#And faer guardian Kamari

[thissliceofnonsense]

I just realized something.

I don't think there's been an "on the run" story with a parent (who is a cinnamon roll that has killed things) and their child (who is a morbid overdramatic theater kid).

I'm the first at something! *excitement*

(Unless this has been done before, if so, let me know, I didn't know how much I needed this trope.)

[anulithots]

Good.

I will be doing this... time to rewrite everything but from the POV of Kamari... lots and lots of angst.

Muahahaha.

Okie listen, what if I did a whole trailer/marketing thing.

But what if I pretended Kamari (Anuli's guardian that is a sweet bean with that traumatic backstory-tm, aka - perfect protagonist material) was the main character.

But nope! The main character is actually Kamari's youngling - the morbid, absent-minded, might-be-a-fallen-fairy, tree-less dryad that might be the end of this world.

[talesfromtheunknowable]

hey! question: how did Anuli come to be?

HIi! Thank you so much for the question.

ANnnnddd... whoooo boi, this is a long and convoluted history of the 'many drafts of the land of the fallen fairies'.

Grab some popcorn, there will be plot twists.

First came up with the 'Land of the Fallen Fairies' idea when I was around... ten-ish. I saw this book called 'the land of forgotten girls,' (just the cover, never read it) and I had watched the movie 'Fern Gully' in school, and had also learned of trees being able to communicate with each other from magic school bus. And thus, ten-year-old me decided to write a story about it, in the way you might imagine a ten-year-old writing a story.

Very overdramatic. No plot.

Basically it was about 'the last tree on the planet' and its fairy. They both lived next to a factory and no one on the plantet knew of thier existence. (Wow, spooky.)

The fairy (faer name was 'Oak'... which was very creative of me.) got stolen by some humans, who were children, but one of them worked for a scientist for some reason? They kept Oak in a jar where fae met the other fairy named Meadow (who was 'Oak's... mother? Or smth.). Oak eventually broke out and went to this 'hidden land' in the Bermuda triangle for reasons. (wow, spooky)

And I stopped at around there because I wasn't feeling nice while writing it anymore.

There are definitely iterations that I don't remember anymore, this is a seven-ish-year long project at this point after all, but here are the major ones.

The Floa and Naegi backstory.

I made these two dolls (that I don't have anymore). Floa was a redwood and Naegi was an evergreen. It was pretty much an 'enemies to best friends/platonic lovers / opposite attracts' sort of thing taking place in that Bermuda triangle island. They both watched the sunset together so yea.

Bloom

Insert the lychee tree that lives in a cave and made a bunch of doohickeys to survive and killed off faer younger 'siblings' accidently with... fire magic? At one point Bloom was a lychee tree and the whole 'fire magic' thing came from Mediterranean cypress's being immune to fire. I also made a doll for this one that started off as this tall and lanky and kind of scary crow-looking thing with long arms and burnt hands. Then it changed to a small deer thing, (Mediterranean cypresses are immune to deer too.) and it's legs kept breaking off.

The black fairy and Squioo

Another scrapped duo! The black fairy is based off the pando tree (and the only one so far that uses he/him pronouns) and the Pando tree is one large tree that looks like a lot of little ones in a huge forest. (It's a real thing! You can look it up.) And I think I had this whole thing where Squioo is another mediterranean cypress and fae died or something? I think at this point the land of the fallen fairies was more of a 'protective group' and fallen fairies were fairies that lost their tree, so they were almost 'apathetic zombies that could be dangerous if provoked'.

the houseplant

This is the iteration where it starts getting to where tLotFF starts looking how it does now. The scale isn't 'across the world' anymore and there is more of a focus on themes and always a protective guardian.

Although for this one the mc was called 'Amaris' and they started off in a houseplant store where everyone else shared memories. There wasn't really anything wrong with this one, I just didn't enjoy writing it.

Guardian territory

This is the previous version, and is also where you get Anuli. I just wanted something that would be easy for me to write, so I had Anuli use story metaphors for everything and be very contemplative, to the point of not knowing what is going on around faer. Fae isn't... 100% Anuli yet, but fae has the bones. In this version, it starts off with Kamari, Anuli and the sibling Maidoe (who got scrapped because fae had no purpose but may come up again later) leaving the 'bad place' to go to the guardian territory. I rewrote that version so many times and got super stressed out every time I wrote it because it had to be PERFECT.

The 'snippet version'

I changed my writing process to be what works for me and started from scratch, and so, after all that, we get to your question.

I wanted to write something that felt nice, that felt like my truth, especially since my life started feeling... monochromatic, and if I had to live for one thing and one thing only, that that thing better make me feel better.

(I just needed an outlet otherwise I would explode.)

And I always loved those 'metaphorical journeys with a very obvious message but it is told in a whimsical way' sort of stories, and I also wanted to tell my younger self to stop driving themself crazy looking for answers on how to make themselves 'better' in order to regain their lost childhood wonder, because 'better' was burning them out.

Also this video -

I wanted so hard to find that thing called 'happiness', to find that happy ending that I didn't let my story play out.

Anywho, I mention this because the writing process I follow is very 'theme based' and I wanted for my story to explore a theme more than anything else. (Think 'Little Prince' vibes mixed with a slice-of-life-children's show so I could be as dark as I wanted to).

Some of my earliest (for this version) planning pages! (I modified the 'Story Genuis' method to work better with my iterative, and impulsive self. Nowadays I write a 'scene' by exploring a sub-concept of my overall point, and writing out all the thoughts surrounding it, in five different pages at once.)

I needed Anuli to represent all of the aspects of myself that were 'too slow for society' and molded them around a bit to fit who Anuli wanted to be (fae wasn't as overdramatic and silly and metaphorical before.)

And as if this post wasn't long enough already, here are some extra things about where Anuli's traits come from <3

Anuli likes morbid stories because my parents didn't like how 'dark' my stories were, and where thinking of something happier and more 'inspirational for kids, new york times best seller', whereas I just wanted to explore this weird thing called existence. I didn't even think that version was so dark.

So I let Anuli tell the darkest possible things that fae can.

---

The Land of the Fallen Fairies slowly changed moreso to a more 'pixie-based-concept' on who is and isn't 'good enough to be part of society' rather than a 'zombie fairy'. I don't fully know what the criteria is for a fairy to be a fallen fairy, for now it's just 'can't keep up with regular society'.

----

Part of the reason Anuli's POV 'style' is the way it is, is because I wanted something that would be easier for me to write. There's very little scene description or character actions, 90% of it is thoughts and metaphors, and it's nice that the 'shortcut' that I put for myself so I could actually write something also works for the character I am writing.

---

For both Anuli and Kamari, both their names come from the origin of the tree. Anuli, the fiddle leaf fig, originates from Africa, and faer name means 'joy'

Kamari, who comes from... northern Africa and surrounding areas if I remember correctly, means 'moon'.

----

The land of the fallen fairies takes place in my backyard. So I don't really want to move (again... apparently the moving unspoken feelings I didn't know I had got expressed though the LotFF) because all the characters are outside. We got a magnolia, and I have a fiddle leaf inside my house for Anuli.

---

I knew I didn't want to have Anuli describe any feeling, not even tired-ness with a word. Fae has an internal world filled with sensations and emotions fae does not understand and uses faer stories to create faer own 'shorthand' for how to describe them. I really really like this aspect of faer, because it makes communication that much harder for faer, but that much easier (hopefully, I've been told that no one understands what I write.) to understand what fae is thinking. Fae has built up quite the shorthand over the course of the backstory, none of faer thoughts are understandable without context.

----

Anuli ended up liking sunflowers completely on accident. I needed to have something for Kamari to notice and prompt Anuli to tell stories about, and there was a small sunflower patch near the magnolia.

---

Character design is a whole other thing. Before I made the doll, I drew a bunch of sketches based off all the character design videos I could find.

(The ones with the horns were designs for the 'Amaris' previous iteration.)

Oh wait! I remember this iteration. Anuli read the memories of dead pollywiggins for some reason before everyone else told faer that was bad and creepy.

These are some of my favorite Anuli drawings. I made a sticker out of the 'Responsibility' one.

Anuli had a hoodie for some reason, I don't think most fairies wear clothes other than for accessorizing or practical purposes. I may have Anuli wear a cloak when fae comes out of the archives because the weather is changing to fall now and @imjusthereforeternity happens in real time, and Anuil is not meant for cold weather.

getting closer.

Last sketch is from @mylee-sketches for Maidoe. This was around - I think - the time I started making Anuli the doll, which was impulsive as I did not have some of the materials I wanted (it worked out in the end) and I did not plan out sizes.

Anuli the doll took three long months and fae is MASSIVE. (I ran out of the color for faer face and had to improvise with other colors to make faer body match). Fae is around the size of a newborn/1year old CHILD. I can hold faer while I'm writing stuff and fae can stand in my lap and be up to my chin in height. The biggest thing I will ever make and I do not think I'll be doing something of that caliber again for AWHILE at least.

I got a desk recently and fae stands on that now.

Fae also sits nicely on a bookshelf.

... I think that's it. As far as progression from idea to now over the past seven-ish years, this is about everything.

Thank you so much for the ask! And for reading this LONG post!

[imjusthereforeternity]

where did Kamari go?

Ah.

...

You have stumbled upon another plot hole.

....

... Perhaps you are a bird that soars above it all, the sky is your realm and from above, the world itself is yours.

And with your world, you give it songs. Chirps and tweets and gentle melodies that lilt over the sky, resting upon all those who listen, and even those who don't.

Because all who don't, who travel along their own quest, surroundings obscured by the limited nature of being a character, still feel the soft thrums of music.

It calms them - even to those in a dark night of the soul - and they can't help but hum along.

....

My apologies. I did not answer your question.

... I -

....

sorry.

...

Kamari didn't-

...

Fae didn't...

...

...

...

sorry.

....

I was the one who left.

...

And the ironic thing is that I promised faer to return. Imagine, a being who requests a parasite into their narrative.

That's Kamari's character, I suppose.

Although I do hope that's changed, as you've said... beings do shift and grow.

Except me... I suppose.

...

sorry.

....

Kamari is in the reality plotline... The guardian territory?

Or perhaps fae went back to the Unseen, beneath faer tree, and disposed of the remains of the tether and windchime. Perhaps fae made a lot of windchimes, all with different melodies, Perhaps they layer together into a grand symphony, filling Kamari's tree and everything beyond.

And faer songs were known throughout the territories and soon every tree carried a lullaby, as far as the eye can see, on and on for eternity.

And...

....

huh

...

That's my first story with a happy ending.

Ironic. Isn't it? What can happen when you remove the antagonist?

[anulithots]

In response to @awleeofficial asking about Sitara (the reblog got burried)

hmmm

Okay so for Sitara I honestly don’t have much. (In hindsight I have more than I thought) But I do know that fae liked plays and singing, knew younger Kamari (before fae became the High Protector) and thought to faerself, ‘I need to be friends with this fairy, then become this fairy.’

Proceeded to never see Kamari again until the day where Kamari killed faer.

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

So Sitara’s Guardian was from the guardian territory. They have a whole thing about their heirs being perfect replacements of themselves, even inheriting their memories. (most trees only have one offspring that makes it to adulthood, and trees can recognize their kin. and transfer nutreints and memories upon thier death.)

When Sitara showed signs of infection and sickness, (Trees with exposed xylem are more likely than not to slowly die from infection) faer guardian kinda… disowned faer. (Okay we’re really getting the Anuli opposite/foil thing here)

Sitara wrote faerself off as “I’m probably going to die young.”

And was… okay with that. Fae wouldn’t feel pain or suffering because fae would fill faer life with so much happiness that it wouldn’t matter. Fae’d live a full, content life no matter the length.

Now here’s the thing.

Ankh came along, looking to be a healer instead of a comforter, the role the reciver territory tried to shove faer into. (Because they were scared of faer/fae rejected authority, even the Mother of the Recievers, and wanted to find an inconspicous way to get faer condemned).

For reference, healers deal with ‘post-pain’ things, like wounds and sicknesses. along with the occasional preventative recommendation. Whereas healers are more of ‘mental health nurses’ that deal with comforting fairies throughout the process. There is some overlap though. Most healers and comforters are assigned as pairs to a small group of fairies, so that way they know all of those fairy’s history and can better heal them. Ankh decided that if fae found faer own group to heal, that would prove faerself competent, then fae could find a comforter partner, forget getting the approval of the mother fairy.

(Now see, wiht Kamari’s singing and overall sweet underlying nature… fae’d make a great comforter… not that fae knows the role even exists

also see what I’m doing here?)

Ankh comes across this abandoned fairy that - according to most - ‘shows signs of infection’. Ankh takes this case into faer own hands and realizes that Sitara is just a little sickly and gets hurt easily, but fae isn’t infected. Now Sitara knows this, but the previous formative belief is still there.

Fae still thinks fae’s going to die young and refuses to live a bad life before then.

Ankh has gathered up a small group of rejects to take care of. Sitara - the sickly little singer who refuses to let anyone be sad. Aisfa - the sheltered optimist who hides the fear of being the heir of the Mother of Guardians. Nali - the pessimist who lost hope in society after losing contact with faer siblings. And Ankh faerself - the one who thinks society is a disease and seeks to fix that.

SItara faerself is the baby of the group and the other three - Aisfa, Nali and Ankh - essentially raise faer. Fae plays a lot with Aisfa and they feed off of each other’s energy. Fae got faer dry scarcasm from Nali and knows a lot of morbid things from faer… also Nali has a dark sense of humor and Aisfa finds that funny so of course Sitara also finds dark things hilarious. (And ANuli finds dark things fascinating soooo). From Ankh Sitara finds a lot of solace. Ankh’s the sort with quiet wisdom and Sitara learned a lot about herbs from faer. (Also pestered Ankh with lots of questions that ANkh didn’t seem to mind.. in fact fae secretly enjoyed it).

Now this small band of rejects is going to catch the eye of the fallen fairy system, a system literally made to rid of any ‘other’.

(Also considering Ankh has angered the Mother of Receivers on multiple occasions and Aisfa is the Mother of Guardian’s heir… who is sorely behind in replacing faer guardian… yea the group is going to get attention very fast.)

Sitara gets condemned.

Which sets the rest of the group into an enraged frenzy. Some stuff happens here. Hijinks and heists to free Sitara, none of which really work. No one beats the fallen fairy system. Nali has already put up a front of giving up. Aisfa is an absolute wreck. Ankh gets the steely resolve to come up with something to save faer. (Which is how fae met Kamari actually)

Thennn comes the battle of the fates with Kamari. In which the High Protector - who… does recognize Sitara, registers what fae is doing, wants to stop it, tries to stop it and can’t because of the elders. OOh there could be a trolly problem situation where it’s like ‘kill this one or you’ll have three more to face tomorrow. Make your choice.’

Sitara gets an eye clawed out. fun.

Anywho so fallen fairies, upon losing to the High Protector, get their dying mental self put into the pixie system as a sort of ‘justice thing’ (there’s a whole backstory behind this. lore and such ehhh)

Sitara, upon reaching the pixie archives, is in a bit of a daze.

Wasn’t fae supposed to die young?

Didn’t fae die young?

Nope. Actually fae’s now pretty much an immortal mental being in the pixie archives. And fae’s still trying to process this information. Now that faer life isn’t short… couldn’t it be painful? Does fae want to let faerself feel pain from time to time? Could fae even handle that?

Like fae’s fine with faerself dying young… right? Fae didn’t get attached to the friends, the everything fae left behind…. right?

Then comes along this little fairy who talks in such a strange way - practically in poetry - that has memories of Ankh.

ANd is alive. and could… possibly take back messages to Ankh. SItara has died in the real world already, so this is really faer only chance.

Now the issue is, this little theater kid has no desire to return to the land of the living.

Shenanagins ensue.

(From this you could even assume that Sitara is the main character. But nope! Silly Anuli.)

And sighhhhh it was so much fun to write up all this… but prose. Actual storytelling. it takes timeee whyyyy.

The dearest, most wonderous people, otherwise known as the lotff tag list:

@waitingforthesunrise @sm-writes-chaos @holdmyteaplease @full-on-sam

@osbob-the-existent @awleeofficial

@clearcloudlesssky @gummybugg @sleepy-vix @starryeyeddarlings

@sea-dwelling-wizard @snowpoet123

lmk if you'd like to be added or removed <3 🌿

[anulithots]

Okie so for Anuli I unintentionally did this. (along with trying to limit adjectives a bit... not by too much tho.)

Kamari gets to have all these words: 'remembered, knew, etc, etc.'

But does Anuli know what fae feels? Nope. Does fae have concrete feelings or a 'normal' perception of the world? Nope. My rules for writing faer is to never use a word for a feeling and never use any mental action words (remembered, knew, etc.)

Anuli has an internal world that fae spends most of faer time in, a storied perception of the outside world, and.... yea fae can't explain faerself because fae uses metaphors and stories to make sense of the world

Fae doesn't like being left alone? Okie, well have this whole saga where Anuli says that faer environment is a villain and sometimes it terrorizes the weather and only Kamari (faer guardian) can defeat it. Also have a mini analysis on the phrase 'and they let out a breath they didn't realize they were holding' because when Anuli's alone, bored, and understimulated, fae feels like fae's suffocating (and what's a better distraction than paragraphs about fanfic tropes.)

When Anuli can't do a task because of executive dysfunction? The thought is rooting itself to the back of faer head because to be enacted would be the thought's death. To do the task would be to kill the thought... and Anuli's never been that good at getting thoughts to die.

And when Anuli is trying to reason something out, fae will either use storytelling conventions to narrate it out, or fae literally talks to faerself.

For the sake of 'poetic conciseness', Kamari is allowed to be the exact opposite of this for faer POV. I just make sure to have poetic potency and that faer internal conflict is apparent.

BUt... I've been feeling so unsure about Anuli's POV recently.. and this makes me feel so much better about it!

Because have I become a better writer since writing Anuli?

Yes. Undoubtably yes.... perhaps 'too much'. Now it's quite wordy and ridiculous.

So... I found this and now it keeps coming to mind. You hear about "life-changing writing advice" all the time and usually its really not—but honestly this is it man.

I'm going to try it.

[anulithots]

*after Anuli comes in and everything gets ruined.*

Kamari cried despite faerself. Fae thought faerself strong enough to bare something so small. Compared to everything else, this was so small.

Yet when Ankh found Kamari, Kamari cried.

Fae had too much to say. They tangled into soggy knots in faer throat. Kamari wanted so badly to blame Ankh for everything. Kamari had to leave because of Ankh. Kamari needed to beg the Mother of Guardians because of Ankh. Anuli was gone because of Ankh.

Yet when Kamari opened faer mouth, fae couldn't blame Ankh.

After all, Kamari's not only suffered because of Ankh. The only reason Kamari lived at all was because of Ankh. Kamari didn't know if living was worth it now. It hurt too much for it to be worth it.

Kamari's sobs were silent. Fae made sure the elders wouldn't hear faer cries. Fae couldn't make a sound even if fae tried.

Kamari wished fae cried louder. Ankh would've heard.

Instead, Kamari whispered. "Why did you come here?"

Ankh never cried. The sounds of sobbing didn't match Ankh's soft-spoken voice. Gasps didn't match faer embarrassed squeaks or faer broken laughs. Sadness didn't match the way Ankh loved in silent flowers and silent comfort and faer silent care.

Ankh sobbed. It cut Kamari's ears, sharper than any cheers could ever be.

"Because I still love you." fae said.

______________

Technically not cannon because I haven't written up to there yet. RIght now it's all fluff.

ALSO I'M INCREDIBLY SAPPY AND I LOVE SAPPY THINGS SO IF THIS IS SAPPY THAT'S GREAT

Anywho.. also have a playlist.

Let me know if you wish to be added or removed from the tag list! <3

@waitingforthesunrise @sm-writes-chaos @holdmyteaplease @full-on-sam @osbob-the-existent @awleeofficial @clearcloudlesssky @gummybugg

[anulithots]

Dear creatures of autumn-scented books and acorn fairy hats,

Trying out titles for a character (Anuli) playlist about when fae was younger, and fae would obsessively imagine all faer under stimulation away, whilst waiting for faer guardian to come home and do something fun with faer (and hope faer guardian never leaves again.)

In essence, themes of cherishing those small childhood happy moments, and trying and failing to make them last forever.

More context:

Anuli has the mental age of about.... a ten year old? As of now.

Fae's been tied to a fence for faer whole life, the tether is itchy, fae doesn't like it.

See's faer guardian, Kamari, as the 'protagonist' of faer life, the one that makes the villains go away.

Also ANuli's an obsessive storyteller.

[anulithots]

Kamari didn't do anything today.

It had been the rare space of a few days, with no fallen fairies to battle, and the elders were too busy to deal with Kamari's advancement, and Kamari wasn't told to do any work as a High Ambassador...

But Kamari's hands itched. Fae could never have a day to do nothing. How far would that set faer behind? The fate where no one would ever tell faer to destroy anything, to plaster on a smile, or stop humming in the middle of an 'important conversation', every day made it come closer, then fae wouldn't have to worry anymore.

But if fae wasted a day? That would be agony. The stillness as the fate stayed far in the blur, if fae stayed in place, with the stars taunting faer, just beyond faer sight...

Usually, faer hands would itch and faer throat would close up, fae needed to do something. Something. Something to get rid of it.

So fae would check on the fallen fairies' tethers, or walk to the Guardian territory and discuss with the Mother fairy about the younglings, even try to talk to the ambassadors that went to the Receiver territory.

Fae destroyed their peace, with a plastered-on smile, keeping quiet as they stared at faer in stunned silence.

But today?

Today Kamari didn't do anything.

The sun sank below the horizon, and Kamari didn't do anything.

But fae didn't... Great fates, fae didn't feel as drowned as fae thought fae would.

Anuli twirled faer antennae as fae bounced on faer toes. "And so the spiders took over the land between the trees, making every bug fear for their very livelihood, and the flowers provided them sanctuary. But they would have to leave eventually, wouldn't they? Yes. The answer is yes. And they knew it would be the end of them."

Kamari nodded. "Did they have any precautions? Or did they set up new homes in the flowers?"

"I thought they would risk it and get brutally ripped apart, limb from li-"

"MAYBE they could set up homes in the flowers? If you want. It could add more... depth?"

Kamari winced into faerself. Anuli may be dark at times, but that didn't mean fae was- Well, it didn't give Kamari the excuse to interrupt faer with noise no one wanted to hea-

Anuli gasped and shook faer ears in a blur. "IT COULD BE A NARRATIVE JUXTAPOSITION! They could have this... divide based on differing viewpoints! And it would be this interesting dichotomy because there is absolutely no right answer, so what would be the best of the two evi- OH! CAN YOU MAKE A SONG WITH METAPHORS!?"

Kamari blinked. "What sort of- what do you want me to do?"

"A SONG! WITH A SORT OF JUXTAPOSTION WITH THE LAYERS AND THINGS THAT YOU DO! .... oh, plot holes and darling murders, how do I explain it..." fae twirled faer antennae. "Like both viewpoints, layered on top of each other? REPRESENTATIVE MEOLDIES? AND..... it could be simultaneous, where they mix in with each other?"

Kamari flicked faer ears. This little fallen fairy, wanted to hear faer songs? Wanted to hear faer suggestions? Didn't mind if fae didn't simle?

(In fact, Kamari first plastered on a smile when Anuli had been staring at faer, and Anuli furrowed faer eyes and looked away. Later, fae told Kamari that fae didn't understand why fae smiled like that, it was... weird. Kamari didn't force faerself to smile afterwards.)

Kamari hummed softly, tapping faer knee with the base of faer palm so it gave off a deep echo.

Anuli nodded so fast Kamari wondered if faer head would fall off. "YES YES! EXACTLY LIKE THAT! KEEP DOING THAT! And now!" fae lowered faer voice and twirled faer hands. "The bugs came across a juxtaposition, a dilemma, a phenomenon that threatened to tear them apart!"

Kamari paused faer humming for a moment. "That's dramatic."

"It's wonderous."

Kamari paused. That was faer word. Fae didn't know if it was an actual word, but fae used to whisper it to faerself when fae was small.

The others told faer to use more formal words.

But Anuli said it like it was the most natural word to say. As if it were a magical thing fae had stumbled upon and made faer own.

Kamari continued to hum. Drowsy sunlight filtered though the canopy and made Anuli's leaves glow a soft sage as fae twirled around and told faer story with excited hand motions.

Wasn't this the fate fae wanted?

But fae didn't do anything.

Anuli glanced at Kamari for a moment, smile so wide faer face might burst.

Kamari didn't do anything.

For those precious moments, fae didn't need to be the high protector.

[anulithots]

Hmmm...

Well Kamari - the cinnamon roll guardian of Anuli - has fought a lot of fairies and led quite a few to their 'deaths'.... but fae is just doing that for obligation reasons, fae rarely snaps at anyone

Anuli, however, might if fae gets stressed out and overwhelmed. Although fae wouldn't 'punch someone". Fae would try to strangle them and then apologize later. Then get angry at faerself for apologizing because fae wants the others to not interact with faer.

Okay question for the next individual:

If everything goes wrong, what are their coping mechanisms, and what would make them snap?

OKAY!

WRITEBLRS if you're seeing this, you're legally obligated to reblog with an answer, and then a new question for the next person!

Here's the start:

Which of your OCs is most likely to punch somebody in the face?

[anulithots]

Kinda tired, have some Kamari angst.

Trigger Warning for discussions of death and watching others die.

(Very first draft, feedback especially constructive criticism is appreciated)

Also also, Kamari's pov style is different every time I write faer. Why.

And tag for this little "series" is : #Meanwhile: Kamari angst.

------

After three days, fallen fairies were presumed dead.

But Anuli had no fatal wounds (thank the fates), so that number could be skewed...

And Anuli was not a fallen fairy, no matter what the Mother of Guardian's said.

Kamari settled into faer spot beside Anuli's resting place, using a staff fae 'bought' from a Guardian dryad to hold up a large quilt. It should shelter Anuli from the worst of the weather and keep faer out of sight.

Kamari sipped faer water... rations this time. A strange concept. As the high Protector, Kamari just... was given everything fae needed. Although, if not being the High Protector meant fae had to complete all these tasks fae didn't know how to do.. that was the life fae strived for?

Kamari whined, faer heart stretched thin. No, this was not the fate fae wanted. Kamari was a deserter, fallen from grace, with no territory to call faer own.

But fae should've had Anuli.

Anuli should be with faer.

And fae would be... eventually.

The water tasted bitter in faer mouth, so fae brushed the bowl aside. Rations. Fairies lived like this? Normal, not planted, not High Protector fairies... lived like this?

This was why fae killed- this was why fae was the High Protector?

Kamari shook faer head and hummed a lullaby, the one Anuli liked, shifted in pitch and tempo to layer nicely with the chirps of the evening birds and...

Well, Anuli would've hummed along. Faer squeaky voice would've faded in and out. Kamari would've changed faer voice to match, fae had been changing faer voice to match. Each element would've ebbed and flowed, one adding depth and richness to the other.

But without Anuli, without faer voice, that hollow spot where a breathy, squeaky tune should've been, it made the rest of the lullaby sound out of place in comparison.

------

I wrote more, but it's a lot messier. I'll get back to posting the tumblr houseplant series and @imjusthereforeternity soon.

[anulithots]

trick or treat!!

Hello hello, thank you for waiting for me to open the door for... *checks watch* a full day, for that, you get a treat <3

I realized that writing a first draft can literally be just a dialogue exchange...

Anywho, here's Kamari and faer best friend Ankh (I need a better name... it just means 'eye') - who was one of the only condemned fallen fairy to beat the High Protector (Kamari) during a Battle of the Fates (it doesn't make much sense, does it?)

(Kamari is very nice and doesn't like to oppose others if fae doesn't have to, for it wastes time when fae needs to focus on securing a future for faerself. Whereas Ankh wants revenge on the system that wronged faer.)

-----

"They'll never change their minds Ankh. The only way to save them is to convince the elders that they've won."

"You're not seriously going to let them-"

"They've rid of the fallen fairies, all of them... I can mess up the fights,, then they've finished the fallen fairies, once and for all."

"But the condemned will try to kill you... that risk is too great."

"... Awww. You wish for my well-being. That means a lot to me <3"

Ankh rolled faer eyes. "Someone please explain how the freaking High Protector can be this positive?"

----

A - "We can use the tree-less fairy"

K- "Anuli?"

A- "Yes. That thing."

K- "Anuli's not a thing, Ankh."

A - "It doesn't have a tree, Kamari. We're tree fairies... that one isn't even a dryad."

K - "... I don't see why that makes faer a 'thing'"

A - "This discussion is unnecessary but I'm making an exception because you're socially isolated and have no friends."

K - "Aren't you my friend?"

A - "...By the stars Kamari..... you need nicer friends."

K - "But you are nice <3"

A - " I feel wronged with that word and myself in the same breath."

K - "Nice?"

A - "Yes, that vile, vile word."

*Kamari laughs*

--------

A - "Kamari, please, hear me out. This could free you, free all of us, no one would have to suffer again."

K - "Anuli is not a thing. Fae is not a fallen fairy... and I won't hear any other opinions."

A - "But if you had lived in the forest, you would've-"

K - "I don't want to hear it."

Ankh growled. "Do you even know what happens to fairies when their tree dies? Do you know what that thing is?"

"No, but I'll leave you until you calm down then...."

"No, you need to hear this. When a dryad's tree dies, they head to pixies as a last resort. They don't- they aren't right in the head, Kamari. They are the reason fallen fairies exist."

"Didn't we agree that fallen fairies are innocent?"

"The ones that are left? Yes."

".... Ankh.... you're being a hypocrite."

"Oh please! I'm trying to help you! This could be our chance! If they think the last root of all evil is ruined, the last original fallen fairy-"

"Anuli is not a fallen fairy."

"And what proof do you have of that, oh great High Protector?"

"Because... Anuli? Fae- fae's my youngling."

".... You can't be serious."

"Anuli's kind and smart and wonderou-"

"Of Couse you are. Kamari, High Protector and Guardian of Fallen Fairies, has a nice ring to it, don't you think? Really emphasizes the violence associated with it."

"What are you- Ankh... listen to yourself, please? I don't want to argue anymore, okay?"

"And you think I do?! Despite... all this, I don't want you to get killed. Which you seem to have your mind set on doing... having that thing attached to your name is irredeemable!"

-------

"You off- You're battling Anuli with me, if fae's condemned?"

"Yes."

"....and the elders let you do that?"

"Quite readily actually. They think having a spectacle of the ambassadors' might l be beneficial.... it may also be a better show."

Kamari felt sick. ---

Yee, so they're enemies to friends to enemies and Anuli gets to go on a whole saga about the *friendship of magic turned tragic* and so I had a lot of fun with these. Bonus - it also explains a lot of Kamari's actions when fae tries to save Anuli, because the whole time Kamari is trying to get Anuli to prove to the world that fae has a tree and that fae isn't a fallen fairy, so now Kamari has a specific motivation for that... because fae wants to prove Ankh wrong.

Also wrote some fluff about Kamari trying to save Anuli from the cold (because I doubt a fiddle leaf fig would survive it) and it's great because Kamari is in a stupor (magnolias get half-asleep in the winter) and fae's still trying to check to see if Anuli's okay, meanwhile Anuli is making this into an overdramatic story in faer head, and fae thinks that Kamari is invincible, and that Kamari is sure to get a happy ending for the both of them.

Thank you for the ask!

[anulithots]

"Yes, well.... no. Forget I asked. The receiver territory is full of pretentious fools anyways."

Want to decide some elements of the Land of the Fallen Fairies?

Welp, I like feedback too much, here's all the spoilers.

So after Anuli and Kamari get discovered by the Unseen because Anuli took them in a circle - culminating in a fight where Anuli realizes that fae is a lot more dangerous than fae thought - look up fiddle leaf figs. (still trying to figure out if Kamari is nearsighted or farsighted, so fae needs more time than most trying to navigate, and Anuli's inattentive ADHD makes it difficult for faer to navigate, so they are both not the best in that field.) Kamari decides that they can't just live on the borders between territories, so fae wants to take Anuli to a place where they will have the protection of another territory.

Trinity Hollow has three territories, and they aren't really opposing clans or kingdoms, they are more so different ways of thinking about the pixie crisis and what to do with fallen fairies.

(Fallen Fairies - dryads that are supposedly "less connected" with their tree. At least, that's the more connected/ more wild fairies' justification for going after the ones who are less connected with society... since planted fairies aren't as connected within the root systems.)

Kamari and Anuli are running from the Unseen, who "collects" supposed fallen fairies from other territories with ambassadors. Kamari - being chosen by the fates - is supposed to rid of all the fallen fairies, and fae goes along with this hoping fae will be treated like everyone else, free to do what fae wants, despite the fact that faer tree is planted.

That is, until Anuli breaks faer tether, couple that with being tree-less and Anuli is a bona fide fallen fairy.

And well... Anuli is Kamari's youngling, the one who let faer have the fate the others told faer fae would have to "earn".

So Kamari has two choices. Go to the Guardian territory, or go to the Receiver territory. Fae choses the Guardian territory, what I need help with is determining if faer reasoning makes sense.

So the Receiver territory (the one I have developed the least) deals with the Pixie crisis by adopting a "everyone for themselves" sort of strategy, it was trusting these pixies and being gullible that got them into this mess after all.

That being said, the Receiver territory is very accepting and doesn't believe in putting fallen fairies to death or even treating them any different than the others. They just... won't help you. They will allow outsiders, but they expect you to take care of yourself and no one will give you the benefit of the doubt.

The only fairy the Receiver territory dislikes is the High Protector. They do not want any fairies coming into their land proclaiming that the answer is to trust them to save the world of fallen fairies.

Kamari is the High Protector.

This means the receiver territory is a no go.

---- (This snippet has a trigger warning for thoughts of self-harm)

Kamari met my eyes. "Something wrong?" Absolutely everything. "Nooo.... Why would anything be out of place. No wrongness in existence whatsoever. "Pft," Kamari smiled, "Okay, little one..." Kamari's wings hunched as fae stared at the ground. Did I do something wrong? Was fae upset? I must've done something... Did fae finally realize that I was the villai- "You would... would you be okay on your own?" ".... Backstory?" "It's just a question. Hypothetically, do you think you would be able to take care of yourself?" I blinked. Question. Question that I should answer but the fibers wormed their way through my skull, wrapped around my head, and yanked, tearing my thoughts to shreds. Take care of- Should I have answered the question? Probably. I've been quiet too long. "I- I think not... Be able too... take care of... wait. You're - hypothetically - asking me to be by myself?" "Ye-yes. You would be okay with that?" Would I - no. No no no. I messed up everything and didn't know how anything worked and I would get lost and die immediately. But Kamari would rid of faer villain. Shouldn't my incompetence showcase be a necessary evil? Shouldn't I let faer have faer happy ending? I twirled my antennae. Yes. I would be okay by myself and leaving me alone forever would be the correct answer. "I - I... maybe." That was not 'yes' Anuli. Can't even do that right. And antagonists were supposed to be competent threats. MAYBE I should walk away, right now, and bash my head open with the nearest rock. I shook myself. Wildly, unnecessarily morbid thoughts. Kamari flicked faer antennae. "Yes, well... no, forget I asked. The Receiver Territory is full of pretentious fools anyways." ----

TL;DR - Kamari knows that Anuli cannot really take care of faerself, fae's been tethered faer "whole life" and has no survival skills. And Kamari cannot go with faer to the Receiver territory to take care of Anuli.

Which leaves the Guardian Territory.

It has its cons, for sure. They don't accept outsiders without setting yourself up with connections, or proving yourself useful. These fairies stress the idea of legacy, with each guardian passing on memories and nutrients to their young. So that would make integrating more difficult, but.... Kamari knows the Mother Fairy of that territory. They would be more accepting to the High Protector, and they protect the useful young (useful being extremely important here) from the ambassadors with fierce protectiveness, so Anuli might have that.

At the very least, Kamari will be there to protect Anuli.

So my question for all those here (congrats for reaching this far <3) is....

Thank you to anyone who leaves feedback - it is much appreciated

[anulithots]

Ankh's apology, Part II [scrapped]

The three days after the battle of the fates were usually days Kamari had to faerself. Usually Kamari won the battle of the fates though, so fae didn’t know if fae still had faer three days. Without a dying fairy to watch, Kamari was left to… sit around by faer tree, not knowing what to do with faerself. 

After a full night of deliberation, Kamari decided that fae should use the three days for faer sanity, lest Kamari feel like fae lost faerself again. Fae would rather not slip up ever again. 

Kamari ended up in worried pacing, wondering if caring for faerself counted as wasting time. Fae spent the first two days doing this, which made the whole thing utterly pointless. 

Pointless things frustrated Kamari. 

The sun rose on the third day, Kamari lied beneath faer tree and considered seeing what mood the elders were in after faer song fiasco. If they were in a good mood, Kamari would beg for forgiveness. If they were in a bad mood, Kamari would cram as many High Protector tasks fae could fit within a day as an apology. 

It sounded like a wondrous plan. Kamari propped faerself up and proceeded to bonk faer head on faer tree’s branch. 

“Wow. I didn’t know the High Protector was such a mess.” 

Kamari rubbed faer head. Ankh. 

Fae had thought over faer conversation with Ankh a few times. Fae decided that ANkh wanted to test Kamari’s loyalties to the elders with a long winded apology right when Kamari was vulnerable. It was a clever tactic. The elders would be proud. 

And here Ankh was, sitting at the edge of Kamari’s tree, judging faer. 

Kamari huffed. “Still here for an apology?”

“You did that already.” Ankh smirked with faer chipped grin. “ And I finalized my revenge plot.” 

Kamari frowned. “And when did I agree to be a part of this?”

“Two days ago.”

“I don’t remember that.”

“Then you have a bad memory.” 

Kamari bristled, yet fae tried to remember Ankh’s face again, despite faerself. “Listen, bad memory or not, you’ll find better revenge companions elsewhere. I’m the High Protector after all. I could leak your intentions to the elders. You wouldn’t want that, would you?”

“Last I checked, you didn’t want to be the High Protector.” 

Kamari swallowed the off-beats of faer heart. “And when did you do all this ‘checking’?”

“You.. er- I mentioned the High Protector and you… you started… crying?” 

Kamari did do that. Fae cursed the fates. 

“... crying or not. I…. you caught me at a… a moment of weakness.” 

Ankh’s voice dripped with sarcasm. “A moment of weakness?”

“It will not happen again.” 

“Reall-”

“Shush.”

Ankh did shush for a moment, two, before fae whispered. “So do you want to take down the system that hurts you?”

“Do you want to get yourself killed for trying?”

“It’s either killed or hated for the rest of our lives.” 

‘Our.’ That’s the word Ankh used. ‘Our lives’. This fairy did things that were tame compared to Kamari’s atrocities, yet the others still hated Ankh. Afterwards, would they hate Kamari too?

If they did, then what was the point of any of this?

Kamari growled. Pointless things frustrated faer. “The answer to your request is no. Good day to you. May the fates wish you well.” 

Ankh flicked faer ears. “We have stories in the Receiver Territory, no doubt in the Guardian territory too.”

“Oh no. Stories. I’m so scared.” 

“Hmmm. But it’s the stories that are scared of you. The plays have never been the same.”

Kamari swallowed bile. “Plays?”

“There isn’t a story told to younglings without the High Protector in it. ‘Fae’ll come and get you if you don’t behave’, ‘Your guardian is only disappointed in you because the High Protector wants to take you away’, ‘Why are you acting like this? You’ll only bring the High Protector to you.’ It’s a whole thing. Even the last play was about how scary the ‘oh so powerful’ High Protector is.”

Kamari wanted to vomit. 

Ankh tilted faer head. “Look. I don’t know what cockroach dung those elders told you, but any youngling would bolt at the sight of you. There’s no way we’re getting out of this unless we take down the fallen fairy system.” 

Kamari didn’t want to believe Ankh. Fae didn’t believe Ankh. But Kamari couldn’t help but think of the elders’ threats. They practically told faer they didn’t have an end for the High Protector. Why else would they threaten faer? Why would they use threats when they could just as easily tell faer that it would be over soon? 

If Kamari decided to follow Ankh’s ‘plan’ then faer entire existence as the High Protector would be pointless. If fae continued being the High Protector, fae could never have the fate fae was promised. There was no way out of this. 

Which meant there was no harm in trying. 

Kamari glared at Ankh. “You have two moon cycles. I’ll leave if this doesn’t work… but I won’t tell the elders either.” 

“So the High Protector has some common courtesy. Who knew?” 

Kamari growled. “My name is Kamari.”

“Much obliged Kamari. Welcome to my revenge plot.”

“I doubt I’ll enjoy my stay.” 

Ankh grinned, chipped and lopsided. “You probably won’t” 

____________

Kamari can't relax and Ankh's uncomfortable with emotion. More at eight. /j

Anywhosies. I'm... not really sure how this is going to work out. I know where this needs to go (it doesn't end well.) but all I have for my middle portion is a lot of random conversations and snippets. So I might do that for a little while until Anuli comes into the picture.

TL;DR - the plot may or may not dissolve from here on out. We'll see. any suggestions would be much appreciated for how the conversations are going and if this is progressing nicely? I don't know what I'm doing. <3

Let me know if you wish to be added or removed from the tag list! <3

@waitingforthesunrise @sm-writes-chaos @holdmyteaplease @writeblr-of-my-own @osbob-the-existent @awleeofficial @clearcloudlesssky 

[anulithots]

More Land of Fallen Fairies: episode list

(I'm so excited for to write out episodes, but I love the arg/unfiction so muccchhhh, that I keep extending it for more development.)

The 'I'm stealing from my guardian' episode:

Anuli basically becomes a hermit after @imjusthereforeternity (although there will be an inciting incident of sorts... just not sure what.)

Fae makes a VERY scrapped-together version of faer home in faer small corner of the universe and keeps faerself busy by wallowing in the memories of faer past and failing to find joy in any of faer hobbies and avoiding discovery from anyone.

Although I imagine Anuli is trying to grab some water rations after finally getting the idea out of faer head, and stumbles across the sounds of windchimes, lilting over the air.

Anuli tried making a lot of things.

Windchimes were always something fae failed at.

Anuli 'very stealthily' discovers that Kamari has set up faer own home in... I imagine the Guardian territory? (None of this is set in stone.) and fae does not want to ever be discovered by Kamari again.

It hurts, seeing Kamari again.

But you know what would make it better?

Having one of Kamari's windchimes.

Insert a whole misadventure about Anuli trying to steal a windchime from faer guardian.

Guessing that the 'emotional core' of this episode is Anuli missing faer 'childhood' so ridiculously much that fae is willing to do a... lot of things for a wisp of faer life back.

Balance is the key, young one.

'When you balance one aspect of your life, you will balance all the others.'

Forget trying to balance your entire life.

How do you balance... anything?

How does that even.... what do you balance? How do you know when your balanced? It's such a fragile, fickle thing.

Maybe Anuli has to... not spend all faer time in the archives? (I imagine fae goes back there to escape sometimes.)

Dryads are not like pixies. Pixies are metaphysical beings that exsist within a root labyrinth built entirely on 'mental ideas'. They do need sentence, yes. But they get that through growing their own roots through explorations and trading with dryads, it's a slightly more passive process. (Well, the trading isn't.... in fact that caused quite a slew of issues.)

TL;DR - Anuli is a dryad, therefore, fae cannot stay in the mental world of the archives for too long. Especially since @imjusthereforeternity took a lot out of faer physical body.

Anuli needs to drink water and move around and... be a physical being in order to stay alive... and fae has not been doing that.

But Anuli doesn't feel... well the archives are a little better than the reality plotline.

So fae has to find a balance between the two worlds.

Which... causes... issues.

(This mayyyy be the episode where Anuli messes up Pixie-dryad relations even more than they are already are.)

'It's not time travel, but it's the next best thing'

In which Anuli goes into faer memories, not to change the past, but to change the memories themselves, so they won't eat faer soul alive anymore.

This one would have the obvious implications of not being able to change the...

actually...

you can change your memories, a bit. Some repression and a lot of imagining and they are a bit different than what they once were. Context does change everything, after all.

So why does Anuli feel so much worse?

This episode contains Anuli going quiet and freaking out over having to experience everything again, only to realize that the best parts - the parts of faer past with Kamari that fae remembers so fondly - are not entirely acuate nor clear anymore. And those are the happiest memories Anuli will ever have. They are the best fae can get and fae is loosing them and can never replace them.

And what does Anuli have left, if not for faer memories?

(I had a specific scene in mind where Anuli is quiet for most of the episode, but when Kamari appears to sing a lullabye and Anuli cannot remember exactly how it goes, fae stumbles over. Numb. Silent. Fae tries to grab for Kamari and say as many sorries as fae could with something as simple as a hug.

But it's a memory, not real.

And Anuli collapses through the memory and onto the ground. Faer ears ring with the mourning of emptiness, and faer voice warbles as fae tries to fill the void with broken notes.

And fae cries.

Not the pretty sort btw, I'm talking red face and messy, broken sobs, and pulling on antennae and a few trigger warnings for self harm - the ones that typically happen during meltdowns.)

(It's still very very messy. I'll fix it when I get to this point.)

[anulithots]

My guardian gave up faer happy ending. It's obvious in everything fae does. Fae hums softly to faerself. Fae makes windchimes and sings melodies with the birds. Fae tried to make my small, small world into a place of music. But fae doesn't have any of that, at least, not anymore. I'm not sure if that's my fault. It could be, but perhaps there was some backstory to why fae doesn't have it yet. Fae had the opportunity before fae met me, fae has the opportunity now. I hope fae does get there eventually, that fae lives out faer happy ending to the fullest. Because if Kamari doesn't... What hope do I have?