#Also no nurses in training can't leave the hospital without changing clothes first but did I want to draw a whole outfit? No

[salsedinepicta]

Extremely tired but I had a ✨vision✨ inspired by ten years as a commuter and I just had to sketch it. He started snoring/drooling a little bit after 0.25 seconds but somehow Hawke still found it sooo endearing.

+ bonus / relatable aftermath

[ichigoromi]

𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐫𝐲 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐢𝐝𝐝𝐥𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐟𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 | 𝐌𝐢𝐲𝐚 𝐀𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐮 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧 | 𝐇𝐚𝐢𝐤𝐲𝐮𝐮 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧

Atsumu...Hmm, I don't know why but I want to write somethin' about fightin' with him. Maybe I'm just in the mood for some angst. Hehehe, I'm sorry if you want some fluff. Maybe next time.

Pairing: Miya Atsumu (timeskip) x fem reader! (she/her)

Genre: romance, angst, fluff

Warning (s): mentions of car accidents, injuries, hospital

Enjoy!

Miya Atsumu

Things between you and Atsumu were getting tensed and strained these days.

You were working more hours in the hospital as an ER nurse and barely sees your boyfriend.

He was also busy with his training and the away games.

Atsumu felt bad for you since he is always away and you were overworked.

When you two are back home, it's either cold war or shouting at each other until one of you leave.

Today, Atsumu suggested a home date; since you two haven't had a date in a long time, he just wanted to spend some time with you.

But, just as you were about to clock out, the ER department was met with one of the worst car accidents victims.

There was a staff shortage, so you could not leave, and you stayed to continue to help.

You were one of the more experienced nurses there, and you had to delegate your own team and calm the medical interns who have never witness such a situation like this.

Your heart broke when they wheeled in the patients, and you begin the patient assessment.

You work hand in hand with the doctors to treat the patients, and by the time you were done, it was really late.

Atsumu waited for a long time, messaged and called you, but there was no response.

He was disappointed.

When you finally reached home, you were exhausted and tired.

But, Atsumu was not going to let you rest without any explanation.

Before you could walk to your room to get change, he holds your wrist to stop you from walking.

"What is it, Tsumu? I'm tired from work. I just want to shower and sleep." You tried to shrug him off, but his grip remained firmly on your wrist.

"Did ya forget? We agreed to have a date night. Where were ya? Are ya tired of me? Is work more important than me?!" Atsumu yelled, and you let out a scoff.

How could he undermine your work when it involves saving lives? You were constantly under pressure and helping people for a living.

You love him so much that you thought of transferring departments so that you can have some extra time to spend with him. But, you love working in the ER.

"Atsumu, I had to work overtime because there was an accident that happened on the freeway. I couldn't use my phone because I was busy treating the patients. You know my job is important too. Can you let me go, please?" Your voice was clearly tired, soft and weak; Atsumu was having none of it.

You two have not met for a month, and the first thing you guys are doing was a fight.

"I just wanna spend some time with you! Is it that hard? Why can't ya understand me?"

That was it.

You could not take it anymore.

"Understand? Atsumu! I have tried too! You were busy with promotions, training, and your games; I tried to support you in ways that I can. Why are you implying that I'm selfish? I'm so tired, and I need a break. Can't you just let me do that?" Your voice broke, and your tears rolled down your cheeks.

From soft sobs, you broke down in front of him.

Atsumu instantly wraps his arms around you; he pats your back as you cry in his arms.

"Hey, hey, look at me." He gently cups your face to make you look up to him. You sniffled and pouts at him, trying to stop crying.

"I'm not sayin' yer not supportive. I just wanna spend some time with ya, and ya need a break. I'm sorry if my words were a bit harsh. Do ya wanna just to take a warm bath and cuddle?" He asked you, and you nodded your head immediately.

He swoops you up into his arms and carries you into the shared bedroom. While he went to draw a bath for you, you were slowly recovering back but still a bit upset.

"Babe, ya can come in now." He called you, and you trudged your way to the bathroom.

As you strip off your clothes, he does the same.

"Come on." He gets in first, and you followed behind.

His arms wrapped around your waist from behind, and you leaned back on his chest. You let out a sigh and enjoyed the light scent of the bath and the warmth he is giving off.

"Tsumu...I'm sorry for the way I acted out. I was really stressed out this week, and our fights made me work longer hours because I wanted to avoid screaming at you. I guess I couldn't take it when we have another fight and start breaking down." You apologised, and he shook his head.

"I should be the one apologising to ya. Ya did a great job. My baby did well. Are ya sure yer not hungry? We can order somethin'." He leaves kisses along the crook of your neck.

"Okay, then let's order in. Is it yer day off tomorrow?" You nodded your head.

"That's good. Let's go out on a date tomorrow." He suggested, and you were slowly falling asleep in his arms.

"Hmm, I love you, Tsumu." You let out a yawn, and he chuckles.

"I love ya too, my baby."

Ugh, I missed him! I watched the match between Japan and Italy, bro it was intense. Sadly, Japan lost, but it was a good game.

I hope y'all enjoyed this headcanon!

Stay safe and healthy!

With love,

Rosalie🍓

[allthemenofmydreams]

Back Home with a Trophy & a Baby- Ben Chilwell

It was the week of the champions final, Ben was busy with training and some interviews. But in his free time at night, he would lie next to me and always lay his head on my growing belly and talk sweet words to our baby.

I was 8 months pregnant, and we still didn't know what sex our baby was. We wanted it to be a surprise, even though we were dying to know. When the team reached the Champions League final and found out that it would be played in Porto. Ben and I started having little arguments on whether or not I should attend the final. Due to my condition, I was not recommended to get on a plane, especially when you are at a stage where the baby could be born at any moment.

The day before he left we had another little talk. We still hadn't decided if I would attend the game or not. Although the doctor had given us green light for me to attend the game because everything was under control and it wasn't a long flight. According to him, the baby was going to stay in my belly for a couple more weeks, but Ben wasn't so sure. He feared that maybe I would start having contractions during the flight or, worse, that the baby would want to be born while he was at the game.

I was in the kitchen making dinner when he got home.

"I think you should stay," Ben said, placing a flight ticket and the game pass over the table. "I will be more relaxed if you stay, but I will also feel at ease knowing that you are in the stands supporting me, so... I let it up to you".

I walked and stood in front of him, placing my arms around his neck and playing with his hair. I looked him in the eyes and said

"I'm going to be fine, I mean we're going to be fine." I took his hand and placed it on my belly so he could feel the baby move.

Ben smiled and kissed me on the forehead.

"I know, I just can't help but worry about you two".

"How would you feel if I thought about it over the next few days, and let you know what I've decided?"

"I'm fine with that." He smiled and then said, "what's that smell?"

"Oh, I made your favorite food because I was craving it," He laughed and walked over to the stove to serve himself a plate.

"Let's have dinner then"

In the morning, Ben got up early for a final training session at Cobham before leaving for Portugal.

"Please, let me know what you decide Y/N, whether you go or stay¨ Ben said, taking his things and placing them in the back of the car.

I was in my pajamas standing in the door frame leading to our garage watching his movements. It was very early, but I had to say goodbye to him and wish him good luck because, whether I was going or not, it was very likely that I would see him after the game.

"We're staying, so don't worry. The baby and I want you to stay focused." Ben came over to me and kneeled, placing his hands and forehead on my belly.

"I'm going to get that win and bring that trophy home so when you grow up I can tell you about that great day."

Pregnancy hormones and Ben's words made me cry. He stood up and looked me in the eyes.

"I know I'm going to see you in a couple of days, but I don't want to leave without saying thank you"

"Thank you for what?" I asked, confused with my voice shaking from crying.

"For making me the luckiest man alive, because you are an extraordinary woman who is doing a great job with our baby. I can't wait to have him or her in our arms."Ben placed his hands on my cheeks and put his forehead on mine, "I love you so much Y/N, thank you for being my support, I don't know what I would do without you"

"I love you too Ben, thank you for all you have done for us, and for showing us not to give up and work on our dreams, I know you are a great team and you are going to win. I don't need to wish you good luck, because that victory is already yours." I gave him a soft and deep kiss. Whenever Ben plays away I get a little touchy, even though I know he'll be back in a day or two.

We hugged one more time before he got in the car and drove away.

I walked into the house and saw the tickets on the table. Even when I had told Ben that I would stay because I didn't want to worry him and needed him to keep the promise he had made to our baby before he left. I told the Footballer a little white lie.

The next day, I got dressed in comfortable clothes, grabbed my suitcase, and called an Uber to take me to the airport.

As we took off, I remembered that I hadn't told Ben about my change of plans. After a couple of hours, we landed, everything under control and the baby still in my belly. It was a safe and quiet flight and I slept through it. On the way to the hotel, I was thinking about how to communicate to Ben that I was not in London but Porto.

After checking into the hotel and settling into my room, I sent a message to Ben.

Y/N Babe, I need to tell u smth

He replied almost immediately.

Benjamin Please don't tell me the baby is born

I laughed at his worries.

Y/N Nop, baby still on my belly

Benjamin Phew! then what's it?

Y/N You won't believe me, but we're here

Benjamin Here? where? He didn't understand

Y/N Porto.

I replied straight to the point.

It's been 5 minutes since I told him I was in Portugal and he still doesn't answer my message. I don't know whether to worry. Maybe he got annoyed. A couple of minutes later my cell phone showed an incoming call from Ben, and as soon as I answered I heard his voice.

"It was that a joke y/n? because if it was..." I interrupted him.

"It wasn't a joke Ben, I'm here in Portugal. I'm at the hotel"

"Oh my god! you're such a liar, why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I changed my mind at the last minute, everything went so fast that I forgot to tell you."

"I can't believe you did it... "

"Are you mad at me?" I asked out of the blue. I couldn't deal with the feeling of guilt for not telling him.

"What! no, I'm not mad. I'm actually glad you're here."

We kept talking for a little longer until we had to end the call because of his pre-match duties.

It's Saturday morning, game day. I sent a text to Ben wishing him good luck and that I would see him later to celebrate. Later I was already in the stands waiting for the game to start. The opening ceremony gave me goosebumps. It was unbelievable. I was glad I was at the game and didn't miss this special day; because I couldn't have lived knowing how everyone was talking about this special day and I didn't get to see it.

The teams took to the field and lined up in front of the sideline for the anthem once again. I noticed that Chelsea's number 21 was discreetly looking for me. When he found me, he signaled to let me know he had seen me. The signal was to run his hand through his hair, so the fans wouldn't go looking for the person he had waved at. Which made it a special moment between us.

The stadium erupted in cheers and celebrations when Kai scored the goal that gave us the lead. I screamed and celebrated as I had never done before. We were winning. A few minutes before the end of the first half, I felt a liquid running down my legs, had I peed?

In the bathroom, while wiping myself, I realized that it wasn't pee, but that my water had broken. I tried to stay calm and not panic; there was still halftime left to play. I took a deep breath, adjusted my dress, and went back to the stands.

The referee added 7 minutes. My nerves were clutching my stomach, plus the baby was also nervous because I could feel it moving. When the ref blew the final whistle I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding, it was the longest 7 minutes of my life.

Everyone in the stands was celebrating, the boys and Ben were hugging each other. They couldn't believe it. I was so happy celebrating and watching the awards that for a moment I forgot my water had broken. It was a little pain that reminded me that the baby could be born at any moment.

When they allowed the families to enter the field, Ben came for me. The huge smile on his face and the medal around his neck made me emotional. As soon as he was near we hugged and both burst into tears. I was so proud of him, I still couldn't believe he was Champion of Europe.

"You did it!" I told him wiping the tears that were running down his cheeks "I told you you would be a champion, I am so proud of you".

"I still can't believe it, I'm over the moon," he smiled and kissed my temple "Thank you! Thank you for coming and being here with me"

"I couldn't miss this day for anything in the world"

"I'm glad you didn't miss it"

We continued celebrating until the guys went back to the locker room to get ready for the celebration party.

We had just arrived at the place when I started to feel stronger pains. I didn't want Ben to miss the party, so I tried to mask them with the breathing exercises I had been taught in my prenatal classes. But I couldn't take it anymore and doubled over in pain.

"Babe, you okay?" Ben asked, kneeling next to me. I shook my head.

"I think the baby is coming," I said, inhaling and exhaling. "at halftime my water broke".

"What? Why didn't you tell me before?" his voice sounded worried.

"Because... at that moment... it didn't hurt." my voice cracked in pain.

"We have to go to a hospital" he took out his cellphone and asked for an Uber to the nearest hospital.

When we arrived, the nurses attended to me quickly and took me to a room. They asked me a couple of questions, luckily they spoke English. Ben filled out the paperwork for my admission, while we waited for the doctor. As soon as he came in and checked me over and said.

"This baby is ready" what! but it was still a couple of weeks before I was due. "Get things ready for delivery and call the pediatrician."

All the nurses started moving quickly and I started to freak out.

"Calm down," Ben said, taking my hand and kissing me "It's going to be okay, I'm with you."

"Okay," the doctor said, "on my signal, you're going to push as hard as you can, okay?", I nodded.

"You can do it, sweetie, now it's your turn to bring our trophy into the world."

"Now!" the doctor said.

After pushing three or four times, I heard our baby cry.

"Congratulations! It's a boy," the doctor said. "Do you want to cut the umbilical cord?" he asked, looking at Ben, and Ben nodded. A nurse handed Ben a pair of scissors. Watching him cut the cord was the most beautiful moment.

As soon as it was cleaned up, they took the baby away to check that he was healthy and strong because he had been born a couple of weeks earlier. strong because he had been born a couple of weeks before.

"You did great Y/N," Ben said, kissing my lips "he is going to be fine".

Ben texted our family and the lads at Chelsea to let them know that everything had gone well and that the baby was healthy.

A couple of hours later a nurse came in with our little boy in her arms and handed him to me.

I couldn't believe that this little human being had come out of me.

"Look at him, he is as handsome as his daddy," said Ben next to me, I let out a little laugh.

"I know, he's going to be a little heartbreaker."

"I don't know which one of you two I should thank, but you have certainly made this day unforgettable" Ben's eyes were covered with a couple of tears, he was over the moon, "I'm a double champion, I won a title and a baby".

"Who knew you were going to come home with a trophy and a baby," I laughed.

Our baby was still very small but I did not doubt that he was a clone of Ben.

Since everything was under control and he was a healthy baby, the next day they let us go. So our little guy came out dressed in a Chelsea onesie that the team sent us, plus other essentials for Ben and I that we didn't have because it was all unexpected. They also sent us the baby seat so we could take him home.

We didn't know if taking a newborn on a plane was a good idea, but we couldn't stay longer in Portugal. Luckily, the doctor said there was no problem, as our baby was healthy and could handle a couple of hours on the plane. At the hospital they helped us with the paperwork so we didn't have any problems when we arrived in London.

I was glad we were going back to London with the rest of the team because then Ben could still celebrate with them. The kids and families watching us were excited, all wanting to meet little Ben.

"Congratulations, Dad," Mason said as soon as he saw his teammate.

"Thanks, buddy," they hugged. "Would you like to be his godfather?"

Mason smiled and said.

"No need to ask."

When we found out I was pregnant, we spent more time wondering who was going to be our baby's godfather rather than thinking about names. We both agreed it would be Mason since he was a close friend of both of ours.

As soon as we landed we went straight home. We wanted to rest and assimilate everything that had happened over the weekend. I was glad that our baby was born early because Ben was able to be present at the birth and enjoy our boy for a couple of days before he left for his international duties.

[ladytshelby]

Stand By Your Gun chapter one

Stand By Your Gun chapter one

Tommyxamelia

Gifs are from: pcllygray, weheartitsource, miss2lit, sirenjaandthestag. - if wrong please let me know and I’ll fix it.

I hope you enjoy the first chapter. There is plenty more to come in Amelia and Tommy’s story. Please let me know what you think. It would mean the world to me.

𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝑶𝒏𝒆: 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑩𝒆𝒈𝒊𝒏𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒐𝒇 𝑺𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈

Blood is coating the floor. Blood is dripping in her eyes, staining her clothes and her shaking hands. Amelia isn't even sure if it belongs to her because of the adrenaline pumping in her veins. She looks around, her eyes scanning the room finally seeing the damage that was caused in only a few minutes. Bodies littering the floor. Their faces belonging to people that, thankfully, Amelia can't recognize. Bullet holes making honeycombs out of the walls. Blood acting in place of the sweet honey.

Polly said this was a long time coming. A sort of reckoning for the Shelby family. Everyone kept going on and on about how the Italians were going to get what they deserved, but as Amelia walked around, she couldn't help but wonder if anyone actually deserves this end, dying in an abandoned warehouse with the only people who know where you are, are lying dead beside you. Tommy would say it is poetic to die with your brothers and take a bullet in the heart or a knife to your throat as long as it was for your family.

Amelia’s thoughts were interrupted when the sound of footsteps echoed in the hall, slowly coming towards the room. Her hand immediately went for the gun Arthur gave her back at Watery Lane. She raised it, pulling back the hammer, waiting.

Now

“Miss Hastings, are you listening to me?”

Amelia’s head shot up, immediately snatched from her daze by her boss looking at her as if she possesses three heads. “Yes, of course, I am.”

Nurse Smith crosses her arms and looked at Amelia with a crooked smirk, “Okay then, what did I say?”

Amelia sat up straighter and put on her smile that would always get Ada and herself out of trouble when they were younger, running around Small Heath, “you said and I quote, “Millie, you are the best damn nurse on this side of Birmingham, and you know, I like you so much more than Margret Williams. Also, I’m going to give you a raise because I’m feeling quite generous today.”

Nurse Smith is trying hard to mask her laugh behind her scowl when she replies, “That was not it at all Miss Hastings,” She moves to sit in front of the younger nurse, who looks like she hasn't slept in weeks, “I was telling you that all the surgeries have been moved up from tomorrow to today, but never mind that dear, I want to know when is the last time you’ve had a full night’s rest.”

“What month is it again?” Amelia questions jokingly while leaning back in her stiff wooden chair. Her back popping with two loud cracks. There are nurses and doctors cramped into the closet they call a breakroom, all having the same look of tiredness. Even Doctor Anderson is in such a daze that he isn't drinking his tea, he is only staring into the cup, unblinking.

Amelia turns her head back to Nurse Smith who is looking at her with sad eyes, “I am being serious Amelia, you need to rest.”

“And I will,” She replied standing up from the table, “When I’m dead. I have to go check on Mr. Brown, his next round of meds is coming up.”

Nurse Smith stands up with her and blocks the door. Her head only coming up to Amelia’s chin. She may be short, but she makes up for it with her presence. Luckily, Nurse Smith really likes her and treats her as a daughter and doesn't see her wrath as much as the other nurses. “No, I got Miss Williams to take care of that. You, my dear, are going home to get some sleep.”

“But I’m fine, I promise.” Amelia tries to reason with her boss, but nothing was working. “I took a little nap in the broom closet earlier, p –”

“This isn't up for discussion,” Nurse Smith interrupts, pushing Amelia gently towards the exit, “Go home and tell that Shelby boy to leave you alone and let you rest. Doctor’s orders.”

With that, she turns to walk down the hallway, ending the conversation. Amelia waits until she was a few feet from her before she mutters, “Fine, but you’re not a doctor.”

“I heard that.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Small Heath is buzzing with life. Merchants trying to sell goods, children running senselessly down the streets with their parents none the wiser, and evangelists speaking prophecies of almighty damnation. Voices and laughter carried and could seemingly be heard anywhere in the town, and Amelia loved it all. She loves the idea of people walking in the same direction but ending up in different places, and people living in the same city but experiencing it differently. Tommy says it silly to think that way, but she has to remind him that he used to think the same as her. When he came back from France, he changed and so did the world around him, everything now has a gritty film over it covering the good and not allowing it to shine through. With the good, comes the bad. Tommy only sees the bad, and Amelia tries her hardest to show him that there is still light in the world, no matter how dim it seems sometimes.

A voice from The Garrison pulls Amelia from her thoughts as she went to walk past the bar where she used to spend a lot of her time as a teenager. Harry, the bartender, waves her over and starts saying something, but she cannot hear from all the noise in the street.

“Harry, what's the matter? Is something wrong?” Amelia questions when she makes it to him, stepping aside to let a man in the door.

Harry shook his head, “No, nothing's wrong. Tommy came by looking for ya saying if I saw ya, to tell ya to meet him at Watery Lane.”

“Did he mention why?” Amelia asked while racking her brain not remembering if they had a family meeting.

“No, but he had a giant horse with him,” Harry replies shrugging his shoulders.

“Oh shit! I forgot that was today,” Amelia shakes her head, looking at her watch seeing that it is much later than she thought, “Harry, I got to go, but thanks for telling me. I’ll see you later on.”

She turns to leave, not waiting for Harry to reply and runs straight into a girl with blonde hair, who she swears appeared out of nowhere.

“I’m sorry I didn’t see you there,” They both said at the same time laughing lightly and continuing on their separate paths. Amelia’s feet going a little faster than before. She is anxious about finding out how the charm went with Tommy and the horse.

~~~~~~~~~

The chaos of Watery Lane will always bring a smile to Amelia’s face. As she walks into the house, she can faintly hear the chatter of the bets being taken behind the door by the fireplace. She usually helps with the boys take up them up but the hospital has been taking up the majority of her time. It seems as though everyone decided to get ill at the same time.

Amelia pushes through the door to come face to face with John who stumbles backward almost falling into the man behind him. “Shit Millie, where have ya been?” He straightens up smoothing out his worn jacket and motions for her to follow him. “We’ve been waiting for ya all damn day.”

“You do know I work at the hospital, John,” Amelia answers John, motioning to her nursing dress and walks into the room where the family meetings are held. “I can’t just up and leave whenever I please, ya know.”

“Yeah speaking of the hospital, we need your he—”

“What the hell happened to his face?” Amelia interrupts John when she sees the looks of Arthur. its as though he has been in a fistfight with a cat... multiple cats. She makes her way over to him and lifts his chin with her finger. He winces a little at her touch. “Who did this to you?”

“That fucker Campbell.” Arthur curses as Polly begins grabs his hand inspecting it.

“Who is that and why is he trying to kill you?” Amelia asks reaching for the rag from Ada. “Give me that Ada.”

“Yeah Ada, Let a real nurse do it,” John interjects, earning a scowl from his younger sister.

“Hey! I’m trained.” Ada pouts and hands the rag to Amelia knowing her brother is right.

Amelia laughs while dipping the rag into the bowl of water on the table and wiping some of the blood from Arthur’s face. “Ada, you ditched after day one of class and left me alone so I had to partner with that horrid Margret.”

“Well, all of ya can just fuc—” Ada begins to swear but gets cut off by Tommy bursting in through the door carrying a bottle of whiskey.

“Let me see him. Here” Tommy comes to stand beside Amelia and holds the bottle up to Arthur’s mouth for him to drink. Once he gets a good swig, he takes the rag from Amelia and pours the alcohol onto it before handing it back to her. Tommy gives her a look that says he is concerned for his brother, but under it, there is something Amelia can’t quite read.

She puts her hand on the back of Arthur’s head to hold him still. She dabs the rag on his cuts to clean them so they won’t get infected, and he hisses through clenched teeth and grabs her arm with his free hand. “Shhh, Arthur it's all right. None of the cuts are too deep to need stitches so you will be okay, only a little sore.”

After Arthur is patched up, Amelia sits down beside Polly and puts her head on her shoulder. Polly rubs Amelia’s knee and smiles. “What would we do without you, girl?”

“Probably have to deal with Ada’s nursing skills,” Amelia jokes and laughs when Ada throws a bloody rag at her.

“Leave me alone. I swear its pick on Ada day!” Ada exclaims and moves to stand by Tommy, who is watching Amelia closely.

“No, it isn’t. Its just quite easy to mess with you.”

The sense of family is what has always drawn Amelia to the Shelby family. She is grateful that they took her in all those years ago when she was new to Small Heath. After her father died and her mother turned into a recluse, Amelia was looking for a place to belong, and thankfully she found that in them. Of course, she knew about the family business and it has never swayed her love for them, she is in on everything that goes on. Tommy confiding in her the most.

Arthur’s voice breaks her thoughts when he says, “That inspector said Mr. Churchill sent him to Birmingham.” Arthur tries to sit up straighter but stops and winces. “He said something about a robbery.”

“We don’t know nothing about no robbery,” John interjects. He has to talk around the toothpick in his mouth.

Amelia raises her hand still confused about who this inspector is. “Can someone explain to me who that is.”

“You would know, Millie, if you were here earlier.”

“Why don’t you shove it, John. I’m sorry I’m trying to help the sick.”

“Will you two shut up for the love of Christ,” Polly exclaims then turns to Amelia. “Amelia darling, Campbell is an Irishman who is trying to clean out the IRA.”

Amelia nods appreciatively, “Thank you, Aunt Poll. That’s all I wanted to know. Arthur, please continue.”

While Arthur is explaining the situation with the BSA strikes and how the inspector wants the family to be his eyes and ears, Amelia keeps stealing glances at Tommy trying to get his attention, but he won’t look at her. Instead, he is keeping his eyes on the floor seemingly very interested in his shoes. Something is not right and she knows it. He knows more than he is letting on, information he deems unworthy for the rest of the family to know, or it is the opposite. They are unworthy of the information. A knot forms in Amelia’s stomach and makes her feel ill at the thought of something being wrong.

She mustn't be the only one who notices Tommy’s silence because Arthur points his finger at his brother and looking at everyone else, his face mad with anger. “What the fuck is wrong him lately? Been doing all sorts behind my back for a while now and I’m bloody sick of it, Tom.”

Tommy finally looks up and looks his older brother in the face, his face the mirror opposite of Arthur’s and just says, “I’ll tell you in due time, brother. It’s none of your concern at the present.”

That was the wrong thing to say because Arthur tries to launch himself at Tommy but is restrained by the table and his injuries. John jumps up and pushes Arthur down into his chair telling him to be quiet.

Amelia takes this time to get up and go over to Tommy. She stands in front of his slouched frame in such a way everyone else in the room can’t see him and can only see her back. She gently puts her hand on his arm feeling the roughness of his jacket under her hands. She waits for him to look up before she nods her head towards the stairs and mutters, “We can go talk upstairs.”

Tommy looks like he wants to say no, but ultimately agrees and turns to make his way to the stairs leaving Amelia to follow close behind.

[eds-zebra-warrior]

2021 Ehlers Danlos Society Awareness Month (Day 12 Prompt: Nurses and Doctors)

I have already covered much of this topic in previous posts so it's no secret that I have very little trust in the medical field. Of well over 200 doctors I have interacted with through both specialists, medical clinics, urgent care and hospitals there is only one that I have total trust in. Yes on and only one doctor who I trust with my life. I used to have more trust in doctors and used to have the mindset that I trust them until they give me a reason not to trust them because most kids are raised to believe that doctors and nurses are the good guys/girls I had my first experience that I remember with a medical professional at the age of five and they just kept adding up.

Layer after layer of abuse and neglect, four times being dead on their time and three times being so sick my blood pressure registered as clinically dead even though my heart continued to beat and all but one of these times I was not treated by medical personnel, once being revived by my mom in a hospital full of doctors and nurses ignoring my alarms. I have been released multiple times even up to the point of needing ICU level care with psychosomatic disorder labels slapped on me they didn't want to put the work into saving me. My uncle has died at the hands of the medical system from this disease and my mom defied the odds with only a 5% chance of survival rate and more time than I care to think about in a coma and in ICU as a result of a doctor who didn't know what he was doing and botched her surgery then both abused and neglected her for 9 hours after his mistake while trying to hide it so he wouldn’t get caught.

I don’t only have experience as a patient in the medical field but also as a nurse myself. I can't tell you how many times I heard students say they weren't going to do certain procedures because they were gross or uncomfortable like changing a colonoscopy bag acting as if the patient is gross because they have a medical condition that results in something that they believe is unpleasant or undesirable. How do they think the patient with the colostomy bag feels without their nurse making them feel gross, ugly or undesirable. I worked as an STNA where I was raped by my boss. I worked as an LPN at a long term care facility for children with severe to profound developmental delays and complex physical health conditions.

The state recommends no more than four patients be assigned to one nurse and no more than two patients to one nurse in a critical care setting. These patients were total care and at the most I was assigned 17 patients. 17 when there was only one of me and to give you an idea of what total care entities, All 17 were in diapers and needed changing every two hours, with one being on a toileting program meaning every morning she had to be put onto the toilet and strapped onto it with a harness since she had little control of her body and prone to falling off. We were to leave her on the toilet for 15 minutes or until she went to the bathroom and were not allowed to leave her room until she was done. The bathroom connected to two rooms and there were usually three kids in each room with the bathroom being between both of them so shared by six kids. We were not allowed to leave her alone on the toilet but could leave the bathroom itself if we left the door open so we could hear her so we could go into one of the rooms attached to it and change another kids diaper or change bedding but other than that we could not go any further until she was done. She was diapered the rest of the day unless you had more time to work with her later in the day so only did her toileting routine a minimum of once for morning shift and once for night shift. All children needed their bedding changed daily, they all needed a bath every day, clothes changed, hair done, teeth brushed, and some of the older guys we would shave their face if their family wanted us to. 15 of the 17 were tube fed or on TPN so I had to hook up their feeds. The other two, one ate solid food and the other was on a puree diet. They did not eat in their rooms and had to be taken to a group room with a table where we had to allow them a minimum of a half hour to eat. If they refused food we had to try to offer it for at least a half hour. One of the two needed feeding and the other was much more high functioning than the others on the unit so could feed himself, you just had to remind him to eat if he got distracted. All of them had medications, some up to six times a day. None could walk so they all needed picked up and put into their chairs and into their beds, one could craw and if we let her crawl we put knee pads on her knees so she didn't hurt her knees, one could walk using a gait trainer which is basically like a baby walker but bigger, where the strap goes between their legs so they don't have to hold their weight but can push with their feet to slide the walker. 14 of then needed turned every two hours to prevent pressure ulcers, one had a colostomy bag, one had a tracheostomy. They all needed rectal temps daily, They all had to go to the rec room and get some time on the matts daily, 14 of them had physical therapy which we were responsible for except once a week when a therapist worked with them

Therapy for 10 of them dealt with button training where a button as connected to a toy, TV, radio etc. and they had to press the button with their hand or head to get the TV to change or toy to light up or play music and what not. They did their therapy until either they pressed the button on their own ten times or a half hour had passed, whichever came first. One would get in her walker and needed us to guide her to take at least one lap around the unit in her walker, the other did the toileting program and we worked with her on using a modified form and spoon to eat herself, 6 of them did sucker therapy which essentially we would hold a sucker for them to lick in hopes to improve their swallowing skills and build up their saliva so hopefully one day they could get off the feeding tube or be less reliant on it, able to eat some puree or possibly one day solid foods. One we worked with his fine motor skills to have him pick things up but he was easy when it came to this because we could do it throughout the day so if I was changing him I could ask him to hold the clean diaper for me or a wipe or two and while I gave him a bath I could have him hold his tooth brush or comb or his deodorant so that I could combine with a lot of other routines but it helped him with both being able to grasp things and to learn to release his grasp at appropriate times.

11 of them worked on eye gaze to relay their needs so instead of just grabbing clothes and putting them on them we had to pick out at least two shirts, two pairs of pants, two pairs of socks etc. and ask them which one they wanted to work on eye gaze for them to tell us which they wanted. The highest functioning one was learning to use a power chair at the time so we had to follow him with a kill switch and joystick so we could make sure he didn’t run into anything or if we needed to turn the chair so he didn't hit the wall etc. he was also working on menu training where we could give him a picture menu for him to choose what he wanted for his next meal starting with two options for a main dish, like chicken nuggets or mac and cheese, two options for a side dish like cheese slices or apple sauce, two options for a second side like green beans or corn and two options for a dessert such as chips which were more like cheese puffs in different flavors or a cup of ice cream and eventually add more and more options Two of them were labeled as combative which I never had an issue with even once as I also majored in interpreting and learned very quickly that one was combative because he was the only one who could talk but some had trouble understanding him so he got frustrated kind of like a child in their terrible twos who is frustrated because people may not understand their speech, the other was deaf blind and no one worked with her on any kind of sign language or gesturing. As you can see, this is way way too much for one person to take care of.

Now to make things worse, I felt as if I was the only nurse who had any ethics. I felt horrible for these kids because they basically just sat them in front of a tv all day. They had an accessible playground outside which I had never once seen used because they hired so few staff that you didn't have extra time. We had four nurses on our unit which had, if I remember right 23 kids in our unit which doesn't sound too bad but we rotated days off with one weekend off a year so only three people were there at any given time. When someone took a week off we had two of us. Some went to day programs so during the week we usually had around six to 8 residents. On holidays such as the day I had 17 kids I was the only one and there. Two of them took Easter off and one already had that day already off and the boss let this happen. 6 of the kids, their parents took out day passes and took them home for Easter thankfully because I don't know what I would have done with another six kids.

This being said they didn't hire enough people so if someone from another unit called off they would take someone from another unit. The unit I worked on had the most severe children. There were other units that had the ones with moderate disabilities so could do things like brush their teeth, sit up, feed them self and just needed care like bathing, transferring them into their chairs, making sure they didn't get in trouble or fight with other kids, change their diapers or help them change their own or help them toilet themselves or care for catheters so they were a lot easier. There was another unit where most of the kids only had mild delays and basically just needed the staff to work with them on daily living skills like cooking and making sure they shut off the stove, go for walks with them to make sure they didn't get lost or walk up to strangers etc. they had another unit that was all babies two and under so though some of them had pretty advanced delays its a lot easier to pick up or change a 2 year old's diaper than it is a 19 year old's diet. Staff was an issue.

Now for lazy staff. I felt like the only one who actually worked and took a lot of the kids under my wing even if they weren't mine. When the “nurses just play cards thing” came out on tv I couldn't help but laugh because we had one nurse in charge of the most critical patient on the ward. He had no brain and only a brain stem. With a brain stem only your most basic body functions are controlled like breathing, heart rate, kidney function to produce urine and heating and cooling. You can't make pictures of images seen by your eyes so it’s pure darkness, you can't make meaning of sounds you hear so pure silence, cannot register a sense of touch or feeling, no voluntary movements etc. This being said he was hooked to monitors that were linked to a pager to alert his nurse to know if he stopped breathing or his heart stopped and you would need to rush in and do a sternum rub or sometimes CPR on him. This would happen anywhere from a few times a week to on and off all day. He literally would die over and over and over again so we had to be quick to revive him each time.

His nurse was notorious for taking off her pager and laying it in his bed, on his night stand, at one of the computer kiosks for logging, in the rec room etc. and then just going off and playing cards with another staff member. His door had a light and alarm too but it was really quiet which was a big reason the nurse had a pager. If they were busy changing another kid or something, they could yell for someone else because yelling was even louder than the door chime but she did this so much, I got to be like a new mother with a newborn baby where I could hear the ding of his light from a mile away because I knew if I didn't revive him she sure as heck wouldn't we had a room with three boys in it, an 8 year old, a 10 year old and an 11 year old. They were non verbal and there were two nurses who would run into that room and drop their pants and moon each other.

Most of the staff would skip bathing kids for sometimes days on end and just mark it on their charts that they had been bathed. This was especially so for the kids whose families lived out of state or kids who were property of the state and had little to no visitors. These kids were neglected to the fullest. Left in dirty diapers, had physical therapy skipped, were not rolled as much as they should be including one that got MRSA. If one of their family members showed up unexpectedly it would be like all hands on deck, they would call all of the nurses to their room while the receptionist lied to the parents saying they were in therapy or still in the bath or something and have two nurses yanking their clothes off throwing them in the tub to try to scrub them down one getting their clothes and changing their bedding changed, room cleaned, aids in there with mops mopping the floor and cleaning up the other kids in the room, changing their diapers, washing their faces and doing their hair, opening curtains, organizing stuff that's laying all over the place all in about ten minutes flat to try to make it look like their kid was taken care of the whole time. It was called “all men on deck” when this happened, they would even call people from other units for this so it's like we magically went from no staff to a ton of staff for ten minutes only.

The same thing happened when they got a call from the health inspectors. All blankets got pulled out of the closet because they weren't allowed in the closet with sterile items, no one was allowed to take off but they took half the staff and assigned them to cleaning, moving meds to the appropriate storage area, removing cleaning chemicals from the same area as the fluids and cartons of ensure and tube feed. They had so many violations it wasn't funny but knew exactly what needed fixed or removed before the health department and medical board visits. They had extra stuff they shoved in staff members' trunks of their car, in offices and all kinds of hiding spots then would just move it all back after they passed and it was over. I don't know why they never came unannounced. The nurse who used to leave her pager laying around didn't like me at all and would go into my kids rooms after I walked out and drop the bed rails on my kids beds to try to get me fired.

During my training they put me with a resident who was very sick. She had what they thought was the flu. She had a trach so couldn't control her cough which came right out of her tracheostomy, really bad diarrhea, a fever most of the first week I was there, the whole nine yards of being sick. Well after training I got sick but they had a one month probationary period in which you were not allowed to miss any days in that time and they said if you were sick you had to be checked out by one of the NP’s who would take your temperature and assess you to determine if you are healthy enough to work or not and only if they determined you were too sick were you allowed to take off during your probationary period. Well I got worse and worse and ended up developing pneumonia. So like her was hacking up a lung. I woke up with a temp of 103 and by the time I got to work my temp was 103.8.

I saw the NP and showed her the paperwork from urgent care where I had been diagnosed with pneumonia and stated my concern about spreading it to my kids who were all immunocompromised and high risk. The NP said I would be fine and told me to just wear a mask. I put on a mask and went to work. They gave me a ton of kids that day too, I want to say I had 12 that day so I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off, getting dizzy spells and I could feel my fever exploding. I could feel sweat running down my back and chest and kept having to wipe the sweat off from my face. I literally felt like I was going to fall over and die running around, lifting teenagers, and rushing around to try to keep up which was nearly impossible because of short staff anyhow. Well I started overheating and coughing so badly that I had to take off to a bathroom in the hall and started throwing up and was struggling to breathe from all of the mucus and feeling like my airway and sore throat was swollen up and totally full of mucus. My boss came in while I was throwing up and said “why aren't you out there doing your job. Of course I’m there in the stall hanging over the toilet with all the sound effects of my vomiting, coughing and wheezing and told her I was sorry but I have pneumonia and got too hot. She said “well you need to come out here and do your job and throw up on your own time” Yes she told me to throw up on my own time. I said what because I was throwing up and thought I misunderstood her and she said “I need you to throw up on your own time” like you can control something like that and as if they hadn’t trained me on a patient who was sick and very contagious earlier that month. She told me if I didn't get out there then she would be writing me up and if you get a writeup during your probation time you will lose your job; then she left.

About two minutes later I got to a point where I thought I may be able to make a run for the supply closet which was right across from the bathroom, ran over there and grabbed some of their mini garbage bags that go into the little feminine care product trash cans and spent the rest of the day, working and running around the corner into the patients bathrooms to throw up in the bags and throwing them into the hazmat containers. I felt terrible with my patients having to listen to me throwing up right beside them but the boss wouldn't let me go to the bathroom or go home saying I wasn't too sick to take off even throwing up about 15 more times throughout the day and so dizzy I had no idea how I didn't pass out in front of any of my kids. When I went home that day, I took my temperature and it was 105.2. And that was with taking fever reducing medication while at work. After lying down a while it went down to 104.8 and I had the next two days off thankfully but by the next morning I was in the hospital passing out over and over again, having trouble breathing and under rapid cooling protocol having cool IV fluids pumped into me, wet towels put on me, ice packs layered around me benign told by the staff that any job that makes you work when you're that sick isn't worth keeping and how they would have just walked out.

I still hadn't been there long, almost three months, when I went to the linen closet with the towels, wash cloths, chux etc. and it was totally empty except for one wash cloth so I went to the manager filling in for mine who was on maternity lead and told her the linen closet needed restocked. They never told me what to do in this situation so I didn't know if we had a number to call down to laundry for them to bring it up, had to send an aid down to bring up a cart of clean linen to restock the closet or it was our responsibility to go down and get a cart full of clean linen and stock the closet. There was no list of phone numbers by the phone or anything because I checked before I asked the manager and when I asked she was in the rec room full of children with intellectual and physical disabilities. I told her the closet needed restocked and asked if there's a number I need to call for more, if I go get it or how that works telling her no one had told me how this works when I started. She looked at me like I was a total idiot and said “I see we have another retard in here as if we don't already have enough!” right in front of those kids. Enough was enough at that point and at the end of the day I said I wasn’t coming back.

I bawled my eyes out having to leave that job because those kids became like your kids and the care they got was god awful. They deserved a lot more than lying in a bed in front of a tiny tv all day. The other nurses didn't even meet their most basic needs leaving them in overflowing diapers, I can't tell you how many mornings I walked in after second shift left to find dirty diapers laying in the kids beds including one that my residents knee was laying in because they couldn't even throw away a dirty diaper. Basic needs like personal care, rolling them and the needs to sustain life and keep them safe weren't even met but kids have many more needs than just those most basic ones.

There was a playground that was never once used. They had no volunteers or staff to take them out of their rooms for a walk, to take them to the play room and actually play with them, hold crayons in their hands and help them color or finger-paint with non toxic or edible finger paints, do things with the teens that most teens take for granted like painting their nails, reading them books, bringing around therapy animals or even having an in house therapy animal. They just left them in their beds or laying on the floor on a mattress pretty much all day and all night which isn't a way for a child to live regardless of their cognitive function. That job took everything I had to give and gave me almost a try to save the world mindset because I wanted these kids to have the lives they deserved.

There was even one of the kids labeled as combative who was deaf/blind who I really connected with who I looked into adopting. The other staff couldn't stand her, literally ripping through her hair, yanking her neck back, forcefully ripping her hands off of them, basically tossing her into her chair. Some of these nurses were physically abusive with her because she was basically just really grabby and it made them mad. I realized the actual problem is that she was Deaf/Blind and they would literally just grab her and do whatever they wanted to. She was scared. She didn't know who was grabbing her or what they were doing so would grab for the hands and face to try to figure out who had a hold of her. Everyone used to ask me why she wasn't grabby with me yet no one took my advice. I told them they had to let her know who they were and what they were doing. Let her touch their face and hands to know who was there and touch is totally normal. It was just grabbing because she would be in a panic but she would be very gentle if you took things a little slower and gave her a chance. I would go into her room and instead of just yanking her up out of bed, I would tap her on the arm or sometimes just sit down on her bed and she would feel the movement and move her hands around to try to find it so I would put my hand by one of her hands so she grabbed my fingers then move her fingers toward my face so she could find my face and feel it. A lot of the staff thought it was gross because she put her fingers in her mouth but we knew her medical break down and a little spit wasn't going to kill anyone. That's what baby wipes are for but I would let her feel my face so she knew who I was and she would calm down once she realized it was me.

If I was going to put her in her wheelchair I would tactile sign the word chair then pull her chair up to her bed and guide her hand over to it and put it on the wheels so she could feel it. If I picked her up, I would put my arms under her like I was going to pick her up but not actually lift her for about three seconds so she got used to knowing if I slid my hand behind her back and under her legs that I was about to pick her up and put her in her chair which she had already felt. If she needed a bath most of the staff threw her clothes in the bathroom and got the water going and stuff. Then yank her up and carry her in the bathroom with her having no idea what was going on. I would first put her in her chair and take her in her chair into the bathroom because once I put her in her chair and signed a bath I could get her clothes and diaper and such and sit it on her lap so she could feel them and realize that she was about to change clothes or take a bath. I would then wheel her into the bathroom and the tub had a sprayer and it was a wet room so if you got the floor wet it had a drain and didn't hurt anything. I would take her clothes from her and set them on the counter and then turn on the water to the right temperature and bring the sprayer down. If I touched her hand she would usually grab my fingers and I would pull her arm out to the side and put her hand under the water so she could feel it with her hand and knew she was going to take a bath. I put the hose in the tub basin and signed the bath again. Put my hand behind her back and under her knees again giving her a second for it to register that I was going to pick her up again, lift her and put her in the tub which was basically like lounge chair, take her clothes off starting slowly with her socks instead of a large piece of clothing that was more shocking then after taking her socks off moved to the larger pieces of clothing. When I went to spray her to get her wet I again put her hand under the water and then moved the sprayer slowly up her arm so she knew she was going to get wet, bathed her and dressed her.

If I changed her I would sign the diaper and give her the diaper to hold before taking her pants off or anything so she knew she was going to get a diaper change. Once I took off her pants, before removing her diaper I would get one baby wipe and put it in her other hand so when I took the diaper off she knew when I took the wipe away from her that she was about to feel the cool whip. If I did her hair, I would give her a comb and brush to hold and would take whatever one I needed at the time out of her hand and to make things easier, I actually taught myself how to French braid on her hair because French braiding it kept it from getting tangled and matted so combing out her hair wouldn't be so traumatic for her, especially when another staff member had her but she was really a very easy and laid back kid just very much misunderstood which is why I requested her as my permanent. I actually took the two kids on the unit that no one wanted and they were both great kids and I just don't understand how a medical facility can operate with such ignorance. So though it was hard to leave I feel like I made the best decision. When I left I called Children's Services, Our county's Department of Developmental Disabilities, The Medical Board and the Health Department hoping that even though I had to leave, the lives of those children would improve.

I have had many negative experiences with other medical workers both as a patient and as a nurse. There are so many unethical, abusive and neglectful medical personnel so I no longer live by the mindset that all medical personnel is good unless they prove otherwise, realizing just how rare good doctors, nurses and other medical personnel are to come by and now believe that they are all bad and have zero trust in them unless they can prove otherwise. It's very difficult and takes a very long time for medical personnel to gain my trust. I’ve had this trust for too many in the past who let me down so now that trust has to be gained over a long period of time. As I mentioned before, I have one doctor I have trust in and his name is Dr. Joseph. It took him almost two years to gain that trust and this is a doctor I see every two weeks so I have seen him more in two years than I see most doctors in ten years if this puts into perspective how long it takes to trust a doctor. Trust isn't something a lot of EDS patients have in the medical field but many have experiences similar to mine so it’s easy to understand why.