#And I don't know how to fix it
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Actually I'm very tempted to write a one shot of Shaxs trying to help Mariner through her war trauma. Like we know the crews mental health is something he takes very seriously, and he's the only other character in the show that we know for certain has fought on the front lines of a war. It's actually kind of odd to me that they aren't a more common friendship/ mentor pairing
#star trek lower decks#lower decks#beckett mariner#shaxs#but first I HAVE to finish editing the draft of my curse next fic chapter#I have had a first draft in the can for like two months now#and I've just been sitting on it#cus I don't like it#and I don't know how to fix it#but also I wrote 24 god damn pages#so I'm not gonna just not post it#ya feel?
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Uuuuugh. I just got off the phone with the trainer Negroni is with, and he more or less flat out told me "I do not think this horse is ever going to be safe, he's not really making any progress." And like. I know Negroni is an insecure, buddy sour, and reactive horse, but idk. I think he'll always be a little hot and spooky but I watched him make leaps and bounds of progress when he was at my barn in Virginia so I don't know if it's the trainer, the environment, what... I'm frustrated and a little upset, and I don't know what to do. Pull him from the program, sure, but I don't have time to work him every single day myself, I commute an hour both ways. I reached out to my trainer in Virginia to see if she has any full training board spots open because he did really well with her, but if she doesn't, idk what to do next.
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Me and My favourite childhood man ⭐
#keroro gunso#sergeant keroro#sgt keroro#keroroposting#self insert#the hipe exe#fan art#yeah I don't really know how to draw him#and i don't know how to fix it#plus gunso is not my main content here ;|#artists on tumblr#digital art
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There's so many things I wish I could do, so many things I want to make, so many ways I wish I could help someone else, but simply surviving takes all my energy sometimes.
#chronic fatigue#chronic illness#depressive#sorry#i usually try not to be negative on here but i've been getting worse probably due to barely being able to sleep#and i don't know how to fix it#i just lie awake for hours every night#and i feel like i'm wasting my life being tired 😭#tw depressing thoughts
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imma be real with you guys i hate capitalism. i hate the things it allows.
I'm no communist by any means, i come from a ex-eastern block country, so i know it doesn't work in practice.
But i think capitalism can't sustain long and I'm sick of it. I'm sick of people living paycheck to paycheck unable to afford art. I'm sick of lots of art and creations dying or not even being born JUST BECAUSE it's not financially sustainable.
I hate that we can't have nice things because we can't trust people to not abuse the system to exploit it or cause harm to others.
I hate that we can't trust each other as people anymore. I hate that we're predisposed to love but taught hate...
Society is not meant to be like this....
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watching this clip again and thinking about girlhood and reflection and time and gender roles. like, i see my 7-year old niece, and it's gut-wrenching to watch her be pushed into the same eldest-daughter patterns of performance and forced perfection that i was as a kid, knowing what waits for her and yet not being able to save her.
#as a kid/teen i was forced into perfection -- top grades. constantly performing. constantly being responsible. no fuck ups EVER.#ALWAYS empathetic. always compassionate. always having to regulate my emotions when adults around me exploded in fury.#i could go on. but all this screwed with my self-perception and sense of self-worth + self-esteem for literal DECADES#so it's just absolutely gut-wrenching to see those same patterns played out again and again and again#and i don't know how to fix it#does this make sense? i'm rambling again. it's late and i'm tired but god is girlhood so heavy#disclaimer: i'm approaching this as a white middle class person in the global north so my perception is influenced by those privileges#experiences of girlhood are affected by intersecting identities of race/class/etc. so my pov is very limited in that regard#on girlhood#feminism
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Life is quite difficult.
#personal journey#congratulations for making it this far#i know it hasn't been easy for most of you#i'm unwell#and i don't know how to fix it
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A fat quarter can be cut into 20 4inch squares
I need 10-11 4 inch squares of each color I have
Theoretically I could make 2 of this quilt
Of course, I've never made a quilt before and sewing machines hate me. BUT IF IT WORKS.....!
#Naomi tries to quilt#Naomi tries to sew#Every sewing machine I've ever used ends up with the same problem#And I don't know how to fix it#And too be clear#This problem spans years#And the brand of sewing machine#They are made completely differently from each other#AND YET THEY STILL REFUSE TO WORK#I'm hoping I can figure it out tomorrow#Because i love this fabric so much
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Finally decided to jump in AO3′s Mariocest collection, which is really good btw I recommend Priorities Rewritten by Karatecake, easily my favorite one I read all night
Anyway I accidentally ended off on an Angst/Unrequited Love/Dark fic because I apparently cannot read warning tags so now I’m sad and it’s 5am so I have to go to bed sad
#I don't know how to use AO3 I love it it's so cool people there are incredibly powerful#I am just stupid#I have no reason to actually tag this Mariocest I don't wanna be the guy flooding the tag with personal posts#but it might end up there anyway sorry read the fic I linked and don't read anything else I guess dkfgjdfkjgk I'm annoying#Aaaaaaaaaaugh#I'm SUCH a bad Angst/Non-Con guy it just BUMS ME OUT#I have no idea how people do this more power to you and all but man#MAN#I don't even know how I got there it was ALSO the only Smut I read because I don't care about Smut#How did I GET HERE#I didn't read the damn tags is absolutely what happened it was my own fault#I did this#The best Mariocest fics aren't tagged Mariocest btw they're Mario/Luigi + Sibling Incest only#And a few that should be tagged Mario&Luigi but kfgjdkfjgf I don't think the kids are ready to know that difference just yet#I'm making this post to procrastinate going to bed because I'm legit gonna just lay there and be sad over this fic I read#And I don't know how to fix it#Hhhhhhhhhhhh I wanna write a Mariocest fic but how and about what other than the Bros Kiss huh#Brain tumble#Aight off to bed to be sad and mildly triggered by my own choice (accident) to read Fucked Up Shit#I dub-coned myself with a Fanfiction. I consented but did I really#Anyway.Good night to my Baled Mario plushie I kissie him head and know he is fine and nothing is wrong between him and Luigi#They are in romantic love
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this is kinda a shit take bc I'm pretty sure a lot of gay, lesbian, trans, immigrant, female, sick, disabled.. black, brown, incarcerated, Jewish, poor, unhoused, unemployed, (and so on) people are already suffering under Biden?? And things that he did (or didn't stop) are actively aggressing their suffering?
Look your Muslim or Palestinian friends in the eye right now and tell them how you are proudly voting for Biden and see how they react! Listen I definitely am going to vote, and definitely NOT voting for Trump, but liberals please stop acting like Biden isn't also causing suffering. It's privileged of you to say so. As a trans person in the US right now I've never felt more unsafe.
(and yes I know you are going to say "well at least he's not as bad as Trump!" and that's not the POINT, the point is that Biden is currently facilitating genocide at the moment and you guys sound tone deaf speaking over these communities and defending him.)
Have the guts to look them all in the eye and warn them first.
#not sure when the prev post was made but I've seen a lot of people put it on my dash and I'm so upset#so upset for my friends of color who are tired of people championing Biden when they are so so tired and hurt#and I don't know how to fix it#I really wish I did#I wish our two party system wasn't so fucking shitty#And I wish the people's voice meant anything#like dear god don't vote for Trump but you guys not admitting Biden is also hell on earth is crazy
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God I'm so tired of being lonely
#i can't keep crying this much#i don't know what to do#all my friends keep distancing themselves from me one by one#and i don't know how to fix it
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I'm halfway through posting Pulse, and this is the part where I admit I have no idea what I'm doing, I guess.
It's hard to be a creator of any kind, to pour your heart and soul into a thing, that no one really has any reason to care about. Am I good enough? Only the vast universe that is the Internet can tell me that, but like the universe, it does sometimes feel like mostly void.
"I write for myself," I tell myself firmly, as I'm supposed to, if I want to keep feeling good about the time and effort I pour into this. Do I mean it? Sometimes.
"I don't need validation," I say, even less convincingly. Because, after all, I am sending this piece of myself into the void, hoping for a response.
It was never going to be easy, I knew that. There was a part of me that hoped it would be a little easier.
Anyway, I'm still committed to posting the second half, but beyond that? I don't know. This might just be the wrong approach. If there even is a right approach. (Or maybe I'm just not good enough.)
#this is very self pitying#i'll probably delete it later#i'm just having a day/week#and i think i'm being selfish#like#i should do more for other creators#i want to#i'm just terrible at interactions#even online#and i don't know how to fix it#sorry#i'll shut up now#writers on tumblr
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the way none of my posts are showing up in any tags
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Feeling like a plastic bag today... drifting through the wind..
#seriously though#i have issues#derealization#is hitting hard#and i don't know how to fix it#or if I want to fix it#Cuz this dreamworld I am living in feels quite calm#and even if i wanted to#i'm not allowed to leave yet
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some sketches from this week!
#critical role#critical role fanart#fearne calloway#laudna#essek thelyss#cr3#trying to get comfortable posting quicker/messier sketches even though i see so many things i want to fix lmao#also i don't know how to draw essek yet i'm sorry but i really liked that moment
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“all the deaths could have been prevented if andrey and goncharov just had gay sex” well what if they had gay sex and then still did the killings. i think they deserve to have some killings as a treat
#like seriously i don't know how anyone could watch the train scene and then be like 'oh yeah some gay sex would be enough to fix these guys#OR THE BRIDGE SCENE?!?!?#come on now#goncharov#goncharov (1973)#martin scorsese#robert de niro#film#cinema#gonrey#my art#i'm really glad goncharov is getting popular on here so i have a chance to post some gonrey 🥲#unreality
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