#And I've had to rent cars to get places that can't be gotten to reasonably or at all without a car

[chronurgy]

My hottest take is that many of the people on tumblr who talk about public transit and living without a car and how easy it is and how you have just as much freedom are just. completely detached from reality. And I'm saying this as someone who doesn't own a car lol

[elvisabutler]

Elvis being sad for whatever reason and reader curls up on the couch with him and tel hey watch Disney movies together to help him feel better

the happiest place on earth is here with you

summary: after a particularly rough day on set, elvis takes it upon himself to rent an entire movie theater out to watch disney movies with you. fandom: elvis presley | elvis ( 2022 ) | austin butler rating: t for a might bit of swearing i suppose pairing: elvis presley x female reader word count: 988 warnings: mention of stress. mention of sadness. elvis being extra. mention of walt disney. author’s note: happy 88th birthday to our favorite man, y'all! first off thank you for the request anon and thank you for making it before his birthday so i could have a little fluff piece to post vs any smut or grand epics i've got up my sleeves. y'all might have to suspend your disbelief a little since film and movie houses did things a certain way but i needed something that wasn't me attempting- and likely fumbling- a modern elvis take. ( seriously @headfullofpresley did some flawless work on that front so go check that out ) but while all the tech was available for him to perhaps have the movies on tape, he would have had to have something to tape it from and if i do remember right when it comes to disney and their vaults and every other thing that is a harder ask than you think. also put this as 60s elvis though trust me y'all it was hard to resist doing big daddy or even widdle 50s baby elvis. choose austin or real elvis for this i am not picky, i truly just wanted to use the robe gif while i am also in a robe writing this.

You are used to Elvis and how sometimes he can get in a mood, after all, you've been with him through a surprising amount of issues that instead of making the two of you pull apart had kept you together. Pulled you closer together, even, and yet sometimes he had a way of surprising you, a way of doing something so off the wall and minorly bonkers that you wonder just what in the hell had gotten into him. This was one of those times. It's not that he hasn't done it before, hasn't rented out a whole theater so the two of you and the Memphis Mafia could just enjoy some pictures all without having to be interrupted by fans that Elvis adores but can also be a bit- a lot- much.

It's more the timing that gets to you, since there was about as much of a lead up or a warning as a sudden thunderstorm in the South. Hell, even the time he chose to do it was a new one since normally it would be a situation that only happens in the daytime. Still, you're not complaining, it's sometimes incredibly tricky to actually find the time to enjoy the company of your boyfriend especially when he's busy filming. If he wants to pick you up in one of his cars and take you to a movie theater well you'll allow it, you'll take it.

Entering the actual theater, you're struck by the fact that there is the barest of staff and only Sonny for a bodyguard there. This was yet again a shift from the normal way he would go about this sort of thing but it was fine, in fact it was a little better than fine you thought as you allowed Elvis to pull you closer to him as he grabbed popcorn for the two of you and some Pepsis among other things.

The auditorium where you and Elvis would be watching whatever planned movie or movies he wanted to is already a little dark but you see what looks like a small little picnic set out on the ground complete with enough pillows to rival even the comfiest couch or bed in Graceland or in California. You can't help but turn to him before even starting to sit down. "Alright, E, what's this about?"

Elvis for his part instantly deflates at the question, it was easy to tell you everything was fine and act his normal way when he doesn't want to worry you. When he didn't want to worry you until you had both settled down and were relaxing. He should have remembered you know him as well as anyone ever has or probably will. His answer comes after a long sigh.

"Had- It was a rough day on set, baby. Stunts were awful, kept messin' up my damn lines, and I jus'- wanna jus' curl up wit' my baby, my darlin' and forget all of it happened. Wanna relax here wit' ya and watch some silly fun movies. Got 'em to find some real old ones, asked Mr. Disney himself for 'em."

Your eyes widen at the last statement, momentarily forgetting that yes, your boyfriend is just that famous that he can casually ask Walt Disney for film reels of his films. A beat passes before you allow yourself to smile gently at Elvis, taking the drinks and popcorn before motioning for him to sit down. "You first then. My head in your lap for the first picture, and then your head in mine until we fall asleep, hm?"

At your response you see Elvis's face light up like a young boy on Christmas or on his birthday. It's as if just the mere idea of what you propose has him giddy and releasing all the tension that was inside of him from the day's events. This is what you loved about Elvis- how he'll help everyone he can and try and make them feel alright and happy to the point of sometimes hurting himself mentally and physically. But when you do it for him? Oh, it's like you've done him the greatest honor on the planet. He doesn't waste a minute settling down on the ground, his back leaning up against the pillows as he lets out a long groan at finally being able to just sit and relax. A smile soft and gentle graces your features as you hand him back the drinks and popcorn and settle down next to him, laying down so that your head rests comfortably in his lap.

"Tell me you've got Mary Poppins first, I've wanted to see that again so badly." You ask as his hand moved to try and fiddle with your hair, almost as if to calm him more than just your presence did.

His blue eyes twinkle when you ask the question full of mirth and sneakiness that have you mildly concerned for just a brief moment before he answers. "Ya jus' gonna have to watch and find out, aren't ya?"

Your eyes narrow before you pull him down to your face for a soft kiss. "I guess I am, Mr. Presley. Hopefully you picked good ones or I'm gonna be the one leaving sad and stressed out."

His laugh- the laugh he's needed to have all day rings out as the movie starts to play. "Trust me baby, you'll be fine. Picked our favorites, not just mine."

Mary Poppins was the third picture and while you both did try and stay awake, truly you did, you both found yourself drifting off to the song Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious as you stroked Elvis's hair in between bites of the little picnic he had made. The theater let you both stay, sending home their workers after they had cleaned up the front. After all, who was going to wake up the Elvis Presley and his girlfriend when they looked that peaceful together?

taglist: @eliseinmemphis, @ab4eva, @blurredcolour, @aconflagrationofmyown and @butlersxbirdy, @lindszeppelin, @powerofelvis @floralcyanide @steph-speaks @mooodyblue swear to god i will actually set up a tag list form for everyone to fill out so i know who to do what to. i just hate feeling like i'm bugging y'all with the tags if you don't wanna read it.

[nientedal]

📓 !

📓 for explain the plot of a fanfiction that you haven't written but daydream about

Let's seeeee, I've done TBI Roxanne and musician Megamind...

How about one of the "Megamind's metabolism hates him" variants? I have at least 3 of these, but the other two are in various stages of being written.

The best-developed of the ones I haven't started writing is the one in which Roxanne comes back to visit after moving away because (1) she has been having incredibly bad dreams increasingly frequently and (2) brainbots??? keep showing up??? at her house??? despite her living on the west coast somewhere now.

Thing was, she got an offer for basically a dream job and had to pack up and BOUNCE and she didn't really have time to say goodbyes. Or-- okay, she DID, but she convinced herself not to, because the only way to do it would be to have Metro Man get her in contact with Megamind & Minion, and that felt...wildly presumptuous? Like, why would she think they would even care??? So she left a note taped to her balcony glass with her contact information, explaining things and saying hey, give me a call, here's how to reach me if you want to.

They never called. So, okay, ball was in their court and they didn't want to contact her. Fine.

Except then the dreams start, and they start getting more and more frequent-- Megamind is hurt or dying, or Minion is, or one of them is stuck somewhere and can't get out, or Roxanne is looking for them and can't find them, or or or or or. And THEN she starts getting brainbots on her doorstep??? And she has to figure out charging stations for them, which takes a minute and some help but she figures it out.

But they keep coming, and the dreams get worse, and so finally Roxanne is like, fuck it. Fine. They don't wanna hear from me but they're gonna, because I cannot fucking stand this.

So she goes back to Metro. Rents a car and drives back across the country with like nine brainbots who guide her all the way to Evil Lair...where she finds Minion. Or, Minion finds her standing outside the car trying to decide to do next. And that is where Roxanne finds out that they did not get her note at all, for some unknown reason, and they have been under the impression that she just up and left without even attempting to say goodbye. Minion has been trying to convince Megamind she did not do this specifically to get away from the two of them, but Megamind has not been convinced.

Which! Sucks! And Roxanne is horrified and feels awful, because she COULD have made time, she wanted to make time, she should have listened to her gut and just gotten in touch with them before she left. And hey what the fuck actually, what happened to the note?? I don't know if they ever do find out.

(There is an older version of this daydream in which Minion calls her, because the new resident of her place replaced the refrigerator and found the note under the old one, and was like "uhhhhhh" and had Metro Man pass it along. But this new way is ouchier, lol.)

Anyway. Minion does some quick thinking and is like Hey So Where Are You Staying? Just Kidding, It's Obviously Here With Us In Evil Lair, and he has the brainbots start putting together a guest room and bathroom on the north side of the lair facing the water. They work pretty quickly, he says, it'll be done by sunset. Come on to the kitchen and I'll start putting together lunch, we need to talk.

(They are talking and then Megamind buzzes Minion's communicator like "minion. why are the brainbots building what appear to be guest quarters. what is happening. what have you done." And Minion is like "We have a guest! Come to lunch, don't wear spikes." And Roxanne basically yanks Megamind into a hug, which he returns really really hard once he realizes what's happening, which is surprising to Roxanne but nobody else lmao.)

So this is a story in which Roxanne ends up spending a couple of weeks in Evil Lair, hanging out. She finds out Megamind has also been having similar symptoms to hers, but moreso, or at least they WERE moreso until he sort of cobbled together a treatment for what was happening-- which is that his metabolism sort of accidentally bonded itself to Roxanne. Whoops. And when she left, his systems crashed HARD. what throws him for a loop is that Roxanne really should not have been feeling any of the same way. So they get some medical whatnots and feelings happening there.

And this is me, so OF COURSE I am going to find a way to get them to sleep in the same bed. Roxanne wakes up a few nights into her stay and she's hungry, so she's like "I bet I can find my way to the kitchen from here," opens her door, and promptly trips over Megamind. Who was sleeping on the floor out there. Because anxiety is obnoxious and seldom rational, and Roxanne disappeared overnight once before, and...it's just...easier. To fall asleep. Outside her door, where he knows she is and won't vanish again.

Roxanne is like, yeah, that makes sense ("It DOESN'T" megamind grouses "it's VERY ANNOYING"), losing me basically triggered a medical emergency last time and it actually is totally reasonable that you'd be freaking out about that again. But the bed your bots brought me is a fucking king-sized expanse of mattress and blanket, so just...come sleep with me instead of lying on the fucking floor?? Hello???

Aaaaand there's a lot more that can happen in the time she spends there, swimming and new makeup looks and learning about the bots and how Evil Lair was constructed, blah blah, but in the end I think they agree to try dating long-distance? Megamind has the ability to build something that flies very quickly; he and sometimes Minion could easily spend the weekends with Roxanne and the weeks in Metro, or some similar arrangement. And so that is I think where that story wraps up :D

[canisbaileyilupus]

I've had a lot going on, time to recap. Can't seem to do a read more on mobile for some reason.

My mom's friend is mentally ill and has been floating around with meds for a couple years and hasn't been consistent in taking them properly. She's also a recovering alcoholic and relapses often.

My mom has been friends with her for 30 years and I am forced to live with my mom bc I can't live alone (rent is awful). Now, mom decides on her own to let her live with us. I disagree but she never asked me. So, in August (I think?) She moves in. She's been told it's not permanent and she'd have to get back on her feet since she was escaping an abusive relationship. Not my problem, I didn't have a choice. So, she's been told the rules, no smoking inside, clean up after yourself, no drugs or alcohol, take her meds on time, etc. This also included buying her own food and paying rent. Mom then goes back on that, saying she can buy her own food but also share ours. That wasn't in the agreement, but I can't fight her on it. Now, food and bills go up. It's costing me more to feed this 55 year old spoiled brat than to put gas in the car.

Since being diagnosed with autism, she's ignored my "I can't handle loud voices and sounds" and the rules of "be quiet or people will report us." She uses her vape pen inside (yes that's included in the smoking rule) and she's relapsed twice since being here (alcohol). She waits until the last minute to make phone calls to therapists, doctors, and housing office to find a place to live. When she doesn't get the therapy she wants she throws a fit.

Now, it's months later, and we got our very first lease violation. The apartment complex office is aware we have someone living here that's not on the lease. And she's been warned on her voice (blames BPD) so much it's annoying and that's also a lease violation.

I am in fear of being evicted. This is our only warning. The next time they send our a lease violation email, they will file eviction papers and we will end up with 30 days to leave.

This is what I've been dealing with for months. I'm so fucking tired.

And there's a lot of small things that bother me too, really gross stuff. She shits and pees herself and refuses to wear diapers. She has done so much laundry it's scary. If we paid for water, we would be unable to live here. She uses a full roll of toilet paper a day to wipe her ass and absolutely explodes the toilet. She leaves her hair everywhere. She never put her shit away either, everything is everywhere. Every room she goes in it's like a tornado. She also doesn't clean her dishes, leaves coffee grounds everywhere and doesn't understand that the water bottles are for my mom and I bc we can't drink the tap water. She's also said I'm rude bc I don't want to have a conversation. I'm not someone who talks a lot, everyone knows this about me. If I wanna talk, I'll talk. If not, I don't participate in conversation.

Let's put this last bit out here for you guys. She is spoiled. She has gotten everything she's ever wanted to a point where if she wanted money, all she has to do is cry to the right people, annoy her mother long enough, abuse her power over a partner to a point they give her money. Even now, she's 55 and her mom is dealing with her father who has dementia. She still calls her crying and to shut her up her mom throws money at her. She's had a maid pretty much her whole life and has never had to struggle financially. Now that she is poor, she doesn't want to give up her spending habits and everytime she has a little money she'll buy shit she doesn't need, including furniture she can't put anywhere for an apartment she doesn't have.

I'll be adding photos when I get a moment as well. Some photos will include a toilet bowl but only if people wanna see it.

[softlyscreamingintothevoid]

9/3/2024

Last week I got passed over for a promotion at work.

A few weeks back, my work opened a new position in my department and it would be a salary role, paid higher than I am making in my current role. I felt like I matched the job qualifications and description pretty well. I was actually confident in myself and did the long process of updating my resume, writing a cover letter, and filling out the application.

Getting this job would pretty drastically improve my situation. It meant I could afford better housing. It meant actually being able to go back to the dentist to get the root canal and fillings they told me I needed. It meant actually getting to do the procedures needed to see if I have endometriosis that I can't afford right now. It meant being able to own a pet in the future. Even being able to fix or replace my sad, dying car.

I found out the next week that at least one of my coworkers also applied and that immediately shook my confidence since she has seniority and is the lead for one of our work programs. I cried that day when I got home from work because I felt like I had no chance. My wonderful partner tried to convince me that I felt confident for a reason and had the qualifications and experience to run a program like this. I felt better but still was a little nervous.

I had my interview and while the questions were hard, I was proud of my answers and was anxiously awaiting the results.

The next week rolled by and in my one-on-one with my boss I was told they didn't pick me. I got through the rest of the meeting just brushing it off. I've learned to never show your real feelings to others. Nobody would know. I got back to my desk and immediately it just hit me. I spent 20 minutes in the bathroom just crying it out and spent the last two hours of my shift dissociated. I didn't want to feel anymore.

The next two days weren't too bad. But the lead who I think got the promotion had been out sick. I was honestly kind of dreading seeing her and thinking that she probably got it and having to come to terms with it.

Finally today she was back to work and it still hit me that I'm kinda mad about the situation. I just don't feel like she would be any more qualified at the role than I am. We have a team meeting this Friday and I'm sure I'll have to hear about whoever got it that morning and I'm dreading it already.

I know I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up on this job, but damn does it still suck. I've applied to some other positions recently as well at other companies as a what if and got denied from those as well. This job market sucks.

I'm not even sad anymore. I'm more... Mad? I guess? I'm trying not to be resentful of my job, but I find it so boring and tedious now and I wanted a new role change to shake things up. It's monotonous and it's easy, but I'm so mentally bored all the time.

I also really wanted that extra income. Who doesn't want more money??? I live in a very high cost of living location in the US, so rent is insane even for small 1bed/1/bath.

The cynical part of me thinks they didn't want to replace me in my current role since apparently it was hard to find someone who wanted it in the first place. I also got added onto a new program (against my will) that they probably don't want to replace me in either. But that's probably just my jaded thoughts.

Anyway, that's enough ranting for now. I have a PowerPoint to make at work 🙄

Signed,

A jaded Rose

[soyouthinkucanwrite]

The money thing (part 1/2) - Daniel Ricciardo

It's always the little things, isn't it? The smallest stupidest things make almost no difference and then make all the difference in the world. They make everything special, but they also have the power to tear everything appart.

You and Daniel fight about money for the thousand time and he's had enough of it.

Warnings: super angst, but with a happy ending :)

Guys, this turned out WAY BIGGER than I expected, so I'm just gonna do a part 2, okay? Okay, thanks for understanding!

Song that inspired me: A list by HVOB

You and Daniel had been dating for a couple months now, having met through a common friend and hitting off almost instantly. You lived in Amsterdam and he, well he lived all over the world really, but his "time off" (meaning not racing) was spent between Monaco and London (for work), and Amsterdam now too, of course.

The changes were small and subtle at the beginning, like your weekends being spent traveling to meet him wherever in the world he was and consequently spending almost all your savings on plane tickets. You never complained to him (you planned on spending the money traveling anyway, so you didn't see the point), but didn't accept when he offered to buy your tickets, either. There's been some awkwardness around the subject but it usually died on its own.

*beginning of flashback*

"You’d have gotten here in time if you'd gotten the early flight like I told you" you remembered him saying that time you got in the paddock after the qualifying session had begun and couldn’t kiss him good luck.

"Baby, I told you. It was crazy expensive! Absurd even!"

"(y/n) for god's sake! What are we saving money for? I told you, you have my credit card number, I've offered to get you one, this is ridiculous, I can't believe I literally earn millions and my girlfriend wasn't there with me because the ticket was too expensive! I'll fucking fly you private if I have to!" he was almost yelling in his driver's room. You could only stare from the corner.

He took a deep breath running his hands through his hair. "Sorry. It's just... it was crap out there. I needed you" you grimaced at his words.

"Sorry. I really am..." you tried to approach him. "I'm here now?" you touched his arm. "It can't have been that bad, you're still on the top 10 and we both know what you can do from the 8th car..." you smiled at him.

*end of flashback*

He started to spend much more of his time off with you at your place, so you decided to get a place by yourself (having a roommate was great for company and splitting the rent, but having a roommate there while you guys just wanted some much-needed privacy was not working). Then there were more traveling to meet him, furniture for the new place, clothing for all the events (GPs or not), uber rides here and there... all of that without mentioning that you weren't being able to get the freelance jobs you used to get to make some extra money, so yeah, to say things were tight was an understatement. You tried to do all your shopping alone, so he wouldn't offer and you wouldn't refuse or be awkward about it, but Daniel seem to be glued to you whenever you were in the same city (not that you’re complaining).

He started to spend much more of his time off with you at your place, so you decided to get a place by yourself (having a roommate was great for company and splitting the rent, but having a roommate there while you guys just wanted some much-needed privacy was not working). Then there were more traveling to meet him, furniture for the new place, clothing for all the events (GPs or not), uber rides here and there... all of that without mentioning that you weren't being able to get the freelance jobs you used to get to make some extra money, so yeah, to say things were tight was an understatement. You tried to do all your shopping alone, so he wouldn't offer and you wouldn't refuse or be awkward about it, but Daniel seem to be glued to you whenever you were in the same city (not that you’re complaining).

The thing is, you always had trouble dealing with money. Sure, you liked to pay for your own stuff so as to not owe anything to anyone (especially boys), but it was so much deeper than that. Ever since a kid, you hated asking for money from your parents, and sometimes even the thought of buying stuff that was a bit more expensive made you sick. You couldn't explain why, you just felt guilty having so much and knowing that most people have never even seen that amount. It's not that you didn't want to spend it and save for the sake of it, you just didn't handle the idea of money very well. Needless to say, dating a millionnaire was bound to cause trouble in the relationship for you.

You were currently at his place in Monaco. It was the summer break and you had decided to spend some days just chilling at home, just the two of you - which you were glad since going out means hair, makeup, clothes, accessories, shoes... and, let's be honest, the kind of places he usually took you is not the kind of places you just throw something together last minute (the Instagram models and other driver's girlfriends looking you up and down were enough to make you think about spending money you did not have to hire a stylist or something like that). The whole situation was really stressing you out and you knew you would have to be honest with him eventually, instead of only dodging the subject and refusing most of his offers to pay. You tried to. You kind of tried. You suggested staying at home, in bed, most of the time, and he gladly agreed, but that strategy wasn't gonna work forever. You had to be honest with him. But at the same time, you knew what he was going to say and do, and the thought of him spending money on you, even if just by handling the restaurant bill, wasn't something you were much more comfortable with. Besides, it was only a matter of time before the "gold-digger" term starts to fly around in the small world that was the F1's.

You were laying on his couch, the Olympics playing on the TV but you were too busy overthinking the money thing to pay attention. Daniel was laying with his head on your lap, absently caressing your thigh and watching the TV. His phone went off and he moved to pick it up.

"Hello?" you watched as he answered the phone. "Hey mate, how's it going? Uh nothing, we're just chilling at home. Getting some rest... Yeah, I'm getting rested, you dirty-minded son of a bitch" you rolled your eyes while he laughed out loud on the line with someone. "Yeah, I know... the 19th is it? No, it's fine. Yeah, yeah. I'll be there. Alright, mate. Thanks for calling. Have a good one! Bye!" he hanged up and leaned in to peck you on the lips.

"Good news?" you asked him.

"Not really. Just wanted to kiss you" he shrugged, smiling. You smiled back and hugged him, pulling him in for another kiss. He was always so caring with you, always finding an excuse to kiss or touch you. You knew some people didn't like it, but you loved it. Physical touch was definitely one of your love languages.

"What's happening on the 19th then?" you asked him once you guys set apart from the kiss.

"Gotta be in London. Gonna run some testings and other boring race stuff..."

"Hum..." you hummed in understanding.

"You know what would make it less boring though?" he asked and you just looked at him, you already knew what he was going to ask you and it wasn't that you didn't want to spend every minute of the day with him, but you simply couldn't afford any more traveling, especially not in such short notice. "If you came with me. Huh? What do you say? A week in the Queen's land? Then we can fly together to Spa and after the race, I can go with you to Amsterdam. The next one it's the Dutch GP anyway, I'll just get there sooner" he laughed. It was crushing you, the man of your dreams was literally beaming at making plans with you, talking about spending the next few weeks glued together and you couldn't say yes.

"Dan, I have to work" you smiled sadly.

"Can't you work from distance? Or, I don't know, I mean... I know it's tiring, but you could come to London and fly home a bit early, then just meet me in Belgium?" great, his solution includes even more flying. And the thing is, you really didn't mind the flying. You always slept during the whole thing anyway, so you never got tired and the jetlag was minimal. You could work from distance, sure. Your boss wouldn't mind, as long as you got there eventually to check in on everything. But the whole logistics were just too expensive. There was no way you could afford it.

"I... sorry, I don't think I can" you said sadly and watched as his face dropped.

"That's fine, baby. I get it. I'm asking too much, all this traveling... don't worry about it" he tried to mask his emotions but you knew better. He knew you could in fact work from distance, so he was probably thinking the reason you couldn't do it was because you didn't want to.

He got up from the couch and walked into the kitchen. Meanwhile, you couldn't help but bury your face in your palms. This was so frustrating!

"You wanna go for a run or something? Maybe get something to eat?" he called from the kitchen, already moving on from the subject. You knew this whole thing was only gonna keep build up till he got tired of your excuses or you blowing up, probably the former, but you just keep going.

"Yeah, sure" you answered, getting up from the couch.

You and Daniel were both very active so going for a run, hiking, riding bikes, or whatever in the middle of the day was really routine for you. The Monaco summer weather was as beautiful as always and the sun was shining bright. You enjoyed the rest of your afternoon racing each other, kissing in the harbor, and just taking in the views, spending quality time together. Money wasn't even a thing in your bubble for a while.

"I'm getting hungry" he said on the way back home.

"Me too, and I'm super hot. I could go for a juice or something right now" you were all sweaty from the running, but you didn't care, he was too.

"You're always hot baby, I don't think juice gonna help with that" he grinned at you and you just rolled your eyes at him.

You passed by one of his favorite spots for food, nearby his place and he suggested getting some take-out, to which you agreed.

"Green juice, and a chicken wrap?" you tried to decide while the both of you waited in line.

"I'll never understand how you drink that"

"I've seen you drink that too, it's actually very refreshing"

"Because I'm forced to, I'm a high-performance athlete baby. But I'm on a break, so I'll have a coke, thank you very much" you laughed at him. He was holding your hand and tried to kiss you, wrapping his arm around you, you didn't dodge his kiss, you would never, but still laughed at the fact he wanted to kiss the sweaty mess you were right now.

"I'm gross, only you" you laughed.

"That's my baby, with no makeup she a ten" he rapped shrugging and grinning.

"Alright Lil Wayne, I know that one, don't even finish the verse" you laughed at him, making him laugh out loud, getting everyone's in the restaurant's attention.

"It's true, though"

"Sure..." You just shook your head smiling. Then you heard someone call his name.

"Hey! Daniel!" you both turned around to see Charles and Charlotte sitting in a corner, him waving at you two. You had met Charles a couple of times before but never spoke too much to him. They seemed to be leaving anyway, so they walked towards you guys, instead of towards the door.

"Hey mate, how's it going?" Daniel greeted him with a handshake. "Hey, Charlotte! You know (y/n) yet?"

"Hi! I don't think so, hi! How are you?" she greeted you smiling.

"Hi! Nice to meet you. Hi, Charles!" you said.

"Hey, (y/n). You're keeping him in line during the break? Char won't let me cheat my diet either" he laughed.

"Oh, that ship has sailed long ago! Daniel will just roll into the paddock if it's up to him" you laughed back.

"Hey! I think I've earned the right to some extra calories, we've been working out extra hard lately" Daniel said waving his eyebrows suggestively, making Charlotte giggle, Charles rolls his eyes and you go even redder than you were from the actual workout, while he just laughed out loud.

"I don't even want to know" Charles said. "Always great running into you mate" he was getting ready to say goodbye.

"Are we seeing you guys tomorrow?" Charlotte asked you.

"Tomorrow?" you asked her.

"Stefano's birthday" she said like it was obvious. Stefano Domenicali was the President and CEO of Formula 1, but you didn't know that yet - still, her tone made it seems like it was someone Daniel knew, so you just looked at him. He just rubbed his neck, looking a little embarrassed. "Oh, wait. Please tell me I didn't just said something I shouldn't" she looked at Charles.

"No, no. He invited me. Us, actually" Daniel reassured her. "I don't think we're going though, forgot to mention to you" he said looking at you.

"Uh mate, I wouldn't skip that if I were you. He didn't even invite all the drivers I heard" Charles said. "Maybe just stop by to say hello?"

"Stop by... a yacht... at the sea?" Charlotte said grinning at him. Daniel looked at you.

"You feel like going? It should be fun" he asked you.

"Sounds fancy... I mean, I don't mind if you go" you said.

"Common... I’m not going alone" he nudged you.

"I don't even have anything to wear, Dan" you told him.

"Oh! We can go shopping together!" Charlotte said and you had almost forgotten they were still there.

"Perfect!" Daniel answered for you. You could only imagine the types of stores she shopped.

"Tomorrow morning, then? Daniel can text your address to Charles for me? I'll pick you up!" she was being really nice about it.

"I thought you wanted to go today?" Charles said.

"That's when I thought I would have to go shopping with you, so I could use the extra time since you're the worst shopping partner ever!" she laughed at him.

"Burn!" Daniel laughed.

"His fashion taste is not the most reliable, let's face it" she laughed and kissed his cheek. "It's a date then (y/n)?" she looked expectantly at you. You didn't want to let her down, it was so hard to make friends with the girlfriends of other drivers, they were usually so... not nice. You could always just help her and find something to wear in your own stuff later.

"Yeah, sure! See you tomorrow, at 10?" you said simply.

"Perfect!" she beamed.

>>> end of part 1 <<<

[mollyphoria]

(off my chest post.)

As soon as I turned the age of 27 last year it was like I've been awaken from a cruel false dream. I opened my eyes then boom I see 27 years of my life laid out in front of me wasted. Yes it took 27 effin years for me to wake up. I wasted all this years and now I'm suffering the consequences of not following my heart, now I'm suffering the repercussions for not realising my dreams sooner as well as pursuing them. I don't believe in myself enough to stand for what I really want so I let society dictate me. I dont love myself enough to believe that I have the capabilities to follow my dreams, luck wasn't on my side too,the odds were never in my favor. So yes I guess I blame both myself and the circumstances given to me on why I failed in life. I failed myself. Society failed me. The system failed me. Oh how I envy people who were able to realise their dreams when they were a kid. these people mostly turns out to be the successful ones in life while I'm left in shambles of not knowing what to do or having such a huge dream I knew I would never reach it. I wanted to become a supermodel but I'm not pretty and tall enough plus I'm from a country not supported by society on having supermodels. Then I wanted to be a rock star. Touring the world, playing the guitar, performing on stage. I can probably make this happen but once again I don't believe in myself and lack of support from family/society was what made this dream seem to get more impossible. I would like to pursue the arts anything from singing, dancing,writing ,painting,drawing etc but I let myself be influenced by what our society drills in my head everyday that there's no money with any of these endeavours so I never got serious to try to achieve greatness from these "useless, juvenile" dreams and plus you need God-given talent to qualify pursuing the arts and I don't have an ounce of it.

So as time goes by I continued to grow older like a dead leaf flailing around in the wind without a specific direction but downwards. But deep-rooted in my soul I knew what I wanted but I chose to stupidly ignore that little voice in my heart that tells me what to do. I to this day continue to beat myself up why I haven't even tried to listen to myself.

So what I did was to completely surrender myself to settle for a lesser,smaller dream that I could possibly reach according to the circumstances I'm handed with

I took up a course in college that I felt at the time would be something I would enjoy and easy,cheap enough to simply graduate and have that diploma just for the sake of it. When I got into the real world and became a full pledge adult for the first time ever I got hit by depression and that's when I first acknowledge that I'm not made for this at all but what I did instead of abandoning it was to try again and aim higher which is to have my own wings and to fly high in the sky and see the world. I held on to that dream. I went to school again. For a moment I had a purpose and for the first time I had direction. I thought I found myself as I try to get those wings. I thought that this will be my redemption. I made myself to believe that I'm meant to do this. I went above and beyond to achieve success. But alas I continued to be the chosen reject and once again odds weren't exactly on my favor and I have given up by the time I'm 27 years old. This is when it all crashed down on me I was chasing a dream gone dead all those years and basically wasted my youth as a result and gained nothing at the end. And I have to admit that i somewhat resent God for putting this dream to flourish in my heart but never gave me a breakthrough to even achieve it. I was left beaten and destroyed. I slaved myself away for nothing, experienced all those sufferings for nothing. I got nothing for all those sacrifices and hardwork I did. Literally all those blood,sweat and tears were for absolutely nothing at the end. I was utterly broken down,my heart was utterly crushed nothing left but broken pieces and a whirlpool of regret. If even this small, mediocre dream I settle myself for is still unattainable for me then my life is no longer worth living. I then proceed to wallow on self pity and resentment and went down to the worst depression I've ever experience in my life. Tears kept on falling like faucets in my eyes. Every streak of effort, energy, motivation ,hope left my body,mind and soul altogether. I turned ultimately dead inside. I don't have anything left in me to even pretend to continue fighting my way into this world. I can't even help myself to help myself. it's like I already died and what was left is just a hollow husk of my former self.

At 27 yrs old i went back to zero. I'm left with nothing to hope for, I didn't gain anything from all the things I went through. After Having the painful knowledge that the journey I made for myself all throughout my teenage to mid twenties is only to become of worthless dust and vomit at the end it made me inevitably bitter about life in general. I started acknowledging thoughts of dying for real. How I realized that it's better to be dead than to be alive, how I wish to have never been born at all. I missed all of these opportunities to win in life and I felt like giving up. Because Life is Suffering nothing more nothing less we will continue to suffer coz that whats life for this is the true meaning of life we are just put here to live so we can suffer and I'm not cut out for it I'm too weak to even restart again.

I realized alot of things. When I was a kid I was always looking forward to the future. I was foolishly, completely convinced that my life will get better as I get older and now that I'm older it turned out to be such a stupid thought coz life didn't get better it only gotten worse and it could only get worst from here on out.

Starting now I shouldn't hope for things to change for the better. It's dangerous to have a false hope and I swear to myself that I wouldn't let myself be fueled by false hope anymore.

And now that it's October I will turn a year older unless I cease to exist first.

I'm honestly scared of the future, now that I can see the true essence of it in its whole entirety.

At 28 I'm running out of time.

I missed the chance to get my life stable.

At 28 I'm entirely clueless on how to get my shit together and I don't even think I have the strength to improve myself. I felt like I just don't care anymore.

At 28 I should have already bought my mother a new house instead I'm stuck and rotting away in a room at her own old house.

At 28 I'm still miserable asf

Still bitter asf

Still dumb asf

Still doubtful asf

Still a loser asf

Let me discuss the thoughts I have about this song 28 of Agust D. This song single handedly describes the anxiety I feel for getting older. The fact that the age he pertained on the title of this song is 28 exactly the age I'm about to turn into soon just solidifies the strong grip it acquired to hold my heart and soul. I felt extremely lucky to turn 28 at the same year with someone as genius as him (tho his 27 international age) nevertheless I'm thankful about this.

Tho there are things that I'm honestly confuse about him having the same fears with someone like me who's a nobody without any single awards, recognitions, accolades or any kind of impact to the world, who's not loved and praised by millions nor have millions of money in my bank account, who doesn't have a big house,big cars nor big rings.

It baffles the living daylights out of me that a person like Min Yoongi who achieved so much in life would feel scared about not knowing his dreams is really about as he gets older. He basically achieved every single one of the dreams I have for myself. His overly set for life that his great great great great great grandchildren will be also set for life. His life wasn't the same like before. His life changed for the better . He earns millions of money by doing what he loves at such a young age. He simply won in life.

We are both 28 but the life I'm bestowed in is the utmost opposite of the life his bestowed in. I'm at the loser end of the spectrum while his in the winner side yet we share somewhat the same fears and anxiety about having to grow older.

This made me question if happiness is really just an illusion. well the genuine authentic euphoric kind of happiness.

Is existence all really just a one big mess with occasional ephemeral pleasure?

If a person who accomplished so much at only 28 still feels depression what's left for me then should I just go kill myself?

Alot of the reasons why I got into this level of depression is because I didn't fulfill anything Yoongi fulfilled.well I'm not really into fame so much but i hope i succeeded on not having to worry about whether I could buy a house or rent an apartment. Yoongi could buy a building for himself while I can't even afford a bedspace of my own

Yoongi could travel the whole world in a whim while I'm mostly stuck in the same place

The stark contrast of our lives is so immense I cant even get my head wrapped around it

My only dillema is that I'm afraid to die but I'm also afraid to live

It's been proven to me now that living in this world is not really living at all it's just purely surviving and I can't deal with this

I'd rather die than to be a slave to the system. And it seems like I don't even have a choice maybe to disappear is the only way out

I'm just not cut out with the cards I've been dealt with

If only I could voluntarily pull my existence out of here then I would do it in a heartbeat

I wish there is a stop button from all of these

[lousimusician]

Cheater -- Part 2

Pairing: Mob!Tom x Reader

Warning: Sexual harassment, violence

A/N: I wanted to get this out sooner but I've been so busy recently. So sorry for the wait

______

It had been three months since you caught Tom. Three months since you walked out on him forever.

You hadn't seen him since that day. You had been relying on Tom's money for so long, you had to stay over a friend's house until you made enough money to rent an apartment.

It had been hard, but you refused to go back to him. Leaving him had its perks. You didn't have to live in fear for his or your own life anymore, you got to focus on your education, and you got to fix old friendships you lost. Overall, you felt like a normal person for once.

But at the same time, you were in so much pain. The two of you were engaged. You were supposed to get married. You loved him, you didn't believe you could ever love someone that much again. He made you feel beautiful and loved. He was a drug that you had been addicted to, and at some points you believed the withdrawal symptoms would kill you. But you were strong, and you wouldn't run back to him.

Tom on the other hand had been doing much worse than you had. Nothing in Tom's life brought him joy. You were always the one to make him genuinely happy. So with you gone from his life without a single word, he had lost himself in his work. He gained more and more enemies every day because of it. The more money and power he gained was never enough, he was insatiable, craving something that would make the pain a little more bearable. And he found that one thing that made the pain lessen, was to make sure you were safe. He had you followed, had tabs kept on you every week. He knew everything. He even knew that you had gotten a little better from the break up every week while he continued to worsen.

Tom sighed, throwing the papers down on his desk and leaning back into his seat. Frenetic knocking sounded from his office door.

"Come in," Tom shouted, annoyed.

The doors swung open revealing one of his men. "Sir, (Y/N) was kidnapped." The man panted.

Tom's eyes widened and he stood up abruptly. "Go and get Harrison."

~~~~

(Three hours earlier)

You laughed at your friend who decided to visit you at the bar you worked at.

"You actually made him cry?" You laughed.

Your friend nodded her head, "Yeah, it was so funny. Like why be in a debate class and not be able to carry your own argument. He got so frustated he literally stood there and started crying."

"I'm impressed Liza-" You noticed someone sitting down at the bar. "I'll be right back." You said nodding towards the man's direction. She nodded back taking a sip of her drink.

You approached the man nonchantly. "Anything I can get for you?"

The man seemed a little strange, and it was hard to see his face since it was covered by his hood. He lifted his head glancing at your nametag. "Nothing right now, (Y/N)." He said as an unsettling grin formed on his lips.

"Um, alright. Just call if you want something." You hurried away. You felt your heart beat quicken. 

You weren't stupid, you had met plenty of terrifying men while you were with Tom. The only question was if this man was part of a mob or just some creep. 

"You okay?" Your friend asked as you approached her. "You look pale."

"I'm- I'm fine. Uh, so what were you saying before?"

~~

The rest of the night seemed to go by smoothly enough, about an hour after you spoke to the unsetting man he had left, making you feel much better. 

It had gotten pretty late and unfortunately you were the one that was left to close that night. You finished wiping down the bar and all of the tables.

"So, Tom Holland, huh?"

You snapped your head towards the bar, your eyebrows furrowing. It was the same man from before. "How-?"

"That lock." He nodded towards the door. "Child's play. Now, I'm very interested in you (Y/N). Would never peg a girl like you to go around fucking men in the mafia. I see why he would fuck you, though." He said raking his eyes up and down your body.

You scoffed, and crossed your arms. "It was one man. And we're not together anymore so I can't help you with whatever it is you want."

"Oh, but sweetheart. I think you can." He said standing up. 

A flash caught your eye and you found a gun hanging loosley from his hand. Of course there was a gun. There was always a gun. 

He came closer and slowly began circling around you. You stood completely still. "You two were supposed to get married weren't you?" You nodded. "And it turns out Tommyboy is still in love with you."

You felt your heart jump. Of course you were terrified for your life, but Tom still had this power over your heart.

"Oh what's this? You're blushing. Do you still love him too?"

You swallowed nervously. "No, I hate him."

"Hm, I don't believe you-."

"What do you want? You're not really here to talk about my love life, so what do you want?"

"Ooh, okay, I think I'm starting to understand why Holland likes you so much. You're firey. But you're right, what I'm actually here is for leverage."

"Wha-?" But before you could finish, you felt the butt of the gun slam into your head and you were out.

~~

"She's pretty isn't she?"

"Keep it in your pants, that's not what she's here for."

"Yeah but still. Do y'think the boss will let us have a little fun with her before we have to kill her."

"Shut the fuck up and do your job, alright."

"Well he isn't wrong." A third voice interjected. "Holland was a lucky bastard."

You slightly groaned, as you blinked your eyes open, your head pounding. You lifted your head finding the three men that had been speaking, circling around you.

"Good morning, princess. How's your head?" You recognized this voice from the first man that had spoken. He was tall with black hair.

"Don't call me princess."

The two other men laughed. "I'm gonna get the boss. James come with me." The more serious one said before leaving the room with James leaving you alone with the black haired man.

"So you were really gonna marry Holland?" He asked, but you looked away from him and ignored what he said. "Tell me why a girl who seems so obviously innocent would go for a freak like Holland. Hm? Is it cause you like it rough, cause sweetheart if you like it rough, I can have you cumming in seconds."

"You're disgusting. I'd never let you touch me." You spat.

The man slowly started to approach you. Once he reached you, he gripped your chin pulled your face close to his. "Such a filthy mouth." He grinned in amusement. "Did Holland let you speak to him like that or do you like to be put in your place." He leaned in closer so his lips were by your ear. "I bet you're a dirty little slut betwee-"

"I wouldn't finish that sentence if I were you." An all too familiar voice said. 

Both your head and the man's snapped towards the door seeing Tom and Harrison standing there covered in blood with raised guns pointed at the man.

The man stood up, "Holl-" but before he could finish both Tom and Harrison shot him dead.

"T-Tom?" You choked out.

"Shh, darling, I've got you." He said, walking over and untying you from the chair you were in. Once the tape was off, you pulled Tom into you, and hugged him tightly, despite the blood that was on him.

You hated him so much but you also loved him and seeing him after being kidnapped all logic left you. You cried into him as he held you tightly to him. You hated to admit how much you really missed him.

"Let's get you out of here, darling."

~~

You sat across from Tom in the back of his car. Harrison was driving.

Neither of you said a word, as you gazed out the window and as Tom took glances at you.

"...Thanks for saving me." You mumbled.

"Of course, da-"

"But just so you know. I still really fucking hate you."

Tom sighed. "I figured as much."

"How did you know where I was?"

"I...I've had some of my men watch you since you left."

You snapped your head towards him. "You what?" 

"I had to keep tabs on you. I'm still in love with you y'know. And my business is messy, I wanted to make sure you were safe." You stayed silent understanding his reasoning. "...Just so you know, I really miss you princess. If it means anything, I haven't had sex with another woman since you've left."

You scoffed. "Nice to know you only have sex with other women when you're with me."

He sighed again and ran a hand through his hair. "Come on darling, please. ​​​​​​I need you so much, please just come back."

"...You really fucked up Tom."

"I know, but it'll never happen again, it should've never happened in the first place. I was a fucking idiot. I love you so much, I don't know how to function without you and you're all I think about and it kills me that I don't get to see your beautiful face anymore. Please, give me one more chance."

You gave Tom a pained look. You were so confused. You sat in silence for a few minutes, thinking.

"Fine, this is how it's going to go." Tom perked up. "Basically, you destroyed the last five years we've been together. So if you want to get back together we're starting on square one again. Which means I'm not moving back in, we're not going to have sex for a long time, and we're obviously not going to get married anymore, until you can build my trust back."

Tom nodded, "Yes, please, I'll do anything you want."

"And Tom, I swear if you do anything to break my heart like that again, you will never see me again."

"I will never break your heart again. I can't live without you."

"Then... I guess we're back together."

He smiled widely. "I guess we are."

_____

Cheater Taglist: @roses-hxlland @ladyblablabla @xxomgitsjustinexx @thealexaworld12 @gwanpool @thollandx @pure-sunflower @avengersthotty @simplysushii

Permanent Taglist: @spiderdudeparker @peterparkers-waffles @smexylemony @ultimategalaxyprogram @xxxxdelenaxxxx @chonisberonica @meaningoflifeisfandoms @aegis-s-s @Just-random-stuff-18 @etherealhollandd @roi-yang @ironspiderstark

[pbandjesse]

Today was a pretty good day off. Mostly lazy. It started with a lot of anxiety for me though.

I slept all right and I woke up at around 9. I wanted to go to the mall. I was determined to go to the mall. But I also knew that the landlord was going to be coming around in the afternoon. I wasn't sure what time but I wanted to make sure it was here. So I started getting ready.

One of the issues that I'm having in this apartment is that there's too much space. So when I'm going from the bedroom to the bathroom I have to pass through another room which then reminds me that I need to do something else and then I go to the kitchen to start doing that thing and then realize that I'm passing another room and I see something else that needs to get done. And then it's just a horrible cycle. I get very stressed out by how many things that need to be done. I had to get dressed I had to water the plants I had to feed the cats I had to eat breakfast so many things. All of them got done though and it was fine I was just stressed for no reason.

James texted me and told me that there was a package over at the other apartment I had to go pick up. So I left here around 9:30 and did that. I got the mail there and package which turned out to be a cat stuffed animal for me. And I came back here. I was very overheated though. There's not a lot of Hills but it's hot outside and I had a lot of trouble picking an outfit today cuz I was too hot. And the shorts I decided on hurt my legs when I was biking. So I got back here and I got changed. And just kind of stood in front of the air conditioner. It helped but I was very uncomfortable.

I only stayed here long enough to cool off and then I left again. I biked to the subway because I thought that would be my best bet for getting to the mall. That's how I've always gotten to the mall. Turns out it's only like a 12 minute bike ride. I'm very annoyed about this because I waited for the subway for almost a half an hour. I felt very stupid. And I didn't even have cell service down there so I didn't realize how short of a bike ride it was until later on. At least I have an interesting podcast to listen to. It could have been worse.

But because of the long way and the Heat by the time I got to the mall I was kind of just sad and felt kind of weird. I want a Forever 21 but I didn't really want to look at clothes. And that Mal has not got a lot of things in it. Did you have a Claire's though. And they were having their 3-4-3 sale. And I went in and wasn't going to get anything but then I saw that they had the Platypus Beanie Baby that I had seen on the boardwalk. The one that I couldn't find. And so I got it and some nail polish and a present for Jess. It was nice. Help me feel a little bit better.

I got a pretzel. Finally. I actually got two pretzels and brought them home with me. I've been kind of snacking on them all day. Say microwave pretty well. And then I just kind of wandered. I started to leave and then I realized it was 11:30 and I hadn't had breakfast yet. I was saving the pretzels for later. So I look to see where I Burger King was because I had seen someone with a cup from it. Turns out it was in the mall just kind of setback so I didn't see it. I went in and I want to order the veggie burger always get. Only to find out that even though it's on their menu they no longer carry it because of the impossible Burger. Wonderful. I can't eat the impossible Burger. I've tried it multiple times now and two of the three times I've tried it I've gotten sick. So I don't trust it. And I really like the veggie burger at Burger King. Explain the girl why I can't have it and she told me I should fill out the survey. So we did and just said that I was disappointed. I got fries and a soda and sat down. But I just felt very sad. I just wanted to go home.

Thankfully waiting for the Subway on the way back wasn't as long. It was still really hard to bike home and the Heat. And I promised myself I would get a cold bath as soon as I was home.

And that's exactly what I did. I got him cold baths and I had my pretzel. Eventually I had a burrito. I just tried to enjoy my afternoon.

Our landlady, Tina, texted me that she was running late. Originally when she had called me when I first got home she said she would be there around 3:30 or 4. But her sister's car had broken down and she had to drive her somewhere so she would be here closer to 5. That's cool I wasn't planning on going anywhere.

But then I hit kind of a mid-afternoon slump and I got incredibly tired. I set an alarm for 4:30 just in case I fell asleep. I just felt exhausted.

I went downstairs to get a package. It was a bunch of small stuff from my mom. But she also apparently sent me an envelope. And that wasn't there yet so later on a little bit before 5 I open the door to go downstairs. But when I did I saw that the office door that is the apartment next door to me was open and there was a huge bag of peaches on the table in the hallway. I assumed that meant the landlady was there so I just went back in my apartment.

And I was right! Tina knocked on my door a couple minutes after 5 with the big bag of peaches. She brought them for me and James. She is so sweet. I want to give her a big hug. She reminds me of my dad's Aunt Ellen. An older lady probably mid-70s. Crepe paper skin and glasses. She had earrings and a necklace and a bracelet on. She has short blond hair that was kind of curled. And I just think she's so sweet. We sat and talked for about a half an hour. She gave me the lease and she told me the history of the building. At least what she knows.

Her and her ex-husband bought this home years ago. They lived here on the first floor and in this apartment before she had kids. And after they had kids they moved West Virginia and started renting the place. The building itself was built in 1904 and I was right about it being a family that owns a department store downtown. They commissioned the building when they got married. And then they left for 6 months. When they got back they started their life but the wife died a few years later they think in childbirth. He was very sad and so he moved to the building next door. The one that's an old person's home now. At least we think it's an old person's home. But that building was filled with artists and art collectors at that time. Just filled with that kind of energy. He continued to own the home for a while and rent it out. It changed hands two more times at least before Tina and her husband at the time bought it. And my favorite thing that you told me was that turns out the apartment I'm living in was the original owners Billiards room. I think that is hilarious.

It was really nice to talk to her though and she said the sign the lease when we get a chance. To contact her if we have any questions. The only real question I have now that I've read over the lease has there's a clause in it that says we can only have white curtains. And I want to check about that. Cuz that seems bizarre. But it is a standard lease that she just got from the library so maybe she doesn't know that it says that.

After she left I ate one of the peaches and it was incredible. Like I literally ate the entire thing it was falling off of the pit. It was great. And then I just kind of hang out for a bit. Enjoyed being in the apartment.

Eventually I worked on some art. The kitty cat James gave me I went to pick up earlier had very strange eyes. So I tried to call her the man. But that looked worse. So I removed them and put new ones on. At least fixed the size and placement. I like it a lot better now. And then I worked on some aren't and I had pizza for dinner. I just had a nice night. I miss James. He's at a baseball game right now. The whole reason for his trip. I hope he's having a good time up in Boston. He sent me pictures of the museum he was at today. And he promised me a souvenir. I look forward to having him back.

I'm laying in bed now. Sweet pea is manhandling my stuffed animals. And being a nuisance. But I'm really just ready to get some sleep.

I work at the Museum tomorrow. And then James comes back. And then it supposed to be D&D. I look forward to seeing our friends. I hope you guys all have a nice day tomorrow. Be safe. Take care of each other.

[babaleshy]

Something I May Need to Stop Doing...

I'll be venting in this post, but this is about the desire to move out of a desperate want for change right now even though such a move is not meant to be.

On occasion, I go onto zillow's website and check out houses around Pittsburgh out of curiosity just to see what houses are going for what price in what kind of condition. I've noticed something incredibly enticing: there are some houses going for under $100,000 and are technically livable. It's just got flaking/chipping paint, may need new rugs, and other general clean-ups. The only "major" thing I wanna do to any of these houses falling under this criteria is the fact that I feel more comfortable with a tin roof.

These houses that I find are within city limits, most of these houses I've shown an interest in are close to sidewalks. This means if I were to move into one of these houses, then I'd have a chance to properly commute!

Ah, but why exactly am I making this post? What is it that I'm venting about? And what did I mean earlier when I said "not meant to be?"

Back in 2014 (autumn, specifically), my husband and I had to move out of our apartment in downtown Pittsburgh to my parents' farm in Ohio. Two reasons made us do this: one was the skyrocketing rent prices when HUD sold our building, causing rent to go from $539/mo to $720/mo. My husband worked at a casino, and was making $10/hr, so when rent prices went up like mad, we really began to struggle to survive. The other thing was bedbugs. The building manager laughed at our discomfort and said, "What do you expect me to do about it? Where would everyone go for the building to be treated?" Like, you're a shit manager if you haven't come up with those contingency plans.

Paying $720/mo for a bedbug-infested apartment (bedbugs are fucking hard to get rid of) and living in a constant state of itchy breakout made us decide it was time to move in with my parents. Because we literally could not afford to live anywhere else, and our student loan debt fucked up our credit scores, so we couldn't even get a house (and we were looking for one at the time!).

We used to think living on this farm was temporary until reality set in, that there is absolutely no possible way for us to make it on our own now. My husband has ADHD and anxiety and is still struggling to practice to get his driver's license (it's hard when my dad is a major source of my husband's stress; my dad's an asshole and gets worse by the year), and I'm Autistic, so I can't hold down a regular job, and nothing else is hiring.

In terms of getting a job for me at all, either I'd have to go to school for my special interest for the job (ecology, entomology, and/or paleontology) or I'd rather work in a library.

Welp, college is far too expensive for me to pay out of pocket, and my already existing student loan debt is barring me from getting any sort of financial aid to go back to school at all. As far as the library is concerned? Remember when I said my husband is currently struggling to practice for his license? (He doesn't get much practice because my dad is a stressful asshole that makes my husband have a horrible headache and anxiety after he drives). We have 2 vehicles, one my mom uses to get to work, and the other my dad uses to take my husband to work as well as do errands in like grocery shopping and shit like that.

I can't get a ride.

Can't ride a bicycle, either. It's definitely not safe (I live in America, if you couldn't tell). My parents' farm is deep within one of the back roads with one of the properties on this road being an oil rig. The oil workers drive like assholes, not caring what animal they hit, speeding through here. There are dirtbikes and four-wheelers that speed through here, too. There's no room for 2 vehicles to pass one another, and nothing but pure fucking hill the moment you step off the side of the road. I literally cannot bike here.

But let's pretend I got onto one of the main roads on either end of our road. It's even worse! And STILL no room for bicyclists! This goes for fucking miles until you reach a residential area! Except for a nearby little village-town that has the closest library branch. It's the village my husband grew up in, but there's a lot of sketchy turns, corners, and again, no room for bicycles. This includes main roads.

With all this in mind, I actually considered the possibility of moving to that village, because the village itself is actually safe enough to bike ride in. The problem is: I'm not guaranteed to get a job at the library at all. I tried getting a job as a library clerk at the Carnegie Library in Pittsburgh, got interviewed and everything, and didn't get the job for whatever reason. In fact, I'm not guaranteed a job at all at any library branch, regardless of the neighborhood. So moving to such an area depending on the chance of being hired there is not worth it.

Such a village is actually rather unfriendly, and that goes for a lot of communities here on this side of Ohio. You'd think this was one of the southern states from its people and what flags they fly.

So why not Pittsburgh? Why not move there if we could?

Well, I thought about it. It has all the perks I could expect such as public transportation, somewhat safer bicycling areas to commute to school and work, and more importantly: THINGS TO DO.

Living in the middle of nowhere blows when you want to, on your own without relying on someone to drive you, go and do something, such as buying fabric or art supplies for future projects, or going to the library, or anything, really! Yeah, I do want to garden, but I don't have the means to do that on a damn farm (long, frustrating story that made me stop believing my parents' promises).

Not to mention, I still have friends in Pittsburgh, If I wanna see them, they don't have to drive an hour and 45 minutes (and that's if they have a car) to visit. I got 2 friends here in the area, and they're busy with their work's demanding schedules. When we do hang out, Cards Against Humanity, Uno, and D&D can only do so much until it gets old and boring and you wanna do something else that isn't hanging out at a dead mall. There is truly nothing to do here. Pittsburgh has the museums, libraries, parks, and far more interesting establishments to lurk in.

So again: why not Pittsburgh?

Because that city has changed and is still changing compared to when I was last there. My regular watering hole (The Beehive) is no more. There are neighborhoods being gentrified (meaning I'm not guaranteed to keep my home even if I pay it off). Businesses are closing, meaning people will be losing their jobs, and some of the other places hiring (like libraries) are not guaranteed to hire me, especially when I haven't had a job since 2010.

There's also my cat to consider; she gets stressed at the sound of a lawn-mower (I don't blame her). She wouldn't be able to handle the sounds of the city. Unless we found a place not too close to downtown, such a move is a no-go.

I've daydreamed about living in Pittsburgh again. I'm homesick for Pittsburgh. I've realized only recently that that city was my home. Not this farm, not even the house I grew up in. I felt like a person who didn't have to rely on people for rides and such. It's the only place where I've truly lived on my own and enjoyed it.

I've actually considered moving out of this country and found that even more impossible. No matter which country you pick, no matter what language you learn, not only do you have to pay for your things to be shipped, for your plane ticket for a one-way trip, or whatever you need to become a citizen there, you still have to pay at least $2,000 to revoke your American citizenship or else you will be forced to pay American taxes despite never setting foot on American soil ever again.

Thanks to capitalism, America has made it fucking impossible for the average person to leave for good. If you are born here, you are financially enslaved here unless you're wealthy enough to leave.

So... What's the plan?

Well, for now: not much. The pandemic has set plans back a bit, but my parents have a lien on the house thanks to my private student loans my mom was bullied and forced into co-signing for. She... I guess?... is almost done paying them off? I don't know. My parents don't like communicating need-to-know info with me and then get mad when I don't absorb it through osmosis. Once the lien is taken off the house, mom wants to move north to be near her sister, and she said she'll try finding a farm for sale near Kent State so it'll be an easier commute (be it by bicycle or by car). My intention is to enroll there to be able to get a job as an ecologist (focus in entomology, specializing in arachnology) with a minor in paleontology.

Once I've gotten that all taken care of (as well as my husband going back to school for what he wants), we move to the pacific northwest, mainly just north of Seattle somewhere.

I hate Ohio. I hate running into people I've gone to school with that I try to avoid (more like I see them, but they don't recognize me? At least I hope not?). I hate this place so much. I hate this climate, being near people I don't want just randomly showing the fuck up. And what's the use of living near family when they don't want to bother visiting you? I hate hearing my mom tell me so-and-so that I obviously want nothing to do with told her to tell me they said hi. I'm tired of fearing I'll run into someone that abused me in the past because now they're back in the fucking area again apparently.

I've got my fingers crossed that something is gonna give and college to some level (community college?) will be free for residents or something. It'll give me a chance to go back to school for something close to what I wanna do so I can maybe get a job? Completing something at a community college would at least make it easier for me to get enrolled at a university.

My husband and I picked Seattle (or close to Seattle) for its climate. It's (usually) not blistering hot every goddamn year, and it's not horribly cold thanks to the mountain range (I'm quite cold-intolerant). We both enjoy overcast weather and rain. We'd rather take our chances with volcanoes than earthquakes or hurricanes in areas where these things are guaranteed to happen yet nobody ruling these areas wants to invest in infrastructure that helps stand a chance against them. Seattle also has a nice combination of city and wilderness side-by-side. Not much of that with Pittsburgh.

If I was forced to only move to Pittsburgh and no other city, I wouldn't mind, especially since I'm more familiar with Pittsburgh than I am with anything in my current local area (because I had to travel on foot instead of relying on a car to get to places!). Fuck, my mom wouldn't even let me do anything by myself out of the yard when we lived in the village I grew up in because she was a paranoid fuck and by the time I JUST STARTED gaining independence for having a bike and bicycling to the post office everyday, we moved to this farm.

Oh, this isn't a roof over my head I should be thankful for. My parents got screwed. Our water is full of iron and calcium that no filter can fix, so we constantly have plumbing problems, the post and internet connections are questionable at best, we get ant infestations from 2 species EVERY YEAR, all for a farm my mom wanted for horses she always wanted and eventually got but has little next to no energy to spend the time she wants with them and she refuses to admit her age has a lot to do with it on top of her working so she sits in the living room on THREE DIFFERENT DEVICES sucking up bandwidth to religiously watch every fucking livestream of a country singer she likes (and complains if she's missing it for any reason!), scroll through Facebook, and play a fucking shitty app game!

Our internet out here? The physical equipment is outdated (copper wires instead of fiber-optic cables) because the fucking company doesn't wanna spend the money to upgrade it.

So instead, we're stuck here, with my husband losing his sanity bit by bit by the day at his shitty retail job (every other available job offering would be worse in this area) and I sit here and hope that maybe, JUST MAYBE, I could start gardening soon.

I miss Pittsburgh. I really do. But despite all of its benefits it would give me and my husband if we moved back, I don't think it will happen.

In the off-chance that we don't move north, that my dad's assholery intensifies and he decides to remain here (he has to legally agree to sell this house in order for my mom to move north; dad's reasons keep fucking changing), Pittsburgh is a nice back-up plan. Pitt University actually has the major I'd want to go back to school for, as well as what my husband wants to go back to school for, and we'd already be familiar with the city and what to expect of it. However, we're aiming higher, and hoping to move to the pacific northwest, instead.

But I think to avoid losing my sanity, I should stop daydreaming about a future that may never be.

Fingers crossed!

[frogsandfries]

So maybe I should have seen this coming

My voice is gone. Absolutely gone. Also, I guess if you try to push through losing your voice, you can cause long term damage to your vocal fold. Whoops. Extra whoops because on Tuesday, when we went to get some groceries, and also make a necessary stop at JoAnn's, I tried to raise my voice at my partner. Yesterday, I did my best to go completely silent for the day.

Yesterday was interesting. We went to look at the place of this guy my partner's mom hooked us up with. He's really young, I think a few years older than my partner, apparently single, and owns a really lovely, decently sized house. My partner conjectures that there used to be a spouse in the picture. Dude owns/leases (I didn't ask) a friggin Audi. I don't think it really matters if there used to be a spouse in the picture. My partner also conjectures that the reason this hipster dude who wears plaid and a man bun, makes his own kombucha, and built a conversation van in his back yard, wants to rent his huge-for-one-person home out to other people, is that this guy can't afford his house.

Honestly, I'm over here seeing this dude live essentially my dream. He owns property which he intends to make a profit renting while he lives in a van and probably travels.

My partner has a little PTSD after the last time we tried to live with someone he didn't already know. The guy we've agreed to live with tried to get us to hang out, he had offered to make dinner and seemed really interested in my partner checking out his video game stuff. I thought they were really vibing in the car. I was able to explain that we'd just gotten my cross stitch back out of storage. I explained that I'd meant to resume working on it in Oregon, but I'd been too sick most of the time I was there, and I was really excited to get back to work on it. My partner told me, when we got in, he thought I was making an out. Which seems kinda mean. No, I genuinely wanted to do some cross-stitch yesterday, if it ended up in the cards. If I'd clued in to this guy wanting to hang out, I'd probably have brought my bag. I absolutely understand wanting to hang out.

I'm not really much company right now, but after the incident in Oregon........ and my friend in Wisconsin is busy just trying to hold on with her family through this..... I get wanting some friends.

My partner pointed out a new revelation. I was sick all that last week--three days of intense fever and a lot of sleeping. My partner suggests I would have been at possibly the most vulnerable that guy would've seen me. And he thought I would say yes I'll stay while my partner sleeps in the streets. I don't know when, ever, a family is going to choose the outsider.

When we got to the motel, I had to set up my other tablet--I can't wait till this city shutdown is fucking over and I can get back to work. I'm buying a fucking Microsoft, words which I never in a million years imagined saying. I need a tablet that is ready to work, with decent battery as well as charge time, which will also hold up over time. Additionally, I need a tablet that comes with a pen. Of course, acquiring a new tablet will mean setting up a new tablet. Anyway.

I had to download the single-sheet pattern and cross out everything I've stitched so far and try to figure out where I was working from. Then I had to figure out which colors I was working with.

I honestly don't think I meant to set this project aside for so long. Oops. I already fucked up though. We're staying in a motel room right now, so I'm dealing with motel room lighting. I kinda had to just follow the pattern to try to finish this particular chunk. I ended up using the wrong color, but per my yoozh, I'm not going to try to fix it. Honestly, it'll just be more headache to try to figure out what color I'm supposed to be using, when honestly, I probably noted it on my other tablet.

Other things I didn't mention:

We went to the storage bin yesterday. My partner went through most of the containers in the storage bin to try to find stuff he might want or need if he can't get out there as regularly. I kinda came along behind him and made sure the containers close properly. I'm pretty sure one of his container's lids is warped from not minding that. But we were still able to stack some of the other containers on top of the warped lid. This gave us space to get some of the things off the mattress we'd laid down, and we were able to put the mattress back up. Around that point, we were wrapping up the point behind getting to the storage bin, which was to grab some dishes and a few more items of clothing apiece. I also grabbed some more toiletries etc, and the shopping bags we ended up forcibly acquiring in Oregon. I'm pretty sure we'll need the extra storage-ish/moving space.

Plus, Tuesday, the cashier at Walmart gave me a shopping bag because I used EBT. I unfortunately see myself being on EBT/food stamps for a while, and Walmart appears to be the most accessible grocery acquiring place where we're staying, so I see myself acquiring many Walmart shopping bags.

I hadn't been to Walmart for months before Tuesday. When I was staying in Wisconsin, the only reason to go to Walmart was Soda Stream refills, or every few months for some new bras, as they're also the only place I know of that carries Hanes Cozy Bra. I had stocked up on bras last summer, and also emptied my canister just a couple months before I knew I was probably leaving, and I knew I wouldn't empty my canister from that point before I left, and it would've been a waste to get a new canister. So, months and months.

Point being, since when does Walmart only offer sturdy, actual reusable, plastic bags, at charge?? It made sense in Oregon, because of the plastic bag ban. Wait..........does New Mexico also have a plastic bag ban?? That can't be right.......... restaurants still offer plastic straws.........???

I've felt for a long time like things move quickly around me and I'm so busy living under a rock, I'm constantly months behind. It doesn't help that the news doesn't help. Almost the only reliable news source left is NPR, and I don't think that they report on every last thing. Local news sources are garbage; most articles are maybe two paragraphs. Not enough information, dammit!! How does one get good news without having to hunt it down???

Most likely the last point in this post: The apartment/suite we'll be staying in.

It's over the garage, which, whatever, I've already lived in sheer filth every time I've lived with my parents, plus this last time in Oregon. The only door in the space, that I noticed, was at the bottom of the stairs. You go up the stairs and there's a cupboard for something, probably utilities. Then the living area is at the landing. Lovely, open room; a studio space, so the bed is right out there. There isn't even a door for the bathroom, but I didn't open the door or go too far in, so the door might've been for the toilet, but I'm pretty sure the shower was right out there as well. It was a really lovely space, already furnished, so we don't have to worry about fully moving in.

Anyone who lives in either of these spaces will end up sharing the kitchen, which can always go hairy.

He also showed us the other suite we might move into if we stay, because the space we're staying in is booked for May. That space isn't bad either. It's modest, but there's a bedroom area and a space for other use, and doors at either end, so it fully encloses and becomes private.

Honestly, given how hard it might be to find employment otherwise, and how stupid close the Walmart is............ as much as I can't express how badly I don't want to get stuck there for another year, let alone how desperately I do not want to stock at any cost, and also if I stock now, if they still have that system in place where I have to dick around with their stupid computers, it'll take me that many more months to do my training to get my proper pay. I could see Walmart being assholian like that. I'm not going to do this job at anything less than full pay. Oh, and it's not like you used to be able to just blaze through your training. Hopefully they've changed that much at least. Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But I can't afford to do any less than try all options..........

[formerly-rosaline]

Rose smiled faintly as his attitude shifted a little. That's more like it, she mused, then she laughed softly as she began. "The sorry fucker is Boyd Evgeniy Macdougall. Scotch-Russian originally from California. He didn't uphold his end of a bargain, and now I really want him dead, but I can't get my hands dirty because he's relatively... important. I'm a bit tied up here. Luckily he's got more than enough enemies that, with your tact - and I've heard you're known to be quite discrete -, it won't be able to be traced back to me. In fact, I doubt anyone will even know where to begin if they were to try to figure out who took out a hit. He's not a congenial guy." Rose smirked and chuckled wryly. "What do you need to get this done? Besides the money, of course." She was willing to provide more information, like where he could find Macdougall at regularly (luckily, the guy kept a pretty monotonous schedule, her private investigator had found out - he frequented the same places for coffee and drinks on the regular), or more information about him if necessary.

"How much is this gonna run me, by the way?" Very few knew in her life, but Rose had quite an inheritance after her parents had passed away. She had the money for a hit just lying around. She'd kept it well-hidden for reasons unbeknownst to most of those who did know she had the money in the first place, and she lived rather frugally. It explained how she rented her place, though. Rose couldn't hold down a job for shit with her alcoholism, yet she'd never been late on rent, and this area had a high cost of living. Regardless, she was prepared for whatever number got spitballed her way. She hoped it wasn't much more than the cash she already had set aside though. She'd always had an emergency reserve withdrawn in less noticeable amounts for if she needed to go off the grid or something. Some of her money was offshore (accruing interest without any taxes - very Panama Papers), so she could just pull from those accounts too if necessary. She'd even brought a down payment with her today, the amount they'd discussed. It was pretty cop-like of him to request it, but she had recommendations from trusted sources that Monroe was good at what he does despite his boorish behavior and his lack of professionalism. That lack of professionalism was what had her bag of stacks in the trunk of her car, rather than here with her, though.

She wasn't handing over anything just yet.

She pulled out a flask and jimmied with the lid, fidgeting, as she awaited his reply. It was far from a nervous habit and her relaxed, lithe shoulders showed such; she was just dependent on a fairly constant buzz or she'd acheive alcohol withdrawal. She was a bit worried about the hangover that was coming her way when she finally did clean herself up a bit. She needed help sobering up, her mind distracted her by saying, but of course her hitman wasn't her therapist to tell that to. She did have a hitman who she probably could confide such things in, but she wouldn't anyway, because she was too stubborn and stuck in her ways and prideful to receive support from anyone. God, if they knew how bad it had gotten...

She took a long pull of her whiskey anyway, shrugging all of that off mentally. What better time to drink than while plotting the taking of a life over something menial? Her mind was running a thousand miles a minute. Must be the adrenaline. She'd downed about half the flask, about four shots, before he'd even begun to respond, but she straightened up when he began. She was dewy with excitement. He must have thought this was her first rodeo, but she didn't care to defend herself to this stranger. As previously established, she really didn't give a fuck about him. Unlike him, though, she had manners when it came tobusiness matters. A friend had diligently taught her the importance of something that seemed so trivial before. A little feigned kindness went a long way in life, especially in dealings.

formerly-rosaline‌:   

Rose returned his scoff, sizing him up. She didn’t give a fuck about him either, honestly, but she had the tact not to say so. “Well, anyway, I want him dead, so I’ll literally pay you to give a shit about it.” Rose suggested expectantly, brows raised. 

       Monroe knew better than to question his employment, but he was in a different mood than he normally was, money was money to the Hsien. Truly, it had a rather meaningless status to him, but the necessity of it was greater than his desire for the paper substance. With a sigh, the man shifted forward to let his chair meet the floor before he glanced over her in mild annoyance. The man was tired but the bills didn’t allow him time to rest, shaking his head and nodding at her he spoke again, tone more sincere this time around. “Fine, whatever, what’s this sorry fuckers name?”

[frogsandfries]

Finally finished

I finally finished the longest seams on each of my three privacy curtains. The reason it's three, which is admittedly a weird number for curtains, is that the fabric folded over for a double-sided curtain, and then cut into three, with the length that I purchased, happened to fit the space I was trying to block off with something pretty, horizontally as well as vertically. I figured with the fabric doubled over, I could also fit in batting or reflectix. Or both, I suppose. Of course, I planned my privacy curtain before it got so cold that I needed a heater and settled on a propane heater, and then decided that the best place for the heater was between the chairs. But I suppose it's not much of a stretch to move the heater forward in front of the curtain.

I have to fix the glitter, or else it will just keep falling off. And it will fall off all over the inside of my van. It will get stuck in the flooring and I will find it long after I've gotten new curtains. I have clear sealant, so I'm very much considering using it on the fabric.

I have the next set of curtains I need to work on with me, the filler curtains for the lower level. I'm not sure if I should stick with the same pattern for the out-facing curtains for the loft, but whatever material I choose, I'm going to need a lot, especially for the hatch door, which is just a giant window. The best solution I have for the outer curtains, which will protect my space from prying eyes when I'm not home, or sleeping, somewhere I may not be 100% welcome, is to use a curtain at the top and bottom of the windows. Right now, the curtains hang away from the windows. I'm considering straightup crafting some replacement window frames from spray foam, because it would insulate the current metal window frames. Additionally, it would be an accessible option for me to build nice frames I could hang tension rods into.

I mean, I've already slated new trim for my van, since what remains of the original trim is hollow, and one of the missing pieces of trim was replaced by copious patterned duct tape. It would just be really healthy for my peace of mind if my steps were blocked when the doors are closed.

Once my dad had a pile of lumber, a charged drill, and a couple boxes of screws, it was like when you give me a pound of polyclay, some of my favorite tools, and a stable work surface. It was playtime. I should've done this the second the van was stripped out. Loud noises may stress me out, but my dad lives for these big projects. Unfortunately, he's not motivated for or by his own needs. So his own projects will rot while he fulfills others' needs. He seemed eager to come back tomorrow, even if he only wanted to swing by briefly to affix the ply. Too bad, but he needs to clean up his rabbits. I can't help with that at all.

It looks like he's motivated now...... sort of. We've got the shell up, we've got the lumber and fixings in order, for the most part. He should finish putting the sides together yet this week. I've decided to cool my heels and wait on him. He can't ditch the place he's renting if I've got nowhere to go because of his slackery--I've been fighting tooth and nail.

Like I've said, I've got p l l e e e n n n t t y y y y y of things to do--I just finished the second of four pairs of primary curtains, the functional curtains. I could get some work done yet on my futon mattress, which is going to have to be custom, so who better to design and execute? I've barely put any thought to my desk. I've mostly been waiting to see how the space comes together. But right away, I have the numbers to put my wardrobe together. I have a few ideas about that I can play with.

Additionally, it looks like I fucked up measuring, so maybe somebody take away my tape measure. The frame is being built entirely around the shell, but the shell is significantly shorter than the space that I actually have to cover, which will mean another project, but also tons of space to play with if I carry on the plan to put the tank up. We/I are/am going to have to figure out how to save this or else I'll have a beam in my forehead regularly......In the unlikely event that my dad has no thoughts, I think I have a couple of saves, one involving the cross beam up beneath the cross support of the shell. Which might happen anyway, and then probably just building a lighter add-on shell, since I'm trying to friction fit the 4×4s against the wheel boxes. The bummer is that it just occurred to me what my dad was saying: The front 4×4 is going to land right between my side door and the buddy door, which I actually rarely open unless I'm cleaning garbage. Once the tower is out of the way, I suppose it wouldn't hurt my feelings to turn the step space that I don't really use into floor space, possibly extending my seating/storage space.

The bonus is, if he wants to put the 4×4 there, he'll have to either take out the tower or fight with it. Well, he'll be running the grinder here soon enough anyway, so he's probably going to do the roof, the tower and the blower motor at once.

There's a ton to do even before the ceiling is finished. And tons more after.

I have pretty much no idea how to hang the curtains. Eyelets? Rings? A channel? Loops? If I had a good sewing machine, I would love to do a button hole on my privacy curtains. Probably a channel for the outer curtains, so there aren't any gaps to nose through. Some kind of variation on a button hole would help me weave on pretty, cheerfully colorful inner curtains. I guess a more accessible technique would be to use loops in a very thoughtful manner. I don't believe my mind has changed much since I last contemplated my curtains. I guess I'm sticking to the channel at the bottom of the outer curtains and loops at the top, for the windows, for minimum privacy breech, but also flexibility regarding my interior decoration choices. I think some simple white material for the loops would be a solid choice for unifying the decor.

Edit: Blanket stitch.

Genius.