#And I really liked Macy and Jimmy facing off. And Macy seducing him. Not the other way around. And I liked that there was no forced touching

[better-angels-tempered-sins]

Hacy Ramblings

Even though Macy and Harry’s relationship (friendship and otherwise) has spiraled this season (and I hate to see it), the more I think about it, the more it makes sense to me.

Harry and Macy have so much in common but they’re at different parts in their lives. Macy, though a bad-ass scientist with a brilliant mind, her accomplishments in academia, her career, her role as the eldest Charmed One, doesn’t mean that she has everything figured out when it comes to love.

This is someone who didn’t have a real relationship until she was in her late twenties; someone, who for most of her life, felt extremely lonely and doesn’t do well when the people she loves leaves her, either through their own volition or through death.

The show would’ve benefited a great deal by delving deeper into Macy’s life before she met Mel and Maggie but, even without knowing a lot about where she comes from, everything that has happened to her throughout the first season, especially, gives us insight into why she isn’t opening up to Harry about the way she feels.

For one, her relationship with Galvin was a disaster. Not only did he tell her that he was afraid of her and wasn’t the most patient with her (because, as we know, Macy is the type of person who thinks before she leaps), but he made the decision to sacrifice himself for the greater good. A noble thing to do on his part but in Macy’s mind, Galvin became yet another person in her life willing to leave her.

A lot of people’s complaints about the writing this season in regards to Macy’s character it doesn’t portray her as the strong person that she is and...while I am all for strong female characters, I do believe that it is important to not put women in a box. Strong women are not strong all the time. This doesn’t mean that they are weak every other time but...it does mean that they don’t always have to carry the weight of the world on their shoulders.

And it seems that, even before Macy found out she was a witch, a Charmed One, an older sister, she has always felt like she had to be the one to save the world. I mean, come on? Who becomes a scientist, if not someone who thinks that they find the Next Big Thing that will help or advance humankind in some way? Macy has not gotten a chance to exist outside of that narrative, so to see her be vulnerable in her own way, and experience romance and heartbreak, is important.

As frustrating as the romance and heartbreak is, I like that Macy is getting a chance to have experiences that she didn’t get to have when she was younger.

This leads me to my next thought...

Macy is pushing 30 years old, so a lot of people are saying that she’s an adult and should be more open about her feelings and let me just say...that age does not dictate when someone is ready to be honest with themselves and other people about what’s in their heart. I’m almost 26 and I would rather run away from a guy than talk to him about how I feel. Call it immature but so many people are afraid to put their hearts on the line, regardless of age.

That said, Macy has gone through a lot. She found out that she died at birth, the true reason her mother had to give her up, found out that she had demon blood in her, and lost Galvin because of it. Macy has had to make so many decisions in such a short period of time about the person she wants to be, and a lot of that decision-making centered around what it means to be good and evil, a witch and a demon.

No one knew what she was going through and just like everything else, she had to deal with the changes alone.  While she has reconciled both the light and dark parts of herself, the people that she loves and are closest to her, have not.

At least that’s part of what’s going through her head when she’s the Source. For a long time I couldn’t understand why all of the realities Macy made did not star Galvin. She didn’t even interact with him after she brought him back to life. And then it clicked.

Macy cared about Galvin. She didn’t want him to die saving the world and she didn’t want him to leave her BUT as the Source, love wasn’t enough to placate her. Because love, in her experience, eventually leaves. And she hates being abandoned. So I think the true motivation behind her bringing him back was because she didn’t want him to be able to make the decision to leave her.

The Source is just raw power. It’s not rational. It’s all instinct and impulse, all things that Macy isn’t. Source Macy wanted Galvin alive simply because she had the power to make it happen. I think, more than anything, her time as the Source made Macy realize what love is and isn’t. Love is being able to accept all of who someone is without question and Maggie and Mel, even if her relationship with Macy was rocky, do.

The writers could’ve given Galvin a better send off but...I understand the purpose he served in Macy’s life. He taught her that she deserved to be desired, respected, and understood by the person she chooses to be in a relationship with. When Macy didn’t make a move or kept brushing him off, Galvin’s first instinct was to get in a relationship with someone else. He didn’t push Macy or pursue her. And I think, deep down, that’s what she wants.

This is a woman who has spent her entire life making decisions and thinking long and hard before she leaps. For once, she just wants someone else to take the wheels, so to speak. And be open to pursuing her (which is why I think she was drawn to Jimmy and Julian, but more on this later).

It feels wrong to use Galvin as a plot device but how many people can honestly say that their first relationship didn’t teach them anything about who they are and what they want?

Speaking of wants and desires...Macy is the type of person who still keeps a journal. This means that she is a private person, not just with other people, but with herself. She is not used to voicing what she wants and the one time she went after what she wanted as the Source (i.e. her mom), everything blew up in her face.

Macy is still learning how to talk to people about how she feels and though at the end of season one she told her sisters that she would try to be more open with them, that is easier said than done.

Every time Macy wants something, something goes wrong and just as the Source. She wanted to use her demon powers for good, but that resulted in her hurting Mel. In the first episode of Season 2, she wanted Harry to come back to her, which resulted in her knocking her defenses down and leaving her even more vulnerable to Jimmy’s mind invasion. In the episode where Abigael was introduced, Macy was so excited about meeting someone like her (half-demon, half-witch) that she didn’t realize the snake she let slither into the command center.

There are other instances big or small that we can think of where things didn’t go right for Macy. Needless to say, I get why she doesn’t just go to Harry and tell her how she feels about him. The first time she meets Jimmy, she thinks it is Harry. Full disclaimer, I do not ship Jimmy/Macy (that’s a post for another day) and I don’t understand why people think Macy likes Jimmy for who he is as a person. For one, Macy doesn’t know who or what Jimmy is. Like I said, she thinks he’s Harry. The “you seem different, Harry” scene, is Macy thinking that she’s seeing another side of her Whitelighter and liking it. She likes the idea of Harry being bold and seductive with her.

She wants him to desire her and Jimmy gives her access to the part of Harry that she wants. Even the scene where Harry asks Macy if she had feelings for his Darklighter, Macy admits that she did because Jimmy was apart of him. But of course Harry is too distracted by not feeling whole to think about what Macy was saying.

Macy is very smart but I could imagine trying to reconcile the fact that Jimmy is a different person and yet apart of Harry has to be mind-boggling. Macy is a scientist. She likes being able to understand things and even if she can’t at first, she works at it, until she has a breakthrough. Whitelighters and Darklighters are things she can’t explain. Though Jimmy looks like Harry, she knows it’s not him, and yet, there is something about him that reminds her of Harry (which is why I think it was easy for him to kidnap her in the first place even with the safe word).

Macy loves shows like Heaven’s Vice. She spent years thinking of ways she wanted the show to end which leads me to believe that Macy is no stranger to fan fiction. Regardless of whether she writes or reads it, Macy loves having something to escape in, a forum to express the way she wants things to play out. Having dinner and dancing with Jimmy allowed her to play out her fantasies. Because, let’s be honest, Macy could’ve come up with another excuse to get out that didn’t involve changing into a red dress.

She could’ve tried going out the patio doors. She could’ve climbed out a window. She could’ve went to her room and tried escaping without changing her clothes. But part of her...wanted to stay and live out her fantasies. The rational part of her wouldn’t let her do that.

People complain about how Charmed doesn’t revolve around the sisters as much as it should and I would argue that even with scenes where they’re not all together, this show is always going to be about their love for each other. Macy put what she wanted on hold, to get back to her family.

Seducing Jimmy was the only way she could gain his trust and get her powers back. But...Macy isn’t a spy. She might be good at it, but that doesn’t mean she leaves her heart in the door at the process. Imagine trying to seduce the twin of the guy you like who doesn’t give you the time of day. That could get really confusing, don’t you agree?

Macy does not want Jimmy. She wants what he represents. When she admitted that she was drawing him, she said she was intrigued by him. Intrigued means to be curious or fascinated by something or someone. That doesn’t sound like romance does it?

No, this sounds like Macy recognizes Jimmy for what he is: a piece of Harry.  And she’s fascinated about this side of Harry that she doesn’t get to see. But not enough to risk it all to be with him, because if that were the case she would’ve stopped Harry from killing him.

Jimmy is not whole in Macy’s eyes but Harry is. She doesn’t know how to express that to him though but I am sure, in her mind, she thinks that she is. And Harry is having this internal struggle, thinking that he’s not whole, and that he’ll never be enough for Macy, when really, he is.

These two are so afraid of how the other will react to each other’s feelings it is literally keeping them apart and making them run into the arms of people that say all the right things, but are all wrong for them.

I don’t have anything against Julian and recognize that he makes Macy smile and they’re able to talk about science and other things that Macy is interested in BUT...he was ready to drop his aunt to be with her. Sure his aunt was rude to Macy and that is unacceptable but that woman raised him. Macy would never let a guy get in-between her and her family. It’s why she was able to drop Julian in a heartbeat.

Macy doesn’t realize what Julian just did because she’s never had anyone pursue her the way Julian has/is and right now it’s what she wants. It might not be from the man she wants but she’ll take it from anywhere she can get it. And Harry is the same way with Abigael.

And another thing...Harry telling Macy that she knows how he feels about her isn’t enough. Galvin told her he loved her and still left her, still couldn’t accept all of her. Macy’s mom loved her but still left her (and yeah she knows the reasons why but it still hurts). Harry told her in so many words that he loved her and then he walked away. So, as I much as it frustrates me, I can see why she went to Aspen. And why Hacy is in the mess that they’re currently in.

This long post really could’ve been condensed to this one line: Harry and Macy are not together right now because they are still hurting from their pasts, have sucky communication skills, and are afraid of taking a leap without knowing where they are going to land first.