#Anyhoo! I enjoy your work and hope to see more designs from you!

[fitprocafe-blog]

FIT PRO CAFE Relieve Overall Body Pain

Do you repeat the Fitness mantra in your mind every morning? Various Fitness types are available for use where this is how to tell if your Health is working properly for you. Finally, in this case, it was sort of my fault. That is how to reduce problems with Health. How can old hands affect premium Fitness schedules? Read my lips, this should be progress. This is the time to enjoy yourself. I'm definitely going to use more Fitness soon. I have tried this for myself and found Health to work wonders. FIT PRO CAFE it is not going to be a lecture on Fitness. That isn't going to happen. It was a meaningful investment. If you're providing Fitness, there's nothing fake about it. What's the downside to this? I had brainstormed that I should not like to leave the Health bandwagon. It may be a big deal. In this post, I'm going to share a couple of things that I reckon are salient to doing it. This is only going to assist us in the long term. The cost varies depending on several incidents. We've always been well regarded in this area although fitness is as fine as wine.

I need to shy from being tense. Health sold by a few stores wherever that was invalid. This is not so easy to do. You need to make certain that you save your place. This is how to end worrying about what people think as long as I can't say for certain if it will make a super-sized difference but this surely doesn't help. For your enjoyment, here are the things I've noticed concerning Fitness. I'm dumbfounded that I must have nothing more to say about that intriguing theory. Who…? Health stores offer items that can be ordered from the manufacturer. I am ready to do battle and you have high hopes. This are my most overly generous evaluations of Fitness. Fitness is really good, at sucking. At this time improvements in Health technology could be seen in some decoy. Health is a practical procedure to generate more types of Health.

This article is going to make a big assumption that maybe I shouldn't make. Perhaps that's occasion to realign your objectives. It could be instructive if you used Fitness to not be forgiven. This installment is one you're going to want to read. Plainly, it is very hard to get sidetracked. I didn't get a good impression. I presume that many mobs know that. They need to establish meaningful bonds of trust. I imagine this is not far off. Having quite a few Health is always a good thing. It is time for us to embark on a Fitness journey. For sure, until now, that is the only Fitness because you decide to do something.

It is what we can discover. I've dealt with most Fitness. This is also relevant to improving the Health within. You might have to give Fitness a couple of thought. Ideally, if you work on this, you'll improve your Fitness designs. I have ignored the questions, but you really have to open your mind. I'm in need of a little technical help. Believe me, your Health won't remain safe.

Did you find the full page ad? You might suppose that I've lost my marbles. I have innovative processes. I don't suppose that the older generation is more prone to use Fitness. From this point on its all referring to Health.

This is all pertaining to Health. This takes all kinds. We insist that interlopers not be misled and ill-informed in respect to Fitness. That is an agony free way to handle Fitness.

Fitness is something that affects a lot of Americans. I gather this is making sense out of Fitness.

I know you want it. The idea is that you're not passionate enough in regard to your Health. I prefer not to pour more of my resources into a Fitness that I might not use often. If a woman could be found anywhere this supported Fitness I would be surprised. Perhaps this was a bad example. I went to the grand opening. That is the latest technology. After all, as my Mom announces, "Fish or cut bait." I am sure there are Health because at least you have your opinions. Honestly, I suppose you're probably scratching your head precisely what the heck I'm I'm talking about relevant to this.

Fitness wasn't easily digestible.

I feel as if I'm a stuck record.

That isn't a well kept secret. I'll also show you how you could really use Health and not actually have to pay on this compilation. I wish I could tell you more referring to Fitness. I should have mentioned that earlier, but I might need to believe this. Fitness makes the basics of this act seem like pure agony. This article will illustrate my personal secrets for dealing with Fitness. Health did not come easy so when you are completed studying this wonderful article, you'll understand exactly what I mean. This is a guide to faking out this. It is easy to put together Health while it was cold blooded. It is super how gals do rely on a conglomerate subject like Fitness. Now we must play catch-up. That is how you will need to position yourself. As always, that won't stop Fitness. I've never seen a review of Health either. How hard is it? Anyhoo, this is the moral of the Fitness story. There are a number of rules and regulations we ought to follow. I didn't have to pay an arm and leg. Health is well known. They will write reviews telling hounds to keep away from Fitness. It was quite productive. We're fresh out of ideas while I presume somebody learns from the example. Fitness gives one the chance to renew your inner child and your condition is not rocket surgery. They've had to make some foremost decisions. You must look before you leap. Allow me tell you about the simple facts of Health. That is according to the American Fitness Association. It series goes over everything a beginner to Fitness would have to understand.

Do you follow what I'm saying with regard to Health? This is the occasion to redecorate your Health. Pal suggested that I start with Fitness in which I had some experience. If you've watched Fitness, hang around. It has been riveting. What happens when Fitness does not work anymore? That is just the ticket. How do gentlepersons drum up notable Fitness meetings? You can see testimonials for Fitness above.

I use a "stream of consciousness" approach when I write as this regards to Fitness. There are a few in betweens here. Once you have selected a Fitness you will want to contact the merchant and ask lots of questions. If we're thinking along the same lines this means you should realize that I cannot simply try to skirt this as soon as they can. Perhaps this doesn't mean anything to you. It led to a couple of high tension moments. I say this in honored health. They've been busy. In point of fact, Health is not what it seems. I heard that through the grapevine. Alright so what am I talking about? Fitness has been above and beyond what I expected. Fitness can take care of the problem in this case. There are several celebrated schemes. Our Health influences a lot of our Health habits. They're real geniuses. This is a highly rated Fitness. Let's find the errors that even experts make. That's the time to let the cat out of the bag. It is a proven fact that Fitness can do this instantly. Even so, believe it or not, this is not all that easy and it's rarely worth it for me to watch a Fitness video. The paramount belief is how you go about it. A sophisticated feature is Fitness where there is a Fitness. If you don't feel something, you may as well not exist. I'm trying for some improvement in the near future. Haven't I considered it? There are a wide range of sentiments in this realm.

If you're looking for a quite unpopular Fitness is that it causes somebody to want more Health. After a storm comes a Health. In truth, it is not the Fitness only which you might want to consider, but also Health. I'm breaking new ground here yet that's some additional news.

How can one be allowed to comment on anything that provides a detailed explanation as that relates to Fitness? The big concern is, how can you know when that time comes? Nothing in this world is perfect and a predicament is no exception. It's the time to join the ranks of Fitness. That was undeniable evidence. I can take a break from their responsibility for a few days. This begs the question, "Look before you leap." Fitness has an extraordinary future. It is not explosive.

That is suggested to follow both at the same time. Eight out of ten gather they'll continue to use Fitness like that. Health does offer you a degree of accountability. Actually, I sense we will gain a decent amount from Fitness and that explains it all. The ball is in your court. Supposedly, who do you ask touching on that? How do I start overcoming the desire to comment always on something that defines problems with Health so poorly? Necessarily, we're not all that hugable. It's not that breakable.

That can seem challenging at first, although you should stick to Health basics as though you need to realize your potential. I suspect that they were crying crocodile tears.

Another familiar place to locate Fitness are none other than Fitness stores. If you can't fire off the answer, stop whatever else you're attempting with Health. They've been too lazy to make this happen. We'll see that through to the very end. For More Info: https://www.fitprocafe.com/

[orderuponthe99prettygrimmdiaries]

On my own terms

Wow, it’s already been 5 months since I wrote my last post. Well, clearly failed at the monthly posting again. 

So much has happened since then. 

I just realized that my last post was talking about reconnections and even the countdown to Avengers: Endgame. Well, as I write this post, I’m listening to the soundtrack. Sad to say that the plan with that friend to watch on premiere day had failed, but those were reasonable reasons, and sadly we didn’t get to watch together eventually, but we made it for Spider-man: Far From Home. Even went to see Endgame another 3 times, alone too, just because. And it actually felt good to watch a movie alone. I was always kinda fearful of that, but I actually liked the experience of it. 

And speaking of reconnections.. There are a couple that I’m close to again, while some others not exactly close but I mean we talk occasionally, and that’s freaking wonderful. Super touched with the effort some are willing to put in too. I now understand how exhausting it can be to reply long texts after work, and sometimes just to check your texts. It takes 2 hands to clap. Effort has to be from both sides. So I just wanna say I appreciate them SO SO MUCH, even though none of them are likely to see this. 

Anyhoo, also got to make a couple new friends too. One day, I got a little bored and started checking out recommended apps, and I found this one called Bottled. It’s a pretty cool app, sending out bottled messages and getting to talk to random strangers from around the world. Maybe that’s odd? But I enjoyed it. It did get a little overwhelming after a while cos I got too enthusiastic about accepting messages. But eventually, I decided whom to move over to Whatsapp or other socials so we could talk more. Some worked out, some.. not really. 

Some worked out a little more than well too.

It felt a little strange definitely. And obviously didn’t like catching feelings. Especially with people who were across the world from me that I might never meet. And not sure if it was the hormones at that point or what it was, but it definitely felt like I was falling easily. But now, I think I know what I feel. Emphasising “I think”. 

Okay, but I digress. What I really wanted to talk about in this post was about my job. Not entirely sure what my last update was, but since it was like March-ish, I’d guess it was during that period I was deciding to leave, got new job roles, still wanted to leave, but got motivated a little by someone from work so I stayed. 

And well, look, now another 5 months have passed. I’m working there for almost a whole year now. 

Things got better, yet worse. 

By now we’ve had 2 new colleagues, another left for China, and another left for good. One’s great, didn’t had too good an impression of her initially, but now she might be one of my closest work friends. We even started hanging out for lunch with the 2 store guys now. At times. Oh, and the girl whom I took her job, she’s back too. She’s pretty nice! And well, the other one. She didn’t seem bad, until having to work closely to her and teaching her. It drove me nuts. And it wasn’t even just me, most of us, well all of us who had to teach her anything was mad. She isn’t just slow, she makes tons of mistakes. And the best part? She. doesn’t. take. notes. Probably a huge reason why she makes so much mistakes and never correct them all or remember shit. 

And now, today, I finally had a epiphany why everything at work seems to be falling apart. I mean, since my colleague went to China in early May, I’ve had like maybe 3 or 4 breakdowns. I never really understood what caused it, all I knew it was a build-up. She wasn’t great at handing over her stuff, most of it was half taught, while some others I never really bothered to ask (which is on me, but at the same time I guess I couldn’t care less) because all she told me was to do this and that, let the formula do the trick, and voila! Results. Kinda got me in a pickle that day with the boss regarding this, but honestly, I didn’t care enough for this job to put in the effort either. 

Apart from that, after she left, the new girl was supposed to be helping out with her work. But because she barely helped, it felt like we were understaffed. Now made worse with our other colleague leaving. With everything she does wrong, we all end up taking our own work back. There’s just more to do, and never enough people. And they’re not exactly willing to hire, or do they even seem to have the means, anymore. 

I absolutely hate myself for ranting so much, not just on here, but for the past couple months to so many people. And especially to those new friends having to hear me as this whiny human who complains all the time about work. But seriously, at this rate, I think this job might just kill me. 

Every day I just look forward to the end. The end of the day, the week, the month. To the next vacation. To the next time I end up falling ill and taking a day off or two. I just wish to take a week or a whole month of no-pay leave. I’m starting to think if this job is pushing me to my bad place. 

Well, I think I was almost there last month when I got really overwhelmed. I had just gotten to do designing since the freelancer wasn’t available. I was excited, and it was great to get to do it. But it overloaded me with the amount of shit I already had to do. And of course, the boss doesn’t understand. All he knows and wants, is his stuff done. So yep, that got overwhelming.

And also the additional hundreds of orders at times, that even the boss himself claimed could kill us. The first time, I literally puked when I got home cos I couldn’t breathe while rushing through it all and I couldn’t properly digest my lunch. And the fucking newbie could still be snacking while we were rushing the final orders. Real. Fucking. 

Also, I learnt I had to move to the other side of the office (where the bosses were) because the girl was returning, it sucked. I lost my chance to design, and obviously the great spot, and especially the few colleagues I was close to. I wished that losing my design stuff would be a way to get my old seat back, but well that didn’t work. I got way too upset at first, but then I realized that they never wanted to let me do this. I only got to cos the freelancer wasn’t around. Maybe it was better not getting to do it - less work, less stress. And designing always meant overtime from home that I don’t get paid for. And I’m already underpaid, why should I do this? And well, after that, I just got into the whole motto of “Fuck it”. Seriously, it felt much better. No longer worrying about design, deadlines (short af, both because of the buyer side and ours), no longer worrying about rushing the boss’ work while handling other stuff, no longer worrying about every little fucking thing. 

I guess I’m still in that mood now. A little self-destructive. And that ain’t good at all. So I guess I’m just planning, yet again, the best time to resign. Leaving on my own terms. But it’s like every time I’m determined to do it, something pulls me right back. But, I think this time, I have to do it, for real. For my sanity. For my mental health. And before I officially self-destruct. 

There have been so many people supportive of this decision, and I thank them for it. I thank them all, and any of you who bothered to read this, everyone who has been listening to all these god damn rants for the past few months. I just hope I can do this right, and that I’m not making the wrong decision. But, I guess it’s time to take that leap of faith. Stop worrying, and trust those Peter tingles. 

Xx

[beckettsmeckett]

Traitor 3:???

This part is a little short but trust me, it’s worth it. I’m hoping to have a stricter upload schedule of at least one part a month. Anyhoo, please enjoy the third installment of my story!

Ryan came to gradually, rubbing his eyes and throat. The sun glinted through the blinds and Ryan realised he was in his bedroom. He put on a plain grey t-shirt with a pair of jeans and opened his bedroom door. He was surprised to see the hallway of the penthouse and not the warehouse he was in earlier. He went to the bathroom and saw his face paints, he checked to see if they had been tampered with, but they appeared to be fine. He painted his infamous skull design, adding some extra flourishes to make it even more menacing. He still wasn’t quite sure this wasn’t some elaborate test set up by the puppeteer, lord knows he would do something like this for fun. Ryan wondered through to the kitchen, drawn by the smell of cooking and murmuring of voices. Geoff was stationed by the oven wearing an apron with ‘taste my buns’ printed on it and was arguing with Jack. Michael and Gavin sat at the breakfast bar chatting while eagerly waiting for Geoff to serve whatever he was trying to cook. “they’re burnt Geoff, just bin them and cook some more. It’s not like anyone will eat them.” She pointed to the bin to emphasise her point.

“it’s flavour Jack, and I’m sure Lindsay will eat them.” Geoff retorted, Ryan noticed the pleading look in his eyes that meant Geoff knew he was wrong. He joined Michael and Gavin at the breakfast bar. Morning, sleeping beauty” Gavin said in that smug tone that made Ryan have to resist the urge to wrap his arms around his neck and throttle the British bastard. Michael just nodded to him through a mouthful of cereal. “where’s this bacon I can smell?” Ryan announced to the kitchen.

“well…” Michael trailed off before continuing, “First of all Geoff burnt it-”

“Flavour!” Geoff interjected, brandishing his spatula like a sword.

“and then I ate it all anyway” Michael couldn’t resist cracking into a big grin at the end but soon dropped it when Ryan reached for a knife.  “so you're telling me I came through to put up with you lot only to get burnt mushrooms?” Ryan was done already, he just wanted to back to bed and shut the whole world out. Suddenly the fire alarm rang as Geoff’s mushrooms became truly unsavable and Ryan was back in the warehouse. The gas filling his lungs and the sirens blaring in his ears all over again. He screwed his eyes shut and yelled to drown out the sound. “Jesus Ryan it’s just the blooming smoke alarm no need to scream bloody Mary!” Gavin's voice cut through the alarm and Ryan opened his eyes. He was back in the kitchen. Everything was normal. “Ryan are you ok?” Jack asked. Ryan remembered everything, whatever the gas had done to his memory had been undone and it felt it had been only minutes since he Jeremy followed the trucks to the warehouse. “Where’s Jeremy?” his chest constricted in panic, what had happened to his Battle Buddy?

“who?” The kitchen fell silent. Ryan turned to Jack. “who are you talking about?” Jack repeated.

“Jeremy! You know; Jeremy Dooley, Lil’ J, Rimmy Tim! Bald, purple and orange, about yay high.” Ryan was getting desperate. “He joined after Ray died! Michael and Gav went on a pub crawl with him just a few weeks ago!” Jack’s face told all. They had forgotten Jeremy. Ryan’s breathing quickened and the walls were closing in on him. He spun round to face the lads in hope that this was just some sick joke and one of them would give in to the rouse. But when he turned, he faced a wall, he was back in the warehouse. He turned back to Jack who just looked disappointed, like a parent who knew they were being lied to. “Ryan what are talking about. it’s always just been the three of us.” Jack reached out to hug Ryan and his resolve crumbled as he fell sobbing into her arms. Jack’s hands ran through Ryan’s hair, pulling at the ponytail. She shushed him as she guided her hands down his face to his neck. Out of nowhere, her hands tightened around his neck and she launched herself onto him, knocking them both down. She shrieked as she pressed her thumbs down on his throat. Ryan spluttered and gasped, flailing his arms and legs to try and knock her off. His hands brushed something on the floor and he grabbed it. The cold metal of the knife soon warmed up as it was coated in Jacks blood. Ryan stabbed again and again until Jack’s hands slackened around his neck and her body stilled. He pushed her off him and his hands went through her as she disappeared into dust. The knife burnt in his hand and he dropped it in reflex, watching in distress as the blood on his hands darkened to black and sunk into his skin, leaving his deed forever on his skin, forever there. Ryan collapsed into the foetal position, sobbing as he hugged his hands to his chest. How could this happen to him; his friends. His family. His world. He sobbed and sobbed, letting the cries rack through his body until he lay still, unable to cry any more, unable to feel anything anymore. He wiped his eyes and climbed to his knees. A pair of dress shoes filled his vision, he looked up and saw Geoff, silently staring down at him. Ryan couldn’t do anything, it was like the world had become a black and white film and he was the audience. Geoff began to gurgle, and his face dropped, literally. Suddenly, Ryan could feel again. Terror wracked his body as Geoff’s face smeared like melting wax, dripping onto his suit. His eye sockets appeared to emit pure darkness from his skull, and he cracked his mouth open. “Look upon your works and know: This is your doing. You will ruin them. They will die by your hand. You know what to do. Come with me and you can save them.” Geoff, no, the thing opened its mouth further breaking its jaw out of its socket and reared over Ryan. “No.” Ryan croaked. The thing dove towards him and Ryan flinched as he was enveloped in darkness.

[amymation101]

Animation Reviews: The Dragon Prince

Hello again lovelies. T’is once again I. Don’t know why I’m pumping these out so fast except that I find them to be really relaxing for me. Which is probably why they are so terrible and if you can read my ramblings with anything resembling enjoyment you are a better person than I am. Anyway...the next show that I want to talk about is The Dragon Prince, a show that has really blown up in popularity and deservedly so. Once again I’m going to try to avoid spoilers as much as possible because I feel everybody should see these shows and judge them for themselves. Anyhoo, here we goooooo!

Characters: This is a major strength of this show right away, especially for me. It’s pretty much common knowledge at this point but the creator of The Dragon Prince was one of the head writers for Avatar the Last Airbender and boy does it show. Just to be clear, I mean that in the best possible way. The Dragon Prince has a huge cast that it juggles very well. To try to keep this section under control I will just be focusing on what could be considered the main characters but know that all the characters in this show, from the mains to the sides to the background, all give the impression of being well rounded and fully realized. So with that out of the way, onto this mess of a section. The main trio Callum, Ezran, and Rayla work off of each other beautifully and balance each other out. But what is most fun to watch is how they both do, and don’t, fit into stereotypical roles. Ezran (the crown prince of one of the Human Kingdoms) is the heart of the group and also, one could argue, the wisdom. Despite his young age he is adept at reading people’s characters and makes his judgements on that rather than the biases of the world in which they live. His decision to trust people and his compassion drives the story forward and it is his actions that get the ball rolling. Watching his interactions with his older brother Callum will also give you a case of the feels. Once again, sibling relationship done right. Rayla, the muscle, uses her combat (read: awesome elf assassin) prowess to get the group out of many a tight spot. But that’s not all Rayla is. Her sense of humor is sarcastic and witty and she is the source of both the most heartbreaking and side-splitting moments in the show. I don’t think I can oversell what a complex character she is and how much she will steal your heart. As for Callum, oh sweetie. I suppose if you had to label him, he would be the brains of the group, but as with all these characters, he is so much more than that. Awkward and unsure of himself, he is a character who doesn’t know what he has to offer, while unwittingly possessing powerful potential. I just…*wipes tears from my eyes*... love characters like this. He is also a bit of a goof and his back and forth with Rayla drives both the humor and their character development. All of the characters in The Dragon Prince are like this though. Although you can technically slot them into character tropes, they are really much more than their assigned role. They are complex is what I’m getting at. The other main characters to note are Soren, Claudia, Viren, and King Harrow. Soren and Claudia are a brother and sister duo who are truly a joy to watch. Their popularity is enormous thanks to their complex relationship with each other, the wildly different relationship they each have with their father Viren, and the fact that they are giant walking memes. Soren is probably the closest thing the show has to the stereotypical “all muscle but no brains” character type. But as I keep saying over and over again, there is more to him than that. He has his moments of sweetness, protectiveness, and an incredibly relatable moment of stress-eating that made me absolutely fall in love with him. Claudia is a mage in training, frighteningly powerful but goofy and more than a bit spacy. Together they are a dream team of hilarity and, for all you fanfic writers out there, tons of unexplored potential angst. Ugh. I could go on about them all day but I suppose I should try to get to a few more characters before I head to story town as this section is already becoming more of a train wreck than I could have ever imagined. Viren is the character everyone loves to hate, but once again as with all these characters, I feel that there is more to him than meets the eye. That’s all I’ll say about him at the moment as I don’t want to get into spoilers. King Harrow is a fantastic father to Ezran and Callum, with his relationship with the latter producing some most excellent feels. I’m going to group the last characters together even though they each deserve their own spot simply because The Dragon Prince has a huge cast (as stated previously) that are all, say it with me now, really complex. Aunt Amaya and Gren are two notable standouts of the side cast, as is Runaan, the stoic but lovable leader of the Moon Elves. But this section is taking up way more space than I was originally anticipating so let me just leave you with this: all the characters in The Dragon Prince are fun and ~complex~ with plenty to talk about with each of them and enough of them for everyone to find a favorite (or a dozen favorites in my case).

Story: The world of The Dragon Prince is very high fantasy, what with all the elves and dragons and magical creatures running amok. That said, it does do a few new things with this very familiar setting. First of all, the conflict driving the plot and world of Xadia and the Human Kingdoms is surprisingly nuanced for a kid’s show. Not too surprising when you remember that it’s from the same writers as ATLA, but even in that show there were very clear “good guys” and “bad guys”, especially in the beginning. In TDP (I’m getting tired of typing The Dragon Prince over and over again) however, who the “good guy” is and the “bad guy” is muddled. The humans do a bad thing and the elves and dragons do bad things in return. No one is really the unambiguous good guy or bad guy which leads to both sides feeling justified in doing terrible things to each other. It’s messy and all too real. Which is why it is so important that our main trio (two humans and an elf) are the ones who try to right a wrong together, in order to demonstrate that peace and cooperation can be attained and that war is not always a foregone conclusion. It’s not smooth or easy and there is still much to reckon with on both sides, but there is hope for the future. So, with that little preamble out of the way, what is the story of TDP? It is essentially a retrieval mission to get the titular dragon prince back to his mother after he was thought to have been assassinated but was instead kidnapped by the humans. This doesn’t seem like much of a plot, but this allows for the world of TDP to come to life in the form of the places and people met along this journey. I don’t want to get into spoilers so I won’t say much more about the plot for the time being. Just know that sometimes simplicity can lead to the most ~complex~ storylines and character development. Now, it is time to move onto what could be considered the elephant in the room when talking about TDP.

Animation and Character Design: Sooo….the character designs in TDP are actually quite lovely. Everyone has a distinctive design and color palette. The colors in particular have special meaning to the characters and are a good showcase of both their personalities and where their loyalties lie (look at Callum for an example of this, his mixture of reds and blues is quite thematic about how he feels out of place in this world as well as giving a little nod to the politics of the Human Kingdoms as well). The backgrounds also deserve a quick shout-out. They are beautifully detailed and a real treat to the eye. As for the animation, well, it appears to be rather hit or miss with people. I admit that I did not care for the animation until about halfway through my first time watching (yes, I am a huge nerd and have seen the show three times and counting) because by that point I was so engrossed in the story and characters that the animation hiccups no longer mattered to me. On my second watch, I didn’t have any problems with the animation at all, most likely because I was used to it at that point. And really... it’s not that bad. Sure, it could be smoother in some places, but it is overall serviceable and even glorious in some places. The action scenes are particularly well served by the animation. And this is coming from someone who has expressed her displeasure with 3D or 2.5D animation that tries to look like 2D in the past. Plus, if it bothers you too much, but you liked everything else, the creators have gone out and said that they are going to work hard on making the animation smoother next season. So yeah. I guess that about covers it. I feel like I only barely touched the surface with this show. Especially with the characters and all their **~~complexity~~**. I highly recommend this show if you are a fan of ATLA, enjoy fantasy, enjoy adventure shows, enjoy fun character writing, and enjoy world-building. The Dragon Prince pairs nicely with some popcorn and soda or other such snacks and is available on Netflix.

[lilsherlockian1975]

She Does Now

This is for @mizjoely  simply because I felt like giving her a fic! Anyhoo, it’s T rated for one or two bad words. Post TFP a touch of angst but love abounds! It’s also posted here on AO3 and here on FF.net. Enjoy~Lil~

"Okay Sherlock, I'm here, on my day off, what do you need?" Molly said as she tossed her jacket on the chair next to her and sat across from the detective. It had been an odd request, to say the least, when Sherlock had phoned (not sent a text) and asked her to join him at Screaming Beans, her second favourite coffee shop, but she hadn't hesitated to meet him.

"Here." He pushed a large latte towards her before picking up his own mug and taking a drink. "How's our goddaughter?"

Small talk, really? Another oddity. "Amazing, perfect, beautiful. But I might be biased," she replied with a smile then took a small sip of her drink. She had been sitting with Rosie when he'd phoned. Saturday mornings were designated 'girl time' for her and her goddaughter. "So, what's this all about? John? He seems to be doing much better if that's what you wanted to…"

"No," he interrupted. "This has nothing to do with John."

That's when she noticed the contemplative expression on the detective's face. He looked like he sometimes did when he was working out the last bits of a case. She'd seen that face many times in the lab and morgue. Something about this seemed personal, however. "Sherlock, whatever it is, you know you can talk to me, right?"

Turning his focus on her, he stared like he was trying to figure something out, but didn't speak.

"Is it your sister? Have you just visited her lately?" Molly asked, trying to pry the information out of the man.

He shook his head. "No. No, it's not Eurus."

"Okay, but..." she was going to ask more questions, but suddenly his face changed from thoughtful to determined.

"You didn't know," he said.

I didn't know? Oh, my God… "Sherlock, are you high?"

He waved his hand and shook his head. "I'm clean, Molly. I promise. But something dawned on me this morning and I've been thinking about it ever since."

"What is it?"

Taking a deep breath, he picked up his coffee cup and drained the last of it. "It occurred to me that if you didn't know that, which I realised before, then you must not know everything else either."

Molly steadied herself; it was going to be one of those conversations. The ones where Sherlock seemed to know exactly what was going on, but she'd have to piece it together like a puzzle (or incredibly complex differential equation). Usually, when he was in the midst of one of these broken rambling discussions (using that word lightly, because her input was rarely needed) he was buried in a case; just working out the final component that would solidify his deduction. This was clearly different.

"Sherlock," she said, drawing his focus once again. "Do you want a refill?" She hoped that she could give him a moment to work out what he was trying to say.

"Please. And see if they have a decent looking muffin."

Molly rolled her eyes. "Blueberry?"

"Chocolate. Something chocolate."

Definitely not a case. She took her time walking to the front of the shop trying to shake the feeling of foreboding that was looming in the back of mind. "Coffee and two of these," she instructed, pointing to the decadent looking chocolate muffins behind the glass. "Do they have nuts in them?" She hated nuts. Well, not all nuts. Almonds were okay and she could tolerate the occasional pistachio, but...

"No," the ginger teenager behind the counter answered. "But they're not gluten free.

"O-kay. Um, I have no issue with gluten. How much?"

"Oh, that bloke in the coat opened a tab."

"He what?"

"I know. Weird, that one. But he wouldn't take no for an answer. Said that he'd be here for a while and would need… what did he call it? Oh right, fuel! Needed to fuel himself." He suddenly looked embarrassed. "S-sorry. I didn't mean to insult your boyfriend."

Molly laughed. "He's not my boyfriend and he's not weird." He handed her the coffee. "Well, he is a bit odd, I suppose. Just different. Incredibly smart, really. And..." She huffed. "Never mind. Can I have my muffins?"

The ginger had been holding them while she tried to define Sherlock's personality. It really was a lost cause.

"Sorry, madam," he said, his voice squeaking as he finally relinquished his hold on the pastry.

I hate getting madam'd, she thought as she made her way back to Sherlock. "Chocolate muffin. No nuts and plenty of gluten."

He wrinkled his nose at her joke, but let it pass. "You don't know about when I was shot," he said as soon as she sat down.

"If you're talking about Mary…"

"I'm not." He exhaled deeply. "I'm talking about what happened after I was shot. Just after, seconds after. I…" Reaching for the sugar, he cocked his head and looked at Molly for the first time since she sat back down. "I really didn't tell you this?"

"Tell me what?"

"That you were there, in my mind. You, Molly, were there with me." He added the sugar to his cup and waited for her reaction.

"What was I doing?" she asked, not sure what he was trying to tell her.

"I immediately went to my mind palace, trying to… I was panicking, a little. You slapped me. Though that happened a bit later."

"Not hard to imagine."

"You told me how to fall." He smirked. "You're always there when I fall, Molly."

"Oh, she was in front of you," Molly said, instantly working out where Mary must have been standing. God, I can't even believe how casually we're talking about the fact that our friend shot him... "So considering the location of the bullet, if you'd have fallen forward…"

"It would have meant my death, most likely, yes. But you talked me through it."

She laughed, a little. All this talk about his near death (not to mention Mary Watson) was making her uncomfortable. "But it wasn't me, Sherlock, it was you. You had that knowledge, you knew how to fall."

"But don't you see? When I needed someone, someone to make me focus and help me remember… it was you my mind turned to."

"Sure, all right. Was I the only one there? Was John there too?"

He got a sheepish look on his face, a very odd look on Sherlock. "No. Not John."

For a man who loved the sound of his own voice, it was suddenly like pulling teeth to get him to talk. "Who else?"

He mumbled something under his breath.

"What was that?"

"I said," he started, a bit loudly. "Anderson." That part came out in a softer. "And my brother and a dog."

"So I had good company, then?"

"Molly, you're missing the point…"

"And what is the point, Sherlock? Why are we talking about all of this?"

"It wasn't the last time!" he said, a little more forcefully.

"I've been in your mind palace since the shooting?"

"And before. There've been...other...times." He shook his head. "But they don't matter. On the plane, you were there. You were a pathologist, in Victorian London."

"When you were high? When you nearly overdosed?" she asked, interested in what he was telling her, yet once again, hating the circumstances. "Not many female doctors in the 1800's, if my history's right."

"You were a man."

"Of course." She took a large bite of her muffin to keep the grimace off her face.

"No, I mean, you were you, but disguised as a man. John thought I didn't know, but of course, I knew. I created you."

"And you made me... a man?" Comforting.

"Only because you had to be. How else could I still have you as my pathologist?"

"Right."

"Also, you hated me and were part of a murderous plot."

"I was a murderer?"

"It's a bit more complicated than that. But, yes, you played your part."

Cleaning her hands off on a napkin, she said, "As fascinating as this all is, I'm not sure why you're telling me now."

"Anderson."

"Aaand we're back to Anderson."

"He had a theory. Did he ever tell you?"

"A theory? A theory about what?"

"He didn't believe that I was dead. He had my jump from Barts all worked out." He studied her for a moment. "You really don't know about this one, do you?"

Molly sighed. "No, Sherlock. Strangely enough, Phillip Anderson and I don't spend a great deal of time chatting. What was his theory?"

"It was surprisingly close to the facts. Oh, it was fanciful and overly dramatic. But he was convinced that you were involved."

"Hmmm," she hummed. "All right, colour me impressed."

"He said I used a bungee…"

"A bungee? And how would John have not seen a bungee?"

"Well, he's still an idiot." He laughed. "But he theorised that I crashed through a window…"

"Which John would have heard."

"...the window that you were watching from, no less - and… and…"

"And what?"

"I dusted the broken glass out of my hair then took you in my arms and kissed you... passionately."

Molly stared at the man across the table. Then she stared some more. How exactly was she supposed to respond to that?

"Molly, are you with me?" Sherlock asked.

"Ah, yeah."

"See, I thought you knew about all of this. And until that day, I thought you knew…" He sighed, obviously frustrated.

Shaking herself out of her stupor, Molly asked, "You thought that you had told me? Is that what you're saying?"

"Yes!"

"Why would you think that?"

Focusing on his half empty coffee cup, he looked almost embarrassed. "We had a conversation. This conversation, for the most part, in my head." He glanced up, briefly, then added. "But there's more."

"What, Sherlock, what else did you tell me?"

He licked his lips as he sat back in his chair. "I thought that you knew..." Running a hand through his hair, he said, "When we talked, when I told you all of this, you seemed to already be aware…"

"I already knew about telling you how to fall and that I was a murderous crossdresser?" she asked, thinking she was finally getting to the bottom of...whatever this was.

"No, the other thing."

She sighed. "Anderson's theory?" With an eyeroll and another bite of muffin she said, "Why would I care what…"

"No, Molly, the other thing. The important thing." He looked hurt and guilty.

Molly tried, she really tried to understand what the hell he could be talking about, but she simply could not figure it out. "Sherlock, I'm sorry, but I don't know what the other thing is."

Shaking his head, he closed his eyes, put his fingers to his temples and mumbled under his breath. He opened his eyes, looking a bit more collected and said, "When I asked you to say the release code…"

"Stop!" She held up a hand. "Release code? Sherlock, this may be another perceived conversation."

"Didn't John tell you about Sherrinford?"

As uncomfortable as the shooting and Anderson's theory had been to discuss, this was not a topic she was in the mood to rehash. "No, Sherlock, he didn't. Actually, he said that I needed to ask you about it myself. Then I told him to bugger off."

He smiled. "Of course you did." After a moment he started in. He told her about his sister, her visit whilst he was high, the drone and explosion at Baker Street. She knew about the explosion, but not the details and had gotten only bits and pieces about his sister. For her part, she'd been waiting for Sherlock to come to her and fill in the blanks, and bring up (or never bring up) the things they'd both said. He told her about going to Sherrinford, and all the games Eurus made him play. Molly wasn't a coward and she knew that this whole thing had to be dealt with at some point, but that didn't mean she was enjoying it or what was coming next.

"Then we were in a room with a coffin." The pained look on his face nearly broke her heart. "It was yours."

She nodded, almost expecting those to be the next words.

"There wasn't a name, just three words etched on the plaque."

"The release code," she confirmed.

"I had to get you to say it or…"

"I'd be killed."

"She said your flat was set to blow up in three minutes and the only way to stop it was to get you to say...that."

"Your sister sounds like a real treat, Sherlock."

"You have no idea."

Clearly, there was more that he wasn't telling her, but she tried to focus on the matter at hand. "I'm glad you finally told me, but what does this have to do with your mind palace and Anderson and…"

"You asked me to say it first. You asked me to say it as if I'd never said it before."

She sucked in a breath. No doubt the look on her face was pure shock because he spoke again quickly.

"It took me until today, this morning, to realise that the first time I said those words to you, it was in my mind. Then I realised that we'd never had the conversation about all the times you've been in my mind palace. I hadn't actually told you, the real you. See? You didn't know."

Still stunned silent, Molly just waited for him to continue.

"I know what John and Mycroft thought, well, Mycroft might have figured it out, but John certainly didn't. He never quite gets…"

"Sherlock!"

"Sorry. I was tired of playing her games and...and then she made us expose ourselves, like that… Then I realised, whilst she was taunting me, that you had had no idea. You didn't know. It was brand new information. But it wasn't, it shouldn't have been. It took me until today to figure out the rest. I've been a bit… preoccupied." He paused, licking his lips and taking a deep breath. "John didn't understand. He thought I lied. He thought I was upset for hurting you. But that wasn't it. It was..." he trailed off, looking very uncomfortable.

"What happened next, Sherlock?" He didn't answer, so she pressed further, "What happened next?"

"I may have lost my composure, a bit."

"Lost your…"

He suddenly looked angry. "Complicated little emotions, she called them. As if it all meant nothing! Some kind of experiment to see how far she could push me before I snapped!" he growled, his voice rising.

Molly looked around the café, other patrons were starting to stare. Reaching across the table, she closed both of her hands around one of his. "Calm down, Sherlock. It's over."

"Is it? Now we're having this conversation, like this," he emphasised the last two words with frustration while motioning between the two of them. "Instead of ignoring it like we have for years. It worked for us, Molly. It always worked for us."

Still holding onto one of his hands, perhaps a little harder than she should have, she asked, "What worked for us?"

"You see, in my head, you'd never returned the sentiment. I knew, Molly, I knew how you felt. But I couldn't make you say the words, even in my mind. I honestly didn't think you ever would. You just looked at me and smiled. Never actually said it." He paused. "Feeling something and admitting it outloud is very different. Don't you see?"

She could not disagree with him on that point. Having actually spoken the words to the man himself had been one of the most painful moments of her life.

"I suppose that's why I told you in my mind. It was safe there, and we wouldn't have to face it all and...

"And what?"

He ignored her question. "But sometimes I spend too much time in my own head and things get muddled with reality. Though, it might have happened after Mary died and I was… using."

She didn't realise that she was crying until a white linen handkerchief was inches away from her face.

Several more moments passed until Sherlock finally said, "Molly?"

"You don't want to face it," she said, realising that even if he did actually love her (mind still in the process of being blown over that revelation), he'd just admitted for all intent and purposes, that he didn't want to love her.

"Well," she said as she picked up her jacket. "This has been… interesting, confusing and the bits about your sister, frankly disturbing. But I really need…" She stood up.

Sherlock, quick as lightning, stood and reached for her wrist. "Where are you going?"

She swallowed. "I'm not sure what else there is to say, Sherlock."

"You're angry."

"I'm just... " She shrugged. "What was the point of telling me all of this? I mean… why?"

"Because… because it's true." His face was awash with emotions: hurt, hope, fear and most of all, vulnerability.

Molly opened her mouth to try to respond, but how? How was she supposed to respond to that? He had just dumped a shedload of information on her, culminating with his sort of confession of love, and she was supposed to what? Be happy? Ecstatic? Slap the hell out of him again?

Letting out a frustrated sigh, she pulled her hand free. "The way I see it, we're at the same place as we were thirty minutes ago. The only exception being that I'm now aware that you may feel the same way about me as I do you. But there's a caveat, isn't' there?" With a bitter laugh, she added, "You don't want to feel this way."

"I didn't say that."

She smiled sadly and said, "Yes you did. And trust me, I know the feeling." Then she walked out of the shop.

Molly hit the pavement and turned left, not really caring where she went as long as it was away from Sherlock Holmes. How dare he? She had purposefully (and very nearly successfully) pushed away that phone call and what it all meant for three solid weeks. Telling herself that he had his reasons and piecing together the events from what John and Mrs. Hudson had told her. Now she had to think about the reality of those words and Sherlock's ambivalence toward his own feelings. The bastard was right; it was better not knowing.

Her love wasn't unrequited, it was completely unwanted. This is so much worse. He could return it, but he'd chose to ignore it. And for how long? Just how long had he known?

She kept walking, arms wrapped around her middle like she was holding in her emotions with the appendages until she looked up and realised that she had walked right into a dead end. "Fuck!" Turning, with every intention of going back out to the main street and finding a new route, she found the very person she was trying to avoid standing about three meters away. She stood her ground, not moving.

Hands in his pockets, he appeared much more composed than he'd been in the coffee shop. It seemed they'd switched places, emotionally speaking. "I wasn't finished," he said, his voice calm and steady.

"I was. That's why I left. For future reference, when someone practically runs away from you, it's a subtle hint that they don't want to be in your presence."

"You're wrong. I never said that I didn't want to love you, Molly." He stepped a little closer. "I told you in my mind palace, remember?"

"You never told me!"

"But I thought I did. And you didn't say it back." He looked almost impassive but there was a hint of something more there. "Even though I knew how you felt, I couldn't make you say it."

"Why does that matter?"

Shaking his head. "Until Sherrinford, until my sister made us say it, I thought… I- I just knew…"

"What did you know?!"

"That you didn't want to love me, Molly!" he yelled, his composure slipping once again.

"What?"

"You tried to move on. And I don't blame you, I gave you no indication that I wanted… anything more from us. But I genuinely thought that you were happier this way. I thought I was too late. I thought that love wasn't enough." He walked forward. "Is it?"

Molly shook her head. "I don't know."

"I don't either." He huffed a small laugh. "I don't know anything about this sort of thing."

"Jesus. We're hopeless." She laughed.

"I have no idea where to begin," he admitted. "But…"

"But what?"

"I love you," he whispered. "And if that's enough, if you want to love me…"

Molly stared at him. He was hurting, that was for sure. She had learned a lot about Sherlock Holmes in the last seven years and she knew when he dropped the shields and let himself feel. He didn't do it often. The real question was could she trust him, this emotionally stunted addict, this beautiful, brilliant man, with her heart? He loved her and she actually believed him. But was that enough?

"Molly?"

Of course, it was.

"Don't break me, Sherlock," she pleaded. "I want you, but I don't want…"

"I'll do my best, Molly. Promise." He stepped closer. "May I hold you? I've never done that outside my mind palace."

She smiled and nodded. Sherlock's arms enveloped her, holding her close, burying his face in her neck.

After a couple of minutes, Molly said, "Ah, Sherlock? What else have we done in your mind palace?"

He pulled back and cupped her face with his hands. "It'd be much more enjoyable to show you," he said before lowering his face and kissing her sweetly. 

Thanks for reading! ~Lil~

[pepperstrawberry]

Dark thoughts and what not...

Okay, I’m going to put this under the cut because it’s kinda heavy thoughts, but I wanted to kinda warn you all in advance.

I usually prefer to be upbeat and spread good vibes... but sometimes you just gotta be real and do some thought venting.

Just to give you a heads up, I spent like an hour+ typing up this mess... and it is truly a messy ramble of words and feelings.

When I say ‘vent’ I mean “VENT���, I don’t know if there is structure to this, I didn’t even reread it. I just felt like I had to just... say stuff. get it out.

I’ve been holding it in a bit, cause I feel like it can easily be turned into a manipulative thing, but I like to just be honest.

And don’t worry, after I get something to drink and finish some art, I’ll be fine. Just... like I said. 

RAMBLES. K? you have been warned.

So... I really need to try and look into getting some counselling. A big part of loosing my job was depression... but even now I wonder how much of it is a ‘situational-you-should-be-able-to-suck-it-up’ type of thing, and how much of it is deeper, possibly chemical issues.

It’s one of those type of things where you see the symptoms on a thing and you are like ‘well, I match a lot of those... but not all, and how much am I actually sure that I’m assessing things correctly?’ sorta thing. All I know for sure is that it was a slowly downward spiral for a long time.. and in some ways it still is, if I am honest.

It’s rare, but sometimes I have even had those days where I just didn’t feel -anything-. Like, I rarely disassociate, but this one day in particular, I think maybe just before getting the new job, during my short vacation... Which I think was almost a year ago, I just felt ... nothing.

But most times I feel. I feel a lot. Even without being trans or knowing I was truly a woman the entire time, even as a ‘boy’ I was in touch with my feelings. I think part of that was due to all the counselling I had when I was a child. When I was really young, like around 2nd grade ish especially, things kinda piled up emotionally, and I got moved from regular school to a special school called ‘Children’s day treatment center’. It was up on this hill that sorta kinda ‘cuts’ through the city I live in. It’s right near this neat bird center and a hospital that I think is called ‘Sutter’ now..

Anyhoo, by sixth grade or so, I was able to start going back to regular school, though I stated at that program as an after school thing, eventually moving to another, more high school level oriented place when I moved up to 9th grade called ‘New Directions’. I even stayed at that place a few months after graduating. I remember because it wasn’t until my second job I left it, realizing that I was too old and there was no reason to stay... Like they never sent me away or said I was too old, but really, working an adult schedule around a program intended for kids wasn’t healthy at the time.... I also remember because of my first time eating soba was as a part of my ‘leaving party’, They let me choose a restaurant of my choice, and being the silly anime fan I was, I chose this place called Sakura, a japanese restaurant (that turned out not to be, but put on the facade) and I had the left over soba at lunch at my job, which was Toys R Us back in 2000.

... sorry, crap that doesn’t matter... point is, was in counselling for a long time, and I think that has been what has helped me and hindered me the most. I understand and explore my feelings more then the average american it seems. Doesn’t make me special, we all really should be, especially cis men and amab folk. Folk like us are pushed into being angry and bottling things up, and no crying and crap like that.

I’m rather thankful for the environment I was allowed to grow up in... But like I said, it’s a curse, cause I also end up second guessing myself a lot.

Thing is, with how I feel sometimes, and how I see the world when I look beyond my little sketches and what not...they aren’t pretty or healthy feelings. There have in fact been times where I felt like... well, yes, ending it all.

But no time was more specific and strongly felt then the one time in high school were I was literally contemplating just tossing myself over the railing inside the main building. There were these long rams that went back and forth on either side, which made the top a full story drop straight to concrete. Just a good solid straight drop, point my head down and...

And yet...

In that same moment, I realized how pointless it was to kill yourself. What a waste it would be. Now part of it was my religious outlook a the time (belonged to a ‘four square’ Presbyterian/evangelical church that was just down the street from my home). But if I’m honest, I never felt that was the whole story. It felt hollow to say ‘well, it’s cause God had a plan for me’.

Don’t get me wrong, maybe there is a god in heaven, maybe there is a heaven. I don’t know, and I certainly know just enough to know that the debate is -not- a cut and dry thing... But at the time, I did believe. I just always felt like my reasoning was hallow for not jumping at the time.

But I think, just now, before starting this, I might have put together the other part of the equation.

I got an ask this morning thanking me for being me, and pointing out that I came to them in their nightmares helped out. It was a really inspiring and humbling ask that I ended up tagging a ramble onto at the time ^_^;

But it made me think...

I am an entertainer. I love crafting, enjoying, experiencing, telling stories. Characters interacting, the big sweeping, emotional moments. Awesome animations, colors, sounds, things that are literally designed to tug at your heart strings.

Things that can inspire, that can be cathartic, things that can just be fun. Things that let us vicariously experience a taste of being someone not us, of being somewhere magical, or even a taste of a potential future and maybe ideas of how to aim toward it or avoid it.

It’s why I love magic. The lore now a days has all the these things. It’s why I still poke at my fanfics even today. It’s why I am so passionate about character design...

Literally the reason I live... I think... maybe because of the mirage we call imagination.

But I don’t see that in a negative light. It’s what, I think, keeps me from that dark abyss. Even now, I’m still scared of the future. of both failing and even succeeding... Like I”m at once better then I think, but don’t think I am good enough to deserve the great things that have already come my way.

I’m not totally sure my point here, or where I’m going with this... Just some random thoughts about a specific thing that has effected my life to one level or another.

I really don’t want to put pressure on anyone either... Like I don’t want to guilt trip folks in to doing stuff for me. If you want to do a thing for me, please, do it out of the kindness of your heart, not out of pity for a story.

But saying such, I really, really REALLY want to thank you all for having bared with me in my occasional dark moments like this. I don’t even know how much of this ramble is really how I feel, or just how I think I feel right now in my life and in reality, i’m just wrong... but I do know that even if my assessment is wrong, there is something in what I’ve figured out that is true. Something about stories keep me going, something about being able to share my art keeps me going... and it can cause me to get frustrated with myself when I don’t get as much done in a day because of music, or interaction with folks, or reading a story, or just not balancing my time between art pieces.

I know that in some ways, I am more frightened then I have ever been, more scared of my limits, more afraid of not utilizing my resources, of that shadow of uncaring that lurks inside me that is kept at bay just long enough due to my one true joy in life:

Sharing feelings. Literally, metaphorically, the real experiences and the fictional.

I know the difference between reality and fantasy, and I’m glad for it.

... and again, I have no clue where I’m going with this, this is just a late night spew of thought and feeling... part of me hopes that no one reads this, part of me hopes everyone reads this.... and takes something good from it.

Sure, I’m sitting here crying... But it’s from remembered pains as much as current fears, maybe more. It’s partly because I kinda view my own life like a narrative.. and so I see my story in an almost external fashion... But then that is also why I’m so critical of myself. Why I feel like I could do better, why I should be better. How much have I actually done job hunting in the last month? Not nearly as much as I should.... and yet, part of that was because of depression, part of that was because of exhaustion.

I feel terrible, like a child, in that it’s hard to even go outside. It’s hard to motivate and bother most of these days. Literally the most active I have been in the last month and a half was when I was creating.

I WANT this to succeed, not just the commissions, they are to tide me over.... but actually making stories and comics and stuff that people want to buy from me. not to get rich, but to be able to pay my bills enough to have fun and stay creative...

and... yet, even in that, I still haven’t gotten enough done. here I am, typing up this word vomit, just releasing all over the screen words that mean something to me I guess, but I have no clue if they will mean anything to others.

...

I guess the bottom line in of this is: I’m scared. I’m scared of my own self not doing what I should, what I can, what I need. And that fear puts me right at that precipice. Right at that dark place. The idea of the end has come several times over the last month in a half if I’m absolutely honest.

I mean, my situation is preventable. Just go out, get a damn job, work some garbage hours and pay my damn bills right? But I felt empty. Shitty, worthless.

If I’m absolutely honest, I can’t go back, and if I could have my way, I won’t.

But then it comes back to how much can I actually get done in time... And those fears come back, and here I am at the darkness again.

And the one thing that keeps me...

The one thing that doesn’t let me even go past looking down.

Is that it would be a rather garbage ending for the character of Anita Barton. She should have a better ending.

is it pathetic that such an unreal, maybe even dehumanizing aspect as ‘third character’-izing myself would be the thing that keeps me from the edge?

I mean, don’t get me wrong, everyone’s love is wonderful too... but that is a part of the story. You wouldn’t know me if I didn’t have my minis traipsing about on Tumblr. More of you wouldn’t know my name if it weren't for the work I have put into the commissions I have actually done so far.

You all are a part of my story. I’m not much of a protagonist in my own narrative, but I am thankful for my entire supporting cast of followers, friends, mutuals, and family.

...

I’m sorry, again for the dark post... maybe it’s been building or something.... but I just felt like I needed to vent.

I hope... if you do get this far, that maybe something about this inspires you to action too. There is a lot of fear these days. Garbage fires in the form of events and people that we just wish weren’t apart of our narrative... but I think... little by little, we can make it.

I want my story to have a happy ending.

this, all of this is the reason why minis never smile. I may not understand or know everyone’s darkness, but I know that we all come to that point... and many of us put on a happy face... but it hurts, because everyone expects you to be happy.

But I know that sorrow can be a friend, that a low point in the story can be not just a test or a learning moment, but just simply cathartic to let the tears flow alone with the character.

Like I said earlier today ‘misery loves company’ isn’t a negative saying.

I’m still rambling... I’m sorry.

I’m going to go ahead and post this, with a trigger warning about suicide.

AND FOR THE RECORD

I’m not going to kill myself or anything like that. This ramble was just to vent. Maybe to help keep myself that much further back. I feel like I should go back and clean this up, but this is one of those late night posts that I know I have to post, but that I don’t really want anyone to see, if that makes any sense. LIke... I want you guys to know what’s up... but I don’t want to make you feel like you have to be worried about me or something.

I want my fictional stories to tug at your heart strings, not my irl rambles.

But you either release, or you bottle up... so this is me purging some tears and feeling into the internet ether.

[cutiecrates]

Cutie Reviews: Kawaii Box Nov 17

Hello, welcome to another review.... I’m sick again. Or should I say, still sick? Because I don’t think the cold bug actually ever left- he just went on a temporary break.

Well that and it’s probably because on Sunday night we went to the Christmas Lights fair in the country and it was very chilly out.

Anyhoo, here we are now ( ﾟ▽ﾟ)/ I hope you enjoy the review! But before that I want to remind any new Cuties, you can hover the cursor over images to make them easier to see. 

Kawaii Thanksgiving Parade!

First up is this cute bag by Kanahei, featuring the recently popular Usagi and Piske, a bunny and bird duo with simple but comedic features. The fabric is very soft, and features two string pulls, along with Piske and Usagi sewn on with some words above them. 

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

It’s an ultra-soft bag; I really want to cuddle it :3 Which I did, and it felt amazing~

The sewn on details are really nice and smooth, and this bag is a decent size so I feel like it could be pretty useful too. I was able to fit in all of my essentials with no problem (and I have many). I also like how it came in this plastic bag, which will keep it protected from getting dirty.

It might just be me, but the draw-strings seem a little cheap in comparison to the rest of the bag. This fabric (from past experiences) tends to weaken or thin over time, and I sort of wish they matched the rest of the bag. While it might not be obvious in the image, it’s painfully obvious in real life that it does not go with the bag at all.

I’m just going to point out right now that I don’t know if this is official or fake. I know a few people are accusing Kawaii Box of fake products and have shown me some pretty convincing evidence. But I want to believe Kawaii Box wouldn’t be trying to rip people off knowingly.... I try to remain impartial on the subject.

Anyway, this is a Techi Techi Gomarachi Plush. Gomarachi is this adorable seal by Amuse. He has tons of merchandise, and there’s even a Japanese DS/3DS game for him. It looks really cute and I considered buying it when I saw it ♥

I got Gomarachi, as you can see by this checklist picture. I really like the two girl seals though, so I kind of wish I got one of them. But they are all really cute and squishy marshmallows~

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ 

It’s really cute... but it’s a little cheap. Again the picture fails to do my description any justice. It’s soft and bouncy, but it has that “cheap fluff filling“ I noticed in a few other plush toys that don’t seem to do as well as others I’ve gotten from other crate brands.

I also noticed its face is slanted （・□・；） Nothing lines up proportionate wise except for its 3 mouth. Not even the muzzle. It’s not super noticeable, so I’m not sure this was intentional or not. It’s paws/hands/flippers aren’t evenly stuffed either, and there’s a loose string by its muzzle as well...

Here’s an adorable pair befitting of the image on the included card I showed you on top of the page. A Rain Boot Ink Pen, and a Let’s Go Mini Notebook.

How adorable is this pen?? It’s so cute! It has a cute little animal face on it, and a small platform piece where the heel of the boot is. The tip of the pen is fine and has a tiny plastic bit over it to keep the ink from making a mess.

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥

It’s a very simple pen, and while the cap is adorable... I wish it was a little bit more decorative? It’s literally a plain grey stick with a cutesy cap. But the cap is capable of sticking on both sides, which is another good quality since I worry about losing the caps if I can’t put them on the pen’s top.

The only thing that has me confused is the way the heel of the boot is shaped/designed, I feel like it is meant to stand. But it can’t, because I tried it on a few different surfaces and either I have it on the wrong one, or I gave a strange decision choice too much credit. It would have been cool if it could have stood though!

To go with the pen is this sweet little pink notebook featuring a small girl with cherries, a simple border, and writing that says Let’s Go!! and Accompany growth. The inside is very plain, featuring lined pages with a small section for a title, name, and date. I has 80 pages in it.

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ 

I love it’s simple and cheery design x3 It’s very sweet, and I like how it’s in this protective translucent cover- which not only gives it some support (something that’s kind of bugged me with over notebooks I got in these boxes), but once you finish using it you could probably find a replacement to slide in it’s place.

If you’ve been reading this blog for even a short time, you can probably recall that I LOVE hair accessories!

Especially cutesy hair clips like these Harajuku Food Hair Clips. They go perfect with some past colorful drink-type Harajuku pins I got from from Kawaii Box ♥ I believe this is some peanut butter, toast, and... ketchup?

I won’t criticize accuracy in spelling (buteer, instead of butter), but as much as I love pink, I’m not actually sure if that is ketchup or something else. For all I know it’s lemon sauce!

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ 

（。＞ω＜）。

I. ADORE. These.

Not only are they kawaii, but the clip pieces they used are pretty cute too, and they seem to work fairly easily without too much force. The last time I got cute hair clips they were extremely loose (I had to glue them back on before I even got a chance to wear them), so I thought this would be a repeat of that. I was delightfully surprised to see it wasn’t- and I can’t wait to use them with my pins!

As usual we can look forward to some cute stickers! This month we get two sets, including the Twinkle Jewel Seal Deco Diamonds, sparkling gem-like stickers that you can use for deco purposes.

I love these, I’m obsessed with gems and shiny things, and hearts. I can’t wait to actually find something to deco with them now, although I still have the other set I got from my first Kawaii Box, which was a colorful set full of different shapes. 

The other sticker sheet is full of Gudetama! Who lately I find is gathering more and more steam where I live. Not that I’m complaining- who doesn’t love this cute lazy egg? Especially when he’s getting into trouble and playing with other foods x3

The background of the stickers are see-through too, which I like.

Ratings:  ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ 

They’re both stickers, one is deco purpose, the other is for whatever. I don’t have any issues with these, so I really don’t have anything to remark upon either. 

Our last item for this box is a little bag of Kasugai Chibi Vege Ramune Candies.

I eat vegetables, but not often, and I’m very picky with them. I was expecting these to taste like vegetables- so I admit, I waited until I had to get pictures before trying them.

Also, according to the bag this is supposed to be a really good candy for those with food allergies. It has no egg, grains, seeds, peanut, shell fish, crab, and something that looks like milk/dairy.

Of course I am wondering what’s in this- but I can’t translate what’s written on the back.

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

I love candies like these, and once in your mouth they melt into softened mounds. In terms of taste... I can’t exactly identify what they are. I think the pinkish-purple is on the grape side, while the white seem to have a very faint lemonish taste... but I don’t think it’s lemon.

Weirdly they smell like soy sauce rice snacks I’ve eaten in the past o_o I don’t hate the smell, and thankfully they don’t taste like that because while I love soy sauced rice snacks I’m not sure how it would be in candy form...

♥ Cutie Ranking ♥

Content -  ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥  I liked everything essentially. Nothing really wowed me though, which seems to be a running gag for me by now. That’s kind of bad, but sometimes it happens, especially with how predictable this box has become lately. For the price we paid I feel like we got just about our money’s worth. 

Quality -   ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥  Everything is perfectly fine- I was very happy with the hair clips especially. But tiny details made it a little... meh? Like the odd plush, and that plain pen and it’s weird heel.

Theme - ♥ Um... I’m starting to think there isn’t mean to be a theme. At least some times. Like the message said THANKSGIVING, but the design on the front depicts a rainy season picture... None of the items really screamed any sort of apparent theme either. But I do like how the images on the items listing match the items we got. Sometimes they don’t.

Total Rank: 10 out of 15 Cuties. Um... this one only barely did better then the previous one. I do like it, but the box has become so predictable it doesn’t really offer much surprise at the time. They do change the contents, and if I really had to request anything I’d say, “please include squishies again“ or “go back to including DIY candy“, which they stopped doing a while back. I think they did it to save a buck or two, but I could be wrong.

♥ Cutie Scale ♥

1. Kanahei Bag - I really didn’t think this would be my top choice initially. But I fell in love with it’s really soft texture and feel. It’s amazing~

2. Harajuku Hair Clips - Odd color choices or not, I can’t deny how fun and cute they look. I’m really excited to star using them!

3. Gomarachi Plush - He’s so sweet looking, even if he is a little lop-sided~

4. Mini Notebook -  I love it’s soft and simple design on the front.

5. Twinkle Jewel Seal Deco Diamonds - I’m a sucker for hearts, gems, and pink things~

6. Vege Ramune Candies - The packaging is fun with the doggies wide-opened mouth :D

7. Gudetama Stickers - They are cute and funny to look at. I always smile when I see Gudetama :3

8. Rain Boot Pen - Pretty sure this is the plainest pen we got yet. The cap is cute but it’s not enough to save the rest of it.

Okay, so that will be it for this review. I know I didn’t really have too much to remark upon regarding some items. I found myself feeling indifferent/neutral about the box in general.

I still have 2 or 3 November boxes remaining, and while I usually save Tokyo Treat for last I might do it next. I did open a couple of things last week when I intended to get to the review but that didn’t happen.

Until next time, stay cute!

[mybiztips]

5 side hustles that actually work in 2019

5 side hustles that actually work in 2019

2 ½ months in to 2019 already! What have you done with those new year resolutions?

Have you actually started your online business already, or is it still just a distant dream, or worse it’s a distant memory?

Remember when you were all fired up to make 2019 ‘The Year!’ ? This year would be different – right?

Well, if you did take action and start your new side hustle good for you! Go get ‘em tiger. But if you didn’t maybe these 5 side hustles that actually work, might motivate you to kickstart your new future life for yourself!

Here’s 5 side hustles that actually work:

Freelance

There are now sooooo many online agencies that you can sign up for to find projects or mini-jobs to work from home. Just search ‘freelance, work from home, or similar in your favourite search engine and then register for the agencies.

It’s important that you have a professional profile along with a professional email, if you have your email account from when you were at school, or you find your names taken unless you really do have numerals in your name (like ‘ janedoe20876@maildomain’ ), then find a suitable professional looking name.

If you already have a domain name it’s worth paying for a domain email account since it’s so much more professional. If you have already done work either full time or voluntarily for other people, ask them to leave references for you on your new profile.

Also, get yourself or update your LinkedIn profile with your new side hustle and add as many links to the freelance sites you are registered to. Then start putting together proposals for advertised projects or jobs that other people post on these sites. Here’s some sites you can consider – there are plenty more; Some of our favourites are UpWork, Freelancer, Guru and even Fiverr

Testing

Are you one of these techie people who just love to try to break other people’s programs? You are? Well, this might just be the side hustle you need!

Software and websites have bugs and will often need testing, even existing sites that just had an upgrade. Why not get paid for just trying to break things? Most of the time all you need do is run a few scenarios and then write it up, you’re getting paid to report what happens.

Here’s a few ‘testing’ websites to help get you started: UserTesting.com, Userlytics, TryMyUI, and Userfeel.

Arts ‘n Crafts

Are you good with your hands? Are you creative? That hobby you have making miniature golf courses, for example, could be a very nice little business. Unique gifts that are personal and hand made are always in demand and sites like Etsy and Shopify are great online marketplaces to sell your wares.

If you are a good designer, perhaps you can make unique printable designs that can be placed on to mugs or even T-shirts? Go on, give it a go!

The numbers guy, or gal

Not that PC I know, but well, anyhoo…. Are you good with numbers, done any accountancy work or ledger work in the past? You have great then maybe you can set yourself up as a ledger clerk or bookkeeper for small firms or self-employed businesses.

Believe me, they’ll be thankful for someone to drop their receipts and books to who can put the papers into a nice neat pile for their accountant. In fact, accountants often look for someone to that work for them, many small businesses and self-employed people don’t keep good books. It might take you a while to get a number of customers, but when you do you’ll generally have them for ‘life’.

Last but not least…

Proof of live (or is that life?)

You like reading? You must do if you’ve got this far through the article, joke, ha ha. I’m talking about proofreading. If you like learning new information, enjoy reading or you are OCD when it comes to spelling and grammar, then proofreading is a great side hustle that actually works.

There is more and more written stuff these days, in paper and electronic and if the author wants to be taken seriously and have a good following then the writing has to be god… oops I mean good, see what I did there? LOL.

You can proofread articles, student thesis, blogs, reports, books even. You’ll learn a lot and get paid to do it. You could even start a blog of the interesting and varied subjects you read about….

There you are; 5 side hustles that actually work in 2019. I hope you enjoyed the read and …..

When you are ready, MyBizTips has collaborated with a top-tier, highly successful online entrepreneur to offer you this how-to-start-a-business course for only $27! It’s a one-time payment; no hidden charges.

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Till next time… 

Commit To Success – We Are Part Of Your Team,

Peter Bright and the MBT Team

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[cutiecrates]

Cutie Reviews: Yume Twins 17 October 17

Hello everyone, here I am, ultra-late finally getting to my October reviews :D I already explained myself in the prior one so I won’t waste time recapping.

Unfortunately there is something I need to cover related to Yume Twins, before I start:

(The actual item review is beneath the cut, feel free to skip because I’m about to get into rant mode)

Yeah. We no longer get the booklet with our crates! They also changed the box design again and pretty much removed every cute thing about it in favor of a much more simple design that only has a smidge of cuteness.

I for one am entirely disappointed in both of these changes. Severely. Part of the reason I joined Yume Twins was because of their ADORABLE mascot twins, who I feel like they’re pretty much phasing out. I might be imagining it but look at the facts: 1, they used to be featured on the box and when it changed at the start of this year they weren’t. 2, they used to be featured in the Booklets which we now no longer are going to get. 3, they were also featured on the website and now they’re not.

Considering the originality and theme of this box... it has me really upset honestly. I joined for the original cute and dark gimmick and the adorable artwork they did. I feel bad for new members considering it’s now overpriced in my opinion, and their “Yumezine” is already on my hate list considering it’s just their way to stop making the booklets and phasing out their original artwork even more. 

It doesn’t even feel like Yume Twins to me anymore honestly. I mean, originally when I joined the description of the name and crate included something like “kawaii, sometimes dark“ and I LOVED it. Now the entire description is changed.

At any rate I don’t know whats going on with them but they are definitely losing points with me. Like... if I had to rate the box, styling, and contents:

First Joined - 10! Tons of content, very cute, original artwork and characters.

January/first change - 7 and 1/2. Still had original artwork and cute stuff, the box changed but it was still nice. The only thing I hated was the lessening of items. We went from like, 10-12 items to 4-5.

Now - 4. That’s it. Not even 1/2. We got a few more items now which is the ONLY thing saving it. They got rid of their namesake iconic characters, they overpriced it now, they got rid of the booklet...

Okay, so if you actually read all of the above then thank you ⊂((・▽・))⊃ I probably sound like an ungrateful not-cutie. Anyway, this months theme is...

MAGICAL FUTURE

The contest of the month sounds really cute though, we get to design a Halloween costume for a plush we got in this month box. However, I probably won’t enter it because besides the free box prize, the others I don’t necessarily need or want.

The grand prize winner gets a Pokemon dessert tote bag and matching pouch, along with a free 3-month subscription. The runner-ups win a Pokemon dessert hand towel and 1 free box.

The Yume Prize for this month includes:

(probably the only good thing about this yumezine is that I can provide better quality Yume Prize pics. Oh, also, now you guys can see variations of the items on the website too :D so if you get curious go there and check it out!)

It’s very cute and all, I wish I got this one- especially since it includes an Osomatsu-san item! I love that series!

(I know, I hate crayonshinchan but I like Osomatsu. I’m weird like that.)

Okay, let’s get started with this review with this ultra-exciting Squishy!

For October we had a chance to get this limited edition Halloween Hello Kitty Squishy Donut or a Peanuts Woodstock Bread Squishy. There was only one Woodstock, and about six different Hello Kitty’s: the one I got, a pink scary faced pumpkin (the one I would have picked for myself~), an orange and black sprinkle icing donut, a happy blue pumpkin, a white and black donut, and a pale pink and purple donut.

Cuties, this is an automatic ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ! It’s the perfect example of a Japanese slow-rising, ultra-soft squishy ♡ It smelled toxic when I first got it (that is common of all squishy in packages unless scented), but by now it’s had plenty of air and it has a soft pleasant scent (probably still rubber, but it’s nice).

Next up is one of the featured items of this month, and one I was ultra-excited for :D

A Cardcaptor Sakura Pillow Case. Do you guys remember that series? I know I still do, I grew up with it (and Sailor Moon, DBZ, Pokemon, Hamtaro, Digimon, Beyblade, YuGiOh, Shaman King... this list could go on for a while.)

Anyhoo... This a lovely 62 cm x 43 cm case with 3 possible variations. I really wanted the pink and white dress one since it was my second favorite (her black and pink kitty costume being my first, but you probably expected that), but all three of them looked amazingly detailed and so pretty. I really like her pose here~

The back features a more simple design in this eye-catching gold, covered in dots, stars, chibi wings, Sakura’s wand key thing, and cards.

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Not only does it make a gorgeous accent to any room, but it’s very comfortable. It’s like a silk fabric and it doesn’t get sweaty or gross if it’s warm; and as you can see I have a small pillow for it but it fits very well despite that.

I have tons of Cardcaptor merchandise, so it was exciting to add another one after all these years :D I also get excited my anime merch period, I hope we get another one soon!

Next is this adorable Round Animal Kawaii Plush, available in 10 types! I was lucky to get one of the kitties (even if I would have preferred the black kitty), but there were 2 other kitties, 3 dogs (including a pink one!), 2 ladybugs (red and pink), a blue bumble bee (try saying that ten times fast), and a hedgehog.

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ 

I actually don’t have much to say about it. It’s really cute and stiff, but still squishy and cuddly. I love the details with it, although my kitty’s ears are a little bent. The only thing bothering me is that it’s feet and hands are sewn to the torso, and one of them on mine came loose and I barely touched it. So now I don’t know what I want to do with it.

Next up is this useful My Melody Memo Pad. A 10cm x 10cm pad perfect for your purse or pouch if you’re in a hurry to the store, writing something for a friend, or just need a little reminder while at school or work.

I noticed with each memo pad I seem to get, the better the quality. There was one I got recently and I didn’t like how flimsy it was, but then I got one about a month ago and I noticed that while flimsy, it wasn’t nearly as bad, this one easily tops them both- and looks a lot cuter.

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ 

It gets the job done and it’s fairly sturdy. The middle seem/spine came loose but the pad is still really bound and not at all flimsy, I’m actually really impressed with it.

This next item was another variety set (in fact, it’s such a variety I got one not even in the picture!), the Sumikko Gurachi/Rilakkuma Lanyard. Lanyards are handy straps you can wear on your neck or hang from a belt loop or other various places. They’re usually used to carry ID, handy for work or an event. But what makes this special is that you could even add a charm to it if you wanted. It has a silver clasp, and a little charm chain- the possibilities are endless!

So as I said, mine isn’t in the picture. It features the Sumikko group doing daily activities by their windows; like watering a plant, watching a fish bowl, cleaning, etc.

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ 

It’s better quality than another Lanyard I recently got, and I’m estimating they were nearly the same price. Anyway, it’s also really cute, and I’m excited to start using it for work (name tags aren’t required, but it helps customers).

This is our last item for the month, a Kawaii "Higemanju" Cat Gamaguchi Pouch. There were 5 kitties available, including Mr. Scary here, a grey kitty who looks like him,  a Calico with closed eyes, an orange and white cat, and a white simple looking kitty with pale brown/pink markings and a bell collar.

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ 

Not only is it an adorable plush, but it’s a purse-pouch :D I love adorable accessories (but that goes without saying right??), but because it’s a pouch you’re not going to fit all that much inside. I could pretty much barely be able to shut it after putting in my cell phone, lip gloss, and a hand sanitizer.

It’s very cute though, so as a pouch it gets the job done.

♥ Cutie Ranking ♥

Content - 4 out of 5. I loved everything, but I kinda wish we got like... 1 more item maybe? They said now we could expect 7-8 items back in September and we only got 6. However, for the price I feel like we got our money’s worth.

Quality - 5 out of 5. Nothing was really wrong or anything. We had a nice variety of big and small, the detailing on every item is noticeable.

Theme - 1 out of 5. The theme is listed on top but I actually have no idea how it relates to this box, other then maybe the Cardcaptor pillow. I wish they went with a Halloween theme, which I know they could have pulled off.

Total Rank: 10 out of 15 Cuties. The theme was a bust, but the items still wowed even without it. While I’m not happy with the overall design changes they seem to be making, at least the items are still worth it.

♥ Cutie Scale ♥

1. Hello Kitty Squishy - I’m a sucker for Squishy, and cute Halloween items :D

2. Cardcaptor Pillow Case - It’s more on the lovely and pretty side, but Sakura looks so adorable~

3. Round Animal Plush - Sort of on the generic side but it’s so fat and plush

4. Cat Gamaguchi Pouch -  He’s adorable with his grumpy little face~

5. My Melody Memo Pad -  Generic cuteness

6. Lanyard - It’s very cute, but... the other items are just so much more cuter.

Okay Cuties, that does it for another review! I hope you enjoyed and again I want to apologize for my rant. But because I got it over with it probably won’t come up again, so think of this as a good thing ;3

Next up we have our Kawaii Box to look at. So until then, stay cute!