#And he has some AI wallpapers. I just don't care

[krsive-writes]

Better Out Than In

Title: Better Out Than In

Author: krsive

Rating: T+

Tags/Warnings: Angst, toxic episode, suicidal ideation

Rick had been drinking for a full week, counting out the minutes of Morty’s absence in bitter quaffs. He was dissolving his brain hour by hour; maybe soon what was left of it would ooze out of his nose and this would all be over.

The room spun like a top every time he closed his eyes, even after he had vomited every drop of bile from the very bottom of his stomach. Alone in his cot, the thickness of a quiet night cradling him like cotton batting in a package, Rick lay regretting every decision he had ever made.

A cursory examination proved that he couldn't read the screen of his phone. He couldn't even make out the photo of himself and Morty that was his wallpaper, now just a bleeding aura of yellow and blue. An attempt to peruse his contact list proved fruitless. The letters had all turned blurry like raindrops.

"You there, hot stuff?" Rick slurred. The AI liked a bit of flattery.

>>As always.<<

"Call somebody."

>>Would you like to be a bit more specific?<<

"SuUurprise me."

The phone began to ring. While Rick waited, he gave a stern talking to his stomach, which was threatening to turn itself inside out again though it was well and truly empty.

"I don't know who this is, but lose my number." The voice was youthful, feminine, familiar.

"Redheaded bitch," Rick greeted expansively, reaching his hand up towards the ceiling.

"Morty's grandpa?" Jessica sounded baffled. Rick took some pleasure in being the only one who knew what was up.

“I have a name."

"So do I." Jessica sighed. "Why are you calling me at 2 in the morning."

"Why does anyone do anything, really?"

"This is real fun, Rick, but unless you have a point, I'm going back to sleep."

"Rude much?"

"Two in the morning, Rick. Is this just a drunk dial?"

"I’m too drunk to dial," said Rick, giggling at his own clever joke.   

"Ugh, whatever. Don't call back, I'm going to bed," Jessica said, and abruptly hung up.

"Told you," Rick said to no one. "Megabitch."

***

"I told you not to call back," Jessica sighed, three nights later. He could hear her breathing into the phone.

Rick wanted to wipe that sass right out of her mouth. Who was she to take that tone with the great Rick Sanchez? He put the beer bottle to his lips and drank. He had let it grow warm and go flat, but that was fine. He wasn’t drinking for the taste. His hands were shaking, and he had a pungent flop sweat going. The sour scent was thick around him, but he couldn't be bothered with a shower. He had business to attend to, feelings to drink away.

"You're not the boss oOof me. I can call anyone I want."

A pause, longer than it should have been. Long enough for Rick's mind to start prickling with anxiety at the edges.

"Then call Morty." she said.

One shot, just one shot from the stupid girl, and Rick collapsed in on himself like a Jenga tower. His breath hitched. He quickly swallowed the rest of his beer and threw the bottle with the others on the floor.

"Morty won't answer my calls." His jaw felt tight, his voice thick. "Out there living his best Gwyneth Paltrow life. No room for grandpa."

"He dumped you."

Rick made a point to audibly scoff. "No one dumps me, o-ok? Not that that's even what this is. I don't really care, it's just—you're the one who brought it up!"

"Maybe it's just healthier for him to live his life without you, and you should decide to be happy for him.”

"Little fuck has no idea what's good for him. That's why he ran off—his dumbass thought it was better to run away from the people who—“ Rick pressed his lips together, trapping hrs words inside.

"Who care about him?"

''Fuck that," Rick snapped. “‘Care,’ how gross. Sappy bullshit.”

"If Morty wants to reject people caring about him, maybe you should ask yourself where he learned that."

"Fuck you," Rick snarled.

He hung up and tossed the phone on the foot of his cot, as if it might bite him like a snake. Jessica sure had some audacity, talking to him that way. What did she know? Morty wasn't like him. Rick hadn't ruined him, not totally. Not by himself, anyway. Morty had just been watching too many movies, that was all. Blame that James Bond marathon last month. Blame Jerry for making caring look so blatantly lame. For once this was not Rick's fault. Morty was just a moron who thought Tyler Durden was the paragon of health.    He had watched one too many sigma male grindset tiktoks.

Rick's care for Morty was toxic. It was sick. It wasn’t the care that a grandfather had for his grandson. Rick had done the right thing to excise it in that stupid machine. All of that made sense. Morty was different, though. His sweet, benevolent heart was beautiful, and he knew how to love without disease in his soul. Morty's uncaring ‘healthy' self was all wrong. Rick knew what was best for him, knew him better than he knew himself. If only he could make the idiot listen, if only Morty would call him back, then he could fix this in ten seconds or less.

If only, if only, if only.

***

The ship needed a tune up; she rattled a bit, the vibration warming Rick's ass uncomfortably. Though, really, that was a moot point because he had come here to kill himself. For the past few days he had feasted on a diet of ketamine, meth, and oxycontin. He felt good, now. He was doing the right thing. Truthfully, he was excited. After everything that had happened, at least he had some perspective on his ever-present desire to take his own life. His raging insistence on holding on, the part of him that would tear worlds apart just to live another day, was undoubtedly toxic. This was really better for everyone. So here he was, idling just outside the event horizon of his favorite black hole, ready to drive in.

The phone in his hand rang and rang. He thought she might not pick up, but eventually Jessica's voice greeted him.

"What is it this time? I have an English test in the morning, you know."

"I'm killing myself, now." He said, and why was his voice so clear?

"Woah. This is way above my pay grade. I'm gonna call 911—“

''Don't bother. I'm in space."

Rick dug a half-finished pack of cigarettes from the glove box. He wanted to feel the smoke in his lungs one last time.

"Why would you call me? This is super fucked up; I’m just a teenager." Her anxiety was palpable.

"Planetary minded." Rick took a deep, thick drag. His Morty would have been able to take the call. His Morty knew what life really was, thanks to Rick. "Suicide is morally neutral. There are hundreds of intelligent species that commit suicide to reproduce. There are entire planets where you can go kill yourself on stage at Coachella in front of a cheering crowd."

"I'm not comfortable with this, Rick."

"I didn't call you to stop me. I want to leave a message in case... i-in case Morty ever..." Really? After all that, Rick was going to cry? He pinched his nose and tried to tell himself it was just the smoke.

"Then talk to his mom!"

"No way. Not happening."   

The cigarette burned down while Jessica sat silent on the other end of the line. That was alright. Rick had time to wait.

"What do you want me to tell him?" She was shaken, but Rick had to hand it to her; she was pretty brave under the circumstances.

''Tell him...tell him..." Rick belched, nearly vomited. He took a shaky drag. ''Tell him it's all his fault. Tell him…"

"I'm not saying that! That's way too fucked up. No way."

"Tell him I'm sorry. But also fuck him. Tell him he had his chance—tell him I had my chance...tell him it's too fucked up now—“

"No. This is too much. If you do this, if he calls me I won't even tell him you ever called. I won't even tell him you're dead."

''That's pretty messed uUup. You won't grant a dying man's wish?"

"You're not dying. You're killing yourself and putting the burden on a kid. I'm done with this conversation, Rick." There was a shaky breath, a rustling. "Call me tomorrow, ok?"

Rick felt shame like lead in his gut. "Yeah ok. I will."

***

Rick lay on his side, curled around himself, shaking with his sobs. The bar of his cot was digging into his ribs. He could just barely hold the phone to his ear.

"I said it to him when he was so scared, right in my arms.” The bitter memory haunted him. "I said he was gonna be fine. 'Grandpa's h-here'…" He choked on a sob, mouth full of saliva. "Grandpa's here, I promised...”

"It's ok, Rick," said Jessica, so gently.

"I just wanted to save him. This time all I wanted was to do a good thing but I fucked it up, I always fuck up..." He tried to wipe his wet, snotty nose. "Grandpa's here," he sobbed.

"You did your best. And he's ok. He's alive and stuff.” Even so out of her depth, Jessica was trying.

"Not all of him. Not the part of him that needs his grandpa." Rick kept chasing after the next breath, lightheaded from his sobs. "He doesn't need me."

"Maybe that's good. Like he's growing up or something."

"He knows that caring about me is a fucking mistake. He threw me away. Didn't even look over his fucking shoulder." Scrunching up tighter, he whimpered. "I love him so much. I just want him back."

"O...k... Not touching that."

"If he would just come back I’d be better this time." Rick's tears fell in a never ending stream. "He should come back and I'll be so good. I love him. I want to tell him. He needs to give me a chance."

"Morty's kind of given you like a million chances, Rick. You're always a dick to him."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it."

"It's too late, I think."

"Please, you have to help me get him back. Please, you have to."

"I don't really think that's a good idea."

"I don't feel so good..."

When was the last time Rick had eaten? The world was turning dark at the edges.

"If you want, I can stay on the phone while you go to sleep.”

''Fuck you. I'm not a baby." Rick's eyelids were growing heavy. "But don't hang up."

"I won't."

"I don't wanna... be alone..."

"I know, Rick. I can tell."

Rick wasn't really sure what she meant by that, but he didn't like it. He let his eyes fall closed. In his dreams Morty would be waiting for him, and it didn't much matter whether it would be with open arms or accusing eyes. Rick would take either if he could just see him again.

***

The rest of the family had fled when Jessica arrived, which was fine with Rick. He was sober, he was focused, he was ready. The others would just have fucked him up. Jessica, for her part, looked calm. Good. She wasn't going to wimp out.

"Just keep him on the phone for one minute. That's all that matters so do it no matter what."

"So you've said. Like fifty times.” Jessica cocked her hip out and gave him a painfully teenage look.

"Just dial. Hurry up. I want to get this done."

"Yeah. I know." She held up her phone to show it dialing.

Please pick up, please pick up...

''Hi, Morty. It's Jessica. Look, can we just talk for a minute?"

Rick's heart was in his throat, his portal gun clutched in his hands. He watched the dial narrowing in on Morty's location as the seconds ticked by.

"Come back, Morty. I miss you." Jessica shot Rick a meaningful look while she listened to Morty's answer. "How do you know I don't want to love you?"

The quiet stretched out, but the call didn't go dead. For the first time in weeks, Rick felt something like hope bloom in his breast.

Morty hadn’t hung up.

Morty wanted Rick to find him.

[amenomiko]

Thank you for the interesting request @crossmix ❤❤❤❤❤

MC Brought Gadgets from the Future

(Minus Sasuke because he is from the future dowh :B. Please assume that MC brought it to all of them with Sasuke's help. Why? Because it will be interesting. Let's make the impossible, possible. MWAHAHAHAHAH)

Nobunaga - Mobile Phone

Oh.

Hooooh.

Hm. Intriguing.

"So you can connect with people no matter how far they are?"

*Sends death threat to kasugayama castle right away*

+kaomoji and devil emoji at the end of his messages

Secretly message Mitsuhide to buy his konpeito so Hideyoshi wouldn't know about it.

Takes a selfie before a war. Or maybe when he stab someone.

Watches drama with it, and complains it has small screen.

Also, secretly takes a video when MC's not looking. Or maybe during their-- hm. Hmhmhmhm.

Hideyoshi - Tablet

Aaah~~ this is very convenient.

He can write his daily plan of the day..!

But wait-

The screen is big but why his daily plans doesn't fit one notepad?? It needs at least 10 to fill one. Sigh.

I'm so busy to take care of everyone dot com.

"*Groans* The keypad is too small!"

"How does this thing work again??"

"No, don't touch there Mitsuhide I can do it on my own! Who knows if you break it intentionally??"

"Of course I trust you (half of me) but MC will be furious if this thing is broken!"

Masamune - Polaroid

You can take pictures with this and it printed out in instant? Amazing!

*Binge shopping all the films, especially those with decorated frames*

20% of it is a picture of him and his vassals, his fellow lords, especially Hideyoshi's face when he is angry.

Not to mention his huge nostrils when he is angry.

HAHAH.

+Ieyasu's butt before and after it was smacked.

+His expression before and after it was smacked.

MC wonders how he could take it quickly despite not using a phone.

And then another 80% is his Kitten a.k.a MC.

Her smile, her cute moments, her shy expressions, her blushing face, her moments of changing into her lingerie, and most importantly her boob--

*Polaroid is confiscated the next day*

Mitsuhide - Airpods

Hmmmmmm.

Nice ( ͡^ ͜ʖ ͡^).

Hooh? It's like something that you can cover your ears from all the noise but it gives you music.

This is perfect.

Ah speaking of the devil.

"Mitsuhide this is where you are!!"

"Wait, wait, dear friend. Just a moment."

*Puts airpods on*

He likes it. So much.

Such an hour of bliss he gets for the day of nothing but music with Hideyoshi's nagging-- mute version.

"Ehem. Uhuh."

He nods and nods, to the music. But NOT to the latter in front of him who is wheezing from his own lectures.

"..I... Need to drink water."

"Oh? Has it ended? I don't mind you lecture me for another hour 😏."

Ieyasu - Laptop + Internet

"It's not that I'm interested but this internet thing assist me with medicines. And herbs. And.. *small voice* shopping for Wasabi's dresses."

And also to set MC's picture as wallpaper with 1920 x 1080 resolution.

Hngh.

Anyway-

Back to medicines.

As if.

He googles on "How to Kick Someone Off the Stairs without Being Caught" and "How to Make Someone Eat Carrot without Being Caught" and "How to Decrease my Contrary Side" and "How to Survive from A Sugar Rush Dragon, Satan Snake, Cabbages, and Satan of 6th Whatever Hell."

Also, "Why Is My Girlfriend so Cute and I Can't Hold it Back".

Mitsunari - Electric Hand Fan

"Waaaaaaaaaaaa OAO~~~~~"

"Mitsunari! Again?? Stop playing with the fan and sleep! It's in the middle of the night! SHEESH!!"

"Hehehehe I'm sorry Hideyoshi-sama! Ever since MC taught me how to play it like this, I can't seem to stop (❁´◡`❁)!"

"You- that-- UGH!"

"Now, now, lad. Isn't that much better than him reading a book until the next morning?" Masamune followed after Hideyoshi to rest for the night, leaving Mitsunari with his fan.

Of course, it is much better. He even brought it to the battlefield, using it even when they are discussing for the battle tactics;...

Until the maps were blown when he accidentally pressed the highest power.

+Nagged by Hideyoshi and Ieyasu too.

And there's one time when he entered Ieyasu's medicine room,

He made all the mixed herbs blown all over before Ieyasu could arrange it into its bottles--

Which earned him super 'cow-lick' hair all over his head that night, as Ieyasu use the fan to mess with his hair.

Kenshin - Language Translator Device

He stared to the small thing in his palm.

This?

Can translate a language?

Hmh. As if he deals with those barbarians.

"But sometimes you can't understand Sasuke's language, right?" - MC

That hit him.

Oh.

Yes.

More reason to stab.

"Let's try it, shall we? I heard this word from one of the Chinese women foreigners few days back..!" Shingen clears his throat before pressing the button and says "Wo Ai Ni".

Translated : I love you (Japanese)

Kenshin:

Shingen:

Kenshin:

Shingen: Uhhh- *stabbed* Ow.

*later*

Sasuke, who happens to be walking down the hallway, braced himself when he saw his Lord. "Ah, Kenshin-sama."

"..Sasuke. Get ready so I can kill you."

"(English) GOD DAMN."

Translated: GOD DAMN (Japanese)

Sasuke: Oh. I forgotten MC brought that here (´。＿。｀).

*Scene of chasing begins*

Shingen - Drone

Ooooooh.

It can fly?

And you can view things from the camera attached to it?

Hm. Hm.

*Instantly use it to view the town as a whole, taking notes of the dessert shops for him to stop by later*

*Move it to fly when Yukimura was taking his bath + gets a girlish scream when it takes picture of his *beep**

Shingen: Ah, my Yuki has grown up uwu. But he can't won mine. Heh.

Also Shingen: *Sends the drone to fly all the way to Azuchi and attach a note on it for Nobunaga with*

"You Suck Too."

+With bear emoji at the end of the message.

Yukimura - Webcam

W h a t.

This is like your eyes that can view things no matter how far you were? And you can view it no matter how small it is, and no matter where you put it??

That's-

Some kind of a creepy stalker.

Modern days scares him. For the love of--

Wait what? You can pair it with a microphone so you can talk to the person?

.....

*BING*

Meanwhile, Shingen who has just gone back from the town:

"Heh. It's really hard to get this limited snack from foreigners. Now I shall hide it here~~~"

But before he could put his beloved snack in his secret drawer...

"AHAH! SO THAT'S WHERE YOU PUT IT OAO!"

Poor Shingen nearly fainted with a foam in his mouth.