#Also oh fuck. Geralt is So hard on himself and his appearance during the eternal fire

[abluescarfonwaston]

You mentioned once that Dandelion knows Geralt pretty well and canonically managed to read him pretty well in at least one scene (the one before Geralt says Dandelion is uncomplicated.) Could you elaborate on that? I havent read the books yet and Ive got a point to prove to one of my friends

There are two sections where this is a big thing (in the short stories). The first one is in Posada (POSADA- VALLEY OF FLOWERS. THEY JUST MET) after Geralt agrees to look into the devil problem. Even though he just turned down a bunch of ‘jobs’ because the monsters don’t exist. And Devils don’t exist either.

“Knowing you a little as I do, I take it you haven’t abased yourself so as to get us bed, board and lodging, have you?”

“Indeed.” Geralt grimaced. “It does look as if you know me a little, singer.”

The other section is- well its kinda the entirety of A Little Sacrifice but the section I was talking about was this. I’m going to paraphrase cause it’s seriously two pages long. [oh wait i only paraphrase the first 3 paragraphs. I swear these boys but this is literally the scene your asking about so i don’t feel terrible about putting it all in.] There is SO MUCH DIALOGUE WHEN BOTH GERALT AND DANDELION ARE CHATTERBOXES. Thank the other iterations for saving my poor hands by making Geralt quiet. Note: They’re in bed together during this sequence.

“Hey Geralt. Essi is like a little sister to me. Don’t be a dick to her cause she likes you. Admit it, you like her too?”

 “Even if I did like her I wouldn’t talk about it! Or write songs about it. Thanks for your words cause maybe you did save me from a stupid mistake. So drop it! GOODNIGHT.” [direct quotes after this point]

Dandelion lay motionless for a moment, saying nothing, but Geralt knew him too well.

“I know,’ The poet said at last. ‘Now I know everything.’

‘You know fuck all Dandelion’

‘Do you know what your problem is, Geralt? You think you’re different. You flaunt your otherness, what you consider abnormal. You aggressively impose that abnormality on others, not understanding that for people who think clear-headedly you’re the most normal man under the sun, and they all wish that everybody was so normal. What of it that you have quicker reflexes than most and vertical pupils in sunlight? That you can see in the dark like a cat? That you know a few spells? Big deal. I, my dear once knew an innkeeper who could fart for ten minutes without stopping, playing the tune to the psalm Greet us, greet us, O, Morning star. Heedless of his - lets face it - unusual talent, that innkeeper was the most normal among the normal...

“What does this have to do with Essi Daven? Could you explain?”

“Of course. You wrongfully thought, Geralt, that Little Eye was interested in you out of morbid, downright perverted curiosity, that she looks at you as though you were a queer fish, a two-headed calf or a salamander in a menagerie. And you immediately became annoyed, gave her a rude, undeserved reprimand at the first opportunity, struck back at a blow she hadn’t dealt. I witnessed it, after all. I didn’t witness the further course of events, of course, but i noticed your flight from the room and saw her glowing cheeks when you returned. Yes, Geralt. I’m alerting you to a mistake, and you have already made it. You wanted to take revenge on her for - in your opinion - her morbid curiosity. You decided to exploit that curiosity.”

“You’re talking rubbish.”

“You tried,” The bard continued, unmoved, ‘to learn if it was possible to bed her in the hay, if she was curious to find out what it’s like to make love with a misfit, with a witcher. Fortunately, Essi turned out to be smarter than you and generously took pity on your stupidity, having understood it’s cause. I concluded this from the fact you did not return from the jetty with a fat lip.”

“Have you finished?”

“Yes, I have.”

“Goodnight then.”

“I know why you’re furious and gnashing your teeth.”

“No doubt. You know everything.”

“I know who warped you like that, who left you unable to understand a normal woman. Oh, but that Yennefer of yours was a troublemaker; I’m damned if I know what you see in her.”

“Drop it, Dandelion.”

“Do you really not prefer normal girls like Essi? What do sorceresses have that Essi doesn’t? Age, Perhaps? Little Eye may not be the youngest, but she’s as old as she looks. And do you know what Yennefer once confessed to me after a few stiff drinks? Ha, ha... she told me that the first time she did it with a man it was exactly a year after the invention of the two-furrow plough.”

“you’re lying. Yennefer Loathes you like the plague and would never confide in you.”

“Alright. I was lying. I confess.”

“You don’t have to. I know you.”

“You only think you know me. Don’t forget: I’m complicated by nature.”

“Dandelion,” The Witcher sighed, now genuinely tired. “You’re a cynic, a lecher, a womaniser and a liar. And there is nothing, believe me, nothing complicated about that. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight Geralt.”

It’s worth noting that everything Dandelion says in this section appears to be accurate to what we witness happen between Essi and Geralt although his motivations for acting that way (like a jerk) aren’t stated. I mean. A huge part of Dandelion’s character is explaining Geralt’s motivations to the audience. I mean it happens again when the doppler turns into Dandelion during The Eternal Flame. The doppler as Dandelion Explains why Geralt won’t hurt him. After having been Geralt.

“You’re right, Geralt.” [the doppler said transforming out of Geralt’s form] “I took over your thoughts. Only briefly, but it was sufficient. Do you know what I’m going to do now?”

[Transforms into Dandelion]

... “I’ll go on my way... I’m going. And you, Geralt will not even try too stop me. Because I, Geralt, knew your thoughts for a moment. Including the ones you don’t want to admit to, the ones you even hide from yourself. Because to stop me you’d have to kill me. And the thought of killing me in cold blood fills you with disgust. Doesn’t it?”

Like A. this scene is very gay but more importantly B. the Doppler understands Geralt's thoughts (because he was him) and then turns into Dandelion to explain them. Because its safer. Geralt’s self loathing is so bad he did get a little murdery about seeing his own face looking back at him. Because Geralt wouldn’t hurt Dandelion. But also because Dandelion understands what’s going on in Geralt’s head and has explained Geralt’s motivations to him before. (Although this story happens before A Little Sacrifice. I think. TIMELINES) And Because Dandelion is his main teether to what’s right and Good. To his own moral compass. (Despite being a thief and a spy and a liar and a cynic and a cheater.) 

I mean Geralt asks him what to do during the Dragon hunt because everyone is telling him Kill the Dragon. Kill the Dragon. Yennefer literally gets all teary eyed asking him to do it for Her even. And for a moment Geralt wavers and isn’t sure. So he asks Dandelion.

“And what’s your opinion about all this, Dandelion? What do you think?”

“What does it matter what I think? I’m a poet, Geralt. Does my opinion matter at all?”

“Yes it does” 

“Well I’ll tell you then. When I see a reptile, Geralt, a viper, let’s say or some other serpent, it gives me the creeps, the vileness disgusts and terrifies me. But that dragon...”

“Yeah?”

“It... It’s pretty, Geralt.”

“Thank you Dandelion.”

“What for?”

Also (not to circle back to something that’s literally a page ago but) his comment on Yennefer,

“I know who warped you like that, who left you unable to understand a normal woman. Oh, but that Yennefer of yours was a troublemaker; I’m damned if I know what you see in her.”

and how she made him feel not human also seemed very accurate from their section together in A Shard Of Ice. (which Dandelion was not present for in the books but seems to have gathered well enough) So the fact that Dandelion knows Geralt Really fucking well is. Well its Canon.