#And unfortunately witness a lot of the cruelty and violence the shadowtwo possession did and is deeply traumatised by it

[mushroom-for-art]

Op was feeling some kinda way.

Nightmares

She was falling again deep into the nothingness, it was all dark around her save for the ambient glow from her own body lighting the small space around her. She stared up as she descended, arms limply hanging in the air, her tail swaying as she let herself fall deeper. It wasn't so bad really, she was used to this part of it all the weightlessness and yet the awareness of being pulled down sometimes she couldn't tell if she was floating or falling and it was surprisingly easing. She closed her eyes letting herself exist and drift falling floating flying whatever it was, the silence was deafening as it tends to be all she could hear was herself her heartbeat her breathing her thoughts, her horrid lonely thoughts and occasionally she tricked herself into thinking of water hearing bubbles and feeling them float up past her bouncing against her as they past.

She stopped, and she felt the area shift around her and yet she knew nothing changed. It would all still be blackness; she simply felt upright now, arms curling to cross her chest legs tucking in close. She knew this feeling, she knew this dream, in a way she felt home and at the same time so lost, her tail wrapping around herself as she floated in space hoping to stay in that moment forever.

Voices swirled around her, giggling, chatting squeals of joy and play, 'please no, please not this dream,' she could only think as the sounds grew louder. She opened her eyes against her will, already feeling the tears falling off of her face and floating upwards away like bubbles. There they all were. Past an invisible barrier that she knew was there like a thick sheet of glass they all played. The others who'd been made the others who were part of the same development mewtwo project as her. They swirled and flew around like they were running, one blue, one white, another green, curls and teeth, claws and fins, horns and fluff.

She choked a sob, her hand covering her mouth, she could see their faces were blurred that their features would shift and change, they'd pass each other and they'd merge briefly and separate looking different. She couldn't remember them properly but they were small just children like she had been back then, they never got to grow up. And there were others now, Arceus, she knew these ones too. They almost looked like her a lot of them sometimes with patterns or different shades, some had birth defects and they ranged in age and size. There were some full grown bigger than her even, her chest ached as one with glowing yellow crystals implanted into their flesh that oozed droplets of blood floated by their expression twisted into one of agony and she could still hear their screams. A tiny barely fully developed one was being cradled by another, they had a stumpy tail even shorter than her own and during development their ribcage had sunk inwards, they were only a few weeks old when they'd been terminated by that monster.

She'd tried to name all of them when she was conscious, her body had been driven by a parasite that squeezed on her state of self crushing and smothering her as they piloted her body for their own twisted use. She'd screamed and yelled and struggled in her own head desperate to take back control but she wasn't strong enough, she never had been strong enough… The parasite had become intertwined with her genetics, she wasn't sure how but it needed to use her body as it could no longer freely possess any other victim. And so that's what they did. They used her body using her genes to create and clone a perfect vessel as they despised her form. They made, observed, monitored, altered, maimed, harvested, mauled and killed…they'd killed so many in their attempts to create the perfect body. All her clones, all her siblings as they were to her, they didn't deserve that but they were treated as worthless and she was powerless in it all. It was her fault. She killed them by being so weak.

She felt herself move her hands touching the barrier, that Arceus forsaken barrier, it had always been here even before the nightmares before she was even technically born. She was never that strong and her psychic powers were pitiful at best, but she'd always been able to sense the others around her as she was growing in her development tube, her brothers, sisters and siblings. They had far better psychic abilities than her even with their genetic tampering, they'd reached out to each other calling to each other playing together in a mental realm despite their bodies being far apart. Their auras, their life and energy brought color to the black mind world they played in, colors flew and dashed around it was bright and loud and joyous. She could hear them see the life color and whimsy, but she couldn't reach them, she spent so long pounding on that barrier shouting crying to be with her family who played together without noticing her. She was forced to watch them together from her dark place on the other side, and watch as they began to fade away, color and life fading as they disappeared. Until only she was left in the bleak empty mind place in the darkness. Alone.

She could only sob as her hands pressed against the barrier, guilt tangling around her body and soul like vines to squeeze her until she choked out. The barrier whined quietly in cruel irony it finally formed a crack, splitting quietly like glass in sharp twinges. The playing twos from her childhood stopped and looked down at the crumbling barrier, as their bodies changed and grew taking on adult appearances, their faces that were blurred gaining full red eyes that looked at her in nothing but hatred and rage. She stared back at them slowly floating backwards as she watched their bodies press together fusing and merging growing in size, arms stacking on top of each other patches of colored skin fusing, melding, together eyes growing only larger with hate streams of red flaring out like growing flames. The clones simply looked at her in disdain as they floated away backwards into the bleakness disappearing as the colossal fusion of her original siblings and her first guilt punched their many arms through what was left of the barrier grabbing her in a hand that fused with the others to crush the life out of her.

"How is it that you are alive, you were the weakest of us, you did not deserve to survive and yet we perished for you to persist?!" All their voices yelled directly into her head while also screaming all around her some of the voices slower some louder creating a painful overlap of their rage.

"You stole our lives, you should not have lived! You should have faded to nothing, cease to be before you even existed. None of us would've ever known or had to deal with the despair or care of it and you wouldn't have wasted so many resources. You are nothing more than a waste of existence. Yet you refuse to die! Your body was a puppet for something powerful and cruel yet here you still are. They should have left you a rotted husk devoured from the inside out, yet they let you live when others far more worthy went through so much worse!" Their fist clenched around her as she made a pained sob like scream, her vision was blurry from tears and pain but she could make out her clones vaguely floating around behind the colossal fusion in emphasis of their point.

"You are just as much of that monster in your survival, your continued existence is but cruelty to others. You are no better than the parasite that grew inside you."

"I know!" She loudly sobbed, "I know and I'm so sorry! I never deserved to survive! I'm so sorry I've forgotten your faces and I've forgotten your names, you were just kids! You deserved better you deserved your chance at life to be free," she couldn't see through her tears, "I have nothing to show for my survival, each of you would've used your lives better, you would've soared, saved people, just-just done everything I can't and better. You would've been able to fight off the gaia energy, you wouldn't have been used and hurt even more people." She choked around tears and the grip around her, trying to look past her blurry vision to the disapproving clones watching her from behind the fusion of her siblings.

"I'm so sorry that you were made and tortured, that you were used and that you were hurt so badly. I should've fought harder to take back control, none of you deserved what happened. I'm sorry I never got to meet you, that you never got to live and see the world and pick your own names and have your own existence. If I could I would trade my life for any, for all of you to live instead."

"Something we agree on, your life for OURS," Her siblings all spoke at once, their fist shifting around her to expose her chest as their other hands came and plunged through her chest all at once to rip out her soul to trade their lives.

---------------------------------------------------

"AH!" May shot upright from her sleep grasping at her chest with her hand gasping choking struggling to breathe past her tears. She gasped and struggled as though winded short rapid breaths as streams of tears fell down her face and evident by her soaking wet shoulders she'd been crying for a while in her sleep. Her other hand came up to wipe clumsily at her face as she sat still trying to breathe properly, cringing to herself as her arm received a layer of snot, trying to breathe through her nose she choked coughing abruptly in a way that made her whole body and head hurt. Her hand holding her chest grasped and released around the space where the mega stone and parasite used to be implanted, the scar from it's removal still tender, hurting as she agitated it.

Still mouth breathing with difficulty around the tightness of her chest she sniffled with loud difficulty. Her eyes were still streaming as she slowly pulled her legs to her body curling in on herself, tail wrapping over her feet. Her free hand came to hold her face once more as her body trembled, she gasped a short hiccup of a breath burying her face into her knees, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry everyone," she could only quietly croak.

She started to try to name them all, speaking their names into the world like a prayer like it'd fix things like by speaking their names they'll get to exist, apologizing to each of them in turn as she did hoping to eventually earn their forgiveness for being alive to earn her right of life.

The mewtwo cried and wailed to herself in the darkness of the forest holding herself for security trembling and shaking as the sobs shook her whole body, nothing was around to hear her and if it was it didn't care enough to check on her. Once more she was all alone with nothing but her horrid thoughts, her guilt and shame. The squeeze of her tail around herself brought no comfort. She likely would not get back to sleep..

'Why did I get to live while they did not?' A question she had asked herself in her mind many, many times before that she would never receive an answer for. She would simply have to live with it.