#And Scotland's getting drunk like any good Scotsman!

[just-an-emily-existing]

Nothing Ttte related, just wanted to share these country humans I made today 😂

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Okay. So anyone who has read basically any of my blog before knows I stan the hell out of Scotland. And that is the first and last time I will ever use the term “stan”, ironically or otherwise. Anyway, here are some reasons why I have an unreasonable amount of love for Scotland despite having not ever actually been there:

- I have considered The Thick of It to be my favourite show in the world since about 2008. This show was created by a Scotsman named Armando Iannucci. The most popular character from this show was a Scotsman named Malcolm Tucker. My favourite character from this show was a Scotsman named Jamie MacDonald. All these Scotsmen happened to specifically be Glaswegians. Clearly, at some point I internalized the idea that all the cool people come from Glasgow.

- This idea was in no way diminished when I actually got super into British comedy in the last year. Throughout the time I’ve spent discovering all the comedians in Britain, I can say that every Scottish person I’ve discovered has been fucking awesome. At this point, it seems important to mention that while JK Rowling lived in Edinburgh for a long time and set much of Harry Potter in Scotland, she’s actually from an English town near Bristol. So she does not count on my list of Scottish people.

- On the subject of Harry Potter, the most specific thing we know about the location of Hogwarts is that it’s in Scotland. Privet Drive, where Harry lived with the abusive Dursleys, is in Surrey, which is just south of London. Harry lived much of his childhood in Southern England, where his life was terrible. Then, he got on a train where he was transported north until he got to Scotland, where he lived his life in a magical place with exciting adventures.

I first read the first Harry Potter book when I was nine years old, in 2000. At that time, I was a kid in elementary school who had no friends and regularly got bullied (undiagnosed Asperger’s and anxiety were not fun things to have while being an elementary school kid in the 90s). From that book, I learned this important message: if you start in Southern England and then ride a train north until you get a ways into Scotland, you will be transported from a shitty place with bullies, into a magical place where you have friends and life is exciting.

As I write this, I realize I am literally preparing to, as soon as it is safe, spend thousands of dollars to fly across the ocean to go to Southern England and then ride trains from there into Northern Scotland. It is possible that I internalized that particular message a little too much.

- Every time I see someone on some panel show talk about how the Northern English accent is unattractive, I wonder what the hell they’re talking about. I’ll admit that a year ago I couldn’t even pick out a Northern English accent from any other English accent, but now that I’ve spent enough time listening to the different English accents, I can clearly pick the Northern ones out. And I can say the Northern accents are much more attractive than any of the other English accents.

The Scottish accent is like the roughest of all the Northern English accents on steroids. Honestly, I could listen to people talk in Scottish accents all day. Fucking fantastic.

- Every year on St. Patrick’s Day in Canada, people play Home for a Rest by Spirit of the West, and get all excited about how this is a good Irish song for St. Patrick’s Day. While ignoring the fact that Spirit of the West is a band made up of Scottish guys who met after immigrating to Canada. And Home for a Rest is a song they wrote about getting drunk in London, England. A song by a bunch of Scottish-Canadians about getting drunk in England is not a fucking St. Patrick’s Day song!

It just annoys me how everyone in Canada thinks anything Celtic-sounding is Irish, even though it has just as much of a chance of being Scottish. In general, in Canada, being Irish is seen as cool and the fact that most of what people think of as “Irish culture” is also Scottish culture is ignored.

I realize that in an Oppression Olympics between the two countries, Ireland obviously wins as it’s the one that’s had a massive famine in the last 200 years and a civil war within the last 25 years. But in terms of what people in my country think is cool right now, Ireland wins. And that makes me sort of instinctively defensive of Scotland, as someone who’s been a big fan of all kinds of Celtic music since I was a young kid.

- Seriously, Scotland really does seem like this amazing magical place. And I realize it might be a problem that I see it that way. I’m Canadian, and I find it annoying when people stereotype us all as being polite. Partly because we’re not all polite and suggesting we are is just a bit weird, and partly because calling us all polite lets our country erase its past and present of horrifying systemic racism and other big problems. It’s not actually a good thing to stereotype an entire country as “cute and harmless”. I realize it is not helpful for outsiders to reduce an entire culture of people with lives and dreams and problems to “cute magical fairy land”.

And therefore, I apologize for the fact that that is exactly what I often find myself doing to Scotland. They just seem so beautiful, and everyone from there is so cool, and I love their culture so much, that I cannot help but romanticize and oversimplify sometimes.

To be fair, if Scottish people don’t want to be seen as the home of some lovely magical dreamland place, they probably shouldn’t have named this spot “Fairy Glen”:

Seriously. Just try to fucking tell me that that is not where Luna Lovegood brewed potions with her mother as a child.

[beetlebitchywitch]

Man I love everything about the conglomerate update but I was wondering... could you tell us more about Lag maybe? 🥺👉👈

OhohohoHO, why yes I can!

So, appearance. Lag is a big man. Just, lorge. Zhuk may beat everyone in height, but Lag is just a brick wall of a man. Here’s some art that @sofaabear drew of him just to make it clear how LORGE he is

Lag’s backstory is sorta up in the air. We have a vague idea that he used to work for Juno (whose relation to the dons is constantly changing, we’ll figure it out at some point I promise) and then changed sides when he bonded with Cia with a friendly Scotland vs Ireland rivalry. Now he is basically Cia’s right hand man, helping him run the pub when necessary and taking care of other stuff when needed.

All the dons have some kind of trauma/issue, right? Gio has a monster complex, Zhuk was whacked by another mob and came back as a demon and slaughtered them all, Cia constantly has to fight for his life thanks to his deal with the fae, Bajo’s decades sober from drug addiction, and Scarabee was burned at the stake for witchcraft and watched his lovers die. But Lag? He’s never been through anything quite that severe. So he’s much more jovial than the rest of them, even Bajo and Cia (the typical troublemakers). Constantly making jokes, typically in a good mood, and very difficult to piss off.

Run when you do piss him off though. There is nothing scarier than a drunk Scotsman cursing at you in Gaelic while running you down with a pack of hellhounds.

Oh yeah. So. Lag takes care of a menagerie of mythical creatures/cryptids on the estate property. Unicorns, hellhounds, wyverns, Pegasi, hippogriffs, all that jazz. He genuinely gets so much about of caring for them, and he loves to give you tours and teach you how to make sure they have the best lives possible. It’s truly his passion in life.

As for the other dons: him and Cia are practically like brothers, which means he’s very close to Bajo as well. As stated before, this man is smitten with Scarabee, but is content with being his friend and occasional lover. Zhuk likes him well enough, and Gio...eh. Gio’s difficult to win over sometimes, and isn’t much for joking around, so their personalities kinda clash. But he doesn’t dislike him by any means.

Relationship wise, he is quite the lover. A big ol’ softie, he wants nothing more than to wrap you up in his arms and take care of you. A very selfless partner.

He’s @turtlepated’s favorite. She loves herself the Scottish man.

NSFW INCOMING

A big ol switch. Definitely a soft dom when he tops, telling you how gorgeous you look and how good you’re being and making you feel safe and loved. And a big ol slutty bottom when he subs. Size king for sure, bottoming for Zhuk while getting facefucked by Scarabee is his favorite activity. Will literally pay you to peg him if you don’t have a dick.

The KING of aftercare. You can literally have this man be your mattress after sex. Just let him wrap you up in those big ol man arms and rock you to sleep.

So yeah, that’s Lag! If anyone else from the discord wants to contribute, feel free! @monsterlovinghours @realmonsterboyhours @yankyo @pastelnacht @memedemonhours @ahighwaisted-demon @insomni-snacc

Bonus: here’s art that my partner drew of Zhuk embracing his Slavic energy. The jug is full of Ovaltine.

[tornadorojo5]

Most Stupid Laws in the World-Funny Laws Around the World

I bet you might not now that nowadays a bunch of potentially harmless activities can land you in trouble with the long arm of the law, although, laws of the land that probably made lots of sense when first brought about, just don't work as they use to anymore. Since past and useful things such as old laws, have the tendency to stick around even if they have no place in today's society. Additionally to the old laws, a few newer and pretty bizarre laws of the land that have found their way into the law books. So with this in mind, let's go ahead and explore the rules of the land that have taken the pole position for being the most useless, dumbest, weird asses, stupid, and antiquated in today's world. Top Weirdest Laws in the World-Strange Laws that still Exist Great Britain The G.B has some of the most strange laws in the world, some of which are broken every single day. Did you know it was illegal to be drunk in a pub in the UK? well, yeah sir, that is "in any highway or other public places whether a building or not or in any licensed premises" (Section 12 of the Licensing Act, 1872).

Kind of makes you think, how many Brits brake that law every day? Now if you went a little happy on the Guinness to the store and buy a salmon, hell, you are in trouble 2 times as fucked as you were by just being drunk. According to the law, you are guilty of a crime if you are handling a Salmon in "suspicious circumstances" (Section 32 of the Salmon Act, 1986)

It is also illegal to carry a plank of wood along the pavement (Section 54 of the Metropolitan Police Act, 1839), especially, one would imagine, after getting drunk in a pub with a Salmon in your back or front pocket.

Not so bizarre is the stipulation that members of the parliament in jolly old England are not allowed to wear a suit of Armour in the Parliament (Statute Forbidding Bearing of Armour, 1313). It is my humble opinion that this law could have been updated by the lawmakers themselves while in Parliament.

It is also an offense to beat or shake a carpet or rug, except if it is a doormat before 8 am (Metropolitan Police Act, 1839). If you are Englander, forget about dinning on an exotic waterfowl, that is of course if you are the Queen or King of England, then it is OK to supper a swan. Check it out.

Should you be pregnant in England, it is perfectly legal to spend a penny in a policeman's hat or in fact, anywhere else, should be an emergency.

Now, in order to be fair, there does not appear to be a specific exception for pregnant women to urinate anywhere they chose to, but discretion no to charge may be exercised if a pregnant woman was caught short in public. However, it seems highly unlikely that a policeman officer would offer his helmet or hat for this purpose (Public Order Act. 1986)  On a similar note, and on the subject of toilets, in Scotland, if someone knocks on your door asking to use the bog, you must by law let them inside and relief him/herself. It is also related, the moral fares to be charged if someone is caught in short doing the following somewhat bizarre acts. In Scottland (again), that bizarrely colorful land of haggis and bagpipes, there may be more than a folk tale about Scotsmen and their kilts. Have you ever wonder what hides underneath that colorful and hard to stand skirt? According to ancient legend...they are butt-naked.

No underwear should be worn under a kilt, and according to the urban legend, if a Scotsman is found wearing underwear beneath his kilt, he is to be charged 2 beers by whoever had the courage to uncover his non-commando status. The United States of America The U.S.A also has its fair share of quirky laws, let's take for example: Arizona: Allowing your pet donkey to sleep in your bathtub is against the law since 1924.

 Alabama: Placing salt on the railway is an offense punishable by the death penalty, that is if you are in Birmingham, Alabama.

Although it seems kind of...fuck that's harsh...it has a good explanation. If you place salt on a railway, a train might get derailed or the salt may attract cattle onto the track, in which case, it most definitely will derail. California: It's against the law to play a game of frisbee without acquiring the permission of a lifeguard in Los Angeles.

Georgia: It is against the law to let your chickens roam around unattended in this state. So, guess what happened to the chicken that crossed the road?...yeah, its owner got arrested.

Hawaii: It is against the law for twin brothers or sisters to work at the same company. Talking about dumb ass laws...

Idaho: It is illegal for a human being to live in a dog kennel. It kind of gives a brand new meaning to sleeping in the doghouse.

Vermont: By law, if a woman wants to get herself false teeth, she needs first to obtain permission from her husband. Mainland Europe And here it comes the strange world of the laws in Europe. Greece: It is illegal to go sightseeing around the ancient ruins wearing high heels France: You can't name your pig Napoleon. In fact, the French government is constantly vigilant for creative names, especially if it involves the name of your kids. Some names that have been denied by a court of law to the creative parents of children in France are: Megane Renault (Mr. and Mrs. Renault were forbidden from naming her daughter Megane, because of the car's name) Tietuf (Tietuf is a children's comic book hero) Joyeux (Like Happy in Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs) Babord and Tribord (like port and starboard in a ship) The list goes on and on, just one thing to say though. I kind of agree with the French not to let ignorant parents put dumb ass names to their children that will embarrass them for life. Italy: In Rome, it is illegal to keep a lone goldfish in a Fishbowl, it is considered animal cruelty, but if you have more than one in a bowl, it is considered acceptable, since fish are sociable creatures. Poland: In some parts of Poland, children are not allowed to walk outside their houses with any Winnie the Pooh memorabilia, that is, T-shirts, Lunch Boxes, Back Packs, etc, for this cartoon character is considered "non-gender specific inappropriate hermaphrodite" without the decency to wear a pair of pants. So, for some Poles, Winnie's lack of genitalia is very offensive and against their good ways. Now...Let's go to Asia Phom Penh, Cambodia: The sale and importation of water pistols are prohibited during the new year festivities. Thailand (you are gonna love it): It's illegal to step on money, to leave home without underwear, to hold your hand out in tribute to "The Hunger Games", or to publicly criticize a fellow countryman. India: Apparently, in some parts of India, if a man is in debt, he can legally offer his wife as a down-payment, that is until the debt is settled. Japan: It is against the law to be fat, with the government setting a maximum waistline of 33.5 inches (85.09 cm) for men and 35.5 inches (90.17 cm) for women, that is if you are 40 years old or older (that excludes Sumo wrestlers). China: Buddhist monks are banned from reincarnating unless they have specific government permission. Oceania is Up Now... Samoa: It is found illegal to forget your wife's birthday. Australia: It is against the law to disrupt a wedding. This act is punishable by a fine of AUS$ 10,000.  Across the world, while laws are there to help to protect us all, and to keep society out of the constant threat of anarchy, some decisions made by lawmakers make us think of the extreme complexity that surrounds the human being.

https://ift.tt/2noN4G6

[highlandersrant-blog]

Scotland? - Fook me we did it!

OK, so it’s been a month….an amazing, crazy, mind blowing, awe-inspiring, really shit scary month since we took that “one small step for man, one big step for the Jacobs clan” onto Scottish soil.

It’s actually been 9 months since we first had the crazy thought, on a Sunday afternoon, over a couple of glasses of wine and an ever-challenging scrabble board – to emigrate. That in itself is a story for another day.

Hats off to us, we did it.  This was officially the first time in my 40 years of life that I have EVER, I repeat, EVER boarded an airplane.  I honestly cannot say that I will be a frequent flyer.  The drunk guy to the left and the terrible toddler to the right on our second flight might have put me off, just slightly, for any adventures in the near future.  Now that we are here, I can honestly say (in the most clichéd way ever) it was all worth it.

I absolutely, totally and completely….love this country.  Scotland is freaking amazing!

On that note though, there are a few things that I could warn my fellow Saffers (Nickname for South Africans who immigrate, just in case some of you didn’t know) about. Brace yourselves, it’s scary out there…

1.       It is beautiful.  No, I mean it is really, really beautiful.  All those photos you have been seeing on the Facebook pages you have been following (for me it was Edinburgh Spotlight and Iconic Tours – you guys rock) are not a touch on the absolute beauty this country holds.

2.       ATM’s – this country does not believe in cash on hand. It is pretty amazing, but should you need cash, stop being so bloody lazy and go to a bank!  SA has ATM’s on every street corner, but in Scotland you need to plan your route to get cash at the bank whenever you happened to be in the area.  Apparently (or so I hear from the lovely ladies who I currently find myself sharing an office with) you can ask the cashier at any of the major retail outlets for a cashback on your purchase.  They will then include the amount of cash you want to withdraw to your purchase and hand it over.  If only I had known that in the first 4 weeks were here!!!

3.       On our arrival in our beautiful new home, Kirkcaldy, I needed to catch a cab (taxi) from the train station to the flat. That’s where I had the amazing pleasure of meeting Bob, the cab driver.  Bob was my first actual introduction to the Scottish culture.  I will always remember him and his beautiful description of the folk he loves so much.  “Luv, no matter what….just warn the young ones to not take everything we say to heart. A Scotsman has a way with words, and we don’t hide any!”  Well “Fook me” he wasn’t joking.  The Scots are the most honest and open people I have ever met.  If you peeve him – he will tell you so. If they enjoy your company, expect pretty much the same expletive – just with a totally different meaning.

4.       I can still hear it…….   “It’s so cold there.”  “You are crazy to move to such a cold place.”  “The weather will kill you.”  Well thanks to you bunch of nay sayers I didn’t pack a single piece of summer clothing. I will have you know that the only place it is cold – is outside.  The percentage of time you spend there on a normal day (work and all included) – 2%. Inside the buildings, it is more than toasty.  We have turned the radiators down to a minimum in our house and I still sleep in a pair of hubby’s boxers and a t-shirt.  It sure as hell isn’t cold.  A simple good quality jacket and a lovely home knitted scarf is all you need for the days spent outside.  I know winter is still coming, but I’ve survived a week of snow and I’m still here to tell the tale.

5.       These people drive like me – slowly!  I love driving to work and imagining all you wonderful folk back home who would be swearing in a number of your 11 official languages at the lovely chaps (people) on our roads.  The top speed limit in my area (and that is on the highway) is 80km/h. Yes, you read that right!  The most amazing thing is that we all drive that speed and NOBODY (except maybe the one in a million idiot) pushes the limits here. You get into the wrong lane and cut off a round-a-bout (circle back in sunny SA), well don’t you worry lassie…the traffic will all slow down and give you a gap to get back into your lane.  I mean, what the hell?!

6.       The meat.  Well, honestly, when it comes to SA nobody and I mean NOBODY can compare to the meat.  We might not have your T-bone steaks, boerewors or “oepsies”, but the one thing I can say about Scottish meat – it is thick!  OK, I know that sounds strange, but when I put a chicken in the oven, it comes out the same size (no shrinkage).  When I cook a pre-made chicken hamburger pattie, it is exactly the same size before and after.  Their meat does not shrink.  It is wholesome and has precisely 0% fat.  Yes, I know a lot of you are thinking that’s not a good thing.  But hey, look in the mirror tomorrow and honestly say you wouldn’t want some 100% fat free good tasting meat on your plate for dinner.  (OK, shut up – your meat is good, but I need to convince myself that the healthy way is the best way)

7.       The schools are (excuse my enthusiasm here) astronomically, amazingly, awesomely fantastic!  The primary school does not focus on actual subjects. They believe in developing a child’s social skills and creativity before they hit the big bad world of high school. I will admit that they go to high school much sooner (at the age of 12), but once there – there is no stopping them. The high school has not only had two interviews with my eldest child before placing her, but they have assessed her personality and skills, chosen her year according to where they feel she will fit in academically, chosen a classmate to be her mentor based on her personality and last but not least, they are adjusting their “assessments” (exams) to suit my child who has just immigrated from South Africa.  She will not be writing (or rated on) the comprehension exam as she has not read the books and her understanding of the Scottish poetry will be challenging.  I mean, really, what school does that?!

8.       My post box (slot in the door). This has probably been the most exciting part of moving to Scotland.  Every day when we get home there is a new parcel or letter waiting for us in the passage.  Their postal system REALLY works.  I cannot believe how much they rely on the postal service to communicate.  The girls are so excited when we get home – it’s apparently like getting a Christmas present every day to them.

9.       Oh lest me not forget…..heated towel rails and double glazing.  These are two of my favourite things.  There is not much more to say here, except that “These are a few of my favorite things”

 I could carry on for hours, but overall this country rocks!  There is soooooo much legislation involved in getting here and working here, but in the end, I understand it completely. Everything works!