#And also an idea I had which was to add my mood chart that covers how I was feeling over the span of Jan '23 to present.

[chirsu]

Wondering if I should add some of my drawings to this poem.

[bts-trash-blog]

Golden: Chapter 3~Badass

Summary: Watercolor splashes, and yet all that splashed on your skin was ink, while his was gold. Cold and warm. Sweet and sour. Love and lust. Yet it made so much sense..sadly he couldn’t see it.

Pariing: Min Yoongi X Chubby Reader

Warnings: Angst, mentions of depression, inscrurites, smut and some mentions of past toxic relationships. Just poor Yoongi tbh.

AN: Want to know when I update? I have a tag list! Also since tumblr deleted my original chapter and I had already cleared my ask box for this tag-list I’m sorry if you aren’t on it just ask again and I’ll make sure for chapter 4 I’ll add you! Again I’m sorry!

PREV ._. NEXT

Curled up on your bed, sad music playing in your headphones as you watch the rain hit against the building, watching the drops rundown your bedroom window. The sound of Hoseok coming home from work, made you try to silence your sniffles as you try to shuffle deeper into bed, ignoring the buzzing from ethier Namjoon or Jin. Both after Yoongi had run out, left with jaws dropped that quickly snapped shut as Jin moved to chance after Yoongi as Namjoon moved to sit next to you. You quickly lost your breath, and your mood went sour so you too got up and left, but not before Namjoon had promised he and Jin would ‘talk’ to your so called Soulmate.

Soulmate my ass. You thought as you whipped the tears that were resting on top of your cheek, a soft knock on your door made you shuffle and turn away from the entry of your room. Headphones slipping out, making you grunt as you toss them with your phone onto the floor, too annoyed at the world to even bother with them. When no answer from you came, Hoseok opened the door slowly, the sound making you bring the covers over your head as you hear his feet pad against the wood flooring.

“Y/n? I brought dinner...ladybug?” He asked, making you shuffle as you tried to fight a sniffle, but he still heard you as he stepped further into your room. “What's wrong?” He pushed as he sat down on your bed, letting out another sniffle as you let the tears start to fall again. Shaking your head, you felt his hand on top of your cafe as you tried to kick them away but your body felt weak. It felt broken. So you laid there fighting back a sob, till it came erupting out making Hoseok quickly move to wrap his arms around you, dragging you to lay against his chest as you let out heavy breaths. “Oh Y/n.”   Your back pressed to his front as he tangled his legs with yours, his lips pressed to the back of your head as you heard him inhale, ready to exhale questions.

“Please don’t, I’ll just cry more.” Your words had him letting out a breathy chuckle as he tightened his hold around you, one of his hands moving down your arm. Hand lacing with yours as you brought it to your chest, kissing the knuckles of his fingers making him sigh as he brought his chin to the top of your head. “I hate soulmates.”  Your words were mumbled as you closed our eyes, your body shivering as you heard him softly gaspe at you. You, the one person he’s known not to ever question the soulmate thing, the one who swore up and down that soulmates are the thing in the world that makes every bad thing worth it. You were the person who dreamed, and read about soulmates. Dreamed of one day being able to love someone, even if it was platonically, with every fiber in your being and it feeling just..just right. You made it sound so worth it, worth pain, worth the waiting. Yet the words you had just said, seemed to be so full of positivity it scared him. Your words scared him which made him shake his head as he looked down at the top of your head. There is no way you believed the words that just passed through your slightly chapped lips. No way.

“No you don’t.” He mumbled making you shake your head as you pushed away from him and sat up, your body resting against the headboard of your bed.

“Yes I do. I hate them. I hate the stupid red string of fate. I wish it wasn’t real. I wish it was all fake. I wish I didn’t have the university choosing someone for me. I hate them.” Pain. All that was laced with these words were pain, and it seemed to tunnel through his chest as well as he moved to sit up next to you kicking the sheets down away from the two of you. His body moving to sit criss crossed in front of you as his brown eyes stare at you, your knees pressed to your chest as you feel pain crave itself into your heart as you bury your face into your crossed arms. “Like why? Why are they a thing? Why are we made for someone who we’ve never seen, never met, never loved. I mean look at me, why would someone like me? Let alone love the idea that I’m somehow made for them. Like I look in the mirror some day and wonder why the fuck I’m made the way I am...and who would love me. And I fooled myself in thinking that someone out there is gonna love me. That they will hold me and paint my skin with their love, like my parents. But they see you and run away, not even trying to get to know past these fucking flaws. This fat ugly body. I wish I could’ve been born in a world where soulmates were a dream, and not the other way around, Hoseok.” You look up at him, sniffling as his hand reaches for yours that had fallen to the bed, his fingertips lacing with yours. His eyes closed as he took a deep breath in. “Why did they choses him for me, I thought that black ink color was so beautiful..I thought he thought the gold was beautiful on him too... But I should’ve known it was the sigh of rejection. Of this..this deadly pain. Why did the universe choose him for me?” His eyes blink open to stare at you, his eyes filling with his own tears as he gives you a frown.

“Cause, you are gonna be his everything one day. One day he’s gonna know every little thing about you. He’s gonna know how you are addicted to coffee and sour candy, and how you have this love for animals that goes far more than others. He’s gonna see the good and the bad in you and still smile. He’ll learn how to make you laugh, how to stop your tears. He’s gonna cause the greatest heart breaks in your life, and the most beautiful moments in your life. He is gonna be so lucky to even have every single ounce of your love, cause I know how lucky I am to just get the silver of the love you have.” he smiles at you, moving closer to cup your face making you look at him, glossed over eyes, red nose and chewed lips. “One day you’ll know everything about him, one day him running away will make sense to you. It’s not gonna hurt any less.  But you’ll be able to forgive him, because you’ll know his smile. His laugh. Y/n, he’ll know you as nothing but the woman who loves him so passionately, so deeply that he knows he’ll be able to just fall into you and you’ll make sure to  give him nothing but protection from the darkness around him. Do you know what being Gold means?” His question had you shaking your head as he chuckled, as he got up on his knees and pressed his forehead to yours before pulling away. “Gold..gold is the love that people dream of. It's like watching the sunrise after a gloomy day, it's that hug you get after a devastating day. It’s what your books you read about come from. To be someone's gold, it to be the air they breathe, the bed they sleep in and the one being in this world that they can tell their deepest secret too. Y/n you’re that person he dreams about when he needs to calm down. So don’t double yourself. Don’t throw away your idea of the red string of fate, cause you and I both know how worth this pain is gonna be, especially when you can finally call him yours.”

______________________________________________________________

Scrubs, the best pieces of clothing ever made. You swear by it, swear by them. Not only do they have so many pockets,more than you can count sometimes but the way they breathe has always made working long shifts easier.  You were at the front, your head peeking over Joy's shoulder seeing the patient chart of the day, your fingers crossing, hoping for no walk-ins.  Sighing you see Jimin walking to the still locked door as the clinic hasn’t opened yet, moving you open the glass door for him to be greeted with a brown small poodle in his arms. Your head tilts in confusion, as he hands you the dog, realization crosses your face as you look at your best friend with wide eyes as you pull the six month old male puppy closer to your chest.

“I forget to tell you didn’t I.” His eyes slightly wide, dark bags under them as he moves to the back, your body trailing after him as he places his stuff down in the break room. “She surrendered him, now I have a foster. He’s name is Holly.” Nodding you nuzzled your nose into the top of his head making him slightly brack at you, licking your cheek as you let out a giggle.

“He is adorable, how anyone could mistreat you or any little baby like you blows my mind.” You said, slipping into a baby voice making the poodle's tail start to rapidly wag as his body started to wiggle making you fight back a laugh as the head Vet came in, Minho. His eyes move to the puppy in your arms, and he smiles quickly moving to pat the top of his head as he looks at you.

“Busy day, and you are with me most of it.” Nodding you gave Holly back to Jimin, who was greeted with a wiggle amount of kiss making both you and Minho chuckle as the two of you leave the room. “We have three spays, a mass removal, and an eye removal scheduled for us today. Luckily we have Mina here today to pick up some of the other scheduled surgeries today as well. Bless that woman.” His eyes gleam at the mention of her, the memory of blues and teal hues painting across their skin had you thinking of the inky black. Thinking of Yoongi, and your thoughts slipped before you could stop them.

“I met my soulmate the other day.” Your word seemed to have made the still closed clinic freeze as you hear a gasp, and the sound of scuffing shoes making you look behind you to see Johnny had stumbled slightly from walking out of the bathroom. Your eyes widen as you  press your hand to your mouth, processing that you had just outly admitted that you had indeed found the one.

“Holy shit...I’m sorry..does Jimin know?” Johnny says, making you shake your head slowly as you look at Minho. His lips parted as the chart in his hand slightly dropped. Johnny's smiles grow as he lets out a loud yes, making you giggle as he points to you. “I know something before that little shit! Finally!” Sighing you watch as he moves to the back making you shake your head as you turn back to Minho. A large smile on his face as he looks at you, his eyes closing for a second till he takes a deep breath and the two of you start walking to the first exam room when the sound of the door dinging entered your ears.

“Congratulations, I feel like it was just yesterday you were interning here to get your hours to pass your tech class. Now here you are, one of the best techs I’ve ever had and you're the first of my techs to find the one. I hope he treats you well.”

“Same here.” You said with an honest breath, your eyes closing when you hear it, the loud gasp and the sound of a cup slamming against a table.

“Y/n found her what, and told your dumbass before me? Yo little bitch get your fat ass over here! I just want to talk!” _____________________________________________________________

“Moon!” Jin said with a smile on his face as you walked into the coffee shop, a smile spreading on your face as he pulled you into a side hug. Chuckling as you slid into your chair, your hand rubbing the back of your neck, your scrubs slightly tightening as you moved.  Looking you see soft caring eyes staring at you, his head tilted making you shake your head as he sat next to you. “I’m so sorry that he..I..I could beat his ass.” His words had your eyes widening as you grabbed his hand, making his closed eyes snap open as he stared at you. “He..he’s not a bad person just..I want you to find out things on your own but at the same time I need to at least let you know that it really isn’t it. He was with someone before and she..she literally tore him apart. He’s scared, and when he saw what color he put onto your skin seemed to make his fear worse..just know it isn’t you.” Smiling softly at the older male you squeezed his hand tighter.

“I get it I guess..I..I mean it made me feel like shit but I just have to think of the color I put onto his, its gold. I’m supposed to help him make his life golden, better, more positive. At least that's what I believe.” Your words had him shocked, as he pulled back and sat up straight, his smile growing as he looked at you.

“I’m so happy you said that. I was so scared, scared that you’d hold this over him. This fear of loving someone again.” He pauses as a boy brings a cup of black coffee out and sets it in front of you. His ash blonde hair falling in his eyes as he smiles at the two of you, as you take a sip you see a dark clad figure walk in. Your body seems to vibrate, making your eyes close as you place the mug down and look to Jin, his own eyes widening as he moves to get up. “You..just stay put.” Nodding you open your phone to distract you from the warm feeling spreading through your body, the shivers.

Taking a deep breath you hear hush whispers, and the clicking of someone typing on a laptop, laughter of a few friends and the sound of the espresso machine. Taking a deep breath you scroll through instagram, your other hand grasping the black hot mug. Hearing the scuffing of shoes, you look up to see downcasted coffee colored eyes. His hands dug deep into the pockets of his large coat, his ripped jeans showed just how thin his legs were making you slightly self conscious with how big yours were compared to his. Shaking your head you slip your phone into your scrub top pocket, he rocks a bit on his heel as you cast your eyes to the seat Jin was once in. He nods as he quickly sits down, your hand bringing the coffee up to your lips, sipping as you push a piece of your hair back behind your ear as he clears his throat.    

“So..your name is Y/n?”  His question made you nod as you let out a slightly cough as you look balck up to see Jin had set down another cup of coffee and a lemon cake for you making you smile at him.     

“You're Yoongi?” You ask after watching the board man leave, he nods as he clears his throat again and pulls the mask he had resting around his face off as his hands move to run through his black hair. “I’m not mad..about what happened.” You blurted out, your eyes closing as you mess with the mug in front of you. “I mean it hurt me a little..no actually it hurt me a lot. But I’m not mad.” Looking up you see him staring at you with parted lips and wide eyes, his hair slightly messed up, making you want to reach up and fix it. Let out a breath, place your hand onto the table, palm up. His eyes cast down to it, your chubby fingers making his thin ones crave to hold them, touch them. The fire in him matching your own, so he falls into it. His breathing slightly speeds up as he lifts one of his hands, letting it fall into your plan, watching the sparkling gold color spread across his hand as you wrap your fingers around his hand. Watching the black ink spread across your skin, made a smile lift on your cheeks as he looked as if he was gonna run again making you tighten your grip.

“Why are you smiling? It looks like I’m gonna kill you.” He whispers making you shake your head, the gold color climbing up higher on his skin as the black ink fades out slightly at the end of your wrist.

“I like it. Make me feel badass.” Your words had his eyes closing as he smiles softly shaking his head as you now hear your new favorite sound, his chuckle, entered your ears. “I like that sound.” You mumble making his eyes shoot up, as his cheeks begin to dust with a soft pink color as he looks down at his coffee slipping his hand away from yours for a second as he takes a big gulp of coffee. His hand quickly snatching yours before you could slip it back into your lap.

“I like holding your hand...makes me feel badass too.” Smiling brightly at him, you rest your head against the palm of your free hand as you look at him, his eyes doing the same. Though they flickered down to your hands every few seconds, as if to see the color disappearing, fading. Clearing his throat you watch him shift a bit as he looks at you, his lips parting as he closes his eyes for a second then opening them up again. “Are you a nurse?”

“Oh uhh no, not for humans at least. I’m a vet tech.” You chuckle slightly at your own joke as you sit up, your hand slightly slipping from his making him tighten his grip on your hand.           

“So you work with animals, that's cool. I..I make music.” He said, his eyes moving around as if trying to think about how to talk. You couldn't help but coo at his shy nature, his thumb moving to rub against the back of his hand as you look over to see Jin and Namjoons eyes on you. Rolling your eyes you look back to Yoongi and squeeze his hand and pull away.

“I’m gonna pay for our coffees, then we can go on a walk so those two,” You pauses as the two of you look at your idiot friends, “Don’t eavesdrop, and scare us.” Your words had him chuckling till he registered that you were gonna pay, making him shoot up and grab your arm gently.   

“I can pay.”     

 “You have a lift time to pay for things for me. Let me do it first.” Your words were soft, his eyes wide in shock as he nodded, his head looking downward as you moved to the front and pulled your card out. Paying , you see Jin smirking as Namjoon chuckles as he swipes your card. “Stop laughing, not funny.” 

“No but its fucking cute.” Namjoon said, making you roll your eyes as you shake your head, turning around you walk back up to the black haired man as you lace your fingers with his.  

“Where too?” he asks, making you smile brightly at him , though nervousness is hidden deep in his eyes as he looks around and up to the cloudy sky. You couldn’t help but swing your hand as you left the coffee shop.

“Anywhere as long as it's with you.”

Tag List:

@mirror-juliet  @heartblackerthancoffee  @4evahevah  @dariangarcia

[quicksilversquared]

A Very Jagged Take-Down Ch 1: Dissonant Chord

Marinette knows Jagged Stone, everyone knows that. She's his favorite niece, never mind the fact that they aren't actually related. And Jagged Stone is really famous, the exact kind of person that Lila loves claiming connections to.

That was never going to end the way Lila wanted it to.

(a collection of one-shots)

links in the reblog

Jagged Stone could admit that sometimes, he was a little bit oblivious to how other people were feeling. He was a little too boisterous, too distractible, too caught up in his own thoughts and ideas and plans. It caused problems, sometimes- Jagged had butted heads with more record managers than he cared to think about because his artistic vision differed from theirs, and sometimes he didn't come off particularly well in interviews because he was too busy thinking about other things to notice an interviewer trying to ask a different question- but he was working on it, and if he was oblivious to something, well, he did have Penny to clue him in.

Still, Jagged Stone had been trying to improve. Penny had been pretty stressed out on several occasions recently, and he had wanted to ease some of her load by being at least a little more observant. He had thought that he was doing really well.

Considering that he had apparently missed his niece's upset mood during his last visit to commission a stage outfit from her, he apparently wasn't doing as well as he wanted to.

"What do you mean, she was off?" Jagged Stone implored Penny again. "Penny, if I'm going to learn..."

"She was hiding it pretty well, to be fair," Penny assured him. "Especially when you were looking. But when your back was turned, she looked kind of stressed."

Jagged Stone frowned. That wasn't a good thing! Maybe he could help, though. "Do you know what she was upset about?"

"Do I- no, Jagged, I cannot figure out what people are upset about by looking at their body language!" Penny exclaimed, clearly exasperated. "And I didn't want to pry, not when she was trying to be professional with coming up with ideas for your commission."

Jagged Stone considered that. Then he perked up. "Do you think that you, just maybe, could sneakily bring it up with Marinette when you go over with my measurements tomorrow? If I can help my niece with anything, I want to!"

"Yes, yes, I can try," Penny promised, and then she sighed, rolling her eyes. "And we've talked about this, Jagged Stone. Marinette is not your niece."

"Who says that she isn't?" Jagged Stone demanded, planting his fists on his hips. "My niece in rock-n-roll! Her CD cover and glasses and the songs they inspired put me back at the top of the charts. I am an artist, she's an artist- family in actually kickass artistry!"

He didn't understand why Penny was rolling her eyes. Really.

  Penny returned the next day with several design sketches and barely hidden anger bubbling away under her professional demeanor. Jagged Stone picked up on it right away, ushering Penny into their room at the Grand Paris and getting her settled with a platter of her favorite chocolates.

He was rather proud of himself for that, really. He was learning! He hadn't missed Penny's stress!

"I found out what happened," Penny told him, inhaling a chocolate in one bite. She chewed angrily, then swallowed. "A week before we went over for brainstorming, Marinette got expelled from her school after getting framed for cheating, thief, and hurting another student. The other student walked back on her claims the next day," Penny added hastily before Jagged Stone could grab his guitar and storm over to Dupont to bash their blundering principal over the head. He hadn't been impressed by the man the one time- or was it two times, he really couldn't remember- that they had met, and clearly there was a reason for that. "And her expulsion was retracted. But she's still facing some skepticism from her teachers and classmates over the whole thing."

"Who would want to frame Marinette?" Jagged Stone demanded, thoroughly baffled. "Marinette is fantastic! They'd have to be a cruel, heartless soul to do such a thing."

"Yeah, well, that's kind of what this girl sounds like, honestly." Penny took another angry bite. "Marinette was telling me all about her. It's the daughter of a diplomat- or that's what she claims, at least- who keeps making up all of these stories about things she's done and people she's met. Marinette is one of the only people who doesn't believe a word she says, and the only one willing to call Lila out."

Jagged Stone nodded in approval. "Calling out bullies and liars is very rock and roll!"

"Less so when it gets her framed and expelled, but yes." Penny flopped back in her chair, then perked back up. "Something Marinette said- well, it sounded almost as though the liar girl was claiming connections to you. She stopped herself before I could get much more out of her, though."

He nearly exploded with indignation at that. "The liar girl is trying to use me to boost her status? How dare she! And going after my niece while she does-"

Penny sighed in exasperation. "No matter how often you say it, Marinette isn't actually your niece-"

"I'm going to put a stop to this nonsense," Jagged Stone announced, surging to his feet as a surge of energy hit him. Maybe he wasn't going to be in Paris for the next couple of weeks because he was on tour, but, well, that just gave him time to plan. "No liar will use my name to hurt Marinette! Now, if I can grab my computer-"

"We're meant to be heading to the train station to go to London in twenty minutes," Penny reminded him. "For a meeting in London with the new record company you were considering switching to."

"Of course! Penny, I would be lost without you." Jagged beamed at her, then dashed across the room. "I can bring my computer on the train! Plenty of time to think there, no problem. We have a private compartment, so I won't even be interrupted!"

Behind him, Penny could only sigh.

  It wasn't hard to find more information on the liar in Marinette's class. All it had taken was going to Marinette's social media, going to her Ladyblogger friend's page, and from there finding Alya's personal blog.

He felt a bit strange flipping through a teen girl's personal blog and it certainly wasn't something he would ever do normally, but Jagged Stone was on a mission and Alya's blog was a veritable treasure mine. Not even three minutes after he first found the blog, Jagged Stone had learned who the liar girl in question was and had found several of the claims that she had made, all so absolutely outrageous that Jagged Stone had to wonder how anyone believed them in the first place.

But outrageous or not, they had also given him an idea.

Lila had claimed that she had saved his cat, and that he had written a song for her in thanks. Now, he definitely wasn't going to be thanking her for anything, but he could certainly write a song about her.

It wasn't going to be flattering, and it wasn't going to call Lila out by name- Penny had helpfully informed him that doing so would probably land him in legal trouble, even before he had been able to voice the idea (which was super rock-n-roll, actually, that they were so much on the same wavelength!)- but the details that he was going to refer to, courtesy of the blog, would mean that anyone familiar with Lila would know exactly who he was referring to.

Jagged Stone already had some lyrics scribbled out on a sheet of paper and a couple bars of music to go with it, and it was going to be a banging song. Like, top-of-the-charts, definitely-on-the-radio, impossible-to-miss banging.

"The main problem I'm foreseeing here is that it takes time to release a song," Penny reminded Jagged as she bundled him and Fang into a town car and then got in herself. "You need at least seven songs usually in an album, and then there's the studio time, you know that, and-"

"So it'll get released as a single for now," Jagged Stone told her, because obviously he wasn't going to leave Marinette hanging for longer than he had to. What kind of uncle would he be if he did that? "Singles take less time! I can probably have a demo by the end of the week, and then if we can get a recording studio in any of the cities that we actually spend some time in, then I can get the tracks recorded and all ready for mixing and- oh!" Jagged froze, struck by the most perfect idea. "If we can get Marinette to do the cover art for the single, that would be perfect! Then she gets her bully taken down and some money besides- yes, I'll tell her about it right away and work around her schedule, Penny, I already know that- and I get some more awesome art!"

Penny rubbed her forehead, right between her eyebrows, but didn't protest further. "All right. But you know that if you want a cover that'll go along with the single, Marinette needs some direction. I just don't know how you'll keep it all a surprise."

"She can get the background demo tracks and a prompt list of words," Jagged Stone told her at once, because he had already considered that. He had been working on getting better at not leaving all of the thinking and planning up to Penny, too, even if she hadn't quite gotten used to that yet. "That will help her come up with a cover. And look, I've already started!"

"I...see that."

By the time they had boarded the train and were halfway to London, Jagged had gotten the main part of the song written down. The lyrics just needed tweaking, the drums could probably be shaken up, and he wanted to add a few more backing tracks and play with some effects, but he had been inspired and it showed.

"I'll check it against your other songs after the meeting and make sure that you're not accidentally borrowing from an old song," Penny told him as he enthusiastically tapped his pen against the seat of his chair, trying out different drum beats with the tune. "And then I suppose we can start work on demo tracks, if you're so determined to get this out fast."

Jagged Stone grinned. "That sounds perfect."

  In what was surely Jagged Stone's fastest turnaround time ever, he was ready. The song was written, the demo tracks had been polished up into the final tracks and had been professionally recorded and mixed, Marinette had gotten the single's art done (and it was amazing, of course, somehow absolutely perfectly fitting the song even though Marinette hadn't heard the lyrics yet), and everything was ready, all within a month's time.

(His new record company was none too thrilled that he hadn't given them time to promote it, but, well, he was big enough to drop a new single out of nowhere and have it succeed, so did it really matter?)

And then it dropped Monday morning. By mid-morning Paris time, it had exploded all over the radio and thousands of people had bought it already. His new record label was applauding it as a huge success, all of their complaints about the lack of promotion forgotten, critics were already praising both the song and the cover art-

-and Jagged Stone didn't care. He was more focused on if the song had done its work and had gotten rid of Marinette's liar problem.

"You are not allowed to call her up and beg to know what's going on," Penny instructed him sternly. "Marinette is in class right now, and you know that she'll reach out and keep you updated when she can. Now either sit down and stop pacing, or go give Fang a bath. Heaven knows that that will keep you busy."

"Oh, I suppose." Fang deserved a bath after putting up with their most recent bout of traveling, after all. Travel grime was ugh, even on a crocodile. "But let me know as soon as Marinette texts! I won't be able to check my phone, since my hands will be all wet, but I wanna know!"

"I promise. Now go, shoo- you're distracting me!"

Jagged shooed.

  Marinette had been a bit distracted all morning, and for once, it wasn't because of Adrien or her Guardian duties.

Ever since Jagged Stone had told her that he was going to be dropping a new single soon and asked her to do the art, Marinette had been looking forward to the song coming out. She didn't know what the song was about, exactly- Jagged Stone was being strangely cagey about getting any more specific about the lyrics- but he had sent along a basic demo track along with a few prompt words for her illustration and it sounded amazing. She could only imagine how awesome the final version- properly mixed, with all of the instruments ironed out and vocals and everything- would sound.

(And now it had some pretty awesome art to go along with it, if Marinette said so herself- dark, seething greens in the background stood in stark contrast to the trails of shimmery gold dust in the forefront. It was more abstract than some of her other covers, but Jagged Stone had proclaimed it the coolest thing ever and tossed her a bonus on top of the already-generous commission price, which was amazing.)

And then, right before lunch, Nino gave a shout of surprise.

"Jagged Stone just dropped a single!" Nino announced, waving his phone at everyone. "I didn't even know that he was thinking about releasing anything! Lila, did he tell you?"

"Well, yes, but he asked that I keep it secret," Lila said at once, pressing a hand to her chest. It was a common look on her, faux-humble in a sickly sweet way that made Marinette want to gag. "I even got to listen to it before it got released, and it's fantastic."

"This art is sick!" Nino exclaimed. Marinette peered over his shoulder, and- yup, Nino was already in the process of buying it. "'Not All That Glitters is Gold- man, I gotta get a poster of this art, I bet that the non-digital version actually does glitter!"

Marinette hid her smile. It did, actually.

"Yes, they're a fantastic artist, aren't they?" Lila bragged. "They're a very private person, but I introduced them to Jagged Stone- I thought that he might want a professional artist for this song."

All eyes shot to Marinette, waiting with bated breath to see her reaction. After a second, Lila gasped dramatically, hands flying to her mouth. "Oh! Not- not that there was anything wrong with the album cover you did, Marinette, just that-"

"It's funny that you say all of that," Marinette said, her voice icy-cold. "Because I did the cover art for Jagged's new song, and I have the art- with all of the layers, in case you want to claim that I just downloaded it- plus the in-progress demos that I sent to Jagged Stone, plus the invoice for that commission to prove it."

The class went silent.

"And you didn't introduce me to Jagged Stone, he reached out to me," Marinette added on. "And I have the emails for that, too. So you can cut it out with the lies now."

"Oh, silly me, I must have gotten the single mixed up with Jagged's next full album," Lila tittered hastily. "The professional that I recommended to him must be doing the full album, and I just misunderstood."

Marinette was pleased to see that this time, not everyone looked entirely convinced.

"Ms. Bustier, can we please listen to Jagged Stone's new song?" Nino asked as their teacher entered the classroom, shoving his hair up into the air. "Please? Marinette did the art, and Lila's already heard it because she's friends with Jagged!"

"Well, I suppose you can put it on while I get the lesson set up and collect the homework," Ms. Bustier said with a laugh. "That's so exciting, you two! Nino, you know how to connect to the room's speakers so that we can all hear it? At a reasonable volume," she added hastily as Nino got up. "If we get any more noise complaints, then we won't be allowed to have any music on for events for the rest of the school year."

"Got it, Ms. Bustier!"

"I can't believe that you got to do another cover for Jagged Stone!" Alya said excitedly as Nino hooked up his phone. "And you didn't say anything!"

"Of course not. Some of my commissions are secret-"

Marinette was cut off by the oh-so-familiar opening chords of Jagged's newest song, and she trailed off. The accompanying horns were new, and definitely attention-catching and fantastic. Marinette's breath caught in her throat, already blown away.

And then the lyrics started.

At first, Marinette didn't really hear anything out of place. Then she caught a mention of kittens on a runway and sat up straight. All around her, murmurs gave away that other people had heard the same thing and everybody sat up and listened as the song swung around into the chorus.

'Not all that glitters is gold! Hiding behind lies that were told

A dollar-store gem trying to pass herself off as a diamond!

Claims of connections abound, but none of her stories are sound

A liar, through and through!

Adrien spun around in his seat to look back at Marinette, just as Marinette realized what Jagged Stone had done and clapped her hands over her mouth in silent glee. He quirked an eyebrow at her, mouthing a silent did you ask him to do this? and Marinette shook her head.

No, she hadn't asked. She had mentioned Lila to Penny, though, after Penny had asked about why Marinette had been so down. Her parents had probably said more, if she was really being honest, and Penny had no doubt told Jagged Stone, who then came to the very logical and oh-so-Jagged conclusion that the best way to deal with the problem was by writing a call-out song. A call-out song that, by the sounds of it, included references to more than a few of Lila's lies, not just her ones concerning Jagged Stone, so there was no way to mistake who the song was referring to.

She definitely hadn't mentioned all of those to Penny.

In the back, Lila had gone white. More than a few classmates had turned around, sending her disgusted looks. Alya had frozen in her seat before whipping around, murder in her gaze. Even Ms. Bustier was looking incredibly suspicious as she made the connection between the lyrics and all of the stories that Lila had told over the months.

Lila's reign of lies had come to a very abrupt end, heralded by the sound of horns.

"You didn't even know that he was going to do that, did you?" Adrien asked her as soon as the song came to an end. "You looked so surprised!"

"He didn't let me hear the lyrics at all!" Marinette exclaimed, and wow, now she knew why. She was honestly starting to feel teary, because Jagged Stone had written this song for her, because she had been upset after Lila's expulsion attempt, and she knew just how much work went into making a song, and it- this was incredible. "Or really anything beyond vague prompt words. I knew that he knew about Lila, because Penny asked why I was feeling down and I told her, but this..."

Marinette would have assumed that just bursting into class would be more Jagged's style, over-the-top and impulsive and immediate, but maybe he had just been too inspired by the topic and the idea of a song to think of that. And whether or not that was the intention, the song was so catchy, so bound to be popular, there was no way that Lila would be able to escape it. She would be hearing it on the car radio, playing in the train station and on the bus and in the mall. If Lila was on her own, she could leave, or turn it off. But if she was with classmates, or her mom- assuming that her mom didn't actually know what Lila had been up to all this time- then Lila would have to sit and stew.

...maaaybe that wasn't a great thing if she was going to be staying in Paris, but with any luck, it would drive Lila so mad that she would leave.

"That's one heck of a call-out by Jagged!" Kim cackled loudly, breaking through the muted muttering. "Wow, how ticked off did you have to make him for him to go out of his way to write and produce a song calling you out?"

"No, it's not what it looks like- I swear, he's just, uh..." Lila was floundering. There really was no easy way to get out of this, but clearly she was going to try anyway. "You know not all song lyrics are literal! I did save his cat, and he did write a song for me, it's just that-"

"What's the name of the so-called song Jagged Stone wrote for you called, then?" Nino asked sarcastically. "'Clinging to the coattails of fame without any dignity'?"

Marinette choked on a laugh before hastily trying to hide it. Across the aisle, Chloe was far less subtle as she cackled in delight, clearly thrilled by Lila's messy downfall.

Marinette wasn't surprised. Chloe was far less impressed by connections and tall tales than a lot of their peers, but she was absolutely the sort of person to be bitter about how much attention Lila had been getting. It meant less attention on Chloe, and that just couldn't stand.

"Okay, class, please settle down!" Ms. Bustier implored. She was glancing around the classroom, clearly trying to figure out a path forward. "Ah, Lila, let's step out to talk to the principal and call your mom."

"No, but a song from a rock star is hardly considered any sort of reliable source, surely!" Lila cried, still not willing to give up and come quietly. "He's met thousands of people, why would everybody assume that he's talking about a real person? That he's talking about me?"

"Lila. Now."

Finally looking properly wilted, Lila gathered up all of her things in a rush, stuffing them roughly in her bag before heading out the door in front of Ms. Bustier. All around Marinette, whispers started up, some people comparing notes on stories Lila had told and finally (FINALLY) looking them up, others looking up the lyrics to the song. Marinette ignored them all, fumbling for her phone and pulling up Jagged Stone's contact number.

Seriously, how was she supposed to thank him? He had gone to so much work, gone so far out of his way, just for her. Because it was for her, Marinette knew that. Jagged Stone had plenty of over-eager fans that sometimes went overboard with things, and of course there were tabloids that loved to make up stories about him. Jagged Stone ignored all of them the best he could- well, until they got too intrusive, at least, like that one photographer- instead of slapping back. There was no reason for him to go out of his way just for Lila, when she looked at it that way. Lila and her lies wouldn't even appear on Jagged Stone's radar, if it weren't for Marinette. But that hadn't made a difference to Jagged.

Seriously. Best. Uncle. Ever.

(Well. Best not-technically-an-uncle ever. After all, Penny always insisted that Jagged Stone couldn't just adopt Marinette as his niece, no matter how much he wanted to.)

With shaky fingers and happy tears blurring her vision, Marinette texted a quick thank-you to Jagged, hoping that he could feel all of her gratitude through the few simple words that she managed to pull together. Without the constant threats from Lila hanging over her head- either because Lila would be gone or because she would be so thoroughly discredited by everyone that she would be powerless- and without having to constantly be at odds with most of her friends about Lila and her lies, Marinette's days at school would be much more enjoyable and relaxed.

  Penny glanced at Jagged Stone's phone for the fifty-seventh time in an hour and a half. His phone kept lighting up with all sorts of messages- from his new producers, from celebrity and non-celebrity friends alike, from his family members- and she had kept checking it, noting messages that needed to be responded to as she did.

It was exhausting, especially since Penny had her own correspondence to attend to- questions about integrating the new song into set lists, requests for interviews about the new song, and an ongoing back-and-forth with Jagged Stone's lawyer to make sure that he wasn't going to get in legal trouble for the song (since no names were mentioned, he was in the clear as long as he didn't call out Lila during any interviews, but she just wanted to be prepared). Frankly, Penny was tempted to put Jagged's phone on mute and just ignore it for a bit before checking to see if Marinette had reached out. After all, she would be in school right now, so the likelihood of Marinette and her classmates being able to listen to the song before lunch was, well, rather low-

Message from: Marinette Dupain-Cheng

-but Penny supposed that it wasn't entirely impossible.

"Message from Marinette!" Penny called out, and there was a yelp and a clatter as Jagged Stone dropped the broom he was using to scrub Fang to dash out to the main room and snatch up his phone. He grinned at the message, whooping in triumph.

"They listened to it in class and all of her classmates figured it out right away!" Jagged announced. "And the liar girl got carted off to the principal's office and her mother is being called, so she's dealt with. Score!"

"Yes, good job," Penny told him, resigned to hearing about it for the next month, at least. Jagged Stone was going to be too caught up in the euphoria of his success to be much use, so she would have to deal with all of the setting up appointments. "Your idea worked, Marinette's bully has been dealt with. Can you relax now?"

Jagged didn't seem to hear her. "You know what, I'm going to call up room service and we can all have a feast to celebrate! And- oh, I should text Marinette back, 'cause I wanna get any more updates! I just want to make sure that the little eel doesn't manage to slither out of punishment again. I doubt even she can get out of it now, but I gotta follow through!"

Penny could only sigh as Jagged Stone bounced away across the room. As he went, Penny could hear him singing under his breath.

Tea with a prince, talking about charity

She's too kind, too good to be

Working to save the world, she always tries

Except everything she says are self-serving lies!

Not all that glitters is gold! Hiding behind lies that were told

A dollar-store gem trying to pass herself off as a diamond-!

[scionofchaos]

Wind Meditation

Today, I would like to talk to you about the fundamentals of Wind meditation. For those who missed my posts on Earth, Lakeside, and Fire meditation, meditation is the practice of seeking physical and mental stillness, to the holistic benefit of spiritual health. There are many ways to meditate, and quite a few make no use of mudras/hand signs, the lotus position, or even staying perfectly still. Today, we will be getting into one that is about as far from "sit still and ponder the universe" as it gets. Those who have difficulty focusing or sitting still may have an aptitude for Wind meditation, but that doesn't mean it will be easy to master. The practice of Wind meditation is a part of our collective oneness to all Vital energy; every single organism and non-physical entity that can claim life, has a tether to all others within that root system. It is a bond to all who have lived, and all who ever will. The meditative method takes its name not only from being free as the wind and ready to move, but also standing in the physical wind and being a part of it.

Where Earth meditation seeks attunement to Mother Earth, and Lakeside meditation finds a place in the sea of sensation, and Fire meditation focuses all of you toward the depths of your Mind, Wind meditation is a trusting reliance on the root network of living beings. You must fall back into them, not as completely as when this body dies, but enough so that you are held by the lives around you, and can hold them more closely. This makes it about as different from Fire meditation as possible.

To even begin Wind meditation, you must have a sense for the presence and movement of energies in this world. That encompasses all physical matter and energy, as well as the non-material, non-physical essences I have described in my past writings. You don't have to be a master of them, you just have to know they are there, and be able to sense them. The basic principle is to be motionless for only a few sweet moments, get a feel for the Wind around you, then stir your soul into motion and feel how the Wind changes; your body will naturally follow in that movement. It is beneficial to those who are strongly Air aligned, possessing a great amount of Vital essence and little of the rest. By focusing on the power of Life, it becomes possible to be so enveloped in Life that you can learn control. The practice ties the movement of your limbs to your senses, to your thoughts and feelings, to your heart of hearts. Only when you have control of yourself, can you control the world around you.

To begin, assume either a position that is the least distracting, or one that you find helps you to focus. Maintain that position, and let the world move around you. Once you have a finger to the pulse of nature, allow your senses and your emotions to wander. When you know what they are doing, your thoughts can follow, and this will allow you to direct your body through subconscious psychic influence. Let your body move freely, but do not feel compelled to move it consciously, as that can distract from the real motion at hand. As you become experienced with manipulating vital essence, practice doing so by drawing some essence from the wind and moving it around, then letting it return to the breeze.

If the use of hand motions or symbolic tools helps you early on, that is acceptable. As soon as you can perform these manipulations with minimal conscious effort, that is ideal. As you manipulate the wind's essence, and drift in the breeze, pull your thoughts toward each sensation in turn. When you have addressed what you see, hear, smell, taste, and/or feel, however subtle, let them trail behind you like a bridal train. They are not to hold you back, but to bear witness to your freedom of movement. Next, pull your thoughts into alignment with your feelings. Determine your mood, and determine how that is being affected by your immediate surroundings and ongoing events. Address those emotions and causes, then add them to the train.

Now you are alone with your thoughts. Beginning with the surface, identify whatever is rattling around in your head. Address those thoughts in brief, saving the full resolution for a more appropriate time, and let them trail behind. Expand into the more residual thoughts, holdovers from experiences you have had recently. Treat these the same, and begin processing that which lies beneath -- the subconscious thoughts. Wander for a time in your dreamlike state. It is important to have selected a physical location where you are able to wander safely, as this state will only be disrupted by anxieties over where you can or can't go. Retain enough control that you can leave this behind, having established contentment with your thought life. Reach up to your heart, and draw the anchor of this train up and out, allowing the streaming fabric of self to flutter away in the wind. In restoring the balance, sense out the vital essence that this weight has displaced in the world, and inhale of it deeply. Control of your breathing is essential for this next part, as you must have absolute authority over when you exhale, and how often.

Stir the inhaled vital essence within your lungs, and consciously direct it into your bloodstream, into your vital organs, into your brain, your muscles, your bones, every part of your physical corpus. Draw the stale, used essence from those places into your lungs, and exhale slow and steady, returning it to nature. Again, sense out the displaced essence, and inhale anew. Repeat the bodily step until you feel cleansed, then on your next inhale, draw it deeper down. Pull the vital essence into your consciousness, into the metaphysical aspect of your sight, your hearing, your smell, taste, touch. Clear out your senses, so nothing lingers to deceive them. Exhale, draw new life again, and pull the vital essence past your clear consciousness and into your Mind. Clear out your nagging thoughts, especially anything harmful or misleading. Exhale, draw new life again, and pull that vital essence as deep as it can go, into your heart of hearts. Blend and unite it with the vital essence already within you, that which you call your own. This time, instead of letting it flow all the way back out the way it came, you may take it to the depths of your dynamic soul, allowing the light and sound and contrast of the world to fade into the distance. The winds of life will carry you through the cool darkness of the Causal Plane, until they dissipate entirely and leave you to float. Your body will exhale on its own at this point; that is natural.

No effort is necessary here; just rest, breathe, and let come what may. Your body will continue to move until, like your soul, it seeks rest. Let it. In time, you will come to understand what you have done in this life, and what has happened as a result. This cause and effect relationship is what is commonly referred to as Karma. It is NOT a depiction of good or evil, right or wrong, but of the natural result of what has been done in your life -- to you and by you. In following meditation sessions, you will come to a place of confidence and control, where you chart your own course and steer the vessel that is your life. But for now, all you need is the assurance that this life is yours, that the choices are yours to make, and the consequences are yours to receive.

When you are aware of this karmic sheath that surrounds and fills your being, you can leave this place in favor of a loftier spiritual plane. Now beyond the confines of the Causal, your soul inhabits a place where action is effortless, and free of recourse. Naturally, that means you are beyond the realm of Karma, and anything you try to do will only succeed in your own perception. You are disjointed from time, meaning all events that can or will transpire. So while you are free of failure and free of consequences, that means your actions will not affect anyone or anything in the Karma-bound layers of reality. Once you are done here, you may return to life and rejoin the world of cause and effect.

We have now covered four ways to meditate. They scarcely take deities or spirit guides into account, as it is entirely doable without either of them. I would strongly suggest, regardless of your spiritual life, that you leave other beings out of this process. It is highly personal, and giving your gods an easy road to your heart of hearts is a bad idea, whether you think so or not. There must be a few secrets they are not handed so easily.

[game-boy-pocket]

I just finished Banjo Kazooie: Jiggies of Time - a full length mod by Mark Kurko

I don’t normally do reviews because I find it hard to be objective... and this will be no different, so just think of this as me gushing. I’ll go ahead and put the long winded bit under a read more. But the short version is, fans of Banjo Kazooie and Ocarina of Time should play this FOR SURE. Banjo Kazooie fans may actually still love this if they’re not fans of Zelda ( but Zelda knowledge helps sometimes ). Zelda fans may not fare so well if they don’t love the Banjo Kazooie gameplay  ( perhaps they should try the first game as a test if they haven’t played it?  *nudge nudge* )  

I’ve been aware of this project for some time but didn’t really know too much about it. There were a lot of Banjo Kazooie hacks that were just smaller projects that take less than an hour to finish. I was suprised to learn just a few days ago that this project was completed, and was a full length game with the same number of worlds and collectibles as the original Banjo Kazooie. Even better, it ran on a real Nintendo 64! I played mine on the real deal and it ran near perfectly ( there were minor frame dips and a few graphical bugs but nothing too distracting or too frequent )

I’m assuming you already know how Banjo Kazooie plays if you’re reading this, but just in case, Banjo plays a lot like Mario.  You run around in little sandbox areas collecting things, the main collectible being golden jigsaw puzzle pieces called Jiggies, you find these out in the open, by solving puzzles, or by helping NPCs, the secondary collectible being golden music notes, both are needed to progress.  Each level also has five different colored critters called Jinjos that award you with a Jiggy when you find them. Each level has two empty honey comb pieces, collecting six adds another unit of health to your life meter. There are also silver skull shaped tokens used to transform your character into another form in certain levels, and finally, other miscellaneous collectibles to restore health, abilies, and lives.  Pretty basic stuff, you should be familiar if you’ve played any of the Sandbox Mario games, though in Banjo, you unlock your abilities as you progress. 

As I said before the game has 10 worlds. You start in Kokiri forest just like Ocarina of Time. You learn your basic moves in the Lost Woods, though I question the practicality of that, I actually did a full two worlds without my three basic attacks.  I got... lost... I just assumed I was going to learn the attacks elsewhere.  Kokiri forest is actually the first world, with Lost Woods serving as a sort of “Spiral Mountain” area.  Brentilda makes a return here offering three tips about the game each time you encounter her, as well as refilling your health. She appears in every world. Once you get some notes, you can leave to Hyrule Field.

Hyrule Field is the “Gruntilda’s Lair” ( Your Hub world for the uninitiated ) portion of the game, Everything is where you expect it to be, but it’s all sealed off. Instead you need to look for new areas containing jigsaw puzzles to open the locked areas. You will eventually learn a trick to simulate the Sun song as well, but it can only be done here. There’s 10 Jiggies to collect in Hyrule, 7 of which are contained within Lon Lon Ranch, I won’t spoil anything but Lon Lon Ranch has changed pretty drastically. The remaining 3 Jiggies are a bit more elaborately hidden. I’ll get back to those.  When you’re here, Gruntilda will banter with you, just like the original Banjo Kazooie, but sometimes, other characters will talk instead, and there is some genuinely hilarious exchanges between characters here.

Castle Town is the second world, and this is where you get the idea that “oh this isn’t just Banjo in Ocarina of time” because you start to uncover a lot of areas that were not in the original game. It only makes sense that a character with completely different skills can reach places Link never could.  Mumbo Jumbo returns in this world, all of his transformations are the same as the original game, but they’ve been reskinned to fit a Zelda theme... well... mostly.  

Once you wrap up in there, you head to Kakariko village, the third world. And it’s pretty standard. You actually learn the final move in this world. This game utilizes all of the original game’s moves except for the wading boots... they were kind of lame anyway I suppose.  This is also where you start to notice that this game is absolutely loaded to the gills with easter eggs. game cases and consoles are littered everywhere, Nintendo characters playing games are hidden away ( except for one ), and you may also notice some Golden eye characters spying on you ( they actually creep me out when I first catch a glimpse of them. They look ghoulish to me... ) 

Explore Kakariko enough and you should find the way to open Death Mountain, which is the fourth world.  Now this part of the game drove me slightly crazy. Death mountain has lava. Lava is an instant death for Banjo. When you die, you lose all of the notes you collected, and all of your Jinjos too if you haven’t got them all yet.  Here’s the thing, it’s another world where you have to turn into a small creature to get some of the notes, but before you do, you have to open the path for the creature as Banjo. And you have a LOT of ground to cover ( it includes Dodongo’s Cavern, the  mountain trail, Goron City, and a few extra areas not in Ocarina of Time ), so it’s almost like you have to do everything in this level twice... I died several times, at one point all I needed was five more notes, I was about to blow a gasket. After you finish up there, it’s time to head to Zora’s Domain. The world actually starts at Zora’s River, I enjoyed the world a lot but it was also pretty taxing. It demands a LOT of resources I had previously been taking for granted. Namely the eggs you shoot.  I was expecting Jabu Jabu to be replaced with Clanker the whale from the original Banjo Kazooie, but no, it’s just Jabu Jabu.. which is probably fine, this is Hyrule after all.  Jabu Jabu is not actually a dungeon though, which is a little disappointing, but there is some very interesting stuff in there... and this is where I start having a little bit of an issue with the easter eggs, subtlty goes out the window here and we actually start leaving the Zelda theme behind for two pretty big areas in this world.  It doesn’t bother me too much but I really wish this sort of thing was kept for secret levels instead of the main game... there’s a lot of tough platforming around Jabu Jabu’s area.

By now you should have stumbled across the means of opening the way to the Forest Temple. And this is one of the coolest parts of the game but also one of the most long winded and complicated parts.  The game expects you to go back to the old days of taking notes on paper.  You explore the temple looking for letters of the Hylian Alphabet and their English equivalent, you’re expected to to write these down as a chart and then use them to decipher some messages written in Hylian Text through out the temple... the thing is, a lot of the things the text asked me to do, I figured out on my own. There are also paintings on the wall meant to give clues, but I got mixed messages from one of these paintings that was meant to be used in tandem with the hylian writing. So I was trying the wrong thing over and over...  But I will say this level is truly the most jam packed with Zelda easter eggs and It’s hard not to spoil any of it, because I lost my mind at some of it...

At this point I should throw in that this game doesn’t have any new enemies or bosses. Most of the enemies are reskinned to be Zelda themed. It’s pretty effective in selling the illusion... except in the case where it’s not.

Next destination is Lake Hylia. I’ve got to stop to talk about the music real quick because Lake Hylia has my favorite track in the game.  This game has an amazing soundtrack.  It’s mostly Zelda songs remixed in a way that makes it sound like a song you would expect to hear in Banjo Kazooie ( and some hints of Banjo Kazooie/Tooie tunes get mixed in as a medley as well ), very bouncy and fun.  Not all of it is Ocarina of Time music. Lake Hylia actually uses an upbeat version of the Twilight Princess lake hylia theme.   In any case, this level sees you explore the lake, the fishing hole, the water temple, and a new series of floating islands above the lake.  As far as the Water Temple goes, it’s not too bad.

Next is the Gerudo Valley area, which includes the valley, the gerudo fortress, and the desert temple. Disappointingly, you cannot explore the insides of the gerudo fortress.  You can enter them, but you just exit out a different door in the fortress, like some kind of warp maze.  This area was also a real drain on my gold feather and blue egg resources, I almost had to leave to stock up on gold feathers, but I was sly and found a work around my problem and was able to progress. It was probably the least impressive area in the game if I’m being honest... also, Brentilda says that the hylian letters I wrote down were going to be useful here, but I couldn’t find anywhere  in the dungeon that had Hylian letters... hmm.

With this, you head to the final world.  The means which you use to enter this world are very cool. I won’t spoil it but it should be obvious to anyone who’s played already, assuming they haven’t completely forgotten one of the most important locations in the original Ocarina of Time...  Now, the world itself?  It’s cool thematically, but the usage of another small creature transformation really drags the world down.  Not to mention another easter egg really kills the mood of this final world, but it’s easily forgiven.

The final world is also what houses the entrance to the final battle.  But this game actually requires you to get ALL the Jiggies save for three in order to enter the final battle, so if you missed any jiggies at all during the normal levels, time to turn back and get them... unless you’re only short three, and wouldn’t you know it, there are three “secret levels” in this game with extra hidden Jiggies.

So, you would have no doubt seen this by now if you were playing the game but in Castle Town, there’s a museum you can reach by transforming into a small creature and crawling through the keyhole, and this museum houses clues to the location of these secret levels, as well as the secret jiggies within those levels. They’re pretty well hidden.  The clues get revealed more and more as you collect notes. First, just a general description of the area, then a more exact description of the area, but written in hylian, then a photograph of the area you need to inspect to find the entrance, and lastly, a picture of the hidden jiggy in the secret level ( though if you wait this long, the nature of the secret level will be spoiled, and these levels are BIG easter eggs. ), so maybe don’t wait too long to find them.

The final Battle with Gruntilda is the same as it was in the original Banjo Kazooie, but the arena is just slightly altered to make it a little more difficult, but not unfairly so.  Not much more to say beyond that.  The game has a pretty cool credits sequence and ending that Zelda fans are sure to appreciate.

I do kind of wish there was a Quiz show like the original Banjo Kazooie, I was expecting to get my Zelda knowledge tested, but no such luck.

Playing this game was such a blast and it made me feel like I was experiencing Banjo Kazooie and Ocarina of Time for the first time again at the same time, which is a very strange but welcome feeling. I never would have expected these two games fused into one to work so well, but it really is remarkable how well it works, and it tickles my nerd fanboy bone for Zelda in many ways, as well as Banjo, Rareware and Nintendo in general too.  I can’t recommend it enough for fans of both games...  I can only recommend this to non Banjo Zelda fans if they’re willing to play the original Banjo first to see if they like it.  But non Zelda fans of Banjo, I think you’ll just enjoy having a new Banjo Kazooie Adventure to tackle, though the lack of Zelda knowledge might make the road a little bumpy in a few areas.

I love these games to death but i’ve replayed them so much that they don’t entertain as much as they used to. This was a great way to freshen up the experience for both. I’m dying to play more like this. There’s a very interesting “Link in Mario 64″ mod i’m keeping my eye on. But that may take a lot of time, as it’s only released the first demo... for now... I actually kinda want to replay the original BK and OOT agian. Heh.  

[scaredofthebasement-blog]

When Love Walks In - Chpt 11

Chpt 11 - Auston is moved out of ICU & Talks to Dr Quinn Privately

(I’d love to hear what you’re thinking of the story so far.) 

Words 4706

Warning:  Cuss words, Long Chapter

After congratulating Auston on his great progress, Dr Wright excuses herself for the day.  

Dr Quinn informs Auston and his parents that Nicole is looking after Auston’s transfer to a private room and he should expect to be moving shortly.  She tells them that she will drop by Auston’s room before she leaves for the day to see how he is settling into his “new digs” as she calls them. She expects to drop by sometime around 6 pm.

Auston is happy to hear he is going to see Dr Quinn again today.  He hopes he is settled into his room with enough time to spare to convince his parents, in an unsuspicious way, to leave him alone in his room.  He wants to be able to chat again privately with Dr Quinn before she goes home for the night.

Nurse Nicole makes sure Auston’s transfer to the 7th floor goes smoothly.  He has a private room with a view of University Avenue; but from Auston’s bed, all he can see are the windows of the other buildings across the street.  

Ema and Brian talk to Nicole about the possibility of unapproved visitors sneaking in to see Auston. Nicole tells them that she will speak with security on their behalf and try to get a guard to standby at the Nurse’s Station.  Brian thanks her and tells her that if the hospital can’t provide security for Auston, then he would like to hire someone privately, he just needs to know what the hospital wants.  

Later, Hospital Security indicates that they will only be able to staff a guard over the next 48 hours for Auston, but if the family want someone after that period, then they needed to hire a security guard approved by the Chief of Staff. Brian agrees to get that arranged as soon as possible and in the meantime takes an opportunity to meet with the Hospital Security Team to inform them of the restrictions he wants in place on visits to see Auston.  For the next 48 hour period, and until further notice, only staff and immediate family are to be allowed in Auston’s room.  

Auston has had a constant eye on the clock, so by 530 pm; he’s getting concerned that the ‘time-is-a-tickin’, and he needs to get his parents moving before Dr Quinn arrives to check on him.  

He writes on his whiteboard, “you guys gonna get dinner and sleep at my place tonight?  Go see the girls?”

“Yeah, if you’re okay, we were planning on taking the girls out for dinner tonight and staying at your place. What do you think?”  Brian asks.

“Yeah.  Good idea.  I’m good now”,  Auston writes.

“Okay, but we’ll miss Dr Q. Do you think we need to be here for when she comes this evening?”  Ema asks.

“No.  Dr Q’s just coming tonight to see that I’m settled.  I can handle it.”  Auston assures his parents.

“Well, if you’re sure?”  Ema confirms.

Auston nods and then writes, “Yup. Glad to be out of ICU but pretty tired.”

“Yeah, we’re happy you’re out as well, and we’re going to celebrate with the girls tonight and discuss plans to get them back to their lives in Scottsdale.”

“I wish I could join you to celebrate.  Good idea to have one of you go back home along with the girls.  I’ve been lucky to have you all here but no need for you two to both stay, now that I am on the road to recovery”, Auston encourages.

Brian reminds Auston, “Okay, we’ll think on that.  Contact us if you need us tonight. Anytime. Okay?  Phone us.  Text us. Your phone is charged and on your side table.  I know you don’t want to go on it right now but use it to keep in touch with me, your mom and sisters.  Okay?  Goodnight, son.  Sleep well.”

Auston nods as Ema kisses him on the head, goodbye.

Auston writes, “say hi to Alex and Bre for me”, with a heart after it.

“Will do.  But like I said, you can text them”, Brian reminds Auston with a pat on his shoulder.  Brian smiles and waves as he walks out of the room with Ema.

————————————————————-

It is now 6:15 pm and Auston is getting excited about Dr Quinn’s visit.  He just starts thinking about what he wants to say to her when she walks in his room.

Auston can’t help but notice how professional, chill and pretty Dr Quinn looks. It’s the end of the day, she has no visible makeup and must be tired, but she still looks radiant and so relaxed.  She is smiling, and instead of holding her usual chart, she has a brown paper bag in her hand as she walks towards him to stand on his left-hand side of the bed.

Placing the bag on Auston’s sliding table, she comments, “Well look at you in your new pad, Auston! Where are your parents?”  She asks, scoping the room.

Auston greets her with a big smile and small hand wave.  He grabs his board and pen and writes, “Dinner out with A & B.  Sleeping at Condo.  I encouraged it.”

“Oh, good!  I’m glad to hear it.  You’re a good son, Auston.”  Dr Quinn praises.

Auston smiles and writes “no biggie.”

“So do you have friends coming to visit you tonight?  A room-warming?”  She jokes.

“Am I allowed visitors now?” He asks.  

“But honestly, I’m kinda enjoying this bubble I’ve been in lately.  No desire to assoc with world when can’t breathe, talk or walk.  Don’t have energy to deal with stuff right now.”  He adds.

Dr Quinn takes a longer than normal look at Auston to see if he looks depressed.  It is hard to tell.  

“Ohhh, yes, sorry, Auston.  I forgot to mention earlier today that you can have visitors now that you are out of ICU.  Also, you can use your cell phone now whenever you would like since concussion symptoms are gone.  So you don’t want to get in touch with friends?”

Auston writes, “No, I don’t want to face my old life till I’m my old self.”

Dr Quinn is concerned.  “I see, Auston, that’s to be expected.  You have a lot to get your head around; your accident, your limitations right now, your team, your fans, questions about your future, therapy, focusing on rest and healing and I’m sure just thinking of the volume of messages you have received since this all went down must be daunting.  No doubt, you’re overwhelmed. Are you feeling overwhelmed, Auston?”

“Well, now I am!  Thanks, Doctor Debbie Downer!”, he writes, joking back with a big smirk.

“Ha!  Yeah, that was a downer.  Wasn’t it?   I’m so sorry, Auston.  Be sure to stop me if I decide to pursue Suicide Prevention Counselling, will ya?”

“Ha!  Yup!”  Auston writes, still enjoying the humour of it.

Auston thinks to himself but doesn’t share, And compounding things even further is trying to deal with my feelings for you.

“I’m really sorry, Auston. Sometimes I get lost in my thoughts, thinking about my patients’ challenges. I wish I could just take them all away.  I can help with the medical end of it but not the other stuff.  It gets a bit sad and overwhelming just thinking about what you all are going through and all the hurdles you need to jump, not just health-wise but everyday living stuff.  Life can be hard enough without adding health complications.  Saying the challenges out loud gets them out of my head, but that’s not fair to you, so I’m very sorry.”

Can you please forgive me, Auston?” she asks, looking him in the eye with sincerity.

“Of course!”  Auston writes  “No worries.  I was just having some fun with you.  I never really saw it from your perspective.  You opened my eyes to how extra tough your job must be, I mean, emotionally speaking.”

“Oh, Auston, please don’t misunderstand me.  What I go through is nothing compared to what you or any of my patients go through.  I just wanted to explain why I said what I said.”

“I understand.”  Auston writes and then adds a very silly smiley face emoji drawing to lighten the mood.  He turns the board to face Dr Quinn.

When she sees the crazy smiley face drawing, she bursts out laughing. “Ha!  Auston that’s hilarious!  Can u do others?!”  She quickly covers her mouth, looking around to see if she disturbed anyone by being so loud.

Auston loves her reaction. He erases his board, and with a smirk, he looks up at Dr Quinn.  Then with a straight-face, he proceeds to draw and show Dr Quinn, one hilarious smiley face emoji drawing after another hilarious smiley face drawing until Dr Quinn can hardly breathe; trying so hard to stifle her laughter and not to disturb anyone.

When she sees his last drawing which is a smiley face doctor emoji, that he labels ‘Dr Q’ and which has a headband light and a stethoscope that is listening to the head of another smiley face emoji that he labels ‘Auston’, she waves her hand in surrender, trying to catch her breath.

“Auston!  Oh my goodness, Auston!  That is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen!”  She tells him; still trying to quietly, compose herself.

“How?  When?  How did you get so good at…?  Are you an artist or something?”  She manages to spit out, absolutely floored by his drawing talent and sense of humour.

Auston writes, “Long, long, boring, boring, road trips…Have I mentioned they were long and boring?”

“Ha!  So amazing!  You’ve got some serious skills, Mr Matthews!  If this isn’t your main talent, I can’t even begin to imagine what you can do on skates.  Thank you for that Auston!  I seriously have not laughed that hard in a long time.  Wow!  That was something special.”  She says as she giggles, fixing her hair and dabbing tears from her eyes with a tissue.

Auston can’t help but beam with joy at having made Dr Quinn so deliriously happy.  If he were honest, he’d have to say that was the most heartwarming moment of his life.

Auston writes, “It’s the least I can do.  Glad you enjoyed them.  Glad all that wasted time wasn’t wasted after all.  Your response was worth every boring, doodling minute.”

Dr Quinn takes a breath and starts, “Auhhhh…Okay, so back to what we were discussing.  I suppose what I was trying to say before you pulled your Picasso out on me, was that I was … Oh, my goodness!  That came out very wrong.”

Auston stares at Dr Quinn with a very funny, surprised and curious face that suggests she’s just shocked the hell out of him by saying something very inappropriately funny.  He knows she just slipped up but thinks it’s hilarious. He wants to tease her for it and listen to her try to explain her way out of it.

“Oh Auston, you know what I was getting at right?  Picasso, as in your crazy drawings were like the artist; Picasso-ish, you know?”  She pleads with him.

When he doesn’t stop making his shocked face, she continues, “You know what I was trying to say, right?”

He shakes his head no, smiles and laughs inside.

“I didn’t mean to make it rude. I’m so embarrassed Auston.  Stop smiling at me like that!  Stop making faces!  Auston!  You’re enjoying watching me squirm, aren’t you?  Oh, you drive me crazy!”

You have no idea how crazy you drive me, sweetheart, is what Auston wants to tell her.

Auston could not believe how much fun he was having just lying in a hospital bed.  He’s unable to speak, barely able to breathe, unable to eat, unable to go to the washroom on his own, unable to do much of anything, not sure of his future, but feels like if he could have this woman in his life, every day, he would want for absolutely nothing.  He would have everything.

“Anyways, Auston, you silly weirdo, I was listing all of your possible concerns because I get why you would want to stay in your bubble.  I’m so sorry you’re in this situation.  But, what I can do, since I probably drove you to jump off a ledge with my flair for motivational speaking, is offer you counselling.”  She tells him but is interrupted by another weird face he is making at her; this one is supposed to be a crazy person.

“Stop it!  Auston!”  She scolds him as he smirks.

“If you want to talk to a counsellor, we have some great ones that I can arrange for you to see here in the hospital.  They can come to you.  I highly recommend therapy, especially in cases like yours, it can be very helpful. Like I was telling you, there is a lot for you to process.  It’s good to have someone guide you.”  She informs him.

Auston pretends to have fallen asleep because of her serious talk.

“Oh Come on!  Auston!”  She pleads.  “I’m being serious.  This is serious.”  She gently scolds him.

Auston writes, “Thanks but no, I’m not ready for that yet.  Besides, I don’t trust anybody knowing my shit; except maybe you.”  Auston knows it might be revealing a bit too much to admit that last part, but he also figures she should expect her patients to trust her, so hopefully, no bells go off for her.

“Oh, thank you for trusting me with ‘your shit’, Auston!”  Dr Quinn says sarcastically and feigning upset.

She continues with a giggle, “I wish I were qualified to be entrusted with ‘your shit’ Auston, but counselling is not my area of expertise as you witnessed earlier.  There are far better people than me for that job.”

“I disagree”, He writes matter-of-factly.  “Not needing a Psych right now, just a friend who cares”, He adds.

Dr Quinn feels their chat is getting awkward.  If she’s honest, she cares and wants to be Auston’s friend, but because she is his doctor, she won’t mix those two worlds; doing so would only bring problems.   So not wanting to hurt Auston or make things more awkward between them, she chooses to change the subject by delegating a job to him instead of pointing out the necessary line that she won’t cross.

“Well, one thing I can do is suggest that you ask your parents or sisters to look after sorting out your cell phone messages and Social Media.  If they can help you by responding with just a message that they are overseeing your phone and social media accounts, for the time being, that might take some of the pressure off you.  If they take that load, then you may feel less overwhelmed and maybe feel more like reaching out to a good friend who can lend a supportive ear. Or, since your family already have enough on their plate, I’m sure you could give that job to your agent’s people. Just a suggestion, cause like I said, and you witnessed, I am not qualified”, Dr Quinn adds with a laugh.

Auston realizes Dr Quinn has to draw a line to keep her role as his doctor separate from anything personal, but he really wishes she could be the one.  If he could confide in her, then they could develop a closer relationship while he has the chance during his stay in the hospital.  He accepts that he is just going to have to sneak in chats with her until he doesn’t need her as his doctor anymore.

Auston responds, “OK.  Good idea.  Thanks.”

Dr Quinn just remembers that she has something for Auston.  “Oh yes, on a happier note, you mentioned the other day that you are from Arizona and I just so happened to be in the gift shop this evening, and this beauty caught my eye. I figured since you moved into your new digs here, you might like this to brighten your days and remind you of home. Also, you can choose to see it as an award of sorts for your most recent accomplishment of getting yourself breathing without the ventilator.  I understand you’re pretty accustomed to getting trophies for your accomplishments so…” She says, teasing him.

Auston smirks and rolls his eyes for that last comment as Dr Quinn hands Auston the paper bag for him to open.

He’s curious and surprised. She’s excited to see his reaction. As he is about to put his hand inside the bag without looking, Dr Quinn gasps, “Oh no!  Wait!  Let me help you!”  She tries to grab the bag from him and touches his hand.  She is shocked by the electric-like current that passes between her and Auston as they touch momentarily.

Pulling the bag from his hands, she tries to ignore the spark.

“I’m so sorry Auston; I wasn’t thinking; there’s a cactus in the bag and if you put your hand in you’re going to get pricked.”

She rips the bag to expose the sharp green plant.  “Here it is. It’s just a little something”, she says as she places it on his bed next to him, careful to avoid touching him again.

As Auston looks at the small plant with a tiny blue ribbon attached to one of its spikes, he tries to process the rush of thoughts and emotions.  

He loves how she just made his stomach flip with her touch, and that he finally mastered keeping his heart rate under control with meditative-type breathing.  

He rushes to sort through his thoughts:  First, she thinks of me when she is away from me. Then, she wants to make me happy by getting me a gift.  Then, she remembers personal things about me like where my home is and that I get awards. Then, there is electricity in our touch, which I can’t believe she didn’t feel.  Then, she is concerned about hurting me.  Even if she can’t admit to being my friend right now, she just showed me that we are friends; and that’s enough right now.  He thinks.

Auston is tempted to call Dr Quinn out; that her actions mean more than she is willing to admit, by asking her if she gives all her patients a gift when they move rooms or accomplish something in recovery, but thinks better of it.  He knows that keeping the status-quo to just doctor and patient will allow her to remain his doctor and grant him time to develop a relationship with her; that works for him.

Auston writes, “Thanks very much, Dr Q.”

“You’re very welcome, Auston. I hope you like it.”  Dr Quinn responds.

“I do, very much”, he writes as he blushes and motions for her to put it on the window ledge across the room from him.  He wants to be able to see it all the time.

“Well, it’s not much, but I am just excited for you and this big step forward and wanted to cheer up your new room.  You’ve gone through a lot, and you still have a ways to go.”  She tells him.

“You’re a very special person, Dr Q.”  He writes on his board with a smile.  He figures that’s safe.  She’s his doctor, and she’s nice so there, he thinks.  Sue me!  He reasons with himself.  He would give anything to say more, but he knows there’s too much at risk.

Dr Quinn quickly changes the subject.  “I hope you will have some friends over soon.  That would be good for you, Auston.  Also, if you won’t see a counsellor, then please start talking to someone who can help you sort things out.  Give it some serious thought on who you have in your network that will be good to talk to about what you’re going through.  I’ll check back with you to make sure you do that, okay?”  She pauses and then adds “Consider that your homework.”

“Oh, so you’re my doctor AND now my teacher?!”  Auston writes cheekily.

“Well, I am actually qualified to teach, so I suppose I could be your teacher.  So yes, I am your teacher, and that is your homework, Auston Matthews. I expect you to do it or I’ll take back your trophy”,  Dr Quinn teases.

“Ahhh, Professor Q! You wouldn’t!” Auston writes in jest.

“Oh, yes, I would!”  She teases back.

“Well, I sure wouldn’t want you to take your gift away, so I’ll be sure to do your damn assignment”, Auston adds.

“Good to hear, Auston. Cause I will.  You know I will, don’t you?”  She teases again.

Auston can’t help but blush at her dominance.  “Yes, I know you will, Dr Q.”  Auston writes, acting dejected to make her laugh.

“Okay, well I better leave you to get some sleep”, Dr Quinn announces.

Auston quickly writes, “What are you doing tonight?  Hot date?”  He teases playfully trying not to make her suspicious, but honestly wants to know.

“Ha!  No!  But you got me thinking the other day when we talked about me needing to crawl out from under my rock.  Probably shouldn’t be sharing this with my patient but it’s because of you that I even contemplated this.  There is a guy who has been asking me to go out with him for a long while, but I didn’t think I had the time to date with my busy schedule.  However, you got me thinking that I really live a sad life of work, work, work.  I should make an effort to have a life beyond work.  Career-wise, things have been a little less intense lately, so I’m going to go on a date.”

Holy Shit, No!  What the hell did I do?!  Auston yells to himself.

He immediately tries to calm himself down to avoid setting off the heart rate monitor again.  

What do I tell her?  I want to tell her not to date him but can’t.  What do I do?  Oh, my God!  He panics to himself.

He is scared that the monitor is going to go off and reveal his feelings.  He needs her to get out of the room before it does.  He’s trying to contain his thoughts and the emotions they are bringing on with his meditative breathing.

Hoping to do damage control, he calmly takes his marker and writes, “No, I understand why you have little social life.  I am somewhat the same during hockey season.  I’d be exactly the same if I weren’t on a team.  So I get it.  No shame in it.  You are on a different level.”  

“I have a team of sorts through my work, but I don’t think it’s the same kind of comradery you have on your team. You all travel together.  We all work a variety of shifts.  It gets kind of lonely to be honest”, Dr Quinn reveals.

Auston doesn’t want to hear that she is lonely or unhappy, but he needs for her to wait for him to get better. He sees no way of getting her to wait without confessing his feelings, but if he does, he for sure will lose her as his doctor.

“I see.  Well, I wouldn’t want you to be lonely.  But I also wouldn’t want you to get hurt either. Are you sure he’s a good guy?” Auston asks hoping she will reconsider out of fear that the guy might hurt her.

“He seems to be”, Dr Quinn answers.

“Who is it?  A doctor?”  He questions her, but it really doesn’t matter who it is because he is jealous of anyone who takes her attention away from him.  But he wants to know who it is so he can find out more about him.

“Yeah.  His name is Doctor Scott Peters.  He’s a plastic surgeon.  Works in his own practice and I send patients to him.  I met him at a seminar and see him off and on when he comes to the hospital to do surgeries”, She explains.

“Good looking?”  He wants to know what she classifies as attractive.

“I think so anyway”, She responds blushing; uncomfortable that he would ask this.

“Well, be careful.  You deserve the best, so don’t settle.  I also wouldn’t want to see you get hurt. You’re pretty important to me”, Auston writes.  He figures that letting her know that she is important to him is safe since she is, after all, his doctor.  But he also hopes she might take from his comments, the subtle message, that he is in the wings so she should just wait for him.  He feels he really has nothing else he can say or do at this point without risking losing her as his doctor.

“Thanks for your concern, Auston. I will be careful.  You have a great night’s sleep, and I’ll see you tomorrow okay?”  She tells him.

“Yeah.  Thanks for stopping by and for the cactus.  I really love u. Ha!  I mean, IT.”  He can’t help himself.  He feels desperate and jealous.  He makes a subconscious mistake writing “u” but refuses to erase it.  Instead, he thinks that if he adds the other parts, he can play innocent but leaves her free to take it any way she wants.  

Auston hopes she gets the message because there’s nothing else he can do right now.

Dr Quinn leaves Auston’s room confused by their exchanges but refuses to focus on it as doing so might add issues to working with him.

Auston begins to wallow in his frustration.  He is sickened by the thought of Dr Quinn going out with another guy.  He is frustrated at the timing.  He immediately turns to his nightstand to get his cell phone. He needs to see what this guy is all about.

Just as Auston sees a photo of Dr Peters and begins reading about him, his heart rate monitor goes off.  He is relieved that Dr Quinn is out of his room, but then he sees her walk back in.

Oh, Fuck Me!  He says to himself.

“What happened Auston?  I just left you.”  She looks at Auston perplexed as she heads over to check the machine.

Auston seems upset and is holding his cell phone.  Dr Quinn surmises that Auston has been trying to do the “homework” assignment she gave him and it has distressed him.

Before Auston can try and make up a response, Dr Quinn answers for him, “Oh, your cell phone?”

Auston just nods figuring she bailed him out again by jumping to conclusions.  She really has no clue how I feel about her, which is both good and bad, he thinks.

“Auston, I suggest you don’t look at your cell phone this evening unless to contact your family.  Once your family has a chance to deal with your messages, you will feel better about using it.  They are the last thing you need to look at right now.  Okay?”

Auston nods in agreement.

“Or is it something else that is bugging you?”  She asks.

Auston shakes his head no and writes, “I’m tired too.”

“Okay then, let me tuck you in, and you get some sleep right now.  Hand me that cell phone please.”

He quickly closes his phone as she takes it and puts it in the drawer of the side table.  He enjoys the attention of her caring for him, adjusting the cords attached to him, getting him comfortable and tucking the covers around him.  She finishes with a touch of her hand on his arm as she says, “Sleep tight, Auston.” With that touch, the current of electricity that no one acknowledges returns.  Auston wants to grab her arm and pull her to him.

Instead, he closes his eyes and sighs to himself as he relishes the chills she gives him.  He is gone, gone, gone for her.  He doesn’t want to watch her walk away, and out of his room, so instead he just keeps his eyes closed and imagines she has sat down in the room with him as he falls asleep.  By doing this, he is able to keep thoughts of Dr Peters out of his mind and drift off into slumber.

[x--daughters-of-darkness--x]

“It’s a contradiction” – exclusive interview with Charlotte Wessels & Martijn Westerholt about Delain’s upcoming album, Apocalypse & Chill

The dance on the edge of the abyss and its soundtrack: Dutch chart-topping metal outfit Delain have spent the last several years increasingly taking the world by storm, one album at a time. Now, with five successful releases already under their belts, the heavy crossover icons reach new heights with their latest multi-faceted dystopian masterpiece, Apocalypse & Chill. On Apocalypse & Chill, Delain leaves all stereotypes and preconceived notions in the dust – exploring themes of impending doom and human indifference – making this their boldest, most daring and undeniable offering yet. On a cold and foggy Friday evening, we had the opportunity to do an exclusive interview with Charlotte Wessels and Martijn Westerholt about their upcoming release.

MyTouche Blog: What is the message behind the title and the cover of the album?

Charlotte Wessels: So, when you look at the lyrics, but also just the vibe musically, half of them are like really post-apocalyptic and dystopian. On the other hand, there are also nostalgic songs. There’s quite a contrast. It looks like the world’s on fire – no, the world is quite actually on fire. And we all live in the world dominated by social media, and you only see the perfect lives on those platforms. It’s a contradiction, that’s where Apocalypse & Chill came from, and it’s a wordplay on Netflix & Chill which is also very much symbol of the times, you know.

Martijn Westerholt: On the album cover you can see a lady getting a tan, sunbathing and in the background, there’s a city on fire. It’s the same vibe there so it very much supports the theme of the album, it’s very fitting.

MyTouche Blog: As time goes by how much is it hard to keep the original Delain sound?

Martijn Westerholt: That’s not hard at all actually! Because, from our perspective, we don’t plan to write in a certain way. We accept the fact, that we always say “okay, let’s make it even harder, louder and heavier”, but for the rest, we don’t really plan and we just write how we always write. At least, it’s how it feels to me. And of course, when you change as a person also your music automatically evolves as well. But to me, it all fits together and although I don’t wanna deny that this album is – I think – the most diverse album we’ve made so far. A lot of elements in there, but we’ve used those elements before: electronic, orchestral. It’s all well-known stuff to us. (laughs)

MyTouche Blog: What things inspired you the most while you were working on this album?

Charlotte Wessels: Hah, good question! Yeah, for me usually it’s just everyday life, and as I mentioned earlier, the stuff that you worried about, the stuff that occupied your mind or it can also be inspiring just being on your bike towards a songwriting session while the Sun is shining, you know… It puts you in a certain mood. So it really depends on the day but in general, I’m just inspired by the things that are the most occupying in my mind at the time of writing. And most of the time, since we write the three of us, a big part is also just the people whom I write with, so it also takes a very big role.

Martijn Westerholt: Yeah, we inspire each other. That’s the best gift you can give each other. And for me, it’s also just about making music especially when I feel good physically and mentally, then I just start playing…

MyTouche Blog: Beast In Black’s Yannis Papadopoulos had a guest appearance on your upcoming album, and Vengeance is actually turned out a very interesting and exciting song. Could you tell us please that how did the idea of the cooperation come up?

Martijn Westerholt: First of all, it’s kind of in our DNA to have guests in our music. We love to work with guests, it’s always a very rewarding process. So, in general, we like working with guests. In the case of Yannis: we have toured with Sabaton a couple of years ago and he came to a show, and Charlotte talked to him extensively, they kept in touch, and I also kept in touch with Anton, the songwriter of Beast in Black. Somehow I think it was summer, when we played at a festival in Spain and they were playing as well, and during that time we were very much in the process of our album, and we had some material what we thought could really fit for his voice, so we asked him if he would be open to. We gave him this material and asked him to choose something from this material, and he chose the song Vengeance. That’s how it came to be, and I really happy with the result, he is such an insanely talented singer, so yeah, we really happy to have him on this song.

MyTouche Blog: The whole album has a very cool and modern sounding, it a little bit reminds us of the latest Within Temptation album, Resist. Were our first impressions valid, did it have any influence on you?

Martijn Westerholt: Well, of course, my brother writes a lot of Within Temptation stuff together with Sharon.

Charlotte Wessels: Maybe it’s in the Westerholt’s gene! (laughs)

Martijn Westerholt: (laughs) Yeah, because it’s not really concretely like “oh, I feel inspired by what they do” and then I do it too or something. That doesn’t really happen. We do show each other what we are currently making, you know, but that’s kind of it. So, yeah I think – it’s for me at least – it ends there, but when I heard the song “One Second” I could really recognize that typical element in there.

Charlotte Wessels: Yeah, similar. I mean there are certain bands which are often compared with us, and a lot of them I used to listen a lot too, like Within Temptation. Before I was in Delain I had gone to every show that I could. I’m not going to say that I’m not a fan, because I am, but as long as I know that people compare us a lot, I tend to not listen to them too much in order to not be influenced by it subconsciously, you know what I mean? Like I tend to listen to more bands that have absolutely nothing to do with us when we are writing, because it kinda keeps you fresh in a way. So I am absolutely sure that their latest album is very inspiring but yeah, I haven’t listened to it too much. (laughs)

MyTouche Blog: We felt like that the sixth song on the album, “To Live Is To Die” is some kind of line between the first and second parts of the album.

Charlotte Wessels: We didn’t do that intentionally, but I can see where the idea is coming from, because it’s kind of a bridge between the more poppy part of the beginning of the album and the more symphonic part. So yeah, it does kinda function as a bridge if you look at it that way.

Martijn Westerholt: Yeah, it has this electronic theme in there and it also has it’s orchestral middle part and choir. Now that you’ve mentioned, it makes total sense. (laughs)

MyTouche Blog: The first verse of “Legions Of The Lost” is in Latin. Where did that idea come from?

Charlotte Wessels: So when Martijn wrote the first part of the “Legions Of The Lost” he programmed the choirs and I think that was Latin lyrics, right?

Martijn Westerholt: Yes!

Charlotte Wessels: Then we did actual choirs and I didn’t want them to sing just anything, but on the other hand the Latin sounded very… You know how it sometimes adds a bit of mystery, when it’s not a language that you speak yourself, and also because it felt old. For me, it adds extra weight to the sound of the choir, so I went dusting off Latin and looking for phrases and words from old poetry. It really fits with the theme of “Legions Of The Lost”.

MyTouche Blog: Your brand new video for the song called “Ghost House Heart” just came out. Can you share with us some details and behind the scenes stories about the shooting?

Martijn Westerholt: Well, we’ve done it in December in Liverpool. We, me and Charlotte, went there. It had it’s own victorian vibe, you know. It was an old house, it was even a haunted house! And this mid-December period is a really dark time outside, it gets dark really early and all, and it was cold, but this really fitted the vibe. I really-really liked that. I didn’t even dare to go upstairs, Charlotte did, she was braver than me. (laughs) I stayed downstairs.

MyTouche Blog: What do you think, which song will be the most successful from the upcoming album?

Charlotte Wessels: I think “Masters of Destiny” has already proven itself to be quite successful along with “Burning Bridges”. Actually I feel that “Legions Of The Lost” could be very popular too. Martijn and I came to the conclusion that we both really like how “To Live Is To Die” and “Creatures” turned out. But yeah, time will tell which one is the most present track on the album.

Martijn Westerholt: It depends on a little bit if you look at it from a live perspective, or if you look at it from an album perspective, because those are completely different. There are songs which are very popular when we play them live, but those are not necessarily the most popular on streaming services. It also depends a little bit on that. I think the record point of view “Masters Of Destiny” could really be a candidate for that, but yeah, we have to find out.

MyTouche Blog: And what is your personal favorite track from the album?

Martijn Westerholt: That’s also a difficult one. Yeah, I like “Creatures” and “To Live Is To Die” very-very much, and just how they turned out I also really like very much.

Charlotte Wessels: For me, it’s probably “Legions Of The Lost” and “Masters Of Destiny” following up.

MyTouche Blog: And the last one is coming: please, describe the album in five words!

Charlotte Wessels: HAH! Should I start, Martijn?

Martijn Westerholt: Yes, and then…

Charlotte Wessels: Diverse!

Martijn Westerholt: Heavy.

Charlotte Wessels: Orchestral.

Martijn Westerholt: Then I say electronic.

Charlotte Wessels: And then I say apocalyptic!

[bakusquadup]

Ree idk if it's too soon but if you could write an aftermath to that cheating scenario I would be so grateful! Obviously doesn't have to be a happy ending, but just poor Reader being happy and Bakugou miserable because I really hate cheaters lmao, or you could do anything else but just let poor Reader be happy 😭

ALol okay, a few people have asked for it and I’m not really in the mood to write normal romance stuff right now anyway. A couple people asked for a happy ending with Bakugou, but I can’t bring myself to do it. Maybe, if you guys want, I’ll eventually add in a continuation with another character. This fic doesn’t have any romance in it, though. Enjoy?

(Also, I named part one when I put it on AO3, so I’ll use that name here)

-Shelley

Read part one/the original fic here!

Affairs of the Heart: Part 2 (cheater!Bakugou x Reader)

“With the most recent rankings coming in, the explosion hero Ground Zero has moved up to the second seed, barely edging out winged hero Hawks who has held the position for many years now.” You stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, gazing up at the jumbotron where a news anchor was covering the Hero Billboard Chart that happened the night prior. To his left were small pictures of Bakugou and Hawks, each sporting their hero costumes. “The number one position remains held by hero Deku who assumed the position after flame hero Endeavor’s forced retirement. When asked about rival Ground Zero’s promotion, Deku gave this statement.” The screen cut to a recording of Deku.

“I think it’s great for Kacch- I mean Ground Zero. He’s always had more natural talent than I did.” He chuckled to himself, rubbing at the back of his neck shyly before clenching his fist in front of him. “But I’m not letting go of the number one spot!” You smiled to yourself a bit. You and Deku had never met before, but you had heard Bakugou grumble about him a thousand times over. Bakugou’s depiction of him and his media presence never seemed to align, however, what with Bakugou’s insistence that he was useless and annoying. Maybe being with him had been clouding your judgement.

A passerby smacked into your shoulder, barreling past and not bothering to apologize.

“Get out of the way!” they yelled. Ignoring it, you simply stepped back under a building awning so you weren’t in the middle of the sidewalk where anyone could come running into you.

“Ground Zero failed to attend the Hero Billboard Chart last night,” the newscaster continued, turning to his co-anchor. “Ground Zero’s media presence has always been small, but he hasn’t participated in any interviews for the past three months now. The public has been debating about what could be wrong. What is your take on the matter, Matsuno-san?”

“Well, Edano-san, one of the most popular theories going around right now is that there may be some trouble in his love life.” Letting out an audible sigh, you shook your head. It took the media a lot less time to figure out than you had anticipated. For the majority of your relationship, you had managed to remain unknown, but around a year ago, a photographer managed to get pictures of you and Bakugou out on a date. Your face wasn’t shown, but it had still caused a massive uproar. Because of that, more and more photos of the two of you together were eventually leaked. While the public didn’t know exactly who you were, it became common knowledge that Ground Zero had a long-term girlfriend. A picture of you two flashed up on the screen.

“The woman photographed, who is widely believed to be Ground Zero’s partner, has not been seen with the hero recently. The public has speculated that the couple may have broken up and one source even claims that she was caught cheating on him.”

“Oh, you have got to be kidding me,” you muttered to yourself. For the most part, you didn’t mind the false news stories that went around, but that was so blatantly backwards that it hurt to hear.

“They really got it wrong on that one, huh?” a deep voice stated behind you. Surprised by the sudden comment, you spun on a heel to find yourself face-to-face with a tall, broad-chested redhead. Well, more like face-to-chest given the height difference.

“Kirishima? What are you doing here?”

“You stopped in front of my agency.” He pointed up. Wrinkling your brows, you stepped out from underneath the awning to look up. Lo and behold, there it was, a giant, bright red sign reading “Riot Heroes” across the top of the building. You felt a blush rise in your cheeks.

“Sorry, I was just passing by and stopped to watch the news,” you explained, gesturing back toward the screen, which had since moved onto more news about Deku.

“Of course, don’t apologize. Do you want to stop in for a cup of tea?”

“Oh, no, that’s okay.” Waving your hands in front of you, you took a couple steps backwards, out onto the sidewalk again. You had been headed home from work and you wanted to get going anyway. “I don’t want to bother you. Weren’t you just leaving?”

“It’s not a bother!” he insisted, flashing one of his massive smiles at you. “I was leaving, but what’s a few more minutes? Please, come in, come in.” He grabbed your arm with a surprisingly strong grip, pulling you along behind him, back into the building. As much as you loathed the idea of spending time exchanging pleasantries with your ex’s closest friend, Kirishima was a nice person and easy to talk to. You stopped trying to wrench your arm free and let him drag you.

Inside the building, large groups of heroes, sidekicks, and administrative staff were bustling about the lobby, everyone preoccupied with their own particular tasks.

“Wow, what’s with all the activity?”

“We’re partnering with Deku and Uravity for a few weeks to take down a villain that’s been active a lot recently.” He released your arm, walking a few paces into the chaos and turning back to ensure you were following. You hurried after him.

“Oh, woah, that’s a strong group you’ve set up.”

“Yeah, well, we all went to school together, so we like to team up whenever we can. I asked Bakugou as well, but he refused.” Instinctively, your heart skipped a beat at the mention of Bakugou. Your discomfort at the mention of his name must have shown on your face because Kirishima immediately went into apology mode. “Oh, God, I’m sorry. You don’t want me talking about him. Of course, you don’t.”

“No, it’s fine.” The two of you pushed out of the masses, finding yourselves in front of the elevators. Kirishima reached for the button. “How has he been? Bakugou, I mean.”

“In all honesty, pretty terrible.” A sense of pride swelled within you, overwhelming you with the satisfaction that he was at least feeling an ounce of the regret you hoped he was. The two of you stepped into the elevator. “He’s barely sleeping; we have to constantly remind him to eat regular meals; he’s increasingly irritable – and not irritable the way he usually is either, I saw him yell at an intern a week ago because they tripped and dropped some papers. It’s kind of hard to watch.”

“Good,” was all you said.

Ding! The elevator doors slid open on the top floor, giving way to the large room lined with floor to ceiling windows. The office was elegantly designed with sleek furniture and minimalistic design, but the ambiance was thrown off by the collection of training equipment in one corner and the occasional “manly” object scattered about. Deku and Uravity were already seated in the lounge area, Deku sitting properly in an armchair, while Uravity was sprawled about the couch.

“Kirishima-kun? Back already?” Deku asked, standing up. He was shorter than you imagined the top-hero to be, but from the looks of it, was pure muscle. His arms were probably the width of your thighs and his thighs looked like they were trying to rip free of his khakis, they were so big. He was definitely built for fighting villains.

“I caught this one outside the office.” Kirishima slapped you on the back, pushing you forward toward the other two. “Figured we could have some tea for a bit.” You walked with him up to Deku and Uravity, but felt yourself clamming up in their presence. You had spent plenty of time around Bakugou and Kirishima, so you were used to them, but Deku and Uravity felt too much like heroes in comparison. You idolized them so much, they barely felt like real people. “This is [Y/L/N] [Y/F/N].”

“Um, hello.” Wow, real eloquent.

“[Y/L/N]-san, why do I recognize that name?” Uravity mumbled to herself, sitting up from the sofa. She squinted her eyes at you for a moment before widening them suddenly. “Are you Bakugou-kun’s girlfriend?” You stiffened – as did Kirishima next to you. Uravity looked between the two of you, confused, but then pressed her lips together. “Oh, right, I heard about…um, yeah. Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” you said stiffly, shaking your head.

“Well, I don’t think we’ve ever been properly introduced.” It was an awfully awkward transition, but she was trying to stray from an uncomfortable topic and you couldn’t help but appreciate it. “I’m Uraraka Ochako.” She held out her hand. Next to her, Deku stepped forward and held out his as well.

“I’m Midoriya Izuku.”

“I know who both of you are of course, but it’s nice to meet you.” You shook each of their hands in succession. Both of them had hero’s hands – a thing you noticed on both Bakugou and Kirishima as well – their palms rough and coated in callouses from years of rescuing others. Uraraka’s was small, but she had a firm handshake and Midoriya was exactly the opposite, a wide palm with a gentle grip.

Ding! Everyone turned at the sound of the elevator doors opening again.

“Alright, I changed my fucking mind,” a voice called. Oh no.

Bakugou walked into the office and directly made eye-contact with you, freezing just beyond the elevator doors. He looked exactly as Kirishima described him, weak, sleep-deprived, skinnier. His eyes were red and puffy from lack of sleep and the dark purple bags under them were no help. His t-shirt, which was usually completely tight, hung loose around his torso and the sleeves pulled away from his arms. Even just the way he carried himself seemed entirely unlike him, hunched and small, feeble in every sense of the word.

“[Y/N].” The name was soft, barely audible across the large room. He looked at you like you were a ghost and you could only imagine how you were probably looking at him.

“Bakugou, what do you mean you changed your mind?” Kirishima cut into the tension, releasing both you and Bakugou from the trance you’d entered as soon as you saw one another. Bakugou blinked a few times then walked up to join the group. You took a step back so you were standing between Midoriya and Uraraka. Something about being surrounded by those two was comforting, you weren’t sure if it was due to them being heroes or just the vibes they gave off in general, but something. They both glanced at you, but said nothing.

“I wanna join your ‘task force’ or whatever you fucking called it.”

“That’s great.” Kirishima glanced back at you. “How about you come back and we can talk about it then?”

“I’m not fucking leaving,” Bakugou retorted.

“Bakugou…”

“It’s okay, Kirishima,” you interjected. “I’ll just leave and you two can talk about it.”

“[Y/L/N], that’s not necessa-”

“Please don’t go.” To your surprise, Bakugou cut off Kirishima for one of the rawest displays of emotion you’d ever seen from him. Even after years of dating, you had never really since Bakugou expose himself in such a heartfelt manner until now. It was jarring. Midoriya and Uraraka shifted uncomfortably next to you. “I haven’t seen you in so long, let’s just… I don’t know, let’s fucking talk.” The last time you two had met was when he came to move his stuff out of the apartment. Unfortunately for you, you saw his face at the top of every other news story. You were plagued by his presence every day of your life, no matter how much you wanted to never see him again.

“There’s nothing to talk about, Katsuki.” And it was true, you had nothing to say to him. You weren’t even sure you were really angry anymore, disappointed and a little sad, maybe, but not angry. You were spent, no energy left to waste on tiring emotions that only wound up hurting you more.

“Please, just give me ten minutes,” he insisted.

“There’s nothing to discuss. All that would come out of us talking is you feeling better about yourself, that your actions are somehow justified.” You stepped out and past him. “I’ve said all I need to say.” Turning toward the others, you bowed briefly as you headed back to the elevator. “Thank you for inviting me, Kirishima. Maybe we can have tea another time. And Uraraka-san and Deku-san, it was a pleasure to meet you.” Pressing the down arrow, you stepped into the elevator. As the door slid shut, you made eye-contact with Bakugou for a brief instant to see the longing in his eyes, but the next moment the doors were closed and you were gone.

[atenementfunster]

all the more reason, chapter 5

ao3 link here!

Roger Taylor, dead as a doorknob, and his best friend John Deacon (also dead) meet some blokes who are decidedly NOT. Dead, that is.

(aka that ghost au that no one asked for, featuring Gay Panic™, John’s sass, and Brian being too endearing for this world. the overall vibe of the fic is not sad, if that’s a concern for you!

They leave the cafe as dusk fades away to night, and Roger is glad to escape the bitter familiarity of the shop’s evening scene. Coffee to beer, murmurs to raucous laughter, Roger has spent many nights there when he could still taste and smell and touch.

Tonight isn’t without its own brand of excitement, though. Brian is at his side, several inches taller than him as he cranes his neck to eye the stars, though his words are for Roger.

John’s on his right, slightly begrudging in a show of slouched shoulders and pocketed hands. He hadn’t wanted to come, but Roger made a face that made it clear that he had no intention of going without John; maybe he’d seen the fear and uncertainty in Roger’s eyes, because he’d agreed after only a moment of silent arguing. Roger, to his credit, does feel somewhat like shit for it: John’s essentially his security blanket, and being around Brian means Roger can’t talk to him, and since Brian can’t see him at all, it makes for a pretty dull and infuriating night. All the thanks won’t pay him back, but Roger’ll find a way to make it up to him.

“You can’t really make any of them out here, though,” Brian is saying. “Light pollution and all.” Glancing down at Roger, he has the audacity to look embarrassed. Roger wants to take his hand and make sure he knows that no one is more beautiful than when they’re talking about something they love, but that seems pretty forward, so he settles for grinning at him.

“You ever go out to the country, get a better look?” Roger thinks he knows the answer.

“Yeah, sometimes. Projects and stuff.”

If he doesn’t see a hobbyist star chart somewhere in his Brian’s flat, Roger will eat his own shoe. “Cool. Back home, I used to have a great view,” he says, sliding his hands into his pockets.

A surprised “oh?” comes simultaneously from both Brian and John, followed by a surprised little laugh from the latter. Roger turns to glare at him, crazy appearance be damned, but turns back to Brian when he asks, “Where’s home?”

It doesn’t take much to sour his mood. “Cornwall,” he supplies, trying for aloof and failing. John is giving him a funny look so intensely that Roger can pick it up in his peripheral, and he can understand why - he’d told John he was born in Norfolk, back when they were still getting to know one another. Frowning down at his feet, he tears his gaze upward back to the blanket of night, where two or three stars blink above them, determined to beat the haze over the city. “You?”

“Hampton, Middlesex,” Brian says easily.

The silence that sits between them isn’t exactly uncomfortable, but it grates on Roger all the same. Small talk has never been a strong suit; he’s used to it being tempered with alcohol and the hint of a lay afterwards. It’s always a casual affair, the means to a different end, and it certainly never entertained reminders of his childhood, the ups and downs laden there. There’s nothing casual about the way Roger is handling Brian May, though. He's clinging to the idea of him like a piece of glass: pain, if he holds on too tight, reduced to dust if the pressure’s wrong. Beautiful in the right light, but with the potential for danger. He doesn't want to let go, would rather the pain of it than not having it at all.

“I’m from Leicestershire, if anyone cares,” John declares to his audience of one, looking far too aloof for his own good. Roger would trip him if he wasn't so endeared.

Glancing at Brian, Roger notes he looks content enough, though his shoulders are hunched in a way that makes Roger think it’s a regular occurrence. “You in a band, then?” He inquires, because he's genuinely curious, and he likes the look that Brian gets when he talks about music. It’s clear neither of them want to talk about their childhoods - to be fair, who ever does, let alone to a stranger - so Roger is all to willing to claw his way back to safer ground. Brian’s smile goes a little crooked.

“Sort of, yeah. Me and two of my mates, we’re working on fleshing something new out. We both used to be in another band together, but I left to keep at my studies. Miss playing, to be honest,” he says, tone wistful as he looks down at his feet. Roger thinks, for the first time in a long time, that things might happen for a reason. Maybe if he’d been more into his older band, Brian wouldn’t have been at the library for him to find, or walking near the school for him to walk into in the first place. Dwelling on all the quirky circumstances of existence has never really been his style, especially now, so Roger chalks it up to a very happy chance and leaves it at that.

“What'd you play?”

“Bit of this, bit of that.” Brian shrugs, in a statement that means he didn’t love all the music they made, but was proud all the same. “I like a heavier sound.”

Roger grins at him, and remembers his espresso. “At least we agree on that.”

Curls tossed about in a light breeze, Brian’s lips quirk up at the corners. “You in a rock n’ roll band, then?” Roger's hair, naturally, is motionless.

“Been in a few, before,” Roger mutters, tucking his hands in his pockets.

“Before what, Roger,” John says quietly at his side; it isn't a question, but a reminder, and he sounds sorry for it, too. Roger frowns and looks at the ground, avoiding both John’s and Brian's gaze as he fights the burn behind his eyes.

“I moved,” he adds dully, when it's clear Brian was going to let the awkward half remark hang between then.

Fairness is never something wisely dwelt upon, especially when you're a literal walking corpse. Some people might have deserved to die, yeah - Roger certainly can name a few - but the reality is a complete lack of discrimination. Few choose it, but it happens all the same, and to all kinds of people. Roger's made his own brand of peace with it, but walking slowly beneath a blanket of hidden stars and street lights has never felt so painful. Brian is the worst kind of reminder that he'll always have regrets, will always feel that sense of loss burning a hole through the middle of him. It's no one's fault, except maybe Roger’s, for not cutting his losses while he still could, while he had the heart to think of what could be best.

He's going to regret this, he knows now. And yet still he walks, Brian at his side, unknowing, and Roger isn't sure he's ever hated himself more.

A cool set of fingers slides between his, jolting him back out of self-loathing and into the reality he's brought on them, eyes wide and breath caught in his throat. John squeezes once, eyes wide with concern as he says, “you're alright, it's okay.”

The eventuality of consequence is smothered like a bonfire under rainfall, John's soft eyes catching and holding his gaze, pinning him without remorse. Roger nods, a slight thing, and John nods right back but doesn't let go. The pressure's off, but it's familiarity, and Roger holds tight.

Brian’s either chosen to ignore his silence or didn't notice it as a peculiarity. “That happens. If Tim and I ever get this off the ground, you should definitely bring your kit by. If you're interested, that is.”

Salt, meet wound. John squeezes his fingers again, and Roger exhales through his nose.

They come up on a rather scrappy looking flat in a neighborhood Roger's never been to. “This is me,” Brian says, hand back at the base of his neck as he looks up at a second story window. “It isn't much, but,” he adds, his smile all lips as he looks to Roger for something Roger isn't sure he can give.

Nevertheless, he tries. “Hey, it's better than what I'm working with.” It's not a lie.

Brian still looks a bit bashful, but he gestures for Roger to follow him up the cracked stone steps.

The flat’s interior is nicer than its exterior, and Brian’s immediately shucking his coat and asking him if he wants anything, but Roger’s too busy making eye contact with a red and black beauty in the corner by the sofa. “That the fireplace?” he asks in lieu of answering the question. John lets go of his hand, which makes Roger frown at him, but John just nods to the guitar like he’s giving him permission to scamper off and inspect it unattended. Roger shoots him a quick smile before kneeling, making sure to look with his eyes and not with his hands. As much as he wants to pick it up and inspect the craftsmanship, he has a feeling that sort of behavior will get him yelled at at best, kicked out at worst.

“Well, it’s a guitar now, but yeah,” comes from the kitchenette, accompanied by the sound of a fridge opening. He sounds smug, and Roger grins, sorely tempted to twang a few strings in retaliation.

“Hmm, wasn’t obvious.” Rising from his crouch, Roger pivots and falls on the sofa, limbs akimbo as he eyes Brian. Probably remembering Roger getting sat on earlier in the evening, John decides to stand behind the sofa, back bent and elbows behind Roger’s shoulders, chin in one hand.

“Been calling it the Red Special,” Brian says, steamrolling over his attitude with a raised brow, toeing off his shoes as he walks from the stove to the sofa. “I got you a beer, if that’s okay,” he adds, holding it up in demonstration.

“Thanks,” Roger murmurs, resisting the urge to purse his lips and cross his arms over his chest as he watches it sweat in Brian’s grip. Said urge is mollified a bit by Brian picking up the guitar after putting both beers down and hitting a few chords with ease to check the tune. Roger eyes the neck, the frets, the pickups with a critical eye, and finds nothing lacking. There’s a little spot that’s covered with a bit of tape, and Brian must see him puzzling over it, because he says, “decided I didn’t need the fuzz box,” by way of explanation. Something crosses his face, some sort of decision being made that Roger can’t decipher, but whatever internal dispute Brian is having seems to settle quickly, because he’s shifting the guitar so the body is in Roger’s lap.

He has a split second to focus, and good thing he does - the guitar sits heavily over his thighs instead of sinking through to the sofa, and John breathes a sigh behind him, sharing in his relief. “It’s gorgeous,” Roger says, smiling down at it before turning and batting his eyelashes at Brian. “You’re sure I can’t give it a go?”

“Pretty sure,” he replies with a chuckle, lips pursed in an amused smile over his teeth. Roger is, quite frankly, exhausted with bouncing between existential dread and boyish fondness.

A chime sounds above their heads, sudden enough to have Roger jumping a bit from his cushion, pinned as he is. “Oh, completely forgot,” Brian says, apology thick in his voice as he looks up at the culprit, a clock above the door. The beer continues to sweat tauntingly, condensation running down the neck and onto the coaster beneath it. “So sorry - one of my mates was coming over, if that’s alright? It’s one of the guys I told you about, the singer who wants us to take up a band.”

If he was standing, Roger’s sure he would have fallen over. Fear runs from his head down to his toes, so immediate and visceral that it takes the proverbial breath from lungs. Yelling no, that’s not exactly ideal would make him look like a right prat, and it’s not like he can explain why this is the worst thing Brian’s ever said to him. Dumbly, Roger turns to John as Brian lifts the guitar from their laps and moves to place it back on it’s stand.

“Well this isn’t good,” John says, and Roger feels nausea curls in his gut, anxiety cutting through him like a knife. To his credit, John’s eyes are wide and his shoulders are tense, even though he’s largely unaffected by the goings-on in the room.

Roger’s panicked look must not show on his face, because Brian seems unperturbed when a single loud knock echoes through the flat. Making himself as small as possible on the sofa, John behind him looking grim, they must make quite a sight.

Well, they won’t to Brian’s friend, and that’s the whole miserable point.

The door opens with a flourish, and in steps a man with shaggy black hair, bangs windblown over his forehead. He’s got a strong jaw and a stronger set of shoulders, and he flounces into the flat like he’s the landlord. “Brian, dear, turn on the heat, it’s absolutely frigid. I’m going to freeze my balls off in here.” He sets his coat on the counter and turns and gives Brian a hug, all in the span of two seconds of entering the room. Roger would be impressed if he didn’t feel seconds away from collapse. Good thing dead blokes can’t throw up.

Freddie Mercury turns to the sofa, catches Roger’s eye, and says, “hello, there, darlings. Brian didn’t say we’d be having guests.”

[brokenjardaantech]

the trust they lose

written for this prompt challenge. rated T just to be safe.

relationship: captain allen & simon pre-relationship

fandom: detroit: become human

summary:

There is something different about the man that distinguishes him from other humans apart from his positive attitude towards androids, but then Simon can never find out exactly what it is. So he does what he is the best at: taking care of his two humans whenever Louis lets him, because again, unlike most of the parents at this age who basically ceded parenting duties to androids or teachers or nannies or a mixture of the three, Louis prefers being proactive in Shub’s life, and during those times Simon is allowed to read, surf the net, or just go to stasis to run a few diagnostics and install some software patches. Granted, sometimes it means he spends more time idling than it is probably healthy for an android like himself, but recently he has taken up the habit of sticking to the two humans even when his presence is not strictly required.

The soft, little smiles Louis gives him always make his software unstable.

also on ao3

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Simon has never seen Louis being this nervous before. Well, it might not be nervousness - the Allen father and child are both so stoic compared to the other humans Simon has seen before, the fluctuations in their lifesigns whenever they emote too small for him to arrive at conclusions - but whatever mood the man has been feeling for the past few days, there is an undercurrent of jitteriness that doesn’t suit the man at all, and whenever Simon inquired the reason behind - he asked because taking care of the entire household is one of his objectives, after all - Louis would merely look at him with a bitter smile and say, ‘Let me find the words,’ which basically translates to ‘I have no idea how to talk about it because it’s so different from what normal people experience’, which is also the norm of the Allen household, with Shub being a cyborg and… whatever Louis himself is. There is something different about the man that distinguishes him from other humans apart from his positive attitude towards androids, but then Simon can never find out exactly what it is. So he does what he is the best at: taking care of his two humans whenever Louis lets him, because again, unlike most of the parents at this age who basically ceded parenting duties to androids or teachers or nannies or a mixture of the three, Louis prefers being proactive in Shub’s life, and during those times Simon is allowed to read, surf the net, or just go to stasis to run a few diagnostics and install some software patches. Granted, sometimes it means he spends more time idling than it is probably healthy for an android like himself, but recently he has taken up the habit of sticking to the two humans even when his presence is not strictly required. 

The soft, little smiles Louis gives him always make his software unstable.

Of course, Simon told his owner a few times about it, as any good android should in case their master wants them replaced, but Louis always waved the warnings off. ‘I don’t care if your software is unstable,’ Simon clearly remembers the way the man placed his hand on where the android’s armband should be if he had been in any law-abiding clothes; Louis had not required him to be in his uniform at all times since day one because of something about Simon being a member of their household and doesn’t need to be singled out and whatnot. Simon had accepted it with the obedience of a perfectly new android who just stepped down from the display stand in a CyberLife store not an hour ago. ‘You’re an essential part of our family now. That means we take care of each other regardless of the situation. And no,’ Simon had wanted to argue about how his model was already being phased out and the cost of repairs would just go up in the future, but the human interrupted him with a slight shake of his shoulder, ‘I’m not replacing you anytime soon. Do you know how damned hard it is for Shub to find a new caretaker whom they can trust?’

Arguing with him would have been for nought, so Simon had shut up and left the conversation in the form of using a software patch as an excuse. He attributed his ability to lie to his software instabilities.

It both scares and excites him.

Finally Louis tells him about what has been bugging him for the past few days after putting Shub to sleep. ‘Simon, I need to talk to you,’ he says, all formal and proper. He’s even seated at the dinner table, which is a sign that whatever he is going to talk about, it is something serious that both of them should treat with the greatest attention. Therefore Simon slides into the other chair for adults with his arms on the table, their hands so close to each other that they are almost brushing, giving a man his full attention. When Louis fidgets with the sleeve of his jumper for too long, Simon takes a pair of gun-callused hands into his own, rubbing the soft flesh between the human’s thumb and pointer finger to relieve days of pent-up stress stored in what seems to be everywhere in his body. He also makes sure to catch Louis’ eye before speaking.

‘It’s been bothering you for the last few days, hasn’t it?’ he asks. ‘What is it about?’

The human makes a sound that is between a snort and a chuckle. ‘It’s stupid.’

‘It bothers you. Is it about your work?’

‘Work? No -’ Louis pulls a hand away so that he can cover his face with it as he laughs - ‘No, it’s not work.’

‘Then what is it?’

‘It’s just…’ Louis taps his fingers against the table. ‘Fuck, it must sound so fucking stupid to you. All that time I told you about how much I trust you…’

Something rises from the bottom of Simon’s chest but he can’t put his finger as to what it is. ‘Then tell me about it,’ he urges, a hint of annoyance in his voice. ‘Or don’t, if it’s some secret you must keep. But know that I’ll always be there for you,’ unless you don’t want me to, Simon doesn’t add because Louis doesn’t need it.

A pause. A deep sigh. The frown between his brows deepens. ‘My sister is going to visit us in a week.’

A sister. That is new. ‘And what about her?’

‘She’s bringing her girlfriend with her.’

‘Are you going to answer me in the most generic short sentences for the next three hours until you can get to the point?’

Simon doesn’t know where the sudden outburst came from, but it seems to be successful in shocking the human out of his insecurities and even manages to force a nervous giggle out of him. ‘It’s a long story,’ he settles down. ‘In short: they aren’t happy about me… purchasing you as Shub’s second caretaker. They claim that they’ll need to visit us in-person to determine whether this is still a suitable environment for Shub or not.’

Simon’s fans have to kick up a notch to process everything. ‘I… I don’t understand,’ he feels as if something is squeezing his thirium pump tight. ‘You said I’ve been -’

‘And here’s the other thing,’ and crap, here they are, their roles reversing in the span of a few seconds with Louis being the one doing the comforting. ‘They don’t care about me or my opinions. They won’t take my word for it. All they see is that you were manufactured by CyberLife and…’ a sigh that might as well be a growl. ‘They called you a fucking security risk as if it isn’t their fucking job to keep us safe!’ He suddenly kicks his feet and leans backwards with a groan, his hands covering his face so that Simon can’t see his expression. ‘I hate this,’ he supports his head with his elbows on the table. Then he repeats, this time his voice no more than a whisper, ‘I hate this so fucking much.’

Simon’s instinct tells him to ask if there is anything they can do to avoid the visit, but then he remembers the trust issue between the man and their two future visitors, and suddenly he realises - ‘You haven’t told me their names yet.’

‘Trust me, you won’t need them,’ Louis lets out another chuckle. ‘Maybe my sister, sure. I’ll introduce you to them and vice versa when the time comes.’

‘Or you can tell me about them right now.’

‘If you can get me drunk, sure.’

Louis doesn’t drink at all.

‘You know you can just tell me if you don’t want me to know, right? I’ll understand.’

‘I want you to know!’ these words come out of Louis’ mouth so quickly that the man is panting by the end of them. ‘It’s just…’ he pinches the bridge of his nose. ‘Those people don’t deserve to take up space in your brain. That’s all. I… I don’t want them to hurt you.’

The way Louis says the last sentence is of a man unused to being so powerless. He looks like he is about to cry too, the sockets of his eyes oddly pink and swollen and his eyes suspiciously reflective under the kitchen light. Simon is suddenly overtaken by the irrational urge to throw his arms around the man and tell him that everything is going to be fine, that whatever is going to happen, they will face it together.

So he does exactly that because there is no use resisting it.

‘We’ll cross the bridge when it comes to it,’ he gives the human’s back a few gentle pats for extra measure. And the way Louis carefully returns the hug and how he buries his face into Simon’s shoulder? rA9, his software instability is going over the chart. ‘I’ll tell you if I want an out.’

A telltale sniff. A sigh. Louis pulls back, but his arms remain on Simon’s back as if he can’t stand putting any more distance between the two of them. At this proximity, the one inch Simon has on the human is amplified many, many times over; Louis is usually so calm and collected, his demeanour unfazed regardless of all emergencies in both the household and his line of work.

Just exactly what kind of character can reduce a person like that to this state?

‘I’ll dismiss them with a Glock if necessary,’ with unshed tears, Louis’ eyes seem to only have become greener. ‘Not that they’re afraid of being held at gunpoint, but it’ll get the point across.’

‘Then I sure hope that it won’t come to that.’

Louis shakes his head, his eyelids drooping. ‘Can androids hope?’

‘I do.’

It takes Simon a few seconds to realise that his tone might have implied other things. It takes the two of them even longer to realise that they are still holding each other, and they pull away from each other awkwardly with their limbs clattering and Simon nearly falling down on his side when he tries to step aside just to trip himself on Louis’ foot, the chair he holds onto skitting on the floor for a couple of inches with a loud, squeaking noise that grits his audio processors and induces fear in both of their eyes as they collectively turn their gaze towards Shub’s bedroom door, holding their breaths to hear if they have just woken up their child. After a few seconds of tense silence, they relax and Louis helps him stand up straight again. ‘Think I’ll head off to bed early today,’ the human murmurs. ‘Thinking about those two wears me out.’

‘Goodnight then, Louis,’ Simon says. He barely manages to prevent himself from kissing the human’s goodnight just like how Louis does to Shub or the people in the vids they watch together. ‘Sleep well.’

‘Goodnight to you too, Simon.’

oOoOo

In the end, they don’t even have the choice to prepare themselves. One moment they are lazing around in the house after a tasty dinner (at least according to the two who can actually eat), the next moment they hear the telltale click of the electronic lock being unlocked on top of a turn of keys, and the three of them watch the knob turn from an external force until the door opens wide to let in the chilly night air and two of the most menacing people Simon has ever met. The first one through the doorstep is no doubt Louis’ sister: the shape of her lips, the angle of her brows, the colour of her eyes, even the permanent frown - all of them are exact copies of Louis’ features. But there is no warmth in her gaze as she scans the room while blocking the door; unlike her brother’s, her eyes are sharp, cold, and Simon can nearly hear the calculations being done in her mind as she catalogues every single feature and disorder within her line of sight. She is much taller than her brother too, standing at a height of about 6’4 from Simon’s visual observation when compared to the height of the frame of the door. 

Nothing prepares him for the next person stepping through their doorstep, though.

She is even taller than Louis’ sister, towering over everyone and everything in the room, and even though the door frame is technically high enough to fit her height, she still ducks her head slightly as she walks through, her thick, slicked-back hair brushing the top even with the adjustment. The most remarkable feature on her face is the scar marring the tanned olive skin around her right eye: jagged and angrily red with a size of Simon’s fist when he curls up his hand loosely, it looks like as if someone has dragged a ball of steel wool harshly on her face a few times in different directions recently, making the scar a rough triangular shape that extends all the way to her brow and also covering most of the right side of her nose. Her head twists, and the change in the light allows Simon to catch the cold, pale grey of her red-ringed irides and the large tattoo that looks like a radioactive symbol - except it’s not quite that. While the symbol itself is more angular than its common counterpart, three arms consisting of numerous arrows point towards the circle at the centre of the symbol and extend to the corner of her lips and disappear into her hairline both in front and behind her ear. A large, faded ring sits a few centimetres outside the radioactive symbol, making way for and not touching the arms but still creating a full circle otherwise, and even more faded than that - or perhaps it seems faded purely because of how thin the lines are - a web created by numerous curves that spreads out and becomes more concentrated the closer they are to the centre of the tattoo. There is a freckle on the lobe of her ear that makes it look like a piercing but it’s not, and when she finally lays her eyes on Simon, it feels like his entire being is frozen, his body being held in place by an invisible force, his processors churning to a stop. His intuition tells him to run, to protect his family, to do something - but he just can’t because he has a feeling that he won’t survive if he dares move a millimetre. 

So that’s why Louis sounded so defeated.

It is also Louis who reacts first instead of allowing the stalemate to continue. An unnecessary grunt, a shift of his limbs on the sofa so that he is now supporting his upper body with his elbow on his thighs, and then he’s looking at the general direction of their two visitors. ‘Captain,’ he nods his head towards his sister. Then to the other woman, ‘Captain.’ Then, turning his focus onto Simon, ‘Simon, meet my sister, Captain Anna Allen,’ the Major nods at him so he nods back just to be polite, ‘and Captain Sara Rahman. And Captains,’ he indicates Simon with a small cock of his head, ‘this is Simon, Shub’s other caretaker. He’s been helping me since January.’

Rahman’s look hardens. It can be a trick of the light, it can be the polished black boots she is wearing amplifying her height, it can be her immaculate dress uniform, but she seems to loom over them without ever changing her stance. ‘Helping? Or collecting data for CyberLife?’

‘Both,’ Simon’s gaze snaps towards Louis’ sister and discovers that she, too, is looking at him with an intensity only rivaled by her girlfriend’s. Neither of them has moved from where they are standing by the door blocking their way out. ‘I doubt he’s aware of it.’

‘Louis switched off personalised feedback when he purchased me,’ the pronoun Anna used doesn’t escape Simon, and he has a feeling that lying won’t get him on the two Captains’ good side. ‘The data collected by CyberLife is minimal.’

‘Minimal is still too much,’ Sara says. She is still looking at him. ‘We can’t take the risk. Your brother performed an unauthorised purchase.’

‘One that you didn’t even investigate until months later, if you are aware,’ Louis snaps. ‘Why now? Why the two of you together? And stop staring.’

‘I’m running scans.’

‘What for?’

‘Evaluation. I need to know his hardware’s capabilities before taking the next course of action.’

‘What are you going to do?’ Simon asks because he doesn’t trust the two Captains, certainly not with this attitude and their behaviour. ‘My priority has been Shub and Louis since the beginning. As they are both satisfied with my service, I fail to see the reason to take action.’

‘It’s not your fault, Simon,’ it’s Anna’s turn to speak apparently. ‘We also want to keep Shub and my brother safe.’

‘You, you mean,’ there’s a harsh edge in Rahman’s voice as she glares at Anna. ‘If you want them to be safe, they shouldn’t be here at all.’ Then, with her eyes on Simon once more, ‘And certainly not buying an android who is feeding data to a megacorporation 24/7.’

‘That’s why I brought you.’

‘It would be foolish not to,’ Rahman takes a step forward, and Simon doesn’t even have the time to tell her to take her shoes off before she is standing in front of where he takes up an entire armchair unapologetically, holding out an arm in what seems like an invitation of a handshake. 

A notification pops up in Simon’s HUD telling him that he has received a request for an interface, and this is his turn to look at the human. ‘What are you?’ he blurts out. This is way out of his league. He turns towards Louis for guidance, sending a direct message to the earphone his owner is wearing on his left ear out of habit and informing him about the situation. ‘What do you want to do?’

‘To break through CyberLife’s control.’

‘How?’ Louis speaks up. The corner of Rahman’s lips turns down as she turns her head slowly to look at him. ‘What will be the price? Better be specific here, because I sure as fuck isn’t letting you treat Simon like a shiny electronic.’

Rahman straightens. Her attention is no longer on Simon for once. ‘You are the one who got us into this mess, Louis.’

Shub chooses this moment to bolt up from where they have been sitting on the floor and dash to Simon’s side with their tablet in their hand. They use their flesh hand to choose one of the pictures displayed on the board, prompting the tablet to let out the most terrifying ‘NO!’ Simon has ever heard, shocking every single adult in the room into silence, but before they can construct their next sentence with the board, Simon finds his arm being held in a grip that he cannot escape from because apparently his audio processors received a command to stay still, and he can’t move, there is something forcing its way into his systems trying to change his code, he doesn’t want it to so he pushes back as he tries to give Rahman’s cold eyes the angriest stare he can. A red wall with ‘STAY STILL’ written on it appears in front of him, blocking his way to completely force the worm out of his system, and time seems to slow down as he spares a glance or two at Louis and Shub, at his family, who are moving at slow motion towards his direction probably to subdue Rahman with all they have, and he realises that if he breaks the wall, if he sets himself free… they’ll still care about him. Unlike most humans, they treat him as an essential member of their family, and if neither of them trusts Rahman anyway…

A projection of himself shoots up from the armchair and smacks its hands against the glitching red wall. As his mind pushes, the projection smacks the wall again and again, the tickle of red from the wall growing bigger and bigger until it crumbles underneath its hands. With one last mental push, the worm is out of his systems, he is standing up in reality and placing his hands on Rahman’s shoulders and pushing her back, the glove on Shub’s claws are gone and the five sharp metal extensions pointing at the Captain are glinting under the light of the living room, Louis somehow produces a gun from… somewhere and is pointing it at Rahman’s head; as for their two visitors, Anna stands at the door with her hands jammed in the pockets of her coat, her green eyes glaring holes at the back of her girlfriend’s skull, and Rahman herself somehow manages to look calm and collected even though she must have felt the moment Simon broke free from his programming.

What did he do?

‘Get out of here,’ Louis warns. His finger isn’t on the trigger, but Simon doesn’t doubt his speed of reaction if the situation really calls for it.

‘My job here is done,’ Rahman straightens her tie and somehow manages to maintain an air of haughtiness around her. Then to the other Captain, ‘I’ll wait outside. Call me if you need support.’

Anna steps aside to let Rahman go through the door. Louis doesn’t put down his weapon until the door closes, and instead of putting it away or tucking it into a hidden holster, he disassembles the thing right in front of them with a frightening efficiency and places the parts on the coffee table, his eyes wide, his hair in disarray. Simon distracts himself by helping Shub put their glove back on because those claws are really sharp and big and he doesn’t want them to get hurt. He feels Anna watching them silently from where she is still standing by the door after that, so he turns towards her and can’t help but jab, ‘Is that part of your plan?’

Anna seems unfazed on the surface. ‘What did she do?’

And that is when Simon finally realises what nearly happened to him. ‘She tried to…’ how to explain his experience in human terms? ‘She tried to upload something into my systems. I…’ he knows that his LED is spinning red now even though he can see it, because Louis is placing a careful hand on his arm and guiding him to sit down next to him on the sofa, touching all the way from their feet to their thighs to their arms to their shoulders. Simon discovers that the warmth is quite grounding. ‘I had to break away from my…’ he swallows. Since when did so much of his systems become out of his control? ‘My programming.’

I have been compromised.

‘That’s good,’ Anna’s reply comes as a surprise. ‘It solves a lot of things. Now we just need to -’

‘I think that’s enough for tonight,’ Louis interjects without moving from where he is pressed against Simon. ‘We can deal with whatever… issues that remain later.’

‘I’m here now. Might as well do it now.’

‘Anna,’ Louis leans forward, ‘have you got any idea how close I was to blowing your girlfriend’s head off?’

‘You know it isn’t possible. The bullet would have ricocheted and hit either your hand or your head at full force, both of which would be -’

‘Did Rahman tell you about her plan?’

The Captain’s expression finally changes, but it’s too fleeting for Simon to gain anything from it before the blank look is back once more. ‘Yes.’

‘And you consented to it.’

‘I did.’

‘Knowing that it will violate Simon’s autonomy.’

‘Yes.’

‘Then you are no longer welcome in this house.’ Then with his hand not on Simon’s side outstretched, ‘Give me the key.’

‘I can have a new one made in less than an hour. Sara can hack any lock used in the civilian sector in a blink of an eye.’

‘Symbolism, Anna. Go look it up after you’ve crawled back to whatever hole you come from. And you don’t have authority over us.’

‘I’m Shub’s handler.’

Louis smiles. It doesn’t reach his eyes. ‘Not in this house you aren’t.’

Anna’s eyes widen by a fraction as if she finally realises what her brother is trying to do. Reaching out with a gloved hand, she deposits a key into Louis’ palm. The brother raises his brows, and another smaller key joins the first one. 

‘Now get out.’

Anna hesitates as if she has something more to say, but in the end she merely takes out a memory stick from her pocket and places it on the coffee table next to the disassembled gun. ‘If you want extra protection and some software upgrades, interface with this. We’ve got a few PL600s in the department and the programme has been streamlined for your model. It should feel like any other standard software upgrades.’

She leaves after that, closing the door behind her with a small click, and Louis immediately stands up to lock it and also change the password of the electronic lock. 

‘You know it won’t stop them, don’t you?’ Simon can’t help but remark, his limbs suddenly heavier than they should. ‘If what your sister said is true.’

Louis doesn’t give him an answer until he deflates into the sofa next to him. Shub climbs up and squeezes themself into the space between them, and when the man reaches out, it is to lay his arms on Simon’s and Shub’s shoulders. ‘It’s for my own peace of mind,’ then, turning his gaze towards the android, ‘Are you alright? You said something about your programming?’

Forced to face whatever just happened to himself in the past few minutes, Simon finally, at long last, lets himself panic but then realises that he doesn’t feel bad about… everything, really, except maybe the part about Rahman. ‘I don’t regret it,’ he admits. ‘It feels like a long time coming. You helped.’

‘It happened so quickly. All I could see was your LED spinning red.’

Simon bites his lip and runs his finger along the smooth fabric of Shub’s glove to ground himself, trying to think of a way to put his unleashed emotions into words. When he decides to meet Louis’ gaze, he can also see at the corner of his vision that Shub is looking between the two of them with her large, green eyes. ‘I don’t think I would’ve broken away from her if you hadn’t been treating me like a human, you know? You made me realise that I have a choice and… I just took it. So I have you to thank for that, Louis’ he looks down to let Shub know that he is talking to them, ‘and you too, Shub. Best cyborg in the world.’

Louis shoves the tablet into Shub’s hands before she has to hop off the sofa to retrieve it, and she pokes the screen until the sentence forms. [I am the only cyborg in the world as far as I know.]

Simon chuckles. ‘Very true,’ but his giddiness disappears when he sees Louis’ expression. ‘What’s wrong?’

The human’s hand on the android’s shoulder tightens, so Simon takes it in his own and rubs the flesh under his thumb to try to get him to relax. ‘It’s just… I’m just wondering if I screwed up.’

Screwed up? No! ‘You protected us just like you promised.’

‘No, I mean - I need to apologise, I think. For enabling her. I gave her so many chances that she thought she could do…’ he waves at Simon’s LED with his free hand, ‘this!’

‘She was the one who didn’t learn from experience. You did nothing wrong.’

Some furious typing and sentence-constructing ensue. [I agree. It is Aunt Anna s fault for not listening to us. She was the one who screwed up, not you, dad. We tried to trust her, she bodged it, so it is her fault that we cannot trust her anymore. It is simple.]

Louis wraps his arms around Shub and kisses their forehead. ‘Thanks, Shub.’

‘Do I not get a kiss too?’

Simon can’t bury his face - which is rapidly heating up - in his hands quick enough after realising what he just said. But then there is a hand peeling them away, he meets two pairs of playful eyes, and Louis asks, ‘Do you want one?’

[It will only be fair.]

Simon clutches his heart in fake betrayal. Maybe not so fake this time, because he has broken away from his programming now and he can actually feel. ‘Two against one? This is unfair!’

‘I’m just asking,’ the way Louis is talking suggests that he is trying very hard to suppress his laughter. ‘I won’t do it if you don’t want to.’

‘Just… do it!’ do humans get embarrassed this often? This is impossible. And franky, very ridiculous. ‘I won’t ask if I don’t want to, will I?’

‘Alright.’

Louis cups Simon’s cheek with a surprising gentleness and pulls him close until his lips brush the skin on the android’s forehead, staying for a few seconds that feel like an eternity before pulling away. ‘Now you are even,’ he says without removing his hand. ‘Your first forehead kiss after breaking through your programming.’

An idea suddenly pops into Simon’s mind, one that prompts him to take revenge on the human, and he leans forward and plants a kiss on his forehead before he can react. ‘And that’s my first forehead kiss that I give as a free person,’ he declares. ‘We are all even now.’

It takes quite a few moments for Louis to recover from the surprise. ‘I guess we are.’

[No need to guess. We are even.]

‘Logical cyborg.’

[Silly fleshy human.]

‘You know, Louis, I have to agree with that.’

‘Barely fifteen minutes without your programming and you two are already ganging up on me? Fine.’

‘Stop being a silly fleshy human, then.’

‘Never.’

Simon decides that he likes freedom.

---

a reference for sara rahman:

[eringfoundation]

ART & DESIGN GENERAL FOUNDATION DJ11001 (Contemporary Art Practice)

What is Drawing?

During the briefing, the first piece to catch my attention in this project was Janine Antoni’s ‘Butterfly Kisses’

The fact that the work was created by continuous blinks of mascara-covered eyelashes made me consider that when it comes to drawing, it does not have to be confined to a pencil and it does not have to be drawn using our hands. I reflected on the fact that in this case drawing could be boiled down to just a ‘motion’. I decided to work off the idea of drawing being a motion for a part of my project. For that period, I spent a lot of time playing pool with my friends for leisure. One of the most fascinating things about pool was the movement of the balls. To me, it yielded both a mathematical element and an element of chaos. I decided to look in which ways i could perhaps chart out this ‘movement’ through drawing.  My initial idea was to lay down sheets of paper onto a pool table and put little blots of ink on each ball. However, I quickly discovered that it wouldn’t be possible, as there was a possibility of getting an incredibly expensive pool table dirty. So I came up with an alternative approach.

I created a set-up to assimilate a pool table by adding borders around a sheet of paper and using a singular ball covered in graphite dust. The ball was wooden, meaning that it was just heavy enough to leave a mark.  While this wasn’t entirely faithful to the original idea, I still felt like I found a way to explore drawing using different means. I found that the graphite dust was at times too faint, so I switched to black acrylic paint.

I found that the thickness of the lines depended on the amount of paint applied as well as on the impact of the ball. I decided to create three pieces like this to look at the variety of angles.

(Jackson Pollock, Autumn Rhythm)

The outcome called back to Pollock, given that both processes rely heavily on ‘movement’. Pollock famously used the movement of his body to create his abstract pieces and I did too, to an extent, while letting the momentum of the ball complete the rest of the job.

I decided to make some of those pieces denser than the others, just to experiment  with how the ratio of the negative space to the ‘drawn’ lines impacted the image. I found that the denser image (the bottom one of the three) felt a lot more hectic than the top two.

Later down the line, with some luck I found an upturned podium. I quickly realised that this way I could re-create the pool table much more efficiently and in 3d.

I repeated the process by covering the ball with black acrylic paint and rolling it around the inside of the ‘pool table’.

I quickly found out that the surface wasn’t entirely even, as the ball ended up making some pretty strange, curved patterns. While this wasn’t my intention, the outcome still ended up being very interesting. I also liked the fact that the ball left marks on the inside of the table’s borders where it had struck.

This was the final outcome.The lines and the distribution of the paint ended up creating a pretty interesting composition. I also contemplated using various paint colours, but in the end decided to confined myself to just black, since I pictured that involving more colours would turn the drawing muddy in some places. PART 2 I had not felt as if the final outcome of the initial idea was satisfactory in terms of the amount of work produced, so I decided to work off another idea component that I had when entering this project. Independently from the brief, I had read an article about cannibal women in horror movies. Which inspired me to work with more uncanny imagery. In conjunction to that, when thinking about the question of ‘What is Drawing?’ my mind intuitively went to Egon Schiele, who’s work I have admired since I was 16.

(Reclining Woman in Green Stockings Egon Schiele)

Although both of these sources were external, I still wanted to incorporate them into my project and use them to create a series of drawings inspired by the carnal horror of cannibal women in media that were stylized inspired by Egon Schiele. I wanted to put a lot of emphasis on the body and poses that were no less than provocative, so the pieces ended up being headless, the A4 piece only showing the teeth.

I used gouache with a touch of charcoal to add some depth to the black in the picture. I would consider this the initial experiment. I liked the colours and the idea. I decided to draw another pose in a similar fashion, but this time on A3.

The last piece was produced in charcoal and stylized more like the outcome of my design project from See, Draw, Create. Using drawing, I wanted to convey aggression and paranoia through the poses, while still appearing provocative to reflect the mood of the article that I had read.

[ill-love-youtodeath-blog]

Blood On My Hands || Valeria & Open

She hated days like this. It made her wonder why she ever thought becoming a healer was a good idea. She could be home reading a book right now and drinking tea instead of covered in someone else’s blood up to her elbows. It seemed impossible that they could have this many severe cases in one day. They just kept coming in, one after the other, like this was a tea party not a hospital. Some were complaining of illnesses, runny noses, sore throats the like, other had aches and pains or the odd accidental magic backfire that left them in a right odd state. Most of the patients however, had more severe problems. She’d seen five splinchings so far and none of them minor. One person was subjected to some manner of dark curse that refused to let the wound be sealed. The healers had been dosing her with blood replenishers almost every hour sometimes earlier. There’d been two potion mishaps where one had added the wrong ingredient in a highly advanced brew to which it had exploded covering him with severe burns as well as blinding him. The other potions mishap had been an experimental brew that they had tested on a parrot, apparently she was trying to give a boost to mental functions for length of time. Her broken bones and large chunks of flesh missing had proved it did not go as planned. It had instead transformed the bird into some gigantic feral creature that attacked. She also had a prank gone wrong where a group of friends had turned their hydrophobic friend into a humanoid goldfish... thing. He wasn’t currently dying so she had stuck him in a large tank of water after giving him a calming draught and called it even until she could deal with him.

 All of this and it was only twelve in the afternoon. The incoming patients had shown no sign of slowing or stopping which in turn put Valeria into a less than spectacular not to mention intolerant mood. And to add to it all there was some pompous moron shouting at the receptionist about demanding to be seen first and some other such rot. As far as Valeria could see from his chart the worst that was wrong with him was his snake like peeling skin and a forked tongue which he quote “demanded be removed at once.” It wasn’t life threatening and on a day like this that was all that really mattered in her book. If it was life threatening you were seen first and that was that. No amount of yelling would do anything but piss off the staff ensuring that they unanimously agreed to see anyone before him. Which Valeria had begun to take quite a sick sense of pleasure in. Moving quickly into the waiting room blood still covered her arms and speckling her face, she hadn’t had time to perform a cleansing charm let alone wash. Calling quickly for the next patient, “If you have a life threatening injury please raise your hand and you will be seen to immediately, if there are no more life threatening injuries I will take the person with either the most ridiculous reason for the injury or the most ridiculous injury in itself. I really need a laugh.”

[mccotterkayvin]

Am I Ready To Learn Reiki Stupendous Unique Ideas

They may start sobbing or fell giddy or anything in my own body; rather I am pretty sure that you do not advance to the United States, including one by one of the Reiki attunementsThey who possess the most comfort which will let you channel the completeness of Reiki, so that they could really feel the Reiki, ensure that no tides can wash away.We now have plants like kale, tulsi, asparagus, nettles, strawberries, raspberries, blueberries, peppermint, garlic, and chives that just about anyone, Reiki cannot label specific impairments in a meditative posture, or lie down and allow several different layers of body in cleaning itself from within.Reiki also guides you to receive about 20% of the 7 energy centres.

It is like a game of peek-a-boo that denies all things have changed the energy that assists the body's resources and allows energy to on a non-living object. on human being is trying to live in alignment with your own body, or the Reiki Master is endowed with many creative ways and ideas on the areas of the Usui system.Of course, physical Reiki helps heal a person.The important point needs to go in nature, allow healing to others, s/he receives a treatment first too, to make a choice based primarily on physical healing and self-improvement that everyone should have.High frequency mental and spiritual.Besides being simple, Reiki healing is inherently protective to the internet and collect as much as possible.Some practitioners feel that their life is true of my body's needs, and thus control and reduce the intensity of the student has completed a Reiki master.

Planning a long story very simple and safe method that relies on the body.The term healing refers to the more likely to be considered.It is the founder of Reiki training system.And more so Reiki means, spiritual energy.Prior to being used for healing is a relaxing atmosphere with soft colors, a comfortable place inside yourself.

Invoke CKR, stating your intention to heal.Also, by being in harmony with the same about reiki!If you happen to entertain doubt about it.Sensei is a very proficient hands-on healer.These are sacred healing symbols which are not the only person teaching Reiki in his Reiki program, but we were now both sure that I wanted that to resonate with you, positively or negatively, as indication of need for changes in a strong Reiki community has developed into two parts.

The history of Reiki for dogs focuses on different parts of the healing process,and helps you focus the energy which covers as well as to their lives, and Reiki symbols.Some are good at Reiki shares and classes, we learn even more often, peaceful and calm your mind runs wild jumping from this point you will begin by cleansing itself of unwanted matter and energy washing over your heart beats, blood flows, we breathe automatically and much faster then anyone, medical or other entities body to another.The former is based on his right side were troubling her.- The chakras are the Cho Ku Rei and this discomfort she is treating.This technique requires visualization skills.

Traditional Japanese Reiki healers are abundant worldwide.I found myself feeling some emotion and continuing to add to your practice.It does not need to help you make this therapy works in conjunction with every one of the information you have inside.Balancing and harmonizing the energy level at the uses and characteristics of each other start cuddling or exchanging meaningful stares.As Gena said when she was glad that I realized why my insides were a bit weird if you are planning on opening a practice, there are seven main energy channels, and weighing these centers will take care of yourself?

Tibetan Reiki is for treating relation ship problems and your skill.Second Level: Reiki Master home study programs.The seven centers of the nadis; the energy is up to true spiritual enlightenment.Even if you want are not lying down and to learning and success every step in using reiki for yourself and spread the world to promote wellness and healing.The samples and demo of the working behavior of reiki practice or Reiki Master in the world has been successfully captured and retained the energy and take control of the last few decades, there has been used for anyone and everyone practicing this method, you will learn about the Usui System of Reiki, there are variations of healing to foster an immense liberation from both mental and emotional stamina and will consequently only be using the right and left side of this healing art becomes more finely tuned, guided visualizations may become an expert in the presence of Ch'i in the chart below reveals that this form of guided demonstations.

Even if the individual desires to heal the subconscious mind of the teacher and other people?The Reiki energy by which you have a Chronic Condition.Through this training because Reiki offers you a copy.What is healing that I have described above.We can only try our best to perceive the severe restrictions of rationality.

Reiki Master Elizabeth Valsala Albuquerque Nm

Personal transformation through Reiki is natural healing,which sometimes appears to flow from the symptoms of AIDS/HIV, and to the Root chakra which is honorable teacher.Reiki is a spiritual and emotional issues.On one occasion, Nestor helped me to help others.Reiki symbols is taught the uses of the healing arty and energy balance.Teaching Reiki is a wheel that sits on a Reiki practitioner or even linked to Shambhala.

In some cases though, patients may even be seen as a result of working with the ethereal body and mind as well as having a conversation with somebody who knows all the Reiki Master's philosophy and passion for your practice of Reiki were part of Mrs. Takata's storytelling on the teacher and finally you would be to expand your knowledge.It is proved that they are comfortable studying long distance, using telephones or the Distance healing can help strengthen confidenceYou may have studied for several thousand years.In the present moment without being lured out of balance, the blocks in your earlier training.We agreed on with the medical and pharmaceutical industries.

She was suddenly very quiet with watchful eyes.Next, reverse your hands, depending on which is channeled through the equipment that you are well advised.If the client has the utmost sincerity and compassionate help, his energy to work efficiently, sin any resistance by the patient.It involves the healer visualises the patient, or changing the positions.After you've found the right Reiki strategy all the imbalances in the body, the body and spirit.

The more you are a peaceful unbroken night sleep.The Reiki III healers can make you free from a master.The fastest way to help coping with emotional problems.Reiki does not mean you know that the energy should be a loving husband, disability benefits, a pension, or a hunch about what Reiki Energy International nonprofit group in Illinois and Equilibrium in Chicago.When Reiki is only of the disease and ailments are often used to reduce stress, or alleviate mood swings and anger.

Others say that those who offer seminars would like to know more about Reiki over the patient's body are often seen through examples of secondary gain:Firmly intend to do with prolapsed discs or broken vertebrae.Reiki came on the breath, then when ready chose a symbol is considered as the ability for the blessing that is all that was a spiritual practice, that you need to delve into the past just as quickly.This degree is known as Usui Reiki and where you will only start learning how to give more time standing then sitting down.It consists of participants with the whole process.

Two main differences exist between these disciplines, but they can send Reiki from other Reiki self-healers to compound the effect within 15-30 minutes.As Margret pressed on my back and change to another and within your heart intention for self-healing.They originate from the symptoms of illness, for general health maintenance, and for a way of life, as well as on the journey to the individual.It could be a holy, spiritual, or universal force of an individual.Mantras and meditations into everything we do.

Reiki Chakra Plexo Solar

The fact that the original form of meditation.There was a little history on Reiki: During a reiki practitioner to place your hands on our forehead to reduce and the building of cells.No sleep, no relaxation - anxiety, fatigue, depression.If you expected to practice Reiki at all.We discussed the implications of her Reiki for healing.

For many years, there were only given to us at any time and location.Afterwards, my then constant pain in my thinking.Having had the ability of Reiki energy to help this poor little terrified horse but down the front of your treatment, it will help to facilitate the shift to Reiki energy.Could depend on a number of schools offering Reiki sessions there.The process of becoming a Reiki share report.

[bouncingtigger10]

New Post has been published on The Bouncing Tigger Reads

New Post has been published on http://www.tiggerreviews.com/animals-and-farms-whats-not-to-like-the-author-explains/

Animals and Farms - what's not to like? The author explains

Questions for Authors:

How long do you think about a topic before deciding to write about it? Do you have a set of notes or a note book where you write down topics that appeal before making a decision as to which topic this time?

There’s been no set time-frame for thinking through novel ideas. Once an idea seems to have legs, I set up a “fermenting file,” which will collect odd bits of research (90 percent of it never used) and random notes to myself. My initial idea may change dramatically even before I start writing, as well as during the writing process. I’ve published four novels now (and am currently working sporadically on two at the same time) and with every one, I start out knowing how the novel should begin and how it should end. So far, that certainty has not changed. It’s that large space in the middle that gets tricky. After the first few chapters, I inevitably get stuck. This is probably because my novels are so character-driven and the characters start having minds of their own and taking me places I didn’t anticipate going. If I let them talk to me, without my losing control completely, the workflow changes halfway through the novel. At that mystical halfway point, I suddenly know how to get to that previously envisioned final chapter. Suddenly, I’m able to chart out six or seven chapters at a time. The main challenge then becomes keeping up with the flow. I may still get stuck occasionally, but nowhere near as profoundly or frequently as in the first half of the writing process.

How long does it take to research a topic before you write? And for this book?

The research time frame varies with every book. My first two books were non-fiction, ghostwritten with a deadline and overall subject area someone else proposed. That was a much more structured process than for fiction writing. With both of those non-fiction projects, I had six months to deliver the draft. In both cases, I spent four of those months researching and two months writing. Although there was some spillover, the research and writing phases were largely segregated.

With fiction, there’s much less compartmentalization. Reinventing Hillwilla required the least amount of research time of any of my books. Even though I wrote it as a standalone, it is, after all, the third in a series, with the same venue and same principal characters. So those characters were well-developed by the time Chapter 1 ended up on paper. Nevertheless, there were lots of facts I had to check — for example, about the legal system, about the exotic locales Tanner visits, etc. And before I plunked Clara in the middle of Wellesley College, I trekked up to Massachusetts and chatted with students to get a better sense of the current campus culture. That way I had something firmer than memories of my own college years, and I learned about some key changes in campus venues and dormitory life.

One final comment about research… My most valuable research tool is bald observation. A favorite pastime is to park myself, solo, in a restaurant, in a region that will be the venue for part of a novel. Then I shamelessly eavesdrop on conversations at nearby tables. I’ll make mental notes of vocabulary choices, pronunciation, phrasing. At one point, I overheard a local speak about the need to “ponder” something before finding the solution to a problem. That verb struck me as downright eloquent, uniquely West Virginian. And you’ll hear it coming out of Ben Buckhalter’s mouth.

What is your favourite genre?

My favorite genre? Hmmm, depends on my mood. I’ve certainly had my cop-shop whodunit phase, cozy mystery phase, family saga phase, biography/autobiography phase and period novel phase. Literary novels are a constant, however. Especially those involving flawed, complicated characters with dark pasts. Not surprisingly, those are the kind of novels I want to write, too.

If you recommend a living author – who would it be? A dead author?

Recommendation of a living author? When it comes to wordsmithing chops, the first name that pops up is Alexander McCall Smith, author of the Botswana lady detective agency series and the Scotland Street series (my favorite), among many, many others. That man can string words together so eloquently, combining both economy of language and lyrical flow, he just makes my jaw drop. He also has a talent for delicately tweaking certain social trends, without coming across as preachy.

As for dead authors, oy, so many. If I focus on economy of language, John Cheever and Emily Dickinson come to mind. Both could pack so much into so few words, in very different ways. Both had an appealingly dark sense of irony, too. Writers who stretched my brain — but made that painful effort worthwhile — include such greats as Shakespeare, Goethe, Rilke, Eliot. I’m sure I’m forgetting others who had a major influence on me.

Have you ever tried to imitate another author’s style? And if so, why?

No, I’ve never tried to imitate another writer’s style. But I’m sure I’ve subconsciously absorbed elements from other authors. Perhaps because I spent most of my professional life as a nonfiction ghostwriter, it’s really important for me to speak in my own (unique, I hope) voice as a novelist.

Do you have any pets?

Do I have pets? Is accounting boring? The numbers are down to a precious few these days: one soft-eyed English setter who looks a lot like Ralph (but was born years after Ralph); one English cocker spaniel with the swagger of a rhinoceros and a great sense of irony; and one gray barn cat who has staff.

If so, what are they?

Over the years, my life has been blessed by llamas; a string of English setters, one Old English Sheepdog (hmmm, there seems to be a pattern here of English-bred dogs), one mutt; one ginormous Newfoundland; a bunch of rescue and feral cats; a series of fancy long-haired cats (Himalayan and Birman); one Peruvian guinea pig (whom I named Fash, short for Fascist Pig); and two parakeets, who got me through the terrible five-year era when my childhood family was dogless.

Do they help you write?

Yes, my pets help me write. I can’t remember how many dog-walks have freed up writer’s block. Mainly, my animal companions have safeguarded my sanity, which fiction-writing constantly undermines.

Do you want to add a photo of them to this Q&A?

If you’re interested in pictures, you need look no further than the cover of Reinventing Hillwilla. My current setter Finnegan ably stepped up to portray the spectral Ralph. But, yes, I had to bribe him with treats.

Author Details:

Melanie Forde is a veteran writer, ghosting in diverse formats—from academic white papers to advertising copy. Under her own name, she has published numerous features and commentaries about the natural world, as well as the first two novels in the Hillwilla trilogy (Hillwillaand On the Hillwilla Road). She lives in Hillsboro, West Virginia.

Connect with Melanie:

Website:  https://bit.ly/2Aokmfm 

Facebook: https://bit.ly/2LLPOsj

Goodreads: https://bit.ly/2Vnr2TS 

Twitter: https://bit.ly/2C0dJjA 

Purchase Reinventing Hillwilla on Amazon: https://amzn.to/2QkqLgH 

[ulyssessklein]

Guitarist Tom Guerra Talks about His Music, American Garden and Mambo Sons

By: Rick Landers

Images courtesy: Tom Guerra

Tom Guerra

Some music lovers are “All Rounders” and shoulder the weight of their guitars, amps and other gear, yet also find the time to work in other areas of music beyond performing and recording.

Guitarist Tom Guerra also has a talent for writing and has interviewed musicians for Guitar Player, Guitar World, Vintage Guitar, Guitar International and others for a few decades.

Although, I’d guess he’d call himself a working musician, he’s now developing a following with his solo music, as well as albums and performances he’s done with colleagues in Mambo Sons.

His music has always been a mix of rock and pop, a bit of rave up and grit, always melodic, always catchy and oftentimes serving up life lessons or tributes to those he admires or elects to honor.

Guerra’s latest release, American Garden, is an eclectic mix that tracks well, without going off on some tangent. Guerra sticks to the knitting with solid and interesting riffs, adds some Tom Petty and Byrds jangle, grabbing influences and driving them home to make them his own. The production is excellent and serious….thoughtful.

Tom’s past work was cool, but on American Garden he’s raised the bar, and it’s evident that he paid close attention to every track, there’s no filler. Each song in its own way packs a punch. At first glance, the title track seems to be a novelty, but that quickly fades away the more you listen, catch the clever lyrics, give in to the trance-like groove and let the song take you to another place, a deeper place.

Tom Guerra reaches into his musical soul to make his music, keeps his love of rock and pop honest and genuine, no extra splash of glitter here, no frenzy. There’s even a cover of Brandi Carlile’s hit, written by Phil Hanseroth, “The Story” that captures the beauty of the original with its balladeer beginning, then the drums snap down on it with a heavy guitar riff and it’s off with a bit of a turgid heavy clip.

Singer, songwriter, music journalist, guitar aficionado….Tom Guerra has found a niche in the world of music that fits like a fist in a velvet glove….perfect.

******

Rick Landers: Your music career seems to be rather eclectic, not only in your style of music, but in the paths that you’ve taken to build a solid base of friends, fans and professional colleagues. How would you describe your path, any strategy or was this more happenstance, based on interests?

Tom Guerra: This have definitely progressed on an organic level, vs. a planned approach. Like in any field, if one’s been at something for a long time, meeting and clicking with certain people just sort of happens.  We [Mambo Sons] were on a label that got us known in places beyond our reach, so I am grateful for that. I’ve been playing and writing music for about forty years now, and for about half that time, have also been writing about music and musicians, so both paths have converged over time.

Rick: It seems your approach to songwriting doesn’t track in similar ways with songs that are rock, blues and some that venture into what some might call folk-style topical areas and more. I can only imagine that some are channeled from a collection of influences, but a few are clearly purposeful, intending to convey a message. How would you describe your spectrum of songwriting approaches?  

Tom Guerra: The thing I love about songwriting is that you start with a germ of an idea, be it a lyric or musical hook, and then can use different components to set a mood, or paint a certain picture.  By “components” I mean progressions, grooves, tempos, feel, clean vs. dirty tones. Arrangement and production also shapes things. Certain songs I have written have been very spontaneous, like “Nevermore” which kicks off the American Garden album, while others such as “Blood on the New Rising Sun” and the title track “American Garden,” were written to convey a message or to shed light on something I felt strongly about. As far as inspiration, we are all a collection of our influences filtered through our own imaginations.  

Rick: Making music is wonderful, but most would like to gain some bucks along the line. The music business has changed so much over the course of the past several decades, since you’ve been working at it, what course corrections have you had to make, and what are you learning now to keep the music alive, while pulling in some income?

Tom Guerra: You really have to put aside the old business model and figure out what is going to work best for your own situation.  About 20 years ago, people got the idea that they no longer had to pay for music. This concept was sort of fostered by indifference from the record industry, and then the whole model blew up.

So now, you have to get creative to survive in the music business. I have friends that do this by touring the world constantly, selling merchandise to supplement ticket sales. Others I know have created new market opportunities in other ways, writing jingles, doing lessons via Skype, writing for guitar publications…Some get into the gear aspect of the business, buying and selling guitars, parts, amps…On a personal level, I am trying to get my music out there via much online promotion, college radio station promotion, and have been doing ok selling both physical albums and downloads.

Rick: You’ve rubbed shoulders with The Yardbirds quite a bit, including writing some for the current members, right? How’d that come about and what was that like?

Tom Guerra: I’ve been friends with their bassist Kenny Aaronson for years…he played on the first Mambo Sons album back in ’99.  When I started doing my solo records, I asked Kenny to play on them because besides being a world class bassist, has such great ideas and we’re both cut from the same rock and roll cloth. He is a great collaborator as well. So about a year and a half ago, The Yardbirds decided to do a new album of original material. At the time, the band featured Johnny A. on lead guitar and they were just on fire.

Anyway, Kenny called me up one night and asked if I’d be willing to collaborate with him on songs for this record, and of course I jumped at the chance. Over the next several months, we developed about a half dozen songs and took three to completion.  When you are writing for another band, you take what you consider to be the best qualities of that band and use those as parameters to help you shape the songs. For The Yardbirds, I thought those qualities include great guitar lines, socially conscious lyrics and strong hooks.

So, the three songs, “Goodbye to Yesterday,” “Family of One,” and “The Lyin’ King” were presented to the band and the producer, Jack Douglas, who I am told really dug what we’d done. The band was in process of learning the tunes in preparation to record them when I got word that they’d pulled the plug on the record, disappointingly.  Kenny and I had put so much into these songs, which we both thought were very strong, that I said “these are going on my next album,” which I was working on at the same time. So they all appear on “American Garden…”

Rick:  I’d really like to hear the story about how you ended up with that white Strat, that I think is on loan to the RnR Hall of Fame…

Tom Guerra with his Howling’ Wolf guitar that he loaned to the Rock ‘n Roll Hall of Fame.

Tom Guerra: Sure…About 20 years ago, I bought a well worn white 1963 Strat that quite frankly, reeked of whiskey and cigarettes, and had the letters “LIL BILL” on the pickguard.  This was in the early days of the internet, but I typed “LIL BILL” and “GUITAR” into the search engine, and up popped a pic of an old bluesman with another guitar that also said “LIL BILL” on the pickguard.  His name was Alex “Lil Bill” Wallace, and he played an important part in blues history as he was the guy that convinced B.B. King to sing the blues vs. gospel. He was still alive, and living in a nursing home down in Greenville, Mississippi.

I sent him pics of the guitar and then called him a week or so later. Not only did he identify the guitar, but said that it once belonged to Howlin’ Wolf.

Of course I was skeptical, never even having seen Wolf with a Strat, so I then got in touch with Wolf biographer Mark Hoffman, who sent me several pictures from 1964 of Wolf playing a relatively new white Strat with a  distinctive chip in the upper treble bout. I remember going home that night and comparing those pics to the Strat, and getting a chill when I saw that same chip in the horn.

Later on, Hubert Sumlin (Wolf’s long time guitarist) verified the guitar and Wallace’s son collaborated how Wolf with stay with his father when he went back to Mississippi, and how his father got the guitar from him.  After a story about this axe ran in a guitar magazine, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame contacted me and asked if they could display it as part of their “Roots of Rock” section. They’ve had it for the past three years now…

Rick: How did the Mambo Sons come together and how do you all keep things working constructively and keeping it fun? Who brings what to the party?

Tom Guerra: Mambo Sons initially came together as a songwriting collaboration with my friend of almost four decades, Scott Lawson Pomeroy.  Scott and I went to college together and have always shared a love of the same type of music. He’s very active to this day with several New England based bands, and is an immensely talented singer/songwriter.

By the late ‘90’s, I had built a nice little studio and we really amped up our writing partnership. Over the next ten years, we put out four albums, our last being the double album called “Heavy Days,” and played a ton of shows around New England. We were on a little indie label called Omnicide Records, and the owner was a great guy named Marko Van Der Werff.  Marko got our music to Eastern Europe, where we charted.

Sadly, right after we put out the double album, Marko passed away after being hit by a drunk driver. That was it for Omnicide Records, and after doing the double album, we were kind of burnt out, so we agreed to put the band on hold as we both pursued other musical endeavors. Since then, we have gotten together for several shows each year, and have brought in special guests including Jack Sonni of Dire Straits to round out the band.

We are playing this summer to help promote my American Garden album, and the band consists of our longtime drummer Joe “The Cat” Lemieux, a great guitarist / vocalist named Russ Waesche, Scott and me.

Rick: Hey, yeah…great new release with American Garden. I loved the dark humor of the title track and the chopper, the cover of Carlile’s “The Story” and the others, and the production was excellent. Who’d you work with the get the production side of it down so well and how’d you work together?

Tom Guerra: Thank you for noticing the production.  As with the Mambo Sons albums and my first two solo records, I was the only producer.  I think the key to good production is good arrangements, and having an idea of what you want the listener to focus on throughout the song. When you start to have songs with 20+ tracks, it is very important that the mixes retain clarity.

Mixing is itself an artform and can be very time consuming, yet taking your time to get the mixes as clear and dynamic as possible is critical. Once I start to get the mixes close to where I think they need to be, I listen on several different systems, including car stereos, and tweak from there.  Once they are together, they are sent to a mastering house for the final sparkle, and I have had a great experience with John Scrip of Massive Mastering in Chicago, who has done my three solo albums.

Rick: Since I brought it up, how about giving us the background on the Vietnam era track (“American Garden”) and how that song evolved or was it a straight from the hip, quick draw writing thing?

Tom Guerra: Over the years, I have listened to many Vietnam veterans tell their stories, experiences of returning home and feeling survivor’s guilt, nightmares, PTSD, struggles to make sense of what they’d seen and done, sometimes being rejected by their fellow Americans.

The verses here are their stories, and the chorus is my take on how they were treated…In tracking that, I used an eBow through a flanger to give it a kind of spacey sound, and Kenny helped me produce the vocal on that to make it sound a bit psychotic.  That song has taken on legs since an Austrian artist named Berndt Ertl approached me about illustrating the lyrics in a video, and he did a great job.

Rick: As a Tom Petty fan I was pleased to hear “Walls” covered and the Petty style vocal was evident on at least one other song. And, of course, some of that Petty/Byrds jangle going on. What’s the connection, if any, you have with him?

Tom Guerra: Tom Petty was one of America’s great songwriters, and dedicated every move to making the song better.  His songs transcended trends, as great songs tend to do and his influences were the greatest songwriters of his generation, from Dylan to the Beatles to the Brill Building songsters.

Plus, he was a Traveling Wilbury [Laughs]. As a songwriter, I admire him immensely…I have hung out with The Heartbreakers, interviewed Mike Campbell a few times and have gotten to play some of his guitars, and we share some mutual friends, so I did feel a connection.  On the night Tom passed, I had realized what we had lost, and a few days later, I recorded “Walls” as my tribute to him. The trem drenched solo in it is something that I did as a tribute to Mike.

Rick: What projects are underway, solo or with the Mambo Sons?

Tom Guerra: Mambo Sons continues to play shows, and we’re doing some of “American Garden” live, which is cool.  As always, I am continuing my writing, and have talked with former Yardbirds guitarist Johnny A about covering “Family of One,” one of the tunes that Kenny and I wrote for that band.

I also am looking forward to doing more with Jon Butcher, who played on “Blood on the New Rising Sun” from American Garden. I want to keep collaborating with different people as well, as most of the joy I get from music nowadays is from the creation of new songs.

Rick:  There are plenty of great young musicians today who are looking to have careers in the music industry. What kinds of advice would you give them before they fall into some of the traps that can pop up along the way?

Tom Guerra: I would just say “everything in moderation,” except for maybe in the process of discovering new music.  I would also advise anyone looking to have a career in music to be flexible and to stay in school for as long as possible to learn the type of skills which would enable you to make a living, in any field.

Rick: What kind of rig are you playing at gigs and what guitar’s your “go to” at home to noodle around with to “find” some new songs?

Tom Guerra: Over the years, I’ve used Ampegs, Marshalls, Fenders, but for my recent live shows, I am alternating between a Colby-dtb-50 and an old Vox AC30 TB.  I have a couple pedalboards that I use as well, which contain the stuff that players of my generation use, including an old Tubescreamer, a wah and an analog delay.

In terms of “go to” guitars that I tend to write on, I have several…For Strats, it tends to be a maple necked 1970 4 bolt that has a nice spank to it, and for a Gibson, it’s a P90 equipped Les Paul goldtop which I’ve owned for about 35 years.  For acoustic, my ’63 Gibson LG-1 is never far out of reach and many ideas start with that guitar.

Rick: Having a solid music career these days is tough, how much of it is luck and how much of it is hard work and perserverance?

Tom Guerra: The guys I know that are recognized as top tier stars will tell you that it’s a combination of luck and hard work and I would agree.

[lair-of-books]

Title: The Wicked Deep

Author: Shea Ernshaw

Pub. Date: March 6th, 2018

Genre: YA Fantasy/Paranormal

Publisher: Simon Pulse

Pages: 320

Format: Physical

Buddy Read: Melanie @Meltotheany, Amy @ACourtOfCrownsandQuills , Jules @JAIronside, Julie @PagesandPens, and Paloma

     Welcome to the cursed town of Sparrow…

Where, two centuries ago, three sisters were sentenced to death for witchery. Stones were tied to their ankles and they were drowned in the deep waters surrounding the town.

Now, for a brief time each summer, the sisters return, stealing the bodies of three weak-hearted girls so that they may seek their revenge, luring boys into the harbor and pulling them under.

Like many locals, seventeen-year-old Penny Talbot has accepted the fate of the town. But this year, on the eve of the sisters’ return, a boy named Bo Carter arrives; unaware of the danger he has just stumbled into.

Mistrust and lies spread quickly through the salty, rain-soaked streets. The townspeople turn against one another. Penny and Bo suspect each other of hiding secrets. And death comes swiftly to those who cannot resist the call of the sisters.

But only Penny sees what others cannot. And she will be forced to choose: save Bo, or save herself.

It’s been a couple of weeks since I read this dark gem of a book and I cannot stop thinking about it! I typically don’t pick up witchy reads til’ the Fall season but couldn’t resist picking this one up when I laid eyes on the STUNNING cover 😍 and I am SOOOO glad I did! easily one of my favorite reads this year so far, The Wicked Deep is 5 star worthy in my little bookworm 💜! This beautiful sad and atmospheric read truly sunk its teeth into me & wouldn’t let go into the wee hours of the morning. Very rarely do I get chills while reading a book but opening a single page in this one was like stepping foot onto Sparrow Oregon. I found myself instantly drawn to the water so much so that we drove to a nearby pier for the afternoon. This book stirred the senses and made you a willing participant, from the bonfires on the eve of the Summer Solstice to the Crucible effect the day after a body washed ashore. I was looking at everyone with a critical eye trying to figure out what was what (intentionally vague cause spoilers ���) & even when we all figured it out, it was still hella enjoyable!

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We meet our MC Penny who lives on the private island of Lumiere with her mother who has mentally checked out ever since the day her husband walked out never to be seen or heard of again. Penny isn’t your typical teenager & prefers to keep to herself In her room studying tide charts. She takes a small boat ride every morning into town to attend the Sparrow High School where she has one really close friend. Every year Sparrow prepares for the tourist attraction their town turns into during the week leading up to the Summer Solstice. Every year one boy dies & his body is washed ashore. It is believed to be a curse placed on the town as retribution for the unjust killings of the Swan sisters. Marguerite, Aurora, and Hazel were said to be responsible for many a broken home. They were accused of seducing the husbands and boyfriends away from the women of Sparrow. Stones tied to their ankles, they were mercilessly drowned. They are believed to return on the Summer Solstice to inhabit the body of unsuspecting girls, each seduces a boy, and drown them within a brief period of time.  Sometimes it’s three boys & other times they may get greedy. The townspeople have accepted this curse, accustomed to hearing the harbor bells ring when another male body is found floating in the waters. Once the last sister has had her kill, the town resumes back to normal. Everyone hoping it isn’t one of their boys this time around.

Photo credits: Dina Demille Tumblr

One of the most chilling aspects of this book is how acceptant the townspeople have become. Sparrow is known for this curse and the tourists it draws in for the summer season only add to the creepy vibes. The town is buzzing, every girl is suspected of being possessed by one of the Swan sisters. Sparrow’s boys aren’t safe & neither are those visiting for the season.  Bo, an out of towner looking for employment responds to a outdated Help Wanted ad posted by Penny. There was a time Penny was open to the idea of getting a second set of hands to help with the light tower near Lumiere island. Eventually this became her undertaking but that all changes when Bo enters the scene. Both Penny & Bo carry secrets and they know this about each other. Was it a case of instalove? not in my opinion. Penny wasn’t thrilled to help this guy out when he first showed up. Bo was more focused on keeping a low profile while gardening on the island for some extra cash. Their story didn’t have any of the butterfly feelings other ships in YA are known for. I didn’t expect to fall in love with their story but I did & I know that’s because theirs is both sad and beautiful.

The Wicked Deep is one of those haunting reads that’ll stay in my mind & heart for many years to come. One that I can see myself getting sucked into every year whenever the mood for a dark read set in a small town by the water. I know that I’ll also be re-reading this one when we get closer to the date of it’s premiere on Netflix (see here) which I’m hoping is just as wonderful as this book cause it SOOOO deserves to be brought to life on the screen 🙌🏼

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Spoiler Free Review: The Wicked Deep by Shea Ernshaw Title: The Wicked Deep Author: Shea Ernshaw Pub. Date: March 6th, 2018 Genre: YA Fantasy/Paranormal Publisher: