#Also in my heart of hearts I believe that SHIELD is predominantly a place for weirdos and outcasts for one reason or another so

[clintbartoncore]

I’m starting a rumor that Clint originally gave Coulson a chance as his handler because he was the first senior officer he got assigned to who was also queer. Clint wasn’t being recalcitrant when he was acting like a rebellious little shit for all his other handlers, he was being heterophobic.

[kovecs]

Skyrim: Of Letters and Love Triangles

Dear Reader, this is an excerpt of my Skyrim FanFic (which you can find here https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13086567/1/Boundless-Roads). My goal was to novelize a lot of my adventures in Skyrim, so here is the love triangle between Faendal, Sven and Camilla Valerius from the perspective of my High Elf Talos worshiper, Sol. Hope you enjoy.

Out of all of the potential adventures I expected to have in Skyrim, being a part of a love triangle was not one of them. Perhaps what made matters even more unusual was that I was not even one of the members of said love triangle, but rather a dumbstruck onlooker who should have just kept his nose out of things and focused on work at the mill. 

I had been dwelling in Riverwood for nearly a month. The work for Hod and Gerdur had proved sturdy and honest, but there were also some days in which I helped out the local blacksmith, Alvor, with his forge. The folk were kindly enough and I had found myself growing rather fond of the town by the water. 

My average days were spent chopping wood and hauling great logs to be cut by the mill. It was not all that bad. Hod and Gerdur were good employers and my co-worker was, in fact, Faendal the Wood Elf. Our kinship had only grown as we worked the days away in the chill air, and I counted him as a friend. Life had reached a sense of normalcy. 

“Have you met Camilla Valerius?” Faendal asked one day, grinning from pointed ear to pointed ear as he hauled armfuls of logs onto a pile. 

“The Imperial?” I inquired. “Lucan’s sister, correct? Yes, I got that golden claw for them back from Bleak Falls Barrow.” It had been quite the endeavor. I traversed up the mountain, trudging through snow and fighting off bandits. I fought them into the barrow itself and even battled Draugrs. The folk of Riverwood like embellishing it quite a bit. So much so that it is often told around the hearthfires of the village. I suppose many have already heard it, and much like the legends of the Dragons, it needs not be told here.

Camilla Valerius had caused quite a stir in Riverwood. The day she had come to the village from Cyrodiil to stay with her brother, all of the town’s young men, both of them, had stared in awe. She was friendly and pretty, admittedly. But I had no romantic interest in Camilla. I had too much on my mind still to prepare to settle down. 

“Ah, yes. You did get that claw for them. I would say that she is the most beautiful maiden in all of Skyrim,” Faendal said with glee. I fought every urge not to roll my eyes and laugh at his dramatas, but he was sincere enough.

“Really,” I said with a bit of a huff, which betrayed my amusement. “In all of Skyrim? What about the Jarl Elisif the Fair?”

“I suppose she might be. But Camilla is definitely the prettiest maiden I’ve ever seen. Of course, there’s that Sven. But, did you see the way she smiled at me when I talked to her yesterday? By Mara Herself, that smile could melt an Ice Wraith’s heart.” 

The rest of the work day predominantly consisted of Faendal’s romantic ramblings. He told me of plans to win her affections and how they would build a life together. The idealism was rather heartwarming. However, it was not inspiring enough for me to listen to it past work hours. I said my goodnight to Faendal and headed to the Sleeping Giant Inn.

I had been staying in a room there for a couple weeks. Hod and Gerdur had offered to keep me on for a while, but my pride did not allow me to take advantage of their hospitality any longer. Besides, they were paying me a good wage at the mill. 

The inn was owned by a woman named Delphine, though I rarely saw her in those days. She was quiet and mysterious. Most of my dealings were with a Nord name Ordnar, who tended the bar. He was a simple fellow with a gruff, yet not unkind nature to him. Also, among the people of the Sleeping Giant, there was a Bard by the name of Sven. 

Sven lived with his mother in one of the nicer homes in Riverwood. He had blonde hair, a beardless face and fancied himself higher born than those around him. Whether this was true or not, I did not care. He played his lute in the inn, knowing very few songs. As I sat, attempting to eat my dinner in silence, he sang a rather loud rendition of “Ragnar the Red.” 

Oh, there once was a hero named Ragnar the Red,

Who came riding to Whiterun from old Rorikstead

And the braggart did swagger and brandish his blade,

As he told of bold battles and gold he had made.

But then he went quiet, did Ragnar the Red,

When he met the shield-maiden Matilda, who said;

"Oh, you talk and you lie and you drink all our mead,

Now I think it's high time that you lie down and bleed!"

And so then came clashing and slashing of steel,

As the brave lass Matilda charged in, full of zeal.

And the braggart named Ragnar was boastful no more-

When his ugly red head rolled around on the floor!

After the final verse, the bard finally took a break. I was relieved until he sat right beside me, taking a swig of ale. “You’re Sol, right?” he said. “That elf who returned the claw to the Valerius’ store?” 

“Yes,” I replied simply, having found myself a bit sick of the ‘local legend’ mantle some of the townsfolk had given me for such a little favor. 

“Ah, so you’ve seen her,” Sven said with particular emphasis on the ‘her.’ The Nord smiled broadly and sighed dramatically, staring off into some unknown distance. Great, I thought. Another lovestruck idiot. 

“You’re talking about Camilla, I take it?” 

“Oh yes. Camilla Valerius,” he said her name reverently as if it were from some sacred text of the gods. “It’s only a matter of time until she and I will be together. I just need to get rid of that Faendal.”

That statement caused my pointed ears to perk up, and I found myself more interested in the conversation. “What about Faendal?” I asked.

“Faendal,” he said with disdain, “thinks he can woo Camilla away from me. He’s already mine, I keep telling him. She knows I’m the best man in Riverwood. That elf is kidding himself if he thinks she would choose him over me. I’ve seen him sneaking over to the Riverwood Trader to speak to her when I’m not around. He’s wasting his time.” 

“Yes. Two people spending time together never blossoms into courtship,” I said with as much sarcasm as I could muster. To say I wanted nothing to do with any of this was too much of an understatement. 

“Is that sarcasm?” Sven said snobbily. “I’ve heard better wisecracks from Orgnar.” He grunted heavily in frustration before continuing: “Still, you have a point. Camilla letting Faendal visit her isn’t a good thing for me.” 

I downed the rest of my drink, a honey mead brew all the way in Riften. I came to the realization that this was officially a love triangle and I wanted nothing to do with it. As I pondered, Sven reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of folded parchment. 

“Here,” he said, handing it to me, “let me give you a particularly venomous letter. Say it’s from Faendal. That should get Camilla to stop inviting the elf over.”

I had no words to say when Sven handed me the letter, I just simply nodded and headed to my room. I had every intention of just burning the thing and letting sleeping dogs lie. However, my curiosity got the better of me, and I decided to read it.

Dear Camilla,

I know I have called upon you at your house many times, and while we have been growing close, I need you to put aside any desires you may have for me aside. I am a true-born son of Valenwood, and I could never befoul my bloodline by courting an Imperial. I hope we can remain true friends, provided you understand your people’s place in the Aldmeri Dominion, and respect me as such.

Sincerely, Faendal

I set the paper on the bedside table as I lay upon the straw bed, my head on the pillow. Sven’s words and deeds had frustrated me beyond measure. However, there was still one final straw to break the horse’s back. What was it that tipped me over the edge? It was not the annoying persona or rudeness, but rather the fact that, as I attempted to sleep, I was subjected to four more renditions of “Ragnar the Red” each more terrible than the last. Oh, Camilla will get that letter, alright, I thought blissfully before finally drowning out the noise and falling asleep.

The following morning, I wasted no time. I got up extra early and marched right over to the Riverwood Trader, where the Valerius’ lived and worked. As I entered, Camilla greeted me with a flirtatious smile. “Well hello. It’s a fine day with you around.”

“Good morning, Camilla,” I said, as stoic as I could muster. Having little time to waste, I handed the girl the letter. “Sven wanted me to trick you into believing that this was from Faendal.” 

She took the paper and read it carefully, her eyes widening as she read further. Camilla’s features turned to shock. “Oh my. He…  he wanted me to think Faendal wrote this?”

“Aye. He did.”

“Thank you for telling me the truth. Could you talk to Faendal, as well? I’m sure he’ll want to thank you for standing up to him.”

The sun was rising in the sky and the twin moons were disappearing into blue. I rushed over to the mill, where Faendal had already begun to work. He was carrying a bundle of firewood when I said: “I don’t think you’ll need to worry about any competition from Sven anymore.” I then proceeded to tell him about the rest of the story, much to his joy. 

“Sol, brother, I cannot even begin to tell you how grateful I am. You know what? If you ever need a bowman the next time you go off on an adventure? I’ll be by your side. The mill will still be here when we return. You’re a true friend.” The sappy words made me smile and we shook hands. “Besides,” he added, “this will be a wonderful story for she and I to tell our grandchildren.” I brought my hand down into my palm and then we got to work.

The final stages of the love triangle were finally finished that night. The work day had been long, from my lack of sleep, and I trudged back to the Sleeping Giant. The night was normal as ever. I purchased some fried salmon and grilled leaks, along with some mead to wash it all down. Then pranced Sven, up to the center, lute in hand. He turned to me and gave a look that was akin to smelling rotten troll feet. “You’re nothing but trouble,” he scoffed. Then he unwittingly found his ultimate revenge: six more encores of “Ragnar the Red.”

[potterzachary]

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