#And I'm confused as to whether it's obvious/clear if you look/read it multiple times like I have
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Sometimes I watch A Song of Ice and Fire YouTube theorists and I can't tell if they're less autistic than me because they can notice so much symbolism that I could not notice and could never notice in anything, or if they're more autistic than me because they can pick out all the little details and make connections I can't even see based on pattern recognition and mythology hyperfixation.
#/j#a song of ice and fire#autism#I enjoy the content very much#But they find so much symbolism#And I'm confused as to whether it's obvious/clear if you look/read it multiple times like I have#or if it's just the power of someone with a hyperfixation far stronger than mine on this topic#they have helped me get through finals#I just put on an hours long stream or video and go write some nonsense about political science
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One of the things I find most fascinating and also most frustrating about spn as a sprawling multi-authored text is sorting out theories about the reading(s) intended by the creators versus what's actually on the "page"/(screen) versus how individual viewers interpret both of those things based on their own lived experiences vs how we as a fandom community approach the morass of all of the above. I'm by nature a reader response theory kind of girl, and I think especially in a text like spn, where the various authors very clearly didn't always agree with each other and in which some weird, nebulous, probably only marginally correct personification of the collective audience also influenced what the story was allowed to do and become, any attempt to assign a singular, unitary meaning to the text is going to be, if not futile, at least way too complicated to contain in the ways fandom generally approaches meta.
I really dig your meta above. I think it's well-argued and as close to a synthesis of the disparate pieces of what ended up on the screen during the Carver era as it's possible to get. I do also think that there are other equally good ways of combining the ingredients we were given--sort of like if fandom had a bunch of leftovers from a potluck supper in our refrigerator and we were all arguing over whether there's a "right" way to combine them all to make a single edible dish. No matter which combination we attempt, it's gonna end up kinda weird and questionable and we'll have to leave some of the leftovers out and combine some of the other ones in proportions that some of us think are amazing and others think are a disaster.
because the point of the whole season is that sam and dean are the same. they will make the same decisions to save each other over and over again. the point of the whole season is that sam has been lying to himself.
So for example, I think this is a good 'point of the whole season' for some fans, but not only isn't for others, it also imo probably wasn't a dish tptb intentionally jointly agreed to create together at the beginning of s8-10 and was only kind of the dish they brought to the potluck together at the end of s9.
For example, the "I lied" line was ad libbed in by Jared during filming. I think the original actually supports your argument better, and I think your interpretation was most likely what Carver had in mind (although I'm not sure tbh, because his statements on it are confusing).
That does look to me like Sam lying to himself and only realizing it when Dean is on the edge of death. And this from immediately after it supports your point too imo:
It looks to me here like by "For the first time... we played through" Dean meant the first time they had a major conflict without fucking everything up worse? Again, I'm not sure though, and it also doesn't gel with past canon very well, since they "played through" the first Apocalypse too. So that was Carver.
But J2 took it all out.
Jared talked about why he changed the "before I knew you were actually gonna die" line and what he meant by it multiple times, and his explanation is that Sam had been lying to Dean on purpose in the "same circumstances" line, because he was angry that Dean lied to him about Gadreel and it was basically a "see, it doesn't feel so good when you're on the receiving end, now does it?" Which is to say, not hypocrisy, just shitty anger management skills.
There's a good clip from SDCC 2014 where he explains it that way, which unfortunately I can't find atm, but here's a slightly less clear version from Jibcon that year (at 14:45). According to liveblogging from that same Jibcon, he says outright at another point (that I can't find anywhere myself) that he specifically objected to the "same circumstances" line and was trying to fix it. I have always thought that line meant the obvious, that same circumstances, he wouldn't violate Dean's consent the way Dean violated his, and that's the reading I prefer. But I do have to admit this scene, also from The Purge, supports Jared's reading. It very much does read like two bitchy fools being passive-aggressive with each other and like they're both well-aware of it.
BUT THEN. Here's Sam at SDCC saying that even though Sam lied, he didn't lie about the "same circumstances" part. The original video is lost, but it's pretty clear from the gifs and the OP's paraphrase of the question that he's walking back jibcon when faced directly with just the "same circumstances" part rather than "I wouldn't save you" as a whole.
I don't take those two somewhat contradictory stances by Jared to be actually contradictory--I think there's room to believe he sincerely means both--but I do take them to mean he's threading a very tight needle and he knows it. Sam was apparently crucified by the viewers for the "same circumstances" line, and I think much of s10 was a course correction in the writing because of that. Most of the s10 SDCC publicity was talking up how destructive Sam was willing to be to save Dean, and you can tell it bothers Jared that people think Sam doesn't love Dean as much as Dean loves Sam. But I'm especially fascinated by that tiny little carve out--that place where Jared, and imo the writing too, aren't quite willing to go. They aren't quite willing to commit to Sam violating Dean's autonomy like Dean violated Sam's.
Because no matter how much they say with their whole chests that Sam's choices in s10 are equivalent to those of Dean in s9 (and which in your reading are in turn equivalent to Sam's in s8), only one of those choices involved a metric fuckton of rape references. And, if by some (to me frankly unbelievable) coincidence none of the creators noticed they were doing that, it only makes their meal taste even weirder and more horrifyingly compelling.
in order for all of this to work, the conflicts in season 8 and season 9 have to be equal. i.e. dean has to violate sam and his ethics as badly as sam violated dean and his ethics
Like this here for example, if this is true as seen though the eyes of the creators, it means that they are asserting that the commensurate retribution for cheating on one's partner is rape.
Did they do this on purpose? ��(ツ)/¯
Did they think it was just a titillating series of jokes? ┐(‘~`;)┌
Or did it just, without conscious planning on anyone's part, collectively somehow... happen? ¯(⊙︿⊙)/¯
Either way, it's well. Really fucking delicious, but not in a way that's to everyone's taste. And we'll never be able to ask the creators who brought it to our fandom potluck, because the bizarre etiquette of how spn has handled its relationship with fandom includes them being able to bring a rape allusion to the table every three or four episodes, but no one ever being allowed to address it head on. Ever.
and sam is a hypocrite for trying to maintain his autonomy while stripping it from dean
I'm gonna be honest here, I do think tptb thought that Sam was a hypocrite, not just in s8, but all along from day one. I just don't think the thing they thought he was a hypocrite about was whether or not he was willing to strip Dean's autonomy. I think they thought Sam was a hypocrite in that he was--metaphorically--a lying, cheating whore, and refused to admit it.
Dean's suggested list of sins for when Sam went to confession was that (metaphorically) Sam had cheated on Dean with Ruby, with Lilith, with Lucifer, and with Amelia. And Sam's "every time I let you down" likely included those plus possibly--unmentioned in Sacrifice, but brought up many times over the course of spn--also cheating with the entirety of Stanford. Dean, when he went to confession, confessed to the sin of cheating too, but he confessed that falsely, for the case. His honest confession was that he didn't want to be just the weapon John made him into and he then made himself into even more by taking the MoC.
Carver apparently talked a lot about how he was "maturing" the characters in his seasons, and I do think this fits. It is a weakness in Dean that he's too faithful; that he has no boundaries and can admit to no self-interest. And it--according to the underlying ethos of spn--is a weakness in Sam that he runs too easily; that he accepts Dean's gift of his entire self without giving his entire self back.
I think the space here--between they are both the same and they are complimentary opposites, between I lied and but not about that, and consequently in fandom between they're only equal if they both have no boundaries and Sam losing what little separation he has from Dean viscerally horrifies me--is both so small it's hard to find words to explain what the problem is and also so huge that it splits the fandom bitterly in half.
Another way to look at that small/huge difference is are they codependent or are they enmeshed? I vastly prefer enmeshed (although I agree with the critiques of both concepts), and I like that the fandom is moving towards the enmeshed terminology. I don't like codependence as a theoretical construct and I'm glad psychology is moving away from believing it's a solid way to talk about real phenomena. My guess--but it's just a guess--is that J2 (and especially Jared) also prefer Sam and Dean's relationship as enmeshed. But it looks to me like what Carver was going for in s8-10 was making them more codependent. This would make sense for the s10 season, which is an addiction arc (Dean is addicted and Sam is codependent), and would also make sense of the continued (I would say accelerated) discrepancies in how the characters' ethical failings are portrayed and received.
the point of season 9 is not that dean metaphorically raped his helpless little brother; rather it's that the violation of agency goes both ways
So for example, I can't speak for anyone but myself with absolute surety, but I'm confident no one actually thinks Sam is helpless. And I'm somewhat less confident about non-wincest shippers on this half, but at least among wincest shippers I also don't think anyone thinks the season was about Dean raping his baby brother. I think some of us think it was about Dean raping his cheating wife--who, after all, is about to go off with a seductive, powerful, older man AGAIN barely two minutes after taking vows not to--on their wedding night and what that led to going forward.
This is absolutely not a misreading or a 'misleading analysis' (as the OP in your link says) of what's on the screen. It fits their relationship over the course of the show, it fits the Carver years especially well, and it fits the combination of 8x01 through 9x02 so well it's--as I suspect Carver intended--truly horrifying and shocking*. And we can never know whether it was the intended reading or not, because no one involved would admit to it, whether it's true or just a bunch of undifferentiated content their ids brought without their permission.
*The pre-season publicity for the Carver years is fascinating. For both s8 & s10, J2 + the showrunners all clearly have the same talking points about the themes of the upcoming season reduced to a few short phrases, and about the content of the first few episodes. But in s9, in regards to Sam & Dean, they got nothin'. Carver outright says "sorry, but I think people should experience a story the way it's written so we're not gonna tell you." Girl (gn), where did THAT come from? You didn't believe it in the other two seasons.
ok tumblr deleted most of my tag essay on this post, so i've recreated and expanded upon it in its own post.
so the op of the post made a great point which really touched on why i've been feeling that i had a fundamentally different takeaway of season 9 compared to the rest of the fandom. i have a lot to say in response to this, not in argument but in support and synthesis of it.
i'll start with dean at the beginning of season 9: he has a great struggle in 901 regarding gadreel possessing sam, more so than any other struggle he's faced when saving sam's life, which points to me as him being aware of and conflicted about sam's history of possession. he understands this is crossing a line because it's similar to lucifer and meg, and so accepting gadreel's deal is violating sam to a length dean hasn't gone to before. dean by and large is the one who has this particular ethical problem (shown throughout the first half of season 9), not sam. hell, dean is the one who leaves sam once gadreel's out, without even waiting for input because his self-loathing is that strong.
sam, on the other hand, is more textually concerned in his 912/913 arguments with the lack of trust ("i can't trust you, not the way i thought i could") and dean's selfishness ("you did it for you"). this is an ongoing conflict sam has with dean, since the beginning of the show. dean doesn't trust sam to make his own decisions and therefore makes them for him, without sam's consent or knowledge. sam wants to be trusted to stand on his own, and he wants dean to put the same faith in him that he puts in dean. this is the core of sam's needs; the violation of autonomy is just an externalization of these needs and this conflict.
and i don't entirely disagree with the connection between going behind sam's back to keep him alive against his will and a rape narrative. both involve a lack of consent and a violation of agency. however, it really doesn't stop there, and it's a lot more complex than that.
and that's what rubs me wrong about more common interpretations of season 9 that i've seen. because this isn't really what the season is about. this violation on its own isn't the point. or if it is on the surface, it's equally about sam lying to himself about what it's actually about. he's consistently left out of major decisions regarding his own life and then lied to about it "for his own good," and he wants the right to choose his own path.
except, as we learn, that's not true. he lied about it. because the point of the whole season is that sam and dean are the same. they will make the same decisions to save each other over and over again. the point of the whole season is that sam has been lying to himself.
i said this in another post, but i think a big reason sam was able to lie to himself about this fact is because he's had the opportunity to let dean go on several occasions. he's been unable to save dean the way dean has saved sam. he fails where dean succeeds. sam has been forced to endure a grief that dean has never had to experience because dean always brings sam back. and so because sam has endured these experiences maybe he's more comfortable letting dean choose death in the abstract—the hypothetical. but in reality when it comes to that point, sam can't actually follow through, because he's just as dependent on dean being there for him as dean is dependent on sam.
and that's what season 9 is about. sam has been lying to himself about this reality from the start. this is why 1019 parallels 311 regarding how insane sam is about dean. it's reiterating the facts we've known but with a new perspective, now that sam is done deluding himself. he needs to accept that he was lying to himself and to dean, and this is what allows season 9 to close and for season 10 to begin, because season 10 is a response to sam's realization. he chooses dean over everything else in a monumental display of hypocrisy and genuine understanding of himself and who dean is to him.
seasons 8-10 should be taken as a single, cohesive unit, and the show goes to great lengths to enforce this. season 9 mirrors season 8, and season 10 acts as a response to and therefore a continuation of season 9. you can see this in the way charlie's death mirrors kevin's (one brother's lies and deceptions leads to increasing stakes that could have been avoided through honesty and openness, which culminates in the death of their beloved ally, and the deceptive brother blames himself for that death because his own unethical actions led to it), or how both of them undergo a change in their physiology as a result of godlike power entering their bodies which mutilate them from the inside and have fatal consequences (sam with the trials, dean with the mark of cain) which can only reasonably be resolved with their deaths (and they both even enter the final stages of this conflict by going to confession). also the plot structures of seasons 8 and 9 on their own mirror each other very closely.
this is all very important because it outlines the purpose of each of these two seasons. it's about them being fundamentally betrayed by their brother, causing that brother to become desperate and feel rejected and unloved, only for them to get what they need out of each other to reaffirm their love. they have to function as a unit, because otherwise both season's primary conflicts (as in, the conflicts established in the first half of each season) are left unresolved. instead, sam gets what he needs from dean in 823, which means that in return dean gets what he needs from sam in 923, thus closing the circle that was opened in 801.
dean reaffirmed that sam is the most important person in the world to him in sacrifice, that he would choose sam over every single other person on earth—this is what sam needed to hear, because it's the foundation of the conflict in season 8, since sam thinks dean chose benny over him and this sent him spiraling into a suicidal depression and self-loathing. so season 9, consequentially, is about dean getting what he needs from sam: he needs to know that sam will do anything in his power to save dean, which is a conflict that began in season 8 (with sam not searching for dean in purgatory) and is reasserted in 913 when sam tells him that he wouldn't violate his agency if the situations were reversed.
and this is exactly what dean gets in 923, when sam says he lied about all of that. dean gets the affirmation that sam's love for dean goes beyond petty ethics, which translates to "dean is more important to sam than anything else in the world" where the "anything else" includes sam's own moral boundaries. this is important to dean because dean eschews his own moral boundaries for sam's sake and safety over and over again throughout the series, and this is a major source of his own character development (see: 122, 203, 214, 222, et cetera et cetera). sam repeatedly denies that he's the same way, and has proven at least once that he wouldn't do the same, so this is an important affirmation for sam to give and it's why dean had spiraled into a suicidal depression and self-loathing (look, another parallel).
so season 8-9 are mirrors of each other, and they have to be mirrors of each other in order to work structurally and for any of the conflicts presented to be resolved. season 10 then is a response to this which shows the consequences of those dual resolutions: aka, sam acts just as unethically as dean does in the rest of the show, except this time knowingly and intentionally instead of subconsciously as he has been doing up to now (see: 1001, 1003, 1004, 1018, 1020, et cetera et cetera).
in order for all of this to work, the conflicts in season 8 and season 9 have to be equal. i.e. dean has to violate sam and his ethics as badly as sam violated dean and his ethics. it also has to be suitably Bad because it's revisiting a conflict that's existed in various iterations across the entire show. this is why it's also deeply important that 923 dean's death also parallels 222 sam's death, because it highlights how this conflict has always existed and how sam and dean are similar to each other. they both make the same choices under pressure and go to equally unethical lengths. which is why season 9 couldn't end until crowley told the audience that sam was trying to make a deal with him to bring dean back to life, specifically after dean begged sam to let him die. the point, then, was never about the violation itself: sam disregards dean's right to choose death just as much as dean disregards it. the season is about how sam and dean are at their cores the same, and it's about sam becoming aware of that reality and then actively, consciously choosing it. which is what sam reiterates across season 10, as a response to his choice in 923.
he only realizes that this is a Bad Thing in 1101 (i.e. after the response has run its course) when he says they both have to change. and the "both" is important because they are the same, fundamentally. sam isn't innocent of this violation of agency and obsessive deception of his brother, and he needs to understand that before actionable change can be made, which is what season 10 is all about.
and there's something poignant that can be said about 1023 being titled "brother's keeper," because this episode is about sam playing the role of brother's keeper, only for it to blow up so spectacularly in their faces that it causes the apocalypse 2.0. it forces sam to recognize that his original conclusion (that dean was right, and that he was lying) was not actually the correct and moral way to continue living. the significance of 1101 only reveals itself in the foundation laid by seasons 8-10, because these are the seasons about sam discovering just how down bad he is for his brother and accepting it wholeheartedly. season 11 then seeks to fix what seasons 8-10 broke, which is of course the entire fucking planet.
and this is the problem: the first apocalypse was caused by the absence of love, and the second was caused by too much love. their love is a destructive force that has world-ending consequences. that's the point of these seasons, what it all comes back to. in receiving the exact type and strength of love they needed from each other, they ended the world. and this is the conflict they need to resolve in season 11, or at least try to. because their love for each other can, has, and will destroy the world, over and over and over again. this theme can't exist unless seasons 8 and 9 mirror each other, unless season 9 is about sam's hypocrisy.
without that world-ending love, they couldn't have started the second apocalypse. if sam weren't a liar, he would have respected dean's choices, and he would have let dean die. if sam truly cared about bodily autonomy, dean would have died in 923 when he begged sam to let him. but he doesn't; that's not the point of the narrative. of course the violation of autonomy is important, because it provides the foundation for the conflict. but the violation is itself a metaphor, a triple whammy of symbolism: the possession is a metaphor for violation, and the violation is a metaphor for betrayal (as seen through the lens of deception).
the point of season 9 is not that dean metaphorically raped his helpless little brother; rather it's that the violation of agency goes both ways, and sam is a hypocrite for trying to maintain his autonomy while stripping it from dean. it's a continuation of season 8, which thus compacts his guilt over "abandoning" dean in purgatory and his self-loathing and fears of not being good enough or worthy enough of dean's love, which thus causes him to act recklessly and injuriously toward himself and dean. it's not a positive conclusion by any means; like i said, this is what causes the second apocalypse, and it's only after they've ended the world twice that sam finally sits down and says maybe they were wrong about this whole thing. maybe their love is too destructive.
in 912, sam says: "something's broken here [...] we don't see things the same way anymore."
in 1101, sam says: "this isn't on you. it's on us. we have to change."
sam goes from blaming dean to blaming both of them, because he realizes that they're both equal partners in their toxic, fucked up love. season 8 and season 9 allowed them to become equals by giving each other the affirmations they desperately needed to achieve true enmeshment, and season 10 is the consequence of that unhealthy relationship.
the point was never that dean violated sam. he does that over and over again throughout the series without destroying their relationship. the point is that sam is willing to violate dean all the same, and he had to face that reality head-on and accept it to resolve the conflict between them and give dean the affirmation he needed, just like dean gave sam the affirmation he needed in 823. the violation was simply a vehicle through which the conflict could come to a head, and the most provocative symbol this show could possibly use was the metaphor of sexual assault and rape, given sam's history with it via meg and especially via lucifer.
i've probably written enough now. the tl;dr is that season 9 invokes what can be interpreted as a rape metaphor not to vilify dean or even really to continue sam's ongoing rape narrative (though the violation that occurs in season 9 uses this as a foundation for the conflict and that's important to understanding the gravity of the situation), but rather to give appropriate stakes to mirror the primary conflict of season 8 and provide grounds for dean to get resolution for the conflict that began in 801 and continued through 923. god i hope this makes sense because now i've written this essay twice and i'm so miserable because of it.
my apologies if any of this is repetitive or meandering or lacking in any way; i tried really really hard to recreate my original essay and also provide more evidence and groundwork for my argument but obviously i'm sure i've missed some details and overlooked structure in many places. if you read this far, i love you and please talk to me about seasons 8-10. i'm losing my mind
#i hope this doesnt read as too critical#i adore your meta and dont intend it that way#rather its about the way your meta and my own intertwined in my head#i had never thought about s8 and s9 as one unit previously#and i think you're right and should say it lol#but then ive got my own Stuff about that too ofc#as everyone does about everything#anyway.#cw rape#cw infidelity#ig i should warn for that? i'm poly and have so little innate understanding of jealousy and cheating that its like being on an alien planet#meta#wincest#long post is long#so very very long#im also halfway down a rabbit hole now and am looking for later commentary on s9 from carver too#but it takes a lot of time and google fu because so many videos are gone now#everyone always thought the internet was forever#but boy is it ever not
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losing heart | hjs
pairing: gamer!jisung x female reader
genre: f2l, fluff, romance, angst
warnings: slight language
word count: 10.2k
summary: after meeting and starting to date your close online friend of a few months, you start to realize that maybe you might have been better off staying online.
a/n: this is my first fic and I really hope it's enjoyable, I worked really hard on it and hope it meets any expectations. I also wanted to thank
@softbbyg0rl
for being so kind as to help me proofread this and actually help me expand upon it, I'm really thankful for their help and this probably wouldn't be half of what it is without them helping me out. I am indebted to them /j. I also had another friend help me read over this and I promised them a jeongin x reader in return, so expect that in the near future!
Video games had never been an issue for you before. You enjoyed them yourself normally, occupying yourself with various titles and genres of video games. Growing up you were known as the nerdy kid, finding interest in things that the other kids deemed ‘weird’. Really it was just that they were closed minded and couldn’t accept anything that was different or new. Anime and video games were entertaining, it didn't matter to you what other people thought about it. It was something that had helped you bond with some of your family members, and had helped you make a few friends over the years, one of them being your current boyfriend, Han Jisung.
The two of you had met online in a game you both enjoyed, Genshin Impact. Normally conversation in this game wasn’t much, just asking what the other needed and helping the other out with it. Things like domains, bosses, etc. After that was all said and done, you said your goodbyes and left, more than likely never encountering the other player ever again. When you and Jisung had met in the game however, things had gone much differently. It was only after about an hour of grinding domains that he had asked for your Discord, the two of you chatting on there for a few weeks before you both mustered up the courage to voice call. A few weeks after that, it was video calls. Only a couple months later, you two were very close friends, playing games and hanging out whenever you both had free time.
How quickly you two had clicked was a mystery to the both of you, but even your online friends were surprised at how fast you had let Han Jisung into your circle. Normally you were very particular about who you spoke to, let alone on a daily basis. Whenever you first met someone you usually spent the first few weeks getting a read on their personality and getting to know them before even thinking about actually getting close to them. It seemed Jisung had just rubbed off on you so quickly you hadn’t had a chance to actually go through your usual process.
When Jisung had suddenly brought up the idea of meeting in person just six months after first meeting each other online, it came as a shock to you, not expecting him to be the one to suggest it since you had learned he was actually an introvert despite his online persona. You had both learned that you lived relatively close to each other, having discussed where you lived previously. It was still about a two hour trip from your house though. Jisung of course had suggested he be the one to travel, but you didn’t want to cause him any more anxiety than he already had and told him you’d be more than willing to do the traveling.
A week was all it had taken for you to get on a bus and travel from your hometown to his. Jisung was texting you the entire ride there, clearly nervous with how many questions he was asking, probably wondering to himself if he should just call it all off. Your other online friends had gotten quite jealous since you hadn’t even met them yet, but you had to remind them just how much further away they were compared to him. They couldn’t argue with that. The two hour ride hadn’t felt long, your legs relieved to be standing upright as you exited the bus, holding your bag close as you looked around nervously. You had never done something like this before, and you honestly hadn’t even realized just how nervous you were up until now.
Scanning the busy sidewalk, you squinted, nibbling on your bottom lip as you struggled to focus, your heart slamming against your chest. Having to wear masks didn’t make things any easier, only being able to see the top half of people's faces really limited your ability to recognize someone you had only ever seen over the phone. After a few minutes, you had begun to wonder if Jisung had up and ditched you. Scrambling for your phone, you nearly dropped it, hissing as you unlocked it and looked over your messages with Jisung. He had said he was on his way to the bus stop a half an hour ago. It couldn’t take him that long could it?
About to call him, you walked over to the bench and sat yourself down, pressing the dial button and placing the phone up to your ear, looking around sheepishly, silently wondering if you were going to be ghosted and have to take another two hour drive home. Faintly you could hear the sound of a phone ringing, furrowing your eyebrows in confusion, you turned your attention to the source, seeing a rather short male with bleach blonde hair running towards the bus stop with a motorcycle helmet in hand. It was only moments before the male wearing all black actually reached the stop, looking around, locking eyes with you for a moment before pulling out his phone that was ringing and taking less than a second to look at the caller ID before answering.
“Y/n? I just got here- Where are you?” He questioned, nearly making you scoff into your phone’s receiver as you stood up, looking directly at him and cocking an eyebrow.
“Right in front of you.”
The slow turn and the look of realization was more than comical. Jisung’s eyes widening and then scrunching as he smiled under his mask. Hanging up the phone he slowly walked over, rubbing the back of his neck as he cleared his throat, shaking slightly with anxiety. “I uh, I’m sorry for getting here late. I kind of ran into an issue and had to do some last minute problem solving.” He explained, earning a head tilt from you. “What kind of problem?” You asked, wanting him to elaborate.
A quiet chuckle left his lips as he held up the motorcycle helmet he was holding, motioning back towards a bike that was parked on the side of the road. “I only had one. So I had to go and buy another.” You were sure your expression had matched Jisung’s from just moments before, in shock as you realized the motorcycle was his. If he was slow at realizing you were right in front of him, you were slow in realizing something much more obvious. “You never told me you drive a motorcycle…” You trailed off, Jisung nodding slowly in agreement.
“Ride a motorcycle but yeah. It never really came up and I’m not one of those people who constantly brags about riding one. It’s just a mode of transportation and happens to be cheaper than a car.” He shrugged, and honestly, you couldn’t argue with his reasoning. Clearing your throat, you shrugged your bag further up onto your shoulder, shifting your weight back and forth on your feet. “Well, I’m here. Now what?”
Jisung paused for a moment, seemingly processing your words before motioning towards his bike once more. “I figured we could go back to my place. I figured I’d order food since I’m not the best cook as you know. Almost burnt down my apartment on multiple occasions. My roommate is there, but he’s really chill. You’ve heard him every now and then on call or on mic. He normally keeps to himself, but I already told him about you coming and he doesn’t mind.” He stopped, thinking about whether or not that was everything he was wanting to say. “...Yeah. Unless you don’t feel comfortable with that of course. We can always go somewhere public and just hang out like that.” He offered, clearly not wanting to make you do anything you didn’t want to do.
“No, that sounds great.” You assured him, seeing his eyes scrunch as he smiled again, nodding happily. “Okay cool, let me just-” He stepped forward, getting alarmingly close and leaning forward. It felt as if your heart had stopped beating and the world was moving in slow motion around you. But before you could let your mind wander too far, Jisung placed the helmet he had been holding on your head, knocking you right out of your trance. “-ouch…” You mumbled, Jisung leaning back just slightly to look you in the eyes.
“Sorry, it’s kind of heavy, but it’ll keep your head intact.” He joked quietly, making sure everything was tight, locked and secure before stepping back and flipping the shield to cover your face, smirking slightly as he smacked the top of the helmet. “You good in there?”
Rolling your eyes, you flipped the shield back up to glare at him, smacking his arm as he laughed. “So you’re an ass in person too?” Jisung clicked his tongue before snapping his fingers and shooting finger guns at you. “You know it.” You were internally cringing, but before you could even think about teasing him for it, he was walking over to his bike and you had no choice but to follow, trailing behind him like a lost puppy.
You watched as he got on his bike, pulling his helmet on with ease and starting the engine, the loud sound making you flinch. If Jisung noticed this he didn’t comment on it, simply looking over at you and moving his head to the side, signaling for you to get on the bike. You had never rode one before, so this was a nerve wracking situation. What happened if you fell off? What if you got into an accident? Your mom had always told you just how dangerous motorcycles were. What if this was a bad idea?
Suddenly, Jisung was off of his bike and his hands were on your waist, lifting you up and onto the motorcycle, flipping your face shield back down before getting back on himself. He kicked the stand up so he was now balancing the bike himself. Looking back at you, he raised his voice so you could hear him over the sound of the motor. “I’d suggest you put your arms around me unless you wanna fall off.” Mean, but you knew he was just trying to tease you. You didn’t waste any time to wrap your arms securely around his waist, your head resting against his back. You swear you could feel him laugh as he flipped his face shield down, but you didn’t have any time to really think about it before he was off, riding down the streets of Incheon with you clinging to him for dear life.
The ride to his apartment felt like forever when in reality it only took a few minutes. Your grip on him hadn’t loosened in the slightest, far too afraid of falling from the motorcycle. Even after he had parked and turned off the engine, you were still sticking to him, an audible laugh leaving his lips as he took off his helmet. “You plan on letting go anytime soon?” He teased, you only shaking your head in response. He snickered before carefully prying your hands off of his waist, getting off of the bike and helping you off before taking your helmet and tilting his head slightly, noting your expression. “Was it that bad? I tried to be a little less reckless than normal.” His tone was joking, but you could tell he was genuinely concerned he had scared you.
“N-No it wasn’t that bad, just not used to it.” You assured him, stumbling slightly as you tried to take a step forward, his arms quickly reaching forward and holding you so you didn’t fall. “Jeez, we’re lucky you don’t have very far to walk.” Again with the teasing. You weren’t surprised by it though, Jisung had always been like that when you two talked. You scoffed, hanging on to his arm as you steadied yourself. “Shut up Ji. Where’s your place?” You questioned, Jisung smirking before leading you towards the building, letting you hang on to his arm without much thought. He didn’t seem bothered by it in the slightest despite having told you that physical contact made him nervous. You wondered what had changed. Carefully leading you inside and through the building, the both of you made it to his apartment, you finally letting go of him as he pulled out his keys and unlocked the door. If his roommate was home you weren’t sure why the door was locked, but you didn’t bother to question it as the door opened and Jisung motioned inside. “Ladies first.”
“When have you ever considered me a lady?” You joked, stepping into the apartment and looking around curiously, Jisung scoffing at your question as he shut the door behind the both of you. “Since always. You are one are you not?”
Shrugging, you didn’t answer his question, tugging at the straps on your bag as you walked further into the apartment. For some reason the decor didn’t really feel like it matched Jisung. After all, he had this whole e-boy/rocker look going on and you had fully expected the apartment to be messy and unorganized, but it was the complete opposite. It was clean, spotless even, and it made you wonder if he had cleaned simply because he knew you were coming to visit. Turning to look over your shoulder, Jisung smiled sheepishly, fiddling with a zipper on his leather jacket. “My roommate helped clean everything up. It doesn’t usually look like this.” He admitted, making you laugh and shake your head. “I figured as much.”
As if on cue, another male stepped out of a room in the hall, locking eyes with you and giving you a questioning look before noticing Jisung standing beside you, putting two and two together as a smile started to form on his face. “Oh, you must be Y/n-ssi.” He stated matter-of-factly, making his way down the hall towards the both of you and holding out his hand to you in greeting. You gingerly grasped his hand, smiling softly as he began to introduce himself while shaking your hand. “I’m Yang Jeongin, 01’ liner.”
Your eyes lit up at the realization that you were both the same age, “L/n Y/n, also 01’ liner.” You stated, watching as he relaxed a little realizing that he no longer needed to be so formal with you. The two of you let go of each other's hands, “Ah, well it’s nice to meet you Y/n. Jisung hyung has talked about you a lot.”
Raising an eyebrow, you glanced back at Jisung who smiled and shrugged as if to say he didn’t know what Jeongin was referring to. “I hope it was only good things.” You returned your attention to the male in front of you, watching as he chuckled and quickly nodded his head in agreement with your words. “Only good things. He’s always going on about how much he enjoys your company and how pr-”
“Yang Jeongin- '' Jisung cut him off suddenly, the younger male’s eyes widening before a mischievous smile crossed his face. The two males exchanged various expressions, you watching in confusion as they had a silent conversation with their faces. After a few moments, you cleared your throat, feeling awkward just standing between the two as they acted as if you weren’t right there. Snapping out of it, Jisung looked at you, quickly putting on a smile as he placed a hand on the small of your back, leading you towards the hall. “How about we hang out in my room, hm?”
“Wha- but I thought-” You trailed off, Jeongin following behind the two of you. “Seriously Jisung hyung? I thought we were all gonna hang out-” He mumbled, Jisung shaking his head as he practically pushed you into his room, stepping inside and shutting the door on Jeongin before the younger could hold it open. Locking it, Jisung turned to you, noticing your quizzical expression. He chuckled nervously, placing his hands in his pockets as he averted his gaze. “I just thought it might be better to hang out alone for a little while.” He stated, though his words sounded off, like he was only partly telling the truth.
You decided not to pry however, glancing at the door behind him. “What about Jeongin? He seemed upset.” Jisung shook his head, moving away from the door and closer to you. “He’ll be fine. He’s only being like that since we don’t normally have people over. After we hang out on our own for a while and go back out there he’ll forget about it.” He sounded so sure of himself that you had no reason not to believe him, nodding slowly as Jisung bit down on his bottom lip, seemingly debating something in his head.
“What’s up Ji?” You questioned, said male letting out a breathy laugh, not at all surprised that you had noticed something was going on in his head. “I uh- well I didn’t want to make it weird or anything but… I was wondering if I could give you a hug?” He sounded like he was nervous, and that suspicion was confirmed when you noticed how he was refusing to look at you, shifting back and forth on his feet. You found this cute, giggling quietly as you looked him over. You had just been practically glued to him while he was taking you back to his place on his motorcycle and now he was all shy and nervous because he wanted a hug?
Wordlessly, you crossed the remaining space between the two of you, wrapping your arms around his waist and looking up at him. Jisung tensed up slightly at your touch, remaining still for a moment before wrapping his arms around you, holding you close and resting his head on top of yours. “I made that weird didn’t I?” Snickering, you nodded, still keeping your hold on him but closing your eyes. “Just a little, but it’s fine. You make everything weird.”
An offended sound left his lips, earning a laugh from you as he pouted. “I do not make everything weird.” He mumbled, watching as you slowly pulled away and sat down on his bed, glancing around the room to actually take everything in. The decor in his room definitely made more sense, anime posters and figurines, manga, various instruments, LED lights adorning the ceiling, his gaming setup. It was all very Han Jisung. A light blush adorned Jisung’s cheeks as he cleared his throat and sat down beside you, nibbling the inside of his cheek. “Sailor Moon huh?” You teased, watching as his ears turned red with embarrassment.
“You’re gonna make me take all of this down right now I swear.” He huffed, eyeing you as you took your bag off and set it on the floor before falling back onto his bed, looking up at the ceiling and kicking your feet. “I think it’s cute. I like Sailor Moon too, she’s pretty.” You admitted, meeting his gaze to show that you were being honest.
“I mean, what’s not to like about her? She’s funny, sweet, caring, cute- plus she has a cute cat and super powers. Not only that but her outfit when she transforms is adorable. I’d wear that if I could.” You trailed off, watching as Jisung’s expression changed. You couldn’t read what it was, but there was a slight sparkle in his eyes as you spoke about his favorite anime character. “What are you thinking about?” You pondered, Jisung smiling as he snapped out of his trance, laying down beside you. “I just didn’t expect you to like Sailor Moon too. We never talked about that before so I didn’t even know you liked anime.” You considered his words before realizing that he was right, nodding slowly.
“I do. I watch it every now and then when I have time, but I grew up watching it. Dragon Ball Z, Sailor Moon, Naruto, the essentials.” The two of you talked about anime and your other interests besides gaming for a while, simply laying on Jisung’s bed as you both relaxed and spent time together, getting to know each other a little more. It was almost comical how easily you two got comfortable with each other despite having never met in person up until then. You both stayed there for about an hour before Jisung had brought up his music, asking you if you wanted to hear what he had been working on. Of course you obliged, sitting up as he grabbed his guitar and made his way back over, playing a few songs for you after getting over his initial nervousness to sing in front of you.
You praised him for how good he was at singing and playing the guitar, also mentioning just how thoughtful and beautiful his lyrics were. He turned bright red at your compliments, shaking his head as he put his guitar back, holding out his hand to you as he came back over, asking if you wanted to go out into the living room and watch some TV and order some food. Of course you agreed and took his hand, getting up and following him out of his room and into the living room where Jeongin was sitting, his eyes moving from the TV to the both of you. “Oh, are you finally gonna come out here and hang out?” You could tell he was upset, but not enough to cause his voice to sound angry.
Jisung simply nodded at his roommate, going over to the couch and scooting him over before sitting down himself and patting the empty spot beside him for you to sit. You made your way over to the two males, slowly sitting down as you looked at what Jeongin had been watching, some YouTuber playing a game you had never seen before. Looked like both of the boys were gamers, which made sense. Jisung took the remote from Jeongin, switching it from YouTube to Netflix and clicking his account before handing you the remote. “You can watch whatever you want.” He told you, pulling out his phone so he could order food, Jeongin looking over his shoulder as he mumbled to the older male what he felt like eating. You laughed quietly, shaking your head before returning your focus to the TV.
You picked out an animated movie you hadn’t seen in a while, reaching forward and setting the TV remote down on the small table situated in front of the couch. Leaning back you noticed Jisung’s eyes glued to the TV, confused at his expression until Jeongin also looked up. “Ah, Jisung hyung watches this all the time. I think I’ve seen it at least twenty times.” He mumbled, your eyes widening as you leaned forward to grab the remote. “I can pick something else if you both have already seen this-” Jisung quickly reached forward, shaking his head as he took the remote and set it back down.
“No, it’s fine. If you want to watch it, we can watch it.” There was something different about his voice, but you couldn’t quite place what. Nodding, you went back to your previous sitting position, Jisung mumbling something you didn’t catch before handing you his phone. “What do you feel like eating?”
The three of you debated over what to eat for a while, mainly because you would suggest something, they would agree and you would go right back to asking them if they were really okay with what you had picked and then you were back to square one. Eventually you actually managed to decide on something, Jisung ordering for all three of you and then focusing on the movie. The three of you sat in silence, enjoying each other’s company. It was about halfway through the movie that the food arrived, Jeongin getting up before Jisung could, opening the door and thanking the delivery person before bringing the food in and shutting the door behind him. He quickly sorted out the food in the kitchen before bringing it all over, handing both you and Jisung yours before sitting down and starting to eat his own, not even bothering to wait or thank Jisung.
Giggling, you quietly thanked Jisung who shrugged it off, saying it wasn’t a big deal as he began to eat. The rest of the night was spent pretty much the same, the three of you watching various movies before Jeongin decided to retire for the night, saying goodnight to both you and Jisung before shutting himself in his room, leaving you and Jisung alone in the living room. Once the movie you were watching was over, Jisung cleared his throat, causing you to look over at him, feeling a little tired, but not trying to show it. Of course, it seemed like Jisung knew even with you trying to hide it, a soft smile on his lips as he slowly stood up. “You can sleep in my bed. I’ll take the couch.” Always the gentleman.
You opened your mouth to argue but he shook his head before you could, “I’m not letting you take the couch. So either you take the bed, or I end up on the floor. If you sleep on the couch I’m sleeping on the floor, so either way I’m not sleeping in my bed. Would you rather me sleep on the couch or the floor?” He didn’t give you much choice, but you knew he wasn’t bluffing. Groaning, you lifted yourself off the couch, ignoring his cheeky laugh as he led you back to his room, turning on the light and showing you where everything was in case you needed it. He then reminded you that he’d be on the couch in the event you needed him for anything, saying goodnight and giving you another hug before leaving his room and shutting the door to give you some privacy.
Everything felt like a daydream up until that point, a sigh leaving your lips now that you were alone in his bedroom. You locked the door so you could change into your nightclothes. After you had done so, you moved to unlock the door, your attention grabbed by an out of place manga just after. You walked over, picking it up and moving to put it back in its place, only for pages to fall out of it, your eyes widening when you thought you had accidentally ruined something of his, only to notice when going to pick them up that they were song lyrics and different ideas for songs. You felt like you were invading his privacy, quickly trying to stuff the pages back into the manga before your eyes fell upon your name. Furrowing your eyebrows, you couldn’t help but look over the page, eyes widening.
There was a knock on the bedroom door and before you could react Jisung was already in the room. “Sorry I forgot that I need to get my clothes-” He stopped once he caught sight of you, clearly in shock with how he simply stood there. You smiled sheepishly, placing the paper you held back into the manga and closing it. “I didn’t mean to look through it. I was going to put it up because I saw that it wasn’t where it was supposed to be and then a bunch of pages fell out.” You tried to explain, Jisung finally moved to take the manga from you, setting it back down on his desk before looking you in the eyes.
“You read it didn’t you?” His voice was calm, but you could tell by how quickly his eyes were scanning your face that he was anxious to hear your answer. Nodding, you bit down on your bottom lip, unsure of what to say or do. Jisung sighed, taking a step back and running a hand through his bleached locks, “God- I didn’t want you to find that… I meant to tell you, like actually tell you. I wanted to send you that song once I had finished it.” He mumbled, his admission making your cheeks heat up a little. So you weren’t reading too much into everything.
Reaching forward, you pulled Jisung into a hug, clearly surprising him as he squeaked in surprise. “Wh-” Before he could even finish his question, you interjected. “I like you too Ji.” It was simple, it was to the point, it was the truth. You felt Jisung tense in your grip before relaxing completely only seconds later, pulling you closer to him as he let out a breathy chuckle. “So, I don’t need to send you that song?” He questioned, looking down at you as you smiled. “I’d still love to hear it.” Smiling, Jisung leaned down, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “I think I’ll finally be able to finish it now.”
That was how everything had started, and that was what got you here. Laying in your shared bed staring up at the ceiling as the subtle sound of clicking and the drag of a computer mouse filled the room. You weren’t sure how long you had been laying here, but it had been a while. Slowly, you turned your body to the side, seeing your boyfriend's back turned towards you, facing his monitors, headphones over his ears. You weren’t sure when was the last time the two of you had actually spent any time together. In between work and his constant gaming addiction, it seemed you were always left to occupy yourself. When you got back from your job, he was usually asleep, so you’d climb into bed with him and sleep yourself. Almost every time when you would get up, he’d either be gone or sitting at his desk and playing video games. That was when your dislike for video games began.
Today was no different it seemed, a quiet sigh leaving your lips as you reached over to your nightstand, picking up your phone and checking the time. It was late. Though you could have guessed that by how dark the room was, the LEDs on the ceiling the only thing illuminating the room. They had been Jisung’s idea, but you hadn’t objected since you figured it would be both of your living space and he ought to have some things of his own as well. You felt a sinking in your chest as you came to the realization that your fear was more than likely true. You had gone off to work that morning hoping, praying that Jisung would at least remember your birthday. But it seemed he hadn’t, far too engrossed in his video games to even notice you were awake.
Gulping, you pulled yourself off of the mattress, deciding you weren’t going to make a big scene. You left the bedroom in silence, going out to the small living room of the apartment and sitting yourself down on the couch in front of the TV. You could feel tears pricking at your eyes, but you wouldn’t let them fall. Reaching forward, you turned on the TV, figuring a distraction would help keep all of your emotions at bay. That or it would drown out the sound of you crying once you finally broke, knowing it was only a matter of time before that actually became reality. You didn’t even bother to actually pay attention to what you had put on the screen, merely turning up the volume as you pulled your knees up to your chest, lowering your head so you could no longer see.
You weren’t sure where things had gone wrong. Really, nothing had. You and Jisung had been very happy from the beginning, and you had no issues up until you both actually decided to move in together. You thought that living together would have actually made it easier on the both of you, not having to manage your work/life load as much. Trying to date while living two hours away from each other and having jobs on top of that made things harder, but now that you two were actually living in the same apartment, it felt like you actually spent less time with each other. Odd how that worked.
In the moment, you were tempted to just grab your things and leave, overwhelmed with the amount of emotions you were feeling. Anger, sadness, betrayal, loneliness… it was all just piling on. It probably didn’t help that you never expressed how you were feeling, pretending everything was just fine when you knew it wasn’t. You were just never one to create a problem, opting to just suffer than make anyone else uncomfortable or feel bad. The sound of someone knocking on the door had forced any tears that were about to fall back into your tear ducts. You knew Jisung couldn’t hear with his headphones on, so you begrudgingly picked yourself off of the sofa, sulking over to the door and prying it open, looking out with a dead expression up until your eyes met ones you hadn’t seen in months.
“Chan?” You breathed, unable to believe he was actually standing in front of your apartment. When you had moved in with Jisung, you had moved to Incheon in order to not make it hard on him. This had caused you to leave your family and friends behind, including your friend since middle school, Bang Chan. He always had impeccable timing. Beaming, Chan held out a box that held a cake in it, a present in his other hand as he tilted his head sweetly, his curls falling just slightly. “Happy birthday Y/n! Surprised you didn’t I?” He chuckled slightly, watching as you took a step back, a hand over your mouth as you tried to contain yourself.
It seemed to be just enough to send you over the edge however, tears spilling from your eyes before you could stop them, a broken sob leaving your lips as Chan’s happy expression quickly changed to one of concern. “Oh God-'' He didn’t even ask to be let in despite having never visited yours and Jisung’s apartment before, stepping in, he shut the door with his foot. It took him only seconds to find a place to set down the cake and present he held, bending down slightly as he held your arms and tried to look you in the eyes, seemingly searching them for an answer. “Y/n what’s wrong?” He had known you for so long, there was no getting out of this one.
He knew that you never cried in front of anyone unless something was really wrong. That or you had been holding in your emotions for too long. This time it happened to be both. You weren’t able to blame it on being happy to see him, he’d be able to tell you were lying immediately. God why had he decided to visit you now of all times? Sniffling, you tried your best to stop crying, shakily wiping away your tears before Chan wiped the remainder away with his thumb, arching an eyebrow as he awaited an answer.
“I-I just… God…” You fumbled over your words, not exactly sure how to explain what was going through your head to Chan. Of course, it seemed he could sense this, taking your wrist and leading you over to the couch you had previously been curled up on, sitting you both down and smiling softly. “You can take your time Y/n. I’m not gonna rush you. Just tell me what’s going on and why you’re so upset.” He always had to be so understanding and kind. You just weren’t sure if he would be as understanding and kind to your boyfriend after you told him what was bothering you. He had always been overprotective and had even tried to talk you out of moving in with Jisung in the first place.
“O-Okay well, it’s really not that big of a deal. It’s just Jisung and I haven’t been spending much time together lately. I’m just lonely and upset.” You mumbled, watching Chan’s jaw harden at the mention of Jisung, his eyes narrowing and growing dark as he tried to put the pieces together. There were things you weren’t telling him and he knew it. “Is he busy with work?” He questioned, your heart clenching. Chan really was just going to get to the root of the issue wasn’t he?
“He is sometimes…” You trailed off, nibbling on your bottom lip as you avoided Chan’s gaze. You hated it when he got angry. It was rare for him to do so, but when he did, he was terrifying. “What about other times?” His voice was cool and even, showing no signs of anger, but you knew better. You knew he was probably itching to get his hands on Jisung and in your mind you were wondering whether letting him in was a good idea.
“Well… when he gets back from work he usually sleeps or plays his games. When I get back from work he’s either at his job, sleeping or gaming. I mean, gaming is his form of stress relief so… I get it. It used to be mine so I can’t really be upset with him for that. I can’t be mad at him for sleeping or going to work either. It’s not that big of a deal.” You were making excuses for him and you knew it. But you didn’t want Chan to lose his cool. The thought was more scary than spending your birthday alone. “So he’s choosing video games over you.” Chan stated bluntly, anger creeping into his voice.
Slowly, you decided to look at him, only to see he wasn’t even looking at you now, but rather around the apartment, one of his fists clenched as he tapped his foot against the hardwood floor. You didn’t respond to his statement, so it was only a few moments before he looked you in the eyes, giving you a look that told you to correct him if he was wrong. You searched your mind for something, anything, but you came up with nothing, gulping as you slowly lowered your head, sighing shakily. “I-I guess.” You whispered, feeling your body grow cold as you admitted it to yourself aloud. Chan cleared his throat, nodding as he looked around the apartment once again. “Is he at work right now?” The silence that filled the apartment was his only indication of that, but when you looked around, unsure, he could tell that he was wrong in his assumption.
“He’s here right now isn’t he?” He scoffed, the anger he had been holding back making a swift appearance as he got to his feet. Eyes widening, you quickly grabbed onto your friend's arm, knowing he could easily overpower you and do what he wanted, but he wouldn’t. He may know you like the back of his hand, but you knew him just as well. “Chan please. Don’t make this a big thing. I’m already upset and things getting out of hand is only going to make it worse.”
“Y/n-” Chan started, looking back at you, anger fading as he looked into your eyes, knowing that ultimately he was going to do whatever it was you asked of him. “Can I just talk to him? You and I both know that you don’t deserve to be treated like this.” He bargained, only causing you to shake your head in disagreement. “You know for a fact that you won���t be able to hold yourself back if you ‘just talk to him’.” You gave him a knowing look and he simply huffed, averting his gaze. He knew you were right.
“You brought cake right? How about we just have that and hang out? That’d make me feel better.” Chan’s tension had eased slightly at your request, taking a deep breath as he nodded, deciding he was simply going to appease you since it was your birthday after all. Getting off of the couch, Chan grabbed the cake and present he had set down in a hurry, going into the kitchen and setting it down once again. You followed shortly after him, looking over as he opened the box, a soft smile gracing your lips. He had remembered your favorite color. “It’s very pretty.” You praised. Chan clicked his tongue as he opened a pack of candles, starting to place them on the top of the cake. “Of course it is, I picked it out.” He teased, causing you to roll your eyes and smack his arm. “God you’re annoying.”
Snickering he shrugged his shoulders, pulling a lighter out of his pocket and carefully lighting the candles. “Yet you still miss me. Crazy how that works.” Looks like you two were right back to how you had always been. He wasn’t wrong though, you had really missed him. Being pulled away from everything you knew just for Jisung had been hard, but it had been something you were willing to do for your relationship. One you weren’t even sure was there anymore. Pulling you from your thoughts, Chan started singing. His voice had always been amazing. After he had finished, you blew out the candles, Chan grinning and ruffling your hair before pulling out the candles and starting to search the kitchen for something to cut the cake with. “So, what did you wish for?”
He always asked that question. Every single birthday of yours without fail. You always responded with the same thing. “You know I can’t tell you that. If I tell you it won’t come true.” Laughing, Chan shook his head, amazed that you still stuck by that. “You actually think that matters?” He questioned, earning a nod from you as you opened the drawer that held your kitchen utensils, pulling out a knife and handing it to Chan who thanked you before getting to work on cutting the cake. “Have any of your wishes come true that you haven’t told anyone about?” He pondered, the question making you think back on your previous birthday wishes.
“Mmm, there have been a few actually.” Chan gave you a questioning look, pausing as he did so. “Like what? Since they’ve already happened you should be able to tell me right?” You considered it before figuring that he was probably right, pulling out two plates and forks before sitting yourself down on one of the barstools that were placed along the island in the kitchen. “For my sixteenth birthday I wished for a skateboard and I ended up getting it that day.” You stated, Chan smirking as he continued to cut the cake, shaking his head.
“Maybe because you had been bugging your parents for it for a whole year. Only to never use it despite me telling you I’d teach you how to ride it.” He added in the last part just to chastise you, placing a piece of cake on a plate before handing it to you along with a fork. “I highly doubt that had anything to do with your wish.” You rolled your eyes as you took a bite of cake, humming quietly. He had remembered your favorite flavor of cake too. Of course he had.
“You don’t have to hate on me for believing in birthday wishes just because you don’t Chan. I get it, you’re too grown up to believe in something silly and childish like birthday wishes.” You could tell he got slightly irked by your words, scoffing as he got himself a piece of cake. “That’s not even it-”
“Then what is it?” You cut him off before he could finish, tilting your head slightly as you stared at him. Chan slowly took a bite of cake, looking you in the eyes, considering his next words carefully. “None of my birthday wishes ever came true. So I stopped believing in things like that. I think it’s endearing that you still do though.” He admitted, causing you to frown. “None of them? Not one?” You questioned, Chan seeming to think back on it as he stood there in silence, looking down at the cake. “Mm, I guess there was one that came true?” He sounded unsure, but you leaned forward in your seat, smiling as you waited for him to elaborate.
“I think it was my eighth birthday? The memory is kind of foggy, but I remember wishing for another sibling. It’s kind of dumb now that I think about it, but it did come true.” He shrugged, looking back up at you as you giggled while taking another bite of cake. “I’d say that’s a pretty big wish. The stars probably just figured that wish was enough for a while.” Chan rolled his eyes, snickering as he shook his head. “Yeah sure, whatever you say Y/n.”
The two of you enjoyed each other’s presence for a while, seeming to forget about the issue at hand which was exactly what you had been wanting. Not wanting to confront it or make a big deal out of anything. Chan was helping you ignore your problems and you were more than grateful, the male stating that he wanted to watch you open the present he had got you, so you both moved from the kitchen to the living room, the TV still playing whatever it was you had put on. Gingerly, Chan set the present on your lap, waiting patiently for you to open it.
You had always gotten nervous when it came to opening gifts. You were never a fan of surprises and presents were just wrapped surprises. Slowly, you pulled the tissue paper out of the bag, peeking inside. Your eyes widened once you realized what it was he had gotten you, gasping as you practically ripped it out of the bag, looking it over with wide eyes. “Oh my god- This is so expensive Chan. You really shouldn’t have.” You pried your eyes from the present to meet his gaze, seeing just how happy he was with your reaction to the gift. “I knew you’d like it. I’m sure you’ve been eyeing it for a while now. You always do that with the new lines.” He stated, making you nod in agreement.
“I actually had this in my cart for when I could afford it. It still scares me how well you know me. I never even told you about the new line.” Chan simply shrugged, acting as if it was no big deal. “What can I say, I’m just that good.” He chuckled, already leaning back as you reached forward to smack him.
For a few hours the two of you just sat and talked, not even realizing just how late it was getting. The two of you were making up for lost time, only able to talk over the phone or text, sometimes video call depending on just how busy the two of you were. Life as a producer was busy, that was also part of the reason you were so surprised he had shown up at your front door. It was the last thing you had been expecting. Just like you hadn’t been expecting Jisung to leave your bedroom. It seemed he and Chan had noticed each other’s presence before you had even noticed Jisung, standing silently in the hallway as he looked between the two of you. You immediately turned your gaze to Chan, seeing the look that was on his face before had returned. That wasn’t good.
“Who is that-?” Jisung finally spoke, looking at you with confusion and slight fear. It was then you remembered that Jisung and Chan had never officially met, your eyes widening as you motioned over to your childhood friend. “Chan. Bang Chan. I’ve told you about him, remember? My best friend since middle school.” You explained, Jisung’s expression growing more relaxed as he slowly nodded, remembering discussing him before. “Ah, yeah. We’ve never met before.” Jisung smiled, making his way over to the couch and holding out his hand.
Chan stared at it for a moment before deciding not to be a total ass. He took his hand and shook it, gripping it tightly before paying Jisung a sickeningly sweet smile. “No we haven’t. I’m sorry for not telling you before coming over but I thought I’d surprise Y/n for her birthday.” There it was. You had been expecting him to say something, but you hadn’t been expecting him to say it right out of the gate like that. Confusion was written on Jisung’s face for a moment before his eyes widened in realization, his gaze quickly flitting to yours. “O-Oh…” It seemed he finally understood the tension coming from Chan.
Slowly you lowered your gaze, fiddling with the present Chan had gotten you. Jisung took a moment to look at it before looking to the kitchen, seeing the cake sitting on the counter. “Y/n… I’m… I-I didn’t realize…” He stammered, unsure of what to say or do. After all, there wasn’t much he could do now. “It’s fine.” You mumbled out, forcing a smile as you looked up at him, hating to see just how upset and guilty he looked. Chan on the other hand, wasn’t having it.
“Look, I know it’s our first time meeting and Y/n told me not to make a scene, so I won’t. However, it’s not fine. You should know Y/n well enough to know that she doesn’t like to voice what’s upsetting her. You may be busy with work, or stressed, or whatever, but you ignoring her for your video games is something that shouldn’t be happening. Forgetting her birthday? Don’t you think that’s a little much? Do you see the problem? Y/n shouldn’t have to beg you for attention. You should be paying attention to your girlfriend regardless of what your work life is like and if you can’t handle that, you shouldn’t be stringing her along. She doesn’t deserve that and you know it.” His words were harsh and to the point, but he got across what he wanted to. Jisung gulped, biting on his lower lip as he rubbed the back of his neck.
“You’re right.” Jisung mumbled, hanging his head. “I’ve gotten so absorbed in gaming because of stress from work, but that’s not an excuse. I should have been paying more attention to Y/n, so much more attention. I-I honestly can’t believe I forgot her birthday. I didn’t even realize just how bad I was getting… I just…” He sighed, stopping himself as he turned from Chan to look at you, taking a few steps closer before bending down slightly to look you in the eyes. “I’m so sorry Y/n. Really I am. I don’t have any excuses. How I’ve been treating you is wrong and I realize that. I promise I’ll change.” He spoke softly, searching your eyes as he apologized.
You could tell he was being genuine, seeing tears pricking at his eyes as he spoke to you. “You’d better or I’ll come right back here and take her home with me.” Chan muttered, causing you to roll your eyes at him. “Chan-” You chided, earning a sigh from him as he stood up, placing his hands in the air as a sign of defeat as he made his way into the kitchen. “Sorry, I’ll give you guys a minute.” It was clear he didn’t want to, but he would do it for you.
Sighing quietly once Chan had left the room, you looked to Jisung and patted the part of the couch Chan had just been sitting on, waiting for Jisung to take his place before sitting crisscrossed and facing him. “Ji… I’m not gonna lie and say I’m not upset. I am. I’m really upset. I had honestly thought that you would pull through and remember my birthday but you didn’t. It honestly felt like a stab to the heart. However, I’m also not going to say you’re completely at fault since I haven’t been honest and voiced how I was feeling to you. Keeping quiet and just letting things get worse was my own doing and I’m sorry I didn’t communicate with you.” You mumbled, Jisung furrowing his eyebrows and shaking his head as he reached forward, taking hold of both of your hands. “Hey, no. You’re not taking the blame for this. You shouldn’t be apologizing to me when you haven’t done anything wrong. You never once forgot anything important to me and I forgot your birthday. That’s huge and I’m gonna be apologizing for it forever. I should have realized what I was doing to you. That was my fault not yours, okay?”
You frowned, getting ready to disagree. “I’m not budging on this one. You have no reason to be apologizing to me. You know I’m right.” You didn’t, but you weren’t going to argue with him. Once Jisung saw you were done trying to blame yourself, he sighed, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to your forehead, the memory of the day you had first met in person coming back to you. “I’m really really sorry and I’m gonna make it up to you somehow, I promise.” You hummed, closing your eyes as Jisung pulled you into his chest. This was more contact than you had with him over the past few months.
“You’re making a lot of promises tonight Han Jisung.” You mumbled, wrapping your arms around him and looking up as he nodded in agreement. “I know, but I plan to keep them. I’m going to change and I’m going to make it up to you.” Smiling faintly, you hummed again, not wanting to say anything else as you rested against your boyfriend's chest, closing your eyes as you allowed yourself to relish in his presence. You hadn’t fully forgiven him, you were sure he knew that as well, but you were just glad the biggest thing was out of the way and you wouldn’t have to tiptoe around the issue anymore. The rest of it would be him regaining your trust and fulfilling his promises. “Happy birthday baby.” A quiet mumble left Jisung’s lips as he kissed the top of your head, earning a smile from you.
“Technically her birthday has already passed. It’s nearly two in the morning.” Chan suddenly cut in, causing both you and Jisung to turn and look at him, you with a glare and Jisung with a questioning gaze. “Sorry, I couldn’t help myself. I see you two have made up for the most part so uh, seeing as I traveled two hours to get here, you both mind if I crash on the couch?” You opened your mouth to speak, but Jisung beat you to it. “Sure, it actually pulls out into a bed since my old roommate comes over sometimes and crashes. I can set it up for you.” His sudden agreement surprised you, but you decided not to question it, Chan nodding as he motioned towards the door.
“Cool. My stuff’s in my car so I’ll be back.” He then left without another word, Jisung watching him go before looking back at you. “Am I sleeping on the floor then?” He questioned, causing you to roll your eyes. “Ji, when have I ever made you sleep on the couch or anything like that?”
He smiled faintly, shrugging his shoulders as he lifted himself off the couch before helping you up. “Well technically the first day we met.” Shaking your head you went to the kitchen, putting the cake and everything else away as Jisung moved things around in the living room before pulling the couch out into a bed. “You were the one that didn’t let me sleep on the couch. I was going to, but you forced me to sleep on your bed.” As Jisung was fixing the pillows, Chan walked back into the apartment, this time locking the door behind him. He set his things down by the couch, giving Jisung a sideways look when their eyes met. “What-?” Jisung trailed off, looking down at the bed before looking back up at Chan.
“Blankets?” Jisung’s eyes widened. “Oh. Oh yeah right, sorry.” He swiftly turned and walked down the hall towards the small closet that held clean blankets and pillows they kept aside. From the kitchen, you gave Chan a look that told him to knock it off, the male deciding to act like he had no idea what you were looking at him like that for. Jisung returned with blankets in hand, setting them down on the bed. “There, is this enough?” He questioned, Chan looking them over for a moment before simply nodding. “Yeah, that’s fine.” No thank you, no ounce of appreciation in his voice.
Jisung cleared his throat, nodding slowly before turning around and making his way into the kitchen where you were cleaning up and telling you that he’d do it. It took a bit of convincing, but eventually he had kicked you out of the kitchen, finishing up by himself. You huffed as you went over to Chan who was fixing his bed for the night. “You know you don’t have to be such an ass to him. He apologized.” You mumbled, keeping your voice quiet so Jisung didn’t hear. Chan sighed, straightening out the blankets before grabbing his bag and setting it on the bed, looking through his things. “I’m still pissed at him. He’s lucky I didn’t beat him into the ground. The only reason I didn’t is because you told me not to.”
“And I appreciate that, but he is still my boyfriend and I would like for you two to get along. I don’t want to have to play mediator any time you two are around each other.” There was silence for a moment before Chan sighed, nodding in agreement. “Fine. I’ll tone it down.” Smiling, you gave him a small hug, “Thank you.” You peeped, him only groaning in acknowledgement.
“Where’s your bathroom so I can change?” You showed him to the bathroom before starting back down the hall towards the kitchen, only to meet Jisung halfway, him holding your gift from Chan in his arm, folded nicely. He lifted it, smiling sheepishly. “He’s really good with gifts huh? I know you’ve been eyeing this thing since the new line came out.” You were genuinely surprised he had known that since he had been so preoccupied the last few months. Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion and he seemed to notice. “You leave your tabs open a lot on your laptop. When I wake up for work you usually leave it out, so I noticed that you were looking at it fairly often.” He explained, your eyes widening slightly. “Oh… I didn’t even realize.” You half-whispered, Jisung chuckling quietly.
“I’ll go put this up.” He smiled before brushing past you and into your room. Chan left the bathroom only moments after, changed into a t-shirt and sweatpants much like Jisung had been wearing as long as you’d been awake. “You should sleep. It’s late.” He spoke, causing you to nod before watching him make his way down the hall towards the living room. “Are you going to sleep?” You asked, knowing that he had issues sleeping, always had.
“I’m gonna try, but don’t let me keep you up. I’ll be fine out here, I’m a grown man you know.” He teased, earning a quiet laugh from you. “Okay, well thank you for everything tonight Chan. I really appreciate it.” Turning, he smiled, his signature dimple smile. “No need to thank me. I just expect you to travel two hours for my birthday now. I’ve set the bar high.”
Your playful banter went on for a while longer before you both said goodnight and you retired to your shared room with Jisung. Stepping inside you shut the door behind you, immediately noticing Jisung busy unplugging all of his gaming stuff. Your eyes widened, “Ji- This isn’t… I didn’t mean you had to-” You couldn’t even form words, Jisung turning to look back at you. “I know. I just think it would be best for me to stop completely for now. Get things back in order before I even think about introducing this back into my life. It got way out of hand and I don’t want that to happen again. So I’m prioritizing.”
“B-But that’s… don’t you think it’s too much?” Your voice was quiet, unsure as Jisung shook his head, unplugging one final cord and picking himself up off of the floor, dusting himself off. “No. Considering I’ve put you on the side burner for months now, I think it’s more than enough. Gaming will always be there, but I don’t want to lose you because of it.” Shifting uncomfortably, you picked at your fingers, unsure about the whole thing. Jisung walked over, pulling you into his arms and resting his head on top of yours. “I’m sure about this okay? So don’t worry about it.”
“Okay…” You trailed off, deciding that if it was Jisung’s decision, you didn’t have any reason to argue with him. “Okay. Well, how about we go to sleep, and since you’re off tomorrow, I can take tomorrow off, probably call in sick-- and we can go do something, just me and you? There’s a fashion show downtown I believe. You can wear your new present from Chan and you’ll be the best dressed person, along with the best looking. Then we can go out to eat, or before. Whatever you wanna do baby.” Smiling you relaxed in his grasp, “That sounds great Ji.”
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A Long Rant About Sindel, Recycled Animations, and NRS;
(The witch is back and looks... Familiar.)
It's not bitching, it's not complaining, it's not negativity, and it's not wrong.
A lot of people are asking why is NRS recycling so many animations from previous games. With MK11 NRS has now for the 3rd time made one of the best selling games of the year, with the launch of a fighting game title (following similar headlines from Injustice 2 and Mortal Kombat X). Back to back to back best sellers. A lot of people have had complaints since it's release about balance, the roster changes, Mileena, transphobic voice actors, Mileena, the unlock system, Mileena, and now the animations.
In a tweet from Treybaile, multiple animations from Sindel were shown to have origins from Injustice 2 characters. The post claimed, "Sindel plays similar to starfire and I'm a little disappointed". Obviously this was a bad assessment to make, but begged the question, "Why is the best selling fighting game/ one of the top selling games of the year reusing old animations?" The answer is multifaceted but the initial response was obvious.
The "Toxic" NRS community;
In an overwhelming bid to suppress "negativity" the NRS community and Twitter users took to bashing the opinion and community for "negativity", "nitpicking", and "complaining" (criticism is not the FGC's strong suit whether it be dishing or taking).
A lot of MK11 players do have a very negative outlook on the game, but from the supporters excuses were made to defend NRS's choice. Okay, that's the preface, now heerreee I gooooooo.....
Other fighting games reuse animations!? Why pick on NRS?
So no one complained about Kitana, Johnny Cage, Scorpion, or anyone else having reused and altered animations. Same goes for the majority of Street Fighter and Tekken's cast. The reason for this is that a large majority of those animations form a character's identity. If Dhalsim didn't show up in SF6 and instead Ken could do fullscreen stand fierce, you might hear a complaint or two. In fact a major topic during the release of Kage was why do his buttons look so similar to Dan Hibiki's from SF4?
When someone is wondering why the possesed and undead former Queen of Edenia shares animations with 3 superheroes from another series, it's not exactly out of line. Tekken especially is a game comprised almost entirely of it's predecessors in how it animates, yet faces no ire because characters follow 2 unspoken rules; 1) they are themselves 2) they're emulating someone with the same fighting style. NRS didn't get that memo for Terminator or Sindel. Whomp whomp. Confused/Angry people don't know why they're angry and confused.
She has similar powers to those characters and NRS has a "Style"! What is she/ are they supposed to do?
In a perfect world characters are completely expressed in gameplay through their design, buttons, specials, and animations. We would hope NRS has the time/budget to make a bad guy not share moves with 3 separate good guys, and hope their animations have enough character in them to not be interchangeable. If your animations are being mixed and matched and turned into a "new character" we would hope there is a reason why within the games story.
Simply put; people expect NRS to make Sindel look like Sindel, and hope their style is wide enough that animations don't become vague copies of each other. (It is that wide, but we'll get to that later).
Why bother nitpicking such a small thing?
We all paid money for the game. We're all pouring money into the game for season passes and skins. We all see the hearts/souls/time crystals and understand NRS wants to separate us from our hard earned dollars (or in my case begrudgingly and mostly easily earned from slinging coffee). When a best selling game does something people might recognize as out of line, they are allowed to question that. NRS is not an indie developer running on 3 developers and a dream. Mortal Kombat is a multi-million dollar franchise owned by Warner Brothers with their 3rd feature film on the way. They play by corporate rules now.
They want to do things like maximize profits, and hire recently graduated students to pay less than minimum wage and lay off. Take criticism with a grain of salt. Read a glassdoor review of Capcom sometime. Video games are like a sausage factory, but the meat is some stressed out kid working months of crunch time who hasn't seen the sun since oh I don't know when.
Your scrub ass friend complaining about balance while you're washing him repeatedly with Raiden is one thing. That's bashing a game you don't know how to play. Asking, "why am I doing Injustice 2 stuff in Mortal Kombat 11?" Is a fair question that deserves a fair answer.
IN DEFENSE OF NRS;
NRS is not a lazy developer. They just look like it. Whomp whomp part 2.
MK11 is the best looking NRS game, shoulder to shoulder with Injustice 2. It is the most balanced NRS game to date (for better or worse). It is the single best looking 3D animated fighter out right now. I say this as someone who plays Tekken and Street Fighter way more seriously. The faces in MK11 look ridiculously good (except cassies weird baby smile), the characters move pristinely, elegantly, and naturally, most of the time. It is easily one of the most AAA fighting games.
However NRS is questioned as a developer very often and while that is okay, it is also, very unfair, and lends itself to their development cycle.
AAA Fighting Games;
"Every year you get a new Call of Duty, Madden, Assassin's Creed or whatever, and they all feel the same as last year's with minor changes and it sucks ass and why do we buy video games?"
Fighting games almost never seem to get this criticism anymore, despite the fact that Capcom made 4 versions of Street Fighter 4 and is on it's 2nd version of Street Fighter 5 currently, a game released in 2016. Tekken 7 has been out in Japanese arcades since March 2015 and has seen few complaints and steadily rising numbers since then.
Mortal Kombat X came out in April 2015.
Mortal Kombat X came out in 2015. NRS is working too fast.
Since Tekken 7 was released, NRS has released MKX, MKXL, Injustice 2, Injustice 2: Legendary Edition, and now MK11. Mortal Kombat/ NRS fans still complain they are getting content too slowly.
Unfortunately for NRS as well they are not working on a single franchise in these time periods as well. Alternating between Injustice and Mortal Kombat, 2 games with different mechanics, characters, and to a mild extent player bases, has resulted in a partially fractured community, and a homogonizing of identities between games. Some people don't want their peas to touch their carrots.
Furthermore, jumping from franchise to franchise faster than Tekken can complete a single cycle results in some rules being broken. Sindel owns a partial mix of Black Canary and Starfire animations because NRS wants to release a new character every two months and a new game every year.
SFV players waited nearly 8 months for 3 characters. One of them was E.Honda. he slaps his thighs a lot now. I love it.
If you want to know why animations in NRS are being recycled their are 2 clear answers;
1. They are making content for and balancing their games at a break neck speed.
2. Every developer already does this, you just don't notice because you're not comparing Tekken 7 Paul to Tekken 6 Paul. They're both going to spam deathfist at you.
And that's all! Don't feel bad for criticizing video games and don't sit around thinking any developer is out here strictly trying to be your friend and not trying to make some sweet fucking dollar bills. Obviously developers care about their communities but video games are equal parts art and sausage factory. Now leave me alone, I gotta go spend $20.00 on 500 crispy ass time crystals or whatever.
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So, I've read through your byka tag multiple times, and I don't recall you ever receiving an ask like this, but if you have, feel free to ignore me lol. I was just wondering whether you had a head canon for what Jungkook's first words were? I was just thinking about it the other day, and now I'm itching to know what you think they would be! :)
Okay, I realize you asked this question 800 years ago, but I have actually been thinking of this ask since you sent it in, and I just don’t know what I think. Because I don’t think Seokjin and Namjoon would have prompted him to say “Dada” or “Daddy” or anything because they didn’t know if they’d get to keep him.
So I think probably Jungkook’s first word was “no.”
And I also think he probably said no all of the time without ever knowing what it means? Like, eh-hem:
Jungkook wriggled in his high chair, his breathing heavy and his body straining as he reached down towards the kitchen table. He was miles away, but it was obvious what he wanted. At first, Jungkook had been occupied by the corn kernels and beans Seokjin had put in front of him for lunch, but it was clear he was hungry for something else.
“Jungkook,” Seokjin said. “Do you want some of Jimin’s mac and cheese?”
“No,” Jungkook said, his fingers curling and uncurling desperately. “No. No, no, no.”
“I’ll help!” Jimin said and stood up on shaky feet. “Here!” Jimin bounced up on his tiptoes. He held his spoon out to Jungkook with a few piece of cold macaroni on the end. Jungkook grabbed each noodle one at a time, almost missing his mouth as he tried to eat it piece by piece. Jungkook kicked his feet.
Seokjin smiled at him from across the table. “Oh, Jungkook, does that taste nice?”
“No.”
“Can you say thank you to Jimin?”
At the sound of Jimin’s name, Jungkook’s eyes widened. He stared at Seokjin. “No.”
“Hey, I was being nice!” Jimin complained.
“No.”
“You were being nice,” Seokjin assured the three-year-old, holding his arms out for Jimin to toddle into. He pulled Jimin into his lap. “Jungkook is just silly.”
“No!” Jungkook yelled.
“No!” Jimin yelled back. Seokjin winced at the loud sound directly in his ear.
Jungkook looked startled. He kicked his feet in his high chair. “...No,” he said, but this time much more quiet and much more concerned. Seokjin couldn’t help but laugh at the pinched expression on his little face. He was so confused and cute.
“I think we need to try to teach Jungkook a few more words, huh?” Seokjin asked Jimin. “He’s too expressive for just ‘no’.”
“What’s ‘spressive?” Jimin asked.
“It means he shows all his feelings on his face,” Seokjin answered.
“Oh.” Jimin twisted in Seokjin’s hold. “That’s like Jungkookie. He makes lots of faces. But he always says the same thing!”
I can’t really be bothered to write any more of this, but you get the idea.
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I didn't really 'find out' my identity. I just have experiences in my daily life that make sense with the lens of being nonhuman/fictionkin. Some people have hints (feeling like a canine but not knowing the species, for example) and try to find their more-specific species based on their experiences. For me personally, it was always obvious that I was a cat, I was drawn to demons since I knew they existed, and memories/shifts from my fictotypes hit me in the face without letting me 'speculate' about anything. (Personally, if it isn't extreme, I simply don't think about it that much, because I don't want to bother with more identities... I've also looked into the term 'constelic' for these unsure things, because my fictotypes are more consistent, but these non-extreme, unsure things are easier lumped under a different term for me.)
Why an individual may see themselves as being nonhuman completely depends on the individual. Asking if something is 'possible' isn't really helpful; if someone is experiencing it, it is already possible, because it is part of their life.
Generally, how one sees their identity is based on their experiences. How one explains those experiences is something different. (For example; one may identify as a dog due to feeling dog-like phantom limbs, having mannerisms similar to a dog, having the internal self-image of a dog, etc. But whether they choose to see it as spiritual, or psychological, or anything else, is merely how they choose to explain those experiences; the experiences exist regardless.) But, with your example, I'm not 100% sure why someone would consider their soul to be a dog if they don't think souls exist? But that doesn't make it 'impossible', I just don't understand the reasoning.
How one identifies their kintypes is individual. But for me, I know I have multiple because they aren't unified. I used to think I was a demon cat, but as I learned more, I realized that my cat aspects as demon aspects were separated, because they didn't always occur together. Shifts relating to one didn't always strengthen the other. And when I awakened to a demon fictotype, that became more obvious, because the narratives tied to each one were different.
Frankly, it's taken me years to be actually sure about anything, so I think just living with yourself is the best option rather than tearing apart your identity trying to find and organize every aspect. Like, as you live, you will have experiences in your daily life. Record those experiences. Observe long-term patterns. Don't make assumptions about an entire identity due to a single transient experience. Things will become clear. It's fine to be unsure, even though it's a widely-hated feeling since it makes you look flaky.
I don't see why a mythical identity would be different from any other. If someone feels things that are draconic in nature, they may realize they are a dragon. Look for writings done by dragons and look for commonalities. Dragons have been an enormous community for a long time, so there is a lot of writing from them in particular.
I know I'm fictionkin because I have pretty intense shifts and retained identity long-term. I'm also a fictionflickerer; this means that when I watch or read anything, I tend to temporarily feel and act like characters from that thing. But because it always fades eventually, that experience doesn't mean you're fictionkin. But my fictotypes stay with me regardless of how much time passes.
I always see myself as C-ta. I end up taking things from my canon too personally because of it; there are a few sore spots I have because of it. I see myself when I look at him. But there are also times where it flares up immensely, and my behavior changes more to be like his, and I may feel confused why my surroundings are different than they 'should be'. Outside shifts, his identity is mixed in with my others, like a whole picture, but in a shift, it takes over my whole experience.
Some people are always in a never-ending shift (often those with just one or fewer kintypes), and some have fluctuations like me. But it's the experiences in my life that make me feel that even with those fluctuations, it makes sense to call myself fictionkin, because what else is this? Fictionkin is just a label that can easily sum up what I deal with.
Anyone can try out any label. It isn't limited to nonhumans.
Sometimes people do just call themselves 'nonhuman' without knowing their species, or from having a species that shifts frequently.
Sometimes people do call themselves nonhuman because of a strong desire to be a different species. I wouldn't call it unusual. It usually doesn't exist alone (ie has other experiences involved), but it is common.
I think aldernic has something to do with wanting the body of something regardless of identity, but it isn't used much in the community, so I don't know. Otherhearted means to identify with something (see it as family, feel a connection to it, have it be important to you, but not being that thing). You can easily look it up for more info, too. It's a common word.
I would try to poke around the community and see what people say when they talk about their experiences. a-dragons-journal and aestherians have a lot of things like this (the former answers questions a lot, the latter has links to a lot of blogs in their sidebar, and both of them reblog experiences and discussions the community have, so I find them useful to keep up with what's happening, personally).
I have a question for otherkin/fictionkin/therian/alterhuman/nonhuman communities. I’m still pretty new in my understanding of these terms and I was wondering how does an individual find out their nonhuman identity? I understand that one may find their non-human identity through spirituality or psychological experiences. I want to better understand that though, more so the psychological side.
For example, would a dog-kin person identify as a dog because they feel like they have a special connection to dogs? Could one identify themselves as non-human but also not believe in the literal soul or any spiritual beliefs?
(Like let’s say one identifies as a dog because they feel like their “soul” is a dog but also not believe in the belief of a soul?)
I’ve seen a few people compare their non-human dysphoria(?) as similar to gender dysphoria and/or uses gender dysphoria as an example to better explain their non-human dysphoria. (I know non-human identities have nothing to do with gender, unless they specify) I can understand specific things to a point but I’m curious for the other experiences and reasons might one identify as non-human.
How does one know that they have multiple non-human identities? How does one find out they have mythical identity such as a dragon? How does one find out they’re fictionkin? Do some individuals with vague feelings and connection to a nonhuman identity label themselves as otherkin even if they don’t have experiences such as non-human “dysphoria” or experience phantom attributes like wings, horns, etc? Could an individual who doesn’t believe in souls, still manage to identify as non-human because they feel like they’re non-human in their “soul” despite them not actually believing in the soul? Do non-human’s try out labels to discover what feels right? Even if the individual feels non-human but can’t figure out which non-human identities/identity they are? Do some non-humans identify as non-human because that individual strongly desires to be non-human?
I hope this makes sense. I know that the terms I listed above have different meanings. Like how otherkin can include mythical creatures while theiran does not include mythical creatures.
Also, one last thing. What are aldern-(insert identity here) identities? What’s otherhearted? Thanks for reading.
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I appreciate your nuanced and respectful anti-abortion post, and I want to raise a question that you didn't address. How do you regard medication abortions, which account for about 30% of abortions and can be performed extremely early? Your argument about fetal life wouldn't seem to apply as well at three or four weeks gestation. I'm not trying to pick a fight, just genuinely curious.
Don’t worry I don’t think you’re trying to pick a fight. I can dialogue with anyone on any subject really, so long as we’re both willing to listen and be respectful, even be willing to change our minds if we are exposed to something we hadn’t considered. I actually, generally, quite enjoy a good discussion. ;) I also am a firm believer that as long as you’re sincere, there is no such things as a bad question. I appreciate the ask, and I’m glad you felt my original post was respectful. I was worried about setting the wrong tone.
(On that note, before I get into this, I really want to make sure I make it clear I don’t think women who have abortions are any better or worse than anybody else. I don’t think most people who are pro-choice are bad people either–No more than the rest of us anyway. 1 in 4 people or so in the States, iirc, will have an abortion. It’s ludicrous to suppose they are all horrible people, or that their supporters are. I cannot know what women feel like going into those clinics, but I am given to understand that helpless, panicked, and desperate are common emotions, and if you are not given the proper support, or information, it is hard to make good decisions like that. Beyond even that, people make mistakes. I am not here to judge them, and if any woman is struggling post-abortion, I would say there is forgiveness, and redemption, and support out there for you.)
You’re right; I barely touched on the issue of medication abortions. I felt the post was already longer than most people would care for anyway. Before I get into why I oppose those too, I should stress first that by the time most people know they’re pregnant there will already be a heartbeat, and likely discernible brain waves. Ergo, I think it would be rare that it wouldn’t be blindingly obvious you were dealing with a young child, even without the further evidence I am about to offer that life begins at feritilistaion. To offer a personal example, when my parents were trying to conceive my brother and I, my mom was very in tune with her natural cycles. She always knew when she was ovulating from the left side because she could feel a twinge in her lower back, so she and my dad were able to conceive by brother and I on just the one attempt. Likewise, within a couple weeks after my conception, my mom knew she was pregnant even when it was too early for it to even be detectable by a pregnancy test, so she went to the hospital and asked for a blood test which confirmed she was pregnant. Then she and my dad went to get an ultrasound, and discovered my heart was already beating. That was when my dad went from pro-choice to pro-life, because he realised even at such an early stage, before it could easily be detected, I was alive!
But, of course, what if you have unprotected sex, or for whatever reason you have cause to believe that you could be pregnant really, really early? You’ve pretty much asked for an abortion from the first moment you could possible be considered pregnant. Even then I would say that this is wrong. The child is still a legitimate human being. There is overwhelming scientific consensus on this: Life begins at conception.
First of all, we know that from the moment of conception the individual is alive. They have all the characteristics of a living entity. Cells are the smallest form of life. That is one of the basics of cell theory and biology. Moreover, once fertilization occurs they are the offspring of two humans, and they are humans genetically. Perhaps most importantly they are human organisms. They are not merely masses of tissue, or clumps of cells, because body cells do not have the capacity to grow, and change, and develop the way that an organism does. This is why sperm cells, egg cells, muscle tissue etc. do not have rights, while the human organism does. The zygote, blastocyst, embryo, fetus, infant, toddler, child, pre-teen, teenager, and adult are all humans in different stages of development, and each is as valid as the other. Furthermore, it is expected in our society to protect the most vulnerable of us such as children. To not do so is considered terrible, even monstrous, except when it comes to those who are developing in-utero. This makes no sense to me. Life begins at fertilisation, and if allowed to grow over the course of a couple decades, results into a fully mature adult of our species. This is the scientific evidence. To terminate that development is to kill the youngest of our kind, to deny them to right to continue to grow and learn and change. You would think every stage of human life from the zygote to the senior citizen would be equally as valuable. However, in the interests of profit and convenience, they are not. (Frankly, this applies to many seniors who are mistreated as well, and aren’t granted the respect and dignity they deserve.)
If you look at embryology textbooks you’ll see quotes like this:
Although human life is a continuous process, fertilisation is a critical landmark, because, under ordinary circumstances a new, genetically distinct human organism, is thereby formed. –Human Embryology and Teratology
Human life begins at fertilization.—The Developing Human
Development begins with fertilisation—Langman’s Medical Embryology
Even amongst the pro-choice side we get:
There is no doubt that from the first moments of its existence, an embryo conceived from human sperm and eggs is a human being.—Peter Singer, Practical Ethics
Hence, the moment you terminate a pregnancy, whatever the stage, you deny a life the right to exist. You will never get it back. You will never know what that child could have been.
Other issues that have to be considered with the understanding that life begins at conception is the issue of hormonal birth control, (since I’m on the subject and don’t really get into it in the first post...). I recently read an outraged News article talking about how some politician said that the Pill caused abortion. The man in question was called a religious nut, ignorant, and uninformed, but I rather thought the journalist was. Few people seem to realise that the Pill does not always stop ovulation, and hence, fertilization. While it makes it very difficult for fertilization to occur, it can still occur. If that happens, the Pill will usually result in a lost life, because the Pill also prevents implantation of the fertilised egg by altering the endometrium. This is why many claim that the Pill has the potential to be abortifacient. If you believe that life starts at conception, as I do, hormonal contraception is out. The morning after pill is really just a higher dosage of the regular pill anyway, so really this shouldn’t be surprising.
Taking the next leap from the understanding that fertilization is the earliest stage of human development is the nature of IVF. To promote greater levels of success, multiple embryos are nurtured. They are screened for “undesirable” qualities whether it be for disabilities, or gender. (I’ve already talked about why that’s awful in my original post.) After successful implantation, the other embryos, the siblings of the lucky implanted ones, are terminated or frozen. Moreover, if the pregnancy results in multiples, because all embryos implant, there is often an abortion to reduce the pregnancy to something safer. Some mothers refuse to do this and you get “Octomom.” I respect them for not terminating their children, but it definitely made for some very high-risk pregnancies. The fact is if you are going to say that you believe something, you cannot pick and choose what it applies to. The evidence points to life begins at conception which means artificial methods of conception need to be looked at as well. I touched on this in my viability argument and I’ll just post that again here:
What about embryo adoption though? Did you know that that is possible? That that is even being done? It has already happened that parents who use IVF, and have no further need for the other embryos they have frozen allow other couples who cannot conceive naturally to adopt them. It has been called the earliest form of adoption. Well, how does this fit into the viability idea? If you can take an embryo and implant it into someone else’s womb? What if you can develop artificial wombs? What if you can remove a fetus in the first trimester and still keep it alive? The whole viability argument makes me feel a bit uncomfortable to be honest, because it is so inherently subjective.
As a side note, I wonder how those embryos who were adopted feel when they grow up. They know that they weren’t the lucky embryo chosen by their biological parents. They were the one frozen, unwanted, and then lucky enough to be granted a chance to truly live when they were given up for adoption. How do they feel knowing they have a biological sibling living with a different set of parents? That maybe they have more still frozen? When an infant is given up for adoption, it is usually a loving decision based upon the mother’s, and possibly even the father’s, recognition that they cannot care for the child. Frozen embryos though…they’re just children, or potential children if you don’t recognise them as being alive, stuck in a freezer. Their parents just have no need for them.
Since I’m on the subject I’ll just go all out and talk about that last point too: The family.
I remember reading an article years and years ago about how in a family one child was given away, and one was allowed to stay. It was years ago, so I remember few of the details, but I do remember the parent was confused that the child who stayed kept acting out. Surely since she was the one who was kept, she would have felt more safe? In truth though, the child felt worse because she never felt “safe” in a family where people left. She learned that being loved seemed to be conditional. She wanted to know what the limits were for her. When would she be sent away?
I was conceived right after my mother miscarried my elder brother. He was miscarried so late, he was almost born stillborn, but if he had been born, I would never have been conceived. It’s a crazy thought to me, because I was almost miscarried too. (My mom really struggled to carry a pregnancy to term.) I think sometimes about how it could have been James that was born, and me that was lost. As a consequence, I view my life as even more of a miracle then it already is. My brother died and I was able to live. It’s a humbling thought, and I can’t take it lightly. James is a part of my life, and while my family and I don’t speak of him often, when we do it is with love and grief and respect. My mother even cried once saying she could never have chosen between us, and she wishes she could have raised us both. I often find I want to live a good life, for his sake, as well as my own, and my family’s, and others. James is as important to me. I don’t want to waste the gift I was granted. I wonder though how it would feel if James had been aborted instead. There are, of course, few studies done on the siblings of aborted children, but what I have found indicates grief, anger, and survivor’s guilt–especially those who were once part of multiples that were “selectively reduced”. There have even been developed support groups for the siblings of aborted children who are struggling with it. Abortion rocks the entire family.
One woman who works at a Pregnancy Counselling Centre stated:
“Abortion teaches children that they have worth because they were conceived in the right conditions and at the right time; that they have value because their parents want them. Up to 50% of all American children have lost a brother or a sister to abortion, making it much more likely that they live with a performance view of love: I was born because I was wanted therefore I better perform so they will continue to love me.”
I imagine this is particularly understandable for those who were kept because they were a girl or a boy, and the parents wanted a girl or a boy rather than the opposite sex. Do you only love me because I’m the right gender?
The above woman also said:
“I think one of the most difficult things for me to face is a woman who is attempting to justify an abortion for the sake of her other children. I always want to tell them…the best thing for her little ones is to have a brother or a sister. In fact, explaining to sons and daughters a few years in the future as to why they aborted their sibling will probably be the most difficult thing they will ever do[.]”
One sibling described how her mother felt unequal to raising a fourth child so aborted the baby. She was left wondering if she’d been that fourth child, would she have been aborted? It’s an uncomfortable question. Love is unconditional, and that should never be in question, and neither should someone’s right to live. These concepts go hand in hand. The value of a life does not rest on it’s convenience, gender, or health.
This is the heart of the pro-life movement. It is about the inherent dignity of all human life from conception to natural death. It means to be so respectful of the dignity of the human person, you could not fathom supporting anything that would harm them. It means such a fundamental respect for human life that you do not terminate it, rather you do everything you can to support it. It means a respect for life so deep that you do not take the risks of having sex if you aren’t willing to carry a pregnancy, however unlikely it is to occur, to term. It means looking at children as blessing not burdens. It means loving the people you have in your life, young, old, or middle-aged whatever their physical or mental state. It means asking yourself the difficult question: Are people an inconvenience to you? It means pushing for better maternity leave, paternity leave, social services, health care, foster care, adoption services, palliative care, and so on and so forth. More than that, it means being willing to pitch-in and help out yourself. It’s not just about what happens in the abortion clinic. To truly believe in life and love means making a commitment. It will not always be easy, but it is worth it. Abortion may be the “easy” option, but it is not the best one. It shouldn’t even be option at all, and it is devastating in basically every way.
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Wait, i just... I need to ask you 'cause i'm really confused. You think sheith will be canon? Please don't take it as an attack, you can of course ship it in fanon but i really don't see how it could ever happen in canon? It's been mentioned multiple times that Shiro is a mentor/brother figure to Keith (and even said by Keith in the show) and hinted that there's this big age gap, and we actually saw Keith in his student uniform while Shiro's wearing his teacher one in the flashback so?? pls tell
Alright, so–the fact of the matter is, I just don’t see how Shiro or Keith could end up with anyone besides each other in canon. All of their major character development coincides with one another, they’re each integral to each other’s story arcs. They care for one another first and foremost, are closer to each other than anyone else. Keith in canon has this desperate desire to see Shiro–in his trial, Kolivan says as much. Keith’s constant fear of losing Shiro and this sense of longing for him–you don’t see that in a platonic, brotherly relationship. Keith’s fear of Shiro walking away and abandoning him is far more characteristic of unrequited love.
Shiro and Keith’s dynamic is built up like a romantic relationship rather than a brotherly one. It’s written with clear parallels to zaggar,
and the dynamic is noticeably different from Matt and Pidge–two actual sibling characters. This isn’t an accident, it’s very much apart of the narrative. Compare the way Matt looks at Pidge to how Shiro looks at Keith. There’s an obvious difference:
Keith’s overarching quest to save Shiro “as many times as it takes,” is also incredibly romantic. The way Keith mourned Shiro like his grief was the only pain that mattered, like no one else could’ve possibly cared about Shiro the way he did, like he’ll keep carrying a torch even when everyone tells him Shiro would want him to move on, that reads far more like someone grieving a lost lover than a brother. And you could see it in how differently Pidge reacts to losing Matt.
There’s also the fact that Shiro always gets these very personal, tender goodbyes with Keith, something you’d expect from a love interest. Not to mention how Shiro is the only one Keith will prioritize over the mission. And even Shiro and Keith’s first scene would’ve established them as clear love interests if Shiro were a girl. The longing gazes Shiro and Keith share certainly aren’t brotherly either. And so many sheith scenes are very purposefully given a mood, framing, and intimacy of romance. Consider how Keith reunites with Shiro in the first episode compared to him seeing the other paladins. The closeups, softness, and tender way Keith reaches out to turn Shiro’s head closer. Or how they both hug after the BOM like they’re the only two people in the world, with Allura staring on and then quickly turning away guiltily–as if she’s intruding on something very private and intimate.
Or how the reunion between Keith and Kuron was exclusively for them and no one else. No team, no loud excitement or group celebration. Just two people longing gazing out at one another as they slowly drifted into each other’s orbit. Or look at any scene where Shiro and Keith are having a tender heart to heart. They’re usually either under a sunset or lowlight. The bedroom scene is especially telling, particularly when you compare it to Keith’s talk with Lance afterwards.
One shows Keith and Shiro in the dark and vulnerable, there’s a heavy atmosphere and gravity to the scene that you didn’t get with the lightheartedness from Lance. The way Keith and Shiro are so close yet so far, closer to one another than they’ve ever been with anyone else, but still backing away and holding their distance–that’s not brotherly. It seems more like two people who are trying to suppress their feelings and are afraid to make that breach. And there’s always that sense of gravity that draws them together anyway
There is the “Shiro, you’re like a brother to me,” line. But curiously, I’ve never seen anyone say kl/ance was impossible because Hunk throws his arms around Keith and Lance and says, “We’re brothers.” I’ve never seen people say ka/llura or all/urance or sha/llura is impossible because Allura says “I’ve grown to consider you and the paladins my new family.”
I’ve never seen people say you couldn’t ship Keith with anyone on Team Voltron because, prior to the brother BOM line, holo Shiro says, “We’re all the family you need.” We as in, everyone on team Voltron is seen as Keith’s found family. Keith singling out Shiro with his brother line response is interesting though, because–yes, he does see all of Team Voltron as family.
But he only focuses on his bond with Shiro, because it runs much deeper than what he feels for everyone else. Focusing on one line out of context as if Keith and Shiro is the only instance of found family is really transparent to me. If you’re going to discount sheith for that, every other ship between Team Voltron is out too. All of them.
And as a bi guy, I’ll tell you that I’ve pulled the “you’re like a brother/sister to me” card before because I was scared of admitting my feelings for someone and it was a way to backpedal out of the situation without worrying that the other person would leave me for it. And we do know Keith’s worst fear is feelings, know that Josh said “[Keith’s] constantly scared he’s gonna say or do something wrong and he’s gonna lose Shiro.” It makes sense for Keith to hide his feelings. Plenty of people who’ve felt romantic attraction have done something similar. Also–Harry and Ginny, Ed and Winry, Aang and Katara–why is it that thinking of someone as just being like a brother or sister and then having it evolve into something more is seen as a natural progression if you’re straight, but somehow doesn’t apply if you’re gay?
We already know that age isn’t a problem in canon because Matt flirted with Allura. He did that. That was fine. Allura has been said to be about the same age as Keith (who started at 18 and now is either 19 or turning 19) and we know Matt is the same age as Shiro. They were in the same class, and they graduated together. One wears the cadet uniform though and one wears an officer uniform. This is because, despite age, they have different ranks. Shiro has never been referred to as a teacher and has only been acknowledged as a past student at the garrison by staff. And we also know that Shiro graduated only a few years prior to Kerberos. You also don’t go up to your teacher and say you think of them as a brother. That’s not how it works and they’re not student and teacher. And if Shiro mentored Keith a bit in piloting, I don’t see a problem. Katara mentored Aang in water bending, but they still got married.
Staff have repeatedly supported Shiro and Keith in a romantic context, and have done so since the very beginning. To the point where Shiro’s VA came up with the ship name for it and one of the episode Directors drew fanart of it. Doesn’t sound to me like they were trying to push the whole “brotherly” idea very much.
And we’ve been told that the show runners are fighting for lgbt representation, and that it’s something they’ve been working towards since the very beginning, that the start of that has been there since the first season:
Lauren (after being asked about the lgbt rep in korrasami and whether Voltron would ever “take that step”): “We have those first 13 episodes and if we ever went beyond that, we would like to push the envelope.” (source here)
Will we be seeing any lgbt representation?
Lauren: “It’s super important to us.”
Joaquim: “Just know that from our prospective, we’re fighting to create as open and broad a spectrum of characters as we can.”
Lauren: “We can’t give you any definite answers, but just know that–”
Joaquim: “We’re fighting for as broad and open representation as we can.”
The only possible relationship I can think of that could’ve grown between two characters since season 1, that the writers have been steadily growing and still supporting, that has even a fraction of a chance of happening and would be worth fighting for in how prominent and well written it would be–is sheith. I know people like kl/ance too, but the writers have already said point black it isn’t happening and have only used female pronounce to describe Lance’s future love interest:
Interviewer: “I feel like there was a little tease? It seems shippers want to ship Lance and Keith together, so are there gonna be any hints of that at all? Or is it just more like–okay, they’re friends, they’re starting to become friends.”
Lauren: “I think we had a very natural arc in mind for those two. Which is, they start out at odds, but then they grow to kind of respect each other. And if that leads into people being like–they’re spending time together! Then that’s a ‘thing,’ but…We’re not trying to cater to or bait anyone into anything, we’re just trying to do what’s right for the story.”
Joaquim: “We also try not to be overtly affected by what popular opinion might be.”
Lauren: “And we’re working in animation. Our schedule is so far in advance for that–even if people shipped Keith and Lance, we couldn’t go back and just change the story–to be like and now they’re in love!”
Joaquim: “There’s just no way. We’re already years past that storyline, you know?” (source)
Interviewer: What would Lance look for in a future Mr. or Mrs. Blue Lion? I’m gonna guess she meant Red Lion now. I think she’s trying to fill out her space Tindr profile. But yea, what is Lance’s–And I like this, because Lance is kind of all over the place. He hits on anything that moves and is pretty, which all the aliens are pretty. But what would he look for, really, in a partner or a soulmate?
Lauren: I don’t know if Lance knows what he needs. I know what he might look for, but what he might look for is not necessarily what he needs. I think he needs someone who is self-assured and knows herself, so that he can kind of become that same person and know himself. (source)
So if there’s going to be any lgbt relationship, I’m certain it’s sheith. Recently, Lauren has also talked about fans pointing out the sheith cameo at the garrison, and excitedly said, “I put that shit in there!” And added that, “Shiro was still his guiding light. It was good.” I honestly think part of why she got so enthusiastic over it was because they’re coming closer and closer to revealing a relationship they’ve worked very long on and fought hard for and have kept under wraps. This was also teased when Jeremy said, “Hey, backstory guys. There’s more of it.” And Joaquim added, “It exists!” So there is a big story there, and we’re definitely getting it. (source)
Unlike Matt and Pidge, any inkling of Shiro and Keith’s backstory prekerberos is something the narrative’s always very secretive about it. Why keep that hidden unless it was going to reveal something monumental about their relationship? Like say, Keith harboring feelings for Shiro? Even just throwing in this little cameo like that, people might say it’s nothing. But we saw a similar background cameo with Zarkon and Honerva in the Black Lion’s flashback–and that leads to a whole love story. It honestly makes sense to me if they were planning something similar with Shiro and Keith.
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