#And an extra one for Tio because he missed out all those years

[misteddreams]

Heeere we go agaaaain;

You've sliced my heart wide opeeen!

And I don't even have a single qualm about it. 🥺🥰❤️

Encantober day 6! ✨🦋

Todays prompt was “Hugs”

It would’ve been an absolute CRIME if I didn’t do this prompt 🤌🏼 y’all know I’m a sucker for drawing fluff and hugs!

Tried to pair up members of the fam that I haven’t commonly seen written/drawn together 💞

[satoruvt]

desire // part three

THIS SHIT IS GOOD, YALL I -

pairing → lucio (the arcana) x reader

word count → 1280

summary → a kiss or two between the books couldn’t hurt, right?

song inspo → tio by zayn

part one | part two | part three | part four

It’s been a rough few days.

The clean-up after the Masquerade was always stressful (especially for Lucio; having to order all those servants around? Ugh, it’s exhausting), but not only was Lucio thinking about what to do with all the extra food or what he would do for next year’s Masquerade… he was thinking about you.

And God, it’s fucking horrible. He can’t keep his mind away from how your hands felt on him, the way your eyes gleamed in the moonlight through the shed window. Wandering the halls of the palace, all he can think about is you. Are you really that hot, or is he just that needy? It has to be the latter, right? There’s no way someone could…

“Portia, will you show Y/N to the library?”

Wait, what?

“Sure thing, milady.”

Before Lucio turns the corner, he peeks his head around. There - you, next to Noddy and… who was that again? Nadia’s personal servant; what did she say? Potion? Whatever. But you, nonetheless, satchel on your waist and gentle smile on your lips. Christ, you’re not even wearing anything as magnificent as your masquerade costume and Lucio’s only thinking about how good you look, even just standing there -

“Thanks, Nadia,” you’re speaking, and it pulls Lucio out of his thoughts. You and the servant start walking away from him - the library, was it? Maybe he’ll pay you a little visit. Give you a taste of your own medicine.

By the time Lucio’s at the library, you’re by yourself, turning a corner to look at more bookshelves. He saunters in, right hand trailing fingers over book spines as he goes. Close to you, enough that you can see him, but not enough to make you think he followed you here (because he totally didn’t - he just happened to be close by). He’s watching your every movement, your eyes tracing over titles, and then - oh, shit - you see him.

Lucio fumbles, taking a book from the nearest shelf and turning to a random page, not even bothering to read what’s actually on it. Footsteps grow closer and then you’re near him, a few feet away, and when you speak Lucio jumps, just a bit.

“What are you doing here, Count Lucio?” You ask, and that goddamn smirk -

He laughs, boisterous and flashy, closing the book in his palm. “Oh, you know, just studying about...” he pauses, looks at the title on the cover of the book, and then, softer, “pastries.”

Even though Lucio and you know that he’s definitely lying, you don’t say anything, only raising an eyebrow as your gaze returns to the shelf next to you. You move closer to him as your eyes scan the books. “So you bake, hmm?”

“Uh.. sure. Yes.”

“Really? No servants to do it for you?”

Lucio’s smile is cocky as he looks at you, placing the book in his hand back on the shelf, not caring if it belongs or not. His heart is racing. God, he hopes you’re not using your magic powers to listen to his thoughts or something. “No, it’s a hobby of mine. I have many - you know, because I’m so talented.”

You hum, looking back to Lucio, and your tongue glides over your lips.

Fuck.

“I’ll have to try something of yours sometime, then,” you say, and you’re so much closer than before. Lucio feels hot. He swallows, taking in a deep breath. All you’re doing is staring at him, and you know what you’re doing, oh -

“Yeah,” is all Lucio can manage to say, his voice - normally so loud and attention-grabbing - soft. He thinks maybe you’ll do something (he won’t admit it, but he’s hoping you’ll do something), touch him again or maybe even…

You move away from Lucio, going to the opposite side of the wide room, crossing the fireplace and looking for whatever it is you came for. He’s stunned for a moment and then he is seething, eyebrows knitting together and lips forming an unforgiving scowl.

“Oh my God,” he mumbles, and before he can stop himself he’s ranting, eyes glowing with frustration. “How long are you gonna keep me on a leash, huh?”

You look surprised when he meets your eyes, and Lucio’s relishing in the tiny bit of fear that shows through your face. “I’m the Count, you have to do what I say!”

The surprise is gone in an instant - not to the normal, teasing grin he’s used to, something more obedient. Submissive. You move closer to him but stop a yard away, mouth opening before you speak.

“Then tell me what to do.”

One thought races through Lucio’s mind (“Oh, fuck, what?”) but he wastes no time in getting to you, clawed hand curving around you and then he’s finally kissing you - finally - and your lips are fire against his, a volcano on the verge finally erupting. He doesn’t miss the gentle moan you let out, smiling greedily against your mouth.

He pushes you backwards roughly, only stopping when your back meets a bookshelf. It rattles with the sudden pressure but nothing falls or breaks - wouldn’t matter, either way. Lucio can pay for it. You kiss him back with fervor, and he gladly accepts. God, how long he’s waited for this, waited to feel your lips, the gentle pressure of your teeth. He slips his tongue in the mix, feeling your mouth part eagerly for him.

Your hands are trailing over his arms, up his shoulders and around his neck. Wherever they go ignites a fire, searing against his skin through his clothes and he groans onto your lips. The realization that the both of you are out in the middle of the library - with the doors open, no less - sneaks between his other thoughts (which, coincidentally, all happen to be about you) and he starts moving farther between the shelves, pulling you with him. As much as he’d like to have anybody just walk by and see the way you melted in his palm, it’s a little indecent, and he does have a reputation.

Lucio hasn’t been in the library much, but he still remembers where Julian’s old desk is - back in the corner, right under a too-big window. He’s pulling you to it, lips leaving yours only to gauge his surroundings. When he finally finds the desk he’s swiping everything off of it and then backing you into it, kissing your neck as you sit yourself on the edge.

You’re breathing heavy into Lucio’s ear and God, it’s getting harder and harder to restrain himself. He licks up a lewd stripe up from the base of your neck to your ear, relishing in the whimper of his name that leaves your lips and grinning against your skin. His flesh hand is slipping under your shirt, going up, up, up -

“Y/N? Are you still in here?”

Lucio stills, freezing against your neck, and he hears your breathing falter for a moment. 

“Portia,” you whisper, pushing Lucio off of you and standing. You quickly adjust your clothes, offering a rushed “just a sec!” to Portia (not Potion, Lucio thinks). You’re walking away, about to leave, but then walk back to Lucio and place one last languid kiss against his lips, fingers feather-light on his neck.

You wink at him before you go, leaving him in the library hot and bothered. He hears your voice fade as you and Portia walk further from the library.

Lucio groans softly, anger blooming in his chest again, because of course someone had to interrupt - Jesus, he should fire her. That wasn’t extreme, was it?

All he can think about is how close he is to having you.

[aslimeylovestory]

Chapter 1: Happy Slime Day

It was Tuesday evening in the spring time in early April, Cashus was turning 22 years old today and worked at a local barbershop in the neighborhood he grew up in, anticipating to get off to start his celebration instead he was doing some last cleaning up around the barber shop he worked at. He loved to cut hair since he was a young boy, watching his father really rubbed off on him, there was a lot of self-taught barbers in those Cuban slums.

“Ayo pa, I’ma go ahead and get out of here….I’ll see you Thursday morning”. Cashus yelled from the front of the shop to the back to the owner.

As Donny the owner walked to the front he said “Damn son, you must got a young thing waiting on you” he laughed.

“Nah man, I’m just tryna get home to change and go meet the bros to celebrate” said Cashus.

“Aight my man, take it easy and enjoy your night, I’ll see you next time you work. Happy Birthday again.” Said Donny.

Cashus walked a few blocks and was on his way home to his Aunt’s apartment that he lived with. Aunt Keys real name Keyshia, was the sister in law of Cashus’s Father , which is his brother Fernando’s wife, and is currently incarcerated due to a stabbing at a bar one night five years ago. We’ll get into that later on down the line.

Finally making it inside, Aunt Key greeted me as I walked into the living room. “Heyyyy Cash, come give ya Auntie a hug, I thought you would’ve been home a little early today since its ya born day neph!”

“I knew my plans wouldn’t be until later on in the day, so I stayed to make some extra bread”.

“I know baby, you’re one hustling mother F’er. You remind me so much of your dad and uncle”. She said with a smile and slight tear drop rolling down her right cheek. “I seen that in you ever since you was a little boy, now my boy all grown and shit” she added while walking away lighting up a cigarette.

“Yeah yeah, I thought you was quitting them shits” I said laughing side-eyeing her.

“I’m a little stressed Cash….. your uncle hasn’t called today and that’s unlike him” She said putting the Bic lighter to her cigarette.

“I really do miss him” She cried as she took a puff while her other hand rubbed her head in stress.

I can’t lie like I don’t feel her, its times where I be in deep thought about my parents, seeing their faces one day and next day gone just like that, so can’t nobody on this earth tell me I don’t feel them on that pain tip! I’m staying strong for people, my Auntie Keys know she has nothing to worry about as long as I’m her nephew. Family is all we got, a code I live by.

Later that night I linked up with the bros and had some drinks at this bar in the city, then afterwards we headed to go gambling out Atlantic City. I grew up with these niggas since migrated to the states. My life in Cuba as a boy slowly faded over the years and I started a new life and I honestly can’t see anything past my mom and pops. People in my neighborhood became my family, but shit still wasn’t sweet out here. I done been through fights all throughout my school life, especially as a lil nigga when I my English was bad. Thirteen years ago all I knew was Spanish now all I speak is ebonics, I made my name in my hood. The ladies love my crew and I, but I’ve yet to wife up any of these broads because there’s no money in that particular sport.

After making it to Atlantic City, we gambled our ass off and got bent off the liquor and even rolled us a few spliffs in the cut of the casino. Honey’s was on us, you know they come from all over on the East coast to come out here for a good time.

“Man ain’t y’all tired of this area now?” I said hitting the weed.

“Bro yes! We should go gambling in Vegas next time.” My bro Zack said.

“Fuck no, I’m talking about forget the gambling shit and do big shit”

“How are we gonna do big shit without this money we make from gambling though bro?” My other bro Bryan added in.

“Y’all niggas need to expand ya minds more, the fuck we gonna keep studying this light shit, while its niggas our age getting to it for real out here”. I said dumping ashes of the joint and passing it.

“What the fuck? How we supposed get it, because I agree but my job ain’t paying me enough” Said Zack laughing looking at Bryan.

“I say we start taking niggas shit, I mean they doing that to another nigga anyways, we just gotta make our operation way more smoother than theirs.” I said with this crazy smirk on my face.

Yeah I forgot to mention I came from a family with a long list of dealers, robbers, and murderers. It was in my blood, my uncle been taking the most popular crews in the whole NYC since before I was born, he had fled Cuba and made a life over here after he vacationed her and met my Aunt Keyshia, Uh huh she was a bad shorty that used to set niggas up, which is how she met my Tio when he had boat loads of cocaine coming into Miami all the way to New York that my pops had sent off. A known dealer was trying to get my tio knocked off so he sent his what you call a bottom bitch to get at my tio and it ended up back firing when my uncle bagged his lady and they’ve been inseparable since. I know y’all thinking how could my uncle trust her after she was sent to do dirty work for another man, but hey when you a smooth wise guy like my uncle anything is possible. I say that to say it runs in the blood and I got no problem handling big business. My uncle serving time for brutally stabbing an unwise guy who tried to run down on him at a bar enjoying his night out with the wife. I promised my Aunt that I wouldn’t follow in his footprints or steps, whatever they say out here, but living by the rules will have you finishing in last place every time.

Later as the night got old in age we went to our room we had booked near the casino with three rooms in it and three ladies we was kicking it with. I was faded and all I knew was I had this girl on her knees giving me good head, I wasn’t even tryna sleep with her afterward or lick nothing so I sent her on her way and knocked out in my hotel bed. All in all I’m happy to see another year but something had to give ASAP, I sat in my thoughts planning a master plan for me and my crew to come up on smoking another spliff before I called it a night.

[supacutiepie]

Shance Fluff Week: Seas/Stars

*Shrugs* IDK either i missed yesterday and threw this one together?

It’s cute though! A little off point but still good! 

Lance and Shiro had been dancing around each other for years, and Lance has one more chance before summer ends and Shiro slips away from him.

The end of summer was rolling in on bondi blue waves and crisp breaks against the sand.

For a whole two months, everyone was able to get together and enjoy spending a scorching summer together while getting away and finally being able to do this whole “vacation” thing right.

Veradero was gorgeous, and the Fuente family had been more than willing to accommodate all four of Lance’s best friends (“in the whole big wide world, no! the universe!” so claimed Lance when he begged his parents to let everyone stay). Lance had a big family as is, but with the four new additions everything was even more excited and hectic and it was wonderful.

It was the last chance to give them one more summer before the real world kicked them in the tail- also a flimsy excuse for Lance to spend an entire summer with his biggest crush.

Ever since he was a freshman he’d had a crush on Shiro., the charming and handsome adopted brother to his arch nemesis (they dropped the rivalry around sophomore year after…certain…incidents and revelations). This year Shiro was a senior when the rest were Juniors- except Pidge who has only partly a Junior due to duel grade enrollments. Smart little gremlin.

After this summer, Shiro was moving miles and miles away to go to an aeronautics school. It was Lance’s last chance to spend time with him for good- and he would be damned before he wasted an opportunity. An opportunity that went on for weeks as they danced around each other all goofy smiles and blushing cheeks. To everyone else, Lance’s family included, it was obvious who was oblivious- BOTH.

But no matter how each day felt endless and it seemed they had all the time in the world- the air was getting cooler and the sun started setting sooner.

Opportunity was calling, and Lance was damned to ignore it.

He had a plan that had no consequences planned. Whatever comes he was Not chickening out. He had spent an hour staring into his mirror telling himself over and over that he was not a chicken, he was a charming and suave gentleman with a romantic heart and amazing idea

This was totally an amazing idea…

“Uhm…no offense Lance but this doesn’t seem like a good idea?”

Shiro was whispering and hyper aware of the sounds in the full house as Lance shushed him and waved his hand about wildly.

Only a few minutes ago he was peacefully reading on his phone while he waited to get tired- when Lance interrupted and claimed, “dude there’s something really cool happening but everyone else is asleep and it’s kinda lame but you should come see if you want…”

Normally, Shiro was averse to the idea of sneaking out in the middle of the night for unknown surprises, but one look at those big hopeful eyes and he melted. He was a weak man. So here he was sneaking out a window with the boy he was hopelessly smitten for grinning like an idiot because 1. Shiro agreed to go wherever it was they were going and 2. He was dumb enough to go out the window to avoid the creaky door (“Oh my god I can’t believe you just fell on your ass haha” “Lance!” “I’m serious! we totally could have gone through the door oh my gooood”) 

And here he is now, following behind Lance as they wind their way through town towards the rockier parts of the coast. It was a pretty night though, with a calm wind and the humidity enough to keep any chill away. Somewhere he could hear music but for the life of him he couldn’t place it. Lance obviously knew the way too, taking turns that got them to what looked like a semi-abandoned house. It was dark and had some partly dismantled lights hanging off the side…

‘Lance? Are we supposed to be here?” Shiro peeked around the corner while Lance barreled ahead into the backyard.

“Uhm? Probably not but it’s cool. This is my Tio’s place but he’s always here and there for work and stuff. We mostly just drop by when we want to get away from the house or need some extra space. Besides were just using his beach so it’s fine. Come ooon!” Lance started pulling on Shiro’s wrist and practically dragged him through the sloping yard that dipped into a low rock shelf and sand beyond that.

If Shiro was frowning or had anything to say otherwise, it vanished when Lance grabbed his hand. Stupid feelings and stupid face for getting all warm and he knew he had a dopey smile but that’s just what Lance did to him.

Oh god what that smile did to Lance. It had to be criminal to be so cute and good looking all at once. Lance knew this path inside and out, but with Shiro following he was a fumbling mess and his butterflies were threatening to spill out his mouth already.

Oh sooner or later…just give me a little more time.

Lance lead them past the rocks and onto a very small beach that was his uncle’s own private property. The family used it all the time for cook outs since it was right on the water and had a dock that lead straight out into the open sea. He’d been coming out her since was ten, it meant a lot to bring Shiro here.

“Anyways! Here we are! Kind of at least.” He stopped on the shore and looked out at the wide open ocean that glittered under a half moon. It was otherwise pitch black out and he couldn’t gauge how Shiro would react…

Apparently it was good because Shiro had linked their hands and come to a stop beside him. His palms were just as clammy as Lances…

“It’s kinda dark…what are we looking at?”

Well I for one could stare at you all day soooo

“Not yet! You have to get in the boat,” Lance started to pull them towards the old dock. “You’ll see just wait!”

Shiro followed behind obediently, slightly mesmerized by the way Lance’s hand fit into his own so easily. It was a quick decision and his heart had almost leapt out of his throat when he clasped their hands together. But Lance hadn’t pulled away! He’d even tightened the hold!

He was still a little dazed when he realized what Lance had said, ”Whoa wait…we’re getting on a boat?” He stepped up onto the creaking wood and Lance turned his head to look at the taller man.

“uhm, yeah? Is that okay? I promise it’s safe! And technically we aren’t actually gonna be out on the water since its tied to the dock…” he was sounded less sure with each word and Shiro rushed to put him at ease.

“Oh! No no it’s fine! I’ve just you know…” he rubbed his neck and shuffled, “I’ve never been on the water at night. So you know…”

Lance seemed to perk up immediately, “Great! Come on then, just gotta take it slow and trust me…”

Take it slow and trust me? What the hell Lance that’s so lame… 

While he was internally dogging himself, Lance helped Shiro get into the small wooden rowboat that his family always kept tied up. It was practically ancient, with peeling blue and white paint and chipped edges. But it was precious to him…

“Ok so, I’m just gonna put a little more line out and we’ll be good to go!” he made himself as chipper as he could while Shiro sat on the otherwise of the boat and watched. “I’ve been coming out here since I was a kid. First my sister brought me, but when she moved I just started bringing myself. And well, “he knotted the rope tight and sat back on his side with a shy smile, “You like the stars, right?”

Shiro nodded, a little lost for what he was supposed to do. The fact that this was something so special to lance was rattling his brain around. “Yeah, uhm, yeah. Been looking up since I was little too.”

Lance giggled at that before pointing a finger up and grinning ear to ear until his eyes crinkled, “Well then you should probably look up now?”

So Shiro did, and all at once he forgot what was going on.

Above him were hundreds, no, millions of stars.

The boat was rocking gently on the waves, and Lance was watching Shiro with a love-struck expression- because Shiro was gaping at the sky like a kid on Christmas. “Pfft, there it is. You nerd.” Lance shuffled until his laying in the bottom of the boat with his feet prodding at Shiro’s legs. “Come on man it’s easier to look when you do this.”

Shiro shook himself and nodded, ���Right right..sure…” it took some rearranging and the boat canted a little too far right for his liking but lance was laughing and that made everything alright.

They were shoulder and shoulder in a cramped boat watching the stars and listening to the waves and it was more than either could wish for. So they laid there and thought in silence for what felt like forever.

Eventually though he had to ask, “Hey Lance, this is amazing. I’m glad you brought me with this time…but how come?”

Lance quirked his mouth before twisting to face Shiro on his side. “Oh, right yeah of course,” he flashed his signature grin but it melted into something more shy and genuine, “And uh..well…you know? I just thought it would be nice and uhm…well I just thought it would, wait no uhm..actually..’ he was fumbling over what he wanted to say now that he had the chance. Years he’d been pining, and he thought that NOW he would just magically be able to say something? He was an idiot…

“Lance- take a breath.” Shiro laughed and reached out to poke the others shoulder before settling back and waiting.

Lance nodded and took a few breaths before barreling on,” Look Shiro...you’re gonna be leaving soon- and I’d hate myself forever if I didn’t at last try to show you…show you uh..” he huffed and sat up suddenly. Pulling his knees to his chest and looking out at the dark water as he frowned and second guessed himself.

Shiro followed suit though, sitting up and worriedly trying to see Lance’s face- did he do something wrong? Maybe he misread whatever this was? Or…maybe not? “Lance?”

“I think you’re pretty great you know?” Lance didn’t look at him but he made his voice loud, making himself wince. “Like…you’re so You! And you’re gonna be gone and holy crow I’m..I’m gonna miss you a lot.” He hated that that made his start getting misty eyed but it was the truth. He was going to miss Shiro, no matter what they were to each other…or weren’t or whatever.

“Oh…Lance hey..” Shiro slung an arm around smaller shoulders and hugged Lance, “I’m gonna miss you to Lance. I know I’ll be a ways away but we can still talk!”

Lance rolled his eyes and leaned into his arm chest,” Yeah but…you’re gonna have a lot of people to talk to… and I’m just little old me…” he gestured with his arm at the sea and stars, “That’s why. I wanted to show you this, give you something to remember me for? Other than being your brothers friend who always got to close…” he pouted at the boat floor and let his hand drop. “I wanted to impress you. And this place meant a lot to me and you..mean..a lot to me too.”

Shiro’s eyebrows had hit his hairline long ago, and they’d crashed landed a few times too.

He tightened his hug and reached out for Lance’s hand again- his heart threatening a reappearance that finally he was going to allow.” Lance. Look at me for a minute.” Those blue eyes were watery and he felt his stomach roll, desperate to make Lance happy again.

“Lance. You are one of the most important people to me. No matter how far I go I will Never be any less amazed by you. This This is amazing! And it’s me you showed it to and it’s my favorite place in the whole world because it’s yours and it’s beautiful and…you are too.” Shiro pulled their joined hands up so he could wipe away a single tear with his thumb.

Lance was seconds away from a blubbering mess. Beautiful? “Shiro?”

Shiro shook his head and smiled with as much feeling as he could, “We’ve been tip-toeing around each other for years. I hope I’m not wrong but- Lance am I wrong? Is there something here?”

The waves rocked and Lance shook his head as fast he could before a happy snort of laughter left him, “Tip-toeing, more like waltzing…and yeah. I think there is?” He tightened his grip and leaned further against Shiro.

Shiro exhaled with obvious relief before pulling his hand away so he could cup Lance’s cheek as softly as humanly possible. “okay…good” he laughed, ‘That’s good. Does that mean it’s okay if I kiss you? Because you look like you wanna cry again and I don’t-“

Lance laughed and nodded even more enthusiastically, “I swear to god Shiro you better!”

They both laughed before Shiro pressed the sweetest, probably most chaste kiss to Lance’s lips but it didn’t matter because Lance was over the moon with it.

They kissed and giggled for another hour or two, letting the waves cradle them safely tucked away from the rest of the world. They didn’t have much time right now, but they were okay, so long as they were together here with the sea and stars to watch over them.

[chatpile]

I was supposed to get up at 8:00 today to watch El Camino. I didn’t do that, because I went to sleep at 4:30am, and didn’t get out of bed until past midday. Even then that was to go to the toilet and get food; I went to bed again straight after. I was too miserable to sleep last night. I was supposed to see Ali and Alice at the Buttery tonight. I didn’t do that either. I allowed myself the comfort of an early (relatively) night, and watched El Camino in bed. My history with Breaking Bad is a long one. I started watching it by a recommendation from Oscar, whom I no longer speak to. We drifted apart after leaving sixth form meant we had less in common to discuss on The Student Room. I miss him. My first viewing of Breaking Bad got as far as season three; specifically the Fly episode. I lost interest I suppose, which sucks because the final two episodes of season three are two of my favourites in the entire show. My second watch through started in August after year 11. My mother was sorely unimpressed with my GCSE results. I didn’t eat for three days after I got them, because I was too embarrassed to even see her. I couldn’t bring myself to go into the kitchen. On the third day, I collapsed at Aldenham while leading Merlin the horse. It was the first time I’d ever fainted. My vision just went black. Understandably, my colleagues encouraged me to take the day off. Tash drove me home, until I arrived and no one was in and I realised I didn’t have my key. Then she drove me to Waitrose and bought me chocolate milk and a ham sandwich and we went back to Aldenham. I crashed on their couch and watched Breaking Bad; they had it on DVD. I remember watching the episode where the song ‘Fallacies’ is used in the closing credits, and making a note of the episode so I could look up the song. I remember Tim coming in and asking if I was watching an episode with ‘Hugo’, when he meant Hector/Tio. I remember feeling safe and cared for that day. While I was into Breaking Bad before, that was I suppose the start of my obsession. Watching the series again, beyond where I’d watched to previously, coincided with the broadcast of the final season, and believe me when I say no one was as hyped up as me. I watched in free periods at college, not to mention in actual chemistry class. God I was a terrible student. Jesse was always my favourite. Like all insufferable Tumblr girls I referred to him as ‘my son’, but also my husband. And also I was him. I’m not exaggerating when I say that all I wore in college were three Breaking Bad shirts I got from Comic Con in 2013. I had badges. I had the box set. I got three different Breaking Bad mugs for birthdays. Aleesha bought me a Jesse poster for secret santa.  I always related to Jesse. Not because I felt I was at risk of my chemistry teacher asking me to cook meth with him. But I felt like someone who never lived up to my potential. I felt like the outcasted sibling in the family, whom is a disappointment to everyone. I felt like someone that never pursued my art hobby. Above all I suppose I just felt sorry for him. I saw him suffer, and I felt that too. Sixth form was a difficult time for me. Living with my abusive father almost killed me. It turned me into someone I’m not. My self harming was the worst it ever got. My house was somewhere I avoided. I only felt uncomfortable there, and unsafe. My father was so unpredictable. I avoided him at all costs, but every interaction that he initiated became a shouting match. I was stressed beyond words. I couldn’t ask for help.  So, cheesy as it sounds, I’ll always remember Breaking Bad as something that I turned to for comfort in the dark times. I adored Jesse and related to him a lot. I watched some episodes over and over again. I watched interviews, parodies, the DVD extras, the lot. Breaking Bad, frankly, was a huge part of my personality. That’s why watching El Camino now has been so bittersweet. Seeing how the actors have aged reminds me of how much time has passed between now and back when I was in college. It reminds me of how different things were. At the time it all seemed so fragile. I’m stressed right now because of RP2, but back then everything hung in the balance. I was so close to not getting into vet school. Hell, I didn’t even get the grades I needed. I don’t believe in fate or a higher power. They let me into vet school because they had spaces to fill and not enough people did get the grades. But I like to think that it was the universe throwing me a bone after I suffered for so long. Now, I think of all the things I have now. I’m an adult. I can make my own decisions. I can eat what I want, when I want. I can go where I want, when I want. I’m in vet school. I’m in vet school! Like I always wanted, like I worked so hard for, less than a year away from graduation. I’m lying typing this in my own super comfy double bed, with brand new bedsheets that have bunnies on them. Bunnies! I have been very low recently but when I put into perspective how much vet school means to me. It’s ok. It’s all ok. It’s going to be ok.  El Camino was a masterpiece of an ending to Jesse’s story. I was hurt badly by all of Jesse’s flashbacks. I know how intolerable it is to have the memories of your abuse reoccuring, never giving you any fucking peace. I know my past has made me a worse person, and a worse friend to those who deserve better. I relate to Jesse. So. Fucking. Much. He got his happy ending, though. It wasn’t a straight road. It was hard even after the worse was over. But he made it through. He’s safe. He’ll be okay. And if Jesse Pinkman’s going to be okay then there’s hope for me.