#And I have to reiterate how happy I am that such a complex flawed character is ALSO the mentor

[hangmanssunnies]

Oh my lord Alex. There are so many things to love about this piece. I am blown away. Just to start off, it was fantastic. A wonderful fic to read. And Bob!!!! was sooooo good!!!! I love the dimension and complexities that you brought to his character in this. He was still a soft sweet man, but he wasn't just a soft sweet man, which I appreciated so much.

I am so thankful anytime you share your writing for us to read because It is such a treat and it feels like a little surprise gift I’ve found anytime I see that you posted. Thank you for writing this, and thank you for continuing to pursue this gift you have for writing.

I've included some of my favorite parts below the cut.

The opening paragraph was literally chefs' kiss. Bob having a bit of a go at things as a teenager really pulled on my heartstrings. I also thought that it was a really interesting layer to add to his character, especially concerning drinking.

"It hardly seemed fair that he actually had so much to say, yet didn’t possess the ability to voice it. If people only knew how eloquent he had sounded in his head."

Oh my god, my sweet boy. I want to give him 1 million kisses, actually. I 100000% believe is a very very eloquent man in his head. And I am plenty ready to give him the time he wants or needs to explain himself and verbally reach that as well.

"The world had undoubtedly thrown a few wrenches in Bob’s path. Growing up he’d suffered a lot at the hands of his peers, not really knowing why they felt the need to pick on him in particular. In his mind he didn’t stand out much."

I am going to annihilate these people. HOW DARE THEY BULLY ROBERT. NO!!! UNACCEPTABLE.

Me @ Bobs Bullies. THEY CAN CATCH THESE HANDS ANY DAY OF THE WEEK. (Even and especially on a Tuesday) Also, Bob's internal self-consciousness and self-esteem issues, were so personal and well-written. You had me over here tearing up for sure. (I personally definitely think that he stands out and deserves all the love in the world.)

I am well aware that Bob is so smart. However, I appreciate you reminding us and reiterating that in this fic. I was reading, and when he said people brush him off I got so 😠🥺 and muttered out loud to myself how I would love to listen to that. AND THEN!!! *Pikachu* AS IF YOU HEARD ME!!! I didn't even really ask, and yet I received that validation in the next paragraphs.💕 I'm so happy Sunshine takes interest in Bobby and his job. Asking questions about niche topics your loved one cares about ... you mean a love language?

"And perhaps your soft sobs was what made him keep his confession close to his chest for just a while longer. If you didn’t know, and he didn’t make it home during the upcoming mission - at least you might not suffer too much from the loss of him. Better to lose a best friend than a lover right? That’s what Bob reasoned. "

BOB NO. 😠😠😠😠😠😠 I was upset with him. How can one beautiful man be so dumb but mostly silly? My heart hurtttttt. Also, so obviously very flawed logic. Phoenix, please come shake some sense into your WSO; thank you. <3

I did love too that we got to sit in the moment of despair and reflection when they first got back with Bob. Honestly, I feel like I don't see that little bit of time from Bob's POV very often. It was really interesting to consider and read.

Speaking of Phoenix... She is amazing. I know this Fic is about Bob. However, it would feel remiss not to also mention how much I love Natasha Trace. She is such a good pilot and such a good friend. Getting Bobby home safe, comforting him after the mission, making sure his girl is there when he gets home... I mean, she really is the MVP (Most valuable pilot). 1 million trillion hearts for Natasha.

Then they get home.... Here is where all coherent thoughts left the building. tieing her shoes and then the fact that he took them off for her later. OH BOY.OH WOW. I'VE SAID IT BEFORE ABOUT SHOES AND GLOVES.... BUT IT DRIVES ME INSANE, FERAL. I was targeted. And you straight up murdered me with those details. JUSTTHINKING ABOUT IT NOW TYPING THIS IM STARTING TO GO INSANE OVER IT AGAIN. THE WAY ROBBY WOULD LOOK WHILE TYING A SHOE IT TOO MUCH FOR MY FRAGILE HEART.

Their love confession killed me. It was beautiful. He is indeed a stupid, stupid silly silly man. And I love, adore, and crave him so so soooooo so much.

Me with this fic^

Thank you again for sharing this with us. <3 You did a great job. I can’t wait to read what ever amazing thing you have planned next.

best friend | bob floyd x f!reader

this fic is for @roosterforme 's Valentines Day challenge - #love is in the air tgm! for this fic I chose the song 'You're My Best Friend' by Queen - count on me to make the simpiest song on earth a smidge angsty!

disclaimer; as always with me - I set out to write fluff... and I have to go through the five stages of grief first apparently. this did not turn out quite like I first thought, but I hope you'll like it still! it does have a fluffy ending!

plot; bob has always known he needs you. but perhaps he needs you more than he himself knows?

warnings; fluff with a small preamble of angst, female!reader, no use of y/n, uranium mission, mentions of earlier overconsumption of alcohol, mentions of bloody nose, mentions of throwing up, cursing, cuddling naked (is this a warning? i don't know. it's in there), l-bombs, bob tying your shoes bc heart eyes.

word count; ~3.4K

tagging people who might like; @theharddeck @rhettabbotts @lt-bradshaw @roleycoleyreccenter @sebsxphia @laracrofted @gretagerwigsmuse @hangmanbrainrot @hangmanapologist

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‘you make me live’

Robert Floyd was a very clean-cut man. His glasses, the birth control ones, were neat and tidy on his face, rarely crooked, and rested (a little uncomfortably if he were allowed to complain) against the bridge of his nose. He much preferred his old ones, the ones that he had had as a teenager, horn rimmed and snug and comfortable against his nose. But those had broken during a stint he’d pulled just before he joined the Navy, and thus - birth control goggles it was for him. To be fair he figured it suited his new lifestyle better. Neat. Unassertive. 

As a teen, Robert, at that time most known as Robby, was not quite as tidy and neat as he was now. The Robert that you, his best friend, had come to know was definitely on the more rowdy side. He drank quite heavily, and had the occasional smoke as well - something he was fairly certain would shock Hangman’s smirk right off his face if Bob ever wished to shatter the illusion of naivety he’d shouldered. 

It would sometimes irk Bob when people at first construed him as meek. Sure, he’d never been the most social butterfly, and meeting new people always seemed a bit daunting no matter how much practice he had. He figured that might be why he had drank so heavily in his late teens. He’d wanted to be able to talk to people and not feel as if he wanted to sink through the floor because he stuttered once.

After every stutter he uttered, Bob cursed up a storm in his head at his own incompetence. He was far from upset though, he was fucking pissed. How was it that he knew exactly what he wanted to say, yet his tongue betrayed him so wholly? It hardly seemed fair that he actually had so much to say, yet didn’t possess the ability to voice it. If people only knew how eloquent he had sounded in his head.

He guessed that’s why he liked you so much. That first time that you met, and Robert’s tongue had done its best to trip him up at every turn, you’d just smiled warmly at him - eyes twinkling with genuine interest as he spoke. The more you gave him your undivided attention, without letting your gaze flicker away from his face, the more confident Bob had grown - as if his mouth and tongue suddenly remembered how to do their jobs properly when he felt more relaxed, and as if he wasn’t in a rush to say what he wished before the recipients focus had been drawn elsewhere. 

You had waited patiently, and you’d replied with such care that he felt taken aback that you’d actually remembered most of his monologue. Since then, Bob had barely gone a day without speaking to you. It didn’t matter much what time of day it was, or how long you spoke, or how. Through the phone, via FaceTime or in person, Bob just needed to hear your sweet voice. Needed you like the air he breathed.

It had been that way ever since you met, and you had helped him when he needed it the most. Just before he had managed to make his drinking an unsalvageable problem, you had reminded him that he was valuable without the confidence that beverages lended him.

With you he never felt the need to put on any bravado or show. He had barely touched a drop of alcohol since his nineteenth birthday, and he never felt the urge to start up again. Bob had figured out that people could find him interesting and worthwhile without having the aid of alcohol to loosen his tongue and inhibit his sagacity.

‘whatever this world can give to me, it’s you - you’re all i see’

The world had undoubtedly thrown a few wrenches in Bob’s path. Growing up he’d suffered a lot at the hands of his peers, not really knowing why they felt the need to pick on him in particular. In his mind he didn’t stand out much.

Sure, he might be a bit clumsy sometimes, and he had been a little thinner and ganglier than his fellow classmates - but as he grew that had changed. Now he had defined abs and biceps, and still he didn’t feel entirely comfortable flaunting them on the beach. He preferred to keep a shirt on on the rare occasion he’d make it to the beach, something he knew you didn’t like - but something you didn’t ever push.

Bob was fairly certain most of the people that used to make fun of him had no idea that he was quite sharp, and he was not entirely sure that if he were to explain the intricacies he attended to in the aft seat of the F/A-18F he was usually assigned to, they would most likely come up blank for a response.

Robert was fairly certain anyone could wake him up in the middle of the night and ask him to man the AESA or ATFLIR system and he’d do it half asleep. The only one he’d tried to explain what he did in detail to was you, and only because you had asked and seemed genuinely intrigued - not even his father seemed particularly interested in knowing the heavy weaponry his son was responsible for when Bob tried to talk about it to him when he’d just joined the Navy.

Through any of the hardships Bob went through though, he always had you. You were always just a phone call away, even though Bob preferred to see you in front of him. Robert would never really call himself a liar, he tried his best to always say what was on his mind, no matter the outcome, but he undoubtedly was a liar.

Horribly enough, he was lying to you. And for some time he had definitely lied to himself. He’d almost told you after his situation with Phoenix, that first time he’d have to eject out of a spiraling Super Hornet at such speeds it made him dizzy to think that he’d actually survived. 

He had called you from his hospital bed, voice shaking slightly as he reassured you that he was alright - having to bite the insides of his cheeks to keep from sniffling as he heard your teary voice blubbering how worried you’d been when you had gotten the call that his plane had gone down during a training exercise.

He had made you his emergency contact several years ago at that point. And perhaps your soft sobs was what made him keep his confession close to his chest for just a while longer. If you didn’t know, and he didn’t make it home during the upcoming mission - at least you might not suffer too much from the loss of him. Better to lose a best friend than a lover right? That’s what Bob reasoned. 

‘whenever this world is cruel to me… i got you to help me forgive’

As Phoenix put the Super Hornet down hard on the deck, Bob shook slightly as he swiftly went through his checklist. He was pretty sure his nose was bleeding, and wave after wave of nausea kept hitting him sporadically. He needed to get out of the jet. He needed to breathe fresh air, and most of all - he needed you. Hurrying down the steps, Bob ran as fast as his legs would carry him to the side of the huge ship, emptying the contents of his stomach into the vastness of the ocean below. They had lost Mav. They had lost Rooster. 

What if it had been him and Nat? It just as easily could’ve been. His legs were shaking as the adrenaline from the mission they had just gone through started waning. God, why had he gotten close to any of these people? He knew he had gotten too familiar with all of them after that god damned game day on the beach - he’d told you happily about being perched on Bradley’s shoulders, and you’d laughed and congratulated him on a good game. 

The memory sent another wave of nausea through him and he retched again as warm blood dripped down over his cupid's bow. Just as he was about to rush up to the nearest admiral around and get on his knees to beg them to let him call you, Phoenix showed up at his side, her dainty hand - that had just guided them to safety - landing on his shoulder. Not caring in the slightest, Bob quickly wiped his mouth and nose on his sleeve before roughly pulling her into a bone-crushing embrace, her soft words of reassurances falling on deaf ears. 

“Thank you, Nat. For getting me back.” Bob had, since he had met Natasha, known she would do everything in her power to make sure he made it back, with or without Maverick’s ‘funeral talks’. He watched his pilot clench her jaw, eyes turning misty as she looked up at him and nodded. 

“Likewise,” she said, patting his shoulder again before releasing him swiftly as they both noticed Hangman’s F/A-18E launch off the ship. Nat’s brows were furrowed, and Bob accompanied her as they made their way back towards the others. Fanboy took one look at Bob before offering him a pained look and a baby wipe - Bob knew that Mickey sometimes still threw up after flights, and had them on him at all times just in case. 

“You okay, man?” Fanboy spoke softly to the other wizzo, patting Bob’s back as the taller man thanked him and wiped at his nose and mouth. Bob shook his head somberly, wanting to be anywhere else than where he was right now. With a clarity he hadn’t known in a while, he realized that he craved you. Craved your voice, your touch, your embrace. He needed you.

‘you’re the first one when things turn out bad’

If he had been able to teleport himself to your doorstep right now he’d press you so close to his chest, he’d breathe in your scent, he’d let his lips descend upon yours only to let them never leave their new found home, securely against yours. He’d carry you to bed, and he’d use any excuse to keep you snuggled into his side for days and days. 

As it was, he had no choice but to stay where he was. Perhaps it was best that he did, otherwise he wouldn’t have known that both Mav and Rooster had made it back alive, if barely. Laying down to sleep that night as the waves rocked the ship, he had never felt so exhausted mentally and physically in his life. It felt as if his very essence had been changed through the emotions and experiences he had had during this day. He couldn’t wait to be home. Home with you.

Bob had decided the second the Super Hornet had landed that day that he would be selfish. He would tell you about the feelings he’d harbored for you for years now. It was better than dying and you never even knowing. Never knowing that you were the only one for him, that you were his sunshine, his very reason for breathing. 

‘i’m happy, happy at home’

What Bob hadn’t counted on as he finally was able to make his way towards where people were usually gathered to greet their loved ones, was that you were there. He never had anyone waiting for him, because you lived some ways away, and the rest of his family were all the way over in Montana. Perhaps that’s why he needed to be nudged in the side by Phoenix, the one whom he’d spent the most time showing pictures of you to, before he made out your calls of ‘Robby!’.

His mouth fell open in shock as he saw you sprinting towards him, dropping his duffel bag just in time to be able to catch you in his arms as you barreled into his tall frame. He only had to take a small step back to steady himself, before his arm squeezed hard at your waist and his other cradled the back of your head as he felt you nuzzle into his chest.

He could hardly make out your muffled words, but it did sound an awful lot like his name being repeated over and over again in relief. Relief flooded him too as he took in a shaky breath, overcome by the familiar scent you brought with you. Tears clouded his vision as he pulled you in closer, standing to his full height for a moment, letting your converse clad feet lift off of the pavement.

As the two of you pulled away from one another, he could see tears streaming down your cheeks, and his brows furrowed as he cradled your face between his large palms. 

“Sunshine…” Bob breathed out, a lopsided smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. You offered him a teary smile in return. Thumbs soothed over your tear stained cheeks, and Bob took this moment of silence to look you over.

He noticed that in your haste to make it over to him, one of your shoelaces had fallen out of the neat bow you’d no doubt hastily thrown together before leaving to see him. How you’d gotten the information he wasn’t sure, he hadn’t been able to tell you before he left when he’d be back. He figured Phoenix might have something to do with it though. He wondered what she’d told you.

Releasing the hold he had of your face, Robert slowly fell down to kneel by your feet, slowly taking the laces between his nimble fingers, tugging softly to make sure they were tight enough before tying another knot, this time a double bow, to make sure they didn’t fall apart again.

He playfully tugged at the top of the shoe, before he gazed up at you. The expression on your face had his breath leaving his lungs suddenly, and his lips parted in surprise. That look of adoration on your face was so beautiful to him, and to have it directed at him… it was overwhelming. 

“Take me home?” you whispered once he had stood to his full height again, and he wasn’t entirely sure what you meant. He had rented a small flat whilst he was going to be stationed here, so he figured that was home for him right now. Maybe home was wherever you were. Maybe you felt the same. He hoped you did. Bob only nodded before confidently grasping your smaller hand in his, lacing his fingers with yours as you steered him towards your car. 

The ride back to Bob’s rented flat was mostly silent, except for his soft spoken directions. He had yet to let go of your hand, thankful for your automatic car. His thumb stroked over your knuckles, maybe more to soothe himself than you. He felt like he needed to feel your skin against his own, make sure you were real. Make sure he was real too. 

Getting out of the car, Bob swiftly moved to open your door, his hands on your waist the moment you stood up.

“Robby,” you whispered, emotions unknown lacing your tone. Bob couldn’t do this here. Not on the driveway. He ushered you to the door, unlocking it and steering you inside without uttering a word.

“You’re my best friend,”

Bob spoke slowly, letting his cerulean eyes map out your face, every single familiar feature a thing of beauty. Heaving a deep sigh, he again let his palm rest against your cheek as you gazed up at him, that look of adoration still present.

“I love you, sunny,” Bob confessed, his voice breaking at the end of his sentence, overcome by the fact that he might not have made it home to tell you that. You licked your lips as more tears fell from your eyes.

“Phoenix told me you almost didn’t make it home to me,” you replied shakily. He averted his gaze, but you stepped closer, your chest now resting against his own. It forced him to look down at you again, god, you were so close. 

“How could you have left me without telling me that beforehand? I’ve–” you trailed off, a sob shaking you softly. Bob furrowed his brows, letting his arms wound around you to hold you steady against him. 

“I’ve loved you my whole life… ever since I first heard you speak, I’ve loved you,” you cried “as more than a friend. I’ve wanted to be yours for so long, Robby,” Bob groaned, pulling you into a tight embrace, tucking your face into the crook of his neck as his lips found the top of your head.

“Sunny… you’re mine. You’ve always been mine. And I’ve always been yours. I’m sorry–” his voice broke again “I’m sorry it took me so long to tell you. I never in a million years figured I’d be good enough for you,” his voice was raw with emotion, a raspy and deep quality to it that had you momentarily dizzy.

You thought you had heard every iteration of Robert’s voice that there was. Sleepy Robby, angry Robby, sweet Robby, sad Robby… nothing compared to this. Nothing. 

“You stupid, stupid man,” you chastised him, a teary laugh falling from your lips as you broke free from his embrace. Bob had the decency to look bashful as he chuckled, thumb stroking over your cheek again. Your own hand raised, fingertips ghosting over his cheeks, the harsh feel of his stubble unusual for you. Your exploration continued slowly, before your thumb graced Bob’s lower lip, hearing his breath stutter in his throat. 

“Kiss me, Robby,” you spoke softly, glancing up at those cerulean eyes you loved so much. The groan that left Bob was otherworldly to you as he cupped your face in between his palms, his warm lips descending upon yours as your eyes fluttered closed.

Bob could swear he’d never felt anything like it as his lips were met with your warm and plump ones, moving so slowly and deliciously against his own, small sighs making him a little crazy. He couldn’t get enough of the feeling. You felt like home. Hesitantly, Bob let his tongue wet your bottom lip, and the way you let him deepen the kiss had another groan leaving his lips as your tongue met his slowly. 

“I never want to leave you again,” Bob leaned his forehead against yours as his eyelids squeezed shut. 

“Then don’t,” you let a soft giggle escape from you. Bob only smiled, before he bent down, letting his hands rest on the backs of your thighs as he hoisted you into his arms. 

“I need snuggles and I need them now,” he simply said as he walked you into his bedroom, carefully helping remove your shoes before he planted you in the middle of the comfortable bed. Removing his own shoes, Bob stripped out of his khaki uniform, leaving him in only his boxers - something you had certainly seen before, but something beautiful nonetheless.

He moved to climb onto the bed with you, but you held up your palm, stopping him momentarily as you wiggled out of your jeans and your top - needing to feel Bob’s skin against yours. 

Bob offered you the softest of smiles before he laid down beside you, keeping a small distance between your bodies, not wanting to make the first move at touching you. Rolling your eyes, you muttered “silly man” before promptly draping your thigh over his, letting your stomach and chest snuggle close into his warm skin, your head resting against his neck. 

“Thank God,” Bob sighed, kissing your forehead as his strong arms wrapped around your midsection, his fingers tracing patterns on your bare skin. The same fingers that only hours ago had frantically manned the countermeasures and systems needed to get out safely. Bob squeezed his eyes shut before he took a shuddering deep breath.

“Hey, you’re here with me, Robby,” you spoke softly, resting your chin against his chest. “You’re here and you’re mine and I love you so much,” you continued, your fingers raking through his neat hair. He managed a smile, and his body relaxed against yours as he mirrored your movements.

“I’m here… and I’m yours, and I love you,” he repeated slowly, leaning against his forearm as he reached to kiss you again, one hand resting comfortably at the back of your head as his lips moved with yours. He felt your lips turn upwards into a soft smile against his own, and when you broke away from him, he let out a relieved sigh as he fell back against the pillows, eyes closed.

He smiled as he felt you climb on top of him, curling up on his chest, your head resting comfortably on his sternum, your thighs encompassing his hips. His palm softly stroked up and down your spine, and he swore he could almost hear you purring like a cat at his touch. 

Soft kisses were shared between whispered words of comfort and love, and Bob had never thought he could be this lucky, to have his best friend dozing off against his chest, her kisses and her love soothing his rattled soul.  

‘oh, you’re my best friend’

[ncfan-1]

What Was Going On With Kanan During ‘Trials of the Darksaber’?

So I wrote a couple of weeks ago about how Kanan still seems to have a hard time keeping his baggage from getting in the way of his being a good teacher, if his interactions with Sabine in ‘Trials of the Darksaber’ are any indication. However, there was something else about their interactions that was gnawing at me, something not directly acknowledged, but still very salient.

A reviewer for this episode got the gears turning in my mind when they pointed out that part of the trouble for Kanan and Sabine this episode is that they are very much alike, and that as a result they have a hard time keeping from butting heads when they have to interact one-on-one for long periods of time. That made sense to me. I’d noticed a similar tension between the two during ‘The Protectors of Concord Dawn,’ though not quite to the same extent as in this episode (And it’s interesting for parallel purposes that even though Kanan tries to rein Sabine in from going into full revenge mode, he still makes what I’m pretty sure is an implied death threat to Rau during their conversation in the bar). As for the parallels between Kanan and Sabine, there are actually many:

- They both had their lives basically completely destroyed at a young age, Kanan by Order 66, and Sabine by turning against the Empire after weapons she built were used on her people, only for her family to hang her out to dry for one reason or another, and being forced to flee Mandalore. Both were forced to flee for their lives, and only have a few mementos of their former lives—for Sabine, her armor (especially her helmet, which is supposed to have been passed down to her by her mother) and possibly her blasters; for Kanan, his lightsaber and the Jedi holocron. Kanan was fourteen when this happened to him, and Sabine was probably just a couple of years younger than that when this happened to her (I am leaning towards Sabine having been a preteen when all this went down, both because it makes more sense timeline-wise, and because it might explain where the ‘missing’ pieces of her armor fans have commented on are: she outgrew them).

- They both carry a lot of guilt over what happened. I think that even as of Season 3, Kanan still feels rather guilty for having run, even though Depa told him to run and if he’d stayed, he just would have gotten killed. Even if the guilt has abated a little from Season 1, it’s still there. Sabine feels guilt over building weapons that were used to enslave her people, and were turned on people she loved. If I had to guess, I’d say she might carry a bit of internalized victim-blaming over her family abandoning her; if it exists, I doubt said internalized victim-blaming is nearly as strong now as it was back when all of this was first happening to her, but it likely still lingers.

- As we see in A New Dawn, Kanan initially (post-Janus, anyways) responded to the trauma by trying really, really hard not to care about anything or anyone but himself, to just harden his heart to the suffering of the people around him. Judging from Sabine’s line in ‘Blood Sisters’, “We didn’t care about anyone but ourselves,” it sounds like Sabine went through a similar period, employing a similar coping mechanism.

- Both Sabine and Kanan tend to be a bit emotionally distant as of the Rebels timeline, though they are noticeably warmer and more open with the small circle of people they trust. They both care deeply for their loved ones, though they tend to be rather restrained in how they express that care.

- They can both be pretty tightly-wound, though Kanan has been slowly moving past that. They can also both be a bit irritable sometimes, too (Especially implied by Ezra mentioning in ‘Blood Sisters’ that Sabine tells him to leave her alone a lot).

- They both have avoidance as their go-to method for coping with their trauma. Kanan went about fifteen years without using his lightsaber, and only using the Force a handful of times. Sabine hardly ever talks about her past; it’s implied that she confided some of it in Hera, but it doesn’t seem like she told Hera much, and that the rest of the crew know even less.

- Both take up a certain “mantle”, but aren’t at first truly willing to accept the responsibility that goes along with it. Kanan agrees to train Ezra in the ways of the Jedi at the end of the pilot, but his training methods are at first completely half-assed. To its credit, the show addresses this, and doesn’t just laugh it off, with it being pretty clear that Kanan’s sense of guilt and inadequacy was what was causing him to not put his all into training Ezra. Sabine retrieves the Darksaber from Dathomir, and pretty much immediately hands it over to Kanan, and acts as though she never found it up until the events of this episode. She claims at first that she can’t wield it because it’s a lightsaber, and though she might have experience with bladed weapons, a lightsaber is in a class by itself, but by the end of the episode, it is painfully clear that it was her own sense of guilt and inadequacy that caused her to initially reject the Darksaber.

With all of these parallels, these particular parallels, it’s pretty understandable why Kanan and Sabine would butt heads if they were in a situation where the former has to teach the latter. But there was something else going on all throughout the episode, a rather unpleasant undercurrent to Kanan and Sabine’s interactions that I didn’t pick up on the time, but rather, noticed in retrospect. There’s a fine line between having to go hard on Sabine because they don’t have a lot of time and the galaxy at large finding out she has the Darksaber is going to paint a bull’s eye on her back and just being an asshole, and Kanan does cross from the former to the latter over the course of the episode.

It hit me that he was probably projecting on her. A lot. And with that, everything started to make sense. Because, you see, even after three seasons, Kanan still doesn’t seem to like himself very much, and if he’s projecting on someone as much as he seemed to be on Sabine during ‘Trials of the Darksaber,’ that is probably not going to end well.

You see it in the way he at first refuses to let her train with the Darksaber itself, on the grounds that he feels Sabine is in such turmoil that she’ll hurt herself if she tries to use it. Hera has to remind Kanan that that kind of strategy is not going to work with Sabine, that it’s only going to reinforce for her the belief that she isn’t capable of handling the Darksaber. But it does seem like the sort of logic Kanan would apply to himself, in Sabine’s situation. If he was in severe emotional turmoil, with his judgment clouded, he would probably consider it unsafe for him to handle a lightsaber. This is probably the weakest of my points, which is why I made it first, but a little bit that might strengthen it is that Kanan ‘stalling’ for so long and Sabine going along with it for so long plays into their shared tendency towards avoidance. They both tend to dance around their issues instead of facing them head on if they have even the illusion of a choice.

You see it in Kanan deriding Mandalorian gadgets the way he does. I think he does have a point when he says that Sabine shouldn’t be overly reliant on them, because, well, look what happened to Pre Vizsla. And I also think that yeah, the vambraces probably shouldn’t have been introduced until after she’d gotten a better handle on the Darksaber. But what seems to escape Kanan during this exchange is that Sabine is not a Jedi. She is not a Jedi who is going to be fighting other Force wielders. She is a Mandalorian who, most likely, will be almost exclusively fighting other Mandalorians, Mandalorians who will have tools and gadgets designed to gain an edge over less well-equipped opponents. Sabine does not just need the Darksaber, and does not just need those tools and gadgets; she needs them both.

In general, Kanan spends a lot of time this episode treating Sabine more like a recalcitrant Jedi Padawan than anything else. He honestly seems to have a rather jaundiced view of Mandalorian culture, and while it’s understandable that he might look askance at all the infighting between different Mandalorian factions, this kind of has to hamper Sabine’s efforts to get in the mindset of possibly becoming a leader to her people. He does seem to be treating her like he would himself, and that causes problems.

And I think Sabine’s hostility towards Kanan in this episode might be her subconsciously picking up on his projecting on her. I definitely think part of it is her lashing out due to her own traumatic memories, and the fact that she really was pressured into doing this and she only really seems to begin wanting to do this at the very end of the episode and is deeply resentful of this, but I think another part of it was her subconsciously picking up on the fact that he was projecting on her, and her knee-jerk reaction just being “How dare you?!”

Kanan’s apology is a good start (as is Sabine’s), but as soon becomes very clear, the only thing he’s realized at this point is that his training methods are not working because they’re simply not compatible with Sabine’s personality, not that he’s projecting on her. Because once they start their duel, he starts goading her. And keeps goading her, and gets honestly kind of vicious about it. And what does he say? “You ran.”

“You ran.”

Kanan said that.

Kanan.

Guys. “You ran” is really, incredibly loaded coming from Kanan.

And when Sabine finally tells him what really happened, the look on his face isn’t just one of sadness. Oh, I do think that Kanan genuinely felt horribly sorry for her. Up until now, he must have gotten the idea that whatever happened with Sabine on Mandalore, it must have been bad, but it looks like the truth is likely worse than anything he’d imagined. But frankly, he looks remorseful as well.

First of all, forcing Sabine to reveal her past in this way, forcing her to reveal all of this just to defend herself from his taunts, is bordering on humiliating, and when Kanan is thinking clearly, I don’t think that humiliating Sabine was ever his intention. But this revelation seems to have jarred him enough that he finally realized what he was doing, finally realized that he’d been projecting on her so much that he lost sight of the fact that just because Sabine is similar to him, does not mean she is the same as him. That the circumstances under which she fled the ruins of her life are not the same as the circumstances under which he fled. That he was hurting her more than he was helping, and doing her a massive disservice by projecting on her.

I think (I hope) that having been jarred out of this mindset as harshly as he was, Kanan won’t fall into that trap again. I hope that if we don’t see them having a long talk about what happened come next episode, there is at least the implication that they had one off-screen. The great thing about Kanan is that even if he isn’t really all that great of a teacher, he is trying his best, and he does learn from his mistakes. And does care about his ‘kids’ enough that he really doesn’t want to hurt them, so I do think he’ll remember not to make the same mistake in future.

And obviously, my interpretation is subjective. You might not see it the same way. But I do think it adds an interesting (if painful) layer to what is already one of the best episodes in the whole series.

[pass-the-bechdel]

Nikita full series review

How many episodes pass the Bechdel test?

95.89% (seventy of seventy-three).

What is the average percentage of female characters with names and lines for the full series?

38.17%

How many episodes have a cast that is at least 40% female?

Thirty-seven.

How many episodes have a cast that is at least 50% female?

Twelve.

How many episodes have a cast that is less than 20% female?

ZERO.

Positive Content Status:

Strong, and refreshingly comfortable with itself (average of 3.07).

Which season had the best representation statistics overall?

Season three clocks in highest in every category but the content rating, for which season one scored highest.

Which season had the worst representation statistics overall?

Season four clocks in the lowest in every category other than the percentage of female characters, for which season one scored the lowest.

Overall Series Quality:

A real treat - significantly better than I expected on both the representation front and for entertainment, it’s high-octane excitement riddled with well-rounded and powerful female characters, and Maggie Q is an absolute jewel in the crown. The show has many virtues, but it’s worth it just for Nikita herself. Reviewing this show has been an absolute pleasure.

MORE INFO (and potential spoilers) under the cut:

Ok, straight up: I kinda adored this show and I am super-glad that so many o’ y’all came forward to recommend it to me. I believe I’ve made it pretty clear already that I love Maggie Q’s performance, as I love her character, and I’m not sure I’ve got much to add on that front so I’ll just reiterate how refreshing it was to be presented such a rounded and complete female character, flawed but never narratively punished or lessened for it, emotional without it being equated to weakness, strong without being masculinised, feminine without it being treated like A Statement. Nikita just is, and as wildly unlikely as it is that you’d ever encounter someone like her in reality, the ease with which her rounded character is presented gives her a sense of harsh realism. You can’t get that without a creative team that is both talented, and open-minded enough to believe in what they are creating, and that confidence in crafting Nikita without feeling the need to apologise or explain is what makes the entire show function a cut above many of its fellows in the spy-action genre.

Nikita is; Alex, on the other hand? That’s a little more complicated. Let me head this off by saying I do enjoy her as a character and there’s a lot they did with the details of her story that I really appreciate (her arc from victim of human trafficking to powerful and successful public advocate against human trafficking is a wonderful thing). The trouble I had with Alex was that I never felt like the show really settled on how it wanted to handle her. In season one her role was at its clearest, though it was plain that the mole-inside-Division schtick was not gonna last; the limitations it set on the kind of stories the show could tell were abundant and almost immediately strained as the season in its infancy struggled to keep Nikita and Alex actively involved in the same issues without blowing Alex’s cover. Just getting Alex out in the field wasn’t enough; thus, season two saw Division and Alex in uneasy alliance for mutual benefits. The bad news? As interesting as it was to have Nikita and Alex on the outs with one another for a while, the immediate consequence was that Michael became Nikita’s primary partner, and he maintained that role for the rest of the series. Alex, initially introduced as Nikita’s second in both work terms and in character standing within the series, was heavily B-plotted and otherwise sidelined through season two onwards, and in a way that sat very awkwardly with her centralised position in the first season. It was like the show wanted to ditch her in order to tell the Nikita-and-Michael story, but recognised how intensely anathema that would be to Nikita’s personal narrative and so begrudgingly kept Alex on. Even once Nikita and Alex were in the same place and explicitly working for the same purpose again, they were frequently distanced from one another and did an excessive amount of their Bechdel-passing over the phone, when they did it with one another at all. The fact that the original twosome of the show was frequently kept apart even when there was no nifty narrative excuse for it made the decision especially egregious.

This also segues into my other primary gripe with the series: romances. As I have freely admitted, Nikita and Michael’s relationship surprised me by proving far more believable and compelling in practice than it appeared in theory as the show began; that it was allowed to impact the plot without overwhelming or derailing it was a large part of what made this a functional relationship within the narrative, instead of just unnecessary romantic trimmings that occasionally cause cliche drama. The rest of the show’s romantic entanglements fared less well. Nikita’s initial motivator in the form of her fridged boyfriend, Daniel, was a generic nonentity of a story thread which the show seemed embarrassed to recollect later on, and as nice as it is to subvert the Fridged Girlfriend trope, I’d have preferred that they avoid the invocation altogether by being more original and working in something more character-relevant for Nikita. The thing about Daniel as a concept - leaving aside the narrative implications of Fridging - is that his limited existence was just a form of lazy shorthand: Nikita was given a romance, specifically a romance, because for all its progressive elements and positive qualities, this show still suffers heavily from compulsive (hetero)sexuality. And because she’s the ‘other’ girl in the story while Nikita is busy having a Destined One True Love story with Michael, Alex is the one who really gets the compulsive sexuality laid on thick. In the first half of the first season, the show toys with the idea of a romantic link between Alex and Thom. As soon as they kill off Thom and Alex is allowed out in the field, we have the odious Nathan. After ditching Nathan, they immediately introduce Sean. And before Sean is even killed, they start planting the seeds for an Alex/Owen relationship to close out the series. Alex hardly gets to take a breath in between love interests being foisted upon her, because whatever else they’re getting right, The Powers That Be still can’t handle the idea of a beautiful young female character who is not currently embroiled in romantic intrigue. Considering Alex’s story, this is especially irksome. If anyone on this show needed to be given significant space to grow without simultaneously juggling a romance, it was her.

While I’m segueing - Owen. I had a rocky road with that dude, and it started with my concern that he was being intro’d as a romantic prospect for Nikita. To be honest? I maintain that. My read on the subject is that they brought Owen in initially as a potential alternative, in case they decided that the Nikita/Michael plan was a bad idea. I really was consistently surprised when Owen didn’t get killed off at various points - not least after his Sam reveal - and I felt like the show was as unsure of what it wanted to do with him as it was with Alex, only it manifested in a very different way for Owen since he was only recurring. Every time it appeared that they had found a narrative purpose for him that should keep him around as a regular, he seemed to go ahead and disappear for a while again anyway; it seemed the writers just couldn’t make up their minds. All things considered, I can’t help but wonder if the only reason Owen/Sam’s frankly bizarre story maze didn’t end with his death was because they wanted all of the lead characters to finish the show with a partner, because, oh yeah, compulsive sexuality. Nikita gets Michael, Alex gets Owen - even Birkhoff gets a girl, though they crassly failed to even include Sonya in the finale episode. It’s not that I don’t want characters to have happy endings, but come on. ‘And then everyone hooked up with everyone, the end’ is only fun and interesting if you’re talking about literal polyamory; when it’s just convenient hetero pair-offs, it’s a snooze. When it feels like certain characters only remained in the plot so that they could participate in the pair-off, it’s worse.

The good news about the above griping is that these complaints, while broad and in most cases series-long, are fairly thin on the ground, easily ignored, and potentially all just a matter of personal interpretation anyway. As such, they are just that - complaints, not glaring faults, and certainly not devastating issues that ruin the enjoyment of what remains a very solid and fulfilling experience with a lot of powerful and dynamic female characters getting the narrative complexity they deserve and are so often denied, within a kickass action framework that respects them instead of exploiting them while simultaneously allowing the struggles, fears, and pains of their past to have presence within their present. When Nikita is good, it is very, very good, and when it is bad it is...mildly annoying. Let the fact that I spent this series review mostly whining not imply that the show was not riotously on-point at near every moment for three great seasons (excluding season four, which wasn’t awful but honestly I think the show was better off without it); if ‘mildly annoying’ is the worst you’ve got, you’re on a damn good track. All in all, the singular part of the show which was clearest and most coherent was easily its titular character, and if we all took nothing more away from the show besides the knowledge that Nikita herself is fucking awesome, it would still be time well spent.

[drink-n-watch]

Back Rank Mate : A checkmate that occurs when your king is trapped behind a wall (usually a wall of your own pawns) on the back rank, and a queen or rook attacks on the back rank.

You know, I think I’m just going to reiterate my thoughts from last week – OMGWTFBBQPURPLEMONKEYDISHWASHER. What the heck is this show doing to me? All I know is that if I was to exist in the Promised Neverland universe, I would be pretty safe since this show has melted my brain. Hyperbole you think… maybe a smidge.

Still, I am grateful that Crow is here to keep me from completely losing it and you’re grateful too. Trust me. He makes these posts! Also, let me apologize in advance for this but I took an unreasonable number of screencaps again. If this post has been loading for  minutes…that’s why… sowwy…

But before we get started, how are you Crow?

Well, for starters, I’m bold this week! And for another, there’s no way I’m getting through this review without dropping some spoilers, so everyone beware!

Come to think of it, “everyone beware” is pretty good advice for anyone watching this show! Purple monkey indeed!

everything’s fine!

I’m just trying a little small talk to ease us in because this week got heavy! Unlike the usual light hearted slice of life comedy The Promised Neverland usually is….

This level of removal from reality is a different perspective for you! Looks like the show’s getting to you — and I certainly understand why!

If you’ve read our reviews before you know this, but it’s spoileriffic. If you don’t want to know what happens, please come back after you’ve watched episode 9.

oh no! not spoilers!!!

Last week ended on a double whammy courtesy of Moma as she broke the leg of one of her beloved daughters without hesitation, while gently announcing the execution of a beloved son. And this week brought us straight back to that devastating scene adding a few new details to the mix. I must say the impact was not lessened by repetition!

Just in case the show didn’t twist the knife quite enough last week!

If last week it dawned on me just how outmatched the kids were, this week the kids are starting to really realize it as well, and it’s heartbreaking. Don and Gilda were being held together by the other three but now that they’re seeing them unravel, they are left rudderless and very very scared. The juxtaposition of the bright sunny day and soft green grass, and the dire straits the kids are in made everything just a little sadder, don’t you think?

The imagery was great — it was almost taunting our heroes with a false normalcy.

the ephemeral nature of life is both tragic and beautiful 

The scene went from Don, Gilda and Ray barely holding it together to a cool and composed Norman sweetly comforting Emma. I thought “this child is terrifying”. The composure…the strength. The sheer loyalty to Emma that he would consider his own life immaterial as long as she’s fine. Honestly Norman is one impressive young man.

Did you see what Emma did the instant she woke up? She reached for him. That gesture was heartbreaking in its simplicity; in the trust it implied.

I saw – I screencapped

And then, his mask slipped. When finally alone, it became apparent that Norman was far from fine. He was horrified and lost. He did not want to lose his life. All of this was shown in a quiet patient scene. The emphasis and emotion expressed through long shots of nothing much. The lack of motion letting the emotion shine through rather than any overt display. I quite like that! So it turned out that Norman was just pretending for the sake of his friends. And I thought, Norman is a supremely impressive young man!

You could see the moment his will snapped. He had been pushed past what he knew he could handle, and he was faced with the question: What next?

While Norman was trying to calm himself, we jumped back to Ray who was by far the most agitated we’ve ever seen him. Ray seemed to accept his own potential demise with bitter but stoic resignation. However, the thought of Norman getting shipped out has gotten hm enraged and panicked. For a second, I thought it was a mix of feelings for his friend and of the discomfort of having his plans ruined. I thought Ray was intimidatingly impressive.

The sight of Ray, who for so long had plotted and planned and executed, coming to grips with the idea that not only were his plans ruined, but his understanding of their world was flawed to the point where he had no idea what to do. And still, after venting a bit, he started to rein himself in. These are pretty impressive kids! I’m pretty sure I wasn’t that composed (or intelligent or — thank heavens — tasty to demons!) at their age.

Ray was my rock…this shattered me

Having come back to his senses a bit, Norman decided to rejoin Emma. Did you notice the CG Crow? Of course you did, it was pretty obvious. And I think that was on purpose. Thinking back, I’m pretty sure the CG has been used as a narrative tool in this series.

The CG was only used in the scenes of Norman walking the hallway alone, even though we saw extremely similar scenes of Ray, Don or Guilda. And even though the CG was obvious, it wasn’t excessive. I think the slight uncanny dissonance, plus the impact on the character’s movement was used to make those simple scenes of Norman just walking that much more weighty and uneasy. I may be reading too much into this…

It reminded me a little bit of some of the photographic effects Alfred Hitchcock would use him his films. This show is very much in that tradition!

ok, still images don’t give you the right idea

We then got another classic scene of three small kids talking in a bedroom. This is 98% of the show and it’s still giving me anxiety.

I’m sure the conversation was littered with clues and foreshadowing but quite unlike myself, I couldn’t pay attention to that. I was actually too emotionally invested. Weird huh?

I appreciated this quiet scene, because it helped me process everything we’ve learned in the last 30 or 40 minutes of storytelling!

Emma and Ray have decided that Norman getting shipped out was simply not an option and came up with a simple but promising plan. Norman should disable his tracking device and hide just beyond the wall until they can join him once Emma is healed up. At this point Ray explained some simple gut-wrenching facts. The children are afforded a comfortable happy life because they’ll taste better that way. That’s all.

As Ray was talking and Norman seemed dubious I started to wonder why did Ray seem so desperate for Norman to live? He was the one saying that saving everyone was impractical. Their plan is riddled with potential pitfalls and unknowns. Ray of all people should accept Norman’s willingness to sacrifice himself for the greater good. And when Ray cried out, “If you die then what were the last 6 years of my life for?”, I realized something.

Ray has a bad poker face

Ray isn’t the cool and composed mastermind he makes himself out to be. This boy who since the age of five has patiently collected trinkets to create a disarming device all on his own without anyone noticing. This boy was a bleeding heart hero type. He may not be able to save everyone, but he needs to save his friends at least. How cute and innocent. How naive to think you can just throw them out there. This is why he had to accept Norman’s argument that should he escape neither Emma or Ray would be taken in his stead and sacrificing another for your own life is unbearable. Because he’s just a kid who loves his friends, that’s all. Ray is truly and undeniably impressive.

Have you noticed how easy it is to be stoic on behalf of someone? I’m borderline competent on my own. On behalf of my family or friends? I can be quite a different person, or I can at least seem that way. I see that in Ray, and in how Ray reacted when Norman was trying to give himself up. The walls just come tumbling down!

I have but then again, I’ve never been in a situation where I really thought I could die. Maybe survival instinct would kick in..

Just when all that panic, fear and loathing cam crashing together, that’s when Emma decided to be Emma and do what she does best. Just smother everything in powerful optimism backed up by short sighted but surprisingly rational propositions. Break Ray’s arm. If they’re both hurt, then they won’t be replacements – Norman can escape with his mind at ease. This emotional release allowed the kids to get back to themselves a bit. A nice little reprieve.

and just Norman

I couldn’t help but wonder – won’t Gilda or Don be chosen then??? It seems that wasn’t too much of a concern to the others.

They needed a little short-sightedness to keep themselves together, I think. I also wonder if either Don or Gilda would be considered a real replacement? If Emma, Norman, and Ray are prime grade, Don and Gilda would likely be choice. Still a fine grade, but not interchangeable. Maybe. I’m feeling strange talking about our heroes as grades of beef…

Say Crow, any thoughts about the fact that Ray knew right from the start? I think that may be better, since you don’t lose anything? Then again, maybe not.

The show’s doing such a good job at presenting Ray as a complex character that honestly, I’m not sure! It certainly could be!

there was tons of Norman in this episode, really!!!

The next day, Norman’s escape plan is ready to go. They have a new rope, a last hide and seek game, everyone knows their part. Momma informs the entire house that Norman is going to be “adopted”. First – darn you Phil! Second – some of those kids were crying a little more than justified, don’t you think. Maybe Emma and co. aren’t the only ones to know the houses secret?

I had that impression, too — especially that one little girl Norman had to hug!

um..it’s going to be…”o.k.”?

That was an exciting scene. Much like the rest of the episode, it used quick cuts beween the main characters as we saw Norman making his way to the wall and finally climbing it, while Emma and Ray are simply waiting back at the house. It got my blood pumping! And those colours were stunning.

Did you see the looks the kids were giving Isabella? Chilling!

As evening set in and the kids were getting ready to go in for dinner, I was actually holding my breath a little. And then, Norman just slowly walked back. After which, we finally find out what’s behind that wall. Talk about a cliffhanger!!!!

I see what you did there!

oh my

When we first see Norman climb to the top and look out, were you afraid we weren’t going to find out what he saw? I was all like, “Oh, no, Promised Neverland! Don’t you dare make me guess!”

And then we found out.

It might have been better had they made me guess!

And did you notice how self-satisfied Momma looked? Of course she knew what was beyond the walls. Of course she could guess what Norman’s reaction would be! Just another sign of her supreme control over the situation.

Krone who?

By the way, we saw Norman discover Krone’s pen and box in a drawer, but once again they didn’t show us what was in it. ARGH!!!

So this is Norman’s last day. Their plans are in ruins; their emergency plans are in ruins; and Phil is still smiling way too much. I have no idea how they’re going to get out of this, and honestly, I don’t want to guess! The show is doing a delightful job of entertaining me, and I don’t want to get in its way.

Irina, what’d you think of the music in this episode?

I’ll be honest I didn’t notice it. My mind got kidnapped by the plot. But tell me about it!

shhhs Phil

Starting just after Norman’s will crumbled , a simple piano melody starts playing. The camera switches to Ray, but the melancholy song continues and underlines their desperation — that begins to harden into resolve.

It’s a simple tune that lets the acting speak for itself. It ends when Norman enters and sees Ray and Emma’s serious expressions.

Later, as Norman’s running for the wall, there’s a more upbeat, drum-driven song with a woman’s beautiful voice harmonizing — no words. Emma and Ray try to stay calm, but the almost pop beat is more to support Norman’s spring to the wall than their attempt at patience. The woman’s voice disappears until Normal reaches the wall and makes it to the top. The crescendo? When he stands, shocked into silence, at what he sees on the other side of the wall. The music disappears, too.

The inarticulate voice lent an air of desperation that I recognized only in retrospect — when se see Norman’s shattered expression at the end.

whoa! I need to rewatch this episode…if I can

This show, man…..

The Promised Neverland Episode 1

The Promised Neverland Episode 2

The Promised Neverland Episode 3

The Promised Neverland Episode 4

The Promised Neverland Episode 5

The Promised Neverland Episode 6

The Promised Neverland Episode 7

The Promised Neverland Episode 8

You know, when I get really engrossed in a show, I can’t stop taking screencaps…

      The Promised Neverland Episode 9 – Back Rank Mate Back Rank Mate : A checkmate that occurs when your king is trapped behind a wall (usually a wall of your own pawns) on the back rank, and a queen or rook attacks on the back rank. 2,408 more words

[lifelibrariesandlemontrees]

Book Review: A Court of Wings and Ruin (Spoilers)

Okay. It’s here guys. And I’ve got a lot to say about it. Let’s begin.

Finally! After a year of waiting, the final book in Sarah J Maas’s A Court of Thorns and Roses series is here. I was super hyped for this book you guys, SO HYPED. How could I not be after the wonder that was the first two. But now the question is: Did the book live up to the hype?

Before I tell you, let me just reiterate that there will be spoilers in this review. I know, I know, usually I don’t. But I can’t help it, I had a lot to say and I want to get specific. So: If you haven’t read the book, you should probably turn back now. Get the book, read it, and when you’re done, come back and see if our opinions match up. Try it, it’s fun!

Okay. Are they gone? Has everyone here finished the book? Awesome. Let’s get started, shall we? (P.S: This is gonna be long) (And unorganized) (I apologize now) (I will put a Tl;Dr at the end, if you don’t want to read all of my unorganized rambling)

Did the book live up to the hype? I’m a little undecided, but as of right now I have to say...no. It was good, and I enjoyed it, but I think it was my least favorite of the books which honestly disappointed me a little. I went in with such high hopes, and maybe that was my mistake, but to be fair, the first two books were perfection. I had no reason to expect this book to be anything less. 

But...I had some issues. For one thing, something about the characters just felt a little...off, to me. Not always, but enough for me to notice. Take Feyre, for example. I was expecting to LOVE the beginning, to LOVE Feyre being a sneaky spy, taking down the king of Hyburn from inside the Spring Court. But when I was reading it? Well, for one thing it seemed too easy. I mean, I wanted her to succeed but like...the Spring Court basically rolled over and let her ruin them. 

But getting back to Feyre, I understand that this is supposed to be kick-ass High Lady of the Night Court Feyre, and she’s supposed to be super-cool and stuff, but she is still supposed to be Feyre. What I mean is that she’s still supposed to have her human heart, that’s what’s supposed to be special about her. She’s a high fae, with all the powers, but a human heart. In the beginning, I didn’t see too much of that. It was a lot of clever manipulations that always seemed to work out practically effortlessly. At one point in the book, Lucien says that she is a better friend to him than he is to her, but I’m not sure how true that is, considering that she used him in most of her manipulations. Need to make a point to Tamlin? Use Lucien. Need to make a point to Ianthe? Use Lucien. 

I didn’t hate all of their interactions, and I really loved the ones that felt genuine. But like, the scene where she put on a skimpy nightgown and pretended to have a nightmare just so Tamlin could find her with Lucien? What the hell was that? Like, kudoes to Lucien for trying to be a good friend but like, she didn’t need to do that. I get that she is still mad at Lucien for not helping her when he could have, for not standing up to Tamlin and for trying to bring her back.

 All I wanted when I went into this book was for Feyre and Lucien to bond again, be BFFS, have Lucien come over to the Night Court and for everyone to be happy. I love Lucien and I love their friendship. I wanted them to work out their issues. I didn’t sign on for all of this weird manipulation, because while I’m down for her fucking with the rest of the Spring Court, can she just not with Lucien. And sure, I might be playing favorites here, but Maas wrote Lucien to be such a conflicted, complex character, she made the readers love him, so to see him being used like this by the protagonist, just kinda sucks. 

Like I said before though, I did really enjoy the scenes where their friendship felt genuine. And I’m so SO glad that she risked messing up her escape plan to save him from Ianthe. And honestly, after all of that, I’m glad he questioned whether or not he knew who she was, because frankly Lucien, I wasn’t sure I knew who she was either.

I’m pretty sure Maas was trying to emphasize the changes in Feyre, portray her as a stronger character who is capable of making the hard calls, but there’s a balance, you know? And I’m not sure she managed it. 

It wasn’t just with Lucien. I mean, I care about Lucien the most because he’s one of my favorites, but what about that guard? The innocent one who was whipped for something Feyre manipulated him into doing. And she let it happen, for the sake of winning over the guards. That is a scene that I don’t completely disagree with, because THAT’S the kind of thing I think of when I think of having to make hard-calls in wartime situations, but just the way she thought about it. Feyre mentioned that she felt bad, but every other thought was something manipulative. Like how she went down to check on him. Maybe Feyre really was worried, maybe she really did do it because she cared, but in her mind she made  a point of mentioning that neither Tamlin nor Ianthe bothered to do so and it just so...manipulative. I expected to love the whole beginning, but I had a hard time loving it as much as I should have, because I tended to feel like I was reading about a different character. 

Something I LOVED was that Lucien came with her to the Night Court. Because that was something I wanted. And I love that he recognized the Night Court as the kind of court he thought the Spring Court was going to be, back when he first moved there. 

Also this book was funny. You might not think so, being as it’s about war, and maybe it isn’t AS funny as the other ones, but it has some good lines. Azriel, for example, was an absolute delight of sarcasm and dry wit. I loved any time any of the Night Court had to fly Lucien anywhere because they were always so stiff and uncomfortable, like men at the urinal in the public bathroom- Take care of business, look straight ahead. No eye contact, no conversation. 

I ADORED meeting the other courts. I would have loved to have seen Alis again, in the Summer Court, because I’m a little concerned about her sons in the attack. Also, Alis was just wonderful in the beginning, seeing through all of Feyre’s lies, and I just love her. Regardless, the other courts were wonderful. I’m thrilled that Tarquin no longer hates the Night Court, and Vivienne and Helion were both amazing. I love, love, LOVE that Helion has been trying to have a threesome with Azriel, Cassian and Mor. And I love that he’s Lucien’s real father because frankly, my poor little fox deserves better than Beron. 

Okay...now back to my issues. Can we talk about the sex? And how much there was, and just how unnecessary it felt? Maas got her start writing fanfiction, and while there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, that’s what most of these sex scenes felt like. Fanfiction sex scenes that are just there to keep your readers interested while you move the plot along. There were maybe 2 that needed to be there. And sure, there were sex scenes in the previous two books, but they felt needed. They were there for character development, relationship development. But Feyre and Rhysand are already in the relationship, and even if they have sex all the damn time the book doesn’t necessarily need to show us. I appreciate the sex scene when they first got back, and the one right before the war. Those felt important. The rest just felt like fan service. 

I feel like Maas is good at initiating relationships, but not so good at maintaining them. There were times when they felt like their initial chemistry was lacking a bit. Not often, but there were times, and they were usually followed by sex, as if she was aware of the flaw and attempting to fix it. Like, look, the can’t keep their hands off each other. That fixes everything, right? 

Just a little piece about Feyre being out of character, she brought Lucien to the night court and then basically just...left him there? She said she would show him around and then never did. Ever since Feyre and Rhys reunited it was almost as if anything that wasn’t Rhys, her sisters, or the Night Court didn’t really matter, and frankly that’s just a little annoying. 

You know what I wanted to see? Feyre in Velaris again, interacting with her subjects. Talk to the shop keepers, like the lady who made the food at the restaurant in the last book. Go out for a night, just Feyre, Mor, and Amren. Little things like that. And I know there is a war coming, but they had time. And don’t say there wasn’t room in the book, because if you took out some of those sex scenes, there would have been room y’all. 

I don’t know how I feel about the side pairings in this book. Any of them: Cassian and Nesta, Lucien and Elain, Mor and Azriel. I don’t know. 

In regards to Cassian and Nesta, I guess I just...can’t figure it out? And I was excited for this one too, because I could feel it in the last book. Nesta was still bitchy, but she was a softer sort of bitch. Just a little. After being thrown into the cauldron she seemingly lost any softness and she was just a bitch. Like... Amren was grumpy in a lovable way. Nesta was just an asshole. I tried so hard to like her but I had a lot of trouble, and I couldn’t really understand why Cassian was so in love. I could see him being attracted, see him thinking she was hot, see him flirting and trying to get a rise, but I don’t understand the adoration. 

Lucien and Elain. I don’t quite understand what Maas is trying to do here. On the one hand, she set us up for this pairing. She made them mates. But then she gave us that conversation about how Azriel and Elain would be better together. Throughout the story, characters have talked about the mating bond, and how it’s flawed. In that respect, I can appreciate her giving us an actual example of a mating bond that isn’t between the best possible candidates. What I don’t understand is why she would do that with Lucien. Yes, I am biased. I fully admit to it, and if you haven’t figured out that I love Lucien to tiny tiny little bits, then I don’t know what you’ve been reading. But even putting my own feelings aside, from a narrative standpoint it just doesn’t make sense to me. 

Hear me out. I’m not the only person who loves Lucien. I’m on Tumblr a lot guy, I know he’s pretty popular. He’s supposed to be. She’s made us love him, made him a conflicted and sympathetic character, made us someone we can root for. She’s given him so much pain, that when the mating bond clicked into place, I though “Ok, Lucien is going to get something good.” From a feminist standpoint I’m forced to object, because that puts Elain as a prize to be given to Lucien in return for his suffering, and women should be more than that, but I feel that the implication is that they will be good for each other. I wanted to watch him help her accept her new fae self, to watch them slowly fall in love, and in the end they’re both happy. I don’t know how much I care about Elain being happy (I’ll get into that later) but that’s what I wanted. What I got was something completely different.

I like that Elain doesn’t care about him at first. That would have been unrealistic, and I wasn’t expecting her to. but I wanted them to bond. And it’s not strictly because they’re mates, but because I find it hard to believe that with the exponential amount of shit that Maas has heaped upon Lucien already, she would also give him a dysfunctional mating bond. Like I’m so glad that she wants to show one that doesn’t work, but she could have gone about it in so many ways. Cassian could have found his mate, for example, but maybe she is married and he’s in love (for some reason) with Nesta. Something. Anything. But from a literary standpoint, I just don’t think it’s a good move to make the readers love a character, and then never give him anything good. AND THEN, at the end. there’s Feyre nudging Elain and encouraging her to ask Lucien to stay in Valaris and like... is Feyre in support of this pairing now? Why? What changed fro the scene where she was questioning the mating bond, because Elain and Azriel seemed like such a good match? What is this? That’s an actual question, because I legitimately don’t understand. 

I am interested to see how HELION BEING HIS FATHER!!! plays out. I’m super interested in that, and I was hoping it would come into play later (Psst. It never does) (That’s also something we’re going to discuss later)

Anyway, let’s talk about Mor and Azriel, shall we? I love them each, and shipped them, and thought they were going to be a thing. And yeah, I couldn’t quite figure out why Mor was dragging her feet, but then she dropped that truth bomb and just...wow. I’ve gotta say, I didn’t see that coming. And you know what, I’m totally in support of it. One of the biggest criticisms I’ve heard about Maas is the lack of LGBTQ characters in her books, and I guess she heard it too because this book is full of them. There was one of the high lords (I don’t have my book in front of me, I can’t remember which one. Not the ice one, or Helion, or Beron, or Tamlin, or Tarquin, or Rhys. I think it was the High Lord of the Dawn Court?) with his male mate, and there was mention of a woman and her wife in a story someone was telling about past events (I feel like they’re important characters but I’ve binge-read this book exactly once, during finals week. I read th end at like, 2 AM. I don’t remember this bit) and then there is Mor. So yeah, its a step forward in regards to representation.

What I don’t appreciate is Mor leading Azriel on for 500 goddamn years. It was pretty late at night by the time I got to this portion of the book, and I need to re-read it, so I don’t quite remember her exact reasons for never telling everyone that she’s more into women, but she straight up said she knows that her friends wouldn’t care. And if that’s the case, if she told no one else, she should have at least told Azriel. He’s going to be hurt whatever happens (though he may potentially move on with Elain???) but if you love him at all, you don’t let him pine for 500 years. I still love Mor to bits and want her to find the lady of her dreams, but come on. That’s not being a good friend. Even if you don’t tell him the exact reason, at least be honest with him, and break it to him that it’s never going to happen. Just do something. 

Getting back to Nesta and Elain, however. I’m trying to bond to them, but I just can’t. Elain is perpetually made out to be this good, sweet person but like...she isn’t? Not really. Both Nesta and Elain treated Feyre like crap, and I don’t feel like that was something that was ever fully resolved. Like...yeah, they started to in ACOMAF, and I thought for sure that it was going to continue here. And it kind of did, with Nesta (a little), but Elain? Everyone just loves and protects her and it’s as if shenever did anything wrong. I love that her sisters are getting to be part of the night court, and I love that Feyre is loyal to them, but I just wish that someone would acknowledge that they never really made up for their behavior. Not in my opinion anyway. 

And while we’re on the subject of Feyre’s dad, what was even the point of him? I hated that whole little situation to be honest, where Lucien just goes off to find the Swan Queen (I can’t remember her name, and I lent my book to a friend) I guess because Maas got sick of writing him? I don’t know, that’s what it felt like. Anyway, I was expecting him to show up in the final hour with this awesome army, and his stupid family is forced to watch him be awesome. I just imagined that in my head and it was glorious. But that wasn’t what happened at all. Instead, the army shows up and Fey’re is like, “Lucien?” and is told “Oh him? No. I mean, he was there, he hurried us along. But the real credit goes to YOUR FATHER OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE!” Like, 1, why even give Lucien that task in the first place? I don’t mean Rhysand, but Maas, why do that? It just reads like an obvious red herring, something to throw us off the trail, only she didn’t need to do that because I don’t think anybody was on that trail. I certainly wasn’t anyway. If you’d ask me who was going to show up in the final battle, ‘Feyre’s deadbeat father” wasn’t even a contender. 

Nevertheless, when he did show up I was amazed. I was totally there for it guys. her father finally fucking did something, he’s helping. I was expecting there to be some big reunion. Some moment. Some PURPOSE. But like...there wasn’t. Lucien COULD have been the one to bring the Swan Queen (I wish I remembered her name) for all the difference it would have made, because her father didn’t do a damn thing. He was there for two seconds, got held hostage, and then died. I don’t think he ever even said anything. There was NO PURPOSE to him. If she wanted Elain to kill the king, she could have simply had him fighting Nesta, Nesta is overpowered somehow, and Elain steps in. Like...there was no point to their father, and what I’m pretty sure was meant to be a touching, emotional scene, just came off as a little gimmicky to me. 

AND WHILE I’M COMPLAINING (I swear to God, I really did like this book) What’s up with the deaths in this book? Let me explain.

I’ve never read to the end of a Sarah J Maas series before, so I didn’t know what kind of author she was. Was she the kind to kill off major characters? The kind that doesn’t kill off anyone? Well...she’s actually somewhere in the middle: She kills people, but never makes it matter. Which was...disappointing.

She killed the Suriel. She killed Rhysand. She killed Feyre’s father (What even was his name?) She kind-of-killed-but-didn’t-really- Amren. And ultimately, not one of those deaths mattered. In fact, only 2 of them stuck, and neither one needed to happen. Rhys came back to life. Amren became fae. Only the Suriel and Feyre’s father actually died, and I feel like their deaths were just in there to say someone died.

Just judging from what it feels like, I think Maas wanted to have the war be meaningful, and risky, and for the stakes to be high. Like in Game of Thrones, when anyone could die, so you’re perpetually worried about everyone you care about. Only she couldn’t bring herself to kill her darlings, so she killed characters she wasn’t as attached to, like the POOR SURIEL! 

I loved the Suriel. I lived for his friendship with Feyre. And here’s the thing: He didn’t need to die. It wasn’t really a motivator for anything. It was just sad, and I think it was Maas attempting to raise the stakes in this war. But she didn’t want to kill any of the Night Court. Except Rhys, but she brought him back and honestly that was so disappointing.

Not about Rhys. I love Rhys to tiny little pieces. I cried at his death, even as I failed to believe he was going to stay dead, because it was just so sad. No, what I’m disappointed in is how low the staks actually felt. My favorite series (Game of Thrones, The Farseer Trilogy, etc...) kill off beloved people all the time, so the danger feels more real. And it hurts, and I hate it, but I think the constant panic adds something to the reading experience. At no point during this book did I feel that, because I just didn’t believe she would kill off anyone beloved. And aside from my LOVE FOR THE SURIEL, she didn’t.  

That being said, while I feel like the Suriel’s dath wasn’t quite as traumatic for the main character as, say, one of her friends would have been, and it was a bit of a cop out, IT DEVASTATED me. I love the Suriel so so much! FyreXSuriel is my forever bro-TP and to have him die. To admit that she was spcial, and kind The Suriel was a dreamer..... He never needed to die, dammit!

Fuck, Amren wasn’t even dead. It would have been sad, because she would have forgotten her friends, but it felt right. It was an awesome scene, when she is set free to take her rightful form, she kicks Hyburn ass. I love Amren, but I didn’t want her to come back, because it was sad that she would forget them, but that also made it a more powerful scene. As happy as I am that she isn’t gone, I feel like the fact that she isn’t...cheapens it.

Also, wtf was with her relationship with Valdrin (IS that his name? Probably not. You know who I mean.) That was like....left field. Maas loves to hook up all of her character but they don’t all need to be hooked up. Amren seemed pretty content with just her friends, and I know there was that line about how he taught her something about love but like...there are more than one type of love. I’m not actually that bothred by it, it just didn’t seem like it needed to happen. 

Now Tamlin... What to say about Tamlin. I couldn’t never get a feel for him. He’s an asshole, but a decent guy, but an asshole, but a traitor, but not really? Idk. I was actually pretty happy with the portrayal of Tamlin, and he had every right to be mad at Feyre for destroying his court. Actually, in retrospect, why did she destroyed his court. Like...I know it was so he couldn’t team up with Hyburn, but that didn’t actually hurt Hyburn at all and backfired spectacularly. Couldn’t any of the centuries old warlords have maybe forseen this turn of events? Maybe?

Finally, all the loose threads. So many loose threads. What happens next? Who ends up with whom? What are all th new chracters going to do? Who is the mysterious magician in control of the curse on Swan Queen? What is the point of these characters. Aside from the obvious, defeating Hyburn thing, most issues wren’t resolved. And I know that this is because she is continuing the series, just following a different character, but I still find it irritating. Even if it isn’t the end of the series, it’s the end of the trilogy. I can’t even use the loose ends to determine who the continuation will be about because there are so many that at this point it could be about anyone. Thats probably just a personal issue, but I found that annoying. 

Tl;DR

I liked this book a lot. No, really, despit my PARAGRAPHS worth of issues, I really did enjoy it. I did. I just also had a lot of issues, mostly with characterization, the overload of unessecary sex scenes, some aspects of the plot that just did’t need to be there (Her dad) and all the loose threads at the end. Overall, I find that the whole thing feels a little rushed, which is crazy to say for a 700 (aprox) page book but...it did. I think she could have spread this out over 2 books and had more time for characterization and the like.

Overall though, I did enjoy this book. It was great to see the characters again, and even as I was complaining, I was hooked until the very end. 

Rereadability: 4/5

Rated: 3.5/5