#And yes we can get into a whole discussion about the nature of sex and yaoi and genres and such. But you KNOW that is not what the OP

[captain-lovelace]

the jokes about yaoi are funny but that post floating around like “the best yaoi is written by straight men who don’t know they’re writing it” fascinates me. Are the straight men accidentally writing gay sex in the room with us now

[thatoneautisticshark]

ONG CAN YOU WRITE MORE ABOUT THE SOAP BEING VOCAL HEADCANNON? PLSSS IM BEGGING

I got an ask? I GOT AN ASK! Let's fricken go. Hell to the yes you can have vocal soap. You didn't specify top or bottom so I went with bottom. :3

Soap groaned and sat up, stretching from where he had been doodling, and flopped against Ghost's shoulder. He nuzzled into that big, thick neck.

Ghost blinked at him, looking up from the book he was reading. “Johnny? Did you need something?” He queried, threading a hand into Soaps mohawk.

The scot shook his head, wrapping his arms fully around Ghost. “Nah… just in a touchy mood an’ wanna hold ye love” He murmered into the crook of his boyfriends neck.

Ghost gave another hum, wrapping an arm right around him, before returning to reading his book, letting soap rest against him.

Soap shifted leaning more heavily against the Brit. Jesus, he could fall asleep here. Granted Ghost's shoulder wasn't actually that comfortable, thick and boney at once. But hell soldiers could sleep anywhere uncomfortable.And he felt safe, that was the big thing.

He knew he was okay with Ghost, he was safe and Ghost was here. Everything was okay.He mentally face palmed. Why was he getting so fucking sappy? That was not the goal here. The goal was to get dicked down. If Ghost was amenable to sex today. Otherwise have a wank in the shower.

He began gently kissing Ghosts neck. Kissing up and down his jaw, slightly tense incase Ghost was not into it at all today and shoved him off.

Ghost just gave a hum and no negative reaction, so Soap took it for the encouragement it was, slowly beginning to also suck and nip. He earned a delightful little shivers for his efforts.

He carefully shifted around to the front of his boyfriend, plonking himself on the tallers lap. He was careful to continue necking the whole way, but now pulled back, ever so slightly.“ ‘M assuming ye okay with sex right now? Ye seeming pretty inta it”

Simon nodded, hands settling naturally on the Scots hips, fingers absently rubbing it. Soap grinned “Thank god, I'm horny as fuck. Ye cool with topping today? Really in tha mood to get fucked, but we can work something else out of you want.”

Simon shook his head. “Uhm.. no.. yeah I'm okay with that” He murmured in his uncharacteristically quiet tone that always happened with discussion of sex.

Soap grinned against the neck he was biting again “How ‘bout the mask? Can it come off…Orrrr”

Simon stilled slightly “Uhm… up to the nose”

Soap jumped on this new development, tugging the mask up to the bridge of Simons nose and kissing him, Letting his hands roam those huge fucking shoulders.

He sat up on Simons lap, scrambling to undo his belt, and leaned back a bit too far tumbling to the floor. There was a pause of about 5 seconds before soap burst into laughter. “Jesus Simon. I don' know if ye can tell, but ay am just a little bit horny ye know?”

Simon huffed a laugh pulling soap back onto the bed, pulling his pants down with his, before pulling his own off, earning a scoff from the scot.

“Fookin' show off” he spat playfully, making quick work of both their shirts. “Jesus, I will never get tired of this. Ye so fucking pretty Bonnie.” He murmured, running his hands along the soft, scarred pale skin. “Canne suck ye off? Please Bonnie? I wasn't ye dick in me mouth so bad”

Now soap was naturally chatty in bed, but to say he didn't play it up, just a little to see the pink flush Simons cheeks, who was usually very quiet and reserved in bed, would be a lie.

Upon receiving a nod of consent he dove down immediately licking and sucking. He spat into his hands, rubbing the up and down the shaft to get it slick. “Fuck ye so fucking big Bonnie. Jesus I can't wait to feel this monster cock inside me” He mindlessly poured out filth pressing a kiss to the flushed tip.

He began licking up and down the shaft watching the man above him through his eye lashes. Watching the uncovered half of his face turn a light pink, and his hands grip the sheets.

Well that just wouldn't do. Soap grabbed on of the hand guiding it to his hair before taking the tip in his mouth, relishing in the soft moan he received. He began swirling his tongue over the tip with slight head bobs, using his hands to cover what he couldn't cover with his mouth just yet.

Some how, even with the monster dick in his mouth, he managed to spew flith, albeit harder to understand through the cock in his mouth. “You taste so fucking good love. Fuck I could never get tired of the taste of you”

Simons hips bucked forward, forcing his cock down Soaps throat making him gag, tears springing up in his eyes, as the cock hit the back of his throat.

Simon gasped pulling back “I-Shit Johnny I didn't mean to are you okay? I-”

Soap shut him up with a kiss. “Shush, I am fine. Remember I like gagging on it. Anyways ye buckin’ ye hips just mean ay was doing good”

He dove back down properly sucking this time, hollowing his cheeks and bobbing his head. When Simons hips bucked again, he moaned around the length. This was heaven he was sure. Having the heavy weight of Simons cock filling his mouth, and Simon an pretty moaning mess above him.

Looking up at the man through his eyelashes, he felt his own, already hard, cock twitch with interest. Simon was resting his head against the wall, face pretty and flushed, blond eyelashes fluttering.

Soap groaned at the sight. “Fuck ye so pretty Bonnie” It didn't take much more before Simon was pulling him off with shaky hands, wanting to avoid cumming to early.

With his mouth now free, Soap kissed his boyfriend, loving the groans Simon gave at tasting himself on soaps tongue. Soap licked into his mouth groaning, rolling his hips without thinking about it. “Come on love, fuck me already” he whined into Simons mouth, rolling his hip again.

Simon needed several breaths before he could put himself together enough to talk “Hang on Johnny..you.. you need prep.”

Soap just giggled. “Nup. I don'.” At the confused and slightly concerned look he received, he continued “Appreciate the concern Bonnie. But just because we haven't fucked today, doesn't mean I ain't fucked myself thinking of you. So ay am more then stretched, okay?”

And Jesus Christ, soap wanted to grab his phone and take a picture.

Or scratch that, he wanted to burn this image into his retina, wanted to see it all the time, every time he closed his eyes or blinked he wanted to see it.

Simon looked like a fucking painting.His eyes blown wide, face a bright pink, mouth hanging open still a slight string of their mixed saliva dribbling down his chin.

After giving it a whole two minutes, Soap booped his nose “Earth to Simon?”

He blinked a few times before letting out a quiet “Oh”

Soap traced a hand down the muscled chest “Yeah oh. So we good? Because I need you in me like.. yesterday. Come on”

Simon nodded. Finally pushing soap back against the bed and hiking his knees over his shoulders. Soap let his head fall against the cushions. “Fuck yes Simon. Please. God you are gonna feel so fucking good with you huge fucking dick. Come on just fuck me.”

As soon as Simon started pushing in, soap let out the most whorish pornstar moan before whining “Oh fuck oh fuck. Yes yes fuck me. Mm fuck~”

As Simon finally, finally bottomed out, soap groaned. “Oh god.. oh fuckk.. Simon you're you're so big. Fuck I'm so fucking full. So good” he blabbered mindlessly, rocking his hips.

He let out a keening whine. “Come on. Fucking move Bonnie! I need you. Please please please. I'll do anything”

Simon slowly began to fuck into him, moaning quietly as he pulled out and pushed back in. His moans were very covered by Soaps whines and cries.

He cried out as Simon pulled out ramming right into his prostate. “Oh god yes! Simon! Right fucking there! Please please. I'm yours, just please.. keep ah~”

Simon began to pick up pace, ramming right into his sweet spot every time. Gripping Soaps hips with a bruising grip as he slammed into him.

“Simon! Simon! Please I'm so fucking close don't stop! Please please please please” The scot babbled mindlessly, drool dribbling his skin.

It didn't take much more to send him over the edge, thrust in a hard orgasm, clenching around Simon as he fucked him through it.

It only took a few more thrusts before Simon finished inside of soap, before flopping on his chest.

When he tried to pull out, soap hooked his ankles behind his arse pushing him back in. “Not happening Bonnie. I wanna feel you in me”

[kiefbowl]

What's your take on written erotica/smut like fanfiction? Obviously it's nowhere comparable to porn, but I definitely see problems with it as it can perpetuate misinformation and harmful stereotypes all the same (ie. many tropes are very likely based on exposure to porn).

I do see fanfiction as something of a hobby/safe space made predominantly by women for women. There's creativity and a community involved, and real people aren't being harmed in its production.

What do you think? Is it something feminists should be against? Or is it a gray area?

It's situational and depends on context. Women are allowed to be sexual and explore their desires as much as their boundaries. I also think it's sticky to assume that anything "bad" that a woman says is sexually exciting can only have been learned through socialization. However, socialization can never be removed from sex. So, should women be treated like grown adults who know their own sexual appetites? Surely, yes. Does that mean adult women can't be coerced or socialized into "liking" something they otherwise would not have? Obviously not, that is very possible.

I think there is a history within feminism that can swing a little conservative in this area, moralizing natural sexual instincts and assuming women ought not have sex at all. This is problematic thinking for me, but also I don't ultimately disagree with the benefits of celibacy and how radical and political that decision can be. I celebrate every woman who takes that course of action, for whatever reason and whatever sexuality and to whatever degree. Women do not need to have sex, of any kind, with anyone.

The issue I take, however, is the impulse to assume women can't know their own minds, bodies, and intuitions - or that an individual woman's body belongs to a political agenda before it belongs to herself. This is a general impulse of misogyny as a whole, and I think it's false to assume you don't have this impulse just because you are a feminist. It takes a lot of work, constant lifelong work, to see women as full capable adult humans and also to have a theory of mind about women. Women are not infantile, and sexuality is not inconvenient.

To loop this back to fanfiction, I think we can see a convergence of different issues (mild and serious) with some things that are fact-of-life or even positive. My main concern with "smutty fanfiction" is actually young girls, rather than women. I think a lot of tweens and teens are exposed to raunchy fanfiction before they're exposed to scientific and unmoralizing sexual education. That can cause huge issues for young girls that can lead to issues as young (and even old) women. Should a 13-year-old be masturbating to written BDSM of cartoon characters before she even learns that masturbating is normal and healthy & before she can see any affirmations that "normal" sex is meant to be pleasurable, and women are active participants to it? Not to be puritanical but, uhm, no. Are there, like, policy fixes I think should be in place? I struggle with that.

I think the policy fixes for these issues aren't so much about regulating fanfiction and who gets to access the internet - I think it more has to do with disseminating proper sexual education early and thoughtfully. When it comes to the role of fanfiction and erotica in women's lives in general, perhaps backstage activism is a better route here. Conscious raising groups, books & magazines, getting together with women and girls and having frank and open discussions...these things go a long way in our communities.

But also - girls get to be sexual too, and I think the ways taboo intersects with sexuality isn't so surprising. I don't think feminists need to be overly alarmed when girls are curious and maybe a little naughty. I don't think reading fanfiction is ever going to be worse than watching online porn, least of all that the way your brain processes video is different than how it processes the written word. I don't think a young girl is "doomed" if she reads a particularly explicit book or sees something that is, broadly, disagreeable to feminist thinking. If anything, maybe feminists should be targeting mothers and giving them resources on how to intervene in a healthy way. How do you talk about weird furry porn to your tweenager without making her feel ashamed? How can you make it so that the embarrassing is funny and she feels safe? How can you say "I don't think you should be looking at this" not because it's sexual, but because it distorts sexuality? How do we help mom be cool when maybe mom isn't cool?

I think this is a very interesting topic that deserves attention, and a lot could be written about it. Thanks for the great question.

[bitethedevil]

Raphael and the Devils Tango

I'm sorry about the awful pun (I'm not).

It's time for more ramblings about Raphael (as always, these are just the connections I’ve personally made. Feel free to discuss, disagree with, correct, or add anything you’d like).

I’ve been doing some reading of the Fiendish Codex II (credits to this awesome post, since that’s the only reason I found out about that book).

There’s a section that details the physiology of devils that I found interesting. I feel like it has been discussed every now and again if Raphael feels any sexual desires or if it is simply a tool for him. Well, listen to this:

“But even though they have no need to reproduce, some devils receive pleasure from engaging in sexual behavior. The more humanlike the devil, the more likely it is to feel sexual desire, often accompanied by a twisted, selfish need for love and affection.”

I think we can all agree that a cambion is definitely pretty ‘humanlike’ compared to some of the other horrible monstrosities in the Hells, especially with their half-mortal heritage. The “twisted, selfish need for love and affection” part especially intrigues me. It makes me think of the whole thing with Hope. Let’s keep going:

“Likewise, sexual intrigue provides a motivation for many of the grudges and alliances behind archducal politics. Like intoxication, sexual behavior, with its destabilizing and even chaotic potential, is reserved as a privilege of the mighty.”

It goes on to explain that things like sex and intoxication (yes, devils can apparently get intoxicated but not by the same means as mortals can) are basically luxuries reserved for the Archdevils. All other devils are expected to not participate in such ‘chaotic’ things, as their whole purpose is basically just to please those above them.

This is where I can imagine Raphael as a young cambion, trying to explore those natural urges, only for his dad to take him down a notch and send him an incubus instead. Someone who can satisfy his biological urges but never love him. Also sort of as a grim reminder that he is beneath Mephistopheles and not entitled to indulge in such luxuries.

I’m obviously not excusing what he has done to Hope, but it just makes me think. The crazy possessiveness and extremes he’s gone to so she can never leave (and so that she cannot be freed). What if its his sick attempt at gaining love from someone rather than just him trying to break her down because he can?

[deadgirlwalking91]

What are your top 5 Adam, Lute, and GuitarSpear headcanons?

Hey Anon,

I love headcanons! 😊 Here we go... (under the cut because it's longgggg)

Adam

The type to pick up random hobbies, be utterly obsessed with them for a while, then eventually discard them for something else fun and exciting. Only a few have stuck with him through the years—namely, playing the guitar and cooking. Yes, I think Adam would be an amazing cook with a genuine appreciation for food and culture.

Also the type to be naturally talented at a lot of different things. Which is lucky for him, because he's also lazy and can't be bothered putting a whole lot of effort into things, unless he really, really loves what he's doing (see: guitar)

The more I dwell on it, the more I think Adam and Sera do have a close relationship. I wouldn't necessarily say mother/son coded, but I think if he came to her for advice—or if she sensed that he needed guidance—they'd put aside their boss/employee dynamic and have a good heart-to-heart where he'd value her opinion.

Getting a little NSFW for this one, but I feel he'd be more of a giver than a receiver in bed. He's had that much sex over the years that for him, knowing he's getting somebody else off is just as much of a turn-on as receiving. That's not to say he doesn't love getting taken care of, though ;)

LOVES the Exorcists to bits. Genuinely gets along with them all, and loves seeing them grow and succeed with each Extermination. Will socialise with them, play card/board games with them (which tends to get violent and chaotic), sometimes they go to him for advice, etc. On the flip side though— a Discord server I'm in recently had a discussion about whether Exorcists get their periods or not and if so, would they all sync up? And honestly, my answer to both is a resounding Y E S which means that for a week every month, Adam has to deal with hundred of PMSing women. I have a theory that they all also exhibit similar symptoms which change every cycle, so he's constantly kept on his toes (and probably trying not to be killed). Is this true? Look, probably not, but it's still a fun as fuck concept to think about!

Lute

To contrast my first Adam headcanon, Lute would be a god-awful cook. She burns pasta. Does not give a shit about food, cooking etc. Could live off protein shakes if she could, but deep down loves the food Adam cooks.

Lute and Vaggie were friends before The Maiming. I genuinely believe they were close—possibly besties—then, Vaggie started expressing her discomfort with the Exterminations, and they drifted apart. I don't necessarily think they had a falling out before Lute and Adam left Vaggie in Hell, but they certainly weren't friends anymore. I also think, should the show go down the route of Sinner Adam, Fallen Lute and the both of them joining the Hotel that there's potential for them to repair their relationship, despite everything (or maybe that's wishful thinking on my behalf because I do love the idea of them being friends).

Assuming Lute is Heavenborn, she is the way that she is because she doesn't know any different. Being a genocidal maniac is what she was created to be. I genuinely think that there's potential for her to change her tune about Hell, Sinners, the Exterminations etc but it's going to take a LOT for it to happen (I strongly maintain that the line 'Everyone can be redeemed/From the evil to the strange' from 'Happy Day in Hell' is foreshadowing this). If it does, her loyalties will lie with Charlie and the Hotel, and she'll stop being quite so rigid with her views. It's giving growth.

In saying that—she has her vices, and I think they'd be something in complete contrast to her tough exterior. Think rom-coms, romance novels, 90's boy/girl bands, trashy reality TV, luxurious bubble baths, etc. Something that you'd never expect from a bad bitch like Lute. Adam knows about them all, and she's threatened to kill him multiple times if he breathes a word of them to anybody.

Also loves and adores the Exorcists, but doesn't show it. Someone has to play bad cop during work, and it sure as hell isn't gonna be Adam. Still, she feels a strong sense of pride whenever they succeed, and wishes she could be close to them. She's just a little awkward and doesn't know how to balance that boss/friend relationship with them.

GuitarSpear

Their relationship is the worst-kept secret in Heaven. Both of them staunchly deny there is anything going on between them, but the amount of times they've been caught in compromising positions by the other Exorcists is laughable. There's betting pools on when/where they finally admit they're together. The girls also tease Lute about it mercilessly in the locker room after training, much to her annoyance.

They are a very touchy-feely couple, but in different ways. Adam is handsy and grabby, whereas Lute will do smaller, subtler gestures like a hand resting on his arm or lower back, will lean against him, etc. The only exception is that she tends to climb him like a cat—which he doesn't really mind. She'll also force her way into his lap and curl up against him.

They don't live together, but they might as well. Lute spends most of her spare time at his place, keeps clothes and toiletries there, makes herself at home. The only reason they haven't moved in is because they're trying (and failing) to keep their relationship under wraps.

I actually can't decide who fell first, and who fell harder. I can see it happening both ways. I think I like the idea of Lute's attraction to him being more of a slow-burn and something that evolved over time. Whereas Adam's is a lot faster, and he is super confused by it all and can't figure out why all of a sudden he is SO attracted to Lute. It then makes him super awkward around her (like, can't get his words out properly awkward), she gets all concerned something's wrong with him, and it creates this fun little scenario where you want to bash their heads together and tell them to just communicate.

NSFW-ish: I picture them as more of a switch couple in bed, rather than having set top/bottom or dom/sub roles. Given their personalities, I can see them fighting/struggling for power and dominance in the bedroom on a regular basis. That's not to say there aren't times where they do willingly take a top/bottom role (Lute after a long day letting Adam take care of her? Swoon. But also, the power dynamic shifting so that Lute calls the shots? Y E S). I just like the visual of them rolling around, pinning each other to the bed, leaving scratch and bite marks all over each other's bodies in the process. Honestly, I think sex between them would mostly be rough, frenzied and raw, but they also would have their slower, sensual moments (see TYFTV 17 as an example) that are just as intense and passionate. If you got through alllll of that, I applaud you, haha! But seriously, thanks Anon, this was fun to write out <3

[moonchild-in-blue]

I need everyone to watch Kaos (from Netflix) right now, please and thank you. Quite possibly my favourite modern retelling of the Greek myths / Olympic pantheon.

The story revolves mainly around Orpheus and Eurydice (Riddy), and around Zeus and a certain not-so-great prophecy. Dionysus is one of our main stars and he's great and amazing and hot and absolutely babygirl.

Yes there are a LOT of references and myths and characters beyond the main Olympians (Zeus' famous kids don't even appear). Yes you see Prometheus having his liver pecked. Yes, we do get to see the Minotaur & Co. Hades and Persephone too, obviously. Yes, there is A TON of great poc and queer rep. Yes, there is blood and sex and violence and poignant society AND religious commentary. Yes, you do get old man yaoi. Yes, Jeff Goldblum as Zeus is incredible and no joke my new favourite portrayal of him (Zeus). Yes, they are faithful to the "doomed from the start" narrative of Orpheus and Eurydice. Yes, Hera does have her peacocks.

Please please please go watch it please it's so great and visually beautiful and amazing. Pirate that thang if you must.

My thoughts whilst watching the show - no plot spoilers but be warned for mild thematic/ character/ setting commentary. Generally safe to read if you haven't watched it yet and don't mind a little preview:

SOUNDTRACK IS WOW. Don't Fear The Reaper? On episode one?? The song I've been listening over and over because of a certain beloved band has made a cover of it???

Love how they portray the worship of gods as something that is part of their daily lives and culture without seeming too "gimmicky".

There are clear parallels to Catholicism in the way they conduct themselves (either in favour or against the gods; all the little rituals and traditions), and it's quite interesting to see how would modern society function if Hellenism (or rather the ancient practices. pls correct me if I'm wrong) were the primary (and as far as I got it only) established religion in the world.

The "Vero" declaration with the hand gesture as part of Olympian liturgy? Amazing. Interesting choice in using Latin rather than Ancient Greek, but very cool nonetheless.

A significant amount of casual mentions of horrifying violent acts by the gods, and even some healthy dose of violence/ blood. Thought it was very interesting to see Zeus discussing infanticide and natural catastrophes the way we discuss the weather or grocery prices. They really leaned heavily into the whole grandeur and arrogance of gods in regards to human life which I super appreciate. I'm tired of seeing passive, Cool and Hip and Benevolent Zeus & Co.

Also the amount of criticism by the god-haters (Blasphemes? Non-sympathisers?) feels very refreshing (and on the nose concerning irl organised religions), especially in contrast with the more devout and how they put their life in second place in lieu of worship (yes I'm thinking about the Tacitas AND the Celebration Ritual™ iykwim).

The subversion of the "doomed from the start" narrative surrounding Orpheus and Eurydice is done so beautifully it hurts. Right from the first moment they appear, you know how it'll go. And yet!!

You know what happens, of course. Their story was never meant have a happy ending. But the way they took that and put a modern spin on it it's just!!!! My heart !!!!

I was rooting for Orpheus the entire time, knowing damn well it was a lost cause. I can't blame Riddy, but my God is it painful to watch. LOVED the actor who played him, he just the right amount of earnest love and rockstar flair. Riddy is SO cool - there's not much I can say beyond that that isn't a spoiler but. Yeah. We love complex female characters.

I'm gonna be really petty and pedantic here, but for a show revolving GREEK mythology, set in Olympia / Krete, with sooo many little references to the myths, it is CRIMINAL that they insist on calling Heracles by his roman name (Hercules), and that they refer to Hades as God "Of Death" instead of God "Of The Dead" / King Of The Dead. There's a major difference there - Thanatos would like a word.

Troytown? Where the Trojan refugees (displaced war victims really) are *literally* segregated to (their exact words, segregation), and even use those nose lines/tattoos as way to identify them? Where they face scrutiny and police brutality and prejudice from the Kreteans? As a clear reference to minority poc urban areas and how they are unfairly mistreated and deemed as "others" by the same governments who put them there in the first place??? YES YES YES.

A lot of queer and poc rep. And I mean A LOT. The Fates alone are a whole vibe.

Again, it doesn't feel gimmicky at all, nor does it fall under the "okay they're definitely trying to hit all the quotas so everybody is gay and ethnic and uses neo-pronouns" trend some media are starting to follow, which really just end up falling flat rather than significant (looking at you Sex Ed 4). An actual diversity win.

If you're familiar with the story of Caeneus, you'll love how they portrayed him here.

Dionysus is everything and some more. I love him. Prometheus is incredible. Jeff Goldblum as Zeus goes above and beyond expectations - he brings that Goldblum Flair™ but with an intense violence and paranoia you could only pull off as King of the Gods. Hera is just wow, truly a queen.

Hades and Persephone have an *interesting* dynamic - have never seen him being portrayed like that before. Usually Hades and Persie are the "dom goth Mommy and Daddy" of mythology retellings, and yet here it's completely different. Certainly *A Choice*. I don't mind Hades, but would've liked to see "goddess of spring & dreaded" Persephone.

I understood the vision, but I don't think it worked *quite* as well as the other ones. She's still super cool nonetheless - that sandwich scene was incredible.

Also - VERY COOL how diverse the actors are. With the exception of Dionysus who is objectively Young and Hot, pretty much all the other gods (and adjacent) are middle-aged or up, with visible signs of aging (grey hairs, wrinkles, sagging skin, belly fat, etc), which is cool cus usually the gods are made to be a specific flavour of "hot".

The Furies, who could've been all snatched and sexy and token Femme Fatale characters, are actually older butch women with mean lesbian energy and I think that's very cool and awesome and wonderful.

Even the human cast is so diverse and interesting and REAL, rather than yet another yassified ensemble - it's great to see. Not everyone is conventionally hot and attractive, and THAT is sexy af.

All the little Easter eggs and references to the myths and general ancient Greece culture are SO nice to see. I giggled when Polyphemus first appeared. That first scene on the cereal aisle was very funny. Gagged at Cassandra.

Stylistic choice of the Underworld environment and on-camera portrayal is chef's kiss. That's all I'll say.

LABYRINTH AND DAEDALUS YES. Would smash the Minotaur, 1000%. That Scene�� was. Hmmmmm yeah.

Overall I loved it and high key might re-watch it again. What an amazing show. This was a win for all of us Greek Myth nerds, and I'll be truly devastated if Netflix doesn't renew it for a second season.

[ronearoundblindly]

So I was rereading this ‘This All Day’ from Fools Rush In that I absolutely loveeee. ( btw Fools Rush In is by far the most character accurate Steve fic I’ve ever read. You know him so well 🥰 ) In the fic where it’s like, ��He won’t get hard until you’re warmed up with his fingers—not your fingers, mind you, because he got very defensive that one time”

I was wondering if this referencing a one shot where this happened and maybe I missed it cause thinking about how that conversation went down is hilarious but also so sweet. I find it endearing that he’s defensive about it. HE wants to be the one to do it- so sweet 🥰

How do you think Steve would react if she ever wanted to introduce toys into the bedroom? (possible fic idea?). I wonder if he’d be hurt by this and also take it as him not satisfying her properly.

🥴

Oh. Yeah. Right. Caught that line, did ya? Heh...

I'm gonna put this under a cut lol. We shall be discussing adult things.

Steve (if you've read all of FRI's 'Do You Two...Fondue?') has quite a few insecurities about sex, in general, but there is specifically a prowess he would prefer, which is to be the one and the only one to get you off. He doesn't like the idea of not being enough or not knowing how to be enough for his girl, right? But he doesn't exactly have a ton of experience, and his go-getter attitude tends to drop off just shy of "how do you want my dick" obviously.

You know I love Steve, but he doesn't only not have the words for sex--can't dirty talk worth beans because he can't really say things like, well, any of it, not pussy, cunt, dick, or cock, he'll say 'breasts' maybe but otherwise it's just "him" inside "you"--but he also has hangups about varied sexual acts, toys absolutely included in that concept.

He's honestly so slow and tender to warm up to new that he mistook what was meant to be a simple show of how excited and desperate he'd made you (i.e. toughing yourself while he got undressed) as him not being thorough in his foreplay, affection, and general sensuality. Steve doesn't get angered by these things; he gets upset. He gets sad.

There has never been a more laughable and heart-breaking moment in bed for you than the hurt look on his face. It's his duty, his privilege, his job to please you. Don't take his job away from him!

(None of that was in a specific one-shot, just sorta implied throughout.)

I actually think Steve went on several long missions away before realizing you might have wanted/needed to get off without him, and at first, he hates that idea. I think he'd pitch a fucking fit if you had toys for those occasions--even if the use of them is rarer once you two are physically intimate--and yes, you're correct in thinking he'd raise hell at the idea a toy can do something for you that his body cannot.

Except for he uses his body so carefully for you. He's delicate and hesitant. He's traditional and, buddy, sorry, but often very stiff in his approach. Warm and adoring--totally!--but Steve is obsessed with not harming you.

Nevermind how fucking long the conversation is that dissects the difference between pain and 'a minor discomfort that is in service of showing how intensely you need more of your partner immediately,' he still feels strongly that you should never be remotely unprepared to take him and now he doesn't trust you not to rush it (even though/especially because he was so overwhelmed at that first feeling of you that he just thrust in (Fondue pt.16)). He never stops trying to make up for that. He does not much understand that there is a gray area between pain and pleasure.

Of course, that's partly because that whole spectrum is dulled on him, so he is psychologically and emotionally far more aware of their distinction...as one would be when fighting, interrogating, and/or killing.

It is not the most rational train of thought, but Steve was small and weak. He realized that, as he was naturally, he might not be enough for a partner--but that was because he was small and unhealthy. The serum fixed those things, and frankly, Steve has not come to terms with a big, healthy guy perhaps still falling short of being everything you could ever want or need. He's a man. As forward-thinking as he is, he's still a man who absolutely wants to be your man.

There will come a time when...toys are used as aid in [redacted], but I don't want to spoil too much...

Hope all this made sense, and

Thank you for asking!

[Main Masterlist; Ko-Fi]

[solarbird]

Let’s talk a little about the recently-noticed hatred of in vitro fertilisation coming from Trump’s MAGA base, because while it’s being treated as new, it’s not actually new. It’s only recently risen back up to visibility – ahead, even, of their hatred of contraception – thanks to Trump’s success in overturning Roe v. Wade using his Republican-packed Supreme Court.

I’ve seen a lot of people publicly wonder why the Christofash are so against IVF, given that their whole procedure is about “more babies,” and they say they actually want “more [white] babies.” I’ve also seen people suggest that it’s solely about controlling women, and, well, of course that’s kind of true, because so very very much of what they do is about control over women.

But while there is some “separating procreation and sex is bad” thought out there – particularly amongst far-right Catholics – it’s actually far more consistent than that. At least, in its origins and early discussion.

It is, in fact, the direct result of them finding out more about IVF. They found out that multiple eggs are fertilised at once, with the most apparently healthy being implanted, and the others kept frozen. They then asked themselves a couple of… I hate to say it, but reasonable questions:

If every fertilised egg is a person, why doesn’t that apply in cases of destroyed fertilised eggs left over from IVF treatments? Why aren’t we condemning the destruction of human life that happens as part of IVF?

If you hold their professed beliefs – and some of them actually do – then the answer is obvious. They naturally then came to that obvious conclusion, one that’s entirely reasonable for those who have decided against all reason that a fertilised egg is in fact an actual whole person. They decided that yes, this is the same thing, it is a person, and no, IVF should not be allowed in its current form because yes, it is murder.

All of this is, again, nonsense. But it’s a rare bit of consistent nonsense from them, and you can see how it follows from a certain point of view.

And as they came to this conclusion – some decades ago now – they knew it would be impossible in the near term to even approach it, politically. Certainly not with Roe v. Wade the law of the land, which even to those with a focused interest in IVF was a far, far bigger issue to tackle.

Besides, the people involved in this – the Beverly LaHaye crowd were involved, but not just them – actually did empathise with people trying to have children. The goal, that was fine; the method, however, was not.

So they started a campaign to try to “save” what they started calling “snowflake babies.” It was a campaign, a recruitment effort to find volunteers who would have these leftover zygotes implanted, and then carry them to term as their own. Married heterosexual women only need apply, of course – their secondary worries about IVF included thoughts that it would somehow let THE HOMOSEXUALS have children, and they were, naturally, stridently opposed.

But honestly? If someone wants to get pregnant with a leftover IVF-fertilised egg, great! Go for it. I hate the whole “married heterosexual cisgendered women only” part of course, but the rest? It’s fine! Knock yourselves out.

At the time, it almost sounded like them trying to take positive action themselves for once, rather than just driving hate against others. I even allocated a little bit of hope that maybe it marked the beginning of a healthier trend.

Alas, it did not. But at that time, it couldn’t be ruled out.

Regardless, none of this ever went away. Bush II threw them a token amount of money in his first term to promote the idea, there are some small organisations still promoting “embryo adoption,” and the term “snowflake babies” still shows up once in a while.

Really, though, they see it as a stopgap, or even harm reduction. At its core, their fight is still to define every fertilised egg as a full human being with not just full rights, but more rights than anyone carrying it.

So those aren’t backup or redundant fertilised eggs, those are “snowflake babies,” and therefore cleaning the dish containing them is murder – no matter how many actual, real new parents and actual, real new children IVF procedures help create.

Accordingly, IVF must go, for the heartache of would-be parents pales to nothing next to the God-given inalienable rights of…

…a single frozen cell in a dish, which matters ever so impossibly more than any real child ever could matter to any of them.

Now you know how they got here, and you know that this isn’t a fad, and that it will not be something they easily give up. And since this whole line of thought is absolute batshittery to anyone not buried deep in the inner nooks and crannies of their bizarre cult, hopefully you have a better idea how to use this particular bullshit against them.

Good luck out there, and good hunting.

75 days remain.

[gothicbarbie]

BL's I'm Watching in December

(From favorite to least)

The Sign - God, I love this series. It has everything for me. BillyBabe have amazing chemistry and I love how their pairing is written. Hate to love is my favorite trope and they do it so well cuz it’s also laced with banter, flirtation and tension. You can see them genuinely falling for each other. And on top of that, we have a really interesting storyline with lots of questions and mystery. The production value of the series is super impressive too.

City Boy Log - Technically this isn’t a BL, but to me it counts. It’s scripted and centers around two BL pairings. I binged the whole thing in a day and loved it. The chemistry between the main duo is just so good and I love how bold the actors are. I also really like the simplicity of how it's filmed, it feels super natural. It’s a very fun watch and I would love to see them get an official series.

Playboyy the Series - Yes, this show has hot scenes (tho I find some more awkward than they are probably intended to be) but I like the series because of the overall storyline. There are a hell of a lot of characters and it can be a bit confusing but I think I am following it lol. I like quite a few of the pairings and plots that are happening and I def. want to know where the show is going to go. There are some great sex positive messages and discussion about consent that are really nice to see too.

Pit Babe - Really enjoying this series. It started very strong and while I find some storylines to be a bit draggy, it’s really fun to get an omega verse BL. I think they could do a bit more with it, but they seem to be slowly moving in that direction. Again, this series has an overall storyline arc that is mysterious and I’m curious to know where it’s headed. I also love the chemistry between Pavel and Pooh.

Last Twilight - I’m not as in love with this series as others seem to be but I still really enjoy it. It’s nice to see a series that sort of starts more with friendship that blossoms into something deeper and I find the plot of one character being the caretaker for the other to be very sweet and also unique. The scenes where JimmySea just touch hands are so powerful so I am loving their slow progression.

Breeze of Love - Binged this whole series in a night, and it was a great. Very fun watch. Weak kissing scene but sort of expected and it didn’t take away from the series much for me because I did like the chemistry of the main pair. I think some things could have been better but I liked it.

Twins the Series - This series can be dumb at times, and some storylines are a bit blasé but overall I am having a lot of fun watching it. I really like the chemistry between the main duo.

Destiny Seeker - This one ended a bit ago but I finally got a chance to watch the series and I loved it. Mostly for the main pairing who were so fun to watch. Have I mentioned I love hate to love pairings?

The Egoist (movie) - Not a series but a movie that I also finally got around to watching. I was loving it, at first. It was fantastic. The chemistry was great and the storyline hit hard. Hated the ending though, so a bit of a warning for anyone that is curious, if you don’t like unhappy endings, don’t watch lol.

My Story - Filo BL’s can be a bit cheesy at times and this one was no exception. I do think it started a bit better than it ended and I had to fastfoward quite a bit of the show, but I did like the chemistry between the pairings and enjoyed watching it.

Cooking Crush - Was unsure of this series at first, and I am not a big fan of cooking type shows, but I think this one is got a lot better starting with ep 2. I have always liked OffGun too and I am enjoying the cutesy moments and stuff at least. So we'll give it a chance to grow.

Unforgotten Night - An older series I am finally getting around to watching. Loved the first ep, then the next few were kind of bland. I didn’t hear great things about it, so we’ll see how it fits in at my end of year ranking (prob. will make the 2024 list tho since I am watching SLOW lol...) but I do really love the premise of the series. More friends with benefits type bl’s please!

The Day I Loved You - Another filo BL that I watched this month and it was quite enjoyable and cute. I liked the first half much better than the second half, it got a bit sad/depressing for me but I still think it was very well done and reminded me of a bit of heartstopper. Would def recommend people to check it out.

For Him - This one is okay, it doesn’t really have much of a point to me right now? lmao. But I think the sex scenes are well done and it’s holding my interest enough to keep watching.

Cherry Magic Thailand - I want to like this one, but something about it is just off for me. I like TayNew but am not in love with them and I think this version is a lot less cute and quirky like the original was. It just feels a bit awkward to me and I find Tay’s inner voice to be a bit silly? I wish it was more serious and sweet and less cringey lol. I also find New’s character to be a bit pathetic considering he is a 30 year old man… I understand it was following the OG SL, but again, I feel like that series just did everythin better lol…. But, I’ll give it a chance.

You Are Mine - This one was alright, I enjoyed parts of it, other parts I found kind of slow. It's def. not going to be an all-time favorite for me, but it was worth watching.

My Dear Gangster Oppa - Love Meen. Love the main duo’s chemistry, they feel natural together. Loved the first episode… but then, I just kinda stopped caring. The whole gangster/mob stuff just didn’t interest me and I found the overall plot of the main pairing to be a bit rushed. Wish they had built that up a tad more. But it was alright.

Brothers the Series - Another past BL that I’ve only seen a few eps of so far, so it’s hard to judge, but it’s okay so far. I do like the chemistry between the main pair and am curious to know where they are going to take things. But I am going very slow with this one.

Sahara Sensei to Toki-Kun - Only seen a few eps of this one and so far I’m, not really that into it. It’s okay and has some cute moments, but I don’t really like the chemistry between the main duo all that much, and I find it quite creepy he has a crush on a teacher tbh… But, we’ll see where it goes. Not one of Japan’s best imo.

VIP Only - This series is okay but I find it kind of boring. I like the main pairing okay, but I’m also not feeling the storyline that much, it’s just a bit bland to me.

7 Days Before Valentine - Sort of interesting premise and I like the chemistry between the angel dude and the main guy (if it’s even going to go there?) but there are some dumb/weird scenes and moments and the storyline is frustrating too. We’ll see what happens.

I Will Knock You - Older series I am finally attempting to skim through but it’s very meh. The chemistry is just okay. The plot is pretty boring. The main guy is a bit of an ass and hard to like right now but I also kinda like the banter? Maybe? IDK.

Middleman’s Love - Wanted to like this series because I like the characters and the chemistry but it’s just been dragging and dragging since ep 1. I didn't expect it to take this long for something to happen between the main two and the main character can be really annoying and frustrating and a bit TOO dramatic. They use him to be funny but he just comes off obnoxious? Bit of a bust for me. The series just doesn’t have a purpose...

Bake Me Please - Don’t like this series at all really. I don’t think the main couple has any chemistry. Ohm’s character is frankly annoying! And their relationship went from 0 to 60 in like 1 scene. I would just stop watching alll together, but it’s got so few episodes that I might as well just finish it.

Tie the Knot - This one is at the bottom cuz I barely remember what it was about but I just remember I skimmed the majority of it lol.

[rhinestoneskye]

Kick It Off Right

Word Count; 5.7k

Warnings; brief sex jokes, mention of alcohol, slight discussion of religion and mention of disbelief, Josh being Josh.

————————༒————————

A whole month off. Tour had finished, a new album released, their record company had the ball in their court. The final decision? Let the professionals plan while the band took a break.

“I don’t know what I’m gonna do.”

Josh had a mini crisis in the middle of the living room three nights after they got the news.

“I can’t do anything. I can’t perform, there’s nothing to record.. I have no inspiration to write… the guys are all doing their own thing-“

I sat on the couch and tried my best to listen without seeming too excited. I already had ideas of ways to keep him busy, but I’d been waiting to suggest any until I knew for a fact he was at a loss for plans.

“Let’s go on a road trip.”

“That’ll never work…” he drew in a breath to continue before pausing. Josh’s arms folded across his chest, brow furrowing in question as he looked down at me. “A road trip?”

“I’ve always wanted to visit the state parks. Let’s go do something with nature.”

“A road trip?” This time he asked to make sure he was hearing me correct.

“Yes, Josh.” I folded my own arms across my chest. “We have a few months to do our own thing. Let’s escape.”

“What if they need me?”

“The label said they wouldn’t, and if they do, that’s the beauty of phone calls and FaceTime.”

“What if my band needs me?”

“They’re doing stuff too. And if your brothers really need something, they’ll have Danny. And Danny will have them.”

“What if-“

“Just pack your shit and go on a road trip with me, Kiszka.” I couldn’t listen to his endless worries any longer. He just needed to get out of his house in a way that wasn’t involved with work. Josh let out a sigh. He pursed his lips, a sign I knew all too well. He was ready to argue. To tell me no. To say I should go with the girls. I looked right back at him with a stern gaze. “You need it.” I pressed on.

There was a beat before his shoulders fell, and a sigh escaped his lips.

“Just a week.” He tried to compromise. I decided it was best to give in and not test further limits.

“We’ll start with a week.”

“Can we leave on Friday? So I can tell everybody and- and just be prepared?”

“Yeah. We’ll have to get a rental anyway.”

“A rental?”

“Absolutely. I’m not road tripping in an uncomfortable car.” Josh bit his bottom lip in consideration. “Let me handle it. Okay?” I offered.

“Yeah.. that’s fine.” He gave in easily. Josh seemed to be so stressed and yet so carefree at the same time. I could rent a van if it meant he wouldn’t have to worry about it. I’d already called a few companies anyway when I came up with the idea of road tripping. Id stumbled upon a perfect vehicle when I visited a place with an old Volkswagen camper van. Josh had talked about them before, and how much he loved them.

I already knew where I was renting from, so it made the task so much easier.

The week came and went. Josh became more and more comfortable with the idea of a road trip as the days passed. We purchased a few maps and planned our route together during quiet evenings on the couch. His excitement began to radiate as he talked about all the places he wanted to go. And of course he asked about my stops as well. Our compromise on one week immediately turned into the full month once he was fully on board with the idea. Josh and I settled on a few different bottles of alcohol to take, as well as snacks. We packed our bags according to the locations and the projected weather. Mostly shorts and tank tops. A few pairs of jeans and a sweatshirt or jacket in case of emergencies. A first aid kit was set out by our things, and a few blankets. Josh insisted on bringing his favorite pillow. Our pile was by no means big, considering the space we’d have to fit our things in, but we had certainly covered everything.

I thought we’d finished packing until I stepped out of the shower one night to see Josh sat on the floor by his nightstand, gently placing a camera into an old black bag I hadn’t seen in ages.

“You’re taking your camera?” I smiled, a laugh bubbling from my lips when he jolted at the sound of my voice.

“Uh.. yeah. I thought maybe it would be fun.. to film a little.”

“Oh yeah?” I prompted him to go on.

“I’ve always wanted to make a traveling documentary.” His cheeks flushed, embarrassed by the confession. But I found it endearing. If he hadn’t been so artistic and passionate, I never would have fallen as hard as I had.

“Only if I’m in it.” I teased, watching the way his eyes lit up.

“Of course.”

By Friday, Josh and I were practically sprinting out of the house to get to the rental company. He quizzed me the whole way there on the car I’d rented, but I didn’t let up until we got inside the building.

We spoke with the woman at the desk before we found a place to sit.

“What color is it?”

“White and blue.” I placed my hand on his knee, a gentle reminder to relax.

“Are you sure you got a good one?” He didn’t doubt me, he simply wanted to double check.

“I got the best one on the market.” I perked up at the sight of the man I spoke with when I visited, approaching with a pair of keys in his hand. I quickly stood, and Josh took it as a signal for himself to stand as well.

“Kiszka?” He asked, and we both nodded. “You two are going to love this piece of history. The company we bought it from spent quite a bit fixing it up to make it road safe and comfortable.”

“History?” Josh whispered in my direction. I grabbed his hand and squeezed it.

“It’s right outside. You can leave your car in the lot, and if you’d like to hand your keys over somebody will move it for you.”

“Thank you so much.” I held my free hand out to Josh, who fished his car keys from his pocket and rested them in my hand. I passed them to the man in an exchange for the van keys.

“Babe.” Josh whispered the moment the man turned to lead us outside.

“What’s up?” I asked, barely able to contain my smile.

“Can I see those?” I gave him the keys, allowing him to do his inspection, furthering his theories.

“No way-“ I had to assume Josh caught on the second he saw the logo on the key fob. “No fucking way.” I laughed quietly. The moment we got outside, Josh’s last theory became a reality. “Oh my god. It’s breathtaking.”

I released Josh’s hand to let him explore, giving a grateful nod to the man who stood by the front door. My lover looked nothing short of a kid in a candy store.

“If there’s any issue you encounter or if there’s information you need, you can give me a call. Ma’am you should have my number, and if you lose it, there’s always a backup in the car’s information package in the glovebox.”

“Thank you so much.” I flashed the man a smile. “We just have to get our things out of the car, then we’ll be out of your hair.” He nodded in understanding before turning to go back inside.

“Josh.” I caught his attention and tried to stifle my laughter when his wild expression caught my eyes. “Let’s go get our things.”

We decided to kick off our trip at Fall Creek State Park. It wasn’t a long drive, and it gave Josh and I a chance to get used to the van and all its glory. He loved it. Driving was a little different, the wheel turned a bit more stiffly, and the gear shift was a whole different style, but overall he adapted well. I sent a few pictures in the group chat with the band, most of which earned replies of excitement and playful jealousy. The three hour drive to the park was full of conversation. I’d never seen Josh so talkative, which said a lot. We stopped in between the second and third hour for dinner in an old diner, sharing quiet conversation over a stack of homemade pancakes and blueberry syrup. Then we got back on the road. Once we got to the park, it was a struggle to find a campground to settle in. The help of a ranger though, got us going in the right direction.

“I told you.” I pointed to the sign we’d passed a few minutes ago.

“You didn’t tell me shit.” Josh sassed with a playful grin.

“You better watch it.”

Josh pulled into the first empty lot, and we’d crawled out of the van with speed, pulling open the sliding door to step into the vehicle. It was a cramped space, and I had to shove Josh multiple times to get his backside out of my face, but we knew we wouldn’t be in it much other than sleep and driving. The space was sufficient for the things we’d need it for.

“We can’t change at the same time.” I informed him as I sat on the bed, watching his head turn to look at me.

“Sure we can!” I rolled my eyes when Josh pulled the door shut and tossed my bathing suit in my direction. “You just change there, and I’ll change here.” He gestured wildly to the small area, and I merely rolled my eyes at his persistence. I made sure the blinds in front of the windows were closed, and asked Josh to hold a blanket up between the back part of the vehicle and the windshield so nobody could see me. He was happy to do so. He was just as happy to stare at me while I changed too. But I let it slide.

Once I got my bathing suit on, I slid back into my shorts and t-shirt. Then Josh and I switched positions. I held the blanket while he changed into a pair of swim trunks, though I would say, I didn’t stare as much as he did. Only a little.

“Let me grab a few things to throw in a book bag, then I’ll be ready.” I informed him as he slid the van door open again. Josh gave a nod and snagged the strap of his camera bag to haul out with himself. It didn’t take me long to pack a bag. Two water bottles, a few bandages, a couple granola bars. I grabbed a towel too, stuffing that into the bag before I stepped out of the van, an immediate blush spreading across my cheeks when I caught sight of the camera in Josh’s hands.

“Josh.” I scolded in a whined tone, holding a hand up toward the lens, but I didn’t dare touch it.

“It’s okay, just smile. I want a couple pictures.” He was videoing, but I was none the wiser. So I gave in, lowering my hand and standing awkwardly for him. His smile was bright as day while his face lowered to look through the lens once again. “You look beautiful, hun.” He certainly knew how to make me open up. “Absolutely stunning.”

“Are you done yet?” I grew impatient and suspicious quickly, placing my hands on my hips.

“Yeah, yeah. Okay.” He waved a hand dismissively before finally lowering his camera, the item hanging from his neck by a brown leather strap embroidered with a white flower pattern.

“Can we go now? I wanna find those waterfalls.” I asked, hopeful to officially begin our trip.

“Yes, we can go.” Josh held his hand out, and I was swift to interlock our fingers. Work was long forgotten. Miles away back in the heart of Nashville. I had Josh all to myself.

We found a map of the walking trials and tourist spots. I helped Josh locate one of the beautiful waterfalls, and we spent some time trying to find the trail we were supposed to be on. Once we found it, our journey began.

Sometimes we shared a few words, but overall it was a quiet journey. A few stops were taken for photos, some I made Josh take, others he made me stop so he could take. We didn’t have to talk or pay much attention to one another to feel together. Doing this side by side was enough. I was certain Josh was at peace. Feeling a type of serenity he hadn’t felt in a long time. His silence was as comforting as it was off putting. I wondered what he thought. What was going through his head.

“Do you have a paper?” His voice tore through the silence at one point, tentative and distracted. Clearly still enveloped in his thoughts.

“Other than the map? No.”

“Do you have a pen?”

“Yeah. We needed one to write on the map.”

“Can I have it?”

My brow furrowed in amusement, but I turned my back to Josh for him to get the pen nonetheless.

“Side pocket.” He looked in the right one first, inconvenienced to find it wasn’t there. He quickly pulled the pen from the left pocket before unzipping the bag and grabbing our map.

“Hold still.. okay?”

“What?” I craned my neck to peek over my shoulder.

“Just hold still, please. I need to write something.”

“Okay.” I tapped my feet a few times, glancing down at the dirt while I waited for him. When the pen stopped against my back, and I heard it click, I finally turned toward him. Josh had to stretch over me to stick the map back into the book bag, flashing me a quick and lighthearted glare. I chuckled and turned back around so he could zip the bag.

“Can I know what that was?”

“Not yet.”

“Don’t make me wait years.” I groaned dramatically. Josh slipped his hand back into my own and gave a gentle tug to get me walking again. I fell into step beside him.

“You’ll be the first to hear whatever it is I’ve come up with. Okay? I promise.”

“You said that the last time.” I gently swung our hands between us.

“Well.. I mean it this time.”

“Mhm,” I smirked, glancing at him to catch the smirk on his lips.

“Can you at least tell me what’s on your mind then? Clue me in a little.” I bumped my shoulder against his own. Josh’s silence after such a question was normal. He liked to formulate his sentences in his mind before he spoke. At least when it was meaningful. When it wasn’t meaningful, he never gave a single thought to the words that came out of his mouth.

“How beautiful it all is.”

“The forest?”

“Creation.”

I should have known it was deeper than just the surface level things.

“As in.. the entire world?”

“No.” He didn’t elaborate, but I caught on.

Creation as in, the biblical creation. The creation that took seven days. Six if you don’t count the day God rested. The creation that quite literally marked the beginning of the universe.

The creation Josh wasn’t even sure he believed in.

“Somebody made it.” He paused. “Or something made it.”

His family had been raised religious. And while Josh always struggled between believing in the existence of a god or not, he did believe in something. He just didn’t know what.

“Everything has a purpose, you know?” Josh’s eyes fell to the ground. “It all fits together so perfectly. Every thing assists some other thing when it comes to living. It really hits you when you’re in the middle of it all. They used to tell us in Sunday school, that God made everything with a purpose. Sure as hell, everything has a purpose.. it’s just.. you know, there’s no real physical proof of anything.” He glanced at me, and I gave a nod for him to continue.

“There’s never an answer for any of it. You don’t know where it comes from, and even scientists can’t tell you for sure how each atom came together. I’d love to know how something so beautiful came into existence. It’s not fair we don’t get to know everything.” I chuckled softly at the almost childish expression.

“If you knew everything, you’d be unstoppable, rockstar.” I couldn’t stop him from thinking, nor did I want to, but I could try to bring him back from the existential cliff he stood on the edge of.

“Maybe.” Josh delved back into his thoughts at the end of our conversation, eyes trailing back to the forest around us.

I was thankful Josh had as much time on stage as he did, running about and simply being on his feet for hours at a time. He was certainly fit, but his short legs did him no favors when it came to physical activity. So to have the extra strength, it certainly helped. The hour walk went by fairly well, other than the occasional whine about his feet being sore or a groan about his back. Mostly just for attention.

When we came through the clearing in the forest, Josh and I finally came face to face with the beautiful waterfall we’d been on the search for.

“I’m so hot.” I mumbled, the sight of a body of water quickly making me realize my own temperature. I dropped our book bag by a tree and stripped out of my shirt and shorts, tossing both articles haphazardly into the grass before I took off toward the water. I heard Josh’s giggly laughter behind me. “Josh!” I called for him, a shiver wracking my spine the moment my feet hit the water and the droplets splashed up my body.

“I’m coming!” The water slowed my steps the deeper I got, and eventually my feet got caught so deep that I had to stop. I turned just in time to spot Josh running full speed ahead into the body of water, picking his knees up higher as it got deeper. A gasp escaped my lips the moment his body jerked forward, tumbling right beneath the water with a wild yell that sounded incredibly similar to any yell he’s ever let out for an album. I knew before he even surfaced that he had a mouth full of water. Josh’s once wild hair was completely soaked. His head whipped out from beneath the water along with most of his upper body, a scrape on one of his shoulders and one along the left side of his chest. He coughed and coughed, and my concern quickly dissipated. If he could cough he could breathe. He’d be fine.

“This is why we don’t run like idiots into shallow bodies of water.” I scolded as I leaned forward, brushing my fingers along the scrape on his shoulder. I tried my hardest not to laugh. Josh flashed me a distasteful glare and flinched away from my touch. His frown, no matter how real, couldn’t last long. His eyes met my own, and in a flash his lips turned upward in a smile to match my own. Though mischief was masked in his gaze. In my own, pure love and adoration.

That damned camera was recording again. Somewhere set up in the clearing. I caught one glimpse of it when Josh jumped upright and wrapped his arms around my midsection, lifting me up and promptly dropping me right into the water. I tensed in anticipation, prepared to scrape my own body on something, but no pain ever came other than a slight pressure when my back rested against a few rocks. I came up gasping for air, teetering on my feet and moving my hair out of my face. I caught my breath before I shoved Josh’s chest.

“You ass!” I yelled. He laughed.

“Let’s do it again!” His arms reached for me once again, but I immediately backed away.

“No!” His jovial giggles were contagious. The lighthearted nature of the entire ordeal had me laughing along with him. We looked like kids. We felt like kids. Josh always knew how to make anybody feel young.

“Josh I’m soaking wet!” I shouted through laughter as I tried to keep away from him. Though it became harder to move as he backed me deeper into the little lake.

“I am too! Just come here!” He reached for me again, but I swatted his hand away. Josh let out a rather pathetic gasp, cradling his hand to his chest in a flash.

“That didn’t hurt.” I immediately glared at him. But he merely responded with wide sad eyes and a pouting lip. “Josh, fuck off. That didn’t hurt.” I scolded him for his antics. We both knew that if he kept it up long enough, I’d give in. “Joshua.” I glared. He sniffed. I glared harder. “I swear to god, if you start crying in the middle of this place I’m gonna abandon you here.” I’d never dream of it, but we both had a rather aggressive sense of humor. Josh knew I didn’t mean it either, because the second I gave him the idea, he started acting like he was tearing up, drawing in a deep breath and readying for a long wail. Curse his family for supporting his theatre kid dreams. Since when did the the oldest children become so needy for attention?

“Okay! Okay!” I swiftly waded through the water to get to him, forcing my hand over his mouth, dangerously close to being a second too late. Josh’s arms immediately wrapped around me. I tensed, but relaxed when his hands rested on my back. A cheeky grin on his lips.

“That’s all I needed.” He confessed, content to stand there with the sun beating off our backs, wet and chilled, looking like a pair of rats. I rested my hands on his shoulders.

“You stress me out sometimes.” I teased with a quiet laugh somewhere between a sigh and a groan.

“But you love me.” He clarified. I had no choice but to agree with a nod. “May I have a kiss?” He asked, feigning a posh accent.

“You may.” I granted with a curt nod, gasping when he leaned forward and dipped me, the initial shock making my muscles tighten. Then our lips locked. I moaned in delight at the feeling, eyes closed while my hands struggled for a mere moment to slip around Josh’s shoulders. Every kiss with Josh was meaningful, but I saved the word passionate for the ones that felt truly magical. The kisses that made sparks fly. Kisses like these. He pulled away first, careful to help me up onto my feet before he pulled me by my sides into his chest.

“Will you take a few pictures underneath the waterfall for me?” He dipped a finger beneath one of the straps of my swimsuit top. Innocent, but fidgety.

“Yeah, of course. Anything for our documentary.”

“Our?” Josh acted outraged, pulling back with a bewildered look.

“If I’m your star, then yeah, it’s ours.”

“Fine. We split the credit 60/40.” He held his hand out to me.

“50/50 or you can find another star.” I argued. Josh pretended to consider it before he gave in.

“Fine.” We shook hands before trekking out of the water together. I fished the towel from our book bag and helped Josh dry off before he grabbed his camera. Ending the video I was oblivious to him taking.

“Come on.” Josh surprised me by grabbing ahold of my hand, pulling me in the direction of the water fall before I had even dropped the towel. I had to leave it in the grass a few feet from our bag, but with nobody around I assumed it would be fine. He guided me down into the water behind the water fall, holding onto my hand until I was off the slippery rocks.

“I just want a few of you behind the water.” He said, walking a little ways away, occasionally checking the lens to see what the camera would capture. Each area he wrinkled his nose at, until he stepped down into the water and found what he was looking for. What that was, I didn’t know. He gave me a thumbs up and told me to pose. I wasn’t sure what that meant, but I’d been a teenage girl once, so I recalled the old dramatic bathroom photo shoots and mirror selfies, and pulled a few poses out of the old memories.

“Can you cross your wrists above your head?” I raised my brow at Josh’s words, but did so nonetheless. “Stand sideways and arch your back.” I couldn’t help but chuckle as I did so. I felt silly. “Look up.” He paused. “Beautiful.” He complimented, per usual, before taking a few more pictures. “Look over at me.” I turned my head to look at Josh.

“My back is starting to hurt, twinkletones.” I called, just barely hearing the faint click of a few photos being snapped.

“Twinkletones.” Josh laughed. “I like that one.” His head finally lifted. “I’m good now.” He stepped out of the water and came to my aid, pulling me out with a delighted expression. Josh loved music. He loved performing. But there was always a look on his face I could never describe when he was behind a camera. It was his first true love. His first dream before everything else.

“What’s next?” I asked, resting my hand on his shoulder as I stepped up the bank and onto the dry grass.

“I don’t know.. what time is it?” I checked my watch when he asked.

“Seven thirty.”

“The sun sets soon. We can go back to the van? Try to catch it before we shut in for the night?”

“That sounds like a wonderful idea.” I slid my hand into his own as we walked back to our things, grabbing the towel on the way. Josh helped me pack our bag once again, and he slipped his shirt on after.

“We’ll wash off those scrapes too.” I made note of it, and he nodded in understanding.

The walk back to the campground was full of more conversation. Josh showed me the photos he took, and though I insisted he show me the videos, he refused, saying he’d show me when he had the ‘film’ all put together.

“Water?” Josh asked near the end of the trail. I slipped the book bag off my back and unzipped it, retrieving our waters. I passed one to him and asked him to zip the bag for me. “Yeah I got it.” Josh had mumbled before sealing the bag. With the van just in sight, we had stopped to take a few sips of water. I took note of the frizz in his half dried hair, a holy mess I knew I’d have to get used to during the month we’d be out. After we closed the distance between ourselves and the van, Josh dropped down by the sliding door of the vehicle, a long sigh tumbling from his lips as his head fell back against the siding door. I laughed, gently nudging his thigh with my foot as a signal for him to move over. As he did, I slid the door open. I dropped the book bag on the floor and stepped in to gather something for us to sleep in.

“What do you wanna wear?” I called, met with silence. “Josh?” Nothing. I swiftly turned and peeked out of the vehicle. I wasn’t sure if he wasn’t listening, or if he was asleep, but his eyes were closed. I crouched down and leaned forward to pinch his shoulder.

“Ow. Fuck- what?” His eyes quickly opened, looking up at me in irritation. I chuckled.

“What do you wanna sleep in?”

“Got my sweatpants?”

“If you packed them.” I answered swiftly. His expression shifted into consideration, uncertainty, then annoyance again. He slowly stood up, groaning all the while. I slipped back into the van and sat down on the bed, making space for Josh to go through his own bag while I rested my own legs.

“Got ‘em.” He held them up triumphantly, almost slamming his fist against the top of the van.

“Perfect.” I leaned forward to grab the clothes I’d laid out on the small countertop. One of Josh’s t-shirts and a pair of silk shorts. Josh shut the van door and reached for the blanket again. He considered holding it up before he lost interest in the idea, opting out for a new one. He draped the blanket over the headrests of the van, concealing us from the windshield and front window view. There was only a sliver of light coming through, and if one looked in, all they’d see was the tops of our heads.

“Come over.” I patted the empty space on the bed, and Josh quickly sat down next to me. He leaned into my side, sliding his shoulder past my own in such a slow fashion that I knew he was testing the waters. Trying to get away with laying down. “Not yet, troublemaker.” I laughed, pushing him upright. “Pull your shirt off.”

“For sex purposes… or?” I slapped his shoulder.

“For the scrapes on you. Behave.”

“Fine.” He pulled his shirt off and tossed it onto the floor. I began to change while he slipped his shorts off and got into his sweatpants. Once we were both re-dressed, I moved Josh to the floor of the van and opened one of the cupboards below the counter. I grabbed a washcloth and the bottle of hand soap we had, using one of the bottles of water to wet the cloth.

“Tomorrow morning we are finding a place to shower.” I spoke as I prepped the cloth.

“You think there’s shower-houses around here?”

“Probably.” I answered as I put a few pumps of the soap on the cloth, lathering it before I carefully pressed the cloth to his shoulder. I let him hiss through the initial burn before I gently rubbed the raw skin. “But the sun will have set by the time we even find them and that’s not safe.” Like the many true crime documentaries and podcasts we listened to.

“That makes sense.” Josh watched as I worked, using the dry half of the towel to wipe the water and soap from his shoulder before I repeated the process with the scrape on his chest.

“Thanks, beautiful.” Josh whispered as I dried the last scrape, tossing the towel into the sink while I put the soap back.

“Anytime, songbird.” I pushed his frizzy curls back from his forehead, laughing softly at the state of his hair.

“If we open the windows we can catch the sunset from the bed.” Josh slowly stood, walking maybe two steps before he collapsed into the surprisingly comfortable mattress. He reached upward to open the blinds opposite of the pillows. A perfect view.

“I can’t believe I ever ripped on van life.” I whispered as I followed him into bed. I waited for Josh to get properly situated before I laid down beside him.

“I can’t believe you had to talk me into this.”

“You seemed like you needed it. And I know road tripping is something you’ve always been interested in.”

“I couldn’t be happier right now. With you, and this beautiful van, and the wilderness. And I get to capture it all on camera.”

“You should teach me how to take some of those beautiful photos sometime.” If it meant getting a glimpse into his creative world, I would have loved to learn. I shimmied into Josh’s side, resting my head on his chest. I pressed a kiss to his skin, enjoying the warmth he radiated.

“I’d be delighted to.” He shifted his upper body away from my own only for a moment, moving his arm up to wrap beneath my shoulders, pulling me further into his body. I rolled onto my side and draped a leg over his own, placing my head on his chest again.

“How about a normal one though?” I suggested, glancing back toward the counter to grab my phone. I had to stretch to reach it, but once I had it, I opened the camera and raised the device above us. “Smile, J.” I spoke in a sing-song tone, laughing at the over exaggerated smile he gave me. I snapped a few photos with the flash unexpectedly on, but I had no interest in taking more. They didn’t need to look good, I simply wanted a few.

“Oh, oh,” Josh reached for my phone. I quickly handed it over. “Let’s get one of the sunset.” He turned the phone sideways and flipped the camera around. How he found the straightest angle, I’d never know, but he snapped a few photos and looked through them all before handing the phone back. “Okay.. now we can relax.” I set my phone on the mattress beside us.

“Thanks for your permission, sarge.” I teased softly, relishing in the way his chest rose and fell with his sporadic laughter. As the silence settled, I closed my eyes. It had been a great first day. An easygoing one, but a perfect opener to a month full of travel and sightseeing.

“I can’t wait to see the world with you.” I whispered as I rested a hand on his chest by my head. I felt his own hand come down on top of my own.

“The whole month is ours, baby.” I smiled, comforted by the feeling of his lips pressing a kiss to my head.

The whole month was ours.

[castlebyersafterdark]

i know we are free love around here, 60s vibes, but do you ever feel a little shameful about liking noah or finn deep down? i still do :( not for queer reasons, just because they dont know who we are but we know lots about them comparatively. idk. sometimes i feel like im ogling lol. i mean, i am, but idk why that feels shameful.

Hmmmmm interesting one. To be honest - not really? I think I was hesitant to actually post or type out thoughts earlier on, but it wasn't like the thoughts weren't already in my brain, the thirst and the admiration and the imagination. I more felt bad about other people getting uncomfortable but just in that they needed a warning this was happening here and that's what my blog was about - and I think I give that vibe by now, it's pretty apparent what we're about in this little corner. If people hated it, they'd have told me and while I got hate in the past here, never about enjoying the boys. (Yet. Hoping to not jinx it.)

I understand the hesitation someone might feel though, and not everyone needs to be so blatant in regards to sex and scrutinizing lives and discussing the little personal details we find. But - I don't think there's anything wrong with it while staying in your lane. I keep it private, to the blog. It would take work to find a random untagged tumblr blog. I think we as fans of the famous have to reconcile the reality that celebrity comes with a layer of exploitation and too many personal details accessible to the public, their image copied everywhere, a little intrusive at times on a larger scale than the average person - but what are we gonna do about it? Human nature.

Does anyone really need to be famous? Nope. But people are talented or in the spotlight and so now we are aware and now we've latched on and formed a mental connection and we are interested and you can't take it back or shut it off! We are attracted or invested! Etc, etc. So - yes, we are ogling. But we're ogling strangers or people we know irl, too. We're looking up people's lives on social media and paying attention to details. We do that with anyone we know and form a mental connection towards. Like I said - for a celebrity this just happens on a larger scale with more people doing it. I think even if someone denies attraction, which is valid, liking a celebrity and following their life at all is a lot like having a crush and how a crush occupies the brain.

Maybe it plays into the current culture of guilt with any personal pleasure and that includes basic enjoyment of things that are overly indulgent? And celebrity culture and interest into it plays into it. This is definitely an indulgent interest or hobby. Or how people say that having a crush and thinking sexual thoughts about someone else is bad because it's non consensual WHICH - NO!! That's not how it works!! That is very dangerous thinking and what got the internet to where it is today. You can be attracted to and think about and even get off to other people and it's totally fine and natural and human. It's a culture of guilt and repression we are becoming suppressed and trapped under. It's totally OK to embrace interests and embrace sexuality and I'm not just talking about orientation.

There's a difference between saying all these things to a person's face and making them actually uncomfortable or going into someone's DMs and saying a bunch of out of nowhere sexual stuff or sending them explicit things about them. There's a difference between finding someone hot or talking with your friends about it or mentally getting off and treating the real person not like a real person with agency etc. Basically my rule is - is what you are currently doing about this affecting their lives?? If the answer is no, where is the harm? Stay in your lanes and appropriate spaces, let your brain wander where it wants and embrace it - because thought crimes are not real.

Fully down with and agree that my whole vibe is very free love and non-judgement and openness about sex and not just sex, but anything that brings safe harmless enjoyment and eases the mind about being true to yourself.

[checkoutmybookshelf]

The One That Takes Place on an Adult Film Set

So if Grave Peril was where we really got to know the Red Court and really dig into one type of vampire, this is where we get the rest of the vampires. This book is a weird amalgamation of Harry breaking an entropy curse on a porn set and Harry LARP-ing the fast few chapters of Dracula. There is just so much weird mirroring in this book too, everything from Harry learning about the real nature of his relationship to Thomas, which mirrors Lara and Inari's relationship to Harry's "porn stars are people too" stance that gets really contradicted by the fact that the only non-Ex-Mrs.-Genosa casualty is the single mother of two who keeps a roof over their heads and food on the table by starring in porn films. Like...For all Harry's protestations of open-mindedness, the entire *premise* of the adult film chunks of this book are "we are punishing porn stars for being porn stars." So let's talk Blood Rites.

This is your SPOILER WARNING and also your CONTENT WARNING for discussions of sex, pornography, and mental assault.

There are three main thrusts to this book (pun sort of intended, but I feel bad about it). There's Harry's Family Stuff and the White Court, there is the Black Court, and there is Arturo Genosa and the adult film. Let's take those in reverse order, because that just feels easiest.

The thing that pulls Harry into this book is Thomas Wraith showing up and asking Harry to help a buddy of his who is cursed. Arturo Genosa apparently really likes sticking his dick in crazy, because he has three ex-wives who have banded together after finding out that he's planning to marry again, but the new bride does not have to sign the same prenup they did, which will screw them out of their shares of Genosa's estate when he dies. Unfortunately, because fax machines are not great, the name of the new bride is smudged to hell and back, so rather than trying to decipher it and target just one person, the ex-wife brigade adopts a spray-and-pray method (double entendre also intended, and I feel less bad about this one). So they basically curse the studio and every woman around Genosa is in the firing line, which is what Harry has been hired to stop.

This gets WEIRDLY slapstick at times, since someone tries to take Harry out with a blowgun, and a frozen turkey quite literally falls from the sky. What is decidedly not slapstick is the sheer level of catty woman-on-woman violence, pettiness, and vitriol. Like, yes, this bullying and violence dynamic exists and deserves page time, but the point is WILDLY undercut when you drop the whole conflict into a highly sexually charged environment and trip into classic horror tropes like the final girl, the brides of Dracula (which is absolutely the vibe in the Wraith Deeps), and punishing sex workers for sex work. You've just basically undercut any other point you're trying to make, because you haven't subverted jack shit and you are so buried in tropes and heteronormative sex that any sense beyond "women are literal monsters" gets completely eclipsed. Like, I'm genuinely shocked that Butcher didn't somehow work a vagina dentata or a sarlacc joke into this book.

Now, running in the background of Harry and the Porn Film is Mavra, a Black Court vampire who is full-on coming for Harry and working to rebuild her court. Harry decides that the best course of action here is to go old school: Find the nest and burn it out before the baby vamps can hurt anyone else. Which, frankly? I support. The Black Court can and should get wiped off the face of the earth. And for the most part, this section is just fun to read. Harry, Murphy, and Kincaid--with Ebenezer McCoy as their wheelman--track the scourge of vampires to their lair in a homeless shelter and proceed to wreck shop on them. Harry even manages to get a group of captured kids out of there in one piece. Well, the kids are in one piece. Harry gets his hand dry-roasted because his shields aren't designed for thermal regulation. That's going to be extremely relevant in terms of lore and character building for the next few books, until Butcher basically forgets about it. But in general, it's a kickass quest and is largely successful.

My only real beef with this scene is the five or so minutes where Murphy is traversing a set of lasers wired to claymore mines and Kincaid has to take her pants off to buy her a quarter inch of space. Which like, is fair enough in practical terms, but Kincaid, Harry, and the book itself sexualize this in a way that is just absolutely gross and unnecessary, and I'm pretty sure it was 100% just so that Harry could smirk about Murphy gunfighting in panties with a little bow on them. Which made me want to take his staff and clock him across the jaw. Multiple times. This was not required, and it just keeps adding to the pattern of sexualizing women in deadly situations...holy crap, did we accidentally wander into a Joss Whedon project?

This scene does set up Murphy and Kincaid's relationship though, which will be relevant for like...maybe one other book? So fine. It also highlights that Kincaid and the White Council DO NOT get along, since he and McCoy draw on each other on sight and Harry almost doesn't manage to talk them down. So we do get some interesting insight into who the White Council does and does not approve of.

I suppose I have to stop stalling now, and actually address the White Court and the Family Stuff.

For any of this book to make sense, we need to know a little bit of history. Mostly that Lord Wraith, Thomas, Lara, and Inari's father, had just the biggest boner for Harry's mother, Margaret Le Fay. Margaret spent a lot of time in the White Court, gave birth to Thomas, and then peaced out. On her way out the door though, she cursed Lord Wraith so that his hunger--the demon that makes him a White Court vampire--couldn't feed. So he hasn't been able to feed since before Harry was born, is dangerously weak--but somehow still strong enough to be STRONGLY implied to be grooming and assaulting his children--and is losing power internally. So yes, Daddy Wraith is a piece of utter garbage, and when we start the book, Inari and Lara are both working for Genosa. Thomas is trying to spare Inari from ever becoming a White Court vampire, while Lara is actively yeeting her AT HARRY to try to awaken her hunger. This is just a bad situation all around.

That said though, this is the book where Harry starts to really gather family--blood family--around him, because in addition to leaving a curse for Lord Wraith, Margaret left mental messages for both her sons that they unlock in this book, so they would know who and what they are to each other in case she wasn't there to connect them.

And as much as I hate to admit feels for anything in this book, the messages she left and the emotional rollercoaster of discovering that you HAVE a brother and that you actually LIKE that brother gave me feels. Harry and Thomas desperately need each other, and now they have each other, and they can trust each other. That's huge for both of them. They both have to play that information very close to the chest, but THEY know, and that's kind of the important thing.

That also makes the end of this book, in the Wraith Deeps, even more complicated because family plus politics is never NOT messy. Lara full-on stages a coup to take control of the White Court, thanks to Harry outing Lord Wraith's curse and utter disregard for any of his children to her. The way it shakes out though, is with Lara in charge, Inari free, and Thomas living with Harry because Lara banished his ass.

Again though, we have Murphy being mentally and physically assaulted in the Deeps, and no, Butcher, him being "the lord of the freaking nation of sexual predators" (p. 330) does not go any distance to excusing or defending it. Like...Perhaps we could STAHP assaulting women everywhere? For five minutes?

Overall, I think this is one of the more forgettable early Dresden Files books, and it falls into horror and vampire tropes way too easily, even when Harry himself is trying to insist that he's open-minded or chivalrous. Clearing out the Black Court hideout was fun, and Harry and Thomas knowing about each other was lovely, but honestly the rest of this book is SO WEIRD about sex and consent and lust that it really did out me off.

OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT MOUSE!!! Mouse is the goodest boi, and the best thing to come out of the book. He is a Foo Dog who adopts Harry, and that's basically it in this book, but keep an eye out, because Mouse is the BEST.

[brookebellamy]

BookTok Needs to Read the Room

by Brooke Bellamy

As a fanfic community, we don’t leave negative, snotty comments in the same way we don’t criticize our kid’s volunteer soccer coach. Well, I suppose some people do but at least that’s commonly understood to be in poor taste to publicly ridicule someone contributing their time, effort and talents to the community for free.

Full blog below the cut but I'd super duper appreciate it if you consider checking it out for free on medium 🙏

Why We Shouldn’t Hate on Fanfic Writers

Spend no less than five minutes with me and you’ll probably — whether you want to or not — be brought up to speed on the latest fandom drama happening in my discord servers or Twitter groupchats.

I’m a fangirl, it’s exactly what it says on the can. I’m a copywriter by day and by night an avid creator and connoisseur of fanfiction — these days mostly about TOP GUN (yes, that TOP GUN) but it tends to vary on a semi-yearly basis.

I get my kicks in weird ways and yet I’m far from alone in that.

Beyond the movies and the characters, I’m interested in fandom as a whole or as we like to call it fandom meta.

The unspoken rules of this wacky subculture dating back to the 1960s. Watching beloved or controversial fanfics get pulled off the web, reworked and eventually published as independent stories in their own right. The constant push and pull against a mainstream that is becoming increasingly aware of something that used to be a shame-filled, hidden hobby only for the nerdiest of the nerds.

Enter, Stage Right: BookTok

Fanfic going somewhat mainstream is thanks in no small part to TikTok, specifically BookTok — the community that reviews and discusses published romance novels. I’m not really a member of that community but from what I’ve gathered BookTok is mostly made up of millennial women who voraciously consume books of varying degrees of quality and really, really, really care about the sex. Or, to use their own lingo, spice.

Like they’re almost getting a little weird about it, not gonna lie.

To an outsider, though I hardly should be considered one, BookTok seems to be a somewhat spiritual successor to the “Mommy Porn” craze that swept through the country with 50 Shades of Grey — the most famous example of a fanfiction (originally about Twilight) that was repurposed into a full-fledged novel.

But I digress.

I’m a creator on FandomTok which naturally brushes up quite a bit with my cousins over on the published, professional side of the street. It’s a mostly peaceful co-existence, but it is TikTok so it also can be a fucking nightmare.

Case in point: I opened up the app last week and was immediately bombarded by a presumably millennial woman from BookTok ranting about how much she hated a popular Harry Potter fanfiction.

I didn’t read the fic she’s talking about but from what I can gather it takes place after the books conclude and focuses on a tumultuous love affair between Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy. That would be Emma Watson and Tom Felton for the non-stans.

Now, I’m no Harry Potter fan. Quite the opposite, actually.

Some of my earliest and most deeply unpleasant childhood memories are that of older cousins chasing me around our grandparents’ house yelling all sorts of spells and Potter-lingo at me. I’m also pretty sure I got locked in a cabinet at one point — but that’s a story for another day.

So it goes without saying: I’m no fan of J.K. Rowling, her work or her vitriolic hate speech against trans people.

However I do live, breathe and love fanfiction and so that means my support has to extend to the Potterheads and their stories as well.

So back to the video, I’ll give you the TLDR:

OP is upset that she’s spent so much time on what she feels to be a very overhyped fanfiction. She doesn’t typically read fic and so she’s confused and angry as to why the writer changed so much of the plot. She thinks it’s an unrealistic story, that its readers have poor taste and she’s mad that the fanfic’s writer killed off Harry.

She also reduces the entire 380,000 word story into being only about sex, despite it being heavily based on the gender-based oppression and violence that takes place in The Handmaid’s Tale.

OP concludes the first of a series of videos on this singular fanfic by proclaiming that a real Harry Potter fan would never tolerate something like this.

I watched just 10 seconds of the video before I had to put my phone down from seeing red.

Eventually, I watched it all the way through, left a couple of angry comments, made a few video responses of my own and eventually blocked her because I can’t stand internet beef with people engaging in an argument in deliberately poor faith.

But I’m still really annoyed about it, if it’s not obvious.

OP’s video has about 30k views at the time of my writing this. That might not seem like too much for an app that regularly sees content explode with 15 million views, so let me reframe it for you:

Imagine you and a friend dined at a massively successful Italian restaurant (I’m talking reservations a month in advance at a minimum). You loved it so much you spent weeks thinking about the pasta and how much you wanted to go back for more. But the restaurant is popular for a reason and so you couldn’t get another reservation. After a while you decided to try your hand at recreating some of the dishes at home. You even opted to have a little fun and throw in your own take on it. You spent a long time researching the ingredients, practicing your technique and ended up with a final dish that you were quite proud of. In fact, you were so proud of and excited by your creation that you invited that same friend over to try it one night. For some inexplicable reason, she was visibly angered at the invite. She told you that you were wasting your time trying to recreate the magic from the restaurant, but she showed up for dinner anyway. Empty handed, of course. Not even a cheap bottle of wine for your trouble. She took the first bite, gagged, announced she hated it and then for some reason decided to power through your entire meal. Literally licked the. plate. clean. She then stood up and left your house without a word of thanks or even a goodbye. And then the next day you got a notification from TikTok that she made ten minutes worth of videos about how shit your cooking is, and her videos reached enough people to fill up Madison Square Garden one and a half times.

And that analogy, though long-winded, still isn’t even perfect. In reality, the fic author didn’t invite OP to read the story; OP found it on her own.

So really it’s like your friend barged into your kitchen, took a bite of your pasta and then put you on blast for having a bland sauce.

Words (And Where We Say Them) Matter

30,000 views certainly isn’t viral, but it’s enough to drastically alter the fanfic writer’s creative experience. It’s enough to ruin the magic for a devoted fan just trying to have fun and write a little story about their favorite characters smooching.

The disgust and anger OP brought to table is shocking and in blatant disregard for the fic writing community’s golden rule:

If you don’t like, don’t read.

There’s a ton of other fandom colloquial terms — don’t yuck my yums is a particular favorite of mine — but they all mean more or less the same thing.

Don’t be a hater. Don’t spoil the fun. Don’t hurt anyone. Don’t be cruel in this space intended for creativity, community and friendship.

BookTok is increasingly diving into the wonderful, wacky world of fanfic and yet many of creators refuse to learn the unique culture and norms that have existed for decades.

For instance, it’s not an uncommon phenomenon for a single nasty comment to stop a fanfic in its tracks. That may sound like a hypersensitive author, but I argue:

Non-consensual criticism has no place in fanfiction.

I say non-consensual because in fandom we do actually have protocols for critiques. A beta read is a common term for a peer review, where the writer actively seeks out feedback from another writer to improve grammar, story structure, etc. However, this is a closed, private exchange between two community members that have established trust and connection — it’s a safe space.

Fanfiction that is deemed harmful or even dangerous is also fair game, though we tend to keep our commentary mostly to things like:

“This story contains sexual violence that was not properly tagged, please update the tags ASAP so not to trigger others”

When we post, of course we know that technically we’re opening ourselves up to the internet. However, I’m not blasting my quirky little Iron Man stories to the front page of Medium. I’m sharing it with a relatively small, somewhat isolated community filled with others who also happen to like quirky little stories about Iron Man.

For instance, it’s very common for fics to conclude with brief send-offs like:

“This was my first time writing from Peeta’s pov, so be nice please 🙏” “I wrote this for my friend’s birthday — I hope her day is as happy as Edward and Bella ended up here!!!” “English isn’t my first language and I’m not from the UK so apologies if any of the stuff about the train station or taxi cab seems a little off!”

In my opinion, this is not hypersensitivity; this is a request — sometimes a plea — to be kind about amateur work and to treat it as such.

We’re Talking Your Mom’s Pickleball League, Not the NFL Here

Fanfiction is not formally published writing, even though it’s “published” on a website like Tumblr or ArchiveOfOurOwn. More times than not, the fic writer is the only person that has eyes on the draft before the story goes live.

It doesn’t receive thorough review from a publisher. It doesn’t go through rounds and rounds of edits and comment periods like a professional writer’s work will.

Fic writers don’t receive any payment, sponsorship or credit for their work. They can’t because the entirety of fanfiction depends on writers cooperating with extremely delicate copyright laws — a fascinating topic I’ll probably elaborate on at some point.

There is literally nothing to be gained by writing and sharing fanfiction beyond the personal satisfaction and pride in contributing to your community’s collective joy.

Old Men Yells At Cloud, Harry Potter Edition

As a fanfic community, we don’t leave negative, snotty comments in the same way we don’t criticize our kid’s volunteer soccer coach.

Well, I suppose some people do but at least that’s commonly understood to be in poor taste to publicly ridicule someone contributing their time, effort and talents to the community for free.

I guess what I’m saying is that BookTok has some catching up to do. Or more aptly, they need to read the fucking room.

Fanfiction is a labor of love — by fans, for fans

If you don’t like a story, just scroll on by. Certainly don’t double down and read 380k of a story you hated in the first three paragraphs.

And if you think it’s so easy to write a “good” story, well then maybe you should give it a try before hating on the writers that are brave enough to share their work with the community.

And so finally, a speed run just a handful of OP and other BookToker’s concerns because if I don’t formally address these points I will lose my goddamn mind:

You guys were okay with the author just blatantly changing things? The mannerisms, the deaths?

Yes, that’s the whole fucking point of a fanfiction. Maverick and Iceman don’t actually kiss in the movies but they sure as hell do when I’m in charge.

What post-apocalyptic world would this ever happen realistically?

Are we really nitpicking the practicality of a post-9/11 wizarding world?

I’m sorry but this story sucked. Here’s a list of my Did-Not-Finish fanfics

Did-Not-Finish (DNF) lists are a popular tool used by BookTokers intended to help their audiences save money and avoid splurging on books they probably won’t jive with.

DNF lists have no place in fanfic because there is no money to save.

If you were a true Harry Potter fan, this would not fly.

No, no. If you were a true fan, you’d embrace your community members and uplift the storytellers that are keeping the magic alive for us all.

---

if you made it this far, thanks! consider checking me out on medium for other blog posts on fandom, pop culture and more :)

[athousandbyeol]

discussion #3 (only friends): each other's first true love— a topmew downfall

according to p'force and first, only friends is scheduled to air around the mid of august or early september. it's likely to be true because they're currently at the 19th q, which indicates there are only a few q's left before they wrap the shooting process. (i think, maybe, the official trailer will drop around the first week of august [which is next week, omo], and i'm preparing myself for the utmost worst). p'jojo also hinted the draft is looking good, so, yeah //screams).

we get updates from the official twitter page of only friends, the director (mostly p'nine), and other staff working on this drama. mainly, we get glimpses of topmew's (seemingly) domestic dates, and i'm honestly delighted to see them smiling. i think every topmew apologist (not just mew or top, hahaha) is content with the domesticity they're showing.

however, i guess by now, it's in my nature to look at the darker side of topmew's bright exterior. every picture comes with a daunting realisation that there will be pain, and that pain will hurt not just topmew but everyone rooting for them.

so, in this post, i would like to lightly touch on how topmew are each other's first true love and the implication of their blossoming affection on their fragile relationship.

a brief preface of mew and top's love life

mew

so, our angel baby mew, (i think i'm a mew apologist so he's very precious and baby-coded in my eyes), according to boston, has one of the dullest love (and sex) lives ever. how can a fourth-year university student, a senior, has never been laid? well, i don't quite understand that perspective because i'm just like mew but we'll just leave it there.

mew is speculated as:

someone who's never been in a romantic relationship.

(possibly) a virgin.

doesn't care much about relationships (before boston questioned mew about it).

has a traditional understanding of romantic relationships (doesn't like the idea of a one-night stand).

top is his first boyfriend and first love (?).

thus, this is some basic information we can gather from the mock trailer about mew. can anyone relate to mew? because i do. (except i'm still single to this day tmi.)

top

oh, yes. our certified heartbreaker. i think many of us have painted top as a bad guy from the get-go, but as i've discussed in my previous post, there are so many layers to top (and mew) than what meets the eye. and let's be real, everyone is a fragment of the good and bad. so, top is too.

but let's extract some details regarding top's love life from the first trailer:

fond of one-night stands and casual/open relationships.

something must have happened to him (either in his first relationship, his sexuality (his coming-out) or his family background (strict parents, etc) that shapes top as someone who's so deprived of genuine affection.

(my guess is) top has never felt true love and empathy from his previous partners/family, not until mew.

boston's fuck buddy.

mew is (probably) his first true love.

i like to entertain the idea of top not believing in love because of his experience with his previous partners or his parents (rejecting the idea of same-sex relationship).

judging from the photos, colour grading and clothing style, i assume only friends is set in the '80s or '90s. i made this guess because p'jojo said he could feel the vibe of gay ok bangkok while filming the series (i can't find where i read this. i apologise). additionally, it's the time when lgbtq+ is still looked down upon (everywhere, but more so in asia), and so many people are struggling with their identity (from my brief reading of thailand's social history).

however, looking back at p'jojo's never let me go, i guess this won't be a pertinent issue to the whole premise of the drama. it'll only affect several characters (top is one of them).

the idea of being each other's first true love: a promise of happiness and heartbreak

in my previous discussion, i highlighted the changes topmew will experience after their first encounter. from two different worlds, there are bound to be misunderstandings and mistakes made. but, as this is a new experience for both of them, they'll make rash decisions— a break-up.

i think, when we're in our first relationship, we can't quite grasp the essence of blending and adapting to our partner's behaviours. it'll be difficult to accept some of their flaws and tolerate their downsides. without honesty and openness, a relationship can't work no matter how much we love each other. and that's the first downfall of topmew's relationship; they believe only love can save them.

top: a promise of happiness

i mainly see only positive effects happening to top. i don't know when they'll go steady, but from the photos i see, after their fateful first meeting, top is ready to let mew into his life.

personally, i'm still puzzled about top. i don't know what makes him agree to mew's "can you wait? i think we can be more than a one-night stand?" because i see him as someone who doesn't comply with anyone if it's not beneficial to him. therefore, i guess top sees mew as another 'fun' time, not quite like boston, but someone he can 'play' with. but the more he learns about mew, his heart starts beating a bit too fast and it's silly and before top knows it— he likes mew. he genuinely likes mew.

side note: i also hope the drama will emphasise on how attractive mew is. i want to be ensured that mew is so likeable and desirable that everyone (read: top and ray) can't get enough of him. i want the drama to show the alluring side of mew, with dashes of innocence and cuteness, which can convince me why top falls hard for mew and why ray can't see san the way he looks at mew.

exhibit #1: the (first) awe

both of them are wearing fond (and sated) smiles on their faces. absolutely adorable. but i notice a more gentle, subdued shine from top— he looks very enamoured. stupidly fond of mew that his eyes turn to crescents and the smile on his face oozes with astonishment. their first kiss might be really sweet (and spicy?) that top can't quite wrap his head around mew.

exhibit #2: the 'oh-oh, i like him?'

in the mock trailer, we know mew is a smart (and nerdy?) student. and because of his lack of experience in dating, he might like these cute dates (retrieved from his research/reading), which i find endearingly sweet. i assume their dates will be cafe hunting, library dates, a stroll around the park and lounging at mew's apartment (with some spice and everything nice).

it's very interesting to see top's gaze softens (and intensify with adoration) in the photos of them together. this one in particular illustrates a gear shifting in top's brain. it might be from a moment of epiphany— oh. mew is so... cute? that realisation you have when a thing/person makes you feel so happy that you start being possessive and want them all to yourself? i think top is going through that phase.

exhibit #3: the 'i'm glad it's you' look

i personally like this photo the most because it's just topmew basking in each other's presence. a casual date, just the two of them amid the crowd. two cups of juice/soda (?) on the table— green— which commonly indicates balance, harmony, and equality; a mirror to their feelings for one another.

i can't stress enough that before their downfall, at one point in their relationship, they do love each other. they really do. (i don't know why this breaks my heart to say.)

exhibit #4: the 'i'm not supposed to be jealous/angry but i am'

this photo still remains a mystery to me because i'm unsure of its story. it's either ray visits mew's apartment when topmew have just gone back from their date or topmew are in mew's apartment before ray comes over. either or, top doesn't look happy sharing the same space with ray.

perhaps topmew are ready to go on a date but ray stops them?

i guess, before top meets mew, he confronts boston. he doesn't look happy, though. and it's a pattern i'm seeing recently; top doesn't appear happy when he's with boston. this didn't happen before mew.

theories speculate that topmew and bostonnick are in the same place. it's highly likely topmew are having another (supposedly fun) date. but it's ruined when top sees boston and nick. i don't think it's out of jealousy (i hope not) from top's behalf. it's more to anger and fear because what if mew learns about top and boston— here— out of all places? of course, it's a devastation to mew.

this is new to top. he's never afraid of people. never been conscious about himself. but he's afraid of mew. why? because he loves mew, and he doesn't want mew to know he's an asshole that still has some lingering relationship with boston, mew's friend. he doesn't want mew to see that dark side of top coming to life. he can't bear the thought of losing mew because of his (hidden) persona.

from top's point of view, i can conclude that he's getting positive outcomes after encountering mew.

sidetrack: topmew's colour theory (slightly) coming to life

and i would like to add from my colour theory: top is wearing a black and white shirt in this photo— a harmony of the good and bad.

also, i would like to highlight top's shirt is dominantly white which means he's becoming/showing more of his good side after knowing mew. i'm actually proud to see top in these shades, a brighter colour. he's embracing his inner self and mew has been a lot of help. his love for mew brings him out of his dark hole.

but sadly, mew is wearing darker colours. the blue in this photo isn't entirely bright. oh.

and his bag— read me— is like a cry for honesty. mew wants nothing but honesty from top, a person he genuinely likes. but top has always been anything but honest. and that's top's biggest misstep.

mew: a promise of his first heartbreak

i'm glad we haven't seen many sad photos of topmew (as of now). it's intentional because their (possible) break-up is the climax of this story.

hence, i'm extracting still shots from the trailer because mew is visibly heartbroken while confronting top as he discovers about top and boston. but i do find it intriguing that even in the trailer, we don't see much of sad mew.

this is going to be the pinnacle of the drama: mew seeking the truth.

in this post, i've mentioned that mew will confront top at the university.

from the paleness of their faces and the red in their eyes, this is taken after their tearful confrontation. i'm so excited to see this scene unfold because forcebook broke my heart with their raw acting in a boss and a babe (ep 9, you'll forever be epic). this one will be ten times more gut-wrenching, i believe.

it's not nonchalance, but i find mew's expression so watered down? i expect him to be more volatile, in despair and bawl his eyes out after the break-up but here, he goes to the bar and has a drink or two and he just looks so aloof but nothing more?

and i think that's the scariest thing about mew. we don't know what's going on in his mind. the kindest person can be the most evil— mew's vengeance might begin shortly after this.

when the truth unfolds, a heartbreaking chaos

top will endure the hardest blow after their breakup. it's because when their relationship ends, it's when top's feelings begin to overwhelm him. he likes mew, but he can't hold onto him. why?

side note: these days, i feel sorry for top. the more i think about him, the more i understand the inner struggles he's facing. i can't really say i'm a top apologist, but i do understand him. and i want to hug him if i can.

i would like to underline that change is one of the most difficult things to do. let it be me, you or other people, only the bravest will choose a different path— diverging from normality— a route full of surprises and challenges. we're so accustomed to the comfort of simplicity and normalcy that change isn't preferable, yes?

looking from top's perspective, it's hard for him to discard his shell— a safe cacophony of his— despite coming to terms with his feelings for mew. i do want to believe top is taking baby steps to let go of his previous lifestyle, but as long as boston is still around, top can't really escape.

habits die hard— i don't know if i can call it a habit, but i think top might come back to boston just because boston feels like a second skin, once a place to stay. no matter how in love top is with mew, boston is before mew and after mew. something must've tied him around boston so tightly that top can't simply let go. he wants to, but he can't.

despite everything, top still comes back to boston. even if they no longer share the same virtues, boston has become so much of top that if letting go of boston means he's letting go of himself too.

and in top's indecisiveness lies mew's reluctance to forgive. as i've mentioned, mew's idea of a romantic relationship is somewhat naive and unrealistic. yet, it's not absurd because many of us share that ideology: first love should be beautiful, sincere and transparent.

mew handles this heartbreak with anger and so many questions because he thought love should be truthful and kind and gentle but why two of his most precious people are hurting him? mew no longer sees boston as a friend, and top is no longer the love of his life. mew's greatest downfall is his love for top and his trust for boston.

conclusion

i find the concept of first love/true love depicted from the lens of topmew to be heartbreaking. when the pictures of them having fun and enjoying their cute dates together are posted, aside from happiness, i feel an immense sadness for what's to come.

mew is top's first true love in the sense that top discovers his truest self with mew. he gradually opens up and becomes someone he's supposed to be— not need to be. mew is top's first true love in the sense that it scares top to think of the consequences— of his dishonesty to mew— of the truth coming out someday and he'll lose mew— himself— forever.

top is mew's first love in the sense that mew wants to savour every little moment with top, all the fun dates and kisses that awaken the butterflies in his stomach. top is mew's first love in the sense that he wants to pen down everything they share in his journal because mew believes this might be forever— top is his first and true love.

therefore, everything topmew is— their love— only results in two things; happiness and sadness.

side note: although i still don't know if any of my topmew speculations are true, the mock trailer indicates topmew's love story as the 'right person, wrong time'. i'm inclining to topmew's story to be sweet but tragic because it's the driving force of the series. topmew, sanray and bostonnick revolve around each other. like a domino effect, anything that happens to topmew will affect other pairs and vice versa.

to end this post, here are some bonus pictures posted by p'nine because forcebook are always the light at the end of a dark tunnel.

i'm happy to see this. although topmew might shatter, forcebook still stands— stronger and together. the picture on the left is so cute that my heart is breaking. haha

(also, ohmbook are so cute? can i manifest for an ohmbook series next year? hehe)

[1 | 2 | 3 | 4 (i) | 4 (ii) | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12]

[notasapleasure]

Oh I realized I forgot to ask about Jerott/Marthe plans (I think I’ve seen what you’ve written but I’d love to hear abt the other ideas too!) and “AU of an AU” bc I wanna know how the townhouse stay goes!

I'll answer Au of an au separately :')

Ik I must have mentioned this a million times, but it always bears repeating :') the whole ethos of band AU Jerott/Marthe is summarised by the song Precious Things by Tori Amos:

So I ran faster But it caught me here Yes, my loyalties turned Like my ankle In the seventh grade Running after Billy Running after the rain

These precious things Let them bleed Let them wash away These precious things Let them break Their hold on me

He said "you're really an ugly girl But I like the way you play" And I died, but I thanked him Can you believe that? Sick, sick, holding on to his picture Dressing up every day I wanna smash the faces Of those beautiful boys Those Christian boys So, you can make me cum That doesn't make you Jesus

These precious things Let them bleed Let them wash away These precious things Let them break Their hold on me

I remember, yes In my peach party dress No one dared No one cared to tell me Where the pretty girls are Those demigods With their nine-inch nails And little fascist panties Tucked inside the heart Of every nice girl

These precious things Let them bleed Let them wash away These precious things Let them break Let them wash away These, these precious things Let them bleed, now Let them wash away These, these precious things Let them break Their hold on me

--

I also actually made a band AU playlist for them ages and ages ago, but some of those songs have since been repurposed to other characters' playlists and I think I'd rework it quite heavily now. Still, gives an idea of the vibes.

More answer and fic below the cut

Marthe gets saddled with minding Jerott while he finishes up his stint in rehab (Anemone on Ao3). She doesn't let on what she knows of where Francis has gone - nor who he's gone with - and Jerott's probably surprisingly tolerable while he's sober and chastened after all the drama of the road trip etc. They get to jamming together and do a few shows for pocket money, and probably bond over some obscure artists and songs they didn't think anyone else knew about/thought were cool in that day and age (mutual love of Nature Boy ftw haha yes I am aware of what I did there: 'the greatest thing you'll ever learn / is just to love / and be loved / in return').

Marthe, cynical about her chances of a solo career in the wake of Kiaya's departure, sees in Jerott a competant musician who she might bend to play her kind of music, to allow her to kind of ride on-his-coattails into the charts/European market (grudgingly admitting the need for a Man in the music industry, thanks for the 'lesson', Kiaya), from where she might find her own niche. They do have chemistry on stage at this point, playing covers together and challenging each other to play better than the other. I think that leads her to a moment of vulnerability where she makes a last gasp effort to convince herself she's bi, when it's really just that competence is a draw no matter who they are. But Jerott's still sober and he's so excited she's willing to tolerate him (oh thank god!! I was attracted to her and not Francis after all!!) that he's well behaved and keeps his mouth shut when told to (see excerpt below). He is also, as we have discussed, A Good Sex Haver, or at least is very much the kind of guy who gets off on giving good head (it's MY au and I'll do what I want to make elements of their marriage less grim ok??), so even if Marthe's not keen on piv she can live with the situation.

The marriage is something they both claim to go into with eyes wide open - knowing it suits her to have access to European residency (I am not looking up citizenship law for this ask, but Jerott probably has dual French/British if that's possible at the time) and knowing that he's obsessed with her(/Francis) while she's kind of indifferent/tolerating him. But of course he believes she'll come to love him anyway, and he believes he doesn't love Francis, and she believes he'll stay sober and meek and won't mind being teased about Francis when it's obvious that's who he'd rather be with.

They do some touring and it starts well - Fleetwood Mac energy, bouncing from love to hate depending on the kind of day they've had. They get a pretty good record contract, but they absolutely blow the recording of it. They have to *live* together for the first time, not on tour, but in a place near the studio, confined and at each other's throats. He starts drinking again. She won't compromise musically. It's a total flop - the lyrics are called outdated and garbled, the music is overproduced, stifled and jars from one track to the next. They play a few live shows where some of the tracks come into their own a bit, but the reviews put such a strain on them they pull their tour and fuck off to Europe, like living together in Jerott's ancestral homelands and sorting through Marthe's grandma's junk is somehow going to improve things.

So that's when things start to come apart, even though they're ostensibly working on a second record together they're not touring and they're working from a home studio, so their world is quite limited and Marthe branches out and finds French friends while Jerott obsessively follows the music news and write great long epistles to Francis.

In terms of the fic I mentioned, the idea was trying to write the highs (well, moderate peaks) and lows of their relationship through sex. I never got very far with the first one (below) but the idea was that 1) leaves Marthe mildly impressed, 2) a bit uncertain of how this might evolve, but still happy enough, 3) he says 'Francis' when he comes, but he's sober and just very tired so she elects to ignore it for now, 4) starting to get bored with this, the tour is tiiiring, 5) studio life doesn't suit them, he's not sober, and when he says 'Francis' this time she's absolutely calling him on it.

I did still intend to write a version of this fic set between the Baron Morgan/Aga Morat stuff and Checkmate, but I only wrote one scene between them, which you've read :)

Others haven't though! So I'll post it beneath the excerpt from the unfinished bit. It makes reference to her suspicion that it's only a matter of time before he calls her 'Francis' and alludes to a less-than-happy occasion on which GRM pulled his hair, not like he's ready to talk about that with Marthe...uh...ever? I imagined it set sometime during their tour, before they get bogged down trying to record their album. It's more them, I think - Marthe eternally shadowed by a kind of self-loathing and resentment of Jerott that's never going to go away.

--

Draft 1

She's pleasantly surprised pre-wedding

No, that won't work, but keep doing it if you have to

He says 'Francis' when he shouldn't

So you can make me come it doesn't make you Jesus

She calls him out on saying Francis, he clearly had no idea he'd said it

1.

By the end of the encore, laughing and waving into what seemed a physical wall of noise, Jerott knew he had never been happier in his life. The crowd wasn't the biggest he had played to, the set had been rough and ready, but there was a spark on that stage that even Marthe could no longer deny. She stepped up to stand by his side and raise her own arms, and she smiled across at Jerott: a small, wry little thing, but a smile that contained genuine pride.

In the motel corridor, Jerott stopped at her shoulder, each of them facing opposite directions. She looked at him from the corner of her eye, her long, white neck held tall and straight, her smile something that even now she fought, but that made her cornflower blue eyes sparkle.

"That was pretty good, right?" He offered his most bashful, winning grin in return, lowering his chin and gaze.

Marthe snorted. "Yeah," she admitted though. "Yeah it was. You can play, I'll give you that."

He raised his brows and tried not to laugh or blush - he knew he could play, he'd never needed to hear it from her. But she was looking at him still, in a strange and calculating manner that made him feel weighted to the spot. Her eyes narrowed, sweat-smudged kohl hemming in their vibrant colour, and she bit her lip.

He didn't notice her hand move until it began to slide around his, neat and warm, her fingers following the sensitive contours of his palm.

Jerott sucked in a breath and his hand tightened reflexively on hers. At the pressure, Marthe's expression flickered, the corners of her mouth moving with something tight and resigned and her nostrils flaring. But she didn't try to withdraw.

She said nothing, and he saw blooms of colour, like peonies, cover the pale skin of her chest and throat. Her pulse flickered in the pronounced v of tendons between her collarbones and Jerott ached to press his mouth to it and feel her life, separate and strange beneath his lips.

Marthe tugged his hand until he took a step sideways, and the lengths of their arms were aligned: his bare brown skin against her rumpled shirt and white skin, long black hairs mingling with the fine blonde ones covering her forearm. Her face was only inches from his. It was smooth as polished marble, distinguished here and there by traces of the complexities of her existence: fine echoes of all her frowns and smiles in the lines that could not be seen when he stood back. And he had never known her eyes so wide, her mouth part with such softness.

Jerott felt his heart jolt at the expression on her face. He had imagined it so many times, in so many places, and it could never have compared to the way she looked now: sultry and confident, gently, wryly amused, and - finally - interested in what she saw in return?

"You think I can play?" He murmured, leaning into her gravity, his smile smooth and his eyes steady.

She grinned, but it made the hairs on his arms stand on end: a sense of danger gathering. "Don't," Marthe said, her voice crisp and firm.

He raised his eyebrows and broadened his sweetest smile. With an unsteady breath he lowered his face still closer to hers.

Marthe snorted, blue fire dancing in her eyes, the dimples in her cheeks sinking deeper. "I said don't!" She repeated, but her grin crept into her voice. "Don't pull that smooth shit with me, you got your compliment."

Jerott laughed silently and looked down, his eyes hovering on her lips as he contemplated saying another foolish thing.

She must have seen the idiocy on the tip of his tongue and pre-empted it: "Shut up. Shut up, shut up, shut up," she raked the last syllable over her vocal chords, drawling , chuckling, edging nearer herself until her nose brushed against his. Her mascara-coated lashes lowered until the last moment.

Jerott met her eyes as their lips touched: blue like an open sky, blue like denim and fresh water. Her mouth was soft and hot, closed over his own parched mouth as she tested the feel of him, her open eyes seeking out the response she elicited.

He tried to hold her stare, but her lips moved against his, her teeth met his lower lip with gentle, teasing pressure, and he gasped and his eyes fell shut. His free hand came up to her shoulder, which was warm beneath the shirt she had shrugged on over her sweat-dark tank top, the perfect fit against his palm.

--

Draft 2

He'd proven himself, to Marthe's great surprise, an enthusiastic and generous lover. No inheritor to Gaultier's bored, unimaginative humping was Jerott Blyth; he'd go down on her at the drop of a hat, and he'd do it well; backstage, back alleys, motel rooms - wherever he could get his hands on her while they were both still buzzing with the adrenaline of the set they'd played.

Marthe wasn't sure if it made it easier or harder when he was above her in a motel bed then, taking what he assumed would be given freely in exchange for his own efforts. She did try, for the first few times, to work out if she might like it when it was a handsome young man between her legs instead of her dry, detached professor. But though she entertained the idea of being someone, something else, it wasn't long before she knew it just wasn't for her - neither in the sense of something given, nor in the sense of appealing to her tastes.

But he wasn't Gaultier, she wasn't his pet, and he could play. Their sets were electric, furious, wild in a way Marthe had never had the freedom to be publicly before. And afterwards he wanted to - and could - make her cum like no one she'd met since the girlfriend she'd had back in halls, and after that she was able to simply lie there and wait for him to finish without even feeling much of anything.

Gaultier had developed a habit of working on his compositions while he fucked her - eyes closed, mentally picturing the stave as he hummed and muttered notes to himself. Jerott, on the other hand, was gentleman enough to admire her with his eyes, his hands, his tongue. To never forget a condom the way Gaulter had from time to time – because he could, too. Above all, he was very eager to tell her she was beautiful.

Marthe didn't need to be told that. But it was better than being used as a dissociative tool for someone's artistic process.

It seemed kinder, then, to maintain an air of curiosity, of interest. In order to do so, she made a bet with herself - with the money she was earning from this tour, she'd buy herself a new guitar if he slipped and called her Francis while deep in the throes. If he didn't, she'd do something sensible with the money. Put it in savings or something.

Maybe she was thinking of the guitar when, one night in Seattle, she sat up to take the foil packet from his hands and open it herself. He looked at her searchingly, dark eyes she found difficult to read scanning her expression for ulterior motives.

Marthe tossed the loose tendrils of her tied-back hair over her shoulder and tore the packet open with her teeth, aware of the weight of his stare, aware of his breath coming more heavily.

She rolled the condom on, thinking abstractedly of community sex ed workshops on the college lawn. For good measure, she gave his cock a couple of firm strokes, and he gasped, his brows raising.

Ok, that's plenty, Marthe sat back with an expression she imagined was closer to being a seductive smile than a grimace. She didn't want him to think she was going to do...that, every time.

Perhaps she was overthinking things, overestimating what he'd notice and what he'd expect. Jerott wasn't that complicated, after all - he reached for her and kissed her like there was only one thought on his mind, and Marthe let herself be brought close, kissed him back with the same sloppy urgency.

Then, impulsively, she moved closer still, lifting one leg and shifting to straddle him where he sat on the edge of the bed - he made a sound in the kiss that Marthe took to be surprise and pleasure, and she ground her hips against him, her body still wet from his tongue, from her own orgasm, slick against the rubber he wore.

Jerott moaned and Marthe gritted her teeth. She pushed him back to the mattress and lowered herself onto him, her eyes closed, her mind on the wares for sale at Eve's Garden. She had him half on the bed and half off, his lower legs dangling over the side, unable to brace himself easily against the floor - it gave her near total control of the rhythm, and she batted him back down again if he tried to sit up.

He didn't take much convincing, though he remained propped on his elbows for a time, gawping up at her. She could sense him watching, and cracked open her eyes to wince at his expression of ragged, lascivious desire - mouth loose and open, eyelids heavy, gaze blank. Marthe screwed her eyes shut again and sank herself as low as she could, upping the pace of her rolling hips.

Jerott at last admitted defeat, lay back and made a strangled sound of ecstasy, holding onto her thighs just above each knee with bruising strength in his hands.

She'd never done this with Gaultier - he didn't believe in a woman being on top, and besides, if she'd broken his hip or something, he wouldn't have hesitated to claim the medical bills on her insurance.

But there was, she found, far more pleasure to be had this way. There were no hot, grasping fingers or lips on her breasts, there was no sandpapery, rough cheek rubbing on the skin of her neck. She could keep her eyes closed and imagine herself wherever she needed to be to get off.

She began to believe that she might do so here, as well. She wielded her body with less deliberation, working herself to a sweat as she bucked her hips, her hands resting on the tops of her thighs, feeling her breasts swing heavily, the small, natural garland of fat on her belly and her flanks jogging with her movements. The bed and mattress shrieked and rattled beneath her, the sound like a crowd going wild for an encore.

Jerott let out a cry and Marthe was almost embarrassed to hear herself answer it, feeling fire crawl its way up inside her, flickering and crackling like a broken bulb at the edge of her vision.

Fearful he wouldn't last as long as she needed, she let herself lean forwards, one hand a fist, bracing herself against his chest, the other taking hold of a bunch of his black hair for good measure, fingers tangling against his sweaty scalp. She adjusted the angle of her hips accordingly and bit her lower lip, trying to keep her momentum going.

Beneath her, Jerott's body flinched.

"Fuck...!" he groaned. He gripped the wrist of the hand that was knotted in his hair but found that tugging it only tightened Marthe's hold. His other hand flailed for the bed clothes, grabbing at the sheets and relieving the pressure on Marthe's thigh so she could really move how she wanted to.

He didn't complain about her grip. On the contrary, his eyes were closed and his brow was furrowed with concentration. "Oh, god..." he said hoarsely as his head rolled on the covers.

It was never quite enough though - she didn't get further than eternally close before his body bucked beneath hers with a grunt. The way he craned his neck and turned his head against the mattress pulled her forward, jerked by the hand tangled in his hair, and her own concentration was lost as he came.

"Shit," Marthe barked breathlessly.

She tugged her hand free, noting that Jerott's hold was now on her hips, his thumbs softly caressing her skin, encouraging her own gentle rocking motion to continue as he finished, wringing every last drop of satisfaction out.

Marthe swept his hands away, rolled off him without preamble and sat beside his prone form with a sour taste rising to her tongue. Disappointment - she knew the flavour well. Stupid, to let herself get involved like that, to try and take something for herself. That wasn't what this was about.

It was about her career. Wasn't it always?

Marthe sighed and massaged her brow. Her grandmother would want to know when she was moving to Europe, when she was going to find a market she could really sell to. When she was going to make something of herself - or, failing that, make Francis Crawford make something of her. Whatever they really were to each other.

Her grandmother would have a great many questions when the tour finally came to an end in New York, but one thing Marthe's grandmother would be certain of was that the man currently lying next to her was second-best - and Marthe's grandmother would therefore judge him perfectly adequate to his task.

Jerott lay still for a moment beside her and then raised a hand and rubbed at the top of his sternum, at his throat like he had a pain there. He let out a cough and frowned at the ceiling, then sat up and slipped away to the ensuite.

Usually, when they were in the motel room, he couldn't wait to wrap his arms around her afterwards, to pin her close in his hold - where Marthe felt like a small bird gripped in a fist. He'd fall asleep and she'd lie there, smelling his tobacco, his whiskey, waiting until he was heavy and snoring and she could squirm free to lie comfortably on the other side of the bed.

Tonight though, he lingered in the bathroom, and Marthe felt chilled and exposed as she realised that, for once, she would quite like to have been held in his warm arms. It might have made her feel a little less silly about the whole relationship, just to follow through with the act a bit longer today. But he didn't seem in any hurry to come back to her. She lay naked on the rumpled bedsheets while he ran faucets and clattered about with mouthwash and water glasses.

Her head propped on one hand, the remote lying in front of her, Marthe glared at the tiny TV screen in the corner of the room and stabbed buttons on the remote with one-fingered vindictiveness. That was it, she'd decided. Penetrative sex had to be the worst joke ever told to womankind. She wouldn't bother getting her hopes up again about it.

Click.

Porcupines fucking on a nature documentary. Marthe accepted the funny side of it, and snorted.

Click.

Some lowest common denominator sitcom where the overworked woman was chewing out her lazy husband.

Click.

Teleshopping.

Click.

Pizza ad. Her stomach growled. Maybe she was being unfair. Maybe she was just hungry - she hadn't eaten since before soundcheck.

Click.

A familiar shade of rose pink caught her eye as the channels flickered, and she stopped her assault on the remote to frown at the screen.

"With revelations emerging about Rajneeshpuram daily, it's looking more and more like Graham Reid Malett's activities were standard across all the cult's sites."

It was a report into illegal activities at the main ashram in Oregon, but showed footage of the man who had styled himself Geetesh in custody and on trial for crimes committed at his own Nevada ashram. Marthe watched with a kind of fascinated disgust as the portentous voiceover barely scraped the surface of Reid Malett's wrong-doings.

"Fraud, invasion of privacy, coercion, and he presided over violent and sexual workshops in which willing participants..."

As she watched, Jerott emerged from the ensuite. He handed her one of the two water glasses he'd filled and paused by the bed, staring at the TV with an appalled expression.

"What the fuck are you watching?" he asked.

Marthe shrugged the shoulder that was uppermost and nodded at the bedside table, indicating that Jerott could leave the water there.

"You don't wanna know how Swami Graham is doing?"

He'd moved round to his side of the bed and she saw his face the way it was lit up by the screen: repulsed, furious, maybe even a bit scared?

"No."

Marthe thought she noticed his fingers tremble a little as he put his own glass down. He ran them through his hair and then his eyes fell on the remote.

"Switch it off."

She saw him reach for it and - because he wanted it, because he spoke commandingly and she'd let him have enough already, and more, that night - she snatched it away. "I'm watching!"

"Well don't! What do you even want to know that you haven't already seen with your own two eyes?" He gestured furiously, pointing two fingers at his own fierce features, and grabbed again for the remote.

"Hey!" Marthe wasn't above hollering when he laid a hand on her to stop her from protecting the device. "Don't touch me!"

Jerott had already retreated to stand by the bed again, maintaining a distance, his palms open at his sides, his expression one of vexed fury. "Please switch it off," he said carefully, but Marthe knew suppressed anger when she heard it.

She narrowed her eyes. "Why? You're not gonna...let it all out, get all cathartic on me?"

His jaw clenched visibly.

"Personally, I think it's reassuring to see him cuffed and guarded," Marthe added, eyeing up the picture on the screen.

"...swapped his disciple's robes of pink for fetching penitentiary facility orange..."

Jerott said nothing, but took three long strides to the far wall and yanked the TV plug from the socket.

Marthe rolled her eyes and swept the remote off the bed so it clattered to the floor. "Oh, Mr Rock and Roll. Gonna throw it out the window, too?"

Jerott got into bed and yanked the sheet over his body without turning to face her. "Good night, Marthe," he snarled.

She stared at his back for a moment and then made a sound of exasperation and got up to brush her own teeth.

It wasn't like she'd wanted to watch the programme anyway, it was just that any talk of the Rajneeshees wound him up so much, even now. Marthe, of all people, could well understand another's bitterness about the wasted years of their life - but Jerott's bitterness was always special. He couldn't accept that anyone else might have regrets about any number of things, oh no - nothing compared to the victimhood of the boy who had run off to join a cult instead of going to med school, who had run off to med school instead of joining a band with a man he was clearly deeply, obliviously in love with. He was evidently the first guy on earth to find out he was attracted to a man and feel conflicted about it, the first person in the history of mankind to have his illusions shattered about someone he'd trusted.

Marthe brushed her teeth and hair angrily in the dark bathroom and got back into bed with a heavy landing on the mattress, with deliberately exaggerated kicking of the sheet, plumping of the pillow, and fidgeting until she was comfortable.

"Good night, Jerott. Good gig today. Sleep well."

[a-halfblood-named-coin]

Saw DND:Honor among thieves and I have THOUGHTSSSSS

Disclaimer: I am a dnd nerd but not intensely so. So compared to other more serious dnd people I probably care less about ‘game accuracy’ or whatever. Also, if your gonna reblog with “weren’t we boycotting” or smth, just leave bestie also SPOLIERS duh

ANYWAY- my main critique is the pacing. Overall, the fast paced nature helped keep the vibe flowing without getting caught but their were a couple times where I kinda got overwhelmed with how often we were switching scenes. That and I agree with the critiques of the tiefling design being rather boring, especially when you factor in her whole “I hate humans” thing since she looks almost exactly like them.

…and that’s it….no really! I found myself enjoying this film FAAARRRR more than I thought I would. At the end, I think why I loved it much more than similar movies is that it nailed the humor and comedic timing. It has its serious moments and it does them well, but overall it’s a really fucking funny movie where one of the main villains is defeated with a potato to the face. There are several stellar jokes, like-

The fat dragon

Everything Xenk says

The death of the red wizard lady lol

“What’s wrong with my lips!?”

The dwarven bridge

The fake window at the end

And of course NAT 20 potato!

I was laughing a lot throughout the movie, definitely it’s best aspect in my opinion. But I also loved the relationship between Edgin (the bard) and Hulga (the barbarian). I LOVE that they have raised this child platonically and have no desire to change that. There’s no secret crush or anything, they’re both interested in the opposite sex, just not each other. Simon is stellar, his arc is very sweet and simple and I love how his magic is shown. I like how he knows what he can or cannot do, the range of his spells and stuff like that. He doesn’t just wave his hands and magic just happens, it’s an actual skill. Of course the Druid solos, the use of the wild shape is so creative and very fun. And xenk (the paladin) is so deadpan and serious, I love him. All these characters are very silly and fun and fit very well into the goofy writing. I will say, the red wizards are not very fleshed out, but for most of the movie they aren’t really the main villain so it’s whatever to me.

The effects were really dope! They were several times where I think the practical effects really made the creatures that much more real. Defiantly a great case study for why it’s a great idea to ditch CGI (at least partially) and go practical.

Lastly, the serious scenes are really nice here, I’ll discuss two.

1st, the scene where they almost break up. Every good campaign needs to almost break up but I really like this scene. Yes, Edgin has lied by omission but only because he truly believes that Simon can do it. I like how he brings them back together, he doesn’t exclude himself from being a fuckup as well. But you have to keep trekking until youre happy, becuase if you don’t, your past trauma has won. Its very sweet how they all sit together. But what I love most is that they pivot their plan, Edgin still believes in Simon but realizes that not every insecurity can be over come by encouragement. So they come up with a plan that feels more comfortable, but just as crazy.

And 2nd, of course the death scene at the end. Yes it was predictable,but hulga dying and coming back is not what makes this scene, it’s Edgin putting his daughter first. Obviously I think she would want to meet her birth mother, but at the same time it’s a women she’s never known. Edgin realizes that he’s the only person here who would rather bring back his wife than Hulga. He comes to terms with the fact the Hulga is just as much his child’s parent as him or his wife, she means just as much to her. So, finally, he puts his daughters feelings first and resurrects the closest thing to a mother she’s ever had. It’s heartbreaking, but the action of a true parent.

OVERALL, I really loved this movie, again a lot more than I thought I would. Its funny, witty, fast paced fantasy fun. If you don’t want to give money to WOTC or Hasbro, watch it after it gets released online. But I definitely recommend it!