#And the other is the victim of their nearly obsessive and cannibalistic love

[spectatingspectacle]

Going through the Shamura tag for AU design inspo and after scrolling for a forgettable amount of time I've categorized ways people depict the spider

Grandparent

Where am i (funny)

Where am i (devastating)

So so so tired of putting up with their siblings' bullshxt

The horrors of falling from what they once were (was it even "great" in the first place?)

I LOVE YOU MURAAAA

[theamateurblogger]

Hewwo I love your stuff. Can you do a male s/o with all them slasher boys. Hcs but if you want you can do like, Tommy for a one shot. Idc if its sfw or nsfw

Thank you!!! I hope you like this!!!

Otis Driftwood

Otis is a thirsty ass fucker, not gonna lie

From an outside perspective, it would be easy to assume that he’s only with you for the sex

But let’s be real, if he wanted just sex, he would’ve stuck to his corpses

He loves you, whether he wants to admit it out loud or not

Constantly has his arm around you or touching you in some way

Just a way to stake a claim around others (and to prevent you from running)

But deeeeep down, he does it to make sure you’re okay

Always has to keep you in his sights “to make sure you don’t do something stupid” (like run)

Hugggge exhibitionist 

Seriously. It’s an issue. So, you’ll need to get real comfortable around the rest of the family

Chop Top

Chop Top is an actual dream to be in a relationship with

Plenty of arguments about who has better music taste and who gets to pick the playlist/radio station 

Out of everyone on this list, he’d be the most likely to propose 

He’d want a full on wedding with the family watching and victims’ bones used as decor

Kind of a traditional guy (besides the whole cannibalistic and maniacal tendencies ya know)

So expect some hesitancy from him to get serious with you

His knowledge of the LGBT+ community is very slim

But let’s be real, he had some fun with his fellow soldiers during his time in the war 

When he does give in to his love for you, he is absolutely obsessed with you

He’d tell victims stories about you and compare everything to you and things you do 

He likes your ass

A lot.

Expect to have it groped, slapped, and ogled at constantly

Would probably be super into roleplay (*cough* the Sonny wig *cough*)

He’s not good at it.

Michael Myers

Michael is…Michael?

You’ll be pretty confused with this guy

He just keeps following you around and you’re not dead yet???

You become more comfortable around each other and it just turns into comfortable silence and occasional situations where you need to ask him to hand you something

You’ll have to be the first one to initiate sex

It’ll be very awkward at first because you’ll have no fucking clue whether or not he’s even into it so you’ll just stop and walk away

And he kind of just doesn’t acknowledge any of what happened??? For like a week???

You’re aggravated and confused. (Told ya)

It takes you both a long time to navigate through your relationship

It doesn’t help that you can’t just…talk it out?

It’s all trial and error, but eventually you have a pretty domesticated relationship

He’s like a cat that is gone all day but comes home to you when he wants a nap

Freddy Krueger

Much like Otis, Freddy is a nasty fuck

And it would be hard for me to believe that your relationship isn’t prodominately about sex

We all know the backstory of Fredster and he’s not afraid to take what he wants

Very little boundaries

He’d go after nearly anyone who you come into contact with

It’s like a game to him

You’d honestly have to be just as batshit crazy as this guy

He really appreciates the element of surprise

Taking a bath? Now, you’re getting raw dogged at 3am, water splashing out of the tub

Trying to take an exam or you’re waiting in line at the DMV? He’s fucking with your mind the entire time

Walking down the hallway, trying to get a glass of water? BOO! Now he’s laughing his ass off at how much of a pussy you are

Charles Lee Ray/Chucky

Chucky is genuinely kind of an asshole

And I don’t think you’d change that

Buuuuut, that’s kind of what attracts most people to him right?

He’s kind of new to these feelings toward you

And it really fucks with his ego

Internalized homophobia anyone?

It’ll take time and patience for this guy

But I think it’ll be worth it in the end

He’d steal you all kinds of cool stuff

Plus, Chuck’s a total switch and I think it’d be fun to finally take him down a peg in the bedroom

Bubba Sawyer

Such a sweet baby

Please don’t ever hurt him

Bubba would bring you flowers and little trinkets he made from bone constantly

When he first meets you and wants to impress you, he makes sure to fix up his mask realll nice with his favorite lipstick and wears his best clothes

Even now that you’re his, he still just wants to make you happy and make sure that you know he’s putting in effort because he cares ya know?

Constantly needs reassurance from you

As much as he likes giving you affection and gifts, he nearly cries when you do those things for him!!!

Please spoil that man!

Loooves listening to music! Chop Top, Bubba, and you almost always spend your nights together listening to the radio

From everything I’ve read online as well as some choice scenes from the movies, I’m a full believer in the fact that not only is Bubba 100% pan and open to alllll kinds of lovin’, but he also has the biggest oral fixation known to mankind!!!

Thomas Hewitt

Thomas is a very different man than Bubba

He’s more rough with you and has full knowledge of what he’s doing

Definitely knows his size and will pick you up whenever he pleases

At the end of the day, he makes the rules

Doesn’t mean you can’t persuade him to do things that you want to do though

You’ll just have to make it up to him so he won’t be in a foul mood

Is a bit awkward with things

Especially around his family

I’ve said this already but Thomas definitely grabs things off of victims that he thinks you’d like!!!

Will probably try to wrap the items up! Will probably fail!

Nubbins Sawyer

Nubbins is such a cutie!!!

He loves you so much

I’ve said this before too, but Nubbins would definitely have a box full of photos he took of his S/O

He treasures them the absolute most

You know those little cute polaroid walls? He def has one of pictures of you and him

He’s also the most likely out of all the slashers to have a Pride flag hung up

He’s also an absolute handful.

Expect to wake up alone pretty often, because this dude just wants to take impromptu trips throughout Texas allllll the time

Sometimes you go with though

As he picks up cool roadkill from the side of the road, you pick up cool plants and maybe a lizard

As far as sex goes, he’s an absolute goof

He’s just so excited to have someone who wants to do these things with him

Lots of laughter

The Collector

Definitely a bit of a strange one

Literally. Stranger danger.

He first met you at a wildlife museum

And he just kept following you around

He even started targeting people that looked like you?

He just wanted the body parts to add to his collection

Without having to ruin the original

Eventually, he would kidnap you and lock you in his own personal “museum”

He’d show you his pieces every time he completed one

He’d bring you your favorite foods though which is nice

Then he’d watch you from the security cam he set up in your room

Brahms Heelshire

Such a needy boi

He likes to watch you

Secretively, in the walls

Orrr just sitting across from you, cross legged

You could be changing or you could be reading/watching TV

It doesn’t matter.

He’s always so infatuated by you

I really wish I could get behind the idea that Brahms is a huge sub and would call you daddy

But I just can’t???

He likes to have control.

There’s no way he’d want to give that up

You essentially have to trick him into doing anything around the house

So enjoy being his slave

The Other 

I guess this kind of depends on how far your relationship has been established

You probably started off as neighbors or maybe just acquaintances that ran into each other at the grocery story every once in awhile

I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that he appreciates a good age gap and has more than enough experience with the opposite sex *wink* 

def a bi boi

His attraction to you didn’t go far beyond sexual at first, but then he seen how well you interacted with his daughter and that’s what broke him

I swear it’s like he has two personalities

When he’s out with you and your guys’ daughter, he’s a typical suburban husband/dad

Has a retirement plan, pays the bills, works his ass off in an average blue collar job, drinks beer with the bois and complains about your nagging

Also brags about how good you are to him and has no shame in his game

Purely domestic

But then??? When it’s just you two, it’s like a switch goes off where he doesn’t need to put on the act

He controls every aspect of you and your body; much like Brahms, he won’t be able to give up his control

He’s an absolute dom

Christian Grey ain’t got shit on what’s in his garage.

[anhed-nia]

I LOVE RAVENOUS MORE THAN YOU DO

RAVENOUS is one of my favorite movies of all time. It may not be the prettiest, or the deepest, or the most refined movie or all time, but it is a true original, and one that insinuated itself into my mental DNA from the moment I saw it. It arrived on home video around the time that I was about to leave for college, so it makes a certain amount of sense that it would have such a lasting impact on the rest of my adult life. I was initially attracted to the its excessive violence, its salt-in-the-wound humor, and its style of rustic perversion to which I was well-disposed since THE TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE first ruined my life as a teenager. But, there is more to RAVENOUS than these broad strokes descriptors, and looking back, it is easy to see how this unusual film catalyzed my ability to read films, and at the risk of being dramatic, my ability to understand myself.

(why does this movie only have awful posters?)

RAVENOUS is the only horror movie I can think of that takes place during the Mexican-American war, an unconventional setting that is the first sign of how truly odd this movie will be. Guy Pearce plays John Boyd, a soldier who is being celebrated for turning the tide of a major battle. The reality is that he survived the fray by hiding under a pile of his countrymen's corpses, bathing in their blood and viscera, until an unexplainable burst of rage drove him to capture the Mexican commanders, garnering him the undeserved mantle of hero. General Slauson (John Spencer) has Boyd's number, though, and ships the coward off to the impossibly remote mountain outpost of Fort Spencer, a sort of depot for undesirables like himself. No sooner has Boyd resigned himself to his fate, than the group's stasis is destroyed by the arrival of a wandering frontiersman (the incomparable Robert Carlyle) who claims to have escaped from a Donner Party-like tragedy. Naturally, their ingratiating guest turns out to be the villain at the heart of his own story, and worse yet, a carrier of the supernatural wendigo virus that rewards cannibalism with virtual immortality. The whole situation quickly devolves into a Darwian competition to sort out the predators from the provisions, seasoned liberally with analogies to Manifest Destiny and American consumerism.

Writer Ted Griffin's prismatic metaphors could be pretty clunky on their own, with cheeky comparisons between cannibalism and communion, and handy food-related quotations from founding father Benjamin Franklin. Happily, Antonia Bird's distinctive directorial style prevents RAVENOUS from degenerating into a broad-side-of-the-barn satire of American history. Griffin's overly familiar arguments act as stabilizing road signs, as the viewer navigates the otherwise hostile and alien territory explored by Bird. In the broadest sense, RAVENOUS is a movie about bodies out of control: cravings and terrors that annihilate one's self-control, that erode one's dignity, that blend repulsion and eroticism into a noxious but irresistible brew. The body wages war on the personality, the morals, the institutional rank and decoration; it wages war on other bodies, and ultimately on itself. Griffin the cultural critic has his place here, but it is Antonia Bird's unique understanding of frailty and hysteria that makes this movie so affecting.

RAVENOUS begins with a gloriously shocking opener that joins pornographic closeups of the celebratory steak served at Boyd's promotional dinner, with Boyd vomiting violently outside of the dining hall. The body is turned inside out right away in this movie, and this stunt is immediately followed by a similarly disorienting trick turned by the film's main theme. The experimental score, a collaboration between the great Michael Nyman and Damon Albarn from Blur, establishes its power with a composition that is written in 6/7 time, creating a rhythm that is very difficult to follow for the average ear. Thus the viewer is first nauseated by the imagery, then disoriented by the sound, and it is in this unsettled state that one remains for the rest of the film.

There are a number of such bizarre formal techniques to discuss, and they are well matched by Bird's management of her cast. Even for a horror film, RAVENOUS is an extremely physical movie. The terminally guilty Boyd seems to be on the verge of literal implosion; the squirrelly and barely verbal religious fanatic Toffler (Jeremy Davies) scrambles around breathlessly at a pace that puts him in danger of killing himself (which he finally nearly does); the only "real" soldier in the bunch, the nightmarishly aryan Private Reich (Neal McDonough), is first seen screaming half-submerged in a frigid mountain stream, suggesting that even the the conventional trappings of heroism are purely pathological here. Other characters are chronically drunk or high, struggling just to stay awake or walk a straight line. The radical loss of identity in which the organism transforms from a sentient being, into stew in a cauldron, almost seems like a natural eventuality of the abjection and loss of control suffered by everyone at Fort Spencer.

This moral and physical degeneracy, that is the status quo with Boyd and his cohorts, eventually contaminates the mind as well. When I first saw RAVENOUS, I was entirely ignorant of real artistry in film, and whether I knew it or not, my malnourished brain was in dire need of deviance from Hollywood norms of beauty and power. At that time, I was mainly accustomed to two approaches to human behavior in films: First, the James Bond model, in which characters only behave as if they have perfect foresight and complete control of their emotions and deliberation even in the face of catastrophe. I use "James Bond" as the most recognizable face of this hyperrationalism, but this approach pervades most mainstream films involving any kind of peril. How many times have you, the reader, had to sit through a screening in which some know-it-all picks apart the decisions and reactions of every character, as if it were reasonable to expect any person on either side of the screen to behave with robotic pragmatism regardless of their circumstances? But people do expect this from fictional protagonists on the whole. The second approach that I want to identify is mainly relegated to slasher movies; According to this model, characters are permitted to make the stupidest possible choices at every juncture, because the audience has a preexisting assumption that these victims will be sacrificed on the altar of our prudish morals, or simply for the vicarious enjoyment of the power wielded by a Jason Voorhees or Michael Myers. What we rarely see in the mainstream, outside of the comedy genre, is shock, mania, hysteria, the loss of one's faculties that comes when one experiences a violent divorce from accepted reality.

Other than the aforementioned TEXAS CHAIN SAW, RAVENOUS was the first movie I had ever seen that addressed the neurological reality of trauma. Boyd's uncontrollable vomiting at the very beginning of the film is just a taste of Antonia Bird's mastery of this subject. She has ample opportunity to address this with her cast when the interloping cannibal "survivor" Colqhoun, first leads the unsuspecting Fort Spencer crew to the cave where he says the "real" cannibal is hiding out. Upon their arrival, Colqhoun throws himself into an alarming fugue state, apparently reliving the trauma of the nightmare from which he fled. He pants and gasps, smirks and grimaces, claws at the air and at the earth, as if to bury himself, effectively scaring the shit out of everybody. After he reveals his true intentions and massacres most of the crew before chasing Boyd and Reich off the edge of a cliff, another interesting neurological event transpires. At the bottom of the hole into which they have plummeted, with Reich's last spasm of life, he clamps his fingers around Boyd's throat  until his maniacal laughter turns into a death rattle. An even finer example comes after Boyd has returned to camp, having shamefully mended his wounds by dining on Reich's corpse as per the wendigo myth. Still recuperating, Boyd greets the arriving officers who are escorting the Fort's replacement commander--who turns out to be Colqhoun, now dressed neatly as the "Colonel Ives" on whom he blamed the cannibalistic murders of his fellow frontiersman. At the sight of this shocking enemy, Boyd pivots wildly and slams face first into the nearest wall, crumbling like a swatted insect on the floor and shaking uncontrollably.

These are some of the principle moments that won RAVENOUS my heart, and that really let me know what I was searching for in films. In fact, this movie was so formative for me that it led to a sort of impromptu ritual of breaking with my childhood. As with all cultists, my desperation to rope in everybody I knew intensified along with my obsession. I couldn't imagine that anybody would reject this beautiful and fabulously unusual work of art. I pulled a lot of wins, but I was in for a rude awakening where it should have counted. I refer to my "best friend" and "high school sweetheart" of about ten years, a guy who dominated my cultural life for almost as long as we were pals, since he was slightly smarter and had slightly better taste than our high school peers, but very little interest in having his mind expanded, as I eventually realized. When I showed him my new favorite movie of all time, I was brutally disappointed by his scoffing at every scene that I considered to be the movie's crowning accomplishments. He scrunched up his face and rejected Reich's murderous dying breath as "stupid" and "fucked up" and "making no sense". Today I'm not sure how hard I tried to explain that, look, we're talking about a character who is on the brink of death, whose final moments were in especially ugly combat, and who is really extremely brain damaged; more to the point, he really hates Boyd, the coward, and may have tried to kill him at some point even if he were fully possessed of his faculties. I mean, we're finally seeing something psychiatrically real here...aren't we? I got the same snotty dismissal from my viewing companion when Boyd went into shock at the sight of Ives--shock, a real acknowledged medical condition--and really during any scene that he considered too awkward and bizarre to be "cool" and heroic. It was at that very moment that I knew we wouldn't be friends for much longer, and we actually fell out of touch a few years later.

With that personal digression out of the way, though, I'd like to return to the cave (don't I always?) to discuss how Antonia Bird, her DP Anthony B. Richmond, and her editorial team work together to keep the audience in more or less the same state of discomfort and disorientation as the characters. RAVENOUS was also the first movie that taught me how to interpret the visual grammar of film, since I watched it so often that, eventually, I couldn't miss what was going on. Bird and co. have a way of distorting and compressing space that prevents the viewer from ever really knowing where you are. When the crew arrives at the low, carbon black mouth of the cave, there is a sense that it couldn't possibly be as deep as Colqhoun's story suggests (and in practical reality, it isn't). When Boyd and Reich creep inside, the tunnel plunges promptly into a weird homey sublevel where Colqhoun had been subsisting on his fellow travelers. This is sort of weird, but not as weird as what happens outside. When Colqhoun plunges into his fugue state, we see in it a sweaty, spittle-flecked closeup. His behavior spooks Toffler, who in his own closeup cowers against his commanding officer Colonel Hart (Jeffrey Jones, playing essentially the same character as in Deadwood). Colqhoun appears to stalk closer and closer to the camera, but how close is he to Toffler and Hart? We have no idea, until he circles back to the pit he just dug and then lunges through the air to plant a knife in Hart's abdomen, gutting him. Then, when Boyd and Reich give chase, there is a moment where Reich stares into the camera, giving Boyd an order. Boyd looks shyly into the camera before glancing off, suggesting that he flinches away from Reich's hateful gaze--but in the next shot, we see that Boyd is actually behind Reich, looking in a completely different direction. Part of me suspects that Bird and her crew were making the most of the small and somewhat sparse-looking patch of woods that they had for this scene, but it gets more interesting later on. As Colquhoun-now-Ives surreptitiously prepares a human stew back at camp, the permanently drunk Major Knox (Stephen Spinella, who seems determined to turn RAVENOUS into a balls-out comedy) shouts down the hysterical Boyd--all in closeup, so where are they? As it turns out, Ives is in one building, Knox stands in a passageway outside the door, and Boyd sits shackled in a separate building in the distant background. Finally, in Boyd's epic showdown with Ives, there is a fascinating moment in which Boyd saunters into the room, gazing staunchly ahead, ready to kill. Cut to Ives standing in front of a roaring fire, spinning neatly to face his adversary--but when we cut back to Boyd, we see that he is completely alone in the space. Shortly, Ives plunges through the ceiling behind him; they were never even on the same floor. RAVENOUS consistently leaves the viewer as disoriented and untethered as its characters are emotionally.

This battle itself harkens back to the movie's crucial focus on the often degrading and humiliating experience of piloting a human body. In both the James Bond and slasher movie models of movie behavior that I previously discussed, a climactic showdown should be fast-paced, furious, with impressive feats of athleticism by the combatants. Not so in RAVENOUS. The final scene is accompanied by an eight-and-a-half minute minimalist trudge through hell by Nyman and Albarn that never threatens to raise your blood pressure with stings or arias. The music perfectly matches this sluggish fight between two men whose bodies have been repeatedly destroyed and recreated. Their weapons are a letter opener, a meat cleaver, a pretty substantial log, and finally, a massive bear trap. The conflict is no clash of the titans, no beautiful realization of the full potential of male aggression. It is gruesome, tragic, and in some way, romantic.

I would be remiss if I failed to dig in to the eroticism of this movie. Like all vampire movies, there is a virgin and a seducer, a victim who calls their lack of worldliness dignity, and a predator who sees chastity as a shameful waste of life. RAVENOUS is one of at least three movies that Antonia Bird made about the unique relationships between men in traditionally male situations. Her heist movie FACE has been compared to HEAT, though I am really thinking of the incendiary drama PRIEST. In this, her impressive directorial debut, a young man of the cloth struggles with the disturbing intrusion of sex into his chaste life, be it in the lives of deviant clergyman, or abused child parishioners, or in his own struggle with homosexuality. Robert Carlyle plays the unhappy lover left out in the cold, drifting down the street on a skateboard like a hovering ghost, trying to convince the eponymous character that love is greater than its stingy biblical proscription. While there are no literal love scenes in RAVENOUS, it takes place in a similar world, made up almost only of men--men who are brothers in arms, who look after each other's souls and bodies, and who even consume each other's bodies, who gain strength from one another by breaking the ultimate taboo. The closing image, of Boyd and Ives pinned chest to chest by the bear trap, bleeding to death in each other's arms, remains for me one of the tenderest images in all of horror cinema.

I would like to close by asserting that Bird's deft exploration of male sensitivity is nowhere more powerful than in her direction of David Arquette, the unlikely shining star of RAVENOUS. The often intolerably wacky comedic actor plays Private Cleaves, an absolute reject from society who (barely) functions as the help around Fort Spencer. He and George (Joseph Runningfox), one of two Native American appendages to the crew, are consistently high out of their minds, which may make them look like fools, but it also designates them as being the most wisely in touch with the genuinely hopelessness of their situation. When George is slaughtered by Colqhoun, Cleaves is left all alone tending the Fort, and he has a few scenes of powerful vulnerability before his inevitable demise. In between two key plot beats, we find Cleaves and George's sister Martha (the quietly wonderful Sheila Tousey) standing together in the snowy yard, observing the new commanding officer's arrival. What should be a forgettably dry piece of exposition concludes with Cleaves instinctively turning to Martha and stroking her hair, which causes both of them to dissolve in tears. In an adjacent scene, Boyd watches through the window as the agonizingly bereaved Cleaves chops wood in the yard, alone. Cleaves, certainly intoxicated, weaves and sweats, giggling in an unnervingly forced manner to try to resurrect the perpetual good time that he once enjoyed with his murdered best friend. The scene dissolves into a fantasy in which Boyd gives in to his mounting cannibalistic urges and eviscerates Cleaves--throughout which Cleaves laughs and laughs with escalating insanity. It is difficult to convey the raw force of the sequence in words, so I will just say this: Early this year, I dared to point out that among the many strange virtues of STARSHIP TROOPERS is the fact that terminal screwball Jake Busey is so warm, so funny, and so emotionally available in that movie that it almost throws off the deliberately boneheaded artificiality of the entire rest of the cast. So, I would just like to conclude that, if your movie involves somebody from EIGHT LEGGED FREAKS or Shasta McNasty, and you get that person to provide you with one of the most sensitive performances in the whole show, you're probably doing something right.