#And there's also a fucking lava wall at chb???

[sagelessichor]

You know what my fav hc I've ever come up with so far is? Apollo has to take shots of alcohol in the morning every day so that he can keep up the dumb blond act.

Cause like, you're telling me the god of poetry, education, logic, art, music, and so many other things just writes shitty haikus, is an ignorant, arrogant, self-absorbed shitty person? Hell no! This is literally the god of education, logic, and truth we are talking about here okay.

But on the flip side: imagine what would happen when Apollo doesn't take alcohol in the morning and after years of only interacting to people while drunk to keep up the dumb blond act, they now have to meet soberpollo who takes no shit and is just a no-nonsense guy. The whiplash would be absolute gold

[necromancer-at-abattoir]

Percy Jackson's fridge horror

What gets to me about Percy Jackson and the sequel series is that there's so much fridge horror in it.

For those of you who don't know, fridge horror is something that seemingly innocent but has very disturbing undertones.

Like the climbing walls in CHB. What do you MEAN that they clash together, hurting the campers who haven't reached the top, and that there's also fucking lava which BURNS THE CAMPERS, NO LESS. And that Chiron allows it?

AND THAT HE FUCKING INSTALLED IT?

And there's lava below? Do you know how serious fucking lava burns are? They're horrible. Campers might have even died before.

And there's a full lava and earthquake mode too, and boulders roll down on the campers, which is pretty serious and can make for some fatal injuries. Jesus, Rick, what the hell were you thinking?

I wonder if Luke saw the horror of this and if this was a small part that motivated him to join Kronos. I really do wonder.

And in ToA, the Three Legged Death Race?

Chiron wants to reward who come back..........alive. Because it's so dangerous that it has fucking exploding Chainsaw Frisbees and iron orbs falling from the ceiling. And apparently it's so dangerous that you can find fucking Python in there too. Oh hey Python, wazzup old mate-AAAAAAHHHHHHH-gets swallowed and painfully digested.

And this is all because a MILLENIA OLD TUTOR WHO SHOULD KNOW BETTER AND A FUCKING GOD WHO'S SUPPOSED TO PROTECT THESE CHILDREN couldn't say no to a fucking eight year old who came up with the terribly dangerous and impractical idea for this race. An eight year old, folks.

Chiron is........a terrible person for this. No, fucking seriously. He sent those kids in knowing that they might die and have serious trauma if not. How anyone can like Chiron after this is beyond me. No wonder Luke joined Kronos. Such a shame he lost, though.

And Paolo Montes' limbs just casually being ripped off and then reattached? What the fuck was this, Rick? A child's limbs, that too, sawed off! Dismemberment is so comedic, especially when it happens to an unprepared child!

FUCKING NEWS FLASH, RICK, THAT'S NOT WHAT HAPPENS! DISMEMBERMENT IS SERIOUS AND PERMANENT TRAUMA! IT'S NOT JUST REATTACHING LIMBS AND OH EVERYTHING IS SUNSHINE AGAIN.

Rick Riordan can be a sick, sick man at times. I'm serious on this one. How this flew past anyone is beyond me. I really don't know.

Feel free to add your own fridge horror that you've noticed from PJO!

[thegoldenappleofdiscord]

elaborating on this crackish headcanon because it's five am and i haven't gotten an ounce of sleep:

- will is a child when he starts field medic training, and he's being trained by Michael, who fought over a chariot with clarisse and also apparently barked commands at nico while he was bleeding out, which shows us that a.) michael was about to throttle nico for staining the floor and that b.) the apollo cabin doesn't hold medics to a high ethical standard regarding bedside manner. while i think patience is will's strength, i also feel like he'd adopt some of michael's less tolerant behaviors and snappish attitude

- kids at chb get injured. a lot. ares cabin starts a WWE fight club behind their cabin and everyone puts in bets. hephaestus cabin literally has harley, so it's guaranteed that at least one of them will be in the infirmary daily. tyche kids think that they can jump off the lava wall and land unscathed just because they have an obscene amount of luck. these kids take risks because they know that the healing properties of ambrosia and nectar are instantaneous --> therefore making them more reckless. and also because they consider it a one way ticket to trying out all the things they never could, like parkour on a cabin roof or something.

- will's system for maintaining a basic sense of decorum is to restrict access to ambrosia and nectar - if you want to not use armor while sparring because it's heavy and who cares if I get cut I can just go to the infirmary, well jokes on you because you'll be wearing a cast for the remainder of the summer. after three years of treating the same avoidable injuries and having to fix arms back into place because some tyche kid thought they were gonna act out the lyrics to I Believe I Can Fly, will's just about had it

- nico is accident prone (what's new?) and will laughs every time he heals his latest ridiculous injury because nico downplays every symptom to an extreme extent. like he'll walk down there and say 'uhm my heart is beating a little faster than usual' 'you literally have severe tachycardia please sit the fuck down.'

- will curses like a sailor. there is no way to not curse when you are a surgeon. there is no way to not internally curse in a hospital environment at least once (speaking from experience.)

- he runs on energy drinks. his blood is red bull. powerade is ass but he'll take anything after a shift.

- "what do you mean you've never been tested for allergies" "I THOUGHT ORANGES WERE SUPPOSED TO TASTE LIKE THAT???"

- biggest issue with chb kids is that they don't sit still long enough to heal unless they've been completely wrecked (i.e. jake mason), so most return because they've pulled out stitches or moved a limb within a cast too much, etc. they come back like "hi will!!! i'm bleeding out again lol" "deadass??"

- "hey will are you going to go to med sch-" NO. he's not being a doctor. he loves helping people, yes, but his memories in the infirmary are mostly traumatizing, and he isn't going to do four years of school and residency just to relearn everything he was taught through war, especially since mortal patients can't be healed as quickly as demigods. he'll see more suffering that he won't be able to help with. maybe it's selfish, but he thinks after ages of patching up scars and reattaching limbs and watching shrouds burn, he'll do anything for a change of pace.

will solace asshole arc

[teen-bxtch-movie]

god i literally hate the idea of the lava wall at chb. it brings up so many questions too. is there an active volcano at chb??? there’s apparently different difficulties so they can also control the flow of lava too. there’s also boulders??? at the same time?? what do they do if the boulders keep falling in the lava?? how many boulders do they have??? why do they use real lava??? why not use a replica or something that isn’t leathal ??? and we know it’s real lava bc percy once got his arm hair singed off from it. like i know chb is pretty lax about safety but what the fuck???also the amount of injuries it would cause . not just your average burns but smoke inhalation too??? like dam maybe it’s a good thing demigods die early bc if they didn’t the smoke inhalation would. i feel like will solace would be against the wall bc of how much injuries it causes. like he petitions chiron to at least change the lava bc of how dangerous it is

[blackjacktheboss]

27, 40 & the bonus question

27. Least favorite CHB activity?

I am so confused by the lava wall and how more people don’t die on it??? I just have a lot of logistical questions 

40. Most “WTF” moment in the series? 

answered but I'll give another one: Nico high fiveing (I can’t deal with spelling that so shhh) Annabeth will haunt me until my dying day man what the ever loving fuck was that 

bonus question: also answered but again, I’m gonna say Octavian but ONLY because I think Gwen should have gotten to stab that motherfucker right back  

[somuchfuckingsalt]

Aphrodite Cabin Headcanons:

Emotions are just there thing - not just love emotions - so few of them are essentially the closest thing CHB has to therapists.

And not just for like, kids with PTSD and parental abandonment issues. They are the one-stop shop for LGBTQ kids in need of facts, support, and advice. 

They’re just good with animals. Like 10/10 animals fucking love them. I see it as a kind of diluted charmspeak thing.

They can make their voices all soft and soothing and animals instantly are like ah, nice person. No threat. Am safe. Yes, good.

They teach yoga classes where campers can simultaneously exercise and destress/relax.

They make the cosmetics and toiletries sold at the camp store. And I don’t mean like makeup, I mean necessities like facial cleanser, sunscreen, moisturizer, shampoo, conditioner, etcetera.

They even make perfume and anything they make that’s scented is not only nice smelling but a scent that monsters don’t like. 

They are huge advocates for exfoliating. Like, you cannot spend all day outside getting sweaty and dirty and expect a cleanser to get all that shit out of your pores. Aphrodite kids will be giving away pots of homemade sugar-and-oil exfoliant just fucking begging other campers to treat their skin with respect. 

They design and make exercise clothes to sell at the camp store as well so everyone isn’t stuck wearing the same godsdamn orange t-shirts for three months straight.

They keep weapons in mind and some clothes have specific pockets and straps that look pretty but are actually there to store unused weapons.

Oh, did your clothes get fucking trashed going up the lava wall for the third time this month and you can’t afford to buy any new ones? Did you get a bit maimed during Capture the Flag and now your shirt is both ripped and blood stained? Aphrodite cabin’s got your back. 

They run what is essentially a salon and spa out of their cabin. They’ll do basic things like give haircuts and shape eyebrows.

Because let’s face it, everyone needs to get their hair cut (especially warrior kids who like to keep their hair short) and no one wants a fucking unibrow. 

They obviously also do pretty things like mani-pedis and hair colouring.

They’ll also do face and body treatments that help with scarring and sun damage.

(Because seriously these kids spend 10-12 hours a day, from June to August, outside in a place it’s always sunny. You can’t fucking tell me the Aphrodite cabin would be the only ones concerned about premature wrinkles, age spots, and skin cancer). 

You got long ass hair that you need to get out of your face and stay out of your face for a fight? Aphrodite girls and boys about to make you look like Daenerys fucking Targaryen.

Their affinity for animals and ability to get them to calm down makes them excellent to have on hand for when, say, a pegasus is injured so they become the camp’s version veterinarian technicians (for those that don’t know, it’s the animal version of a nurse).

[loving-jack-kelly]

You know what? More Camp Half-Blood AU bc why the hell not?

Crutchie is such a little shit and you do not want to cross him

The bad Ares kids are terrified of him, even though they’d never admit it

When he fights, and he moves his metal leg, you duck and cover and roll, because you never know what’s coming out, a blade, projectile weapon, sometimes gas

During capture the flag, Crutchie is on offense almost all the time and it’s intense. He’s an insanely good fighter and he can be very sneaky when he wants to be

Nobody is scared of Jack but they should be

He gives off a lot of the same vibes as Apollo, goofy, takes nothing seriously, knows he’s attractive and plays it up, but he’s really a very smart guy, he knows how he seems and it’s on purpose

you know the thing where the soft sweet one says something while laughing but then gets really serious and scary for a second before going back to laughing? that’s what Jack is like.

people don’t really realize it, but Jack is also smart. he’s reckless and doesn’t have much common sense, but he’s smart. 

he also totally has the ability to curse people to speak in rhymes and he abuses it because he never ceases to find it funny. he also can manipulate light but in super useless ways, like he can make a laser pointer shoot from his finger

his favorite magic item is his armor that looks like clothes but uses light to make camouflage so he can make it glow in the dark or hide him pretty much anywhere

Race is also a little shit

he will use his power over water for anything, especially for fucking with people

his favorite prank is making it look like the Delanceys wet the bed, but he’s also partial to making a cloud rain on somebody if they’re either too happy or too sad

he’s super overconfident but most of the time it’s funny, like he’ll be like “watch me do the wall in thirty seconds” but not even halfway up he’ll fall and just lie on the ground until the lava starts to come

he took Spot out to the beach to ask him out because he didn’t want anyone to eavesdrop but Poisidon didn’t approve and hit Spot with a wave and that’s why Spot doesn’t sacrifice to ocean gods

literally everyone doesn’t know how to handle Spot. he’s small, but super magical, Roman, doesn’t even actually live at either camp? he just drifts. 

he has some weird little bird thing that he can use to spy on people, and his magic dice that he always carries with him, and can figure out how to fight with pretty much anything

he’s also just kind of scary, wearing his denim jacket with a ton of random pins that people are pretty sure are magic and he doesn’t have any visible weapons but he can be suddenly holding a spear or sword or dagger and boy does he know how to use them

he and Race are. disgusting. Whenever Spot is at CHB they’re always together and Spot uses the loophole of not technically belonging to the Hecate cabin to sleep in Race’s and to eat at Race’s table and Race will sink them into the lake to make out and it’s just so Extra

Romeo never lets anyone forget that Aphrodite gave him a makeover, and part of it is that people always perceive him as the gender he is at the time. mostly he uses he/him, but if they feel nonbinary people just know, and same if she’s having a more girl-aligned day

He’ll use any excuse ever to bring up the makeover 

“well my godly mom liked me enough to give me a makeover”

“My godly mom, you know, Aphrodite who gave me a makeover”

Specs and Crutchie are bros for life, not only literally but they’re also just super close

at meals they’re always sitting across from each other, signing about their newest project

They're often seen with grease everywhere. Jack thinks Crutchie is cute with grease smudges. Romeo thinks Specs looks ridiculous, especially since their glasses magnify the ones around their eyes

Specs and Crutchie have matching shoulder plates on their armor, and at first nobody knows why, and then in capture the flag they reveal that the plates pop up into little enchanted centaurs that shoot tiny arrows with just enough poison on the tips to make getting hit by one hurt a lot.

Crutchie and Specs also design the fireworks shows and they’re always insane.

Jack and Crutchie are a “retrieval team” meaning they go help satyrs collect demigods in more dangerous situation like Nico and Thalia were

They fight super well together and are the ones who helped bring Katherine into camp

Crutchie’s first ever retrieval mission was the one where he got Jack and that’s how they became friends

Jack loves going out into the strawberry fields to either paint or for archery practice and Crutchie loves to go with him and that’s where they got together

Crutchie is also a good artist and he draws all his own blueprints but also for fun and Jack loves watching him

[ponydanza-in-a-canza]

Like the roman camp drills, the amount of meetings the senators/praetors have, the fact that instead of sending elder demigods to work on mount olympus they can actually build families and go to college?

Meanwhile CHB is just "go climb the lava wall. Oh yeah theres also an abandoned hephaestus bunker in the woods, the same woods that're stocked with literal monsters and entrances to the labyrinth and if you make it to eighteen? WhO kNowS!" You might work on Olympus, you might get chosen to work in your godly parents court! Theres a woman in a cave who tells the future. Fuck you this is why I love new yorkers they do everything half ass and theyll figure it out later

I love camp halfblood more than camp Jupiter because CHB kids are a million times more feral and that makes them more fun