#Always had the idea of humans making out like kiwi is a dangerous creature even though far from it she harmless

[dood1e-bug]

Do you have ideas for any specific rumpus, legends, stories, etc there might be around Kiwi? Considering how charming all the art is I got wondering how anyone might tell "scary stories" from sightings of Kiwi.

Kiwis had both positive and negative interaction with humans more so the latter, so she tries to stay away from them and hides away in deep forests. There have been a few times people see glimpses of her some of those people giving there own tales making her out to be a aggressive creature.

A hunter saying that they heard something rustle and only saw a quick glimpse of its silhouette, led others to believe that harming anything in the woods would anger it.

People who have caught glimpses of the creature describing it as a big hairy cat like bodied creature with long arms and tail, green..Pink? color changer (or maybe multiple of its kind), with big blue eyes. (horns probably though it might have been tree branches that that person saw)

A drawing of what they would have thought she looked like based on what multiple people saw.

They started calling it the bush monster and to never wonder in the forest alone and or do harm to it or The bush monster will get you.

[twelveseyebrows]

Cooking Dates 12th Doctor x Partner Reader

@pompeiianbollocker

It was one of those rare days were you weren’t on some forgein planet or running for your lives. It was one of those sweet, simple days where you and The Doctor enjoyed each others company in pure domestic bless. You have been travelling with the Timelord for just over two years now and in the last, roughly, six months, You have been dating.

You remember bringing up the idea of theses dates to The Doctor a few weeks ago, he didn’t really understand what you were trying to say.

“Just one day every now and then to spend with each other.” You calmly smiled.

“We spend everyday together.” The Doctor pointed out, confusion written all over his aged features. You sighed to yourself knowing this was going to be difficult to explain.

“Yeah, I know but I want it to be just us, without any immediate danger lurking around each corner, perhaps just us in the T.A.R.D.I.S?” You suggested.

“Why would we do that?” He frowned again.

“It’s romantic, well by Earth standards.”

That really seemed to offend The Timelord who started ranting about how he was over 2000 years old, he knew romance, he was practically Doctor Love! That everything he planned for us was romantic and my idea of doing nothing wasn’t going to top anything we’ve already done.

Trying to ease his wounded ego, you just suggest that you try your idea once and if he was right then you wouldn’t do it again. He childishly agreed only because “there’s no way, Human days in are better then all of space and time.” It was almost 2 months later and you regularly have these stay in days.

“[Y/N], what mundane human activity do you have planned for us today?” The Doctor grumbled. You looked up from the book you were reading, towards The Doctor, he was trying to bite back a smile. You rolled your eyes at his antics, placing a book mark in the book you were reading.

“Well I got lost again yesterday.” You started, The Doctor just you a look of pure disbelief. He opened his mouth to say something, probably a retorting remark knowing him so you cut him off and spoke louder than necessary. “Anyway, I stumbled across a kitchen, did you know we had a kitchen?”

“Yes, of course, where would I put my groceries?”

“What? Groceries? When do you even have time to go shopping.”

The Doctor just gave you a pointed look while geasturing all around him.

“Oh, yeah, time travel.” You mumbled before composing yourself. “Anyway, I think we should cook together, I can teach you.”

“What do you mean teach me?” The Doctor huffed. “I can cook.”

“Uh Huh.” You agreed sarcastically. “I’ve know you for 2 years and not once have you ever cook. We always get takeout.”

“I just haven’t cook recently, but it’s like riding a horse.” You were about to question his anology but decided against it. “Come on let’s go.”

The Doctor grabbed you hand and pulled you down the T.A.R.D.I.S many corridors in Search for the kitchen.

...

“So,” you dragged out as you pulled your sleeves up “what are we cooking?”

The Doctor thought hard for a second before walking to what you assumed was a cupboard. It was one of 5 small cupboards, all in a row above what you assumed was a stove, by the 4 elements on top of it.

“I was hoping we could start simple, like baking a cake!” You suggested as you walked over to the taller man and wrabbed your arms around his thin waist, you waited for him to flinch but found him sigh and lean back into you slightly. A small smile pulled at the corners of your lips and you squeezed your [E/C] eyes together. You remember the early days in your travels together and how The Doctor was against physical contact of any kind, you both had come so far.

“Hmm, what ingredients normally go into a cake?” The Doctor asked over his shoulder.

“I thought you knew how to cook?” You teased, The Doctor sent you glare that you supposed was supposed to be threatening but instead made you giggle, that seemed to further frustrate the Timelord, who was full blown pounting now. Taking pity on you boyfriend you controlled you laughs and answered him seriously. “Flour, eggs, milk, Uh butter,-“

“Argh, Earth stuff.” He groaned, rolling his eyes. You quickly let go of him and crossed your arms, glared up at the taller man.

“What do you mean by that?” You glared, The Doctor opened his mouth and glanced at you sideways because choking on his words. He straightened himself out before calming replying.

“I’m just fresh out of Earth animal products.”

You nodded your head in understanding before stepping in front of him to open one of the cuppords. A chilly breeze hit your skin instantly, making tiny goosebumps arise up your arms. The Doctor placed his large, gentle hands on either arm and rubbed quickly trying to warm you up with the friction.

“It’s a freezer?” You stuttered out. The Doctor nodded, leaning over you and closing the small cupboard door.

“The temperatures are significantly colder than regular Earth freezers.”

“What kind of food do you keep in here?” You asked, your natural curiousity spiking up again. You walked across the bench and ran your fingers over the other non-cupboards, stopping on one two down from the freezer. Your fingers reached for the handle, The Doctor wrapped his bony fingers around your wrist, stopping you in your place.

“Not a good idea without safety gear.”

You turned towards him with wide eyes, a little scared what that means.

“Obviously, you don’t have any normal food in here, so what are we going to cook?”

The Doctor thought for a moment before walking back over to the freezer and opening it. He put his hand in as he squinted his blue eyes, trying to search for something unknown to you. After a few unsuccessful attempts he moved his hand in more and more, untill his entire arm was in the freezer.

“Bigger on the inside?” You laughed as you watched him struggle to get anymore of his arm in, suddenly his eyes widen as he quickly ripped his arm out. Attached to his finger tips was some sort of crustacean the size of a cat, it had two thin tenticales that were firmly wrapped around The Doctor wrist, a scorpion-like tail that had a large crab claw on the end and unfortunately it was very much alive. You let out a shriek as your boyfriend frantically flicked his arm trying to get the creature to let him go.

“Doctor what do I do?” You screamed out over the sound of The Doctors frantic breaths and the Aliens high pitch scream. The Doctor forced his hand down onto the bench and placed his other hand firmly down on top of the creatures tail.

“Behind the plates were the tentacles come out, there is a soft patch of skin that his directly over its brain. I’m sorry but I’m going to need to press your thumb into it.” The Doctor sorrowfully answered, his expression grim and regretful as he made eye contact with you. You hesitated, you knew The Doctor had a no kill policy, and quite frankly you don’t think you had the guts to kill. The Doctor must have seen the look of horror in your eyes as you contemplated your decisions.

“It won’t kill it.” He quickly rushed out, “They have three brains, all for different functions, this will just paralysis it.”

Suddenly the undersides of its armour started to glow a deep purple, glowing brighter and brighter and its screech got louder and higher in pitch. “What’s it doing?” You panicked. The purple glow started to slowly steep down its tentacles towards The Doctor’s hand.

“[Y/N]!” The Doctor snapped, his face full of panic. You quickly shoved your thumb under the creatures hard armour. It’s skin underneath was silky and wet, making you cringe in disgust, you felt a slight bulge under its skin and pressed down. The creature groaned as it suddenly froze up, the purple glow disappearing. The Doctor sighed in realese as he detached his hand from its grip, rubbing his wrist that was now marked with angry red lines.

“Can I let go yet?” You asked, shakily. The Doctor shook his head, holding up one finger as he quickly walked back over to the freezer, sticking his hand back in once again. You eyes widen in slight shock, was he actually going back in for a round two? A few seconds later he pulled his arm back out with what looked like a bunch of grapes, except the ‘grapes’ were about the size of kiwi fruits and a dark purple.

“What are they?”

“Eggs.” The Doctor smiled, “like chicken eggs, except the chicken is an Alien crab-scorpion and the eggs are well.. this.” He mumbled.

“Are they fertilised?”

“No, The Duür are mammals, mate and birth live babes, they lay these egg sacks for food.” He explained as he placed the egg bunch on the bench and finally approached you and the Duür, you were still paralysising. He gentle picked it up with both hands as you continued to press down on one of its brains.

“On the count of three we’ll gently toss it back into the freezer, Okay?” You nodded quickly as you step in time with the man towards the cupboard it came from.

“One.” You wet your lips, a nervous tick.

“Two.” You tightened your grip on the Duür’s pressure point.

“Three!” You quickly fastened your pace towards the open fridge, only letting go once The Doctor instructed you too. The door was slammed shut as soon as your hands were out of harms way. Panting, you both looked at eachother before erupting into a fit of giggles. You leaned into his arms, nuzzling your face into his vest covered chest.

“All that trouble for space grapes.” You laughed, The Doctor chuckled, giving you a quick squeeze back before picking up the grapes.

“These are a delicacy across three galaxies, I’ll have you know.” He defended as he plucked an egg and bite into it as if it were an apple. A purple slim oozed out and dribbled down in chin, you may have gagged a little. He offer the egg out towards you as he had a slight difficulty chewing.

“No thanks, Hun.”

He shrugged as he continued to demolish the entire egg, wiping his mouth on his coat sleeve.

“So, what are we going to make with these?” You asked, eyeing the putrid looking food.

“A, Uh, dessert soup?” He mumbled, seeming a little confused himself.

“Are you sure you can cook?”

“Yes!” He snapped, “I just can’t describe the dish in a way that your tiny pudding brain can comprehend.”

“Pudding brain?” You hated when he acted superior, yes, he had thousands of years on you and had seem things you could only dream to imagine but it didn’t give in the right to put others down just because his ego was wounded. You were mad at the Timelord, who had turned his back towards you to rummage around the kitchen to collect the rest of the ingredients. You refused to help or speak to him till he apologised. After a few minutes of silences from your end The Doctor turned towards you with a curious look on his face.

“What’s this?” He asked as he geastured to your whole face. “Your doing a thing.”

You glared at him, crossing your arms to show him you mean business, hoping that he would realise what was wrong, He just stared blankly at you. He opened his coat and pulled out a small stack of que cards. He flipped through the cards, glancing up at you between each flip untill he stopped a one. You sighed as he walked towards you holding the card against your face, a deep look of concentration on his face.

“Doctor, I swear to a higher power, if you don’t get those damn emotion sample cards out of my face, I’m going to be even angrier.” You growled out. The Doctor quickly withdrew his hand but started to cheer.

“Yes! I knew it, Anger.”

You tried your hardest to stay mad at him but it was impossible, he was too much of an idiot. You buried you face into his chest to hide you wide grin.

“I love you, let’s start cooking.”

“I love you too but I thought you were angry with me?”

“I can’t stay made a you.” You laughed, “You’re the best thing that happened to me.”

The Doctor squeezed you tighter, burying his nose into your [H/C] hair.

“Okay, first we have to boil the sludge from inside the sack.” He suddenly sprung into action as he pulled out a pan from a draw and setting it on an element, ready to boil.

“Can you start breaking the sacks open and pour the inners into the pot?” He asked, his hands on your hips as he guided you to the counter, you stomach turned with nerves under his touch. He handed you a chopping board and knife, you numbly took them to distracted by The Doctors touch. His hands left your hips to make wild geastures as his mouth moved in the shape of unheard words. Your [E/C] eyes focused in on his soft pink lips, licking your own subconsciously. Suddenly The Doctor stopped moving as he leaned right in close to you, his face centremeters from your own.

“Don’t get distracted.” He breathed out, a blush colouring your face at being caught.

“Y-Yes, sir.” You awkwardly stuttered out, blushing at your wording. You turned your focus towards the task at hand and got to work. The Doctor flitted around you working on the other aspects of the so called dessert soup, talking out loud about what he was doing or the historical facts of the ingredients.

The ingredients were all combined and boiling together on the stove as The Doctor and yourself were seated in the second level on the console room.

“How much longer is it going to take?” You whined after the first hour has passed without The Doctor even checking on the food. The Doctor shut his book and checked his watched before looking back up at you.

“Only two more hours.”

“Two more hours?” You yawned out, already falling asleep.

“Go to sleep my love, I’ll wake you when it’s ready.” The Doctor whispered as he put down the book he was reading and stood up. You only nodded your head as you drifted off to sleep, a small smile on your lips. You were the luckiest [Gender preference] in the universe to have The Doctor as your partner. Even with his older apprentice, grumpiness and general inability to understand human emotion, he was perfect, he was so wonderful, kind, strong, brave and amazing. You loved your alien idiot so much.

[blouisparadise]

An anon requested that we compile some of our favorite fics from 2017, and so here that list is. There were SO MANY amazing fics this year that we enjoyed and we sadly couldn’t include them all on this list, but we hope every writer feels appreciated because your works mean so much to this fandom.

As always, these fics are listed in order of length (shortest to longest).

Happy reading, and we wish you a happy New Year!

1) Call Me Shallow But I'm Only Getting Deeper | Explicit | 7367 words

The one where Louis is a brat so Harry spanks him with a riding crop.

2) Night Out | Explicit | 9741 words | WIP Sequel

Symphony hall was the first place Louis had felt at home in this city, and he always had the box to himself. Until tonight.

3) Just Let Me | Mature | 14714 words

The party was going well. So well, Niall had already sworn undying love to one multi-tiered chocolate cake, two friendly corgi-poodle mixes, Zayn’s hair, and the entire population of Los Angeles. So well, Zayn had only laughed and ruffled Niall’s hair and not even twitched towards a cigarette. So well, nearly everyone had spilled far past the boundaries of the night’s original plans, extracting bottles of vodka from the cabinets and losing a lot of clothes. Harry had proclaimed that he was finally going to throw a small and very grownup dinner party and of course here they were three hours later, fifty people half-naked in the pool. Soon to be full-naked, if Louis had to guess. Everybody in LA loved a heated pool. Everybody loved Harry.

4) No Place Without You | Explicit | 19089 words

Harry's in love with life and he's in love with the world.

Louis' in love with Harry and he doesn't think there's any way he can possibly compete.

5) Dance Like Warriors On A Battlefield | Explicit | 20048 words

Down in the arena, the triumphant gladiator places his foot on the back of the loser, holding him there as he waits for instruction on his next move. Kill or let live. It’s barbaric, really, the bloodlust involved in this sport. Louis is pretty sure that if it wasn’t for his distaste for the killing there would be a lot more blood soaking that sand.

As it is, his father rarely gives the kill order anymore. He gives the order to let the loser live. Louis rolls his eyes, turning away. He doesn’t miss the way the gladiator’s eyes linger on him.

6) Then We Talk Slow | Explicit | 20493 words

A famous/non-famous AU in which Louis banters back and forth with his new record company on Twitter, only to find out that Harry is the man behind the tweets.

7) Some Flowers In Your Hair | Explicit | 23015 words

A magical camping AU in which Louis is jealous of Harry's magic, Liam's a little too enthusiastic about surviving in the wilderness, and Niall might have misunderstood the rules.

8) Kiwi | Not Rated | 24110 words

AU. Harry plays on Saturday nights at The Motley. Louis bartends on Saturday nights at The Motley. It’s a thing.              

9) Can't Fool Me | Explicit | 30162 words

AU where Louis hates fraternities and would never be into a frat boy. And one of these things is definitely not a lie.

10) What This World Is About | Explicit | 34472 words

An eighties American high school AU; there are first times, football games, and feelings.

Alternatively titled: the beginning.

11) The Sweetest Incantation | Explicit | 40600 words

Harry is a witch who's still working on developing his powers and Louis is a werecat who falls into his life and turns it upside down.

12) Ever Fixed | Explicit | 41521 words

Three years ago, Harry was happily married, successfully heading the largest technology company in the world, and raising his young daughter. After he loses nearly everything in the aftermath of his daughter’s lost battle with a rare brain tumor, it may take three strange and yet very familiar visitors – and a man from the therapy group Harry keeps refusing to go to – to get him back on track.

13) Boiling Blood Will Circulate | Explicit | 42420 words

The wait isn’t long before something starts rustling in the bushes. Harry takes aim, squeezes the trigger, body moving unconsciously. They’re motions he’s done a thousand times before, and his body knows how to do it without the input of his brain now. It’s what makes him such a good shot.

He misses. The shot misses.

Something howls in the woods, a pretty clear indication that Harry hit it, but there’s no telltale sounds of a big body dropping, no animal charging out at him to take him out before he can finish the job.

Something does turn and run, though. “Fuck,” Harry spits out, scrambling to his feet and slinging the rifle back over his shoulder, giving chase. He’s not going to lose this hunt.

The trail of blood goes on longer than Harry thought it would. He doesn’t know how long he runs for, but his muscles are burning, chest heaving with exertion, until the trail just - goes dead. No more blood, just like that.

“Fuck,” Harry says.

14) Tangled Up In You | Explicit | 45412 words

Harry blinks once. And blinks again. And says, his voice dangerous: “Niall, did you get me a mail-order bride?”

Because what the actual fuck. It kind of looks like Niall’s just purchased a person. For Harry.

Niall blinks back at him for a few moments, before throwing his head back and howling with laughter. Harry throws a pillow at him. Hard. “No, what the fuck, Harry.”

“A prostitute then?” Harry also doesn't want a prostitute.

“Of course not!”

“A stripper?”

“No!”

Damn, he’s running out of ideas. He settles for launching another pillow at Niall’s head. Niall bats it away easily, still laughing. “Stop!”

“What did you get me, then?!” Niall must hear the tinge of hysteria in his voice, because he’s pulling himself together, trying to stop himself from laughing.

There’s still a big grin on his face, though, when he says, “I got you a professional cuddler.”

A professional…what. “What?”

15) Love's Truest Language | Explicit | 48195 words

The first part was meant as a joke. He didn't really expect Harry to buy anything. It was just Louis’ way of softening the ‘get the fuck out’ blow.

“Where's your order forms, then?”

“I don't want your flowers.” Louis chided before directing all of his attention to the arrangement in front of him.

Harry laughed under his breath as he stood to his full height, “Who said anything about them being for you, love?”

16) I Carry Your Heart With Me (I Carry It In My Heart) | Explicit | 55854 words

Harry thinks he has good reasons for avoiding relationships. Meeting Louis puts those reasons to the test.

17) Apples Always Fall (As I Do For You) | Mature | 64635 words | Sequel

Louis is staying at his Aunt's farm in a small town in Minnesota for four months. To deal with the boredom that sets in a week into his stay, he starts working at the local apple orchard, owned by twenty six year old Harry Styles.

Louis quickly finds himself falling in love with the orchard, and he finds a family in Harry's friends Niall, Liam, and Zayn.

He also starts to fall in love with Harry.

Falling in love with him turns out to be the easy part.

18) Such Good Luck | Explicit | 66205 words

An Edwardian AU where Harry is a young aristocratic lord and Louis is a working class dairy farmer. Secrets are a necessary part of their relationship, but Louis has one that could topple their whole world.

19) Waiting On You | Explicit | 76577 words

“Vampires,” Louis says with disgust, glaring over at the vampire who is noisily slurping from the woman’s neck nearby.

 Zayn gives the neat fang marks on Louis’ neck a meaningful look.

“Can’t live with them, can’t live without them,” Louis finishes, ignoring Zayn when he rolls his eyes.

Louis takes a long sip of his milkshake, presses his fingers against the marks on his neck, and definitely doesn’t think about the vampire who left them there.

20) Through Struggles, To The Stars | Explicit | 80582 words

Louis is a Starfleet captain trying to find his place in the universe. Harry is a prince just trying to do what's right.

21) I Want You So Much (But I Hate Your Guts) | Mature | 83648 words

AU in which Louis gets accepted to play for the Manchester University Alpha-Beta Football Team. The only problem: Louis is actually an Omega. He is determined to make it big in the football world, though, and he can't do that bound to an Omega team. With the help of a faked doctor's certificate and some pretty strong suppressants he is ready to fight for his dream.

That Harry Styles (Alpha, second year and youngest football captain of the A-B team in ages) doesn't seem to like him complicates matters, though.

22) Among the Humans | Explicit | 129435 words

A gothic, modern day vampire romance between a young human named Louis Tomlinson, and Harry Styles, ancient vampire and gentleman.

Creatures of the night come with more trouble than they wish to make it seem.

23) Cold Little Heart | Explicit | 194584 words

Louis is a soft omega with an abusive past and an alpha child. A few months after getting a divorce, Louis meets Harry, an ex-military alpha wolf that offers him something - odd.

In exchange for teaching him how to cook, Harry will babysit his son, Abraham. Louis really could use the help.

Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.