#And while yes ig Kevin was associated with finality

[godisasimp]

Man the Aeon of FINALITY I wonder who it's emanator could be... Man it's so mysterious because there's totally 0 characters associated with FINALITY in the honkai verse.

Man i can't wait to see who it is.

[doopcafe]

The Clone Wars: Hostage Crisis (1x22)

Summary: A bounty hunter gets the best of Anakin, holds a group of senators hostage, and ransoms the freedom of Ziro the Hutt. 

Comments: And here we are: the first real episode. To pique your interest, let me start by saying I’ve sat through 21 episodes of shit just to get to this episode. I knew it was coming and I can honestly say I enjoyed myself, even the second time around. 

Before I get to what will undoubtedly be a very long review, a few comments are in order. 

First, this is the 22nd episode of the show, and season finale, but is the 51st episode chronologically. This only works here because Ziro the Hutt could be replaced by any character and it wouldn’t affect the plot in any noticeable way. Both the prequel and sequel to this episode appear later. 

Second, the villain introduced in this episode is named “Cad Bane,” and since that’s a stupid name, you’d be correct in guessing it was George Lucas who named him.

Third, when I’ve told others about the first two seasons of this show, I have mentioned there’s really only two episodes that stood out to me that I remembered. This was the first. (The second is in Season 2 and, stupidly, gets very low reviews—stay tuned!)

Okay, let’s begin. 

This episode begins with Cad Bane (a mercenary) and his team infiltrating the Senate building on Coruscant. My only problem with Cad occurs here because—rather than out-thinking the Senate guards as in all other scenes—Cad wins by simply overpowering them. He probably should have just paid them off like Captain Sleaze (I honestly thought the Senate Troopers might be working for Cad at first), but maybe he didn’t watch that episode.

We are also treated to some well-written opening dialogue for Cad that straight-up communicates BAMF while simultaneously building anticipation for what’s to come. I usually shy away from mentioning superficial aspects, but Cad’s voice is deliciously intense, a partially robotic sound coupled with an old-school Western twang: 

I’ve got business with the Senate. How ‘bout you fellas step aside?

Sure it’s stereotyped, but I felt it worked well. If you listen closely, there’s a subtle “snake rattle” effect that precedes the above line, invoking something primitive and dangerous. This is a cheap trick, but it works.

Anyways, Cad’s team overruns the Senate Guards as he breaks the neck of the nearest trooper and signals the all clear. A pair of commando droids working for Cad don the uniforms of the killed troopers and begin clearing the platform to cover the team’s eventual escape. If it wasn’t obvious yet, this guy means business and—probably a reason I like him so much—he’s the first major character (outside of the pirate Hondo maybe) that demonstrates the competent execution of an intelligent plan. 

Unfortunately, this is The Clone Wars, so the scene transitions to Padmé and Anakin sharing a bit of alone time in her nearby office. This scene was disturbing on several levels and nicely encapsulates the toxic nature of their relationship. But the important bit here (and critical to the plot) is that Anakin gives Padmé his lightsaber to... show her that he trusts her? Or that she trusts him? Honestly, I have no idea, but it doesn’t matter. The point is that Anakin is without his lightsaber and because of that, what follows is the best episode of the first season. 

We get a quick series of scenes of Cad’s team infiltrating the control room followed by Padmé and Anakin being “in love” (or whatever), before Padmé leaves with Senator Jimmy Smits (and Anakin’s lightsaber) to join some other senators in the Senate Chamber. 

Next up, Cad murders an entire room of Senate Troopers and they walk into the Senate... wait, lemme try again... Cad’s team struts into the Senate Chamber like they own the place and Cad announces what’s up: do nothing and it’ll all be over soon. One of the senators is unwilling to tolerate Cad’s “insolence” and walks away. Cad no-look shoots him in the back.

I love clear-cut villains. All the writers have to do is give Cad a background and a strong motivation and he’ll make my very short list of favorite bad guys.

As a side note, imagine if the show had introduced Count Dooku this way, or General Grievous. Imagine if the first time we saw Grievous, he was confronted by seven Jedi Knights, cut all of them down, and then slowly ate their corpses. Set it to some seriously intense horror music and overlay it with some sinister dialogue and you’ve got yourself a well-rounded villain.

Anyways, Anakin figures out something is amiss and wanders into the Senate Chamber where he learns of the hostage situation. Cad is questioning Padmé on her identity when he notices her sideways glance towards Anakin on the balcony. He immediately spins around and starts pumping blaster bolts towards Anakin as he runs for cover. Now, Cad’s aim here is atrocious, but it’s a nice character beat for him: like Han, he shoots first.

Recognizing Skywalker, Cad orders a pair of his associates after him. There’s a stupid scene where Anakin confronts the two of them, reaches for his lightsaber out of habit, and then realizes it’s not there. Straight rip from Temple of Doom or not, it just shows how inept this character is without his stupid laser sword. So he just, uhm, runs away? Anakin Skywalker, Jedi Knight, is face-to-face with some dude and a droid, and he chooses to run away because he doesn’t have his lightsaber. Possibly this is why they don’t want you on the Jedi Council? 

What follows is the most dramatic sequence that involves Anakin. The lights are off and Anakin is hiding from this pair as they search room-to-room for him. The music here is top-notch and really helps the tone. I would imagine most “fans” would say this is the “boring” part of the episode and drags on for too long, but I’d argue it’s one of the best sequences in the show to date because there’s tension. Yes, it’s an obvious homage to Die Hard, and it works for the same reason it did in that well-known Christmas movie, but it still works.

There’s a weird scene here where the Weequay opens a door and reveals what, I think, is a prostitute droid alone in a Senator’s room. She does like an “oh!” noise and he does the “shh” motion and moves on. It’s one of those things that happens so fast you don’t really have time to process it, but it’s there. Dunno if Lucas has a thing for voluptuous sex droids or what, but it’s in his show. 

Anyways, Anakin fights the IG droid and wins, somehow, leaving its broken body on the floor. Upon finding it, the Weequay reports the obvious conclusion to Cad: The OP!Jedi does not have his lightsaber. 

What follows is one of the most satisfying scenes in the first season. Anakin, attempting to regain control of the control room, gets locked out by the fish-guy (one of Cad’s associates). Angry because the door is locked (or whatever), Anakin gets held up by the Weequay pointing a blaster at his back. Anakin tears the blaster from the Weequay’s hands and points it back at him. The Weequay holds up his hands and then immediately ducks when he hears the familiar click of the sniper-girl's rifle. She fires several shots into Anakin’s head, keeping him busy long enough for the fish-guy to open the door and taze him in the side of the face.

This scene was satisfying to watch for two main reasons: functional teamwork and the defeat of Anakin. Not gonna lie, I re-watched it like three times. 

A side note here. I’m not saying my buddy Kevin copied Molossus from The Dark Knight (2008) soundtrack, but the cue in this episode (2009) during the prisoner exchange sounds very similar.

Anyways, Anakin’s limp body is dragged into the hostage room and Cad inspects his prize. Cad then has my favorite line in this episode: 

Young Skywalker... Not so impressive without your lightsaber, are you... Jedi?

No. No, he’s not, and that’s exactly the point. Please remember that later, okay?

Anyways, the prisoner exchange goes down without a hitch, clean, effective, efficient, as I’ve come to expect from my bro Cad. He escapes with his team and prize, easily, because he had everything planned and was three steps ahead of everyone else. 

This episode doesn’t end on a cliffhanger; it ends as the exclamation point on a character introduction. We’ve been introduced to a character that can successfully plan and execute a prison break at the heart of the Republic and, in the mix, even best an OP!Jedi.

And that is great fun to watch. Best bad guy ever? Absolutely not. A shiny gem of literally “bad guy 101” applied to a trash heap of poor writing and awkward dialogue? Yes. 

In conclusion, we’ve met Cad Bane. I hope he murders Prequel!Wan next.

Well, that wraps up the first season of Star Wars: The Clone Wars. 

It’s been awful. On to Season 2!