#And Eddie doesn’t need to be seven feet tall to take Buck in hand

[dammit-neal]

@tidesreach I don’t know you, but I love you 🤣💯👏

people's arguments against buddie are so disingenuous but like. transparently so. and it's extremely funny to me. because it makes them sound so stupid 😭😭😭 like, you would sound infinitely less stupid if you just said "i don't like buddie" Please. but instead it's literally the stupidest thing you have ever heard as to why they should never be canon. like, "well we can't have buddie happen because we need good platonic male friendship representation! buddie are our only hope for male friendship representation! the last bastion of male friendship!" ah yes. because male friendship is so criminally underrepresented on television 😔😔😔 and if it's not that it's the oddly over-the-top celebratory "eddie is straight! yay! eddie said himself he's straight! i'm so thankful eddie is straight and is going to marry a woman!" when eddie said he is straight ONE (1) TIME in eight seasons and in an episode where he openly admits he's wearing a disguise to a (gay) priest who tells him he needs to stop denying himself joy and ends with buck and eddie together not saying a word (season 8 episode 6 "confessions" btw) pleaaaaaase. like. you don't even believe these reasons you are giving. surely not. how have we gone BACKWARDS. people are genuinely arguing that male friendship representation is the be all and end all of representation on television and that it is more progressive for heavily queer-coded eddie diaz to be straight. what is HAPPENING

[greengirl02]

EDIT: It’s finished! Looking Backward, Moving Forward

Please read the AO3 tags for warnings. 

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I leave here an (unedited) sneak peek. 

Sneak Peek Warnings: homophobia, angst (General Fic warnings will be more expansive and include original and minor character deaths.)

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Eddie drums his fingers nervously against the coffee cup in his hand. There is still time to back out, and he is seriously considering it. These are words he’s never spoken out loud before, each experience that counts as proof folded up and carefully tucked away inside of himself. He spent all the time between each one of the cornerstone moments trying to prove to himself, to his father, to anyone who was paying attention that it wasn’t true. He was almost successful at it. But there is only so long you can deny who you are. Eddie knows he needs to be done with that denial. Knows that the reason is largely in part to the man sitting across from him, waiting with an encouraging smile for Eddie to start. 

“Whatever it is Eddie, you can tell me. I have your back, no matter what.” 

“I know Buck. I just don’t know where to start. I’ve never...there’s a lot to say.”

“I have nowhere else to be, and we have seven hours before Carla will drop Chris back home.”

“Just...I need you to let me get out everything before you respond, okay?”

“I can do that,” Buck takes a sip of his coffee and settles back in his chair, ready to listen. 

Eddie lets out a breath, “I guess really, I should start with when I was a kid.”  Eddie finds a spot over Buck’s shoulder to focus on as he begins.

Eddie is eight years old the first time he notices it. His oldest sister brings her friend home to do homework. His name is Jacob. He is 15 years old, tall for his age, and has these blue eyes that light up when he smiles. Eddie can’t stop following him around whenever he is at the Diaz’s house. Jacob doesn’t seem to mind and is happy to toss a football around with him or answer his never-ending barrage of questions.  It annoys his sister to no end; his mother thinks it’s cute. If his father notices his attachment to Jacob, he chooses not to comment on it - at least at first. 

All Eddie knows is that he likes the older boy. A lot. The feeling is new and he doesn’t really know a good word to describe it. Eddie feels really happy whenever Jacob’s attention is on him. His heart races when one of the jokes he heard at school gets the older boy to laugh. He runs home from school on days when he knows that Jacob will be there. 

It’s Saturday afternoon when Jacob brings his Nintendo over and lets Eddie play with him. That night he tells his parents he wants to marry Jacob when he grows up as they tuck him into bed.  His father responds with a harsh reprimand that boys are not allowed to marry other boys; that it goes against God, before striding from his room, muttering angry curses in Spanish under his breath. His mother tells him she loves him and kisses him goodnight before following after his father. He falls to sleep to loud sounds of them arguing. 

Several days later Jacob is over finishing a project with his sister. Eddie’s mom asks him to bring a tray of snacks and lemonade into the den, where they are working. Always looking for an excuse to talk to Jacob, Eddie happily takes the tray from his mother and carefully makes his way. Eddie is looking down, focused on keeping the tray steady and watching his feet so he doesn’t trip. The door to the den is closed more than it normally would be but Eddie pays it no mind and nudges the door with his foot so he can enter the room. 

When he finally looks up to announce that mom has sent snacks, the words die in his throat. Jacob and his sister are sitting on the couch, kissing. Eddie’s hands start to shake, the cups of lemonade teetering dangerously on the tray. He can feel the tears burning behind his eyes as he fights to hold them back. Both cups tip over, sending the icy yellow liquid sprawling in all directions, overflowing the sides of the tray, coating his hands and continuing onto the floor and his bare feet. 

He must have made a noise, because his sister and Jacob spring apart. She starts yelling at him about the spilled lemonade before pulling the tray from his little hands and angrily pushing past him and out of the room. Eddie is frozen to the spot, staring at his sticky feet. He loses the battle with his tears when Jacob comes over and puts a hand on his shoulder and reassures him that accidents happen, and it is okay. 

His sister comes back with his mother, both carrying cleaning supplies. His mom has a patient smile as she wipes his feet before sending him to wash his hands. Eddie is still standing at the sink when his mother comes in. She reminds him that the carpet has seen worse accidents and that she is not angry. “They were kissing.” is his only reply. She pulls him close, places a gentle kiss to his temple, and lets him cry. 

After that Eddie stays away from Jacob when he is at the house. He would help his mom in the garden, or play with his action figures, or ride his bike instead. Before long Jacob stops coming around the house and not long after that his sister has a new boyfriend. He isn’t mean to Eddie - but he isn’t as nice either. It doesn’t matter much, because Eddie is eight, and has more important things to worry about anyway - like building a working Ferris Wheel with his k’nex, or reading through the newest Goosebumps book.