#Andrew James POV

[portugalisinsa]

#going into the tags hoping i'd see some book reccs but its all discourse ;w;#well i'm not gonna claim these are all highly intellectual works but here's some of my fave adult fantasies#tainted cup by robert jackson bennett#the thief by megan whalen turner#winnowing flame trilogy by jen williams#locked tomb series by tamsym muir#goblin emperor and witness for the dead by katherine addison#a natural history of dragons by marie brennan#the mountain in the sea by Ray Naylor#god killer by hannah kaner#temeraire and scholomance by naomi novik#october daye by seanan mcguire#i'm also getting into t kingfisher books :)#gods of wyrdwood by r j barker was also good#i really need to find more books by non-white authors tho

No babe it’s so cool and hot that you always insist that fantasy books written to meet a 4th graders’ comprehension skills have more complex themes and a greater sense of praxis than anything written for adults

[isakvaltersnake]

things from the 2001 television programme band of brothers that haunt me to this day:

- we’re paratroopers lieutenant, we’re supposed to be surrounded. not to be your 60 year old military obsessed uncle about it but that line goes hard

- nix’s little giggle he does sometimes

- I’ll never forgive them for leaving gene’s medic training out of their training montage. in fact you know what? go back in time, film a parallel sequel of the other 9 eps from gene’s pov

- popeye’s “they called you guys too?” and the way his accent specifically scratches my brain

- they gave me moose heyliger and his massachusetts accent for like 20 minutes then the narrative snatched him away from me and i still miss him

- the way meehan looks at winters after he tells him to close the flap, in fact let’s talk about how every single one of winters’ commanders are obsessed with him in one way or another he truly is the it girl

- the chaos and fear that precedes gene and the calm and comfort that follows him

- I know everyone thinks “we’ll go to chicago, I’ll take you there” is the insane line but the one that actually makes me lose sleep is “what, and give up all this?” THAT MAN SAID I WOULD RATHER LIVE THROUGH THE HORRORS OF WAR THAN HAVE LIVED MY LIFE WITHOUT YOU

- alley is So Beautiful and I don’t think we collectively talk about it enough

- babe being some rando replacement in episode three and whilst his other replacement friends are being absolutely roasted he is immediately adopted by bill and then gets gene fucking roe of all people to connect to him?? he’s too powerful I need to study him

- speirs being this ghoulish terrifying boogeyman until lip is anywhere near him then he’s suddenly dimples and kicking his feet and giggling

- speaking of lip and speirs their little sarcastic in jokes, lip finishing speirs’ sentences fml it’s giving married

- you been working out? IN FRONT OF EVERYONE?? LIEB YOU SLUT?? THEN YOURE GONNA LAY IN HIS BED WAITING FOR HIM??? insane behaviour

- the unexplored but high potential friendships and the way I wanted like 16 more episodes for shifty and lip, nix and luz, nix and web, sisk and perconte, winters and gene, grant and tab, lieb and alley, speirs and harry, etc

- the more haggard and bitchy nix gets the hotter he gets. he also must be studied.

- “you should pack up those ears and go home” ok sobel kinda ate with that one ngl

- speaking of sobel the little confused/bewildered/piss-pants faces he makes david schwimmer the actor you are

- the silly little wide stance pennywise ass run hall does before he gets murked RIP king

- klepto speirs ilysm

- joe toye and his brass knuckles are v sexy

- sink letting nix give winters his oak leaves was very shipper girl of him

- lip harry nix speirs winters in the eagle’s nest dream blunt rotation

- the unsustainable amount of cunt served by nix, frank, babe, and luz at all times is truly a marvel

- tab really checked lip’s dick and balls mid battle and honestly that’s friendship

- bit parts for simon pegg, tom hardy, andrew scott, james mcavoy, michael fassbender, jimmy fallon ?? bob casting director you will always be famous

- peacock is so fine if he was even a little good at his job I’d be obsessed with him (special shout out to the scene of him getting sent home on furlough)

- I could list out every one of their meaningful little moments together but really it’s babe and gene just tethering and grounding each other and how they seem to gravitate to each other out of blind instinct? that’s some Brontë whatever our souls are made of bullshit I’m afraid

- ok I know I said I wasn’t talking about little meaningful moments but gene staring across the convent at where babe is sitting, lost in the peace

-bull in replacements getting imprinted on by a bunch of baby ducks and being SO PLEASED ABOUT IT he’s not the stepfather, he’s the father that stepped up

- speaking of, the underutilization of bull in the back half is such an out of character bad call

- you are officers, you are grown ups, you oughta know. HE’S RIGHT AND HE SHOULD SAY IT AND THAT’S ON GENE BEING THE ONLY ONE ALLOWED TO TELL OFF WINTERS

- I know nix and winters are married and whatever but the real married couple behaviour is luz constantly pissing off joe and joe immediately letting it go

- lip and speirs and their mutual competency kink

- I’M REAL SORRY FRANK skinny ilysm

[superpineappleenthusiast]

an incomplete timeline of the marauders fandom

1999 - Prisoner of Azkaban is released - Wolfstar is born

2003 - Order of the Phoenix is released - WOLFSTAR

The case for R/S - an essay analysing all of Remus and Sirius' canon interactions and making the argument that they're canonically together

2004 - The Shoebox Project - wolfstar centric marauders era fanfic - Jily is popularised

(note: until this point wolfstar fics had mostly been set during the Harry Potter books timeline, with Sirius and Remus as adults)

2005 - Half Blood Prince is released - canon Remadora and the birth of bi Remus

2009 - The Life and Times - popular marauders era Jily fic

2010 - 2012 - the OG fancasts are popularised (Ben Barnes, Andrew Garfield, Aaron Taylor Johnson, etc)

2015 - An article about the Potter family reveals Euphemia and Fleamont Potter as James' parents (not Charlus and Dorea as was previously assumed)

2017 - All the Young Dudes - long marauders era fic in Remus' pov - Lesbian Marlene is popularised (which also marks the downfall of Blackinnon and the rise of Dorlene) and sarcastic Remus (influenced by his atyd characterization as an orphan. he's not always as hard/mean as he is in atyd, but it is a huge difference from the nerdy/shy Remus that was widely accepted before)

2019 - Welsh Remus becomes a thing (honestly I have no idea where that came from)

2020 - 2021 - All the Young Dudes is blows up on tiktok - Desi James is popularised - Peter also starts playing a bigger role in stories with an actual personality

2022 - Zeppazariel's fics and Choices - Jegulus focused fics, which led to Marylily, the Slitherskittles (and Rosekiller), and bi/pan James

other later marauder's fanon that popped up in the last five years

70s pop culture (music, smoking, fashion, etc.)

generally more diverse and socially aware characters (poc Mary and Dorcas, plus sized Lily, feminism, everyones queer and accepting) that tend to move away from their canon characterisations (James and Sirius were not bullies, but slightly immature pranksters. James is the Mom Friend and Sirius just has trauma. The technically death eater Slytherins aren't actually evil and blood supremacist , only affectionately mean and morally gray.)

note: personally I like what the fandom and characters have evolved into, however it has been criticised (especially by older fans) for being completely canon divergent, the characters being essentially OCs, and the 'glorification' and 'babygirlification' of bad people (I should also add that often times people who take this stance are often avid Snape fans/defenders)

feel free to add on to anything that I missed

[cevansbrat0007]

I'm obsessed with this series. I'm such a sucker for love that's given often and shown so freely. Andy and Reader are each other's world. I feel like they're the type of (one day) elderly couple who if one passes, the other is following right behind in a few days to months.

I can't wait to one day read a little drabble about them when they're old and retired, maybe having their kids and grandkids over for christmas and their kids' POV watching Andy and Reader sway and canoodle under a mistletoe.

At Last...

Summary: True love stories never end...

Warning: the following answer contains talk of death as well as celebrations of love and life. Read at your own risk. Takes place in my ongoing Growing Pains Series. __

Thank you. It makes me so happy that you've fallen in love with Growing Pains as well as Andy and Reader's love story. Those two are so incredibly and irrevocably devoted to one another - they really are each other's entire world.

If I'm being honest, I have thought about what the end of their time on this planet would look like. And Baby Girl always outlives Andy. Not just because she's a few years younger than him, but because there is just no other way.

He could never live without her. Not even for a month, or a couple of days. So, when the time comes and life finds him on his deathbed, they make a plan.

They're both such stubborn people, you know? So damned headstrong even up until the very end. Andrew Barber doesn't want to go.

Not yet.

But while his spirit remains young, his body is old. After all, fighting your way into your nineties is no easy feat. But he's also got four children right here in this realm to take care of, and an errant wife to look after who is just as much of a brat as she's always been.

And the doctors, well, they don't understand how he's made it so long. From everything indicated on his chart, he should've left this world days ago. But somehow Andrew Barber continues to defy the odds.

That stubborn ass ogre.

But he's also in pain. Even as he's fighting, refusing to give in. However, it's not sustainable. And Reader knows that her Big Man needs to rest. She spends every day by his bedside, rarely leaving for more than a few minutes at a time. It's been a few days since she's been able to catch a glimpse of his beautiful blue eyes, every once in a while, she's treated to a gentle squeeze of her hand.

Baby Girl knows her husband better than any other person on the planet. She knows that in order to leave her behind, even for just a little bit, she has to give him a purpose. So she crawls into bed with him, bad hip and all, and tells him her plan.

It's just between them - this task that she gives him.

She tells him to go on ahead and get their home ready - their dream home. And start decorating it the way he knows she'll like. She even promises not to get mad if the color schemes aren't quite right, because she'll just fix it all when she gets there.

Simple as that.

And while he's taking care of the house, the next thing she wants him to do is find Jacob. Wherever he is. Because she expects him to be at the dinner table sharing a meal with them for her first night in their new home.

And in return for doing all of that, she'll handle everything else with BiBi, KitCat, RoRo, and A.J. and all of their precious grandbabies. She swears that she will make sure that every single little detail is taken care of, and when it's all done...

She'll come find him. And when she does, they'll share a dance in their kitchen to the tune of their favorite song - At Last by Etta James. Baby Girl goes on to assure him that it will be the first of many.

Some time later that night, her sweet Andy Bear takes her up on her offer. But not before opening his eyes one last time to see her sleeping in the chair at his bedside. Now that makes him crack a smile.

Because in the last dream he had he could've sworn he told her fine ass to get to bed. A real bed. Not a chair.

His sweet, beautiful girl never fucking listens.

Reader knows when he leaves. She later describes it to their children as feeling his lips brush her skin, right behind her ear. His favorite place to kiss her.

She and the kids keep the actual ceremony small, but then they throw a party - a celebration of Andy's life. And after that, Reader spends the next two years making sure everything is in order.

Just like she promised.

Andy comes to her in her dreams every now and again. And in those dreams he always looks like he did when they first met - her handsome man.

And when it's finally her time, Reader passes on surrounded by their babies. But she tells them not to worry, because their father has been sitting by her bedside for the last few days. She knows they can't see him...

But she swears he's right there. And he's brought along Jacob. She tells her sweet babies that she's finally ready to join the love of her life. They even share a little laugh when she tells them how their father keeps pestering her all because she owes him a dance.

And when she takes her last breath, the sweet sound of Etta James is playing softly in the background. Bianca and her siblings sit there quietly for a few minutes after her passing holding hands and reveling in the fact that they know their Mama went home.

She's finally back in the arms of the man that she loves. They have no doubt that their Mama and Daddy are finally sharing that dance. And wouldn't you know it...

Somewhere in the great beyond, they were right. Their Mama made it home at last. And she left the light on for them too. Just like she told them she would.

[elfdragon12]

So I got a message in my inbox that tumblr somehow gobbled up relating to my post about the "IDW1 Megatron hating organics, but some fans were in denial because James Roberts brushed his xenophobia off too easily and/or they hadn't revisited it in a long time" thing. (It's not even the first time this has happened where I see a message, read it, click away for a moment, and then it's gone.)

This person commented how it seems to be more of a trend in modern sci-fi and fantasy stories that humans tend to be seen as the bad guys, whether or not that's actually true. Their charitable view was that this is because humans in these more fantastical stories are considered "boring". The less charitable view was that fans/writers are more misanthropic.

I think both are right.

A Transformers example is how humans are written in the G1 cartoon versus how they're written in Earthspark. To be honest... Humanity in Earthspark... Does legitimately have reason to be resentful of the Cybertronians. Two different human members of the main cast are amputees due to the Cybertronian war. (And the season 2 writers pretty much legitimized the season 1 antagonists.) Though Megatron has turned Autobot/good guy, the only humans he seems to be genuinely interested in are still just Dot and her family. He shows very little regard or sympathy towards any other humans. Meanwhile, we know that Optimus does try to maintain good relationships with other humans besides the main family. The big reasons that humanity's resentment of Cybertronians seems so bad is that we spend all our time with the Cybertronians, this is said to children who had nothing to do with it, the audience has very little context for how the war even happened, and older fans are much more resentful towards human characters thanks to the Michael Bay movies.

Another example is "War of the Worlds" by HG Wells versus "Gundog" by Gary Whitta. Both of these stories are alien invasion stories that turn pretty sour for humanity. Now, for total transparency, Gundog audio episodes came up as a guest episode on a podcast I really like, but I didn't enjoy Gundog so I never went to finish. The big reason why I didn't like it, however, relates to this topic. The narrator suggests that humanity deserved to be slaughtered and enslaved because they didn't share resources with the aliens and attacked them... Yikes(tm). This has a lot of gross implications when you sit and think about it for a few minutes. On the other hand, War of the Worlds is explicitly a criticism of British imperialism/colonialism. There are at least two lines, one towards the beginning and one towards the end, that make this very clear. HG Wells writes a variety of reactions towards this invasion (the artillery man actually made me think of Andrew Tate, all these big plans but little actual skill to pull them off), yet, despite this being a criticism of colonialism, never really implies that humanity deserved the attack (the closest being that this perhaps taught the British some empathy towards their colonies).

Now, part of this is more awareness of civil rights movements, but a criticism I've seen of using these themes of prejudice as metaphors for real life is that... Humanity often has perfectly legitimate reasons to fear some of these groups. In the 2005 IDW Transformers run, there were around 700,000 casualties on Earth alone, so yeah! Humanity, and organics in general, are not going to have a lot of charitable feelings towards these giant robots who only bring war and fighting! However, the POV characters are from these other groups, so the audience is not encouraged to actually think about the situation much beyond "wow! Humans are so prejudiced! They're being so mean to this not-human character I'm reading about!" when that's not really the case. Or at least, not the whole case.

Just something to think about. A lot of thought and nuance can be put into this topic.

[mediumtires]

Toto is in his office, the distinct sounds of sharing a space with someone dulled by heavy wood, and he’s staring at his bright screen, and somehow his throat has closed up enough for him to clear it, twice. There’s a strangely tight feeling right behind his sternum, in the middle of his chest, one that he can’t quite seem to reach.

short sequel to Growing Pains, from Toto’s POV. 2.6k

Christian has crow’s feet. On the right, it’s eleven deep lines, four of them curving upwards when he smiles, the rest fanning down, and off to the side of his face. Left, it’s seven. A few less, but still just as deep. They pull in his cheeks when he smiles.

Toto loves those lines. He was there when there were only four on the left, six on the right. Deeper though. They were even deeper back then, for some reason.

Toto was also there for the teeth. He was there when Christian started to let his stubble grow, he was there for the first grey hairs that led to a life changing haircut. He was there when Christian quietly started to size up his jeans.

He was there when Christian got appendicitis on New Year’s Eve, was there for food poising more than once, was there for broken toes and bruised fingers when they were renovating the farm. He was there when Christian’s brother got diagnosed with cancer. Was there for the party too, when he was finally cancer free.

What Toto wasn’t there for was Christian winning his first title in eight years. It’s not a secret, he knows, Christian knows. Of course they know; it’s one of the biggest hurdles they ever had to overcome, the fact that he wasn’t there for it.

He’d made his position crystal clear; December 2021, and the months after shaped by the decisions he had made. Toto had his team to worry about that night. Lewis, Valtteri, Bono, Andrew, James, everyone else. Himself. He’d had enough to worry about. He didn’t think about Christian very much that night. Not about his crow’s feet, or the ring on his left hand, or the fact that they were in big big trouble. He’d done it deliberately, knowingly. And he doesn’t regret it. Hasn’t, since, mostly because he can’t allow himself to. He’s regretted many things, the aftermath, the months of fighting. But he doesn’t regret standing up for his team that night.

Only now… Now Toto is in his office at home, behind his big desk, with the door closed, the distinct sounds of sharing a space with someone dulled by heavy wood, and he’s staring at his bright screen, and somehow his throat has closed up enough for him to clear it, twice. There’s a strangely tight feeling right behind his sternum, right in the middle of his chest, one that he can’t quite seem to reach.

There’s a video playing, one that he’s not sure he even clicked on himself, one that he really shouldn’t be watching. What he should be doing is preparing for his meeting with the Petronas people first thing tomorrow morning.

Instead, his eyes follow Christian, champagne soaked, shaky handed, teary eyed, on his way from the pit wall to the garages to the podium back to the garages. He looks—Toto can’t think of the right word for it. He can only think about the look on his face, equal parts mind shattering relief, pure joy and pure devastation, though Toto knows that part is only for him to see. And his crow’s feet. Eleven deep lines accompanying his watery smile.

He looks devastating to Toto. It’s a strange realisation because until now, Abu Dhabi has only ever been painful to think about. And it still is, in most ways. Only now that he’s looking at his husband through a screen, watching him getting celebrated, congratulated, touched by a million other people, Toto is kicking himself that he wasn’t there to see him like this when he had the chance. He never got to see this joy on Christian’s face in real life. Instead, what they did was so much worse, so much more painful.

Toto has trouble swallowing around the knot in his throat. Suddenly he has the stupid urge to put his hand to his computer screen, touch his fingertips to the bright lights and follow the soft lines of Christian’s face, sweaty and champagne wet, teary eyed and grinning so wide it must’ve hurt his cheeks. Toto wants that version of him, badly, so badly in fact, that his heart seizes in his chest, thudding hard.

Christian is in the kitchen. He’s making dinner, the dogs at his feet following his every move with big hopeful eyes. Christian doesn’t turn around when Toto comes in, his voice drowned out by the extractor fan as he says, “Dinner’ll be another few.”

Toto couldn’t care less about dinner right now. He stalks up to where Christian is watching over sizzling eggs in a pan, and a second later he’s got him pressed to the counter, licking into his mouth. Christian makes an undignified noise at the back of his throat and the spatula he was holding topples to the floor. Toto doesn’t care. His hands are on Christian’s cheeks, and he can feel his crow’s feet beneath his thumbs. He tastes salt and the tangy sweetness of cherry tomatoes.

Christian presses his palms flat to his chest and pushes. “Hey!” He tries to bring distance between them, and Toto lets him, of course he does, but he still curls himself around Christian’s body, tucks his face into his neck, kisses the leathery skin there too.

“What the fuck has gotten into you?” Christian’s arms come up around Toto’s back only reluctantly. “I’m going to burn the bloody eggs!”

“Sorry.” Toto should be letting him go. Christian has put effort into making dinner, and Toto respects that. Still, he has a hard time moving away from him.

“What’s—” Christian’s face is one big question mark. “Darling? You alright?”

Toto bends to pick the spatula up from the ground and turns away to give it a quick rinse in the sink. “Ja,” he says. “I’m fine.”

Christian’s expression is critical when he takes the spatula back. He goes back to stirring the eggs, stocky and yellow, then turns the heat down with a flick of his wrist. Toto wants to kiss him so badly. The images of Christian, victorious in Abu Dhabi won’t leave his mind. Nor his chest.

Christian turns back around and this time it’s he who pulls Toto in by the hips, presses their bodies together. He leans in and there’s a kiss to the corner of Toto’s mouth, feathery light. Toto can’t help but wrap himself around Christian again, breathing him in, relieved. “What’s going on?” Christian asks carefully, fingertips dipping beneath the waistline of Toto’s chinos. 

He feels so familiar in Toto’s arms. Toto has so many regrets right now, but he can’t possibly tell him. Not with everything they’ve been through. Not with how hard they’ve worked to come out the other side, he can’t bring it all back up again. 

“Nothing,” he murmurs into Christian’s hair. Eyes closed. He smells familiar too. Toto would recognise him anywhere by this alone, the musky notes of his cologne, a hint of leather from the wristband of his watch, undertones of sweat mixed with laundry detergent. “I just wanted to kiss my husband.”

“Come here then.” This time it’s Christian’s fingers on his jaw pulling their faces close, and then it’s gentle brushes of lips, painfully meaningful, tongues coming together in deep licks, Toto brushing the roof of Christian’s mouth, the back of his teeth, tasting everything. He wants all of it and more, and he’s so mad at himself for everything that happened in 2021. He wishes he could turn back the time, make better decisions, just a couple. Not even to win, it’s not about that. Just. For them. He should’ve done better.

Christian kisses back with the same intensity. One of his hands is on Toto’s cheek, fingertips brushing into his hair, lightly stroking his temple, his cheekbone. His stubble rubs against Toto’s top lip and Toto wants more of it, wants this forever.

 “‘m sorry.”

Christian pulls back, confused. “Mhm?”

Toto wants to kick himself. “Nothing.” He leans in again, but Christian doesn’t let him get away with it.

“What do you mean, you’re sorry? Sorry for what?”

Toto breathes around a deep sigh. He lets his forehead tip to Christian’s but keeps his eyes shut. Breathes him in. So familiar.

“It’s nothing.”

“Toto,” Christian warns.

“I was watching something. That’s all.”

“Porn?”

Toto pulls back with an offended puff of breath and when their eyes meet Christian is laughing. “Darling, it’s fine. I don’t mind.”

“I wasn’t watching porn in my office, Christian.” He’s genuinely offended Christian would think— “I— Come on.”

A grin spreads over Christian’s face, making his crow’s feet crinkle, fanning deeply up and down the sides. “Whatever you’re doing in there is fine with me, darling. No hard feelings.”

“Just—shut up,” Toto tells him even though his heart is still cracked wide open. He turns away. Walks over to the stove to stir the eggs. They look a little more brown than yellow now.

“Hey.” Christian brushes both of his palms down Toto’s back, then wraps his arms around him from behind to press a kiss between his shoulder blades. “Sorry. You’re upset. What is it?”

“It’s nothing.” Toto sighs softly.

“It’s clearly something. You ambushed me in the kitchen. Something’s up.”

“I didn’t mean to—”

“Toto. Darling.” Christian’s arms tighten around him, both palms pressed to the softest part of his stomach now, left and right to his navel. He tingles from the inside out.

“I was watching a video about Abu Dhabi.” He admits to it quietly, half of him hoping Christian won’t hear him over the sizzling of the pan. “I don’t even know… It just popped up, it was attached to an email. But I didn’t mean to bring it up again, I’m sorry. I don’t want to talk about it again.”

Christian doesn’t say anything for a few very long seconds. He holds Toto in the same manner as before, his face mushed to the planes of his back, his body warm against Toto’s, over a decade of familiarity to the touch. Then he says, “You said.”

Toto’s face scrunches up in confusion, but he doesn’t move, just keeps staring down at the pan.

“You said you were sorry,” Christian clarifies. “For watching the video, or for what happened in Abu Dhabi?”

Toto’s chest smarts, pulls into a tight hard knot. “I don’t think… Let’s not talk about it again.”

“Because you’re uncomfortable?” Christian asks. “Or because you’re afraid I haven’t forgiven you yet?”

Toto doesn’t have an answer. The only thing he knows is that the eggs are burning. Christian doesn’t let him go but now his hold feels like it could crush Toto any second.

“I know you’re sorry,” Christian goes on. “And we’re past Abu Dhabi. Things are okay, yeah?”

Toto swallows hard. “Yes.”

Christian presses another kiss to his back, soothing this time. “Good. So why are you sorry?”

“I—” Christian doesn’t let him go. “I didn’t see you.” Toto’s voice breaks on the last syllable. “That night in Abu Dhabi. I was too concerned with other things, I didn’t watch the podium, I didn’t even leave the garage. So I didn’t know what you looked like that night until just fifteen minutes ago.” Heart in his throat he adds, “And I regret that. Not being there for it. Because you looked—”

Beautiful. Proud. Relieved. Real. Heartbreakingly authentic.

“I could’ve shared that with you, that night, the win, your success, but I didn’t. And I regret that. More than anything I’m sorry I wasn’t there. I wish I—” And now he’s fucking choking up.

“Oh.” Christian moves then, unfreezes and untangles himself from Toto’s back to turn him around by the hips. “Oh, darling, no, come on.”

Toto can’t look at him, but then again, he can’t really look at anything because tears are blurring his vision.

“No, darling, no, come here.” Christian wraps him up in a hug then, pulls him in, one arm wrapped around his middle, the other around his shoulders, and he presses the side of his face to Toto’s neck. “It’s okay. We’re past that.”

Toto doesn’t say anything. It doesn't feel like they’re past it. This is the first time he has allowed himself to cry about any of this in front of Christian. It’s been months, and it doesn’t feel like they’re past it.

“I know you would’ve been there if things had been different. But it was complicated, I know that. I’m not mad.”

“I’m mad,” Toto croaks, and as he says it, he realises it’s true. “I am so mad, Christian. I’m mad I didn’t get to share any of it with you. It was such a significant moment, and I wasn’t there with you. We won’t ever get that back.”

Christian takes a moment. “Okay,” he then says quietly. “Now I understand. I get it. I’m mad too.” Toto stills. “Not at you. At the whole thing, the circumstances leading up to it. It’s no one’s fault. We knew it would be difficult to keep things separate, and in the end, we didn’t manage. That’s okay. And it’s okay to be mad about it.”

“I’m not trying to bring it all back up again, I know we’re past it. It’s in the past.” Toto curls his arms around Christian’s back and pulls him in tighter, noses the side of his face, the imprint of the lines around his eyes. “I just didn’t realise how much I missed out that night. You looked so—”

“What?” Christian probes, curious.

“Sexy,” Toto croaks and there’s a second of silence before Christian breaks out into a loud, husky cackle. 

“Are you— Toto, are crying because you didn’t get to fuck me that night?”

“Maybe.” Toto cracks a small grin and smothers it in Christian’s hair. They both know it’s more than that. But they also know there’s no way they can turn back time. What happened happened. It’s in the past.

“Oh fucking hell. You have no idea how badly I wanted you to be there that night.”

“Ja?”

“Yeah,” Christian says, and then he pulls back and looks Toto in the eyes and says, “Yes, darling. Of course I wanted you to be there with me. I wanted to—Look, I wanted to come and find you too, but I didn’t. I couldn’t. So I get it. I have regrets too.”

Toto has to pull him in again and Christian goes willingly, presses their foreheads together, noses brushing, and kisses Toto once more, deep. “I get it,” he murmurs to his lips. “But we’re okay, yeah?”

“Yes,” Toto agrees. Eyes closed. Christian smells like home. “Next time.”

“We’ll do so much better this year,” Christian agrees. “I’ll even let you spray me with champagne in front of everyone.”

Toto rolls his eyes, a small grin pulling stubbornly at the corners of his mouth. “You will let me, yes? That is very generous of you.”

“I know,” Christian agrees smugly. “You’re allowed to do it in front of everyone, too.”

“If you’re not careful, I will be doing something very different than shower you in champagne in front of everyone, darling.”

“Oh, don’t threaten me with a good time, darling.”

Toto hates him a little bit, his pleased smirk, the self-satisfaction, the green of his eyes twinkling, daring, his crow’s feet so deep, seven on the left, eleven on the right.

Toto doesn’t stand a chance. Not this season, but more importantly, not tonight either.

[melrosing]

3 for the book ask!

3. What were your top five books of the year?

in no particular order:

Regeneration by Pat Barker - set in a hospital for WW1 soldiers suffering shell shock. liked this a lot more than I thought I would?? I think it’s extremely moving but never says too much, and the dialogue is v strong

Western Lane by Chetna Maroo - think this was just the right year for me to read this lol. it’s about how three girls and their father cope in the aftermath of losing their mother, and how dynamics can change in grief etc. I appreciated its honesty lol it was upsetting but reassuring

James by Percival Everett - it’s Twain’s Adventures of Huckleberry Finn told from Jim’s POV, and AOHF now feels kind of incomplete without it in my mind?? and I thought the twist that comes towards the end was inspired

Starve Acre by Andrew Michael Hurley - ALSO about grief but make it folk horror. I had a good time

The Lost Daughter by Elena Ferrante - this is the last book of hers I hadn’t read and yeah she was real for this I fear. like I think we’ve talk a lot in fandom about how many writers treat motherhood as sanctified or even redemptive and Ferrante’s flat out refusal to do that is just. thank god

[emdubyaz]

@felixcosm I’m sorry tumblr deleted my answer when I wanted to add tags idk what happened but here we go again I guess,,,,

Like I said I’m really the wrong person to ask for book recs bc I only ever read fucked up and niche stuff that you definitely need to check the CW for first (and a lot of queer fantasy like these are all queer!)

But sure let me give you a tour through some of my fav book series!!!

The raven cycle/ the dreamer trilogy (4 books + an extra 3 (plus a short story)): CW (bc there are a few) my favourite book series,,, it’s all about vibes and the connection between family, friends, the world and your place in it. Ronan Lynch is my absolute fav character of all time omg there is no one like him!!!! 😭😭😭

some of my fav quotes:

“While I'm gone," Gansey said, pausing, "dream me the world. Something new for every night.”

“If you never saw the stars, candles were enough.”

“They were always walking away from him. But he never seemed able to walk away from them.”

“Trees in your eyes ... Stars in your heart.”

All for the game (4 books as of now but there will be another one): read the CW I’m so serious! this book series is like crack to me,,, Neil is such a little shit and funny main character! The way Andrew and Neil invented consent is revolutionary! Also heartbreaking twin brother relationship that has me on my knees (Aaron you deserve so much better I love you baby boy) also fucked up sport that is connected to the mafia (and so is every second character) last book is from Jean’s and Jeremy’s pov and that’s such a slay too tbh 🙂‍↔️

some book moments I always think about:

“You know, I get it. Being raised as a superstar must be really, really difficult for you. Always a commodity, never a human being, not a single person in your family thinking you’re worth a damn off the court— yeah, sounds rough. Kevin and I talk about your intricate and endless daddy issues all the time. I know it’s not entirely your fault that you are mentally unbalanced and infected with these delusions of grandeur, and I know you’re physically incapable of holding a decent conversation with anyone like every other normal human being can, but I don’t think any of us should have to put up with this much of your bullshit. Pity only gets you so many concessions, and you used yours up about six insults ago. So please, please, just shut the fuck up and leave us alone.”

“Who said 'please' that made you hate the word so much?" Andrew gazed at him in silence for a minute. "I did”

“Yes or no?” "It's always yes with you."

captive prince trilogy (3 books + short stories): CW again a lot of people don’t like the slave themes in the first book but then love the second and third which makes me think that they didn’t understand the story at all. the book with the main characters who’s horny despite all the shit that’s going on, Damen the man that you are!!! ALSO BITCHY BLOND WHO RUNS THE WORLD LAURENT I LOVE YOU SO MUCH (no fr Laurent is out here playing real life chess and Damen just stands by like “whatever you want sweetheart”)

these books are so unserious sometimes:

Laurent could inspire homicidal tendencies simply by breathing.

“Is there anyone at this court who isn't my enemy?" “Not if I can help it," Laurent said.”

Dark Rise trilogy (2 books and the third comes out soon,,,,, hopefully the cliffhanger is killing me): another book with a bitchy blond (James alone is enough reason to read this book) I left work early to continue reading this book and I think that all you need to know about this book! Also Will has never done anything wrong I love him so much!!! Some of the organizations in this frustrated me a lot tho like why are you so stupid????? (They deserved their fate I’m not even sorry)

this book has all the right themes and messages:

“I think what people were is less important than what they are. And what people are is less important than what they could be.”

“My whole life, all anyone's ever wanted was to possess me," said James. "The only one who ever set me free was you.”

“Kindness is never a mistake," said the Elder Steward. "Somewhere in the heart it is always remembered.”

Spell bound (stand alone): this is such a comfort read!!! So cozy! Enby representation around every corner, a door mat that likes to trip people, boy without magic learning how to use magic, emotionally unavailable person turns into a cat and snuggles with the love interest, THE POWER OF LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP

the starless sea (stand alone): do you love books and reading? Then this is for you! Everything is connected and I mean EVERYTHING. So magical and cool and beautiful written. Had me spinning in circles while I was trying to connect all the dots (I didn’t connect shit)

this book speaks to me personally:

“Not all stories speak to all listeners, but all listeners can find a story that does, somewhere, sometime. In one form or another.”

“But the world is strange and endings are not truly endings no matter how the stars might wish it so.”

“A boy at the beginning of a story has no way of knowing that the story has begun.”

“Having a physical reaction to a lack of book is not unusual.”

“There is no fixing. There is only moving forward in the brokenness.”

I’ll stop here bc I fear I won’t shut up if I don’t. Yeah these are just some of my favs I do have more but I think these are also the ones you see me post about the most!

(sorry again that the other one was deleted, I tried my best to recreate it as best as I could!)

[siriuslygay1981]

Introduction post!!

🎉✨⭐💫🌛🌞

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

You can call me Star/Basra/Bea, I go by them all :).

They/them! And he/she sparingly

Queer(not really labeled.) Poly!

I like cosmology/astronomy, writing, music and reading! I'm a writer, an artist, I love learning new things and I am always looking for friends! I have too many hobbies to list but I'm open to discussing them more if asked!

` * 🔭🐇

Things I'll post Abt/Fandoms I'm in:

Marauders era, Harry Potter, Stranger things, Good omens,Marvel, DC (specifically batman-robin-redhood stuff),Anime, Artrick, dune, that 70s show, Dexter, Bojack hm, twd, Alice in borderland, killing Eve, lupin, and Cobra Kai. Writing and in general probably random rants about whatever thing I've watched/read recently. I will reblog the most random post that I relate to or just want to reblog too ofc. I might post art sometimes ! My writing too ofc!!

Fav Characters; Johnny Lawrence, Miguel Diaz, regulus black, James Potter, Peter parker, Wade Wilson (dp), iron man, black widow, Robin Buckley, Steve Harrington, Eddie Munson, Paul atreudies, hawk/Eli, Jason Todd, Tim drake, dick Grayson, Damian Wayne, Alfred, Evan rosier, 10th Dr, art donaldson, tashi Duncan, izuku midoriya, bakugou katsuki, denki kaminari, Ken kaneki, oikawa tooru, Satori tendou, Harley Quinn, blaise zambini, Sirius black, Bellatrix black, narcissa black, lily Evans, marlene McKinnon, remus lupin, grover, matt murdock, jumin han, 707, Eric forman, Steven hyde, Donna pinciotti, Clarke griffin, Octavia Blake, finn the human,Lexi grey, Penelope featherington, Colin BRIDGERTON, Benedict bridgerton, Kate BRIDGERTON, Daphne BRIDGERTON, Eloise BRIDGERTON, Oliver marks, James Farrow, Neil josten, Andrew minyard, Neil perry, raven, beast boy, mon-el, (Names every character ever)

｡:+* ﾟ ゜ﾟ *+:｡:+* ﾟ ゜ﾟ *+:｡

Boundaries-

No:

hate comments

Bullying

Slurs/racism/homophobia etc etc

Eveyone can:

Reply/ask questions

Ask to be friends

Texting me on here

Ask to collab

Mutuals only:

Asking for socials

Asking personal info

♥︎̶̶ ´ ˘ ` ۫ ִ ׂ🪕 ◟♡ ˒

My spotify-

My ao3-

I give permission to use any idea I've written/talked about as long as it's credited and I'm tagged (I'd love to see it :) ) Unless I've mentioned otherwise

Beta reader applications are open! If you wish to be a beta reader for any WIP (published or not) let me know!

My Pfp- cuckooboo_ on Instagram!

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

Request info-

I won't do inc3st, I won't do illegal, I won't force myself to write what I don't vibe with and I'll tell you that.

I'll do NSfw, I'll do any ship, any scenario! I might even do x reader. I'll link my stories from my Tumblr on my pinned post too. You can request in Asks or messages.

I'll be posting my own stuff that I want to post until someone asks for SMTHN specific!

✧⁠*.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡

Black brothers angst- Angsty, sad, Regulus' hopes and dreams squashed.

Regulus Dying- Regulus' last moments

Dorlene word prompt- Dorcas being a simp

Rosekiller quote prompt- Silly little guys, short interaction.

Jegulus- Fluff mostly. Right before Regulus leaves for the cave.

Rosekiller quote prompt thing - Miscommunication, slight angst

Wolfstar Short - Small crack one shot

PANDALILY domestic - Lily's pov of her day to day with Pandora

Rosekiller prompt Part 2 - slight angst, comfort, hea

Rosekiller mircrofic- Word prompt, may 24th. Word:Favorite

JEGULUS mircrofic- Microfic based off of a fanart!

[bingejesus]

What songs do you think would best represent the disciples (as individuals not as a group)?

I have been agonizing over this lol but I think I finally put some together from my pov.

Simon Peter: Human by Rag’n’Bone Man

Andrew: Stressed Out by Twenty-One Pilots

Big James: Sign of the Times by Harry Styles

John: Saturn by Sleeping at Last

Thaddeus: Airplanes by B.o.B (this one is a little weird, but the vibe is a song about wishing things could go back to a simpler time and Thaddeus wants that with Jesus)

Little James: Say Something by A Great Big World

Nathaniel: You Found Me by The Fray

Matthew: Unsteady by X Ambassadors

Philip: Counting Stars by OneRepublic

Zee: Believer by Imagine Dragons

Judas: Running Up That Hill by Placebo

I’m still not completely happy with this but it’s what I got for now. Also this made me want to pick love songs for each disciple and I might

[yourimagines]

Hi, big fan of your work. Can I perhaps have a Ross Marquand fluff story?

Thank you 🙏🏻

Oh my god, yess. I just met him last week at a comic con. He was so nice and friendly.

Blood and laughter

* English is not my first language I apologise

* gif is not mine

* Triggers: fake blood, Swearing and fluff

Y/n POV

It was another day on set and I was currently in the makeup chair, getting those fake bruises and blood over me. “Good morning.” A raspy voice said next to me. I looked up and saw Ross, smiling down at me. “Hi Ross, good morning to you too.” He gently pats my shoulder and sits down in his own chair. “Hello Ross, are you ready?” One of the makeup artists asked him as he just sits down. “Yeah…do your thing.” He said with a small smile on his face. “Alright, let’s get started then.”

I took a hour to look like this, a cut above my right eyebrow and blood splattered all over my face combined with some dirt. “You look badass, again.” Ross said as I was done with my make up. “Thank you, this is my special look.” Ross let out a chuckle and gave me a wink. “You always look special.” I shyly smiled and grabbed my phone from the charger. “Thank you Ross, you look good as well.” With that I left him behind, walking quickly with a smile on my face to the set.

“Somebody is happy.” Norman said as he saw me smiling. “I’m always happy Norman.” He snorted and I playfully pushed my shoulder against his. “Oh shut it.” We both laughed and made fun of each other. “Was it Ross again who made you smile like that.” He wiggled his eyebrows and I started to blush. “No…I haven’t seen him yet.” He laughs and shook his head. “You’re such a liar.”

Ross POV

I walked on set and saw the others, waiting for the rest. “Good morning everyone.” I said as I walked up. Andrew smiled and patted my shoulder. “Good morning to you too.” Everyone was still a bit dull, it was 6 am in the morning and filming starts in a few minutes. “You look happy, you already saw y/n?” Andrew asks me as he subtle nods in the direction where she was. “I’m always happy, but yes I saw her this morning at the makeup trailer.” He nods and pats my shoulder again. “Good for you man.”

The whole morning went smooth today and that means we are on schedule. “Okay, thank you! Break time for 30 mins then we continue.” The director yelled and everyone walked away. “Y/n wait up.” I run up to her and smiled. “Hi Ross.” She says as she saw me running up to her. “Hey, you did amazing.” I said as I walked with her to the lunch area. “Thank you, so did you.” She was fiddling with her hands, looking a bit nervous. “No really, you did amazing out there y/n.” I gently placed my hand on her shoulder. She looked up at me and smiled with a blush on her face. “Thank you Ross.”

The morning went so smooth that the rest of the day went shit. The heat was getting unbearable and people were making mistakes because of it. “Okay, let’s just touch you guys up, the make up is running down your sweaty faces.” The director said to us. “I need more blood.” Y/n said to one of the makeup artists. “More?” I joked and she looked up giggling at me. “Yes, I just killed 10 walkers, it’s not enough blood Ross.” I laughed and shrugged my shoulders. “Well that’s your opinion.” She was already covered in fake blood but she thought she needed more. “Ross needs some more blood as well.” She pointed at me with a huge smile on her face. “No thank you, I only killed one.” I gave her a wink which made her blush again.

——— A few months later ———

Y/N POV

I was with Norman, Andrew and Ross on a press tour for our new season. “Hello.” A young guy walks in and sits down, holding a tablet in his hands. “Hi.” We all greeted him and he gentle gave us a hand. “Nice to meet you all, I’m James from New Jersey.” We all nodded and started the interview. “So what the fans would like to know is, how many hours are you guys in the makeup room because some of you look very beaten up.” Ross chuckled and nodded as Norman and Andrew made a comment about the walkers. “Well I spend most of my mornings in the make up trailer because of that nasty cut I have above my right eyebrow.” I said with pointing at my eyebrow. James nodded politely as Ross starts to laugh. “Yeah she’s right about that one, she’s always saying I need more blood.” We all laughed and I gently pushed his shoulder. “Because I do need more blood, I’m a badass.”

The interviews went all well and people were very happy to see me and Ross together as they were speculating about us being a couple. Well I wish but it was nice that people would love to see it. “People love us.” Ross said as we made our way back to our hotel. “I know, weird isn’t it because we aren’t a couple in the show so how do they come up with this.” I joked, hoping that he doesn’t hate it. “I know why.” I looked at him and he was already looking at me. “Why?” I whispered as I got a bit nervous. “Because they see things we haven’t seen ourselves yet.” My heart made a jump and he gently placed his hand on mine. “Y/n would you like to go to dinner with me tonight?” I blushed and smiled at him. “I would love that.” He smiles and wrapped his arm around my shoulder, pulling me closer to him. “Good, because it’s about time we give them what they want.” He joked and I rolled my eyes at him. “Norman told Andrew didn’t he.” Ross nodded and I groaned. “I’m never telling him anything ever again.”

[critical-quoter]

February Books

I'm rocking out my reading goal this year. Friends have told me that I aimed too low with 365 books but if I blow it out of the water, I can pretend like I didn't plan that and I am the G.O.A.T.

The Burnt Heart - Mae Pierce ⭐️⭐️⭐️ Rules of Our Own - J. Wilder ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Rules We Break - J. Wilder ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Fabric of Our Souls - K. M. Moronova ⭐️⭐️⭐️ Too Long - I. A. Dice ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Unsteady - Peyton Corinne ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Fractured Vows - Montana Frye ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Viciously Yours - Jamie Applegate Hunter ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Never Have I Ever - Stephanie Alves ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Forbidden Skye - Alex Crane ⭐️⭐️⭐️ Flag on the Date - M. L. Chambers ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Shucked - Kate Canterbary ⭐️⭐️⭐️ Love Honor Betray - L. Knight ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Loving Romeo - Laura Pavlov ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Waiting Game - G. A. Mazurka ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ See You Soon - Lexie Axelson ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ I Promise You - Lexie Axelson ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Fractured Vows - Alexa Michaels ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Rule Number Five - J. Wilder ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Set Me Free, Cowboy - R. L. Atkinson ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Yours to Catch - Harloe Rae ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ What are the Odds - Madi Leigh ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Scarlet Princess - Robin D. Mahle ⭐️⭐️⭐️ Breakaway Hearts - Nikki Lawson ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Feathers and Blood - Ivy Black & Raven Scott ⭐️ Reckless Deal - Maxine Henri ⭐️⭐️⭐️ For Mist and Tar - Jinpher J. Hoffman ⭐️⭐️ A Real Adaptation - Chloe Maison ⭐️⭐️ Stand and Defend - Sloane St. James ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Bad Wolf - Claire Ivy ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Xaden POV: Fourth Wing - belle_beebee ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ The Maiden and the Unseen - Alexis Rune & Jeanette Rose ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ The Mistress and the Renowned - Alexis Rune & Jeanette Rose ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Capturing His Heart - Regina Brownell ⭐️⭐️⭐️ Pawn of Vengeance - Michaela Jackson ⭐️⭐️ One Last Play - Annah Conwell ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Pretty When You Lie - Anne Roman ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Scars of Salt and Silver - Indiana Rose ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ The Ever Queen - L. J. Andrews ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Since Day One - R. L. Atkinson ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Better Hate than Never - Chloe Liese ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Tempting the Billionaire - J. A. Low ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ The Valkyrie's Bond - Lucy Roy ⭐️⭐️⭐️ It's Not Over - Kaylee Ryan & Lacey Black ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Gentry Rules - Cora Brent ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Saving the Game - Susan Renee ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Of Twisted Thorns - C. E. Young ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Rushing Into Love - Kara Kendrick ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Empire of Sin - Rina Kent ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Fighter's Second Chance - A. Rivers ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Nero - S. J. Tilly ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ More Than Fine - Jenni Bars ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Take Me to Hell - Sakura Black ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ The Villain - L. J. Shen ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Book Lovers - Emily Henry ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Dark Lover - J. R. Ward ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

56 total books read for February 2024.

[cowboybrunch]

I have been combing through your archive for any botrd content, so I beg you: Please, please please gimme a infodump on botrd🥺🥺

Your favourite snippets, anything you deleted but still liked, fun facts, anything really 🙏🙏 I will be grateful for any crumbs you provide

leah hi!!! waking up to ur notifications made me happy dance <3 <3 :-)

*rubs hands together* oh you have NO IDEA what you just unlocked

let's start with some fun facts:

when I first started writing BOTRD, it was entirely in Rosalie's pov and it was intended to be a straightforward romance (i refer to this as draft zero). i got about 80% of the way in and then realized 1) it's not really romantic at all and girlie needs to get out of this situation and 2) there was another story hidden in Theodore's pov that i wanted to explore

the first completed draft is sitting at 95,267 words and is organized into acts and scenes, not chapters. here are the names of the first scenes from each act (only used for outlining purposes):

act 1: "sunrise" act 2A: "old flame" act 2B: "ten seconds" act 3: "mouse thunder storm"

after finishing the first draft, i jumped straight into writing the prequel, Judas Wept. and im so glad i did! it really influenced how i'm approaching future drafts (and it gave us Elias! i love Elias!)

my favorite character to write dialogue for is Emily. my favorite character to write period is Marcella

some rapid fire lore!

at the beginning of botrd, Theodore has consumed 2 souls: the soul of the person that killed him, and Andrew's. at the end, he's got around 6,000 (most from Mortae voluntarily sacrificing themselves to make him OP)

Marcella only targets men due to her past trauma and a desire to protect young women. she thinks it's funny when they beg. she has no qualms with murder or lawlessness. if she had Theodore's abilities, we wouldn't have a story. she would've dealt with this mess a century ago

Rosalie is very subdued and passive in act 1. she thinks more than she speaks or acts in her first few POV chapters. stuck with one foot in the past kinda thing. once she starts processing her grief, she becomes more of an active participant (which is not necessarily a good thing! but! she's healing!)

Azmaveth has a whole secret backstory (Uriel, too! i dont know if we ever unlock that one on page) but basically: he lost a child, so now he's ultra protective of his wards (Theodore and Marcella) BUT he has to balance that with his loyalty towards Morrigan so she doesn't come by and just slaughter all of them

i affectionately refer to Rosalie's friends as "the humans" and they're a bunch of goobs. Mike is a golden retriever. James is a chihuahua. Henry is a dachshund. Emily isn't a dog, she's a mountain lion

and now, a favorite snippet:

(context: Theodore is at dinner with Rosalie's friends. they're having a potluck!)

I start silently amending my statements without her having to ask. I lived in California for a few years and recently moved back. Truth. I work at my foster father’s restaurant. Lie. I don’t follow any sports, but baseball is my favorite. Truth. She coughs to hide her chuckle, but I don’t think anyone is fooled. Baseball? It’s the great American pastime, is it not? Aren’t you French? Her eyes dance with laughter. I’ll give her all of my secrets if she just keeps looking at me like that.

something i deleted!

"little life" (Rosalie POV):

I work. I eat. I sleep. I go to family dinners once a week and participate in conversations and drinking games and try my best to quell the worry in their eyes. It’s easy, or it should be. I don’t tell them about Theodore, and they don’t ask. Not directly anyway, but I see the questions in Emily’s eyes when she catches me twisting my wrist in the lamplight, studying smaller scars that linger above the others, the promise I’d made, the debt owed. I try not to think about it and succeed, mostly.

and i'll wrap up with a picrew dump!

Rosalie / Emily / Andrew

Theodore / Marcella / Azmaveth

Gemma / Elias

this story has been my brain worm for two years and will probably pester me for two thousand more so thank you so much for asking about it!! <3

[decaflondonfog]

do not disturb the cats

kandrew / 3k / rated E

[pwp, suprisingly domestic for the genre, trans andrew, really soft/mushy kevin pov]

Andrew hates Kevin's gray hairs. (Does he actually, though?) Kevin hates the stupid cats. (He really, genuinely does.)

[james acaster voice:] thought about kevin day with grey hair, had a breakdown, bon appétit

happy fig season to all pussy eaters that celebrate xxxxxx

read here on ao3

[filmfirecr4cker]

twin peaks notes!!!

okay so these are all my notes and thoughts on the pilot and the first episode :3 enjoy.

pilot:

“it (the story) encompasses the all. it is beyond the fire, though few would know that meaning” 

“laura is the one” 

god josie is actually so beautiful 

sarah's paranoid has everyone caught off guard. i wonder if she knows something we dont

i love the choice they made having pete’s pov of finding laura be shot handheld. it makes it so much more off-putting and found-footagey

I LOVE LUCY SHES SO CUTE

sheriff harry truman you are so beautiful to me <3 

poor andy :(

the shot of the palmer’s stairwell is so off-putting i love it 

AUDREYYYYY god shes so cunty 

the way leland holds onto harry’s jacket was such a good character choice 

goddd shelly is so gorgeous 

all the ladies are so beautiful lets be real 

shelly and bobby are linking 

bobby and laura were dating 

laura was 17 when she died 

i like the detail of aurdey changing from her oxfords to red heels when she gets to school 

james’s goofy ass haircut.. like girl whatever

the last time mrs. palmer saw laura was 9pm 

she had just come from bobby’s 

laura’s phone rang sometime that night 

the wide shot of the pulaski girl walking across the bridge is so fucking good 

james said “laura was the one” which is probably referencing the fact that she was the one for him but its also an echo of the log lady said in the intro as well sooo

AHHHHHHHHHH SPECIAL AGENT DALE COOPER FBI MY POOKIE BUTTTTTTTT 

oh my god i love him so so much actually 

i like how harry and coop meet at the end of the hallway and walk towards the camera and then the camera starts moving with them 

coop is actually so funny i love him. him and his trees 

you can tell harry fell for him right when he asked about the firs BWHAHAHA

while they were in the elevator, there was a man with one arm 

ronette repeated “dont go there” 

laura was dr jacoby’s patient 

laura’s parents didn’t know she was seeing him.. i wonder why?

i dont know if this was intentional or not but while dr. jacoby was talking to coop and harry, he was touching the hula girl on his tie under her skirt. idk i just noticed it and it weirded me out. fucking freak 

laura had a letter "r" under her nail on her ring finger. it seems like the killer is leaving a clue maybe??

apparently this is something coop has seen before 

snake and donna are dating 

laura’s last diary entry was “asparagus for dinner again. i hate asparagus. does this mean ill never grow up? nervous about meeting j tonight.” 

i love how lynch creates the atmosphere of twin peaks. it feels wet and cold 

“tell harry i didn’t cry.” oh andyyyyyy he’s so sweet. poor thing 

the video tape of donna and laura is so cute 

coop is so good at his job. thats my man

“you didn’t love her anyway” YEAH GET HIS ASS GET HIM 

audrey loves to cause problems on purpose and i support her 

snake and that gayass pose he does up against the wall 

laura was cheating on bobby with james 

donna definitely had feelings for laura and she fell into the trap of being in love with her best friend then hooking up with the boy she was with to feel close to her “i wanna kiss his lips bc they taste like you” kind of vibe yk?

love all the shots of the woods 

did ronette escape or was she let go?

the found laura’s half heart necklace and a note that says “fire walk with me” written in blood

james has the other half  

in the deposit box they found a flesh world magazine with ronette’s picture circled inside it and about $10,000 cash 

and there’s a pic of leo’s truck in the mag as well 

leo is shelly’s abusive ugly fucking husband. i hope he dies 

shelly is cheating on him with bobby 

the actor that plays leo is so bad LMAOOO 

the snowshoe rabbit :((((

coop is so fascinated by the flora and fauna of twin peaks and i love how he tells harry all about it (asking him questions and stuff). its so sweet

andrew packard was josie’s late husband who died in a boating accident a little over a year prior and he was katherine's brother. josie ended up inheriting everything that katherine would have so i guess that explains why she has a stick up her ass...

log lady is here!!! love her 

harry and coop are literally “me and the bad bitch i pulled by being autistic” LMAOOOO

i love harry sm. he's always looking out for everyone; hes such a good sheriff <3

teresa banks was the case that coop had mentioned earlier that made him think that laura’s death was connected somehow 

donna’s sister harriet is so cute. her being a poet and everything 

bobby is so annoying smhhhh 

“oh we’ll find her. dont you worry about that.” now why would you say it like that TO HER DAD YOU FREAK oh my god boys are so fucking stupid and creepy 

i wonder why snake and bobby are called “mutt” and “jeff” by joey and scotty????

ed and norma are having an affair and it seems like they’ve had feelings for each other for a while 

norma’s husband is in jail for manslaughter (yikes bitch)

oh coop is whittling i love him :(( 

HIS LITTLE THUMBS UP GOD

he’s by best friend guys like actually 

“you think they spotted us?” “gimme a donut.” LMAOOOOO LIKE???

laura was wrapped up in some fucked up stuff apparently 

“i knew her more that she thought i did.” ughhhhhhhhh kms

bobby killed somebody!! 

OOOOO THEY KISSED DONNA AND JAMES KISSED!! god it kinda was gross like they were literally eating each other’s faces BWHAHHA 

they buried their half of the necklace 

bobby is such a punk bitch 

OH MY GOD WHY DOES HE HAVE THOSE FUCKING CRAZY EYES DAMN

james looks like a cornered dog 

awww doc hayward and donna’s relationship is so sweet smhhh

lucy is such an angel with her little donut buffet 

EWWWWWWW WHY ARE THEY (snake and bobby) BARKING FUCKING TWEAKERS GODDAMN?!??!??!

josie and harry are so so cuteeeeeeee i love them 

harry literally pulled the baddest bitches in the entire show 

katherine is plotting evilly in her armchair WITH MR HORNE

god i love how foreboding the shot of the palmers stairwell is 

someone found the necklace donna and james buried and it looks like mrs. palmer had a vision about that or something??

lots of cheaters in this town LMAOOO

"it's beyond the fire" and "fire walk with me" what is the fire???

episode 1:

“behind all things are reasons. reasons can even explain the absurd.”  

HIS ASS IS UPSIDE DOWN LMAOOO

his fucking sock garters COME ON

“diane, it struck me again earlier this morning. there are two things that continue to trouble me and im speaking now not only as an agent of the bureau but also as a human being. what really went on between marilyn monroe and the kennedys? and who really pulled the trigger on jfk?” LIKE BITCH!!! I HATE HIM (affectionately)

coop is so real for being transfixed with audrey bc me too

laura tutored audrey’s brother johnny 

johnny is said to have “emotional problems” bc he’s 27 and in the third grade. im assuming its some mental disability 

audrey said that “emotional problems” run in the family 

audrey you are so strange girl. love you tho

i love how everybody in the station has donuts in their mouths LMAOOOO 

i also love how coop says "three for three" after he sees andy, lucy, and harry all eating donuts

laura’s cause of death was blood loss

leo has a big old blood stain on one of his shirts :0

EW YOU FREAK LET GO OF HER GOD 

his nasty ass ponytail fucking barf

laura was doing cocaine 

james has been the only one who seems to have been the most honest whilst being interrogated (yk excluding the part about the locket) 

laura, bobby, and snake have been in cahoots with leo. im guessing it has to do with drugs 

laura’s video played again and it stopped on a frame of her face and her voice whispered “help me” 

big ed is james’s uncle 

harry knows about ed and norma

someone drugged ed at the roadhouse 

coop has some of his FBI guys coming down to examine laura’s body 

ed gave a little gesture to hawk when he returned james back to him, which hawk mirrored back to him. they seem to be touching the side of their eyes/temples? and wiping down, like a tear maybe??? what’s up with that?

james’s mom is out of town 

HEHEHHEHE HARRY CALLING THEM SHERLOCK AND WATSON 

pete and josie have a sweet relationship too :((

pete kind of reminds me of my dad a little bit 

laura helped josie with her english 

she aid that the last time she saw laura, she was upset about something but they didn’t talk about it. laura then told josie “i think i now understand how you feel about your husbands death.” whatever that means

katherine is such a cunt i hate her so much

of course cooper would know what shenanigans means 

katherine is cheating on pete with benjamin horne. gross. 

she and mr. horne are trying to bankrupt the mill. he also suggests that they burn it down

EWWWWW OH MY GOD HES KISSING/SUCKING HER TOESSSSS NOOOOOOOOO

so donna went over to the palmer’s house, and sarah suddenly hallucinated and thought donna was laura. then she saw a creepy guy crouching and looking up at her from a bed? and promptly started freaking out

rosette worked at the horne’s department store as a salesgirl at the perfume counter and joked it was “the sweet job she ever had”

the one armed man is back!!!

“laura died two days ago. i lost you years ago.” mr. horne said this to audrey and it gives us some insight into their relationship (i hope they elaborate on this more in the future)

okay so it looks like bobby comes from a religious and military home

his father is def the dominant head of the family. he has a strong presence and his wife seems to be more meek compared to him. very “good christian wife” core. thats not a dig at her, she seems sweet enough, but when general briggs slaps bobby for putting a cigarette in his mouth at dinner, she does nothing about it 

laura helped norma with the “meals on wheels program” that laura helped organize. she really does seem like such a golden child

the log apparently saw something the night laura died  

god, the way shelly’s face dropped when leo asked about his shirt gave me chills

laura recorded tapes for dr. jacoby

“i just know im gonna get lost in those woods again tonight. i just know it.” (laura on one of her tapes)

she also mentioned a  “mystery man”. i wonder if its the creepy guy sarah hallucinated or something

ohhhhh so it was dr. jacoby who found the other half of the necklace 

[elliepassmore]

Your Blood, My Bones review

4/5 stars Recommended if you like: fantasy horror, Southern Gothic, dual POVs, generational curses

Much like The Whispering Dark, this book is good but misses the mark on being great. I typically like Southern Gothic fantasy horror (see What We Harvest , Wake the Bones , and even the fantasy horror but not Southern Gothic Small Favors ). But this book wasn't really that. It had the trappings to be that without going completely into the genre.

Wyatt comes home to find her childhood friend and crush, Peter, hanging in chains in her basement, wanting to kill her to release his curse. Then the disconnected landline rings and it's her other childhood best friend calling to tell her not to trust Peter because he wants to kill her. The execution of the premise might be more compelling if any of the characters were likeable as children. The relationship between the three of them is built on flashbacks, and it's clear Wyatt loves her BFFs, but from as an outsider reading about their relationship....they all kind of suck. James is needlessly cruel, Peter is silent while it plays out, and Wyatt is a whiny brat (obviously the least worse of the bunch, but being an annoying character in a book is a crime all on its own). I'm honestly not sure what kept them friends, and "proximity" isn't an answer. You can hate someone even if they're the only other kid(s) around. Anyway, somehow the three of them are close friends and the ghosts of the past have risen to haunt them.

I actually found the cult and ritual sacrifice bits to be interesting. I really wish Andrew had explored this aspect more deeply since I think it's got a lot of potential and really goes to show the kind of world Peter lived in, and James to an extent. I also think it would've provided more insight into the Beast and some of the other monsters that show up. Instead, we focus a lot on the characters themselves even though, as established, none of them are super likeable.

That being said, Wyatt is the most tolerable of the three, so I did end up rooting for her and liked her by the end. She's quite shaken by all that's revealed, and honestly I think her reactions over the course of the book are understandable. She has been wronged and lied to and betrayed by basically everyone she knows, and she does have the right to be upset about it. She has actually exhibits a lot of restraint, because in her shoes I can't promise I wouldn't've socked Peter and James...or at least yelled at them a bit. But she also comes to terms with the cult magic pretty quickly and works on trying to figure out a way to end the Beast's reign without sacrificing Peter. She has a lot of mettle and a lot of loyalty, and it definitely shows.

Something else I found irritating though was that there's this Big Incident that happened in Wyatt's recent past that she alludes to throughout the book. Something happened and she seems to have unwittingly hurt someone with her magic to the point where they had to go to the hospital....but we never actually find out what she did. Something with a fish tank? I don't know, but I wanted to know, particularly since it impacted her so deeply, but the book never actually addresses it in full and it kind of feels like the author didn't really have an answer herself for what happened.

Peter is...complicated. He's unnecessarily cruel at various points in the book, but at the same time I understand why. He's an immortal who has been used time and time again by Wyatt's family as a ritual sacrifice and this is the first time he's been allowed to grow up. He obviously wants out of the cycle and knows the only way to do it is to kill Wyatt. Anyone would be angry in those circumstances, so it's definitely justified. And while I dislike his cruelty to Wyatt, I also think a part of it is him trying to convince himself he can kill her. That their friendship from childhood was all a lie and he was planning to kill her the entire time (which, he was, but it wasn't a lie). Even now, he does care about Wyatt and wants to protect her even knowing it's contrary to his own goals. Likewise, there's a deep well of guilt in him over something that happened between him and James the last summer the three of them were together, and while he obviously dislikes James in the present, there's no hiding the fact that he does care about him.

While this review does seem relatively negative, I did like the concept and, as mentioned above, the characters did grow on me, even if they're also terrible. I still don't understand why Wyatt and Peter stayed friends with James, he is terrible...but it also seems like maybe he fell into the trap of "any attention is good attention." I mean, what else are you supposed to do when your parents are mega rich, ignore you, and are in a human sacrifice cult? There's no way that turns you into a good person. I'd say the characters are complex in a way that's understandable, even if not likeable.

We do get a cameo of some characters from The Whispering Dark. I didn't mind the cameos so much, but I am curious where the magic we learn of in this book fits in with the magic we learned of in that book. I'm also now curious to see if Andrews' next book, I Am Made of Death, will have cameos from these two. While neither book hit the 5 star mark for me, I will be reading that one as well.

Overall I found this book interesting and the magic system intrigued me. None of the characters were particularly likeable imo, but they did become tolerable as the book progressed and at the very least I could understand them.