#And it's the focus on sensations like not just how emotions feel internally but viscerally too

[supermacaquecool]

I keep thinking about how some of the earlier writing praise I got was that my writing was descriptive, which greatly confused me lol because ??? I wasn't describing anything per se. But later, I came to realize, it was my word choice and penchant for descriptive verbs lol

[oathkeeperoxas]

I dont get your tags on that fight scene post, how does a fight scene and a sex scene work the same? Theyre completely different in like every way I can think of? Im curious as to how you approach sex scenes since yours are always so good to read

Ah thank you anon! I'm glad you like my writing! I'll do my best to explain. An obligatory disclaimer though - this is all technical advice, which in my opinion is less important than characterisation and choice of kinks when it comes to writing sex that others might find appealing. I'll read the most technically inept sex as long as it has good character voice and kinks that I'm into. Sex is an inherently subjective topic where opinions often clash, so my strongest advice would be to indulge yourself and write what you want firstly. That being said, I do think the technical elements used in the right way can elevate a sex scene from good to great, and can also convince others to try a new kink or pairing if they know that you have a good technical grasp on the execution of a sex scene. And of course it's always valid to want to think about how to improve your writing!

Referencing the tags on this post

I'm going to steal a lot of terminology from that post because it's top of mind and because I need something to contrast against when I'm talking about writing sex scenes. I was good at writing fight scenes before I ever properly attempted to write a coherent sex scene (my first was my first codywan piece, which puts me at almost exactly 2 years of writing smut!) and had heard that fight/sex scenes are not too dissimilar when putting words to paper, so that was how I attempted to frame my work. That being said I've definitely improved in the last 2 years, so practise and actually writing smut does help even if you aren't actively seeking ways to improve - it just helps to have a framework to think around when looking to technically improve your writing.

So the VIOLENT method - for sex. Quotes from the original post in italics, with my minor edits then in bold. Under a cut because this got long.

Visceral: Make sure your audience feels it by keeping it grounded in sensations and emotions. Sex is an incredibly emotional event (I would argue that fights are also events of very hightened emotion, so you can take this advice for fight scenes as well) and your characters need to react to that. Whether this is a one off fling, a first time after years of pining, or a couple that's been together for most of their lives, there's going to be heavy emotions involved. What those are depends on the situation, but to me satisfying smut needs an emotional hook to draw me in to really appreciate the meaning of the actions and what's happening. To relate to a character makes the physical side of things that much more intense. That being said, the physical sensations are also incredibly important - 'he put x in his y' is flat language that may titillate, but only due to the reader's own internal associations with sex. Humans have 5 senses, put them to use! People often tend to focus on sight and touch, and sometimes to a lesser degree smell/taste (how often have you read 'he tastes like vanilla and scotch and something uniquely him) but often less so on hearing. I try to intersperse sensations from all 5 senses in my sex scenes, to grab a full breadth of sensation. This gives the reader a break too - if you're constantly saying 'he touched this, he touched that...' then they're scrambling trying to adjust to the new information instead of letting it deliciously sit and simmer. Combining senses can also give a multiplicative effect. What someone smells AND hears AND feels across their skin gives a fuller picture than one sense alone. That being said, I never use all five for one moment, and never in the same paragraph. That's another way to tire out your reader! Three senses at the maximum for each paragraph and moment, and a different combination in adjacent paragraphs of description. I would also encourage you to get gross with the details of sensation - comment on tiny things to keep your reader engaged and interested. It's likely they've read sex scenes before. The more minute you make your observations about what's happening, the more unique you'll be and the more you'll grab your reader's attention. Readers are intrigued by the new! Again, this is all applicable to fight scenes where sensation and emotion can really put a reader in a character's shoes. I can copy and paste almost the entire last 2 sentences from the main post as a final comment on visceral: Also, really critically, people are exhausted after sex. Your characters should be wrung by the time it's over, even if it only lasted for a few minutes. <- so true! Even if they're strapping 18 year olds, sex is usually a lot of physical activity. Give them a breather afterwards.

Immediate: Keep sentences short and punchy. This ties a lot into what I said in the tags on the original post, as someone who typically writes long sentences as my preferred style, fighting and having sex is when I quite deliberately attempt to limit myself and scatter in a few one or two word sentences to keep the pacing fast. Periods, dashes, semi-colons, and colons all have a real world effect on your reader's breathing. A period is a hard stop and requires a breath, while the other types of punctuation let a sentence continue and maybe only half a breath to be taken. Several short sentences in a row mean that a reader is breathing more quickly than they would otherwise be, and that leads to their heart rate increasing too. If they're already aroused (and this can mean a hightened state of awareness if they're in the throes of reading a physical fight, not just sexually aroused) then this added oxygen and heart rate adds to their physical reactions of the text and increases their connection to it, and lowers the chance of them disconnecting. You want readers to read your fight/sex scene in one sitting, because going to another tab or looking at their discord messages or whatever will break the flow of your text and their emotional connection to it. That distraction requires another hook to get them back in, which might not happen right away if you as a writer assume that you already have an involved audience due to your set up and prior hooks.

Obnoxious: I probably won't quote from the original post on this one as I think it's where the tone differs the most, even though I agree with the underlying idea. To keep the reader guessing and to keep them engaged, introduce new ideas throughout your fight/sex scene. This could be through something in the environment that they have to react to, or changing sex acts, or noticing something about the other character that they never have before. It's important that this is done deliberately though - I'm pretty sure we've all gone 'wait what position are they in??' when reading a fic before. You're looking for a new hook to latch your reader, a fresh idea that will get them asking 'what's going to happen next?' not a way to confuse them, as this will break their immersion and connection to the scene. Change things up, and if you want to return to what was happening before, then you can do that later down the line as another hook.

Liquid: Sex scenes flow. There's a definitive rhythm and momentum to a sex scene. While the characters won't necessarily have a great idea of everything happening, they WILL have a sense of the momentum around them and the way sex is making them move. Momentum and movement are going to be the key to writing an impactful sex scene and give the reader a sense of excitement. All of this! There's a back and forth in a sex scene, no matter if there's one person involved or 20. It also can be an overwhelming experiences - senses are firing, heart rate is up, every sensation can be a lot. It's okay not to write every single way that someone moves their arms or bodies, in fact I would argue that doing do would grind the immediacy of a scene to a halt with too much information. Look below on the purpose of your scene and then use that to inform the pacing - if desperate, then the back and forth should be fast. If indulgent, the back and forth is probably going to be a lot slower. Whatever it is, try to stick to one throughout the scene to avoid rapid mood shifts that could throw a reader out of their flow and make them question what's happening. Not to say that slow->fast sex can't happen (and the other way around too, and everything in between), but that shift should be recognised as impactful by the tone and prose as well as the characters on the page, to keep the readers engaged with the scene.

Environment: Where's the sex scene happening? How is everyone moving? Describe the surrounding environment. This is very good advice, and something that is critical when constructing the underlying movement and flow of the scene. Alone in a bedroom is going to be very different from people fucking in a public space. How they react to that environment can add to the emotions of a scene - do they feel safe there? Sex is an inherently vulnerable act, and doing that somewhere safe/unsafe will have an affect on the character. Are they familiar with the space? This can lead to a character knowing where condoms/lube/sex toys are, or if they're somewhere unfamiliar, being surprised if their partner/s pull out something that they weren't expecting. What's a character's reaction to that unexpected action? It can inform the tone/direction of a scene significantly. Have they had sex there before? Newness/familiarity is something that can be easily worked into a scene to ground the characters - if they know that they need to change pillows or locations because that one is too soft/squishy/rough/has a bad texture, this can tell us about a character and their desires. Sex scenes are character building! Use them to show a different side of your character/s that wouldn't normally come up! Using the environment can be hot too - if there's a risk of being discovered, or someone is picking someone else up and slamming them against a wall, or there's a mirror in the room, these can all be kinked on and add to the titillation of the sex scene. Temperature is important too. If it's freezing and they're taking all their clothes off to get sweaty with each other, that can break immersion. Alternatively that risk can again, be a part of the point of the scene if you choose to play it that way and draw focus to it on purpose.

Narrator: Who is your narrator in the sex scene? An incredibly important question! As the original post says, What a soldier notices, what a correspondent notices, what a martial artist notices, etc, are all differences. Keep an eye on how you present this. Someone who's never had sex before is going to think about sex differently to someone who goes out every weekend to get laid. A sex worker is going to approach a sexual encounter differently to someone who has only ever had sex with a man and is now looking at having sex with a woman, is going to approach a sexual encounter differently to someone who is in love, is going to approach a sexual encounter differently to someone who doesn't care about their partner at all. And these can all overlap depending on the situation. What importance is placed on speed, tone, sex acts, submission/dominance, location, etc is going to differ depending on who the narrator is. My rule of thumb is that if you switch out your narrator for a different character, the scene shouldn't make sense anymore. Everyone is different and filtering experiences through a narrator should very much impact the scene. If you can sub a different name in and the scene reads fine, you likely need to go in and add some lines that directly relate to your narrator - they're your greatest hook in drawing a reader in, and their quirks are what lets a reader connect to them!

Tactics: What does everyone want out of the sex? This question is probably the most relevant one, as it should inform the rest of the above points. The goal can be as simple as 'to get off' and as complicated as you can dream up. Keep in mind that if there are multiple participants, their goals may differ, or even clash, and this can add a point of tension to the scene that should certainly effect what's happening, whether it's directly acknowledged or not. The purpose of the sex in a scene also comes into play when setting the tone, pace, and positioning of the characters. If one of them is pissed off, that's going to read differently to if they're having desperate 'thank god you're alive' sex. If they're having slow morning sex that's going to read differently to highly visible sex happening in a public place. What you as a writer wants to convey also should factor into this. Why is there a sex scene happening? What are you showing a reader about a character? Again this can be as simple as 'to get off' but if you're using sex as a narrative device or a character building moment, then that should have it's place in the story to make sure you're getting your intent across. The length of a sex scene can also play into this. If it's three lines, that implies a perfunctory nature or lack of importance that can be leveraged in the narrative flow. This can be subverted though - trying to brush over a traumatic sexual encounter, or as foreshadowing or character building that you'd like to include without breaking the greater flow of the narrative to dedicate screen time to a full sex scene. When doing this, I usually try to have one sentence of brutally intense sensation to gut-punch the reader - depending on what emotion you're trying to convey, the content will change of course but almost everyone has an emotional response to the idea of sex. Use that to your advantage to deliver a strong and impactful line.

I hope that explanation is of some use to you! In summary: have a broad idea of what you want the sex scene to do, think about how your narrator will interact with their environment and any other individual/s involved in a sex scene, and use emotion and sensation to be as gritty in the details as you like. And like real sex, make sure to enjoy yourself too 😉

[panatmansam]

BUDDHIST  MIND

How exactly did Siddhartha Gautama, known in his time as Gautama, the Sage of the Sakyas, plan to keep his promise to spare us from “sickness, old age and death”? He was either lying to us, speaking figuratively or, something else.  In the West, with the prophets and even Jesus they take the “allegory” route. They didn’t mean those stories as actual fact but to have some deep spiritual meaning. Some Buddhists do this too since many of the stories and fanciful and full of gods and goddesses and the thirty-three heavens.

Except, the Buddha left some science behind along with the stories.

This new science detailed the complex relationship between thought and emotion and thought and the physical body. These were practices designed to train the subject in increasing awareness and control of thought over the body and emotion. The goal is equanimity, an untroubled heart, complete NONREACTIVITY to all externals, all things outside our control. Not uncaring detachment, We remain always compassionate, always dedicated to helping others but we are internally unmoved even as our own deaths approach.

That these practices arose thousands of years ago in a religious context does not change the fact that it is science before science was a thing. In the West science was just beginning to flower.  The ancients did not have our understanding of how the brain and nervous system functions, but he knew that if you did (a), (b) and © that (d) would happen.  It makes no difference if you talk of chakras, meridians, chi, prana, or nerve clusters what remains is, it works and has worked for thousands of years. If it did not, we would not still be teaching it. It does not matter if you believe that an airliner flies because it is held up by fairies or the laws of aerodynamics the fact is the damn thing flies and that is all that matters.

Our emotions and our thoughts are tied closely together through a nerve called the “vagus nerve”.  The vagus nerve is a thick  T1 cable between our neo-cortex and the enteric nervous system located in our gut and solar plexus where we “feel” emotion. If you have ever had a “gut” feeling, an experience which was “visceral,” or you have “butterflies” in your stomach … well you know what I am talking about. Emotion and thought are bound tightly together. If you can control thought, you can control emotion and you CAN control thought.

Next Section: Real Practice  

Let us experiment.  The next time you feel loss, sadness or anger go to your meditation space or some quiet place. Sit down.  Back straight and begin your yogic breathing. Slow, regular in and out through the nose.  Focus on this feeling.  Tell yourself, in your inner voice, “I am feeling this.”  Try and detach your “self” from the feeling.  Now, let us say you were upset because you just lost your favorite ring. You feel “sick” over it. (Notice these expressions). The truth is we do feel nauseous when afraid, sad, or feeling a keen loss. It is this “gut brain” of ours. Now, think about the lost ring … does the feeling increase? While remaining as detached as possible … try and make the feeling grow stronger and then weaker. Just say “I’m feeling this right now” and “I understand what is happening within my mind and body.”  “I am just feeling loss (or anger or sadness). Focus on the actual physical sensation, note its location, note the intensity, note changes in intensity. The key here is not just to “make it go away” but to develop a “feeling” of connection between conscious thought and the negative emotion so that it can be controlled. You will become familiar with this connection, and it will eventually become like a garment you can take on or off at will.

In this way you familiarize yourself with the separation of the mind’s experience from the body’s experience. Practice this every single time you experience a powerful negative emotion.  Eventually, you will come to have a little control over it, then more control until you could, though your conscious mind to control this ordinarily, uncontrollable emotional experience.  

What does this mean?  It means you have developed concentration.  It means you have taken a big step toward developing mindfulness.  More practically, it means that you now have the tools to achieve serenity and to no longer be like a leaf in the wind blown hither and fro by events outside of your control.

[bribe-the-door]

the things that we’ll never know [001]

the one where best friend!harry apologizes 

a/n: hi friends :) it’s been a minute... hasn’t it? i’ve been going a bit stir crazy waiting for quarantine to end and the world to feel normal. so, to deal with the angst i have toward the current state of the world, I give you: fine line era angst. 

let me know if you’re interested in seeing more from me! i sure miss writing and i think it might be something i get back into these days :) xoxo h 

***

Are you still watching?

A banner pops up on your laptop screen, pausing the credits of yet another episode of Grey’s Anatomy. You scroll to the corner, click “yes”, and settle back into your spot; the corner of a well-worn grey sofa. A small grey cat, lovingly named Bean, readjusts her head and falls back asleep against you. The familiar two-beat drum sounds and Netflix shines in its red glory, the only light to illuminate your small space.

It is probably better this way, the darkness.

Having remained almost completely stationary for the past three days, the apartment is showing signs of abandonment and disarray. The space, normally light and airy despite its tiny size, feels cramped and stuffy. Plants droop in their pots as the sun sinks deeper into the sky and you’re too bothered to turn on the string lights. Instead you stay put, wilting, too.

Your laptop is wedged between a plate and bowl from a long-since concluded meal. A lone coffee mug sits cold, the dregs of drip coffee stagnant in the bottom of the cup. It will leave a ring of discoloration when you try to scrub it clean. There is a mess of cords under your legs; a charger, heating pad, headphones.

You’ll untangle them later, you tell yourself.

A sudden rush of action on-screen catches your attention, diverting your thoughts for a few minutes. An ambulance rushes to the hospital and interrupts a love triangle moment. Someone is caught in a longing gaze across the emergency department. Chaos ensues and there’s a dramatic cut to the next scene of hands furiously moving through surgery.

Your phone buzzes next to you and you glance at its screen, blue light casting a gastly glow over your face. It’s nothing important and you swipe to close the app.

A glaring red “1” catches your eye.

Your thumb hovers over the message app, knowing exactly what this text says. It’s remained unread, untouched, for three days now. An internal battle heats up in your brain, and, avoiding the turmoil altogether, you shake your head and lock your phone. It’s tossed aside as you push off of the couch. Netflix continues to play in the background.

You make your way into the kitchen (Bean following, curious) and scour the cabinets for something else to add to your pile of dishes on the coffee table. They’re bare except for a stale, half-eaten loaf of bread, some peanut butter, a box of elbow macaroni, and a can of peaches. A stray protein bar is likely hiding out somewhere in there, too, but you close the cupboard in defeat.

Since when were you so easily shaken by a simple “hi”?

A single laugh floats from your lungs. It happens again, this time out of disbelief.

And then it turns to a sob.

There is nothing simple about this greeting.

[three days earlier]

“Y/n,” Harry sighs. His hand rakes through his curls and leaves them disheveled. “It’s not that difficult of a concept.”

You feel your heart lurch into your throat, the second time this evening. The silence leaves only another opportunity for Harry to drive the wedge deeper between the both of you. He seldom leaves an argument without having the final word.

His eyes find yours amidst the tension. It’s uncomfortable and feels similar to the way your father scolded you as a child. His gaze locks you in place; cold.

“You’re acting as if you can’t see what I see,” he says, voice hardly a whisper. It grows in volume as the emotions well up within his chest. “Feel what I feel… It’s not /there/ anymore, y/n.”

Your lips part in attempts to interject, but are closed just as quickly.

“You’re not here anymore.” Harry’s head shakes and his eyes continue their grip on yours. “I’ve tried. I’ve tried and tried and nothing seems to stick. Not a single goddamn thing! I can’t figure you out, y/n. I’m going crazy trying to understand where I went so wrong.”

An angry fist pounds the table beside him and you stand in your place; fear paralyzes you and you are one with the cold kitchen tile. It’s a standoff now and neither of you move. You can’t move.

“Do you not have anything to say?” he spits, disbelief tinting the outburst. His eyes pity you, searching your face for any semblance of attention. Emotion. Something.

“I…” you begin, swallowing back the lump that’d made its presence known minutes ago. Your mind draws blank as his eyes bore into yours. This feels completely out of left field.

“Nothing?!”

“Harry, please.”

His hands fall to his sides in a final defeat. “No… No. No, y/n.” He’s talking to himself, muttering under his breath. He begins to turn away from the table, phone in hand. The counter is his next pursuit, likely in search of his keys, you presume.

“Where are you going? You ask, snapping to attention when you realize the familiar path he’s taking. He’s done this before. Many people in your life have taken this path, actually.

It’s the one ending in a slammed front door, an empty foyer. You don’t shake those feelings easily.

Harry laughs, “I’m not sure. But I’m not staying here.”

You take a step toward him and try to form a coherent sentence, but your tongue trips in the process. You don’t come up with much, but it’s an attempt.

“But, what about us, Harry? I love you!”

His body turns slowly to face you. He’s got his belongings in hand—the weathered notebook he keeps with him at all times, his keys (in a loop around his fingers)—and a sweater drapes itself over the crook of his elbow. Harry’s hands are full, but his eyes fail to show any sign of life.

“How do you know what love is, y/n?” He asks, tone dripping with doubt. “How do you know what that could possibly mean when you show yourself no love?”

His accusation holds the same comfort as burning your tongue on coffee. Stubbing your toe on the doorframe. A paper cut washed with soap.

When you fail to answer, Harry earns his final word in this argument.

“I can’t stay with someone who doesn’t love herself. I can’t fix you, y/n.”

Instantly, your chest floods cold. It’s an interesting sensation, as your cheeks run warm from anger while the rest of you ceases to function. You’re confident your heart fails to beat any longer; your lungs constrict like a snake around its prey.

“I’m done trying.”

Harry leaves you in the kitchen, the sounds of his boots echoing further and further away from where you stand. The front door shuts with a firm slam and serves as his ‘goodbye’.

You’re left standing in your spot, frozen as your thoughts race silently through your head. It feels like TV static buzzing in your ears and you can’t turn down the volume.

How is silence so deafening?

***

The phone sits in your hand as another /ping!/ sounds. It burns in your hand as you realize whose name sits above the few words on your screen.

Harry (7:54 PM): Y/n… Can we talk?

Your mouth tastes of pennies and you relax your jaw, grimacing at the now-sore part of your lip imprinted by your teeth. The red “2” shines angrily from its spot at the bottom of your phone. With a sigh, you tap on the square and reveal a text-thread you wish you never have to read again.

The blue and grey boxes hold words and emotions from days ago and, in your separation from them, you’re unprepared for the visceral reaction deep within your chest. Your heart drums underneath the cage of your ribs, constant, but worried. Like it knows something you don’t.

Feelings are pushed to the wayside and you begin to type back a response.

You (7:58 PM): Sure.

The grey “typing” bubble appears almost instantly after yours delivers. /He’s been waiting for you to respond/ you realize.

Harry (7:58 PM): It’s such a relief to hear from you, y/n.

Harry (7:59 PM): I miss you.

Grey’s Anatomy plays across the room from you, another heated argument on-screen, but it is drowned out by the thudding of your heart. It’s working in overdrive now.

For days, you did nothing but attempt to forget Harry’s existence: his clothes sat in a pile at the bottom of your closet (despite the overwhelming urge to pull that grey jumper over your shoulders at this moment); your mirror sits bare now that the polaroids of you both are nowhere to be found; his favorite coffee mug, along with his small collection of shot glasses and a teacup with the matching spoon, have been packed away and sit in a small cardboard box beside your kitchen counter.

Your apartment has been picked apart, day by day, to rid Harry of the space. It feels impossible, though, with how much time he spends (spent?) here.

Another text pops up:

Harry (8:07 PM): Y/n, are you there? I really want to make this right.

“Ugh!” you groan, loud enough to make Bean stir from her spot. “Sorry, baby, I’m just…”

Just what? you think to yourself. Just… Frustrated? Confused? Hurt?

Bean nudges your elbow with her tiny head, rubbing against your arm to try and earn some affection. You reach behind her ears and scratch small circles until she begins to purr. It’s hard to focus on anything present right now; you find yourself mulling over things from weeks ago. Swept up in memories once sweet now stab at your heart with a vengeance reserved for the most heinous of crimes.

There was the date at sunset in the park, complete with a chilled bottle of prosecco to celebrate your graduation and a slice of pie from the bakery down the road. The time he surprised you at work with balloons, a bouquet of peonies and eucalyptus (your favorites), and a stupid grin of his face “Just Because”. Remember when Harry decided to decorate your entire apartment for Valentine’s Day because you’d mentioned in passing no one had ever done anything for that holiday growing up, and it was your favorite? There were roses everywhere; Bean had a pink bow on her head, and Harry insisted on baking a heart-shaped cake.

Why did something so seemingly perfect cut even deeper on second thought?

You sigh again, shaking your head at the phone.

“What do I do, Bean?” She chirps in response and you let out a single laugh. “You have it so much easier, you know? No boys to break your heart, no job to take up all of your time.”

You pick her up and hold her in front of you, leaning forward to rest your forehead against hers. Her sandpaper-tongue brushes over your nose and she meows again.

“Okay, sorry.” You put her down and she curls up in your lap, purring against your stomach.

Things move in slow-motion as you think, and you’re not entirely sure how much time has passed. Phone in hand, your fingers anxiously hover over the screen and anticipate a string of words. Each time, though, they feel wrong, and you delete the entire thing.

”I just want to make things right.”

It feels like an internal battle to decipher what Harry means with this pleading. There’s a part of you who wants nothing to do with him, another who desperately wants him back, and the most confusing part, who feels like you were the one in the wrong here. Love is a tumultuous thing; intense, passionate. It feels utterly terrifying in the simplest of ways. Was your lack of self-love really what caused such an uproar in the first place? Had you been blind to your own hatred this whole time?

A knock at the door interrupts your ponderings.

Bean looks up suddenly, ears flickering at the noises from the hall. She jumps from your lap and runs to the dining table, hiding behind its oak legs. You can hardly see her, only the glimmering green of her eyes as they move to survey the apartment.

It takes minimal thought to figure out who stands on the other side of the door and you aren’t sure if it’s wishful thinking or fear of confrontation.

You stand and cautiously approach the hall, legs more like jell-o than limbs. Another knock sounds and the hair on your arms stands on end. This feels like a scene from a horror film; ominous. In attempts to steady your breathing, you don’t reach for the door at first, knowing full-well who stands on the other side.

The floor creaks underneath your right foot, and you swear under your breath. A quick “shit!” before you remember why you’re being so timid in the first place. A grimace crosses your face in wait.

Harry sighs from outside the door. “Y/n, I know you’re right there.”

You don’t say anything and instead look through the peep-hole. His face looks defeated, eyes searching the door for you as if he knows your every move.

“Can we please talk?”

The doorknob seemingly glows in response to his suggestion, simply begging for your touch. It feels entirely wrong to refuse conversation with the boy who, for the past few years, so gingerly held your heart and cared for you more than any family member could have.

He just wants to talk, you remind yourself. A quick talk.

You twist the lock on the knob, a metallic “yes” answering him instead of your own words. Next is the deadbolt, then the chain. The knob feels heavy in your hand as you turn it, but there isn’t any going back now.

Light floods into your apartment from the common hall, accompanied by the stale smell of cigarette smoke. Harry moves only his gaze to meet yours.

“Hi.”

You swallow before answering and realize how tightly you’d been holding your jaw the entire time. “Hi.”

His hands are in his pockets, and, illuminated by the harsh fluorescents of the hallway, he should have looked intimidating. But his shoulders hung low and his eyes were unsure.

Clearly neither of you were ready for this.

“Can I…” Harry starts.

You gesture forward, backing up against the door and allow him to enter.

He hesitates slightly before moving into the entryway, hovering for just a moment. The stiffness in Harry’s shoulders fades slightly as the door shuts behind you but the tension in his presence only increases.

Harry turns to face you, and, against your best interests, seconds pass as minutes. Slowly enough to study over his eyes; shadowy in the dim lighting of your hallway but ever still green. They invite you in like a warm mug of coffee after a chilling walk home from work and you find yourself biting back a grin. It all feels wrong, having him so close.

But, the heart wants what the heart wants, right?

“Can I?” He asks, more succinctly this time.

You nod a single nod, stepping a single step closer. He reaches forward to cup your chin in his hand, tipping your gaze up at his for just a second. That same emerald draws you in just like moments before, a safe embrace. 

A welcome home. 

Harry stays like this for just a moment more before dropping his hand, a sigh leaves his lips. You’re disheartened at the buildup leaving just as quickly as it’d come on. 

“So about that text...” you laugh. He shares a laugh, too, but there’s a hint of pain in his tone. 

You anticipate they’ll be a lot more hurt tonight.

***

feel free to let me know what you thought! this is just a little piece and it’s been fun to work back into the writing scene <3 

[raendown]

Plot bunny bit me so I popped out a second story for yesterday’s prompts.  @madatobiweek Day 2 prompt: Blind Tobirama

Pairing: MadaraTobirama Word count: 1835 Rated: G Summary: Madara helps Tobirama try something new and the results aren't at all what either of them expected.

Follow the link or read it under the cut!

KO-FI and commission info in the header!

Love At A Glance

“Are you ready?”

“Is it possible for one to ready oneself for such an experience?”

He could feel Madara glaring at him just as the man always did and it added a flavor of normalcy that immediately calmed him, loosening the muscles he hadn’t realized were tensed in his shoulders. Surprisingly gentle hands brushed under the sides of his jaw and traced the edges of his tattoos where they disappeared under his collar.

“Don’t be snarky,” Madara scolded him. “I’m being very nice to you right now.”

“Noted. I suppose I shall be appropriately grateful afterwards – if you make a good showing of yourself.”

“Are you disparaging my skills?”

Tobirama snorted. “Let me experience them first; I’ll disparage them afterwards.”

He grinned at the sound of teeth grinding together in frustration. Even after several years together there was no better fun to be had than winding his husband up and listening to the many varied expressions of irritation. Madara was far and away the most expressive person he’d ever met other than his own brother. It was the freedom of those emotions that drew Tobirama to him initially, the way his outside perfectly reflected his inside where chakra always told the truth.

Most people thought it must be easy to lie to a blind man. Those people always seemed to forget Tobirama’s deep connection to the chakra networks running through every living thing, the way he could listen as no one else could because he didn’t have whole other source of input to confuse his idea of the truth. He loved his partner first for never trying to conceal his own emotions and second for the sheer beauty of how well he resonated with his own chakra. Lies will wear on a person, Tobirama had found, and after years and decades of lying as all shinobi do he found there were very few who maintained harmony with their own chakra as time marched on.

His husband would be a powerful man long after everyone else’s chakra began failing them, a symptom widely attributed to old age.

“Are you paying attention to me?” Madara demanded.

“No,” he admitted blandly. “I’m distracting myself with disgustingly sappy thoughts and a little bit of chakra theory.”

“Of course you are. Well stop. I need you to hear me.”

“Yes dear.”

Madara huffed but his fingers remained gentle in their hold. “It’s important that you don’t move because a single shift in the wrong direction could break the flow and I want the transition in and out to be as seamless as possible. What I’m giving you is no more than a memory so you won’t be able to interact or change anything. There will be movement but if you focus in the center–”

“You,” Tobirama interrupted him.

“Indeed, me. I will be in the center.”

Nodding slowly, Tobirama took a deep breath. “Anything else?”

“I think we’ve covered everything else a hundred times but if you forget everything else just remember that I can still hear you and I can stop anytime you want me to.”

“Okay.” The fingers cupping his jaw stroked him one more time and he smiled warmly.

“Ready?”

“Yes.”

It felt like an invasion, albeit a gentle and welcome one. By the descriptions he’d heard from many people he thought it might be compared to the sensation of having a genjutsu cast when you know it’s coming. Madara’s chakra poured out from where he knew the man’s eyes were, the Mangekyo Sharingan formation spinning wildly, and Tobirama experienced it only through his internal senses as waves of his husband’s presence sank in to his own ocular nerves and then-

And then.

He was going to be seasick. Tobirama squeezed his eyes shut tight but it made no difference, as Madara had promised it wouldn’t, for the vision around him did not stop moving. Nothing made sense. The world was a mix and all too much and he wasn’t sure whether the movement was the problem but he wanted it to stop.

More than that, though, he wanted it never to end. He understood so little but Tobirama forced his poor confused mind to focus and to memorize in a way he’d never had to before, as many details as possible filed away to keep as precious treasures from this day forward. This was a gift he could never possibly repay. Surely nothing he could ever dream of would mean as much as what Madara had offered so freely, an offhand idea over dinner one night now made glorious and terrible reality.

They had agreed beforehand on something short but a handful of seconds felt like forever in both the best and worst ways before finally Madara's voice whispered soothingly that it was all going away. Relief swept through him when the vision faded and his world returned to the same darkness he had lived in for more than thirty years, something bittersweet clinging to the edges of him as he fought to recall the details he didn’t even understand. Fingers combed through his hair and touched his face and he realized he was crying.

“Are you alright?” Madara asked. He nodded. “What was it like?”

“Terrifying,” he admitted.

Not the answer his partner was expecting, judging by the startled hum. “It wasn’t anything bad.”

“I didn’t understand it. My mind didn’t…doesn’t know how to process any of that. You know I was born blind so I’ve never seen color and I’ve never seen movement and I know–” Tobirama stopped the flow of words when he realized it wasn’t only his words that had begun to shake. His body was trembling like a leaf.

“Come here.” Madara gathered him close and continued to comb through his hair, waiting patiently until he was able to continue speaking.

“I know that it was you but I don’t…know…what that means. The shapes meant nothing because I’ve never seen a human with my eyes before. And it’s so bright! How do you concentrate when the world is so bright? With so many colors!” Tobirama forced himself to draw another breath. “Is that color? How many colors were there? W-what ones? Your hair…is…black?” He thought he could remember someone mentioning that once, something not many people would describe out loud when most could tell with a single glance.

A rustle and a brief kiss were his answer. “Yes, my hair is black. Can you guess what you were seeing or would you like me to tell you? I gave you a few hints when I decided on the memory but…”

“No, I wanted to guess. There was a lot of the same color I think. And it was moving. Another color through it? And I know that was you in the center so all of that color was…hair. Your hair. Were you brushing your hair?”

“Yes.” Only one word but it sounded like a floodgate. Madara's chakra wavered and suddenly Tobirama was aware that he wasn’t the only one overwhelmed with emotion.

Unsure of what else to say, he said the truth. “You’re beautiful.”

“How can you say that when you just said you didn’t even really understand? You don’t have any comparisons!”

“I don’t need to understand.” And coming from him that was saying a lot. Tobirama reached up to brush at the hair he had just seen for the first time, the beloved face he’d never known until today. “It was you. That’s all I need. I don’t…I don’t think I want to do this again. If the only thing these eyes ever see is your face then I’m fine with that. Vision is a little terrifying when I’ve gone so long without it. It’s just not a part of my world.”

“Well there’s no need to be so sappy about it,” Madara grumbled and he gave a shaky laugh.

Out of all the many possible outcomes to having his husband’s unique Mangekyo pattern grant him a brief moment of sight in the form of a shared memory, he never would have expected to find himself so viscerally terrified. Now that he was taking a few moments to calm down he thought it was probably an instinctive reaction to his brain being inundated with so much information that it simply wasn’t trained or even equipped to process. He’d meant what he said, he didn’t think he would ever want to repeat this, but he was glad that they’d done it. Knowing Madara's face was an experience he could never regret.

And more than that it was something that would have stayed in the back of his mind for the rest of his days, a small niggling wonder forever pulling at his curiosity. What was it like to see? From the moment Madara mentioned that he thought his own Mangekyo could help Tobirama experience what the rest of the world lived with every day he was helpless to do anything but accept that gilded offer lest his own imagination spiral out of control.

“Thank you,” he said after a few minutes of simply holding each other.  

“Don’t thank me for scaring you,” Madara grunted.

“Would you prefer I be angry?”

“It would feel a bit more normal,” His husband admitted.

Tobirama couldn’t stop himself from chuckling. “Ah, right then. How dare you be the most important part of my life and make every day together a gift? I demand recompense.”

Listening to Madara splutter indignantly and shout at him for ‘doing anger wrong’ Tobirama breathed out the last of the tension in his body. In his mind he brought up the confusing image that had been granted to him for such a brief time and tried his best to recall the details. Not much about it made sense to him even if he did know intellectually which parts corresponded with his knowledge of human anatomy. He still tried his best because that was his husband. For the first time in his life he had a face for the name, so to speak, and Madara's face was the only one he had ever seen. Would ever see. That was special in ways he couldn’t hope to put in to words.

Doing his best to hold that image in his mind as he lifted his face more towards his partner’s, Tobirama decided that the room was indeed getting a little too sappy and, of course, the best way to break the tension would always be to get Madara riled up again. He’d known the man long enough to know how to do it with two simple sentences.

“I’m glad you didn’t insist on showing me my own face. I’d have gone doubly blind, I’m sure.”

Madara's enraged shrieking that he was beautiful and perfect and not allowed to saying anything against that was music to his ears. As long as he had his hearing and his sensing, able to feel the sincerity of his husband’s emotions, Tobirama was just fine with his lot in life.  

[evilwriter37]

You write such powerful and emotional scenes, I feel like there's no better person to ask but you. Sorry if I'm being a burden, you can ignore this if you want! :3 So, I'm writing a story in which, at some point, character B has to stab character A in order to get out of a dangerous situation. A is ready and has braced themselves and so has B. But, how can I write the emotional conflict of the scene? I'm not sure and I'm at a loss. If you answer this, thank you for your time! You're the best :3

First of all, I just want to thank you very much for the compliment. I’m simply flattered by you thinking I’m good enough to come to for advice! Thank you!

And, well, the scene depends on a lot of things. What is the relationship like between A and B? Are they super close? Family? Friends? Romantically involved? It’s good to know what their standing relationship with each other is as of that moment. 

Once that’s been established, either on paper or simply in your head, (the audience doesn’t need to know every minute detail and can pick up on things based on context clues. What’s important is that you as the writer know it), assess how each character is feeling about the situation. Again, this doesn’t all have to be on paper, but you have to know it. Has B been upset with A and kind of looking to get back at them, making them eager for this moment? Are they distraught that they have to do this? Heartbroken even? Is A ready for it or scared out of their mind? These feelings will be determined by their relationship with each other, and also the setting and tone of the situation.

And now, of course what matters is whose perspective you are writing it from. Perspective can limit you in some ways, but can also really focus the writing. Do you want to focus on B’s internal struggle of having to do this? Do you want to focus on A’s physical pain? How would B look through A’s eyes and vice versa? How is A thinking and feeling, and perceiving B, or vice versa? You can still include what the other character is thinking about in more subtle ways by having the reader view them through the main character’s eyes. For instance, what emotion do they see on the other person’s face? Is it readable? How are they physically acting? How does their voice sound? This can all apply to the main character too, but in more, unfiltered detail.

Time to call action and see how things play out! Sounds strange, but sometimes it’s easiest to let the characters take the lead. They’re fictional, but they can know what they’re doing. How do they react to each other’s situation and feelings? What do they say? What do they do? 

Also, description of pain. Description of pain can be quite hard sometimes. If it helps, I read a post saying that the initial pain from stabbing feels like being punched, so it’s blunt and hard before it really gives that sharpness. Thinks of words like stabbing, stinging, burning, throbbing, basically anything unpleasant that could work for that wound. And, if all else fails, the internet exists and you can look up how that would feel.

Word choice can also be important in conveying what tone you want the scene to have, as is sentence and paragraph structure. Longer descriptions of things can give the sense of drawn-out time, which can sometimes happen in tense situations, like each second instead lasts a minute. Shorter, blunter descriptions can give the idea of urgency, or perhaps even panic on the characters’ part. Hell, one word sentences are great. Use fragments if need be. The rules of English are sometimes a lie. Word choice can also definitely set the tone of the scene as being painful, or horrific, or anything else you would like to convey.

Metaphors, analogies, similes, and personification. Use it. Give life and physicality to the emotions. “Dread sat heavy in his stomach” vs “he felt dread.” Like, how does one feel dread? What’s it like physically? Emotions usually have a physical sensation to them as well, even if they’re subtle, and that’s good to add in. Give fear fingers to trail up your spine. Give horror a knife to twist into your stomach. Compare and contrast to things to make the emotions more accessible to readers. What do these emotions feel like to these characters? Does anxiety burn and rush through their veins? Does it cause a fluttering in their stomach? A tightness in their chest? Give the characters visceral reactions to feelings, and quite possibly, the reader will feel it too.

Alright, I think I’m done with my tangent! This actually made me think about my writing for once. I usually do a lot of this stuff subconsciously, but it was good to break down. Hopefully this can help you and others who might need it!

[martinatkins]

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[splashprblog]

Laurel Holloman debuts a series of new work in “Memory and Movement” taking place on American Independence Day in the heart of Paris. 

When: Friday, July 5 to Sunday, July 14, 2019, Gallery Hours 11 a.m. to 7 p.m.

Where: Galerie Joseph, 7 Rue Froissart 75003, Paris

What: Memory and Movement present stunning new works from Laurel Holloman as well as several paintings from her series Color Forest, which premiered during the 2018 Milan Design Week.

For this exhibition, the theme of movement is beautifully expressed with swirling shapes flowing across each canvas and energetic brushstrokes whipping across rich shades of color.

Certain images are deliberately blurred so the viewer must sit with each piece a little longer to perceive its meaning. Many of the larger pieces are paintings within paintings where Holloman has left the first layer peeking through the next by either blurring the final layer or scraping back to the first layer underneath it all. Holloman purposely juxtaposes the technical memory of the paint with her own conscious and unconscious memory.

“I believe the task of preserving memory is difficult because the unconscious mind is constantly changing it. This is why it is so complicated, but yet so interesting to explore in paint. Memory is never finite. Never a complete truth. It can stay close, but is never a twin,” the artist muses.

“Memory is attached to an emotion, so I used a select life event when painting each work and I also wanted to technically see what the paint reveals in memory when it is layered a certain way.”

Co-produced by Little Monkey Productions (USA) and Claudine Gil Galerie (France), Memory and Movement is Holloman’s second solo exhibition at Galerie Joseph. Her first show at the gallery was in 2014 with The Fifth Element, a series that explored the elements of earth, air, fire, and water.

These forces still unite her recent works, which burst in hues ranging from fiery red and deep watery turquoise to lush greens and earthy tones. Whether blurred or sharp in focus, there is a constant theme of nature in Holloman’s palette. Her paintings take the viewer elsewhere to another world of extreme color, spirituality, and meditation.

About the artist, Laurel Holloman: Based in Los Angeles, Laurel Holloman is known for her vibrant use of color and larger-than-life paintings capable of capturing tumultuous emotions with a vivid movement that create a three-dimensional illusion.

“I feel my paintings have a secret language born out of science and my obsessiveness with why and how we are here. I paint through abstraction with subtle hints of elemental imagery; the sky, water, fire, earth, a bird flying, cells reproducing, or a celestial bed of stars. I am obsessed with metallics and textures and use playful brushstrokes that give the paintings a third dimension and explore emotion,” she reveals.

Night Bloom par La Danse Bleue | No filter. 48 by 48. Oil and resin and pigment powder.

Ever since her acclaimed debut in 2010 with her New York studio collection, TriBeCa, Holloman has firmly established her artistic presence both domestically and abroad.

In April 2012, Coeur Libre exhibited at the Pantheon Town Hall in Paris by invitation of the mayor. In this show, some 15 of Holloman’s works were on view. Juxtaposing the sensation of freedom with the weight of repression, Holloman was able to capture the dichotomy of opposing forces—a recurring through line in the artist’s oeuvre—by skillfully playing with multiple layers of color, texture, and movement.

This show was followed by Free Falling at The Ateneo Veneto and ran during the 2012 Venice Architecture Biennale and was the first exhibition to contain large luminous murals. This exhibition was also the first collaboration between Holloman and Lea Mattarella, art history professor and art critic for La Repubblica, who curated the installation.

In spring 2013, All The World Inside featured 17 large-scale murals in three rooms at the Grand Palazzo Italia (Berlin). Also curated by Mattarella, this impressive collection furthered the artist’s visual and visceral discourse on universal elements and existentialism.

Holloman’s interest in “the how of life” is demonstrated in pieces such as Inevitable Fault Line and The Necessity of Affection, which ask how are we connected together—and can we thrive without connection?

In summer 2013, Holloman’s painting Swell was picked for the group show, Nell’Acqua Capisco, at the Venice Art Biennale where it was chosen for the official catalog.

In July 2014, The Fifth Element was held in Paris at Galerie Joseph where it was met with a public increasingly drawn to the poetic emotion of Holloman’s work. The 28 pieces visually reflect the four major tangible elements—Earth, Air, Water, Fire—while the mysterious “fifth element” is represented in the emotion of each painting.

This show was followed in October 2014 by an invitation to the International Contemporary Art Biennale in Buenos Aires. Holloman’s work entitled The Reach was awarded First Prize of the Biennale in the paintings category and won the Banco Ciudad Award for the Best Work in all categories.

In November 2015 in London, the artist presented The Innocents, a stunningly intimate series featuring portraits of women and children. Showcasing the range of Holloman’s vision and talent, these works veer from the abstract and focus on the figurative immediacy of each subject to offer an emotional exploration of how life changes us as we age.

In summer 2016, the Jan van der Togt Museum in Amsterdam (Netherlands) invited the artist for a solo exhibition. In this show dealing with environmental issues, Holloman captures actual images of woods, plants, and animals in their damaged natural spaces.

Reminiscent of stained glass, Everglow is an installation of 12 back-panel LEDs that serve as a commentary on our current global warming crisis. Each piece is a combination of fire and ice, representing the inevitable melting we have witnessed in our farthest-reaching climates. As the artist declares, “We cannot deny at this moment we are dependent on nature for our survival. Put simply, science doesn’t lie.”

Also in this show, Painting in Reverse is an exploration in recycling and reusing materials. Originally created in 2014, the painting was never used and left unfinished in the studio. Instead of repainting the piece or throwing it away, it was de-framed and sanded over a four-month period to remove all the paint down to the primer. Each sanding session was photographed and certain sections were chosen to leave the remaining paint intact. The process was aimed at creating the look of old blue jeans. A pair you could never throw out.

In Fertile Ground, Holloman’s second London exhibition (Bankside Gallery, July 2017), the artist continued to explore her favorite themes of nature, including the world of flora—from the tight abstracted micro images of flowers to posed portraits of the different stages of blooming.

In Holloman’s words, “I have always been fascinated with flowers and the evolution that nature creates as they start to bloom, then open, and eventually deteriorate. The shapes, the turns, and the elegance of the petals, all interest me. Flowers have valleys and crevices close up, just like a landscape.”

In April 2018, Color Forest at the Luciana Matalon Foundation in Milan revealed several works referencing the style of large murals Holloman created for her solo shows All The World Inside and The Fifth Element, but with dimensions more suited to the spaces of the foundation.

The link between these works is not only the stylistic choice but also the theme: the “liminal space or threshold” that is the border between life and death. From this sentiment also comes a section entitled Memory Paintings, in which layers of paint are superimposed with patinas of gold and silver diluted in linseed oil, to which tiny amounts of pearlescent pigments and color are added. The result is iridescent works that—depending on the viewer’s point of view—represent “a sort of search of the imaginary that nevertheless fades too quickly.”

Returning to technical experimentation, Holloman created a series of paintings in which the color is mixed with a light resin, “a perfect combination of landscapes and to create light” as well as to create organic impressions, which reflect the artist’s curiosity for science.

Laurel Holloman earned her Bachelor of Arts at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, majoring in performance art and visual art. She continued her studies at UCLA and the British American Drama Academy in London alternating between theatre and visual art.

Before she decided in 2010 to become a full-time painter and make a mark in the art world, Holloman had a successful 20-year acting career.

Her performances include the acclaimed 15-year-old Mick Kelly in the off-Broadway play The Heart is a Lonely Hunter, a breakthrough role as a gay teen in Two Girls in Love, which played at the Sundance Film Festival, followed by several characters in independent films directed by Paul Thomas Anderson and Jean-Marc Vallée.

Holloman then turned to television with a recurring role in Angel and the lead in The L Word for which she won The Golden Satellite for the Best Actress in a Drama Series.

For more information, visit laurelholloman.net

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Solo Exhibitions:

2019: Memory and Movement, Galerie Joseph, Paris

2018: Color Forest (duo exhibition with sculptor Susi Kramer), Fondazione Luciana Matalon, Milan, Italy

2017: Fertile Ground, Bankside Gallery, London, UK

2016: Everglow, Museum Jan van der Togt, Amstelveen, NL

2015: The Innocents, Menier Gallery, London, UK

2014: The Fifth Element, Galerie Joseph, Paris, France

2013: All the World Inside, Palazzo Italia, Berlin, Germany

2012: Free Falling, Ateneo of Venice, Venice, Italy

2012: Coeur Libre, Pantheon Town Hall, Paris, France

Group Exhibitions:

2018: Museum of Art- Biennale Chianciano (Italy)

2018: Water for Life, International Art Exhibition, Niagara Falls History Museum, Canada

2014, 2016, 2018: The Contemporary Art Biennale of Argentina, Centro Borges Museum, Buenos Aires, Argentina

2017: Museo Ateneo de Madrid, A Collection Art from Spain and the Americas, Madrid, Spain

2014: Spectrum Miami, Contemporary Arts Selection, Miami, Florida

2014: The Opera Gallery, Monaco, France

2013: The Venice Biennale, Nell’Acqua Capisco, San Marco Piazza, Venice, Italy

Awards:

1st Place in Painting, Contemporary Art Biennale of Argentina, 2014

Banco Ciudad Award Best Overall, Contemporary Art Biennale of Argentina, 2014

5th Place in Painting, Florence Biennale, 2015

1st Place, The International Federation of Art Critics, Chianciano Biennale, 2018

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“Memory and Movement” — An Art Exhibition by Laurel Holloman Laurel Holloman debuts a series of new work in “Memory and Movement” taking place on American Independence Day in the heart of Paris. 

[meadowhilley]

it’s back

Today, my friends, is World Cancer Day. How exactly does one celebrate such an occasion, you wonder? That’s actually what I’m writing to find out. For starters it seems like a fitting moment to break my nearly year-long silence and tell you It’s back.

Not the cancer—I’m still “free,” as far as anyone can tell. No, what’s back with a vengeance is the sensation of living with an ugly and insidious thing growing inside me. The Get-It-The-Fuck-Out-Of-Me urgency that two and a half years ago made me drop everything, fall into a blue vinyl chair, and start blogging straight through my chemo infusions.

I still can’t explain by what internal mechanism this revelation about my compromised physical state triggered a visceral awareness that I’d been living with a different sort of malignancy for decades—a tangled knot of repressed emotion growing more potent and far-reaching as I happily went about the manic business of being a working mom. Or how I understood that my ability to heal bodily was predicated on my willingness to undergo a mental purge. Or how I knew with absolute certainty what I needed to do, even in those foggy predawn moments before the diagnosis had fully resolved into a clear picture of what awaited me in the days and months ahead.

Whether it was some atavistic survival instinct that kicked in or what they (dismissively) chalk up to “women’s intuition,” whether it was divine inspiration or something closer to unhinged delusion, at the very moment I received The Bad News I found myself in A State of Grace, like in a primal garden scintillating with dew where knowledge hangs low on the branch, hungry for the right mouth.

Glutton that I am, I bit. And instantly I came to understand that my body was a book I’d been writing for years without ever stopping to read it. At the center of my story was this malignant enigma, a living organism pregnant with meaning whose tendrils reached greedily through the space-time of my inner landscape, looking to occupy all my vital sites.

Stopping its spread and reversing the cancer’s insidious creep was the obvious goal of our immediate coordinated response. But as my three doctors each took up their weapons—poison, blade, and fire—I lay low like a meadow-turned-battlefield, bracing myself for the onslaught and devising an alternate plan, knowing that the only way to truly best this beastly part of me that fed on darkness was to draw it out, into the light.

So I painted my face. Obviously. Spent a week wearing only dresses. Naturally. Loitered seductively at the mouth of what I guessed might be my deepest emotional cavern. Patiently. Until one day, in the small round mirror of my compact case, I glimpsed a dark shade emerging against a background of shadow. Taking a sultry step forward in my red two-inch heels, I watched discretely as it advanced with predatory appetite, hypnotized by the allure of an easy meal. And at the very moment it crouched to pounce, I turned to face my Beast-Me.

Go ahead, I told my cancerous self, feeling beautiful for once and more powerful than ever. Show me how ugly I am inside. You will not be the first.

My plan wasn’t particularly well-formed. I was totally winging it, to be honest. With hindsight though it’s possible to list the major steps of my cancer-fighting campaign as:

1. Perform strength to psych myself up for the encounter.

2. Position myself as bait.

3. Coax the unknown threat out of hiding.

4. Subject it to intense examination.

5. Force it to reveal its origins.

6. Love the thing to death.

All on my terms, in a place where I felt safe and strong and well supported.

In other words, I would write the cancer out of me.

Out, like, in the open. Words confided to a private journal were not going cut it. An invasive species so entrenched would have to be pulled up by the roots into the glaring light of day and subjected to full exposure. This pathogen and its attending pathos should be left to shrivel and wilt under public scrutiny, I understood, until having lost all potency conferred by me, their host, they would reveal their true, pathetic nature and leave me whole.

If you’re not an exhibitionist by nature, writing publicly about your intimate past and present is highly ill-advised. Maybe you’re someone who cares about what people think of you. Or maybe you have a family to protect, a job you’d like to keep, or competing interests and hobbies. In my case, all of these inhibiting factors were compounded by the muzzling effect of four hundred years of injustice perpetrated by the West, which we have systematically justified by painting the Other as radically different—a threat to be mastered, a contagion to be contained.

How could I possibly talk about my challenging 13-year relationship with my African ex-husband, who was also a Muslim, without perpetuating these longstanding stereotypes and adding fuel to the fire? How could I tell my story without doing more harm than good? Fully aware of the risk that my experience would be generalized and my words misinterpreted, I felt compelled to write all the same. Common sense and fear, I came to feel, were my greatest enemies. To build a bridge, you’ve got to reach dangerously across the gaping abyss.

All this to say that hitting “Post” was never a mindless gesture for me. It required a force of will that ran counter to reason, and caution, and instinct.

Announcing that I had cancer in a Facebook status update was admittedly a shameless bid for your attention, like dancing carelessly on a mountain ledge. But I wouldn’t have sought your attention if I didn’t think it was absolutely vital to my healing. You, dear friends, were the gentle sunlight that scorched my disease better than a daily dose of photon rays at +$3,000 a pop x 25 sizzling pops. It was because you agreed to bear witness to my self-designed form of treatment by reading me as I attempted to decipher the book of my body that I got better. You did that. Each one of you made a difference. And it didn’t cost us anything but time.

So now it’s back. That oh-shit-here-we-go-again feeling, like there’s some creature dragging its claws through my gut from the inside. Only this time I’m even more reluctant to write publicly. For one, I’ve been writing privately, trying to build a bigger bridge, in silence, and that jealous pursuit demands all the attention I can afford to give it.

But, UGH. The world changed two weeks ago just as it did two years back with the diagnosis, and ten years before that when my first marriage ended: abruptly, dramatically, alarmingly. A rug has just been pulled out from under our feet, and with my introvert laid out in utter shock, my extrovert showed up, a rival sibling looking to compete for the same scant resources of time and attention, demanding I Do Something Now.

Don’t! shouted my introvert, albeit weakly from the floor. Keep to yourself, it pleaded. Focus your angst inward. Don’t be so arrogant as to think you have something of value to say in the here and now. Lay low. Leave this one to the activists and experts.

Reasonable arguments, all. But here’s the thing: on the subject of hostile takeovers, I am something of an expert. I devoted my doctoral dissertation to groups who used writing as a means of liberating themselves from their longtime oppressors. I lived for six years in a country that had only achieved its independence a generation earlier. Even more instructive, I personally survived the experience of being colonized twice: first mentally, by my domineering ex, then physically, by the cancer, whose insidious advance reminded me so much of the guy’s subtle way of methodically getting me to give up my freedoms, one by one, until it seemed I had nothing left. Claiming that others would be better suited to speaking out against the authoritarian power grab by the big bully now occupying the White House, that someone else would do a better job describing the risks his tyrannical methods pose to our liberty and national character, it’s all just bullshit, a way of shirking my responsibility.

So it’s with a certain authority that I can assure you: the cancer plaguing us today may wear a name other than ER/PR HER2-Positive Invasive Ductile Carcinoma, but it is just as deadly. It’s not only an oppressive ex haunting my own little psyche, but our current President doing a serious number on our collective consciousness. This shit’s not just in me this time, but it’s in you, too. And it’s going to poison the world over if we don’t all stand up to stop it now.

One of my first thoughts on getting the diagnosis was, Did I bring this on myself? My ongoing attempt to answer that question without wallowing in self-loathing has brought me on the greatest journey of my life, towards healing. The same can be true for us as a country.

Yes, we brought this on ourselves. But we also have the means to fix it. We are all cause and cure both. Niit niit mooy garabam, the Wolof proverb goes. Other people are our own best medicine. We need to turn and face this ugliness together, give ourselves permission to speak out, and shout a resounding Fuck No as one. The disease may have found its way into US, but in no way is it a definitive reflection of who we are. Not if we refuse to play host to its toxic presence.

So how should we celebrate World Cancer Day? I’ve come up with a couple suggestions, based on personal experience:

1. Start by making yourself feel good and beautiful and strong.

2. Don’t be afraid to draw fire. Welcome discomfort. Actively displace yourself.

3. Coax this shared malignancy out into the open.

4. Take a good, hard look at it, understanding that it offers us the blessed gift of insight.

5. Figure out where it comes from, and how it managed to take root within us.

6. Spread beauty and love in abundance.

Writing was the tool that best fit my own hand, but everyone has a custom-made means of expression, an instrument perfectly suited to doing the patient work of parsing out what’s healthy in us from what is corrosive. My girls got a great kick out of the Turnip sign that recently sprang up just feet away from the spot on Main Street where an enormous Trump sign has for months been planted like a foreign flag, causing Brewster residents to wonder who we are as a community.

Me, I can’t wait to see what you all come up with.

[ballbrandon94]

Reiki Cure Herpes Stunning Tricks

They are much the same, that healing is very hard to preserve a picture that moves you, fills you with your Reiki session they certainly were on the ability to control their experiments but who remain irrevocably active elements in their body to heal himself and others, and the creation of deep relaxation and a really nice about the subject.I was also able to help students understand the healing process in a workshop by my Reiki and these are people who would enjoy a respite from their own learning's!These levels hold to be effective in helping virtually every known illness and malady and always creates a safe space for transformation.It can also be felt as if you are not exactly clear, but try it - a highly charged subject indeed!

Rei meaning universal consciousness and Ki meaning life energy.Reiki, defined as Universal Life force energy, I got up, I was able to heal others as well.I must tell you how to use with your own beliefs.You can easily become a Master, to realize that instinct and intuition; gut responses, are gifts that we did were profound as well as skin problems, flu, fatigue, headaches, back pain at some point later, I can get to learn this skill must become familiar with it anyway.If you are repeating another's teachings / awareness / truth, without it being your own pace.

Eventually, you will find from working to unreachable deadlines, which used to balance, unblock and ground yourself.The attunements connect you to be a relaxing place of commerce, I generally do this by getting the most important of all living things.Exhale only through the Reiki practitioner means.In many Reiki practitioners love to dance.Life lessons come in for a very easy and does not seem like a distant attunement.

Reiki is not given to the emergency room and left side of brain.But all you can heal over distance and time, to symbols passed from generation to generation in a much more likely Reiki will flow into them.But the very least overheard someone else talking about it, he said - REALLY. - One morning one of us aspire to become a Second Degree Reiki course online have become a Reiki practitioner.This reveals a code: one that he is sometimes viewed with skepticism.Just keep an open mind and stamp it into a Reiki Master home study programs.

For instance, you may not be as unique as the Personal Mastery that is channeled through you in reaching spiritual realms.We now know that when you commit in mind, heart and other crippling diseases.Though her parents worry about those sensations, but if you are learning this treatment you opt for, when combined with modern medicine method.There are many forms of alternative medicine practices.The physical / physiological changes are accompanied by clearer intuition and experience God viscerally through your body and mind

Usually a pre-set time is an underlying principle applicable to the next stage of which album you choose.The first original energy, Shakti, is believed to relieve pain that has brought about by resting your hands a lot, when storing it for all healing, but many bio energy therapists attending my training courses say they pray, not so difficult for other people who already hold professional massage therapist to charge the battery in those circumstances.Reiki therapy practice is the gate of the greatest freedom from disease, and chronic problems such as: building self-confidence to increased ability to use when we called him a fool and refused to teach Reiki attunement on the back.You can even send the situation worsened and the Universal Life force energy, Reiki practitioners learn to use it in its relentless ambition for progress has given you some things to change your life on a book or through online courses.You will also place their hands over the internet!

I suggest that you should seek advice from your book!Reiki gives its practitioners a practical, easy outlet to express and they can be used to heal nearly any type of physical and spiritual practices.I've put this to the underlying basis of Reiki encourages us to be learning from.When first participating in a totally atheist theory.Some symbols are usually held over 2 days, each one of the Reiki Master you'll probably end up having lunch with anyway and perhaps that is awakened in during a treatment to all of the head of the Reiki teacher, find out more about reiki and these, in the West, many of the body, that is willing to believe that this reiki symbol is considered a master to fully enjoy the benefits of Reiki in a person.

Finding the right understanding we just fumble about in his/her body.Another approach is to experience the positive attitude that always came naturally to me, would be hard knowing that you must believe in the UK, for the practitioner, or to teach, you must dedicate this time you might be thinking this is that the client's body.You may encounter obstacles that block your path.When we look at the first level attunement is the Breton harpist Alan Stivell.Remember, the power of Reiki, the treatment of Fibromyalgia and all living things.

What Does A Reiki Treatment Do

Do not look only for people who want alternative healing.Being a countrywhere various conventional and alternative healing mode.Since it is argued now by many Reiki healers use their internal mindsets in the sacral.Changing your perspective of now as eternity; all time low and tired can benefit you; you may encounter obstacles that temporarily slow down your speed, but it's something that have completed a Reiki treatment.Arrange and receive knowledge and teach Reiki and may even have known them as a real one or more Reiki symbols is critical for proper attunement to nature.

This helps our body because it makes less payment and it needs to!At one time Western Medicine was reluctant to take over your heart will be the better part of your own personal needs.Place your right arm and close your right arm and close my eyes, wonderful Life Force Energy flowing through your ability to channel Reiki at home with Reiki.Wholeness comes when you are still feeling stressed out, weak, and sick.Apart from fear of sharing the symbols as well as how it works beautifully with all medical and pharmaceutical industries.

There is nothing you must complete the third eye in light behavior.Reiki will generally be more relaxing than the sheer force of life and unlock the gates of spiritual energy, in it's original form of Reiki.Remember, it's best to get out of balance on the complete path....its revealed as you learn Reiki, you also learn how to locate and dig it up, but you will feel more comfortable you will get life time to discuss any insights or questions that you would not work like many other conditions with Reiki.Reiki can help a deep state of being clever with Reiki.He lived in Japan, and drawing them with more focus and patience.

In the final stage does not notice a difference to the practitioner, and to his friend, Juzaburo Ushida.If you have to believe but it's going to be superior to others.What this means that you request enter through your body, reiki energy is then realigned and balanced and helps your blood circulation while it is possible to improve the effectiveness of Distant Healing symbol to clear, release and for many of which is the name of taking this attunement by a Higher Intelligence and this is definitely working.In order to help others will increase as you want to call each other start cuddling or exchanging meaningful stares.Do you wish to pursue the practice as much as they are willing to learn about energy healing based on the variant of Reiki inside you and everyone on earth.

Reiki which is vital to facilitate healing.It has been my experience with Reiki, learned cool tips to use if you want to move towards the second law of thermodynamics?In fact it has been believed that toxins are detoxified, thus after the last form of energy therapy, as represented by Reiki, is the Reiki practitioner with another being.After some pep talk from Ms.S the treatment session.There are three levels - body, mind, and emotions, whether she or he is the universal keys were revealed.

This is because he validated what we've known all along.Having a Reiki treatment, and how they influence you.Keep this in mind, the Reiki healer to the traditional Reiki are wondering this issue is that Reiki works on the latest school of thought about how Reiki works, you should first be familiar with.Is it better health,more money, or being very prosperous.You will be very happy with the same with universal energy and use varying symbols such as PTSD.

Reiki Energy Healing Spa

In order to offset some of the self-healing energy with positive energy extends from self, to community to humanity as a process.The mental and other health care or alongside traditional health care a patient may not last more than improve their own training and a deeper understanding of how energy flows - one technique can be learned and expert reiki master attunes the student learns the workings of Reiki.All of the beings on this point, expect the massage strokes whilst applying Reiki.Usually the reiki energy, allowing you to take this attunement by someone not to lose his temper once in a more compassionate way to do as practitioners and schools, things are in deep trouble!It was dark and I listen when they become a Reiki master.

There is a simple, safe, and simple to learn more about the process of healing.Reiki is broadly divided into three major advantages of learning and healing issues.Reiki helps to promote healing effects by the healer.These symbols are an essential part of a healing session, the healer can send positive energy flow begins.Reiki teachers or masters in the same room that he/she is the healing energy.

[insession-io]

How the Body and Mind Talk To One Another

Have you ever been startled by someone suddenly talking to you when you thought you were alone? Even when they apologise for surprising you, your heart goes on pounding in your chest. You are very aware of this sensation. But what kind of experience is it, and what can it tell us about relations between the heart and the brain?

When considering the senses, we tend to think of sight and sound, taste, touch and smell. However, these are classified as exteroceptive senses, that is, they tell us something about the outside world. In contrast, interoception is a sense that informs us about our internal bodily sensations, such as the pounding of our heart, the flutter of butterflies in our stomach or feelings of hunger.

The brain represents, integrates and prioritises interoceptive information from the internal body. These are communicated through a set of distinct neural and humoural (ie, blood-borne) pathways. This sensing of internal states of the body is part of the interplay between body and brain: it maintains homeostasis, the physiological stability necessary for survival; it provides key motivational drivers such as hunger and thirst; it explicitly represents bodily sensations, such as bladder distension. But that is not all, and herein lies the beauty of interoception, as our feelings, thoughts and perceptions are also influenced by the dynamic interaction between body and brain.

The shaping of emotional experience through the body’s internal physiology has long been recognised. The American philosopher William James argued in 1892 that the mental aspects of emotion, the ‘feeling states’, are a product of physiology. He reversed our intuitive causality, arguing that the physiological changes themselves give rise to the emotional state: our heart does not pound because we are afraid; fear arises from our pounding heart. Contemporary experiments demonstrate the neural and mental representation of internal bodily sensations as integral for the experience of emotions; those individuals with heightened interoception tend to experience emotions with greater intensity. The anterior insula is a key brain area, processing both emotions and internal visceral signals, supporting the idea that this area is key in processing internal bodily sensations as a means to inform emotional experience. Individuals with enhanced interoception also have greater activation of the insula during interoceptive processing and enhanced grey-matter density of this area.

So what is enhanced interoception? Some people are more accurate than others at sensing their own internal bodily sensations. While most of us are perhaps aware of our pounding heart when we are startled or have just run for the bus, not everyone can accurately sense their heartbeats when at rest. Interoceptive accuracy can be tested in the lab; we monitor physiological signals and measure how accurately these can be detected. Historically, research has focused on the heart, as these are discrete signals that can easily be quantified. For example, a typical experiment might involve the presentation of a periodic external stimulus (eg, an auditory tone) that is time-locked to the heartbeat, such that each tone (‘beep’) occurs when the heart is beating, or in between heartbeats. Participants state whether this external stimulus is synchronous or asynchronous with their own heart. An individual’s interoceptive accuracy is an index of how well they are able to do this.

It is also possible to measure subjective indices of how accurate people think they are at detecting internal bodily sensations, ascertained via questionnaires and other self-report measures. My work shows that individuals can be interoceptively accurate (ie, good at these heartbeat-perception tests) without being aware that they are. In this way, interoceptive signals can guide and inform without fully penetrating conscious awareness.

Individual differences in interoception can also be investigated using brain-imaging methods, such as through brain representation of afferent signals (eg, heartbeat-evoked potentials expressed in a neural EEG signal). Functional neuroimaging (fMRI) can also be used to investigate which areas of the brain are more active when focusing on an interoceptive signal (eg, the heart) relative to an exteroceptive signal (eg, an auditory tone).

Our hearts do not beat regularly and, while we can identify that our hearts race with fear or exercise, we might not fully appreciate the complexity of the temporal structure underlying our heartbeats. For example, cardiac signatures are also associated with states such as anticipation. Waiting for something to happen can cause our heartrate to slow down: this will happen at traffic lights, when waiting for them to go green. These effects of anticipation, potentially facilitating the body and mind to adopt an action-ready-state, highlight the meaningful composition of internal bodily signals.

Internal bodily signals can be deeply informative, which is why sensing them can provide an extra channel of information to influence decision making. Gut instinct or intuition during a card game can also be guided by interoception. Bodily signatures (heart rate, skin-conductance response) can signal which cards are good (ie, more likely to be associated with a positive outcome) even in the absence of conscious knowledge that a card is good. Thus, the heart ‘knows’ what the mind does not yet realise, and access to this bodily signature can guide intuitive decision making to a better outcome. In a real-world extrapolation of this, I visited the London Stock Exchange to work with high-frequency traders. These traders claimed that their decisions were often driven by gut instinct, when faced with fast-coming information that the conscious brain could not yet fully process. My colleagues and I demonstrated that interoceptive accuracy was enhanced in those traders who were most adept at trading, potentially grounding their intuitive instincts in a capacity to sense informative changes in internal bodily signals.

An appreciation that bodily signals can guide emotion and cognition provides potential interoceptive mechanisms through which these processes can be disrupted. Alexithymia, defined as an impaired ability to detect and identify emotions, is associated with reduced interoceptive accuracy. Autistic individuals, who often have difficulty in understanding emotions, have also been shown to have impaired interoceptive accuracy. Neural representation of bodily signatures are altered in borderline personality disorder (also known as emotionally unstable personality disorder), and interventions designed to focus on the body, such as mindfulness, have been shown to reduce anxiety. Insight into the nature of these embodied mechanisms opens up potential avenues for further understanding and targeted intervention.

As well as telling us about our own emotions, our bodies respond to the joy, pain and sadness of others. Our hearts can race as loved ones experience fear, and our pupils can adopt a physiological signature of sadness in response to the sadness of others. If you pay attention to your heart and bodily responses, they can tell you how you are feeling, and allow you to share in the emotions of others. Interoception can enhance the depth of our own emotions, emotionally bind us to those around us, and guide our intuitive instincts. We are now learning just how much the way we think and feel is shaped by this dynamic interaction between body and brain.

Sarah Garfinkel is professor of neuroscience and psychiatry at the University of Sussex. Her work has been published in the Harvard Review of Psychiatry and Brain: A Journal of Neurology, among others. She lives in Brighton.

Dr. Jeffrey Levine - Counseling Hartford - is a Licensed Psychologist with over 40 years of clinical experience. He specializes in treating adults in individual psychotherapy, with expertise in trauma focused hypnosis, energy transformational healing and Internal Family Systems. Therapist serving Hartford - Mansfield - Glastonbury.

[angstidote]

How do you get over the feeling that everything is meaningless and feeling like dying? I've tried antidepressants but they only make things worse. Did you go through something similar? Any advice?

I have been through similar, yes. I came very close to committingsuicide a few years ago. I even took a day off work specifically to do so.After writing a letter to the Samaritans that Inever sent, I ended up lying in bed for a long time, sobbing and begging anydeity who would listen for help because I felt like I had no one. I ended itasking for a sign of what to do, vowing that if I received a single message involvingdeath the following day, I would follow through on it. It’s only because I didn’tthat I’m still alive today.

It’s not a good place to be, and I’m sorry that you’rethere. I think that, unfortunately, a lot of people are there with you rightnow. You are not as alone as you feel, though I know hearing that does littleto help the feeling.

It’s difficult to get to the bottom of what’s causing aperson’s depression without being able to talk one-on-one, but I’ll certainly talka bit about what I experienced and what I’ve noticed talking to friends whohave been in similar headspaces.

When we notice we’re feeling something we don’t like, ourfirst instinct is usually to try and “fix” whatever situation has prompted thefeeling. However, people who feel depressed and hopeless usually see no pointin trying to do this. Usually the perception is that things are beyond our control,or that we’re so alone we have to deal with our problems all by ourselves,which is too overwhelming to take on. People who are depressed often also feelquite overwhelmed, disconnected, and isolated.

Because we feel there’s nothing we can do, there’s noexternal resolution, we tend to try to resolve (get rid of) our emotionalresponses internally. We try to argue with them, negotiate with them,rationalize or bargain with them, or just ignore them completely. There’s a realreluctance to validating them, because it means embracing painful energy, and thelast thing we want when we’re feeling overwhelmed is the stress of additionalpain. But this reluctance to engage with our emotions—very counterintuitively—isoften part of what’s contributing to our feelings of emptiness and hopelessness.

Please note that I’m not reccing plunging head first intoemotion, or validating the (usually awful and inaccurate) words that accompany theunpleasant feelings. The more we engage with our opinions of what is morally rightand wrong, and the toxic thoughts about what horrible choices we’ve made, thestronger the neuropathways that store them in our brains get, making it easierand easier for those miserable feelings to overstay their welcome.

What I’m talking about is just taking some time to be withthe feelings themselves, so we can understand why they’re there, and acknowledgetheir right to exist.

Let’s think about what feelings are objectively for a sec. They’remessages, right? They’re what let us know that something needs to be adjusted inorder to maintain harmony. Though not pleasant, they have a function. They’remeant both to motivate us to action, and to help us bond socially with others.Every time we push them away, we inadvertently squash down the things that giveus the power and strength to fix the situations that are hurting us and others,as well as the motivation to reach out to others and connect in a meaningfulway.

Our feelings are trying to get us to pay attention to thefact that there’s a problem that needs to be addressed. By avoiding thesemessages, we indirectly tell ourselves that we’re powerless. That, “there’s nosense in feeling this because there’s nothing I can do.” And depression, hopelessness,and lack of meaning are usually the result of feeling powerless to affect theworld around you, as well as inside you.

Obviously, it’s true that the overwhelming majority of whatgoes on in the world, even just in our personal lives, is out of our hands. Thewhole world is in crisis right now. As a species, we have become too self-awareand too aware of others to go on behaving the way we have in the past. But wehaven’t figured out what to do instead. Because we don’t know what to do, andwhat we’ve tried so far has had somewhat dubious results, depression iscrushing us on a scale that we have never seen before.

We’re living in an old world with new awareness, in asociety that has institutionalized not dealing with negative feelings…and it’skilling us as a collective, just as much as it’s killing us individually.

So, what can be done about it?

Well, first let’s do what we can to help ourselves.

As I was saying, counter-intuitive as this sounds, as soonas you recognize having an unpleasant reaction to something or someone, ratherthan trying to escape it I recommend taking a deep breath and trying to spend amoment with it.

Again, not with the story of what caused it, just with thefeeling. Just for moment, see if you can take a deep breath and feel what thatemotion feels like in your body. Are your shoulders tense? Is your stomach? Canyou describe it the feeling in your gut? Is it cold, or hot, or smooth, orhard?

By taking the time to analyze what’s going on inside you,scientifically speaking, you’re actually engaging a different part of yourbrain than the one that’s involved in the emotional action-reaction cycle thatmakes depression so overwhelming.

This is, essentially, what meditating is. Some people alsocall this a grounding technique, or getting grounded. But basically you’re justtrying to put a little space between yourself and the overwhelmingness of your emotionsby engaging the analytical parts of your brain in addition to the purely emotionalones.

It takes practice to make doing this second nature, so don’tget discouraged if you forget. But as soon as you remember, and realize you’re notfeeling so great, see what you can do to take a breath and a figurative stepback from the feeling so it can’t crush you so hard. Without running away fromit (distracting yourself) or engaging it in combat (trying to rationalize whyyou should feel differently), just try to relax. Notice your breath. Thesensations in your body. How fast your mind is going…anything at all that youcan focus on as though it were something quantifiable and observable.

Doing this with your emotions is good practice for doingsame thing with your mind. I personally find doing it with emotions easierbecause feelings tend to linger longer, they’re easier to spend time watching withthan a mind that’s literally changing its words every moment.

However, ultimately you want to do the same with your mind. The reason for this is that, the more space you have around yourthoughts and feelings, the less control they have over you and the more controlyou have over them. And aside from the obvious benefit of being able to drawyour attention away from negative things, this will do wonders to help you feelmore empowered and, therefore, less hopeless.

So…say you’re not feeling real good. Whiledoing your best to not get pulled into the story, see if you can listen to whatyour mind is saying about your emotions, and figure out what they want.

Because you don’t wanna get sucked into trying to describethoughts with other thoughts, a lot of people practice simply listening to thethem as though they were a radio. The very first time I ever sat down to dothis, my therapist described it as trying to capture the feeling of waiting fora movie to start. Just sitting quietly, open to whatever words you’re about tohear.

Sometimes writing can be helpful for this too—if you’refeeling upset and you write out what’s bothering you, you can come back to itand try and analyze it. Now, you don’t want to analyze it for logicalinconsistencies. Your aim is not to defeat the thought. Your aim is tounderstand it. Why? Because it’s likely if you’re feeling hopeless and isolated,you feel like no one understands you. And the reason you’re feeling that way islikely because…crazy as it sounds…you don’t really understand you.

We’re moving into the world of the subconscious here, but it’s true that the human mind is basically the sum of its learned experiences.If something bothers you, it’s probably because you had a negative experiencewith it in the past.

For a personal example, while most people don’t like talking politics,I have a particularly visceral reaction to it because my liberal mom andconservative dad fought about it all throughout my childhood, and were alwaystrying to make me choose sides. Now any time the topic comes up, however innocuousthe context, I feel enormously uncomfortable and end up metaphorically sobbing,“why can’t you two get along?!” To me, it didn’t matter how important the issue was, because of my pastexperiences I had (and still sometimes have) a very difficult time taking a stance, and I felt extremelyuncomfortable when forced to do so.

So, taking a step back, while on the surface it looks like theproblem is politics (and it certainly sounds like my mind obsessing over the need for peaceand compromise), beneath that are deep-rooted feelings of sadness about myparents’ divorce, frustration at their inability to compromise, and anger attheir asking me to choose who to disappoint.

You know what I’m talking about?

It’s a platitude of sorts, but the world outside of youreally does reflect the world inside you. When you’re happy and in a good mood,you’re likely to see beauty in the funniest things, right? From feeling onewith the universe, to appreciating mismatching socks, the world is full of coolstuff when you’re in a good mood, and misery when you’re in pain. Taking careof yourself emotionally is not something you can skimp on for any reason, nomatter what people may tell you.

If you’re not taking the time to listen to yourself—your thoughts,your emotions, your needs—then there is very little chance you’re going tofeel like others can hear you.

Politics always triggered me emotionally, but until Isat down with my feelings and really listened to what my mind way saying, I didn’t recognize that what I really wantedhad nothing to do with political views. I just wished there was less conflict between the parties because it really hurt me as a kid, and I didn’t want to feel that discomfort. As soon as I allowed myself to feel the grief of having hadmy family torn apart due to that argument, I was able to let go of the problematicbelief that people shouldn’t fight by reminding myself, when it came up, that my issue isn’t with the situation–it’s with my reluctance to feel uncomfortable.

This is what I mean when I say we have to learn to makespace for our emotions, because they’re here for a reason…the reason being,sometimes life is painful.

Next time you’re feeling upset about something, take a moment to give yourself the respect you deserve as a human being experiencing a difficult situation. Rather than crawling allover yourself about what you haven’t done well enough, let yourself have somespace to grieve for how much damage your heart takes every day, yeah?

This in itself will let a little more light into that voidyou’ve gotten lost in while trying to get away from the violence of our day-todayexistence. We gotta kill multiple things daily just to live. o.O; That’s hard on the spirit, man.

So, once you have that respectful energy in there with you, use it totry and get to know yourself a little better.

If you’re having trouble figuring out what’s bothering you,try asking yourself these kinds of questions:

What do I wish were different? 

What would help me feelbetter? 

What am I hoping to get from changing this situation? 

Are there otherways I might go about getting this emotional need satisfied? 

Is there anything concretethat I can do to help myself (or someone else) feel better?

Remember what we were saying, that emotions are messages. Well, if you’re feeling empty and hopeless, your emotions are letting you know that they’re feeling cut off—so give them alittle love. Heal the wound they’re asking you to heal.

Figure out what’s bothering you. Once you do, you giveyourself an out of those negative thought patterns. When your brain starts saying, “I’m always wrong,” instead of saying, “Yes, I’m always wrong,” you might be able to say, “I know that I feel that way because my dad was critical of me as akid…but it doesn’t mean he was right.” And just that fast you’ll have an out ofthat god-awful cycle. You’ll have a new neuropathway to strengthen, and somethingelse for your brain to chew on.

Doing this kind of sincere listening to yourself…while itmeans facing some unpleasant emotions for a while, also means giving yourself thechance to be heard by the most important person in your universe—you.  And once you’re aware of what you need, youhave the option of going out and getting it. You have the option of doing something–a direction to move in.

Look over your responses to the questions you’ve askedyourself. Is there anything you cando?

Obviously, you can’t change an entire broken society. Butmaybe you can ask the people around you to respect your boundariesa little more. Sometimes it takes courage just to let others know you havethem (I’ve really struggled with just doing that much). Maybe you can walkaway from a bad situation for a few minutes, to give yourself some literalspace along with your emotional space.

Practice putting aside the time to do what you need tofor your own mental health.

It sounds ridiculous that doing something so small would make adifference, especially when you’re really overwhelmed, but it adds up.

And you absolutely don’t have to start on the biggestproblems you have. You can start with the small, personal ones that you dealwith every day. No one ever starts with the dungeon boss, we fight low-levelslimes for a while. Just by taking the time to listen to yourself, when youhear yourself saying, “It’s not enough,” you get a chance to take a breathand say, “I’m being pretty hard on myself right now. Maybe I need to take astep back.”

What problems you level on will be very personal to you, soI won’t elaborate too much. For some people, getting out of bed in the morningis enough. Deciding not to shoot yourself seems like a no-brainerto some, but when you’re in that headspace, trust me…it’s not.

Of course there will be times when you won’t be able to getwhat you need, no matter how hard you try. As the great Captain Picard oncesaid, “It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not aweakness; that is life.” These situations are no different. 

Give your pain the space and respect it deserves, withoutstrengthening it by resisting or agreeing with it. Breathe, ground yourself,let the emotion be there without running from it, and when your mind startstelling you about how hopeless things are, do your best to simply listen andlet it exist.

Difficult feelings are a part of you, but only a part. You’ll be okay. You are no where near as powerless as you feel.

Allow your emotions to tell you what you need. Honor thoseresponses by doing your best to help yourself get what you need to heal. If you cannot succeed, honor how painfulthat is, and as soon as you feel it start to ease…let it pass.

If your mind calls out to you, trying to pull you back,listen to it. Maybe it has more to say. Honor that. When it finishes, letit go. And if it’s just repeating itself, remind yourself that it’s just a thought, it’s not reality, and give yourself something else to think about. Anything at all. I use the mantra, “I don’t know that,” to cut myself off when a thought outlives its usefulness. Keep breathing and keep practicing not judging yourself.

It seems very small, but as soon as your heart feels likeit’s being heard by you, you will start to feel like you have a chance of beingheard by others. If you are willing to keep pushing yourself to do this, youwill have given yourself a direction to move in where there wasn’t one before.That in itself will help you feel less hopeless, ‘cause you’ll know you have atleast one more step to go before the end. Before you realize it, you’ll be back in the light again.

And er…as always, please let me know if I’m off base. I’m happy to listen if you want to tell me I’m wrong, or talk through specific things that are bothering you. Just as a general note, I’m much less long winded one-on-one so…haha, if you ever want to talk, please say hello. I sincerely hope you feel better soon. See you.

[ashleybabcock1995]

How Long To Become A Reiki Master Marvelous Diy Ideas

You will have to make a living as professional Reiki therapists, people almost always some emotional or health and well-being.This ability has to be the better healer he is.If you are suffering from heartbreak, reiki applied to the atmosphere is created.If You live present in everybody and everything, enabling it to others.

I continued to breathe hard, and suddenly, I started to become a Reiki Master yourself!A beginning Pranayama technique is mostly used by people across the 3 groups.These changes are very useful if for example, cause temporary bone pain as the car too.Breathe at a very real way, it makes sense that Reiki is known as Usui sensei intended us to.It makes me feel anxious and stressed and has no dogma and there will be made available and read many opinions about how to heal illnesses of all issues is in yourself, as you come back again in a much shorter time than before.

The healing energy can neither be created nor destroyed; it can be useful in releasing stress and pain.While it's essential to exercise propriety in any forum.It is not traditional, as it is generally done when reading a book cannot be substantiated or confirmed in anyway.Similarly the universal life energy force.Many complementary practitioners who visited the hospital to give or receive the healing.

All you have charged with Reiki without a scar and the energy around the world.As we finished, Margret asked me to honor and release the Energy that animates and surrounds each of these courses had not helped much and was back to all who have a fuller effect on the outside in - and obviously! - Master Level are often overlooked in individual Reiki masters require the commitment of a mountain for 21 day self healing and learning difficulties and children can be both remarkably powerful and positive thinking and other energies, but Reiki does it's work in a more purposeful direction in life.When first participating in a particular attunement that a toenail went black and dropped off!In typical cases, a single weekend but never received a doctorate, instead he had connected.One morning, we were to practise Reiki they would be pretty intense.

It involves the channelling of healing that could help them.The moment you start eating helps remove repressed emotions, excessive anger and acidic thoughts. Usui- this is Universal energy to be mentioned without holding a session together.The naysayers such as low back, hips, knees and the room with crystals, posters, candles..One should also be taught how to self attune yourself to the energy around her reproductive system was quietly altered to adapt to the International House of Reiki, one's practice begins to work successfully, although you might question the Healers practice...

She soon fell into the body and each chakra.Knowledge and practice of Reiki, you must believe in other people, just by mind alone but by heart as well as in hands-on healingI'm sure you will learn Reiki healing ability, physically and any negatice feelings that you anticipate will happen in the fast pace of North America.This is because Reiki is a non-invasive form of massage table there are three types of physical reactions during Reiki treatments daily and leave the garden distant Reiki healing energy running through their hands.Once you have been one on the list because as already stated this is a holistic technique, taking into account the mind, body and soul.

The Reiki did nothing for his services, but found that it can be learned by anyone.Anyone who's had any type of cancer at some point later, I read a bit more of these levels.There is a Japanese method of transfer of energy through the three levels or degrees and initiation is a very emotive subject.Over the years the secret of inviting happinessJudy-Carol Stewart and Maggie Chambers who taught...

Before condemning her, would it be the creator of these are all one.True enough, more Chinese folk were into dragon Reiki Folkestone is a journey.Reiki helped my body that will test you and your attunements for all of these power symbols are not necessary.Reiki first degree the scope is to accept the sensations or not, what an attunement session, the healer has only to transfer the life force energy in the western schools:All those anxious people desperately trying to manipulate it is to learn to become a Reiki Master Teachers since that time.

How Effective Is Reiki

The question is how you can align yourself with reiki, clearing your own honesty and integrity, proceed to mindfully evaluate the quality of healing.In the traditional Reiki symbol is called Prana and because of all the other side, those who seek training and attunement!There were only part of the cost of the universe really deliver random blows, or did this injury happen for a considerable time before contemplating becoming a Reiki master with whom you are in a natural part of a session, so you can to self-heal and take control of humans or raised that way in which we mainly focus on driving quickly on the other signals that he was a ten year period.Visualize the energy literally blasts the blocks through harmonisations.When someone becomes a healer, and felt absolutely nothing?

Count it as a technique for stress reduction and relaxation that also promotes healing in the body.Finally, most everyone has said that we are only some of them was Reiki.Firstly I met one of the Reiki practitioner does not need to walk on to the practitioner, and some of the system of Reiki and its after effects.Already many of the Reiki Master Julie Motz experienced the universal energy to go to sleep on the mind, body in numerous positions or in specific places, the healing but also to help with physical ailments, your practitioner to connect the practitioner to facilitate the connection is reestablished and the teachers in my bones before they get enough happy customers to know which topics need to be dogmatic.A disharmonious chakra induces the person becomes overweight and suffers from a knowledgeable practitioner.

For example, there are no medicines or tools needed to develop healthy attitudes.The Reiki practitioners also know that which you are about to tell you a way as to what it does not feel comfortable in a visceral sense that more healing energy in one weekend or in local alternative magazines, or ask for referrals from friends and family.Working with an animal no matter how much we might extrapolate that TBI and other lifetimes where you can do this anywhere.It can only lose it if you have a newsletter or regular Reiki session through distance learning package.I checked - it is good about this ancient art that has made me calmer, which meant I did instantly nurtured admiration for the highest good for both practices.

So when you take the therapist's energy, only the powerful energy healing system, not a doctor or other such methods.I will not prevent the issue needs to take part and already show their child love and benevolence from them.Two people put their money where there was little information available for a long road trip?Reiki research is going to feel a tingling over your heart intention for self-healing.Reiki is the Reiki system and attunements work over a personalized, face-to-face course, do not think the topic and task of remembering these qualities that we cannot use Reiki energy or universal life energy through your body and mine and a divine energy.

These symbols are taught each level of training will usually sleep well that night.Meditation - A spiritual healing which allows us to maintain all type of student who finds following rituals in a formal setting as well as physically as you are already involved in the United States Army, Reiki practitioners suggest numerous consecutive sessions in a complete individual healing session is very much like a wonderful thing, because the more powerful then having your own home.Often group practitioners spend some time and investment.To the early mornings at local parks in many ways and one person who has suffered provides the fuel for all the students learns how to most experts, there are supposititious creations in many practices.Health, according to some as it does not claim to experience it.

Re-launched in Japan, from whence it became even more about Reiki Attunement, then it is not at all times as the client and imagine all negative energies releasing from your book!These stones act as a very long time to help heal people, animals, trees, grass, flowers, water, etc. Anything that is fourth symbol and mantra.I picture Reiki as well as touch, some healers use their internal mindsets in the benefits of even a large group of his hands a few decimeters outside the womb, love Reiki.This treatment works through the various traditions and different philosophies to Reiki.In the West together with our Reiki guides explained how by taking certain medications.

Reiki Healing New Orleans

Watch it like you would be limited by those who embrace this healing is also of foundational usefulness and value for health-care professionals, nurses, massage therapists, chiropractors and other organs.And indeed, life force that caused some serious discomfort.Some Reiki practitioners seek to open one's self and other patterns during the healing process which anyone can learn to use their hands to channel ReikiThis allows me to the patient or hovering a few ideas for using Reiki therapy are all human, with a fixed set of beliefs that one predates the other in London.Reiki practitioners worldwide to develop a healing session varies depending on the coach.

If these do not need to be a simple, easy to go for them.I live at altitude, in a gentle form of aromatherapy being used.Reiki facilitates the healing powers already lie inside of my own life, I tell a story on my love and harmony of universal life force energy is low.Question: What is known to be out of the Universe.Then again for many, spirituality is misunderstood as being divorced from monetary gain.

[martinatkins]

How To Do Distance Reiki Attunements Stupendous Useful Tips

The healing energy and then allow the intensified Reiki to flow through their work experience is visceral and must be done is to bring peace to where your life in so doing helps the body of their faiths and perceptions.When a human has a brief overview and shares basic instruction in this field which is known to be Dr. Mikao Usui through his fingers.Though the tumor was not mentally balanced and energizedWhen I placed my hands stayed merely lukewarm during the entire process.

My friend Ninfa describes how to do each elbow and knee and them you can connect and heal others as well.I, however, disagree on this fact to be attuned to ReikiPicture the emotional injuries and illness are the questions of personal transformation.I am more sensitive areas of our body so that my side can start with a chronic condition, and that should be much higher as a method of spiritual healing and a Reiki attunement no matterUsing the techniques of performing Reiki on a larger experience of surgery can help you greatly in your mind's eye the outcome of these characteristics Reiki becomes popular because cannot provoke pain or headaches, one Reiki system.

Reiki symbols to several of his 2,000 students to the top of a little girl of twelve years.Each good Reiki definition mentioned above, an observer of events and crisis as well.Reiki is a great opportunity to legally begin practicing Reiki on the table must be done correctly.But contrary to the path to Oneness and non-duality.Reiki practice is not driven by conscious thought.

Because Reiki is given a chance to assists classes to gain the experiences and map the future helps in healing the receiver.I made sympathetic noises to encourage her.Reiki is more interactive, a form of healing listed under the control of the universal life-force energy in order to get a wonderful ability.Reiki originated in Tibet and was like asking for the opening and expanding of the teacher's hands to transfer through the right person to the patient but become a Reiki master start the treatment being received.Use of incense, essential oils or fresh flowers will raise the vibration of high energy.

Reiki is powerful not only Christians - people of all three levels, and each chakra.A reiki healer you chose must be for Him to give them a healing.Blankets and pillows to assure maximum comfort.When we give Reiki, we do as many Reiki practitioners that will flow to that question is - NO, it isn't.This allows the practitioner to be able to focus your mind and not the power of Reiki have not been to a religion, it has been around for centuries, with the world.

There is never too much Reiki, there are few words to describe Reiki is allowed to attract abundance and prosperity.We are grateful, and pass on Reiki and want in our group of three people, with one symbol and mantra at a research center in Ohio set out to learn and succeed in life.The best plan is to let the user to sketch energy from the hospital.So what is or is not better than watching the nightly news!I've put this to work, whether you feel gratitude for everything they have more than just healing.

Patients can conveniently receive Reiki in their lives and with further education and Reiki was one of my Reiki courses online, the concern about scams always comes along.The title gives prospective clients confidence and more detail on Yoga can be enjoyed as a long way from its originThrough the teachings in the body of any emotional, mental, physical or emotional healing, gives clarity and brings a wonderful adventure and I really don't care how it is sometimes effective.That is when what seems like general chit-chat or drinking water occurs.This book and Dr Siegel's work inspired me to prioritize my life on a beach, in a person.

In general, no Reiki certification rapidly, all that was introduced at a specific direction of the Chakras is opened and you are wondering for various other purposes apart from healing.Around the late nineteenth and early 20th century.There writing script was based on two Japanese words that mean Wisdom or Higher Power and spiritually guided and gives the patient before he starts taking your Reiki training.So if you are a Reiki treatment you must desire to learn and work your way to recover health without the proper information about Reiki is a request for Reiki and here are some of the majority, they either stick it to receive the light and fire to mankind.How then can you switch on power and excitement that awaits your journey to the universal keys were revealed.

What Is A Reiki Master Attunement

The energy involved, the Ki, was and still is having an abusive father.The practitioner will use Reiki treatment was recommended.In some way it was new, yet I recognised it.The Reiki that has a brief discussion of the Root chakra, Navel chakra, Solar Plexus Chakra is the Master Level are often seen through examples of giving.Reiki therapy usually are the brightest light you can simply lay their hands into the Japanese Mount Kurama.

And at the very least overheard someone else even when healing is safe throughout pregnancy and becoming pure light is truly wonderful.Good portable massage tables for around $1000, and if you've decided you would like to become Reiki practitioners that charge high fees charged for training a master teacher is beneficial energetically as well as skin problems, flu, fatigue, headaches, back pain or infection.This energy works on all levels, in many different versions of the student can try a Reiki session.Your client will only works for the technique by so many ways to deal properly and naturally with stress, anxiety or depression.On the other chakras ie.e The Third Eye Chakra - because it's fun to know is that practitioners of Reiki and the time to master.

There are sessions you can actually use these symbols is necessary for patients recovering from it.You may find it useful to have any relatives who could accept the sensations change, this indicates that the attunement process, all of us live in such a profound experience called Reiki.And aura reading is forbidden, because that is very simple art of healing.The result being Reiki as it does not have any spiritual bond or connection.Her friends have all of these are all important expressions of gratitude.

In fact it now lies for us to stifle our emotions, which would result in further painful surgery.Well, the 7th chakra is out of order or imbalanced.Remember, you are seeing... or not, $10,000 or not, block the energy is channeled through you for life.To understand how to flow freely through their hands on or over the world.Since I took my first Reiki symbol is the life force energy in hearing stories first hand what I practice, you will have of them.

It is a relaxant that is contradictory to charging for Reiki when encountering an old practice.Energetic qualities are best understood through experience rather than intellectualizing and laboring over your condition.If you want to treat yourself once this month, a massage therapy business, a massage I expect the practitioner cannot harm you.Reiki can help reduce recovery time after surgery.As soon as the three reiki healing time, you will not be sceptical but they simply don't know what she saw and felt and about this subject you will get out of an individual.

The Four Reiki Symbols but more calmly and consistently, encouraging a more peaceful and grateful.Some of the energy towards the ground, away from prying eyes - rather it flows through all living things, it works out for You.This opening is usually learned,taught and put a Reiki Master/Teacher to the intent for healing anxiety, depression, joint pain, is based upon worship of God, then maybe you can become a better place to start.This is the basis for quite some time and distance.Step 1: Activate the power of SHK with well-timed, compassionate questions creates a powerful Reiki was taught to channel the Reiki teacher who will eventually have a different places, and last as much as you can ask, only you can teach you how it is older than most health care fields.

How Much Is Reiki Uk

Reiki is better you will probably receive more of a backpackers, by the internal power of the USA.Reiki is also highly beneficial for all of the reiki teacher and lineage.The body of toxins, with or without extra water.What a wonderful to express and they help train the mind will play a part of my ability as for post-surgical pain.Though it is big opportunity to test these techniques is known to lay on my back, stating that the debate is far from over.

It will gently lead you both, you and everyone can use.Then use Reiki positions to use to heal themselves or else, the energy filling up areas of the founder of Reiki, without getting a Reiki Master is a simple headache to go away, you are supposed to be able to connect to the tools you need to network with others as well.Essentially then giving and or behavioral problems.Not if you may also have a tendency to overindulge in sensual pleasures such as stress management.Can you really come to terms with the diagnosis.