sit down and watch a youtube video on someone analysing a show. All my interpretations come from years of writing actual essays analysing elements and themes in media. As well as having a keen interest in direction and editing, so I pay a lot of attention to those things and you start to notice patterns. In terms of credentials I don't have any but I do think these 'essays' do an alright job of me not only explaining my interpretation but why. Because I'm not someone to just say things and expect that to just be accepted or think that is makes it true.

[amazingphilza]

DSMP!OC HEADCANNONS

i dunno if ppl on here make dsmp!ocs for themselves outside art but here’s my long list of headcannons?? idk what to call this, but assume all names have c! before it ofc :]

,, this is kinda messy & probably has a lot of plot holes but i just needed a space to write out all my thoughts LOL

also cw / ment of manipulation & ib: dsmp wiki <3

character origin :

previous life was the l’mantree :D

allegedly planted by schlatt, we will never know who’s my canonical parent(s)

reborn as a dryad after niki burns the l’mantree

i think being a dryad would fit especially since they’re typically nymphs of oak trees :]

appearance :

my character’s mc skin has long light brown hair & is seen wearing a flower crown with petals that are around the color of a pale violet and navy blue

clothing would consist of black shoes & a long light grey sweater that falls down to the legs and covers most of the hands which adorned with 2 black stripes on the upper arms

lore / history :

since my past life was the l’mantree, i would’ve known the ins and outs of the history when l’manburg was still standing, up until niki burned the tree

after witnessing everything, i’d hold a grudge on niki (+ allies?) and loyal to wilbur since he’s the whole person that made a meaning of the land of l’manburg

however i’d still be on edge w any side because i could sympathize with everyone to some extent after seeing some sort of distress from everyone at some point

i think seeing both sides of the spectrum when l’manburg/manburg still stood could change my perspective of some other characters

but at the same time, not everything was completely centered in l’manburg so i wouldn’t know the whole story of everyone’s character

i’m currently writing this just after tommy has left the prison & mostly everyone is treating him differently, so i’d try to befriend him by not showing that i dont care about his past & trauma but also not being fully faithful about our friendship ahaha,,,

he seems like the type that needs someone to see through his past history but tommy would definitely disapprove of my character visiting dream at the prison (i would do it anyway :))

vowing my current life to wilbur, i would help dream escape to revive wilbur & follow along with their plans of chaos

i don’t fully support dream but he is the only way to wilbur, making me comply with dream’s decisions

“growing up” in my past life and witnessing endless conflict, it is the only thing i know and understand; chaos

but i think during the process of helping dream & wilbur i’d keep my connection with them secret, being the person to obtain all the inside information they need

i could see myself as a type of equilibrium like ranboo but in a bad way, i don’t know how to explain it

but i would try befriending ranboo since he seems like he is involved in many things and would know a lot, despite his short term memory

unfortunately i’m not sure how much his character actually knows since i haven’t been able to watch his pov that much but i’m sure there’s a lot in his memory book...

to blend in as a normal person within the rest of the characters, i’d surround myself with connor a lot

not only because he needs more lore, connor is one of the “normal” citizens of the smp so i believe being with him doesn’t bring as much attention to myself, unlike people that’s related to the egg and their noticeable features after associating themselves with the egg

he is currently only on bad terms with techno which is rly good when comparing that to other characters and their relationships with other people

connor could probably sense my real intentions eventually & tell everyone else that i’m not who i say i am but if that’s my flaw & my downfall is caused by connor, so be it! sorry dream & wilbur

i feel like for being a young dryad, i’d still fool around with dream/wilbur & help give tommy an small “advantage” to defeating the two ?

like yes i’m supposed to be on your side but where’s the fun if tommy can’t do anything to begin with?

i honestly don’t know if wilbur was revived he’d actually be his vassal but let’s assume that happens, but either way i’m with wilbur on his decisions

but ya dream seems like the type to punish me for helping tommy and send me to the afterlife to learn & become smarter like wilbur had done or smth

in the end, i just want to give tommy bits and pieces that tease him from ending all the wars and problems he has been faced with

like here’s some info about dream and wilbur but it won’t be no where close to enough

but who knows, ghostbur said ‘villains are just heroes that aren’t convinced yet’ & maybe tommy could eventually grow on me & change my ways,,

maybe me fooling around & teasing tommy with answers he’s been searching for is a way to mask that i want to be a good person

ok but imagine after knowing so much about dream/wilbur, the revive book, & the afterlife & then i switch sides,,,

surely if tommy can’t put and end to them, dream would make sure i’m gone for good instead

but also if me & connor are in good terms & he’s canonically a necromancer & can bring ppl back to life,,,,

personality :

to all besides dream & wilbur, i’d try to act passive and friendly on the outside to get on everyone’s good side

however under the mask i am more mischievous & strive to cause more problems for everyone on the server from the inside out

in a way, i’ve taken up some of dream’s manipulative personality but still very understanding

i’d like to think of my character as a good listener,, trying to do less talking than others so i do not open up about my true self and intentions

i’ve seen rumors about schlatt & mexican dream also being revived along with wilbur & i feel like i’d have some soft spot for schlatt & pick up a few things from his own character, not sure what though

schlatt planted l’mantree theory, dad!schlatt au part 2 !! /j

because of my character’s closed off and quiet personality, i feel like i’d be pretty analytical

i would know how to slip between the cracks with some characters & notice the smallest things to make them question themselves

maybe my character is good at holding their composure, and not that susceptible to being “emotional” in a way so it’s easier to face people

like i understand when a situation is sad, etc but i can’t show emotion towards how i feel about it (i don’t know if that makes sense but ya!)

i wanna try to elaborate more,, like imagine my character before tommy visits the prison, i would be unfazed from when i found out he died to the point he’s released and we find out he’s been revived

everything is a constant blur hehe

i just can’t fully process everything i guess? i dunno if that’s helpful but yeah!

in the end though, my moral compass has been very tainted; despite wanting to show my loyalty, it can be slightly easy to sway me, making me internally feel guilty to other people

but me trying to get on everyone’s good side to impress wilbur/dream to seem useful to them would ruin me before i would even realize that i’m another “pawn”

we know damn well dream is faking it till he “makes it” but yk,,

but i’d be stuck in this kind of dilemma of not knowing what thoughts are my own or just something trickled down from wilbur or dream

there’s like maybe something that clicks in my head like “maybe i wanna think for myself for once” or smth

like who am i really?

powers , bonuses , etc :

since dryads can technically manipulate plants in some ways, theoretically i could control the blood vines to some extent ???

i’m pretty sure dryads can communicate with plants so i could understand what the blood vines are saying as well

maybe i could get a good sense of what the egg is all about and stuff

assuming that i understood anything that was happening with the egg in the first place but anyway—

i guess similar to ranboo like how he can’t really be around water without some type of amour or something, it would make sense for me to primarily reside in a type a forest or be near one ?? who knows

seems a bit morbid in a way because of the whole history but if i can somehow easily get rid of the blood vines without it affecting me (if there is still some there) i think it would be kinda pretty to build a tree base in the middle of the l’manburg crator (iskall tease)

like it can show a sign of some rebirth, not the same government repeated once again but a new era in general

you know how you see like destruction years after it the disaster or smth happened and it gets all overgrown with plants and stuff? ya that’s what i’m going for in my head (mumbo jumbo s7 tease)

i know it’s covered in glass already but i dunno, some broken glass and a giant tree emerging from the whole thing and all the rubble seems cool

i’m not a good builder but i have the vision LMAO

omg puffy is like a sheep human hybrid im pretty sure & like there’s a specific type of dryad that are a protector of sheep & other animals?? i’m not exactly sure but that seems like an interesting element to incorporate somehow

also glatt randomly planting a oak sapling in quackity’s lore stream yes pls feed my nonexistent dsmp character lore /j

i honestly dunno how to incorporate the fact dryads can turn shapeshift into trees when trying to escape something but i read something that if a dryad stays in a tree form for too long they’ll forget who they are and stay stuck as a tree?? which like woah that’s cool & some material but at the same time what—

since everyone’s backstory is kinda a mess, mr beast parent tease bc he planted a bunch of trees /hj

i have realized wilbur saying like “the whole reason i built this nation is gone” & blowing up everything or whatever is kinda a plot hole in like ‘why would i follow wilbur if/when he’s revived when he said this?’ but i’d like to think he was the one that made some meaning of the area lmanburg was on, which includes the lmantree

like he was the one that started everything and created that sentiment of that land, and however he views it now is how i would see it now

he gave meaning to my past life and now in my current life, i feel this obligation to repay him for it

not really lore bc i think it was cc!tommy talking to cc!ranboo about his height & age when he first joined but yk it would funny to make my dsmp character than his just to slightly spite him anyway

canonically 6’4 dryad yes . /hj

also i have no idea anything about hannah and her lore but we do be flower buddies :D

also omg like this isn’t at all important but the way ranboo can pick up grass blocks will just have me at awe, i dunno seems in theme with the forest/plant stuff

and i remember reading like there was something about dryads and apples but i can’t remember but i’d give tommy a bunch of apples /hj

apples am i right chat,,,,,

i’ll just have infinite apples in my inventory, like kill me in game, not like losing lives kinda deal but just in general and boom stacks of apples

“bee i get you’re half tree but do you just poop apples out like they’re nothing??” “girls don’t poop” /j

ok but like no matter how many streams i watch i cant grasp where everything is but omg but no if i was new to the server & stuff, canonically & not, i would feel my character to be the curious kind to explore everywhere

like besides a mini tour from some other person in the server, since my character only knows things in the bounds of lmanburg, i’d go off exploring different places like pogtopia, the sewers, showchester, etc

i feel like my character would be really into history, like they would have questions about what happened to lmanburg after the last war? what was life like before wilbur? what was the whole history about the antarctic empire? i dunno but reading a bunch of books from a library seems really interesting

oh but in theory, me and tubbo are loosely related if you wanna count schlatt as my “dad” because he supposedly planted the lmantree ???

i mean could make sense but it seems like a stretch

also if my character ever got close to schlatt, i’m not sure if this is canon, but i swear one time he mentioned how the whole dsmp sever is just a game/server in a game & he’s the only one that knows that ??? but like imagine if i found that out canonically,,,,,

big existential crisis pls

and i’m not 100% sure how dryad shifting works with like going from female to tree form and stuff but if i’m able to morph into different girls on the server & act as them,,,, the about of problems that can cause in the lore omg

lemme frame niki real quick and get inside information /j

oh ya and like hey bee do you support the government then? yes but no. whatever my “fav” person is canonically (assuming this is based in the beginning of this whole hc) whatever wilbur thinks, i think. head empty. but subject to change as the dsmp storyline progresses and stuff :]

ngl i wanna throw in some like random lore that doesn’t make sense to throw people off but i can’t think of anything

not actually really lore related but my choice of stream music like how ranboo has his undertale stuff that makes everyone cry, i will have in love with a ghost

yup i like in love with a ghost sm & i’m pretty sure their music is like not dmca too which yay but yk theoretically never gonna stream on the dsmp but still a fun aspect to think of bc i love listening to music & it’s very impactful to a story & associating something to it makes it more meaningful :D

like i could imagine the chill pop lofi piano stuff fits witha few lore streams of like exploring the whole smp before my character would really go out with being this lost villain in a way?

tubbo’s gangnam style who?

like i feel like i made my character bad/evil so they could have potential to get better in the future

on one hand, i’ll end up w dream and/or wilbur for the rest of my life, which is okay but i could also switch to be with tommy or even disregard all of them and be with techno/phil or quackity & potentially schlatt even who knows

also i cant wait for more connor lore tho, like as much as i tried to make my character give him more content i wanna see how everything goes with him having connections to schlatt & stuff

anyway i would’ve made concept art for my character but i honestly don’t rly like my art currently but who knows LMAO

and lastly if u read all of this ily /p

i might update this later when there’s more lore but ya

[rose-blooms-red]

@universes-mystery you are a menace to society and I am in....so much pain

anyways, long story short, I have been convinced to make an updated fic post thingy after someone went through my blog and made me look at my old fics :’) 

So!! uhh yeah Ro Fic Hype Post take 2 lmao, i have too many fics at this point so im just gonna link some that made me happy or just that i remember having a grand time writing.

Star Wars

“Be the Rarepair content you want to see in the world”: Listing all the ones from this series would take too long. Just know that these were all a joy to write and that there is a Large Variety lol.

not something that you put to bed: my first foray into soft wars! lmao, i was super nervous with this one lol but I do still like it more than i usually like my fics! And i was happy with how this one came out. It’s Edee squad centric, specifically Neyo and Fox interaction and yeah, there’s a reason i joke that my brand is trauma recovery dkjfskjdf.

don’t break the bottle: my second go at soft wars and I do still like this one, it’s Cody and Neyo centric, around Cody getting Neyo’s pledge and dealing with leftover stuff from Priest’s training. There’s things i’d def try and do better but, its nice and not as bad as i feared nkjdfjnd.

sins of the father: this is a second person Boba Fett character study and I do actually still adore it. it kicked off it’s own series actually, that I cowrite with @graaaaceeliz and has expanded far past what i thought would be just a tiny little oneshot to put my boba and jango feelings. It was a fun adventure into writing in a writing perspective i dont use much and helped me get a bit of a grasp on both Boba and Jango

and the whisper in your head goes quiet: another 2nd person Boba fic, made people mad at me jdfnsjkf. Includes the hc that Boba had a chip and it malfunctioned and Jango had the Kaminoans remove it.

the hum in the air (and the gentle love): was really nice to write and i do still love how soft it is,though there are things i’d def change. It’s a soft little codywan oneshot with poetry.

gentling the edges: Neyo and babies, im just...so soft, there is so much soft

little darling: Fox and babies, because i am so soft still over babies and the older clones okay.

you will be alone, always: was a fun one, made some people cry lol. Obi-Wan centric, canon compliant, with hints of QP Codywan.

love or the lack of it: Bly and Neyo centric, lots of fun to write lol. Soft wars, and im still quite pleased with it. a bit heavy, heed the tags.

the art of the mind: Soft wars, Jet and Bacara Centric. i loved exploring them more honestly, i kinda wanna do something else with them.

Messing around in the soft wars sandbox: now that i think about it, just linking this series might be better XD a lot of the next few I was going to put are from here. It’s basically just all fics set within the Soft War’s AU by @thefoundationproject lol

(give me) something soft: one of my first fics in the Star wars fandom, It’s Kix/Agen and I’m still super soft over this pairing and writing this made me v soft.

the burning heat upon my back: another one of my first few fics in the star wars fandom, It’s an Anakin introspection type piece as I was trying to figure out how to write him and getting settled in the fandom.

like a lazy ocean (hugs the shore): Wingfic, Kit Fisto centric, hinted possible kit/monnk. This was just hilarious to write lmao.

calm your mind and quell your fears: Wingfic, Obi-Wan centric, soft, QP Codywan fluff.

name the child innocence: was fun, Wingfic, Jango Fett centric, it’s a lot heavier than the other wingfics tho, so heed the tags.

childhood (strong and full of foreboding): apparently i really like doing explorations on trauma and how the past can shape you and how you can shape yourself in spite of the past and things like that kjdsnkjsdf. It’s told in various Clone’s p.o.v and switches between Anakin and Obi-Wan’s Not Fun Childhoods.

hold your heart (be still): Ahsoka and Rex bonding! set in the same universe as childhood!

DC

the art of siblings is that sometimes you just wanna fight them: A lot of fun lol, batfam centric, the kids being Themselves and Dick is Exasperated lol

we lay here (for years or for hours): which is an introspection and sort of character study on dick that throws out any semblance of timeline or canon. trigger warnings for depressive and suicidal thought and major character injury

setting fire to our insides for fun (to distract our hearts from ever missing them): in which dick is sad, bruce is gone, and dick really just wants his dad, his sleep-deprived mind decides to be kind, because the world is not, this one made me sad

i have tried to hoard your love (and found it slipping through my fingers): a look at Jason and books, and the complex thing that is a childs need to be loved

fault lines: A fic about recovery and the difficulties, or; Dick Grayson and trauma, recovery, and his siblings. Something’s wrong with all of them but they work through it, eventually.

this one is a rough ride, still a WIP and it deals with a lot of heavy topics, flashbacks, trauma and discussions of the trauma, deaths, injuries, rape, broken relationships and dysfunctional ones, borderline abusive behaviour, talks about all of the above, and the healing process. Tread lightly with this one as it deals with heavy topics in it’s quest to say fuck you to certain dc writers.

Bnha

Shock: Kaminari feels, The dangers of electric quirks

Flicker: The Todoroki’s deserve better, Dabi is an angry child who misses his mama

All I’ve Ever Known: Genfic, Dabi is Touya, Fuck gender, Chronic pain, Touya/Dabi needs help

We go down swinging, My lovers and I: Shigadabihawks, Major Character Death, not a happy one folks.

[gayspock]

short voyager thoughts

im still unsure how i feel about janeway? </3 which- its very early, so im giving it time and some grace. i am dw. all trek series usually get better after the beginning, or at least thatsbeen the pattern thus far. but i think... and im going to be SO honest. i came into voyager nervous about her!? 3: which is soooo unfair</3 but sigh...

i ts just i have heard one or two disparaging comments. and i think, also, even without those i'd be nervous bc its like. sigh. still, to this DAY, whenever they try to replace a leading male role with a woman in a piece of media, its like -_- .. it almost always sucks... bc they give her no personality other than Woman. like- its always some weird combination of not thinking she needs one, or being too scared to actually DO anything substantial with her, and an overall just "not knowing how to write women" sentiment which. baffling beyond belief. 🤪!

and i was... esp nervous bc. trek has its issues iwth women- or at least it did at this point. dont know squat abt discovery. but i mean- with respect! i do think that ds9 did, at first, have some seriously groundbreaking stuff (like seriously, i'd rank kira and dax ABOVE many women in fiction now!!) but over the course of the show it sort of... ehrm. got a little worse? somehow? not bad, but less spectacular, eek...... and tng was. well tng is tng when it comes to women.... 🤨 (stares). if tht aired as a show rn i'd be like o9

(and also as an aside its like- yes, yes, yes... i am know its like. frome 80s-90s true like. im not triyng to be like "ohhhh,</3 this always sucked😁!" but also i do think tht . SIGH. i think its a little tiresome when ppl do take past media and like... completely put it into some vacuum whenever they talk abt its issues and criticise it. do u know what i mean. like i think its like: for one, its entirely interesting and worthwhile to talk about how consuming it is different, from a modern perspective as opposed to then; and for two its also like... the past isnt a vacuum sealed away from us, even, in the first place so like . ehrmr!! but anyways-<3)

so idk im a little afraid and i dont think theyre going to give her, like, a horrible depiction- but what im sort of anticipating is that shes just going to be.... extremely bland and middling and kinda serviceable bc her main shtick is well shes a woman full stop and im scared for tht fr fr. 😑😣 bc sigh. naurr.... bc she has a LOT of potential- hell this whole set up does!!! and again im giving it the shot, i want to go in optimistic but i keep getting this nagging fear every time im done with an ep and im like "well i have no further comments on janeway, exxcept katie mulgrew is hot which i knew when i was 16 and watching oitnb LOL" , like i just dont want her to just be a serviceable, fill in character but tbe in lurv with her fr frfr<333 soooooooo.................................................

BUT! also also also. i do- i said this last time abt voy, and its sorta why i had it on pause for a bit! like- i again i just. i think in GENERAL they arent taking full advantage of like their whole setup. and its like... its rlly getting me, omg!! bc again: fine, fine, fine. i get it - ds9 was like... a step towards sth grittier and its the outlier, and most ppl dont like it bc of that funnily enough. but thats the thing- like im not asking for that at all, yknow! not for anything super dark. however again i just... WHEN IM WATCHING THIS, IM JUST SORT OF. BEWILDERED BY HOW... NONCHALANT THEY ARE ABT THEIR WHOLE SITUATION. AND ITS LIKE- i think its really just feels weird to me, and i'll give them time to settle in i guess- but its just... i feel like i want more of a reaction. bc theyve given me the set up for some really interesting dynamics and, like, have it all primed to push them into really good narrative spaces to like explore these guys but theyre not? taking any of that opportunity?

and again its like theyre just on some happy jaunt- and thats fine!! hey, i love it. its whats trek will always be about in the end<3 but nonetheless i think... you CAN do that and still have them actually, like, fuckin acknowledge their predicament and be optimistic abt it. like fuck: i think this could rlly lead to such a heartwarming thing, abt the crews coming together, but like... i dont know. i guess it will. but also i dont know how much im gonna care in the end if u dont rlly properly explore the tension thats there in the first place. like you guys just sort of- state it, sometimes? but then the rest of the ep its like. youre just going through the motions of the rest of the script.

and i bring this up again bc im starting this ep (the cloud) and its opening with janeway and im wondering here if we're going to get more of her, but also its just occurred to me that literally.... i feel like shes one of the characters who really could be fucking PUSHED into something sooo good if they just WORKED! with what theyve set up for themselves an the beginning to this ep is rlly making me THINK of tht and im like ahhhhhhhh! ahrghh! AHHRGHHH!!!!

and the doctor also is like a funny example of like . what feels like the only character whos kind of pointing out how horrific this all is but its like hes written off as a joke the whole time and it doesnt even feel self aware and i think. again i think theres also an angle you could go for: go for the characters, here, being the type to just sort of steamroll ahead and power through this sort of sitch but..... EVEN THEN, i think you still need to address the actual sitch narratively in some way bc that still has an effect and consequences and etc etc etc

and i will quiet my mouth now bc i KNOW im jumping the gun too much but i think its just. i think whats ALSO getting to me is like- this is different to the other shows. where its like... with tng there was no overarching plot so if you didnt stick it right at the beginning, it wasnt of such a big consequence. with ds9 there was one, but i think it kind of forgives itself easily and whilst i wouldnt say it makes the show inherently better..... the clumsier start (bc its worth noting, whilst it was rocky i dont think ds9 s1 was THAT bad- at least by comparison to tng) can be appreciated almost! bc i think it works well with the humble beginnings of the show, the characters all sort of coming to ds9 as different people, etc............ but with VOYAGER its like. youve started with a pretty big event. what im assuming is supposed to define, like, the rest of the show from what i hear!? so its like- its like.... it was a BOLD move to do that. and im not saying that, hey! if you dont get it right now, the whole show is shot- nahhh, its not that deep- but i think it just feels... more stark in its mediocrity. and hmmmm. im again unsure. i am of how i think. i am babes i am

[morgana-ren]

hii! dont answer this if you already have, but i was wondering if you’d ever continue your strade fic or the shigaraki x student fic?(i cant remember which one it was sorry). i know you have a life outside tumblr so im not expecting an update anytime soon, was just wondering! </3

Hello friend! Don’t worry, I don’t mind responding about these stories cause they’re some of my more popular series and I get asked about them a lot! I totally understand <3

I have an answer to why Hell and You (the Strade fic) is so slow to update HERE. It’s not necessarily discontinued but it is unique in a few ways (be sure to mind the warnings.)

As for Vermilion (the Shigaraki x Reader fic), that one is discontinued indefinitely for.. well, that exact reason. It’s Shigaraki x high school student reader, which I’m uncomfortable with for a multitude of reasons. It’s a really long story but basically when I first started watching the show, I didn’t realize they were high school students. I thought they were college kids, and the concept of a big, bad villain becoming totally creepily obsessed with an amateur, weak hero unable to defend herself against him has always been really hot. 

But what’s not hot to me is a grown ass man like Shigaraki becomes sexually infatuated with an underage minor in high school. The fact that I genuinely believe that Shigaraki would not be able to stand anyone quite so young not withstanding, that turns him into a very different kind of villain; one I do not like at all. 

I’ve been graduated for 10 years. I’m 26 years old. Not only do I not have the ability to put myself in the headspace of writing for someone so young (and I write for myself and I don’t relate to high schoolers on any level so it’s very much not enjoyable for me), but I do not want minors to feel comfortable reading my work. I don’t want them to read a piece like Vermilion and go “Yeah! This! I can relate to this! This girl is in High School too!” because I VERY MUCH DO NOT WRITE FOR MINORS. I DO NOT WANT THEM FOLLOWING ME, I DON’T WANT THEM READING MY WORK AND I DO NOT WANT THEM INTERRACTING WITH ME. I feel like it would be a bit weird if I wrote from the perspective of someone being a minor while staunchly demanding that no minors interact with me in the same breath. My work is NSFW and totally inappropriate for them and I want to make sure I take every precaution to keep them the f u c k away from me and my writing.  I’ve had a lot of people give me recommendations about edits I can make to the story to make it more appropriate (Ie making the reader 18 and about to graduate or pretending UA is a college instead) but honestly that’s a lot of work and it feels kinda cheap to me. Plus, like I said, I’m 26 and I don’t want to write for someone as young as 18. There’s a big gap emotionally and mentally between someone 18 and fresh as a daisy and someone my age. When I write, I picture someone my age, and if other folks resonate with that, that’s awesome! But I don’t write for teens or early twenties intentionally. 

Instead I settled on wanting to rewrite it with a baby pro hero with a very hard to control quirk or maybe a foreign hero from another country who came to UA for extra training because it’s world renowned or something, but either way, she would very much be an adult. I am kinda stumped on how to start it though, hence why I haven’t.. eh.. gotten around to it. I’ve literally tried and I just end up staring at the screen going “well fuck, this feels clunky and awful and I hate it” and end up exiting out lmao. 

Anyway, sorry to talk (or write) your ear off, but I don’t want people to think I just got bored and abandoned it (there are actual series I’ve started that I’ve done that with tho lmao) 

[arkus-rhapsode]

Rhapsode Reacts: RWBY Volume 3

Hey guys, Rhapsode here. So I’ve been on the record numerous times saying I haven’t watched the internet series RWBY. I haven’t. However, I have a rather close mutual @remnantoforario who tells me about most of the series and characters. Seriously, I basically have experienced the plot through osmosis. Now me and remnant work on a lot of fanfiction stuff and general discussions of video games and manga. And highly suggest anyone who wants a more in depth look at RWBY to please check him out. He’s great.

Now due to the fact he has basically told me the series up this point, its kinda been a bit frustrating when I forget something and ask him to reiterate. So I decided to knuckle down and watch some of the series.

I helped remnant get a non RWBY fan opinion, by basically live-blogging him in our PMs. And I thought I had some level of humorous reactions and Remnant had some witty observations to my reactions.

Anyway, if you didn’t catch it the first time, I must repeat, I’m not coming at this from the perspective of a fan. I have very little emotional or personal enjoyment going in the series up to this point. If I say something that offends you as a fan, I’m sorry in advance.

With that out of the way, let’s dive in:

Oh that’s a sweet scene of Ruby at her mother’s grave.

Why would you start Team RWBY’s preliminary fight in the middle of it?

the Vytal Festival feels like it should be reversed: you should start with 1, then go to 2, then for your finals, 4. Or just do a solid 4 v 4 all tournament

Remnantoforario: I dont know what the purpose of the tournament is, or why anyone would want to participate. There is no prize 

Me: Bragging rights I guess. But the whole point of the festival is to celebrate peace. Lets celebrate piece with a bunch of kids beating each other up .

Ruby has a line of "we did it?" like she was surprised. Was that a concern? 

Like I understand the festival has been built up since the second volume, but there's a reason most good tournament arcs ease you into the first round. Its to reaffirm character motivation and actually show you what a fight would look like 

  I do appreciate some of the “show don't tell” moments like the one girl using a heat crystal in her skate board to free her teammate

But usually even if the first round is jobbers, they're at least presented as a threat. I never really got that. The tide seemed more and Rwby's favor, but I can't tell if that was always the case because we started in the middle of the fight

the pacing just feels like you can't handle the story, so it wants to get to the fight scenes to keep your attention 

Emerald is actually really funny, holy shit 

“How can they be so happy?” And “It’s the heiress and the bimbo” 

Still Weiss and Yang, better savor this duo while I can 

Neo’s gothic Lolita is cute. Though I feel like their match should’ve gotten a focus 

Like I mean not an episode but if they started with the instant eliminations of 1v1, I could easily see this cool intro of Rwby has met Emerald, Mercury, and Cinder, but then is shocked at who this fourth member even is 

OK I feel like the scene with Rwby and JNPR should’ve happened before the first round.  Given Nora’s rant would actually tie to Ruby’s whole “we won?” Surprise

“Cinder: Even if you know how the story ends that doesn’t make it any less fun to watch.” I’d agree with you if you know the story wasn’t Rwby. And it’s not really that fun to watch a bunch of fighting with no weight.

OK team JNPR vs team BRNZ is actually a much better introduction to the tournament than Rwby vs Abrn

We actually see how the field is chosen and we actually get some genuine strategy and coordination. And before all this we actually get some motivation about how the characters feel going into this battle

Me: OK why are these not the protagonists and why was this not episode one?

Remnantoforario: questions for the writers 

I got admit I’m not very much of a fan of melee weapons that also turn into guns and just kind of makes the purpose of melee fighters and ranged fighters pointless 

Logically it makes sense that if you’re making a weapon you do want it to have multiple functionality but at the same time it kind of makes a lot of that fighting less fun 

I mean what do you want to see more a team complete each other or just one person who can just do everything with the right weapon?

  Ehh OK the team meeting joke is running a tad too long

Okay, that was what I was mentioning before... Just cut out Nora with missiles. I feels more like a give and take as well as more unique to have that moment with her slamming on the ground 

“Crow Bar.” Oh you go to the corner for that pun.

OK that joke with Weiss and telling Indigo to beat up Neptune was timed and delivered really bad 

Also port makes a point that Sun is from Vacuo. Wouldn’t it be interesting if the leader or any membr of Indigo actually did know Sun from Vacuo?

I say that because no member of team Indigo has said anything, and it would at least add something unique to this fight

OK I have to bring up the weird use of western cartoon comedy

Neptune running up the mountain it’s super speed is kind of funny but this is also a fight I’m supposed to take seriously 

Nora and Ruby kind of get away with it given their powers but Neptune just ran up a mountain like it was nothing

What is the tone here?

Sage went out like a bitch 

you know if you wanted to eliminate someone to make me feel for this team being in trouble why didn’t you just eliminate Neptune? 

OK scarlet’s scene actually really works 

That nut joke didn’t. Again, tone? 

Me: Why would you sacrifice the two characters we don’t know anything about just to do Neptunes stupid joke?

Remnant: COMEDY 

OK this fight was bad 

Me: I get the idea indigo was a bunch of jobbers so you decided to play the comedy angle. OK, well then tone down the serious rock music, turn down the cartoon physics

Remnant: For reference. That was a post Monty fight 

I agree with Qrow, that was a mess

okay introduction to Winter is pretty good. Shame we don't really get that "Novice victory" vibe from their fight. Maybe if it last for more than 8 minutes and didn't start from the middle... 

okay see, I don't mid Winter and Qrow having a fight in the middle of the square as it helps serve as an introduction to the characters and flexes their strength

though Im also starting to notice something else that bugs me in the fights, no banter or introspection or comments

its just fight moves 

like there's times that's god, DBZ did it tons of times when its just Goku making "Hiyah" noises but there was still a bit of time to get in a line that both broke up the action and highlighted how two characters felt or through thought was able to give us a peek into their head

watching rwby fights makes me think, "This be better as a video game" 

so... does no woman in this world wear a bra? 

 Ironwood: “If you were one of my men, I'd have you shot!”

Okay, that can't be legal

Ironwood is kinda becoming my favorite character 

He's a flawed human being, and the narrative shows that, but it also shows he has a point 

Okay, yeah I see what you mean, all this Fall stuff is happening in the background which is nice, but there's no real plot with the tournament 

Okay Mercury and Emerald vs Coco and Yatsuhashi is actually really good 

not much character, but its actually more intimidating seeing how strong these two are. Wish the music had a bit more ambiance 

Okay, that's an interesting plot point. Qrow explaining how beating one high profile criminal hasn't stopped crime. And the fact there is zero crime is concerning and relating it back to Ironwood

Wow, its almost when you just slow down and lt characters breath and talk to each other and have them be characters without shoving in a fight scene, its pretty good

Why is team Cardin fighting a non faunus team? Feels like a waste of characters 

disappointing that Ciel doesn't know Penny is a robot

mainly because the way its queued up with Ciel seemed like she was only spending time with Penny because ordered and her attention to the schedule makes it seem like she is a soldier just having to play dress up for the robot to make it comfortable 

Me: Wow Weiss's heels...  Never noticed them. I just thought they were boots

Remnant: Nope heels 

Also Neon and Flynt actually have a pretty good intro 

We know what Atlas is like seeing Winter and Ironwood, so Neon and Flynt make an interesting and immediate contrast

And it feels like there is something riding on our opponents side given Flynts history with the Schnee. Which makes him stand out from the other jobbers

And Neon's intentionally irritating personality actually is more character displayed by any other opponent character

I actually really like the OST in the fight too. This might be my favorite action scene 

Flynt actually has a really cool semblance too 

oh wow, some actual dread with Weiss getting eliminated 

Imma let you get away with that Hulk reference Port

I like how Yang beat Flynt, but if I was gonna beat Neon, I'd have Yang punch the ground and through her off balance 

Haha Ironwood doesn't have a heart, I get it, he's tin man 

least they didn't go with Ozpin saying Qrow doesn't have a brain 

Me: So... If Pyrrha is all these things, why aren't we following her team?

So abridged version of the four seasons story Four random chicks find a guy camped out in his house, be nice to him and he gives them super powers. If I were a kid being told that, I’d demand another story 

Pyrrha: like a semblance?

Oz: Like magic!

Me: Like a semblance

Qrow is right, this selection is stupid 

You’re keeping a woman in your basement in cryogenic suspension. Oz you and Rhea need to share notes 

Oh god... Adam. You can’t act

Adam seems already psychopathic Or maybe that’s just his acting

So this is the famous Yang punching Mercury... It works I guess

Actually getting a chance to see some Jaune and Pyrrha moments in v3 and it’s good 

Me: Velvet is British? Huh... never predicted that 

Remnant: Australian 

How can Ruby notice Emerald all the way across the arena? Actually wait she’s the only one not in a black uniform 

Why did they leave Mercury behind where anyone could find him? 

And Penny is dead and I do not care at this point

Cinder’s little speech is the first time I’m actually feeling like I’m getting a villain motivation out of her 

She talks about how Oz and the headmasters are just men capable of making mistakes But she’s someone who would embrace and all powerful godly being. Though that seems and odds with the presumed motive that she’s working with Salem to potentially kill the brother gods

Okay, Blake and Weiss have a pretty good scene when all hell was breaking loose 

Ruby versus the big ass bird was actually pretty cool and the scene of everyone’s lockers being what puts it down is really clever 

Oh really cool scene of Port and Oobleck. Hey the fall is turning out pretty decent

Ironwood killing the wolf was pretty good 

Roman is a breath of fresh air as a villain. And it’s namely his acting 

You know I feel like you could let the more tertiary characters fight the robots while Weiss and Blake fight WF 

OK I repeat this is just become a video game. Giant dragon that spawns mini monsters in a destroyed town 

The spectacle fighting actually really works when your opponents are mindless and faceless brutes

You have Adam in a school full of terrified people, why aren’t you showing his nuance by showing he won’t hurt Faunus staff and is giving them an out? 

Velvet’s scene be cool if it was powers she was mimicking. Looking at a lot of weapons really doesn’t do much for me.

That said, this could work if she ended up copying the mech and fighting against it

Okay I feel like Weiss finally being able to summon something should’ve been done with a lot more gravitas

And Sun proceeds to be the best male character 

Neo is fucking beast. Y’know what, let her be final boss

Now I just have this image of Neo flying through the air with a sign reading “I’m Mary Poppins, Y’all”

Wow, Roman went out like a bitch 

Like zero build up just dead. And his replacement is Adam... There is no justice 

Ironwood: someone has done the unthinkable and taken control of my machines!

Watts: What? Like it’s hard? 

Blake and Yang holding hands on the ground after Yang lost an arm. Yeah that’s pretty shippy 

Also, I feel like the animation really limits a lot of the characters expressions. Like the time Ruby spent dwelling on her sister being mutilated is well timed. But usually a lot of the emotional devastation comes down to the expression.

a lot of faces seem stiff in transition expressions. Or they have this doll like quality 

The most expressive person seems to be Emerald 

Pyrrha and Jaune’s kiss is actually really tender 

Me: Okay how the hell is Cinder’s dress still managing to cover her loins? 

Remnant: maiden magic.

And Pyrrha died 

Are you done with the whole line of do you believe in destiny was fine Personally I would’ve also accepted the Ted Kord response, Rot in Hell.

Ruby went super saiyan 

Tai being the first person Ruby sees is nice 

Yang’s bitterness works here. Though given how I wasn’t feeling too much of the sisterly bond between the two, it’s probably not as hard hitting as they wanted 

Salem’s introduction isn’t bad 

so after watching V3. my final opinion is meh 

Strikes me as they wanted to the fall, and the tournament was just a lot of window dressing. Because the stuff with the Fall is the best part, but everything else has felt dull and fillery.

Maybe I’ll do this for the next season of a series I binge. But till next time, take care.

[captaingondor]

Okay, but if you're still looking for romantic prompts, how about Character A saying I love you to Character B without using the words "I love you." (Through actions, or an "as you wish" situation. That kinda thing.)

Thanks for the prompt!!For this, I wrote about probably my favorite of my OC ships. Tragically I probably won’t be able to show as much of their relationship as I’d like in the work itself, and neither of them is the perspective character. This is fortunate in that  I can write whatever I want for self-fanfic without stepping on the main narrative’s toes, and unfortunate as I want to just write their whole relationship basically which made this a little hard to pare down. Hope y’all love them too!If you want some dramatic irony, also read this piece I wrote with Corrianne earlier. And, if you are curious, the correct way to pronounce her name is ‘cor-ee- AHN,’ with a French R sound.

How Empress Corrianne Learned to Speak Her Husband’s Language

When they married, Corrianne could not speak to her new husband.

Like most nobility around the continent, she had never studied Pelasian. Even centuries later, the fears birthed by the Speaker Wars lived on. No mage could twist your mind to his will if you couldn't understand the words he needed to do it. (Of course, now Pelasia had grown to power anyway without the use of mind-altering magic, so maybe it had all been for nothing.) And the Emperor, it seemed, had never bothered to learn any language but his own native tongue.

Corrianne studied and practiced until she was able to carry on something of a conversation with him without going through her ladies-in-waiting or his translator. The Emperor could not even say her name right.

But chipping away at the language barrier was not aiding their communication to the level that she had thought it should. True, she did not mind the extent to which he left her to herself - she had encouraged it. No, the Emperor was simply a hard man to understand. So she told herself, and so she held firmly in believing.

She could not have said when she first started noticing a difference.

***

He knocked at the door between their suites late in the evening, when she had retreated to hers from the court but not yet prepared herself for bed. He always knocked - these rooms remained hers, not his. The first few times he’d done this, she’d sent one of her maids to answer instead and give her regrets. When he proved unfailingly polite to them, and did not push past her excuses, she decided this could be allowed and came to the door herself. He never demanded her presence, or even requested - a request from the Emperor was little less than a demand. He merely gave an offer - he had ended his work for the day and would be in his sitting room, and would welcome her company if she wished to join him.

“I usually take this time for some quiet when I can… read for a bit by the fire, have a glass of wine… but if you would like to talk instead -” His eyes flicked to the maid murmuring all his words in Corrianne’s ear. “Perhaps practice your Pelasian?”

He had not offered to practice his Ruveldin, or even Idan, so that time she had refused. But she didn’t really want to spend the rest of her life married to a man that she would not talk to, so the next time she had accepted.

She’d been worried about his intentions that time, though he’d never touched her without her permission. But he really had just sat by the fire with his book and offered her a glass of wine, and did not press her unduly for conversation when she opened her own book. They made a few simple comments to each other on their day, and what they were reading, and spent the rest of the evening in silence together. She wondered how many times he’d had two glasses brought up, hope. She wondered if he’d left a few dregs in each to keep the servants from talking. She felt a little bad, but only a little.

She’d come over many times since then, and it had almost become a little ritual between them. They did not always spend the time reading silently - she truly did wish to practice her Pelasian, and he proved a patient conversation partner.

This time when he knocked, she answered with a smile and stepped through before he even needed to make his offer. She carried a book with her, but did not open it immediately when she sat down, and so he did not reach to pick up his own.   “Thank you for joining me.” Even now that it was a regular occurrence, he thanked her. “I enjoy your company. I have little time to myself, but this has been an improvement on solitude.”

She had not thought the Emperor one to seek out solitude. He demanded the attention of the world. Perhaps she had misunderstood him. She smiled politely and asked him about his day. He was a man of routine; she knew the words he would use to speak about that well enough to follow, better than whatever that declaration had been.

***

They were at dinner, which was rarely a private affair. There were always people at court to entertain. But today was no great feast or party, only a regular meal, and while the Emperor’s attention might as ever be demanded at any time, at present Corriane and her husband were left to converse among themselves as they ate, should they choose to.

They did not always. Corrianne preferred practicing her Pelasian when they were in private, and going through a translator was more clunky than casual dinner conversation with her husband ought to be. And besides, it was dinner, and their main focus was eating.

But today, he chose to strike a conversation up. “Have you heard from your sisters lately?”

She’d received a letter from Everrie just that day. Perhaps he’d had mail come in from Ruveld as well, or seen the messenger bring it in. Or perhaps it was a lucky guess, though that seemed less likely. “I have.”

“And how are they?”

A few times, early on, when the Emperor had asked about her family, she had wondered if he were fishing for information on them, for his schemes or politics. But that had been silly. Surely he had plenty of sources for that without her.

“Both are well. Also my father, and -” She paused. She did not know the proper word for stepmother or half-brother. But he knew that they were her stepmother and half-brother, of course, there was no need to explain it to him. “And his wife, and Alairon.”

“Glad to hear it. Your younger sister’s birthday was coming up, wasn’t it?” He didn’t try to say her name - maybe he’d seen Corrianne wince as he mispronounced hers too many times.

“Yes, they had just celebrated it when Everrie wrote me.”

“She could handle planning for it without you, then?”

Oh. He had remembered, from the last time Everrie wrote. She had told him how Everrie was used to following her lead for social events, how she had been so frantic about taking it on herself, how she had wanted to prove she could step up to the task without leaning too heavily on their stepmother. She hadn’t passed on all of Everrie’s pouring out her heart - she did not think she’d have like the Emperor to hear all of it - but she liked to talk about home, and it was a good subject for her to use in practicing her conversation. And, she realized, her husband had been very attentive in asking her about her sisters. He had been since the first time she brought it up.

“It was as I told her, she -” She hesitated, and finished the sentence in Ruveldin for his interpreter to pass on. “She is more competent than she gives herself credit. She just needed to get her time of worrying out of the way and put her mind to it.”

“Still, they must miss you at home. You light up my court so, I can see it would be hard to lose you.”

She hardly knew how to respond to that, and took a bite so that she would not have to.

***

One of her ladies reported to Corrianne that her husband had had a gift sent to her rooms, so she came to them and found the box set on a table. She opened it to find a delicate golden hair comb, set with many small, deep red gems. Beautiful, and very much to her taste. She wondered if he had picked it out himself.

It was hardly the first gift he had given her. Fine cloth for her dresses, a dark bay riding horse, expensive jewelry, books - ones that he thought she would enjoy, or Pelasian translations of ones she had to help in her study. Some she had written off as no more than what might be expected from the Emperor to his wife. The others had confounded her. What did he mean by them? Was he trying to buy her affections, to keep her and thereby her father’s kingdom sweet? Did he wish to flaunt his wealth and power?

But none of those thoughts came to her now - only a desire to find her husband so she could thank him for it.

She made a few inquiries and was glad to be able to find him alone, going over his correspondence. He looked up, and smiled when he saw her. She’d never noticed before how different that smile looked from the one she saw him wear in public, how his eyes brightened with it. He nodded at the comb she clutched in her hand.

“You like it?”

She nodded. “It is -” It is lovely, she wanted to say, but could not find the right word as she filed through her Pelasian vocabulary. “It is very nice.”

He stood up from his desk and walked over to her. “I thought it would look well with your hair.” His eyes lifted to the honey-gold braids crowning her head as he spoke. He hesitated a moment, and then held out his hand. “May I?”

She passed the comb to him, and he slid it into her hair as though he were one of her maids. Her husband stood back, and looked at her admiringly for the space of several second, before frowning.

“I’m sorry - I don’t have a mirror here for you to look at it -”

She smiled softly. “I am sure you put it in straight. Thank you.”

“I’m happy you like it, Corrianne.” He stumbled over the r, and tried again. “Cor - Corrianne -”

It still was not right, but she smiled anyway. “I understand, Seyetto.” And she set her hands on his shoulders, pushed herself up on her toes, and kissed him.

[knightofbalance-13]

https://thoughtfuldreamercreatorduck.tumblr.com/post/178356941317/knightofbalance-13 @thoughtfuldreamercreatorduck

Well Yeah but thats Not the point. There is literally a word for it being used for queer relationships. I dont Really See your point to be honest?

My point is that if that is all queerbaiting is: Then it means nothing. Gay people don’t get special treatment, just like straight people don’t get special treatment.

Well ühm… what? Just so i understood everything youre saying that one gay relationship means the show itself cant be guilty of baiting? Queerbaiting is, at least how i understood it, to tease something explicitly between Two characters and than Not go through with it.

And WR (nothing against the ship) just doesnt have the Same build up?

Is your auto correct weird or something? Or is that “uhm” with the symbol above the u a word I don’t know. If it is sorry but I have no idea what it means.

Yeah, the issue is that term implies that the creators teased an LGBT pairing but never delivered one. If they deliver but not the one you wanted: That doesn’t look like queerbaiting to me. It just looks like another sunk ship.

And to make my point clearer: Bumbleby doesn’t really...have any canonical ship tease or build up. Everything you listed was interpretation and that...doesn’t count since anyone can interpret anything from an piece of media.

Really a sigh? Is it this painful to Read my comment? I tried my best to Not Sound condescending or arrogant or something you know? Am I really that horrible to endure that you Need to put upon the extra Time you use of your spare time to write this comment, which i Hope no one forced you to Read or even comment on, on a actually resolved discussion, the extra seconds to add a sigh?

No, I’m just tired of shippers using interpretation as evidence in ships. I was tired of it when I was a shipper.

It’s nothing against you, it’s general exasperation.

Well Yeah… Thats kinda the point. Hints Not confirmation. Its like that in the entry i copied and entered.

... Was it? Sorry I might have missed that. I was in a shipping community that treated using teasing and such as canon evidence. I just assumed all shippers were like that.

I am Not pushing bumblebee to become Canon. Would i be overjoyed if it does? Yes of course but i wouldnt rip RT a new One if it didnt. When did i say something like *I RIOT IF BB DOESNT GO CANON* Seriously when? Cause that was Not at all my intention.

Sorry again, I might have missed that but I have literally seen people threaten the writers over shipping so I’m kind of touchy about it.

Do we REALLY Need to force this to becoming a BB vs BS thing? Because it looks like you try just that. I was Not trying to do that. What point does it have here?

Sorry I didn’t mean to. It’s just easy to counter one side with the other.

My point was “This can be done for literally the exact opposite so this isn’t a good argument.”

I didnt want this Post to be about another Ship war i just Wanted to point out that something that gets in your words like being okay with Ghosts has some reason with it. Thats why i decided to Not go into the other reasons and just Make a Quick overview of some that came at the Front of my head.

That might be our difference: I almost never consider queerbaiting to have a valid reasoning. That just because it may have a reason to exist doesn’t mean it actually does or that it’s a good reason.

And AGAIN when did i say that? Look you appereantly seem to misunderstand some Things so Let me explain…

Please do: No one ever explains anything to me.

This Post was mainly just me trying to Show that there ARE reasons behind the overused queerbait threat. Can it be overused or wrongly used? Yes of course but there is some sort of ground work set that DOES have a Form of valid argument.

Okay then. As for me: those reasons don’t work. Why? Because the word carries an implication of double standards against LGBT people but from a shipping perspective, BB is being treated the same as what is considered it’s straight counterpart.

For me it wouldnt count as queerbaiting till they just Make Fun of bumblebee in the Show: something like Sun kissing Blake while ridiculing Yang. (THAT would be something we’re i would snap but mainly because Yang is my favorite character and she doesnt deserve any more shit, but thats beside the point)

Yeah, that is shitty no matter what.

About Interpretation… You know this works both ways right? All the interactions of Sun and Blake can be seen as friendship too. (As a side Note Adam didnt even aknowledge Sun existed till he saw him at haven, just felt like saying that)

For the sake of this discussion, I agree. ...I have no stake in this war aside from whatever gets the writer’s the least hate. And that’d probably be no ships canon at all.

Anyway if you want to Really reopen this already closed thing and try and turn this into a Ship war, why dont you just Message me personally when i get the Time between eating, sleeping, work and living i answer to it and we talk like this like the civilised humans we are. Besides this Can be seen by everyone and i think titan and katie are just about as done with this thing as i was. (Very Happy this got resolved peacefully btw)

I had no idea this was finished at the time.

Hell I chewed Titan out for his outburst since he’s a friend right after that post.

This was just apparently my toxic fandom paranoia going out of control. Sorry this got so bad.

[naizamayg]

forty-eight letters to the moon

Some say if you live in outer space you don’t grow old as fast as people do on earth. That’s why I want to send these letters to the moon, so these words, these feelings and these memories would hopefully last longer than our time on earth. Dear Joshua, thank you for being the most responsible/most concerned student in our class. We sometimes tease you about it but we actually really admire that about you. Not everyone can speak up for what’s right, not everyone is as brave as you. Dear Cj, you’ve changed a lot but I’m not saying it in a negative way. We all change and that’s just normal. You changed in some negative ways but in positive ways also. You still get mad easily (to others) but atleast you don’t get mad at me that easily now hahaha, but that’s who you are. That made you the CJ in our room. Hope to see that scowl on your face gone the next time we see each other in years time. I hope you find your peace within. Dear Kenneth, You’re probably one of the most creative person i’ve met. You can make anything from scrap into art. You make wonderful stories and films that is not just a classroom pride but a school wide pride. You make a lot of us laugh in a daily basis, though sometimes you go overboard but I’m cool with it since I’m not easily offended but remember, it might affect others. I don’t know anything about you besides this joke-generating-out-of-the-box-minded person you are. Someday I wish to know about who you really are because ik everyone is more than what they show in class. Dear Ronnie, The ever late secretary hahaha just kidding. You have an incredible way to express words you read and I was amazed by our readers’ theatre performance on how you stole the spotlight. You should try and apply as a radio broadcaster in your school next year and join orations or declamations. Don’t be afraid of the thought of losing or no one supporting you. I would always be there somewhere in the crowd cheering for you. Dear Laurence, You have a reputation of having cold heart in our room. IDK if this is just a front or this is just really you but sometimes in rare occasions I can feel that your heart warms up. That sometimes you laugh too hard, smile too wide and give too much and I notice it and I think that’s the better version of Laurence that everyone might not see but I see it and I hope you try and show that to other people more often. Dear Aaron, I’m not gonna live happily if I dont get this out of my chest, Aaron sorry. Talking about you behind your back, not believing some words you say and just being rude to you. You probably noticed by now, you’re a smart observer anyway but I also want to say that some of us think you’re sometimes too arrogant they’re not wrong tho but sometimes you are someone who is nice to talk to especially relating to anime we have some bad sides in us and you can’t help that people would think and talk about your bad sides and ik it sounds ugly but it’s the truth again I’m sorry if I ever hurt you in some way bc ik you have never hurt me. Dear Freidrich, The only thing that pops up in my head is LASHES. I lowkey wanna steal them lol. Anyway, you’re a really good and smart person I still can’t believe you perfected the individual quiz bee during high school day. Isa kang tunay na #nofear. Dear Karlos, I remember you as the quiet smart boy in the class back in elementary and you still are. I hope you speak up sometimes bc ik you have a lot of ideas and stories to tell but maybe I’m just not there in times you do tell them. You’re sometimes made fun of in your group of friends and not gonna lie, I sometimes laugh with them but idk if you get hurt when they do or not but if you do I’m sorry and I hope you tell them when they say too much and that you feel suffocated if they do that. Dear Daryll, You are such a comfortable person to be with that’s probably bc you’re a Sagittarius. You always smile when people get mad at you and I find that very funny yet admirable how can you be so strong to not even lose your smile when people downgrade you. I hope to see that smile again it’s such a refreshing image and I hope you never let anyone make you falter that smile. Dear Harvey, I wrote this after the mapeh periodic test and after knowing my results in research and idk why in those moments you were there??? Idk but yeah I didn’t review anything about mapeh but you helped me and when I was upset (even tho i was smiling shonga ko) bc of my grade in research you were brave enough to tell me you have a lower grade than me idk if it was to comfort me but thank you. Dear Emil, you are probably the most “friendly” person I have met but I’m not bothered of how touchy you get bc I honestly don’t care hahahaha. But it just shows that you’re a comfortable, nice companion. Dear Ryan, I honestly don’t know what to write to feel or to say or what kind of friendship we have. We fight about the most nonsensical things but also don’t hate each other. Sorry if sometimes I joke too much to the point (if ever) that i hurt you. It’s not intentional I promise. It’s just probably bc we have a clashing immature personalities. Dear Jonard, I only knew you for a year but I felt really close to you we both like haikyuu and volleyball so ig it wasn’t hard to approach you and you being my table mate was a plus. I miss being your table mate btw but it’s your decision to sit wherever you want hahaha. Dear johnroe, keep writing and writing you’re amazing really you’ve proven that writing is a form of art and I admire that just do what you love and surround yourself with positivity. Dear felmar, you are so talented, smart and kind you have a big heart and an open mind and thank you for being you. We need more people like you in the class to avoid fights and misunderstandings you’re really the Mr. President of the anti-bullying club Dear Whesley, you have a short temper probably shorter than me (get it?) And a selfish attitude (sometimes) but even tho you’re not the kindest person, I don’t think you deserve to be disrespected to the point of not cheking your papers on tests but I hope you don’t plot revenges. It would only grow hatred on you. Try to be nicer and thank you for teaching me how to play chess hahaha. Dear Timi, sometimes you’re too impractical and it ruins you but you have a good heart who desires to help others and I think that’s enough thank you for taking care of us Mr. President. Dear Yran, I was once a crybaby (still think I am even tho I rarely cry) but I know how wonderful it feels after crying after letting it all out and I just want to say just be a cry baby all you want. Don’t listen to what other people tell you or to what they will think about you. Let yourself cry let yourself feel, let yourself be human. Dear Darylle, you are 1/3 of a whole I admire your friendship with Precious and Karen and I seriously hope you guys won’t drift apart because in my perspective you guys are genuinely happy together. Dear Kryssha, I hope to be with you in a BTS concert someday hahaha. You’ll met them soon and you’re a really good dancer. You should try and show it more and don’t be shy. Dear Judee, you’re quite confusing but I like being confused anyway. Hehe idk you have this feel of weirdness that I actually think it’s normal bc you’re Judee. Though you’re sometimes shallow, I know you have a very deep mind and have great ideas. Dear Janae, I dont know how it ended and how we pretend it never happened but all I know is that thank you and sorry because I couldn’t be there when I know you would’ve been for me. Dear Buena, I’m still thankful for your blog and will always am it’s nice to know how other people see me hahaha. I want to hear you sing more and have more confidence. You’re unique in your own way. I just realized (bc of laurence’s blog) that you really have the same expression to everything hahaha. Dear Angelica, You’re so modest and nice i don’t know a lot about you but i hope you keep your smile always and penge naman height:(( Dear Karen, you are a 1/3 of a whole and a beautiful morena. Embrace your beauty and always keep your head up. Stay as a happy person with precious and darylle. Dear Julia, thank you for teaching me how to dance bboom bboom hahaha. You’re also a great dancer and have confidence also keep smiling with your cute pangil. Dear angelica, an innocent soul with a contagious laugh I don’t know your story. I don’t know your deepest secrets but i know you have them bc I was once you I still am someone waiting for life’s trick to break me down to pieces. Dear salve, look at the stars tonight, breathe in, breathe out. Watch some kdramas. Dream about something, anything. Imagine a life where happiness is limitless. You are so strong for holding on for this long and I want you to be stronger. I need you to be stronger, because one day you’ll look at the stars again, you’ll breathe in and breathe out again, you’ll watch some kdramas again and dream about something, anything again, but you won’t imagine a life where happiness is limitless because you will live it. Dear christelle, i still remember when we used to be bffs and I was really happy being your friend back then but idk what happened we just ended things but ik we ended it in a good terms sometimes being with someone for too long is tiring and I’m sorry if I didn’t hold your hand longer. I’ll always remember you and Kim as my first bffs B! F! F! Hahaha I hope you still remember this chant we had. Dear Kristel, sorry if sometimes I’m too rude or if you feel I neglect you. I don’t hate you , I actually like you but whenever you approach me, I would either be in a bad mood or hungry hahahaha, so I kinda get annoyed at times but you still smile at me whenever I do and I feel really bad. I hope you reach your dreams of being a fashion designer and your love life would be prosperous (oyiiiiiii~~~) Dear jeanelle, you are probably the nicest person i’ve met. I know you have struggles and problems of your own but you always kept quiet about it so you won’t worry anyone but I hope you do tell about them because it’s bad to bottle it all inside. Thank you for being my seat (cheat) mate hahaha and sorry if I ever gave you a wrong answer in a test hahaha. Dear editha, a kind and strong heart you have. I like how you stand up for yourself and how you stand up for others thank you for being a reason for me to be stronger. I really want to have a heart like yours. Micah, I think you’re more chill than me. You go to school just when you feel like it but still have high grades isa kang #nofear pt.2 hahaha I hope you hold on salve’s hand a little bit longer she needs you and if you ever need someone i’ll always offer my hand. Nina, i know how it feels when you think you’re worth less than someone just because of your weight but I never thought that you were any less than anyone then and now. I admire your determination to lose weight but you’re beautiful in any form though your words come of harsh ik you just want the best for them but please keep in mind that karissa may have this reputation of being a strong kalog girl she’s also so fragile. Karissa, hey little sunshine. Hold up, okay? I know no one knows and that no one blinks an eye just because you aren’t showing it or you aren’t suffering as much to the pint of falling to this endless pit but it’s not like that you don’t have to be collapsing for people to notice and to give a hand. They should’ve come closer to hear what you’re saying not for you to repeat and change what you said. Kath, I want you to be kath. I want you to not be compared to your brother. I know how hard it is to have a big brother. Parents will always think of them first and tbh who cares about what they think do things for yourself okay and loosen up a bit and smile more. Shany, you’re so hung up with this guy which I always tell you, he’s not good for you but maybe it’s your happiness waiting for him for so long to chat you back. That maybe he is your happiness so I’m sorry for being insensitive that time I just want to say to think of yourself first and to choose what would make you happier we’re still young there’s still so many faces to meet, hearts to connect and smiles to smile with. Kezia, i know how you want to change the way you look but I honestly think you look fine. I respect how you think about yourself but I just want you to know that whatever you look like it’s the best version of you. Ayra, you have this aura around you that makes me feel at ease. I just know that whatever I say you wouldn’t judge me and you know my kind of humor so I’m happy joking around with you. Thank you for everything. Precious, you are a 1/3 of a whole I find it so funny how you darylle and karen bicker hahaha. I hope you guys always stay together and I hope you will always have that smile in your face. Jemarie, I really like how you draw. You’re an amazing artist tho I’m sad that you wouldn’t pursue it in the future, being a doctor who saves lives is good too. Thank you for all the answers you shared hahaha Katreena, you are such a kind innocent soul that whenever I see you down or upset it makes me sad too. Thank you for opening up to me and telling me your problems that time. Thank you for trusting me enough to ask me what decision you would make and that is to be happy. I hope you’re finally happy and will always be. Joanna, thank you for making me look tall hahaha. Just kidding you’re so cute whenever you dress up and i find your fashion sense really good. Andrew, I have been your classmate for so long to know your capabilities. It is very clear that you are smart person and you never smile at pictures to make it seem like you’re not emotional at all. You’re the one who is most affected about our moving up and I know you are concerned about your weight too and it’s completely okay to feel these things. No one will judge you, but remember to still take care of yourself. Saka wag mo nang i-break si ABCD, kawawa naman. Dear sam, thank you really I’m so thankful for you. You were such a huge twist of fate for me. When I first sat beside you I thought you hated me because i got promoted. But then when you talked to me we just suddenly clicked and was transported to a world where only the two of us exist. You once told me I was a person who doesn’t stay and I know that because i never had a strong grip on anything and I’m a very clueless, insensitive, shallow-hearted person yet you’re the only one who saw it (and maybe abcd too) and thank you for knowing who the real me is. Sorry because i won’t stay and that it might look like i’ll just forget about it but I won’t, I promise so don’t be surprised when one day at 3 am I text/chat you about random things or about my dream last night. Dear grace, I’m sorry at times that I “bully” you just for a laugh, it seems as though you are unaffected which sometimes makes me have the urge to make fun of you sometimes. But you are probably one of the most self-conscious people I know, and whenever you are told that what you’re doing is negative, you stop doing the thing entirely. But thank you for still understanding me and supporting me and accompanying me when the Hi-Y club advisers asks me to go to the library. Sorry if you always do or give things to me but I would sometimes not reciprocate it. Sorry for being the receiving end. I’m so thankful to you. You’re a part of who I am right now and who I will be. I hope someday we’ll be both able to sleep with peace, knowing our moms are sleeping and will wake up tomorrow and if things wont go in our way, I’ll always be there okay? and I hope you are too because I would really need you if it does happen. ps. One day, i’ll pay you back for all my utangs, kahit nasa ULST na ako at may chance akong tumakas. Dear Abcd, Thank you for everything. You will always be the first one i’ll talk to whenever I find something funny. You’ve influenced me so much. I became matured, more responsible and idk if you know this but I stopped crying because of you. I’m not saying it in a negative way hahaha what I mean is you made me stronger and unconsciously gave me a rope to help me climb. You didn’t gave me your hand because you wanted me to do it myself, because that’s the most important thing in everything. Always do things yourself for yourself. You taught me this so now that you’re the one who is drowning I honestly don’t know what to do. I’m always this clueless whenever it’s not about me. But please promise me, please promise yourself that you’ll swim as hard as the currents hit you and you’ll someday meet me in the shore. We all don’t know what we want or what to do don’t pressure yourself. We’re all as confused as you. Let’s all be lost while we are young. ps. Be happy :) Dear Naiza, I hope you would stop being so difficult and stop being so half hearted to everything. To studies, to your friends, to your family and to yourself. You don’t like to admit it but you’re so selfish and sometimes insensitive. You only show this version of you that would look great. The version of you who is always happy, who doesn’t have any problems. You even cover up your problems by saying positive things about your life. You’re the biggest liar I know. I wish you would also stop getting annoyed easily and being too dependent. Stop acting like you care when you honestly don’t, but you know you have to care because you have to be a good person right? but you’re not. It’s really scary how different you are from school, at home, at the internet or at your bed during 3 am. At school you’re this out going person, at home you’re this ignorant person who doesn’t know what her family feels, at the internet you’re so bitchy and rude, at 3 am you’re the most vulnerable person anyone can be. Someday I hope you find who you really are because i’m done with you lying.

[fmdxjerome]

*naomi pokes her head in after disappearing for the 600th time* bonjour 

family things where the reason i was so m.i.a. this past week. but i’m here now and i’m going to follow and unfollow people. update some things (like points, plots and tag lists) and head into ims. the good things. sorry i keep disappearing, it’s a weird time. i hope you all are doing good though. people who i have not talked to yet, i’m sorry i still haven’t introduced myself to you all. i’ll gradually work on this. people who i plotted with before, you know i’m gradually trying to get back to that too. i’m very out of the loop with everything.

though! working on some things. writing, photoshop, things, yeah.

but that aside i kinda wanted to take the space of this ooc post to elaborate on the headcanon i wrote yesterday? because? wow. uh. what the hell was that. i wont talk about the topics of the story itself so dont worry if they are triggering to you, i wont be mentioning anything in here.

i just. i started writing the headcanon because my inspiration for anything else was nil. i had things done for my starter (things that had to go out before it for the starter to make sense) and i was preparing to write but nothing came out. and i saw the days ticking by then so i thought “a headcanon will give me something to put out as i dont want to loose jerome but also don’t want to go on hiatus again”. i thought it’ll be like 1000 words and just explain seulgi and chanyeol a bit but it turned into that. i kinda got sucked into it. like, very badly. i wrote it in two days and two nights with little sleep and a lot of tears and it fucked me up but not in a bad way persay (not in a good way either but). after my hiatus i’ve been all kinds of weird with jerome? i haven’t known how to put him out there and advertise him as a cool dude to new and old people in here and i blame my mood for that? because when i was all meme kid 2000 it was easier to thrust him into people’s dm’s, but then after the hiatus i’ve been so goddamned serious about everything that even the funny posts i try to make dont make it to the blog because i think about them too much? (honestly. i have a backlog of memes guys.). then i write that, start writing that with the beginning and end in mind and it’s so goddamned dark but it gets my emotions out and makes me feel more intrigued to flesh out jerome. it relieves me a bit. 

because the thing about jerome is that family is one of the most important things for him. and exploring chanyeol, who had everything jerome had wanted when he grew up (to be raised by a mother who looked like him and loved him), made me find jerome again. it’s the comparing of lives that do it, how two brothers that came from the same prompt live such different lives because of the polarizing answers their mothers gave to one of the hardest question in life. but then again they have so much the same; the drinking, the faces, the laughs, the ridicule, and so much more. they’re more like twins than they are brothers, just years apart and not quite the same.

(there is a reason why *if you read the story* i pinned their situations against each other often, give the perspective of jerome’s life whilst giving context to chanyeols)

and i dont know if jerome will ever know about chanyeol, meet seulgi, find a connection with his mother, feel a bond with his sibling (who’s connection form is almost done, i’m hoping for a sister) or find the bad of himself in his father but it’s the start of exploring this part of jerome’s life, his bloodlines, that get me so much more into jerome’s story. because it is such an important piece in his life.

and look, you might think “but thats marie!” if you look over his blog or read his bio (please dont. its ugly.), that she’s the most influential thing in jerome’s character as she’s the one who basically created “yuddy”. and yeah, she’s important. he still gets anxious when she teeters with the information only they know and still gets furious when he sees her face. but it’s family that starts it all. 

he wouldn’t be as searching for warmth if it wasn’t for the fact that he views himself to be abandoned when just a baby, which his mother did with all the heart break in her heart. he wouldn’t be as proving and intense if it wasn’t for the fact that he feels like he has just one moment to cement himself in someone’s memory as something to desire (whether its about music, lust, love, etc.). he wouldn’t be as afraid of loosing important people in his life if he hadn’t lost the most important one of all.

also, he wouldn’t be as natural with the flirting and the charming smirks if it wasn’t for the fact that his father had that natural allure to him, too. had that bad treatment, too. had that booming confidence, too. and had that selfishness, too. (i villainize chanwook a lot. but he was just a guy who didn’t like commitments, he wants the fun and nothing else. hmm doesn’t that sound familiar.)

yuddy was a reaction to marie, but made possible because of chanwook. hey, thats pretty deep.

anyway, what also was interesting with exploring chanyeol was the fact that jerome’s biggest wish was to be able to look at someone and recognize himself in it. with his adoption family he obviously couldnt do that. and to add another layer in his hometown there were no korean faces, no ethnicity he could belong to. (i dont know how it is in legit laval and martigné-sur-mayenne as i am just a dumb kid who only has the internet to find things out BUT as i live in a western european town *obliviously naomi you’re dutch* thats pretty big and those towns arents the biggest i can use my own experiences and grab the data/information i can find on the internet to create young!jerome’s school and daily life environment.) but he could live with that if he just had a mother or/and a father he could look up to and see himself. there have been days where he’s been bullied for the shape of his eyes or the colour of his skin, there have been days where he’s been fetishized for them too, and if he was allowed to look up at his mother he could see the same pairs of eyes stare back at him. and if he’d look at his father he’d see the same coloured skin. he’d feel more at ease. but he sees blonde hair and peachy skin instead, sees hazel eyes and different noses. add a DEEPER layer and he can’t seem to find where he gets his ugly wide laugh from, or his aggression when provoked. the gentle touch to the things he loves. the intensity of passion. the greed of selfishness. he doesn’t know where the traits come from, who gives him those traits, or if they are purely his own. and he truly wished he did.

and with that as he stands on stage now he is unaware that he makes two women cry every night. blissfully unaware that he has two mothers look at him and see the man that left them but see their missed sons too. he knows nothing of that, and so he knows nothing of the impact he’s making with simply existing. (boram looking at jerome is still very ambiguous in my mind though as her kid can appear in roleplay but seulgi’s view is pretty cemented)

okay shit this kind of turned into some weird exploration of jerome? i started writing this like 6 hours ago what the hell. i’m so slow. maybe this is helping me too with making that re-introduction thing i still have to make. great. well what you can take from this is that jerome has a definite baseline when it comes to his personality and i explored that in chanyeols story where he was the one who got it yet felt undeserving of it?

it’s affection. his baseline is affection. his baseline is warmth. for him as a person, a real person, his person. and not for anything else. and it’s nice to look at the people that gave that to him, the people that didn’t and the reasons behind it.

his biological mother couldn’t give it to him because she gave him away before she could. (the only exception being the first moment in the hospital room 26 years ago.)

his biological father couldn’t give it to him seeing as he didn’t even care to know him.

his adoptive parents couldn’t give it to him as they only saw him as a prop next to jade vases and ricepaper fans.

his first love marie couldn’t give it to him even when he thought she could, but then in time he realized she never loved him for him. realized she never loved him at all.

his grandfather has given it to him, as he sang with him to old tunes and learned him how to cook. his grandmother did too before she fell away.

frederic and halit gave it to him, freddy when he cemented himself as his first closest friend and halit when he pulled him along and shared his family with him. they both gave him a home, and they both gave him the concept of best friends.

julien too gifts it to him now, as he has poked through the shields that is yuddy and has never stopped grasping at the heart that is jerome.

its interesting. it’s all interesting and i’m kind of content that i threw this headcanon out there? or wrote it. (even if not many people will probably read it because of the content matter or because its dumb long or other reasons) because its really a start for me to explore jerome other sides more, the other important things. with the marie story half way finished and her changing in severity in his life, it’ll be interesting to further explore the facet that hurt jerome the most. bloodlines.

ok i got to stop because literally no one is having time for my wall of mess i mean wall of text and its getting way too late/early whilst i wanted to reply to some dms so im just going to grab my phone and start typing there. until i fall asleep. which honestly can be in a few minutes as today was stressful (my cat couldnt poop and i cried lol i’m actually a mess.) 

ALSO if you read the story, the program seulgi watched when she saw jerome for the first time was You Hee-yeol's Sketchbook when DEAN was on. and the songs she heard where HALF MOON (D) and ORDINARY PEOPLE. (which are probably one of my favourite performances of dean.) easter egg. or something like that i dont know-

ok naomi out

*uses a gif of my sweet winter child as i haven’t used one in ages*

[tamiddyinyourcity]

4:38pm... Screw it, lets do it.

Saturday, January 18th of 2020.

Had a pleasant day with Patrick. It started off "melancholy", in his words, (which was obvious from the awkward faces he made and the way he refused to look up at me upon meeting.... definitely gave an "i dont wanna be here" vibe, but it just seems like that's his... natural state of being, I guess.)

But we ended up having a nice day. Talked about our old schools, good movies, bad movies. He agrees that Uncut Gems was good, but definitely not spectacular. (Overhyped, and just a boring narrative honestly...)

I brought my sketchbooks, pens and paints, since that's the best thing to bring for any hangout.

He drew a white triangle on a white piece of paper, then painted the whole paper off white.... nice.

I forgot that he digs avant garde artwork. Hell, it was one of our first conversations when we first had started talking, before we ever became a thing. Nice idle conversation.

Good to know, hah.

Anyway.

4:44pm.

The hangout was nice.

It was awkward at first, which was good. I kind of like awkward meetings, it keeps me on my toes. And let me know that the feeling of, "Ah, there's my ex, who I am going to spend a few hours with", is a mutual feeling of mild tension or nervousness about how that would turn out....

After I eventually got some food in my stomach, (thanks Patrick, i owe you like 5.44, youll get paid back later some way or form,) had a nice little breather in the restroom, then sat near him a bit longer.... It wasn't so bad. Tense. Enough to make me question why I wanted to see him, but not enough to make me leave. And, it was good. I realized I wasn't attracted to him like I was before, and that I did still like his presence....

An odd feeling of "wow, jesus, this dude is boring", and "but.... a pleasant boring, and still good company for a nice sunny day out."

Pleasant boring is like.... good, and content, but not astounding or outstanding. Like if I were to spend a day blowing dandelions, versus if I were to go to Great America.

Not to say that id rather be at Great America, since... sometimes, nice and content lazy days are all that's needed.

I felt good. And tense. I spilled water on myself or nervously tuned out several times, but.... still, not a bad outing to have with a person in general.

The library was closed, FUUCKKKKKKK. But, he just suggested we sit at a nearby sunny bench instead. Which felt much better than a stuffy book lounge, to be completely honest with you......

Nice sunny afternoon, fresh air, and painting and doodling with a good friend. What wouldn't be nice about that?

Eventually, conversation went from tiptoeing, to light. Tiptoeing would have been acting like any conversation would lead to tears, declarations of iamsopissedatyou, or whatever.

But it was light. Obviously not touching our relationship, but still shedding light on good things. Like movie perspectives, rants about drama and bullying from high school days, several things like that.

And a pro was that I wasn't.... feeling very much.

Not a crush. Still being able to recognize that sometimes, from certain angles, his face was nice. No secret pining for a hand hold, or to kiss. Just.... "Yeah, thats his face, and its not terrible."

Its good that i wasnt super lustful or whatever. I just lost the urge, i guess. Probably since i beat my meat so hard this morning that i lost all feeling down there, and purposely avoiding too much direct eye contact or checking him out to stop myself from even feeling more than pleasant in terms of just their general company

It's an odd feeling. Kinda sad. I don't think I wanna talk about it a lot, or I may cry, like I'm about to right now.

.....

But, it was a good hangout.

The worst case scenario, wouldve been another case of giving eachother a verbal smackdown, followed by a Bad Girls Club style fight..... and, yeah, that wouldn't have been remotely cool.

And a best case scenario, i would've gotten a million dollars, my pussy eaten, and met Brad Pitt. (Who would've done the second thing listed, hopefully.)

And in terms of everything, I'd say this was a good Realistic Scenario.

It lead to me eating something for a day, having a nice day outside in a sunny environment, making some hyper realistic artwork, and then him giving me a ride home.

I didn't expect a ride home. I won't expect one for our next hangout, but it was pleasant to be on a certain level of optimism and trust in me for the sake of the day.

I guess that was the reasoning behind me asking to still potentially see eachother.

Since well, the last few times we "broke up", he got all tense over giving me certain items back. Like spontaneously texting me and claiming he was emotional about the idea of never speaking to me again. Or, saying he really did care about me and didnt want to stop seeing me entirely.....

And of course, his most recent tweets that day I got my gift back were about Kate, but whatever nigga, you said the same thing about me to!

But usually he'd just go, "I don't want to see you for a few months", or never seeing me again, as if that would help.

....

Here's the thing.

Relationships and breakups are always confusing. We broke up twice, and even before me, he had only dated one person who dumped him.... I don't expect him to know how to handle breakups well. Especially in terms of how we deadass failed at the whole "lets take a break from eachother" shit before....

I don't like the idea of him getting depressed over me, I guess. Sad? Sure. Overly sad? No. Depressed and drinking his way into a new year over a breakup? Jesus, man, get it together.... Idk, id hate for him to do something risky or dangerous over a relationship ending.

Plus clearly, he didnt want that for me as well after everything....

I tend to usually still find ways to be around a person, even if they don't like me, or if they're afraid things will go poorly. People have pushed me away, or avoided any confrontation, basically since they never learned to have "real talks" with resolutions. (Abusive parents, shitty friendships, or just general anxiety of how the other person may react, are big factors.) But????? Dude, from all the shit ive been through, a little talk is the least of my worries. Oh look, you thought id yell at you or that issues couldn't be resolved? Surprise, bitch, now we're over the speed bump from before, and eating gelato in a park. Life is a gamble; and you should take any chance you get to say what you want, or do what you want, or else you'll die in the shadows, wondering, "I wonder how they felt? What if i did say what i did this time?" (Hell, most of my incidents of doing that with Patrick lead to.... well, our previous second try, as well as us being friends today, instead of me writing shady shit on twitter as he.... idk, does whatever he does to cope with shit.)

Hell, Crackhead John went from "stop texting me so much, we just fuck, youre so annoying", to "i wouldn't mind seeing that movie twice for you". Marco went from "stay the fuck out out of my life, i literally hate you" to buying us burritos and plowing me in his bed. Patrick #1 went from "im not looking for anything serious" to "what???? you got a new boyfriend????? but i liked you?????".... Most of these incidents came from either perservering and showing that even negative situations can be worked through for a better ending. Or from the other person going, "Fuck it, we were a good friendship duo". I saw that in Patrick #2, and I believed he saw it in me, but as usual, would never make the first move. So...... Yeah, what would be the worst to happen at suggesting we get Wingstop, or go to a library, and rebuild trust up?

....

I know i typed a lot, but does that make any sense?

Like....

Sometimes, you gotta do things that scare you, to get where you want.

And if I wanted Patrick #2 to go from "dont speak to me at all" to "yeah sure lets walk around this nearby college and paint with me".... then, i gotta not be afraid to hear "no", or to be willing to explain my thoughts to someone.

Easy. If someone is obviously worried that I'm not over them, or dangerous, prove them wrong. Agree not to do car rides with them. If they are okay dropping me off at home, i wont sabotage things, to prove that no, I am not a threat... I am a friend, and I want you to see, thats what i want to be.

Multiple things. I knew that talking to him about our relationship, demanding car rides or things not in his boundaries, and whatnot..... would push him away.

So the real question was, "If I had to walk my ass down that big ass hill, take an hour long bus ride, and see this man, without being horny, emotional, or what.... Then, is that something I'd want?"

So far, yeah. If it eventually did reach the point of how it was before in our friendship, that would be nice, but not gonna demand it, or expect it anytime soon.

.....

I just saw that he wanted to be around me, and.... was naive about things.

Or at least, I realistically knew myself that if I stopped seeing him for months, I would either hate him, or lose all desire for a friendship. (Like Calvin, honestly.)

I didn't want that "Hey, Patrick! Long time no see! How are ya? How nice! Aww, well, nice speaking to you!", awkward side hug headass friendship, where I inevitably would tweet afterwards "who the hell was that?"

I knew I wanted to still talk with him. To get over things. Still being decently close, with or without our pelvises touching, and still not afraid to reach out to him.

....

I guess I just reached out, since I thought, "The worst that can happen is hearing no."

If he didn't want to meet up or see if there was potential for us to set general boundaries, and then just at least *test* if a workable friendship was there.... I would've been hurt, but understood. Extremely hurt... but, I think he initially agreed to try out of fear, which definitely is a terrible reason to agree to something. But, he realized there was nothing to fear, and its been genuine platonic interest happening since then.

I just kinda thought, "If we both clearly wanna be around each other, whats stopping us?", and I figured that at least confronting eachother face to face, in a calm rational manner about things, felt better than the inevitable "this question is burning in my mind, and my friends are tired of hearing about this asshole nonstop."

Does this make any sense? Idk. All i know is that from the sheer amount of times his attempt at ghosting me failed, and how we did evolve from problems before, mixed with him both wanting my presence without any problems...

It just made sense.

What was there to lose? Nothing to lose, more to gain. The worst would be losing my shit a few hours of a day and a previous connection.

Best? Well, in the platonic sense, we get to still be friends without a care in the world.

And in a non-platonic sense, I'd be getting railed (in the pussy) and still having a good friend, who just so happens to make my toes curl a nice way. But, lets not think about the image of that too much, or..... itll be upsetting.

5:55pm. According to angel numbers, thats a sign to "let go of the old that is no longer positively serving you".....

I think I'm good, in terms of that. No problems arose today.

.....

Yeah. I just saw it as, "at least give it a shot". And he did. So far, its gone pretty well.

That one night in his car when I was having my unstable ass emotions? Not great. Still good elements, but overall still toxic. He still was open to seeing me nonetheless, which is.... not something I expected him to say, after basically getting a foot to the face? He did sound genuine, but like..... i still worry, in terms of "is he doing and saying this since he wants to, or, because he really is afraid that something could potentially happen?"

.....not a great feeling.

I asked him today if he felt that way, and he reassured me that he was feeling genuine. I still worry! Since... it was a terrible situation, and I still would never want something like that to happen ever again.

And nothing is more terrible than a friend who is only a friend, because they're afraid of you.

Its also why I was worried about him faking joy when we were dating. He's a people pleaser, and sometimes he does really shitty things due to that, which is super unhealthy in regards to what he wants...... Its why I hesitated to tell him about things I wanted in a relationship. Since at what point does it stop being "cool, thanks for letting me know ways to make our relationship better", and turn into controlling his whole life as a person?

....

God, there's three different stories I can tell about that, but I don't want to think about that fucking party. Or anything. Jesus Christ.

..

His car that night? - Terrible instances of flipping shit, but somehow, still lead to us hugging in an embrace that night.

That time at Wingstop? - Awkward. Weird. Not exactly into him, but still, a little. Friendlyish. Tolerable.

The graveyard walk? - pleasant. i broke down in tears on my doorstep, but had a good day walking with him, even if still hearing things that had hurt me. things changed. but was still open to hang.

The movies? - okay. started awkward. he smelled like he rolled around in dickcheese as opposed to a fucking shower.... i had a panic attack and moved seats in the theater. he was confused. but, we moved past that, and still had a pleasant talk about the movies. felt good..... i digged that.

And then today? - good day. genuinely nice. had its rocky or imperfect moments, but sailed smooth otherwise. didnt result in oral sex, but i got checked out at least once that day, which felt good.... plus, just a general nice day.

Things evolve. People and situations can change... sometimes for the better. It went from him saying we would never be able to hang out normally unless we stopped talking for months, to managing set boundaries, healthy discussions, and otherwise having a nice time.

It's great.

....

I didn't feel many insane urges, which was good.

Its odd. I lost feeling for him in a way. I dont know how to feel about that. Its good for the sake of a friendship, but sad, since... let's be honest, we all know i never wanted shit to end.

Life sucks sometimes.

But in this case, it was good.

Still not making lingering eye contact or looking at them for too long. Since some moments were "this dude is so nerdy and dronelike in his way of speaking, and not as attractive as before.... but good enough to still wanna be around, and okay for the idea of cunnilingus from. But due to our past and my loss of emotions for him, i cant imagine really kissing him."

And other moments were like, "Jesus christ, those are some eyes! Damn. Was i this wet before? Gah, stare at your painting again. Don't look at how nice his jawline is, or how clear his skin was gotten. Focus on your watercoloring...."

So..... Good. Not exactly hate, and definitely not what the 'l-word' could be used for.

Putting away the past while still recognizing that what happened, happened for a reason.... and despite all of that, i do not hate him. I just push out the thoughts, not overthink it, and just let it happen.

I should probably not think too heavily about what rank I'd give him, in terms of attraction, but its definitely not romance. "A good friend who I would be hesitant about smashing, and could never truly have feelings for again", is the vibe now.

.....

I guess I could picture him as an FWB. If an fwb is deadass "we fuck and hang, but know it would never go anywhere", then it wouod be easier, since the major roadblock of "i think you're a pussy, you disagree, and your best friends probably would try to kill me if they saw me with you", is helpful. Would help prevent things i guess.

But, enough of that.

Anything else worth mentioning?

He said no to cheating on me.... alright.

He said no to being friends with benefits. Mainly since it was a pleasant day, and he'd rather discuss it on a different day, so we can end the day positive. But its basically "no, for the foreseeable future".... He said that about the idea of seeing me before 3 months passed, but look at things now, bitchboy.

I'm noticing a trend of "what we say is usually just a placeholder for something else, and never set in stone."

Once again, worried about his people pleasing need for that exact reason, since i dont wanna steamroll his emotions or boundaries....

I just see it as, "Ask with the optimism and confidence of hearing a yes, while still internally expecting a no". Either the person matches your enthusiasm and agrees with you on things, or you hear an honest "no" without feeling hurt about it.

Anyway, its 6:24pm. I am.... Okay, so far. Glad today went well. And horny, but not specifically for this dude. Stopping myself from any thoughts relating to him in that way....

Some dude did ask me out tonight.

It's either at 7 or 8.

Worst case scenario: i get killed or molested and left to bleed out and die in the hills near my old high school.

Best case scenario: i have amazing sex, get some food, and can turn my focus onto a new human being now.

....

I at least want decent food, and good sex. After my last wack sexual experience, i do feel eh about hooking up with someone else....

Gross to know that I still see an ex who I don't like as someone who bangs me the best, but! Life has its way of mocking, soooo, yeah. Yikes.

I should text the dude, at least. I dont even like him... its either staying home, or a night out with some new dickhead.

Decisions decisions.....

I wonder.

Peace out.

[sweetlifetownsville]

To End The Year, A Mini-Magpie With A Mini Mystery.

Has mega-fraudster Craig Gore skipped Australia? And if so, why hasnt this been reported in the media especially since he is supposed to have made a midnight flit the very day after a judge refused to allow him to leave? In other matters, one has to admit that the Townsville Bulletin is consistent it has ended the year as it started, continuing its weekly Olympic-standard shambles. And Mongrel the Barrister has left us lawyer Mark Donnelly, the man who inspired a much loved Magpie character has passed away. and our final visit to Trumpistan for 2018. But first Its hard to keep a good man down, and our fav toonist Bentley is nothing if not a good man. Even in the holiday season, he casts his jaundiced eye over the news, and brings us a different and rib-tickling perspective. This week, he was much taken as most of us were with the drone drama at Gatwick Airport in the UK. A professional drone was reported in the airports approach and departure air space, and thousands of travellers were stuck when the whole shebang was shut down for a couple of days while the wallopers tried to go hi-tech and trace the source of the bastardry. Its not fully sorted yet, but Bentley thinks the drone may have already met its fate.

Why Arent All The Gore-y Details Available?

Will ye no come back agin, laddie? Now to our mini-mystery. On December 19, this report appeared in the Courier Mail. Judge denies disgraced former rich-lister Craig Gore request to travel overseas Vanessa Marsh, The Courier-Mail December 20, 2018 2:21pm A DISGRACED former rich-lister accused of ripping off almost $800,000 from investors has broken down in court after a judge refused his request to leave the country to visit family. Lawyers for alleged fraudster Craig Gore today launched an application in the Queensland District Court, seeking for the former businessmans bail conditions to be altered to allow him to travel to Sweden to visit his wife and children. But Judge Paul Smith denied the request, saying Gore faced a long time in prison if convicted and there was a real risk he would not return to Australia to face trial. Gore is facing 12 charges of fraud over allegations he swindled about $800,000 from self-managed super fund investors in 2013-14. He also faces three charges of managing companies while disqualified. Now that seems pretty definitive and eminently sensible. But The Magpie was informed two days later, by a regular contact and mate who has always been on the money in the past, that Gore went back to court the next day on another application, and had his passport returned so he could be with his family in Sweden at Christmas. He was to return in three months to face trial and possibility of a lengthy striped suntan. The Pies contact says Gore was on a flight out of Brisbane that night at 11pm, accompanied by a lawyer (that was apparently part of the arrangement) who will return with certain paperwork. Gore will be expected to make his own way back to face his fate in March. Yeah, right. Now all that is as it may be, BUT THIS SPECTACULAR REVERSAL OF A JUDGES IMPLACABLE DECISION HAS BEEN NEITHER EXPLAINED OR APPEARED IN THE MEDIA. Well, not that The Magpie can find, after days of searching to verify. If it is true, there will be a hell of a lot of very pissed off people Gores victims and the tireless investigators who nailed him who know just how long are the odds that we will ever see this shyster again. Shades of Skase!! Perhaps we will never know how this came about if it did come about because there will be a lofty judicial silence of unaccountability if he is a no show but surely the second hearing was an open court? Hard to fathom why it wasnt reported. Mongrel The Barrister Is No More The Magpies good mate Mark Sludge Donnelly the man who partially inspired the popular Magpie character Mongrel the Barrister, died in his family home in Cairns last weekend. It is fair to say that Mark was my best mate in the halcyon days of Portraits Bar in the Exchange Hotel all through the Noughties, the years when I was reporting court matters for the Bulletin. We were part of a memorable and disparate group, the bar crowded with our marvellously mixed group every Thursday, Friday and sometimes Saturday nights. (The fondly remembered Portraits became Poseurs Bar in the newspaper column and then in this blog.) Mark was universally known as Sludge, which he happily answered to, but never fully explained, even to me, its origins apparently it had something to do with a memorable comment from a lecturer or senior teacher suggesting Marks behaviour at that time some comparable to something from the bottom of a pond. Sludge was one of the wittiest people Ive known, and his memory was nothing short of astounding, not just for quoting legal precedents but in all things, particularly pop music. He always commandeered the music machine at parties, and was a pretty good DJ. He also had an eye for a well turned ankle, and his way of getting ladies to talk about themselves endeared him to more than one. Like many a member of the Portraits push, Mark liked a drink, and some believed he was a bit too enthusiastic in this direction. But I would say that rather than having a battle with the bottle, he just had frequent skirmishes with it, as we all did and any excess rarely affected his work at the other more sedate bar, where he often shone. Mark left Townsville when his father died, to live with his mother in the family home in Cairns. He didnt practice in Cairns, and went into virtual retirement, which was plagued by ill health for some time. He returned to Townsville annually for his birthday, but I lost touch in the past few years, for which I feel a bit miserable now. Sludge is now undoubtedly arguing the finer points about the Laws of Entry with St Peter for that is certainly where this witty, soft-hearted old friend of mine now is because we all know God loves a larrikin. Mark was 62. They Really Dont Understand Language at The Astonisher, Do They? And they even get the wrong WORD for a headlines. Even when theyre trying to make a pun, which kinda depends on the right word, yes? But we got a headline quoting some bizoid saying Townsville is bracing for a great 2018. Bracing for? Ahem. Youve managed to say EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE of what you meant. Heres the dictionary definition of bracing. verb[withobject] prepare (someone or oneself) forsomethingdifficult or unpleasant:both stations arebracingthemselvesforjoblosses|policeare braced fora trafficnightmare. So although this paper goes through life like a bouncing Hari Krishna whos visited the medicine cabinet once too often, giving us totally unquestioning, unexamined glop about our economy (usually from someone with a vested interest), it seem to have inadvertently hit on the truth here. However, the most tedious aspect of the paper of late is the dreary attempts at humour in headlines, particularly about crime, a subject no one in Townsville with the exception of you folks in Flinders Street, finds the least bit funny. AND EVEN THEN, LANGUAGE FAILS YOU let alone a sharp sense of humour.Take this major front page fail on Thursday.

Swindler? My dear headline writer, stay with me on this and read slowly, feel free to move your lips as you must. Now lets see, a swindler is someone who fiddles some unsuspecting victim out of something. That person would be called a fiddler, and if hidden in a ceiling, could be described as ta da a Fiddler In The Roof. You see, this would then coincide with the hit musical of the same name oh, how we would have all fallen about, clutching our sides in mirth, and holding your superior wit in such esteem!!! But swindler? Now weve just got a headache from smacking our foreheads yet again. And this one in simply NOT TRUE. This online

The actual number of people who said (or may have said, who knows, its probably a fiddled fantasy anyway) was 55% of the 700 or so people who responded to a totally uncontrolled survey. If there area 220,000 potential readers (ha! you wish) in the circulation area, the percentage is not even .5 of one percent. But we all know that the on-line edition is sloppy, so the paper itself will temper the outlandish claims, wont it? Errr no.

This is simply lying, and treating people like morons. And still they wonder But barely have we swallowed our anger before we start scratching our heads over weird genuinely weird stories like this, which would suggest that English isnt TEL boss Patricia OCallaghans first language, or she was suffering mild sunstroke when she was penned the media release from which the story was transcribed.

This story is selective twaddle certainly straight off an unedited media release from the Dudley Do Nothings, meaningless twaddle in which Ms OCallaghan specialises. It has often been said of her that she has the gift of the gab, and aint that the truth, just about all of what she has to say, in The Pies experience, is just that meaningless gabble that sounds good until it is more thoughtfully examined. Like this: The Museum of Underwater Art, located within the heart of The Great Barrier Reef, is a proposal based on the works of international sculpture and underwater artist Jason deCaires Taylor. Whats that bit located in the heart of the Great Barrier Reef? Has there been a Krakatoa-like geographic shift we havent noticed? The Underwater Museum, one of several planned along the coast, will be, at last report, just of Maggy Island, the GBR is a at least an hour or more away by fast cat . But in it goes to the story, with a newbie cub reporter just churning out this PR bumf. But wait, theres more. We then get this prize piece of meaningless gabble from the top executive charged with attracting and promoting tourism to Townsville: Its a project that is going to enhance the Great Barrier Reef experience and also educate visitors on how we manage and live with the reef everyday Ms OCallaghan said. That is absolute poppycock that is totally meaningless. And We? Bloody WE? FFS, girl, get a bloody grip. Insulting, uppity tripe from Ms OCallaghan and lazy, presumably unsupervised reporting (read: select all, copy and paste) by a very uncurious junior reporter (read: stenographer). Really, a monkey using scrabble board wouldve made more sense. The clusterfuck continues no wonder were so deep in the shit. Other matters As if golf didnt already have enough hazards.

Words of Wisdom From Two Funny Men

Frankie Boyle The cleverest quote of the week comes from the Scottish comedian Frankie Boyle in the Guardian. But first, his preamble touched a chord for The Magpie, who can vouch for it when Mr Boyle writes: The plight of the satirist, such as it is, is a compulsion to look at the grimmest, most important thing they can think of, and then for reasons that probably wouldnt survive a really good therapist, try to make it funny. To try to address the iniquities of their society, the satirist must manufacture some hope that what theyre doing might make a difference, then type it all up and send it off somewhere before they remember that it never does. Looking back over the events of this year is a bit like holding a doll for a therapist and pointing to where the bad man hurt you. Mr Boyles point is a universal one, which can be shared by Townsvilleans looking back over the past shambolic year. But his prize quote is so subtle, that you may have to think about for a while The Pie roared after a few seconds. The murder ofJamal Khashoggiby Saudi Arabia is another very difficult subject to find the lighter side of, unless someone in the Ecuadorean embassy has clipped the story out and stuck it to the fridge. (Sigh) Dear Mystified of Mysterton, it means that the Ecuadoreans might be giving their Wikileaks guest Julian Assange a hint.

Dave Barry The other funnyman worth a quote is the inimitable Dave Barry , the American columnist who talks about Florida the way The Magpie talks about Townsville only he is far funnier, proof being that The Magpie pinches more of his lines (many) than he does of The Magpies (none). This was his challenge to a graduating class, but it can just as well apply to the year 2019. How are you, Class, going to respond when the Clock-Radio of Challenge emits the Irritating Buzz of Opportunity? Are you going to roll over and hit the Snooze Button of Complacency? Or are you going to wake up and, after performing the Bodily Functions of Preparedness, boldly grasp the Toothbrush of Tomorrow? And no matter what you do in the coming year, make sure youre always politically correct, so no snowflakes will melt before your harsh words.

And So To This Week In Trumpistan First, compare Trump as Commander In Chief of real US soldiers, on his surprise visit to Iraq

Guess whos wondering if she packed the shampoo? with this.

And now to our final gallery of the year about the man Frankie Boyle described as this troll-doll King Lear, who looks like something youd pick off a baking tray after cooking pizza above it.

And Finally How The Hell ? The Pie has been occasionally upbraided for the use of naughty words in this blog well, one word in particular. He is aware that it can be confronting, but it is the other F word Frustration that compels him to sometimes resort to other for emphasis. Anyway, so what, if its good enough for Sesame Street, its good enough for The Pie. .. So that was the year that was, and what a rip-snorter we have coming up. Turns out this edition wasnt so mini after all. Comments run throughout the holiday break 24/7, so you dont have to wait to have your say. And the New Year will look even rosier for the old bird if you think the Nest is worth a small donation to keep it neat and tidy. The how to donate button is below. HAPPY NEW YEAR, YALL. http://www.townsvillemagpie.com.au/to-end-the-year-a-mini-magpie-with-a-mini-mystery/

[danadepth-blog]

20/07/2018

After years of disappearing from the lime light of social media and coming out to have sunrays on my face. I guess it is safe to say, im healing quite well (physically, mentally, emotionally) :-) Im not just saying this to fake a positive “my-life-is-perfect” post. Because it isnt perfect, and i learned to live fully anyway. I can tell you im recovering from my midlife crisis (everyone goes thru it), i DIDNT resort to any of the following SELF DESTRUCTIVE acts like : alcohol binging every weekend, jumping on dates with new people, hookup with strangers, eating like a pig, or starving myself to death in order to get public attention or to fake to everyone that i am doing oh so well.

But what i did was : I think i kinda disconnected from the fast paced world for a bit. It’s not very hard to do since im not an extrovert. And i recharge better when im alone 😉 Then i dig deep and look at all the pieces that is left of me. And peeled my ears to listen carefully to what my inner self is calling me to heal. I didnt have much time to figure things out and how to adapt because most of the time i just didnt wana THINK, because thinking always leads me to FEEL. And when i start feeling, it’s not very pretty. So i guess you can call this : Being DORMANT. One day while i was busy being DORMANT, i saw 2 pairs of eyes looking at me.... they were my kids ! Their faces literally label “Love us momy ”. And the innocence in their facial expressions just struck me in the head. How can i love my babies, how can i give them the entire love in the world? If i havnt loved or took care of myself enough??? If i am inadequate of self-care, i wont be able to share the overflowing cup of love to these heaven sent little creatures of mine :D I have to stress this, self care is not an overnight thing if you have lived a life of dependency, relying on others to serve or care for you without doing it for Yourself! It was a painful start, but i knew i had to overcome it even every step is uncomfortable, change is never easy.

From then on, my perspective started to change. I figured, in order to make it successful in nurturing these lil humans, i HAVE to tough it up and stop sulking already. And they will never see my gloomy. Motherhood, doesnt look very pretty to those who arent yet mothers, it looks like messy hair, dark eye bags, wrinkles and even stretch marks. But this is what it takes to bring up a human, this is exactly how my mother selflessly brought me and my siblings into this world into full grown adults. My mother had no time for herself because she had 7 kids to care for, and i am so ever grateful even after 7 kids, she’d willingly help me babysit Y coz she knows im about to collapse anytime tryna handle them both 😅😅

There are many styles of parenting, but i want to advocate my own. Just like how you have to wear your own oxygen mask on the plane before wearing your child’s. I wont elaborate anything on my personal growth here, bcoz you dont need to know. Im still working on myself thats all i can share. And I wont brag about what my goals and dreams are either 🤡

Ive tuned back into finding my old self. The one before all that had happened. And im still the same ol poetic me. Thats why im here blogging again. Isnt it fun??? 😂😂 And oh yea,, i am ever grateful to the 1,2,3 beings who are there to talk with WHENEVER. Haha. Seriously i swear they are GOD SENT. Sometimes we get off topic and sometimes we dont speak, but it just lifts a brick off my shoulder day to day. It makes me pass my lifetime with more joy than on my own 😃 and yes, i am happy 😘

[argaliaofficial]

okay actually i might put this here on my main blog just cuz i kinda want some perspective 

cw rape and child sexual abuse mentions under the cut

okay, old news is old but i was molested and rape by my ex gf when i was way younger than i am now. i never really mentioned more details about it cuz, y’know, its just fucking shitty to think about

though recently i kinda had a heart to heart with one of my friends bree. it was 5 in the morning and we were just talking about this shitty things we’ve been through, and i talked more about how i never like... got any closure about my abuse as a kid, i guess? (i cried a bit but yknow w/e)

like, i’ve been depressed since maybe just before freshman year of high school? but it got even worse after i got together with my ex gf. at the time, i went to this religious private school. funny how a house of god is filled with memories of sexual abuse, huh? anyway

being with her was... horrible. it was just horrible. i was struggling in school so bad that i wasn’t on track for graduating on time, i was not getting the help i needed academically, and quite frankly, i cannot understand how no one seemed to notice how badly i struggled? i was literally months and months behind on school work. i had detention every recess. i acted out. i defied authority. i refused to even look at my school work because i was just so behind, and i wasnt comprehending the work, so i just sat in my cubical for 6 hours a day, doing nothing. rinse, repeat

on top of that, i was with her. that rancid cunt who honestly probably has latent pedophilia tendencies. at this time in my life, i hated everything about myself, so i had “characters” in my mind who “fronted” to deal with the stress of being a total failure. i’m pretty sure i was using escapism to cope (i still do to a lesser extent)

and my ex would feed into this method of coping. she had “characters” too in her head! our characters would interact! whoopie joy. things got too intense though, and eventually i’d begin to grow anxious over a shit ton of absolutely ABSURD drama that happened between these “characters”. i was losing sleep, and at one point drama was utilized to make me feel like a piece of shit (actually tbh that was done more than once, but theres this one really prominent time in my head that’s rather embarrassing to admit so i’ll leave it at that)

i fucking wanted to die.

one time, at recess, one of the adults at the school came up and wanted to talk to me and my friends and see how we were doing, and i dont remember why, but all i remember was just breaking down and sobbing about how i wanted to kill myself. you’d think that an adult having a child, yknow, crying and shouting about how they wanna die would lead to something getting done?

nope. nothing came of it

my ex got sexual with me really fast. i honestly dont like to use terms like “mental age” and whatnot, but tbh, looking back at myself i was so just... not ready. even after the rape, when i “consented”, i wasnt ready. i was trying to force myself to be grown and sexual, when i really was not. i was too young, but this bitch had groomed me so thoroughly i thought i was able to handle anything. there were some things i still was not comfortable with, though, but she forced me anyway and got really bitchy whenever i didnt cave

i have a hard time going to church because in the main building she’d grope me

the fourth of july is forever ruined because to this day all i can remember is her molesting me in public and having older teenagers laugh and gawk at the sight of my discomfort

like, everything was found out eventually. the most that happened was that she didnt return to school, and it was as if it never happened. i was forced to just... move on? but how do you move on from traumatic experiences when you’re not allowed to even try and process it?

i didn’t even know until last fucking year that my mom thought of my experience as getting “raped by that pervert”. that was the first fucking time anyone outside of my immediate close friend group ever acknowledged what i had gone through.

this all went down around 2009/2010.

to this day, i sometimes cannot be intimate with my current gf without breaking down and sobbing. i cannot picture myself ever having a normal sex drive or sex life. before i got together with my gf, i would do things like touch on other teens (with consent) or expose myself (never fully nude tho)

i feel like part of the reason i am still struggling is because it was treated as if it literally never happened. i was violently choked out with witnesses (some adult!). that was never acknowledged after it was stopped. it was exposed that i was being molested by another student. the student was just taken out of school. from then it “never happened”.

for 7 years, no one has acknowledged what i went through. 

for 7 years, i’ve been a hyper sexual adolescent/young adult desiring abuse because i feel like it’s what i deserve

for 7 years i’ve craved sexual validation. i still crave sexual validation. i want orgasm after orgasm, but just the mere act of sex alone sends me into a disgusted bought of screaming and sobbing

i feel like i will never be able to have a normal sex life. tbh i probably will not be able to. im ruined.