#Also they think I'm a witch because I wear a witch hat in October

[voltaspistol]

Ok, it worked TOO WELL, because his mother is FURIOUS that I was able to talk her son out of having hallucinations because-- Wait for it-- She liked that her son was seeing demons. Because he was begging to go to church and get blessed. The pastors were physically assaulting him, televangelist-style. And the hallucinations KEPT GETTING WORSE AFTER EACH VISIT (no shit). But when I essentially talked him out of hallucinations, he stopped begging to go to church. And now? She texted me from his phone, pretending to be him at time that he usually isn't awake, claiming that she meant to paste calling me a bitch into ChatGPT (which The Kid doesn't use anymore), and also here's a list of all the drugs he's using (to try and provoke a sense of disgust in me but it mostly just cemented that it wasn't her son because he feels so much disgust with himself that he NEVER says what drugs he's on), and the reason she gave for him hating me is..... I'm odd and I have principles that I don't back down from. Ma'am. Those are the things your son has sung my praises over for literal years. Told me that my pride in being odd and having principles was like a revelation. Thought the sun shone from my ass because I am Odd™ and Have Principles™. I didn't outright say, "Very funny, stop pretending to be your son you Pamela Vorhees-acting bitch" but I did say "Wow, that's all stuff that your mom says about me" which she, naturally, flipped out about. Now whenever I see her out and about she basically sprints to her front door or to her car to avoid me. I was worried that she'd use our HOA (because she's on the board, because OF COURSE she is!) to try and kick me out of my home, so I went ahead and called the HOA president and told him what was up. My siblings in sin. He.... He didn't even know she had a son. After some initial confusion he believed me, of course, because I didn't jump right to "Our mutual neighbor is batshit coo-coo bananas" and instead opted to start with "I'm concerned" and then let HIM decide how much wacky neighbor gossip he was willing to tolerate. So I'm not gonna lost my home (yay?). But here's the thing..... She's been denying that the tall lanky kid who looks like her is even related to her. Like, "The 6'3" boy who is on drugs and who occasionally drives my car and never strays far from the building we live in? Never heard of him" levels of denial. (Ma'am, I think I may have solved the mystery of why your son turned to hard drugs in this supposedly Good Christian™ Household). Now it's been almost two weeks and I haven't seen The Kid, heard from The Kid..... Nothing. We only ever texted, and he's horribly shy about knocking on doors. I've been finding excuses to be outside more but I never see him. And, forgive me, but I don't want to try and knock on their door with a casserole in case she confronts me and really does go Friday the 13th style crazy. They're conservative, they have guns, and they've threatened murder over far less. Calling the police is a no go because A) Police tend to shoot anyone who is on drugs and, B) She will definitely know exactly who called them because--Again-- Apparently this son is a secret and virtually nobody else would notice that he's not around and would therefore not call the police to report him as missing. As I told the HOA president, "This is either a wacky sitcom plot, or Act 1 of a True Crime podcast and I can't decide which is more likely at this point". And yes, I considered the possibility that he's been MY hallucination this whole time but we've been friends for long enough that people I know have interacted with him, and not in a "weird girl's imaginary friend" way. So..... Yeah. I can apparently cure DMT hallucinations using only my words, but I'm powerless to fix actual clinical fundamentalist evangelical insanity.

Ok guys. Tumblr just cured my friend of hallucinations, and my therapist said that this was potentially AN ACTUAL BREAKTHROUGH for treating moderate psychosis, especially difficult-to-treat cases where the patient is convinced that their hallucinations are more "real" than reality. You remember that thread about Magenta? How it isn't real??

We used that shit to cure someone's hallucinations. First, a bit of background: I'm mentally ill (anxiety, Bipolar II, depression, PTSD-- all held in check by medications and therapy), and I've been helping this kid for a while, let's call him K, who also suffers from mental illnesses (anxiety, drug addiction, and some other things) in sort of a Big Sister capacity. K has been struggling with extremely realistic hallucinations ever since doing DMT, aka, the drug that apparently gives you lasting lifelike hallucinations long after you stop taking it? K was specifically seeing demons. Straight up devils clawing at him. Probably because he was raised Evangelical and is LGBTQ, and his parents bombard him with that shit 24/7.

He described what he was undergoing as "spiritual psychosis" and was adamant that what he was seeing was reality pulled back to reveal the truth of what was going on: That demons were coming for him. Going to a church and getting blessed would make them disappear for a little bit, but then they'd come back stronger than before. There was no way to convince K that hallucinations this real could be anything but the absolute, objective truth.

So I'd seen that thing about Magenta come across my dash, did an edible, watched a Nicholas Cage movie, and I had an idea.

I introduced K to the concept that Magenta does not exist outside of the human mind. He was confused at first, but after explaining that (basically) that the color magenta does not exist outside of the human mind, it made him FINALLY understand that what we perceive is NOT objective reality. So that's Step 1: Use Magenta to understand that no matter how irrefutable your senses tell you your hallucinations are, they are a trick of the mind. Everyone in the whole goddamn world walks around thinking that Magenta is a totally real color that actually exists in the world. That's why you can't trust your hallucinations.

But that left the next problem: If he wasn't experiencing a "spiritual psychosis", that meant that he was experiencing hallucinations, and everyone knows that hallucinations are the product of a diseased mind and honestly isn't it better to have demons that you can chase away with holy water than having a diseased brain that's having hallucinations??? Every time he said the word 'hallucinations' he got visibly agitated. So I suggested we stop calling them Hallucinations. That's a loaded word with so much baggage it isn't helpful anymore. We're calling them "Magentas" now. Wait, why "Magentas"? Maybe-- MAYBE-- your mind IS perceiving SOMETHING that the rest of us aren't seeing. Maybe it's a shift in electromagnetism. Maybe it's a stray neutrino whizzing past. Maybe it's a shift in temperature that's so subtle the rest of us can't detect it, but to your DMT-opened mind, you're seeing it as, well, like the rest of us see magenta when there is (say it with me now) objectively no magenta outside of the human mind. Because, just like Magenta, your brain meat is being ticked by SOMETHING, but what you're seeing isn't what's actually there. But, also yes, I can see the scary face in the wallpaper design if I squint, so he's not crazy for your newly-opened mind to see some pareidolia-- Let's just avoid looking at things that look like scary faces, ok? So that's Step 2: Take the power out of the word "Hallucinations" by calling them something powerless. In this case, Magenta. (Also, stop staring at the wallpaper if it scares you.) Yes, haha, clever fae trick. Steal a thing's true name and it no longer holds power over you, I guess? Step 3 is trickier because you just have to be there for the person and reassure them that while yes, it was a crazy experience, they are not crazy for seeing things after doing DMT and yes they can cancel the upcoming re-baptism and when his parents get cranky at you because they LIKED that their son was suddenly so desperate for church and they hate that your solution does NOT involve getting blessed several times a week or getting re-baptized, you have to NOT scream at them that their fucked up religiosity was the entire reason their son thought his soul was being devoured by demons from hell. (Even though you'd be entirely right for doing so, because it's 100% their fucking fault their kid has deep-seated guilt that's manifesting as hallucinations from the drugs he took to escape his parents profound disappointment that he doesn't want to fuck who they want him to fuck.) K is now doing better. It's been a month, and not only has the severity of his.... Magentas..... Lessened, but the frequency and duration have also dwindled to levels that are manageable and he's confident that eventually they'll vanish entirely. All because Tumblr did a science on us. Now.... If anyone can drop some science that I can spin into an analogy that gets rid of night terrors, K would be grateful. I'd also be delighted to know if this works for anyone else. Please reblog and maybe someone with a grant budget can do a clinical test and will be forced to cite Tumblr as a source.

[liesonthefloordramatically]

A wild 2023 recap post appears!

Stuff I made this year:

Fiction: Nope. Work continues to consume me.  I DID write like 33k that maybe will be publicly accessible in the future, but who can say.

Playlists: I think the only two I remembered to share were Oleander (a playlist for my Wickedness character) and the vast and the void (what it says on the tin).

RPGs: Also a nope.

Knitting: Made a shawl!  And a hat, technically, that I forgot to take pictures of.

Other stuff: Taught 5 classes, 4 of which were new preps!  Did fieldwork in Japan for the first time since 2019! Gave an hour-long talk in Japanese!  Presented on two conference panels!  Finished two academic book reviews! Survived somehow!  The period between August and December sort of doesn’t exist in my memory?  I was doing things but almost all of those things were work, so. The isolation has been wearing on me, but with the combination of A. not having any time to do anything other than work and B. for Various Reasons questioning whether I want to stay at this job, it's been really hard to build local community. I'm going to try to work on that next year, but also I'm going to have two new preps again in the fall and one of my spring classes is already overenrolled, so who knows how effective that'll be.

Media I enjoyed this year:

Books: I read 46 books this year apparently!  Top picks in no particular order: The Singing Hills Cycle (embarrassingly my jam), The Southern Reach Trilogy (shocking that it took me this long to read this), My Own Devices (even MORE shocking that it took me this long to read this), Imperial Radch (so AGGRESSIVELY my jam), She Who Became the Sun (this was a hilarious accompaniment to one of my fall classes), Camp Damascus (read this on a plane back from Japan which was An Experience), The Tale That Twines (loved the first book; the second book is even better), System Collapse (yeah, no one is surprised that I loved this).

TTRPG: Wickedness!  This was the only new TTRPG I played this year, but it was really good.

Video games: Mask of the Rose and Saltsea Chronicles, both of which I want to/should poke at more. Special nod to 13 Sentinels which we enjoyed 90% of a lot.

Manga/comics: I think the only thing I read was The JOJOLands?

Fanfic: I didn’t actually wind up reading that much fanfic this year again, in part because I was reading so many books.  A few picks, in no particular order: The Gardener (CR C2), Keys to the Castle (CR C2), Whistle Song (CR C2), pieces of (you) me (CR C2), Descriptions of a River Flowing (CR C2), Slip the Blindfold (CR C2), Heart to Heart (JJBA: JJL--PLEASE read this if you care about JJL at all), riverside beatitudes (JJBA: SDC), Fully formed, ready to run (ExU: Calamity).  Honorable mention to Asking for More (Stranger of Paradise), which is a WIP but made me laugh so hard I hit myself in the face with my phone.

Films: I actually watched like eight movies this year!  All but two of the new ones on a plane, to be fair, but.  Top picks: Spider-man: Across the Spider-verse and Shoplifters (『万引き家族』).  Honorary mention to Suzume.

TV: Finally finished Stone Ocean!  It was good!  Rowan and I are also like halfway through catching up on TGCF and it is also very good.

Podcasts:  Continued to listen to way too many of these.  Top picks: The Silt Verses, Trice Forgotten, Within the Wires (hey can we talk about the newest season? truly wild), and Re: Dracula.  Honorable mentions to The Evaporated: Gone with the Gods, 『なんかIWAKAN！』 (WHICH IS TRAGICALLY ENDING???? where am I supposed to get my chaotic Japanese gender and sexuality discussion now :(((((), Cry Havoc! Ask Questions Later, Critical Role, and Worlds Beyond Number.

Music: Dessa's Bury the Lede was excellent, of course.  I also apparently listened to Maisie Peters' The Good Witch a lot (it was in my grading rotation in October). And then this past month there's been a lot of Hozier's Unreal Unearth. But a lot of my listening this year was either albums on the bus (rotating mainly between Quiet Company’s We Are All Where We Belong, Bury the Lede, yorushika’s entire discography that I can purchase, Wednesday Campanella, and various soundtracks) or putting something on loop and falling into a fugue state.  Apparently my top song of the year on Spotify was “Square One,” which I think I put on looping while grading in the spring.  My Spotify top songs list was even more inexplicable than usual this year.

Anyway, あけおめ！！！ 良いお年を！！！ (or else!!!!)