#And this is coming from an Adam kinnie bro

[sobeksewerrat]

stop reducing Lute's character to just her relationship with Adam stop reducing Lute to just her relationship with Adam stop reducing Lute to just Adam's girlfriend or lieutenant stop reducing Lute to just Adam FUCKING STOP-

[injusticetwofanportfolios]

Injustice 2 The Coon’s portfolio part 1: Battle Intros

The Coon (aka Eric Cartman)

“Prepared to get Cooned!”

While the most sensible people of South Park would see entering the Injustice Universe as certain death, 4th grader Eric Cartman saw immense opportunity. Driven by his own twisted (and selfish) ideas of how to make both worlds better, and emboldened by the possibly of taking Brainiac’s technology for himself, Cartman takes up his alter-ego of The Coon once again to tackle what may be his greatest challenge yet.

1st and 3rd Line Animation: The Coon simply falls downward and makes a three-point landing onto the stage as he says the first line. He says the third line while getting into fighting stance.

2nd Line Animation: The Coon enters the stage riding his Coon-Cycle (a Coon-themed tricycle for those unaware). The Coon stops his Coon Cycle by making a sharp turn while hitting the brakes. He says the second line while climbing out of the Coon-Cycle.

Vs. Aquaman

The Coon: Wow! It’s King Semen!

Aquaman: Do not mock me with formality!

The Coon: Ey! I workshopped a dozen of those!

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Aquaman: Atlantis is off-limits!

The Coon: There’s nowhere The Coon can’t go!

Aquaman: You’ve been warned!

------

 Vs. Batman

Batman: Come quietly, you won’t get hurt.

The Coon: I’ve outwitted Mysterion before, I can outwit you, Bat-Bitch!

Batman: Let me enlighten you.

--------

The Coon: You’ll either be dead or crapping your pants when I’m done.

Batman: Is that supposed to scare me?

The Coon: Fine, I can technically make you do both.

 Vs. Atrocitus

Atrocitus: You’ve enraged Earth’s people.

The Coon: Wow, already? And I just got here.

Atrocitus: Your victims must be avenged!

---------

Atrocitus: Your rage and selfishness has plagued two worlds, Cartman!

The Coon: Oooooh! That mean you got a Red Ring for me?

Atrocitus: You’re too treacherous for a Red Ring!

--------

The Coon: So what the hell do you want?

Atrocitus: You have escaped punishment too long!

The Coon: I can promise it’ll be much longer.

Vs. Bane

Bane: I hear this ‘New Kid’ became formidable with your training.

The Coon: (suspicious) awfully specific to bring that shit up, why?

Bane: If you lose, I’ll see if they fare better.

---------

The Coon: Do you ride a tiny bicicleta, Bane?

The Bane: Do not butcher my language!

The Coon: “Ey! I workshopped a dozen of those!” or “Ha! you’ll wish that was all I was doing.”

Vs. Black Adam

Black Adam: Relinquish your apprentice to me, Eric Cartman!

The Coon: Huh, suddenly I’m glad I didn’t bring Butthole with me.

Black Adam: Dovahkiin will learn better wisdom from my lead.

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The Coon: Seems God missed a firstborn during his plagues.

Black Adam: I’m the only god that should worry you, boy!

The Coon: Ha! The same ‘god’ that lost to Green Arrow?

-------

Black Adam: You expect to best a god?

The Coon: The Coon will tear through you like garbage. 

Black Adam: Amon’s strength will crush your pride.

------

Vs. Black Canary

The Coon: I saw you on CW once.

Black Canary: Want me to sing for you?

The Coon: (scoffs) Good one, god knows I sing better than you.

----------

Black Canary: I hear the New Kid doesn’t trust you anymore.

The Coon: (Sighs) way to open some old wounds, (mutters) stupid bitch.

Black Canary: Shame a good taste in students is all you got.

Vs. Blue Beetle

The Coon: Nice armor, think I’ll take it!

Blue Beetle: Can’t, it’s fused to my spine.

The Coon: I’m sure I’ll figure something out.

-----

Blue Beetle: We’ve been keeping a cell warm for you.

The Coon: What’s Kinny been telling you? I’m a hero!

Blue Beetle: You got denial bad, bro!

Vs. Brainiac

The Coon: Hi there, I’m the Coon and I’m here to take your ship.

Brainiac: An unlikely outcome of this encounter.

The Coon: You living is gonna be even less likely.

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Brainiac: Why come to this universe?

The Coon: You got a treasure trove of tech, and I’m here to take it.

Brainiac: You overestimate your chances.

-----

Brainiac: The nature of your universe is most curious.

The Coon: (suspicious) awfully specific to bring that shit up, why?

Brainiac: Know that South Park will be collected after your death.

-----

Vs. Captain Cold

The Coon: Ya know, I’ve survived being frozen before.

Captain Cold: Then I’ll just punch you in the face.

The Coon: Assuming I don’t slash open your belly.

-----

Captain Cold: The Rogues never liked you.

The Coon: Wow, already? And I just got here.

Captain Cold: Ever turned on a TV here, kid?

 Vs. Mr. Freeze

Mr. Freeze: You are unafraid of my gun.

The Coon: I always found your puns scarier than freezing to death.

Mr. Freeze: Best not to taunt me, child.

--------

Mr. Freeze: Could Dr. Mephesto assist with my research?

The Coon: (scoffs) He’d be more interested in giving Nora more asses.

Mr. Freeze: Then I will make do freezing him and seizing his assets.

-----

The Coon: Yeesh! Even South Park’s homeless don’t get that bad case of frostbite.

Mr. Freeze: You dare mock my suffering?!

The Coon: Ha! You’ll wish that was all I was doing.

Vs. Catwoman

The Coon: You do worse at flip-flopping than Butthole!

Catwoman: I like to keep my options open.

The Coon: “At least Butthole doesn’t make excuses.” Or “Just means you’ll run out of nine lives quicker.”

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The Coon: Ya know, normally I like cats

Catwoman: Should I be creeped out, or flattered?

The Coon: Neither, won’t stop me from killing you.

------

Catwoman: I hear you like cats.

The Coon: Well, we can both agree cats are better than people.

Catwoman: Though raccoons are a cut below them both.

Vs. Cheetah

Cheetah: You honestly think your claws match mine, boy?

The Coon: I got other ways to skin you, just in case.

Cheetah: I need only my claws.

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The Coon: Oh look, my new bath robe!

Cheetah: You won’t joke once I have your tongue.

The Coon: And you won’t be so cocky once I pull your tail off!

------

The Coon: You know, normally I like cats.

Cheetah: I can safely say you won’t like this one.

The Coon: Yeeeaahh, you may be right.

------

Cheetah: Garrison never taught you raccoons aren’t the best hunters?

The Coon: I’m guessing you don’t know the people I’ve hunted?

Cheetah: The Goddess knows, and she’s unimpressed.

Vs. Vixen

The Coon: So it’s the Coon versus…. what exactly?

Vixen: You’re fighting the entire animal kingdom.

The Coon: Then it’s time to put Coon on top of the food chain!

------

Vixen: I never understood what makes you tick.

The Coon: No father figure? Messed up social life? My own protégé left me? I can go on…

Vixen: None of that justifies the things you’ve done, Eric!

Vs. Cyborg

The Coon: So you’re mad at your dad for rebuilding ya?

Cyborg: It's 'cause of him I'm like this!

The Coon: you’re fuckin’ nuts! I’d kill for toys like yours!

------

Cyborg: I want nothing to do with you.

The Coon: (mockingly) Why? Jealous I still have my dick?

Cyborg: THAT was disrespectful, kid!

 Vs. Grid

The Coon: Shouldn’t you be somewhere inside Vic?

Grid: I will no longer be Victor Stone’s slave.

The Coon: ‘Kay then, maybe you’ll be mine instead.

------

Grid: Analysis suggests you will not survive.

The Coon: The Coon will tear through you like garbage.

Grid: My calculations are never wrong

Vs. Deadshot

The Coon: So someone put a price on The Coon?

Deadshot: I’ll admit, my jaw dropped at seeing those digits.

The Coon: (laughs amusingly) Now I know this world’s scared of me….

-----

Deadshot: Those comics ever tell you how many raccoons I’ve bagged?

The Coon: (slightly nervous) Something tells me I made a mistake…

Deadshot: One king-size coonskin cap coming right up….

Vs. Doctor Fate

The Coon: Sweet helmet, it’s mine now.

Doctor Fate: You would corrupt its power.

The Coon: With your Lords supporting Brainiac? How could I do worse?

------

Doctor Fate: You bring death and misery!

The Coon: What’s Kinny been telling you? I’m a hero!

Doctor Fate: Begone from this Earth!

-------

Doctor Fate: The Lords know your fate.

The Coon: Like what? Your helmet on my head?

Doctor Fate: Your head will be all you’ll have left.

Vs. Firestorm

The Coon: I KNEW I forgot something when I came here.

Firestorm: The weeping angel on your shoulder?

The Coon: Nope, just marshmellows.

------

Firestorm: I’m almost tempted to turn you into paper.

The Coon: Wait, what?

Firestorm: you’ve always looked better flat.

 Vs. The Flash (Barry Allen)

The Coon: Would you believe I taught the New Kid how to be as fast as you?

The Flash: Yeah… I don’t think so.

The Coon: You wouldn’t be the first dumbass I surprised.

-------

The Flash: I came back to set things right.

The Coon: The Coon’s got this covered.

The Flash: “I said ‘set things right’ not make things worse” or “You make it so easy to hit you!”

Vs. Jay Garrick

Jay Garrick: The blind pursuit of power leads only to ruin.

The Coon: I wouldn’t call it a ‘blind persuit’.

Jay Garrick: If you’d let me, I could help you….

------

The Coon: Nice helmet, it’s mine now.

Jay Garrick: I think you’re getting ahead of yourself, Eric.

The Coon: Nah, I’m getting a new popcorn bowl.

Vs. Reverse-Flash

Reverse-Flash: If it isn't the freak of the week?

The Coon: (scoffs) Like you’re any better than me.

Reverse-Flash: (peeved over being mocked) I’ll enjoy bringing your corpse to your mom.

------

The Coon: (condescendingly) You’re looking a little pale, Thawne.

Reverse-Flash: You’re no legend, I should know….

The Coon: Maybe I’ll be one once I fillet you!

Vs. Gorilla Grodd

Gorilla Grodd: There's a place for you in the Society.

The Coon: What’s Kinny been telling you? I’m a hero!

Gorilla Grodd: Your fellow humans would disagree.

------

The Coon: Shouldn’t you be in a zoo?

Gorilla Grodd: Shouldn’t you be sitting on a couch fattening yourself?

The Coon: (grins) Well, suddenly I’m thinking your pelt would look sweet on my couch.

 Vs. Green Arrow

The Coon: I saw you on the CW once.

Green Arrow: Excuse me?

The Coon: Just know I’ll say hi to Felicity for you….after I cut you!

------

Green Arrow: You sure this is your smartest play?

The Coon: The Coon’s got this covered.

Green Arrow: It’s okay, stupidity should be painful.

 Vs. Green Lantern (Hal Jordan)

The Coon: So what the hell do you want?

Hal Jordon: I’m bringing you in, one way or another.

The Coon: The Coon’s gonna snuff out your light then!

------

Hal Jordan: Something funny?

The Coon: Two words; Ryan Reynolds.

Hal Jordan: Let the record show, you asked for it!

 Vs. Green Lantern (John Stewart)

The Coon: Shouldn’t you be making jokes about the Republican Party?

John Stewart: Wrong John Stewart, kid.

The Coon: Damn, that was the only joke I had on you…

------

John Stewart: Cool off before this gets out of hand.

The Coon: You’re looking at a new take on superheroes!

John Stewart: We don’t need your ‘help’ Cartman.

 Vs. Harley Quinn

The Coon: Well, if it isn’t the biggest insult to canon.

Harley Quinn: Try to make more sense, ‘kay, hun?

The Coon: Don’t worry, it won’t matter in a sec.

-----

Harley Quinn: Batman says you’re coming with me!

The Coon: What’s Kinny been telling you? I’m a hero!

Harley Quinn: Patient is clearly delusional.

Vs. The Joker

The Coon: What the hell? I was told you were dead!

The Joker: You’re not from around here either.

The Coon: Just means I can get away with shredding you.

------

The Joker: We have more in common than you’d care to admit.

The Coon: (surprisingly agrees) except I don’t see gain in nuking a city… unless it’s full of hippies.

The Joker: (surprised) huh… touché I guess…

-------

The Joker: Wow, Parent Chili… why haven’t I thought of that?

The Coon: Ya know, somehow your approval makes me sick.

The Joker: Oh don’t worry, I’m now pondering who to serve Coon-flavored meatloaf to….

 Vs. Poison Ivy

The Coon: Tell you what, give up and I won’t set any forests ablaze.

Poison Ivy: what makes you think you’d get that chance, little boy?

The Coon: You wouldn’t be the first dumbass I surprised.

------

Poison Ivy: You’re too dangerous.

The Coon: (scoffs) Like you’re any better than me.

Poison Ivy: Young, dumb, and ready to die.

Vs. Robin

The Coon: Time I fight the king of sidekicks.

Robin: I don’t play sidekick or victim.

The Coon: “then you’ll be playing a corpse!” or “That attitude is why you’ll never be a good as yer daddy.”

------

The Coon: In a small way, you remind me of my student.

Robin: (scoffs) you have some wisdom to share?

The Coon: “(disgusted towards Damian) none that you deserve, ass-for-brains.” Or “You’re street-slime compared to Butthole.”

-------

Robin: Should I kill you, or cripple you?

The Coon: Better question is; should I cut off your arms, or your legs with your own sword?

Robin: And people moan about my ego….

Vs. Scarecrow

The Coon: Ya know, I’ve a history of scaring people too.

Scarecrow: And yet your efforts are driven by your own fears.

The Coon: I hear the same can be said for you, Crane!

------

Scarecrow: So many curious fears The Coon has…..

The Coon: (slightly nervous) Something tells me I made a mistake…

Scarecrow: You’ll experience them all at once!

Vs. Supergirl

The Coon: The Coon’s here to claw at injustice!

Supergirl: This sure is a funny way to show it.

The Coon: I hear your cousin might disagree.

-------

Supergirl: How can you hurt so many people?

The Coon: You’re looking at a new take on superheroes!

Supergirl: That’s not how it looks to me.

Vs. Power Girl

The Coon: Supergirl? How the hell did you grow that fast?

Power Girl: Nope, I'm Karen Starr of Earth-2.

The Coon: (groans) Now that’s not fair, at least not for me!

------

Power Girl: Time for me to do some pest control!

The Coon: The Coon will tear through you like garbage.

Power Girl: There’s gonna be a juvie cell with your name it, kid.

Vs. Superman

The Coon: Well, if it isn’t the biggest insult to canon.

Superman: Who are you to judge me?

The Coon: Someone who’ll be taking your job from you.

------

The Coon: I have kryptonite ring claws as a Gear option.

Superman: Or maybe you’re bluffing?

The Coon: You wouldn’t be the first dumbass I surprised.

------

Superman: Why are you on my earth?

The Coon: Why else? I’m here to seize Brainiac’s assets.

Superman: My fists have a better idea.

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Superman: This won’t be a fair fight.

The Coon: I see health bars above us that say otherwise.

Superman: Forget I said anything….

Vs. Bizarro

The Coon: I was gonna claw your face, but looks like someone beat me to it.

Bizarro: Am you trying insult Bizarro?

The Coon: Ha! you’ll wish that was all I was doing.

------

Bizarro: Fluffy critter make good pillow.

The Coon:  (slightly nervous) Something tells me I made a mistake…

Bizarro: Ah! Me must stuff you first!

Vs. Swamp Thing

The Coon: So I’m fighting a hippie monster. Sweet!

Swamp Thing: Your mockery is wasted, child.

The Coon: Ha! You’ll wish that was all I was doing.

-------

Swamp Thing: You have offended nature.

The Coon: The Coon will tear through you like garbage.

Swamp Thing: The Green will humble you.

Vs. Wonder Woman

The Coon: Prepare to get Cooned.

Wonder Woman: You face a goddess of war.

The Coon: Time to put Coon on top of the food chain.

------

Wonder Woman: You’ll hurt people if I let you go.

The Coon: (scoffs) Like you’re any better than me.

Wonder Woman: “This insult will not stand!” or “A shame you will die so young.”

 Vs. Darkseid

The Coon: Prepare to get Cooned.

Darkseid: (dismissively) Let my parademons deal with this..

The Coon: You wouldn’t be the first dumbass I surprised.

------

Darkseid: Even by Earth's standards, you are pathetic.

The Coon: Ha! You don’t know me that well, do you?

Darkseid: Your vanity will be your undoing.

----

The Coon: Prepare to get Cooned.

Darkseid: You are challenging a god, fool.

The Coon: Sweet! Dibs on Apokolips if I win!

Vs. Red Hood

The Coon: I thought you’d be in favor of me clawing at crime.

Red Hood: I know you only fight for yourself, fatso.

The Coon: Just for that, I’ll be sending you to Batman in a pitcher!

--------

Red Hood: Now this is just bizarre!

The Coon: You’re looking at a new take on superheroes.

Red Hood: Maybe consider a new line of work.

Vs. Starfire

The Coon: So is there any chance I could join the Titans?

Starfire: I’m extending the offer to all the other Freedom Pals, but you’re not on the list, Coon.

The Coon: Just for that, I’ll be sending you to Batman in a pitcher!

-----

Starfire: How can you justify what you've done?

The Coon: “You’re looking at a new take on superheroes.” Or “Why else? I’m here to seize Brainiac’s assets.”

Starfire: Think. Where has materialism gotten you?

-----

The Coon: Okay! Where the hell did you take Butthole?

Starfire: The New Kid is with the Titans now, Eric.

The Coon: (angrily) MOTHERFUCKER!

Vs. Sub-Zero

The Coon: Okay! Where the hell did you take Butthole?

Sub-Zero: Dovahkiin is now a student of the Lin Kuei.

The Coon: I’ll just have to claw you into giving them back!

------

Sub-Zero: I now know the villain you truly are.

The Coon: What’s Kinny been telling you? I’m a hero!

Sub-Zero: For the safety of all, you will die.

------

The Coon: You’ll either be dead or crapping your pants when I’m done.

Sub-Zero: To think so demonstrates your ignorance.

The Coon: You wouldn’t be the first dumbass I surprised.

-----

Sub-Zero: Your former protégé told me of your crimes against them.

The Coon: What crimes?

Sub-Zero: “On their behalf, I’ll see you face justice.” Or “None of your deceptions will work on me.”

Vs. Black Manta

The Coon: Nice helmet, it’s mine now.

Black Manta: Assuming I don’t fry the fat off of you.

The Coon: Time to put Coon on top of the food chain.

------

Black Manta: You’re out of your element.

The Coon: The Coon will tear through you like garbage.

Black Manta: This is a waste of my time.

Vs. Raiden

The Coon: Okay! Where the hell did you take Butthole?

Raiden: Your former student is now training with the White Lotus.

The Coon: (angrily) MOTHERFUCKER!

------

Raiden: Your pretensions to honor do not fool me!

The Coon: You’re looking at a new take on superheroes.

Raiden: “Dovahkiin was wise to break from your influence!” or “To the Netherrealm with you!”

-------

The Coon: Make way for The Coon.

Raiden: The Elder Gods will stand against you.

The Coon: Time to put Coon on top of the food chain.

-------

Raiden: You are dirty beast befouling this realm!

The Coon: Uhhh…. you’re taking my raccoon theme a bit too literally, Raiden.

Raiden: Not even the Elder Gods can rehabilitate you!

Vs. Black Lightning

The Coon: The Coon’s here to claw at injustice!

Black Lightning: You're street slime with delusions of grandeur.

The Coon: Just for that, I’ll be sending you to Batman in a pitcher!

-------

Black Lightning: It’s a shame Mr. Garrison was a subpar teacher.

The Coon: You’ll get no argument from me, he’s always been an asshole.

Black Lightning: That’s why I fight ignorance.

------

Black Lightning: Ever regret the pain you cause?

The Coon: What’s Kinny been telling you? I’m a hero!

Black Lightning: “That’s what’s called an ‘alternative fact.’” Or “This time, you’re gonna listen.”

Vs. Hellboy

The Coon: Would you believe I once helped stop the apocalypse by swearing?

Hellboy: Yeah, I saw that movie. Liked you better on screen by the way.

The Coon: (surprised….) Wait… (….then excited) I got a movie?

----

Hellboy: Y'know, fighting kids isn't my thing.

The Coon: Now there’s a headline; “The Coon scares the devil!”

Hellboy: Geez what an ego……

Vs. Atom

The Coon: So it’s the Coon versus…. what exactly?

The Atom: Just a PhD candidate with a quantum bio-belt!

The Coon: (chuckles) Ever hear what usually happens to nerds who cross me?

-------

The Atom: At school, I never liked big bullies.

The Coon: What’s Kinny been telling you? I’m a hero!

The Atom: I have a Hulu subscription that’s told me otherwise.

Vs. Enchantress

The Coon: Now I’ve been hoping for a chance to kick your ass!

Enchantress: Quite adorable that you think you can win.

The Coon: Consider this payback for the suck-ass movie you appeared in.

------

Enchantress (June): Son of a.. this can’t be happening!

The Coon: ah ha! a chance to kill you before you transform!

Enchantress: Too little too late for that, little boy!

Vs. Leonardo

Leonardo: You’re rarely a fighter, Cartman, why would you come here?

The Coon: Why else? I’m here to seize Brainiac’s assets.

Leonardo: That just spells disaster for every Earth, even yours.

------

Leonardo: So tell me, what did the New Kid ever see in you?

The Coon: (grins with slight genuine sincerity) they saw someone who respected their potential. Not even their parents did that.

Leonardo: Bet they’d like training under Master Splinter better.

------

The Coon: You know, I’ve always wanted to try Turtle Soup.

Leonardo: You won’t flip this turtle on his shell.

The Coon: You wouldn’t be the first dumbass I surprised.

--------

The Coon: Ok, I KNOW you’re not from around here.

Leonardo: Just as much of a tourist as you are, dude.

The Coon: Just means I can get away with shredding you.

--------

Vs. Michelangelo

The Coon: You know, I’ve always wanted to try Turtle Soup.

Michelangelo: You’ll be rage-quitting in a heartbeat.

The Coon: Ha! Raph wishes he rages like I do!

--------

Michelangelo: Just so you know, I’ve played your games AND watched your show.

The Coon: Show? games? How come no one told me I had those?

Michelangelo: Let’s just say you’re gonna wish you were fighting Kenny.

---------

Vs. Raphael

The Coon: You know, I’ve always wanted to try Turtle Soup.

Raphael: Your head will crack before my shell does.

The Coon: Shredder’s got nothing on The Coon.

-------

Raphael: (chuckles) And people say I got anger issues

The Coon: The Coon will tear through you like garbage.

Raphael: I fought Purple Dragons who were tougher than you, Eric.

Vs. Donatello

The Coon: Never thought I’d go from watching you on TV to fighting you and your bros.

Donatello: Unlike coding, this’ll be easy.

The Coon: (chuckles) Ever hear what usually happens to nerds who cross me? 

--------

Donatello: I’ve got a theory as to why you fight.

The Coon: Why else? I’m here to seize Brainiac’s assets.

Donatello: I can’t let that stand.

 Mirror Match Intros

Player 1 Coon: Are you my parallel universe self?

Player 2 Coon: Maybe I am, and maybe I’m here to be a better teacher to the New Kid.

Player 1 Coon: Just means I can get away with shredding you.

------

Player 2 Coon: How the hell can there be two of us?

Player 1 Coon: I’m sure as hell not sharing Brainiac’s ship with you!

Player 2 Coon: Don’t worry, it won’t matter in a sec.