#And then it feels like you're being egotistical and self absorbed. Like oh look at me I'm so great and amazing. I just can't

[anotheraccountonthisapp]

CW: vent in tags (I'm sorry idk Tumblr etiquette yet-)

unfortunately a lot of the corny self help advice turns out to be true but the thing is you have to come to those conclusions yourself otherwise it just sounds dismissive and dumb

[delusion-of-negation]

Dude the funniest shit happened to me today. So I work part time at a newspapers/cigarettes/bets store (I can't remember what they're called in English, sorry) and we have a few regulars, right? And there's this guy who always tells me I should smile more and I actually really dislike him, not because he tells me I should smile but because he refers to me with the informal You, like um we're not friends nor am I a kid, stop referring to me that way. But anyway one time he told me that he "mistook" me for a guy the first time he saw me, and today he came in again while I had another regular there (technically it isn't allowed but we always let him fill in his betting tickets there), and he was, jokingly, like "Greeting, young man!" and he just wouldn't drop the "joke" and kept being like "Oh you're a young man, aren't ya?" and obviously kept expecting me to say "no" but like in the funny way but I just kept laughing and shrugging and trying not to say anything because on one hand I can't say yes or anything that'd imply that, on the other hand I refuse to say no. It made me very uncomfortable honestly, but after some time I managed to blurb out something vague that was funny enough for him I guess and he left.

But now the funny part. The other regular who was there then told me that he has a gay friend who saw me through the glass door of the store one day and allegedly told this regular that I am a pretty looking young lad and that I seem gay (not in like a bad way but in like a gaydar way, I just can't form sentences normally anymore, it's 10 pm and I left work just an hour or so ago after a 12 hours shift gsgsgsg), to which he apparently told him (he knew me at that point) "That's a girl, are you blind?" and his friend was like "Are you sure? I think that's a guy." and my regular was like "I talked to her, yes, I'm sure, you're just wrong." at which point I was amused enough that I proceeded to explain to him that his friend was, in fact, correct (I normally wouldn't inform my customers of my gender, I didn't even want to inform my coworkers, one of them asked when I was starting to work there and I guess they just shared that piece of information with one another? I mean I'm glad, I'm just saying that I would have kept my mouth shut if one of them hadn't asked because idk it's embarrassing and also I feel like I'll get yelled at? Like I know my mom yelled at me that I'm a selfish egotistical prick any time I politely corrected her about my name, so I guess I just expect to get yelled at that I'm just a self-absorbed egomaniacal snowflake when I tell someone that I'm trans? So I don't do it? Because I don't want to seem selfish or entitled?). But yeah it amuses me to no end that his friend's gaydar is so godly and powerful that it blasted right through the 50 different obstacles preventing people and the universe from seeing me as a man and correctly identified me as a men-loving man. We should all strive to be as powerful as this man and his radar.

holy shit that man's gaydar so on point, like I'm gonna be honest sometimes my otherwise just superb gaydar gets thrown off by trans, his has me in awe. also if anyone shouts at you I'll fight them, I'll fight them and win.

[bixgirl1]

Hey, bixy, so I was wondering what's the Top-50 of your favourite lines/scenes from your fics? What are the parts you're very proud of? ❤

carpemermaid said:  Hiiii, consider this a ditto to the ask you sent me. Tell us your top 10 favorite lines/scenes/bits/concepts/*cough*smuts*cough/etc from your works

Well, I guess I had that one coming. *snort*  LOLOL  Can I settle somewhere between thesetwo amounts? 

Alright, here comessome shameless self-promotion that has me cringing (I AM TRYING TO GET OVERTHAT INCLINATION, I SWEAR!), in no particular order (AND HOLY CRAP THIS IS SOLONG I’M SO SO SORRY!):

The Shape Of The World.  I was incrediblypleased with this fic overall; memory loss isn’t my favourite trope, but Iliked how I managed this, and I liked how it forced Harry and Draco to get toknow each other how they are. A couple of my favourite lines/scenes were:

‘“You’re takingthis extremely well, actually,” Draco says with no small amount of admiration.

Potter takes adeep breath and lets it out slowly. “Well, I’m either a complete fuckinglunatic, so it doesn’t matter if I play along, or all of this is real so it’simportant that I play along.”  It’s such a Potter thing to say that Dracolets his smile grow. He shrugs, then meets Draco’s eyes. “Can you get me someof my things?”

“Yes,” Dracosays, feeling rather bad about the position Potter is in. “Let me know what youneed. It might take a couple of days, but we’ll also arrange for you to callyour assistant. And you mentioned a pet you need to feed?”

“Morty. She’llbe good for a couple of weeks, though; she didn’t eat too long ago,” Pottersays. “She’s a snake.”

Draco blinksrapidly as he absorbs this. Harry Potter has a pet snake.

Who he named Morty.

Potter looksat him oddly as Draco’s face twists with this information. “What?”

Helplessly,Draco begins to laugh.’

I loved the addition ofMorty to the fic; I still giggle every time I think of him.  And this bit, too, tends to be one I gravitatetowards:

‘It takesbarely any time at all, maybe a minute or two, before he’s groaning andspurting over his own rapidly moving hand; he doesn’t think he’s ever come sofast in his life, not even as a fourteen-year-old with no self-control. Heusually takes his time, enjoying himself in a hot bath or under cool sheets,teasing his nipples, using lube on his cock and arse. But he usually hasn’tbeen riding a knife’s edge of repressed arousal for two days. He usually doesn’thave Harry Potter wet and mostly willing and practically naked fifteen feetaway from him, and Draco wonders disconsolately how often a man can masturbatebefore he goes insane, because he suspects he’s going to be doing this a lot.

Just then,Harry’s voice drifts across the hall. He sounds deeply amused. “I’m going toassume—and hope—you’re not always that quick.”

Horrified,Draco looks at the door and realizes that he gave no thought whatsoever tocasting a Silencing charm and that Harry has just heard him come.

Loudly.

In under twominutes.

The back ofhis head thunks against the door. Draco casts a quick cleaning charm.

“I fell over,”he croaks out.

“I did too,”Harry calls. “In the shower, just now.”

Fucking prat.’

Basically Iloved everything about their dynamic in this story.

In Heartache this scene — in which Harry and Draco finally find a way to relate to eachother — is probably one of the ones closest to my heart.  There are others (I liked exploring the PTSDafter the war, and their relationship had a slow-burn feel build to me thatalso… wasn’t. lol), but this one stands out for me:

‘“And anyway,isn’t that what the Mind-Healer is supposed to be for?”

“I don’t hateyou anymore, Malfoy,” Potter says, so quickly and seriously that Draco feelsadrift from it. “And what am I supposed to say to her?”

That hadoccurred to Draco, too. His lips quirk in a smile that feels a bit like beingin a dream: unfocused and unreal; rather like sitting with Potter on the stonefloor and talking as if they’ve ever been friends.  “I know,” he says atlast. “Here, let me tell you about when the Dark Lord seared this mark into myskin, and how I could smell burning flesh for days afterward.”

He’simmediately horrified; he doesn’t know why he said that, doesn’t even know howit came into his mind at this particular moment. And now stupid Potter is goingto curl his lip in disgust and peek down at Draco’s aforementioned Mark,reminded of who he’s actually talking to at half-one in the morning.

Only hedoesn’t. Instead, Potter lets out a bit of a strangled laugh. “Hey, would youlike to hear about what it’s like to get AvadaKedavra-d?”

Draco findshimself snickering. “Have you ever been forced to Crucio someone? Here, let me teach you.”

“Would youlike to know what it’s like to be worshipped because a lot of people died tosave you?” Potter says, laughing a bit louder.

“Have aninterest in werewolves? Greyback had allsorts of appetites; I can tell you about them.”

And suddenly,they are giggling — a high-pitched, unsteady noise which echoes across thecorridor. Draco’s shoulder’s shake, and Potter’s eyes are screwed tight, hismouth an oddly-shaped smile as they laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh. ThenPotter grabs his hand, justlifts it — as though it’s not the most perverse action he could take —and laces his fingers through Draco’s, who clutches at him and realises that,at some point, his mirth has turned to tears that he has no way of shuttingoff.

Potter grips himtight with a cold, dry hand, and Draco clings back as his mouth quivers and histears fall, and he feels ashamed, so ashamed, for crying in front of Potter. Hedoesn’t know why it has to be thisboy with him for so many of his weakest moments, to witness so muchof his misery, but at least this time Potter isn’t yelling at him and trying toslash him in half, and Potter’s black, tangled lashes are wet too, his eyes asdark as an evergreen wood, and so Draco just breathes and holds onto Potter andcries.

He hears itdistantly, a pathetic, repetitive little sniffling-sob that his father wouldsurely hate him for.

Yet, hisfather is in Azkaban, and Draco is not; he is here, being held by Potter — whohas clumsily pulled Draco into a hug — and that makes all the difference.’

(Sorry youguys asked yet? Lol)

Instruction For A Misplaced Slytherincame to me out of the blue with THIS SCENE which I will love till my dying day,I’m sorry this is so weird and nsfw, but:

‘Accepted intoPotter’s Muffliatocharm once his head was inside, Draco could hear a harsh buzzing noise, warringwith the sudden rushing in his ears as he stared down uncomprehendingly at thesight before him. Potter was stretched out, splayed in a horriblyuncomfortable-looking position. His knees were crooked at an angle and his legsopened wide as he reclined on his pillows and let a monstrously-sized,obviously charmed sex toy batter at his tightly furled hole, trying to getinside. He had one hand wrapped around his semi-erect prick, and hisglasses-less face was screwed up tightly in frustration or possibly even painfrom the looks of it. Pain, Draco decided, as Potter made grunted a little andwrithed to accommodate the dildo. Definitely pain.

Draco made anoise in the back of his throat, unable to cope with the sight. Dear lord, andhe’d thought Voldemort was going to kill him.

Potter’s eyesfluttered open, shockingly green without his glasses to obscure them. Theywidened as they caught Draco’s gaze and both of them froze for a split seconduntil Potter gave a sudden yelp, letting go of his cock and reaching down tobat at the thing buzzing between his arse cheeks. He knocked it into theopposite bed hangings, where it bounced off and down, rolling back onto themattress and giving two last, mournful little sounds before falling silent.

“Merlin andGodric!” Potter shouted.

“And Salazar,too,” Draco agreed faintly, through numb lips. He let the curtains fall shutand backed away to sit (perhaps ‘collapse’ might have been the appropriateterm, as Draco could suddenly no longer feel his legs. All of the blood in hisbody had rushed elsewhere.) down on the edge of his own mattress.

He heardshuffling behind Potter’s curtains as he dropped the Silencing charm and beganmoving around. Draco tried to acclimatize quickly to his new font of knowledge,except that he was pretty sure his brain was bleeding out his ears. Okay, soPotter apparently liked it up the arse. And wanted it painful? That kink didn’tseem like what Draco knew about him — and the ten-inch, bright purple,vibrating dildo with the girth of a bottle of pumpkin juice even less so. Buthe’d never expected for Potter to speak for him at his trial, either. Sometimespeople just surprised you.’

In Strange Bathfellows  I liked the scene where Harry walked in onthe two of them having sex, and the letter exchange between Harry and Draco, aswell as every bit in which Ron and Hermione were betting with each other onHarry and Draco’s relationship — but in particular, this exchange:

‘“Will you guysstop betting on my sex life?” Harry grumbled.

“Well, nowthat you finally have one, we find ourselves interested.” Ron paused, bemused.“We three are probably way too close, you know.”

Harry sighed.“I know. I’ve got to go.”’

Small Spaces  is one of my shorter fics, but I get off onthe idea of Harry’s accidental magic being a result of his sexual frustration,and I loved this bit:

‘“What am I?”Malfoy whispered, voice cracking. “What do I make you do?”

“You’re awful, oh, god, and beautiful,” Harry chokedout, feeling infuriated and relieved by the words, both. “I want to fuck you, and I shouldn’t and you barely look at me, ahh, Malfoywait, I’m going to—”

“Come, Harry,”Malfoy commanded softly, his hand a blur over Harry’s cock. His voice was sureand lovely, in the way dark things can be.’

For Balance, Imperfect I have troublepicking one or or even several scenes, because (I know it sounds horriblyegotistical) I’m in love with it. But I will say that every scene with Ronmakes me ache, and the confrontation between Harry and Ron near the end makesme proud af; I loved Harry and Draco’s first kiss, loved Draco’s birthday, andloved Harry coming down the stairs, as well as his first broom flight after hisinjury. And Draco broke my heart in the best possible way in Balance.  There are a couple of lines that I can thinkof off the top of my head that I can give:

‘They havekissed every slip of skin on each other’s bodies, have kissed for hours, havekissed in a thousand different ways from affectionate to purposeful tolust-driven. And yet, somehow, it’s never been like this, and Draco wondersfleetingly how much Harry has been holding back all this time before histhoughts spiral away like a shooting star into space and he’s left thinkingonly of Harry, the sun.’

and

‘When Harry isnaked, Draco’s hands pause on either side of his right thigh where it willnever fully stop hurting, at the union of real and gone and other,and he leans his forehead against the back of it for a moment, breathingslowly. The room seems to shimmer, and his heart knocks in his chest, and heknows it is nothing more than wishful thinking or perhaps just love, butDraco’s breath or hands or mere presencedoes make the pain recede, just a little. Just enough.’

In The Things They Never Say, I loved their first fight in the pub and resultant loo sex. But I especiallyliked the scenes where their magic would blend and crest while they werefucking, and the final lines — which I won’t include here, because they’rebetter as part of the story. Lol

In 100,000 Galleons I loved the whole scene with the snorkelinglesson, and every single time Dracoturned out to be horrible at learningmuggle things. And, oh, his sunburn. (Seriously, poor fucking Draco in thatfic. *dies laughing*) Also the accidental handjob and the ridiculous bout ofvoyeurism are bits I still giggle over. Lol.

In The Man In The Scarlet Cloak, I had this bizarre idea for actual sex…um, pollen. And I had this mentalimage of Draco, just high as a kite, torturing a Harry who resolutely wouldn’tsleep with him like that, which resulted in a couple of my favorite lines/scenes,ever:

‘“I want tosuck you,” Draco announced, and indeed it was the best idea he’d ever had.Potter—Harry—was gorgeous, the best thing he’d ever seen, thelight of his aura matching the brilliance of his eyes. His body movedlike—well, Draco couldn’t think of anything. Something beautiful. A unicorn.Except unicorns were horse-like, and Potter was simply a man. He moved like aman. His body was graceful like a horse or a unicorn but he was a man, and hehad a long thick cock that Draco had seen in his jeans and felt against hiship, and he wanted to taste it and—

“Um.” Harrywaved a hand in front of his face. “Draco? I think that flower might have—”

“I want tosuck your cock,” Draco told him dreamily. He’d wanted to for years. Itprobably tasted so good. “It felt really large. Is it really large?”

Harry made anoise that sounded like bells in Draco’s ears, tinkling and harmonious. Hiseyes were huge, and he took Draco’s hand. Draco trembled at the contact; itfelt divine, so warm, so connected, pulsing with life and magic andDraco needed that hand, needed those fingers in him.

“Let’s get youaway from the flowers, now, okay?” Harry said, and his voice was call of the merpeopleunderwater’

And:

‘“Mmm,” Dracomurmured, peppering little kisses over his thigh. “It’s so thick.”

“Draco, I wantto try something with you,” Harry said, strained, as Draco’s fingers brushedover his actual cock for a moment before moving back to his leg. Dracopeered up at him, messy and flushed and willing.

“What?Anything, Harry,” he swore, raspy and devoted. “I’ve wanted to feel you in mefor years.”

“Fuck,” Harrysaid again, under his breath. Draco heard it and nodded quickly, hands circlingHarry’s thigh. His fingers were unable to meet in the middle, but he stroked upand down it anyway, wanking his leg very deliberately. Harry huffed a sigh.’

I lovedwriting Ten Years, and His Whole Life, but the line/scene that stands out the most to me in it is:

‘It is all thathe has always been afraid to want from this man who is everyone’s something.But now Draco is Harry’s everything (you are, you are) and he is,finally, unafraid.’

In Naked… Um. Nakedis like Balance, for me, in terms of love and pride (although where Balancetook like a month and was written with such ease I felt like I was dreaming,Naked took nearly two and almost made me grind my teeth into dust. LOL), sothis one is really hard and I legit can’t even reference my favorite scenesbecause they give away too many things about the plot. I can say one of them is Harry yelling at Draco about…something that people want to knowabout, and another is…somethinghappening over dinner, and another is…thepeople showing up and also… someonein a straight up rant… and stuff like that. Which is not helpful, so here; I’llgive you a line before anything really happens:

‘He glancesover at Draco, and looks vaguely sympathetic. “I understand this can be a newexperience. Please take your own time in finding your comfort level; we wouldnever encourage you to disrobe before you’re ready.”

“Oh, no, thiswas his idea,” Potter says, squeezing him around the ribcage so tight thatDraco’s automatic, infuriated objection is cut off as he tries to breathe. “Isaid, ‘where should we go for our honeymoon?’ and Daniel here said, ‘Harry, Iwant to take you somewhere you can be naked the entire time.’” Potter laughsand Draco steps on his foot with all of his weight, pasting on a smile. “So we’renaked all the way!”

“Oh,congratulations!” the employee says, grinning. “Please, let me send up acomplimentary bottle of champagne to your room.”

“Thanks,that’d be great,” Potter says with a grin, nuzzling Draco’s ear. Draco pinchesa bit of muscle on Potter’s back and twists it ruthlessly until Potter’s armaround him loosens.

“Yes, lovely,thank you,” Draco parrots.’

Because whodoesn’t love Harry when he’s being a confident, flirtatious nightmare of awizard, and ruffling Draco’s feathers?

Okay, that’sit. I’m pretty horrified at myself, and I feel like burying my head in the sandforever and ever, so I apologise for the length of this.  I just have trouble picking favourite scenesor lines; it’s legit near-impossible for me to do with other people’s fics,either, (although, like, ten lines just popped into my head from my fave fics,idk why), but these are some of the bits I like best about mine, so… *runs and hides*

[helshades]

Far from me to use the crude tumblr speech but, here I have to say, I believe you're "reaching" quite a bit. As much as i agree that a lot of people involved in fandom(s) have… unusual… taste… I'm skeptical about the idea that sexual fantasies have much to do with political or belief systems. One fantasy can be more or less encouraged, sure, but overall, the big ol' classics stay in fashion. Usually a variant of "what if something that's supposed to be horrible happened… and I liked it???"

Human beings are bizarro primates, after all, and if left to their own devices in the company of most inanimate objects, will probably try to either eat it or have sex with it, it’s true. Add to this the fact that bodice-ripping novels have been a thing for way too long for many of fandom’s twistier fantasies to look that new (although you can bet your sceptic arse that the whole Alpha-Beta-Omega item is a strictly postmodern horror) and you’re quite right in assuming that in spite of numerous variants, overall fannish forays into Sigmund Freud’s censored nightmares aren’t that original. On the other hand…

Nevertheless, I’ll contradict you on a few points:

When I was sardonically linking fandom’s most hive-minded tendencies to a certain state of contemporary society, and I used the term ‘liberalism’, I wasn’t either announcing my conversion to Trumpism or alluding to a system of beliefs, rather to a structural phenomenon pervasive in our Western societies—and one must never forget that politics is by essence a res publica: civic life, what is common to all in the public space, and on which all can operate equally provided that they concert… Fiction doesn’t happen in a vacuum, it reflects a great part of our current preoccupations, personal ones indeed, but also ones we’ve absorbed from social osmosis, you might say.

Liberalism in Occident isn’t a mere set of political beliefs so much as the default structure of our respective and common economies, dictating the way States interact with one another in regards to a common market. This is capitalism triumphant, where in the initial idea resisting absolutism has long dissolved into pretty antisocial individualism as social constraint has come to be perceived as the worst kind of oppression possible. This has to be conjugated with the rise of consumer society—which, symptomatically enough, doesn’t have a Wikipedia page—in the 1960s, whose core issue is that the desire for consumption eventually overrides most ethical principles.

Economy completely informs social interactions, and that includes the way we educate children, actually. Did you know that an entire social phenomenon and bona fide psychological condition happens to be a direct consequence of mass consumption? In French we know this as the ‘kid king’ issue, what happens when a whole society is encouraging parents to spoil and coddle children so much that they grow into adults incapable of handling frustration, or indeed any type of adversity. Bear with me, because this is actually fascinating:

▬ Human beings are in a way programmed to seek pleasure and flee discomfort; they instinctively seek to fulfil basic needs, and once these are satiated, try to find as much comfort as possible. Any human infant and young child is ruled by this principle of pleasure, and the role of education is to basically teach children the reality principle, that they aren’t alone in life, that others exist and have to be taken into account, that impulses have to be controlled; this is done essentially by setting limits for the little child not to cross. Balance between the two principles is paramount to the construction of the self.

▬ Psychological resilience pioneer Boris Cyrulnik commented on the fact that if animals regularly abused in their infancy tend to find themselves as adults at the bottom of the social scale since they’ve acquired a certain aptitude for subjection, those never exposed to aggression tend to stand outside the group because of their inaptitude to participate in socialising rituals. Yet, adversity is absolutely needed to set sane limits to one’s behaviour: deprived of any real frustration, a child will grow up still believing himself omnipotent, becoming hedonistic, selfish, egotistical; throwing tantrums at any opposition. Typically, these children end up suffering from attention disorders—with or without hyperactivity—anxiety issues, oppositional disorders…

▬ This is also an unplanned consequence of widespread contraception, as most children nowadays are born of the

desire

of their parents to have them meaning that family no longer makes the children as much as a child makes a family; the main problem being that as the immutable centre of his parents’ attention, a child tends to become a perpetual consumer of everything that a society of mass consumption is ready to provide to keep him sated in his own desires. French psychologist (specialist of cognitive immaturity) Didier Pleux listed the ‘five Os’ of the overattentive parents: overconsumption, overstimulation, overestimation, overprotection and overcommunication; the parents will spoil their child with toys and sometimes food, seek to keep him busy at all times because boredom is perceived as yet another form of violence (but it is crucial in the development of creativeness), laud every single of his realisations, prevent him from making any real effort and prioritise his expression (letting him interrupt others when they speak, for instance) at all times.

▬The thing is, contemporary society harasses all of us with the injunction to consume, perpetually, at every opportunity, and in the case of good-willed parents it furnishes with the means to spoil their children just as advertisement convinces them that if they don’t cater to their every supposed need, they’ll be bad parents.

▬The phenomenon, because that type of behaviour, essentially consumerist, was being so encouraged by the rise of neoliberalism (a more aggressive form of that rapidly-globalising capitalism), quickly snowballed into public education, and I can tell you, most especially because I used to teach for a living, that in France a whole educative system got based on the notion that collective education would be better off if it was made to cater to the personal needs of pupils—but this is a can of worms to be opened on another day, preferably one when my cold has abated and I’ve stopped sneezing my brain away all over my keyboard.

Believe it or not, I’m not digressing that much. We are the grandchildren of the first mass consumers and the kid-king phenomenon is a Generation Y thing. My generation is having children of its own. Most importantly, this is the generation that got to grow up with the Internet first, meaning that we were born in a very, very different world. You noted that fandom fantasies aren’t really unheard of and I concur, but I’d argue that the Internet allowed for fantasies to be shared on a massive scale and amplified into becoming cultural phenomena that have much to do with group emulation. Psychologically and sociologically, it’s pretty fascinating, too: there is this uncanny collection of intensely personal feelings, really intimate stuff, stuff that used to be considered private (for some good reasons and a couple bad ones as well, I suppose), now exposed very publicly on the ground basis that the Internet preserves a certain anonymity—which isn’t untrue, mind you, unless you carelessly sign into one of those many websites and applications that syphon your data and manipulate your online browsing, but I digress again (if only a bit).

Sexuality has become incredibly public, as of late. Let me remind you that there are political movements asking governments to give an official status to their sexual habits (or lack thereof, in the case of ‘asexuality’) or, more aggressively, their feelings. Sorry, folks, but that’s the whole basis for the ‘transgender’ movement, and as far as I’m concerned people may live as they choose but I’m not entirely certain that the State has a rightful place in this? Anyway, the frontier between ‘private’ and ‘public’ has been melting, unfortunately so, and most of this must have to do that Western societies have been considerably depoliticised over the last few years, inasmuch as we’ve been rapidly losing our means of popular representation, decent public information, or generally civil services, due to an overabundance of capitalism, precisely.

Sex in fanfiction… it’s not quite sex in fiction, either. Oh, granted, there’s quite enough raunchy literature out there to make you doubt, but the particularity of fanfiction is that most works are an ongoing affair between an author and her readers, who often swap places, very much informed by public demand, meant to cater to very specific desires. In that, it’s not too different from many a published novel, albeit not the best ones probably, only fanfiction is… unbridled. But that’s not actually the point.

The point is, simply, that fanfiction is a cultural product issued from a certain period in time and it reflects part of the expectations of a society; because its producers are mostly young women, it has a lot to tell on the mechanisms of a modern young woman’s psyche—I can tell you it contains a lot of misogyny, for one, if not even gynecophobia…—but it also proposed a certain picture of the modern world that acts a little too much as a two-way mirror for my intellectual comfort. It’s not that every single writer of a Baby-Daddy kinkfic is going to develop paedophilic tendencies growing up, but one, although one mustn’t indulge in full-blown paranoia either, one absolutely has to consider the fact that sexual pleasure is the most powerful incentive out there. For realsies, I mean, it’s actually one of the most prominent arguments to be made against pornography, because we know its devastating neurological effects for regular consumers, who rapidly become incapable of dissociating the unrealistic portrayal, notably, of women, to the detriment of all real-life relations and rapports male consumers of porn could have with women. Sex rewires the brain with exceptional efficiency, because it’s linked directly to our reward system and programs us to want more of the pleasurable thing.

I assure you there’s no pearl clutching in remarking that pornographic fiction written by fans can have enormous influence on the budding sexuality of young people in a day and age where we have this paradoxical relationship to sexuality as a social concept: on the one hand, it’s absolutely everywhere and even children can’t escape it, since magazines and clothings brands do their worst to groom them into mini-pimps, sexy baby Barbie dolls and overall future (antisocial) disasters; on the other hand, we seem to have somehow revolved into the most shameful anti-intellectualism possible, and nobody needs to bother being rational anymore, and adults make desperate attempts to look like kids for fear of growing old, and they act like it, too.

I’m ending this long-arse comment on an anonymous post just sent to me, which is bound to ignite some… conversation as well:

I’m reluctant to make this point publicly for a myriad of reasons (mostly my own cowardice), but I think the then-concurrent rise of the Brony fandom, more specifically futa porn and its prevalence in adult male MLP “fans” has had a larger impact on current transwoman narratives.

I’ll be waiting patiently on the sides with a hot drink to see my followers count drop again, I reckon.