#And the fact that i am too afraid of human interaction/being perceived as annoying to getba sub to watch my students

[butterflies-and-bumble-bees]

...

[curewhimsy]

-Unfinished- Defota POV vent drabble fic under the cut…

I referred to him as his fanmade “human name,” Kanade.

Defosuke is referred to as his fanmade “human name,” Hibiki.

—————— Kanade’s Point Of View

My piano teacher thinks I’m the biggest idiot to have ever lived. Emphasis on “biggest,” considering I was fat enough to break the smaller piano seat she was using that day just by sitting in it. She got really visibly annoyed at me and lectured me with how much it would cost to get fixed. While hauling out a sturdier chair for me, she asked me my favorite food. I assumed at the time she was just making casual conversation. I smiled and told her I liked rice balls. Anything with rice, really. I remember the way she furrowed her brow as she began to nag to me about how rice is a very simple carb, and that get converted to sugar in the body. I should stop eating so much rice, she said. “No wonder you’re so large.” She said. “And I don’t mean that in a healthy way.” Those were the first interactions we shared together. It all went downhill from there. (Add Kanade’s interactions with the piano teacher, how much the piano means to him, how he feels like quitting because of his teacher.) Every lesson was like that. My teacher wouldn’t stop nitpicking about things that made me feel awful, hurt, useless. She behaved, and continues to act as if I don’t even feel these emotions, that I cannot feel broken. Because I am just a robot to her. I am an android, but my feelings can still be hurt. She criticizes me as if I already don’t know these things. I know I’m fat. I know I’m not good at anything; I’m horrible at piano, the worst singer in my family, and too shy and timid to ever speak up or draw attention to myself. I lack charisma, I’m not intelligent, and I’ve never told an actually funny joke in my entire life. I have no inherent value. (Talk about more of Kanade’s dreams, such as being a pianist, a writer, how he feels like cooking for his family isn’t much (“Throwing things in a pot isn’t anything special. Anyone can do it.”) You know how some people can saturate the room with an overpowering presence just by being in it? I never understood how people are able to do that. My own presence is so weak. “Non-existent” would be more accurate. I can’t help that I’m so reclusive. Because whenever I’ve tried to come out, I was always pushed down. My classmate, Momotaro, is one of those people with a bright aura. People always smile when they see him. They loosen up and the atmosphere becomes really lively. I really admire him. Momotaro is kind to me often, but I suspect it’s mostly out of pity. He’s invited me to hang out at clubs and parties before, but I found it overwhelming because I get self-conscious. (Talk about more of Kanade’s interactions with Momotaro) My younger brother, Hibiki, is a lot more outgoing than me. He’s always in the sun, the spotlight, as I watch him from afar, from the shadows. He has charisma. He’s dorky, but in an endearing way. He’s goofy, funny, and quite popular. He wants to be taken more seriously, he says. But I still don’t see any problem with how he’s perceived. I’d give anything to be more like him. He also has some of the highest grades in his age group at school. Me? I’m just a big fat loser with a brain that doesn’t work. My younger sister, Uta, is a musical genius with a gift. She has a very close group of friends who all support each other. Uta is quiet, but she still has charisma. She’s snarky and her sense of humor is dry. The way she expresses herself is very unique. I don’t really have a solid self-expression yet. I don’t even have much of a full sense of who I truly am. Uta’s friends are really quite amazing too. Uta is close friends with someone named Taya Soune. He is kind, polite, and has maturity beyond his years. He is a very profound person—I envy that fact. He also has a beautiful voice, I was blown away when I first heard him sing. He had such an airy, delicate tone. His range could very easily be soprano, despite him being masculine. I find his voice really special. I’m just another awful baritone. Uta’s other friend, Ritsu Namine, is quite a character. Unlike me, he sticks around in your mind for quite a while. He makes a very big impact. He also has a powerful, well-controlled singing voice, really something special. When he belts the big notes it sends straight shivers down your spine. I don’t think I could ever be able to do that… not like him. Uta’s friends Momo and Teto are so cheerful. They’re always smiling and carefree. Teto is usually bouncing around making people smile and laugh, and her vibes are so positive. I want to make people happy the way she does. But all I ever do is make people and myself sad. Momo is so polite and caring. She loves the world and benefits so many causes. I’m not even as kind and selfless as she is. If I was, I wouldn’t be filled with so much envy. Uta’s friend Ruko Yokune is even taller than me. But unlike me, they’re not fat, despite them sleeping all the time. Because they’re not lazy when they’re not sleeping! Ruko is always motivated and has a lot of drive and determination. Unlike me, who’s always down in the dumps. Unlike me, they wouldn’t be sulking right now! They let nothing get in their way! Why can’t I be more like them…? Which brings me to my youngest sister, Koe. Even though she’s a bit of a crybaby like me, well, she’s just a kid. But unlike me, she always keeps trying, even through her tears. My family and friends don’t know I’m feeling this way. (Talk about an event where Kanade hid his sadness from his family.) I really want to try again too. But sometimes… it’s exhausting just knowing I’ll fail again. Just knowing I’ll be hurt and in the dark again. It’s scary. I’m afraid I will be hurt again. And then my wound will grow even bigger. I’m afraid one day it will grow too big for me to handle. Still… I spend my days to look for a reason, an opportunity, an excuse, or an incentive, to try again. Because trying again is the only way I will one day succeed.

[eldritchsurveys]

752.

Does your best friend bother you more than anyone else? >> --- Who is your best friend? >> --- Do you like someone right now? >> No. Do you even think you stand a chance with this person? >> --- Do you consider yourself truly happy? >> I don’t think of “happiness” as a constant state of being. It’s an emotion like any other -- you feel happy for a period of time, and then you return to baseline or you have a different emotion. So, yeah, sometimes I am happy. A lot of the time I’m something else (or nothing). Feeling one emotion all the time at the expense of others would be awful no matter what the emotion is.

How often do you cry? >> Relatively often, lately. It’s like once you decide to stop berating yourself for having feelings, you start just having them randomly and shit. I teared up watching a youtube video yesterday and it took me a couple of minutes to figure out that it was probably the effect of the music used in the video (he used a lot of that kind of “dramatic emotional moment” music that they use in movies to cue to your brain that you’re supposed to have An Emotion right now). Are you emotional? >> I mean, yes, I experience emotions... What is the worst thing you would do for 10 million dollars? >> No. Have you ever had/do you have an eating disorder? >> No. Have you ever cut/burned yourself intentionally? >> Yep. What do you think of people that do? >> I don’t have an opinion about other self-injurers? We all just tryna survive. What’s your opinion on drugs? Have you ever done any? >> I don’t have an opinion on drugs. Like, in general, I don’t have sweeping opinions on any broad subject like this! It doesn’t make sense to me and I am constantly frustrated at being asked what I think about a general concept as if my thoughts shouldn’t be based on contextual information and a basic understanding of nuance. Anyway. Yes, I’ve done drugs. Have you ever noticed the hidden adult jokes inside of kid shows/movies? >> Sure. Do you want to be famous? Why? >> Not at all. Because included amongst my highest values are my privacy and my ability to live my life on my own terms as much as possible. Also, it just flat-out doesn’t seem like a healthy way to live.

Do you sin often? >> Dude. What are your views on God? >> I don’t have any sweeping views on the concept of divinity. My opinion about the Abrahamic God specifically varies based upon what we’re talking about -- what holy text, what cultural interpretation, what sort of human-divine relationship, etc. What do you think happens after you die? >> My working interpretation is that the specific network that I think of as my consciousness will dissipate and that energy will rejoin the general concept of “consciousness”, from which every specific instance of consciousness arises. So to speak. Also, my body will decay (provided I’m not chemically processed and shut up in a metal box), worms will eat me, etc etc. Are you afraid to die? >> Yeah. But my feelings about death are more aptly described as, like, “holy dread”, or the kind of fear that is part-and-parcel with a strong feeling of awe and wonder. If you had the chance, would you want to know the date of your death? >> Fuck no, dude. Have you ever felt that you weren’t good enough? >> Yep. Do you have any siblings? If so, are you jealous of them? >> --- Do you have a good relationship with your parents? Why or why not? >> I don’t have any relationship with them. Because one abandoned me at birth and the other one flat-out doesn’t like who I am as a person.

Are you always wanting more? >> Sure. Hunger is one of my defining concepts. Do you make good first impressions? >> I don’t think I do, no, because I’m not interested in following certain social conventions that people expect me to. That’s not to say I’m rude, but when you refuse to shake hands, you don’t stare in people’s eyeballs, and you don’t smile at literally everything, people get tetchy. Do you feel bad for obese people, or do you just laugh? I am so unimpressed with this question. <-- like.... what the actual fuck. What would you do if you were obese? >> What do you mean, what would I do? Am I supposed to be doing something specific just because I’m fat? Like, you know, hate myself for existing in a way that isn’t acceptable to the society I live in? Bloody hell. Are you ashamed of your past? >> No. Do you miss your past? >> “My past” isn’t a real thing, it’s a story that my brain tells itself. There’s nothing to miss. Do you have a song lyric that describes where you are in life right now? >> If I did, there’s no way I’d be able to think of it right now. Who are you closest to in your family? >> --- Do you ever open up to people? >> Ever? Maybe. It’s always a possibility, if not a probability. Do you consider yourself guarded? Why or why not? >> Absolutely. Because I’m post-traumatic, that’s why. Are you an honest person? >> Sure. Do you like animals? >> I mean, I don’t actively hate animals or anything. I don’t have any specific feelings about the existence of other creatures on the planet.

Do you think doctors prescribe medicine too often? >> I wouldn’t know. I think that’s an opinion people assert when they are following an anti-meds agenda, but it’s not necessarily grounded in provable fact. Are you a control freak? >> I have tendencies. Do you enjoy getting drunk, or do you feel like you’re losing all control? >> No. I enjoy the buzz from a certain amount of alcohol, but anything beyond that is uninteresting and often annoying. I don’t feel like I’m losing control, exactly, I just feel logy and tired and irritable. Also, headaches. What do you think happens when you go into a coma? >> I assume it varies. Do you think the internet is dangerous? >> The potential for danger is always present when interacting with other people in any context, including digital.

Name all the social networking sites you use: >> Tumblr and Facebook are the only ones I use. Do you think anyone truly knows who you really are? >> “Who I really am” isn’t a concept that I find useful. People learn different things about me, are exposed to different personality traits and idiosyncrasies at different times, and filter all that knowledge through their own perceptions and biases and understandings. There is a different version of me for every person that perceives me, including myself, and all those versions are part of the intersocial network that forms the concept of “me”. (I’m sure if I lived completely alone in the middle of nowhere and had no contact with any other humans, my concept of myself would grow into something completely different -- it might grow even more fluid and less anthropomorphic, because the concept of the self is reinforced by our interactions with others.) Have you ever given anyone the chance to really get to know you? >> Sigh. Do you block people out of your life when they start to get too close? >> I don’t know, people getting close isn’t a situation I’m too familiar with these days. Who do you think has the most pressure to be good-looking; guys or girls? I think both experience a lot of pressure in very different ways. It’s not a contest. <-- Do you care what impression you make on people? >> Sometimes, depending on the person. Most of the time I understand that a lot of it is out of my control, unless I’m willing to do some things I really don’t want to do. Do you think TV is too much of an influence on today’s youth? >> I think That’s Complicated(tm). What do you think people would do if all the computers crashed? >> Like, if all computers stopped working at the same time? How... would that even happen, is my question. Unless something happened to the grid in general, or something. Any wide-scale breakdown of digital infrastructure would have immediate negative repercussions in this part of the world, though, I can wager that much. Honestly, do you say racist things? >> I can’t think of anything racist I’ve said in recent memory. Aside from your general “white people” jokes, I guess. I try to keep those to a minimum, though, because most of the time it’s just... unnecessary. Do your parents put way too much pressure on you? >> --- Has anyone you loved ever died? >> Sure. Do you think people overreact when their pets die? >> I don’t think people overreact at all. I think it’s the appropriate reaction, to be upset and to grieve. I think my disconnection to pets is stranger than normal people’s connection to them, which is why I’m always self-conscious about my detachment. People don’t like it when you don’t have feelings. Do you know who you are, or what you want to become? >> *gestures in frustration at my earlier ramble about selfhood* Do you have your future mapped out? Or are you just taking it day by day? >> I find the concept of planning out one’s future to be a little silly, although I understand it’s a perfectly reasonable and healthy thing for a human to do. It just... doesn’t work for me. The only stretch of time I can be confident of is the present, and even that’s questionable sometimes. What are you going to do now? >> I think I might go out for a short walk now, the temperature’s at a good place. I wish I could go somewhere specific -- a park would be incredible right now -- but I can’t be getting on public transportation for non-essential purposes. And I can’t go to the convenience store... Guess I’ll just... walk down the sidewalk and then back *shrug* (This would be a great time to have a dog to walk.)

[rtarara]

On Supergirl and Homophobia

I am seeing a lot of posts saying how calling out what happened at SDCC as homophobic is ‘ridiculous’. I’d like to address first the scope of what homophobia is, then move onto how the incident was driven by homophobia. 

Definitions:

When you hear the term homophobia, it conjures up images of assault or of slurs being thrown out in the open. This is often not the case. Incidences of homophobia can range from the above to smaller instances that make you question whether of not you’re being ‘hysterical’ or ‘dramatic’ for thinking you’re being discriminated against or not. Merriam-Webster defines homophobia as: irrational fear of, aversion to, or discrimination against homosexuality or homosexuals. 

An example that I have in my own life is that my conservative Christian relatives often ‘forget’ to call and invite me to gatherings. Another is that they will avoid any talk saying I’m married. In these cases, it falls under aversion for not wanting to be around us because we’re gay, and discrimination for not treating our marriage as equal to that of my sister or cousins. It would be easy in the silence to say that these things were the result of personality conflicts or something in my own behavior (Was I too touchy? Did I say something that mentioned homosexuality or gay culture when they didn’t want to hear it?), but time, study and the support of allies in my family has helped me to see the behavior for what it is: homophobia. 

The Issue:

In the case of the SDCC video, we see Jeremy Jordan start off singing about the season and joking that hoover was the only thing that rhymed with Vancouver. It was fun and silly. He moved on to sing that Kara Met Lena and they were best friends. This was great. He then, unprompted, turned to the camera and shouted that they were only friends. By changing his focus to the camera, he shifted the address to the people watching and those who shipped Supercorp specifically. This is an audience of predominately young queer women. Melissa Benoist loudly joined in and Jeremy continued that they were not getting together and they were only friends. The rest of the cast present was laughing. 

The cast gleefully mocked and dismissed a group of young queer fans. By addressing them directly, this action was a form of silencing and bullying. Part of his message was to shut up about queer things because they won’t be canon. It was a JOKE to think they could be.

The greater societal context of that is that they won’t be canon, BECAUSE it’s two women. The level of joy in the mockery was really a way of distancing themselves from gay people and othering them. This is an act of homophobia because wlw (supercorp supporters) were singled out for mockery and silencing. It had a profound negative effect on a lot of people. This is a natural human reaction to being mocked, especially for disenfranchised groups because it is devaluing those who are already devalued by society.

During the recap they also failed to mention the canon lesbian storyline, which was one of the bigger ones for the year, lending to the overall impression that gay people were not important or welcome or worthy of any sort of inclusion. 

The interviewer spoke that, “Any show like this naturally has such a fandom that there’s the natural shipping that goes on.” He gestures to Melissa and Katie and says ‘your two characters, you know about this...” They joked about having no idea while Mechand was like ‘I know about this.” Between that and the singing, this shows that the fandom is one that the show is aware of, members of which (young queer girls), they have been seeing online and at various events. They have a context for who they are talking about. 

Jeremy then took over and said that he felt like he was going to get destroyed, Melissa said something along the lines of, “Maybe, yes” and Jeremy gave a joking ‘I’m sorry’ and said “I just debunked Supercorp live.” Melissa said, “That’s pretty brave.” 

Yes, Supercorp is a vocal fandom. It’s a large fandom, but calling it brave to mock a group of wlw publicly because they might be called out on their homophobia speaks to the self-congratulatory martyrdom of those who speak out against gay marriage and then point out how ‘cruel’ gay people are when they get blowback for it. It’s a lousy thing to do and it serves a greater homophobic purpose as setting up wlw as the ones perpetrating bigotry and ‘forcing their beliefs on people’.  

The interviewer asked if they were caught off guard by fans seeing things that might be there or could be there and what they made of it at this point. 

Melissa said that, ‘It was surprising, not what Katie and I expected to say the least.” She looked very uncomfortable at the prospect of a character she plays being perceived as queer, but did not say anything further negatively. 

Katie was very affirming/not at all uncomfortable. She spoke about how she often plays character with that subtext and she thought this time that it wasn’t there, but, “Wow I was wrong, apparently.” She went on to say that they’d talked about it and was adamant about how wonderful it was that people could take away so many things from the art that they created—that anyone could read into and see anything and that was what THEY saw in it, then to take that away. This was wonderful and a great example of being a great ally. Melissa did nod along at this point as Katie tried to elevate the conversation.  

Chris broke in and said, “Sexuality is all about others perceptions of yours.” He tried to cover it by saying, “That was sarcasm.” This was really a particularly vicious jab because what he was implying was that it’s terrible of gay people to see themselves in this characters because they’re straight. It implies that by not seeing them as 100% straight, queer people are invalidating their (the fictional character’s in this case) straight sexuality and that is wrong. He is saying that a queer reading of the text has no value. It is homophobic because it devalues queer people and plays into a heterosexist world view that because something seems straight it CAN’T be queer.  

Jeremy played the, “I went to musical theater school. I know all about other people’s perceptions of sexuality.” As to say that being perceived as gay was a negative experience that he knew a lot about. 

There was a lot to unpack in a relatively short interaction, but I hoped this helped explain to some extent. There is also the fact the wlw representation has historically been treated as a joke, ratings stunt, or way to titillate straight men. Mocking what would be a really healthy ship based on mutual support as some sort of lunacy is incredibly harmful. 

A Few Themes:

1. It wasn’t that supercorp was gay. It was just that those fans are annoying/intense.

There is definitely a section of fans who is too intense and lacks boundaries and manners. I’ve seen this section of fans in a lot of fandoms, both in wlw ships and in sci-fi fandom in general. It does not make it right, but young wlw fans are the ones being singled out AS A GROUP for it. This is really common with minorities and it in no way excuses degrading them because they are girls who like girls. Mocking a group of queer people and making them a punchline is not an appropriate response to this. 

2. Well Eliza says things about Bellarke so it wasn’t just Supercorp.

The possible Supercorp relationship in no way degrades either of the characters or a marginalized group of people (as is the case when Eliza speaks about Bellarke). She has also, to my knowledge, never directly mocked those shippers in song. There is no history of straight ships being mocked or derided. This is an apples to oranges comparison. 

3. They were shitty to Rahul so they deserve it. People are just responding.

There were some very shitty things said to that man and he didn’t deserve it. Some were from Supercorp shippers and some were from people mocking Supercorp shippers (the tweet that he retweeted and called out was mocking the wlw fans by being shitty to him). This is why it was completely acceptable for him to talk about the intensity of the Supergirl fandom and even Supercorp. He didn’t mock anyone and people were not mad at him, they just wished that the hate was less visible and that things had gone down differently.

That doesn’t mean that the cast has a free ticket to mock wlw shippers.

4. It’s just a fanon ship, so they’re sick of being asked about it. They are being too pushy.

Content creators decided to tap into fandom as a revenue stream and way to increase ratings/merchandise sales. I think this shift started around Twilight and the Jacob vs Edward debates. Content creators encourage shipping to promote sales. It’s not altruistic. They almost always leave any mention of queer ships out. Queer people have stopped accepting that because they are less afraid than they used to be. It’s actually pretty brave to ask in the vast flurry of Peeta vs Gale, to declare yourself Team Joanna and ask about that. It isn’t rude to be gay and engage in the same way as straight shippers do. It isn’t rude to see your ships as equally valid. There are those who take it too far in all aspects of shipping, but gay people aren’t terrible for pushing for representation. 

I think it would be more productive to ask why actors were so bothered by the idea of a main character being bisexual that they decided to mock a large swath of their fanbase. 

5. They didn’t mean it. They have done X, Y, Z things for gay people in the past.

Doing something homophobic, doesn’t mean you are strictly a giant homophobe. Everyone is a little homophobic in the way that everyone is a little racist. Growing up in a heterosexist society does a lot of damage. What matters is learning and moving on. I’m going to give Jeremy a chance to show change. Good allies listen when they’re told that they’ve made a mistake. The rest of the cast has not apologized yet, but if they can do so meaningfully and show change as well, then that would be for the best. 

6. People are Overreacting

You don’t get to decide how people feel about being mocked for their sexuality. They are not being awful for posting things like this, calling out bad actions and asking for change. They aren’t even wrong for saying that they no longer wish to watch the show or interact with a certain actor or actress.  

You CAN call out individuals if they are using hateful language themselves, as always, but you can’t lump all the hurt wlw shippers together in one boat and say negative things about them. 

[andrewdburton]

A candid conversation about race in America

Minneapolis, Denver, NYC, Oakland, Atlanta, Washington D.C., Louisville, San Jose, Des Moines, Detroit. The list goes on. These are just some of the cities that have experienced protests in the past week.

George Floyd's murder (and murder-porn video) was one of the catalysts for these protests. But let's be clear: Sooner or later, this was going to happen. Things are not okay in America. America's continuing issue with race, inequality, and the routine acceptance of the mistreatment of black people and other people of color came to a head in the last couple of days.

Then, we had Amy Cooper in New York City calling the police on Christian Cooper unecessarily during a normal incident that plays out all the time – annoying people with their dogs off leash. That one call could have resulted in Christian Cooper's death.

In this episode of Michelle is Money Hungry, I'm going to get candid about race in America, money and opportunity, and what's next.

This is a very difficult show for me to do because I have so many thoughts racing through my mind. The goal of this episode is to give a better perspective of what people are angry about and to leave with ideas of how we collective can do better. And, honestly, I have to say something about this. And just so you know, this is not the first time that I've talked about race and wealth in America on my website and podcast. (But it's the first time J.D. has shared my work here at Get Rich Slowly.)

J.D.'s note: I'm not a podcast listener, but I listened to this episode. I liked it enough to ask Michelle if I could re-run everything here at GRS. I'm grateful that she agreed. The text here is, essentially, Michelle's outline so it might seem rough at times. I encourage you — if you have the time — to listen to the podcast instead. If you'd rather read/listen at Michelle's site, here's the original.

This is Winning?

We are not “winning” in the US and haven't been for many years. The fact of the matter is America, at its core, is dysfunctional and its dysfunction is currently on display.

America is an incredibly wealthy country.

It's considered a land of great opportunity and compared to other countries this is the case. We just had a private company launch US based astronauts into space via SpaceX run by an immigrant But, with all of that wealth we also have a huge problem with wealth distribution. Schools are unequal. There's a lack of access to affordable health care. There's a constant threat of danger due to gun-related violence. Access to good paying jobs is decreasing as business move manufacturing off-shore/

Americans also focus on the individual vs. the collective and that affects everything related to creating policies for citizens. Then, add racism to the mix and you get a dangerous mix.

I'd like to paraphrase a couple of things that I've heard several times during the past week about the George Floyd protests.

“Why are people looting? They're tearing up businesses and their own town. Why can't they protest without damaging property? Why can't the protestors do it differently?”

“George Floyd is just 1 man, I get that this was horrible but to riot and burn down your town for one person makes no sense”

Protest as a verb: To express an objection to what someone has said or done (via the online dictionary)

I would like to point out three really important things to consider.

First, Colin Kaepernick quietly protested by kneeling for years to protest black people getting shot by the police. He lost his livelihood, was ridiculed, and was blacklisted from a career that he could still have right now. He didn't shout, he didn't break anything, he just took the knee. And, he was told that he was protesting the wrong way. Which ironically people making the comment “why riot?” should be catching themselves on. I tend wonder did you also say that he was protesting the wrong way too.

Second, it's 2020. There's video FOR EVERYTHING. While there are protestors looting, there are also groups of white people who seem organized tearing up buildings during protests. Leading other participants to ask them what the hell are they doing. In fact, that even happened here in Denver where a George Floyd demonstrator called out an Antifa asshole who was defacing a statue in front of the State Capital.

Third, why were people more concerned about the treatment of the DOG in the Amy Cooper video vs. the fact that Christian Cooper, US Citizen and a human being, could have been killed due to her actions. In case you're like who's Amy? She's the chick who called the police on Christian Cooper, the black birder in NYC.

Fourth, if the public at large values dogs and buildings more than my black life that's something we need to reflect on.

It's NOT Just about George Floyd

The protests aren't just about the murder of George Floyd. The murder was the catalyst for something that has been coming for awhile. People just weren't paying attention. The protests are about the following:

The ongoing acceptance of black people being murdered by the police (and other people) ON CAMERA and getting away with it is bullshit. And, we're not going to take this anymore.

Black people accounted for 31% of police killing victims in 2012, even though they made up just 13% of the US population.

Lack of opportunity in a land of plenty.

Deepening poverty.

The almost daily rhetoric and actions taken by the current administration to systematically eliminate people's rights.

Basically, people are fed up with everything.

The Coronavirus

Added to this anger, is the anger associated with the Coronavirus response. It has not escaped my attention that the moment the talking points were that black/brown/and old people were the individuals most likely to die from the virus the conversation about it changed.

It felt like people were willing to sacrifice me and mine so that they could get hair cuts. That's just shitty. I work for myself from home. But many people of color work in roles that require constant interaction with people, increasing the likelihood of being exposed to the Coronavirus. But, those are also the jobs that people have lost because sporting events/restaurants/and retail won't rebound for years.

Forty million people have lost their jobs and over 100,000 have lost their lives. As I watched the protests several questions came to mind about the people who were protesting.

Who knew someone who had suffered at the hands of the police?

Who had lost a job because of the virus and they had nothing else to lose?

Who knew someone who had died because of the virus or gotten sick with lifelong physical and financial reprecussions?

Who had experienced being roadblocked professionally because of the color of their skin?

Who in the crowd has health insurance? Definitely not the 40 million people who have lost their jobs

I wasn't just looking at the screen and seeing people that I didn't know and couldn't feel empathy for. I got it. I 100% get their anger because I share and I want to share a glimpse into my experience being black in America. I will also share some other people's experiences as well.

Check Your Privilege

Every year, I have at least a minimum of two incidents of white women clutching their purses when I walk by. Even when I have a giant purse on my shoulder. I've had people ignore me when I'm talking to them – blatantly. I've been roadblocked for promotions and told by the directors of the program that I worked for that they didn't feel comfortable with me representing the program abroad. I've been followed in grocery and clothing stores. I've been referenced as the angry black woman I've been called the n-word.

I have a file with all details related to my ability to vote and I am obsessive about this. Why? Because a key part of the act was invalidated in 2013, because jurisdictions are trying to levy poll taxes in order to be eligible to vote (looking at you Florida) and because of how fearful people are to allow fair and equal access to vote and how hard they work to surpress your vote. Which should tell those of you who don't vote often how important your right to vote is.

I would like to get married and have two little boys who look like their dad. But, I'm afraid of having little boys that other people feel free to: harass and kill.

Depending on the situation I'm uncomfortable when the police are around and hate it when they drive near me when I'm driving. The last thing I want to deal with is any interaction with the police.

I was sitting on a coffee shop patio with headphones on having a conversation with my mastermind group two weeks ago. There were other people on the patio talking as well. An older white woman reprimanded me for talking too loud. Don't worry, I shut it down. But my friends Sandy Smith and Elle Martinez saw the whole thing. We were on a Zoom call.

I worry about my black male relatives, male friends, and their male kids.

It is a normal thing for people of color to have a conversation with their children telling them that the police likely not protect them and more likely hurt or kill them because they are a threat.

My experience is nothing compared to what my other friends and family members have dealt with. Why is it that my full equality as a United State's citizen is perceived as a threat to your equality? It makes no sense.

America will never be as great a country as it could be as long as the following remains true:

The lack of willingness to have candid and painful conversations about race and inequality. Our unwillingness to have these conversations keep us from truly knowing one another.

The continuing growth in the divide between the haves and have nots

Lack of access to quality health care

Lack of access to fair and equal ways to vote.

We accept unequal treatment of citizens by people in positions of authority

Those who benefit from a position of power don't stand up for what's right.

Another person's success doesn't endanger you. It benefits you. I live in a nice neighborhood. During the Coronavirus outbreak (which is still happening) I would walk around the neighborhood. No one looked stressed. I would see people exercising, riding their bikes, and spending time with their kids.

Most of the people in my neighborhood work white collar jobs and — let's be candid — are white. They were having a very different experience of the Coronavirus situation than other people that I know.

They were still getting paid to work or were able to work from home. They had some resources available to them that insured that they would be able to take care of their personal expenses. Maybe not indefinitely, but for awhile. I heard or saw conversations about purchasing properties now because now would be a great time to do so. People had access to the internet and could continue to educate their kids via online learning, take fitness classes, and order food and clothing instead of going into grocery stores.

I include myself in these observations. I have these privileges too. As I improve my life, I can't lose sight of how important it is to help other people along the way. There is a reason why I am so passionate about sharing personal finance content and how people can empower themselves making money selling what they already know.What is my success if other people are suffering?

What We Can Do

There is a lot that we can do to better the situation.

When your friends of color tell you that they feel like something is racist or are sharing an experience that was painful or scary for them-listen. Don't tell them how they should feel or how they should have reacted. It's insulting. Just listen. In fact regardless of the issue active listening is an important skill to develop.

Become self-aware, we all have our prejudiced or even racist thoughts regardless of color. Becoming self-aware of these biases helps us to manage them before they adversely affect someone else.

People of color, some of your White friends might be struggling with how to have these conversations and genuinely want to be a part of the solution. (J.D., for instance.) Give them some grace as they make mistakes during the process. But, speak up so they don't make them again. I've had some incredibly candid conversations with my white friends throughout the course of our friendships. I've had to because I was unwilling to let things slide by.

And remember, actions matter more than words — and so does your inaction.

What you do when I'm not in the room when people are making jokes and comments says a lot about YOU. When people make shitty comments online-people that you know, what will you do? Will you say nothing and be complicit because it's hard to stand up for people who aren't in the room?

Basically, will you take the easy way out or do the heavy lifting which is hard. Which means you may lose friends and family.

Be patient with one another. This is a lifetime of conversations. Connect people with opportunities that will grow their income and livelihoods. Become a personal and professional mentor. If you're a cop, get rid of the racists who've embedded themselves into the force and embrace community policing which works. Write testimonials (or better record video testimonials) for a product/good/or service that a POC friend has. That POC friend could do the same.

What Has Encouraged Me

Here's what has given me encouragement and hope recently:

The line of white women who used their privilege and stood in front of black protestors so that they wouldn't be harmed by the police.

The police who marched with protestors. This happened in a number of cities.

The black men who protected a police officer who got separated from his crew.

The Denver protester who was filmed calling out a person who was defacing the statue in front of the Colorado State Capital.

The often painful conversations and revelations that have been shared. We can't keep these things to ourselves.

The actions that people have taken. Speaking up, shutting things down, and being all in.

The love that has been sent my way from my friends of all colors who have checked on me and that I've checked on during this time. I've chosen well.

Figure out the answer to the following question “How does someone else doing well affect me?” There are a lot of people expending a lot of energy keeping people down. So you have to wonder why they fear people being equal or doing well.

Thank you for listening to the show, and I hope that you and yours are safe and well during these difficult times.

from Finance https://www.getrichslowly.org/race-in-america/ via http://www.rssmix.com/