#Anniversary and all of those terrible ugly feelings are coming back in full force and I HATE that I'm still unpacking this I. HATE. that

[musical-chick-13]

.

[hotchley]

two thousand, five hundred and fifty-five

Surprise, I have not finished the date or any of the things for my 300 sleepover, but I have written this thing set seven years after Haley’s death. I absolutely hate it, it makes no sense and it’s not been proofread but I also want to sleep so... yeah, it’s fine. Not my finest work, but something. 

Trigger Warnings: grief/mourning, depictions of violence and death, religious themes, graveyards, unhealthy thinking patterns, slight implications of suicidal thoughts and thoughts of death, lots and lots of survivors guilt

read on ao3!

The one constant thing in Aaron's life had been Haley.

It had always been Haley, from the moment they first set eyes on each other. It had been the last day of school when he truly saw her for the first time. And he had been so taken aback by her smile and innocence that he'd crashed into a pile of props, sending them all tumbling to the floor.

She had refused to let him clear it up alone, and when their eyes met, he could've sworn he saw the life he could have if he would just get over himself and speak to her properly. But then her friends had called her over and she ran away without another word.

When his father came home with flowers for his mother, he didn't even remember to be disgusted. Because when he looked at the flowers, he didn't see a false apology, or an attempt to keep up the facade that the Hotchners were a perfect family. He just saw Haley's beautiful and kind eyes in the ribbon they were tied with.

And when his father died, filling him with grief so consuming and painful, even in spite of everything that had happened, Haley held his hand. She held his hand as they lowered his casket. And she held his soul when he sobbed, not understanding why he missed the man that had done nothing but hurt him.

Then his mother died, a semester into his final year at law school, Haley fought for him to be given a break, saying that he needed time but could still do it and didn't need to drop out. She held his hand at the funeral, rubbing comforting circles that warmed his skin and reminded him he was alive.

She held his hand at every funeral they ever had to attend, grounding him, reminding him of the reasons he kept fighting. Even after Adrian Bale murdered six agents, she held his hand. She did it because she wanted to, not even realising just how much it helped him.

Haley was light and good. But she never once hesitated to touch Aaron, and that was the one thing that convinced him he wasn't a monster that would turn into his father and destroy everything he touched. Even when the divorce papers were signed, she never left him. She had left because he wasn't the man she needed, and she was not the woman he wanted, but she would love him till she died.

But she had always assumed that she would die when Jack had his own children and Aaron had retired from the FBI, having taken a job at the local college to lecture the future lawyers. She had assumed it would be in her sleep, when her hair was grey and her joints ached. She always assumed Aaron would go first.

It was morbid, but true. His family had a history of cancer and heart attacks. His job involved putting his life on the line every single day. Unsubs set off bombs that caused shrapnel to the leg and they fired guns and they burnt down buildings.

Her job involved teaching children that music was not just something that needed to be a hobby. Telling children that they were good enough to do whatever they wanted and they could not let people control their futures because at the end of the day, it was their life.

Two thousand, five hundred and fifty five days ago, Haley Hotchner Brooks was murdered by George Foyet. Erin Strauss told her ex-husband that the death was swift and painless.

She had lied. George Foyet shot her, but he deliberately missed striking anything that would be fatal because he wanted to drag it out. He wanted to watch as her blood stained the living room carpet, the red a terrible and ugly contrast to the neutral tones. He wanted to watch as life left her body and as she fought so valiantly to keep her eyes open for her ex-husband and son. He wanted to watch the fear settle in her eyes as she realised that Aaron wasn’t coming to save her. Nobody was. He wanted her to know she was dying. Know that there was no coming back from this one. That she was never going to hold her son or kiss Aaron ever again.

And then he had dragged her body up the stairs, into their old bedroom for him to find. Aaron hadn’t been able to convince himself she was sleeping. Her body was too posed, too still. Haley always smiled as she slept. Her face, when he found the body, was contorted with fear because she had known that this was her ending.

Because she was too good, too selfless, her final thoughts had not been of everything she hadn’t gotten to do. It was not of the dreams that had been ripped from her far too early. Nor had it been anger and hatred directed towards Aaron. She knew he had done his best, and she would not let herself die hating him.

Haley Brooks' last thoughts had been a desperate prayer to anyone that was listening. She prayed that Jack would be able to enjoy the fireworks that would be set off on Independence and New Years Day. She prayed that Aaron's grief would not consume him and he would accept that it was not his fault, that she had always loved him, and that he would let himself love again. But most of all, she prayed that he would be spared the truth, if only so he would keep himself alive. She prayed Jack would be the perfect combination of them. And that he would be enough to remind Aaron of the reason he kept fighting.

Jack hated Independence Day. He hated New Years. Those were the days that Hotch would play Anastasia louder than was safe for his hearing. The days they would make a pillow fort in the living room and sleep with the light on because sleeping in the bedroom felt too much like hiding in that box.

There had been a time when Aaron's grief had consumed him. Jack had been away at summer camp. He had been alone, with no cases and no son to keep him occupied. All he had were his thoughts and guilt. Derek had pulled him from the shower, fully clothed and trembling from the cold, just in time. He had gotten suspicious when Aaron didn't turn up for their run for the first time since Haley had left and thought of the last time they had waited.

It was that same week that Aaron started telling his therapist the truth. They couldn't help him unless he let them. And he was finally ready to do that. He still believed it was his fault, because there had been so many things he could have done differently, but he had always let himself love again. Him and Beth had been beautiful together, and some of her artwork was still hung up in his apartment. Even though they hadn't lasted, it was nice to know that his heart still worked.

Her final prayer had been answered. Erin Strauss had heard how much Aaron still loved Haley from each of his team members. That final phone call had been played for her as part of the investigation into his actions. She had seen the look on his face when he said that George Foyet would have gotten up, killed him and then his son. He wasn't making assumptions. He was repeating what had been said.

He was already so broken and distraught. There was no need for him to know the truth. So she had looked down at the file that contained all of the violent and graphic details in one final attempt to pull herself together. And then she had looked her subordinate in the eye and lied to him.

Maybe it made her a terrible person, but she hadn't felt any remorse. It kept him alive. It kept him fighting and with the BAU. That had to be better than the alternative.

That lie had been told exactly two thousand, five hundred and fifty-five days ago. Seven years. Haley Hotchner Brooks had died a brutal and painful death, but everyone that knew the truth had told Aaron Hotchner and Jessica Brooks that it had been quick and painless in order to keep them alive.

Aaron Hotchner woke up on the morning of the seventh anniversary of her death with a pit in his stomach. Jack had been quiet and withdrawn for the week leading up to it. He was some weird and imperfect combination of his mother and father, even though one had always been missing from the most formative years of his life. He grieved in the same way his father did and Aaron wasn't sure whether or not that was a good thing.

He didn't want to face the day. He didn't want to think about the science behind cells or take Jack to the graveyard and ask him how he was. He didn't want to pretend that Haley could hear what they were saying because he didn't believe she was in a better place. He didn't want to face sympathetic glances from everyone they came into contact with, or phone Jack's school to say he would be absent today.

But Jack couldn't go alone, he was still too young. And he needed to be asked so he could break down or shout or just shrug and say he didn't quite know. Jack still believed that Haley was watching over them from heaven, and that whatever they said would reach her because he had faith in happy endings. He would hate the sympathy, but accept it with a slight smile.

He would love the stories people shared about his mother. It helped him cope. It reminded him of how similar they truly were and made him feel like a piece of her was still with them. He know his dad would find it difficult to do everything, so he climbed out of bed and headed to the kitchen without making a sound.

Oatmeal was an easy meal for a child to make. Even one that wasn't even in high school yet. So Jack made two bowls that were far too full and took them to the bedroom.

Hotch had found it in him to sit up, even if he still hadn't made it out of bed.

"Look!" Jack exclaimed, with a wide grin. "It looks like the one you make!"

It didn't, not really, but Hotch forced a smile and nodded. "Yeah. Thank you buddy. How are you feeling?"

Jack hesitated, spoon halfway to his mouth, then shrugged. "Not sure. My stomach hurts. Do you think Mom's proud of me for making us breakfast without burning the apartment down?"

The lump that had been forming in Aaron's throat got larger. He swallowed. "Yeah buddy," he said, voice cracking slightly. "She's proud of you every minute of every day. Don't ever forget that, okay?"

"I won't," Jack promised, then ate his breakfast like it was any other day.

The florist gave them both a sad smile when they entered. She had made up their bouquets as soon as she had gotten in the shop, knowing exactly what they would want. The son always had a flower of each colour, tied together with a yellow ribbon. Even though it was unfair that he'd been forced to say goodbye at such a young age, making his bouquet always brought a smile to her face. He was still so innocent.

The father always asked for purple hyacinths. She wasn't stupid. She knew he was Aaron Hotchner with the BAU. She knew his ex-wife had been murdered by the same serial killer that had broken into his apartment and stabbed him. She wondered if it was a coincidence, or if he knew what they meant.

He did. It was why he picked them. Haley would laugh and call him an idiot if she knew, but she didn't so he carried on taking the same bouquet every time he went, no matter what time of year it was. They were always tied with white ribbon. It looked pretty.

Innocent. Pure. Like she had been until his obsession with the chase got her killed.

He handed his card to her without a word. She longed to ask if he needed anything, but didn't. It would be weird.

Jack waved her goodbye, and she smiled. Only when they were out of sight did she turn and wipe her eyes. Seven years they had been coming to her shop, and not once had the boy forgotten to say goodbye to her. Not once had the father left without saying thank you.

They both deserved better.

Hotch didn't let go of Jack's hand as they approached the grave. Jack set his flowers down with the utmost care, and then sat next to the headstone. Haley hadn't wanted anything fancy. In fact, her only request had been that it said Hotchner. Aaron remained a few feet away, wanting to give Jack some privacy, but also making sure that nothing bad happened.

He had always found something about graveyards morbidly peaceful. Even despite the tension that always accompanied a visit with Jack, he found himself admiring the other flowers, the trees and bushes that had been planted and the way the sun shone down on them.

The weather was so perfectly Haley that it caused him physical pain.

"Dad, you need to put your flowers down and talk too," Jack said, pulling him from his thoughts. Even though his features were completely Haley's, the look Jack got when he was being serious was purely Hotch's.

"Are you done talking?" he asked, trying to work out how long he had been thinking for.

Jack nodded. "Can I go and make sure the other people know that someone cares about them?" That soft and caring part of him, that demanded he save everyone, was both of his parents.

"Of course you can. Don't wander too far though," Hotch said. Jack rolled his eyes, as though his father was being the most unreasonable man in the world and, after blowing one last kiss to his mother, walked away, talking to himself as he went.

Hotch sighed, placed his own bouquet next to Jack's then stepped back. He didn't deserve to sit and be comfortable.

"It's been seven years," he whispered. "It's been two thousand, five hundred and fifty-five days, yet I still remember the day I met you perfectly. Is that weird? I like to think that you still remembered it."

When he looked back, Jack was busy talking to one of the other people that was visiting a grave. Aaron recognised who it was, so he turned back and allowed a few of his own tears to roll down his cheeks. For a few minutes, he could stop pretending that he was fine and just break.

"Haley, I don't know if you can hear me or if heaven is real, but I do know that I am so, so sorry that it was you and not me. And I hate that it was you. If there was a way to go back in time and make sure it was you standing here, I would take it in a heartbeat. You deserved so much better and I am sorry I could not give it to you. So, so sorry."

He had told Haley he would spend the rest of his life making it up to her because he had believed that he would not live long enough to do so, and that his death would be his final act of penance.He had believed that he would be able to save her.

"One day I will earn your forgiveness. One day you will laugh at me for saying all of this, but until that day comes, I will make sure Jack is just like you. Because you were as perfect as a single person could be. And I- I miss you, every single day. I hope, wherever you are, you're happy."

For seven years, he had been making some version of that speech. Only today, it felt different. More important. More painful. And suddenly, he needed to get away. From her grave, from the flowers, from everything.

He went over to Jack, apologised for cutting their conversation short and asked if he was ready to go home. Jack said yes, because that was what his father wanted to hear. The walk home was silent, and when they got back, Jack announced that he was going for a shower. Hotch knew why. He wasn't ready to watch one of the old videos either. Only when the shower started running did Aaron bury his head in the pillow and sob.

Two thousand, five hundred and fifty-five days George Foyet touched him for the last time. The nine scars on his torso would always be there, serving as a permanent reminder of what his failure had caused, preventing him from ever being truly comfortable in his body. But seven years had passed since Foyet's hands had been on his body. Every single cell had been replaced. His touch no longer lingered like a bad smell. Aaron was finally free. Knowing that he had a body that Foyet had not ruined was an indescribable relief.

Foyet's touch had faded into nothing.

But so had Haley's. He could no longer cling to the comfort that knowing a part of her still lived in him provided. He could no longer look at Jack and say that Mom's last hug would forever be a part of him. It would always be in his memory, no matter how fuzzy it was. But it wouldn't be there in the way that counted. Jack would never be able to know what his mother's touch felt like and it was all his fault. Haley was longer part of their bodies.

The final piece of her that was easy to cling to had finally ceased to exist.

Hotch was not sure he could survive anymore. But then the shower stopped running, and Jack emerged in the Captain America pajamas that he still hasn't outgrown from the previous year. And Aaron rubbed his eyes, pretending he was just a little sleepy before following Jack into the living room.

Jack did not want to watch a video. So Hotch made them something light to eat, and then they built a pillow fort. It was then that he told the story of how they met, of how Haley always smiled at his jokes, of how she would make him smile. He told Jack that if he ever wanted to see what his mother's smile had been like, he just needed to look in the mirror.

The stories didn't stop until Jack fell asleep, with his legs dangling off the couch and his head in his father's lap. Aaron knew he would regret it, that his back couldn't handle doing this anymore, but his son looked so peaceful that he refused to move. Instead, he played with Jack's hair. The same way Haley had always played with his own locks.

Seven years was a long time. To Aaron, it passed in the blink of an eye. The day Haley had died, Jack had fallen asleep in his lap, much like he had now. Only then, he had been so small. Fragile. Aaron had been terrified. Now, he was growing into the kindest young man Aaron had ever known. And he was strong. Aaron was still terrified, for different reasons than he had been then.

Haley's touch would never find its way to either of them again. Aaron could accept it as his punishment for letting her get away. For letting her die. But maybe his own gentle touch would be enough for Jack to understand just how much he was loved. Maybe it would be okay. Maybe Jack would never wake up and blame him for his mother's death, instead choosing to be just as good as she had been.

Aaron fell asleep on the couch too. He fell asleep, disappointed and angry with himself for letting her die. But he fell asleep so proud of his son for not losing his softness or kindness. He fell asleep, finding some comfort in the knowledge that although Haley had died well before her time, it had been quick. Painless.

The next day, both father and son would regret sleeping the way they had.

But Jack would go to school and accept the comfort people tried to show him with a gracious smile. He would be secretly grateful that people still cared. And he would know that even if every cell in your body was replaced every seven years, it didn't matter because he still remembered the smell of his mom's perfume. He still remembered what her hugs felt like.

Aaron would return to work, tired and a little worse for the wear, but ready to be the hero his son still believed he was. He would let Penelope hug him for longer than was strictly necessary and find a way to thank Derek for doing his paperwork. And he would find some comfort in knowing that even if this body of his didn't know Haley, it also did not Foyet.

And the BAU would carry the truth of Haley's death to their own graves.

It was the only way forward.

[diegoalvesisgod]

I translated this article a few weeks ago, mainly because I wanted my friend @soy-celeste to read it... and it’s been sitting in my files since. I read this article at 2 AM with tears running down my cheeks, pressing a hand over my mouth because I didn’t want to wake up the house with my crying. I translated it the following day, and I didn’t touch it ever since. I didn’t quite know what to do with the translation... it’s an issue that concerns my hometown club that probably no one on here follows. But now it’s kind of ripened in me. 

If you want to know how ugly football can be, read this. 

Warning: it’s long, and not a light read. 

Just this once

Daniel Holzer

“Now think carefully about this decision: You want to stay in Baník, or you want to leave?”

I didn’t hesitate for a second. I was in shock, my body was still paralyzed by adrenaline and fear, but when the new owner of the club, Václav Brabec, asked me on the phone how I saw my future, the answer was automatic.

I couldn’t imagine that I would stay in Baník Ostrava - the club that brought me up and gave me the chance to captain a first league club at the age of twenty. Not after what I’ve just gone through. And what was the reason I was still shaking.

Suddenly, I didn’t care about what people would think of me. I’m leaving and that’s it. I have to. I felt that in the atmosphere around me, there was no other option anyway.

“I want to leave.”

I answered the owner’s call with a shaking hand when I was going back home to Havířov, on the empty team bus. We used to do it that way. The bus went to Havířov’s yard after every match anyway, and our driver would always offer to take me right to my house. That day, I was really grateful for it. I wouldn’t be able to drive.

I was sitting there, buried in my seat, the hood of my sweatshirt over my head, looking out of the window with tears in my eyes, and I was thinking about where I went wrong. Why all of our fans suddenly hated me so much. Why they were lynching me for something I didn’t want to do until that moment. But mainly: what the hell was all that happened that day supposed to mean?

July 23, 2016.

The worst day of my football career.

The day that concluded with the decision that as a graduate and captain, I would leave the club that recently got relegated.

The day that decided that the whole city of Ostrava would hate me - basically still an adolescent.

That day, we played a friendly match in Katowice. More than a preparation for the upcoming season, it was an exhibition celebrating the 20th anniversary of the friendship between the fans of both teams. The stands were decorated with breathtaking yellow and white tifos, and while all of my teammates got goosebumps from it, I felt that something terrible was looming above the pitch. The information that there were negotiations going on concerning me leaving for Sparta had leaked to the fans. And the fact that I wasn’t starting in the match, although I still don’t really know why, only confirmed it to them. People in the stands took my leaving for granted; in the eyes of the most loyal fans, I was a traitor.

“Holzer, you bitch!”

“You Spartan cunt!”

“Go to Letná, you swine!”

They went hard on me. Emotions escalated right after the match, when we were celebrating with the packed stadium and then went around the stands and shook hands with the fans; we used to do it that way in Baník before. At that moment, people started to touch me through the bars, and added an uncomfortable physical contact to the verbal harassment. The crowd even ripped the jersey from my body, because in their eyes, I lost the right to wear it.

I’m not going to lie: I was scared. I was really afraid of those people at that moment.

It went so far that my own teammates asked me to leave the pitch and hide in the cabin.

I felt embarrassed.

I was walking through the center of the pitch to hide inside the stadium, and I couldn’t breathe. I felt physically sick, there was pressure on my chest, and my pulse was higher than in the actual match. I felt immense anxiety. In the tunnel, I had to bend forward and breathe deeply not to pass out. At that moment, Ondra Šašinka was already holding me up. He had sneaked out of the celebrations, so that at least someone would be there with me.

None of us knew that the worst was yet to come.

When I got out of the showers after ten minutes, wearing just a towel, three angry fans broke into the cabin. They threw me against the massage table in the middle of the room, and it all started anew, in front of all of my teammates.

“Why are you going to Sparta?”

“Who do you think you are?”

“Are you just going to let all of these boys down?”

Of course there were harsher words said. I was alone, and practically naked, against these 220 pounds guys, and I was ashamed.

And I was scared. I was really scared.

Because I couldn’t resist them.

And I had nothing to say to them. 

I wasn’t going to Sparta at that moment. Even though it was one of the options, they did want me at Letná, but I was avoiding it. I didn’t want to even talk about it. But who would have believed me then? Those people already had their truth.

Not even my teammates dared to defend me. The cabin was full of boys even younger than me, and I was twenty. I remember our coach, Vlastimil Petržela, sitting hunched in the corner of the room, swaying back and forth, his eyes fixed on the floor. And I remember our fitness coach, who was the only one who wanted to help me.

“Shut the fuck up and sit back, or you’re fucking next,” they snapped at him. They didn’t care about what he had to say. They were only interested in me.

I started to tear up. I was so scared that I knew I was going to cry. And I cried. I still don’t know how the fans even got into the cabin. And I don’t remember how they left in the end. But for long minutes after that, I stood naked again in the showers, with ice cold water pouring over me, and I was sobbing. While the rest of the team remained sitting in the cabin in deathly silence, I was crying in the shower like a little boy.

When I recounted all of this to our owner on the phone, he probably understood that in this situation, there was no point of holding me back and forcing me to stay at the club.

The next day, I really left.

For Sparta Prague.

*

AC Sparta Praha. The forbidden club.

The hatred people in Ostrava feel against the club from Letná can’t be described with words. It’s not a feeling that you gain through life experience or particular events. It’s not something you learn. It’s something you are simply born with if you’re from Ostrava. It’s a part of our specific DNA.

Since childhood, we live in this environment, among people who hate Sparta, and I think they can’t really explain why. Our grandfathers, aunts, parents, everyone feels this way, they feel this rivalry naturally and they respect it. I’ve always felt it, and my children will once feel it as well, I’m sure about that. There’s a lot of talk about the hatred towards Opava as well, the media write about the Silesian derby, but actually, since I was a child, I’ve felt that the only real rival of our club was Sparta.

When we were children and we were ball boys at matches, we usually had trouble getting enough people for regular matches. But when it was against Sparta, we were able to literally fight to death to get our place. Just to be there when Baník would beat up Sparta’s players in front of the sold out stadium, kick them black and blue, and - hopefully - also defeat them. Because these are the moments that people here remember for years. The moments men talk about while having their beer.

I hated Sparta this way already as a little boy. And I still do. Even though I wore their jersey, and I got to know a lot of their players personally, and I came to like a lot of them. Bořek Dočkal, for example. The man I couldn’t stand for so long! I only had to switch on the TV, and I already hated him, the way he kept spitting around him, and yelling at referees and opponents. Now I know it’s one of the best and smartest people I’ve met in Czech football. A great guy who’s got an amazing career behind him, and once he retires, he will be an amazing manager as well. I’d bet on that.

But at the same time, once I meet him on the pitch in the red shirt, I’ll kick him when I get the chance. Just like you are supposed to in Ostrava.

We have this in us naturally. This is how we were raised, and especially the day of the match, the atmosphere of resentment is strong in the cabin. The hatred just seeps out of us in a way our rivals aren’t even able to grasp. Milan Baroš has always been the master of this. He would sow hatred in the cabin the week prior to the match, and he would do it so well that even players who originally came from Sparta could suddenly feel it towards their old club.

I know that our fans have it in them this way as well.

I understand this hatred.

I grew up here. And if I weren’t a football player, I would be in the stands with them every match.

*

In truth, I was convinced that I would leave Baník even before the incident in Katowice.

I just had it planned a completely different way.

This decision was slowly ripening inside of me for a few weeks following our relegation after the season when Baník was a laughing matter for the entire world of Czech football. We had no chance to save ourselves. Under the manager Korytář, we won ridiculous four points in the fall part of the season. The team consisted of players who didn’t have a club before the season started, and we practically knew from the start that there were no leaders and players who would help Baník save itself among them.

Nothing was right in the club at that time.

Under the leadership of the owner Šafarčík, Baník was balancing on the brink of its non-existence. Even Milan Baroš left the outrageously managed organization, preferring to play for Mladá Boleslav or Liberec to playing in that Baník. And with him, other people who grew up at the club, also left. Patrizio Stronati, Honza Baránek, Michal Frydrych or Jirka Pavlenka. All of these talented boys probably saved their careers by saying goodbye to the club in time. I, at twenty, had this career still in front of me.

After the relegation, the managers logically started to speculate what would become of me. I personally could imagine staying for that one season. But the EURO U21 was approaching. In our year, the team was huge. Schick, Matějů, Lüftner, Barák, Jankto, I could go on and on… Me and everyone around me felt that if I wanted to get onto the final nomination list for the tournament in Poland, I had to stay in the first league.

And right at that moment, Liberec called.

I started the summer preparation with Baník, when Jindřich Trpišovský started to call me quite regularly to make me come to Slovan. He made a huge impression on me. At the beginning of each call, he’d ask me how I was, and then started to emphasize how much he was interested in me. I’m not going to lie: he turned my head. He surprised me by how he perceived me as a footballer. He told me that he saw great potential in me, the potential of a game creator. He told me that he would like to move me from the position of a left back to that of a midfielder, and for me - a player who likes to play on the ball and isn’t technically that bad - those words literally caressed my ego. Everything he was saying, I could - and mainly wanted to - picture very vividly.

On top of that, Liberec was going to play the European League, they were letting the young players play, and there is literally no media pressure or pressure from fans in this club. This option was making sense. Knowing that this transfer wouldn’t cause much bad blood among the people from my club, I decided to leave for Liberec.

The problem was my price tag.

The original 3 millions weren’t cutting it. I had a buyout clause of 10 millions, and the new owner of the club, Václav Brabec, didn’t feel the need to sell me, even though we talked about it and Slovan Liberec was increasing their offer day by day.

But it still wasn’t enough.

*

“There’s an offer from Sparta on the table,” Mr. Brabec told me during one meeting.

I started to sweat and sway nervously in the armchair in a hotel lobby. 

The captain is going to Sparta. Traitor. My mind was immediately one huge chaos and - it was also actually a very accurate picture of what would eventually happen. I knew the story of Miroslav Matušovič very well - after the transfer to Sparta, he can’t to this day, years and years later, show up at the stadium in Ostrava.

“But I can’t go to Sparta!”

I was still convinced that if my transfer was to make sense, it had to be to Liberec and nowhere else. This meeting happened in Kroměříž, a few days before the match in Katowice, and right after that, Sparta’s manager Zdeněk Ščasný called me. He was trying to convince me of his interest and the plan for me to replace Ladislav Krejčí on the left back, because he was leaving for Serie A. But when he asked me what I thought about it, I couldn’t answer. I just told him politely that I needed to think about it.

Because I had no idea what to do and how to react. But I knew I had to make the decision soon.

I grabbed my phone and started to call the people I knew and respected, and who did a lot for Baník.

Radek Slončík told me then that he left for Sparta only after he did everything he could have done for Baník.

Hmm. And what have I achieved here? I captained the team that got relegated.

Martin Svědík, who was the first one who gave me the opportunity to play in the first team, told me emphatically that Liberec was definitely the better option.

Thanks, coach, but I know that myself.

I tried even Milan Baroš, and his words actually surprised me. He told me to get the hell out of there, because who knows what would happen to Baník.

Sure, we’ve got a new owner and we’re rotting in the 2nd league. But because of that, I should take Sparta’s offer?

The cherry on top was the talk with the manager Vlastimil Petržela. He told me that he really wished he could build the team for the 2nd league around me, but at the same time, he added something along the lines of: “Some Liberec… That’s a second class club. If you have to leave, go directly to Sparta, don’t even bother with Slovan.”

You can imagine, my mind was a mess.

Any other player at my age anywhere else in this country wouldn’t have to think about this at all. He wouldn’t care how people would look at him. He’d take Sparta for the nice money and he’d be happy to make a step forward in his career. In Brno, Opava, Olomouc, anywhere else I wouldn’t have to hesitate a single minute at twenty years old. But here it’s different, and even my parents felt bad about me going to Sparta.

They are from Ostrava, and they are proud of it. In my family, Sparta has always been the rival.

*

The day after Katowice, right after a sleepless night, the owner of the club called me up to his office.

“I don’t want you to leave. But if you’ve decided that you don’t want to stay in Baník, I’m selling you to Sparta.”

At that moment, I looked even worse in the eyes of the fans.

A day prior, I was explaining to them, sobbing, that I didn’t want to go to Sparta at all. And not even twenty-four hours later I was to sign a new contract for several years, after a transfer both clubs agreed on and that all of the country’s media were talking about. My phone immediately started to vibrate with tons and tons of messages from people who were absolutely furious. Everyone knew what car I was driving and where I lived, and they were promising to pay off a score with me.

We kept the circumstances of the transfer between us with the owner of the club, based on a verbal agreement. Until today, no one knew, except my closest people, and there’s not a lot of them. I’m telling you now with the full authorization of Mr. Brabec, because for a long time now, I’ve felt the need to tell the truth. To stop lying. So that everyone knows how I felt at that time. To help the young players, who could end up in this position in professional sports sooner or later, make the right decision. Because I didn’t make it.

And I’m telling you now to prove to the people that I’ve always cared for Baník, and that I truly regret the transfer to Sparta.

“We’re selling you to Sparta, but not for the buyout clause. No one was ready to pay it. I understand that you don’t want to play here in this atmosphere. But you need to understand that Baník is in huge debt, and I have to sell you to whoever pays more. Sparta outbid Liberec,” the owner told me then. “You’re going to Sparta on one condition that will stay in this room. We will tell the media that Sparta activated the buyout clause. And I will explain to the fans that I couldn’t do anything about the transfer.”

I agreed.

I agreed and put on the crown of thorns for someone who enforced the transfer to Sparta.

I blocked my Facebook profile and in a few minutes, I was on my way to Prague.

*

I knew perfectly well how difficult this situation was for the boss. There was huge anxiety about Baník. The club was falling apart, the previous owners indebted it so much it went into hundreds of millions, and the new one had a nearly impossible mission ahead of him - to gain the most important thing. The trust of the fans. You don’t need to be that smart to understand that if the first thing he would have done after coming to Baník would have been selling the only player who had some value in the club, for big money, to the biggest rival, it wouldn’t have looked good in the eyes of the fans. Because at that time, Baník didn’t know if there was even anyone who could play the 2nd league for them.

I was avoiding the big interviews. I was afraid someone would ask me why I preferred Sparta to Liberec. I didn’t know what to say to keep my word to Mr. Brabec. And when someone eventually did ask, I lied. I lied to everyone. I talked about ambition, European League, and the chance to win the league.

I was spending my evenings reading the comments on the internet, which made me feel even worse. There were people who wrote that if someone gets a good offer, they should take it. There were people who commended me for leaving Baník for Sparta. But those who didn’t were still a big majority.

But things happened fast and the whole train couldn’t be stopped anymore. And so suddenly, I was sitting in the car of Dan Zítka, the goalkeepers’ coach and our family friend, who was taking me up to Letná for the first time. We turned right at McDonald's, drove through the gates of the stadium, and I was starting to realize for the first time that this wouldn’t, couldn’t end well. That I’ve made a big mistake.

For a moment, I started to laugh. Because I remembered the scene from the movie with Miroslav Donutil, in which a football player after a transfer to Sparta walks through the tunnel to the pitch and yells: “Baníííík pičoooo!” to the whole Letná.

But soon enough, I got back to reality.

Because my reality had nothing in common with this light television comedy.

*

I felt strange.

From my first minutes at Sparta, I knew that I wasn’t supposed to be there.

The idea of playing the European League against Inter Milan was amazing for a young player, but to represent a club you feel no connection to, because since you were a child, you were taught to hate it? No… that really couldn’t work.

Already the first interview for the club’s TV was hard. The reporters started to ask me how I felt about putting on the red jersey for the first time, what I thought about Sparta’s fans and if the move to Letná was a dream come true. Luckily, I’m quite good at talking and I think I didn’t do too bad then. Even then, I thought of Miroslav Matušovič. I knew I couldn’t say anything too good about Sparta, like he did then. I didn’t say anything about dreams coming true and great fans.

On the pitch, I was trying hard and I did play some matches for Sparta, but it just wasn’t me. I didn’t feel well in the cabin either, even though I am still friends with some of the players and from time to time, we call each other. At the beginning of the season, I was getting a lot of minutes, but I wasn’t satisfied with my game. I couldn’t have been.

Every time we walked out on the pitch and Sparta’s anthem started to play, I was looking around and I didn’t know what to do. All of my teammates were singing it loudly, but I just couldn’t push the words past my lips. Since the beginning of each match, I lived a lie. I was opening my mouth, so that it would look like I was singing as well. But I never learned the lyrics of the anthem. In my mind, I was singing our own… Baníčku, my jsme s tebou (Baník, we are with you).

A few weeks were enough for football to stop being a joy for me. It became a chore. For that year, football was just a job.

Play well, you’ll get the money. 

Nothing less, nothing more.

It wasn’t like I didn’t want to play for Sparta at all. The European League matches motivated me. I was enjoying playing against Icardi, Van Dijk, there are a lot of memories. And let’s be honest, I was paid really well. But when it came to the league, I couldn’t find the motivation to fight for Sparta the way the others did.

Lafata, Dočkal, Vácha… Before every match, they reeled us up to fight for Sparta. They meant well. But I lived next to them in a complete lie. I was giving the practice my all, I worked hard. I didn’t slack, I would be against myself if I did. But when the weekend came, and the match with it, suddenly I didn’t have that important sixth sense. The sixth sense I call passion.

No one said a word about it to me during that year at Sparta. No one told me I wasn’t giving it my all. But sometimes, the people at the club reprimanded me for not showing any emotion on the pitch. What was wrong with me? I didn’t use to be that way. But that all is connected to that passion. I didn’t show any emotion because I didn’t feel any. I didn’t care for the club the jersey of which I was putting on twice a week.

When I scored my first goal for Sparta in Karviná, I was happy. I was shouting and I ran to the corner flag with my arms spread. But I did it for myself. They weren’t emotions that could influence any of the people around me - my teammates. In the moments I needed them, I didn’t have these emotions. I couldn’t give it my all.

There are matches when nothing goes right. The referee is annoying you, so you yell at them. You’re losing, so you go into a fight with the opponent just a little bit harder. You just do whatever crazy thing to entice the people in the stands or your teammates.

But I couldn’t do any of it in Sparta.

My game obviously slumped.

To make things clear: it’s not like I didn’t care if we lost. I’ve always been competitive, and this hunger for winning and being constantly better than others got me among the small number of those who can have this nice life because of football. Every loss at Sparta hurt me inside. But not enough.

The atmosphere at the club wasn’t good at that time, either. During that one season, the club had three managers. Ščasný started off the season, then Holoubek came, and Rada finished off the season. I couldn’t play more than my average standard under any of them. And that wasn’t enough for Sparta.

I lacked the inner strength to go beyond the line and be even better.

You’ve probably heard about Sparta being a specific club. That not everyone could take the pressure they put on the players. That not everyone can succeed at Sparta. From my own experience, I think there’s more to it. Sparta is a brand that divides people, provokes emotions. You either love it, or you hate it. There’s no middle ground.

And that was the reason why after one year, it was over for me.

*

Just this once. 

Just once I came to Ostrava wearing the opponent’s shirt. I never want to experience that feeling again.

As soon as I ran out on the pitch, it started. Ten thousand people in the stands whistling, cursing at me.

“Holzer, what? You whore!” they would sing every time I touched the ball, to remind me of what I’ve done.

I knew it would happen. For a week before the match, it was all that was on my mind, and I wondered how I would live through it. Whether you want it or not, it gets to you eventually. Whoever says that they don’t care is lying. I don’t believe that there is one single football player who is so immersed in the match that they don’t feel the hatred coming their way from the stands.

I could feel it a lot. And it didn’t feel good at all.

But I really was lucky then. I didn’t have to come to Ostrava wearing Sparta’s red shirt. I returned to Vítkovice’s City Stadium a year later, after Baník came back to 1st league. Thank God already as a player of Zlín.

Before the season, big changes happened at Sparta. The Italian coach Andrea Stramaccioni came to Letná, and he didn’t want me and didn’t take me to a single practice. And even though the EURO U21 was quite a success, it wasn’t enough for a transfer to a foreign club. And so Zlín’s manager Bob Páník, who knew me from Ostrava when I was a kid, called me. I immediately knew that I wanted to take that offer. Zlín was also playing the European League then, and for me, this loan was a lifesaver. In a great team, nice city, surrounded by nice people, I healed a little bit. I also think that I was one of the key players in the team.

It’s a paradox and I still can’t explain it to myself, but in Ostrava, under the weight of the jeering of the fans, I played probably my best match for Zlín. I was good at the left line, I had an assist as well, and Václav Svěrkoš stood up for me that evening. He’s the club’s icon that is quite close to the people from the ultras. “Big respect for the game today. I believe you will soon tell the truth about the transfer. You and your family deserve it.” he wrote on his Instagram profile. The post is still up there today, and I am immensely grateful for it. Because even then, a year later, there were people who couldn’t forgive me for that transfer, and were very keen on letting me know.

I remember that once - when I already played for Zlín - I came back home to Havířov for the weekend. At eight o’clock in the evening, I went to a bar with a friend. It was freezing cold, and across the street, there was a group of fans standing there. They were already a bit drunk. I noticed them, but I tried to ignore them. But not even fifteen minutes later, they burst into the bar, surrounded our table and started to harass me again.

“What are you doing here? Get out of here, you traitor!”

I heard again that I wasn’t welcome in this city anymore.

Again, they asked why I left Baník.

And I still couldn’t tell them the truth.

No one would have believed me anyway.

Luckily, nothing worse than an occasional harassment of this kind hadn’t happened to me. At home, I tried to avoid clubs and bars and public places, and I decided not to go on social media. Because at that time, I already felt the same way as the fans.

If I were them, I would treat that Holzer the same way.

Because I was from here. We all live football this way here.

*

I picked up the phone, called my agent and said: “I want to go back to Baník.”

It was after the loan to Zlín was over, when I came back to Sparta and in the hotel room with the Spanish midfielder Nestor Albiach, we were waiting for the decision about what would become of us. I wanted to take things back into my hands.

I think my agent thought that I was delirious then.

“I’m coming home. I’ve made the decision. Just make it happen somehow.”

My - maybe illogical for a lot of people - decision actually made sense. Václav Svěrkoš sent me a text that there were talks about me in Ostrava. Marek Jankulovski, the sports director of the club, was allegedly asking about me, and I clung to that little piece of information. Suddenly, I didn’t care what people at home would say about it.

I knew Sparta didn’t want me. And I knew that if there ever was a place where I enjoyed football, it was home at Baník, that was already being managed by Bob Páník. Zdeněk Grygera was trying to make me stay at Zlín. But I’ve made the decision already. I was so convinced that I was coming back home that I cut short a phone call with Miroslav Pelta. The “Big Stork” called me at the hotel to make me come to Jablonec, who were putting together a team for the upcoming European League.

“Thank you, Mr. Pelta, but I’m going to Baník.”

I pretty much hung up on him then. My agent was furious. He was yelling at me what the hell was wrong with me, and he had no idea of what we would do if Baník didn’t want me back. But I was adamant. I was refusing offers even before we even got to talk to Baník at all. I just wanted to go to Ostrava and I wasn’t ready to accept anything else.

A few days later, Baník bought me from Sparta.

Mr. Brabec allegedly paid more for me than what he had sold me for.

I joined the team for the last friendly match we played in Markvartovice. A classic village pitch where people watch the match standing at the railing behind the lines with a beer in hand. And all of those people jeering at me were even more irritated by the captain’s band my teammates had put on me so that I would have to pay more into the club’s piggy bank.

But compared to what I had already gone through, it was nothing. I was just thinking about the meeting with the ultras I was supposed to attend before the start of the season. They wanted to set things straight with me. I was scared of that meeting.

It was initiated by Swed, one of the fans and the team’s equipment manager at that time. I was nervous, but he kept assuring me it would be okay.

We were sitting at a restaurant, talking about what was going to happen to me.

I was ready for the people not accepting me back. I was ready for them whistling and maybe even preparing some kind of a presentation in the stands. I knew a lot of them thought I was making fun of them by coming back.

I was surprised with how nice the meeting actually was. It was really a nice talk. I think that with time, they came to understand that I wasn’t a complete idiot, and they appreciated that I never said any nonsense about how I loved Sparta.

They even promised me then that the ultras would stand behind me. That they wouldn’t whistle or curse at me. But they told me that they had no say in how the main stands would react to me. And so the situation was actually quite comical: in the first round against Jablonec, I came on for the last thirty minutes. And while the ultras were standing up applauding me, the rest of the stadium was whistling.

I started to laugh in the middle of the pitch.

Because I was home. Finally back in the place where passion radiates from the stands. And I wanted to show everyone that I cared.

I fully realized it only after the match, watching the replay and listening to people’s reactions. I still remember one moment when I won the ball by a slide, and sprinted down the line towards the opponent’s goal. It was an action during which the stands started to roar. And I felt it. I knew that I was home. And I knew that it would be alright. With time.

I knew the only way to get people back on my side was through my game. That if I played bad, everyone would remind me of Sparta. But if I were good, no one would remember what happened three years ago. And so I worked my ass off.

From the first minutes I was running down the left line like crazy, just to prove to the people in the stands that I was serious. The second match I even scored a goal. I enjoyed the break style of Páník and the teamwork with Jirka Fleišman on our side. We played great football, Baník was in the front positions from the beginning of the season.

I’ll tell you another funny thing. Remember the guys who assaulted me in the cabin at the beginning of everything?

Two of them are now my friends. They are among those who have known this whole story for a while, and have kept it to themselves, just like our club’s owner. They know why I decided to leave Baník then, what the background of my transfer to Sparta was then, and I think that with time, they managed to understand my reasons. After all, it’s them who invite me each year to the Christmas party of the ultras, and I would never refuse this invitation.

I’m always glad to come and have a few beers with the guys. You can think whatever you want about them, but I think they are nice people after all.

Thanks to honesty, we have all things clear between us.

*

People say that I was Baník’s captain and by leaving for Sparta, I only directed my career to Zlín. That I wasted two years. More than once, I’ve heard the question where I could be if I had stayed in Baník. But I never think about it that way. I could as well be asking where I would be, had I forced the move to Liberec.

Why would I torment myself this way?

What happened, happened, there’s no sense in nitpicking the things. Truth is that even though I was the captain at the age of twenty, I definitely didn’t feel like the captain. In the ruined team which had sold everyone with a value, I was the only player from Ostrava with some responsibility and loyalty to the club that remained and could wear the armband. The role was simply left for me. People saw me as the leader, but I was no leader back then.

Today, it’s different. Milan Baroš has retired and there aren’t many players from Ostrava left at Bazaly, maybe only Honza Laštůvka. I would like to see myself in his position, I would like to be the true leader for Baník. And so I tell the younger boys in the cabin from my own experience what it means to play for Baník, and how important it is to truly value that chance.

When someone tells me that the unfortunate transfer held me back, I have my own arguments. I am twenty-five, and I have played nearly 200 league matches. I know what it’s like to train with players like Milan Baroš or Tomáš Rosický. And I know what it’s like to play European League. I know how much work it is to get at this level. And what it takes to stay there.

I could have ended up much, much worse off. Instead, I have a lot of experience I can still draw from.

I’ve never reproached our owner anything. That’s out of question. Everyone here has to be grateful to him for doing with Baník what he did with it. That we once again have the conditions and ambition to play football again, football people will like. That we’ve got the chance to get Baník back on top, where it belongs.

And I am very much aware of what I owe to him. What he did for me. He took an insane amount of his money and brought me home, gave me the chance to come back and play here again. He believed in me. And I want to give back to him.

I can’t quite imagine the situation of leaving Baník again. And still the time of talking about my future is approaching again. My contract runs for two more years. On one hand, I’m looking forward to potential talks. On the other hand, I’m scared of it.

I believe that I still have the best years of my career ahead of me. I believe that during those years, we will bring joy to people in Ostrava together. And that many of us will get great opportunities. I also want more from my career. To move forward. I would be glad if I could play at a level that would allow Baník to sell me to a foreign club. Our owner would deserve it. Because if I am to leave Ostrava ever again, I don’t want it to be in the same way it was the first time. I want to leave with the good feeling of knowing that I have done for Baník, and mainly for its owner, everything that I could.

I want to leave in such a way that I will never again be afraid to come home.

If my story taught me something, it was to trust my gut feeling.

I will never again be afraid to make my own decisions.

I will never again listen to people around me, even though I know that they mean well.

I will never again do anything that I won’t be 100% convinced is right.

Just this once, I did exactly that.

And I’ve paid the price for it.

[fireblaze5555]

A small fic prompted by a post here on Tumblr, full post is on my page with link to Ao3.

Frank taking care of Karen when she falls apart.

Break

It was late when Karen finally closed her laptop and stepped in the shower. She had been buried in her work all day, barely stopping to eat or drink anything besides coffee and that was only because Frank was just as stubborn as she was, not allowing her to proceed without food. He had laid down hours ago, the past few days had been especially rough on him, the men he had been tracking not going down without a fight.

Karen had fussed over the, overall, minimal injuries he received and gave him general hell for not taking better precautions. She had meticulously cleaned his wounds, made sure he ate and refused to let him start anything else for at least another day or so. That had been the day before, this morning he was in good shape and it only took her about fifteen minutes to check his wounds and re-bandage those that needed it. All things he could have done but she smacked his hands away and efficiently took over. 

Once Karen had finished taking care of Frank though, her hands were idle again and that was not acceptable, especially not today. So, she launched into any and every case she could to keep her mind busy, only coming up for air when Frank relentlessly pulled her back to the surface.

However, now the work was done and her eyes kept crossing every time she tried to read another word. Karen hoped her exhaustion would allow her to fall asleep quickly and dreamlessly, at least for a few hours. Then she could tell Frank she slept and she may be spared the sidelong glances he had been giving her all day today. 

The warm water was doing nothing for her knotted muscles so Karen reached for the faucet to increase the temperature, turning the old metal handle quickly. The old handle protested the quick movement, letting out a high squeak and tortured grinding sound that filled her hearing until there was no other sound.

Karen was suddenly back, 12 years ago to the day, strapped upside down to the twisted hunk of metal that had once been the family car, Kevin motionless and bleeding beside her. The acrid smell of smoke and the stale taste of alcohol filled her remaining senses and Karen only just barely got a hand over her mouth before the choked sob escaped her. She wanted to scream, to punch at the tiles of her shower until the oppressive weight in her chest eased up a bit, to have one _fucking _year that she could get through this day without falling apart at the seams. Then again, she was alive to feel this, Kevin wasn’t, so maybe it was fitting that she got to relive this hell year after year. 

She was choking and only vaguely aware that she was now curled over her knees on the shower floor, the water scalding hot against the back of her neck and shoulders. She thought she should turn the temperature down but couldn’t bring herself to move so she absorbed the pain, it was what she deserved anyway.

Frank came awake with a small start, his hand reaching out instinctively to the spot next to him that was cold and empty. He wasn’t surprised that Karen hadn’t come to bed yet, it wasn’t unusual for her to work until ungodly hours so he isn’t sure what it was that woke him up. The sound of the shower trickled into his awareness and he wondered if that was the culprit but then, so quiet he nearly missed it, a whimpering sob filtered through the air.

He was on his feet and to the bathroom door in record time, hesitating for only a second before he pushed it open. The steam that filled the small bathroom was so thick Frank felt like he had walked into a solid wall of humidity, it nearly stole his breath.

“Karen?” His voice was rough from sleep and concern creeped into his tone. Had he misheard something? She hadn’t seemed like herself the past couple of days but he had also been distracted so maybe he was just being paranoid.

However, a choked noise came from behind the curtain and before Frank had a chance to think about it he had ripped it back and his heart fell at what he saw. Karen was curled over herself, forehead pressed to her knees, shaking with the effort to hold in her sobs. Even more alarming was the deep red of her skin everywhere the water touched. Frank dropped down to a knee and reached out on instinct to put a soothing hand on Karen’s back.

“Fuckin’ Christ. ” The water was scorching and he jerked his hand out of the spray. A second later he was turning the handles to cut off the water and the hot water tap let out a scraping protest. Karen gave a pained whimper and covered her ears, a full sob finally escaping her as she curled impossibly more into herself.

“Hey, hey ‘s alright.” Frank climbed into the tub in just his boxer briefs, his legs bracketing Karen as he carefully leaned into her. She was curled so tightly into herself he couldn’t get his hands around her torso so rubbed his hands soothingly up and down her legs, from ankle to knee. “I’ve got you, Karen. C’mon sweetheart, breathe.”

She shuddered in a breath but it came out as another sob. Karen really wanted to pull herself together, she really hated falling apart in front of people but hated doing it in front of Frank more than any other. The man had been through so much, suffered more than any one person should and he shouldn’t have to shoulder her baggage as well. However, every time she tried to control her breathing and reassure him that she was fine, her chest constricted again and her demons ripped her thoughts to shreds.

Frank knew what devastation and grief looked like, he had experienced it enough in his life, so he knew that Karen, his beautiful, strong and resilient Karen, was in the throes of a panic attack. He just didn’t know what had set it off. Gently, he pulled her fingers from her hair where she had knotted them, speaking quiet encouragements and soothing words as he did. Next he wrapped a careful arm around her shoulders and sat back with her until they were both leaned against the back of the tub, Karen between his legs with her face pressed into the side of his neck, Frank with one arm wrapped around her torso while the other pushed the wet hair out of her face.

“Shh, I got you, I got you.” He kept repeating softly as she hiccoughed and shook with the full force of her grief. Frank was beside himself with worry, it was tearing him apart to see her so upset but all he could do was hold her while she rode it out. The hand that had been combing through her hair now rubbed soothingly at her arm while he waited, the contact soothing him as much as it was her.

Eventually Karen’s breathing started to even out and her shaking subsided to small tremors. Frank craned his neck up to locate the oversized towel he knew would be on the rack and stretched his arm out to pull it down and drape it over her, the shivers weren’t from the cold but it would help her feel less exposed and would hopefully prevent her from getting chilled.

Karen felt like someone had used her as a piñata, strung up and beaten until there was nothing left. She felt Frank settle the towel over her and wanted to smile but she couldn’t muster up the energy. His heartbeat was strong in her ear where her head rested against his neck and relaxed her like the hot water couldn’t. They lay like that for a while, neither breaking the silence, and she didn’t think she could love the man more when his hand settled to massage gently at the back of her neck. 

After several minutes, Frank turned his head to where his lips pressed gently to her forehead and carefully asked, “Do you want to talk about it?”

Karen leaned into the caress but dreaded answering. It was a complicated answer, part of her wanted to get it all out there to see if it would ease the ever present tightness in her chest but the other part wasn’t ready for him to see the ugliness of her soul.

“I’m fine.” She managed to croak out after a moment, closing her eyes on her own cowardice.

She felt more than heard him hum disbelievingly, it rumbled deeply through his chest in a way that was so Frank it made her ache. He wouldn’t press her anymore but she felt like he deserved some sort of answer since she was pretty sure he was at least partially clothed and wet in the tub with her.

Karen opened her mouth to give an explanation but her throat seemed to close up, stealing her words. It took a few more minutes before she cleared her throat and tried again, “It’s the anniversary of Kevin’s death today. It’s been twelve years since I killed my brother.” She hadn’t meant to say that much, her exhaustion allowing the words to tumble out unbidden. Oh well, at least now Frank knew what kind of person she actually was and could decide for himself if she was worth being with, if he could be around someone who killed their own family.

Frank felt Karen tense after she finished speaking. It had been hard for her to say and it was almost as if she expected a physical blow from him. Tightening his hold imperceptibly he placed another small kiss to her forehead.

“Tell me about him?”

Karen’s eyes popped open and she felt tears starting to form in her eyes again. She had expected a demand for explanation, disbelief and disgust, not a gentle request in that calm baritone he reserved only for her.

She fought to get her emotions back under control, only a few tears escaping to slide down her cheek before they cascaded over Frank’s bare chest. When she felt like she could talk without sobbing, she answered with only the slightest tremor in her voice, “He was kind, gentle and terrible at sports. He constantly pestered me about every little annoying thing he could. He still cut the crust off of his sandwich even though he was nearly a senior in high school.” She chuckled a little when Frank huffed a little laugh across her face. Her small laugh turned into a sniffle before she continued, “He always pushed me to be better. Wouldn’t accept my excuses. Kevin never judged me, even when I hit rock bottom, doing and dealing drugs with the lowlife I called a boyfriend.”

Frank stilled for only a second before he continued to rub her arm, nodding slightly in encouragement for her to continue. He felt so solid behind her it kept Karen from feeling like she was in a total freefall like every other time she thought about that night.

“He found the camper we had been staying in and set it on fire, drugs and all. When we got back my boyfriend,” she spit the word out like it was venom on her tongue, “proceeded to beat him with a tire iron. I couldn’t get him to stop so I pulled the gun out of the glove compartment and shot him in the shoulder.” Her breath hitched before she took in another shaky one, “I threw Kevin in the car and drove away but I was still drunk and high. We didn’t get very far before I rolled the car. He didn’t make it.”

She was starting to shake in his arms again and Frank ached with the weight of her grief. He knew Karen had a rocky past but never pushed her on it. He never realized just how much she had been through. He brought his attention back when she started talking again, her voice small and quivering.

“He had come to tell me that he signed me back up for the college I dropped out of to help at the diner. He was there to help me get my life back on track and I killed him. I murdered the only person left in my family that had any faith left in me” The quivering turned into a full, racking sob that had Frank pulling her tighter to his chest. 

“You were a kid Karen. You were put in a hard situation and you did the best you could.” She started shaking her head in between small whimpers but Frank put his hand on her cheek and made her look up at him. Her eyes were the palest blue he had ever seen them, almost as though her tears had washed away all the color and she looked so desolate and lost that it made his own eyes burn. He held her gaze, wiping absently at the tears that streamed over her temple with his thumb, “You made a mistake. That doesn’t make you a murderer, Karen. What happened to your brother is terrible and I’m so sorry that it happened but _you are not a murderer. _You are the best person I know and God knows where I would be without you at this point.”

Karen had quieted as he talked, her tears were silently leaving tracks on her face but those were slowing as well. He still saw doubt in her face, he knew better than anyone, that kind of guilt doesn’t go away so easily but it seemed that he had at least said the right thing this time around. He hoped he could be as much the rock for her as she was for him. 

Leaning in, Frank gave her a sweet lingering kiss before resting his forehead against hers, a gesture that has given them both comfort over their time together. When he drew back, her eyes were clearer and she even managed to give him a watery smile.

She sniffled loudly and pushed off of him slightly, just enough to regard his position. Her voice was still thick with emotion but he could hear the hint of amusement lacing her tone, “How’s your back liking that position?”

He gave her a lopsided grin, “I’ll tell you later once it has caught up with me.” Frank watched her carefully for a moment, “Ready to get some rest?”

She nodded slowly and moved to sit up, Frank assisting her and then pushing off the back of the tub himself. He stood first, ignoring the ache in his knees and took Karen’s hands to help pull her to her feet, wrapping the towel tightly around her shoulders once they were both steady on their feet.

Karen watched Frank as he fussed over her, pulling her hair out from under the towel, smoothing it out of her face, rubbing her arms over the towel to keep her warm, all the while his deep brown eyes furrowed in concern, taking in every detail to ensure he was making her as comfortable as he could. Slowly, she felt part of her tattered soul repairing itself. It was amazing how someone as broken as Frank Castle could make her feel so whole. Someone who had lost so much, giving her everything he had left. Karen stepped further into his space, banding her arms around his waist and gave him a slow kiss that she hoped conveyed everything she didn’t have the strength to say at the moment.

He seemed to understand though, he usually did, and brought his own hands up to card through her hair, holding her so tenderly she could have cried if she had any tears left. Finally, he stepped out of the tub and held her hand while she did the same. Before she could protest, Frank scooped her up and carried her the short distance to the bedroom. Normally she would have fussed at him and told him she could walk on her own but she was so drained all she could do was be grateful and press her forehead into his neck.

Frank tucked her in on his side where the blankets were already pulled back before quickly shucking out of his wet underwear and throwing on a dry pair. He left the room, returning a minute later with a glass of water that he put on the nightstand closest to her and then climbed in behind her, tucking her against him with incredible care, laying little kisses on what skin presented itself to him in the process. 

Karen had been there for Frank in some of the hardest moments of his life, she had been an ear when he needed someone to listen, a childhood anecdote or sarcastic comment when he needed a laugh, and harsh words of truth when he needed a push in the right direction. He hoped he could be all of those things for her. Be the rock that she needed when her foundations were crumbling, just as she had been for him. When he heard a quiet ‘I love you, Frank’ before her exhaustion took her over, he felt his heart swell and thought maybe he had done something right for once.

“I love you too, Karen.”

By the next evening Frank had replaced the old squeaky faucet with a brand new one that didn’t make a sound when turned, the old one in the dumpster outside of her apartment, never to be seen again. 

[chogiweol]

college geek!chanyeol

anon asked: “Hiii can I request a cute geeky college chanyeol bulletpoint where he’s had a crush on the reader but is to shy to approach her and they end up together eventually?”

genre: fluff uwu

author’s note: of course you can, i adore college aus and geeky chanyeol so i had fun writing this. thank you so much!

chanyeol is a college sophmore, he majors in music composition and never knows what's his minor

he's had a crush on you since the first semester of the first year, when he saw you walk in

he remembers vividly what you looked like, what you wore, and the scent of your perfume when you walked past him

you wore light blue jeans, you looked comfy in your thick, grey hoodie that adorned your school's name and year, and you smelled like vanilla? or sugar?

he'd have to ask culinary student!do kyungsoo for his opinion.

you had a pair of converse on, they looked exactly like his,

which prompted him to think that you were his soulmate...

so he ran with it.

chanyeol himself was popular off of his looks, a lot of people were attracted to him because he looked cute and he had a great body

but not so much for personality, he's quiet and reserved and usually absorbed in his own little world, doodling in his notebooks, eyes scoping around the room behind the thick lense of his glasses.

he knew he could be a cool kid and he could be an asshole, he could drink and party all the time but in truth,

he didn't want to, he had more important things to worry about

like whether your perfume was scented of vanilla or of toasted sugar

his last girlfriend left him because he was "too nerdy" and he "embarrassed" her whenever he spoke

usually he talked about the history of music, his mangas, the anime he recently watched, the classic cars he's seen on the road that day, or he'd make dad jokes that were too-dad for his own father,

he liked her a lot and her words always stung but it was nothing compared to what he felt for you

he swears that he loves you a lot and that your words sting in a different way; in a good way, it sets his senses on fire whenever you're near him.

now here's the problem

you're always near him but not near him

you were really good friends with some of his friends; kyungsoo, junmyeon, you even talked to jongdae more than you talked to him!

it..wasn't your fault though, you would try to start a conversation with him and he'd get shy and red and shut down

he'd nod and stare at you with those big, beautiful eyes

(you thought they were beautiful, he wouldn't find out for a while, though)

there was a time when you went over to his dorms to hang out with the other guys

he buried himself in his room, hidden and snuggled underneath all his blankets, sweating with a racing heart whenever he heard your footsteps close to his door; secretly praying you'd come in and sit in his lap..by some chance.

little did he know; that's all you wanted to do

you knew about his terrible jokes, his silly fears of whatever bug was in season, you knew all about his manga collection, how much he loves junk food, the way his nose twitches when too much pollen gets in it, how passionate he was whenever it was just him and his music.

the boys had been telling you all about him for the last year, hinting about how cute the two of you would be together, in an attempt to get their two best friends to date..

but it always ended up in vain, chanyeol too scared to talk to the pretty person with shining eyes and a gorgeous smile and you too scared to confront the handsome geek who once sneezed on your face, so they had to take desperate measures.

they thought of a plan.

it was close to spring break, they had free time to spend out of the dorms.

the boys all decided to force you two to be alone.

all the boys had evacuated the dorm at the crack of dawn, which was cleaned and silent without all nine voices yelling through the walls.

they had you sleepover like it was any other friday night and you had resided in the livingroom, waking up at 10 am to the loud crunching of doritos from the other side of the space..

it was chanyeol.

he was staring at you while enjoying his chemically processed breakfast, beads of sweat collecting at his hairline, freezing like a deer in headlights when he saw you had woken up

you were informed by junmyeon a few months ago that chanyeol chews food significantly louder when he's nervous or stressed out;

"are you okay?" you squinted a little bit, noticing his face turn red..maybe the food dye from the doritos had taken their toll on the giant.

his hair was every which way and he had some red blemishes on his tan skin, he was in some sweatpants and a black tanktop, in other words, he looked like a five course meal with expensive dessert.

anyways

he had nodded, his cheeks filled with munched dorito shards; he'd probably choke if he tried to swallow it now,

so he sat there with it in his mouth, dead silent in fear of spitting while talking

"...where are the other guys?" the way he was staring at you made you nervous, he's looking at you with accusing saucers for eyes, like he didn't trust you

and that kinda hurt your feelings.

but it wasn't that he didn't trust you, he knew you were kind and gentle, he was just shocked that you were talking to him.

"out," is all that he had the courage to say, hot flashes racking his body as the bag of chips began to slip tauntingly from his hands.

"..out where? do you think they'll be back soon? when did they leave?" junmyeon also informed you that, with the little knowledge you had of their plan, if you ask chanyeol enough questions, he'll have to answer you in full at some point

"the store...no...two hours ago." he mumbled to the best of his ability, finally swallowing the soggy shards in his mouth.

"were you watching me sleep for two hours?" you raise your eyebrows and squinted again, giving him that same accusing look

he wasn't going to budge anytime soon so you sighed and tried to fix your bedhair as best as you could without a mirror, frowning when you felt it wasn't good enough.

"oh..maybe I should go then, I look terrible right now." you laughed it off a little bit, a half smile tracing your lips once you stood and began collecting your things.

without a single thought at all, chanyeol blurted it out.

"you look amazing right now..I mean..not in the weird way..just..you look really beautiful all the time like..you never have a bad hair day or a bad skin day or a bad face day, you're just really...stunning..like right now."

he was well aware of what he was saying, this was the most he's ever said to you

and you fell in love with his voice.

"you really think so?" your face looked as red as chanyeol's hair, your mouth forming making an 'o' shape,

you almost swooned when he flashed you a toothy smile and nodded, his nervousness seeming to melt away after he told you what he's been wanting to tell you since that first semester.

"you know, the guy's have told me a lot about you and I think you're very handsome." your smile lit up your face, but soon fell away when the geeky giant frowned.

"you might not think that once you get to know me," he cocked his head to the side, a little doubting hope in his heart.

you watched his every move, awestruck by what he just told you.

"well..I know enough about you to know that we like the same kinds of music, we have the same major, both of us are scared of moths..I know that you like converse and anime, mangas, and you chew loudly when you get nervous." you couldn't help but get a little riled up when you spoke, sharing that little bit of hope with him.

that frown was gone but he wasn't smiling, he was kinda just staring at you like you had just told him the world's biggest secret.

"and you still like me?"

you rolled your eyes and got up, closing the distance between you two as you sat besides him, "of course I do, who wouldn't? I think you're the coolest guy on the earth."

your eyes met and he could see the sincerity in your words.

"...do you wanna ditch this place and go to my room?" he bit his lip because he was nervous but also because he was holding back a celebratory screech, hoping you'd let him show you his manga collection.

"park chanyeol? I'd be honored."

uwu

the guys got back to the dorms later on that day to find you and chanyeol napping on his bed, mangas and takeout containers surrounding your sleeping bodies, both of you had smiles on your faces.

jongin turned to jongdae.

"should we wake them up?"

jongdae shook his head and cupped a hand over the younger's shoulder.

"no, but we need to take ugly pictures to use as blackmail for when they do wake up."

the two shared a look and pulled out their phones, taking the worst possible angles to post all over social media for your anniversaries and birthdays, putting it to good use when they needed the answers to last week's homework.

[exquisite-yoongi]

EVERYTHING ABOUT YOONGI

This post is hella long but there is everything you should know or watch about Min Yoongi. You’ll find facts, best of fancams, unforgettable quotes & legendary lyrics.

FACTS 

• real name is Min Yoongi

• born 9 March 1993

• from Daegu 

• Suga is short for Shooting Guard (his position in basket)

• alias Min Suga alias Grandpa alias Agust D alias Motionless Min alias Turtle alias Sugar alias DBoy alias Min Suga Genius Jjang Jjang man Bboong Bboong 

• loves music 

• absolute lyrical genius

• raps faster than the speed of light. hella control over his voice (X)

• is ranked 11 as the fastest rapper on Korea & on top three as fastest ‘idol’ rapper

• plays the piano (X & X)

• amazing on stage : completely in his element

• released a mixtape under the name Agust D 

• his mixtape saved hip-hop. Saved lives. Saved the world goddamn Yoongi

• he produced his entire mixtape just by himself. Worked very hard on it every time he could (between schedule, in planes, along working for other musics for BTS)

• this masterpiece was released for free

• there is no imitation, no meaningless lyrics, no misogyny and no racial slurs on it

• his mixtape talks about him and his struggles

• was the happiest person in the world when he met Kumamom. It was way too adorable for this world to handle (X)

• very socially aware, he wants to use his fame to shift people’s attention to global problems 

• which he did with the campaign Love Yourself in 2017 

• when he got sick and was rushed to the hospital, he couldn’t assist a concert. During his vacation time, he went to the stadium by himself and wrote about it in the fancafe. He sat in the seats of the stadium and forced himself to imagine the fans’ emotions on the day that was supposed to be the concert. He then wrote a long apology. 

• works from 12 am to 6 am on music. even after a full day of training or concert preparation or filming etc. That’s why he sleeps whenever he gets the chance

• when BTS had to pack for their backpacking trip through Europe, he was the one that remembered to pack medicine and first aid supplies. he cleaned up before living the hotel room, helped cooking and was in charge of their budget

• wrote, composed, produced some of BTS songs (like Tomorrow, Never Mind, Dead Leaves, Boyz with Fun, ~) 

• participate in the making of almost every Bts song

• looks gorgeous in every hair colour 

• twice said he would sue Bighit if his hair started falling out haha

• gummy smile (X)

• laughs in 10 different ways

• in the song ’Moving On’ he dedicated his section to his Mom, who was sick after she gave birth to him

• he danced around the studio in the early hours of the morning when ’Never Mind’ was approved to be the intro of HYYH pt.2

• really like a lamb skewers. wants to open a lamb skewers restaurant with Jungkook (X)

• his only goal is to make music that gives people emotions or comfort

• the root of his passion goes back to when he started making music at the age of 13

• his dream was to perform at Olympic Gymnastics Arena. at the end of the concert, he looked for his parents and brother in the crowd. when he saw them he smiled and got on the floor to do a deep bow (the kind where your forehead touches the ground) and cried for the first time at a concert (X & X)

• at fansigns, fan get to write them a question “What’s more important? Face or body?” Is asked a lot and Yoongi is the only one that writes a third option “Personality” and circles it and write that it’s the most important. he does this every time the question comes up

• when asked for the ideal weight in a girl he writes a ridiculous number

• when asked what age difference he would date he wrote 81 years haha

• tells everyone to eat well and take care of themselves 

• loves his fans more than anything

• extremely open-minded person 

• in a recent interview in the US, he always specified boyfriend or girlfriend when asked about dating

• when he and Namjoon were being disrespected by Bfree during an interview, he stayed calm and handled the situation very well.

• then proceeded to drag the HELL OUT OF HIM in Cypher pt.2

• the S in Suga stands for Savage

• sarcasm is his second name

• relatable af

• the time he and Hoseok (J-hope) reacted to a try not to laugh challenge of themselves and Yoongi laughed so hard he choked

• his existence is art

• the thing he does when his members are doing embarrassing stuff he just curls up and covers his face

• on his first birthday after he debuted he spent his own money to make gifts for the fans and hand-wrote over 300 notes (each one different…!)

• took pictures of Jungkook at his graduation like he was a proud parent

• the time when he and Hoseok lost a game and didn’t get dinner, Jimin brought them a crab from their table and Yoongi let Hoseok have it “seeing my dongsaeng eat makes me feel full”

• he silently takes care of bangtan

• says his members are his closest friends

• says Bighit is like a family

• when Hoseok was celebrating New Years alone in the dorms, Yoongi left his family and showed up with chicken just so Hoseok wouldn’t have to spend new years by himself

• that time during a fanmeeting a fan asked him “My Yoongi vitamin. I like you so much that I can’t live properly, tell me how to solve this?” and he responded “Just totally give up on this life and just only look at me.” (X)

• that one time Yoongi got really passionate about coffee and said he needed 309 people to help him “catch” coffee

• the time he sang his heart out with Hoseok for “I was able to eat well” and sounded terrible

• the time they had a high note challenge and Yoongi sang so high that no noise came out (X)

• so extra all the time

• that time he had to introduced himself and pulled confetti out of his pocket and threw it over himself (X)

• but also unamused all the time

• he’s a paradox

• the way he’s scared of fireworks going off (X)

• easily put in place by Jin, but also ignores all of his jokes

• really good dancer

• he just works hard

• that time a member woke him up by accident and Yoongi swore on camera (X)

• literally a deadass person at the awards show until Namjoon was up next to perform and Yoongi couldn’t stop being hyped and looking for him (X)

• that time Min Yoongi fell off a chair and told us on Twitter and RM made fun of him and suggested we now call him “MinClumsy” or “MinButt” 

• #MinButt (#민덩방아) was then trending on Twitter

• RM proceeded to publish a picture where Yoongi shows his butt and put 2 bandages on him (X)

• says he’s not always the best at expressing himself verbally, but wants everyone to know he is always thankful

• said in an interview his life style was “sleep eat work” 

• proud father of Shooky, his BT21 character 

IMPORTANT OR LEGENDARY FANCAMS

• Airplane pt.2, Lotte Family Concert (180622) -> I need holy water (1:44)

• First Love, Wings Tour Final (171208) -> couldn’t finish singing because of his emotions

• Spring Day, MMA (171202) -> absolute god

• Come Back Home, SEO TAIJI 25th Concert Anniversary (170924) -> this whole concert was dope tbh

• Fire, MMA (161119) -> infires man

• Blood Sweat & Tears, Mnet MCountdown Comeback Stage (161027) -> bless the wind

• Fire, (160907) -> happy, cute, cocky and sexy all at once

• Baepsae, in Beijing (160723) -> tired but still oh boy damn. 

• Tomorrow, in Beijing (160723) -> sweating Yoongi

• I like it pt. 2, (160614) -> smiles everytime he hears the fans screaming because of their dance then acts sexy on purpose

• Dope, KBS Open Concert (160315) -> this boy has no chill god dammit

• I Need U + Run, MBC (151231) -> Yoongi playing the piano

• I Need U, (151106) -> looks so good 

• Boyz With Fun, (151028) -> Suga having fun + smile smile smile + looks so fine 

• Cypher pt. 2 & 3, All Force One (150920) -> if you don’t know about this you’re missing on something big. 

LEGENDARY LYRICS 

• “A to the G to the U to the STD” - Agust D

• “My seat is business, yours is economy, forever behind me kissing my ass” - Agust D

• “Min Yoongi is already dead (I killed him)” - The Last

• “A word said like habit, oh, I don’t give a shit, I don’t give a fuck, those words are all words I use to hide my weak self” - The Last

• “This world sprinkled with my creations, I’ve tasted sweetness and bitterness and even shit, from that time I tried to sleep on the floor of a bathroom, now it’s a memory to me” - The Last

• “Dream, rather than humble, at the end we’ll be prosperous” - So Far Away

• “A brown piano settled on one side” - First Love 

• “It’s not easy but I say to myself, If you think you’re going to crash, step on the pedal harder” - Never Mind

• “Bultaoreune” - Fire

• “Yes, look down on me like that. It’s my hobby to prove you wrong” - We On

• “If I’m the sun you’re the moon, because when I rise, you go down.” - Cypher pt. 2 : Triptych

• “I’m a starfish that eats and grows on your jealousy and envy, As you know, my voice will turn you on, Whether it’s a guy or girl, my tongue will make you come" - Cypher pt.3 

• “Mic mic bungee” - MIC Drop

• “I’m a D-boy yeah I’m a D-boy” - Ma City 

UNFORGETTABLE QUOTES

• “love yourself love myself peace” - MMA (171202)

• "Min Suga. Genius. Those two words should be enough"

•  “I want to reincarnated and be a rock in my next life”

• “I’m father Louis Williams Suga Adams the Third”

• “I’m good at doing ugly stuff”

• “I’d like to introduce you to my lover… this neckpillow”

• “I’ve always wanted to nap in a different country”

Inspired by x 

OTHER MEMBERS : Jin / Hoseok / Namjoon / Jimin / Taehyung / Jungkook 

[seriestrash]

Mistletoe Mishap

❄ Day One ❄

A/N: * Complete AU * In this story Riley and Lucas only know each other from brief passings at work. 

Summary: An unexpected encounter under a mistletoe makes for a festive misadventure between Riley and Lucas

Word Count: 4048

Trigger warning: Mentions of cuts and blood (accidental injuries)

❄

Riley Matthews is twenty-one years old and still a student of Columbia University. In her spare time Riley holds a part-time job at Evelyn Rand’s - the woman in crazy hats that she’d met on the subway as a preteen - company. Maya also holds the same job Riley does. It’s nothing too fancy just a desk position that helps pay their shared bills. It was Evelyn’s way of looking out for her ‘little dollies’. 

It’s Christmas Eve and the festive feeling is bursting through the streets of New York. Riley happened to have the day off work so she was currently lounging around her sofa watching Christmas movies. Riley thought about getting ready for the office Christmas party that was currently underway in Evelyn’s building but ultimately she decided against it since Maya wouldn’t be there. The blonde was already Upstate with her parents - Shawn being one of them - and her four year old brother and eleven month old sister. 

Riley’s phone buzzes against the coffee table. She picks it up and smiles at the picture of Maya. 

“Peaches.” Riley sits up happily as she answers.

“Where are you?” Maya asks. 

“I’m at the Christmas party.” Riley lies. 

“Liar!” Maya gasps. “I got a text from Michelle at work asking where we were. I told her I was out of town but my pretty little bird was supposed to be there. She told me you’re not!”

“Fine. You caught me.” Riley sighs. “I decided to stay home.”

“Lazing around watching cheesy Christmas movies all day is depressing.” Maya groans.

“I had plans. It’s not my fault they changed!” Riley tries to defend herself. 

“I know, I know.” Maya sighs. “Your parents are on their like hundredth wedding anniversary trip and Auggie decided to go skiing with Dewy’s family last minute.” 

“See, I have a right to be cliche and lonely for the holidays.” Riley says as a matter of fact.

“No you don’t because you could have come Upstate today and spent Christmas with us like we offered.” Maya rebuts. 

“I hate Uncle Shawn’s cabin, it’s so creepy in the woods.” Riley shudders. 

“At least you would have been with family on Christmas.” Maya says. “Look I’m not going to take no for an answer. Put on your burgundy dress, the pretty velvet one with the long sleeves and go to the office Christmas party, get wasted and flirt with that cowboy from the second floor.” 

Riley chuckles nervously, “Like I could ever flirt with Lucas Friar.”

“At least go to the party and see if he’s there!” Maya forcefully insists. 

Eventually Riley gives in and quickly prepares herself for the party. She wears a long sleeve burgundy velvet skater dress that sits above her knees. She pairs it with some sheer heart pattern tights and black ankle boots and a coat for warmth. 

Riley arrives at the party and it’s already in full swing. Employees from all the floors fill the top level of the building. Music is blaring through the space and everyone seems to be unwinding with drinks in hand. Michelle, another part timer there greets Riley happily and drags her around the party. Although it took some convincing to get her there, Riley was happy that she came and ended up enjoying herself. 

After Riley breaks free from the social butterfly that is Michelle she stands off to the side of the party, by a Christmas tree that’s close to the elevators and she watches the hub of the celebration from afar. She spots Lucas Friar, an employee from the second floor, he’s over by the snack table chatting to some other employees from his floor. 

Riley works on the fourth floor and the only contact she’s had with Lucas has been elevator rides together in the mornings. Riley’s always so nervous around the handsome Texan that she just fumbles through the polite small talk he initiates. In fact, she’s so embarrassed by how she acts around him that she avoids speaking all together if she can. 

Riley notices Lucas wearing an awful Christmas sweater and not cute ugly like most people where in the festive season but truly awful. It’s like four terrible sweaters were cut up and sewn together to make this mess. Riley’s still gazing at Lucas when she’s approached by the office sleaze, Nicholas. 

“You know they used to say that a young lady who found herself under a mistletoe wasn’t allowed to refuse a kiss.” Nick says with a smirk.

Riley tilts her head up and notices the mistletoe hung above her head. She brings her gaze back down with an eye roll. 

“And if she did refuse?” Riley challenges.

“I don’t know... Seven years bad luck?” Nick was trying to be cute but Riley found it off-putting. 

“You know they also said that those who kissed under a mistletoe would be married the next year,” Riley adds with an amused expression. “Are you sure you want to make that kind of a commitment?”

“I’ll take my chances.” Nick says with another smirk as he takes a step forward. 

“No thank you.” Riley curls her nose up as she takes a step back. 

“I guess it’s seven years bad luck for you then.” Nick jokes trying to play off the rejection. 

“You know I think that’s mirrors.” A familiar Texas twang says from behind Nicholas and it makes Riley tense up with nerves. Then Lucas appears and looks to Riley with a smile, “Is Nick here trying to use that whole you can’t refuse a kiss line? He’s tried it three times already tonight.” Lucas adds with a chuckle. 

Riley just points a nervous smile at the ground. 

“Good thing this is 2022 and the lady can refuse whatever she likes.” Lucas eyes Nicholas who clearly wasn’t impressed by the Texan making a fool of him.

“Why are you always hounding me, Friar?” Nicholas glares. 

“Maybe because you harass about ninety percent of the woman that work in this building.” Lucas doesn’t back down and Nicholas takes an angry step forward. 

“Alright man, calm down it’s a party. Why don’t you go off an enjoy yourself?” Lucas tries to diffuse the situation but Nicholas had too many beers in his system to make a rational decision and he shoves Lucas whom then stumbles backward and accidentally knocks into Riley. His elbow collides with her nose and Riley trips backward, falling into the Christmas tree that's to her right. As she hits the ground bottom first with a thud a few of the glass ornaments on the tree smash drawing everyones attention to the commotion.

There was no doubt this was just an unfortunate accident on Lucas’ side of things but that didn’t make it hurt any less. The sheer knock itself forced tears to fill the brim of Riley’s eyes and a throbbing pain soon followed. Riley cups at her nose and mouth just as the blood begins to flow. Lucas is apologising profusely as he helps Riley to her feet again. 

“I think it’s broken.” Riley winces and the metallic taste of blood lingers in her mouth.

Lucas’ eyes widen even further when she says that. He’s in full panic mode. “I’m so sorry, it was an accident. Can I see?”

Riley still cups her face as she thinks it’s still bleeding. 

“What the hell happened here?” One of the other male employees asks after noticing the commotion. “Did Lucas hit you or something?” 

"What?” Lucas looks even more panicked at the accusation. 

“No! No one hit me!” Riley exclaims. “It was a freak accident, I’m okay, really.”

The other employee believes Riley and takes a step back as Lucas asks again if he can have a closer look at her nose. He gently pries Riley’s hand away and notices her nose is already bruised and swollen. “Yeah it looks broken.” Lucas says with furrowed brows as he empathetically thinks of the pains she’s probably in. “I should take you to the hospital to get it checked out.”

“No I just need some ice, I’ve broken it before.” Riley says.

“You have?” Lucas asks in shock.

“I’m clumsy.” Riley shrugs and she’s feeling embarrassed under all the gazes of her employees. “Really, it’s nothing to make a big deal out of.”

“Riley, I don’t think you nose is bleeding it’s your hand!” Nicholas - whom had been quiet until now - says. 

Riley lifts up her hand and and looks at it stained red with her own blood. Riley assumed it was from her nose after cupping her face but really, the shock of the collision made her oblivious to the face that the Christmas ball that smashed had cut her hand and that was the true source of the blood.

“Oh.” Riley says and her face curls in disgust as the blood made her feel queasy. “I didn’t even realise.”

Lucas gentle holds under Riley’s hand and inspects her wound. “Riley, I’m going to take you to the hospital, I think you need stitches.”

“Stitches?” Riley sqeaks. “No it’s fine I just need a bandaid and I’ll be fine!”

“Riley...” Lucas tries to be sympathetic to the fact that she was clearly scared but he also knew he had to take her. “I’ve had stitches before, you can’t feel a thing.” 

Riley looks at Lucas and something about him felt calming to her - which was ironic since he made her so nervous - and she gives him a small nod. Michelle pushes through the crowd and hands Riley a bag of ice she retrieved from one of the drink coolers. She’s also got a wet towel to help clean up Riley’s face. As Michelle carefully dabs the blood off Riley’s face, Riley can’t help but wince in pain. One of the male employees watching on takes off his novelty Christmas tie and offers it to Riley to wrap her cut up. She thanks him and Lucas carefully secures it around her palm. 

Now with a light up tie as a bandage and an ice pack on her nose a very embarrassed Riley Matthews wishes her fellow employees a Merry Christmas as she exits with Lucas. 

The trip to the hospital was mostly Riley nervously avoiding conversation with Lucas as she felt completely mortified about her bum nose and the bloody show she put on and Lucas just keeps repeating how sorry he was for doing this to Riley. 

Once in the emergency room things are chaotic. The two young adults approach the desk and ask one of the nurses for assistance. She does a quick assessment of Riley’s injuries and hands Lucas some papers for Riley to fill out. 

“It might be a bit of a wait.” The nurse says very apologetically. “It’s one of the busiest times of years for us. Christmas brings out all the crazys.” 

Riley is understanding, the hospital is evidently busy and Riley figures if she’s not dying then she can wait patiently to be seen. Her nose did ache and her cut was throbbing but she wasn’t about to pass out so she was okay. And truthfully, Riley was totally fine to wait on those stitches. 

There are almost no seats available in the waiting room. Lucas spots one and gets Riley to sit down. He takes a place on the floor at her feet and asks if she’d like him to fill in the medical form for her since her hand was cut. Riley nods and begins giving information as Lucas asks for it. 

By the time they’re finished filling out the form, Riley’s bag of ice is now just water. Lucas offers to throw it out for her. As he stands up he asks Riley if she wants anything to drink whilst she waits. Riley shakes her head no and watches as he walks off towards the trash. 

To Riley’s right is an elderly woman, she has a croaky voice but a warm smile The elderly woman is with a young girl, around twelve years old. “What is it you’ve done to yourself, dear?” The white haired woman asks Riley genuinely concerned. 

“I was at a work party and I tripped over a Christmas tree.” Riley grimaces. “I’ve cut my hand. 

“Oh no.” The woman clutches a hand to her chest, genuinely distressed by this. “Are you alright? What happened to nose, did you bump it?” 

“I’m afraid that was my doing.” Lucas frowns as he reproaches. 

“Lucas, it was an accident you need to stop apologising.” Riley coaxes her head as she looks at him. 

He gives Riley a single nod and turns his attention back to the elderly woman. “I’m Lucas,” he holds a hand out to shake. She accepts it with a smile. “I’m Ethel and this is my granddaughter Maria.” Ethel motions to the preteen whom gives a sheepish smile to them both. 

“I’m Riley.” She introduces herself properly. “How did you hurt your arm?” Riley asks noticing Maria’s makeshift sling. “Is that what brings you here tonight?” 

She gives Riley a shy nod and Ethel speaks up. “I took her ice skating and she had a bit of a tumble.” 

“Tis the season to be clumsy, hey Maria?” Riley jokes and she waves her wrapped up hand. This makes the younger girl smile. “Just think if you get a cast all your friends will be able to sign it when you go back to school. Have you thought about what colour cast you’d like?” 

“Maybe purple.” She answers shyly. 

“I love purple.” Riley says enthusiastically. “When I broke my arm I got a purple cast too.” 

This brief conversation seemed to lift the spirit of the young girl and almost immediately after, one of the nurses calls for her to be checked out. Lucas - whom had been standing by and watching Riley converse with the young girl - takes the seat Ethel had sat at now it was free. 

“Just how clumsy are you?” Lucas questions. “You said you’ve broken your nose before and now your arm?” 

“In middle school the kids used to call me super klutz behind my back.” Riley admits with a frown. 

“That’s awful.” Lucas says even though he can’t help but laugh a little. 

“Only because it’s true.” Riley breaks her frown with a slight smile. “Look I appreciate you bringing me here but you don’t have to stay.” 

“Are you kidding?” Lucas scoffs. “Of course I’m staying, it’s the least I can do.” 

“This really wasn’t your fault.” Riley says for what felt like the hundredth time. “This isn’t the most ideal place to spend your Christmas Eve.” 

“I didn’t have much planned after the office party anyway.” Lucas shifts into a more comfortable position in his seat. “What about you, are you missing out on something?

"Not really, no.” Riley shrugs it off. “I was supposed to spend Christmas with my younger brother while our parents are in Europe but he got a last minute invitation to go skiing.” 

“I’m sorry he bailed on you last minute.” Lucas gives her a sympathetic look. 

“It’s alright. Auggie’s sixteen, if my friends asked me on a ski trip when I was his age, I would have jumped at the chance too.” Riley says with a smile. Even though she did miss having family around for the holidays she was the one who encouraged Auggie to go on the trip. “So you don’t go home for the holidays, to Texas?” Riley asks. 

“Not this year.” Lucas shakes his head. “My parents have just gone through a messy divorce and instead of getting caught up in their arguments I’ve decided to stay away.” 

“Oh I’m so sorry.” Riley frowns. 

“It’s alright.” Lucas shrugs. “It was a long time coming...  How’s your nose?” Lucas asks. “Does it still hurt?” 

“Kind of.” Riley says, “But not too much... Be honest with me, does it look bad?” 

“It’s not crooked if that’s what you're worried about.” Lucas says as he takes a closer look. “It’s just a bit swollen.” 

“I think you’re just being polite.” Riley laughs. “If I look down I can see it and it looks a lot swollen.”  

“Well if the bruising was a little more pink than purple we could have called you Rudolph.” Lucas jokes and Riley laughs. 

“Nice sweater by the way.” Riley eyes it with with crinkled brows. 

“Oh this?” Lucas looks down at it and chuckles. “I kind of lost a bet...” 

Riley lets out a confused laugh. “What bet?” 

Lucas rubs at the nape of his neck nervously not knowing how to answer and thankfully he doesn’t have to as a drunk Santa and a disgruntled elf walking in draws their attention away. 

Shortly after, Ethel and Maria come out and she’s sporting a purple cast. Excitedly the girl runs over to show Riley. 

“Do you want to sign it?” She asks. 

“Um, yes!” Riley exclaims and picks up the pen Lucas used to fill in her forms but quickly remembers that her hand was wounded. “Oh no.” She chuckles. “Lucas can you sign it for me?” 

He takes the pen and writes ‘Riley’ on it. 

“You have to dot the ‘I’ with a little star.” Riley instructs. Lucas gives her an ‘are you serious?’ look and when her expression doesn’t waver he just smiles and adds the star. 

The elderly woman and the young girl wish Riley and Lucas a Merry Christmas before leaving. They were just two of the group of strangers they came across that evening in the emergency room. Riley and Lucas played mediator between the drunk Santa and the disgruntled elf - that they learnt were really best friends - whom had been in a bar brawl. There was a middle aged woman with burns from baking and another with electric shocks from christmas lights. In between meeting all these new and random faces Riley chats with Lucas and not just the awkward small talk she suffered through in the elevator but long and meaningful chats. Riley learns more about Lucas’ life in Texas and his decision to attend college in the big city, she learns about his career aspirations and he asks about hers. The conversation flows between them and there’s such a comfortable rhythm that would be hard for them to explain to anyone else if they asked. 

After hours in the emergency room Riley’s thinking far less about the pain of her nose or the throbbing in her hand and more so about how heavy her eyelids feel. The tiredness is catching up with Lucas too. Both the young adults had tried to find comfier positions on the waiting room chairs. As the patients began to exit the room more seats freed up which meant Riley could curl her head up against the arm rest of her chair and lay her feet out across the other seats. Lucas stays seated upright in the space beside Riley but he rests his elbow on the back of Riley’s chair and leans his head in his hand. Eventually without either of them realising it the conversation falls silent and the two drift into a sleep. 

They’re woken by the the calming call of the nurse they spoke to when they first arrived. She approached the sleeping pair and tries to kindly wake them up. After apologising for taking so long she leads them into a room to see a Doctor. 

The older doctor is very friendly as he takes a look at Riley’s nose first. He says he thinks the swelling has probably already gone down from when she first knocked it and regular icing would help heal it up. He said he didn’t think it was broken but just very badly bruised. Quietly this made Lucas feel a little better about things. 

He then unwraps Riley’s hand after laughing at the festive tie that was blinking with lights. He says that it will need stitches but luckily there was no real damage to her hand. Other than a scar there would be no lasting damage. He administers a needle to numb the area which stung a lot in Riley’s hand but that wasn’t what she was nervous about, it was feeling like she was about to be turned into Frankenstein’s monster that really had her worried. 

Lucas was in the room the whole time, he’s sitting in a chair by the bed Riley’s sitting on. The brunette turns to him with a panicked look. “I know you were lying when you said I’d barely feel a thing getting stitches but I’m going to pretend that’s the truth.” Riley takes a nervous breath. 

“If you just use your good hand to squeeze your boyfriends there I promise it’ll help.” The doctor says with a smile.

“Oh we’re not-” Lucas tries to correct the doctor but he’s distracted when Riley takes his hand and squeezes it tightly as she braces herself for the stitches. 

The stitches did hurt but Lucas’ quiet cries in pain as Riley squeezed his hand really hard were enough to make her laugh throughout the procedure. 

After being all fixed up the two can finally leave the hospital. As they do they realise it’s light out and it’s officially Christmas morning. 

“Do you know this is the most we’ve ever spoken in the whole two years we’ve been working together?” Lucas asks as they walk. “I kind of thought you didn’t like me.” 

“What?” Riley asks in shock. 

“You always seem like you don’t want to talk to me.” Lucas says. 

If Riley knew it wouldn’t hurt she’d burry her face in her hands. “No, oh my- No.” 

“I mean everyone is always talking about you being the office sweetheart so I was wondering if I did something to make you dislike me?” Lucas chuckles even though he felt insecure about this. 

“I get nervous around you so I just avoid talking. That way I don’t make a fool out of myself.” Riley admits with an embarrassed expression. 

“You get nervous around me?” Lucas scoffs. “You were there when I rambled about the temperature change last week right?” 

At this point they had both stopped in the middle of the sidewalk to look at each other like, ‘are we really both that oblivious to how the other one feels?’ 

Before anyone says anything else a taxi drives past them and hits a puddle that sprays over the pair giving them a real wake up call. Any lingering tiredness was washed away. 

Riley laughs in disbelief and Lucas chuckles too as he wipes the water from his face. 

“Hey Lucas can I ask you something really serious?” Riley asks in a serious way as she stands there soaking wet. 

“Yes.” Lucas nods. 

“Do you think all this bad luck is because I wouldn’t kiss Nick under the mistletoe?” Riley asks in the same serious tone and for a second Lucas thought she was serious but then her laughter breaks through and before you know it they’re both cackling loudly on the street. 

“I know it’s Christmas morning and we haven’t really slept but do you want to find a diner or something and get a bite to eat?” Lucas asks after he catches his breath. 

“I’m starving.” Riley nods. 

Lucas takes a moment to pull off his ugly and now soaked Christmas sweater. 

“What about your bet?” Riley questions. 

“I was talking to Steve in IT and he didn’t think I could find the courage to ask you out before Christmas.” Lucas admits sheepishly and Riley feels her cheeks burn red. 

They make their way to a diner close by and thankfully open on Christmas morning. Riley and Lucas step through the threshold of the quiet diner. The waitress looks up the the pair as they try dry off themselves. 

“Looks like we have a couple under the mistletoe.” She calls out. Riley looks up at the mistletoe strung about their heads and she rolls her head forward with a laugh. 

“I think I’ve had enough mistletoe for one year.” She eyes Lucas and he’s laughing too. 

“Pancakes?” He asks, nudging his head towards a table. 

“Oh and waffles.” Riley says with a grin. Lucas just smiles as he places his arm around Riley and they walk over to a booth together. 

End Notes: Day One!!! Can you believe I made it on time? I can’t!! So last year I got three or so prompts for ficmas revolving around mistletoe but I didn’t get to them in time. I thought I’d try my hand at one this year but make it a little different!! 

I also tried to work in this anon; 

I know it’s only briefly featured but I hope it’s still okay anon!! 

So in 24 hours I’ll be coming at you with day two! I believe it will be called ‘The Foundation of Doing Good’ (That could change lol). See you then my loves!! 

[jeonminhao]

I Like You The Best [ Bang Yongguk ]

B.A.P - BANG YONGGUK | 1489 WORDS  | ANGST+FLUFF

Rating : PG-13  | Pairing : Yongguk x Reader  |  Warning : none

Summary: [Requested] Jealous boyfriend! Yongguk (ft Best friend! Yoongi)

A.N : I kinda change it a little bit so i hope it’s okay. Thank you for requesting this, anon! <3 Let me know what you think! Request are still open too so feel free to request a scenario :) not edited yet so there might be some mistakes.

• REQUEST •

Yongguk stared at his slightly dimmed laptop screen, willing himself to stay awake to listen to his girlfriend’s story about her day, smile slowly slipping off his face as he heard the familiar name over and over again.

 “So, I told Yoongi that he was being stupid and he had the audacity to shove my book off the table. Who does he think he is? A cat?”

 It wasn’t jealousy, he tried to justify himself while he focused his attention back to the screen. He had been through this for countless times and he knew they were just childhood friends, nothing more. But some days, on days like this, every mention of her best friend’s name felt like stabbing dozens of dull knives through his heart. It was a vicious cycle he had come to loathe and he felt worse than he had before once he pushed back the dark thoughts to the back of his mind, struggling to pretend that nothing was wrong in the first place.

 “Yongguk? Are you okay?” Yongguk startled at her voice, eyes wide in surprise when he realized he had been lost in his thoughts for god-knows how long, and now his girlfriend was staring at him with worry in her eyes.

 “Sorry.” He hastily apologized, splash of pink tinted his tanned cheeks as he turned his attention back to [Y/N]’s face in his laptop screen.

 “You should sleep. We can talk again tomorrow.” She offered with a small smile, completely oblivious to his change of mood and Yongguk wished he could just sweep her off her feet and kiss her senseless. But he was a thousand miles away from her and he would have to settle for a blurry kissy face and loving voice messages that were sent to his phone.

 “You’re happy with me, right?” The question spilled out of his lips before he could stop himself. His eyes quickly widened in surprise as he watched her reaction. She looked up and stared right into his eyes, as if trying to read his mind. Her head tilted a little before she finally spoke out with a soft voice.

 “Of course.” She frowned. “Is there something wrong, Yongguk?”

 He quickly shook his head and forced a smile. “Nothing.” Yongguk chuckled at himself, dismissing her concern with a little wave of his hand. “I guess I’m just a little tired. I’ll talk to you tomorrow okay? I love you!” He rushed out, clicking the end call button before she could say anything more.

 .

 Yongguk was a man of many talents. He excelled in music producing, a subject he had fallen in love with since he was a measly teenager. He was an eloquent speaker, with never-ending patience when it comes to dealing with struggling artists or even impatient musicians who were too arrogant for their own good. He was generous with his smiles and love, a natural with kids and animals, and awkwardly adorable.

 He was also the worst liar in the whole world.

 “What’s wrong with you?” [Y/N] frowned when he walked inside their apartment with his luggages. “No calls for a week?”

 “I’m tired.” Yongguk shrugged, eyes darting away from her. He made his way to the bedroom, the familiar scent of her shampoo and lotion made him tear up. What was he even doing? He could see a picture of her and Yoongi on top of a drawer, sitting nicely next to their couple pictures.

 “Yongguk–“

 “Let’s talk tomorrow, okay? I’m really exhausted.” He forced a smile as he turned to her and plated a chaste kiss on her forehead.

 .

 The world was playing a joke on him. That must be it. Yongguk woke up to the faint sound of [Y/N]’s laughter and a male voice that made him see nothing but the ugly shade of green and he felt worse for being this way. Yoongi was one of the nicest man he had ever met, a nice blend of sarcasm and cheerfulness that he always displayed whenever Yongguk was around. He seemed to understand Yoonguk’s introverted personality, never asking too much questions when he noticed Yoonguk’s slight discomfort and he was one heck of a producer, having his own studio and crazy talented production team. He seemed perfect and it made Yongguk feel like shit for even having such awful thoughts.

 He slowly got out of the bed and dragged his feet to the bathroom with sounds of their carefree conversation as his background. A soft laugh escaped his lips as he stared at his reflection in the foggy mirror. He looked awful, with dark circles under his eyes, face slightly gaunt, and empty eyes staring back at him. Why would she stay with him when there was Yoongi, a little voice asked him, snickering maliciously when Yongguk shook his head and turned away from his reflection.

 “Hey, Hyung. How’s your trip?” Yoongi greeted him when he finally exited his bedroom.

 [Y/N] and Yoongi were sitting on the kitchen stool, munching on chips Yoongi probably bought earlier. She quickly hopped off the chair and made her way to Yongguk, arms quickly wrapped around his torso and for a moment, he forgot about all the thoughts that had been invading his mind, opting to kiss the top of her head, lips curling into a loving smile.

 “Morning.” He smiled down at her before turning to Yoongi. “Hey. It was boring. I had to deal with some greedy CEO who tries to exploit their artists.” He replied and rolled his eyes. “Youngjae almost punched him.”

Yoongi snickered at that and pushed himself off the counter. “He probably deserved it.”

 “Pretty sure Daehyun would be the first to punch an asshole CEO.” [Y/N] quipped. “That guy has no chill whatsoever.”

 “Daehyun had to leave the room.” Yongguk chuckled, hand still holding hers as they sat on the chairs. “I miss this.” He added.

 “I’m flattered.” Yoongi joked. “I’ll leave you loverbirds alone now. It’s nice to have you back, hyung. Someone’s gotta take care of this whiny baby.”

 [Y/N] lightly kicked Yoongi’s shin as he walked past them, oblivious to the way Yongguk’s smile fell and the way his eyes no longer twinkled.

 .

 It took [Y/N] three hours and five minutes to finally snap and call him out, not that he was counting or anything. But she barged into his work office with arms crossed in front of her chest, puffing in frustration before she finally went on a full rant about his weird behavior.

 “Something is wrong and I don’t know what it is yet but I’m going to find out now.”

 Yongguk raised his eyebrows a little at her childish statement, waiting for her to continue.

 “You’ve been acting weird ever since that stupid trip and I just want us to be okay again. I hate feeling like something is terribly wrong and not knowing how to fix it. Did I say something hurtful? I’m not good with remembering things so you’ll have to tell me if I said something wrong. Or did I forget out anniversary? I’m pretty sure it’s in a November, though but I might be wrong and I’ll have to check the calendar again… Oh my God. Was it about the drunk skype call? I’m pretty sure I don’t remember much but I don’t think I said anything weird–“

 “It was me.” He cut her off, heat rushing to his cheeks when she paused and looked at him with wide eyes. Yongguk took a deep breath before he continued, “I was… I don’t know. I just feel a little left out, I guess. You and Yoongi get to hang out all the time and I have to go on business trips. I’m fine, really. I know you’ve been best friends since forever but sometimes I feel like– I don’t know. I feel like I’m not enough and I hated it.”

 “Why didn’t you tell me?” She took a few steps closer, lips curling into a smile he loved so much.

 “It’s embarrassing.” Yongguk mumbled, turning away from her when she wrapped her arms around his neck and gave him a tiny kiss on his cheek.

 “You know I love you more than anything, right? I even gave you my last piece of cake and I never even give those to Yoongi.”

 Yongguk felt his muscles relaxed and a small smile slowly made his way to his face. He rested his hands on her waist naturally before he finally pulled her into a tight hug. “I know.” He whispered, burying his face in the crook of her neck. “I was being stupid.”

 “Yeah, you were.” She quickly agreed and laughed when Yongguk playfully poked her waist in response.

 “But I love you anyway.” Yongguk pulled away from the hug, eyes brimming with unshed tears as she said the words. She flashed him another smile before she planted another kiss on his lips.

[ehonestreviews]

Fat Shrinking Signal

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Description:

He was having drinks with his buddies on the back porch and must have forgot the windows were slightly cracked…

Ashley was inside nursing their newborn daughter as those hateful words rattled her brain and pierced through her heart…

And as she re-told the story, I could hear the pain and heartbreak in her soft voice…

“After my husband said that, I froze… 

I wanted to burst into tears…

How could the man I love more than anything in the world say something so terrible and hurtful behind me back?

Once my daughter finished nursing, I hurried into the bedroom and broke down sobbing..

Sure, I’ve gained a few pounds since our wedding day…

I mean…did I really let myself go that much?

Millions of Women Over 30 Suffer From This Hidden Hormonal Disorder That Keeps You Overweight, Weakens Your Heart, & Starves Your Brain. Discover If You’re A Victim Of This “Blood Defect” Below…

As soon as my husband came upstairs to bed after his “guys night”, I pretended I was asleep…

I couldn’t stand to see his face…

I wanted to leave him right then and there…

What if I’m overreacting?

Maybe he just said it as a joke to get a laugh from his friends…

It doesn’t matter, he should NEVER say that!

We’re supposed to be a team…

Then the questions started racing through my mind…

How long has he been saying this to his friends?

Is he fantasizing about someone else when we’re “together”?

Is he just keeping our marriage together because of our daughter?

I happened to overhear this one, but who knows… Maybe he’s been saying horrible things about me for years.

Then I came to the SHOCKING realization….

Can I even trust him anymore?

And as he flopped into bed and began snoring within minutes, I turned onto my side as the tears started to dry up and I started to really think…

Sure, my jeans feel a little tighter…

And there are a few pairs from before we were married that are so snug, I can’t fit in them without laying on the bed, sucking in as much as possible, and wiggling back and forth just to BARELY get them buttoned….

But that’s what happens when you get older, right?

I never expected to fit into my high school jeans after turning 40…

We get older and we put on weight, that’s just how it is, right?

And even though I despised my husband for saying those awful things about me…

Words that stung for days, making me feel insecure every time I walked in a room, like everyone was judging me with their eyes because of how I looked…

I could lose the weight that’s secretly made me feel insecure and self-conscious for years…

I could finally be the super-woman role model that my daughter deserves and could be proud of without second-guessing how I look every day…

And most important of all, I could finally feel like myself again…

Eliminating the depression and “beat yourself up” attitude that I’d been carrying around for far too long without really realizing it was there…

So the next morning, as my husband took our daughter to her grandparents house before our big anniversary night out…

Which was pretty much ruined at this point…

I decided to finally face reality…

I dug out the scale from the back of our closet and nervously stepped on it, bracing for the WORST…

And as the numbers flashed across the scale, my heart sank…

I was 134 on my wedding day…

Did I really put on 59 pounds in just 5 years?

My eyes started to swell up as my lips quivered…

And as hard as it is to tell this emotional story again, looking back it was the best day of my life…

Because it was the last straw that hurt so much it forced me to get my life back on track.

And it led to a SHOCKING revelation that saved my life, you see…

This Hidden Hormonal Defect Makes Weight Loss Impossible And Is the REAL Reason You’re Frustrated & Struggling. Continued Below…

Ashley has been a personal friend since high school and it wasn’t until recently that she told me the story about her now ex-husband…

And my jaw dropped the second she began describing that awful night…

Months later, she came to my fitness boot camp in Madison, Wisconsin looking for help.

You see, after that heart-breaking night, Ashley went to the doctor for a post-pregnancy check up…

And although everything was fine with her newborn baby girl, she got some terrible news of her own…

Because her weight ballooned up, there were pockets of fat putting EXTREME PRESSURE on her lungs, arteries, and worst of all she was diagnosed with Heart Hypertension…

Which is the #1 cause of death associated with high blood pressure and eventually leads to heart failure.

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This Mysterious Chemical Disorder STARVES Your Brain And Piles Up “Stress Fat” Around Your Belly

Maybe that’s why she felt sluggish, tired, and extremely unhappy every single day…

She tried to hide it after all she loved her baby girl more than anything in the world, yet a deep feeling of frustration and even depression after so many sleepless nights wore her down…

And even though she had this terrible condition that could force her heart to fail at any moment…

Her doctor just gave her a few bottles of pills and sent her on her way.

Like that was going to fix everything…

When Ashley got in her car, after buckling in little Emma in her car seat, she lost it…

She cried hysterically….

The happiest time of her life with a baby girl was supposed to bring her family together and now it’s leading her to an early grave…

And her high priced doctor IGNORED her pain just so he could check out early and get on the golf course before dinner while she was left suffering.

That may sound harsh, but it’s true…

In fact, I’ll prove it to you in just a moment…

First, Ashley’s life was spiraling out of control…

Her husband humiliated her to his closest friends…

Telling them how fat she got since their wedding day, and…

Her doctor discovered pockets of fat smothering her heart, lungs, and arteries even though she felt exactly the same as she did just a few years ago when everything was “fine”…

And now she had a handful of new pills to take every morning that cost a fortune and only masked the problem instead of solving it for good…

So Ashley pulled her herself together and decided to finally make a change in her life once and for all…

And she was able to piece together enough free workouts and diet advice online to come up with what seemed like a reasonable plan to lose weight FAST, after all…

Time was ticking and her heart might not be tomorrow, so there was no time for the “slow and steady wins the race” weight loss plan…

So she cranked up the cardio for an hour every morning and did some “toning” exercises at night with 5 pound pink weights she got at a discount sporting goods store…

I mean, she didn’t want to get big and bulky, so she kept the weight light and really focused on her legs, arms, and belly…

And instead of dropping weight fast and getting off her pain medication almost instantly, which she hoped for…

Her heart was CRUSHED when she stepped on the scale and realized she GAINED 3 pounds after the first week…

And after the first month, she went back to her doctor only to find out her Heart Hypertension worsened to the point where they had to give her aggressive medication to relieve the constant pressure on her heart…

Frustrated, confused, and at the brink of feeling hopeless, Ashley walked through the front door of my fitness bootcamp, and…

After a short talk, we almost instantly discovered the Chemical Disorder that NONE of her doctors told her about…

Which was the REAL reason she couldn’t lose weight no matter what she tried…

It turns out Ashley had…

Most doctor’s completely overlook this…

Because they’re only concerned about selling your more prescription pills and medications to keep lining their pockets while you and I struggle to pay their ridiculous co-pays and outrageous fees…

And it really pisses me off because Ashley struggled for MONTHS…

Risked her own health and the future of her baby girl…

Only to discover she was the victim of a silent chemical disorder that affects millions of women and men each year and nearly ALL of them go undiagnosed…

Leptin is your Master Fat-Burning Hormone and controls whether your body easily melts away fat…

Or hangs on to every last ounce for dear life…

Basically it’s a “Fat Shrinking Signal” that runs through your body and torches fat no matter what you eat or how bad your genetics are…

So when you have this signal “Turned ON” it’s like throwing a gasoline soaked log onto a heaping fire..

Your fat gets burned up quickly and you start seeing a flatter belly almost immediately…

In fact, it’s the SECRET all celebrities use when they have to look flawless and stunning for a big film role, the Grammy’s, or walking the red carpet at an exclusive movie premiere…

And along with burning TONS of ugly fat, leptin also tells you when to STOP eating…

Think of it as your “I’m Full” hormone..

However, when you’re Leptin Resistant, your body doesn’t recognize your leptin signals and they never reach your brain to tell you to stop eating…

And since your brain never receives the “Stop Eating Signal”, you naturally continue to eat hundreds of extra calories at every single meal thinking you’re still hungry when you’re really not…

See, your brain THINKS you need to eat more so you don’t starve to death…

And it thinks you need to conserve more energy, so it makes you feel LAZIER…

Which is why you’d rather sit on the couch and watch TV with a big bowl of ice cream rather than drag yourself to the gym for an hour of pure misery…

And that’s why it’s NOT your fault!

You’re a victim of a horrible hormonal defect that’s starving your brain while fattening up your belly, and…

According to Dr. James Lustig…

No one has ever told YOU about this…

Not your personal trainer…

Not your family physician…

Just think of it like this…

Think about the last time you went to the movies…

You’re excited to get out of the house…

Your popcorn has just enough warm delicious butter on it…

And at the last minute you remember to turn off your cell phone because the extremely annoying voice tells you to on the movie screen.

As you’re enjoying the movie, your daughter is driving across town to her friends house for a sleepover…

She’s excited with the music turned up so loud the whole world can hear, and she can’t wait to spend the night with her best friends…

Then as the light turns green a block away from her friend’s house, she steps on the gas and SMASH!

Some jerk runs a red light and smashes right into the driver side of your daughter’s car…

With glass everywhere, your daughter regains consciousness, and…

She uses all the strength she has to grab her phone out of her pocket, texts HELP in all caps to you, and desperately waits for a response…

But the response never comes.

You never get the message until you turn your phone back ON.

And by then, it might be too late.

That’s the same thing with Leptin Resistance.

Your body is desperately sending signals to your brain telling you to STOP eating and burn off the thick layers of fat smothering your heart, lunges, and arteries…

But your brain never gets the message…

So you keep eating and eating, digging yourself an early grave without even knowing it because these silent signals are never being received in your body…

You feel the same as you always have…

And then the next morning, you roll over in bed to turn off your annoying alarm and you suddenly clutch your chest because the extreme pressure and tension has finally become too much and your heart gives out.

It can happen out of nowhere without ANY warning.

Listen, it’s NOT your fault.

It’s a chemical defect that millions of people have WITHOUT knowing about it.

Your body is never going to burn fat and you’ll never get the slim, tight, and toned belly that you deserve…

And the pockets of squishy fat SMOTHERING your heart will keep building up day after day…

Until you turn your cell phone (i.e. your Leptin receptors) back ON for good.

Now, here’s a simple doctor-trick to know once and for all if you are suffering from this horrible hormonal disorder…

If you’re still reading this letter, then I can almost guarantee you are Leptin Resistant…

Which explains why no matter how hard you try…

No matter how many diets you go on…

No matter how many grueling exercises and workouts you do…

You can never lose weight as quickly as you’d like…

Sure, you may be able to lose a few pounds here and there…

Are you really happy with the results of all your hard work over the past few years?

Unfortunately no one told you WHY you weren’t losing weight…

So here’s how you can tell without a fraction of doubt if you’re Leptin Resistant..

Which will explain the YEARS of struggle and frustration that has unfairly taken over your life through no fault of your own.

Here’s what you need to do.

Stand in front of the bathroom mirror…

Place both hands on your belly and GRAB…

If you have a handful of fat in each hand, then you’re Leptin Resistant…

And you’re off the hook so you can finally stop feeling guilty and depressed about your weight…

You simply have a condition that was never diagnosed and properly treated…

You can turn OFF your Leptin Resistance…

Quickly activate your “Fat Shrinking Signal”…

And FINALLY start melting away the unwanted fat that’s been clinging to your belly for years WITHOUT any grueling joint-killing workouts or miserable low-carb diets…

And before you know it you’ll be sliding back into your “skinny jeans” from high school while you burn all your fat clothes forever as a sign of how much you’ve overcome.

A few weeks later, Ashley went out for a walk on a beautiful sunny afternoon with baby Emma smiling ear to ear in her stroller while shaking her favorite yellow & green rattle…

=> She hadn’t thought about her “weight” in months…

Every morning she woke up and slipped into a pair jeans that she hadn’t worn in years as her baby weight melted away faster than ever…

She didn’t even need to buy new clothes because everything she kept from her 20’s and 30’s was FINALLY starting to fit again…

Her boss who hadn’t noticed her for years and BARELY knew her name started complimenting her out of nowhere which filled her with pride and accomplishment…

She no longer had to wiggle herself into her jeans just to fit into a pair that made her look amazing and brought out her best features…

She felt lighter than ever before, with a sense of strength that she could protect herself and her baby at the drop of the hat if she needed to…

Her achy bones and joints felt rejuvenated and strong after ditching the cardio and high impact jumping exercises that left her feeling sore and miserable with ZERO results to show for it…

Yet most important of all…

Ashley felt like her old self again…

The fun loving woman who enjoyed hanging with her girlfriends without being worried that someone’s going to take an unflattering picture from the wrong angle and post it on Facebook for the world to see…

She didn’t stress over losing weight and becoming slimmer, it just happened once she got her Hidden Hormone in check…

And simply listening to her voice, I could tell how happy and amazing she felt…

Look, you deserve all of this and MORE..

And the easiest and fastest way to get there is…

There’s an extremely easy way to flip OFF this hidden hormonal defect in your blood and finally start burning pure belly fat again, and…

You can activate your Fat Shrinking Signal…

…that relentlessly attacks the billions of fat cells in your body and SHRINKS them down from the size of a golf ball to a miniature pea…

All by following a simple 10-minute routine that ANYONE at ANY age in ANY condition can do.

And don’t worry, you don’t even have to do this 10-minute routine every single day…

In fact, all you need is 40 minutes PER WEEK to melt away all your stubborn fat, reveal the sexy, lean muscle hiding under your skin, and be the glowing, radiant star in every single room you walk into from now on…

Hi, my name is Derek Wahler…

Yet my friends know me as the “Weight Loss Whisperer”…

…because I have a reputation of taking on the most difficult women and men who haven’t been able to lose weight for years and transform their bodies in just minutes right in their own living room.

And because my methods are so short and simple, it’s nearly impossible NOT to see results after just a few days…

And after receiving thousands of emails from desperate weight gain sufferers around the world in their 30’s, 40’s, 50’s and even 60’s…

I discovered one serious problem that was sabotaging everyone’s results…

Too much strenuous exercise…

Which led to uncontrollable inflammation in the belly and made it impossible to burn belly fat.

You see, your body naturally produces Inflammation Atoms when there’s too much stress and pressure from long cardio workouts or extreme workout DVD’s…

These Inflammation Atoms flow throughout your belly and form pockets that bind together and make your stomach stick out…

So if you look down right now and your belly is “sticking out” and hanging over your pants…

It’s because you have a massive build up of Inflammation Atoms…

That are now wreaking havoc on your internal systems and have already created a toxic environment that makes losing weight harder than winning the lottery.

You can instantly eliminate your Inflammation Atoms….

And REVERSE the fat-storing hormonal defect that’s made you a victim of being overweight for years…

And this quick story will tell you exactly…

When I started my online weight loss program a few years ago, Jennifer was my first member…

She was in her late 20’s…

And although most people assume someone that young must have a scorching metabolism and can eat whatever they want without gaining an ounce of fat, Jennifer was the exact opposite.

She was working 3 jobs, had an active social life, yet she always had an extra 15 – 20 pounds she was carrying around that wouldn’t budge…

Which is what brought her to me in the first place.

So I gave Jennifer a workout program for the first month, based on the 30-minute workouts I had used in person with my personal training clients and boot camp members…

The workouts were too long and strenuous.

See, she could join any old gym or boot camp and get a great 30-minute workout, but she didn’t have time for that…

With 3 jobs, she could only squeeze in a couple minutes here and there, and…

She needed help FAST because her doctor said she was on the fast track to cardiovascular disease and diabetes if she didn’t make some quick changes…

So after an emotional phone call, where we went over her ENTIRE daily schedule and I realized first hand that these 30 minute workouts weren’t possible for Jennifer…

I locked myself in my home office and took a long, hard look at what I was doing…

I prided myself on being able to help ANYONE get a flat and firm belly while making all their worst health ailments go away in a matter of months…

And sure, I knew there were plenty of super short workouts online and that they were nothing new, however…

After watching and studying hundreds of them, I noticed every single one was missing ONE thing that would deliver mind-blowing results…

Each workout was lacking the ONE key that switches ON your Fat Shrinking Signal and makes weight loss all but guaranteed…

And let’s just say this belly slimming secret lies in the order, angles, and intensity that you work a certain group of muscles and body parts…

Which 99% of fitness experts completely ignore.

So over the next few hours, I created a simple follow along body sculpting program based on short, 10-minute home workouts that INSTANTLY activate this powerful fat-burning hormone every single day…

And just a few short weeks later, Jennifer was down 15 pounds…

Many of you know that this year I lost over 15 pounds, and a lot of you have asked how. With three jobs this year, it made it extremely difficult to go to the gym, and one day, I saw a post from trainer Derek Wahler. He had come up with an at home workout that you do only 3-4 times a week, which also comes with meal planning.

This is how I dropped so much weight so quickly. He is great at encouraging and motivating you! He knows what he is talking about, and his program is so worth it.

Those of you who saw the transformation know what I mean. Not only was I needing to find my old clothes again because I didn’t fit into my current ones anymore, but then a couple months after that, I had to buy new ones as I didn’t fit into my old clothes either! Thank you Derek for making my dreams a reality!

Honestly, when’s the last time you had to THINK about tying your shoes?

You don’t…it just happens right?

It’s so easy, it’s automatic and just something you do every day…

That’s the secret behind the Dynamic Activation Training System…

Anyone at ANY age in ANY physical condition will…

And you don’t have to take my word for it…

Over the years I have tried various workouts and gym memberships. I had been working out on my own at Anytime fitness and felt like I wasn’t getting anywhere.

I would do my work on the cardio machines, had gotten into a great running routine, but I wasn’t getting the results I wanted to see. That is when I found Derek’s program!

I have a very busy schedule with varying work hours. With Derek’s short workouts I could get up early get my workout in and get started on my day.

I was doing the workouts 3 times a week and in the first two weeks I noticed a change! It was great to work up a sweat in such a short period of time. I continually felt challenged with each workout. I was stronger, started noticing more muscle tone and of course had way more energy throughout my day.

I felt great, even co-workers and friends saw a difference! Derek’s program fit great into my life!

Michelle Lucey, Hair Stylist

Trying everything imaginable and never being able to lose even a pound of fat is extremely frustrating…

However you are NOT alone…

We surveyed thousands of happy Flat Stomach Formula members to identify the “Last Straw” that pushed them over the edge to make a change that saved their life…

And hopefully these will inspire and motivate you to take action and re-claim your health so you will not only have a flat and firmer belly…

You’ll be able to add decades onto your life that you can spend with your family and children instead of leaving them too soon with a huge whole in their hearts…

You’ve tried losing weight before, right?

I’m sure you’ve tried all sorts of workout and diet programs over the years, yet there are still places on your body where you can grab handfuls of fat and you wish they’d just disappear, and…

Maybe you hate looking in the mirror….

Maybe you hide behind baggy clothes so you can APPEAR thinner than you really are…

Or maybe you CRINGE when you look at pictures from even just a few weeks ago, barely recognizing the person who’s smiling on the outside, but feeling hopeless on the inside…

Look, you are NOT alone…

In fact, everyone has what I call their “Last Straw” moment where you decide enough is enough and you’re finally ready to make a change…

So I wanted to share of few of the “Last Straw” moments from the thousands of women and men who have flattened their belly and taken their life back by activating their Slimming Signal in just 10 short minutes…

And hopefully they will help you realize that what you’re feeling is normal and there’s always a way out…

I looked back at old pictures with my family and friends and didn’t see ME anymore. I didn’t even recognize the person looking into the camera.

I’ve been overweight for years, but I was always happy…probably because I was always eating.

The last straw was when I went to the movies and couldn’t barely wedge myself into the seat.

A light went off inside me and as I was sitting there trying to watch the movie, all I thought about was how I’d spend the past 10 months just under 300 pounds, and two months ago I passed the line and weighed in at 311 pounds. I felt so disgusting I had to make a change.

My tipping point was being 212 pounds and my jeans were so tight I could barely put them on! I refused to go up another size and was like how could I let myself get like this?

That’s when I made a promise to myself and made my weight and my health priority #1.

My blood pressure numbers were through the roof. And ever worse, I saw, not just glanced at, but actually SAW what I looked like in pictures from Christmas.

I could barely recognize myself.

I went back and looked at pictures from our last family vacation and was mortified! I mean…I knew I’d been putting on weight – it’s hard to miss when you go to buy clothes and they keep getting bigger and bigger…

After that, I had a hard conversation with myself and said, “What am I doing?”…

That’s when I finally decided to make a change and never look back. My kids deserve the best possible version of me and I can’t let them down.

When the seams of my jeans literally tore apart, with only thin elastic threads holding them together and my fat thighs squishing out between.

And even worse, it was right before a work party…so I had to run home and change before anyone saw what happened.

So embarrassing and thank goodness because it finally kicked my butt into gear.

Uggggh! My size 17 jeans were getting to be too tight, my digestive system was chaotic to say the least, and my belly was constantly bloated like a pregnant woman’s.

I tried to “eat more vegetables” but with all the other crap I was eating, salads and veggies made my stomach feel worse. I was in a constant state of pain and was gaining weight every week.

Since “cleaning up my diet” obviously wasn’t working, I came across Derek’s site and it seemed so simple, I gave it a try.

Now I feel amazing and my belly is finally flat and firm instead of squishy and soft

And now, starting today you can use a rare combination of never seen before Body Sculpting Secrets… 

To FINALLY cure your Hidden Hormonal Defect that has kept  you overweight and unhealthy for years without even knowing it…

While you melt away the inches off your waist and thighs for good in the comfort of your own home FASTER than you ever thought possible.

I’m so excited to share this NEW total body slimming solution with you, so you can finally get the tight and trim figure you deserve without having to waste hours in a smelly germ infested gym or count a single calorie ever again.

The Fat Shrinking Signal is a 21-day home movement program that only uses your bodyweight to activate the most powerful fat-burning sensors in your body that have been dead and disabled for years.

And the magic lies in each unique workout that activates your Fat Shrinking Signal so you can burn off every last ounce of extra fat in just 10 short minutes.

Anyone at ANY age in ANY physical condition can do these movements, and…

If you make the wise choice and pick up your copy of the program today…

I’ll be giving you my PERSONAL email address so you can ask me questions, request modifications for exercises that are too difficult, and best of all…

You can easily use the Low-Impact alternatives to continue melting away fat even if you have bad knees, sore ankles, back pain, or tight shoulders.

Before doing the workouts, my life was kind of all over the place. I wanted to lose weight, but when I noticed that my weight wasn’t going anywhere, I became comfortable with just maintaining my current weight.

The biggest change/Challenge for me with your workouts was just pushing myself even when I really wanted to give up.  Now, I can breathe longer, go harder, and feel stronger.

I liked a lot of things about the 10-minute workout, but the number one thing I liked about it was the intensity levels, and also the convenience of not going to the gym and just working out whenever and where ever I wanted.

Today I feel better, my thighs do not rub against each other when I walk, and I’m more aware of what I am putting in my body.

Between school, work, and relaxing, this workout plan was a great way to keep me active, since I sit all day at my current job.

This follow along bodyweight program hits your entire body at a number of different angles so you can trim and tone every inch without suffering through the same boring routine every day…

Each workout builds on the previous one so you continue to increase your fat-burning metabolism while you keep your body guessing about what’s coming up next…

So you’ll NEVER suffer the dreaded “weight loss plateau” that’s so frustrating and RUINS well-intentioned people like yourself who are willing to put in the work but have unfortunately been given the wrong information from the so-called “experts”.

Here’s a small sample of how this revolutionary Body Slimming System works…

To begin burning fat immediately on Day #1, you’ll start with…

In the second short burst workout you’ll discover…

The third short burst workout builds on the first two where you’ll discover…

The fourth and final short burst workout builds on the last one to ignite your Metabolic Hot Spots and release a fierce fat-burning flame that feeds on belly fat and burns it up faster than ever before…

And in this short sequence you’ll discover…

And the best news of all for women and men over 30 is…

“I Haven’t Exercised in Months”

That’s the beauty of this 10-minute Body Sculpting System. You’re not doing long, grueling workouts that leave you sore, miserable, and unable to walk for days.

For the first few workouts, simply go at your own pace and take plenty of breaks as you ease yourself into the exercises. Then as you progress, you can increase the intensity for even FASTER results.

I’ve had women and men from their early 30’s all the way up to age 76 get in amazing shape with these short burst belly slimming workouts.

As I mentioned, men and women up to age 76 have gotten amazing results with these short, home fat-burning bursts.

That’s because each 10-minute workout is designed specifically to release a surge of Anti-Aging Enzymes that flood your body and help turn the back the clock almost overnight…

So after the first week you’ll be feeling years younger with endless amounts of energy and a newfound sense of youth.

“I Never See Results”

Unfortunately, most programs are more concerned about “being extreme” and have super hard workouts that they don’t care that 99% of people NEVER actually finish the program…

And I think that’s absurd, which is why I spent months crafting an easy-to-follow program that only takes 40 minutes PER WEEK, which means….

As long as you have 10-minutes here and there to flatten your belly and add YEARS onto your life, then you’ll easily be able to stick with the program and see amazing results…

Plus, with these unique belly-flattening bursts, you’ll start seeing and feeling results after the first few workouts.

“I Don’t Have Any Time”

I know you’re busy and quite frankly you shouldn’t have to devote an hour or more everyday to get in the most amazing shape of your life, in fact…

Exercising too long can actually ruin your results, put extreme pressure on your heart, lungs, and joints, while forcing your body to STORE more belly fat…

Which is why I created this system where you’ll only need 10 minutes right in your living room, bedroom, or basement to…

Sculpt your entire body, burn off the ugly fat that’s been clinging to your body for years, and unleash the fabulous new you that’s been waiting to come out for decades.

As I get older I’m finding my free time is limited and it’s simply harder to stay fit.

The workouts I had time for was basically just walking the dog and some running. I wasn’t getting much results, and struggling to maintain my weight.

Long Wisconsin winter’s set in, and getting motivated becomes a challenge. My husband, Chad and I also travel a lot, which makes it almost impossible to stay on track with diet & exercise. It was time to make a change, and FAST!

I tried Derek’s workouts and found it to be the change I needed. Mentally & physically. The best part is that they’re really short!

Just enough time in my busy, hectic life to sneak away and do something rewarding for myself.

The workouts tone & lift your body’s muscle quickly. Even my skin changed & became youthful. I feel stronger mentally and physically because of Derek’s workouts!

You’ll Finally SEE A Flat Belly That’s Firm to the Touch in 10-Minutes or Less

There are no one-size fits all rapid fat loss solutions and if you’re looking for some miracle quick fix that promises you’ll lose 20+ pounds in less than a week, I’m sorry…

And I know there are hundreds of programs out there promising you the world in terms of instant overnight results, however…

I prefer being honest instead of lying to you right from the beginning, so…

If you’re looking for a magic pill to melt away all your belly fat with ZERO effort on your part then I’m sorry, but is not for you.

If you’re willing to commit to just 10-minutes a few times a week, then you will see amazing total body transformation type results WITHOUT having to suffer through one more long, joint-killing workout or miserable “starve yourself skinny” diet…

And because you only need 10 minutes to get a flat and firm belly on this breakthrough NEW rapid results plan, you’ll be able to stick with it and finally get the body of your dreams…

No matter how hectic your busy days get.

I quickly built a reputation here in Madison of always charging nearly double what the other gyms and fitness bootcamps in town were doing, after all…

Which is why my sessions were constantly packed because my loyal clients were shedding weight so fast…

I wouldn’t feel right because I know that would prevent too many people from taking advantage of these 10-minute slimming secrets….

Which they are happy to do because they’ve literally wasted thousands of dollars on frat boy personal trainers who are only interested in meeting women and not delivering value and results to their members…

And it didn’t feel right in my heart to charge that much even though it’s a huge bargain….

For a limited time only, you can get the entire Flat Stomach Formula program with my patented 10-minute belly slimming bursts…

That will have you burning your fat clothes forever while you slide into your old skinny jeans with ease and reverse all your major health problems that will save you tens of thousands of dollars over the next 5 years…

Still, when I shared this with my wife Keri she immediately called me out and reminded me of my mission to help 1 million people lose 10 or more pounds by the year 2020…

And the truth is, she’s right.

Helping you is my #1 priority because the overweight and obesity epidemic in this world is raging out of control…

Which is why I decided to throw a…

In order to help 1 million women and men lose 10+ pounds by the year 2020…

I need to get these belly slimming secrets that are years in the making into as many hands as possible, and…

Giving it away for free won’t do you any good because you only value what you pay for and I actually want you to use these cutting edge strategies to get amazing results and transform your body and life, so….

Until the end of the month, you can get the ENTIRE Fat Shrinking Signal System with over 20 follow along home workout videos…

To  turn OFF your fat-storing “Feed Me” signal, SHRINK your stomach, and tone every inch of your body in just 10 minutes from the comfort of your own home, away from the intimidating germ invested gyms…

That’s it, 15 measly bucks to transform your life…

And more importantly, your family’s life after they see the amazing role model and leader you’ve become by taking full control of your own life…

However, you have to act NOW in order to receive this one time extreme discount…

Because it’s not guaranteed past today.

Act now and get the Flat and Firm Belly you’ve always desired by clicking the “Buy Now” button below and your special discount coupon will instantly be applied to your order.

You may still be skeptical that a simple easy-to-follow home Belly Slimming System that ANYONE at ANY age in ANY condition can do will deliver these amazing results…

I would be skeptical too and you’re smart to question everything before trying it out for yourself…

Which is why you can test out the ENTIRE Fat Shrinking Signal program while flattening your stomach with over 20 of the follow along home workout videos….

And you can even go through the entire program TWICE and if you don’t believe you got 10x the value of what you paid for…

Then I insist on giving you a 100% full refund…

Because you’ll instantly be backed by my No Questions Asked 60-Day No Excuses Guarantee…

Results Guarantee #1: ANYBODY Can Do It

This body sculpting program was specifically designed so ANYONE at ANY age in ANY condition can do it and get amazing results.

It doesn’t matter if you work out consistently or haven’t done a single exercise in years.

The total body muscle friendly movements rev up your fat-burning metabolism without the dangerous, high impact exercises that always leave you sore and even injured for weeks.

All you need is 10 minutes and your own bodyweight to get amazing results.

Results Guarantee #2: You’ll See Results FAST

You don’t need 30, 45, or even an outrageous 60 minutes to get in the best shape of your life and finally burn off the ugly belly fat that you’ve been carrying around for years.

Thanks to the BREAKTHROUGH Dynamic Activation Training discovery, all you need is 10 minutes a few days a week to visibly SEE a flat and firmer belly.

Results Guarantee #3: You’ll Have Fun and Stay Motivated

Most fat loss programs don’t work because you get bored and feel like quitting after just a few days.

And they don’t turn OFF your fat-storing “Feed Me” signal which is the REAL reason you haven’t been able to lose weight and keep it off for good…

Which is why no mater how hard you work, the results never come.

However, after you turn OFF your fat-storing “Feed Me” Signal…

And turn ON your #1 Fat-Burning Super Hormone, you’ll feel a difference after just the first workout and…

Since you’ll see results FAST…motivation will never be an issue. Instead, you’ll feel amazing as your belly flattens, the fat hanging over your pants disappears, and your love handles melt away forever.

If you don’t feel 100% satisfied with your experience over the next 60 days, just send an email to Derek@dwahlerfitness.com and I’ll personally refund 100% of your money with no questions asked.

Even better, you’ll get to keep the digital downloads, workout videos, and all the other materials you use as my parting gift to you.

I’ve already received hundreds of hateful emails and text messages from other fitness professions who are furious that I lowered my price so dramatically…

After sleeping on it, I vividly remember seeing a “sign” while I was in a deep sleep that reminded me why I’m doing all this in the first place…

Still, my competitor’s lawyers could come knocking at my door any day now and force me to take everything down because I’m just a small family company and have become a huge threat to their corporate foundation, which is why…

You must act now to receive instant access to these Elite Belly Slimming Secrets because I can’t guarantee this amazing deal will still be up tomorrow…

Melt Away Every Last Inch Of Fat And Get Your Flattest Belly EVER In Just 10-Minutes

When you’re on your death bed what are you going to regret more…

Following this proven path that is going to lead you to:

1)  An unbelievable total body transformation that can reverse all of your medical ailments without any dangerous pills, medications, or supplements while intriguing your closets friends to whisper in your ear…What’s Your Secret?!

2)  Endless amounts of natural energy that’ll have you bursting out of bed excited to attack each day so you can stop angrily hitting the snooze button while feeling exhausted every single morning before your day even starts…

3)  Looking and FEELING your absolute best every single day while SEEING a tight and toned reflection looking back at you in the mirror every day before you hop in the shower…

4)  An EXTREME sense of self-confidence and certainty that will carry you farther in life than even a Harvard education while allowing you to finally take action on your dreams and create the life you’ve always wanted but never acted on…

Will you regret knowing that you could have easily followed this simple path that has already been used by thousands of women and men worldwide to get a tight and toned body that’s firm to the touch and you let it go because you thought 19 bucks was too much.

Forget everything you learned on this page and continue living a life that’s left you unhappy, overweight, frustrated, depressed, and discouraged for years…

Which is unconsciously passed down to your children and other family members who absorb what you do without even realizing it.

You’ll simply go back to your normal life that’s left you searching for answers to a weight problem you’ve been ignoring for years without taking any action…

No matter how easy and simple the real solution is right at your very fingertips today.

You’ll take the information you learned today and try to implement it on your own.

You can also search the thousands of free websites and videos out there to come up with your own plan…

So you don’t have to part with the 15 measly dollars while you struggle transform your body all on your own.

Although if it were that easy…

Why haven’t you done it yet?

This Belly Shrinking System is so easy to follow there is NO thinking or confusion on your part…

You’ll know exactly what short burst routine to do on each day…

So all you have to do is Press Play on the video and follow along with me…

And in 10 short minutes you’ll be done.

We’ll go through the entire workout together and I’ll be giving you exercise modifications, so ANYONE at ANY age in ANY condition can do this…

And I’ll also tell you what days to rest, which is MORE important than the workouts themselves…

So you can rest and recover without burning yourself out…

And you’ll feel amazing and energetic every single day instead of sore and exhausted.

Right now, you can choose to let me be your personal coach and hold your hand as we go through this exciting Total Body Transformation journey together…

I’ll personally help you every step of the way…

So you can finally get the belly slimming results you deserve when nothing else has worked for you in the past.

When you have a proven system like this, burning belly fat and losing weight is NOT complicated or stressful…

I’ve been overweight for most of my life and working a desk job didn’t help.  Long hours and crunch time leads to poor eating, stress eating and just plain bad choices – caffeinated sodas were my constant companion during the hardest times.

I tried running and biking, did some stints with weight lifting in traditional gyms and tried to adjust my eating habits but nothing had ever stuck. I get bored easily with repetitive tasks. Ultimately I’d get tired of whatever fitness regimen or diet I was on and revert to my prior, unhealthy ways.

The last straw came over the summer when I stepped on a scale and realized I was up to 215 pounds. At 5’11” that put me well into the “obese” category and was the heaviest I’d ever been. I could see it in photos of myself and feel it in my day to day life. Stupid things mostly, like bending over to tie my shoes and realizing I could feel my belly getting in the way and making it awkward.

This workout program is the one that finally stuck – I was having so much more fun with the varied workouts and with Derek’s direct encouragement and help.

Since starting Derek’s program I’ve lost 26 pounds of actual fat!

I’m very thankful that I met Derek and that I decided to participate in his workout program!

Norman Nazaroff, 33 years old

Yesterday, a woman in Rhode Island lost her foot because she was fat.

I know that sounds harsh, but it’s true…

A sweet lady who was just 49 years old was so overweight, with an extreme case of diabetes that was relentless and never let up…

Cost the poor woman her foot.

The hearts of women over 30 are FAILING at a rate 5x GREATER than ever before because you’re under so much stress with your career, family, and your health…

Our children are growing up fatter than ever while being rewarded with food left and right…

So it’s no wonder why millions of kids are overweight before they even reach grade school…

Setting them up for a lifetime of doctor visits, painful health issues, constant bullying, and self-esteem so low it becomes a struggle to simply get out of bed in the morning…

However, YOU have the power to make a change and be the LEADER that your friends and family need to add decades onto your life while making memories that last forever…

You took the time to seek out the truth…

You’re the person they need to lead by example and show them how it’s done because they can’t figure it out for themselves…

You’re different and with this newfound opportunity to transform your body and your life in just minutes a day…

You have the power to make a change…

For the people you love most too…

And you’ll be celebrated as a literal Life Saver…but you have to choose to transform your own life first…

It’s never been easier…

All you need is 10 minutes and I’ll show you how to do the rest…

So you can eliminate the Stress Fat from your body once and for all while changing your family history forever.

The short-burst workouts were very efficient and appropriate for participants with various levels of fitness. They “pack a wallop” of fitness in a short amount of time, which appeals to people who have busy schedules.

I would highly recommend this program if you’re looking to lose weight and don’t want to spend all night at the gym.

PS – I’m a big fan of leading by example, so here’s a picture of me and my 1-year old daughter Elena after running a 5k race for Charity last summer. The good news is you won’t have to do anything that long and strenuous to get the flat belly you deserve.

In fact, you’ll be able to burn more fat and calories in 10-minutes with my proven fat loss formula than you would running a 5k race.

The key is hitting your body from a number of different angles while switching up the intensity to always keep your body guessing so you never plateau and ignite your metabolism to keep burning fat for hours after your short workout is over.

And the ONLY reason you haven’t gotten the body you desire is because these transformational secrets haven’t been released anywhere at any time before today.

PPS – If you continue on your current path and choose to do nothing today, the pockets of ugly fat will continue to build up around your belly while putting an extreme amount of stress on your heart, lungs, and arteries that could leave you being rushed to the emergency room at any minute without warning.

Yet, right now you can eliminate 99% chance of that happening while stripping away the unwanted fat that’s clinging to your body and busting out of your clothes in just minutes a day while only using your own bodyweight.

PPPS – You do NOT have to make a final decision today. In fact, you can go through the ENTIRE Fat Shrinking Signal TWICE and still ask for your money back if we didn’t provide 10x the value for what you paid for. Simply take advantage of our 60-Day No Questions Asked Guarantee if you’re unhappy in any way with the program or your results. All the risk is on me and you have nothing to lose.

Q: How does the program work and what’s so special about it?

Millions of women and men have a chemical disorder in their blood called Leptin Resistance. This basically means that your body sends signals when you’re full…

Yet when you’re Leptin Resistant, these signals get lost and never reach your brain…

Which is why you keep eating and piling on fat even when you’re not truly hungry. It’s because your brain is starving amid the lost signals.

Fat Shrinking Signal REVERSES this critical problem that’s preventing so many woman and men from losing weight with a series of super short bodyweight only workouts…

Which send powerful fat-burning signals to your brain while activating your Anti-Aging Enzyme so you can finally experience the feeling of having a Tight and Toned body looking back at you in the mirror in just 29 days.

Q: Am I too old for this?

If you’re over 80 years old then I would say Yes. Otherwise, no you definitely are not!

I’ve personally had women and men in their early 30’s all the way up to their late 70’s get amazing results with these short belly blasting workouts.

And this will work for ANYONE at ANY age in ANY physical condition because you control how much you do in each 10-minute burst.

As you improve, you’ll be able to do more in 10 minutes than you could when you started.

That’s commonly known as Dynamic Activation Training and it’s the key to getting FASTER results without adding extra minutes, sets, or reps to the end of your workouts.

Q: I want to lose 50+ pounds, will this work for me?

Yes, you’ll actually start seeing the number on the scale go down very quickly.

Likely after the first 2-3 workouts because these total body movements will provide and instant jolt to your system that wakes up your fat-burning hormones and puts them to work for hours after your short 10 minute workout is complete.

Q: What if I’m only trying to lose those last few pounds, will this still work?

Yes, that’s the power of Flat Belly Burst Training…

Since you’ll constantly be hitting your body from different angles and intensities, it’ll force those last few stubborn pounds to melt off even if nothing has worked for you in the past.

Q: Do I need a bunch of equipment?

No, in fact you don’t need any equipment.

This program is based on bodyweight only workouts that you can do right at home without having to go to a germ-infested gym or spend thousands of dollars on workout equipment.

All you need is a few feet of space to get started on your new Flat Belly journey.

Questions? Email us at Derek@dwahlerfitness.com

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Fat Shrinking Signal System & PDF Ebook Download

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