#And for even the most pessimistic 'but you don't understand if I lose my job' people out there. Would it really be easier to fix or buy a wh

[fx1600]

Putting this here instead of tags to really drive home that last point. Because believe me I know fully well how anxiety and panic inducing it can be to think someone's waiting on you. To think that the people behind you are waiting, angry, and losing their patience with you. BUT that doesn't matter because PEOPLE ARE IDIOTS AND DRIVE HORRIBLY NOW N DAYS. Everyone's safety is most important and you've gotta remember that because I've had people try to pressure me to go at horrendous moments. I had someone tailgate me so close they almost hit me for slowing to 20 in an active construction zone. I slowed down even FURTHER because there were construction workers STANDING RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY CAR and all the lanes were condensing down to one concrete lined lane. And the person behind me wanted me to just speed up and plow through everyone. I've had people honk at me for waiting during a right turn while there were PEDESTRIANS IN THE PATH OF MY CAR

I've had people swerve around me because I wasn't going at a speed where I would LITERALLY LOSE CONTROL OF MY CAR I know driving is scary, it's nerve wracking, that's why you need to take a breath and do whatever you can to keep yourself safe. Because genuinely no one else on the road will care about your safety but you. People would rather risk accidents and killing someone than stay on the road 2 minutes longer than they want to. I don't even care if you're running late! Your class is not worth it. Your job is not worth it. That event that starts at a certain time is definitely not worth it. Because no matter what you could possibly lose from showing up late or irritating someone by driving slow is not at all on the same level as risking the health and safety of yourself and those around you.

I am BEGGING younger drivers. drive carefully. give yourself room. for fuck's sake use your turn signals and don't fucking weave thru traffic. this is not a video game, this is real life and if you get into an accident, you could get killed or kill someone else VERY easily

[hannahleekuhn]

31 and Figuring It Out

In March I got laid off. I had been working for the same company in a flexible position, that I loved, for nine years. In the time since my layoff I have been working solely as a freelance photographer and spending most of my time applying to jobs and playing trad wife at home. Not to say I haven't appreciated my first real summer in almost a decade, while also noting that I haven't really spent all that much time outside or playing with my friends while dreading the return to the classroom......but again I am 31 so life wouldn't feel like my childhood summers. I am fully ready to never clean another dish or do another load of laundry again, but I hear that's a lifelong thing too. Oh well.

The photography has been rewarding, I have more time to connect with clients and be more hands on in planning and communication. Editing has been happening faster and I find the pacing of the editing easier when I don't have to fit it into every single evening after working full time. The problem is once the winter hits, I don't have another wedding for 6 months and 6 months without an income is a huge, giant, super super scary upcoming deadline.

I've applied to so many different things, have hardly got any responses. I've had 1 interview, which didn't even seem like they were interviewing me for a job, just trying to find out information about a competing company. And with all of the rejections saying I have too much experience, not enough experience, or just the automated response email that says I didn't pass the pre-screening.....as a neurodivergent human it's hitting pretty hard emotionally. Not to mention my partner who is financially paying for every single bill we have and it's still not enough for us to break even every month....helllllllo guilt. It's a lot.

I got rejected for an $18/h cleaning job because I had no prior experience in cleaning professionally and I am starting to really understand why people are so angry they went to college. I mean I was told over and over and over growing up that to have a degree from a 4-year university and to get good grades and have honors and internships under my belt would guarantee steady employment for the rest of my life. HA. I'm not trying to be pessimistic either, I still fully believe I can get a job and the right one is out there, I just haven't found it yet. Or maybe it hasn't found me yet. The problem is there are plenty of jobs that would hire me on the spot, in fields I have no experience in, and the catch......they still wouldn't cover our bills or allow me the flexibility I need to still be running my business, which I have clients booked in for weekdays/weekends for months still to come, so I need something flexible.

Everyone has been so kind, my friends and family are all giving me links to any jobs they see that suit me and my experience, even some jobs that don't. They all empathize and are looking out for me, and so far I still have nothing to show for it. I'm starting to really doubt myself as a person, a partner and even just a member of society. Losing my job felt like losing a piece of myself that I loved so much and relied on mentally and emotionally.

If anyone by chance reads this and is hiring for $25/h I can do photography, graphic work, editing, social media, brand management, merchandising, design for email campaigns, I've designed layouts for catalogs, production work......heck i'll even answer calls and emails you don't want to do. I also can nanny or house sit or walk your dog or mow your lawn. At this point I'll organize all your Tupperware in the kitchen. Seriously. I live in Minneapolis if that helps anyone.

Okay now I do sound desperate. I know. I am doing my meditations and affirmations and still applying to everything that could work. I just feel lost. I hope this phase of my life leads to something better. I am really tired of struggling to maintain the world I built as it crumbles down around me. The bricks are heavy and cost too much.

[bunbunsa]

Do not worry about the feeling of getting old! Your soul is still young and ready to thrive and enjoy many new things, so go party and have fun. 😉 When it comes to career-related matters—I believe that you ought to give it some time. Don't be impatient. Make sure that you're working towards a change, be it a promotion or a better job, and think about all of the differences it’ll bring into your life. Or you could think of it like a teenager in high school (who do you want to be when you grow up?) and work on your goal with that in mind. We can still have what we want, no matter how pessimistic we may be. It's better to transform this pessimism into realism to help us see what we can start with and how it will go. Now is the best time to plan and prepare for these things. If you believe that your life purpose is different, try new experiences and see what you'll end up with. Take the risk of feeling uncertain for a second. If you’re afraid of it, then start slow. Do everything gradually until you're satisfied. There's no need to rush.

Hello Val, it's me the anon who forgot to leave my nickname xD Thank you for respond me regardless 🤍

You have such a beautiful positivity, I swear I wanna see my life with your eyes or through this perspective... Recently, I felt like some negativity left my soul so I feel more light and it's like most of the heaviness in my heart went away, even if I get sad or too exhausted of life i'm not feeling bad like before. I don't know what is going on lol

You're absolutely right. Thank you for your warm words, i'm tearing up because it's so heart warming 🥺 Like a hug. I can't say I won't worry about this anymore because it's hard for me to not get upset and disappointed about this (career related) but I'll try my best. About my age, I won't be focusing on that either because it bothers me a lot too. So I just have to thank you for understanding how I feel and for welcoming me to your blog. May your life be very blessed, thank you from the bottom of my heart 💜

I'm glad I could do something. That's one of the reasons why I made this account.

I know that I'm young, but I do feel like everything is gone sometimes because I can't go back to when I was younger and start over to do things I dreamed of. I just try to stay positive when things are not as I want them to be and remind myself that there are ways to actually achieve my dreams even now because there are people who did it. I genuinely don't ever want to lose hope.

Thank you for reaching out to me. I hope all will be well for you. 🤍

[stonelinkinternational]

The 8 Biggest Buy-To-Let Property Investing Myths (Excuses)

1. I have no time

The Excuse: Part time buy-to-let property investing takes too much of my family time.

The Truth: Time management is in your emotional control and has more to do with your priorities and relationships in life. Most people are spending too much time on low priority actions such as watching TV and too little time working on their business and relationships.

The Cure: Cut down on watching TV and creatively use your time to build your professional buy-to-let property investment business power team. You are just as strong as your power team.

2. I have no money

The Excuse: It takes money to make money.

The Truth: You do not need money to make money. Educated property investors do not use their own money to invest in property. A good Cash Positive property deal at 30% Below Market Value (BMV) will always attract finance from the banks.

The Cure: Make sure your professional bond originator understands your business to source 100% finance for your BMV properties.

3. BMV properties do not exist

The Excuse: It's not possible to buy properties 30% BMV.

The Truth: BMV properties are in abundance if you know where to look. BMV properties are available in all property cycles and not only in negative property cycles. Most BMV properties are available from motivated sellers for different reasons such as divorce, job relocation, new business ventures, emigration and many more.

The Cure: Create your own unique BMV property sourcing system that works best for you in your specific market.

4. Buy-to-let investors are full time cash flow shortfall subsidizers.

The Excuse: I have "heard" buy-to-let investors are losing money each day and are even losing their properties in negative property cycles due to the high cash flow shortfalls.

The Truth: Whatever you belief will be correct. Listening to advice from pessimists will make you a pessimist. Cash positive properties are in abundance.

The Cure: Educate yourself and do the numbers to determine your returns. Do not accept professional advice from people who do not have a more successful property investment business than you.

5. There are too many buy-to-let investors and no good deals around

The Excuse: I do not have the contacts to get me one of the few good deals around.

The Truth: Most buy-to-let investors wait for ever to get that one good deal. You do not need contacts to get one of the numerous good deals around. If you loose one good deal, the next one is just around the corner.

The Cure: Source your own BMV deals, do the numbers and go get the deal.

6. Property investing is high risk

The Excuse: I know lots of people who lost millions in property.

The Truth: Yes, many uneducated property investors have lost money. Investing in cash positive high growth Property Investment UK BMV properties without your own money is THE lowest risk property investment you can ever make as you can not loose any money.

The Cure: First invest in your property education before you invest in property. Make sure you understand the risk profile of each of your property investments.

7. Investing in property will not make me rich.

The Excuse: The yields on property investments barely beat the inflation rate and will never make me financially free.

The Truth: History shows us that South African nominal property prices have on average doubled in value over every seven year period between 1975 and now. In other words, if you have a R 10 000 000 buy-to-let property investment portfolio today (2009) it could be worth R 20 000 000 in 2016 and R 40 000 000 by 2023 if history repeats it self.

The Cure: What are you waiting for?

8. I don't know where to start.

The Excuse: I do not know where to start and need lots more property investing experience.

The Truth: You will never learn everything but you can quickly learn enough to do your first deal. You only gain experience in property investing by doing deals as each deal is different.

The Cure: After you have educated yourself and gained the basic buy-to-let property investment knowledge, do not hesitate to sign your first deal. It will probably not be the best deal you will do in your property investment career, but it will be the most important step on the experience ladder to financial freedom.

.

[sweetmariihs2]

Alright! Let me write a bit about them! (I actually wrote a full post)

Aurora X Cedric lore ahead

Aurora is very playful and Cedric is a bit more closed off. They have an age gap (Aurora is 25 and Cedric is 37)(I wanted to make her older than me so that it won't be an innapropriate couple, but I still wanted it to be a dynamic that they need to work on) and that is something they decided to adapt themselves to make things work. Cedric said that he would be patient and mature to understand her limits and so did Aurora. While she's more joyful, playful, experiences stronger emotions probably due to her age mixed with her natural excited and sweet personality, Cedric is more of a pessimistic introvert who feels more tired than most people his own age, so even though he loves Aurora's little quirks she can do too many jokes or give him too much information at once and through a whole day which makes him feel overwhelmed. This does not happen often but when you're concentrated and busy with something, and there is someone poking you for hours, it can make you distracted and stressed (or overwhelmed), and that's what happened on the little comic I made

Cedric is the narrator and it seems like he's telling this story to someone. He starts with "Aurora isn't good with social cues. She does not know when to really stop." Hinting at the clueless behavior that she shows sometimes.

The first drawing implies a bit that she's probably doing this for some time, and in my mind he already laughed about it, played with her too, probably also spoke with a smile "alright Aurora, now I'm going to make a very important potion, wait a second". But for her he was laughing, and she wanted to take more laughs from him (she shows affection and flirts with him sometimes, and he gets all giggly), so Aurora didn't noticed that he was slowly getting bothered by her nonstop jokes, specially because he was working. Aurora's attention time is a lot shorter than his, which can cause her to stop studying/working several times during their day, and that was also something that she was doing at the moment without noticing. Often Aurora does that in the lessons where he is just sharing information instead of practicing something with her, in those moments her attention usually goes to him instead, because those lessons don't make her feel hooked. In that moment Cedric was trying to work but she wasn't, and Aurora was not letting him work too, without noticing.

Cedric was trying to pour an extremely delicate ingredient into a potion and he was asking her to stop, now with a serious tone, "Aurora, stop teasing me, I'm busy now, alright?" but she didn't took him seriously and just wanted to play. That's when Cedric exploded and shouted "Damn Aurora, STOP! Why can't you just pay attention or let me do my job?! WHY ARE YOU SO CHILDISH!?", hinting at all the stuff I previously mentioned in the post.

Cedric lost his temper, it's not excusable but it's understandable. He didn't meant to say that and snap at her, and the words he choose were extemely painful to hear, because the "Why can't you just pay attention or let me do my job?!" means "you don't pay attention to my lessons (which happens sometimes) and instead of getting something better to do you would rather disturb me doing my job." And the "WHY ARE YOU SO CHILDISH!?" Is even more painful to hear because he promised he would learn how to get around this imbalance and to be patient/respectful with her. Imagine spending months hearing from a loved one "no, it's ok, we can work with it, I don't mind" "i don't mind, i don't mind, i don't mind" repeatedly and then suddently "no, this is not ok, you're stressing me out! The 'who you are' that I promised I would learn to deal with is now bothering me!"

It's like you promising to support and take care of a mentally ill person and losing your patience with them, or with a child that you promised to educate with gentle parenting but ended up not doing it for a moment. And they have a power imbalance, that is not like a "teacher and student" power imbalance but more like "show magician and assistent" thing, and he promised he would be careful with that too, not letting their relationship affect their daytime activities, and he is very strict with that.

But going back to the comic, when he snapped at Aurora, Cedric didn't thought much about his words and the way that they would affect her. Looking from his point of view, he is always tired and worn out, and despite loving Aurora very much, he's older and more closed-off by personality, and he was tired of her nonstop energetic and playful behavior in that day. Cedric was probably having a bad day and this contributed even more to the peak of his stress. He's always stressed, perhaps he was having too many negative thoughs that day? Feeling frustrated about life? I don't know. There are days that we just wake up feeling upset.

After he did that, Cedric immediately noticed that he messed up. When he looked at her scared, upset and confused expression, the narrator (Cedric from the future) said "That's when I noticed... that she didn't picked up that I was busy, and did not intended to bother me." He felt immediately guilty about his words, letting out a small "oh..." while aknowledging his actions. In the narration then he says "I messed up. I still feel guilty for that. I know that Aurora is scared of being yelled at."

Aurora used to live with her family at their bakery and her parents, specially her dad, used to shout at her for literally anything. It was probably due to her being the "weird child/black sheep of the family" and also for not wanting to be someone's wife at an early age, instead she wanted to learn magic and her family despised that. Being in a far away kingdom, they thought that magic was just for the unemployed or privileged people who were born close to the royal family, not her. They repeatedly were mean to her and saw her dedication on magic like a waste of time, always seeing her failed spells (she wasn't born a sorcerer and didn't had a tutor to teach her magic), and those spells sometimes messed up the bakery, the house, someone's hair, her own hair (it's 'damaged' till this day (she was a brunette)) until the moment that she just decided to pack her bags and search for a future on her own, finding Cedric on the way. Her father used to snap at her constantly, grab things from her hands like her notebooks, spellbooks or even the only wand she had, call her names, say that she would never go anywhere. So yelling and screaming at Aurora makes her feel scared.

She's been living far from home for years and now living with Cedric for some months, and his "sudden" explosion triggered her. He is her favorite person, who always reassures her and makes her feel loved, which triggered her even more, and Cedric noticed that too, which also made him feel even more guilty and adds more to the pain of this moment.

Cedric noticed what he did and put the potion aside to hug and reassure Aurora that he didn't meant what he said. He turned back into his usual loving and supportive behavior towards her, but now regretful and ashamed of what he said. He hugged her and said "Aurora, listen... I'm sorry, my dear (the pet name he uses with her). I didn't meant to shout at you like that. I lost my temper, these words weren't true. You don't annoy me, and you're not childish, I was just mad because I'm busy and you were distracting me. I love you."

It's also implied that he continued speaking and had a long talk with her after that, but I decided to leave that up for imagination. While I wouldn't be convinced if someone's apology were short like that, I think that he said what's necessary for this comic and the reader can understand that he continued to speak and reassure her for some more time after that.

I think that couples fight sometimes and none of them are perfect, but I believed that they need to get around the problem and have a dialogue about it. And this comic shows that even if they love eachother very much, sometimes things get out of control, and they need to be mature enough to talk and know how to fix the damage they made.

And by the way they look beautiful in every drawing in this I'm very proud of myself

Finally more (oc) Aurora x Cedric art

I don't do comics very often. Kinda liked this one. It's good to explore characters' dynamics, behaviors and experiences.

(I'm like humans when they discovered fire except everyone had already discovered fire earlier than me)

If you want me to yap about and dissect this whole thing for you to understand every single aspect of their traumas, choice of words and hidden language in this just tell me lmao

Edit: the 2nd Cedric (the angry one) looks absolutely beautiful

Edit 2: this song is theirs

[pr-azarias]

(EN) Perspective and Alchemist

"Il eut soudain le sentiment qu'il pouvait regarder le monde soit comme la malheureuse victime d'un voleur, soit comme un aventurier en quête d'un trésor."

- The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

((trad:) He suddenly had the feeling that he could look at the world either as the miserable victim of a thief, either as an adventurer searching for a treasure.)

The reader easily overlooks this quote while reading the novel of Paulo Coelho. The Alchemist is mostly a story about the journey to his Personal Legend. And nevertheless. And nevertheless I find that this simple sentence deserve our attention.

No need to search during hours, we understand easily the theme behind that sentence : the perspective. Everything is a matter of perspective in life ; a same situation may have different interpretations, pessimistic or optimistic. Here Paulo Coelho explains us that we could just stay there, moping about our fate like "la malheureuse victime d'un voleur" or we could choose to get up, as “un aventurier en quête d'un trésor”, in order to face the world.

The question remains to know whether we decide to take our courage and to embark on that second option, certainly more difficult, but more satisfying. On the other hand the first option is the easiest, the one of the coward, the chicken, the weak (it's violently said but this is because I don't want you to take that option). It's the easiness of despair and sadness, of comfort and regrets.

I have recently been in a situation where there was that "problem" of perspective : my father has got a problem that forced himself to stay in bed for months. If I had followed the first option, I would have stayed near him feeling sorry for him, complaining about this injustice. But I have chosen the other option. I have wanted to see in this situation the opportunity to take more responsibilities and I have discovered a new hobby of mine in gardening (that proves our good old Voltaire was true with his "il faut cultiver son jardin" ((trad:) we need to cultivate our garden)) in Candide), proof that we can always make the best of the worst injustices ; everything is a matter of perspective.

Note especially the use higher of the verb "wanted". Found it? Excellent. Because what is important to remember is that this choice in favour of the second option is a will. Understand here that all that process won't happen by itself ; it's your job to take the time, to make this effort and to transform this bad in good. Just like a philosopher's stone : you're an alchemist : change your lead into gold. That's it! Back to the title of the novel. Wonderful! Anyway, to come back to this will, that effort won't ever be impossible but on the other hand the price for it will always be rewarding. Never forget your powers, alchemist.

Just before letting you go, I would like to put into perspective (aha play on words) this theme with Blue's words in his Philosophical Phridays :

“Lose some, win some. Here I am, faced with something rough that turned into something good when I actively made the most of it. Perspective. Improvement. Happiness. It’s all there.”

- Blue in Philosophical Phridays I

“[…] if fortuna beats you down and kicks you in the shins twice, you can still get back up, hard as it may be. Your recovery is all in your own power, and you can make the best of anything with the right perspective”

- Blue in Philosophical Phridays I

I think those words are pretty self explanatory. But I'm nevertheless going to explain those because otherwise I would lose my job. "Lose some, win some" is simple yet powerful ; we understand that even by losing some happiness by those injustices we can recover or win some. For the second quote "Your recovery is all in your own power”, I prefer to change power for will to make echo to what I've said earlier. We all have in ourselves that power to be alchemist but it depends on our will to help us really transform the bad in good.

That's it. I think that 1) you're now bored by me and my perspective or 2) you've been sleeping all along. And if that's not the case, then thank you for having read all of that, I couldn't thank you more of giving me your time. I am fascinated that I have got the same conclusions as Blue's. Proof that I'm a good student of my philosophical mentor...

Thanks again and to the next time/quote!

[neroushalvaus]

Three new thoughts about some new 2 Fast 2 Downton spoilers I've read, so if you do not want to be spoiled, don't read on!

I know many people are upset about that scene with Thomas and Mrs Hughes because of the obvious reasons, but I have to say I am positively surprised that they did actually acknowledge the romance Thomas had in the last movie and that they have an actual conversation about it. In the series Thomas never gets to talk about his love interests or crushes once they are gone (save from two scenes where he talks about Jimmy, one of which is from a deleted scene). So yeah, I was cynically prepared for the movie to handwave the whole thing away. And I'm so so so happy Thomas gets to have that conversation with Mrs Hughes of all people. It makes sense, since this is the person he has relied on in the past and who has shown him the most sympathy for being gay. Even though Mrs Hughes has a somewhat pessimistic outlook on the future Thomas has as a gay man who is not ready to settle, she still listens and understands what Thomas is trying to say. I can't wait to see this scene, my heart will hurt so much. "It isn't what I want, Mrs Hughes" i am going to eat my own shoes. Also Thomas being called brave counter 4 ding ding ding.

I have an annoyance!! I have an annoyance!! Why is Andy being trained to be a butler? Andy wants to be a farmer, he has been very clear about this. The movie needs to do damn good job in order to convince me that this is what he really wants.

I am so happy they finally let Violet die. No but really, this will probably be a really moving scene and since there will apparently be a conversation between her and Isobel in the end, I truly wish that will be well written and that the conversation shows how much they love each other. Let me see how Isobel deals now that she knows she will lose her companion, I'm on my knees.

[qomezaddams]

2. It just made sense that Chris and Erika had that female bond - I'm a woman working in a male dominated field myself and contrary to what most media wants their audience to believe, we stick together and lift each other up? Like you said (and I never really thought about it that way but you're right), the only other women are either partners or higher ups which can make someone really lonely in a place like this?

hi, anon ♡

[guess who accidentally deleted the original reply? sorry, and I hope this isn’t too confusing.]

thank you for this!

1. sorry to have scared you, but don’t take for granted what I wrote. I am a naturally pessimistic person and I have the unfortunate habit to make up scenarios. there is no evidence that lina is going to leave; and if you want to know, alex also hasn’t been featuring much, so maybe they are simply filming different scenes. I truly, truly hope I am wrong, tho. s.w.a.t would for sure lose viewers, as chris is very much loved in the fandom.

2. chris needed a female friend, and still needs, in my opinion. she had cortez, inicially, even if they never really developed the friendship beyond their episode “los huesos” (2.12). we all know how annie turned out, even if they made up in the end. I don’t think chris ever met bonnie, which is sad, because bonnie seems really cool and I can see them getting along. lynch is shady, and sure she helped chris with the DUI, but she isn’t always around. erika was definitely the first female friend chris had in a while, someone that understood what it meant to be a woman in that type of workplace, someone that supported and encouraged her, so it was really disappointing they had her killed for shock value.

3. chris said it over and over again that despite making s.w.a.t. she still has to prove her place every single day. even if she has a bad day, she can’t let them see that, because it wouldn’t be a bad day—it would be because she is a woman. she said it herself; they depicted it when she was paired up with mumford in 1.18.

you’re right: chris would be the one to pay the price, even if street is the one still on probation on the team (truthfully, I don’t remember if this status changed.) it happened in other shows too; in fact, I think only stella and severide, from chicago fire, have a stable relationship, and that only happened because they are on different teams. the writers could try this, but I would hate to see less of either chris or street. chris wouldn’t dare to keep the relationship secret, I think, unless it was well-justified and well-thought—and even so, out of character for chris. in flashpoint, a canadian procedure show similar to s.w.a.t., the couple hid their relationship, but in the end they managed to remain on the same team despite it; they even got married. but I don't know if it could be applied similarly on this show.

4. I will never understand the purpose of the TLI competition. it was too random. am I glad that chris won? tremendously. a victory, and a slap for those that believe women too weak to lead. but what is the point? to justify luca’s absence? (and why is he absent?) I expected stris to happen due to the strain of the competition, but nothing happened except for a miserable scene in the shooting practice room. not that I doubt chris capable to lead, because she is, but she never expressed desire to fly high before. she even turned down mumford. I think this competition only brought unnecessary drama, bordering on pointless. (side-thought: I didn’t like that tan gave up because he dared to pull a street. it would be nice to see him get more featured.) did the writers forget about covid? is it possible to fly to germany?

5. as long she isn’t fired or out of the team, or is responsible for failing to protect a teammate or a civilian because she is drunk or hangover on the job, which could further her (apparent) addiction—I will be fine with anything else that happens (well, not fine, but you see my point. although I will be sad if she loses her TLI victory.)

many thanks for your asks, and fingers crossed for this wednesday! have a lovely day, sweetie ♡

[cursedcaos]

Colt green

 I am a poor wayfaring stranger

A-traveling through this world below

But there's no sickness, toil, or danger

In that bright land to which I go

I'm going there to see my father

I'm going there no more to roam

I'm just a-going over Jordan

I'm just a-going over home

B A S I C S:

Full Name: Colt ‘McCrea’ Green

Quote: “Ride with you brother? Always.”

Gender: Male

Age: 33

Sexuality: Bisexual

Pronouns: He | Him

Appearance: Colt stands at 5'8 he has an overweight build with stronger arms, he hides his weight under clothing and he has multiple scars all over his body, the most being in his arms and legs where roped imbedded and left scars, a scar is over his throat from a failed attempt at killing him and he hides it with a green patterned bandanna with plant patterns stitched into the ends, he has unkempt black hair that curls at the end and Hazel eyes with green, gold and brown with slight hints of blue near the middle, he has bags under his eyes from going to bed late and waking up early.

                  O T H E R:

Family: Father: Campbell Green(deceased), Mother: Holly McCrea(deceased)

Animals: Horse - A Overo paint named Cherry, Cat - A yellow and white Maine coon named Cracker

Birthplace: Near the upper montana river, West Elizabeth great plains

Job(s): Outlaw, horse caretaker

Phobias: fear of deep water, fear of losing his loved ones, Fear of bees,wasps and hornets, fear of not doing something right or not being good enough

Guilty Pleasures: Candy

Hobbies: wood working, Singing alone or very rarely near the other members, Photography, writing, Taking care of the horses

                   M O R A L S:

Morality Alignment: True Neutral

Sins: Anger

Virtues: Kindness, Justice, hope, Faith

                  T H I S - O R - T H A T:

introvert / extrovert

organized / disorganized

close-minded / open-minded

calm / anxious / restless

disagreeable / agreeable / in between

cautious / reckless / in between

patient / impatient

outspoken / reserved

leader / follower / flexible

empathetic / unempathetic

optimistic / pessimistic / realistic

hard-working / lazy

traditional / modern / in between

                   G A N G I N F O:

Gang: Van Der Linde

Rank: 4th most trusted

Bounty: Wanted Dead or Alive

Price on Head: $4000

When did he join?: 1878

Favorite Gang activity: Robbing Stage's

Favorite member: Sean MacGuire

Second favorite: Javier Escuella

Third favorite: John Marston

Least Favorite/hate: Micah bell

Job in Gang: Taking care of the horses

How he joined: He was found when he was 12 in the year 1878, dutch hearing a scream of pain investigated and found the new gang, the O'Driscoll boys having tied up colts arms and legs to the point of embedding into the skin, they held him hostage and tortured him for not joining them, dutch arrived just in time as they slit colts throat, it failed and did not cut deep enough to kill him, after Dutch killed them he brought colt back with him and let him heal, asking colt to join When he was healed enough and colt accepted, becoming the first one to join out of everyone and becoming the second most loyal out of everyone in the gang.

Where he sleeps: he has a tent out farther than the others to always listen for people trying to sneaking into camp or sneak away.

Weapons:

Sawed-Off Shotgun

Rolling Block Rifle modified with a long scope and golden metal engraving with ivory metal and ebony wood

Relationships(Main ones):

Arthur Morgan: Considers him a older brother, the two have been together thick and thin since the beginning of the gang and he loves him dearly and he would die for him and even kill for him, he and Arthur often share pictures colt takes or stuff Arthur has written in his journal on his adventures, the two even act like brothers as seen through conversations or interactions when you talk to him or in missions

John Marston: Considers him a younger brother, he helped raise him since he was young and helped him try shooting better from the lessons Dutch taught him when he first joined, he helped him try to swim but ultimately failed at trying and often calls him raccoon or brother, even deartháir meaning brother in Irish and would die for him and his family, you can often see him talking to john after he argues with Abigail and helps him try being a better dad even if the two brothers don't know what the hell they are doing.

Hosea Matthews: Considers him a father, he taught colt how to read and be kind, he is the most like hosea in personality and colt appreciates that hosea is in his life, admiring him for teaching him things Dutch could not and will often share stories with hosea when he returns to camp after a adventure and shows him the pictures he's taken or when the two go hunting or fishing he shows what fish he's caught or even track animal's for hosea on hunting trips, the two almost died from wolves once and laugh it off now, he loves hosea like a father.

Dutch Van Der Linde: considers him a father figure in his life for saving his life, he taught colt how to trick people with his kindness and be a leader when needed, but he hates being a leader figure and just prefers being a follower and taught him how to rob people and pick pocket unsuspecting people, Dutch trust's him because he can keep secrets that need kept secret and can be a valuable asset in long range shooting, learning how to shoot far even with a pistol or a revolver.

Javier Escuella: Considers Javier a friend and a brother, he taught colt how to speak and understand spanish and to speak Spanish and in return, taught Javier how to speak English, colt often just listens to Javier playing his own songs on his guitar or sometimes even singing with him if he knows the song Javier is singing, and the two act like close friends and even brothers, they also talk in Spanish sometimes, mostly about how colt wants to visit Mexico and Javier promises to bring colt there one day and always be there for him, even if the gang breaks up one day.

Charles Smith: Considers him a friend, he likes the man for his quiet and reserved personality and that he seems to care for bison and other wildlife, and colt often takes Charles to his best locations for hunting in the area's colt loves throughout the different chapters, he tries helping Charles talk to people more people and help him make friends, and in return Charles helped him learn to track animals and hunt better, but mostly uses the skills to track animals he takes pictures of.

Sean Macguire: Considers sean a close friend and a brother, he is very close to him and loves his stories he tells around the campfire, Sean always cheers him up even at his lowest points, wherever the two go trouble seems to the two close behind, they are the best choice for stagecoach robberies or home robberies, but it's also a bad choice because they cause more trouble than good most of the times they are together, but they get the job done fast and efficient, colt tries teaching Sean to read once in awhile but Sean declines help from colt each time he tries helping him learn.

Kieran Duffy: a love hate relationship, he trust's this former O'Driscoll but still doesn't trust him fully but senses the man has a meek personality and a good heart, he helps him take care of the gangs horses and learn new ways for him to take care of the horses or protect him from the other gang members, once fought bill and pinned him down by his arm with his foot against Bill's back for trying to geld poor Kieran once.

                   P E R S O N A L:

Personality: a kind and caring individual, he loves being around people he considers family, he always puts his gang first before anything else and listening to different members stories, listening to javier's music and Sean's stories even if some of them may be stupid, he can act chaotic when he is around the gang but knows when to not act like that and stays calm, often stays up even when everyone is asleep,

but when he gets angry his attitude quickly goes to cold and hateful, a side inherited from his father who was a outlaw leader before his death, his father had a stern and cruel personality when he was still alive and this is shown the most around Micah or Bill when the two start causing trouble and often get in fights that end up with one of them on the ground or wounded,

he was raised for 12 years around his father's gang before there deaths and was taught right from wrong from one of the gang members and gained a adventurous personality from that time around them, he seems to love books and writing in a journal he buys later in the chapters and loves nature and wildlife, specifically elks and moose,

                   R E L A T I O N S H I P S:

He also loves being around the girls and tries lowering miss grimshaw’s attitude towards them but ultimately fails since he is also somewhat afraid of her, he also loves cats and even has his own cat dutch and hosea let him have when he found her 4 years ago.

OTP: N/A

Acceptable Ships: N/A

OT3: N/A

BroTP: Arthur/Colt, John/Colt, Javier/Colt, Sean/Colt

NOTP: Dutch/Colt, Hosea/Colt, Micah/Colt, Bill/Colt, Uncle/Colt

                           F A C T S:

1. He is blinded by loyalty and almost doesn't see dutch's wrong choices later in the chapter's.

2. He was once trying to learn knife tricks from Javier once and the knife stabbed into his hand, leaving a scar on his right hand.

3. he's going blind from age.

4. He sometimes hums to himself if he thinks he is alone

5. He has fast Metabolism, so he looks sickly and can get sick easily

6. Hated John when he first join but overtime they grew closer, and sometimes call each other brother.

7. Fought Bird Anderson and Lost, gets mocked by the gang sometimes for losing to a kid.

8. Is the son of a now deceased infamous gang leader Named Campbell Green.

9. Can speak Gaelic, Spanish and English.

@rdr-oc-appreciation

[jointhebottle]

I Don't Know

Desperate enough, I downloaded an app called Tumblr hoping it could atleast help me be at ease in times like this. There’s no definite word that I could describe how I felt right now. Perhaps, depression is the closest word for it. I’ve been battling against it for several months now. Or maybe years? I don’t know. I’m getting worse every year. I know, it’s vague. Vague enough for people who don’t understand what depression is. Unless, they’ve gone through this shit and survived. In my case, it’s the only thing that stays with me all the fcking time! Like a shadow. stays even much longer than my bf or bffs cud have. Lol. It made me a great pessimist. Minimized my self-esteem. Increased loneliness. (Bec i tend to hide from people) Don’t ask me why, idk either. I no longer enjoy some of my hobbies. I can’t even have an interactive convo with friends. Idk y. I don’t talk too much now. I’m usually shy. It’s hard for me to open-up. I always say “I don’t know”. Can’t figure out what/who I am. I feel lost all the time. I quit a job bec of it. I’m no longer interested in most things. I swear I am barely breathing. (No it’s not just a phrase from a song). I have a short-breathing eversince. Yes, it’s a bully. Made me think that I’m worthless idiot, and ignored human being need to disappear. It’s basically dying while living life. And This happens EVERYDAY! Yup, EVERYfckngDAY! Everywhere I go, everything I do, it’s there… I can’t even think clearly. It’s like my mind is in total CHAOS. If you can read what’s in my mind you’d definitely be confused and in tears. All I wanted was a listener. It could be A family, A parent, A friend, A lover Or maybe a pyschologist? But now, at this very moment, all I have is myself and Tumblr. Thank God. This is my way of escaping depression. And I know that I’m trying my best to get over it. I push myself to enjoy the things that I used to love. I push myself to be optimistic. I push myself to interact more and be open to people. I’m searching for new hobbies to enjoy and divert my attention to it. I make more time with myself to reflect and organize my thoughts. I Fight for myself, I fight For my life. Still here, alive, trying to survive. Pushin’ to radiate the good vibrations in me. Someone please give me the remedy Can’t wait to be back… Can’t wait to feel alive again… For those who are battling against depression: please, do not lose hope. You are not alone in this. Soon we’ll rise again. Best things takes time.

[thesavvyurbaneducator]

What Students Don't Know Won't Hurt Them

I have always been a staunch realist. I have NEVER been a person to see a glass half-full. Even though I won't necessarily consider it half-empty (a pessimist? me?), I have always thought of it as just a glass with not enough water in it to fully quince my thirst. In layman's terms, things are as they appear. It is what it is. Straight, no chaser. You get the cliches.

I have also been a person who has been an expert at my craft. In this profession, you could say that I "have arrived". Prior to this past year, I only served as a classroom teacher for 3 years. The principal I worked for then called me, in all my 24 years of wisdom, a "veteran teacher". I was very surprised at this assessment during my tenure moment: that term was always reserved for teachers who had spent many, many moons in hallowed halls and had many, many stories to tell you-the novice teacher- chronicling their adventures in teaching. In my 3 years of teaching, I was considered a darn good teacher.

In my fourth year as an educator, my district propelled me to the top of the literacy totem pole as a literacy coach. My task- avoiding becoming the "reading Nazi" and truly mentor teachers and lead my school into AYP success. That I did for 3 years and was successful in making AYP all 3 years. I was, at 25 years old, giving professional development for English teachers throughout the district, running departmental meetings, shaping curriculum, mentoring first year teachers...living the LIFE. I think what added to my reputation was the fact that I was a realistic expert. I knew what I was talking about and the research behind it and was frank with them about the expectation of them getting the job done. Yeah everybody didn't like me, but they respected me. This whole idea of "I love you but this is business" really sums up my attitude about work. And I was good at it. I helped in the making of 14 excellent teachers during my time as a specialist.

Then all of a sudden, reality came crashing down, as my husband (who was hired in Memphis and commuted 6 hours on weekends to be with me and our sons) put his foot down and told me I had to move to Memphis.

Here I was, 7 years into my career, starting over. Almost instantaneously, all of my storied career was reduced to a resume.

So being the realistic expert I am, I started over, and that was one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do. Take it from me- it is not easy to close your eyes to craziness and unprofessionalism running a muck all around you when you know you have the wisdom to possibly suggest better. Envision the Titanic- you are in the band, and even though the damned boat is sinking, you are being paid to do your job, and thus sink with the boat. That sums up my first year.

But, I made a little of a splash. My scores were not hardly as disappointing as much of the STATE of TENNESSEE, so that says a lot. If that makes any sense.

My principal, who believes in my ability, decided in this second year, to really push me (whether he knows it or not). I was chosen to teach some upper level courses. In my mind, being the realist I am, decided that I could use this as an opportunity to pull out some college stuff and try to force the kids to be mature learners. Yeah, it could be a daunting task, but clearly I had the ability and the background knowledge to get this done...............

However, shortly into planning, I realized, I was out of my comfort zone. Being in the Middle School for 6 years and teaching 10th grade in my 7th, has really removed me from English Literature and rhetoric exponentially. I am no longer the Shakespeare buff; no longer the quoter of Langston Hughes and Robert Frost. No longer the lover of Chaucer's Canterbury Tales, the reader of critical analysis or the intellectual who could allude in and out of literature. No longer the admirer of the dark charm of J. Alfred Prufrock. No longer the MLA and APA whiz. Not even the scholar who would have realized the last 5 sentences constituted an aphorism! I realized, in essence, that I have either dumbed myself down or let myself go. I received my M.A. a little over 5 years ago now, and I am certainly convinced that furthering my education is an action that is well overdue. I have to find that 24 year old English student and merge her with this now almost 30 year old woman who has matured pedagogically. Thanks to this, I now consider myself having moonlighted as a M.A. in the past 5 years, because I certainly didn't use ANYTHING I learned in school during my teaching career. What and how I had been teaching was merely what I had learned as a teacher! Which was really not the teaching of literature, but clearly teaching students how to read and comprehend, and Lord knows I definitely did NOT learn that skill in school.

That realization angered me: what was the point of going to school to be a teacher, if most of what you used was on the job training skills rather than what you amassed serious debt TRYING to learn? Secondary education is clearly for people who are going straight to high school to teach because my matriculation at the school of education did not teach me what I needed to know as a middle school and early high school teacher.

The way I came to this realization was unnerving: I was in a training with higher level English teachers recently, and found it difficult to converse about syllogisms and enthymemes and troupes and schemes with them. Those terms were interred in the land of "lost vocabulary". I also attempted to attend a William Faulkner convention and when I got a whiff of the conversations those people were having, I turned tail out of there before they began asking who the hell gave me a graduate degree.

I guess that is essentially what happens to Middle School and 9th and 10th grade teachers who are trained as secondary teacers: removed from the canon and the likes of Poe and Hawthorne to trade them in for Walter Dean Myers, Gary Soto and Ann M. Martin.

Nothing wrong with adolescent literature- except that unless you actively continue with your "English buff" status by being a part of literature groups or in school, you lose it. The issue I am tackling with bothers me because I have ALWAYS been the expert; in this case, I still have quite a bit to re-learn. Experts don't believe in this: that there are ideas you don't know or can't remember in your area of expertise. In a little over a month, I have to reprogram my mind to the world of American Literature and rhetoric and teach my hungry students how to write and think by any means necessary. The realist in me understands that I AM an expert and a heavily proactive person, and that I have a lot to do to design this course AND make it rigorous.

They don't know how much work that is. How many late nights that will be. How much dedication it takes on my part. I told my students last year, when they asked me to move with them to eleventh grade, that I had taught them everything in my brain. What I should have said is I had taught them everything I had taught recently, which was what the average middle or high-schooler was supposed to know. Now, in 11th grade AP, we have a whole world of challenge that we all are about to encounter, which really starts with me excavating the lost lore within my head. I swear, it is there. I just have to go into seclusion and find the M.A. that resides inside of me.

And as the addict goes to rehab to learn how to be the person they were before the addiction, so will my journey back to being the English Literature teacher I was when I completed graduate school 5 years ago.

Boy, I feel so sorry for the AP students who will follow this group of juniors.