#And both challenge allowed me to succeed in writing those 30 chapters 🥰

[sinvulkt]

Angstpril: 30. LOST HOPE - evil au - second (successfull) escape

@whumpril - Day 30."Don't let go."

My breath raced as I followed Rema throughout the corridors. I felt floaty, disconnected. Our steps rang in my ears, and Rema's warmth in my hand didn’t feel quite real. This was stupid, I knew. We’d get caught, and everything would be for naught.

What worse could happen?

My feathers itched where they had been amputated, and I longed to feel the high altitude breeze tease my cheek again. How long has it been since I last flew? How long would it be, before I could again? 

I never would.

I had not been made to stay grounded.

I guessed it didn’t matter in the end, whether I went with Rema, or whoever yanked my leash. In both cases, my life was in someone else's hands, caring or not, the responsibility of keeping my heart beating far away from my twisted mind. In both cases, I would never fly again.

Something in me was gone, dead, an empty hole replacing the once bright light pulsing in my chest, and I couldn’t muster the energy to bring it back. Was it not for the strict anchor Aheka had placed in my mental space, I would have been gone already, stomping away from the wasteland of a galaxy that I had burned to ashes.

Everywhere was the same.

“Master, where are you going?”

I froze, guilt and instinctual terror battling for the front seat of my consciousness.

Pat.

I darted a glance at him.

The Togorian stood in the hall, darkness spinning around him. Darkness spun around all of us, these last few days. My heart tightened, longing for the free days we had together, and I slowed down. Perhaps if I stayed… If I stopped disappointing Aheka, stopped being such an ungrateful Padawan… Would everything go back to normal?

(It wouldn't.)

Rema tightened her hold around my hand, pulling me ahead.

“Don’t let go,” she hissed.

I followed, too hungry for the smell of freedom to care for the Padawan I left behind. Something angry shifted in me, whispered that I abandoned him, that I was undeserving of the freedom I chased. I laughed at it. This was far from the worst selfish act I did while soaking in the Dark. 

Furthermore, it had never been a matter of deserving. If it was, then the Force had a funny way to show it: I never deserved my place as a Jedi, never deserved the luxury I got in slavery, never deserved to have a fallen Master so kind… I had seen the marks on Kedrick’s Apprentices. Compared to those scars, temporary clipped wings had been nothing.

But it was so much worse now, wasn’t it?

The crackle of a comm being turned on echoed behind us.

“Bring reinforcement to the section 1.3. They are here.”

I tripped at the coldness in Pat’s voice, but Rema’s hold pushed me forward. She ran further, each step dragging us closer to the exit. My head spun from the effort. My muscles had weakened from the months of inaction, as I was kept in the palace like a pretty bird in a golden cage, then even more as I layed near-catatonic on the floor for days to end, and I was now paying the price. I let Rema pull me, limbs awkwardly tripping behind her, uncaring of the outcome.

Soon enough, we reached a nursery. Rema dropped my hand, and I stopped, confused. Vaguely, I remembered something about Rema being pregnant, and meeting her child. The toddler’s name was lost amidst the fog weighing down my mind, however, teasing memories I couldn’t care to recall. I felt like a droid on autopilot- unable to move except if given the command. 

An instant later, or an eternity (both felt the same), Rema reappeared, a toddler in her hands.

Solana.

The name finally came to me, ringing loudly in my head now that it had been heard. The child was pressed tightly against Rema’s chest, and I could sense her distress in the Force. In another time, I would have been able to interpret it, and move to fix whatever bothered her. Today, all I could focus on was the inescapable pain pulsing through my wingtips, and the black spots dancing over my vision.

Guards’ stomps and shouts echoed in the hallway, spurring Rema into action.

“Let’s go,” she whispered, taking my hand again.

This time, she took us through shortcuts. We climbed in large vents, hid in tight closets, and passed through invisible wall doors.

We arrived in front of a small hangar door. Rema stopped, and I collided with her back. Recognition wormed its way throughout my dazzled mind. This was Kedrick’s private hangar- where we had stopped last time, and been captured. Already, I could hear guards from the other side of the door. There was no way we would pass and reach the shuttle.

Uncontrollable shivers wracked  my body. We’d be caught, I was certain. What would they do this time? Kill me? 

But no, they had never been so merciful. Aheka wouldn’t let them be.

A comforting hand settled on my shoulder. 

“It’s alright, Sin. I’ll get you out of this.” She looked fondly at Solana as the word ‘you’ escaped her mouth.

She led me slightly to the side, towards a condemned vent entrance. The vent I had climbed in last time, I realized. Her red blade lit the corridor, and soon after, the airway was open. She motioned for me to climb up, but I didn’t react, paralyzed. 

“I feel like I’m helping some loth-kitten take its first step, rather than a full-grown Siegrind." She pushed me forward until I was half in the vent, and had to climb in for balance.

“Go through there. I’ll see you on the other side.” She hesitated an instant, before adding more softly. “If anything happens… Take care of Solana for me, will you?”

Before I could react, she was far away, opening the hangar door.

There was a floating moment, during which the troopers inside faltered, their brains taking a bit of time to compute what was happening. The silence only lasted an instant, however, before Rema’s powerful voice echoed.

“I’m here!”

Blaster shots fired through the hangar. A strange tightness settled in my chest, pushing beyond the numbness, pushing beyond the disconnection that paralysed me, and I pushed Solana forwards.

Was Rema alright?

Intellectually, I could feel, in the Force, that she was alive. But there were so many ways to be alive yet dead, to exist in an in-between state only filled with suffering… I crawled through the vent, focusing on guiding the toddler before me rather than the chaotic thoughts filling my head.

Rema's calm face met us on the other side, and my shoulders sagged in relief. I slipped away again now that I had visual proof she was fine, not wanting to stay here a moment more than necessary. My flockmate was strong. She would take care of everything.

Rema helped us out of the vent, then took Solana in her arms and walked inside a shuttle. I followed her like a lost duckling, uncaring of where we went as long as it was away.

But never far enough to escape the truth that my wings were—

I blinked, and found myself strapped to the pilot chair, Solana secured in my lap. 

“Sin. I need you to wake up for a bit, okay?" Rema coaxed, her tone gentle but determined. "It’s important.”

I looked at a vague point on the horizon, uninterested. We were on the ship. Beneath me, I could feel the structure vibrate, engines ready to go.

 Space was pretty.

“I know you hear me," Rema pressed. "Listen, please.”

The intonation. I turned towards her, gathering what focus I could. Blaster-calloused hands met my cheeks. Rema guided my head forward, until I could do nothing but stare at her cool blue gaze.

“You need to live," She said, weighing each of her words with a Force inflection. "To protect Solana… You need to live." She stepped back, and I almost followed, hypnotized. "Promise me you will.”

I nodded, and she left.

I stared, confused, at the empty space where Rema stood. I had heard the ship ramp retract, seen Rema walk towards the hangar door, yet I just stared on, expecting her to come back. To gather back Solana from my lap, turn back the ship autopilot to manual, and crack a joke about how I truly had fallen for her prank, of course she would never abandon her child. By the time reality finally pierced the fog enveloping my brain, the ship had long taken off and jumped into hyperspace.

Rema had left.

I was alone.

Next to me, the toddler began to cry. Automatically, my wings evelopped her, an engrained instinct trying to stop the child’s whimpers.