#And Dazai knows this so he frequently does it to him

[corrupted-bandages]

:poke poke poke: :>

S-Stop that!

[elizais]

when their s/o has a motorcycle!!

featuring: chuuya, osamu, atsushi x gn!reader!! warnings: ??

chuuya nakahara

-how could i NOT add him??????

-you two must race around the city, although he has to promise not to cheat with his ability.

-after a stressful day at work, probably just wandering around the city in the middle of the night on them is your joint fav activity.

-he loves when you just backpack him on his bike when you didn't take yours.

-probably get each other stuff 4 them 4 birthdays and stuff

-"my bike is cooler than urs!!" silly pretend arguments

-if ur in the pm and it gets destroyed on a mission or something and u come back devastated to him he not only gets revenge 4 u but also buys you whatever bike you want. even if you can pay for it yourself.

-wine collector AND bike collector

-if you have a colourful bike + helmet he will think its the cutest thing ever !!

-"chuuya you know how your bike is pink-" .. "it's red." discussions frequently. the colour wheel had to be brought out for one, there is still no winner on the debate of it.

osamu dazai

-thinks its the best thing ever.

-always wants to go for a ride with you.

-brags about how cool he is for having a s/o with a motorcycle

-"do i have to wear a helmet?" questions all the time. "do you have to come?" is the question that shuts him up.

-says he can ride a motorcycle from his mafia days, claims he knows everything about them. he can not and he does not.

-says chuuya would hold onto him as they chased after the enemy. do not believe it for a second.

-wants insists on a bright purple helmet.

-"how can we kiss if we have helmets on??"

-helmet bumps instead of kisses.

-tries to get truckers to honk when driving past them.

-tries to convince you to let him drive even though he has no experience.

atsushi nakajima

-admires it but is scared.

-secretly wants to go for a ride with you but is apprehensive to.

-when he asks you about going for a ride with you, you are over the moon but he needs some convincing still.

-"what if i fall off?" is met with "cats land on their feet, no?" which is greeted with an unimpressed atsushi.

-you don't push him to but you get him a helmet for when he does want to.

-he is always scared he is holding onto you too tight.

-if he is holding on too tight, maybe don't tell him. you can put up with a two mile heimlich, right?

-once he gets used to riding around, it is his favourite activity to do at night.

-you joke about getting him the cat ear helmets.

-he gives himself the title of number 1 backpack bf and in all honesty, he deserves it.

@cafekitsune 4 the divider!! pinterest 4 the photos @ the start sorry for not updating for so long, i need to make more drafts xoxo reqs are open !!!

[marichild]

ok i would LOVE to know more about ur interpretation of skk it sounds so based

sure anon [rubs hands] this is such an unpopular take but what the hell. so much of this was given form in dms with friends please

okay so when I say siblingcoded I absolutely do not mean I see them as siblings. it means: you know how siblings fight, and fight horribly, and get so angry with each other — only to forgive each other so easily without needing proper explanations for why you pissed each other off? when I fight with my siblings, it's loud and explosive and generally a horrible time for anyone else to be near us, yet you'll find me with my head on my sister's lap or yapping about anime with my brother the next day.

that's what skk are like — they fight and rage and whale on each other bloody but at the end of the day they'll always come back together without needing an explanation for why they did what they did. simply understanding that they managed to piss each other off and they fought but it literally doesn't matter anymore. what's the point of keeping it up? (this is especially true on chuuya’s end because he's incapable of holding proper grudges forever but dazai isn't and the way they both are about betrayal is fucking hilarious when contrasted actually).

the thing about them is that they've been falling into bed together since they were teenagers and it doesn't necessarily have anything attached to it; they understand the reasons they each do things and don't necessarily want explanations out of each other for things they know they're going to figure out eventually given time — this is most frequently highlighted in that chuuya is willing to go along with any insane plan dazai comes up with because it's dazai and he trusts that dazai will make it work somehow. dazai's never failed him where it truly matters and he does not believe that, as much as dazai annoys him, would ever purposely do anything to hurt him or endanger him.

something about bsd that I forever admire is the way asagiri handles priorities/ideals/values/loyalty/etc. vs. personal feelings for people. the thing is that the organizational divide literally does not matter to skk. dazai truly doesn't hold it against chuuya for being loyal to the pm and the same applies to chuuya about dazai and the ada. this is also why chuuya being so blatantly betrayed and furious with dazai over leaving the pm in fanon has always felt so...off, to me.

which is not to say it's not an aspect you can't play with and make fun in fanworks but as per canon chuuya really doesn't care that much the way I see it tbh. I mean — would he have been hurt and upset that dazai straight up disappeared without warning and then resurfaced working for an organization that they clash with frequently? of course. they were close in a strange way and trust doesn't negate that dazai does owe chuuya the truth. but I think it's important to remember two things:

chuuya is logical and rational, always has been, able to pick out and piece things together correctly based on even innocuous details, even as a temperemental and violent teenager (remember 15 and how he pinpointed rimbaud? or the whole of stormbringer?) which he is not anymore; his brutal physical strength doesn't negate his intelligence and ability to think logically in the face of emotions. how do you think he made it all the way to pm executive, if he were a firecracker and a liability to mori? (this is different from akutagawa who (1) brings results that are useful and substantial despite being a loose cannon (2) is mori's specialest little guy I literally have textual evidence from the manga for this that I can't get at rn bc no wifi lmao)

he fought with dazai for approximately ten minutes and then decided jt wasn't fucking worth it. this is his first appearance in the series. it is genuinely so funny to me that he was trying to play at dude who was pissed off as all hell (and of course he was, because again, dazai did just up and leave), but he knew and dazai knew that he just doesn't care that much anymore and honestly probably never did lmao.

extra third point that's more a characterization of chuuya complaint: it does irritate me that people make chuuya this angry guy swinging fists when he's literally such a chill and normal guy. the lab baby is the normalest guy in this series yall. once again he got as far as he did in the pm hierarchy for a reason 😭😭 he and dazai just revert to being 15 year olds in each other's presence but even then the difference between 15/16!skk and 22!skk is so clear in the way they interact and carry out their plans. they've both grown a lot as people. please give this to them <3 especially chuuya <3 this is also why the end of live action beast is simply not real to and ignites intense rage in me

all this to say: points to the siblingcoded point again to say. chuuya literally gets it + understands why dazai left the mafia. chuuya is one of the people closest to dazai who would've seen how the mafia environment was destroying dazai and sending him further into the pits of mental health hell — I don't think it takes a genius to realize that dazai's genuinely been better (but not entirely,) since he left.

also it's just like. chuuya understands how the mafia works and is loyal to them anyway and this is separate to his insane-trust-fall thing with dazai; he would've gotten that mori had gotten dazai's best friend killed and that dazai's other best friend had been involved in it. what does one expect dazai to do at that point? he was just eighteen years old — and don't take this as me criticizing mori PLEASE. this blog liberally blocks mori haters ♡ I am capable of nuanced thought in that direction too ♡

skk's thing is entirely separate from their loyalty to their respective organizations. they're partners who know each other the best. they know what makes the other tick. they move in sync even when it appears out of step. chuuya trusts dazai to not get him killed and dazai trusts chuuya to be able to perfectly execute his plans no matter how crazy they are because he understands chuuya the best. there are parts of them the other will never understand truly because they grew up into their current selves away from each other — and that's fine. it's truly fine, because it's not necessary for them to be eternally stuck together as a bonded-do-not-separate pair.

okay this brings me to my last point: doesn't this all sound romantic? sure. if you want it to be. but my constant thinking about skk doesn't agree. help. </3

to begin with I don't think it's cut that clearly considering (1) asagiri is very insistent on placing equal importance on everyone's relationships throughout their lives without giving them clearcut labels or placing them on a hierarchy, so to speak; connections make you who you are etc. (2) dazai is in love with everyone he's ever chosen to keep close in some odd way and it is not necessarily romantic he's just weird /aff forever (3) romance and friendship aren't mutually exclusive; they're different words for things that feel similarly but can be different if you so wish it to be. labels are descriptive not prescriptive etc. skk, to me, just happen to fall onto the side that's less romantic.

I probably have more to say but I'm running on 3 hours of sleep (again) and more caffeine than I should probably have in an attempt to trick my adhd into thinking it's working. placebos are so important....

edit: first reblog and it's already my favorite ILY KAVI LMAO

[nenunaiad]

A Fear Even Greater: BSD Ch. 121 vs. BEAST Ch. 4

I was reading the new chapter today and I couldn't help but notice some similarities to BEAST that I wanted to share. I'm sure I'm not the first person to notice this nor do I usually do this kind of analysis post but I thought it was interesting and I'd like to share so please bear with me!

BSD CH. 121 SPOILER WARNING

I've highlighted the segments from each work that I think are thematically relevant to each other in the same colours because my brain works that way, but if yours doesn't don't worry - I will explain:

In YELLOW we have Atsushi's instinct to flee in the face of the enemy. I touch on this a bit more later on but BEAST!Atsushi is further along this thought process than canon!Atsushi. B!Atsushi seems mostly afraid of pain and violence while canon!Atsushi is more despondent. He's lost hope and had his spirit broken from watching his surrogate family die in front of him (understandably, poor baby)

In GREEN we have Dazai acknowledging/calling out Atsushi's cowardice. BEAST!Dazai is mostly describing how Atsushi used to be while canon!Dazai is snapping Atsushi out of his current doom-spiral.

He does this in most of his other hallucination appearances, not dissimilar to his interaction with Atsushi in Ch. 25.

In PURPLE we have the core of this whole rambling post (*´▽`*) There really isn't any contrast in these two, both B!Dazai and canon!Dazai are saying the same thing here.

Which brings us to CYAN where we see how the purple bits deviate slightly with context. It's a minor difference but B!Dazai lists the things that Atsushi used to fear (pain, violence, etc.) but canon!Dazai lists the qualities that Atsushi feels he's lacking (courage and hope). B!Atsushi is already able to use this "technique" (for lack of a better term) in combat, likely because he was exposed to terrifying situations earlier and more frequently than canon!Atsushi and has had more time to adapt to them (again, poor baby [╥﹏╥])

Now in RED we skip ahead a bit in the BEAST chapter to Dazai giving Atsushi his next directive. B!Dazai uses Atsushi to enact his plan and (eventually) bring Atsushi and Akutagawa together while canon!Dazai urges Atsushi to compartmentalize and focus on saving the people that he's still able to save.

Canon!Dazai's request is reminiscent of Oda's final words to him which - knowing Asagiri - could very well be intentional even if this is obviously not the "real Dazai" but rather the manifestation of some part of Atsushi's inner thoughts or Byakko (personally my money's on the tiger theory but we'll see). The Oda/Dazai/Atsushi/Akutagawa parallels will never stop and I'm here for it tbh.

[Dark Era excerpt from this translation from @nkhrchy]

Which brings us to MAGENTA (Could I have done these in chromatic order? Yes. Did I only realize that after typing it all out? Absolutely.) In both cases at this point Atsushi comes to a realization and I think the difference in what that realization is really drives home how well BEAST uses alternate universe to emphasize characterization in canon. Some of this is based on my assumptions about the final page of Ch. 121 and is therefore at risk of being jossed next month BUT I think that what canon!Atsushi is realizing in the final panel ("who you really are") is that this Dazai apparition comes from The Tiger. If it isn't Byakko explicitly I think it's fair to say that it's coming from somewhere within Atsushi himself. So, that being said, let me explain a little bit: B!Atsushi's only recourse is to take refuge in Dazai's plans/orders. His "greater fear" stems from an instance when he deviated from those orders and as a result he feels safest behind the bulwark of going along with Dazai's will. Not the healthiest coping mechanism, but it makes sense considering what B!Atsushi has experienced up to that point. Canon!Atsushi, however, is (I assume) realizing that the safety and reassurance - however harsh it may seem - of the Dazai in his head has actually been coming from himself the entire time. I think it's safe to say that whether it's his subconscious or Byakko, this apparition takes the shape of Dazai because that's who Atsushi trusts during times of crisis; that's the voice he's desperately wishing he could hear. Ultimately canon!Atsushi is in a much better place (despite... everything lol) because he's able to recognize his own internal strength instead of clinging to the safety he sees in Dazai. B!Atsushi does eventually start this process after Dazai fires him and Kyouka (and then steps off the roof of HQ RIP) but he has to take the time first to heal from the anxiety his violent upbringing inflicted on him (quite understandably - let's all say it together: poor babey T_T) There's more I could say about canon!Akutagawa undergoing a similar process re:Dazai but this post is too long! So I won't ♡

OKAY! My brain has never been satisfied with using one word when I could use ten so if you made it to the end thank you and I'm sorry ♡ I am not a writer and doing this reminded me why!! So I will definitely stick to drawing pictures (I'm almost finished one I swear! I'm like a plant, I wither into nothing in the winter months)

[osarina]

so i headcanon that dazai knows how to play the piano - somewhat ties in with my backstory for him - but he was taught it when he was a kid but then after mori took him under his wing, he stopped playing for two years. when he moves in with pmreader, he realizes that she has one in her apartment and he always wants to go over to it but he also can't bring himself to. eventually he does one day when he thinks she's out and she comes home to find him playing it. she ends up having one of the rooms in her apartment turned into like a nice area for him to play in peace and he can do what he wants with it and it rlly becomes one of the few places he considers a safe space for him. once he leaves the pm, he can't even bring himself to touch the piano again bc it reminds him too much of her and his time w the pm.

anyway, flash forward to 22zai and 22pmreader, they're back on talking terms again and dazai is frequently going over to her apartment, but he just can't bring himself to check the room. a part of him is convinced that she got rid of it when he left and made it into something else, so he can't bring himself to look. sometimes he'll just linger outside the door and then move on instead of going in to look. (she didn't, of course)

she notices this, obviously, so one day she purposely leaves the door to the room open while she's out and of course dazai spends every waking moment at her apartment. so he gets there and then instinctively does his rounds wandering her apartment but then freezes when he realizes the door to his room is open and its literally just how he left it—almost has a whole ass breakdown because of it. but he ends up going in and plays for the first time in literally four years </3 and she comes home to it </3

anyway this is going to be one of the post-defection fics i have lined up but i wanted to tell you about it first cuz idk when ill get to it

[noodlesoup1819]

Day 2: Mental Disability - Autistic Ranpo

I didn't get to doing anything proper for this day, but Autistic Ranpo is featured heavily on Day 7, so keep an eye out for that. (this can sort of be read as the background for that post if you want to know what my personal interpretation is.)

Instead let's talk about some of my Autistic Ranpo Headcanons! (ft. Poe and emotional support animal Karl)

(these are my personal hcs based on my autistic experience and is not reflective of everyone's interpretation and experience of autism <3)

I think Ranpo went undiagnosed until several months of living with Fukuzawa. Because of Ranpo's intellect, no one ever really questioned the things he struggled with until Fukuzawa.

The first time Fukuzawa started thinking there might be something actually up (rather than Ranpo just being Ranpo) was the first time he properly got lost trying to navigate the subway. Ranpo ended up going missing for serval hours 4 towns over and Fukuzawa finally found him curled up on a bench having a meltdown.

Another thing that clued him in was food. Fukuzawa, trying to be the Responsible Adult™️, pushed a little too hard about not having so many sweets. It wasn't until there was a big blow-up fight about it that Fukuzawa understood that Ranpo wasn't just being picky.

It took a little time, but the two of them fell into a rhythm and Fukuzawa became a safe space for Ranpo.

Before the agency was set up properly, Fukuzawa kept stim toys and earplugs in his sleeves for whenever Ranpo needed them. (now he keeps them in his desk drawer)

After getting a diagnosis and settling into the agency, Ranpo manages his autism much better. The agency always has someone there to help him navigate, everyone respects him in spite of his childish demeanor, and he has a very set routine.

When things do get overwhelming, he still has places within the agency to calm down. Fukuzawa will always let him join him for tea in his office. Having made a bit of an adoptive sister in Yosano she let's him chill out in his office if he ever needs any down time (everyone's too scared of her to bother him when he's in there.)

The rest of the agency is good at accommodating him too. Kunikida has no problem using his ability to make stim toys or aids for him whenever they're out on a case. Dazai, while kind of a pain in the ass, gives him some good intellectual stimulation when they hang out that's hard for him to get elsewhere (they're besties you can't convince me otherwise). Atsushi carries around snacks for him. And everyone regardless of who they are will help him navigate transportation.

Eventually he also has Poe who he can either go to or call to come and bring Karl. The author has a really calming presence and having a soft animal to pet and play with always helps.

Speaking of Poe, their first interaction will always haunt him as one of his autistic blunders. Ranpo really respected him as a detective and wanted to complement his skills... but didn't quite realize comparing him to himself would sound like gloating. He's really glad to have met Poe again (even if it was through a 6 year revenge plot).

Poe also understands his autism in a way that most people don't, being autistic himself.

The first time Ranpo had a proper meltdown around Poe was before Ranpo had the chance to explain his autism to him. After calming down, Ranpo was super impressed with how Poe dealt with it and it led to a conversation about both of their experiences growing up and why Poe has Karl as his emotional support animal.

Ranpo also gets headaches frequently. He's never really found a cause, but he suspects his autism has something to do with it.

When he was young and lived with Fukuzawa, Fukuzawa would let him sleep with his head in his lap and play with his hair when things got bad. (He would still let him, but Poe does it most often now)

This got long 😅 but I hope you enjoyed! 💖

[himimosa]

how they hug

some headcannons on how dazai osamu, nakahara chuuya and edogawa ranpo hugs...

Dazai Osamu

-Dazai is exceptionally observing. Even though he can't empathize with all feelings people have, he knows what to do in social situations by mimicking others, it is just about if he cares or wants to do it...

-"polite hug": This is the hug you see most in social life when you greet someone you are not close with, where the lower bodies don't touch and only arms gently holding the other by shoulders. This hug is for his acquaintances or people he interacts with for work.

- "embracing hug": He wraps his arms very tightly around the other's back. If he hugs you like this, you feel safe and sound. You can hear his heartbeat, his slow breathing. He might give a few pats to your head or back. He usually use this hug for comforting people who he cares when they are crying or feeling down...or if he wants to give someone a false sense of trust and manipulate them...

- "clingy hug": Where he just jumps into the arms of you... He wraps his arms and whole body around you like an octopus. He buries his neck wherever he likes at that moment; your hair, your neck, your chest. He whines like a little child, says how much he missed you and says that he won't let you go now... (the thing is, sometimes he hugs Kunikida exactly like this because Dazai knows this level of clinginess drives the poor guy crazy: "Dazai put your fucking arms away from me and go back to work you waste of bandages!")

Nakahara Chuuya

- I don't think Chuuya does hug a lot of people. Or does he even hug?.. He doesn't look like someone who hugs to greet people in a mafioso meeting. I can't even imagine him hugging anyone to just greet them in the port mafia, he looks more like the type who gives a nod with his head or a firm handshake at most... But even not so frequently, this redhead mafia executive has times he hugs too:

- "drunk hugs": Where he loosely puts his hand around the shoulder of whoever he is drinking with that night. (might be Akutagawa or Tachihara) This is more like a side hug, where he hums and swings the song that is currently playing on the bar, even if there is no music he will sing and swing...

-"hug with only one arm": (This is sad, please don't hate me) His job is not the most chill one, he loses people who work under him. Sometimes he loses underlings and he prefers to give their death notifications to their families by himself. He is someone who takes care of people who are under his wing, it counts for their loved ones too... When they break down with the news -the dead one's friend or companion or child doesn't matter- chuuya will simply put his gloved hand on the back of their head, and let them cry into his shoulder or chest. This is a reassuring type of hug that says "I am still here and I will take care of you"

-"stir on the air hug": This is how this man hugs you. No matter your height or weight, he is the gravity manipulator. Whenever he hugs you, he can't help but slyly and abruptly pick you up from the ground by your waist and draw circles with you. You feel like a feather in this man's arms and can't help but laugh when he rotates around like a child. He loves to adore your giggly face from the downside. And if you give him a kiss from that angle? He is the happiest man ever...

Edogawa Ranpo

- I believe that Ranpo is the clingiest among them. It is only about if he feels comfortable enough... He won't hug any acquaintance for greeting like Dazai, (i don't think he handshakes too, he probably only waves his hand to greet) But with people who he feels closer with, like Ada members? Now that's a different story...

-"hugs with jumps": You know the hugs when two people who haven't seen each other for a long while that they run into each other's arms with a jump? Ranpo doesn't need a long separation for this hug, if he is overexcited about something, he will jump before hugging. Once he jumped over Kunikida just to prove that Kunikida will catch him even if it means to drop all documents in his hands, and Kunikida exactly did that (if you know the Terry-Jack scene from B99, you know this) (also poor Kunikida)

-"back hugs": Ranpo doesn't do much at the office, his job is mostly outdoors, at crime scenes... So whenever he is at the office if he is not eating snacks, he is probably on someone's shoulders. He loosely wraps his arms around their shoulders, his head sometimes rests on one shoulder. Sometimes he helps their case files with his great skills, sometimes he just wants to bother them because he is bored. If you are working at the ada, good luck because he is never leaving you. He is like a little mosquito (a loveable one) His head is always around your ears, he never shuts up. And sometimes he bites...

-"hide my face hugs": (Again, this is sad) There are only a few people in the world Ranpo hugs like that. One would be the president Fukuzawa on a very bad day, the other would be you... Unlike others, Ranpo hugs like that in only private. He wraps his shaky arms around your waist and buries his face near your shoulder or chest. He doesn't lift his head for a while, but you can feel his shivering and the wetness on you because of his tears. He may or may not cry aloud, but he will cry. He needs you to shield him from the world, maybe pat his head and whisper everything will be okay...

[uzi-x33]

SKK HEADCANONS^_^ tw for typical Dazai stuff😭

•Dazai makes chuuya feel human nd chuuya makes Dazai want to live.

•Dazai is Constantly screwing around w chuuya's hair, braiding it, combing it, and playing w it etc

•Dazai barely eats (either in a self destruction way or he js forgets) so chuuya cooks for him all the time and makes sure he eats his food

•Dazai is a very touch starved person but is also insanely insecure abt his sh scars so he barely ever asks for chuuya to hold him, but chuuya knows this, and hold nd hugs him to make sure he's loved

•When chuuya found out abt his insecurities he would hug him more frequently and it made dazai feel more secure, especially w/around chuuya

•Dazai and chuuya share an apartment but w diff rooms, and dazai would get these moments where he would reflect on his whole life and get really depressed and bc half the time his door would be open or chuuya would js hear him crying or venting to himself (he has good hearing) he'd start to worry so he started to sleep in the same bed as dazai while hugging/comforting him while he vented or cried so he would feel more at ease and sleep better

•Dazai would go onto the roof of port mafia or their apartment and js sit on the edge and chuuya would always be there at least holding his hand to make sure he wouldn't js try to jump

•Chuuya kisses dazai’s scars almost every night

•They dance together in the living room or bedroom to their favorite songs (Taylor swift obviously 🤗🤗)

•Dazai gets very close to chuuya, often hugging him from behind, playing w his hair, or poking his face, but the second chuuya does it back dazai looses his mind nd starts blushing like crazyy

•Chuuya gets absolutely DISGUSTED by the amount of creamer and sugar nd stuff Dazai puts in his coffee

•The first time dazai rode on chuuya’s motorcycle he almost fell off when it first started

•Dazai once got super upset so chuuya let him decorate his face/hair

•Chuuya actually draws stars around dazai’s scars<33 (Taylor swift reference😘)

Uhh these are just some of them if you want more let me know:333

[ruified]

I realyyyy love angst :D

There's a oneshot or a scenario that i've been thinking about that's been rotting all over my head where what if reader / s/o is in their deathbed and about to die soon to a uncurable illness and (character) (i guess chuuya or sigma? idm) who thinks of reader as someone special to them is watching over them until their very last breath

LIKE

WHAT WILL THWY DO AND HOW WILL THEY REACT BEFORE AND AFTER DEATH!?!?

Haha my silly little idea is getting the best of me i just wanted to share this idea because i want my feelings to get hurt

❝ until your last 𝒃𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒉 ˎˊ˗

warnings: death . characters: dazai osamu, atsushi nakajima, sigma, fyodor dostoevsky, chuuya nakahara . synopsis: their s/o is on their deathbed, they all have their own ways of coping with it . a/n: sorry this took me so long to get to, i was thinking very hard! i hope this is to your liking and you don’t mind little ideas like this instead of a scenario ^^;

DAZAI —

— Dazai doesn’t know what to exactly make of the whole situation, you are so incredibly important to him and now he’s going to lose you? It’s sending him into a downward spiral.

— He refuses to touch you anymore, he just can’t do it

— He wants to make the most out of what little time you have left together but he also has an urge to cut ties with you and make it easier on both of you

— He eventually decides that he can hold your hand at least while you lay in that hospital bed

— After you pass, he tries his best to take care of himself because he knows that’s what you’d want, but that doesn’t mean it’s not hard

— He visits your grave frequently at first, then it dies down to your birthday, anniversaries, and holidays

ATSUSHI —

— He has been keeping a close eye on you since he first noticed you were sick, and he’s been taking great care of you ever since! However, that doesn’t stop the inevitable

— When he heard the news, tears welled in his eyes and he had to excuse himself, he didn’t want to cry in front of you

— He kept you company as much as he could

— On days where he had a lot of work, he’d ask someone else like Kyouka to go check on you

— He would prepare little lunch boxes for you every day and bring them to you

— He brings a lunch box to your grave for you

SIGMA —

— He paced around a lot in the hospital room, especially after he heard the news

— He tried so hard to think of a solution but nothing realistic came to mind

— He had you come stay in a room at the casino so he could at least still be close to you even when he had work

— Your room was kept away from any other visitors and was close to his office, making it easy for him to check on you

— He asked his staff members to change your glass of water frequently and give you a new warm blanket when you needed it

— He kept himself busy with work to try and keep away the dread of your passing

FYODOR —

— After hearing the news, he decided it would be best to care for you at home instead of being kept in such a dreary hospital

— He would read books to you to keep you entertained

— He’d bring his laptop into your room sometimes so that he could at least keep you company even while he worked

— He’d cook soup for you frequently, sometimes even feeding it to you

— He asks you if you have any wishes before you go, he doesn’t want you leaving with any regrets, and he does whatever he can to make it all come true

— He attends to any possible unfinished business you may have before your passing so that you can go without worry

CHUUYA —

— He really doesn’t believe it at first

— He contacts Mori and asks him to look over the medical records and tell him the truth; Mori tells him that it is in fact all real

— He’ll often sit next to you and squeeze your hand, refusing to let go

— He’ll fall asleep with you in your hospital room, draped over you in your bed

— He sits next to you and cuts your apple slices into bunnies, or sometimes other, more intricate shapes

— He asks you often if there’s anything you need him to do for you, also wanting to fulfill any last wishes you may have

— He makes sure you have a proper funeral, he’s tired of those he cares about not getting one.

[asher-agere]

Haiii!!! i has a request :3 could I perhaps get grumpy regressor Sigma n CG dazai headcanons? Thanks if you do its ^^

- @meiomanie

Ough I love this so much… Dazai always makes Sigma grumpy /silly /but also fr though just in a silly way

Grumpy Little Sigma + Caregiver Dazai

˖⁺‧₊˚ ⠀⃝ ⠀⃝ ⠀⃝ ⠀⃝ ˚₊‧⁺˖

⚡︎ Sigma regresses down to 2-4! I know the Sigma is a three year old is a bad and frankly overused joke but please it fits so good for agere purposes… Let him be a little baby. I’m begging you. He deserves it. He only has 3 years of life experience, he has every right to act like a three year old. Sure he spawned with his mind more advanced than a three year old, but he lacks the actual life experience, no way he doesn’t feel like a little kid sitting at a big kid desk controlling this big kid body

₊ ⊹ Dazai is a super silly caregiver! He’s always acting over the top dramatic and not making any sense. Sigma gets embarrassed, and then he gets grumpy. Because! Why is Dazai acting like that? Gosh he has the dumbest caregiver ever /nsrs (˶˃⤙˂˶) He’s frequently telling Dazai to stop and just be “normal”, in response Dazai takes the only possible route. Collapsing on the floor with his tongue hanging out and his hand over his face exclaiming that Sigma’s cruel words have mortally wounded him and he’s now dying

⚡︎ Sigma is a super advanced three year old! He doesn’t babble much, he knows pretty big words! He just has to talk kinda slow. And his voice is usually kinda quiet. Honestly Dazai does more baby talking that Sigma does- Dazai looves to baby his little one, and baby talking to Sigma is a wonderful way to do that! Sigma of course tells Dazai how stupid that is, and usually bonks him on the head with a plushy as a punishment for daring to be so stupid

₊ ⊹ Nicknames! Dazai is very over the top with absolutely everything, he loves to embarrass little Sigma! He’ll use nicknames like “Sweetheart” casually, “Tiny Little Thing” when he’s trying to embarrass Sigma extra, and “Crumb” when he’s being silly! Cause Sigma likes cookies! And cookies make crumbs! He’s very proud of himself. Sigma on the other side is determined to fully say “Dazai”, no nicknames for him because in the past when he has Dazai just uses the opportunity to tease and taunt him

⚡︎ Out of all the frustrating things about Dazai the one Sigma hates the most is what a disaster Dazai is in the kitchen. Sigma wants to bake! He wants cookies! He does not want Dazai to catch his kitchen on fire for the millionth time! Incredibly grumpy baby. The best solution they can come up with is Sigma making batter out of his headspace so that all Dazai has to do is scoop it onto a tray and put it in the oven. Should be easy right? Dazai still manages to make it a disaster though, he’s talented

₊ ⊹ Sigma also gets grumpy when Dazai’s super clingy! Think toddler that just learned how to walk, doesn’t want help from anyone and does not want to be held down. But Dazai’s a super clingy caregiver! They compromise though, when they watch movies and when it’s bedtime they’ll snuggle up. But otherwise Sigma’s allowed to play independently! Dazai is rolling around on the floor complaining that his baby hates him, Sigma throws a stuffed animal at his head in response

⚡︎ Dazai always complains about how Sigma’s too grumpy. He’ll get frown lines! So obviously it’s his job to make Sigma smile! His solution? Tickling!!!! He’ll attack Sigma, tickling his sensitive little tummy until Sigma’s giggling uncontrollably, kicking his little feet as he tries to get away. Sigma pouts about what a meanie Dazai’s being but Dazai acts innocent! What did he do! Oh the tickling? Hmm… Nope couldn’t have been him. Maybe there’s an invisible tickle monster in here! They need to be careful with this serious threat looming over them…

˖⁺‧₊˚ ⠀⃝ ⠀⃝ ⠀⃝ ⠀⃝ ˚₊‧⁺˖

Btw Sigma attacking Dazai with his plushies is inspired by me. Hi. I do that. They make good weapons

[DNI ID: A white box with a purple border on the left and a brown border on the right. Sigma on the left and Dazai on the right. Purple text reads “DNI if your blog isn’t child safe” Brown text reads “I will block NSFW accounts” End ID]

[fyodior]

modern au where dazai is a frequent flyer at the hospital you work at, constantly getting into street fights or falling off his motorcycle, just anything that could warrant a quick ER visit so he can see his favorite nurse (you). he’s come in enough times to get a general vibe of your schedule and only comes in on the weekdays he knows you work. you roll your eyes each time, whispering to your coworkers that dazai’s back yet again, but you couldn’t quite help the lingering gazes and fight a smile any time he winked or smirked at you.

dazai wasn’t shy about showing very preferential treatment for you - you were the only one he’d ever let unwrap his bandages and treat the new wounds, also running your delicate fingers over the old scars. he never took his eyes off you as you wiped away the blood and spotted antibiotic cream onto his marred fists and glued together his busted lip after a fight, even memorized the same tune you’d hum each time you got ultra focused on the task at hand - patching him back up yet again.

one night when dazai comes in to the hospital shitfaced drunk and is acting extra belligerent and threatens staff, he’s assigned a sitter for the night - you. you’re the one he likes, and is the least likely to get decked in the face if you get on his nerves. he takes advantage of the fact that you’re stuck with him for the next 12 hours. he slowly pulls you apart, asking way too many personal questions about your relationships and love life, until he has climbed his way all the way to the top.

what began as a somewhat innocent “you’re gorgeous, ya know” turns into “i bet your pussy feels fucking amazing.” and you can reprimand him all you want, deny deny deny all you want, but dazai notices the way you have to cross your legs even tighter in the chair you’re sat in. dazai always notices.

it takes approximately 6 hours, dazai can barely remember how it even unfolded, but now you’re on top of him, blinds shut and a chair shoved under the doorknob of his room, hands wrapped tight around the bedrails as you fuck yourself on his cock over and over and over. scrub pants thrown to the floor and panties pulled to the side, dazai clamps a hand over his mouth to keep from moaning out at how fucking good you feel, what a little slut you are to let your favorite patient have his way with your cunt!

and if you’re walking funny for the rest of the shift, constantly checking the crotch of your pants to see if the cum dripping out of you has finally soaked through the fabric, none of your coworkers say a word. and neither does dazai. until next time :)

[judasgot-it]

Just saw your post on what kind of lovers Dazai, Tecchou and Nikolai are and I want to know what kind of lover Chuuya is!!

DJFLJAFL I NEVER GET CHUUYA REQUESTS OMG (short king. he is such a good character I love him)

Headcannon: What kind of lover is he? (Chuuya, the short king himself mwah)

After being screwed over by so many people he thought he could trust, he has a hard time giving his heart over. Especially when it comes to some of the most vulnerable parts of himself, since he still has soft spots for people who he hates - he needs to be reassured, and has no issue telling his lover "I love you" - it's the one thing he needs to hear as well.

I feel like despite appearing angry a lot, he's sensitive to a lot of things - he finds his relationships to be a top priority since they're all he has

So his lover is someone who he thinks about a lot, so much that he'd go out of his way for them

He communicates his feelings in not the best way though, since he tends to repress them too

This man will struggle to open up, not because he doesn't trust but because he feels like it becomes a burden. The whole childhood thing is a bit much for him.

Literally will listen to you rant about yours just fine but he can't talk about his for shit. He just brings it up randomly like "I was stabbed by my best friend in the gang once"

Does NOT elaborate

He loves to gossip though, and probably does bitch about some things - like Dazai. Whatever mundane drama goes on in his life he WILL tell his lover.

Needs to be told "I love you" and reassured that he won't be abandoned. Probably is a frequent texter and gives a little too many gifts. He has the money to spoil, and he will.

If he's given something back, he'll do it back threefold. He has a really big heart unfortunately, it's his downfall

Loyal in a clingy way tbh.

Gets sad if you don't cuddle him or kiss him when you see him come home or leave for work. or see him anytime really.

Unless he's in front of important people he's a stage 5 PDA guy

He'd probably leave his lover alone if they asked but I think he wants to be seen as a couple when he's around them, he doesn't want any sort of second-guessing

I blame all of this on his Taurus energy

I need to tryout more Chuuya content cuz he seems like a loyal AF dude and I can't stand hoes (Dazai is said hoe. jk i love that hoe)

[sh1nsoukoku]

Pls tell me all dazai autism traits in ur list

OMG I AM SO GLAD YOU ASKED, yes yes yes…

I want to preface this by saying this is in no means supposed to be canon facts or a diagnosis, I just think he is a very autistic-coded character coming from my own experiences as an autistic adult!

Long post under the cut because I don’t know how to stfu!!!

We will start with my main reasoning:

As we know, Dazai and his ability are based off of the work No Longer Human. Dazai being similar to the main character Yozo. Yozo is a kind of “stand in” for the real life author Osamu Dazai as No Longer Human contains a lot of real events from the author’s life. BSD Dazai and Yozo’s main similarities are the disconnection from others and high masking. Here are two quotes from the book:

“All I feel are the assaults of apprehension and terror at the thought that I am the only one who is entirely unlike the rest. It is almost impossible for me to converse with other people. What should I talk about? How should I say it? - I don’t know.”

This is incredibly similar to the lived experiences of Autistic people. I used to feel like an alien, or just fundamentally different than others. We tend to also struggle with communicating and other social dynamics. Dazai feels isolated from others, let’s very few people close, and searches for meaning by observing other humans and life and death itself. He quotes this as his reason for joining the Mafia. He also processes emotion differently, at odds with people around him.

“I managed to maintain on the surface a smile which never deserted my lips; this was the accommodation I offered to others, a most precarious achievement performed by me only at the cost of excruciating efforts within.”

This is one of the best descriptions I have read of Autistic Masking. Dazai HIGHLY masks. Dazai is known for not showing his true thoughts/feelings/opinions often in BSD. He can code switch easily, serious in one moment and then covering it with his over the top silly/unusual/maniacal personality. In NLH this is described as “clowning.” I also think Dazai’s genius “always according to plan” thing is sometimes a mask, so he doesn’t show the fact that he’s working hard to pull strings and figure things out.

He does have some insane pattern recognition though which is also an autistic attribute!

And now for the more surface level reasons:

Repetitive Behavior/Media Consumption: Dazai reads the same book over and over again. The Ultimate Guide to Suicide is a book he’s had with him since his PM days and he tells Atsushi that he already knows everything it says because he’s read it hundreds of times. A very common autistic trait!

Restricted Diet: Dazai seems to have a limited diet consisting of alcohol and canned crab! It’s a same food/safe food he has often. His room was described to be full of discarded cans of crab and bottles. Limited diets are common in autistic people.

Stimming: Dazai stims! He is a very wiggly and stimmy person. There’s several scenes where he is seen humming and singing or making little silly noises.

Dazai and his headphones are so important to me.. he seems to wear them frequently around the office. It could be noise cancelling or auditory stimulation that he likes.

The man never sits normally on a chair which is something I think a lot of neurodivergent people can relate to.

And of course floor time! Shown by him rolling around when stressed, laying on the rooftop and a few instances in Wan! like the marshmallow scene.

Also you can’t tell me that this is not two burnt out autistics after overworking their brains…

[fanon-canon-idfk]

your BEAST Daza fanfic was truly amazing will there be a part 2 cuz like if there's a part 2 I kinda wanna see like the reader dating chuuya and beast dazai reaction to this

OMG I LOVE YOU

THERE WASNT GONNA BE A PART 2 BUT NOW THERE IS BC THIS IS TOO GOOD

BEAST Dazai Osamu x Male Reader x Nakahara Chuuya pt 2

You had just got off your late Night Shift, leaving home the same time as everyone else. That’s when Nakahara came up to you as you walked out of the building.

You assumed Dazai was asking for your presence again, “Isn’t it a bit late for him to want me right now?” You complained, yet still began turning around to walk back to the building.

But then, Nakahara grabbed your arm and held you back “He’s not askin’ for you. I just want to talk.” He mumbled the last bit.

“Oh um.. what is it?” You turn towards him fully.

He looks around for a bit then asks “You wanna grab a bite to eat? I know a good place.” You could’ve sworn you saw a slight tint of red on his face as he spoke.

You thought for a moment. While Dazai kept you out of his personal life, he was sure well versed in your own.

But it was just grabbing a bite right? You supposed the boss wouldn’t really mind you just having a friendly interaction.

Nakahara waited anxiously for your response, about to just say never mind and walk away until you finally answered.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’d like that” you smiled, Nakahara smiled back in relief.

And that’s how the two of you began seeing each other.

He’d find you after work and take you out. Then you finally asked for his number so you could talk outside of work as well.

All the while, you were still having your “meetings” with Dazai.

And he could tell your mind was somewhere else, always drifting at some point, and this was getting annoying.

So he began having a few lackeys follow you around and see what was going on in your life.

At first what they reported to him was harmless, he really didn’t care that you were hanging out with Chuuya, to him it was just one more eye to keep on you.

However, he didn’t tell Chuuya he had been watching the both of you. Y’know, just in case.

He had no reason to worry.

Chuuya was nothing to worry about.

Until he was.

Dazai had called you up for yet another “meeting”, these days they had been getting more and more frequent.

As Chuuya left the room, he gave you a smile in passing.

Things went as usual, small talk not lasting too long before his hands were on you.

He held your face so tenderly, kissed you gently, comfortably laid himself in your arms, all like a real lover.

And you kissed him back so carefully, softly traced circles in his back as you held his waist, and looked into his dark eyes, all like your heart belonged to him alone.

And then again, it was over, and he was your boss and you, his subordinate who had given up on anything real with him.

You walk out of his office and just as you walk out the door and begin to turn to the corridor, Chuuya is there leaning against the wall.

“Oh Chuuya, you can go ahead back in now. We’re.. done.” You feel your face heat up slightly at the mention of what just happened.

“I’ll go.. in a sec.” He replies blankly, not looking at you once.

“Is something the matter?” You place a hand on his shoulder, only for him to grab your wrist tightly.

“I can’t take it anymore..” he seethed, you thought he could’ve broke your wrist if he gripped any tighter.

Before anything like that could happen, he just released your wrist completely before letting himself fall into your chest.

“Chuuya..?” You looked down at him worriedly.

“I hate him.. why does he get to kiss you..? To love you..?” His fists clenched and shook as he spoke.

“What are you saying..?” You asked worriedly.

He lifted his head slightly and looked up at you, opening his mouth to speak.

But then he caught a glimpse of Dazai’s lackey’s walking toward the both of you.

He pushed away from you and walked right back to Dazai’s office without a word.

You stood in shock, what the hell just happened? What is Chuuya saying? He hates the boss for kissing you..?

Then your phone buzzes in your pocket, a message from Chuuya.

It’s an address, a bar out of town?

“We’ll talk later.”

After work you drove straight to the location Chuuya sent you, pulling up to a small bar in between two larger buildings.

You walked in and scanned the area until you saw your coworker sitting hunched over the bar, hat removed and placed on a seat by his side.

Chuuya was a bit tipsy by now, not drunk though, he was well aware of your hesitant frame and worried eyes approaching him.

He looks over and nods at you, removing his hate from the seat so you could sit.

You sat down quietly, then you spoke.

“What’s going on Chuuya?” You questioned, turning to face him.

“I.. I like you, a lot. I might as well be fucking in love with you.” He groaned, dropping his face between his hands.

You watched as his ears turn red, even his gloves weren’t hiding the trembling of his hands.

“Chuuya?” You called for his attention but he just grumbled.

“Chuuya, look at me. Please..?” Your tone was soft.

He slowly turned his head to you, only one eye look toward you.

You scooted in closer, tilting your head to get a better view of his eye.

“I love you too.” You smiled, his eye widened and Chuuya jolted up completely and looked you in the eyes to be sure you were genuine.

He exhaled shakily, moving toward you quickly and wrapping his arms around your neck tightly.

You returned the hug just as tight, smiling widely.

After a long while, you both laughed lightly as you separated.

And that’s how you became the loving boyfriend of Nakahara Chuuya.

And that’s also how Chuuya put a large target on his own back.

[0pancake-mix0]

Pokémon bsd headcannons because I can do whatever I want

There is a lot and I only did the DOA trio, look below the cut at your own risk.

Fyodor

Professor, if this was a game he’d be a twist villain but it’s not so he’s just a professor

I imagine he’s not fully evil in this game, like N, perhaps he’s trying to study dangerous legendaries and getting in over his head?

His partner Pokémon is a very graceful and elegant glaceon (they have matching Ushankas :D in my universe he started wearing it as a child to match with her )

Vaguely evil, extremely cold with all his Pokémon and every single 10 year old that wants his help. Despite this all his Pokémon love him (not the 10 year olds they are terrified of him, but he is extremely helpful if you get over that, he thinks he’s very nice to the kids and is unaware how terrifying he is)

The reason all his Pokémon love him is that he is actually quite sweet to them, he loves them all more then anyone in his life (poor Nikolai), but he’s got appearances to keep up.

He doesn’t battle and has none of his Pokémon are in pokeballs or the boxes (as a professor he has some to study or to keep for trainers) his Pokémon are, Glaceon, Ratatta, Maushold, Raichu, Nidoran, plusle+minun, and Minccino. As well as Alonan Ninetails and a (shiny!) Mimikyu.

The government has to physically stop him from owing more rat adjacent Pokémon.

Nikolai

Former world champion, was defeated by Dazai :( (who was later defeated by Atsushi, the protagonist of this AU, the new current champion) he wasn’t too mad tho, he now wanders around tormenting Sigma and Fyodor.

Also vaguely villainous, but that’s mostly because of a loyalty to Fyodor

He was never to interested in any prestige, he just finds battling fun

Doesn’t believe in pokeballs or boxes, so he technically has no Pokémon, his team is constantly changing as wild Pokémon will hang out with him for a bit then move on. He does have a handful of Pokémon that he’s quite close to and will never leave him.

His permanent team is Corviknight, Mr. Mime (who he calls Sir Mime for some reason), a Meowscarda Fyodor loaned him that he stole, and a Talonflame. A tinkaton has been hanging around him recently and many think it may become a permanent member.

They are all tricksters and love his pranks, probably why they are so loyal.

His ensemble of temporary Pokémon tend to consist of flying types, but he likes all types, there isn’t a single Pokémon he dislikes

The government has to physically stop him from getting more bird Pokémon

Sigma

A trainer with the goal of catching the entire Pokédex

His partner is eevee, who has not evolved, but eevee (Eta) knows charm and they are extremely close, so if it happens, it will likely be a Slyveon.

An errand boy for Fyodor, he catches pokemon, brings them to Fyodor to study, then they get released (this they are occasionally kept by Fyodor, Sigma, or trainers that visit Fyodor) sigma loves his job and seeing the world, but is fairly certain Fyodor is trying to kill him with all the week long shiny hunts and dangerous pokemon he expects caught.

While eevee is his best friend, he also has Arcanine, Hatterene, Kirlia, and Formantis. They rarely stay in their balls, and tend to boss Sigma around.

He is extremely kind to Pokémon, often spoiling even wild pokemon with sweets and berries

The Pokémon Sigma research’s and catches recognize him, and when he backtracks through places he is swarmed by friendly pokemon who want to see him again. leading to him being frequently suffocated in jigglypuff.

Often tormented by Nikolai who will send his birds to steal Sigmas stuff and watch him panic. If discovered Hatterene will try and beat the shit out of Nikolai and will need to be stopped.

General

Nikolai and Sigma are friends despite all the tormenting, but Nikolais Pokémon and Sigmas Pokémon HATE each other

Just like how Sigma and Nikolai (though he doesn’t admit it) will take orders from Fyodor , all of Nikolai and Sigmas Pokémon will listen to Fyodors Pokémon (which is very funny considering Fyodor mostly has tiny mice, compared to Sigma and Fyodors larger pokemon (you ever see a Nidoran scold an Arcanine and Corviknight?))

Nikolai is the only one morally against pokeballs, but Fyodor and Sigmas don’t tend to use them either, Sigma doesn’t with his party only the pokemon he’s delivering to Fyodor. Fyodor only using pokeballs when he travels, which is rarely.

A Blissy hangs around Fyodors house to help with his anemia, however Fyodor doesn’t own this pokemon and doesn’t know where she’s from (it’s a wild pokemon who made a deal with Nikolai)

When Tandemaus evolved into Maushold (had kids) Fyodor showed his ‘grandchild’ to anyone that would listen

Sigma barely needs a bed anymore, he exclusively sleeps on Arcanines back

Hatterene is EXTREMELY protective of Sigma, often resorting to physical violence. Fyodor was worried about Hatterenes reaction to Sigmas anxiety, but it seems to be fine.

Nikolai’s Corviknight remembers being a small Rookidee and sleeping on Nikolai’s lap, he still thinks he is small enough to do so and once broke Nikolai’s ankle trying to cuddle (Nikolai had to grin through the pain)

Occasionally Fyodor goes to take a nap or something and then his full lab is run by a team of rodents (plus ninetails) ordered around by Glaceon. By all account they do an excellent job beside trainers being weirded out that a Mimikyu is starting out their journey by giving them their first pokemon and Pokédex.

I will absolutely be drawing this at some point, and adding more, because I have ideas that would probably be better at my schoolwork but you get Pokémon instead.

(Also sorry if any of my followers aren’t familiar with pokemon, this must be so confusing, I’ll answer any questions 😭)

[rashoumon-homo]

The Bar Lupin (Dazai x Reader)

Dazai x Male Reader, SFW

-> Content Warnings: alcohol mention, hurt/comfort, grief, anxiety attacks, happy ending

-> 1.2k words

Author’s Note: long time no see! I just finished up my class the other day so now I have more free time to write, yay! This one is super tame, but I do have a NSFW Atsushi x Reader in the works so you’ll get your smut fix soon!

Request sent by @suru1990 - enjoy!

♡ ♡ ♡

Ever since Oda’s death, Dazai had avoided the Bar Lupin. It just felt too sentimental, like a holy place that would be tainted if he were to step over the threshold. There were too many memories tied up there. Ones where he was truly happy, which felt somehow worse to dwell on than the more traumatic memories did. When he was in hiding after leaving the Port Mafia, he had a reasonable enough excuse to avoid the place. After all, it was a place he had visited frequently and the Mafia was sure to look for him there. But then the years passed and he joined the Armed Detective Agency and settled in. The Port Mafia knew where he was and didn’t care anymore. He couldn’t lie to himself anymore about his reasons for staying away from the Bar Lupin.

Dazai made a habit of visiting Oda’s grave every year on the anniversary of his death. He’d just sit there in silence, leaning back against the gravestone while dappled sunlight shone on them both through the tree above. Sometimes he’d talk, but mostly he’d sit there quietly. He also had a ritual for spending Oda’s birthdays- getting blackout drunk on whiskey and sake and subsequently calling in sick to work for the next several days to sleep off the hangover. He jokingly called it a “hard reset” but his coworkers exchanged glances rather than laughing when he did.

He and Oda and Ango used to all spend each other’s birthdays at the Bar Lupin, laughing together about who knows what. It was on one of those birthdays that he’d tried whiskey for the first time.

It had now been four years since Oda had celebrated a birthday. Dazai tried not to think about those memories, but they rose to the top of his head like ramune bubbles, determined to resurface. He’d been fighting them all day. Now alone in his room, the weight of them made his chest and throat feel tight, so he threw back yet another cup of sake. And maybe his nose was tingling a little, like it does before he cries, but he was decidedly not drunk enough to deal with that. So he pulled on his coat and went for a walk to clear his head.

Turns out his half-drunk, emotional mind was a bitch. He stood outside the front door of the Bar Lupin, grinding his teeth. He felt so goddamn stupid for being afraid of a building. A building! He was an ex-mafioso. He’d seen hundreds, maybe thousands of people die in front of him in the most gruesome ways. And yet the ghosts of memories had the power to scare him away from the place for years. He was sick of it. His eyes pricked with tears and that was enough to push him forward, opening the door.

As Dazai walked down the stairs, he was surprised to see that the inside of the bar was nearly identical to the last time he’d been there. The decor was the same as always; the soft music just as he remembered. The calico cat that used to hang around was curled up on one of the barstools, sleeping. Even the smell was the same - it was like stepping back in time.

Dazai glanced down the row of barstools and froze. There you were, sitting in Oda’s usual seat. You were about the same height and wearing a similar trench coat, and for a horrifying moment, he thought you were Oda. Startled, he stumbled backwards, bumping into the wall with a muffled thump. You looked over in surprise, but the attention was lost in the haze of adrenaline and humiliation clouding Dazai’s perception.

It wasn’t Oda. Of course it wasn’t. How fucking stupid could he be? Tears sprung to Dazai’s eyes and he swallowed thickly. God, he hated crying.

You stood up and started walking over.

“Stay back!” Dazai warned, flinching away as he saw you approach. He felt the air shift as you crouched down beside him.

“Here, take this,” you said.

He hesitantly lifted his head, gaze flitting to your yellow converse - definitely not something Oda would have worn. He glanced further up, to the handkerchief in your extended hand. Your eyes were softened with concern, but not pity. At least there was that. He took the handkerchief.

You sat on the ground beside him and leaned against the wall, then closed your eyes. “Slow, deep breaths,” you said. “In for 4…” You demonstrated for him, not caring whether he was actually paying attention. “Then hold for 4,” you continued. “Out for four…” You let your breath out slowly through your mouth. “And hold for another 4.” You peeked over at him and were pleased to see him breathing along with you.

The two of you sat there, breathing calmly, for the next few minutes.

Dazai shifted and ran his fingers through his hair. “Thanks,” he said quietly.

“Doing better now?” you asked.

He finally looked you in the face and wow he had the most beautiful brown eyes you’d ever seen. And long eyelashes that glistened with tears. His nose was a bit red, and his eyes still looked puffy, but somehow the vulnerability was attractive in itself.

“Can I buy you a drink?” he asked finally. He blushed, then quickly added, “To repay you for helping me.”

You smiled and stood up, then held out your hand to help him to his feet. “I’d like that,” you said.

Now that he looked closer, Dazai could see the hint of a tattoo just under your collar. And the hand you’d extended to help him up was covered in rings, your nails coated in chipped black nail polish. When you smiled at him, it was wide and genuine and a little crooked. You were nothing like Oda.

“Actually,” Dazai said suddenly, “maybe we can get coffee instead? I’ve already had a bit to drink and this place just doesn’t feel right anymore.”

“Um… sure!” you said, warming up to the idea. “I’m new to the area, so maybe you can show me around on the way!”

As the two of you chattered together and walked up the stairs, Dazai couldn’t help but feel lighter. Somehow, that was all the closure he needed. He was looking towards the future now; not giving the past any more weight than it deserved.

Dazai sneakily grabbed your hand as you walked through the front door, smiling to himself as you blushed into the collar of your coat. “You blushing?” he teased.

“It’s cold out!” you insisted, only turning pinker. He laughed at you and the two of you started down the sidewalk. After a few seconds, he spoke again.

“I’m glad I met you,” he said. “Feels like fate or something.” His tone made it hard to tell if he was being genuine or just messing around, but he wouldn’t meet your eyes when he said it.

“Hmm… I think it’s a bit early to say for sure,” you said playfully. “But I’m glad I met you too.” You squeezed his hand and smiled at him. The two of you turned the corner and the sign for the bar was out of sight.

♡ ♡ ♡

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