#AlyssAlenko

[heroofshield]

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who reblogged something from you! get to know your mutuals and followers ♡

In no specific order:

slow rolling thunder during a summer storm

2. when a fanfic I'm following updates

3. I get a comment on a fanfic I wrote

4. spending some time crafting

5. playing my favorite video game

[hawkeykirsah]

URL Music Meme

The lovely @alyssalenko tagged me to spell my username with songs (thank you!). You can find the last time I did this here.

Hallowed Be Thy Name—Iron Maiden Asche zu Asche—Blind Guardian Walk—Pantera Killing In The Name—Rage Against The Machine Egil Saga—Faun Yukon—Lindemann Küss mich—In Extremo Ich will brennen—ASP Ride On—Cruachan Snowblind—Aephanemer Awakening—Unleash The Archers House Of The Rising Sun—The Animals

As usual I’m going with open tags!

[alyssalenko]

Breaking Free

Written for the @loveinfaerunexchange. Astarion gets the hug and intimacy he deserves after defeating Cazador… (I wish we'd had the option to hold him when he was crying after killing Cazador so I wrote it myself.) AO3

Astarion sinks to his knees, a pathetic sob escaping his lips as the dagger clatters to the floor, you feel your heart breaking before dropping beside him and enveloping him in your arms, his body sagging in your embrace. He clings to you, sobbing into your shoulder as you rub your hands comfortingly up and down his back and arms. It takes a few moments for him to pull himself together enough to deal with his siblings and the spawn in the cells, but he doesn’t let go of your hand the entire time, your touch his lifeline, his rock. When you make your way back to the Elfsong, instead of heading for your suites with the rest of your party, you guide him to the baths to wash the dirt and blood and ritual off of him. He doesn’t fight you as you divest him of his pants and underwear, having pushed himself far beyond his own limits, but you want to make sure he knows that he isn’t alone and that you aren’t going anywhere. You hold out your hand, Astarion taking it to steady himself and letting you guide him to the tub, your grip sure and secure as he steps into the water, and sits down slowly, red eyes fluttering closed as you ease into the tub behind him, drawing a small, contented sigh from his lips.

“I’m so proud of you.” You whisper as you run your hands through his white hair, fingertips massaging his scalp.

Astarion leans back against you, his head on your shoulder fingers finding yours beneath the water and lacing them together as you press a kiss to his cheek. Neither of you speak but you don’t need to. Your vampyr is quiet, almost contemplative, still trying to wrap his head around everything that happened and process that Cazador is dead—no more looking over his shoulder; he’s finally free and that’s going to take some getting used to. Luckily, you plan to be by his side every step of the way as he figures out what to do with his newfound freedom. He burrows deeper into your embrace, lifting your linked hands out of the water and staring at them, his grip tightening like he’s afraid you’ll disappear if he lets go. You nudge him with your shoulder and give his hand a gentle squeeze as he gazes at the darkness that has settled outside the small window above the tub.

“I should probably start getting used to the shadows again. Who knows how long I have left in the sun?”

“You did the right thing, stopping the Black Mass.”

“I know.” He huffs. “That doesn’t mean it stings any less. Maybe never seeing the sun again is just the price of freedom.”

You can feel your heart breaking at the despondent tone of his voice; getting tadpoled, while not ideal, had given him so much—autonomy over himself, the ability to stand in the sun, friends, and love, and he wasn’t ready for all that to disappear. If you have your way, it won’t—you’ll find a way for him to bask in the sun when this is all over and The Absolute is defeated; between Sorcerous Sundries and Gale, you have a wealth of knowledge at your fingertips whenever you need it. You fumble for the soap with the hand he doesn’t have clutched to his heart, and run it gently down his torso and his arms building up a sudsy lather. When you finish you ease him back into the water to help him rinse off before the two of you clamber out of the tub together. You wrap him in a fluffy towel, using the fabric to pull him closer so you can kiss the tip of his nose.

“I’ll be with you either way. I hope you know that.”

“I think I do.” Astarion looks you directly in the eyes as he catches your hands in his, tone shifting to teasing as you gently dry the water droplets clinging to his skin. “Assuming we survive, of course. Because a horrible death is always just around the corner with you.” You laugh and he shoots you a small smile, fingers curling around yours as he leads you over to the pile of your clothes, a flicker of vulnerability running across his beautiful face. “There’s…something I’d like to show you, if that’s all right? Something out in the city.”

“Of course.” You nod as you grab your shirt off the pile and pull it over your head, the two of you donning your clothes in companionable silence.

“It isn’t far.”

Astarion grips your hand as soon as you’re both dressed and leads you from the baths, away from the Elfsong and he doesn’t let go as you wind through the darkened streets of Baldur’s Gate to a desolate and out of the way cemetery. The graveyard is appropriately silent—there isn’t a proverbial soul around as he stops in front of a lone headstone covered in ivy that clearly hasn’t been maintained, staring at it for a moment, before he releases your hand and carefully moves the vines. He wipes his hands on his pants and takes a step back so you can read the simple epitaph carved in the stone:

Astarion Ancunín 229 NR—268 NR

And suddenly you realize the importance of this moment, glad he’s finally lowered his walls and is letting you all the way in, trusting you with this piece of himself. His trust isn’t misplaced; you two have been through so much together, and the love you feel for him will never go away—you’ll be by his side as long as he’ll have you and you plan to show him he can rely on you every single day.

“Nearly two hundred years and I never came back. Not since the night I woke up down there. I had to punch a hole in the coffin and claw my way through six feet of dirt. Then when I finally broke the surface, retching up dirt and congealed blood, Cazador was waiting. From that day on I was his. Until today.”

You step closer and gently cup his chin in your hand, his piercing red eyes gazing into yours. “You were never his. Whatever he had, he took by force.”

“Maybe, but he did take it. There’s almost nothing left of the person I was. Just a name on a rock. For nearly two centuries I stalked the streets like a ghost while the person I was lay here, dead and buried. Now I need to figure out who I am. What I want.” He shoots you a small, tentative smile and it makes your heart soar, but you want to hear him say it—to use his newfound autonomy and voice what he wants, having never had anyone to hear it before or have it matter.

“And what do you want?”

“You…I want you. You were by my side through all of this. Through bloodlust and pain and misery. You were patient. You cared. You trusted me when that was an objectively stupid thing to do. I feel safe with you. Seen. And whatever the future holds for me, I don’t want to lose that.”

“You won’t. Whatever comes next, I’ve got you.”

Astarion heaves a sigh of relief. “Thank you. Well, I should probably fix this.”

You watch him as he pulls out a dagger and kneels in front of the tombstone, digging the tip into the worn rock and carving out a number—a new date you realize with a burst of affection. He sits back on his heels, his eyes flicking from the headstone to you and you find yourself gazing at the edited writing; a promise of a new life—a new beginning.

Astarion Ancunín 229 NR—268 NR *468 NR—

You hold back for a moment, giving him time as you cast your eyes around and lean over to pick a nearby white flower from the ground, laying it beneath the epitaph on the soil of what was once his grave. Astarion cocks an eyebrow at you, a small smile on his face, as you kneel beside him.

“Cute. I’ve been dead in the ground for long enough, It’s time to try living again.” He turns towards you and takes both of your hands in his, a wistful smile on his face. “With everything that life has to offer.”

“Meaning…?”

“If a night of passion is on offer, I could be persuaded.” He gives you that lopsided smirk you’ve come to expect when he flirts with you as he rubs his thumbs across the back of your hands.

You give his hands a squeeze. “Sounds good to me.”

He drops your hands and rubs his palms nervously on his pants, a shaky breath rattling past his lips. “You know, I didn’t care for you when we first met. But I do now. Being with you is about more than lust or manipulating you into a tactical alliance. I love you. I love this. And I want it all.”

You smile at each other, Astarion reaching out and cupping your face, brushing your cheek with his thumb. He leans forward and presses his mouth against yours in a sweet kiss. He pulls back and cocks his head to one side bracing his hands against your shoulders and giving you a gentle shove. You fall back into the grass, his gaze sweeping over you and you can't miss the hitch of his breath as he takes you in, the look on his face like he wants to devour you and you bite your lip. A smirk tugs at the corners of your lips as he crawls towards you, his leg hooking yours to drape it over his hip and the stretch of your muscles at the action makes you gasp. He nestles himself between your thighs and rocks his hips, his lips meeting yours in a passionate kiss, his mouth opening against yours, tongues colliding as his hands tangle in your hair. He sighs contentedly as you wrap your arms around him, pressing every inch of your body to his.

And you know that this is how you want to spend eternity…

[alyssalenko]

I feel called out...

[pikapeppa]

Year-End Writer's Roundup: 2024 edition

It’s that time of year, writer friends: time to take stock of what we’ve been up to this year! Tagging to literally ANY AND ALL WRITERS who would like to participate — seriously, if you write and you see this, please take this as an invitation to fill it out! — but I’ll throw down some tags from the top of my head: @contrivedchaos @iamcayc @midnightacrobat @elveny @johaerys-writes @crackinglamb @alyssalenko @vorchagirl @auntie-coagulant @sweetorangepoptart @himluv @mwasaw @varric-tethras-editor and GENUINELY anyone else who wants to join in!

Words written (published or not, WIPs totally count too!!): 882 674. A decrease compared to previous years, but there is a good reason for this (even though I need to keep reminding myself that it’s a good thing) — more details below.

Smut scenes: 44 — similar to the past few years.

New things I tried:

I wrote a fully-fledged poly ship for the first time with Halsin, Astarion and my Tav, complete with feelings and all! I’ve written sexual-only threesomes/moresomes before, but this is the first time I’ve had there be actual romance as well as sex. 

Significant M/M sexy time, including anal sex. I probably won’t write anal sex again for personal reasons, but I’m glad I dabbled at least.

I wrote something that I do not intend to post publicly, purely just for me. More on this later.

Fic I spent the most time on: 

My Astarion/Tav fic, just based on sheer number of words alone.

Fic I spent the least time on:

My Zoro/Reader fic, Relentless. These three chapters came together (HUEHUE) so quickly based on the sheer force of Zoro thirst. NOTHING LIKE THAT THREE-SWORD STYLE TO GET US WANTING HIS FOURTH SWORD 🤣

Favourite thing I wrote: 

This is tough this year aaaaaaaa. The Teia/Viago fic was one that I’d been wanting to write since 2020, and I’m grateful to the Veilguard hype for resparking that flame and making it happen. I LOVED writing all of my Halsin smut because Halsin just makes me SO CRAZY (I genuinely think he might be the one singular videogame boyfriend I’ve felt the most feral about). My Rolan/Tav fic felt like it was born from a very bright spark of inspiration, and I had a fun few weeks just blasting through writing that. 

But my #1 fave thing to write might have been the One Piece Sanji/OC fic that I am not planning to publish. Not publishing means there’s been no pressure to “make it good” or to figure out every detail of timelines/lore/OC backstory etc, so I can just do whatever I want. And that freedom to just make the fic mine, for me, has been really valuable this year. 

Favourite thing I read: 

Oh fuck, I read basically nothing this year HAHAHA. But I did read this one Sanji/Nico Robin smutfic that I REALLY loved. And I absolutely devoured a novel by one of my fave authors (Grown Ups by Marian Keyes) during our mini-vacay to Florida in February.

Writing goals for next year: 

My only goal for the coming year is this: to write only what I really WANT to write.

This probably sounds obvious, but it’s a whole thing that’s tied up with expectations of myself and self-worth and blah blah blah, so the rest of this post will be a bit of a personal essay that you can feel free to pass on HAHA.

I started therapy last year, and I’m in the part of my “therapy journey” now where one of the things I’m working through is the fact that I hold unhealthily high expectations of myself in basically every realm of my life. I force myself to suppress/compartmentalize/ignore my own feelings because I prioritize other people’s feelings over my own, and I spend a lot of my time focusing on things that I think I “should” be doing, at the expense of my own comfort levels/needs/physical or mental health etc. (ELDEST SISTER SYNDROME ANYONE?) And unfortunately, over the years, this way of operating has insidiously snuck its way into my writing.

When I first started writing fanfic in 2017, the writing was entirely born from an overwhelming desire to just get out this story in my head and make it a reality. I started writing for no other reason than because I wanted to. But as time went on and I gained a lovely following of readers, I started prioritizing my readers’ desires over my own. In particular, I’ve gotten too caught up by the idea of being That Writer™ who posts frequently and who finishes her fics: two qualities that I have often been praised for. This led to a habit of sticking to very strict schedules of always posting at least one chapter of something every single week — and if I was working on more than one fic, I would pressure myself to post a chapter of each fic every week. I would pressure myself to do this even when my back pain and migraines started flaring up in 2020, because I did not want to disappoint my readers.

To be clear: all of this was pressure coming from myself. Nobody was telling me I need to post every week or that I need to finish everything I write; I was the one holding myself to these insane standards. But for years, I’ve been able to meet these standards, and it hasn’t been a problem — or so I thought.

Then this year happened. Therapy stuff happened and health stuff got worse, and for the first time ever, I started having days where I just could not make myself write. I would sit at the computer for hours, unable to conjure any words. For some of my fics, this meant weeks or even months between updates. Sometimes when the words finally came, the writing felt like a struggle or a chore rather than an act of love, because I was doing something that I felt like I had to do rather than something I really wanted.

This has been absolute fucking torture for me. I felt so shitty about myself for not being able to do the one thing that I legitimately love doing the most in the world. This was especially distressing because I have given writing advice before stating that when you’re writing a long fic, you sometimes have to write shit you don’t want to write before you can get to the good stuff. And the fact that I’m struggling to do this now has left me feeling like a hypocrite and a failure for not being able to follow my own advice. 

To make things worse, some of the fandoms I’ve been writing for have been… unresponsive. The ratio of hits to actual comments has been pretty abysmal. The lack of engagement and encouragement just added onto the feelings of shittiness and inadequacy, as though I was failing to meet readers’ expectations somehow, and I can’t lie: it was part of why I stopped writing for one fandom this year, and I’ve never felt so bitter about finishing any fics as I did with a couple of the fics I wrapped up this year.

With time, a lot of tears and self-castigation, and ongoing therapy sessions, I’ve slowwwwwly realized that I am being unkind to myself by holding myself to such high expectations, and that I need to actively combat these expectations by refocusing on writing things that I want to write rather than worrying about disappointing my readers. I’m also working on writing only when I want to and when I feel good, i.e. not forcing myself to write when my head is throbbing or when I���m in too much pain to sit in my office chair. 

To this end, I have been writing some One Piece fic that I have no plans to post publicly: fic that is entirely self-indulgent fun. And it’s actually been the best exercise in returning to the hedonistic selfish joy of writing what I want, which is why I started doing this in the first place. Moving forward, I’m going to keep working on writing for myself first and foremost. I’ll strive to write what only what really sparks joy for me, and if that means my word count keep dropping year after year, I will try to remind myself that this is a good and healthy thing, since any words that I write should be a gift to myself first and foremost. 

[swtorsummerexchange]

2024 SWTOR SUMMER EXCHANGE

Welcome to the SWTOR Summer Exchange, where we celebrate the wonderful world and characters of Star Wars: the Old Republic.

Any questions should be sent to this blog or one of the mod team: @commander-krios, @finchmarie or @alyssalenko​​

Exchange Info- AO3 Collection | Tagset | Sign-up Form | FAQ | Exchange Discord

2024 Schedule

Nominations open: June 9th, 2024

Nominations close: June 23rd, 2024

Sign-ups open: June 30th, 2024

Sign-ups close: July 28th, 2024

Assignments go out: July 29-30th, 2024

Works due: September 22nd, 2024

Works revealed: September 29th, 2024

Creators revealed: October 6th, 2024

Minimum Requirements:

- 1000 word piece of fanfiction of a quality you would be happy to receive   OR - a clean lineart drawing, of good resolution, on unlined paper/digital and of a quality you would be happy to receive.

Reminder: This is an all ages exchange so no explicit sexual content is allowed.

[vorchagirl]

First Line Challenge

Rules: post the first line of your wip, the first line you worked on today, or any other “first line!”

Thanks to @hazelestelle for the tag! I'll tag @alyssalenko @silurisanguine @woundedsoul12 @seigephoenix @badwolf626 @amarmeme @bioware-bard @sarpndo @heroofshield @vela-ad-astra @wilvarin-chan @acciokaidanalenko @blueteaparty @ashenlavellan

This is the first line I wrote today:

Rook raised an eyebrow and curled a hand around the Crow's arm - as much a signal for him to ease off his weapon, as to show Ashur where her alliances now lay.

[alyssalenko]

Aw thank you for thinking of me, @thefrostyshepard. It's been kind of a rough day and this made me smile. I will pay it forward to @starsandskies @pikapeppa @schoute @vorchagirl @naromoreau @cipherninethousand @foofyschmoofer ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

(Sorry for tagging you guys twice. I had to delete the original reblog because it was kind of screwy)

Send to 10 other bloggers you think are wonderful. Keep this going to make someone smile. 💚 (no pressure)

Thanks moth!

@foxgirlwizard @stellathebracer ah fuck it @nebulaaaaaa you @mothheart (she needs it) @nuttybutseriousetash and everybody else in my Outpost (not the travelers one) @caprindo @sand-cat-void-vibes @taxfraudcatboy and @daniel-nerd

Please keep this chain going!

[alyssalenko]

Assan yawning. Very important. That is all.

[forlornmelody]

OC Sense Aesthetic

Tagged by @alyssalenko. Thanks, luv!

Tagging: @naromoreau and @celestialcrowley

This is Clone Shep. Aka Jane Doe

Art by the lovely @tamarsart

SIGHT. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

small towns. big cities. six thirty curfews. lights that take the place of stars. blanket nests. light through the blinds as a wake up call. found family. finding a single star in the middle of new york city. window shopping. watching something terrible and enjoying it. growing numb to the sight of injustice. wilted flowers. faded caricatures. bright, bold colours

HEARING.

crickets and lightning bugs. car engines and a / c units. a phone call to mum / dad. laughing with friends. jokes that are so bad you have to laugh. the clicking of computer keys. noise cancelling headphones. the sound of silence. muffled music from another room. drumming fingertips on a table. clicking of pens. listening to a clock and swearing the ticks get slower. ringing in the ears. the voice of someone you love. pitch shifted songs.

TOUCH.

being held close during a long night. fleeting reassurances. holding hands when you’re scared. brushing fingers through strands of hair. freshly dried clothes. bruises on your knuckles. silk and satin. your favourite pet’s fur or feather. wringing your hands anxiously. snuggles. comforters in the dead of winter. nails against skin. cold metal. leather in summer.

TASTE.

coffee in the morning. tea in the evening. bubblegum that lost its flavor. alcohol burning the back of your throat. homemade cooking, no matter what’s made. blood in your mouth. stale air. mint. fresh vegetables. that processed taste of citrus candy. the first meal you cook by yourself that tastes good. foreign sweets. fast food. bittersweet. sour. spicy. sweet. bitter. too much salt on fries

[alyssalenko]

Thanks for the tag @hazelestelle! I have done this once before here but I changed my cat <3. They're just so cute! I will tag @sorchacahill @forlornmelody @foofyschmoofer @illusivesoul @catherea and anyone else who wants to play!

KITTY LOAF PICREW

np tagging @moronappreciator ofc, @kaleidoscopexsighs @veryinnovative @itsjaywalkers @rottin6 @plecotusauritus @kaaaaaaarf @casstration @divinerapturee @214lilacsky @sixlane <3

[minilev]

WIP -day

tagged by @simplegenius042 (thank you!)

torturing myself knowing very well that i can't and won't watch Saw movies🤡

tagging @teamhawkeye @starsandskies @alyssalenko @cryptcombat @red-nightskies @partialvolume @quietpainter @fadedjacket @beemot @xbaebsae @sidver @lobanhart @nightwingshero @radiojamming @vasiktomis @veinereastath @pebsterino @lavared and y'all

[kittynomsdeplume]

First Line Challenge

Thanks for the tag @sweetjulieapples

I will share the first line from the second chapter of the Rookanis fic I have been working on since mid 2024. It's made quite difficult to write, seeing as how I have not played Veilguard yet!

Most of my inspiration came from the Wigmaker Job, which remains such a good introduction for Lucanis.

“Blighted Venatori,” Rook grumbled, breaking the companionable silence that had fallen over them as they trekked through the gloom.

Tagging: @knuttydraws | @inky-does-art | @blackwallmancer | @alyssalenko | @vela-ad-astra | @spicywarl0ck | @lucien-lachance

[spacevixen2024]

Did this for the incredible @alyssalenko

I fell in love with her Shepard, Taye and Thane.

She

Green eyes shining like emeralds stare back into my eyes of night.

It has been years since I have truly been seen.

She sees me .

Hair the colour of flames surround us as she straddles me.

My hands tentatively touch the soft curls, flowing through my fingers like liquid fire.

She feels me.

The scent is intoxicating and so unlike anything I have ever known.

I inhale deeply, my lungs filling with nothing but her.

She breathes with me .

From deep within her chest, the softest murmur rises.

I sigh deeply, for her melody is one I wish to spend a lifetime listening to.

She hears me .

A fleshy pink tongue darts through as lips finally meet mine.

Her flavour is sweet and exquisite, and every nerve ending is set ablaze.

She tastes me .

Our bodies become one as she asks me to be alive with her.

I am more alive than I have ever been.

She has all my days, however many there may be.

As I watch her sleep, peace is fully achieved.

My heart is unquestionably hers.

Forever, for always, and far beyond the sea.

She has all of me .

https://archiveofourown.org/works/62995156

[alyssalenko]

This is so cute! Thank you for the tag @heroofshield!

Apple Spice, reese's peanut butter cups, silk, hedge maze, my sister, cerulean, and wind chimes.

@vorchagirl @minilev @spacebunshep @hazelestelle @wickedwitchofthewilds @starsandskies @foofyschmoofer @hunnybadgerv @pikapeppa @schoute @charlatron

it's wholesome tag game time let's list the things that make us happy

pick a smell, a food, a texture, a place, a person, a color, and a sound then tag some blogs that make you happy too <3

here's mine: lavender, cheese, fluffy blankets, the waterfall, my little cousin, sunshine yellow, crashing waves

tagging: @faenarie, @avid-idiot, @inariezaki, @levithesewerrat, @urgemii, @truegoist, @junko-en0shima + anyone else !!

[heroofshield]

Rules: Make a 24hr poll listing the titles of every WIP you want to work on. (It’s fine if you only have one, still make a poll for the vote count). Whichever WIP title gets the most votes, write 1 sentence for every vote received.

tagged by @vorchagirl

tagging @caesarclowningaround @ma-sulevin @alyssalenko @paperairplanesopenwindows @cassiesinsanity @adelaidedrubman @socially-awkward-skeleton